The transcript blends promotional content with a humorous, conversational podcast format. It begins with Coach Hank joining BJ's Wholesale Club to save money as a father, emphasizing the store's value for families and its "Home of the Save" tagline. This is followed by a segment promoting Wayfair’s holiday-ready products, highlighting reliability and practicality. The main focus shifts to the podcast "Distractible," where hosts Markiplier and Bob discuss a range of absurd and personal topics, including scalping in collectibles and sports, the ethics of sponsorships, and Markiplier’s hospitalization due to a leg infection. They critique how scalping distorts fair access to items like concert tickets and Pokémon cards, proposing solutions involving user data tracking and transparency. The discussion also touches on the emotional and nostalgic value of physical products, such as DVDs and Pokémon cards, in contrast to digital-only consumption. A recurring theme is the absurdity in sports, particularly soccer, where player misconduct like flopping and violent contact is often ignored. Throughout, the tone remains lighthearted and self-deprecating, blending personal anecdotes, satire, and commentary on consumer culture, technology, and human behavior. The narrative reflects both the practical and emotional dimensions of modern life, from family budgeting to digital ethics.
Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30.
I coach football.
Now, Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices.
30 pounds of pasta, 3 cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks.
And that's just pregame.
He knows teamwork, and BJ's knows savings.
This is your home, Coach.
Home of the Save.
Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for 6 months.
Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only.
BJ's. Home of the Save.
So, you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays?
Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready.
What if Mike brings his cheerful dogs?
My tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is.
But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one?
We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is.
And extra chairs are on the way.
Okay, what if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over?
Ready to go with extra bedding and towels.
From guest-ready essentials to holiday decor you can trust.
Wayfair delivers.
Your vehicle doesn't just get you from here to there.
It's a bridge to the people and places that matter most.
It's how you show up for your family, your community, and everyone else that depends on you.
That's why for 125 years, Firestone has been building tires with one thing in mind.
To deliver products that are as reliable as you are.
Firestone. Always dependable. Since 1900.
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers.
And welcome to Distractible.
This episode.
Winning Wade the Torso Tailor has a Pokemon marriage.
Pseudo-seances.
Then slams scalpers.
Broken Bob narrates nuances for the listeners.
Gets infested by evil.
And rates curses.
Moneyless Mark wants flipping fans.
Drowns in the deep.
Has nine inches.
And endorses Big Brother.
From prognostications to solving scamming.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
It's time for Wade Definitely Has a Topic.
Now sit back and prepare to be distracted.
And enjoy the show.
Hey everyone, welcome back to Distractible.
I'm today's host.
Those are words I don't get to say often enough anymore, but today I do.
I may already declare myself the winner today.
And host again, but I guess we'll see what happens in the end.
Spoilers.
I don't even know yet.
Joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob.
Hi guys.
I'm glad you don't know the future.
That makes me feel much better about all of this.
This episode is not rigged, believe it or not.
We'll see if I believe that.
I just realized something.
We have a problem.
I'm in trouble.
I'm looking around my desk and I'm noticing that there's one thing missing from my undisclosed location.
You don't have any lens caps?
Oh, I got lens caps, but I don't have a coin.
And I think the constitution specifically dictates that it must be a coin.
Uh-oh.
I'm sure that won't come up.
I don't know the exact qualification with which that is going to be a problem for me,
but it's currently a problem.
But I have a lens cap.
I would allow a substitute lens cap.
I'm not going to be a hard ass about this.
The constitution says either a coin or specifically a lens cap.
And it has to be a lens cap.
Look, if there's one person that loves all the rules we've set and is a diehard follower,
it's today's host.
I want one of our fans who really loves statistics and numbers to go get a lens cap
and flip it a thousand times and measure how often it lands on heads and tails
to see how fair a lens cap is.
And then do that with like five other brands of lens cap to find the most fair lens cap.
Yeah, you got to cover across brands.
Because what is that one?
That's not a Canon that you have in front of you, is it?
This is a Tamron.
No, it was a lens cap.
A Canon fires balls.
This is a new camera from my usual.
So let's see how it's going to close focus.
Oh, nice and slow.
Oh, that's pretty crispy.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's there.
Takes a sweet time with that focus pull.
But I can zoom.
Me too.
Wade, can you do it?
I like how your face gets creepier whenever you do the zoom feature.
That's just my face.
Why do you tilt?
You should just lean forward and down like me.
It's way less creepy.
I wish I could reach my zoom ring without having to fucking cover my whole camera.
I also have a zoom feature.
Wow, I got a lot of torso.
You're a leany man.
Like Leany Boog.
Leany Boob.
I even pronounced it hard.
Leany.
What did you pronounce hard?
I'm not saying it again.
I heard Leany Boo.
I wasn't paying very close attention.
I'm not playing these games.
I'm downloading steam and I'm going to I'm playing power wash simulator.
That's a good dude.
Have you played the Star?
Star Wars DLC?
I was sponsored for it.
But like, regardless,
we wanted to get sponsored.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Everybody knows Wade as the guy who plays power wash simulator.
I don't know what you're so mad about.
OK, well, that feels like an insult to me.
You should be insulted.
I'm insulting you.
They wanted someone, you know, a little bit more.
Got what I got.
You got what do you got that I don't I don't got.
I can name like a million things that I got that you don't got height.
Humbleness.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
For the listeners, Mark was counting his hairs on his head.
OK, we don't have to tell the listeners everything.
Some things could just die.
I just want to make sure they're up to speed.
I don't want them to feel left out.
No, I was, though.
I got to do the DLC for once.
It was really cool.
Where are people trying to talk to me?
That's what I wonder, because, like, they must have.
They must have tried to talk to me, right?
They must have.
Hold on, Chris. If Wade got this, I should.
I definitely.
I mean, I'm just saying I literally am the power wash guy.
I'm I'm I'm the power wash guy.
There's no other guy besides me, right?
That's what I call him.
If you're good at something, never do it for free.
I did give GoPro a lot of free publicity before I got this.
You did a whole power wash series.
I don't think that was sponsored, was it?
No, no, it wasn't.
Yeah, yeah, you're right, man.
You're so right.
Oh, man. And handsome.
Just give Bob like a free ten points for not questioning the fact that I got a
sponsorship, but you're so handsome, but I said you were handsome.
And I never felt so slapped and beat up from just words before.
I didn't question it because I just I just assume that you're lying.
I will. I will show you all the contracts right now in Minecraft.
But I don't have to let you that. That's true.
I could just show you prove to me the amount of money they sponsored you for by
sending me that exact amount and I will believe you.
You know, I was starting to go for it and then you kept talking.
So now now I'm not going to.
Oh, no.
I don't give any points. You know what?
Fuck you guys.
What are we doing here? Podcast?
Mark's playing power wash instead of
participating at the moment, which is probably good for his points.
I'm sending five forgot.
I have to send a contract along, you know, business stuff.
That means he forgot to download power.
Watch 70s downloading it.
Then he'll play. He's buying the DLC.
Currently, it's Star Wars DLC.
Oh, shit. Oh, God.
Why do I always have to put the security code in?
And this is I use this every time Markiplier.
I forgot what.
It was like to buy a game.
I buy all my games.
And frankly, when I when I even when I play indie games,
I still tip the developer most of the time.
Good boy. I'm not on a high horse about this.
But as content creators, we kind of should.
Like, there's such an ethical gray area of people where it's like that because I
get why devs are like, oh, here's a key player game.
But if you get that for free and you don't
disclose that, even though it's just the dev like sharing like that's a huge issue.
You know, lots of streamers, YouTubers get in big trouble.
They have gotten in big trouble for that.
It's a big thing.
And I feel like lots of people I have no proof of anyone specifically, but I just
feel like you get so many emails when you're on the lists as a content creator
type person, I know there are people out there who are like, oh, freaky.
And they play the game and then whatever.
And they never, ever disclose that shit.
I always buy the game just because I'm like, stay away, FTC.
I'm cool. Like, yeah, I don't want to.
Yeah, I don't want to deal with any of that.
I feel like we're pretty good.
And whenever we get keys, we don't do it
with us three, but like the other recording group, I do have other recording groups.
Don't listen, Mark. He's still lying.
He doesn't have any other friends, just us.
That's why he comes back, despite the way we treat him.
But God, wouldn't that be depressing if you guys were my only friends?
It is. I know.
That's why I'm bold and sad.
I know I introduced you all.
You all are assholes. Is that small talk, small talk?
Well, since we didn't have small talk last week, am I allowed to talk about the fact
that I was I was hospitalized for three days now?
Mark, you got a small talk? Yeah.
I'll go ahead. Thanks, Bob.
Just kidding. Bob, the floor's yours.
No, I was interested to hear what Mark was going to say.
Yeah, I know. But, you know, he's so busy with power wash them
and not trusting my brand deals that I think you should go first.
Unless Mark wants to go first. I'll go first.
We could flip a coin and see who goes first.
Do you guys have coins?
I think unless unless something specific
is triggered, only Wade really needs to flip a coin for this one.
If we're going to do that, I don't think.
Bob, you're such a good storyteller.
Maybe you should let Mark go first just so he has a chance at anything.
It's honestly not that crazy, but it was miserable.
I've got that going for me.
OK, Mark, you should definitely go first
because if he's miserable, we're going to Bob's fridge part three.
I, as you know, am sponsored by GoPro
code Markiplier, M-A-R-K-I-B-L-I-E-R. Check out for 10 percent off.
Also, this podcast is sidelong, also sponsored.
Did you know that?
Do we have our own code or is our code also Markiplier?
No, there's actually they gave us distractible as well.
D-I-S-T-R-H-D-I-B-L-E.
It's been so long since we've spelled out our name
that in ad reads i know we used to do that all the time
it is weird anyway i went in the pool this guy did i did because i got the gopro and it's waterproof
right so i was like i think i'll try to film some stuff i'll do some where i do a big punch like i
did uh before it'll be fun and i enjoyed swimming also i almost drowned so many times because i'm
incredibly out of shape and i cannot hold my breath for nearly as long as i think i can i kept
dropping the gopro down uh because i don't know why my brain was like it's gonna float right and
my pool's not like incredibly deep but i think it's like i don't know like it has a deep spot
that's about eight feet or something maybe more that's like 10 market pliers you think i'm nine
inches tall or eight and some fractions tall is that what you think of me yeah yeah you're like
my own little tinkerbell i just talk you talk
you
my pocket eight divided by how many you say like 10 did you say 10.8 point oh oh man i'm 0.8 i'm
0.8 of a foot what's 0.8 times 12 i'm 9.6 inches that's what you think of me friend hey a lot of
people would kill to be 9.6 inches that's true you're right you think of 9.6 inches
around holy shit wait no is that no
okay that's not that crazy well i mean no do you mean circumference or diameter what are we talking
here i think he means circumference well that's that's a perfectly average circumference then
so we i go down and i i kept going down to the bottom and grabbing it and then panicking very
quickly and every time i don't know what this is i have the reverse mammalian breath reflex
whereas right before i breach the surface i go with water and i don't know why
oh yeah the drown me reflex i love that reflex you're telling just i'm not a pool guy so i just
i get i'm like i'm so close i'm like i'm there was your uncle like a fish or something you're
like oh i better get some water before i make my jump yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know
what it is but it wasn't working out for me i know it's not the same thing does the pool especially
swimming down to the deep end does that trigger your like your like ocean fear reflex thing or
is that literally like
like that's the ocean this is a pool that's really obviously not the same if i'm in a pool alone then
yeah there are suddenly going to be sharks spawning in the pool when i'm not looking and i have to get
out of it immediately uh but amy was there and you know so that that helped i won't swim alone
either it's not because of that it's because the are you afraid of the dark episode so every time
you came up amy just sees you go down coming up almost to the surface and then dying a little bit
and it's just like tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college that's why
she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave
meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there
for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join
for just twenty dollars at bj's dot com slash mesquite and save ten cents per gallon for six
months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save it's fine yeah pretty
much i mean she was just filming me from the side you know just she put up a good instagram story of
just me with like the snorkel the snorkel that goes up over the front for some reason but it's
just me like doing pirouettes in it i get the top under the water and i don't even think about it
oh god you're so brave gagging on water to see if you can take it i had this idea though wouldn't
you guys agree on a stream i talked about this because gopro doesn't make this i don't know if
any camera makes it make or make this but they have this idea that they have this idea that they
have gopro makes this thing that's a smaller version of it has built-in lights right why don't
they make a night vision one of those where the light is an ir light so that you have both a night
vision camera and the built-in ir light like the sony camcorders that ethan and i used for unisonus
all the time for the night videos no one makes infrared cameras anymore no one makes night vision
i don't know the physics of it but like does infrared because it's a like a lower frequency
light wave does it not travel through water as well because clearly like light travels through
water white gets diffracted or whatever it gets it gets it's different when it goes through water
right it's darker quicker as opposed to air yeah like maybe infrared doesn't penetrate water
adequately for that to be like a valuable thing oh interesting no you're totally right is there
other like night vision technology other than infrared that could work as an underwater i mean
maybe but it probably costs like a jillion dollars
to really powerful flashlights i mean ultraviolet but i don't know if you can make a
camera that does that because most cameras can capture ir naturally they actually have built-in
ir filters to pull out the infrared um i don't know how many cameras can film ultraviolet get
on that gopro hey gopro use code markiplier to buy your supplies i think it'll still work
they're sitting this like that's brilliant it was just gopro's just a bunch of cigars smoking
off i know gopro was what run by the epic rap battles of history guy
that's so brilliant i hope you guys used our codes while they lasted they're both gone now
damn the c the ceo of gopro sitting at home watching this episode like how do they know
you would know with your hospital nonsense
well now it's all hyped up it's definitely uh anyway it's not good and i have an open wound on
the bottom of my foot currently and it's very open which is not great the bigger honestly the wound
the cut or whatever the hole in me is not the big problem the big problem was that i got it
got infected i had had this for a while and i was sort of taking care of it and just living
with it but i wasn't taking particular care of it but it seemed fine i had been keeping it clean
and just like trying to keep off of it but not aggressively and it got infected and it got us
infected so like on thursday i went to oh thursday two weeks ago now but i went to an urgent care and
they were like oh yeah it doesn't look very good okay and they gave me some antibiotics but then
literally the next day on friday it got worse and worse and felt like my leg was gonna explode and
like my whole leg from the knee down was like bright red it was like okay well we should go to
the er i guess i don't know if one pill a day of antibiotics is gonna do and i went and the doctor
very quickly i was very impressed it was very nice we were in a room in the er within like
god i swear it was like half an hour but the doctor was like okay take your socks off whatever
and sort of looked down at my foot and just went oh i don't like that and like walked out of the
room oh no oh god okay wow he handed in his medical license was like i quit i don't like
this i'm out uh but so i had it had an infection was pretty unpleasant slept in the hospital for
well i didn't sleep the first night i didn't get i went to the hospital late at night on friday i
didn't get into a room until 7 30 in the morning and i did not get to sleep for any of that so i
was just like sitting up in waiting rooms in the hospital mostly waiting to to get somewhere where
they could start giving me like medicine and i got to eat hospital food dude i don't
know if we just have a fancy hospital and i haven't gotten the bill yet so i may regret
this but it was like like room service and it wasn't just like oh here's your prison meal i had
to call every meal breakfast lunch dinner i had to call and be like oh yeah i'd like some bacon and
eggs you just order whatever the you want it's like being on a cruise ship it's crazy
it's like all all inclusive except i paid for it i think yeah all exclusive but like it wasn't
bad the hospital food was pretty good and uh aside from being painfully boring i'm fine
infection is fine but i do have my leg is wrapped up from the knee down
and i have a huge puffy thing on my foot to try and alleviate the pressure because the problem is it's on
the bottom of my foot so i when i walk on it it sort of prevents it from healing properly i'm
going to be fine but there was definitely a couple days where i was laying in the hospital bed by
myself just like bored out of my mind like god they're probably going to cut my foot off i guess
i don't know what's that like it doesn't feel very good it's fine i'll be fine i do feel like
i was hospitalized so wait if you give me a couple pity points uh i think that's i think
that's pretty fair well i'm writing something down and i'm not going to say i'll judge you as a person
and our friendship will be affected if you choose not to give me a couple points for that but
so you're saying i have an out depending on how this episode goes and the game the way this
prepared goes i think my only strategy to win is to land on witness protection three times in a row
i think that there's possibility i think i still got a chance so really pulling for that uh based
on the current score i think you still have a chance oh can i get a pity point for something so
i got i have these like you know ergonomic bead wrist rests for my keyboard and stuff and i bought
another one i bought a new one and i'm like oh i'm gonna have to buy a new one i'm gonna have to buy
one and i've been practicing like uh five nights of freddy's two uh 10 20 mode so my a lot of mouse
movement i i need a new one and i was like oh it came it arrived i'm it's here and i get the
scissors to go open it and cut right into it i cut straight into it it just started falling out
i bought it and it was just like oh my god so uh yeah that didn't did you not see the small
decal on the package that said no sharps i have to use a big knife
with non-sharps mark with non-sharps well i just opened this with my bare hands and sharps so
i think i'm arming i've been
buying a lot of pokemon cards as i was talking about and i've gotten some online like from ebay
and stuff and some of the way people seal cards is they tape it up in like bubble wrap inside the
bubble wrap are two pieces of cardboard taped on all four sides and then they'll tape the thing
the card is in to the cardboard and then that is also taped closed and then once you get that open
then there's the hard case that they tape over the top so the card doesn't slide out and some of
this tape was made by god there is no you have to cut it like there's no other way and i've got
this card you know it's worth whatever anywhere from 10 bucks to a couple hundred bucks whatever
and it's like i've got my exacto that was some wild thunder i got my exacto knife and i'm like
please don't cut this card i've spent an hour trying to open i'm going to have your experience
with the pokemon card it's going to be very sad but if you do do that all the other cards in the
world go up in value so it's like a public service watching people that like do card
openings and then cut the cards in half or light them on fire or eat them after i own a copy of
the card those hurt me slightly less i can't say i've watched for any length of time but i have
been my interest has been peaked in the pokemon stuff so i have been buying a couple packs because
my target seems to always have packs of the completely unpopular sets just on the shelf
at msrp uh but when i'm scrolling on socials and all those videos of people who open like
three thousand packs of pokemon cards a day and in their stream everything and they just have
like a like a utility knife or like a razor blade and they just take they're just like flap flap new
pack with the blade and open and i'm like god damn what if one of those is actually worth something
like jesus christ the people who open them like it's a like it's a factory assembly lens i would
i couldn't watch it it stresses me out i know that the one pack i bought at target that they had is
not gonna have a 50 000 card in it but i'm still like i tear it and oh i hope this basic energy is
not crumbling i hope it's not crumbling i hope it's not crumbling i hope it's not crumbling
i hope i don't foul the corner of it and then there's just people online who spend a thousand
dollars a stream probably more probably five thousand dollars a stream on booster boxes and
box and they're just fucking fuck these cards yeah god damn i i couldn't do that i'm very slow
i open packs with molly we've just been kind of like opening them together because we both like
to collect she's got a whole page of just like base set chances when she sees a chance for like
a good price or whatever she's just like i'm at it i'm like don't you have chance she's like
i want more chancy so she's she really fucking likes chancy i get it if there are chances in
the world watch out like a whole wall of chances just like from floor to ceiling i hope she does
not watch this because she probably would she wants to build a whole tent made out of laminated
pages of chances this is really random there was a listing on ebay it was like the entire jungle set
which is the second set of pokemon cards to ever come out in the 90s in this giant frame and the
only so i guess i guess they made a listing hoping he would buy their framed jungle set for some
reason no no it was a warning it was a warning if you buy it you will turn into logan paul
it's a cursed set that's the thing body get better mind get worse i could go for it that's that's a
that's a crazy curse man but if you sell it to logan paul you'll become jake paul so you're
always a paul once a paul always a paul wade you know what they say
well that's an appalling decision like the like from that jungle book song something something
prickly pear something use the paw paw paw something something it's like that movie it
paulos where if you have sex with someone you turn them into jake paul
all right that's funny but you have to point at camera it doesn't count that's funny you want
or a prickly pear and you pick a raw paw next time beware
don't pick a prickly pear by the paw if you pick a pear try to use the claw but you don't need to
use the claw when you pick a brick to pair off the big paw paw that's that's the song yes that's the
one i was accurately quoting if i was judging i would give that points dude i can't remember
a person i spent 10 hours with two days ago like i don't remember their name but it's me dude
your name was uh smirt smirt it was smirt i don't know my like shorts of memory is terrible
but like i can remember that i could still
i could still remember that i could still remember
probably recite most of the balcony scene from romeo and juliette or the tomorrow tomorrow
tomorrow's speech is that othello like i can just pull that shit out of straight out of ninth grade
i'm like yes i still know it but the shit i need to remember from like yesterday it's like it never
happened it's i hate i hate the way my memory works me too man everybody does i talked to you
i started physical therapy i don't know if i've given because we didn't do the thing last week so
i'm not having surgery on my knee it's not a meniscus tear no ligament damage i have a cartilage
defect on the cartilage right on my thigh bone under my knee and i'm not having surgery on my
under my kneecap there's like a big glowy spot on the mri and there's just a lot of inflammation
coming from that so i'm doing i'm taking an anti-inflammatory and doing like six weeks of
physical therapy trying to strengthen the muscle and joint or whatever hopefully i get to avoid
surgery i could maybe need laparoscopic to clean it up but i'm hoping to avoid it but nonetheless
it's nothing major it's just a cartilage defect that was maybe already even there and i just
aggravated it i'm not sure i don't know how those work but i did find all of that out i don't know
between the two of us we have like two good legs that's true and they're approximately the same
length thank god it's you and me imagine if i had to donate each of you one of my legs
we're just walking around like this i apologize you're gonna have to do some leg lengthening
after the fact i'm coming for you what a weirdly specific but evocative way to demonstrate the
height difference between us and mark look look what i look like with one mark leg
we told you
i had this weird thing that they were looked in the mirror and i was trying to decide
if i'm well proportioned or if i'm too torso-y it's like do i have short legs and a giant torso
it's not your torso it's because you have a huge ass oh so when i look in the mirror in the front
all i see is my back at my front ass normally people's asses bridge a small zone between their
legs and their torso yours actually goes from mid thigh to like lower back i like to call i like to
your build the snowman you're a three ball snowman nice
i'm a tripod you got torso ass and legs explains why i never have any back pain because it's just
ass there's no back you're like aunt fanny from robots i've never actually seen robots so
you haven't it's actually very good i've heard and i know all the memes and it's it's like got
that song you know that song fucking slap plus you like here come the mummies i would say that
song is not unrelated to the vibe that here come the mummies gives i really like that song
i recently showed that to james for the first time and i hadn't watched it in like forever
and i was just sitting there with him like oh i love this movie i've never seen robots great
performance from rob williams great cast great movie love it the visuals are awesome did you
know that fanny in the uk is slang for vagina yes because i remember seeing fanny pack and people
were like i was like what i think fanny packs are kind of weird too and they were like i was like
what did you know how the uk people laugh
you know how the uk people laugh
classic classic british laugh yes and thongs or sandals that one's less crazy we call them thong
sandals like in america you could have i think we just say sandals a lot but like americans
distinguish between like those are slide sandals or slides and those are like thong sandals i feel
like that's a thing here i get it but aren't those kind of small to cover their whole foot
it's just like a band with us aren't thongs kind of small to cover your whole ass and genitals
region i think that's the idea i think that's the notion wow he's blew my mind the whole point is
a phrase my grandparents use we used to do like little seances at the house where like my grandpa
would get like he would set up a thing where he'd like have like invisible string connected like
plates and cups and stuff we would do a seance and he'd be like spirit if you're in the room
and like he would pull a string and a cup would like come sliding down toward us and his kids
that blew my mind but the spirit we always tried to contact was named aunt fanny that's the only
time i'd ever heard that name he just blew straight through the craziest part of that whole scenario
inside the house and i was like oh my god what the hell is going on here i don't even know what's going on here
insane wade lord drop just happened set up seances with
fucking fishing wire and bullshit you're like yeah and her name was aunt fanny can you believe that
your families didn't do hold on your families didn't do like fun little seance things no
i thought that was kind of like commonplace i just assumed
family they're all in a circle chanting and they start floating off the floor
baby mark and i are wrong subreddit i will come look at you
if you all put it out there is it normal to have family seance time with grampy and grandpa okay
this happened like three times in my life it wasn't like we did we got together once a week
three's a lot that that is an infinite amount of times more than it has ever happened in my life
yeah we would uh i'm trying to remember if they'd like my grandma always had tons of candles because
she liked candles so i feel like we probably lit some candles we would just sit around like the
kitchen table while we were playing my grandpa would set up this thing yeah where he'd have like
little wires and stuff set up where he could like make things happen it was i was always like oh
the cup would slide from the cabinet to the table it was it would just blow our minds as kids like
oh my god aunt fanny's talking to us now that i have a three-year-old i'm like yeah i think james
would probably think that was pretty fucking awesome i think he would go crazy for that
but as a person who has never experienced such a thing the fact that you thought that was just
like normal is awesome it was just one of those things we did as a kid that you know you take for
granted i guess i don't know sure sure i wonder how many things i did that i was like yeah everyone
probably does this that like no one does was this the only ritual that occurred or were there other
things with knives and blood
how many goats did you sacrifice
a year was your average
uh six probably
low we only sacrificed
goats i think twice it was about six times
each six sacrifices
each what the fuck's going
on with these goats yeah six sacrifices
per goat we'd slaughter them we'd
stitch them back together cpr slaughter
them again you know it's infinite
food glitch it's really weird you know
i don't i don't know the seance is probably
one of the weirder ones but like i don't know the aunt fanny
thing triggered it because i was like i never even
met aunt fanny why are we trying to talk to her but
my grandparents were always like no we're contacting
aunt fanny i was okay well
i don't know who she is but you guys must maybe she
died a long time ago maybe i just never met her it
all makes sense when you say it all together
and what you wait what year was this
when this occurred it was the 90s
i don't know uh like you were like a little
ish kid 1890s wait which
which which century
1990s i was probably
like between like six and ten
so what's the guy's name from 30 rock who's
an immortal being brendan
frazier that's not it um kenneth
kenneth kenneth you know kenneth
right kenneth i think i saw one
episode of 30 rock ever and it was
probably when i was 10 no he's
canonically an immortal being in
the show i didn't know that yeah
he's actually been around forever
like legitimately it's not
an exaggeration like there's like an end
of the series episode where he's doing
an episode from the year like a thousand
years in the future and he's still there
and somehow 30 rock is still
there anyway oh i was thinking third
rock from the sun i never saw 30 rock
i never always i never saw a lot of it
but you know
did i okay i was like wait 2006 that
doesn't sound right third rock from the
sun's what i'm thinking of with uh
uh john lithgow i was thinking of john
lithgow wait who was that who was the
kid in that show was that joseph gordon
levitt
joseph gordon levitt he was in it yeah
he was like the he was like the young
guy in that show right
yep what are we talking about is this an
episode of a podcast it was well there's
a whole thing i had prepared but we're
kind of we didn't do any small
talk for mark's perfectest crime so we
just been kind of catching up i feel
like every time this happens i believe
less and less that you actually had an
episode prepared
you come in you come in and you're like
i'll just get him really going in small
talk and then after about half an hour
i'll be like
oh i had a really great app i had a
whole thing written out and i had all
this stuff
i could not plan for mark to drown
himself
uh betray gopro i didn't plan on you
going to the hospital or breaking your
foot
that was like my thing was like three
minutes i don't know
i don't know what you're talking about
subreddit how many times is this in this
exact scenario occurred
thanks subreddit here's what i was going
to talk about uh we're over halfway now
through 2026
good this year's had some ups has some
downs but overall it's been a
kind of frustrating year for me at least
but i have a list here of some things
that i thought were good and bad from
2026
and i didn't know if you guys had
anything particularly you want to talk
about for the year but otherwise i was
going to go through we were going to try
to solve some of the bad
things that were going on but i think
it's
not all of its 2026 specific like but i
think it's been
what's what i'm looking for it's it's
gotten worse this year or it's like a
bigger thing
the good stuff is all i think mostly
this year at least it's still true as
of this year so i'll just go through
getting into pokemon card collecting
i've uh had a couple of different scam
things happen where people
one of them was expertly done where i
got scanned that was just impressed with
how
thoroughly they did their job the big
problem with pokemon card collecting
right now
and probably a lot of things is scalping
the scalping people buying shit and
just buying tons of it and then
immediately relisting it for 10 times
the price online
is just the fucking worst my original
original intent was for us to go through
and we're just going to solve scalping
but um we don't have time i just want to
talk about it do you guys have things
like you try to collect where scalping's
a problem guys no sports tickets and
pokemon cars are two things i've
encountered it heavily in
i don't do them actively i don't like
collect particular if i do collect stuff
it's old enough and
niche enough that like no one's fighting
me for it like i'm very proud of my
collection of
top gear uh dvds and blu-rays because i
think i literally own every episode and
the
mini series or whatever the special
episode i think i own everything that
you can own of top gear
i don't think anyone's fighting me over
that in the aisle at target i do think
the sport the sporting events and
concert ticket situation
is out of hand and i think it's i only
do that very rarely but it always sucks
because it's like
why do you even have prices on the
website
why what are we doing here because the
the tickets go on sale for a game a
concert in a specific location whatever
they're gone in an instant and then
they're three times the price it feels
like i don't know what the exact numbers
are but this is a known problem but then
like there was a whole thing there was a
whole like lawsuit there were there was
stuff done and everyone in like
government of the people the authorities
were like all right guys we solved
scalping so that's fixed now so just go
back to buying tickets
and going and enjoying your concerts and
your football games and stuff
and it's not nothing like it maybe it
changed the dynamic of how it is to be a
scalper
but didn't fix i don't understand
why it's so hard like technically i
understand it's hard
to prevent people especially if they're
buying stuff online to be like well
you're clearly the same person even
though you have a different ip a
different account
a different credit card whatever like i
get that it's hard to discern that maybe
for the
company selling stuff why can't we deal
with this what needs to happen because
it is awful i want to go to like one
concert or football game a year maybe
and every time i think about it i'm like
god i don't want to deal with like
buying tickets and being worried i'm
going to get like scammed and they're
not actually selling tickets or pangs
like i just won't go like i don't give i
don't care that much
i have the solution as always
markiplier's coming in with the big fix
everyone's going
to have solve their problems of scalping
solved
first we create a national registry of
all
online users they submit their id their
birth certificate their passport
and all of their necessary residential
financial information
and we house them in a ticket master
only accessible database
so that they run the gambit of everybody
we can trust them right we can draw
something
so they have everyone's id right they
know everyone's age
they they know who they are and they can
see how many people are in your family
so they know the limit they'll customize
the limit based on you and your extended
family
not that extended let's say first
cousins only dot com
wait what are we selling
man what a what a callback i just
remembered cousins only dot coms are whoa
i'll get the callback point there we go
is that a three peens callback that's an
old callback that is a long time ago see
if they
know who everyone is then they will not
be able to sell it to someone who's
undeserving
of that ticket right scalpers
will all get exposed and i think the
only publicly accessible information
will be
those who have scalped so it'll identify
anyone who in the past have bought more
than 10 tickets or whatever
of their extended family god help them
if they
had more kids later in life but bought a
bunch before they're done for
right so it'll it'll i think public
executions would be
very fashionable in this uh they already
have the stadiums for it we can sell
tickets to the public
and no scalpels will go there because if
anyone tries to scalp them right on
stage
that immediate sentence immediate
execution yes i think we should put
the judicial branch into ticketmaster i
believe that they
are trustworthy enough to make those
decisions
we're just limiting accounts to like
where they can only sell a certain thing
like two times a year or something
because like if someone buys tickets to
a sporting event and something comes up
you have to cancel and you're like when
i've got these five tickets i'm not
going to use i guess i'll you know
resell like that'd be fine but you're
not if you have to happen more than two
to three times in a year than like
maybe like limiting things like that
where it's like okay well it's less
profitable for scalpers to do it because
they really only limited how much they
can do i don't know why with cards that
would be the case like well i bought
this pokemon etb now i don't want it so
i'll resell it for three times the price
maybe you do that like once a year this
might be controversial but number one i
like mark's idea the best and i have i
have a follow-up on that yes
number two i'm certainly not in favor of
people who scalp pokemon cards or other
collectibles and ruin it but i do think
there's kind of a difference between
concert tickets or sporting event
tickets and collectibles
sort of the purpose of which is maybe to
collect it for personal
value like you just like something you
collect it but also i think a large
proportion of people who collect
any sort of collectible track the value
of what they have right i don't mind
individual cards about the sealed
products i mean that's that's true but i
do i just feel like there's some level
of difference where it's like well it is
sort of meant to be bought and then sold
at a higher price potentially right
that's sort of the deal it still sucks
but i think mark is right and i'm going
to put on my conspiracy theory hat which
is invisible
and just say mark is talking about like
we should implement a new system can we
just be so for real and say they're
definitely already are profiles of
basically anyone who uses the internet
for anything that the companies trade
behind the scenes like little real
person trading cards they know who we
are i'm confident that these big
companies with access to all of the
metadata on a on a specific user's like
internet activity can look at a
transaction and be like oh gary's buying
30 more taylor swift eras tour tickets
man that guy suck they know
if you're gonna keep records like that
on us anyway
use them for good use that shit to shut
scalpers down and be like look we need
know this is you we know you've bought a hundred tickets in the last three years you can hear
there's a limit now you may buy two tickets you are welcome like fuck if they're gonna keep those
stupid fucking secret profiles no matter how careful you are with your data if you buy things
online if you use social media they totally know they know they just do they have like a profile
on every single person who's ever touched the internet everyone knows this is something that
they do and like facebook denied it for years but then it was basically admitted that they are
listening in on conversations they're turning on the phones microphones they know all that stuff
i googled a new stove right which is something that i've never really done because ours was like
our burners kind of like going going out of it so i was like oh google a new stove and then we're
watching tv later and we're watching on an app where we have some ads never have i had a stove
in my fucking life
i
never had a stove ad ever every ad in the ad break was a stove ad different brands too
you want a stove oh get this stove dude i'm getting that like facebook i see pokemon cards
and stuff because i've been looking yeah i've you know it's crazy i know that like for legal reasons
they're not going to admit this the corporations are never because they would potentially get in
some sort of trouble but i think it would buy more goodwill for corporations don't don't put
on sale that you've already are
artificially jacked the prices up don't lie to us if they were just like look you guys know in your
heart of hearts we do we have that those those things you think we have we have those so as a
as a form of repayment we're going to use these online profiles we keep uh basically without your
consent you know or without your knowing consent we're going to shut down scalpers no one's going
to be able to scalp shit like i if if a company did that one i would not be surprised because i'm
like clearly i've bought into that conspiracy or whatever you
call it like i'm pretty sure that's what's happening if they were just honest and we're
like and you know we're going to use that information to just do you a solid i'd be like
fuck well if i have to engage with you know heartless evil corporations i guess you're at
the top of the list at least you guys are honest and i appreciate that you're like we're gonna fuck
you but also we'll give you a little something like fine great my one pushback to anything you
said is the collectibles thing pokemon cards for adults are definitely like that but like
there was a value as a kid and getting pokemon cards
and just getting to fuck around with them put one in like your bike spokes or actually like i played
with them i would like lay them face down and pretend i was like ash and i was going around
finding wild pokemon i didn't counter one and then like i'd have my evolution cards like oh
my god i get to evolve my charmander because we won three battles and like i i fucked around with
it nowadays of like i feel like if you see a kid with pokemon cards doing that you're like oh god
that could have been a psa 10 worth thirty dollars oh these cards were a hundred dollars a pack why
are you playing with them put them in sleeves look at them for collectors it's good but like
i don't know pokemon cards for kids should still be a thing this is why kids need to buy
kids need to get this shit and play with it aggressively don't let there be psa 10s have
every charizard in existence be all crumpled up and folded and torn from that one time your
your little sibling stole your binder fuck do shit come on kids i know you listen to this
go play with your toys ruin them i'm gonna do that friend that thing a lot of our friends like
so i've been hanging out with uh kat and logan our friends here in cincinnati and going to like
some of these pokemon things we went to a card show of uh pokemon cards and i was like oh my god
at eastgate mall which is not far from where we went to school in milford and logan bought this
ancient mu card i think overall it's like a hundred dollar card but he got it for one dollar
because it's in such bad condition and he was super excited he's like i'm gonna send this in
for grading and i hope i get a one out of ten he's hoping for the lowest possible grade on this real
shitty card so one of the vendors was like i'll run it over for you if you want like people were
like trying to help him ruin the card to make it worth because some people out there they want
nines or tens or they want ones like nothing
in between the ones have a value then it drops down and then at like eight and a half nine that
like goes up again or something so he's like i really want this shitty card to be a one and
everyone's like i'll help you make it a one it was some spit like i don't know it's just really
funny he spent a dollar on this card was super excited about it so fucking terrible it's all
crinkled and awful oh god it hurts my soul to look at it but that sounds great i love that
let me jump over to one of the positives of the year i thought so the world cup's over fifa world
cup my entire life this year i kind of did i didn't watch the games but like i checked on
the scores of the different games i knew who was like in the gold boot competition like who was
who was scoring points i was looking at people talking about like oh which teams are favored
how's the u.s doing and stuff i know we hosted it in the u.s so maybe there was just more press
coverage because of that this year but i thought at least in the united states a lot of people were
at least tangentially aware or talking about the world cup compared to my recollection of years
i think we talked about this on the show people like dude this city in alabama is really cool
oh my god i love the u.s i went to this place like it's not as bad as i thought here in
random town in illinois or whatever like i don't know like maybe it's like in bias because it was
here and there was a lot more coverage of it but like i felt like there was a lot more positive
vibes coming from the tournament and from just people's experience with soccer and with i don't
know the the event and the places it was held and stuff and i don't know i thought that was a nice
positive heartwarming 2026 thing it was
yeah i mean i i saw a bunch of videos like that too just really really nice i usually you know
it makes our soft our hardened hearts go a little bit soft in terms of like yeah yeah america america
could be great it is but i won't say that that phrase you know it could be great period and
that's it like what frame what are you talking oh but uh yeah no it's fun to see i totally agree with
you
did you guys keep up i don't think any of us went to any games would you guys keep up with it at all
or watch any games a little bit i knew who was playing in the final i didn't watch a whole game
the whole time uh and can i just say this is not exclusive to soccer but and it's probably because
i'm an outsider the acting that goes into the fouls and the whole like economy within the game
of pretending you got hurt holding your knee writhing around the whole like discourse i don't
know what i'm talking about you know i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking
about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm
talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know
what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about
it's like that in all sports it's like that in the nba it's like that in the nhl a fair amount
got like it's like that in all professional sports this is not a soccer only thing but it's like it's
just in soccer something about it reads as extra hilarious to me because it'll be like two guys
who run casually near each other and clearly don't touch and one guy just like does a front flip and
it's like go fight he's holding his knee like he got shot and then the ref will come over and be
like don't play on and he stands up and is like fuck i tried god and runs away it's like oh that
that like ruins the sports for me when that shit happens in any sport i'm immediately like god i
fucking hate those like i hate that player that did that i understand it's part of the game but
the soccer ones are because in hockey it's like at least you're pretending he hit you in the face
with a hard wooden stick or even in the nba
there's a lot of flopping and bullshit but it's like you're pretending you just got elbowed in
the face which would definitely hurt in soccer it's like what are you pretending you're pretending
he bumped into you harder than it seemed like he did oh no i know i know i'm underselling it i'm
not a soccer fan so this is all bullshit but like it just whatever that happens in sports it ruins
it completely for me and every moment i watched soccer i'd watch for like five minutes and then
some crazy bullshit would happen and i'd immediately be like okay that's enough sports
hank joined bj
his wholesale club the day he became a father of 30 i coach football now coach hank saves up to 25
off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks and that's
just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home of the save
join for just 20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon
limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save the one that drives me the most
crazy is actually in basketball and i don't know if this still counts as a foul i think it does
if someone goes to the three-point line and they fake a shot and the other guy jumps you then jump
into the guy that jumped and the foul is on the guy in the air it's like oh you shouldn't jump
you shouldn't try to go for the block this guy then jumped into you which means you fouled him
that pisses me off so much it's like why can't he he jumped go around him he's in the air your
opportunity is to move around now why is jumping around and he's not jumping around and he's not
going into him the thing that basketball is like brilliant jerry jump into him we'll get the call
i don't know why i'm turning into like seinfeld that wasn't the jerry i was really going for but
you gotta go for the epic rap battles guy a bit more he actually has his fingers in everything
but yeah like a lot of the rest of the world cup was was really great and it was fun to see
flopping's annoying it's annoying in every sport i agree with you it's in all sports and it always
pisses me off but it's not that's not a soccer thing it's weird because like a lot of the times
not a foul and then you'll see someone get absolutely fucking clobbered and no one does
anything about it someone's like tripped knocked down stomped on punched in the face they're like
ah play on play on and then someone brushes past someone like you said someone goes flying back
like they just got hit by thanos and it's like definitely a foul that's how real human physics
works red card get out yeah no there's so many i know they're all one-offs so there's so many
examples of that where there's like a player there's clips of soccer players getting just
fucking pummeled like there's a guy who tackles him there's a guy who like grabs it there's a
he goes through like four dudes and he's getting just beaten the whole time and then he goes and
keeps
going and scores a goal anyway and it's like none of that none of that counted but okay i mean he
scored a goal so good he did really well i guess but soccer bringing us all together as we can tell
i mean maybe maybe i'm under i think most sports fans probably fall in that camp is there anyone
subreddit answer my questions today is there anyone out there who watches sports and is like
oh that was a great dive he really earned that penalty for the team i'm glad this is part of
the sport i enjoy i feel like every sports fan is like just fucking just play just stand just
don't fall down just keep playing come on guys maybe i'm wrong maybe i'm crazy but uh another
bad okay playstation announced they were doing away with physical game copies in like two years
physical game copies i still like i still have like two boxes of dvds in the other room i never
watch them but i'm glad i own them and i feel like console players especially like one of the
things about console is you gotta diss
or a cartridge or something and i don't know there's something fun about that i get to take
up space but also like if you ever want to put game it now the there's a whole thing to be said
about like you must connect to online services or else you can't play a game that's annoying
but at least owning a physical game i don't know feels good giving taking away that choice and
knowing that a lot of companies are like hey by the way all those games you owned on ps3 well ps3
service is gone so where's your game library that's fucking bullshit man and the whole like
do you actually own a game library
something if it can just be snapped away you do not you do not know it depends in what sense you
want to talk about it because yeah legally you do own a thing what you own is the right to a license
as long as they permit it that's just not a valuable thing uh and you pay the same amount
for that at least when it was an option you pay the same amount of that for that as you did when
you bought a physical disc that you physically had in your possession that you still didn't
really own because they could probably remotely disable your ability to play their
game if you had a disc on the modern consoles but at least you own something that has like shit
it's physical matter but i guarantee the playstation move is it's it's one of those
two steps forward one step back thing or one step forward two steps back whatever it'll wherever
you want to look at it where they say we're going to discontinue all discs and then the
outrage builds up and they're gonna like okay all right well it's expensive so we're gonna charge
more for discs and boom suddenly it's commonplace because of course we're going to have to pay more
because of course they want more money and of course there's going to be collector's editions
and of course it's going to be an option because if people they know they know they're not stupid
they're not that stupid they're they're stupid sometimes a lot of these companies are stupid
but they're not that stupid because they know that human psychology is like you just have to
show them something outrageous that they'll definitely reject and then pull it back quote
unquote but you've moved the goal post and now instead of it just being about like oh yeah no
there's no disc it's like okay well
at least we have some disc i'd be willing to pay however many dollars more for the disc edition
and it's just like it's just it's a bunch of bullshit it it actually isn't ea is doing
something similar with um microtransactions and uh madden 20 or ncaa football i think it was mad
madden 27 there's like a so you can play like their card collecting edition where you go you
buy online packs and you get cards for their ultimate team and that was always like you
could spend real money to do but then they've had like online on offline dynasty and then road
glory where you make like a single player and you only play as that player on the thing in 27 they
added microtransactions for those where you can speed up progress or you can make it to where you
earn more experience features that were actually just deep by default in the game last year and
years prior yeah weren't those just settings previously in large part now that now you can
slow it down or make it normal but in order to speed it up you have to pay for their microtransactions
so a lot of the the football content creators have like united and they're all like making videos
and stuff so they don't work with ea directly anymore they're refusing sponsorships and stuff
because they're pissed off about that because they feel like they were misled and then apparently ea
let out a statement like hey we're rolling this back we're going to take it out of the game and
then i think i think that that was also apparently a mislead where they were like well we're going to
change it but it's still there's still gonna be some transactions the whole thing seems like a
nightmare but it's one other one of those things like mark was saying with the we're going to make
it outrageous and then whenever we actually get to what we really want you guys are going to accept
it because it feels like a good compromise until we get to the point where we're going to be able to
where people can push a button and materialize whatever they want like star trek you know i don't
think we're ever going to get away from corporate greed it turns out it's really hard to make
infinitely increasing profits without somebody really getting fucked it also turns out that
the ones who are responsible for making the infinitely increasing profits get to choose
who that is almost like there's a flaw inherent to that setup just wait till they they discover
this concept where the money isn't actually a real thing value
is inherent to like how much it's worth and it only works when it circulates so all these goddamn
gold hoarding dragons are actually hurting everything by not having the money flow back
into the fight the only way it works the three stooges things you owe me 10 there's 10 you owe
me 10 10 that's how it works that's the actual fundamental value of how it works everyone made
money everyone paid everyone back everyone that that is how the system works but if there's
just a money trap occurring at the bottom of it it doesn't
fucking work the system will break let's get a little rickety all right let's move in a couple
quick positives then i'll wrap up have you guys heard of spogomi nope this better be a chef boyardee
new invention or i'm out of here i want to eat spogomi so bad i already have it in my head
uh apparently there was i don't remember where this took place at the the city was called
lofborough l-o-u-g-h-b-o-r-o-u-g-h oh my god wait no hold on wait pause i've got the visual
please don't ruin this for me it's
it's like little raviolis but they look like cannolis with a little sausage inside and a
little roll and it's a can full of just like chef boyardee spogomis i'm gonna ruin this for you in
just a moment oh no no no dude i can't wait for the super mario spogomis to come out there was a
competition for different groups in lofborough i think it's pronounced lofborough uh to collect
litter so i think gomi i'm not sure what's language but gomi is like litter and it's
spo is sports with sport litter so different groups went around like collecting litter in
this town and whoever collected the most won and that was like the competition and i think the
winning team collected like 28 kilograms of litter but overall in one afternoon 281 kilograms of
litter were just cleared from this place i don't know what the prizes and stuff were but apparently
like it was good it was enjoyable it was really good for the environment and stuff and so that
might be like a thing that's spreading around is these like spogomi competition type thing but like
i'm seeing that this is japanese the the word the word for trash in japanese is gomi
and spo is like sport i'm not sure where lofborough is i don't think that's in japan
lofborough sounds more like well what i'm seeing is that this has been taking off and they have a
spogomi world cup held in japan that has qualifying teams from around the world so yeah i saw the one
in lofborough and that's that's where i came up with it but uh i did see that it was like apparently
becoming more popular and kind of going global i didn't see their exact origin but that's the one i
heard about i thought that was a positive 2026 people getting rid of more litter seems like a
good thing yeah well as long
as this isn't a thing where it's like okay we put out litter so that it's a fair playing field so we
we covered this whole area in equally spread out completely fair this is not a mr beast video i
hope i dropped 10 tons of litter now watch as 500 contestants compete for 10 million dollars
to clean it up we bought 50 sea turtles and 100 tons of plastics last sea turtle standing
wins three million dollars
and this ford fiesta like the turkey pardoning but mr beast sea turtle of it allegedly
well this video doesn't exist i hope we're not giving him an idea oh yeah he watches this
where's inspiration another one i think this was this year artemis 2 was this year right going like
further than humans had ever gone in space it was i'm not an expert uh but i believe the whole once
once they were done with their launch and corrections
i believe they had no no thrust input it was a fully gravity maneuver to get all the way out
around the moon and back which is pretty sick i'm sure that any rocket scientist is like it's not
that sick it's pretty easy actually it's just calculations but it's very cool i know mark you're
not a big fan of the moon but like overall i think you like space maybe they flicked it off when they
went by i love the moon guys wait we jump timelines wait it's all different here no i've always liked
the moon no no no no no i've always liked the moon and i like i like i like not having ownership of
the moon but no one should own the moon no one owns the moon no one owns the moon i can't do that
i'll break my audio set up i'd pound with you but i can't i'm sorry i i have a strict no chanting
rule just in general i there's like the fifth chant no one's joined me on the chat and no one
fifth chant today i just did a row you know for any
all right here we go i'll count it down guys three two one no no one owns the
is that what you wanted i had a bit more here but we are getting a little low on time because
we do have a thing we got to do so i'm going to wrap there i'll do points and uh we'll do the
wheels i went through some of my topics that was good i had a topic for today i had a topic
sure sure yeah you guys think wade just knows spagomi i didn't know spagomi i had to look up
spagomi i am kind of with mark i'm a little disappointed it's not a thing i could eat
as of right now mark you lost the point for being mean about me getting a sponsor
you got a point for we all go pro you got a point for
breathing water reflex i found that funny you got a point for us turning into pauls
we're all pauls apparently the jake paul logan paul thing uh oh privacy gone scalpers two point
uh bob said you were right at one point but multiple times bob said you were right so you
got a point for that he was very right today you like the moon point and the moon chant point you
got one two three four five six seven eight points minus one so you got seven points right now bob
you got a point for your foot being bad oh you got three hospital pity points all right yeah that
might that's gonna i forgot that there were three points for yeah yeah uh you got a point for being
my pokemon boy because you're also collecting like me that made me happy i don't i don't get
to relate to you guys very often with the different hobbies we have so it's exciting i got one i got
one it's a little guppy i got one you don't even like ryobi days i feel like you were also appreciative
of ryobi days ryobi days is what's up i love ryobi days i enjoyed your guys's love of ryobi days i've
never bought a ryobi days
thing are you wait wait are you invested in a battery system as far as power tools go or are
you are you still on the market are you still like a free agent kind of thing are you asking me yes
i know mark has i i have like a screwdriver and a hammer okay so you're open you're open so he
so you need to get ryobi then you need to be a one plus boy it is still ryobi days right now
you still can get ryobi days there aren't many days where i
find that i need a power tool the more power tools you have the more times you'll find that
you need them i guarantee it i gotta replace a couple lights i guess like but do i need a tool
for that i just yeah why do it by hand even if you're not going to use it just bring it and sit
it next to you and it'll make everything go a little more smoothly you got a point for too much
ass concert game no because the scalpers you got the companies use data for good point uh sports
flopping bad point uh talking about how we
own temporary licenses and explaining how that worked versus us owning real games and actual
copies point uh and explaining the science behind artemis point so you got a total of one two three
four five six seven eight plus two more for the hospital pity so you have ten points right now
all right all right come on witness protection come on three witness protection points we need
number number of wheel spins today will be the day it will give us one spin because of course it will
all damn all right two spins you got you got two shots to find some magic it's certainly not off
the table wade what are we adding uh this is gonna be the oprah winfrey point you don't have to write
oprah winfrey but this is the everybody gets a point if you currently have a you're a score you
get a point interesting but only if they have a score only if you already have a score on here
this way everybody in the world doesn't get a point because that would that would make the
spreadsheet very hard yeah if you're if you're on the list you get a point there everyone who
currently has any points gets a point to be
careful if we talk about like hitler don't accidentally give like hitler negative points
for sucking because this might give him a point and then reverse golf rules and stuff it'd be like
that'd be awkward yeah a posthumous hitler win would be uh crazy for this podcast that would
that would be shocking we would blow up on social media if like hitler just won a podcast episode
there's 117 things even maximized on my monitor it's hard to read these damn slices i have it on
a huge monitor and i still can't really read it stuff uh uh gopro why couldn't i think of things
them i know so many things mark likes i was trying i was like wait i'm not competing i'm not this is
not for me to compete for once i i it took me a second to even realize that was something that
was a quick i over committed and could not remember chicken and dumplings that's what i was trying to
get out and my brain was like uh dumpling hot stickers uh soup dumplings my luck i would have
said something
the first came to mind it would have been something i don't like but all right thankfully you had time
to think of something you like as long as mark doesn't get like more than two points nothing bad
can happen to me we'll find out hey that would be me even with my messed up foot bob you win would
you like to give us a winner speech uh yeah it feels it feels like it's been a minute since i won
but because i know
how many times i have won so far this season i know that's really not true it's just because we
uh really do one a week now so there's just more time in between you know so it's good it's uh
feels good to win always does i do it a lot i've been here before so i'm gonna act like i've been
here before uh mark put up a good fight and i basically cheated by getting hospitalized and
having an infection that uh threatened both my life and my foot i'm not gonna not take points
for that so you know i think trips to the
hospital do typically earn points so i lived mark you get the silver medal today i was really
banking on that witness protection thing i put all of my eggs in that basket i set up this entire
new area just so i could have that um you can even see the dolly still there with things loaded
on there that haven't even i might as well just pack it all up and uh i think i it's best if i
just announce my retirement from the podcast at this point in shame how do you how do you with
prejudice which way is this
disgracefully discharged yeah yeah disgracefully discharged all right well congrats on that and i
look forward to you being gone i guess uh can't wait okay i get it be really awkward whenever
there's one host and one competitor i don't know how that's gonna work but you know as they say
the show must go on but contractually i'll have to see you next week because i think you're here
for at least the next 10 lifetimes according to our deal that we don't get paid for just our
just our deal our group deal this is more like our deal with the devil type deal not our like
business deal it's different all right well congrats again bob bob will host next week uh
where i'm sure something will happen probably that's the way these episodes work in the meantime
go follow these guys market market player bob some said bob a player bob at my skirm minion
777 or lord minion 777 i should have been bob a player you're right keep adding to the bounties
which all three of us are equally participating and working on and we'll see you next time until
then podcast out
so
hank joined bj's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30 i coach football now coach hank saves
up to 25 off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks
and that's just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home
of the save join for just 20 at bj's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six
months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save
you're not worried about hosting for the holidays oh wayfair's got me covered with holiday decor
extra dining chairs and guest bedding all with tons of five-star reviews so there's no surprises
unless uncle matt brings his dogs again for worry-free hosting wayfair delivers
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
Coach Hank joins BJ's Wholesale Club shortly after becoming a father of three, using the store to save 25% on groceries and essentials like pasta, protein bars, and sports drinks.
BJ's promotes itself as "Home of the Save," offering new members a limited-time deal for $20 with savings on gas and groceries, including 10 cents per gallon for six months.
The episode highlights Wayfair as a trusted source for holiday essentials, noting durability, expandability, and guest-ready features like extra bedding and chairs.
A segment on Distractible features host Markiplier and co-hosts discussing topics like scalping, Pokemon card collecting, and the ethics of content creator sponsorships.
Markiplier shares a personal story of being hospitalized due to a leg infection, describing the hospital experience and the emotional toll of medical complications.
The hosts critique online scalping, especially in ticket sales and collectibles, arguing that transparency and user data could be used to prevent fraudulent resale.
A recurring theme is the absurdity and rule-breaking in sports, particularly in soccer, where flopping and physical attacks go unchecked, undermining the game’s integrity.
The conversation touches on nostalgia, collectibles, and the emotional value of physical media, contrasting with digital-only consumption and its loss of tangible ownership.
Summary:
The transcript blends promotional content with a humorous, conversational podcast format. It begins with Coach Hank joining BJ's Wholesale Club to save money as a father, emphasizing the store's value for families and its "Home of the Save" tagline. This is followed by a segment promoting Wayfair’s holiday-ready products, highlighting reliability and practicality.
The main focus shifts to the podcast "Distractible," where hosts Markiplier and Bob discuss a range of absurd and personal topics, including scalping in collectibles and sports, the ethics of sponsorships, and Markiplier’s hospitalization due to a leg infection. They critique how scalping distorts fair access to items like concert tickets and Pokémon cards, proposing solutions involving user data tracking and transparency. The discussion also touches on the emotional and nostalgic value of physical products, such as DVDs and Pokémon cards, in contrast to digital-only consumption.
A recurring theme is the absurdity in sports, particularly soccer, where player misconduct like flopping and violent contact is often ignored. Throughout, the tone remains lighthearted and self-deprecating, blending personal anecdotes, satire, and commentary on consumer culture, technology, and human behavior. The narrative reflects both the practical and emotional dimensions of modern life, from family budgeting to digital ethics.
FAQs
Members save up to 25% off grocery store prices and enjoy savings on items like pasta, protein bars, and sports drinks. New members also save 10 cents per gallon on gas for six months with a limited-time offer.
Coach Hank joins BJ's Wholesale Club the day he becomes a father of 30 and uses it to save money on pregame supplies, such as 30 pounds of pasta, protein bars, and sports drinks.
New members can join for just $20 at bjs.com/slash/mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon on gas for six months, with the offer available only for a limited time.
Yes, the transcript mentions 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, and 75 sports drinks as examples of items saved through the club.
The main message is that BJ's Wholesale Club offers real savings and is a reliable place for families to save money, especially on groceries and gas, making it a home-friendly option.
Yes, the transcript emphasizes trust and reliability, stating that 'you know teamwork, and BJ's knows savings' and that 'this is your home, Coach. Home of the Save.'
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