Wade Definitely Has A Topic

Have you ever wondered how movements start? I'm Ashley C. Ford, host of Into the Mix, a Ben & Jerry's podcast about joy and justice. This season, we're talking to unexpected progressive heroes who found purpose in unexpected places. People like Marley Diaz, making sure every kid sees themselves in books. Kyle Mesteth, a native skateboarder building a movement for kids nationwide. Joy Aladakun, whose music moves from protests to daily commute. Find out how they started something bigger than themselves and listen wherever you get your podcasts. I wrote a little song to remind you, Choice Hotels gets you more of the experiences you value. The Cambria Hotels got it all. A rooftop bar, have a ball. Cocktails up here feel just right. It's Cambria amazing, all right. Bring a date, your team, or even your mom. Book direct at choicehotels.com. See you on the roof. The real cost of a break-in isn't your valuables, it's the feeling that your home stopped being safe. SimpliSafe keeps danger away from your family with three layers of protection. One, smart AI cameras and live US-based agents help stop intruders before they break in. Two, we sound the alarm at points of entry. Three, our agents request emergency response. Plans starting around a dollar a day. Right now, get 70% off your new system with professional monitoring at simplisafe.com. Outdoor deterrence plans start at $49.99 a month. Visit simplisafe.com for alarm license information. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, winning Wade the Torso Tailor has a Pokemon marriage, pseudo-seances, then slams scalpers. Broken Bob narrates nuances for the listeners, gets infested by evil, and rates curses. Moneyless Mark wants flipping fans, drowns in the deep, has nine inches, and endorses Big Brother. From prognostications to solving scamming, he-he-he-he-he-he-he's, it's time for Wade Definitely Has a Topic. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hey everyone, welcome back to Distractible. I'm today's host. Those are words I don't get to say often enough anymore, but today, I do. I may already declare myself the winner today, just so I can say, but I guess we'll see what happens in the end. Spoilers. I don't even know yet. Joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hi guys. I'm glad you don't know the future. That makes me feel much better about all of this. This episode is not rigged, believe it or not. We'll see if I believe that. I just realized something. We have a problem. I'm in trouble. I'm looking around my desk, and I'm noticing that there's one thing missing from my undisclosed location. You don't have any lens caps? Oh, I got lens caps, but I don't have a coin. And I think the Constitution specifically dictates that it must be a coin. Uh-oh. I'm sure that won't come up. I don't know the exact qualification with which that is going to be a problem for me, but it's currently a problem. But I have a lens cap. I would allow a substitute lens cap. I'm not going to be a hard-ass about this. The Constitution says it's either a coin or specifically a lens cap, and it has to be a lens cap. Look, if there's one person that loves all the rules we've set and is a diehard follower, it's today's host. I want one of our fans who really loves statistics and numbers to go get a lens cap and flip it a thousand times and measure how often it lands on heads and tails to see how fair a lens cap is, and then do that with, like, five other brands of lens cap to find the most fair lens cap. Yeah, you got to cover across brands, because what is that one? That's not a Canon that you have in front of you, is it? This is a Tamron. No, it was a lens cap. A Canon fires balls. This is a new camera from my usual installment, so let's see how it's going to close focus. Ah, nice and slow. Oh, that's pretty crispy. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, but it's there. Takes a sweet time with that focus pull. But I can zoom. Me too. Wade, can you do it? I like how your face gets creepier whenever you do the zoom feature. That's just my face. Why do you tilt? You should just lean forward and down like me. It's way less creepy. I wish I could reach my zoom ring without having to fucking cover my whole camera. I also have a zoom feature right here. Whoa! Wow. I got a lot of torso. You're a leany man. Like leany boog. Leany boob? I even pronounced it hard. Leany, what did you pronounce hard? I'm not saying it again. I heard leany boo. I wasn't paying very close attention. I'm not playing these games. I'm downloading Steam and I'm gonna, I'm playing Power Wash Simulator. That's a good, dude, have you played the Star Wars deals? See, I was sponsored for it. But like, regardless. - You were sponsored? Wait, why did I get sponsored? Wait, what the fuck? - Oh, I'm so sorry. - Everybody knows Wade as the guy who plays Power Wash Simulator. I don't know what you're so mad about. - Okay, one, that feels like an insult to me. - You should be insulted. I'm insulting you. - They wanted someone, you know, a little bit more, you know, got what I got and you got. - What do you got that I don't got? I can name like a million things that I got that you don't got. - Height, humbleness. - One, two. - Three, four, five, six. - For the listeners, Mark was counting his hairs on his head. - Okay, we don't have to tell the listeners everything. Some things could just die. - I just want to make sure they're up to speed. I don't want them to feel left out. - No, I was though. I got to do the DLC for Monster, it was really cool. - Where are people trying to talk to me? That's what I wonder. 'Cause like, they must've, they must've tried to talk to me, right? They must've. - All right, hold on, can we just, if Wade got this, I should, I definitely got it. - That's what I mean, I'm just saying. I literally am the power wash guy. I'm the power wash guy. There's no other guy besides me, right? - That's what I call him. - If you're good at something, never do it for free. - I did give GoPro a lot of free publicity before I got this. - Oh, you did a whole power wash series. I don't think that was sponsored, was it? - No, no, it wasn't. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Man, you're so right. Oh man, and handsome. - Just give Bob like a free 10 points for not questioning the fact that I got a sponsorship. - Handsome, but I said you were handsome. - Man, I never felt so slapped and beat up from just words before. - I didn't question it, 'cause I just assumed that you're lying. - I will show you all the contracts right now in Minecraft. Wait, I don't have to allege that, that's true. I could just show you. - Prove to me the amount of money they sponsored you for by sending me that exact amount and I will believe you. - You know, I was starting to go for it and then you just kept talking. So now's I'm not gonna. - Oh no. - That's 10 points. You know what? Fuck you guys. - What are we doing here? Podcast? - Mark's playing Power Wash instead of participating at the moment, which is probably good for his points. - I'm sending a fly. I forgot I have to send a contract along. You know, business stuff. - That means he forgot to download Power Wash to send when he's downloading it, then he'll play it. - He's buying the DLC currently. He's like, oh, Star Wars DLC, oh shit, oh God. Why do I always have to put the security code in? I just, I use this every- - I'm Markiplier, I forgot what it was like to buy a game. - I buy all my games. And frankly, when I, when I, even when I play indie games, I still tip the developer most of the time. - Good boy. - I'm not on a high horse about this, but as content creators, we kind of should. Like I, there's such an ethical gray area of people where it's like the, 'cause I get why devs are like, oh, here's a key, play our game. But if you get that for free and you don't disclose that, even though it's just the dev like sharing, like that's a huge issue. You know, lots of streamers, YouTubers get in big trouble, have gotten in big trouble for that. And I feel like lots of people, I have no proof of anyone specifically, but I just feel like you get so many emails when you're on like the lists as a content creator type person. I know there are people out there who were like, oh, free key, and they play the game and then whatever. And they never ever disclose that shit. I always buy the game just 'cause I'm like, stay away FTC, I'm cool, like. - Yeah, I don't wanna, yeah, I don't wanna deal with any of that. - I feel like we're pretty good whenever we get keys. We don't do it with us three, but like the other recording group I do. - Other recording groups? - Don't listen, Mark. He's still lying. He doesn't have any other friends. It's just us. That's why he comes back despite the way we treat him. - But God, wouldn't that be depressing if you guys were my only friends? - It is, I know. - That's why I'm bold and sad. - I know. - I introduced you all, you all are assholes. Is that small talk? Are you small talk? - Well, since we didn't have small talk last week, am I allowed to talk about the fact that I was, I was hospitalized for three days? - No. Mark, you got any small talk? - Yeah, I'll go ahead. Thanks, Bob. - Just kidding, Bob. The floor is yours. - No, I was interested to hear what Mark was gonna say. I don't know. - Yeah, I know, but you know, he's so busy with Power Wash Sim and not trusting my brand deals that I think you should go first. Unless Mark wants to go first. - I'll go first. - We can flip a coin and see who goes first. Do you guys have coins? - Oh, that's good. - I think unless something specific is triggered, only Wade really needs to flip a coin for this one if we're gonna do that, I don't think. - Bob, you're such a good storyteller. Maybe you should let Mark go first just so he has a chance at anything. - It's honestly not that crazy, but it was miserable, so they've got that going for me. - Okay, Mark, you should definitely go first 'cause if he's miserable, we're gonna have Bob's fridge part three. - I, as you know, am sponsored by GoPro, code Markiplier, M-A-R-K-I-B-L-I-E-R. Check out for 10% off. Also, this podcast is sidelong, also sponsored. Did you know that? - Do we have our own code or is our code also Markiplier? - No, there's actually, they gave us Distractable as well. D-I-S-T-R-H-D-I-B-L-E. It's been so long since we've spelled out our name like that in ad reads. I know, we used to do that all the time. it is weird anyway i went in the pool this guy did i did because i got the gopro and it's waterproof right so i was like i think i'll try to film some stuff i'll do some where i do a big punch like i did uh before it'll be fun and i enjoyed swimming also i almost drowned so many times because i'm incredibly out of shape and i cannot hold my breath for nearly as long as i think i can i kept dropping the gopro down uh because i don't know why my brain was like it's gonna float right and my pool's not like incredibly deep but i think it's like i don't know like it has a deep spot that's about eight feet or something maybe more that's like 10 market pliers you think i'm nine inches tall or eight and some fractions tall is that what you think of me yeah yeah you're like my own little tinkerbell i just talk you talk you my pocket eight divided by how many you say like 10 did you say 10.8 point oh oh man i'm 0.8 i'm 0.8 of a foot what's 0.8 times 12 i'm 9.6 inches that's what you think of me friend hey a lot of people would kill to be 9.6 inches that's true you're right you think of 9.6 inches around holy shit wait no is that no okay that's not that crazy well i mean no do you mean circumference or diameter what are we talking here i think he means circumference well that's that's a perfectly average circumference then so we i go down and i i kept going down to the bottom and grabbing it and then panicking very quickly and every time i don't know what this is i have the reverse mammalian breath reflex whereas right before i breach the surface i go with water and i don't know why oh yeah the drown me reflex i love that reflex i'm not a pool guy so i just i get i'm like i'm so close i'm like i'm there was your uncle like a fish or something you're like oh i better get some water before i make my jump yeah i don't know i don't know what it is but it wasn't working out for me i know it's not the same thing does the pool especially swimming down to the deep end does that trigger your like your like ocean fear reflex thing or is that literally like that's the ocean this is a pool that's really obviously not the same if i'm in a pool alone then yeah there are suddenly going to be sharks spawning in the pool when i'm not looking and i have to get out of it immediately uh but amy was there and you know so that that helped i won't swim alone either it's not because of that it's because the are you afraid of the dark episode so every time you came up amy just sees you go down coming up almost to the surface and then dying a little bit and it's just like have you ever wondered how movements start i'm ashley c ford host of into the mix a ben and jerry's podcast about joy and justice this season we're talking to unexpected progressive heroes who found purpose in unexpected places people like marley diaz making sure every kid sees themselves in books kyle mesteth a native skateboarder building a movement for kids nationwide joy a lot of coon whose music moves from protests to daily commute find out how they started something bigger than themselves and listen wherever you get your podcast it's fine yeah pretty much i mean she was just filming me from the side you know just she put up a good instagram story of just me with like the snorkel the snorkel that goes up over the front for some reason but it's me like doing pirouettes in it i get the top under the water and don't even think about it oh god you're so brave gagging on water to see if you can take it i had this idea though wouldn't you guys agree on a stream i talked about this because gopro doesn't make this i don't know if any camera makes it make or make this but they have gopro makes this thing that's a smaller version of it has built-in lights right why don't they make a night vision one of those where the light is an ir light so that you have both a night vision camera and the built-in ir light like the sony camcorders that ethan and i used for unisonis all the time for the night videos no one makes infrared cameras anymore no one makes night vision cameras but it's such a useful thing i don't know the physics of it but like does infrared because it's a like a lower frequency light it's like a lower frequency light it's like a lower frequency light it's like a lower frequency light it's like a lower frequency light it's like a does it not travel through water as well because clearly like light travels through water light gets diffracted or whatever it gets it gets it's different when it goes through water right it's darker quicker as opposed to air so yeah like maybe infrared doesn't penetrate water adequately for that to be like a valuable thing oh interesting no you're totally right is there other like night vision technology other than infrared that could work as an underwater i mean maybe but it probably costs like a fuck jillion dollars to really powerful flashlights i mean ultraviolet but i don't know if you could make a camera that does that because most cameras can capture ir naturally they actually have built-in ir filters to pull out the infrared um i don't know how many cameras can film ultraviolet get on that gopro hey gopro use code mark blair to buy your supplies i think it'll still work they're sitting this like that's brilliant gopro's it's a bunch of cigars smoking oh i know gopro was what run by the epic rap battles of history guy that's so brilliant i hope you guys used our codes while they lasted they're both gone now damn the c the ceo of gopro sitting at home watching this episode like how do they know you would know with your hospital nonsense well now it's all hyped up it's definitely uh anyway it's not good and i have an open wound on the bottom of my foot currently and it's very open which is not great the bigger honestly the wound the cut or whatever the hole in me is not the big problem the big problem was that i got it got infected i had had this for a while and i was sort of taking care of it and just living with it but i wasn't taking particular care of it but it seemed fine i had been keeping it clean and just like trying to keep off of it but not aggressively uh and it got infected and it got infected so like on thursday i went to oh thursday two weeks ago now but i went to an urgent care and they were like oh yeah no it doesn't look very good okay and they gave me some antibiotics but then literally the next day on friday it got worse and worse and felt like my leg was gonna explode and like my whole leg from the knee down was like bright red it was like okay well we should probably go to the er i guess i don't know if one pill a day of antibiotics is gonna do and i went and the doctor uh at the er actually saw me very quickly i was very impressed it was very nice we were in a room in the er within like god i swear it was like half an hour but the doctor was like okay take your socks off whatever and sort of looked down at my foot and just went oh i don't like that and like walked out of the room like oh no oh god okay wow he handed in his medical license was like i quit i don't like this i'm out uh but so i had it had an infection was pretty unpleasant slept in the hospital for well i didn't sleep the first night i didn't get i went to the hospital late at night on friday i didn't get into a room until 7 30 in the morning and i did not get to sleep for any of that so i was just like sitting up in waiting rooms in the hospital mostly waiting to to get somewhere where they could start giving me like medicine and shit i got to eat hospital food dude i don't know if we just have a fancy hospital and i haven't gotten the bill yet so i may regret this but it was like like room service and shit it wasn't just like oh i had to call every meal breakfast lunch dinner i had to call and be like oh yeah i'd like some bacon and eggs you just order whatever the fuck you want it's like being on a cruise ship it's crazy it's like all all inclusive except i paid for it i think yeah all exclusive but like it wasn't bad the hospital food was pretty good and uh aside from being painfully boring i'm fine infection is fine but i do have my leg is wrapped up from the knee down and i have a huge puffy thing on my foot to try and alleviate the pressure because the problem is it's on the bottom of my foot so when i walk on it it sort of prevents it from healing properly i'm going to be fine but there was definitely a couple days where i was laying in the hospital bed by myself just like bored out of my mind like god they're probably gonna cut my foot off i guess fuck i don't know what to say like it doesn't feel very good it's fine i'll be fine i do feel like i was hospitalized so wait if you give me a couple pity points uh i feel like that's i think that's pretty fair well i'm writing something down and i'm not gonna i'll judge you as a person and our friendship will be affected if you choose not to give me a couple points for that but so you're saying i have an out depending on how this episode goes and the game the way it is prepared goes i think my only strategy to win is to land on witness protection three times in a row i think that there's possibility i think i still got a chance so really pulling for that uh based on the current score i think you still have a chance oh can i get a pity point for something so i got i have these like you know ergonomic bead wrist rests for my keyboard and stuff so i'm gonna get a pity point for something so i got i have these like you know ergonomic bead wrist rests for my keyboard and stuff and i bought another one and i've been practicing like uh five nights at freddy's two uh 10 20 mode so my you know a lot of mouse movement i i need a new one and i was like oh it came it arrived i'm it's here and i get the scissors to go open it and cut right into it i cut straight into it it just started falling out i bought it and it was just like oh my god so uh yeah that didn't did you not see the small decal on the package that said no sharps i have to use all my cards i don't want to use all my cards big knife with non-sharps mark with non-sharps well i just opened this with my bare hands and sharps so i think i'm arming i've been buying buying a lot of Pokemon cards as I was talking about and I've gotten some online like from eBay and stuff and some of the way people seal cards is they tape it up in like bubble wrap inside the bubble wrap are two pieces of cardboard taped on all four sides and then they'll tape the thing the card is in to the cardboard and then that is also taped closed and then once you get that open then there's the hard case that they tape over the top so the card doesn't slide out and some of this tape was made by God there is no you have to cut it like there's no other way and I've got this card you know it's worth whatever anywhere from 10 bucks to a couple hundred bucks whatever and it's like I've got my exacto that was some wild thunder I got my exacto knife and I'm like please don't cut this card I've spent an hour trying to open I'm going to have your experience with the Pokemon card it's going to be very sad but if you do do that all the other cards in the world go up in value so it's like a public service watching people that like do card openings and then cut the cards in half or light them on fire or eat them after I own a copy of the card those hurt me slightly less I can't say I've watched for any length of time but I have been my interest has been peaked in the Pokemon stuff so I have been buying a couple packs because my target seems to always have packs of the completely unpopular sets just on the shelf at MSRP uh but when I'm scrolling on socials and all those videos of people who open like three thousand packs of Pokemon cards a day and in their stream everything and they just have like a like a utility knife or like a razor blade and they just take they're just like flap flap flap new pack whoosh with the blade and fucking tear it open and I'm like god damn what if one of those is actually worth something like Jesus Christ the people who open them like it's a like it's a factory assembly lens I couldn't watch it it stresses me out I know that the one pack I bought at Target that they had is not going to have a fifty thousand dollar card in it but I'm still like I tear it and I oh I hope this basic energy is not crumbling I hope I don't foul the corner of it and then there's just people online who spend a thousand dollars a stream probably more probably five thousand dollars a stream on booster boxes and box and they're just like yeah fucking fuck these cards yeah god damn I couldn't do that either I'm very slow I open packs with Molly we've just been kind of like opening them together because we both like to collect she's got a whole page of just like base set chances when she sees a chancy for like a good price or whatever she's just like I'm at it I'm like don't you have chance she's like I want more chancy so she's she really fucking likes chancy I get it if there are chances in the world watch out like a whole wall of chances just like from floor to ceiling I hope she does not watch this because she probably would she wants to build a whole tent made out of laminated pages of chances this is really random there was a listing on ebay it was like the entire jungle set which is the second set of pokemon cards to ever come out in the 90s in this giant frame and the only so I guess I guess they made a listing hoping he would buy their framed jungle set for some reason no no it was a warning it was a warning if you buy it you will turn into logan paul it's a cursed set that's the thing body get better mind get worse I could go for it that's that's a that's a crazy curse man but if you sell it to logan paul you'll become jake paul so you're always a paul once a paul always a paul wade you know what they say well that's an appalling decision like the like from that jungle book song something something prickly pear something use the paw paw paw something something it's like that movie it paulos where if you have sex with someone you turn them into jake paul all right that's funny but you have to point at camera it doesn't count that's funny you want or a prickly pear and you pick a raw paw next time beware don't pick a prickly pear by the paw if you pick a pear try to use the claw but you don't need to use the claw when you pick a brick to pair off the big paw paw that's that's the song yes that's the one I was accurately quoting if I was judging I would give that points dude I can't remember a person I spent 10 hours with two days ago like I don't remember their name but it's me dude your name was uh smirt smirt it was smirt I don't know my like short to memory is terrible but like I can remember that I could still probably recite most of the balcony scene from romeo and juliet or the tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow speech is that othello like I can just pull that shit out of straight out of ninth grade I'm like yes I still know it but the shit I need to remember from like yesterday it's like it never happened it's I hate I hate the way my memory works me too man everybody does I talked to you I started physical therapy I don't know if I've given because we didn't do the thing last week so I'm not having surgery on my knee it's not a meniscus tear no ligament damage I have a cartilage defect on the cartilage right on my thigh bone under my kneecap there's like a big glowy spot on the MRI and there's just a lot of inflammation coming from that so I'm doing I'm taking an anti-inflammatory and doing like six weeks of physical therapy trying to strengthen the muscle and joint or whatever hopefully I get to avoid surgery I could maybe need laparoscopic to clean it up but I'm hoping to avoid it but nonetheless it's nothing major it's just a cartilage defect that was maybe already even there and I just aggravated it I'm not sure I don't know how those work but I did find all of that out I don't know me that between the two of us we have like two good legs it's true and they're approximately the same length thank god it's you and me imagine if i had to donate each of you one of my legs we're just walking around like this i apologize you're gonna have to do some leg lengthening after the fact i'm coming for you what a weirdly specific but evocative way to demonstrate the height difference between us and mark look look what i look like with one mark leg we told you i had this weird thing that they were looked in the mirror and i was trying to decide if i'm well proportioned or if i'm too torso-y it's like do i have short legs and a giant torso it's not your torso it's because you have a huge ass oh so when i look in the mirror in the front all i see is my back at my front ass normally people's asses bridge a small zone between their legs and their torso yours actually goes from mid-thigh to like lower back i like to call i like to call your build the snowman your three ball snowman nice i'm a tripod yeah torso ass and legs explains why i never have any back pain because it's just ass there's no back you're like aunt fanny from robots i've never actually seen robots so well yeah you haven't it makes sense it's actually very good i've heard and i know all the memes and it's it's like got that song you know that song slap plus you like here come the mummies i would say that song is not unrelated to the vibe that here come the mummies gives i recently showed that to james for the first time and i hadn't watched it in like forever and i was just sitting there with him like oh oh i love this movie i've never seen robots great performance from rob williams great cast great movie love it the visuals are awesome did you know that fanny in the uk is slang for vagina yes because i remember saying fanny pack and people were like i was like what i think fanny packs are kind of weird too and they were like i was like what did you know how the uk people laugh classic classic british laugh yes and thongs are sandals that one's less crazy we call them thong sandals like in america you could have i think we just say sandals a lot but like americans distinguish between like those are slide sandals or slides and those are like thong sandals i feel like that's a thing here i get it but aren't those kind of small to cover their whole foot it's just like a band with us aren't thongs kind of small to cover your whole ass and genitals region i think that's the idea i think that's the notion wow he's blew my mind the whole point is aunt fanny is a phrase my grandparents used we used to do like little seances at the house where like my grandpa would get like he would set up a thing where he'd like have like invisible string connected like plates and cups and stuff we would do a seance and he'd be like spirit if you're in the room and like he would pull a string and a cup would like come sliding down toward us and his kids that blew my mind but the spirit we always tried to contact was named aunt fanny that's the only time i'd ever heard that name he just blew straight through the craziest part of that whole scenario insane wade lord drop just happened set up seances with fishing wire and you're like yeah and her name was aunt fanny can you believe that your families didn't hold on your families didn't do like fun little seance things no i thought that was kind of like commonplace i just assumed that people did that wade's family they're all in a circle chanting oh no and they start floating off the floor baby mark and i are wrong subreddit i will come look at you if you all put it out there is it normal to have family seance time with grampy and grandpa okay this happened like three times in my life it wasn't like we did we got together once a week three's a lot that that is an infinite amount of times more than it has ever happened in my life yeah we would uh i i'm trying to remember if they'd like my grandma always had tons of candles because she liked candles so i feel like we probably lit some candles we would just sit around like the kitchen table while we were playing my grandpa would set up this thing yeah where you'd have like little wires and stuff set up where you could like make things happen it was i was always like oh the cup would slide from the cabinet to the table it was they would just blow our minds as kids like oh my god aunt fanny's talking to us now that i have a three-year-old i'm like yeah i think james would probably think that was pretty awesome i think he would go crazy for that but as a a person who has never experienced such a thing the fact that you thought that was just like normal is awesome it was just one of those things we did as a kid that you know you take for granted i guess i don't know sure sure i wonder how many things i did i was like yeah everyone probably does this that like no one does was this the only ritual that occurred or were there other things with knives and blood. How many goats did you sacrifice a year? What's your average? Six, probably. Low. We only sacrificed goats I think twice, but it was about six times each. Six sacrifices each? What the fuck's going on with these goats? Yeah, six sacrifices per goat. We'd slaughter them, we'd stitch them back together, CPR, slaughter them again. You know. It's infinite food glitch. It's really weird, you know. I don't know. The seance is probably one of the weirder ones, but I don't know. The Aunt Fanny thing triggered it because I was like, I never even met Aunt Fanny. Why are we trying to talk to her? But my grandparents were always like, no, we're contacting Aunt Fanny. I was just like, okay, well, I don't know who she is, but you guys must, maybe she died a long time ago. Maybe I just never met her. It all makes sense when you say it all together. And what year was this when this occurred? It was the 90s. I don't know. Like you were like a little-ish kid? 1890s? Wait, which century? No, the 1990s. I was probably between 6 and 10. What's the guy's name from 30 Rock? Who's an immortal being? Brendan Fraser. That's not it. Kenneth. Kenneth. Kenneth. You know Kenneth, right? Kenneth. I think I saw one episode of 30 Rock ever, and it was probably when I was 10. No, he's canonically an immortal being in the show. I didn't know that. Yeah, he's actually been around forever. Like, legitimately. That's not an exaggeration. Like, there's like an end of the series episode where he's doing an episode from the year, like a thousand years in the future, and he's still there. And somehow 30 Rock is still there. Anyway. Oh, I was thinking 3rd Rock from the Sun. I never saw 30 Rock. I never always, I never saw a lot of it, but you know. Okay, I was like, wait, 2006. That doesn't sound right. 3rd Rock from the Sun is what I'm thinking of with John Lithgow. I was thinking of John Lithgow. Wait, who was the kid in that show? Was that Joseph Gordon-Levitt? Joseph Gordon-Levitt, yes. He was in it. He was like the young guy in that show, right? Yep. What are we talking about? Is this an episode of a podcast? Well, there's a whole thing I had prepared, but we're kind of, we didn't do any small talk for Mark's Perfectest Crime, so we've just been kind of catching up. I feel like every time this happens, I believe less and less that you actually had an episode prepared. Oh, I do, right? You come in and you're like, I'll just get him really going in small talk. And then after about half an hour, I'll be like, oh, I had a really great, I had a whole thing written out and I had all this stuff. I could not plan for Mark to drown himself, betray GoPro. I didn't plan on you going to the hospital or breaking your foot. That was like, my thing was like three minutes. Three minutes. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Subreddit, how many times has this in this exact scenario occurred? Thanks, Subreddit. Here's what I was going to talk about. We're over halfway now through 2026. Good. This year's had some ups, had some downs, but overall, it's been a kind of frustrating year for me, at least. But I have a list here of some things that I thought were good and bad from 2026. And I didn't know if you guys had anything particularly you want to talk about for the year, but otherwise I was going to go through. We were going to try to solve some of the bad. Not all of it's 2026 specific, like, but I think it's been, what's it's what I'm looking for. It's gotten worse this year or it's like a bigger thing. The good stuff is all, I think, mostly this year. At least it's still true as of this year. So I'll just go through. Getting into Pokemon card collecting, I've had a couple of different scam things happen where people, one of them was expertly done where I got scanned that was just impressed with how thoroughly they did their job. The big problem with Pokemon card collecting right now, and probably a lot of things, is scouting. Scalping. The scalping, people buying shit and just buying tons of it and then immediately relisting it for 10 times the price online is just the fucking worst. My original intent was for us to go through and we're just going to solve scalping, but we don't have time. I just want to talk about it. Do you guys have things like you try to collect where scalping is a problem? I know sports tickets and Pokemon cards are two things I've encountered it heavily in. I don't do them actively. I don't like collect particular if I do collect stuff, it's old enough and niche enough that like no one's fighting me for it. Like I'm very proud of my collection of Top Gear DVDs and Blu-rays because I think I literally own every episode and the miniseries or whatever the special episode I think I own everything that you can own of Top Gear. I don't think anyone's fighting me over that in the aisle at Target. I do think the sporting events and concert ticket situation is out of hand and I think it's, I only do that very rarely but it always sucks because it's like why do you even have prices on the website? Why, what are we doing here? Because the tickets go on sale for a game, a concert in a specific location, whatever. They're gone in an instant and then they're three times the price it feels like. I don't know what the exact numbers are but this is a known problem. But then like there was a whole thing. There was a whole like lawsuit. There were stuff done and everyone in like government of the people, the authorities were like, alright guys, we solved scalping so that's fixed now. So just go back to buying tickets and going and enjoying your concerts and your football games and stuff and it's not. Nothing, like it, maybe it changed the dynamic of how it is to be a scalper but didn't fix shit. I don't understand why it's so hard, like technically I understand it's hard to prevent people, especially if they're buying stuff online to be like, well you're clearly the same person even though you have a different IP, a different account, a different credit card, whatever. Like I get that it's hard to discern that maybe for the companies selling stuff, why can't we deal with this? What needs to happen? Because it is awful. I want to go to like one concert or football game a year, maybe and every time I think about it, I'm like God, I don't fucking want to deal with like buying tickets and being worried I'm going to get like scammed and they're not actually selling tickets or pangs. Like, I just won't go. Like, I don't care. I don't care that much. I have the solution. As always, Markiplier's coming in with the big fix. Everyone's going to have solved their problems of scalping solved. First, we create a national registry of all online users. They submit their ID, their birth certificate, their passport, and all of their necessary residential financial information and we house them in a ticket master only accessible database so that they run the gambit of everybody. We can trust them, right? We can trust them. So they have everyone's ID, right? They know everyone's age. They know who they are and they can see how many people are in your family. So they know the limit. They'll customize the limit based on you and your extended family. Not that extended. Let's say first cousins only.com. Wait, what are we selling? Sorry, I got detracted. Man, what a callback. I just remembered cousinsonly.com. Whoa. I'll get the callback point. There we go. Was that a three peens callback? That's an old callback. That is a long time ago. See, if they know who everyone is, then they will not be able to sell it to someone who's undeserving of that ticket, right? Scalpers will all get exposed. And I think the only publicly accessible information will be those who have scalps. So it'll identify anyone who in the past have bought more than 10 tickets or whatever of their extended family. God help them if they had more kids later in life but bought a bunch before they're done for, right? So it'll I think public executions would be very fashionable in this if they already have the stadiums for it. We can sell tickets to the public and no scalpels will go there because if anyone tries to scalp them, we're right on stage. That immediate sentence, immediate execution. Yes. I think we should put the judicial branch into Ticketmaster. I believe that they are trustworthy enough to make those decisions. We're just limiting accounts to like where they can only sell a certain thing like two times a year or something. Because like if someone buys tickets to a sporting event and something comes up, you have to cancel and you're like, well, I've got these five tickets I'm not going to use. I guess I'll you know, resell like that'd be fine. But you know, if you have to happen more than two to three times in a year than like maybe like limiting things like that where it's like, okay, well, it's less profitable for scalpers to do it because they really only limited how much they can do. I don't know why with cards that would be the case like, well, I bought this Pokemon ETB. Now I don't want it. So I'll resell it for three times the price. Maybe you do that like once a year. This might be controversial, but number one, I like Mark's idea the best and I have I have a follow-up on that. Yes. Number two, I'm certainly not in favor of people who scalp Pokemon cards or other collectibles and ruin it. But I do think there's kind of a difference between concert tickets or sporting event tickets and collectibles sort of the purpose of which is maybe to collect it for personal value. Like you just like something you collected. But also I think a large proportion of people who collect any sort of collectible track the value of what they have, right? I don't mind individual cards about the sealed products. I mean, that's that's true, but I do. I just feel like there's some level of difference where it's like, well, it is sort of meant to be bought and then sold at a higher price potentially, right? That's sort of the deal. It still sucks, but I think Mark is right and I want to put on my conspiracy theory hat, which is invisible and just say Mark is talking about like we should implement a new system. Can we just be so for real and say there definitely already are profiles of basically anyone who uses the internet for anything that the companies trade behind the scenes, like little real person trading cards. They know who we are. I'm confident that these big companies with access to all of the metadata on a on a specific users like internet activity can look at a transaction and be like, oh, Gary's buying 30 more Taylor Swift eras to our tickets, man. That guy suck. They know if you're going to keep records like that on us anyway, use them for good. Use use that shit to shut scalpers down and be like, look, this is you we know you've bought a hundred tickets in the last three years you hear there's a limit now you may buy two tickets you are welcome like fuck if they're going to keep those stupid fucking secret profiles no matter how careful you are with your data if you buy things online if you use social media they totally know they know they just do they have like a profile on every single person who's ever touched the internet everyone knows this is something that they do and like facebook denied it for years but then it was basically admitted that they are listening in on conversations they're turning on the phones microphones they know all that stuff i googled a new stove right which is something that i've never really done because ours was like our burners kind of like going going out of it so i was like oh google a new stove and then we're watching tv later and we're watching on an app where we have some ads never have i had a stove in my fucking life i ,ve never had a stove ad ever every ad in the ad break was a stove ad different brands too you want a stove oh get this stove dude i'm getting that like facebook i see pokemon cards and stuff i've been looking yeah i've you know it's crazy i know that like for legal reasons they're not going to admit this the corporations are never because they would potentially get in some sort of trouble but i think it would buy more goodwill for corporations don't don't put shit on sale that you've already are artificially jacked the prices up don't lie to us if they were just like look you guys know in your heart of hearts we do have that those those things you think we have we have those so as a as a form of repayment we're going to use these online profiles we keep uh basically without your consent you know or without your knowing consent we're going to shut down scalpers no one's going to be able to scalp shit like i if if a company did that one i would not be surprised because i'm like clearly i've bought into that conspiracy or whatever you call it like i'm pretty sure that's what's happening if they were just honest and we're like and you know we're going to use that information to just do you a solid i'd be like fuck well if i have to engage with you know heartless evil corporations i guess you're at the top of the list at least you guys are honest and i appreciate that you're like we're gonna fuck you but also we'll give you a little something like fine great my one pushback to anything you said is the collectibles thing pokemon cards for adults are definitely like that but like there was a value as a kid and getting pokemon cards and just getting to fuck around with them put one in like your bike spokes or actually like i played with them i would like lay them face down and pretend i was like ash and i was going around finding wild pokemon i didn't counter one and then like i'd have my evolution cards like oh my god i get to evolve my charmander because we won three battles i'm like i i fucked around with it nowadays of like i feel like if you see a kid with pokemon cards doing that you're like oh god that could have been a psa 10 worth thirty dollars oh these cards were a hundred dollars a pack why are you playing with them put them in sleeves look at them for collectors it's good but like i don't know pokemon cards for kids should still be a thing this is why kids need to buy kids need to get this shit and play with it aggressively don't let there be psa 10s have every charizard in existence be all crumpled up and folded and torn from that one time your your little sibling stole your binder fuck do shit come on kids i know you listen to this go play with your toys ruin them i'm gonna do that friend that thing a lot of our friends like so i've been hanging out with uh kat and logan our friends here in cincinnati and going to like some of these pokemon things we went to a card show of uh pokemon cards and i was like oh my god at eastgate mall which is not far from where we went to school in milford and logan bought this ancient mu card i think overall it's like a hundred dollar card but he got it for one dollar because it's in such bad condition and he was super excited he's like i'm gonna send this in for grading and i hope i get a one out of ten he's hoping for the lowest possible grade on this real shitty card so one of the vendors was like i'll run it over for you if you want like people are like trying to help him ruin the card to make it worth because some people out there they want nines or tens or they want ones like not nothing in between the ones have a value then it drops down and then at like eight and a half nine that like goes up again or something so he's like i really want this shitty card to be a one and everyone's like i'll help you make it a one it was some spit like i don't know it's just really funny he spent a dollar on this card was super excited about it so fucking terrible it's all crinkled and awful oh god it hurts my soul to look at it but that sounds great i love that let me jump over to one of the positives of the year i thought so the world cup's over fifa world cup my entire life this year i kind of did i didn't watch the games but like i checked on the scores of the different games i knew who was like in the gold boot competition like who was who was scoring points i was looking at people talking about like oh which teams are favorite how's the u.s doing and stuff i know we hosted it in the u.s so maybe there was just more press coverage because of that this year but i thought at least in the united states a lot of people were at least tangentially aware or talking about the world cup compared to my recollection of years past and seeing people come out of the world cup and say like oh i don't know i don't know i don't know come to the u.s i think we talked about this on the show people like dude this city in alabama is really cool oh my god i love the u.s i went to this place like it's not as bad as i thought here in random town in illinois or whatever like i don't know but maybe it's like in bias because it was here and there was a lot more coverage of it but like i felt like there was a lot more positive vibes coming from the tournament and from just people's experience with soccer and with i don't know the the event and the places it was held and stuff and i i don't know i thought that was a nice yeah i mean i i saw a bunch of videos like that too just really really nice i usually you know it makes our soft our our hardened hearts go a little bit soft in terms of like yeah yeah america america could be great it is but i won't say that that phrase you know it could be great period and that's it like what frame what are you talking oh but uh yeah no it's fun to see i totally agree with you did you guys keep up i don't think any of us went to any games would you guys keep up with it at all or watch any games a little bit i knew who was playing in the final i didn't watch a whole game the whole time uh and can i just say this is not exclusive to soccer but and it's probably because i'm an outsider the acting that goes into the fouls and the whole like economy within the game of pretending you got hurt holding your knee writhing around the whole like discourse i don't know what you're talking about but the fact that i was in soccer looks so silly to me it's like that in all sports it's like that in the nba it's like that in the nhl a fair amount got like it's like that in all professional sports this is not a soccer only thing but it's like it's just in soccer something about it reads as extra hilarious to me because it'll be like two guys who run casually near each other and clearly don't touch and one guy just like does a front flip and it's like go fight he's holding his knee like he got shot and then the ref will come over and be like don't play on and he stands up and is like fuck i tried god and runs away it's like oh that that like ruins sports for me when that shit happens in any sport i'm immediately like god i fucking hate those kids like i hate that player that did that i understand it's part of the game but the soccer ones are like because in hockey it's like at least you're pretending he hit you in the face with a hard wooden stick or even in the nba there's a lot of flopping and bullshit but it's like you're pretending you just got elbowed in the face which would definitely hurt in soccer it's like what are you pretending you're pretending he bumped into you harder than it seemed like he did oh no i know i know i'm underselling it i'm not a soccer fan so this is all bullshit but like it just whatever that happens in sports it ruins it completely for me and every moment i watched soccer i'd watch for like five minutes and then some crazy bullshit would happen and i'd immediately be like okay that's enough sports have you ever wondered how movements start i'm ashley c ford host of into the mix a ben and jerry's podcast about joy and justice this season we're talking to unexpected progressive heroes who found purpose in unexpected places people like marley diaz making sure every kid sees themselves in books kyle mesteth a native skateboarder building a movement for kids nationwide joy a lot of coon whose music moves from protests to daily commute find out how they started something bigger than themselves and listen wherever you get your podcast the one that drives me the most crazy is actually in basketball and i don't know if this still counts as a foul i think it does if someone goes to the three-point line and they fake a shot and the other guy jumps you then jump into the guy that jumped and the foul is on the guy in the air it's like oh you shouldn't have jumped you shouldn't have tried to go for the block this guy then jumped into you which means you fouled him that pisses me off so much it's like why can't he he jumped go around him he's in the air your opportunity is to move around now why is jumping into him the thing that you're trying to do is to move around now that basketball is like brilliant jerry jump into him we'll get the call i don't know why i'm turning into like seinfeld that wasn't the jerry i was really going for but you gotta go for the epic rap battles guy a bit more he actually has his fingers in everything basketball fouls of history but yeah like a lot of the rest of the world cup was was really great and it was fun to see flopping's annoying it's annoying in every sport i agree with you it's in all sports and it always pisses me off but it's not that's not a soccer thing it's weird because like a lot of the times you'll see like the foul that's definitely not a foul and then you'll see like the foul that's absolutely fucking clobbered and no one does anything about it someone's like tripped knocked down stomped on punched in the face they're like ah play on play on and then someone brushes past someone like you said someone goes flying back like they just got hit by thanos and it's like definitely a foul that's how real human physics works red card get out yeah no there's so many i know they're all one-offs so there's so many examples of that where there's like a player there's clips of soccer players getting just fucking pummeled like there's a guy who tackles a guy who like grabs it there's a he goes through like four dudes and he's getting just beaten the whole time and then he goes and keeps going and scores a goal anyway and it's like none of that none of that counted but okay i mean he scored a goal so good he did really well i guess but soccer bringing us all together as we can tell i mean maybe maybe i'm under i think most sports fans probably fall in that camp is there anyone subreddit answer my questions today is there anyone out there who watches sports and is like oh that was a great dive he really earned that penalty for the team i'm glad this is part of the sport i enjoy i feel like every sports fan is like just fucking just play just stand just don't fall down just keep playing come on guys maybe i'm wrong maybe i'm crazy but uh another bad okay playstation announced they were doing away with physical game copies in like two years physical game copies i still like i still have like two boxes of dvds in the other room i never watch them but i'm glad i own them and i feel like console players especially like one of the things about console is you gotta diss or a cartridge or something and i don't know there's something fun about that i get to take up space but also like if you ever want to put game it now the there's a whole thing to be said about like you must connect to online services or else you can't play a game that's annoying but at least owning a physical game i don't know feels good giving taking away that choice and knowing that a lot of companies are like hey by the way all those games you owned on ps3 well ps3 service is gone so where's your game library that's fucking bullshit man and the whole like do you actually own a game library something if it can just be snapped away you do not you do not know it depends in what sense you want to talk about it because yeah legally you do own a thing what you own is the right to a license as long as they permit it that's just not a valuable thing uh and you pay the same amount for that at least when it was an option you pay the same amount of that for that as you did when you bought a physical disc that you physically had in your possession that you still didn't really own because they could probably remotely disable your ability to play their game if you had a disc on the modern consoles but at least you own something that has like shit it's physical matter but i guarantee the playstation move is it's it's one of those two steps forward one step back thing or one step forward two steps back whatever it'll wherever you want to look at it where they say we're going to discontinue all discs and then the outrage builds up and they're going to like okay all right well it's expensive so we're going to charge more for discs and boom suddenly it's commonplace because of course they want more money and of course there's going to be collector's editions and of course it's going to be an option because if people they know they know they're not stupid they're not that stupid they're they're stupid sometimes a lot of these companies are stupid but they're not that stupid because they know that human psychology is like you just have to show them something outrageous that they'll definitely reject and then pull it back quote unquote but you've moved the goalposts and now instead of it just being about like oh yeah no there's no disc it's like okay well at least we have some disc i'd be willing to pay however many dollars more for the disc edition and it's just like it's just it's a bunch of it it actually isn't ea is doing something similar with um microtransactions in the madden 20 or ncaa football i think it was mad madden 27. there's like a so you can play like their card collecting edition where you go you buy online packs and you get cards for their ultimate team and it's just like that's the only way to do it it's just like that was always like you could spend real money to do but then they've had like online on offline dynasty and then road to glory where you make like a single player and you only play as that player on the thing in 27 they added microtransactions for those where you can speed up progress or you can make it to where you earn more experience features that were actually just by default in the game last year and years prior yeah weren't those just settings previously in large part now now you can slow it down or make it normal but in order to speed it up you have to pay for their microtransactions so a lot of the the football content creators have like united and they're all like making videos about how they're protesting they won't work with ea directly anymore they're refusing sponsorships and stuff because they're pissed off about that yeah because they feel like they were misled and then apparently ea let out a statement like hey we're rolling this back we're going to take it out of the game and then i think i think that that was also apparently a mislead where they were like well we're going to change it but it's still there's still gonna be some transactions the whole thing seems like a fucking nightmare but it's another one of those things like mark was saying with the we're going to make it outrageous and then whenever we actually do that we're going to actually get to what we really want you guys are going to accept it because it feels like a good compromise until we get to the point where people can push a button and materialize whatever they want like star trek you know i don't think we're ever going to get away from corporate greed it turns out it's really hard to make infinitely increasing profits without somebody really getting fucked it also turns out that the ones who are responsible for making the infinitely increasing profits get to choose who that is almost like there's a flaw inherent to that setup just wait till they they discover this concept where money isn't actually a real thing value is inherent to like how much it's worth and it only works when it circulates so all these goddamn gold hoarding dragons are actually hurting everything by not having the money flow back into the fight the only way it works the three stooges things you owe me 10 there's 10 you owe me 10 10 that's how it works that's the actual fundamental value of how it works everyone made money everyone paid everyone back everyone that that is how this system works but if there's just a money trap occurring at the bottom of it it doesn't fucking work the system will break it's getting a little rickety all right let's move into a couple quick positives then i'll wrap up have you guys heard of spogomi nope this better be a chef boyardee new invention or i'm out of here i want to eat spogomi so bad i already have it in my head uh apparently there was i don't remember where this took place that the the city was called loftborough l-o-u-g-h-b-o-r-o-u-g-h oh my god i don't know what that means but i don't know what that means but i don't know what that means oh my god wait no hold on wait pause i've got the visual please don't ruin this for me it's it's like little raviolis but they look like cannolis with a little sausage inside and a little roll and it's a can full of them just like chef boyardee spogomis i'm gonna ruin this for you in just a moment oh no no no dude i can't wait for the super mario spogomis to come out there was a competition for different groups in loftborough i think it's pronounced loftborough uh to collect litter so i think gomi i'm not sure what's language but gomi is like litter and spo is sports so it's sport litter so different groups went around like collecting litter in this town and whoever collected the most won and that was like the competition and i think the winning team collected like 28 kilograms of litter but overall in one afternoon 281 kilograms of litter were just cleared from this place i don't know what the prizes and stuff were but apparently like it was good it was enjoyable it was really good for the environment and stuff and so that might be like a thing that's spreading around as these like competition type thing but like i'm seeing that this is japanese that the word the word for trash in japanese is gomi and spo is like sport i'm not sure where loftborough is i don't think that's in japan loftborough sounds more like well what i'm seeing is that this has been taking off and they have a spogomi world cup held in japan that has qualifying teams from around the world so yeah i saw the one in loftborough and that's that's where i came up with it but uh i did see that it was like apparently becoming more popular and kind of going global i didn't see their exact origin but that's the one i heard about i thought that was a problem positive 2026 people getting rid of more litter seems like a good thing yeah well as long as this isn't a thing where it's like okay we put out litter so that it's a fair playing field so we we covered this whole area in equally spread out completely fair this is not a mr beast video i hope i dropped 10 tons of litter now watch as 500 contestants compete for 10 million dollars to clean it up we bought 50 sea turtles and 100 tons of plastics last sea turtle standing wins three million dollars and this ford fiesta like the turkey pardoning but mr beast sea turtle of it allegedly allegedly allegedly well this video doesn't exist i hope we're not giving him an idea oh yeah he watches this podcast where's inspiration another one i think this was this year artemis 2 was this year right going like further than humans had ever gone in space it was i'm not an expert uh but i believe the whole once once they were done with their launch and corrections i believe they had no no thrust input it was a fully gravity maneuver to get all the way out around the moon and back which is pretty sick i'm sure that any rocket scientist is like it's not that sick it's pretty easy actually it's just calculations but it's very cool i know mark you're not a big fan of the moon but like overall i think you like space maybe they flicked it off when they went by i love the moon guys wait we jump timelines wait it's all different here no i've always liked no no no no no i've always liked the moon and i like i like i like not having ownership of the moon but no one should own the moon no one owns the moon no one owns the moon i can't do that i'll break my audio set up i'd pound with you but i can't i'm sorry i i have a strict no chanting rule just in general i there's like the fifth chant no one's joined me on the chat and no one fifth chant today just in a row you know for eddie all right here we go i'll count it down guys three two one no no one owns the moon is that what you wanted i had a bit more here but we are getting a little low on time because we do have a thing we got to do so i'm going to wrap there i'll do points and uh we'll do the wheels i went through some of my topics that was good i had a topic for today i had a topic sure sure yeah you guys think wade just knows spagomi i didn't know spagomi i had to look up spagomi i am kind of with mark i'm a little disappointed it's not a thing i could eat as of right now mark you lost the point for being mean about me getting a sponsor you got a point for we all go pro you got a point for breathing water reflex i found that funny you got a point for us turning into pauls we're all pauls apparently the jake paul logan paul thing uh oh privacy gone scalpers two point uh bob said you were right at one point but multiple times bob said you were right so you got a point for that he was very right today you like the moon point and the moon chant point you got one two three four five six seven eight points minus one so you got seven points right now bob you got a point for your foot being bad oh you got three hospital pity points all right that might that's gonna i forgot that there were three points for you yeah uh you got a point for being my pokemon boy because you're also collecting like me that made me happy i don't i don't get to relate to you guys very often with the different hobbies we have so it's exciting i got one i got one it's a little guppy i got one you don't even like ryobi days i feel like you were also appreciative of ryobi days ryobi days is what's up i love ryobi days i enjoyed your guys's love of ryobi days i've never bought a ryobi days thing are you wait wait are you invested in a battery system as far as power tools go or are you are you still on the market are you still like a free agent kind of thing are you asking me yes i know mark has i i have like a screwdriver and a hammer okay so you're open you're open so he so you need to get ryobi then you need to be a one plus boy it is still ryobi days right now you still can get ryobi days there aren't many days where i need a power tool the more power tools you have the more times you'll find that you need them i guarantee it i gotta replace a couple lights i guess like but do i need a tool for that i just yeah why do it by hand even if you're not going to use it just bring it and set it next to you and it'll make everything go a little more smoothly you got a point for too much ass concert game no because the scalpers you got the companies use data for good point uh sports flopping bad point uh talking about how we own temporary licenses and explaining how that worked versus us owning real games and actual copies point uh and explaining the science behind artemis point so you got a total of one two three four five six seven eight plus two more for the hospital pity so you have ten points right now so it's ten to seven all right all right come on witness protection come on three witness protection points we need number number of wheel spins today will be the day it will give us one spin because of course it will oh damn all right two spins you got you got two shots to find some magic it's certainly not off the table wade what are we adding uh this is gonna be the oprah winfrey point you don't have to write oprah winfrey but this is the everybody gets a point if you currently have a you're a score you get a point interesting but only if they have a score only if you already have a score on here this way everybody in the world doesn't get a point because that would that would make the spreadsheet very hard yeah if you're if you're on the list you get a point there everyone who has any points gets a point so be careful if we talk about like hitler don't accidentally give like hitler negative points for sucking because this might give him a point and then reverse golf rules and stuff it'd be like that'd be awkward yeah a posthumous hitler win would be uh crazy for this podcast that would that would be shocking we would blow up on social media if like hitler just wanted a podcast episode you guys heard it distracted uh there's 117 things even maximized on my monitor it's hard to read these damn slices I have it on a huge monitor and I still can't really read it stuff uh uh go pro why couldn't I think of things them I know so many things mark likes I was trying I was like wait I'm not competing I'm not this is enough for me to compete for once I I it took me a second to even realize that was something that was a quick I over committed and could not remember chicken and dumplings that's what I was trying to get out and my brain was like duh dumpling hot stickers uh good luck I would have said something that first came to mind it would have been something I don't like but all right thankfully you had time to think of something you like as long as Mark doesn't get like more than two points nothing bad can happen to me we'll find out hey that would be me even with my messed up foot Bob you win would you like to give us a winner speech uh yeah it feels it feels like it's been a minute since I won but because I know how many times I have won so far this season I know that's really not true it's just because we uh really do one a week now so there's just more time in between you know so it's good so it feels good to win always does I do it a lot I've been here before so I'm gonna act like I've been here before uh Mark put up a good fight and I basically cheated by getting hospitalized and having an infection that uh threatened both my life and my foot I'm not gonna not take points for that so you know I think trips to the hospital do typically earn points so I lived Mark you get the silver medal today I was really banking on that witness protection thing I put all of my eggs in that basket I set up this entire new area just so I could have that um you can even see the dolly still there with things loaded on there that haven't even I might as well just pack it all up and uh I think I it's best if I just announce my retirement from the podcast at this point in shame how do you with prejudice which way is disgracefully discharged yeah yeah disgracefully discharged all right well congrats on that and I look forward to to being gone I guess uh can't wait okay I get it be really awkward whenever there's one host and one competitor I don't know how that's gonna work but you know as they say the show must go on but contractually I'll have to see you next week because I think you're here for at the next 10 Lifetimes according to our deal that we don't get paid for just our just our deal our group deal this is more like our deal with the devil type deal not our like business deal it's different all right well congrats again Bob Bob will host next week uh where I'm sure something will happen probably that's the way these episodes work in the meantime go follow these guys market Markiplier Bob some said Bob a player Bob at my skirm Minion 777 or Lord Minion 777 I should have been Bob a player you're right keep adding to the bounties which all three of us are equally participating and working on and we'll see you next time until then I'll cast out choice hotels get you more of what you value here's a little tune to help you remember same drive different day don't you wish you were getting away pack your bags and come on through Texas Ohio Alaska we're up there too Comfort Inn it's calling your name traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in and that's too late simply safe is changing that stop this is simply safe police are on the way we don't just alert we help stop crime before it starts plans starting around a dollar a day right now get 70 off your new system with professional monitoring at simplysafe.com Spotify simply safe ahead of crime in real time outdoor deterrence plans start at $49.99 a month visit simplysafe.com licenses for alarm license information