VICTORIA IS PREGNANT! Our First Trimesters & Conception Journeys

(upbeat music) - Lemonada. (upbeat music) - Welcome to "Inner Childish." Side effects may include laughing too hard and unexpected emotional growth. - Wait, is this just like we're just doing it? We're just doing the thing. - How should we start? (laughing) (upbeat music) - Oh my God, I'm so excited to talk about this. - Literally so excited. I'm almost scared to be recording 'cause the pregnancy's been such a secret. I'm like, can I say that I'm recording out loud? (laughing) - How long has it been secret for you? How far along were you when you announced? - Well, I found out so early with you by my side, obviously, as the gods intended. - As the gods intended. And I was thinking that this could come out, I think like a day or two after I post my pictures, so I'm like, I need to put our video up with it. Our video for our child, for our collective child, like Max is a side character at the point. I have never been so grateful to be there for something in my whole life. It was only appropriate. - Yeah. - For context for people, Aubrey and I took my test together, which was honestly like, it was so special. The whole thing, I'll tell you all exactly like how it happened today, how it came to be that Aubrey and I were in a bathroom with my cup of pee, but I think that we should rewind and start from the very, very beginning. And this will be fun because I feel like you didn't get a pregnancy episode 'cause we didn't have the pod yet. And I feel like our stories are so intertwined that we're kinda gonna get like both today. - As they always are. Where are stories always intertwined? - This is just another little knot in the storyline that just intertwines for us. - They are, so to take you guys to the very beginning, I would say you guys have known that I've been ready for kids, got baby fever. That was a real pod episode. I remember last August trying to not beg Max, but be like, can we just like try? And like if it happens, it happens. And if not, we can like keep waiting because Max has a very demanding career. And for 20 weeks in a row in the fall, he has to be gone from Thursday through Sunday. So obviously things are not always a perfect world, but at least for our first child, we were like, let's wait to try to conceive until we know that the delivery window would be not during the fall because Max would potentially like miss his first child's birth, which neither of us wanted him to be put in that position. And in his mind, he was like, well, let's just wait. And then we'll start trying to conceive when the nine months from that date is after January, 2020, 2007. So that was hard for me because in my body, I was like, I'm ready to be a mom. And that, yeah, that was hard. Like because I felt mentally ready. And then I do think when we were talking about it, you were like, you initially said you were not gonna start trying until after the Italy wedding, you're about to go to at like 20 weeks pregnant. You wanna know why? It's because I was such a big drinker. I didn't want him as drinking in Italy. That was dead ass why. And then I stopped drinking last November. And I was like, well, why don't we just do this now? I was like ready before my wedding. Like I think I've been ready since high school. So it was a joke that I was gonna wait a year on my wedding. I felt like I just had to. Like I felt like waiting until you're married for a year felt like the appropriate thing to do. But we waited six months. We're like, let's just do the thing. And I feel like you did have a little bit more than narrative of like, well, there's gonna be some of these bachelors or some of these weddings. And like, I can't until these things happen. And I feel like I lean on the side of yes, I love my people. But if you have your life plan or your desire with your partner, like, I don't know. I personally, I think I was in your ear a little bit like you can't plan your life around other people. Like you're pushing back what you want for 12 months because of a bachelorette. I know and I'm missing one of my best friends, bacheloretts, but I think the important thing is that I'm gonna be at the two important weddings in April and May. Like those were so important to me that I was like, I'm not missing those. Yeah, but it's easy to say now because it happened. Like I could imagine getting to the months where I was supposed to quote unquote stop and feeling anxious and being like, I have to keep trying because I'm gonna be so anxious. Like if I can't try for three months, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I know. And then I also got my head about that because I'd be like, oh my gosh, like am I ready? And the timing feels right with the universe and I'm not like aligning with the timing of the universe because of this like type A plan of like an ideal delivery. That would definitely get into my head and Max and I would have a lot of conversations about it but he doesn't believe in that stuff. And then every time we'd go through the conversation, he would be like, actually think about going into labor and I'm in the middle of calling a game and I'm on the other side of the country and like I can't be there. And then that would just make me think, okay fine, I can keep waiting. So anyways, Aubrey gets back. I have a question. Yeah, sorry, I have a question. What did I talk about this a lot? 'Cause you know, people have de-event me asking like, how did you know you were ready? And you know when you're getting married, everyone's like, when you know you know, it's so certain like whatever. Do you feel like there is that narrative around having kids? Like I know you have to be certain about having children in the first place. Like that I'm fully aligned with. But I feel like there's no conversation of like, when you know you know, this will be the right time. Like you kinda just like have to feel it out. Like it's like vibes, right? I agree with you. I don't think it's as definitive for me as it was like, max being my husband. Honestly, I felt so ready. And now that I am pregnant, I am so scared. Like I don't wanna get emotional. And I know this is what I want. And I'm so excited. But like I'm also really scared. Like I'm ready to be a mom and I'm scared to fuck it up. I'm ready to be pregnant. And I'm scared at the same time of like not having complete ownership over my body and how I feel. Like I think it's a both and and I just know. I know it's gonna be like any big thing in my life where I've moved or you know we got engaged or we got married or we bought this house. And like you are kind of scared shitless, but you just know. Like you have to jump like to the next kind of stone in life. And it's like very scary to make that leap. Big change is really hard for me and I'm very nostalgic. But like yeah, I mean I have times where I'm like, oh my god it's never just gonna be. This is where like I actually get sad. I'm like it's never, this is supposed to be a happy episode. But no, I know. It's never gonna be just me and Max again. And like it's been all trying about that the other day. For 10 years it's been like you and me against the world. And now it's like we're gonna have this other thing that like rightfully should be a priority over us. And like yeah, it's scary. Like I said, I don't wanna fuck it up. I wanna be like a great parent. Yeah, so to your question I'd say like I know I'm ready to take that step and I don't have a playbook and I have to accept that like it's not gonna be perfect. But I know I see myself as a mother and I see myself with kids and at some point then we gotta start. No, totally. I know I just there wasn't an ounce of being scared to get married ever. Like not once throughout the whole process. And I'm like, if I think about the fact that I'm pregnant too hard, like that's so scary with me. But everyone's doing it. Everyone figures it out, you know? And like seeing some of the moms in my life and the parents and the duo was, you know, it like that makes me confident. But I think that's a great question. And yeah, it's like anything in life. It's both. So anyways, OBS got pregnant first. And that was so exciting. Should we tell a little bit of, we haven't like told these stories. No, not at all. I feel like we could start in Hawaii in January. You were reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I was reading Expecting Better. I know I get the type B rep, but like two type A queens just make you sure they do all their research beforehand. Like getting their sperm tattooed. I will say blood work because we weren't trying yet. I was doing everything else I could possibly do. So I like, I made Max go get his sperm checked. I was like, well, this makes me feel like we're kind of trying. I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I was tracking my period, getting my ovulation down, checking in on my alleged PCOS, which now like, I don't know what I have. My OBGYN said she thinks I have like a soft PCOS that is very offset by my nutrition and my exercise like that I don't have these like high symptoms. And then in reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which I highly recommend, like highly, highly, highly, if you're thinking about trying to receive homework. If you're trying or not, you go and read that. Try, I agree, trying or not. Even if you are not trying or you don't want kids, the book can teach you about natural contraception. Yeah, trying not to have a kid. So yeah, I was doing like all these other things that made me feel like, okay, we're moving the needle forward. I even got a prescription for progesterone because I read in the book that one of the things that contributes to miscarriage is just not having adequate progesterone. And I was like, well, that's an easy thing that like, why not? So my doctor was like, I mean, she was like, if you want it, like I can prescribe it. She was like, it's not gonna hurt, but it could help. So I'll prescribe it to you. And then if you do get a positive pregnancy test, just take this progesterone each night until 10 weeks gestation. So I ended up taking that. But yeah, so I did all these other things. [BLANK_AUDIO] and you were reading "Expecting Better," which I was like, that's actually crazy because it's about when you are pregnant and that felt a little too jinxy for me. - I know that felt too jinxy to you. I wanted to know if this was successful what I would have to avoid. Like, sushi? Eh? I think all the rumors are fake about sushi. Like I just wanted to know what I was getting into. I was excited, you know? - Yeah, you were excited. - Now that I'm pregnant, I'm like, wow, this is hard. So then you got off of your IUD. You had one period, one loodiel phase, which I was also there for and we documented. And then you got pregnant the very next cycle. - I lost my marbles when I got my IUD out. So if you ever got your IUD out and then felt like you were going absolutely freaking insane. Just know you're not alone. The Marina Crash is a real thing. I was waking up at 4.35 a.m. every day. I literally was so anxious. My hormones were all over the place. And I was literally like, oh my god, is this my new norm? Like I feel insane. I'm happy to report it does go away. So, don't worry. It's just like a brutal awakening 'cause you've not had all those hormones, but then you adjust and it's okay. And I mean, fortunately you got pregnant so quickly like with the next cycle that you didn't have to experience that again. So when I visited Aubrey and I if you saw her video where she tells everyone the first words out of my mouth or I knew it, which I am kicking myself for because I've seen those videos that are like, if your friend tells you she's pregnant, the number one thing you shouldn't say is I knew it. And I'm like, fuck me, I said I knew it. - That's such bullshit. You knew it because we talk every single day. We know each other so well. And you literally say right afterwards. You didn't tell me about your period. Like that just shows that's good friendship. - Yeah. - You know you didn't say I knew it because you look super fucking bloated. And I can tell in your face, you know what I mean? - I know, it's so true. - And that was your, I guess second month trying and I had also been trying for two months at that point. So we really started like it exactly the same time which was so exciting. And I do think both of us had like anxious feelings and thoughts of like, well I hope this goes really well for both of us because you know, it would be very hard if someone was struggling and the other wasn't and you're trying to like hold space for that both ways. - I was gonna say, I don't know what would have been harder. I mean, I do know what would have been harder. But like in terms of friendship, I don't know if it's harder to be the one who's pregnant and then like navigate, you know, supporting your friend who isn't yet or like trying to be there and show up for your friend who is pregnant while you really want to be. - I feel like it would be harder to be the friend struggling with like, of infertility. - Of course, of course, yes. - I definitely like, I got pregnant fast. I feel very blessed and lucky. It was our third month trying and I definitely don't want to sit here and act like I even know the experience of someone who's tried for so many months and years and had to attend baby showers. Like I have no idea, all I know is the glimpse of the 10 weeks where I had looked at two clear blues that said no. My best friend was pregnant and I was so happy for you and like really wanted to show up and like be all of that for you and it was really hard to have the anxiety in my brain be like and what if you don't get pregnant and like every day you wanna like check in with your best friend and like hear about her symptoms but then you wish you had those symptoms. And like I said, I got pregnant relatively quickly and I don't know the experience of someone struggling with infertility. All I experience was like a short, short moment of time and let me tell you that I fell into some funks in just that short period of time because you really think like that first go it's gonna happen then that second go and then even like that third time it was right before Natalie's wedding. This was the time I did find out I was pregnant and I remember thinking I wanna take this test before Natalie's wedding because my period was either gonna come or not come basically on her wedding and I was like I wanna like have the best time celebrating one of my best friend's weddings and if I go there and I get my period I know that that's the period where like I'm gonna actually lose my cool like are you trying not to like cry? You cried your first time right when you I cried. I could cry right now thinking about it like I, oh my God, I'm so pregnant. I have a friend, not even a good friend, a friend of a friend like struggling with infertility right now and I was like sobbing for her the other day just because those girls are so strong. Yeah. Like that they keep pushing and they, I don't know. I have so much respect. Until like have to attend baby showers and like watch people's excitement. Like I totally understand it's hard and if there are people out there who like you know you talked about the day you announced like losing followers. Like if there are people who don't wanna watch my content for the time being or they don't listen to this episode like I completely respect that and I respect them protecting their peace and it is so personal and it's so different for every woman and there's a lot of anxiety. I even remember like in the beginning I would actually try to like think positively and be like oh my God every single human like came from like a healthy full-term pregnancy and like a woman's body. It's a miracle and then I would watch YouTube videos about like how does the sperm eat the egg and then it travels through the tube. Like I was like what? - You're doing sex ed just on your own. I was literally like giving myself sex ed. It's a true miracle and I was like the fact that that's like hopefully gonna happen in my body. Anything else we should say on that? I guess how did you feel knowing we were both trying to conceive? - I was feeling like it was gonna happen for you fast but I couldn't tell you that, you know what I mean? Like in the short period where I was pregnant and you weren't I was not worried. Like I knew it was gonna happen for you truly the next cycle. Like I felt that in my bones but you can't tell someone that. You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like so it's like a trended lightly while also knowing that like you were showing up for me 100% and like admiring you for showing up for me 100% you know what I mean? It's such a tough spot. But yeah, I mean even in the months before we were trying like those thoughts seep in and like people ask like oh were you nervous to be trying it at the same time? Which like I understand a little more why people keep that shit on the hush because you and I couldn't shut up. Now wait, after I actually started trying I was like why the fuck did I make this my whole personality? Now everyone knows everyone's asking and I brought it on. I opened the gates so that was a lesson learned. I would like my second child to be like no one had any idea we were cooking. - Totally, totally. I mean you live and you learn but no you and I were like I was literally like well we're gonna start trying right when I get home from Japan and then the baby was conceived two days after I got home from Japan so no shit everyone knew it Natalie's wedding when I looked you know a little bloated. - So true. - So true. I think I said verbatim to Natalie's bridesmaids on the bachelorette I'm gonna either be pregnant or not pregnant at the wedding so don't ask. (laughing) - I mean yeah lesson learned but to each their own 'cause it's like something you're so excited for of course you wanna tell everyone you know. - I do think you had a major hand in my conception. - Wait for it, not literally but I wasn't there. No, Aubrey gave me her in Nito device. So when I visited her and she told me she was pregnant she was like and I have this device it's called in Nito. Max and I literally joke like the relationship was me him in a Nito and it's a like it's a high tech device where you can track your ovulation and your hormone spikes because it is hard to track your ovulation. My very first month trying which it was a month trying because we tried, we looked back at it and I had a professional tell me there is no chance I could have gotten pregnant that month because of how poorly the timing was with the intercourse and the actual ovulation. So like there was a month of it being my priority and like it didn't happen because I couldn't time it right. And then the second month, I don't know maybe same thing and then the third month Aub gave me in Nito and I like used it every day. I will say not to be TMI but for people who are like trying to conceive, I think Max and I also like we ramped up our commitment like I think, you know. - I felt a really nice way of putting that. - Yeah like you know, I think to like the more at best. - The more at the more times you step up to the plea, the more chances of a home run. So I think that and the Nito made a difference and you gave me the Nito, so thank you. - You're so welcome, the reason I also feel like for the anxious girl I was listening, the reason the Nito had showed up at my house was because I had mentally convinced myself that I was not pregnant this round because my body would know it and I was like drinking extra coffee out of spite because I was like so annoyed because my temperature didn't spike. You know all the things on the paper weren't adding up to me. pregnant. So I ordered this device and then it showed up after I found out I was pregnant. So, you know, if you're anxious and doing everything possible, I see you. I feel you. Is now your time to get on your soapbox? This has been the thing you've been dying to say since we started the podcast. She's so excited. She just knocked her lamp over. She's so excited for what she's about to say. When I tell you, Aubrey has multiple times been like, I can't wait until we have a podcast and I can just scream this from the rooftops to all the women out there. Here we go. I'm so ready. You guys, for the anxious girlies, when you are trying to conceive, the most annoying piece of advice I got was you just need to relax. Just relax and it'll happen, which I think is so frustrating for women trying to educate themselves. For women who care about this gigantic life-changing thing, that's about to happen and then people are just telling you just chill. No, that's so messed up. All that did is make me a million times more anxious, thinking, oh, it's not going to happen because I'm so worried about it not happening. And that puts you even more in your head. Do not listen to the people who tell you to relax and do not tell someone trying to conceive to relax because that's not going to work. What also pisses me off the most about it is knowledge is power and there is so much that women do not understand about their bodies and their cycles and their ovulation and their waking temperature and their discharge and how it correlates to their fertility levels. Like, there is so much we don't know and I think there's so much power in educating yourself and I would try to defend myself a lot when people would be like, oh, you're reading this book and you know all about this and they would give that vibe of like, it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. I think that's true. I was like, no, it's not because now I have the education and the ability to detect what exactly is happening in my body and that sets me up for success. And I just feel like to me, we can get even, it's this deeper thing with like, women. I'm like, no, don't, I agree. You don't need to know. It's like, dead ass rolls reverse. Men would be learning in everything. They wouldn't have to seek it out. It would be part of like course societal curriculum. We would know. Rolls reverse men would know about everything happening in our cycles. No, I can't. It's crazy. All that to say, if you want this badly and it is something you're thinking about all the time, like, it's okay. It is okay to lean into that. Obviously, if it's negatively affecting your mental health, that's all we're talking about. We're talking about, if you like reading the books on fertility, if you like tracking your period in your app, if you like talking about it with your best friends, if you like praying about it every night, if you like writing affirmations down, do your thing, you know. And don't let anyone tell you to relax. I truly cannot emphasize this enough. It was the most frustrating thing in the whole wide world to hear. Period. Period. So, all that to say, I had my book. I had my Anita device. I had my period tracker. I had two apps I was using and they ramped up their commitment. And then this was pretty cool. So Aubrey was coming to stay with me right before Natalie's wedding, because we did the photo shoot for the podcast. Hope you thought it was cute. And the wedding for Natalie was like a few days later. And I knew looking at the calendar that I was gonna get my period like basically at Natalie's wedding. So Aubrey was like, well, what if you take a six days sooner test? And I was like, there's a six days sooner. I don't know how I missed that in all the fucking education I was doing. But I had no idea there was a six days sooner. So we went to CVS. We got the tests. And then the plan I have to back you up. I have to back you up. Vic had told me she was having back pain. And there was one other thing. You had two things that I was like, Vic, you're pregnant. I feel like you was such certainty. And you were like, that you're insane. Oh, it was when on day six, post ovulation, the back pain that I had was a back pain that I know I only get the day before my period. And it's like for some reason my like ovaries uterus is like tied to my back. And the night before I get my period, I feel this specific pain. And it's a different pain than the spawning low lysis that I have, which is another back issue. And I experienced this exact pain on this on the sixth day. And I texted Aubrey about it. And we were like show the babies in planting. I was like, Oh, great. Okay. Perfect. And then I'm looking up at like implantation. And like, can you feel like back or cramps with implantation? And they're like, well, you can. And so I was like, that's insane because there's no way my period's coming tomorrow. Yeah. I remember the other thing. What? You had a big temperature drop, which if you read taking charge of your fertility, that's called an implementation dip. Vic showed me the chart. I was like, bitch, you're pregnant. I was like, what are we doing? So she didn't tell max and we went to CVS. Yeah. Okay. That's true. So we had like those two signs that made us feel that way. And then I actually did have a dream that I took the test and it said, yes. So I feel like it was those three. I will say to the most important sign. Yeah. Something that was helping me is I came up with these four affirmations that I still say to my baby now. But I would just like put my hand on my uterus at night. And I would say you are powerful. You are wise. You are fruitful. You are strong. And those four just like made me feel really good. Like I was speaking to my body and just like kind of hyping it up. And those words didn't have results tied to them. They were just like for me and my body to know like you're powerful. You are wise. You are fruitful. You are strong. And for me, the wiseness part was like, I trust you. Like I trust that when this happens. Like, you know, and that just that helped me. So I'm just sharing that in case it helps anyone else. So Aubrey, I got the test. And then I remember we were like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We had the boys drive us to CVS. We said someone needed tampons. I don't know. Clearly wasn't me. I don't know. I think we said we were getting the tests, right? No, we didn't. No. Oh yeah. Cause Max found us in a pregnancy test aisle. Max ran into us. He was like, shit. We were like, it's where he was coming the store. And the reason is Max was one of those people who he never told me to relax, but I know he didn't, he knew how badly I wanted it. And so I think he was just trying not to feed into this energy, which is why you need your best fucking friend to be like, no, we're feeding into this energy. No, you're pregnant. Yeah. You're pregnant. Which I can't believe you were saying to me for the fact of like, what if I wasn't? But you just had like, you really thought I was. I was so certain. My plan was I'm going to take this test with my husband on Thursday morning, like, you know, a normal couple does. But Aubrey and I Wednesday did the inner childish photo shoot, which hilarious to think we both had inner children inside of us when we did these photos. And we got back from that photo shoot. It's Wednesday at like three o'clock. And remember, my plan is tomorrow morning, I'll take the test and then we're driving to the wedding and like, I'll be able to cope or be excited in the car either way. And we get back from the photo shoot. Aubrey goes up to our guest bedroom, I go to our bathroom, I'm taking off my makeup and I suddenly have to pee and I'm like, I can't, I can't wait any longer. So I grab a six day sooner by myself and I pee on it. And you know, I'm like taking off my makeup while it's loading. And I see this like very, very faint second line. I of course already had looked at the Yelp reviews for this first response test. And a lot of them were like, I got a false positive. I'm so distraught. Like, so I didn't really, I don't know, I didn't like let myself think that was it. It was also a half line. Like, you didn't have to pee that bad. So the line didn't fully come in as a line. It was like half a faint line. Yeah. I probably posted a picture of it on my Instagram by now. So you can, you can see what we're looking at. And so the first thing that I think when I see this line is I'm like, Aubrey and I like yell her name. And she just comes scurrying down the stairs to my bathroom. I've never run faster in my whole life. I knew she didn't wait. So I left her unattended with those tests. Yeah. I knew. And she's like, you're 100% pregnant. Like, she starts freaking out. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I couldn't get excited. And then you know what was actually diabolical was, as you're there talking to me, I got in the shower. No, I know we're talking in the shower. I was like, Victoria, you're pregnant. Like, a line is a line is a line. And you're like, no, I'm not. I'm like, well, all right, I guess we'll wait till you need to be again. Well, Aubrey was like, you need to pee on the clear blue that says pregnant or not pregnant. And that will tell you. And so then that led to the video you probably seen, or we'll see you today when I post it, where we just kind of spontaneously, I mean, the real video is like 10 minutes long. I didn't even have that much pee. And Aubrey also was telling me like, and you still could be, but this test will say not pregnant, because it's just a harder test to like get the result on. And so anyways, we're like, yeah, we're watching it. And then we're literally chanting at it, like pregnant. We started in a fuss for 10 minutes. I was just like manifesting. This is what it's going to say. And then it said pregnant freaked out. Like actually was, I mean, it was insane. It was such a special moment to like have together. It was just girlhood. Like it really felt like girlhood. And you're literally my sister. You are my sister. How special. And it was so like spur of the moment like I took the test by myself. I called her down. We did it So it was so fun. And then I didn't know apparently I'm not you said I'm a very shalant person Well, in the first episode apparently max 100% like knew what we were up to and I think he's just sitting on the couch with wood Just like these girls are fucking nuts. I'm bracing myself for my life to change right here. They hear us scream and Then yeah, I guess the second that the test had pregnant I ran out to max and then It was crazy. We were just crying. We were so excited. It was it was insane It was a very special moment for the four of us. Yeah, I'm happy that wood could be with max I could be with you once again as the gods and it was really it was really so special and like I Special this is oh my god I was just gonna say this is real pod so to keep it real but it's not real bad This is inner childish so to speak about Inside insecurities. I definitely part of me is like it's so weird being someone who is online and you have these huge moments in your life That also are like sometimes recorded and then you have to Think of like the perception of those moments and I think for me within an hour Less of taking the test. I was already questioning like am I gonna get hate for taking this with Aubrey and like not max and like are people gonna judge me and like It's so sad that in what's such like a special moment for me I'm like thinking about people's judgment of a moment They're not a part of and like don't get the right to think about but max didn't care and also like back to the girlhood thing and you being my sister like I know max's reaction and he would have been like Yeah, let's go like it would have been like it would not I wouldn't be squealing and jumping In that exact moment, but I mean I even felt like that posting woods Like mine and woods. I was worried because he didn't start jumping for joy like me at the beginning because he just didn't believe Like you didn't believe that that faint line meant anything. Yeah It's crazy because we did get one comment that was like that man isn't into you and like you just have to laugh like Like I literally eyes that at would ha ha look a live buddy and he responded He was like it was six in the morning. I didn't know what was going on and like people are so nice like being like you don't know them You don't know their story like whatever like who cares, you know, it's so true and you know, it's as I enter this next stage in my life it's such a You know healthy reminder of like me doing what I feel is like aligned and like brings me so much joy It makes me so happy in like my life and I just need to like stick to that. It's funny too because like I've told a few friends that I'm like oh I'm nervous like I hope the videos like well received and people aren't like where's your husband and they were like What do you fucking mean? I call my best friend first my husband did know for a 24 hours like Totally totally there is that there's that character Yeah, also so funny that I asked you if I should switch you out with max and you're like no I literally think I said no, this is a big moment for us Between us. I'm dead, but it does make me it did make me think I don't know if I will We'll see if I eat my words here. I don't know if I'll post a video of our gender reveal because of this weird I've been on line for a decade some moments. I have to decide like do I Want the video or do I want the moment and not to like risk feeling like It's me max and like a hundred thousand other people, you know, so yeah Yeah, no, and I think that's so fair So then we went to Natalie's wedding which was so fun because I had just found out Aubrey's was a secret mine was a secret as you guys know Yeah, mine was not a secret after Natalie's wedding I can't tell you the amount of Instagram comments the whole bridal party just the bride herself Everyone knew I was pregnant and I I still think it's bold to not assume that I was just super bloated, but everyone was like you are fully showing I agree that that was so bold of people like and I was I was I saw I was weeks yet Yeah, I think it was really it was bold But then at the same time like we can't say shit cuz like they were right, you know, like they were right No, I hurt my feelings and you're correct. Yeah, Aubrey and I took a video We took a video coming out in our dresses one day and we were peeing our pants laughing Because we were like so this is her announcement video Announcement and we took it we re-did it like four times. I was wearing spanks. I was sucking in I was like dude on pregnant I'm with child. Do I have twins? What is going on? Yeah, what is happening? And then I remember being like girl You need like a backup dress for this wedding, but I and I kind of texted you about it but I didn't want to Make you feel like self-conscious or like stressed and you told me like you don't understand a petite short girl Like I cannot get a dress that's the right length and the right size in the next week and then I remember like you literally can't I feel like my short girl He's no takes a week to him. You have to bring stuff in yeah, I don't I don't know my new size I don't know what's happening in my body right now. You know what I mean like it's like you can't just be like oh Well, I'm usually this side so I'll just order that and then I have a girl who does it super quick like you know I mean like your whole new this is a new body. I don't know and it's like a body that'll last for maybe a week and a half And then you'll have a new body. Yeah, it's crazy. You know that's crazy and there will be an episode on body image issues While pregnant don't worry. We're talking about that. I love to talk about that. That's cooking. I'm gonna knock over my lamp again I remember we were joking about it. It was a funny thing and then it was literally Was it wedding? It was not funny. No, it was funny. We had like we were we were laughing, but totally but then it was funny until it wasn't funny Well, yeah, oh it was after the rehearsal dinner I went with you to your room just to try on your dress to be sure And it like wouldn't zip and I was like being my hands laughing just because I was like this is so funny like she's so pregnant You really wait, let me video this. This is hilarious and I was like it's not funny. Yeah Not funny my dress to the zip I've already had like a little it was like one comment of like it's not funny like or something like that and I was like Oh lock in we are zipping this dress and we are telling her like it fits like a glove and like I can't say it's good thing So yeah, then we zip the dress and then I flipped into like no, it looks literally perfect like it's amazing Five even though I could tell you like it in brief. I'm like I look beautiful Get me four more pairs of spigs. It fits perfectly. It's like it's meant to which is so funny Like everybody is different you were Were you six weeks at that point or eight? I was I think I was seven and like three days Okay, I'm like that it which is crazy showing at six crazy because I Three months pregnant like I felt I felt like I was showing a tiny bit but still like I mean no No one would like approach me and think I was pregnant and so it's insane how different it is for people obviously I'm like twice your size, but yeah, it's that's another crazy aspect of pregnancy I started getting comments like oh, what do you do like last month like people are Certain that I'm pregnant now which is crazy because I'm 18 weeks And yeah, I think I think at 12 weeks. I looked for sure pregnant, which is so crazy Petite girlies, I feel you Before we do star six seven. I just want to quickly Throw in a few other things about my pregnancy thus far something I want to talk about is like the miscarriage anxiety I very much had in the beginning because I feel like no one Warned me about that. I thought like oh once you get pregnant You're just like you're in it and it's like no. Yeah, I was so Scared like that if I worked out or I didn't eat the right thing or whatnot like is the baby there So I just want to validate like if you just took a positive test and you're Scared about that like I completely understand I felt in the beginning when I told anyone I told my family at like four weeks I told some close friends at like five six weeks and every time I tell I would feel so anxious after and not good because I was just like you know God forbid something happens So I just want to like validate that I was not prepared for that and then The only other thing I wanted to quickly touch on because I'm I'm sure people maybe are curious is like what symptoms I've had and let this let you come to your own conclusion about what gender you think I'm having but I Feel like in the beginning I was so exhausted like so exhausted. I remember one night I slept ten hours and then I napped that day for like two and a half hours and I was like Vic is the sleepiest girl in the world just to start with I am the sleepiest girl in the world and I was like I haven't taken absence ever Yeah, so that was wild and Also the need to constantly be Eating was really hard for me. It still is like yesterday was a tough night I had I thought I ate my dinner I get into bed the lights are off and I'm like I'm hungry and I'm starving. Yes Got up two hours. No. Yeah, I literally got up. I go apples and peanut butter. That'll do it I get up. I cut it. I eat it. I get back in bed. Nope time it inside your week. We need more I get up Chicken broth. Let me just chug some chicken broth street, you know bone collagen to the source. That's that'll do it, go back to bed. I get up a third time and I'm like, here's a piece of bread, ya baby. Like, and now I'm eating a piece of bread. - We ready to get you a poultry? What's going on? - I'm shoving it down. And I already felt like I ate a solid day. And then that didn't work and then I made a smoothie. I made a smoothie and then it all hit me and I had a stomach ache. - Dude, isn't that crazy? I feel like I'm like so ravenous and then sometimes I'll eat four bites and be like, I am so full right now. And then sometimes it's opposite. - Yeah. - Where I'm like, there's no amount of food in this world that could say she ate me right now. - Literally, yesterday for lunch, I had this huge wrap that I usually can only eat half up. I had the whole thing. And within 10 minutes, it was like, more. Like, we had nothing, that was the warm-up. Like, it's crazy. - Yeah. - So that's next. - I mean, that's a whole nother episode. That can be on the body image episode. It was just like the food, all that stuff 'cause that's been tough, but anyways, I haven't thrown up. I've had some slight nausea. I will say the direct comparison daily to like your experiences. Obbs make me just sit here and think, I haven't had any symptoms 'cause you've literally been like. - I've had a rough go at it. - Yeah, I'll be honest. I think I'm smooth sailing now. I'm good now. I haven't used the restroom in four days, but I feel like that is kind of on the ups from everything else that I've experienced. - Yeah. Aubrey did have a sudden ER experience, which is our next episode. She bravely tuned in live from the hospital. So cliffhanger, stay tuned for that. Okay, let's do our star six seven. - I just found out that I'm pregnant with our first baby, and I can't tell anybody. So I'm telling you. - Yay! - Yay! - Thanks for telling us. I love that use of the phone line. Like that's what it's for. Like come tell us your secrets. Come tell us your biggest secrets. Oh my God, I'm so happy for you. Welcome to the mom club. So happy for you. And I know what it's like to want to scream it from the rooftops, but not be able to tell anyone. So thank you for sharing your secret with us. We're so happy for you, and we hope that you enjoyed this episode. It's a good warm up. I know this is a great warm up. Wow, very, very appropriate call in. And then we have one more. I cannot live with me decide if I want kids. It is such a thing where my husband ever first married. We were like, yes, we want kids. You know, we're gonna go for it. And then we realized that it's not gonna be so easy. I have some reproductive issues, and right now I don't ovulate. And so fast forward four years later, we're now on the fence. And I don't know if it's from infertility, or is it because I've gained less on life experience? And now I can see, and I can see both sides of having no kids. And like, is it force perspective upon me? Or is it like, I want kids? And I'm just like afraid to try again. I am not sure. This is, they get such an important thing that I don't know. A lot of people really sit and talk about like it's, oh, you got married, that's the next step. And I was one of those who'd be the next step. And then I got, it got forced. I'm thankful it did because it got time for me and my husband to grow together. So any tips and your perspective on how to decide if you want kids or not? I just want to start by saying she's so self-aware to know that like she's straddling in this line. And she isn't sure if it's what she actually wants or if it's like the infertility issues that aren't letting her mind get there. Yeah. So I feel like she's the only person that can decide, but just so self-aware to even have that mapped out. And I want to validate how much it makes sense that the infertility struggles could definitely be the thing that are making you and your husband feel like it is so much to get up for energetically, financially, emotionally. So I want to validate that in exhausting. Because she's asking for advice. Something that comes to my mind is like, I do think if you don't want kids having a stronger conviction in that, I think would give the confidence of going down that path. It's OK to be like, I think I want them. I think I'm ready. To me, that is enough. And I don't think you have to feel like you have to be like, I 100% want them. I'm 100% going to slay it. I'm 100% ready for all the responsibilities. So I'd say if you're going to decide not to, I think you will be grateful making that choice if you really have strong conviction around that choice. And I don't know if I hear that in you because you're asking for the advice, which makes me think-- You know, if it were me, I'd be looking for a yes or looking for a no. It feels like the opposite of the usual. If it's not a no, maybe it's a yes, definitely, definitely. What I'd love to hear out of that, though, is how much you and your husband have grown together instead of a part because I feel like it's so telling of you guys as a couple because I think a lot of couples when they struggle with infertility or grief in any sort of capacity, it can pull them apart. And so I'm so happy and proud of you guys to hear that it's only brought you closer. Yeah, that really is special. And it sounds like you have an amazing life partner who is supporting you in either direction. Should we do our something beautiful now? Yeah, let's do it. OK, my something beautiful is a small one. But the lady who checks us in to our gym every morning is perhaps the smileiest, most bubbly, most wonderful human that I've ever come across. And I feel like, you know, I never stop and think about it. But she truly makes my morning every morning. Like, if you have some grump chucking you into the gym to start your day every morning, like, how exhausting? Like, what a little blessing that I have heard just being like, hey, girl, what up? Like, get on in here. What'd you do? She brings me in and out with such jubilance. I love it. And you know what? It goes to show how the tiniest acts of kindness really impact someone. Like, here you are on a podcast talking about her vibe, you know, totally her vibes amazing. That makes me think, I guess, my something beautiful, which didn't directly happen to me or in my life. But I saw on the internet and I still thinking about it clearly, is this group of college students raised like $30,000 for their security guard. Did you see this? To visit his family in Nigeria, he hasn't been able to afford to visit in over a decade. And this man literally fell to the floor like when they told him this. And it was such a beautiful moment. Like, I love when people stop to take the time to do something like that for someone else. And it also made me think like how incredibly grateful we need to be for the simplest things. Like, seeing the people that we love every day, because so many people like, you know, they don't have that experience. And so that was beautiful. And I'm obsessed with the story. I hope we get updates of when this man visits his family. I love that one. That's a great one. Both great ones. There's some good people out there. There's some great people out there. Well, thank you, everyone, for tuning in. If you made it this far, thanks for celebrating my pregnancy with me and all of these. We love you guys so much. And we'll be back next Tuesday. Thanks for listening to this episode of Inner Childish. Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen so you never miss an episode. And follow us on Instagram at Inner Childish Pod, so you always get the behind the scenes. We're so, so grateful for you. See you next time.