Understand the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn survival responses

(upbeat music) You ever find yourself snapping at your partner for no real reason, or shutting down in a meeting even though you had something important to say, or ghosting someone even though you really like them, or bending over backward to keep the peace, even when it costs you your dignity. That's your nervous system doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep you safe. These reactions have names. Let me introduce you to the trauma response squad. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. And no, this isn't a new R&B group or a Marvel spin-off. These are deeply rooted biological responses to stress and perceived danger. And when left unchecked, they can run your whole emotional life. Let's break them down, explore how they show up, and most importantly, talk about how we can work with them instead of against them. Because you deserve to feel safe, powerful, and in charge of your life. Welcome back to Savvy Psychologist. I'm your host, Dr. Monica Johnson. Every week on this show, I'll help you face life challenges with evidence-based approaches, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment. When your brain senses danger, real, or imagined, it flips into survival mode. This happens in the amygdala. It doesn't ask questions like, is this really a threat? Or is this just a zoom call with my boss? It just reacts. Your autonomic nervous system then sends signals to your body to prepare for danger no matter what kind it is. That process, which kicks in faster than you can say microaggression, is called the stress response. And it typically falls into one of four categories. Number one is fight. Your brain thinks, I can take this. So it gears you up to confront the threat head on. What it looks like in real life? Snapping at a loved one when you feel hurt or cornered, clenching your jaw or fists in traffic, arguing aggressively when you feel misunderstood, going full on, let me speak to the manager. When boundaries are crossed, even if the situation may not call for it. Fight mode can be protective, especially when we do need to stand up for ourselves. But sometimes we fight because we feel powerless or afraid and we're trying to get control. Number two is flight. The brain says, nope, we out. Your system tells you to escape, whether physically or emotionally. What it can look like in real life? Avoiding hard conversations or conflict like it's the plague. Overworking to avoid feeling anxious, ending relationships prematurely when things get vulnerable or scrolling for three hours straight instead of addressing your emotions. Flight often comes from fear of being harmed, rejected or overwhelmed. It can feel like you're running for your life, even when you're just running from a text. Number three is freeze. The brain says, we can't fight or flee, so let's shut down. This is a form of dissociation where the body goes still but the mind is still racing or checked out entirely. What it can look like in real life, feeling numb, detached or spaced out, zoning out in meetings or in arguments, struggling to make decisions, so analysis paralysis, and staying in toxic situations because it feels safer than leaving. Freeze is often a trauma response that kicks in when we've learned that speaking up or leaving isn't safe. It's your brain's way of saying, let's play dead until the danger passes. Number four is fawn. The brain says, let me appease the danger so I can survive. Fawn is the least talked about response, but so many of us live there. Over apologizing even when it's not your fault, people pleasing to avoid rejection, losing your voice or needs in relationships, or becoming who others want you to be, not who you are. Fawning often develops in childhood, if you've learned that being compliant or good was the only way to stay safe. Especially in families with trauma, substance abuse, or emotional neglect. (upbeat music) You may be thinking, how do I stop this? Here's the thing, your nervous system isn't dramatic or weak. It's doing its job trying to protect you with old software it installed a long time ago. But the problem is, not every uncomfortable situation is a tiger at your doorstep. And as previously mentioned, your nervous system can't update itself to modern times without your help. Research tells us that the more we understand our nervous system, the more capacity we have to self-regulate, build resilience and reclaim agency. These responses aren't character flaws, they're survival skills. The goal isn't to get rid of them, it's to recognize them and respond in ways that align with who you want to be. So what actually helps when you notice you're stuck in one of these responses? Number one is self-awareness is the first step. Notice your body, ask yourself, am I clenching or shaking? Do I feel numb or floaty? Do I want to run or disappear? Keeping a trauma response journal can help you track your patterns and begin to understand your unique nervous system map. You're not a one-size-fits-all human being. There is overlap in the human experience, but what something feels like in your system may be different than mine. What you may need in those moments may be diametrically different from my own. Turn inward, not outward when doing this type of work. Number two is to use somatic or body-based strategies. This can look like deep belly breathing, shaking or dancing it out, tapping, or also known as the emotional freedom technique, or vagal toning, like humming, gargling or chanting. These all help calm the nervous system and bring you back to the window of tolerance. That sweet spot where you can feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Number three is to create a safety kit. This could be physical or digital. Keep it where you know you'll remember and include things that make you feel safe, like a playlist of calming music, a list of supportive affirmations, photos of people or places that make you feel safe, or sensory items like a fidget toy, a central oil roller, or soft fabric. Number four is to get support. Therapist trained and trauma-informed approaches can help you go deeper. You don't have to figure this out alone. Sometimes your body needs someone else to help you co-regulate and rewire those deep beliefs about safety. If individual therapy isn't for you at this time, you can choose group therapy or support groups, which are often available for free or lower cost than individual therapy. Understanding the fight, flight, freeze, and fond responses isn't about labeling yourself. It's about giving your inner world some compassion and your healing journey some direction. So the next time your body acts like it's in a life or death situation over delayed text or a weird comment from your boss, you can pause and say, "Oh, I see what's happening here." And maybe, just maybe. You can meet yourself with a little less judgment and a little more grace. Because healing is not about being unshakable. It's about knowing how to ground yourself when life quakes occur. You got this. And I've got your back with evidence-based information to help you along the way. Which of your survival responses are you working on? Let me know. You can contact me via Instagram @kindmindsake or via my email at [email protected]. The Savvy Psychologist is a Quickendirty Tips podcast. It's audio engineered by Steve Rickey-Burg. The director of podcasts is Holly Hutchings. Our podcast and advertising operation specialist is Martin Christensen. And Nathaniel Hoops is our marketing contractor. Follow Savvy Psychologist on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's all for this episode of Savvy Psychologist. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next week. (upbeat music)