Unhinged Reddit Rabbit Holes

A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through Reddit and found a subreddit that genuinely unsettled me. At first glance, it looked almost ridiculous. The posts were short, random, sometimes even funny, but the longer I read, the darker it became. The people posting here weren't laughing. They were terrified, and the deeper I dug, the darker things became. From people losing trust in their own minds, to addicts that are spiraling into degeneracy. Today, we're diving into some unhinged Reddit rabbit holes, and make sure to like the video and subscribe to the channel. And let's get into it. Call of the Void Every downward spiral starts somewhere. Oddly enough, this one starts more than 100 years ago. The same way most things do, with a problem. That problem belonged to a Japanese doctor called Nagai Nagayoshi. He was a renowned pharmacologist in chemist, and in 1893, he began studying ancient East Asian medicines, trying to learn what modern or enhanced applications they might provide. Specifically, he wanted to learn about a plant called Mahwang, which was traditionally steeped into a tea, and used to treat conditions like asthma in the common cold. Dr. Nagayoshi wanted to know why it worked. What chemical was activated when the plant was steeped? So after some time, and some experimentation, he managed to isolate a brand new undiscovered chemical, a fedron. A fedron is a nervous system stimulant and vascular dilator. Basically, it makes a person go into fight or flight when consumed. The chemical has been used to save people from low blood pressure, especially during surgeries. This drug alone has saved millions upon millions of lives. But when chemists discover a helpful chemical, they rarely stop there. They ask, "Can we make it stronger? Last longer? Can we save more lives?" And so Dr. Nagayoshi continued his work, eventually creating one of the most notorious and destructive drugs of all time. We've called it "Breaking Bad Crystal in the Past." But for the purposes of this story, I'll call it "M." Popularized in World War 2, when soldiers were given prescriptions to help them fight longer and harder, "M" is more prevalent today than it ever was. It's used in an epidemic that has, over the past 80 years, chewed up large populations of the US, crippled in already struggling lower class, and is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of people. Today, about 33% of homeless people use "M" regularly. They most commonly use substance among that population, and about 6% of people report having tried it in their lives. In the US, that's 21 million people, and that's just today. Needless to say, "M" has become a multinational issue, and its ramifications are impossible to dismiss. But with all that said, how do people find themselves getting addicted more than a hundred years after its creation? Seeing all the damage it's caused, what's the appeal? Well, we need to go no further than Reddit to answer that question, because I discovered a user who not only became addicted to "M" but actually wanted to. The user writes, "Where can I find a group of kindhearted, unselfish, humorous, somewhat intelligent "M" addicts who, most importantly, are fully in possession of a decent moral compass? I'm a 40-year-old female, born and raised in a beach suburb of LA, who loves to do almost all drugs recreationally but has, out of choice, become reliant on slamming "M" daily. The reason I'm doing it is because I have severe epilepsy. That forces me to take downers in order to stay alive, and those pills make me so tired. They had me in a constant days in stuck-in-bed 18-20 hours per day for years, unable to live any sort of life, until someone introduced me to slamming "M". I also have ADHD, so I'm not sure I've ever actually felt high the way others describe it from "M", except maybe from like 30 minutes after a really strong shot, and I haven't felt that rush since like the first month I did it. I'd say "M" just makes me feel like how I would feel if I were a normal person. When you are with someone who takes "M" daily, and if you want to be open about who you are, then groups of "M" addicts are really the only people you can hang out with without being judged, shunned, or possibly reported to the police for possessing illegal narcotics. My problem is that I am yet to find a group of people who do "M" but are still fully trustworthy. What is it about doing "M" that takes away people's ability to do others as you would like them to do to you? Why does stealing from others seem to suddenly not be something that just feels innately wrong when one is doing "M"? Why? When someone has enough energy to sit and try to figure out how to unlock a bike for five hours straight, do they not have the ability to put that time and effort towards doing something to make themselves a legal income? Why does "M" seem to cause a collapse of general morals for the average user? I do not understand and would honestly just like someone to explain to me. I would also really love if anyone could tell me if I will ever be able to find other people like me who I can be myself around but not have to constantly watch my back. Does that even exist anywhere out there? Thank you to anyone who has actually taken the time to read this and is willing to shed some light on anything for me. I will be forever grateful. I'm going to be completely honest. I've never seen a post quite like this so I'll be delicate in the way I talk about it. This woman is an addict, a chosen addict using one of the most powerful illegal drugs on the market today to curb her other medication side effects and she's asking the internet to help her find trustworthy addicts. There's a lot to unpack here. The story she writes honestly reminds me of another user, spontaneous age. If you don't know who that is, spontaneous age was someone that used to post on Reddit to, for various reasons, decided to try hard age as a sort of experiment, a test of self-will and self-control. He believed he would beat the game. That's how he talked about it, at least at first. You see, spontaneous age eventually got sober and congratulations to him because that's huge. And he went back to writing to discuss his earlier mindset. I'm not going to go into the whole story but I think this quote from a later post says a lot. He writes, "I don't even remember what I said in the first post, but I know I can look back objectively and say that things probably weren't as good and normal before I tried age that time as I made it seem in that first post. There were certainly warning signs before that with alcohol, weed, and other things that I had issues with substances, although I probably couldn't admit it to myself at the time. I would have never tried it if things were truly going well for me. I hate to speculate but I see a lot of that mindsets here in this lady's post. She is suffering from epileptic seizures and is on medication that puts her out for the count most of the day. She says she's sleeping most of the day away. Now it's perfectly reasonable to want something to keep you awake. I'm not going to minimize her issue by saying she should go get a coffee. I get this is probably more nuanced than that but there are meds out there to help offset the effects of sleep inducing medications. She's slamming M to stay awake. And the friends she's looking for? The ones who wouldn't rob her for another fix? They're few and far between. That's not an opinion. That's a fact. And here's one user who gives a good reason why. He writes, quote, "M damages the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of your brain that is behind judgment, impulse control, empathy, consequences, emotional regulation, etc. It is essentially the part of your brain that makes you give a f. When the damage gets bad enough, people exhibit the behavior you're describing above. The good news is that it is mostly reversible when you quit." This comment actually puts some fear into OP. And we'll get into that in a second because we have have a lot of experience. I've experienced addicts and recovered addicts in the comments I'd like to discuss. But first off, let's talk about what's happening to OP mentally. There's a chemical in your brain, you may have heard of it, called dopamine. It's your brain's way of rewarding you. It's the feel good chemical. When you eat some chocolate, or go for a run, what do you get? Dopamine. And the way that it's measured in your brain is by units. Of dopamine. Now your baseline level of dopamine sits around 100 units. That's what you feel doing nothing. It's your reward for being alive, I guess. Now you eat some good food, that'll get you 150 units of dopamine. You play video games, workout, have intimate time with your partner. That'll get you around 200 units of dopamine. That is the highest level of natural dopamine you can achieve. But as we look at different narcotics, and their effect on dopamine release, we can see why M is so dangerous and corrosive to the mind. Slamming M as OP calls it releases roughly 1,300 units of dopamine. And that's not all. Dopamine is not one single drug that creates a bigger release of dopamine, not one. So someone struggling with an M addiction isn't just battling with some rudimentary moral dilemma. They are actively fighting the strongest dopamine hit known to modern man. Most people get desperate for food when they don't eat breakfast. They don't last a couple hours without behavioral changes, anger, frustration, desperation, strong cravings. Now try that time's 10. And OP is slamming it by choice, one of the most powerful stimulants on planet Earth to stay awake. And rightly, she starts getting worried about her own morals. She writes, "Thank you guys for your insight. Do you have any idea if my morals could just suddenly slip away out of the blue on a dime? I'm afraid of just waking up one day that that happening without any warning. It's been over 5 years and I've stayed the same. I know that because I have an even closer relationship with my parents and whole family, just due to me living in close quarters with them this whole time since it's always been strong. But the only issue we really ever had was they never really loved my husband who was temperamental, ever since I met him at 15 and caused me to be on edge a lot, which they were quite aware of and didn't like. I also am worried about my teeth, which my parents spent hard earned money putting in braces, and that I've never seen one cavity ever to this day, suddenly rotting out or something. I literally have nightmares that the M is going to cause me to wake up one day and my teeth are going to rot out or something. And this, another user replies, "It's never like that. Nobody wakes up their second day of using powder and decides to steal catalytic converters. Instead, someone on their 12,000th head realizes he stole a saw, saw yesterday and decides to go pre-hunting to secure his fix. With addiction, nothing is really flipped like a switch, unless it's a relapse. You won't notice your morals just completely slip away. You'll notice them slowly being eroded. For some addicts, it takes a single bender, others it could be years. It really depends. But once it starts, it's usually exponentially bad as time progresses. If you've ever met anyone struggling with addiction, you know this is true. Good people do bad things for that 1300 dopamine hit. It happens every day, by the tens of thousands all across the world. Morality seems like a secondary issue when the high is over, and you're suffocating for more. And deeper into the comments, we get a recovered addict, sharing their own experience with OP. And it really does just say everything. The user writes, "Hi, I'm a recovering powder and H addict. Although our drugs of choice don't matter, it's all the same." I started with pain pills, and that road led me to using H every day. For a long time, I looked like I had it together. I was functioning. I worked for the mayor of my town while doing lines off his desk when alone. I worked in law firms and accounting offices, straight A student, college scholarship. On paper, I was doing everything right. But inside, I was trying to fix something I didn't understand. Because of all my medical issues, using made me feel normal. They gave me energy. They made me feel like I could show up to my life. Like I could do the things everyone else seemed to do so everlessly. I didn't realize I was self-medicating depression, anxiety, and a whole list of things I didn't even have names for yet. At first, it felt like it made it better. It made me more open, more loving, more connected. I felt closer to people, more emotionally available. The constant self-criticism quieted down. The anxiety faded. The depression lifted. For the first time, I felt at peace. I felt like I could live as the version of myself I always thought I was supposed to be the best version of me. And I did enjoy everything until I didn't. It didn't happen overnight. But it did start with an IV. I made rules, never more than three days in a row, never more than a certain amount, never more than a certain number of times a day. When I started, I had a list of "nevers," but that list was always progressing. I would never buy from someone I didn't know or trust. To "I'll never get arrested," I would never use age. I will never do anything to jeopardize my family finding out. I would never use an IV. I would never use a dirty IV. I would never not be in control or not be able to stop. I'll never lose my job or drop out of college. I would never become a real addict. I would never let my use affect my health. I would never get a heart infection. I would never get an SDI. I would never steal. I would never spiral. I would never sell myself for another hit. I would never hit rock bottom. I would never die from using it. I would never die from using it a second time. I'll never be a statistic. I would never hit a lower bottom. I built a structure around chaos and called it control, but I never had control, not from day one. And here's the truth, nobody tells you. A list of "nevers" is a fallacy. It's not a list of things you'll never do. It's a list of things you haven't done yet. In one by one, I hit every single one of them. And for quite a while, I still held it together. I was still functioning, still excelling, still convincing myself I was different until I wasn't. I thought I had control. I didn't. It was an illusion from the very beginning. Now, OP comments under this reply with a couple of excuses as to why she's different. She has epilepsy. She needs it. She uses it differently, et cetera. She claims like every addict claims that she needs to use the most powerful drug on earth. And I would normally read that comment, but the user who made the comment we just read makes another comment, diving deeper into the mindset of a career addict. I'm not going to read the whole thing. It's very long, but here's the short version. It reads, "For years, I told myself I wasn't an addict because my life didn't look destroyed, because I was still showing up, still performing, still passing. My use crept up slowly, more money, more time, more risk. I started surrounding myself with people who used it because I needed access. That started as weekends turned into midweek drives, then daily, then multiple times a day. What used to last a weekend was gone in hours. After a long time of maintaining, I needed more and more just trying to feel normal. Then I needed it just to not be sick, then came withdrawal. If you've never felt it, it's hard to explain. It feels like dying, your body revolves, your mind collapses, every cell in you is screaming. I knew logically I wouldn't die from the booger sugar and age withdrawal. But it didn't matter. It felt like death, and I couldn't take it. That's when I crossed a major, never, stealing. I pawned my mother's jewelry, piece by piece, I started with the jewelry. I bought her as gifts over the years, thinking it felt less severe because I bought it for her, even though it still hurt. When all that was gone, I started pounding the rest of her jewelry, but said I would never sell her wedding ring. When everything else was gone, I sold the wedding ring. But I always told myself that one thing I would never sell was my father's ring. We had passed away three years prior. and it was the most prized possession for both my mother and I in our entire existence. I told myself no matter what I would never touch that and in desperation I sold that too. I didn't want to, but I wasn't behind the wheel anymore. Addiction had full control of the wheel and was now driving. It broke something inside me. It wasn't a lack of morals. I didn't like myself for it, but in those moments it felt like there were only two options. Do this or die. When you're on the edge of the cliff and a hand reaches out to you, you don't stop to ask if it belongs to the devil. You just grab it. That's addiction. I'll never forget the moment it hit me. It was before I started stealing and thought I was still in control. I was driving to pick up and for the first time I knew I didn't want to use anymore. I told myself get off at that next exit, turn around, go home, but I didn't. Exit after exit passed me by. I was screaming in my car, crying, begging myself to stop, begging God to give me the strength to turn the wheel and I couldn't. That was the moment I understood what people in recovery mean when they say using against your will. I didn't want to use. I knew what it was doing to me and I still couldn't stop. That's when I knew I was no longer in the driver's seat. From there, things unraveled fast. I couldn't keep a job. Everyone knew even when I wouldn't admit it. I hit rock bottom and then found out there was always a lower bottom waiting. Jobless, homeless, stealing. Doing things I never thought I would do just to survive the next few hours. And eventually I went through my whole list of never's. We like to think our path is unique. You will read this and find all the ways you don't identify. Instead of seeing the commonalities. In recovery, we call that being terminally unique. Your disease is trying to convince you, you can't relate to me or my story, but you are different. But you are non-natic. But these things won't happen to you. You'll be better. You'll be careful. You'll be different. But the truth is our stories are all different variations, but our endings are not. The path is already predetermined and laid out. The only choice you really have is whether you stay on it to your untimely death or step off. Because there are only two outcomes. You keep going and it takes everything from you. Or you get out and fight for your life. There is no middle ground. OP never replies to this comment. And I think that's telling. I think that two perspectives are really important when talking about this story. It's almost like seeing the future unravel in front of you. A prediction of the pain and loss to come and the current sufferer. Still thinking they have control. From searching her profile, she's been using a different stimulant prescription adderol for about 15 years. It's in the same family as them. So needless to say, she's been abusing both legal and illegal drugs for a while. And as of today, two months after her original post, it looks like she is still using M regularly. I fear that, like many stories of addiction, including spontaneous age. This user won't stop today. Probably not tomorrow either. But perhaps the helpful commenters will crack the delusion that she's living in. But for now, she's looking for friends like her, addicts with morality. I hope for her sake and I mean this kindly that she doesn't find any. Instead, I hope she finds the help she deserves because no one deserves to suffer. I'm losing my mind and true thoughts are something we all deal with. We all know the feeling. When someone is walking ahead of you very slowly and you're in a rush and some lizard brain part of yourself is saying, God, if I could only curse this guy out right here, right now. But you stop yourself and say, what am I thinking right now? I'm an adult. I would never do that. And you swallow the thoughts and move on with your day. Or you're dealing with an annoying customer at work. They ask for help one too many times and suddenly you catch yourself thinking, I hope they trip and fall out of the door. In fact, I hope when they get up, they fall again into a bus with bad breaks. And you stop yourself and think, whoa, where did that thought come from? Or when you're dealing with that one friend who you know is only a friend and today they're wearing something beautiful and they make you laugh for the thousandth time and suddenly the words want to go on a date or on the tip of your tongue. Heavy like lead. These aren't worries. They aren't daydreams. They aren't a measure of morality. They're intrusive thoughts. And for most of us, they are a completely normal part of living. According to a 2014 study, 94% of people reported experiencing at least one intrusive thoughts within the past three months. They are categorically unwanted and uncontrollable. Sometimes being violent or embarrassing, gross or disturbing. But more or less totally normal. And for most of us, they are a brief disturbance in our lives. And we can let it pass. And an emphasis on most of us. On our slash and truth of thoughts, we find many users who are wrestling with this very common issue. Some of the posts are silly, like user, bird, yena, who writes, I'm really thirsty. I should drink the pool water. And that's honestly pretty funny. I'm sure many people have had the same thought and the comments reflect it. But some are more debilitating, graphic and downright disturbing. That same user, bird, yena writes, I could just murder my entire family in their sleep. And the comments reflect it. And this is a pattern we see across the entire subreddit. A violent image passes through someone's mind. And while most would dismiss it, others become obsessive. One user says, I constantly think about killing people, whether it is strangers or family. No one is safe. There is no malice. They just appear. Another user says, I should invite a stranger around my house, murder them, and tell the police I came downstairs to find a stranger with a knife. And another says, I could probably force myself on that girl that lied about being attacked, and get away with it. Those posts are particularly detailed. But this next one is. And there's a reason I want to talk about it. It reads, warning for heavily violent and psycho stuff. I feel terrible for some of the things I think in my head. But I've never acted on the bad ones. Never. I have thought of hurting people and cutting animals to pieces and taking them apart like I do electronics, of digging my hands inside them and feeling around for their organs. I have thought about torturing people. Things like flaying and passing hot metal over. What's underneath? Carving words into somebody. I've thought about using my bare hand to pull someone apart, of putting my hand in their torso and just pulling out whatever I can hold. I have thought about just watching the light leave their eyes as I calmly kill somebody. I don't like them, but they don't disturb me either. These things have never really disturbed me. So when I think about these things, I feel bad and wrong, but not turned away. I want to say I would never. But I think if I felt someone deserved it, I would. But it would have to be a serious crime against someone I love. I feel like a psycho because this can't be normal, other than a feeling of being a bad person, which I have all the time regardless of intrusive thoughts. I'm not disgusted. If anything, I'm somewhat fascinated by the things I think. I know they're sickening thoughts. I know that things like that would be seen as twisted and psychotic by others. But to me, it's just a thought I have. They have no bearing on my actions. So I pay them no mind, unless I'm already in a bad place mentally at the time, then I self-love. And the reason I wanted to talk about this post is because it is titled "Am I a bad person?" A very good question, and as we begin to explore our slash intrusive thoughts and the users who frequently post there, we do see some downright disturbing content. Like this post, that reads, "I keep on having terrible thoughts of doing disgusting, vile things to my friend, and I think it might be causing me to lose it. I keep on having intrusive thoughts about kidnapping my best friend and doing experiments on her, forcing her to be intimate against her will with dogs, doing it all myself, etc. And I feel terrible for having these thoughts like anyone would. My parents won't let me get help no matter how much I ask. It's gone to the point that I have to actively stop myself from doing it some days, and on some days I lose the ability to control my body and try to walk to her house. I usually snap out of it within an hour or two, which is good because that's less time than it would take for me to actually do anything. But it's still a major issue because I usually end up snapping out of it in random spots around the root to her house. It scares me." Now this is a super horrified post, and there are many stories just like this, violent, morbid thoughts, disgusting urges to do the inhumane, and some of them are written so casually. It's just jarring. But another line I think is important there. It scares me. Now just to clarify, I am not standing on a soapbox defending some guy wanting to violate and murder his friend. That is not my stance here. But that one line I'm scared is a common through line I see across the entire community of our slash intrusive thoughts. This user, like many others, is not waiting idly while his dark desires pour in uncontrollable way. He wants help. He can't get it. And bottom line, he is scared of himself. And this is where intrusive thoughts have the capacity to destroy lives. Not just the individual, but those around them. It's a common pattern I see across the thread. They begin to question it. Why did I think that? Does that mean I want it to do it, am I a bad person? And before long, a series of unwanted thoughts becomes a days long spiral of fear, guilt, and self doubt. Not because they want to do these things, but because the thoughts feel so vivid, so convincing that they begin to lose trust in themselves. And for the mentally ill, this is a troublesome place to end up because if they aren't in control of these dark thoughts, what happens next? One user, who is a frequent post on our slash intrusive thoughts, switches over to our slash venting, where he describes his own experiences and struggles with crippling, demented intrusive thoughts. He writes the following, edited for decency. Intrusive thoughts are my deepest desires. I do not know anymore. I think I've always been a weirdo, or at least a deviant, even since I was a kid. Example, using deviant art at the ripe age of eight, with random flare outs of my issues that I could at least kind of cope with, lately though, it's just been terrible to deal with. I fixate and obsess on my thoughts for hours. I've noticed that they get worse when I'm angry. I get mad. I think about hurting people, and um, yeah, can't stop thinking about guts. I can't keep handling the violent thoughts and urges that get so intense, I have to hit myself to prevent hurting someone else. I cannot do it anymore. I have no one to talk to. My mom will either laugh at me or get disgusted. My siblings are no better. My therapist left me, etc. And why would I willingly tell my friends or anyone I know? I would be left in seconds. This is really my life. This is my sad, sad life. In the flesh, I'm living it. It's not fake. It's not a nightmare I'll wake up from. It's real. It's not a ha ha funny joke. I'm actually mentally ill. My brain just continues to rot, and I can't get help. It's like watching my life just slowly melt away. Usually when I get this way, I just rewatch fight club or wait it out, but nothing's really helping. I get angered so easily lately, I just think about hurting everyone around me. The tension and the frustration have gotten so bad, I've started to do some extreme things to myself again. But even that doesn't help. To think that maybe I wouldn't be this way had I been born neurotypical and loved a little more as a child. I think this user's candor makes something very clear. For those suffering from these intrusive thoughts, the thoughts are just as unwelcome to them as they are jarring for us. And he's not alone. His story is reflected in many other posts in our slash intrusive thoughts. Things of guilt, of shame, and the inability to stop thinking those things. But I'm here to tell you, look, I'm not a doctor, or a psychologist, or anything. And this is not medical advice. But in my opinion, these people aren't callous or sociopathic. The vast majority of them in mass are visibly and vocally suffering with a crisis of morality. It's a cognitive dissonance between the darkest thoughts imaginable and an empathetic person being crushed by the weight of their own mind. Sociopaths don't have that. They don't have empathy, or a conscious concern for their own actions or thoughts. So what's actually going on here? Normal, healthy people aren't dealing with this many disturbing thoughts in a day. And if they are, they're certainly and observably in control. So what makes the users on our slash intrusive thoughts any different? Well, intrusive thoughts are a common symptom of multiple mental disorders, which weaken the brain's ability to regulate disturbing thoughts. One of the most well-known is obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD. Now when most people hear OCD, they picture someone obsessively cleaning their house, lining up pencils, washing their hands, howie-man-dellen, his germaphobia is a good example. But the truth about OCD is, it isn't just about being clean, or being organized. It's about undeniable compulsion and doubt, relentless suffocating doubt. Some like most people, someone suffering from my mental illness like OCD, can't dismiss their intrusive thoughts. Their brain treats the thought like an emergency. Did I lock the front door? If I didn't, the house will get broken into. So I better check the door again. And is the stove still on? Because if it is, the house might burn down, so I better check the stove again. And when they have disturbing thoughts of doing something extreme to themselves, or others, violent, angry, malicious thoughts, that doubt starts to creep in hard. What if I really want to do that? What if that says something terrible about me? What if I am dangerous? Am I a monster? This so begins a cycle of reassurance seeking, researching, avoiding, and mentally reviewing every detail of their lives. And the more they obsess over the compulsion, the deeper root the compulsion becomes, until their life is entirely consumed by the thought. And the cognitive dissonance these people experience, at the crossroads of morality versus intrusive thinking, sends them into a very dark, very painful place. User on X the Dutch angel writes, intrusive thoughts are ruining my life. I've never made a post here, let alone use this sigh often, but I guess I just need to write this down somewhere. I've been dealing with two thoughts, one more than a year. I believe the other a few months. Everything is working, and I feel like I'm going insane. I'm constantly terrified of them, and I have to constantly distract myself, or they creep in, and it's near impossible to get them to be quiet. They have destroyed my sleep schedule. I've been having to stay up very, very late upwards of 4 a.m. just watching YouTube or playing games, until I literally pass out. It's caused me to stress eat, and I'm scared. to go outside as there are things which can trigger these thoughts. I used to be skinny but now I've gained weight and I hate how I look but I can't fix that when I try to do fix these. It feels like as I deserve this. Like these thoughts are truly me. But that can't be real. I will never accept that but it still hurts just the same. It ruined many many things and even too good job possibilities. I don't know what to do. I've asked for help and I have not received any. I don't want to die and I don't plan on committedness word but this is unbearable. It's unfair. All I ever wanted to do was help people. Hell. I wanted to be a firefighter. Now I'm too scared to even go outside. Now I think it's important to say this isn't just an OCD thing. We see the same characteristics of debilitating intrusive thoughts in many mental disorders. People with PTSD, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and many more have symptomatic intrusive thoughts listed as a side effect. Now just to make this abundantly clear, this entry is not me villainizing the mentally ill or those struggling with disorders or compulsions. People with OCD are not monsters because they have OCD. They have no control over that and the thoughts themselves don't make anyone a bad person. If thinking about criminal behavior and disturbing actions was a crime, I'm a YouTuber who covers the worst crimes imaginable. I'd be guilty too. The horror of these posts in my opinion is watching someone lose a very long battle with their own mind. These horrifying thoughts are scary enough on their own, reading it on a reddit page. Now imagine that happening in your own head, all day, every day, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. That's a fresh hell I can't even begin to imagine. We all know what it's like to feel guilty, to feel ashamed or scared or overwhelmed. And when those heart emotions come, you always have someone to lean on no matter what. Someone you can trust and that person is yourself. But for those struggling with debilitating intrusive thoughts, yourself becomes the enemy. When the burden becomes too great and you don't know how to make it out, who can you trust if not yourself? Well, in this next reddit post, we find out, the user writes, "My intrusive thoughts have made me want to commit S-word. I have OCD and one of my worst symptoms is intrusive thoughts. For the past week I've gotten them non-stop and I can't focus on anything else. They disgust me and make me feel like a horrible person. I know logically that they're just thoughts and me feeling disgusted by them means I don't actually want to do the things I'm thinking of, but it's exhausting. It's gotten worse within the past few years and it's pushed me to the point where I just want to commit S-word. I don't have any plans since I'm scared of death, but even that fears dwindling. And I'm worried I might try to commit S-word in the near future if things don't change. The only problem is I have no idea how to change things. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or reassurance or maybe even someone dealing with something similar, but I just needed to talk about it. This user is tired of carrying the weight of their intrusive thoughts on their shoulders and they're exhausted. So if they can't rely on themselves, who can they rely on? Well, I will let this commenter answer that question. OP. Let's talk. The world is so messy right now, you're not alone. You're probably in a large group slowly becoming the majority. I fully empathize with you, things are hard. I think often the same things you are mentioning. Let's chat and see if we can't figure this out together. In almost every single post we see the same thing, people helping each other. I know it's hard, but you don't have to die. There are medications and therapies out there that can help you. I have PTSD, depression and anxiety. There was a time when I was a lot like you, just waiting to pass away. You just have to be persistent. I believe in you. When I first went through our slash and truths of thoughts, I was honestly horrified. I can't lie. Reading the stories of people my age, conjuring up thoughts that are beyond disturbing. Some of them are unimaginably cruel or sadistic. And come to find out, these people are suffering through a mental illness they can't control. Swallot up by those same disturbing thoughts, crippled by them. With a chronic distrust for themselves, their judgment and their minds. Well, it's heartbreaking. But the truth is, as we've seen, nobody has to suffer alone. Although some of these posts are honestly downright terrifying, it is refreshing to cover a story where people are being genuinely helpful and kind and trying to be available for individuals who are suffering. The world is a dark place, guys. I should know. I spend the majority of my day reading and writing stories about it, but for all of the evil disturbing people I write about. There are just as many good, kind, loving people in this world. That's the truth. So to those of you at home who are suffering, remember, you are never alone. And if right now you're not strong enough to brave this unfair and horrible world by yourself, we, your friends, your family, your community, we will always be here to help. I didn't know when I started writing this video that it was going to turn so mental health heavy, but as I'm wrapping this up, I think these issues are important to talk about. Between the two stories we just read, there are hundreds of thousands of sufferers who fall into one of these categories. Addiction, mental illness, thoughts of committee nest word, and you know, I have a platform now, so I want to provide some resources for you or for anyone you know who's struggling with any of these issues. Thank you guys so much for watching. Make sure to like and subscribe, and this is Snoke, and I'll see you next time. Bye.