Uncanny Valley of the Dolls | Historical Christian Dolls

Well, it's been a minute. What do you've been up to? So fucking much. Oh my god. First of all, I got my credit card stolen. Oh no, got that canceled right? Yeah, I canceled it, but I don't know if it is this guy that I wasn't even dating, but I had to break up with him three times. What are those? Yeah, and like two days after I liked the last message from him, my credit card got stolen and they buy size 11 shoes. He was like six foot something, so like could have been him. Suspicious. Because I called the shoe store and then he posted stuff about him bleaching his hair and his nesting partner who he told me was his ex. They do drag. I got a $600 charge at a beauty supply store and the week that he went on this big like Thanksgiving trip with his partner that he told me was his ex, but then told me his was current partner. He like asked me my credit card limit. The more you tell me about this story, the more red flags there are. You know, when I was telling my friends about the story, so it starts out the first date that we had was to a drag show that his ex/room mate/nesting partner apparently was performing in, but they broke up because the ex is a lesbian. And so I was like, "Oh, okay, so I don't really have to worry about anything." But then we go to this drag show and I take my roommate because I'm like, "What the fuck? That's gotta be weird." We meet him. He's wearing a mesh shirt carrying a pink Kate spade purse full of his ex's drag money. And my roommate turns to me and you're like, "This is a date because it looks like he only takes it up the ass." And I only had transmutuals with him, so I thought he was like a trans dude, but he was like a six-foot tall, something mechanic who was also a model. It was a whole mess. I don't know where you find these people. I wasn't allowed in his house the one time that I went to his house. He checked the Wi-Fi to make sure that his ex/room mate wasn't home. I should have told you something right there. Yeah, I eventually just asked. And he was like, "Oh no, they're my nesting partner." But what does that mean exactly? I don't know. But I broke up with him because he told me I was the only person hitting it raw with and then he was hitting it raw with them. So I was just like, "I'm out. Never get. Don't let people hit it raw." Just take number one. That was really my mistake. There's no excuses. Like the whole situation is just I knew better. And now my roommate is like, "We have a panel review because I have terrible taste." I was like, "There was this girl. She was so hot and I matched with her on Tinder." And her Instagram picture is her sitting on a toilet and her name is like, "Shat Head" on there. My God. And she was so hot and then I started talking to her and was talking about how I was getting my COVID back and she was an anti-backser. So. I was gonna say that you live and you learn, but I'm starting to think maybe you just live. Yeah. But I was like really moppy like all Christmas like sad about this guy because he'd like talk to me every day for six months, but now I got someone that's like taller with a bigger dick, so I'm good. As it should be. That's a he day and bisexual because my my role this year is no straight cis men. That should be a perennial role because I don't think that should be a this year role. The presence of the devil is very real. With the whole of the surrounding, the world is the worst that has ever been. I've been thinking a lot lately about the role of artificial intelligence in our lives. Okay. I really, really want to get a long furbie. What does that mean? What's a long furbie? So it's this really cursed thing where people will take out the original furbie machinery, but then so very long bodies for them to make them even more haunted, but they still keep the face and stuff. Okay. And they're called long furbies. And I want to do that, but I want to put a raspberry pie in it. You want to imbue it with intelligence. And then I want to hook the raspberry pie up to chat GPT and be able to talk to a furbie, but the furbie is chat GPT so that I can ask it questions, but the interface that I'm acting through it is a furbie. Are you sure it on nightmares or like what's the deal? No, I just think it'd be a fun exercise. Okay. You know, in researching this particular episode, I've just stumbled upon the most cursed content on the internet because we are talking today about Christian dolls. Sex dolls? It has ruined my search history. Not Christian sex dolls. Not Christian dolls. I want to be very clear about that. Not, no. Okay. So there's a lot of different like dolls. Like there's so many Jesus action figures, which by the way, we were never allowed to have growing up because you're not supposed to have many images of the Lord. What the fuck? That's like what a what? I was searching for this episode and I found like a Jesus where you squeeze his hand in 10 Bible verses come out. I was like fully expecting there to be a tickle me Jesus where he like giggles extra hard if you poke the scars in his side or some shit. So today what we're covering is Christian homeschooler ripoffs of American girl 18 inch vinyl dolls. 18 inches huh? Yes. So 18 inch dolls are a particular type of collectible doll. It's like a category of doll. The 18 inch size. Yes. Yes. Like optimal doll size. What's the deal with that? It's just that is the size of American girl dolls. And so if you want to buy all of the American girl doll clothing universal costumes and stuff. Okay. It's about ripping off American girl dolls is what it's about. That just seemed like a Christian thing. Since when do they copy popular pieces of culture and make their own versions of it? I'm really mad that we did this because I was subjected to these dolls as a child but I can never afford the dolls. Wait, so what were you subjected to? Every doll has her own book series and just like with the vacation Bible school thing where it has like a million catalog things you can order like you got the lesson plants of blah blah blah blah. Well, this is another one of those like multi dimensional marketing schemes. I'm not going to say multi level because it's not the marketing of the multiverse. They had fucking girls groups that would get together for these dolls and you were supposed to read through all of the books together with your children's pastor and like wear frilly dresses and drink tea and have a fucking book club where it's all about learning to be a tradwife and guess who was forced to go to that and not allow to wear jeans to it growing up this bitch. So I definitely unearthed some repressed memories with this one that I'm annoyed about. I'm coming in totally blind. I had no idea this was a thing before you know I was reading about it for this episode. You know it's one of those things that I it's not surprising but it's still somehow shocking. Every time I find something new to research I'm just a little bit more nauseated but this time it was nauseated because I'm staring into the uncanny valley of like glasside white savior of fake gas plantation owner fucking ruffled dresses bitches. They do love their antebellum south. They do considering that that is where these books are set. Yeah. I have so much you know what we should just get like into it and then I'll just like tell you about it. Let's see our intro I guess. Hello everyone and welcome to How Gay Thou Art a Comedy Podcast about growing up queer Christian and hella confused my name is Clint Keller. He him. I'm Jay Austin. They them and today we're talking about Christian 18 inch vinyl dolls complete with a book and maybe a Bible. These are specifically marketed for girls 8 to 14 even though they were only bought by grandmothers age 68 to 74. But for their granddaughters ages age of 14. 14 year old kid wants to play with one of these fucking things come on absolutely no one like at least the American girls all sort of like kind of cool these bitches they weren't headstrong they weren't good characters to emulate. I mean they were kind of the opposite of American girls in that way right like they're not independent and they don't speak up for themselves. They have no positive qualities whatsoever. - It's subservience. - Unfortunately, I cannot compare these two American girls because I did not have American girl dolls growing up. I didn't have these dolls either, but I did have the books for these. I wasn't allowed to read American girl. - My sister had American girl dolls, so I'm somewhat familiar, and I saw the movies and stuff. Like when I was a kid, Samantha movie, and then-- - I didn't know they made movies. - Oh yeah, they made-- - They made cartoons. - They made cartoon. - For none of the live action full production movies. - Oh. - Yeah, there was a Samantha one. There's like a Christmas one. There's one of the little like short-haired blonde doll had one. You can remember the name was Kit, maybe, or something? - Yeah, Kit Kitch. The movie had, oh, what's this girl's name? Abigail Brezzlin played Kit Kitch. - Yeah, to tell me who that is, because clearly I didn't grow up with American girl, nor did I grow up with-- - Yeah, but you did go to film school. - Yeah, but I don't fucking remember. I was the worst film student. - Let's start at the beginning here. What's the origin story of these dolls? - There are multiple brands. There's one that I have beef with the most, because it's the one that I was subjected to the girls group for, so I'm gonna quickly go over the other two, but mainly it's just like trashing their outfits. There are three brands of vinyl dolls, 18 inches specifically. - Do they come with the books, or do you have to buy the books separately? - Depends on the doll. - I say, okay. - Some dolls come with books, some come with like one book. - Like to get you started, then you gotta buy the other 10 books. - The first line of dolls that we have is called Girls of Faith. This creator annoyed me so much. She was just like this Christian homeschool mom that was talking about how much she wanted to make dolls that were made in America. - I say. - Their whole selling point, if you go to their website, there are no doll manufacturers that make their dolls in the USA. So they set out to find a manufacturer in America, and they did find one for a little bit, but COVID hit and that manufacturer went out of business. - Oh, so this is like a recent thing. - So they found a new couple in Texas. Their dream is to open up a doll manufacturing facility, but they don't actually have a doll manufacturing facility. So they gave the lady making the girls of faith dolls their contact in China. So now the dolls are made in China, but they wanna be made in the USA. So their whole website talks about, "Oh, we're so happy to have dolls made in the USA, but then you go to their buy-on." And it's like, "They're not made in the USA." - Honey, one of these days we're gonna realize our dream of opening a doll manufacturing plant of the United States of America. It's all we've ever wanted. Have they considered that maybe there's just not enough to man for this kind of kitschy bullshit? - No one has $100 to spend on a doll, 'cause that's how much these 18-inch dolls retail for it. And that's why I never had one growing up. Like I read the books from my church library, but also when you think about like the homeschool parents, because okay, so I'm specifically using homeschool to mean like Christian homeschool. - Sure. - A lot of these are of the quiver, I believe. - God, it would cost you thousands of dollars to buy a doll for all those kids. - Exactly. When you have 12 kids at $100, that's $1200 for just the dolls, no shipping and handling or taxes. - Kids toys are disposable. - Kids are gonna trash these dolls. - They're not gonna last, it's not an heirloom item. - That's one thing that the girls of Faith website actually talked about was that they tried to make a doll that was durable enough with child's play, but no one in the US made parts durable enough to hold up for children so they'd have to lose money by shipping out new dolls, but God gave them a mission to make these dolls so they're finding a way. They make three dolls with three books, Girls of Faith does. Audrey, I do have their pictures. I'm sorry, the listeners, you cannot actually see their pictures, so I'm just gonna describe them for you in the best way I know how. Audrey looks like she orders an iced caramel macchiato every day just to yell at the barista and bought her outfit at Costco. Let's not slam Costco clothes, they've got nice stuff sometimes. - Everyone loves a comfortable, good deal. Not when you bully baristas and Audrey definitely does. - What's with that hair cut? - Wait, Audrey's hair cut? - Yeah. - They looked at Hannah Montana and said, "Can we just have that wig on our doll?" - But like worse somehow. - Yeah, exactly. Now Hannah the doll is a brunette with her hair pulled back. - So modest. - And she looks like she's going for a little house on the prairie vibes, but it's also giving Fraga's toad if they were cottage cord lesbians. It's like a pink apron over a green frilly floral dress. - Like a frock. - What's really giving cottage cord lesbians here is the lace up boots that they've put with it. - Yeah, I mean those are definitely docks. - Yeah, those are dock vartons. Hannah is bisexual. - Here's my question. These come with books, right? They have accompanying books. - They do, and I did not look up these books because they were not. - Well, my question, and maybe we don't have the answer for this right now, but it's about the time period, I guess, of these dolls, which their story is set. - Maybe that's why she looks like she's from a little house on the prairie. - Right, but like it's gonna be way funnier. Okay, yes. So Hannah Patterson is a shy, quiet girl growing up and Groveland, Massachusetts in the late 1800s. Aubrey is modern day, and the third one, Kayla looks maybe like 60s, oh, oh, so actually this explains so much. - Please tell me everything about these dolls, Clint. - Audrey Thompson is an outgoing friendly girl who lives in Southern Tennessee. She's a Chattanooga girl. - Oh, that explains why she believes Burista's like swear to God. - That makes every bit of sense. For reasons I won't even begin to go into. - This doll looks like she's from Chattanooga, Tennessee. - Yes. - Kayla Newman, who I thought was maybe a 60s, 70s girl, but that is not true. She is also modern day. - Oh, no. - Yeah. - Okay, I didn't roast Kayla yet, but. - Describe Kayla. - Okay, so listeners, since you can't see the Kayla doll right now, I need you to know that it is giving Cole's dress 2004. - I think you're giving her too much credit, honestly. Like she has on, it's a turtleneck dress with covered shoulders and it chevrons in every color and pattern imaginable. And then she has on blue leggings with white splatter paint sandals. But also like they gave her a 70s dress and didn't give her go-go boots. I just don't understand the decisions here. But when you see the creator and understand that this was made by a homeschool mom, you get it. - I don't know if she's a homeschool mom, but she's definitely a Christian mom who wanted to create a very insular thing where their daughters only read Christian material and only have Christian dolls. - What qualifies a doll to be Christian? - Well, these dolls come with their own. - I know, the story and stuff, but still. - Kayla gives me the impression of like created by a homeschool mom who hasn't seen a black person since the 70s. - Yes, yes, is she supposed to be black? - Oh no. Kayla Newman is an energetic girl with big dreams. When her grandparents retire and move in next door, she loves hearing about their missionary journeys and days dreaming about what she'll do for God when she is all grown up. Kayla's wise grandmother helps Kayla see that she doesn't have to wait until she is grown to do God's work. Kayla is beginning to learn how to overcome her fears to be a bold missionary for God, right in her own neighborhood. And I think the reason that they center a grandmother in this is because I feel like a boomer grandmother who liked dolls when she was a kid is trying to connect with her granddaughter and gives her this doll and has no idea that Jindy only really likes iPads nowadays. So why the fuck are you giving them an 18 inch vinyl doll? - I know American girl dolls and stuff, they like had a moment when we were kids, but like even when we were kids, this kind of thing felt old fashioned. - Yeah, when we were kids, we still were just like, we don't really want. - What do you do with it? - Yeah, I'm not spending $15 on a doll sweater. My parents wouldn't even spend $15 on a sweater for me. - On a me sweater? - Like what the fuck? - This is definitely what I'm gonna get my niece for Christmas. - I gotta spend $100 on a Jesus American girl doll. - That are a tickle me Elmo. What's the fucking difference? It's all gonna get thrown away in a couple of years anyway. - Fair fair fair. All right, onto the next dolls and I'm gonna spend about two seconds here. - Okay. - These dolls are named Faith and Friends. It's Faith Grace and Hope, which I thought was really hilarious because my sister's names are Faith Grace and Becky, so this doll line was just like a little weird to me. You know what I mean? It's still perplexed by Becky. - Yeah, she wasn't related to the other two, so. - It's fine, it's fine. Faith and Friends originally was a $14 dollar line by Mission City Press because Mission City Press, they own a life of Faith dolls also, which is the other $18 dollar line that we're gonna talk about today. But I don't know who owns Faith and Friends now because if you go to this site, it talks about Emily, our founder was frustrated with all the mainstream doll brands promoting inappropriate styles and superficial storylines. So I set out to create a doll brand worthy of our little girls playtime. - She has another company too called American Mom. And it's just really weird because I wasn't able to find like who actually produces the dolls, but Mission City Press used to own the Faith and Friends brand. I don't know who the fuck Emily is though because Mission City Press went out of business in 2009. I don't know, but I just felt like she was Select Shaming the Brat Stalls with her quote. Honestly, was she even hip enough to be with the Brat Stalls or was she just still Select Shaming Barbie? Yeah, I wasn't allowed to have Brat Stalls at my mom's because my mom was religious, but I did at my dad's They got some great merch on here. Oh, oh wow American mom. Oh God. This is amazing Grace How sweet the sound raising patriots and salvage starters This is a target released a Christian t-shirt line. So they were smaller Is it like a budget Christian doll or they cheaper? They're not cheaper now, but they're 18 inches now They're not cheaper now now they're 18 inches and cost 100 something dollars and 15 so actually a little more expensive way more like Accessories and stuff for this one. They got human size they got tote bags They got tons of doll outfits and it is not cheap. Jesus Christ. Unlike the other dolls this Doll line at least has a dark skinned black girl, which I think is really cool As far as representation goes, but also you see that like a lot of doll collectors and doll like white Doll collectors and white doll makers probably have a lot of problems with having dolls with curly hair because they don't know I I was on the doll forums. I'm so sorry Faith dolls and Just reading through like people trying to figure out how to wash and recurl the doll wigs. Oh, but I can get this in four easy Payments with Clarner. Oh, no, the real star of the show today though the quintessential ripoff of American Girl dolls from the Christian sphere is a life of faith dolls a life of faith dolls were Originally called the LC Dinsmore doll collection because they're based on the LC Dinsmore book series Which that's like pretty famous in its own right. Yes, I will get to that in a minute the life of faith dolls grew from Just one doll about this girl LC to a whole doll line of five dolls with accompanying accessories and book series and like each Book cover like the dresses matched the color of the book cover. It's like a whole thing Also, there's that girl's group. So it's like a tea party devotional small group program, which was the personal held up I was subjected to a bunch of girls forced into dresses sitting around your children's pastors living room drinking tea talking about how to live a life of faith Just like the plantation barrenesses and the books were supposed to read but I never did because they were too fucking boring So the original LC Dinsmore series was a classic book series It was written between 1867 and 1905 so just after the Civil War with 28 books in the series damn prolific. Yeah, it was by Martha Finley a Presbyterian from Ohio originally they didn't let her put her real last name her family didn't want that Wait, why were they embarrassed of how bad the books were or they embarrassed it was like a woman being industrious I think maybe it was a woman writing. I don't I'm not sure But they eventually got republished with her real name Martha Bentley I think I read on her Wikipedia page that she had a really weird hobby. So give me two seconds One of my favorite things that I read on the Wikipedia page under the reception section It said the extreme piousness of the heroin and other stylized features of the books have led some later critics to consider the series an Example of bad books so transcendental in their badness that they will survive the ages Literally like every quote that I read that wasn't from a Christian about these books was like I would never like I would let my child read any book unless it's an LC Dinsmore book and like shit like that I was just like oh This is what it was she was a Member of the town's fire department and she was the only woman listed on the Rolls of the fire department until the 1970s not surprising, but I mean cool. I like fire department was an important Service so she was a girls book author and a firefighter one of her great uncles was one of the early presidents of Princeton Okay, but her grandfathers were both wealthy. Did you look up and see what the fake name she used was in the initial printing Martha Farquhawks in Farquhawkson It's like Lord Farquhawks. Yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah, so she was a teacher a firefighter and an author as you'll see later in These books a lot of the content is about older men marrying young women that checks out It's pretty problematic. This is all the original series too So first of all you mentioned it was successful. It was wildly successful It was the most popular and longest running girls series of the 19th century the first volume sold nearly 300,000 copies in the first 10 years Damn going on to sell more than 5 million copies in the 20th century LC Dinsmore was the name of the first book and the character throughout the whole thing but the whole series and dolls and books et cetera was marketed to girls 8 to 14 as the ideal Christian girl She's cheerfully obedient. She's boring as fuck. She's like the most Mary Sue character. I've ever Red and I only read like a few paragraphs and then I'm like skim and I'm just like Jesus Christ What I found like shocky I guess in terms of these books being so successful is there isn't any conflict within the main character. Well the conflict is like should she obey her dad or should she Ope God because she's not supposed to play piano on the Sabbath but she's supposed to be her dad and all things So if she obeys her dad, but she plays the piano by obeying her dad even though it's sinning It's not really a sin because her dad told her to and you're supposed to honor your father's authority because That's God's authority. Right, so it's not really a conflict at the end of the day But the stuff that should be conflicts like when she was playing that piano There was like this guy her dad's best friend and he like comforts her and caresses her and tells her that in 10 years he can like caress her properly or something and she ends up marrying him her dad's best friend and then because it's technically set before the Civil War They just go to Europe for the Civil War so they can avoid having to talk about any of that because the only conflict is how can She be a better Christian that's all it's about but LC lives on a plantation and Her big selling point is she's so rich. She's the person that everyone wants to be she has what the book markets as 300 servants at her back in call. I'm sorry servants. She has slaves. Yeah, she's a plantation bearer news. Why the fuck are you telling me to look up to this bitch? Not to get ahead of it here, but I'd notice that when they re-release the books decades and decades later They really tone down a lot of the racism and the original books have got some pretty intense racist content That's because they were written in the eight while they were written after the Civil War Yeah, but she's clearly a Southern Apologist, but it doesn't make any sense for her to be a Southern Apologist because she lived in Ohio in Maryland She the the author she went to school in Indiana. She only lived in Pennsylvania No where should she be a Southern Apologist just because she had enough sense to buy land on the wedding side doesn't mean she was such a Confederate Apologist You know what fair these books no one fucking reads them now except for Christian homeschoolers and Quiverful communities. Well because why would you I mean go give your kid a fucking Amelia Badelea or something Right, so like it's not just Christian homeschooling It's anywhere in Christian communities where women and children should be seen and not heard like she herself was Presbyterian But I read this in my Baptist church, you know, so my Baptist church and specifically the group that was the Christian homeschoolers So did you read the like OG books or did you read the re-release books? So we were supposed to read the millie books and I think I might have read like a few chapters and put it down because it was so fucking boring I'm not gonna get through that. I was reading Harry Potter, which I was allowed to read Harry Potter because it's good versus evil That was the only thing with which craft I was allowed to read makes zero sense. No And zero But yeah, millie was not exciting to me at all. You can barely read as an adult. I mean, I know you're capable of reading but I mean in terms of sitting at and reading an awful No, that's absolutely true. I have ADHD and like the internet has This brought in my brain if it is not an audiobook, I do not read it. But you know what? They have all 28 of the original Elsie Dinsmore books in hoopla. Is that the library app? Yeah, it's the library app. Yeah, it is. I might put one on when I'm editing this week. Oh no. There's the book series, but there were no dolls with this, right? Originally. No, not originally. The dolls were originally created in 1998 by Christian homeschooling parents, Lee and Bill Beriza, and their small business, Breezy Point Treasures. So they made Breezy Point Treasures so that they can make these dolls. Why is that funny? I hate that. It feels like a precious moment. They were trying to do something similar there. Anytime you put treasures in the name of your company, it's just, it's not a treasure. It's never a treasure. No, no. The Breezy's wanted a wholesome play doll whose character displayed the virtues that they wished to instill in their young daughter, Sarah. Sarah had recently finished reading the Elsie Dinsmore series by Martha Finley and desired a doll that looked just like her based on the book's descriptions, curly golden brown hair, hazel eyes, and sweet cheerful countenance. I don't believe for a second that they couldn't find a doll that matched that description. Yeah, but not being able to find a doll that would make a perfect Elsie for little Sarah. Bullshit. Bullshit. They had to develop their own. Okay, but here's the fucked up part. Is like, can you imagine your kid wants this doll and then you make the doll and you're like, this doll embodies everything that you have to grow up to be. Jesus, it's so scary. I had a friend growing up who had a 24 inch doll and it was made to look exactly like what she looked like when she was five. Yeah, my twin, my sister had one. So scary. And then she had another doll that the eyes had fallen into it and so you would like shake its head and it sounded like a little egg shake or something. You're rattle. Not to say you're right, it would be very creepy of them to be like they couldn't find the right brown headed doll. I mean, these dolls just look like all the other fucking dolls. There's nothing special about this doll. I disagree with you. So okay, especially you're right though. The first doll that they made didn't even fit the book Elsie's description. The book Elsie's description says she has a lot of ringlit curls and they gave her only a few pin curls around her face. And so like frustrating that their whole thing was like we couldn't find an Elsie doll and then they didn't make the right doll. They hired doll artists Sandra Bellotto to design the doll and renowned doll maker Lloyd Middleton was secured to produce the collection. The original dolls look like a only little, my little house on the prairie as fucking. They creep me out and they look exactly like what you would expect. This first one, it's like her eyes are too far apart, she looks very creepy. And the blush, she has like blush but it's on the bottom of her cheekbones. It's like an alien disguise to the huffing. Yes. And then the millie doll which is right here. Okay. Oh, that's the original millie. She's got like her hair pulled back, these brown eyes. They're all so creepy dude. They're all very creepy. Finally, Breezy Point Treasures only released the Elsie Dinsmore doll and then the Mildred Keith doll. Mildred Keith was the other book series by Martha Fendley. And Mildred Keith was also a character in some of the Elsie books. I think she's like Elsie's cousin. But Mildred Keith was more autobiographical apparently. So I couldn't really pin down when these books got rewritten either. I found something that said that they re-released the Elsie Dinsmore books in 1999 to go along with dolls that were created in 1998. I also found something that said mantle ministries, published the books that were packaged with the Elsie and Mildred dolls. Mission City Press purchased Breezy Point Treasures in 2003. And anytime I could find an updated book, the new doll series because each doll has eight books now. So instead of Elsie having 28 books, they took out a lot of the races. Well, they didn't take out a lot of the racism but they made it. Made it more palatable to homeschoolers. They split the books up to accommodate the different dolls. But at the core, there's still the original books. They're just slightly updated, right? Sort of. There actually were only books about Elsie and Mildred, but to make them sell more stuff, they did a lot of stuff. The collection was still titled The Elsie Dinsmore Collection for a short while, but then they rebranded it a life of faith, which was the original tagline. But when more dolls began to be released, they just called them the "Life of Faith" dolls. And doll artist Robin Woods was brought on to refresh the dolls with a new, frilly or flashier style. Not too frilly. Well, they added like a ton of frills and then they had to cut back on them when they started going broke. That checks out. Elsie was given her signature curls for once. Both the millydols they created a new face mold. And this face mold, they painted on the eyelashes, but they also had actual eyelashes. The doll eyes don't close. They're always open. Yeah, I mean, it's not creepy enough if they close. But the face paint is way more natural. And her green gray floral dress was now a frilly or fancy yellow one with a wide, dark green sash and they made the book cover to all of the new eight Elsie books match that one. Is it just me or does it look like she's holding an iPhone in this picture? So it's not an iPhone that she's holding. Actually, all of the dolls' hands are not articulating, but they are molded to hold a version of the Bible. I should have known. And then they're molded to hold the Bible and also come together to create praying hands. So the arms are articulated. The arms can move, but only to make praying hands. That's the only move that is just straight down or prayer hands. Yes. That's it. My God. Yes. So, mildred, mildred Keith the doll. Her name was modernized to Millie Keith. They released eight books for her. They replaced her tan calico prairie dress with a light purple dress and shit ton of ruffles. So all the undergarments for these dolls are like a ton of petty coats. It's actually pretty historically accurate or at least according to like one of the doll things I read and me as a costume designer, I didn't actually like go and look at it. The costumes are the best part. The dolls are creepy. The costumes are good. Mission City Press introduced three additional characters. So Violet Travelia or Violet Travella. She was introduced in 2004. It's really kind of odd that they did that because in the original books Millie was the one with dark hair, which the original Millie doll was and Violet has blonde hair and violet eyes, which is why she's named Violet, but they gave Millie the purple eyes. A lot of the original Violet Travella dolls have a defect where in the brown eye paint, over time it turns a bright red and it looks terrifying. She looks like vampire. Are these dolls worth any money? Are they like a collector item? So because Mission City Press closed down, they are now big in the doll collection scene because the face mold is really pretty. If you can get one that was made in like 2003 or 2004, they're really good quality. As you start to get closer to 2006, they discontinued making the dolls in 2006 and right before that, they rebranded the dolls and made them with like dresses that have less ruffles and look like peaches and stuff and basically just made it like lower quality. Yeah, they were on their way out. But doll collectors really try to find the earlier ones. There's like 18-minute long unboxing videos where they just open up each box and open up the hair and brush the hair for you and show you that I can't stand it. You know, I know that unboxing videos are insanely popular, but it is a genre that I do not understand at all. Okay, the two other dolls. So they released Lely Colbert in 2005. Lely Colbert is the only black doll in this collection. She is supposed to be a young African-American girl born into slavery and was helped set free by Millie Keith. She escaped slavery after being gifted to Millie. Yeah. And Millie gets mad because like her cousin tricks her into having a slave and so she frees her or whatever and lets her pick a dress from her closet. And so that is significant because Lely Colbert, unlike the other dolls, only has one book and only comes with one dress and then a Robin Hood outfit. what? Yeah, because she likes to dress up as Robin Hood. But like if you look up when Robin Hood was written. 1883 after the Civil War. Yeah, so it doesn't really make sense that she likes dress up as Robin Hood. I think that it's because she was designed by Robin Woods. Oh my god. Doll designer. Jesus Christ. She was meant to be limited edition, but then the company just kept her until the end because you know, she came out in 2005 and it was one year. Her one book, Lailies Daring Quest was written by Kirsten Hamilton. So that's who they hired to rewrite all of the books. Some of Lailies book can also be found in the fourth book of Millie series Millie's Faithful Heart. Word for word. They just straight up pulled out some chapters. Yeah, they were just like we need to make a limited edition black doll. Here we go. We'll just throw it together. All the other dolls they can have like extended like some of them come with their horses or toys. They have like all this stuff like now in the doll catalog that I have here. I have a little excerpt and it says introducing Lailie Kilber. Imagine walking through the quiet woods of the Roseland's plantation and spying a young girl playing among the trees. Playing? Yeah. If she's on a plantation, she would be forced to. It's a whole. It's everything is terrible. Like it's so bad. Topping her head is a feathered cap and flying from her shoulders is a silky green cloak. She's searching for her band of Mary Men and has brought them special treats. Her favorite story Robin Hood wasn't written until 18-something else. 83. And some chocolate from her new friend Millie Keith. This may seem like strange behavior, especially in the old south of the 1830s. But Lailie is anything but ordinary. She's an extraordinary little girl with big dreams. With the help of Millie, Lailie discovers the god who loves and cares for her, propelling her on an amazing journey of faith and adventure. Strong spirited, brave and imaginative and giving. Lailie is a tremendous inspiration for girls of all Arabs. And this is a very common thing that these people do though is they will justify slavery by saying that it was for the best because that exposed to the enslaved people to Christianity. There is one part in the LC books where she's talking to her to her mommy. Jesus Christ. Basically, LZ is hanging out with her friend Rose. LZ is like, "That is my mommy coming for me," said LZ as a low knock. What's her at the door? "Come in," said Rose, and the door opened and a very nice colored. I don't like that. Very nice colored woman of middle age looking beautifully neat in her snow white apron and turban entered with a low curtsy asking. "Is my little Mrs. Ready for bed now?" Yes, said LZ jumping off Rose's lap. But come here, mommy. I want to introduce you to Miss Allison. "Have a she and Rose's lap." I have no idea. I guess Rose is an older lady. Yes, said LZ jumping off Rose's lap. How do you do Aunt Chloe? I'm very happy to know you since LC tells me that you are a servant of the same blessed master whom I love and try to serve. Oh no. He is our peace and half made both one and half broken down the middle wall of partition between us so that we basically just goes on preaching and all this shit and it's so frustrating that homeschool parents were just like, "We're gonna let our girls read this." Well, and still are. All the lore books are just tradwives and training. Like, I don't know if you've seen the Keep Sweet preyanobay about the Mormons in Texas, but the whole idea behind like Warren Jeff's teaching was like, "Limit or made to be like teen and silent and not hurt and like all you're supposed to do is become an obedient honor your father's authority and honor your husband's authority and like LC gets in trouble for calling her husband by his first name instead of by Mr. whatever the fuck his last name is. It's just weird. When she doesn't want to play the piano her dad like threatens to whip her. Well, and he does whip her in one of the books, right? Yeah, and it's like a thing, so they eased up on it. In the repubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing that I've been really frustrating about these and I mean a lot of things in this arena is that it's a bullshit imagined pass. This is not how people behaved or believed. All of it is this just ridiculous, romanticized, anachronistic version of history that they try to pass office history and is something that we should be replicating today because we you know we had it figured out in the good old days. Society has gotten netbeder actually. People are actively working to try and make things better now, but y'all think that this is good old Christian values back in the day when women shut up and no one had rights except for white men. Okay. And that's really what it's about, right? Yeah, and then also it frustrates me so much when like Christians be calling queer people groomers. It's your classic projection. And then they force these books on their children. And in these books like you have someone who's friends with their dad. So he's at least 30 talking to an eight year old saying like he wants to like correct like it's just it's so creepy. I don't want to talk to any eight year old period on any topic. I don't want to tell an eight year old that in 10 years I can caress them properly. What the fuck is that about? No, I'm saying I don't even want to have a conversation with an eight year old. I don't want to talk to an eight year old. No, kids are mean. They would rip they would just tear me to shred. They're either going to tear you apart or have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. No, I don't know which is worse. You know how every touch point of the VBS was like something else you could buy. You could buy a craft. You could buy that whatever. That is how they made these dolls. They were like we're going to make dolls, but if no one wants to buy dolls, what we're going to do is sell this girls group devotional to churches. And that was what I had to attend and they would have girls groups in person and online. And you could buy devotional journals. You can buy all of the books that you're supposed to read together. You really got the shittiest end of this deal. You didn't get any of the toys. You didn't really even get the books. You just got the fucking Sunday school lessons. Yes, yes. And I had to wear dresses and I would always be like coming back from my dads because my parents were divorced and I would always wear jeans like I hated dresses growing up. And it's not surprising because I'm not buying any now. But all of this like forced femininity just turned me off of femininity in general. Did people like dress up like like the dolls like in period clothing? They had girls in raffles because it's Christian homeschoolers and they all had shirts. So maybe it wasn't even a costume actually. It was just me that didn't fit in with the Christian homeschoolers because I went to public school from fourth to seventh grade. And so I was too much of a sinner for the whole group and I wanted to wear jeans. My god. I did get a sense as I was reading this that she was trying to create this sort of down-abbey-esque vibe. Yeah, I mean it's like a whole universe. But with like southern plantation houses and it just glossing over the fact that it's that 1830s and these are slaves and it just that's enough for it to be a hard pass. Like if you write something that is said, pre-civil war anti-bellum south and you use the word servant at all than you're foolish yet. Absolutely. I don't care if you're just trying to make it. Oh, these are for little girls. We don't want to tell them about the power. Did write it in a different fucking era? You should just teach it like it fucking happened. And I'm sorry that it's not palatable for kids. It wasn't. That's why you shouldn't fucking do it. It just it still worries me that like a lot of these Christian parents are just gonna give books like this to their kids be like, okay, be the ideal thing. And I was listening to a podcast of some people who are raised quiverful and they were talking about this book series and how it was presented to them growing up. All of the parents were really into it. Like the kids didn't give a fuck because the characters were one-dimensional and like whatever. But like the parents are just like see, this is the perfect child. You should be obedient. Do what I say exactly like LC does. You know, I mean, that's what it is, right? It's like a weapon against your children. That's the purpose of the books. It's propaganda, masquerading as children's stories. Now that I'm thinking about it though, I actually think that the rewrites that took some of the more racist stuff out of it might actually be worse. Yeah. The new books, they've kind of kept all of the themes and the message and then just sort of glossed out all of the overtly racist stuff, but the racist of us still in there in like a low-key back doorway. And that's not better. Not at all. How is the girl escaping from slavery not a bigger story? Why is there only one book about it? It's the most interesting. She's the only one that actually has any sort of conflict, any sort of like, yeah. And like her getting out of that, that's really cool. And they're just like, oh, Millie Helter. It's all about Millie. Yeah, it's still about Millie really, yeah. To the point that they just copied paragraphs straight from Millie's book, they didn't even write Lailie to have her own book in the one book she has. I didn't have any sort of what dollar you quiz. It's okay. If you want to know, I'm all tree. From the girls of faith. Yeah, right. Yes, because Audrey, she's the shadow of a girl, right? Yeah, yeah, that's me for sure. If I was anyone I would want to be, I think Hannah, the girl that is, yeah, the cottage core, a little house on the prairie girl. I say and buy that Kayla has the coolest outfit, the 75. I mean, you can do DMT and you're not going to see patterns like that. Okay, so what I have is two separate catalogs. Once from 2005 and then one is just their catalog for everything. And I thought we could just scroll through it and riffs their outfits a little bit. So we've got captivating historical products that helps girls face our challenging world. And if you thought it was just eight books, you are wrong because they come with dramatized audiobooks. There's a life lesson study guide. There is a deer LC advice book that is Q&A with relevant questions for today's girls. It's like concentrated brio. She gets dresses for everything, for her coat ensemble, her recital dress, afternoon tea, her debutant balls and things. It's so expensive. Like a hairbrush for this doll and ribbons to go with the hairbrush. $15. And this was like going on 20 years ago. I can go to Walgreens right now and buy a human sized hairbrush for less at $14.99 and that's post inflation. Also, okay, the tagline for each of these girls, LC Densmore, faithfully loving God and others. Including her dad's best friend. Millie Keith trusting God in life's adventures. And then we get to Lailie. Lailie Colbert, courageously seeking freedom. Yeah, so Lailie only has one page. The other ones have like a lot more. She has a night gown on tumble. That's what she comes with. Well, she doesn't come with it. You got to pay extra for it. Sorry. She has a coverlet and a curture for $29.24.99. Then we have Violet. Violets the 1870s. This one has a devotional sketchbook and Violet's cover is blue. She also has a cat, Marmalade Jam, the Mission Kitty. I don't care what kind of animal it is. The next pet I have in my life. I'm naming it. What was it? Marmalade Jam, the Mission Kitty. Yes. That's why I don't care if it's a dog, if it's a hamster, it's going to be called Marmalade Jam, the Mission Kitty. Okay, so now here we get to the girls club. Now, is this what you were a part of? This unfortunately was what I was a part of, yes. Oh my god, it's $129 for the cat. A complete mentoring program for girls. So the cat includes 24 lessons, four novels, a poster membership cards, and folders for 10 members and more. Each T cup and saucer is $14.99. Wait, so if you get one for all 10 members, that's another 150 bucks. Yes. See, this is all about the add-ons. This is the scholastic book fair of Christianity. At least the scholastic book fair offers valid information to your children. Oh, and then Kathleen McKenzie, she gets four books. So the other girls had eight books, except for Lately. Kathleen gets four. And Kathleen is the cat catcher. She's Irish, but she's not Irish because she's from Indiana. She's Indian Irish. Yeah, but she's, she wears green and she has red hair, so. Top of the lake, you're eat to you. Yeah, she comes with a lot. She's got doll hangers, a doll brush. Her outfits are pretty cool, relatively speaking. Honestly, this leopard skin, like, that's not bad. And I like the not Irish at all of the Scottish kind of vibe. She's got going on the right there with the blue plaid and the little hat. Maybe that's what it was supposed to be. Maybe I misspoke. I'm really sorry to both Irish and Scottish people. Wait, is it McKenzie? It's probably Scottish. You're right. All of this says Scottish, but I don't think I read anything about her being Scottish. Regardless of the reality of her being Scottish or these things being Scottish iconography, it's completely irrelevant to her backstory from these people. Obviously, they don't give a shit about any of that. And it doesn't make sense why she has this red velvet coat and all this stuff. I guess she used to be rich and then the Great Depression hit. Well, then you would have sold that Mink coat. Right. This doesn't even look bad, but it's called a feed sack dress, which I would expect to be a burlap dress, but it's not. It's like a 1950s dress. That looks like a 1950s like Dewap dress, basically. Literally, 3499. Why are the doll clothes more expensive than clothes at H&M? I want to get a set of these doll-sized tangers to put my little tank tops on. Uh-huh. Just your little. my child-sized, cropped tank tops. Just your tiniest tops. This hidden doubts? What was that? You're not allowed to have doubts. Violets hidden doubts. And she's like straight up wearing like funeral wear. Those are supposed to be her school clothes. No, it says oh no, that's more. I thought it was morning dress, but it's morning as in the AM, not morning as in sad. It's Violets bombazine, bonnet and cape. But what are the hidden doubts? When tragedy strikes the Travelia family, Violet acquires the black bombazine bonnet and cape. It's because of the post-civil herself. If you look at the first paragraph on the left page there, she said because she saw, you know, the night they drove old Dixie down. Oh my god, I don't think you're wrong and I hate that. It's fine because her next thing is her amazing summer. And so I think these outfits correspond with the books because I think one of the books is called Violets Hidden Doubt and in that she's wearing funeral garb. But in the next one where she's having an amazing summer. Civil War is over. She has hot girl summer. What is this a bouquet here? Actually, that picture on the right looks like Casey Musgraves, I think. Oh my god, it really does. She's holding a bouquet for winning a grand prize. She looks like Casey Musgraves there. This is the doll whose eyes turned red after a while. If I can find a red eyed version of this doll for not an exorbitant amount of money, I'm gonna buy it and I'm gonna mail it to Casey Musgraves. With the whole backstory. You have to. I think we could be friends. Oh no, here we go. Here's Lailie. Lailie Cobraer. Look at this. Lailie's work necessities. Lailie treasures her patchwork eight friend made from the old Calico garments of her mother's friends. Her brown, sturdy work boots are very comfortable and her colorful knitted stockings keep her feet warm. This is her sleeve outfit. How do you sell that as an item? Oh, and it has a pocket for her Bible. Yeah, that's not what the pockets were for. Lailie's plantation accessories. Lailie keeps the hot southern son off her face with this wide brim sun bonnet su bonnet. Are you fucking kidding me right now? In blue gingham ribbon, like many plantation dwellers. She often carries her belongings in a sugar sack, a burlap or muslin bag, screen printed with the identifying design of her plantation. She carries her own tiny bible in it. So are we rebranding slavery as plantation dwelling now? Apparently. And the whole her whole story about where she's escaping isn't even about her. It's about Millie, the white savior. That's all about Millie. Lailie and energetic and intelligent seven year old girl born into slavery must keep a secret. And when she she and her older brother Luke are planning an escape when their plan takes into roselands the plantation that Elsie owns right. Um, and Millie, I guess lives on because she's her cousin. Lailie meets 15 year old Millie Keith, a strong abolitionist who helps Lailie understand a freedom more precious than any other because coming to freedom through Christ is more important than your actual physical literal freedom. Yes. With the help of Millie, Lailie discovers a god who loves and cares for her, propelling her on an amazing journey of faith and adventure, strong spiritual freedom. That's exactly like the Rebecca textbooks. Yeah. So like if you read the Rebecca textbooks and that presents you history and then you read these books, it's like, oh, this fiction matches it's it's in the same lore realm. It feels historically accurate. So it all reinforces this fake idea of this out. Thank you all for listening to us talk about Christian dolls. Clint, do you have any thoughts about these dolls, these girls groups? I have a lot of thoughts, but then also, On some level nothing else left to say. I mean it is just yeah completely un-inged. It is just yet another example of evangelical revisionist history and child indoctrination and I hate it. I started this episode thinking ha ha creepy Christian dolls and I'm running up researching it and finding out about a book series that normalizes grooming and racism and verbal and physical abuse and slavery and Literally everything else wrong and yet it's being given to children and told emulate this They're giving it to kids specifically for the purpose of Emulating it like you said like that is why parents are giving it to their children It's because they want them to embody the values here. It's really fucked up. Thank you everyone for listening to us This long this is officially the first episode of season four of How Gay Thou Art so if you've been listening this long We just we so appreciate it can't believe we've done this many episodes Thank you to all five to ten of our Patreon subscribers Especially the two Christian Ferries appreciate it. Yeah shout out to you specifically A y'all are lovely didn't want to know you existed but happy that we've made you feel seen Love you guys Yeah, oh no, I just spilled my chocolate covered keen lot bites all over my floor Oh, no Not the chocolate covered keen. Why we still sell merch. I know that no one has bought it except for myself I've bought a bunch my very dear close friends and Clint Yeah, yeah, we do we stuff some very cool stuff on there and We have a very exciting season ahead we do we have a lot in store for you I can't wait to watch all of Kenneth Coughblins Westerns. Oh, I've already started We'll see you right back here in two weeks Sorry, I'm too just dark I'm picking up the key mobites and eating them because 22nd rule also isn't it like the five-second rule? Yeah Thank you everyone for listening. I'm Jay Austin. They them. I'm Clint Keller. He have and we will see you next time on How Gay Thou Art [BLANK_AUDIO]