115: Uncle Fester Takeover (HALLOWEEN SPECIAL)

(beep) - Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. (singing) (singing) - Emily Gomesh. (laughing) Gomesh, guys. (laughing) - Is it giving trans-uncle festers? - Guys, be serious. Gomesh, Debbie, with all my show. No, but can we hear some fucking chatter for Uncle Fester? (clapping) Okay, guys. Happy Halloween! (singing) (singing) Pumpkin. (laughing) Pumpkin, pumpkin. - Dumbass, pumpkin. (laughing) Okay, guys, happy freaking Halloween. It's the day, it's the time, it's the year. It's the most wonderful time of the year. There'll be much with so blowing and. - I don't really know the words of that song. Okay, and I texted a picture myself to Drew and she said I look like no's for ought to. - Fuck you, bitch. - Fuck you, bitch. - I'm Fester Adams. - How? - Okay. So, what's up with the document for today? (laughing) - First of all, I need to tell everyone, Uncle Fester is on his period. (laughing) Uncle Fester's on his period. And that just needs to be said, because there's a lot of things going on in my brain right now. And maybe I don't know how to put on a bald cap and let my ears out. 'Cause I'm kind of deaf in both ears right now. I'm kind of. (laughing) You should have said. First of all, I did my own glam. Thank you. I did my own glam. - Stop, yes. - And was I in the mirror for about 20 minutes practicing Uncle Fester faces? - Yeah, I was. Okay. Guys, for the audio listeners, unfortunately, this is kind of a visual one. (laughing) - This is a visual one. Okay, we all know that I've freaking a lot of Halloween. - Okay, millennial moment. Sometimes you gotta tap into that, you gotta tap into the millennial cringe to be free. And I'm not even millennial. And don't, don't, I don't wanna hear it. I'm not even millennial, but sometimes you gotta tap into I freaking love bats. - Mom's love that video, by the way. Mom's freaking love that video. - Friggin. - Bring back friggin. I'm trying to bring back fears, and I'm trying to bring back friggin. (laughing) That is totally friggin' fears. Okay, guys, we're gonna deep dive into kind of the backstory of Halloween here today. Because Halloween, guess what? Irish holiday. Hate to tell you guys. I hate to report it. I know every country, every culture kind of has their version of Halloween, but Irish Halloween. Okay? Here's the deal. I kinda wanna tell you guys what I, my family did growing up for Halloween, and some hot takes that I have on Halloween. Because there is a best type of candy. There is a worst type of house to go to to trick or treat. And I also think, we discussed this on Drew and Caleb's podcast and me and Drew went on. Can I speak? Can I speak? I think that there is an age that you kind of graduate out of trick or treating, unfortunately. However, however, look at me. If I showed up on your doorstep, you're telling me you wouldn't give me candy? If I said, "Go, Mesh." (laughs) And then I had a pillowcase. And I was like, "Scuse me, Mesh. "Go, Mesh. "Happy Halloween." And I did this. Actually, they might call the cops. 'Cause I'm looking at myself in the Defender and I'm like, "Oh, wow. "Wow." When I was a kid, we used to do, we either some years would go full like, balls to the wall Halloween, where we would do like, fog machine. I would scare the kids that came up to the door because that's a simple pleasure in life, okay? I had this friend in high school named Kaylee who used to do like, special effects makeup. That was her special interest. She used to do like, gory, nasty special effects makeup. She used to post it on Tumblr and Instagram and shit like that. And so she would do these crazy like, look like she got hit in the head with an axe, like flesh, flaying off the bone. And we, I would just wear a cape, okay? Because sometimes a cape is the scariest thing of all. A grown woman in a cape. Actually, I was 15. And my dad would be at the door with the fog machine going, you know, "Happy Halloween, kiddie." And that's already scary enough, right? Like, you've got five, six, seven year old kids coming up to the door, "Oh, fog machine. "We've got scary Halloween music playing." We've got, we would do the fake cobwebs everywhere. And the likes, shit in the yard. Then you've got double whammy, me and my friend Kayleigh to mentally ill teenagers rushing these kids. Okay, so they come up, "Happy Halloween." (screams) Armin and Kayleigh would do, "Help me! "Shit, you gotta kill me!" We'd do that. And then the kids would run away crying. And there is such an innate joy in causing that, in being the cause of that. We would do that one year for Halloween. I was a red Eminem because the costume was, plus size, friendly. One year, I was, well, I was Kylo Ren two years ago. I like a costume that is easily recognizable. And I say that dressed as Uncle Fester, okay? Because I figured, "Bitch is no Uncle Fester." The bitches go crazy for Uncle Fester. Yeah, Halloween in my family is fun. It's definitely, my Nana dresses up like a witch. She paints her face green. (laughs) And like, does her witch cackle. She scares away the kids. Because it's a test of honor, okay? It's a test of courage and honor. If you can come to the door and if my Nana's doing, (laughs) can you come get a candy? Because if you can, you've earned that candy, okay? And if you can't, then get the fuck up my porch! Sometimes I wonder why am I like this? And I'm like, that's my Nana. She made me, she kind of, it's genetic. (laughs) Whatever's wrong with me right now here that you can see kind of visually, my Nana gave it to me. So, okay, let's deep dive into the history of Halloween, Halloween. Because what is trick or treat? That's kind of a fucked up concept. Trick or treat. Origin. (singing in foreign language) Okay, Trick or Treating, traditional Halloween, custom for children and adults in some countries, dead or dogs, over 31st, yes. Dread people dressing costumes and you get a trick and earn you get a treat, confectionery, candy sweets. Although in some cultures, money is given instead. The trick refers to a threat, (laughs) usually idle to perform mischief on the residence or their property if no treat is given. We need to bring back tricks on Halloween. Way too many treats. I'm tired of seeing treats. I'm tired of the gluten-free, sugar-free, carb-less, high-protein Halloween treat. Okay, what I wanna see is more tricks. Trick or treat. And then you gotta start dancing. Trick. Okay, and then I do a head spin. Trick, armed robbery. (laughs) Trick or treat? Trick, orson. I throw a Molotov cocktail through your window when I run away. And it's like, who did it? I don't know, it was a little girl. Maybe it was a little boy. I don't know, dressed as Uncle Fester. Actually, they worked that little. They were kind of mid-sized plus size and they were about five foot nine. (laughs) Grown as man, Uncle Fester. We need to bring back tricks. What were, what tricks for trick or treat? Oh, this is just stupid as fuck. This is actually gonna piss me off. Our son's trick is a big scary smile. Trick, pull my finger. Okay, that's funny. And then I shit myself. (laughs) And then I load my adult underwear with human diarrhea. (laughs) My son loves his treats so always willing to perform a trick or tell the joke. He loves the fake eyeball lollies to pretend his eye fell out. I'm on the fucker of this website from Australia. Not a real place. Best tricks for trick or treat. Okay, here we go, Reddit or slash Halloween. Someone said, I would not do this. Do you want your house T-peed or egg? Because this is how you get your house T-peed or egged. Okay, bring back egging people's houses. Bring back, I got T-peed once actually in high school. and I got in trouble. I didn't do it. Someone teaped our house and my parents, I was in trouble with my parents. What the fuck? I don't know who did it. The history of trick-or-treating traces back to Scotland and Ireland, where the tradition of guising, geezing goes back, going house to hell. (singing in foreign language) Going house to hell, and why does a minion speak Spanish? Why is minionese like an offshoot of Spanish? Have I, have we Googled this before in this podcast? Why are the minions Latinx? Who made that creative decision? You know what I mean? How like an avatar way of water? Like all, it's just like ripping it from island cultures. Hey, these are fake people. We can't come up with like a fit. I digress. Going house to house at Halloween and putting on a small performance to be rewarded with food or treats. Now I like that, okay? You want a Snickers dance, put on a show. I wanna see choreography. I wanna see you guys work for this fucking treat. Because that's the thing with kids these days, entitled, entitled, they can't read, they can't write cursive. All they know is be on their phone, have ADHD, watch Cocoa Melon, okay? And probably I am an enjoyer of all three of those things as well. However, if you want some snacks or treats from me, I'm gonna need to see some dancing. I'm gonna need to see some form of entertainment that you're gonna put on for me while I sit in the threshold of my doorstep. And I can hand out this Walmart candy, okay? I don't even do that though. I can't 'cause then people would be like, I know where she lives, okay? And she was dressed as Uncle Fester and she wasn't wearing pants. (laughing) And she wasn't wearing pants because guess what? I'm not. (laughing) She was dressed as Uncle Fester and she was tucked. Now what is there to talk? Not much, okay? What is her to talk? I don't know, but she kept saying I'm tucked, I'm tucked. Do you guys tuck for Uncle Fester, drag? Go Mage! Okay, moving on. (laughing) I love my job. Here's the thing about trick or treating. Here's what I wanna do, okay? If I were ever to like be the house that kids come to, first of all, I'm dressing up scary as fuck. My house is going to be ominous. When I have like, okay, 10, 15 years from now, life's kinda settled down. I'm no longer like, hey guys, what's up? Here's the butthole picture of the day. I'm gonna be with my man. Ideally Irish. We're sitting in chairs and lounge chairs in the front of my house. It is completely decorated like a haunted house. It is spooky as fuck, okay? If you approach the doorstep, I'm dressed like Fester. My man is dressed like Debbie, okay? (laughing) Because yeah, you have to come up and I'm gonna say, you have to recite five facts about the global state of politics and economics right now. You have to give me the current GDP of your favorite country now, no Googling, no chat GPT. I'm gonna ask kids to popcorn read for their fucking treat. Go ahead and write your name in cursive for me and I'm gonna grade it. And if it's good, I'll give you a treat and if it's bad, I'm gonna shoot you. (laughing) If it's bad, I'm gonna start. If it's bad, I'm gonna call your parents. And we're gonna have a sit down discussion. You are going to be disciplined. It's not up to me, I'm not your parent, but you are going to be disciplined. I pad taken away, you know, no phone time for a week. I don't know what it is, okay? You can't see your e-character AI boyfriend. I don't give a fuck. You can't write your name in cursive. Trick. The history of trick-or-treating, like we said, goes back to Scotland and Ireland. Going house to house and putting on a small performance to be rewarded with food or treats. Goes back at least as far as the 16th century. As does the tradition of people wearing costumes at Halloween. And I'm sure you guys have seen those scariest book pictures of like Halloween costumes from the 1930s. And it's like human flesh masks, I don't fucking know. Or like Mickey Mouse Convention from 1941. And it's just like the scariest, most terrifying cult masks you've ever seen. There are many accounts from 19th century Scotland and Ireland of people going house to house in costume at Halloween. Reciting verses in exchange for food. Go ahead and recite me seven shame as Haney poems right now. I need you to repeat the Gettysburg address, starting in three, two, one. Reciting verses in exchange for food and sometimes warning of misfortune if they were not welcomed. In North America, the earliest known occurrence of geese geezing is from 1898. When children were recorded as having done this in the province of British Columbia, Canada, the interjection trick or treat was then first recorded in the Canadian province of Ontario in 1917. Wow, the Canadians are the spooky ones. What is the link between Canada and Halloween? Do you guys love it up there? What are you guys doing up there? Is anyone monitoring Canada? We need to leave you guys with like a guardian. I don't really know what the Canadians are up to. There's a lot going on down here south of the border, meaning America. So just can someone check on the Canadians? While going house to house in costume has long been popular among the Scots and Irish, it is only in the 2000s that saying trick or treat has become common in Scotland and Ireland. Prior to this, children in Ireland would commonly say, help to Halloween party at the doors of homeowners. What does that mean? Up to Halloween party. I'm working on the Irish accent. It's not where it needs to be. I'm not proud of it. I'm going to keep doing it. Don't get me wrong, but it's not great, okay? Oh, if you're fucking Halloween costume, that's class. Grand, very good, very good, very good. The activity is prevalent in the englosferic countries, great word, of the United Kingdom, Ireland, the United States and Canada. It also has extended into Mexico. In Northwestern and Central Mexico, the practice is called calaverita, calaverita, Spanish diminutive for calavera, skull. And instead of trick or treat, the children ask, "Medame calaverita, can you give me my little skull?" That is so cute. Where a calaverita is a small skull made of sugar or chocolate. Nasi, I like that. 'Cause kids, they're polite with it. They come to the door, can I have this? Can you give this to me?" And then, of course, the answer is yes, I'm not going to make you dance for it because you asked nice. But this trick or treat, bullshit, start dancing. Start dancing now. Recite me a poem. Recite me a scene from a play. I want to see you dance. I want to see a talent show. I want to see a special hidden talent. Okay, even do that shit where you like, remember those kids in middle school would like flip their eyelids upside down? You'd have to like, and we'd all do it again. You remember those kids who used to shoot milk out of their eyes? Was that just like, that is such a public school thing? Okay, I don't know if the little kids who were going to like Catholic school and all that, they weren't in the public lunch room with the government-funded lunch meals shooting milk out of their eye sockets. I don't know if that was happening. That was reserved exclusively for the public school kids. And I'm happy. I'm very grateful I went to public school 'cause it made me who I am. It made me funny, I think. And it made me very aware. Private school, who the fuck knows what's going on over there, you guys? Seriously, get your head out of your ass and start shooting milk out of your eye. Find something weird to do with your body and you need to start doing it, okay? 'Cause that's how you get attention and it's how you get social points, okay? You need to be the kid that's doing weird things with their body. You need to be the kid that is a little bit off the beaten path because even if you're weird, you're still famous and that's important. That's important in the social hierarchy of elementary middle school and high school. Is you need to be, oh yeah, that's Jason. He's cool, he just shoots milk out of his eye. Oh, I went to high school with that kid. Yeah, he's just shoot milk out of his eye. See you're immortalized. Just giving you guys advice. The custom of trick or treating on Halloween may come from the belief that supernatural beings or the souls of the dead roamed the earth at this time and needed to be appeased. All right, I like that, okay? You're dancing for the ghosts. You're reciting scenes from normal people for the ghosts. Entertain them, they're fucking dead, another board. Give them something, they don't have Hulu. They don't have Disney Plus. Show them what's going on. Among Celtic speaking peoples, it was seen as a liminal time. I like that word, liminal. When the spirits or fairies, the Aussie, did I say that right, out, A-O-S-S-I, but it's an Irish, it's in Celtic, Aussie. And the souls of the dead came into our world and were appeased with offerings of food and drink. Now, that's similar to, where you leave out an offering. Similar beliefs and customs were found in other parts of Europe. It is suggested that trick or treating evolved from a tradition whereby people impersonated the spirits or the souls of the dead and received offerings on their behalf. SV pedal suggests they personify the old spirits of the winter who demand. "and it reward in exchange for good fortune." Hmm. Impersonating these spirits or souls was also believed to protect one's self from them. I like that and it's tried and true, okay? Leave an offering as a, "Please don't fuck with me, dude." Look, I gave you the like dried meat and fruit. Can you just please, don't fuck with me. Life is hard enough. I don't need someone over my shoulder while I'm trying to watch Hulu be in like, skip back 10 seconds or like making it load, like it's loading over and over constantly. Like, it's skipping, it's glitching. I'm just trying to watch my show and you're pissing me off and it's 'cause I didn't leave an offering. Okay, let's go back. What is the origin of jackal lanterns? What is origin of pumpkin? Pumpkin. Dama pumpkin. Jackal lantern. Who is Jack? Jackal lantern with capidia. A carved lantern, most commonly made from a pumpkin or formerly a root vegetable, such as Mangalwitzel, Rudabaga, that's how you spell Rudabaga. (laughing) Rudabaga. These are like the shits from Harry Potter that scream, right? Rudabaga or sweet is a root vegetable, a form of brassica napis. (laughing) Sweetish turnip and turnip. Oh, it's just a turnip. Maybe that usually refers to the related white turnip. Who gives the fuck? Guys, who fucking cares? I do wanna know what a Mangalwitzel is. Mangalwitzel. Mangalbeat, fieldbeat, fodderbeat. And root of scarcity is a cultivated root vegetable. Very interesting. It is suggested. Oh, here we go back to Ireland, dude. I'm telling you, everything goes back to that fucking place. Everything. Its name comes from the phenomenon of strange lights flickering over peat bogs called jackal lanterns, also known as Willow the Wisps. It is suggested that the name also has ties to the Irish legend of Stingy Jack, a drunkard who bargains with Satan. Oh my God, I'm really excited. I just can't really excited. I just got really excited at Stingy Jack. What the fuck? Wait, I just got really, oh, pumpkin. The Irish legend of Stingy Jack, a drunkard who bargains with Satan and is doomed to roam the earth with only a hollowed turnip to light his way. That's what I'm fucking talking about. And yeah, we're clicking on the Stingy Jack. Stingy Jackal lantern, also known as Jack the Smith, drunk Jack, flaky Jack, Jackal lantern, and pumpkin Jack, pumpkin is a mythical character sometimes associated with all Hallows Eve, while also acting as the mascot of the holiday. Several centuries ago in Ireland, they're lived a drunkard known as Stingy Jack. He was known throughout the land as a deceiver or manipulator. He was a gas lighter male manipulator, and he probably had a fucking mustache and wore diesel jeans. On a fateful night, Satan overheard the tale of Jack's evil deeds and silver tongue. Unconvince and envious of the rumors, the devil went to find out for himself whether or not Jack lived up to his vile reputation. Typical of Jack, he was drunk and wandering through the countryside at night when he came upon a body on his cobblestone path. What? The body, with an eerie grimace on its face, turned out to be the devil himself. Jack realized that this was his end. Satan had finally come to collect his malevolent soul. So Jack made a last request. He asked the devil to let him drink ale before he departed to hell, period. One more get us for this house, sir. Finding no reason not to acquiesce the request, Satan took Jack to the local pub and supplied him with many alcoholic beverages. Upon quenching his thirst, Jack asked Satan to pay the tab for the ale. (laughing) Oh, fuck man, that was good. I think I left my wallet on that cross paths where I found your dead body. Yeah, no, no, I use it, no, it's right here, it's usually in my co-pocket, but you know, we kinda, I was so taken aback, you're the devil, you're the devil. And I think I dropped it if you wouldn't mind, 'cause I know I'm about to die. Would you mind covering this tab? I mean, I got you for eternity in the afterlife, but would you just mind putting down that Mx, thank you so much. Jack asked Satan to pay the tab for the ale. Much to his surprise, 'cause he didn't carry any money. Jack convinced him to turn himself into a silver coin with which to pay the bartender and change back when he's not looking. Satan did so, impressed upon by Jack's unyielding, nefarious tactics. Shrewdly, Jack stuck the now transmogrified Satan, coin, and to his pocket, which also contained a crucifix. What the hell's going on? Jack is a master male manipulator. How are you gonna manipulate the devil? The crucifix's presence kept the devil, devil, kept the devil from escaping his form. This coerced Satan to agree to Jack's demand in exchange for his freedom he had to spare Jack's soul for 10 years. What the hell? Now you know if you make a bargain with the devil, you're losing, okay? Sure, you just earned 10 years, but what's 10 years to an eternity in hell? An eternity, and guess what? Now Satan's pissed, 'cause you got him. He got, got. You got, you got Satan, and now he's gonna fucking kill you forever. (laughs) He's gonna kill you every day forever. 10 years after the day, there's this famous, not famous, there's this super funny line from SpongeBob. Maybe it was from SpongeBob that I still think about, and it makes me laugh to this day, where he says, "He'll kill you, and then he'll go to work on you." Isn't that it? Maybe it's from the Squidward episode where he's in the "Crabby Patty" vault. And he goes, "And he'll go straight to your thighs, and then you'll blow up." And the camera pans down to his big cellulite thighs. I love SpongeBob. Okay. 10 years after the date, Jack originally struck his deal. He naturally found himself once again in the devil's presence. Jack cappin' upon Satan in the same setting as before, and he seemingly accepted it was his time to go to hell for good. As Satan prepared to take him to hell, Jack asked if he could have one apple to feed his starving belly. Foolishly, Satan once again agreed to this request. Satan, let me tell you something, man. We know Jack's not trustworthy. We know he's not a good guy. Why are we acquiescing? You feel bad for him? He's a male manipulator, okay? He's gonna keep doing it to you, and then he's gonna do it to your friend. And no, I'm coming to you as a girl. Satan, I'm coming to you as like a friend. Like, I have no skin in this game. You are not the first person he's done this to, okay? And like, I just want you to protect yourself. Like, he is a manipulator. He has this reputation. And like, I know you're giving him the benefit of the doubt, but like, protect your piece. Protect your piece, okay? 'Cause what? At first it was the drink, and now it's the apple. Like, gluttony, gluttony. Just kill him, just kill him already, okay? Kill him every day for the rest of forever. As he climbed up the branches of a nearby apple tree, Jack surrounded its base with crucifixes. And you made Satan go get the damn apple for you, bro? Satan frustrated at the fact that he had been entrapped again, demanded his release. As Jack did before, he made a second demand that he will never take his soul to hell, having no choice, the devil agreed, and was set free. Eventually, the drinking took its toll on Jack, and he died. Jack's soul prepared to enter heaven through the gates of St. Peter, but he was stopped. Jack was told by God that because of his sinful lifestyle of deceitfulness and drinking, he was not allowed into heaven. Jack then went down to the gates of hell and begged for admission into the underworld. Satan, fulfilling his obligation to Jack, could not take his soul. He gave Jack an Ember to light his way. Now, why is Satan kinder than God? And we'll get to that in a second. And we'll get to that after this commercial break. Jack is now doomed to roam the world between the planes of good and evil, with only an Ember inside a hollowed turnip. Turnip in this context, referring to a large rutabiga to light his way. So it's not even a pumpkin. It's a rutabiga. Wow, that's crazy. And who made this up? Very interesting, very, very interesting. Okay, so that's why it's called a jack-a-lantern. Mesh isn't. Well, if I can make you think. Jack-a-lanterns carved from pumpkins, pumpkin are a yearly Halloween tradition that developed in the United States. When Irish, Cornish, Scottish, and other Celtic influenced immigrants brought their root vegetable carving traditions with them, it is common to see jack-a-lanterns used as external and interior decorations prior to and on Halloween. To make a jack-a-lantern, we know how to do that. It's usually a scary or funny face carved out of the rind. Now, why is it called a will of the whisp? Oh, that's scary. What the fuck is that? In folklore, oh, now we're fucking getting into it, dude. In folklore, a will of the whisp, or Ignis Fattus, foolish flame in Latin, is an atmospheric ghost light seen by travelers at night, especially over bogs, swamps, or marshes. That's actually gonna be a fireflies, son. Yeah, I ain't no ghost. That's gonna be a firefly, they're bioluminescent. Yeah, they glow sometimes. They're endangered. They're endangered. Yeah, don't catch him. Don't put him in jars and shake him up. You'll kill him. You'll ask fix the atom You'll ask fix E8 them. Do not do it Okay, we don't have that many left. We don't have that many left man. Please don't touch him The phenomenon is known in the United Kingdom by a variety of names including Jacka Lantern, Fryer's Lantern, and Hinky Punk. Y'all really just say anything. Y'all say anything and is said to mislead and/or guide travelers by resembling a flickering lamp or lantern Equivalence of the will of the wisp appear in European folklore by various names it's in French, German, Italian, Thailand and North America the phenomenon is known as the "polding light" in the upper peninsula of Michigan The spook light in southern Missouri and northeastern Oklahoma and the St. Louis light in Saskatchewan In Arab folklore, it is known as Abu Fanous. In folklore, will of the wisp are typically attributed as ghosts, fairies or elemental spirits meant to reveal or conceal a path or direction. Ooh, you never know These wisp are portrayed as dancing or flowing in a static form until noticed or followed in which case they visually fade or disappear Modern science explains the light aspect as natural phenomena such as bioluminescence and chameleuminescence caused by the oxidation of phosphine disdifosphane and methane produced by orcanic decay. Now that is crazy. If we didn't have modern science, trust you me believe you me. I would have been the biggest like It's just signs from the fairies. That's me now. We have scientific explanations for the shit and I'm like no, it's to fairies Yeah, it's actually fairies and you're telling me to follow them So I need to follow them down the road into the forest and I need to meet the bog man And stingy jack is actually waiting for me. So I need to go talk to jack guys one moment. I need to go have a word with jack. He kills me The will of the wisp and the snake by Herman Hendrix. Look at this. They have arms, dude What what the hell Mexico has equivalents folklore explains the phenomenon to be witches who transformed into these lights Another explanation refers to the lights as indicators to places where gold or hidden treasure are buried Which can be found only with the help of children? I don't like that. And this one They are called Luces del Dineiro money lights or Luces del Tesoro treasure lights The swampy area of Massachusetts known as the bridge water triangle has folklore of ghostly orbs of light And there have been modern observations of these ghost lights in this area as well The fufolet of Louisiana derives from the French. The legend says that the fufolet is a soul sent back from the dead to do God's Penance but instead attacks people for vengeance. That's not godly Truly God's not sending down spirits to attack people. Oh My god, I read this crazy actually Little mini breaks for book club. I started perfume. You know that famous book perfume. It's like a murder story. Dude I as a purveyor as a as a a an enjoyer of a fragrance. I love this fucking book It also has just kept me like hooked. It's a short read. It's like 250 pages something like that I'm about three-fourths of the way through it. I'm gagged. I'm gagged. It's amazing. Yeah, Michael get the book. Hold on. Stay right here God damn it. Let me find it. Okay. I was talking about God sending down Spirits to hurt people like the acts of vengeance because that's what this thing said and I'm reading perfume right now Okay, gag in the coming little my parents because it's set in pairs Or at least the first half is He has this passage in here where he's kind of the main character Glynwee is Disgusting kind of in his head because he's crazy. Okay, he's crazy. He's talking about how When you really think about the concept of God Let me just do a little fucking disclaimer of course if you are religious if you believe in God power to you Okay, this whole thing of like I envy the faithful sure yes, whatever it gives you a peace at night The institution of religion. I don't really respect as a man-made thing as a man-made construct We've been through before if you've listed this podcast before you know how I feel about religion that being set aside Like this is not to be offensive. This is more from like a philosophical standpoint. Okay? If you think about God as a concept not as something that is real But something that we let govern our lives our society our rules our feelings our behavior all of these things our thought processes In here this dude is like in his mind palace. Okay, so he's in a deep state of reflection and of like self-actualization and He is almost having like an egomaniac fit where he is realizing he is more powerful than God in the the kind of dictionary definition of what God is and the role that it plays and He says He's sitting in the church. Okay. He's sitting in a church after everyone's left and he has a really distinct and Sevant level sense of smell and he's sitting in this church and he can smell like the shitty incense It's not even real incense. It's some substitute made of a blend of some fake something He says he sat there for a while with an air of devout tranquility and took deep breaths Enhaling the incense-laden air and yet another cheerful grin crossed his face. How miserable this God smelled How ridiculously bad the scent that this God let spill from him It was not even genuine frankincense Feming up out of those thurables a bad substitute adulterated with linden and cinnamon dust and salt Peter God's stank God was a poor little stinker. He had been swindled this God had or was himself a swindler no different from Grin-wee only a considerably worse one I underline that maybe laugh God stinks But I think that's that's obviously it's related, but it's different of like When you get to this level of realizing kind of how ridiculous religion is and how Deeply we've let it be ingrained and how we treat other people both positively and negatively You know how we let it dictate everything that he's sitting here having this kind of out-of-body out-of-mind Realization of like And it's not even good like it sucks anyway Would I okay? Here's a game. I want to play as well. It's called back in those times the witch trials, okay? Obviously horrendous horrifying versions of it still exists today, okay? And those times though in the middle ages what I have been accused of being a witch now the short answer is yes Look at me Now the long answer is I want to take a quiz what I have been accused of being a witch during the witch trials here is a list Of 17 signs that you'd qualify as a witch in 1692 Number one. You are a woman Okay, in this cosplay, it's a bit hard to tell but like I said Uncle Fester is on his period so Number two, you cannot support yourself financially. No, you are rich or financially independent How is that? Why would they have called someone Who's rich a witch wouldn't they have like glazed them? You have one or more woman friends You have had an argument with one or more of your women friends You are very old you are very young Dorothy good was only four years old when she confessed to being a witch. Oh my god Dorothy was imprisoned for nine months before her release You are a healer. You are married with two few or no children Your neighbors are having trouble conceiving what the fuck you have a mole birthmark or third nipple Butter or milk has spoiled in your fridge. You've had sex out of wedlock which you've attempted to predict the identity identity of your future husband So I guess yearning makes you a witch Let's do the next one 10 bizarre reasons people were accused of witchcraft during the Salem witch trials Number one being sarcastic. Okay, so everyone was stupid Number two, you didn't hear the question At the hallowed age of 71 Rebecca nurse was one of the oldest people accused of witchcraft in Salem The nail in her coffin so to speak was when they straight up asked her if she was a witch and she failed to respond because she was an old lady and she literally didn't hear them Slamming the church door lifting something heavy Making a witch cake Someone claimed to have seen a flock of birds land on your head one time Your child said so having an unfavorable personality damn That's why they call it a witch hunt did It's because it's just nonsensical it is truly nonsensical because what do you mean which What does that even mean What is the difference between a ghost and a ghoul? I would like to know What is the difference between ghost and ghoul? We're going to read it. We're going to our slush ask read it naturally A ghost is a spirit or apparition A ghoul is more like a zombie, specifically a sentient one. You're telling me a ghoul is a corporeal, corporeal being. Corporeal, as in having a corpus, as in being a body. Corporeal, corporeal. Ghoul. Picture of ghoul. Hey, Jarvis, show me a picture of a ghoul. Oh, wow! Whoa! My version of the ghoul, r/dnd. Okay. Fall out ghouls. Yeah, I've seen this dude from Fallout. Uh, ow. So they have like these crazy tongues and they're kind of fleshy. Yeah, they're kind of like zombies. Okay, what is the origin? What is the origin of ghouls? In folklore, a ghoul is a demon-like being or monstrous humanoid, often associated with graveyards and the consumption of human flesh. Ow! Ow! The concept of the ghoul originated in pre-Islamic Arabian religion. Modern fiction often uses the term to label a specific kind of monster. By extension, the word ghoul is also used in a derogatory sense to refer to a person who delights in the macabre or who's occupation directly involves death, such as a grave digger or grave robber. I would like to talk about Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein, because I believe it's out. I believe it's out, and I'm so excited to see it. I actually might go see it tonight. Fuck it. I'm very excited for that movie. I just went to, by the way, um, Universal Studios in Florida, Dark Universe opened in Epic Universe, which is that new park that's opened, and it was so fucking cool. Dark Universe is entirely themed, like Frankenstein, Dracula, and Werewolf. I got my fucking life. Me dressed like this in the park. Dracula, real? They built, like, the Frankenstein Manor, and the whole storyline is Henry Frankenstein, or Victor Frankenstein, whichever one of them, who created Frankenstein's monster. It's his great granddaughter, Victoria Frankenstein, who now runs Frankenstein Manor, and is creating, like, with kind of modern-ish technology, like this weird siphon of energy, and she trapped Dracula, and she's zapping that bitch. She's zapping that bitch, and has him in one of the crypts, and it has all these monsters, and even, like, a mummy in the crypt, and there's this crazy ride that you could go on. It's like, "It is keeping!" I got my life, and I got a hoodie. You know when it's good, you have to buy merch. So I bought some merch. But I really, really enjoyed it, and they reconstructed this old, like, Eastern European town, kind of, like, from the books, from whatever, of these people living in fear of the local monster, you know? And they kind of managed to combine the fear of vampires, and the ghouls, and the werewolf, whatever. I don't know if the werewolves fed on human flesh, I'm not sure. But it was so cool, and it's like, you know, the dark gothic, kind of, like, all the buildings sag a little bit, and it's all, and it's not German, but it's, like, Germanic, like, DOS steakhouse, like, H-A-U-S. And then you can look in the shop windows, and everything has, like, garlic hanging from it, and, like, there's wooden stakes everywhere. It was so good! It was very, very good. I got a photo with Frankenstein. Really, Frankenstein's monster. And, yeah, I really enjoyed myself. That place is awesome. The ride was great. There's a werewolf ride, very fun. I think that I need to figure out what the hell's going on with werewolf, because, like, the burning windmill, what is that? Werewolf burning windmill. Oh, it's from the Frankenstein movie. Burning Windmill. Frankenstein. It's a famous climactic scene from the 1931 movie Frankenstein, where an angry mob corners the monster in a windmill and sets it on fire. The scene represents the villager's fear and rejection of what they don't understand. It is also the inspiration for a fiery windmill effect at the burning blade tavern in Universal's epic universe theme park. Very cool. Yeah, I had no idea, and I thought that that was. I've never seen any of the werewolf movies. Curse of the werewolf, Curse of the whatever. I do feel like him sometimes, though, when I get, you know, kind of freaky. Okay, let's keep going. Okay, so that's cool, difference between cool and ghost. Let's look up some superstitions. In America, some people believe in the magical powers of black cats. I do. I do. And I know that a lot of you were going to say, "It's unfair prejudice toward black cats." I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't walk under ladders. I don't do the broken mirror shit. When I see a black cat, okay, they're cute. They are cute. I will admit that. And they look like toothless, especially if I can see the new teeth. But I'm not going to touch it. I don't know. I don't know. It's how I was raised. I don't put a hat on a bed. We've talked about this before. That's an old cowboy superstition. I don't do that. Like, there's just some things where it's like, "I don't know if it's real or not, but I'm not going to do it just to be seen." And it makes me sound stupid as fuck, but I'm not going to do it. Okay. In North America, it is bad luck if a black cat crosses your path. And good luck if a white cat crosses your path. Now, that's racist. In Britain and Ireland, it's exactly the opposite. The blue cat in Russia brings good luck. The blue is often viewed as a gray cat. What the hell? Owls. Many people used to believe that owls swooped down to eat the souls of the dining. If they heard an owl hooting, they would become frightened. A common remedy was thought to be turning your pockets inside out, and you would be safe. Humans are so dumb. Like, what do you mean? Discat bad. Discat good. See an owl? Turn my pockets inside out. lick assault lick. What are you talking about? But I get it. At the same time, I get it. Because, like, I can't put a hat on a bed. I can't do it. I don't know. Some believe if you catch a snail on Halloween night and lock it into a flat dish, then in the morning you will see the first letter of your sweetheart written in the snail slime. And I know some of you freak weirdos are going to do that tonight. I know some of y'all are going to do that. Dumb supper. No talking at the dinner table. The dumb supper was brought to America by the Africans. This is an eerie, hallowmus meal, where nobody is allowed to speak, not even whisper. It encourages spirits to come to the table. In Britain, people believed that the devil was a nut gatherer. At Halloween, nuts were used as magic charms. Peel an apple from top to bottom. The person with the longest, unbroken peel would be assured the longest life. Oh, that's scary. If you threw the apple peel over your shoulder, the initial it forms upon landing is the initial of your future mate. See, that should stew because what if you're already married? What are you supposed to do? Now, now you're fighting with your husband. Now, now you're laying in bed fighting this. I told you that we were supposed to be together. I told you that this wasn't going to work out. And we worked through it. And I know that we had the kids. And I just feel like my soulmate's out there. I just feel like he's out there. In fighting with your partner. In ancient. I'm going to mispronounce this and I'm sorry. It's the Irish word for the festival. Shaman. S-A-M-H-A-I-N. Shaman festivals. Bats would swoop over blazing fires to eat the mosquitoes. If a bat flies around a house three times, it's a death omen. If bats come out early and fly around playfully, it's a sign of good weather to come. If a bat flies into a house, it is a sign that ghosts are about and maybe the ghost let the bat in. If a bat flew into my house, I'd kill myself. If a bat flew into my fucking house, call the police. Call the fire department and set my house on fire. I can't live there anymore. That's the bat's house, it's not mine. Knock on wood. Oh my god, I do this all the time. If a girl puts a sprig of rosemary herb and a silver six pints under her pillow on Halloween night, she will see her future husband in a dream. All right, let me repeat that for all you weirdos. If a girl puts a sprig of rosemary and a silver six pints under her pillow, what is six pints? Not in general circulation and has no face value in the UK. Fuck. Though a decimal six pints was briefly valued at 2.5 new pints. Okay, well what would it be? It's 140th of a pound or half a shilling. 140th of a pound. I can't even do that math and I don't give a fuck. And I don't care too. Knocking on wood keeps bad luck away. You should walk around your home three times backwards and counterclockwise before sunset on Halloween to ward off evil spirits. But here's the thing, right? There's so many conflicting customs and traditions and best practices because sometimes on Halloween, as we've read, you're inviting the spirits in. Okay, like reconnecting with loved ones. ones. Lost souls Now other times you're warding away bad spirits. So are you inviting them in or are you making them go away pick one? And you know what's really actually the most scary of all is that I put this white ass face pain on my face and my hands match And I didn't paint my hands. I'm just that fucking white. I'm just simply that white sub-setting Why knock on wood a Superstition with roots and pagan and Christian beliefs and Out by the way We can't say life's it's lives But we can say believe beliefs Well, I guess there's not an E on the end of that word never mind answer my own question knocking on wood is an Apotropaic tradition of literally touching tapping or knocking on wood or merely Sading that one is doing or intending to do so in order to avoid tempting fate After making a favorable prediction or boast or a declaration concerning one's own death or another unverbal situation apotropaic magic or Protective magic is a type of magic intended to turn away harm or evil influences as in deflecting misfortune or averting the evil eye apotropaic observances may also be practiced out of superstition or out of tradition as in good luck charms Amulets or gestures such as crossed fingers or knocking on wood many different objects and charms are used for protection by people throughout the world Yeah, whoa That is nuts honestly because all this shit permeates every single religion and they're all pagan superstitions and that Like by definition is what's the word a Religious it's Blasphemous it's blasphemous, but we still do it. There are connections between ancient spirituality and trees Influencing fortune in the pre-Christian beliefs of the Germanic people for example Three norms set fate up into the universe through a tree Languages descended from these people include concepts such as knock on wood touch wood or three times wood Although only the first two expressions are in the descended English language specifically Meanwhile the ancient Celtic peoples also believe that the act of touching wood called on spirits or gods of the trees Christians tie the practice to the symbolism of the wood of the cross of crucifixion So much to keep up with pick your poison whatever makes you feel protected I knock on wood. I don't walk under ladders I dress up as Uncle Fester and I have my period Okay, those are the four things that I kind of do to make myself feel protected Sometimes having your period is a form of divine protection because what are you doing? What are you doing down there you need to protect what's going on down there? Essential Halloween movies and television to watch number one is going to be in my opinion the Adam's family Number two Adam's family values. Number three corpse bride Corpse bride I love the corpse bride and let me say this and I mean this I love the corpse bride more than not remember for Christmas Number four Christmas. Is it a Christmas movie movie? Is it a Halloween movie? It's neither you can watch it any time of the year I would say it's more I want it to be a Halloween movie, but it ends up being a Christmas movie and I don't like that The corpse bride is a Halloween movie. I don't really go for the kind of like Jason Texas chainsaw massacre I'm not doing that scary shit. Okay. I want a campy silly Elvira. I want a campy silly spooky movie That I can enjoy corpse bride is probably my number one. I would go for that every single year Edward Cicero hands maybe Maybe there are a bunch of movies like that where I'm like, yeah, throw that on. I'll watch it throw that on It's but it's background noise, okay? Now I would like to Give you guys my song of the week. Oh my god. By the way, Rosalie a new album. Oh my god looks Rosalie a new album. I can't I can't even I can't we'll discuss it next week We'll discuss it when I'm not dressed like Uncle faster because oh my fucking god, and I think the song drops It drops today. It's 27th. I'm filming this in the 27th. It drops today. Oh my god. Let's do it. Okay I've been into this song called Jungle Blues by CW Stone King That's a good like Halloween kind of kind of song I would also recommend Amar Cord by Pino call V. I would also recommend that fuck ass song I said a few years or a few weeks ago Heroin by the Tiger Lilies that song's fucked up. I like it I've been into on a different note. Um, I'm back into old Beyonce bitch grown woman by Beyonce. Fuck you Fuck you go really sleep on some of her old stuff standing on the Sun Her song with cold play. I think there are so many sleeper hits that we just kind of glossed over So those are my songs guys brosky dot shop mou mou's brosky report merch and there's something exciting coming okay Something exciting coming soon. So keep your eyes peeled for that The patreon is live if you'd like to watch these episodes add free Guess what you can patreon.com go ahead and do that all that shits in the description I don't know it off the top of my head. Sue me And have a happy Halloween Come age Happy Halloween Bye guys