Vote w Your Feet | History Hyenas

- Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down, face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games, shop exclusive merch, and enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat, play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at netflix.com/house. - Guys, we got a wild episode today about states rights. Speaking of states rights, come see me in Philadelphia July 10th and 11th, christycomedy.com for tickets. And then I'm in Stanford and Portland, Maine. Go to the site. - You can see me in Atlantic City, June 26th, 27th, East Hampton, July 10th, New Brunswick, New Jersey, July 17th and 18th, Philly, August 14th and 15th in Austin, August 21st, 23rd, januspappascomedy.com. We got a great episode. But I want to tell you, if you want to be an all-in-one fan, you want to be part of the cuzmunity, you want all these episodes ad-free. - Yeah. - You want these episodes uncensored. You want our beautiful, our big, beautiful bonus episodes. They're big, beautiful. Just like the big, beautiful bill. - Yeah. - We got big, beautiful bonus episodes every week. Plus we do our text message series. - Yeah. - We do our ad read, our true ad read. - It's real nice. - We got nice content back there. Plus the fans talk to each other in the chat. They make photos of us. You want to be a part of the community, five bucks a month, 10 bucks a month. Or if you're a baller, 25 bucks a month. You get double the content and all it is ad-free. No interruptions over at patreon.com/historyhyena. Do it for yourself, do it for this country, do it for your family, and do it for our families. - What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. I'm Chris Stefano, AKA Chrissy D. With me as always, Giannis Pompous, AKA Gianni Pippi. - Wait a second. You didn't have something geared up for that? - I didn't have something geared up. - AKA Chrissy D. - I know because we just got smacked in the face by two. - Two Israeli titties. So I'm a little concussed because we had a snoozer of a Patreon. Go to patreon.com/historyhyena. But make absolutely no mistake, we got smacked in the face by some Jew tits. - What? - I'm gonna tease it like this for the internet. We find out what happened to Charlie Couric. - Yeah. - Go get patreon.com/historyhyenas to get to the bottom of it. - Yeah, it's just go over there. I mean, it's one of those things where we're just breathing a sigh of relief that that's over. The thing is this, the thing is this, is Jewish people, you know, we love them so much. We love our Jewish brothers and sisters. - We love our Muslim brothers and sisters. - They're very persistent. And I think what's happened is because of my heritage, because of Germany, you know, being from Germany, I think I've just have it in my DNA to be able to somehow evade the Jew where you cannot, because she tried to come at me to get on the show and I was able to evade, but then she caught you big. - They just will keep, they're very pushy. She said actually in the Bible, I didn't know that. It says it in the Bible that they're very pushy people. - Right. - Remember she said in the Bible. - Stiffnecked. - Stiffnecked. - Yeah. - And I was like, boy, did someone nail that? - Yeah. - 'Cause I guess stiff neck, if you translate it from the original Aramaic, probably meant like really fucking annoying. - I do like her. It was a nice guy. - Everything's great. - I love everyone in the world. I love that they are who they are. I enjoy it like a comedy. Like I'm, I like the different personalities. I love the differences. It's, you gotta be into this life for the drama that it is. - Be who you wanna be. - Yeah. - I respect that. I respect that. Be you, girl. Do it, bitch. Whatever it is. - The Knicks are in the finals. Things can't be that bad. - 'Cause the Knicks are in the finals. I had my bachelor party on Saturday. - Which I didn't attend because my daughter, it was her, it was her birthday. Otherwise I would have been in attendance. - I mean, it was a good, good time. It was the perfect bachelor party for me. We went to this place, Lucky Charlie's in Brooklyn. 'Cause if you wanna go to a new spot in Bushwick, Lucky Charlie's, they have a coal oven in there from 1890. Coal oven that was built, it was built by German immigrants in 1890. It's the biggest coal oven in the Northeast. So it was very fun for me to ask which one of my friends. 'Cause the oven goes back a full city block. I've never seen an oven as big as this oven. And it's wild because this place is about 10 minutes from where I grew up in Ridgewood and it got taken over. And I'm telling you, I had one of the best meals I've ever had. They gave us a dope experience in the back of this restaurant. They gave us a private room, but that's also where the chefs, that's where the apartment is. So the chef was cooking for us on his personal home stove for me and the other 10 guys. We had a magician there. A magician came in and was doing sick car tricks and we ate and drank and it was just me and 12. - You had a magician at your adult party? - Yeah, yeah. And we had 12 guys come in, do magic tricks. I mean, we had a magician come in, he did magic tricks for all of us. We ate pizza, the chef gave us all this food, all this Sicilian beer and wine that they made. This guy Nino was amazing at Lucky Charlie's. Then he threw on the Thunder Spurs game seven. We watched that. - Ooh. - By 11 o'clock, I was on my way home. By 11:45, I was in bed, baby. - And I had a great bunch of- - Did Deebo get the booster seat? - Deebo got the booster seat and Deebo was the only one who stayed because there was a couple of cute guys in the back. Did you, when you walk in to go to dinner with Deebo, do you say like we do with our daughters, you say, "Hi, chair, booster?" Do you go for what you make? - That's what it is. - You gotta make a decision. - Yeah, and the thing is with Deebo's, 'cause a lot of these guys were hungry and I got one friend who's really fat. The problem is Deebo looks like an appetizer. Because I'm telling you, Lucky Charlie's, this place, blow your mind. The food was incredible. And I'm not, you know, Dan, I'm not- - Who picked it? - Emilio. - How did he find it? - My man, he, somehow he found it. I don't know, he hung out there like a month ago and he was like, "You're gonna love this place." And I'm telling you, it's the kind of place, now listen, it's not too far from my ma, so it'd be nice to go see ma, but it's one of these places that I will find myself going into probably once a month just to eat and hang out. It was, it's, you know, like those, how we grew up in like, you know, Brooklyn, Queens, those old school joints, that's what it's like. - 'Cause I want you to take me there. - I'm gonna take you there. - I want you to take me out. - I wanna take you out. - Take me there. You gotta see this oven and this guy Nino is great, he'll just show you the oven. - Yeah. - He likes to show people the oven. - Yeah, I like it. - And then we were in the backyard, we were in the backyard and they had like a little private backyard back there and then the magician came in and the guy, and the magician got paid and he's doing magic tricks, adult magic tricks, whatever, and then the guy Nino has a three-year-old daughter, he goes, "You gotta do some tricks for my daughter." - Right. - And then the guy goes, the guy's like, "Well, I don't have anything like the kids would understand." He goes, "My daughter's gonna sit down, "you can do some tricks for her." And it was great and he was just a fun guy. - It seems like a real fun place. How are they doing over there at Lucky Charlie's? - Well, they just opened like 10 months ago, but I mean, you gotta wait two hours for a table. - Oh, they're doing good. - They're doing good, yeah, scroll down, scroll down, scroll, yeah, see, play this clip on Instagram, like just hear this guy's voice, he's a real fucking, you know what I mean? - Fucking Calzone, what are you doing? You fucking bothering me? I'm fucking busy over here. I got people waiting. - Fucking tools. - He's from Gravesend. - Well, let me see something. - We're gonna make some pizza in a little bit. - It looks really good. - No, it's delicious, bro. - Yeah. - Nino. - This is your line, I'm worse. - Yeah, I got it. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. - We need a history behind this table over there. - Yeah, 100%. - Nino, you drink while you work? - Yo, I do it for the juice, kid, that's why I do the whole fucking shebang. - I do it for the juice. - I'm for the juice, baby. - For the juice? - For the juice. - Oh, the juice. - Mr. Broccolino of Sicily, how you doing? - Get the fuck out of here. - Dude, he made this Sicilian dish. It was like, they almost looked like SpaghettiOs, but it was some kind of pasta, and they had a baked top on it, like a pie, and it was just one of the best things I ever had. He makes certain dishes, he makes, he's like, you can only get this shit in Sicily. - Right. - It's next level, cuz. - Well. - You missed a good party, but you had to go to your daughter's birthday party. - I was at my daughter's birthday party on Saturday. - You were eating real SpaghettiOs. - I was eating real SpaghettiOs. You know, I'm sorry I missed it, but I think we should do, we should take the crew over there for a little bite. - Cuz, it's in Bushwick. - You wanna do that? - It's in Bushwick on Irving Avenue, so it'd be nice to go over there. Yeah, because there's a lot. - We may just get a studio in Bushwick just to move it so we're closer to this restaurant. - Yeah, and I'll tell you another thing, if the waitresses are hot. - Yeah, so then we're going. - The waitresses are hot, and they all those like, those kind of like, hipster-y white girls with like little tattoos all over them that probably have fumes, but I'll bang 'em out anyway. - I like it. Those are the type of girls that give Graham K syphilis, and I like it. - Yeah, does he have syphie? - He's had it a few times. - It's just, getting syphilis is very old school. It's very funny to get syphilis. - It's very funny to get syphilis, like Al Capone. - Now, you know, and. - You got the burn a few times. - Yeah, I got the burn, but I got chlamydia. I never got syphilis. - You got chlamydia. - Yeah, but it's nice to have the voucher parties to the weddings in about two, three weeks, and make absolutely no mistake, I'm still looking for a diskay patch. - I just wanna bring this up before we get into this, 'cause I'm very curious about it. This tick issue, I believe something's going on. - There's, yeah, dude. - I believe something's going on. I believe we're gonna have to start dealing with some of these bioterrorism things, and I believe that it's either vegans doing this, or the good old CCP. - Right. - But something is going on. - Right. - Where ticks are just everywhere, and now people are getting bit by these Lone Star ticks, and the ticks are giving people this allergy to meat, and so that's why there's a conspiracy theory that this is vegans and animal rights activists doing this. - This is a real thing. - It's a real thing, it's big news, and they're all over the place, and it's just something's unnatural about it. I mean, they are all over the place. - Wow. - People have never seen this many ticks across the United United States, and they're in places that they didn't used to be to this level. But what's the allergic reaction to red meat and dairy? Something happens where you get some bacteria from them, you know, because limes is not the only thing you can get from ticks. They carry a bunch of different pantheons? Is that what they're called? Pathogens. Pathogens. Ticks? They're little fucks. It's what they are. I don't like ticks at all. I don't like them a fucking all. Calling a guy a tick would be funny. That guy's a fucking tick. He's a drip and he's a tick. He's a tick. Yeah, I don't like it. Nick the tick. Yeah, Nick the tick. Ticks are, yeah, because now it's like, yeah, my daughter had a tick in her head a month ago and I didn't like it. It's really bad. But Jazz got it out. They're really dangerous. You gotta get them out before 24 hours. That's why it's always important to check your kids because all these diseases take 24 hours. So if you can get the tick off within the 24 hours, you're good. And you gotta your dog. You gotta get your dog check your dog for ticks. Yeah, you talk, but you give the dog the internal medication. You give him the collar. He should be good. Even if they bite, they die. The thing is, the problem, these nymphs are so small. They're the size of a goddamn poppy seed. Yeah. So you can't see these things. So, I mean, you just, there's nothing we can do against these things. And this year, supposedly, they're this is happening so fast, but people are starting to suspect that there's something nefarious going on. Like that they're because there's just so many that it just seems unnatural. It seems like, and there was this one instance where they found a briefcase full of ticks somewhere, Jesse. Really? Yeah, they found a brief like it's very suspicious stuff going on with these ticks. And so, it's like, it's just intentionally being done. And I am of I am of the conspiracy that it is. Yeah, I mean, I don't like that. I don't like seeing ticks. And it may, listen, if there's gonna be, here's the thing, because what we want to talk about today is Thomas Jefferson and states' rights. And if this state is not gonna get its ticks under control, then I'll move it to another state. That's right. This is a very interesting topic we're gonna talk about today. We're talking about the United States of America and why it is the United States. People often forget that it is the United States of America, meaning each state is kind of like its own country. Yes. And ultimately, you have to admit, that's been a good thing because it keeps the balance. You see how hard it is to unite places. Right. Europe, it's hard, right? Of course, they got all the different cultures and languages and stuff like that, you know, but the USSR, everyone tries, but the United States, South America couldn't do it. Right. We had an episode about that. You had a very viral clip on that. Yeah. We have theories of why that didn't work. Yeah. But in the United States, it's worked and it was because of this, you know, fundamental disagreement between Thomas Jefferson and the Federalists who were Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay. Yeah. Which became a school where kids would beat you up. It's just what it is. And so now, what you're seeing is, because Thomas Jefferson wanted this, he said that having states' rights would create a competitive. And he wanted to keep his slaves. He had 600 slaves. He had 600, 700 slaves, and the kid also lived a life of luxury, spent a lot of money, he liked toots and brews. And he liked toots, brews, and he liked slave poos-poos. But you know, the kid was, Thomas Jefferson, the kid was from the first family of one of Virginia's first families. I mean, the kid was rich, rich, rich. He was really, really rich. He was like a Vanderbilt. Yes. And he was over in Monticello, and he liked to bang out his slaves big. Big. Sally Hemings got banged out big. There's some. And she was underage big. She was underage big. Yeah. And there's just some, there are some progeny walking around who look like Derek Jeter, who are related to Thomas Jefferson, and it's S-L-O-K-S. It's what it is, and he was, Jefferson and his allies formed the Democratic Republican Party, which is cute, cute, cute. So you don't know what they were. They're Democrats and Republicans, but the thing that he said was was Jefferson, was Jefferson said, he said that, you know, states' rights, you know, you having each state compete with each other is better for. He said, my mulatto slave's puss is tight. It's what it is, and it probably was. Because he was, because now what's happening is, you know, all these stories with, like, everybody's leaving, you know, they say the wealthy are leaving New York to go to Florida, you know, to other southern states, and so this problem, Jefferson foresaw this problem. He said, if you don't have states competing with each other, then the wealthy are just going to pick up and leave, and your nation's going to begin to crumble. So, you start to look at it and say, it makes sense, like, now you're at, now, like, we live in, theoretically, in New York, the way we get, the way people get taxed, or you live in a different country than if you live in Florida, you know, you just do. Like, there's, there's, it's, you can't, you can't, uh, you can't sugarcoat it anymore. The really wealthy people, like, multi, multi, multi millionaires, it doesn't make any sense for them to live in New York or California. It just doesn't anymore. It makes more sense for them to live in Florida, and they can come to New York, and so that needs to change because Jefferson was saying, because he was all about states' rights, that the whole idea of if states stay competitive with each other, and they all have little advantages and disadvantages, it'll make the, the national product that much better, where now you're going to just have, you know, it get lopsided, and everything's going to go to Florida, and New York's going to suffer, and that's going to make our country hurt. Right. I mean, I think they both had good points, and I think the mix of the two created the greatest country that the world has ever known. Um, you know, um, Alexander Hamilton and Madison and John Jay were like, you need a strong federal government to become a national powerhouse. Right. So they were thinking about the economics, and I think Jefferson was thinking more about, like, the governance of it, going like, you need to have, you can't have an overarching ruler over all these local places that are very different. Right. And, um, that's going to foster rebellion and things like that, so you've got to allow places to rule themselves locally. Right. Because people are different, cultures are different, economies are different, and this is the best way to make this work and for everyone to get along, and I think ultimately, that's what's happened. People think there's going to be a civil war, people think we're going to break up, it's not going to happen because both these guys have great points, and we live in the compromise of the two of them, right? Right. So it's like, we would have a civil war if you didn't have options, right? So if you couldn't move to Florida, or if you didn't like abortion laws here, which is a problem, you know, with the federalists is when, like, I'm sorry, with the states' rights is when, like, you start taking away people's rights and stuff like that. Right. There's weaknesses on both sides, but you can move someplace else. You can go, I'm going to move here where it's more like what I like. Right. You know? And so, you need that. You can't just go, hey, this is the right way, this is the wrong way. People are different, people got different cultures, people have different beliefs, and if we're going to make this experiment work, we've got to have a balance of both. We have to have both. And these slave-owning white men figured it out. They really did. They said, all men are free except for my slaves. It's what it is because they said it was very interesting that Thomas Jefferson, when they were writing, you know, when he was writing Declaration of Independence, I mean, he was just surrounded by slaves, and he would openly read the document out to his friends, and he's talking about how everyone's free and everyone has rights to be free except the people standing in the corners. He was one of the authors, and I think he actually penned the line, all men are created equal. It's what it is. It's all what it is. He goes, all men are created equal, and some of them are in my employment for no payment. Yeah, it's just against their will. Against their will, and Sally Hamlin's getting banged out. Now, here's the thing, though. James Madison, John Jay, and Alexander Hamilton. See, this is the thing when you hear, like, these kids now go, like, these slave-owning white men, they were against slavery. Yeah. I think James Madison only had one, and he freed them, but they were all very against slavery. The other two, no, John Jay had the fewest, I think. Right. And Madison only had, like, a few, and Alexander Hamilton freed his, but they were all wrote against slavery, and they hated it, and they didn't want it. Right. So, it's like, you know, not everyone was the same. Right. So, these guys wanted to get rid of it, and that was, you know, a hundred plus years before it happened, or a hundred years before it happened. So, it's like, you know, people aren't the same. No. We're not. We're very different, just like we found out from our guests. We're all different. Yeah, we're all different, and, you know, we'll say it again, the patron is a snoozer. So, what, you need to, you know, you can zoom in on them titties, but the patron is a snoozer. So, we're not going to sugarcoat it. It's a snoozy-woozy. And it's the first time in the history of the show where our producer Nick yelled at us about it. So, and the thing is, ironically, he said never again, and I was like, well, that's her people. That's her people, and the truth is I had no rebuttal, because Nick's right. So, you know, it's one thing if somebody steps out of line, and they say, but I said, Nick, I concur, my friend. But I, absolutely, if I was single. You've got to cackle all this. We'll cackle all that. If you scroll down a little bit, Jesse. So, yeah, so, you know, here's the thing about Jefferson, is the kid was just a, he was a bit of a conundrum, because he's saying, you know, everybody be free except the slaves, and then he also says, states rights, states rights, but when, you know, when it worked for him to expand the federal power, that's what he did. Like, you know, Louisiana Purchase, he was just like, listen, I know I said everything about states rights, but I'm just going to get the government galvanized, and we're buying Louisiana. We're just buying it. Yeah. Yeah, it's, he also, he was morally opposed to it in his writings, though. Yeah, at least. So, it was a complicated thing. What a nice guy. Yeah, I mean, what a nice guy. But, you know, it was a different time. So, it was like, slavery, it was just, it's what was happening around you. Right. So, it was like. Why is your phone going off? What is that? People, so probably my brother just constantly calling in. Yeah, I mean, the kid just calls over, and over, and over, and over again, and it's just what it is now what would your brother do if you saw them titties um which one my oldest one my oldest brother yeah i know you're i know you got he would just look at her outfit you're all yeah no your oldest brother would try to get in there that's what it is yeah try to get in there yeah yeah he cheated on his girlfriend did he yeah he did yeah he did and it was a big thing up there yeah he caused big problems what it is yeah and her family was very mad at it it's just what he said hey what are you gonna do i gotta get this noodle wet yeah it's just what it is noodles not gonna wet it yeah that's very funny yeah so this is a interesting topic because it's happening now like it keeps the country dynamic so it never gets stagnant like you said there's competition on different policies in different states and people can vote with their feet which keeps you know it gives people options when they feel like they don't like something vote with the feet meaning they can move yeah that's an expression saying people vote with their feet right so if you know uh you see like detroit right like a lot of people don't know yes the auto industry left but then what happened is it became heavily regulated place and there was you know it became very left wing so to speak now i'm just trying to figure out a way to say it and the city got destroyed um you know seattle right now is a fucking 35 percent uh empty commercial real estate right in seattle and the new mayor just said uh they were like what do you think about these businesses leaving she went bye and like pissed people off mom domi's doing the same thing um sometimes you know inequality gets too much and you bring in a little socialism and that helps so you know you can move it's dynamic and that's the thing uh about um capitalism with all its flaws is it's dynamic so is this sort of arrangement of states rights is it keeps things dynamic right another place gets hot i mean tennessee's bubbling right now nashville's hot miami's hot uh you know um uh austin's hot like different cities that were like not hot have become hot and new york unfortunately is experiencing a massive exodus so what can new york do is there any can new york all of a sudden like with states right stuff can new york all of a sudden say okay we're going to lower our taxes or they can't do that well here's the thing about new york new york is interesting because new york has new york's state right stuff new york city so new york is really about new york city right right it's like new york's about the governor of new york uh the state it's like really you're the governor everyone's the governor in new york city it's like as important as anything in the country so um it's a very it's a very complicated thing because you got a lot of people here everyone wants to be here you have people who are a little more working class but you also have the richest people here right um and we already have the highest taxes i think in the country and we already have the highest taxes i think in the most progressive tax rate in the country the highest taxes on rich people so mamdami's saying we need to do more of that even more right fix it and then people on the other side are going like they do that over there and right in los angeles it's not working and you it's not you still have a homeless problem you still have inequality and you've raised taxes it doesn't work we need to cut spending and then some people who are say that this doesn't work you're not going to take my taxes what they do is they move to north carolina north carolina is popping now right so you don't know you don't know maybe mamdami will work it's not going to long term i can almost guarantee you that sure it's always a short-term little and then it long-term long-term yeah static yeah so because socialism's too static and the thing is if you know for people that don't know like texas and florida have no state income tax so so you know california new york you know every you know you make money whatever tax break you're in you have to basically pay a rental fee to the state of new york for for working and living here that's basically what that is in texas and florida don't have that well they may have to pay a rental fee to the state of new york for for working and living here that's basically what that is in texas and florida you make it up in sales tax and other you make it up in sales tax and other taxes but the net tax burden is much less right and that's taxes but the net tax burden is much less right and that's the thing is like you know you could the thing is like you know you could take the numbers and it's like okay you have to pay a take the numbers and it's like okay you have to pay a little bit more taxes for alcohol and food little bit more taxes for alcohol and food in florida but that doesn't equal you know think in florida but that doesn't equal you know think about an income tax for a multi-multi-millionaire about an income tax for a multi-multi-millionaire it doesn't equal anything close to that right it doesn't equal anything close to that right so yeah what i like about it too is it's like so yeah what i like about it too is it's like there's always rhetoric there's always rhetoric there's always rhetoric there's always people have their positions but what this system enables there's always rhetoric there's always people have their positions but what this system enables is that this cuts through all the people have their positions but what this system enables is that this cuts through all the rhetoric people will go hey it's is that this system enables is that this cuts through all the rhetoric people will go hey it's good it's bad you just go rhetoric people will go hey it's good it's bad you just go here's the numbers of the out net migration good it's bad you just go here's the numbers of the out net migration here is the middle crack right just here's the numbers of the out net migration here is the middle crack right just go people are voting with their feet so no matter what you're saying or feet so no matter what you're saying or you're saying on both sides these are the you're saying on both sides these are the results right your tax base is dwindling results right your tax base is dwindling yeah because you're losing all these yeah because you're losing all these middle to upper income yeah people and middle to upper income yeah people and that it's a new york city has lost that it's a new york city has lost billions and billions and dollars of tax billions and billions and dollars of tax revenue right because of the cost of revenue right because of the cost of living and more so and they pull this is living and more so and they pull this is because of the the uh level of taxes because of the the uh level of taxes because it's at the end of the day what's because it's at the end of the day what's the universal language numbers the universal language numbers numbers the universal language numbers numbers numbers and math okay it's the same you numbers and math okay it's the same you numbers and math okay it's the same you know very microcosmic way it's the same know very microcosmic way it's the same know very microcosmic way it's the same story you know with like managers and story you know with like managers and story you know with like managers and agents of the entertainment business you agents of the entertainment business you agents of the entertainment business you say to yourself you know the manager say to yourself you know the manager say to yourself you know the manager wants to take 10 and the and he and you wants to take 10 and the and he and you wants to take 10 and the and he and you say okay well i've been with you for five years here's here's the amount of money here's the amount of money that i've given you what is the amount of money you've made me right and then when they see the numbers right it's hard to deal with it's hard to make it's it's all you got to do is show the numbers so the so the so the the billionaires say if i go to the other state i'm gonna i'm gonna keep this much more of my money those are the numbers those are the numbers so i have to and then people say well then people say well how could you know people have so much money you know they they should spread it around a little bit it's like guy they already do pay tax billionaires already do pay taxes they pay a lot they pay a lot of taxes the problem that nobody wants to admit is usually if you're mad at somebody else you know who you're really mad at take a look in the mirror it's you guy there's not a problem in this country that you can't figure out for yourself but you when things don't go your way some people choose some people choose to what pull themselves up by their bootstraps and some people don't some people want to pull other people's bootstraps and pull them down with them and that's the truth because if you're any other way to sugarcoat it guys a quick message from today's sponsor the aspca pet health insurance program yes i have two dogs you have a dog we're dog people now we are dog people right so my i rubbed off on you and i made you a dog person you rubbed off on me and you made me appreciate jesus it's what it is cuz and the aspca pet health insurance plan you can get a 25 amazon gift card it's a little treat for you while you're doing something great for you and you're doing something great for you and you're doing something great for your pet when you enroll at the aspca pet health insurance plan i love my pet and i love that she has health insurance you have to have health insurance for your pet it's relatively cheap it's it's worth it to avoid the risk um so to explore coverage visit aspca pet insurance.com slash hyenas that's aspca pet insurance.com slash hyenas eligibility restrictions apply visit aspca pet insurance.com slash amazon terms for more info this is a paid advertisement insurance is underwritten by either independence american insurance company or united states fire insurance company and produced by ptz insurance agency limited the aspca is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance because you know me i like rock hard cocks rhcs rock hard boners rhbs and blue chew the sponsor of today's podcast they're the ones that helped me get my dick up big yeah blue chew is amazing most ed meds only focus on blood flow blue chew gold goes further by combining two ingredients for blood flow and two ingredients for mental arousing and connect mental arousal and connection so you're not just physically ready you're actually in the mood and this type of innovation is why blue chew gold is the number one in erectile function oh you like it and you got you know listen dude here's the thing i'm a swallower so that's why blue chew does good for me okay i have crumpled it up and stuck it up my ass and it and it still works but i don't recommend it i recommend you just taking it the regular way okay because if you want to have a good time then you need to have a rock hard cock and you got to get blue chew going and flowing yes listen also if you're in the closet and the ladies just it's just not working because you're fantasizing about me put a blue chew nothing helps you fake it more than a blue chew and a blue chew and we've got a special deal for our listeners because i know a lot of you guys are having erectile dysfunction a lot of you guys are in the closet yeah right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you get the third for free with promo code hyenas that's promo code hyenas visit blue chew.com for more details and important safety information and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast well i do in my opinion i think there's one loophole that billionaires take advantage of but it's this thing it's become this talking point billionaires because it's like all right so are we bad at you know you ever notice nobody ever mentions lebron james sure or they don't mention oprah or they don't mention dr dre or they don't mention um jay-z and his wife and the list goes on right so it's really like this talking point of like white male billionaires sure because there's like are you talking like so aoc are you mad at lebron why don't you bring why aren't you mad at lebron yeah lebron's a billionaire yeah did he not earn that so you're saying but you can't earn a billion dollars did lebron not earn a billion dollars yeah how come you don't bring him up how come it's always just you know citadel or jp morgan or whatever it is um so i think the loophole specifically that and my point is like what about the guy who's making 30 million 20 million 5 million yeah i mean we don't live in this proletariat bourgeoisie kind of yeah these neat little boxes of industrialists and workers anymore it's a service-based economy and there's a myriad of salaries right or incomes or worths the thing that billionaires do is they do this nifty little thing that their accountant helps them with wit uh first of all they write a tax code that benefits them um and so what they do is they'll take their worth and they throw it in stock yeah then they'll borrow against the stock so it's not taxable so they don't pay the same rate everybody else does right and they look at it and go look at all the other stuff i do right which that part is true right so they have a point there but then also you're going why don't we just fix that right why don't we just not allow you to do that anymore right where because that's a little nifty loophole yeah so what they're doing is they're they're putting their money in stock because you can't tax stock but then people go oh but when they sell it they'll pay tax on that but you're going yeah it could go down and also you're going we don't need the money in 40 years or when they never take it out because their kids keep borrowing against the wealth and they're so just living off of borrowed wealth and they're not paying taxes and it's a nice loophole so if you just close that one fucking loophole then all these momdommies go away away yeah right nick that's all it takes so me for fucking mayor yes me for mayor let's close that one fucking loophole and then everyone will shut the fuck up that's what it is do you agree i do agree and i also i also look i also know that i'm not worth freaking 100 million dollars not even close i know though that i went through you know uh new york city school system my mom barely you know you know got by worked hard whatever i i don't have any silver spoons i don't come from any family money and it's like the information is out there for you to learn yourself how to you know pay taxes how to invest your money like you know but you but you're deciding to go out and and buy jordans you can't afford that's just what you're deciding to do so so you're you're it's your fault or or on sneakers or on clouds or new balance yeah or or loafers you know or or uggs yeah or honey you know you're the one deciding to spend eight grand on nicks tickets yeah you you can watch the game from who yeah you know yes i just like and you know if i can if if they if i don't get into the game i watch the game from who yes so my thing is that is true too why is why is it why like it i i i also look at the billionaires and and i and yeah they pay a lot of tax the taxes the loopholes whatever but i said what's that guy got to do with me i got to figure it out for myself guy right but how come so many people don't want to just try to figure it out for themselves we have all the information right all you ever hear is ai this i that why don't you ask this fucking thing how to get out of how to get out of squalor you piece of shit we got two good examples trying to say i know exactly what you say how how is it anybody how is it any other human's fault that you can't fucking figure it out you're actually making a strong point that i can't i'd say a big portion of it is that as well yeah it's like listen we got two guys sitting right here both of them are kind of artists that don't make money right right and they figured it out and they they and they yeah they pivoted and now we got two producers who are making some money we're making some money and they figured it the fuck out what do you say now did you make money on a shakespearean play i did not yeah jesse makes a couple dollars selling sculptures but it's not enough right right i got money i don't know what the fuck you're talking about yeah because he put it in the stock market oh yeah jesse does have money yeah just yeah and so and so my my thing is is like my thing is is like we have to what i'm saying is we got to pivot right you got to be dynamic you got to figure it out the new economy emerges you know this is the new fucking entertainment business if you're an artist we need clippers yeah yeah yeah i'm just saying it's like there's a lot of opportunity podcast my thing is just you know you look online and people just complain complain complain and i just i've always thought like i know i'm not where i need to be i know i you know could be more successful i have peers that make much much much much much more money because you're doing very well but even when i was a physical therapist even when i was a physical therapist making 40 grand a year i was like this is the career i chose i'm trying to do it and then i was like okay i'm not going to be able to make the money i thought so i pivoted out but it's like i always thought like do i have something different about me do i and the answer is no i just am not complaining about my fellow human i'm not blaming anything on my fellow human being getting something that i think i deserve i'm just i just i don't know why i never did that and to me it's always just like a a thing where i'm like all i do is hear people complain about their lives and they blame it on everybody else but themselves it's like what how it's a very simple concept it's your fault i when i fuck up in my life i just know that it's my fault i never blame it on anybody else because it's a real easy way to get attention and attention now is currency so the squeaky wheel gets the grease and that has what is what has created a grievance culture because it is actually monetized you can monetize your grievance you can monetize your grievance you can monetize your you can you know you can have an enemy and scream at them and start a fight or blame people and you can get attention that way and that attention turns into dollars right when you blame something and you find an enemy you turn it into dollars and that's the economy right now while we're in this limbo between the economy of the early 2000s and the one that's emerging where it's gonna be a little bumpy because what's happened is a lot of these people have invested a hundred hundred fifty thousand dollars two hundred thousand dollars in an education that means absolutely diddly squat a lot of those people would like to be sitting in nick's seat right now yeah and that's just the economy and i'd like to go back to the early 2000s i like that just what it is yeah no no i get it no but my thing is yeah that's what it's called that economy yeah it's a legal tax strategy used by the ultra wealthy to preserve and transfer fortunes so how it works is you buy you purchase highly appreciating non-liquid assets um you let them grow over time you don't owe any taxes on the growth i understand that in the unrealized growth you borrow this is what jesse taught me just this is what jesse does yeah yeah yeah borrow then you use these appreciated assets as collateral to take out low interest loans yes such as uh securities based line of credit okay yeah the irs does not tax the borrowed cash giving living expense without a taxable event this is yeah and then you die and you pass the assets onto the onto your it's not cool it's not cool yeah that's the one that's the one loophole they need to close because they wrote the tax code like this so they could do this because basically if jeff bezos or elon musk comes to the bank and says give me this loan are you going to say no you know what he's worth right you know your money's good and you're getting making money on the interest right so you're just going yeah and for them it's basically free money because they get a low interest wrong because the the risk is so low right right because you know elon musk can pay it back he owns and everything and then this so this guy's basically uh living off of borrowed money right that's essentially risk-free and he's not paying taxes so it's a loophole that they all benefit from that's just it's a little not fair right it's a little not fair and all you got to do is close this one loophole and then what can people complain about yeah they're working because billionaires do pay an exorbitant amount of taxes not only do they do that they help they create the economy i'm not even gonna say they help you come they create the economy and they also create the ancillary and tertiary economy because if you open an amazon thing in long island city then the delhi owners are eating yeah they've got more business and the bus has more business the city has more business there's more jobs and those jobs are taxed there's more sales tax and there's more money flowing into the city yes it makes perfect sense even the other day i saw that elon musk who sometimes his timetables are wrong sometimes he'll be like like he said oh we're gonna have self-driving cars by like 27 17 he was a few years off but we do have self-driving cars then he wanted to land the rocket you know the self-propelling rocket he was a few years off but he said so he might be a few years off but he what is that these are nicotine toothpicks but i had to empty them out so i could spit my zit into it it's just what it is so so we don't have a garbage can in this room yeah i know i know well you want to throw it in that hutch in the back do you want to put all these nicotine toothpicks in your mouth so we have something to play for because this is probably about 300 this is oh yeah let's put that over there throw them in there this is about 300 milligrams of nicotine right here yeah it's just what it is like to give these to rain man to count yeah it's just what it is yeah um so so uh um elon musk though just said the other day that he fully expects by the year 2030 there to be a colony of close to 100 000 people living on mars and and so even if he's wrong about that do you know the amount of jobs building a colony on mars is going to create it's going to it will single-handedly reverse any type of unemployment crisis we have you have because the billionaire is you know she call him an tesla whatever it's all just it's all you don't understand he's the one giving you the money no he's the one that's going to give you an opportunity i have guys like him i have to admit something and it's just the truth of what i've observed because i have talked to a lot of younger you know i i i'm curious so i talk to the younger mom dami people or i talk to the younger people because listen young people voted him in same thing in seattle you look at the polling numbers yeah it's under 30 the majority of them he got voted in by people under 30 who are social media savvy he's a social media uh uh candidate um you know right so i will say this and i say this confidently because i'm not a business person i'm a comedian i've had to learn business as i'm like we all have i look we've learned the business of comedy but i don't know how to run a store no yeah we like we have learned about these things about investing and things like that as we've gone um so i'm i i know very little but when you speak to these people i have to admit every single one that i've talked to they don't know what they're talking about right i'm just being i'm dishonest like they just don't understand they don't understand and they don't understand the numbers you say things and they just aren't unaware of it you go new york city is already the most uh tax they don't know these things right they just go like isn't my everything's too expensive but they don't understand that everything has consequences you know there's no absolute solution they think if you just tax the billionaires another two percent that these problems are going to go away you look at los angeles where they've done that and they had a massive out migration and now they're going to vote in a republican mayor but it hasn't changed the inequality and it hasn't changed the home they spend billions of dollars on homelessness it's the worst it's ever been same thing in seattle portland it doesn't fucking work these things have historically just a bad track record the data does not look good those are just hard numbers and you you can keep what do you so then they come up with another excuse it's almost like a conversation well it was because we never had a pure form of it just keep moving the goalposts as as they just won't nobody will admit that they're wrong right nobody will admit that it doesn't work if it doesn't work if it's thing either and spencer pratt has my vote is he gonna win the mayor i don't know be the mayor i don't care about los angeles at all yeah i don't i don't care i don't care who becomes yeah when tim starts talking to me about los angeles politics i go you don't understand something i'm a new yorker i'm concerned about new york yeah i'm concerned about new york i'm concerned about this country i don't like los angeles yeah i don't care who wins i don't care if it's karen karen bass spencer pratt whatever the the truth is it doesn't matter to get mom donnie out the truth is that what just happened is there was an independent movie made by two youtubers who it's a horror movie that just is making more money than fucking star wars oh it's oh what's crazy backrooms did you see it somebody just texted me the the uh said to go google the trailer of it but is it does it look good i don't know dude but it is i mean did you hear what i just said yeah it outperformed oh this is it this outperformed star wars so and they made the whole thing on youtube they made it for a budget of what 10 million um and they self-produced it so this is the future it's like the studios just don't if now the numbers are coming in we knew this already because we have friends that really a fact though it's kind of all over the news but roughly 10 okay i don't know what's going on right now i don't know what's going on but i don't know what's going on right now i don't know what's going on but i don't know what's going on but i don't know what's going on but i don't know what's going on but i don't know what's going on but i don't know what's going on and it grossed over 118 mil globally but star wars had to gross more than that it's beat star wars it beats star wars this weekend yeah it's beat star wars but it's because they just came out so it's still they're still going to continue to make money oh wait there's a star wars movie out right now yeah you didn't even know it and that's the point huh nobody likes it oh yes i don't even know that there was a star wars movie i remember there was a time where i wouldn't know that there was a star wars movie out wow you can't be the native american who doesn't understand the ship right the ships are here yes star wars did 81.5 million so it's just and you know how much it's opening weekend yes and how much did star wars cost what was the budget you don't got to be a mathematician to understand cost 160 mil to produce yeah there's cost 10 so there you go so we had we had evidence of this in the in in in on a smaller level in comedy right where you're going like when like flagrant 2 started hitting a million you just do the math and you're going like all right so how much of their sponsor how much of the sponsorship checks big their patreon big their touring numbers as a result of the visibility one of them you're like wow that really helped him yeah and and you go these guys are making real money and it's just not viable the amount of eyeballs they're getting are numbers that are comparable or better than most tv budgets and those tv shows and those tvs have exorbitant budgets so you can do all the protests you want about stephen colbert and whatever but if he can only draw six million on his finale with the biggest stars and everyone tuning into support the medium is just dead it's just it's just moved on yeah yeah people go all you know it was a hit political hit job it's like it's going away anyway and it's like it might have been but the numbers just don't make you can't going away the budget's too big it's too big it's going away bad friends you know biggest podcast is hilarious you know our good friends danette santino and bobby lee and i saw they're just doing a game show because of the success of their podcast they just produced the game show that's right they're not waiting for you for you know that the price is right to call them they're like we'll just do our own thing they wouldn't do that because it would take forever they'd lose money they'd have to hire all these people they they use your own money you can put it on youtube you get ad revenue you can do it there's a you can sell it somewhere have it go on youtube and there it's just this is the era of you're your own studio and it's just it's going to continue that way i mean once you see a movie come out with eddie murphy that no one's even heard you go it's over i mean that used to be the biggest news eddie murphy's making a movie right he's only made like four in like 40 years or something like that like bow finger then he did like the comp he had and then like he disappears for a long time and then he does one with pete davidson and it bombs nobody even knows it's out you're going like oh it's not their fault it's just that the eyeballs are someplace else and the mainstream is now online and with streamers and no longer with traditional studios and it's and and it's just the way you got the thing is is the traditional studios are the seem like i mean some of the pet hodges ted sarandos i'm sure knows this but some of these executives have to know that their their days are numbered with the job there is no job opportunity that's right netflix is a street you gotta remember netflix is like youtube it's a streamer right so it's just a network netflix is doing great who knows what their bottom line is but their investors are you know they make it raise a lot of money they're doing fine but they're all streamers it's a tech takeover i mean amazon prime is tech like hollywood was in los angeles it was tv it was cable it was a broadcasting studio way it wasn't independent it was a whole big cruise ship now it's like independent boom you get big and then they give you money to be on their platform because you can be on many platforms nobody has the monopoly anymore of like five or six studios and 10 studios or 10 networks 15 networks they're owned by one viacom owns 15 of them those days are just over it's it's a speedboat era it's what it is yeah and that's how mr thomas jefferson states right no because it does in a way because the economy changed i mean cuz quince this is our is this our favorite product on the show i would say quince is a part of my life right it's just a part of my wife's life my life we're just ordering clothes we're ordering household product i don't get anything from my house or from my body without checking quince first that's just what i do the i i got my daughter's pajamas matching pajamas they're the best pajamas they they're they love these pajamas and they were like $30 on quince yeah there's no reason to feel like you can't shop at premier places because quince gives you the premier clothes yeah at a little bit of uh less of a cost cuz summer always changes how i get dressed i want pieces that feel lighter and more breathable things are easy but still put together that's why i'm going to quince because i i i what i like to do what i've been doing is i cycle out a few things and then i'll replace them and i've been replacing the quince cuz i've just spent a lot of money on clothes not anymore and everyone's complimenting me on my shirts my pants and i'm saying it's from quince baby they got european linen pants and shirts perfect for warm weather upgrades add to your rotation rotation starting at just 34 dollars everything at quince is priced 50 to 80 percent less than similar brands there's no reason not to download this app guy and it goes beyond clothing custom upholstered sofas ceramic cookware premium bedding it's the kind of kind of brand you wind up recommending to everyone and i can attest that is true yeah elevate your summer wardrobe go to quince.com slash hyenas for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada too that's q-u-i-n-c-e.com slash hyenas for free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash hyenas endless summer escapes start here travel the worlds of netflix irl inspired by fan favorites like stranger things and squid game brave the upside down face off with the front man play leveled up arcade games shop exclusive merch and enjoy themed food and drinks beat the heat play eat and shop on repeat at netflix house at galleria dallas bring your crew and save get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house so the account no it it doesn't wait because look jake paul logan paul they moved to puerto rico theo vaughn moves to tennessee the biggest comedian in the country lives in nashville right joe rogan the biggest media comedian in the country most famous big from california lives in austin and the only reason they moved is because of states rights because of the income taxes you can say what you want they didn't move for any other reason tom segura it was taxes states rights which is what thomas jefferson said would happen if you don't create this competitive advantage so what these places needed to do like new york la whatever is see the writing on the wall and lower their taxes they should have did the opposite they needed to make it more they got so see they get like they get cocky and confident and they go we're new york we're la everyone wants to be here which is very true and they're going you have to be here to make it but now with the way the digital economy has changed it with remote working especially after covid and how everything has become decentralized you do not need to be in new york or los angeles to make it in entertainment or law or finance or there's plenty of people who work from home who live in the carolinas we still have their job in new york so it's sort of like the arrogance of new york and los angeles they need to do something to attract so what do you think they're gonna how how do we get how do you get people to is the only way lips lowering taxes it's always been that way but they'll never have they ever once lowered taxes Jesse, have they ever lowered taxes in New York ever in your life? Yes, all the time. Like, lowered, but for real? Yeah, I think the tax rate was really high in the 70s. They brought it down. It fluctuates depending on who's in government. But, like, in a major way? Like, they'll never go to no state income tax here. They can't do that. Probably not. It depends on who they elect, but, yeah. And is that because we have so many people that live here? Like, we need the programs, the, you know, Medicaid and all that stuff? Yeah, I mean, demand in New York is always going to be high. So, but you see these other states that they compete, right? Because they want to have growth and build there. But New York has always relied on its infrastructure, its fame as a city. So, if that goes away, but New York has been through many lives. But this tax, the taxes in New York right now are the highest they've ever been in the history. It's the highest in the country. Right. It's the highest in the country already before Momdami came in. Right. I think it's the highest rate in the country. Momdami's just trying to make it higher. And the most progressive, right? So, it's like, yeah, if you're rich, you pay the highest. The highest amount of taxes to live here. To live here, right. And people, and the rich did that because New York is the shit. Right. Right? Like, so New York is like the Netflix of now or the NBC that it used to be. Right. But now you're seeing, I mean, we have a massive, we've lost billions of dollars of tax revenue. The real issue is who's not coming, right? Like, if this doesn't become a business-friendly city, who's not going to come? Who's not going to want to build their business here? Who's not going to want to have their corporate headquarters here? Well, I worry about that just as the United States in general. I mean, you know, you look at, like, how much war we're involved in and always, whatever, the wars with Israel, fine. But it's like, you know, I saw this thing where a lot of these first world countries, little deals. They're making, like, little energy deals. Like, Amsterdam will make a little energy deal with China. These other countries will make little deals with China because they're looking at China being like, they're not warmongering country. They just build infrastructure and want to just, you know, they just want to, you know, be involved financially where the United States, like, yeah, we'll give you money. But then also, you're fighting wars with us. So, I wonder, like, I worry a little bit. I worry a little bit about that. Like, my kids' lives where I'm like, is the United States, is it going to be a thing where the, because if the rest of the world turns around, it's like, why are we going to keep messing with these guys? That could happen. And then you're really fucked. But that's really. And then who's going to buy my house? That's just, that's just this administration. Once we get past this administration. You think? This will change. Yeah. That's just Trump doing something that is ruffled a lot of feathers and shifted a lot of things now. But thankfully, we have a, and maybe long-term historians will look back and say that was a necessary move. Because of the balance of power things. Or it's just something that'll be another three more years or two and a half years. And that's the great thing about America. And then a new administration. It's up to the people. I mean, the people can vote in someone else and things can change course. We could continue to fucking pay for NATO and start doing, things can change. And that's why, what have we been saying every week here, Nick, on this podcast? Two words, Jesus saves. And who likes Jesus? J.D. Vance. He will save us. So, we'll see what happens. I mean, look, you know, you vote. I mean, people like Mondami. Like, he. Got elected. So, you have to respect the people that elected him. And go, hey, let's see how it works. Let's see how it goes. Maybe we're wrong. This is what the people want. Historically, you just look at the data. Objectively, it doesn't seem to work for cities well. Doesn't seem to fix the problems it claims it's going to fix. But maybe it will. Right. Who knows? We're going to see. You know, maybe his, it's called Zoran magic. Maybe we'll see. But the good thing is, and what we're talking about today, is that there's options. You're not locked in anything. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is stagnation. Right. That's why often, that's why communism doesn't work. Because it's stagnant. It's centralized power. Right. It doesn't move. You need competition. You need disagreement. You need movement. You need options. You need freedom. You need flow. And baby, that's why I was going to buy, I was going to buy a house in Massapequa, Long Island. And because it was by the water. And then the realtor said, listen, I want you to buy a house. But I just want to let you know, you know, remind you that the water that you see out there, it's stagnant. So, what is stagnant? What does stagnant water bring? Mosquitoes. Yes. So, you can, the reason why the house is not that expensive is because it's stagnant water. Yeah. He said, you want to be by water that's moving, flowing water. Like ocean. Like ocean water. Yeah, because. Or river water. Yeah, the only thing that hurts mosquitoes is wind. It's wind, right? Wind, that's it. Yeah. That's what it is. That's why any, you learn this when you live out in the country, any little stagnant pool of water you have outside, you got water. And it's in, even if it's in like a pot, right? Yeah. If you got a potted plant out there. Yeah. The water builds up because it's an empty pot. Even if it's a little water. Yeah. That becomes a nest for mosquitoes. Right. So, you always want to get rid of any standing water. Water. Outside your house. Well, that's why Jasmine always, you know, I got to give you, she's smart because a lot of people, you know, they always have the mosquito things, the candles and she has all that stuff. But every time we're sitting outside, because she says she just learned it growing up at Sunset Park, she's always got two fans outside. If we're sitting down at the table, the fans are just blowing and your hair will blow away and it's a little uncomfortable, but you never get hit by a mosquito. They can't land. Just because you think that force is too much for their little mosquito shit bodies. Yeah. I mean, the fans are basically ice for mosquitoes. It's what it is. Keeps them out. Keeps them out. Keeps them out. So, this has been, the founding of our country was based on, you know, states' rights versus the federal government. Yeah. It's just, they wrote the Federalist Papers and Thomas Jefferson was a kid. He even called Virginia his country. He just loved it. Loved it. Virginia. So, I think, look, in my opinion, I think they both make value. They both make valid points. They both have vulnerabilities, but together, the balance of it kind of works. It just kind of works. And that's why, you know, I'll be talking about states' rights in Philadelphia, July 10th and 11th. Go to christycomedy.com for tickets. I'm going back to Philadelphia, cuz, because- The founding of it all. The founding of it all. I mean, cuz, I got to be honest with you. I'm very excited because I got a few dates this summer and every single one I could drive to. Yeah. Stanford, Connecticut, Philadelphia, Portland, Maine. I mean, we're just driving, baby. New York City. Yeah. Right? It's just nice to be able to drive to. Yeah. I don't want to get on a plane anymore. It's very nice. It's nice to drive. Even I got a wedding this weekend in Martha's Vineyard. I'm going to drive. It's very nice. Why is SAG-AFTRA calling me? Let's pick it up and see. I'm not giving you any fucking money. No, you know what I think it is? I think my due, you know, like the SAG-AFTRA dues, but my thing, why am I paying my, what do you fucking do for me? Do they give you healthcare for a discount? Discounted price? Well, no, because I didn't make enough money specifically in SAG-AFTRA, so I pay for my own health insurance. Just get out of it. Yeah. I pay for my own health insurance. That's the only reason to be in it. Fucking scum. To remind you that the deadline to pay your May dues is quickly approaching. Yeah. Oh, but if I don't pay the dues, do I get kicked? Oh, so is my health insurance discounted through SAG-AFTRA, even if I don't- Should be. Yeah. You should have some sort of rate. Yeah, but I didn't qualify for health insurance. Like, I'm paying my own health insurance. No, then there's might as well go to Obamacare. It's what- What it is. All right, guys. What do you do now? Obamacare? Well, no, I have- SAG? Anthem Health Insurance, and my card says SAG-AFTRA, but- So you're SAG. So pay your dues, and you continue that. Well, do the math. Did you do the math? I didn't do the math. I didn't do the numbers. So now you sound like a mom-dommy voter. Did you actually do the math? Yeah, I did. See, you're going to eat your words. All right, guys. I got to go get my foot looked at. The doctors think I have a little something on my Achilles called a Haglund's deformity, so we're going to find out. Yeah, and tell us in the comments, are you a states' rights guy, or are you an Alexander Hamilton guy? All right, baby. As always, we encourage everyone to go to patreon.com slash historyhahenas. Some of the most fun we have on this show is at the end of every episode, where we read out the newest members of the matriarchy. The winner gets the PPW, the Pseudo Penis of the Week. It gets into a tie. Then we have a voting system at patreon.com slash historyhahenas. The only way to really, really, really get a part of this show and have fun, fun, fun is get on that Patreon, baby. Okay, here we go. Eric Siemens. Eric Siemens. Then we got Giannis, a.k.a. Rocky from Project Hail Mary. Have you seen Project Hail Mary? No. The thing is, it's just an alien rock that can talk, and it doesn't have eyes. Yeah. Yeah. It's a chicken figure. All right, yeah. Steve. Then we got Yanni, eye doctor versus Christie's therapist. Who you got? Odell to Giants. Oh, Odell Beckham Jr.'s going back to the Giants. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty sick. All right. That's pretty sick. He's old. He's old, and then. Yeah, he's old, and we don't need him, and all the gay clubs are going to get more money pumped into that. I mean, he's just a gay kid. Mitchell. Then we got white man, black dad, do I have the end pass? I still think no. White mom. White man, black dad, do I have the end pass? So he's a white man, so is it his real dad? Then you have the end pass, for sure. That is a good point, yeah. You know, the only person to ask would be Hartenstein, because he would be the guy. He's got a black dad? He's got a very light-skinned. He's got a very light-skinned, black dad. Interesting. But he looks completely white. But Hartenstein's a Jewish name. It's a Jewish. It's more of a German name. Right. Because all those Jews were Germans. That's what it is. Yeah. The only. There's really no Jewish names. I kind of miss Hartenstein on the Knicks. I kind of miss him on the Knicks, too, but yeah, it's weird. He's a black guy. He must really get some. Hang out with the guys, and they're like, yeah, these N-words. He's like, I'm one. I'm one. J.L. Colvin was like that, too. Yeah, I remember. His dad was Haitian, but he looks like a white kid. I'm going to direct to that, because it just means he's a lazy kid. He doesn't mind fumes. Yeah, it's just what it is. Then we got KP, Danny, Jacob. You like it? You like it, but you can't put it in lights, but you know what? He's walked the end of the year. Your contention for the end of the year, because it's a good thing. That's the definition of a chicken finger, but it's an evil one. But it's the definition of a short, quick, boom. Right. Okay. Then we got Leroy's in Paris. right we've had we've had that then we got confirmed ginger squeak aka little red riding wood put him on the list very good then we got I'm against slavery much as the next Leroy but what did we do with all the Nicholas Cages okay I don't get it he's a black kid trying to make a slavery joke I don't get it good effort though Dylan James Darrow OJ's 9 inch chef's knife I mean what do you think put it on the list I guess it's kind of inventive yeah it's really creative imagine selling those on an infomercial then we got Elliot Page's Oscar acceptance speech for best prosthetics put him on the list that's what it is then we got Mambo number 5 dollars off or I walk by Jubega he's going for something I just don't know quite what it is decapitating G.I. Joe's in my fume garage contender fume garage is the asshole he's putting the heads in the asshole yeah it's just what it is then we got Lincoln Sill then we got what's your boss's job Leroy Shrug beats me Leroy Shrug beats me oh because he doesn't have a he's a racist joke it's a racist joke sorry Andrew Andrew Ryan Smith if the glue fits um then we got it's just if the glue fits if the glue fits you that's it that's a setup without a punch my guy if the glue fits yeah okay instead of if the shoe fits yeah he's saying if the glue fits like something with his glue like a must acquit or something okay then we got Ibukakied on my shroud and now it's radioactive okay okay Austin Collin Eric not a grower or a shower yeah pick a finger good one it's just what it is good one yeah um then we got female frisbee call her a wigger I don't get it don't get it got Ebola through my hemi hole um I don't get it loose asshole Justin Angako at justinangako.com screwed in good for you yeah Jam 55 Ryan Biora Mike Skrgesha Jeff lean ladder 14 ween cuisine queen it's pretty good yeah I'm a Drexler it Zion Hardeen Rue Monkey glue funky mm-hmm uh I Illumayani Illumayani's a good one it's not a bad one chicken finger Andrew um mistook pink for stink and now I'm homeless okay okay Ajax Gallagher Zoran Longdongy okay okay Bergen Voloshtanand Jared Mitchell Sam Demers Mr. Goldfish Nick DiNapoli my Puerto Rican husband's glue gun makes my lips speak in Espanol um que pasa mi gente Elliot Page's chest looks like the Gaza Strip ladder 14 on the list yeah on the list it's blown out right yeah on the list it's a walk but it's funny yeah uh flattened is what they're saying yeah it's just what it is yeah Yaya's Cookies then we got Captain One-Eyed Chrissy aka this skin text interesting um then we got uh then we got uh Mujer and the Fuhrer aka Jazzy and Chrissy Big uh Stephanie Garlic not Gaga Weishan Xi'an the list for PPW okay if it's not tight enough you can stick it in my neck that's weird get it okay um 2026 Festival of Music I thought you were talking about music boy actually did that yeah Mexican bug chaser call me a frijole okay frijole okay Richard Chrissy Ulysses versus the feet-sniffing Cyclops Drexler Stefan Johnny Maracas Nate Perkis WWE's newest trans star Dwayne Nocock Johnson okay jerking off thumb up my ass I call it going abselling what jerking off thumb up my ass I call it going abselling abselling abselling we like to call that as you went for something yeah I don't know what it is yeah Arturo Vargas presenting my ass to a facehugger because I got that interracial tingle facehugger what's a facehugger I don't know what that is Nick Schmitty Dr. Nick Schmitty chicken finger Schmitty then we got Yanni Magnet Eye set off to North Salem witch hazel trials okay can I get a Cosby water for my daughter hell um then we got that's really what the fuck weird one talking about yeah what are you trying to fucking yeah yeah it's weird then we got Mrs. Met's only only fans manager Mrs. Met's only fan manager does she have an only fans he's making it that'd be nice if you did yeah um Tukaki Bukaki James Hart Swag Daddy Chrissy Flip Flop and Yanni Tootsie Slurp uh Dooser Fancy Bastard Shit Reynolds Anthony Williams Yanni the Poop Slurp Perp um Ryan Arnold babe I promise it's not fumes I just shit a little when it goes boing we're gonna we're gonna put that on the list alright wow okay there we go it's a little funny he gets a little excited he poops himself a little bit it happens yeah then we got Juan Gotti from Knickerbocker Ave Griffin Lawson Maverick Canagard Kris Jenner's sex toilet uh I'm a grown man I'll piss the bed if I want to put him on the list there it is I like that yeah and it is a good point it's what you say to your wife when you wake up and she's like you got a drinking problem yeah yeah instead of looks maxing Yanni is eye maxing okay just want to give you boys a shout out to Chrissy looks like he eats bratwurst and Uncle Jesse with an extra 21st what does that mean extra 21st uh like uh like you have an extra chromosome oh yeah oh so special needs yeah our directs are just for that yeah then we got Mike Obama's pseudo piece is bigger than mine chicken thing then we got Ryan Gosling from the film Drive but with Down Syndrome okay interesting uh huh Glue Man Group we've had Brian LaMonica the great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant list it yeah contender yeah contender yeah uh Feet Eater Peter Feet Eater Peter gets a chicken finger yeah then we got uh Chrissy's grandpa died at Auschwitz he fell out of a tower right that's like an old school street joke I don't get it like saying that my grandfather died at Auschwitz he fell out of a tower he was a Nazi guard oh right but that's an old street joke yeah yeah yeah got it uh n-word scissor hands feel like we've had that yeah Jimmy at least half a tard canard chicken finger I'm Bobby Mom that's a bad friends joke um SGT glue gun Thompson aka Leroy Frisbee the Reich Kai uh Jesus and the lady brain boys fix my leaky roof yeah Aunt Tutty shot my dad uh huh I uh told you come in me okay it's decent yeah I told you it all out yeah it's a chicken figure Anthony Prairie Yanni it's Poppins Cherries big bitch against GLP first call her Jessie's next masterpiece oh yeah yup he paints fat people yeah half Jew half robot call me a cyborg I'll tax you physically ah I like that cyborg I like that yeah ah let's put it on the list alright there we go yeah yeah that's the list this borderline it's not gonna win but but it's all it deserves to be honored yeah Corbin Porter Bobby the Throat Goat Kennedy's Angry Voice Box and then call me Israel the way I'm trying to Benjamin Nuttin' On You which we've had we've had that yeah okay alright so here's the list you know again you think that it's gonna be easy I gotta say generally kind of on the weaker side on the weaker side for list but there are a lot of people we've had worse yeah this is the middle of the road and also I've said that and then I've heard them and I've been like actually I was wrong okay so here we go starting off we got Confirmed Ginger Squeak aka Little Red Riding Wood yeah Drexler okay yeah that's all yeah then we got OJ's Nine Inch Chef's Knife we're gonna chicken finger that okay yeah then we got Elliot Page's Oscar Acceptance Speech for Best Prosthetics we're gonna Drexler it just because yeah we have a better Elliot Page yeah then we got Decapitating G.I. Joe's in My Fume Garage that's a contender that's staying on then we have Elliot Page's Chest Looks Like the Gaza Strip that's staying on yeah and then we have Babe I Promise It's Not Fumes I Just Shit a Little When It Goes Pooing we're gonna Drexler that okay so we'll Drexler that yeah and then we got I'm a Grown Man I'll Piss the Bed If I Want To we're gonna Drexler that then we got the great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant we're gonna keep that around it's just what it is it's better than I thought then we got Half Jew Half Robot Call Me a Cyborg I'll Tax You Physically that is very good also show specific because take it physically I gotta keep Keep it around, bro, just because of that. The fandom with the originality. All right. So we have one, two, three, four contenders. I was wrong. It's better than I thought. So the contenders are Decapitating G.I. Joe's in my fume garage. Elliot Page's chest looks like the Gaza Strip. The great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant or half Jew, half robot. Call me a cyborg. I'll tax you physically. Okay. Tough one. We're going to narrow it down, though. I love the Decapitating G.I. Joe's. Right. This is the definition of a Drexler. It would win any other time, I believe. Also, I wish, fume garage is good, but we've had a lot of, fume garage, somebody else came up with that. Yes. So if he would have just said it in my ass or something, it would have been a little, but I'm going to have to Drexler it. That's out. But I hate to do it. We got to keep that around. Yeah, we got to keep that around. The great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant. That would. I can't. It's just hard to say that I'm going to have to Drexler that because it's just what it is. Yeah, it's tough. Oh, Jesse likes that. I like that. Should I keep it around? Nick? Well, I'm getting outvoted. How about you? I'll say keep it around just to have, because I think half Jew, half robot, call me a cyborg, should go. Okay, so let's Drexler that. So then I'll say then it's between the great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant or Elliot Page's chest looks like the Gaza Strip. We got two winners here. This is what's hard to do. Do we put it to a vote or do we pick it in here? We made them vote last time. I think we got to do the hard work. We're going to take it from a democracy and make it a republic. Because, you know, people don't know how to act. Yeah. Because you know what's funny is we take it to a vote and then they complain. Right. They complain and say, oh, you guys, one complaint goes, oh, you guys are getting ladies. You're not even picking winners. We're trying to involve you. They have a complaint one way or the other. One way or another. Other people saying they love the vote. I don't know what you people fucking want. Yeah. But you know what? It just makes me want to take a G.I. Joe and decapitate it in my ass. Which I might do. So it's between Elliot Page's chest looks like the Gaza Strip or the great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant. Two all-stars. We got to vote. So for me, Elliot Page's chest looks like the Gaza Strip because it's flattened. It's funny. And the cantaloupe thing is funny, too. But I would go with Elliot Page. But I'm a big Elliot Page fan. Yeah. The thing is, I think what we're going to do is we're going to enjoy that joke. But it's one of those that, you know, we just can't put up in lights. We just can't put it up in lights, unfortunately. So we'll say maybe that's the winner. That's the private winner. But the public winner is the great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant. That's right. It's sort of like the deep state, right? You have one guy who's elected and he's the de facto president. But then you got the real people who have the power. We all know that Elliot Page is the winner. We just can't put it up in lights. So congratulations. Go to historyandisisback.com. You see your name up in the lights. The winner is the great thing about cantaloupe is that it can't get pregnant. Which is also equally as good for different reasons. And it's amazing. And guys, go home after this episode and have sex with a cantaloupe. Endless summer escapes start here. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch. And enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house.