TWR 219: Inner Transformation for Lasting Happiness with Rebecca Kordecki

All right, so if you are a high achieving, busy, working mom, I want you to listen up. I want to know if you've ever been stuck in the endless loop of starting a new weight loss plan just to end up falling off the wagon weeks later? Or are you trying to bribe yourself to stick to a new workout plan that you just paid hundreds of dollars for? I want you to know that you're not alone, but you've also been living a lie. I want you to stop beating yourself up over not succeeding at diets that were meant for you to fail. I want you to remove the guilt of being inconsistent with workouts that don't really fit your lifestyle because here's the truth. You can hop off the diet wagon, start eating the foods you enjoy, and still lose weight. You can ditch the gym, create a workout that works for you, and still hit your body goals. You can also achieve and maintain a full lifestyle transformation. I'm going to show you exactly how to do that so you can feel confident and comfortable in your clothes. You can eat what you love and you can be the confident woman that everybody already thinks you are. I want you to click on the link below to join my free three day challenge, trim and transform your roadmap to a healthier mind, body, and lifestyle where I'm going to be teaching you my proven methods for sustainable weight loss, shifting your mindset, and achieving a fulfilling lifestyle. So head to the show notes and join my free three day challenge. So I can ask a lot about my thoughts on doing detoxes and cleanses, and I'm going to say I'm not a fan of most of them because it's all about deprivation and basically starving for three to five days. My preferred way to reset your body, if you're looking to bring it back to a healthy, real good baseline, is through a satisfying reset, which is exactly why I want to tell you about my favorite one by Chroma Wellness. They have an incredible five day reset program that's absolutely delicious, easy to follow and loaded with nutrient rich superfoods that will keep your hunger and cravings low in your energy high. This can be the perfect way to jumpstart you into a year of healthy habits, giving your body exactly what it needs. This is a not a five day cleanse where you feel deprived, hungry, and miserable. Each day of the reset leaves you feeling satisfied, energized, less bloated, clear headed, and amazing. Most importantly, it's completely customizable to ensure you are getting the nutrients you need to support your metabolism. So right now my followers are getting 20% off. So head to ChromaWellness.com and use code Amber 20. And again, ChromaWellness.com and use code Amber 20 for 20% off. Welcome to the Wellness Revolution Podcast. I'm your host Amber Shaw, a board certified health and wellness coach, personal trainer, and mind and body transformation expert for women over 40. I empower women to stop dieting, lose the weight for good, and create a life they love. As a recovered serial dieter and single mom of two who radically transformed her life at the age of 40, I'll be sharing tips and strategies to end the vicious cycle of dieting and find true food freedom while learning to love what you see in the mirror. Together we will talk nutrition, business, mindset, relationships, personal growth, lifestyle, and basically all things life after 40. You with me, mama? Let's go. Hey, friend. Welcome back. Welcome back to another episode of the Wellness Revolution Podcast. I'm your host Amber Shaw. And I'm so excited to introduce you to Rebecca Cordecchi. She is my guest today and she is a life coach who helps people get unstuck so they can soar. Her mission is to educate, motivate, and inspire women. And I got to tell you something. She does just that. In addition, she's the founder of Breastone, R.K. Fit Life and the creator of Booty Slide, a full body slide based workout for women. She's enjoyed a very successful 28 year career as a highly sought after celebrity fitness trainer. She's even trained the rock Johnson, Chloe Kardashian, J.Lo, Raquel Welch. I mean, all the list goes on and on. She has been a celebrity fitness trainer, a wellness expert, and now a life coach and motivational speaker. And I came across her on social media a while ago and I was just captivated, not only from her just incredible beauty, but just her ability to storytell and really insist inspire you and empower you. And so I really wanted to share her work with you. And so on today's episode, we are going to do just that. So enjoy Rebecca Cordecchi. Hey, Rebecca. Thanks for being here today. Hi. So happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Absolutely. I have been looking forward to this. I just recorded a story about you, which is I've been looking, I've been really wanting to have you on the show because I actually even how I found you. Was one of your videos and we'll get to that in a little bit because I want to talk about that video. But one of your videos just came across my feet and I was like, who the hell is this beauty? Just speaking empowerment to people, I was like, we need more of her. And I was like, oh, I know the listeners of this show will absolutely love you. So I'm excited to have it. I appreciate it. Thank you for those kind words. You're so sweet. Yeah, let's go. Let's go, girl. Well, I would love just for those who are new to you, just to give a little bit of background and some context into what led you to doing the just amazing work that you're doing today. Oh, as a long story. I think we have enough time. Yes, I can lift it. Okay, cliff notes. Oh my goodness. Okay, so my background was 21 years in fitness. I was a quote unquote celebrity trainer. I also did massage therapy for many years. And along that journey, I was doing lots of, you know, wellness inspired things or wellness infused things such as I was an ambassador for lots of fitness companies. I started getting quoted in magazines and articles and newspapers for my expertise in the field. I started doing commercials in the wellness space like as a rock climber or a weightlifter or so everything that I've done. And then also by the way, started working with companies and consulting them on wellness programs for their companies. So everything I've done in the gamut of wellness has been to elevate and power, transform humans to live a better life, but always from the outside in. Like that was the work for a long time was, you know, how can I get you to look really fucking awesome? Can I swear? I'm just laughing up. Okay, yeah, gonna look at your bleep. But yeah, fucking awesome. So that I'm more confident. How can I, you know, have the biceps and the booty and the thing, depending on its male or female, so that I walk in a room and rock it when I do a presentation or a monotivious show or whatever. So it was always from the outside in, but the internal thing was to get them to feel better about themselves. So that journey was amazing, had an amazing career. Met lots of really cool people in the industry and it was great, but there was always this thing nagging at me where I felt, because I had done a lot of personal development work, self-help, self-improvement work for 30 years. I met a life coach when I was 30. And funny, I talked about her a lot on this. I did a masterclass called Reclaim Your Heart. It was a three day of masterclass. I did it a couple of weeks ago and I remember talking about how like I had been a therapist and I'd done lots of things, but nothing moved the needle. Then I met this life coach of all types of people who shifted my life instantly in 41 days. And so it had been work that I've been trying to really move the needle for years and years and years. And so from that work of working with her, shadowing her after she was my coach, we then became best friends because she wasn't licensed. There's no crossing of boundaries when you do that, when you're not really a licensed therapist. So we became best friends at a relationship at one point. And I shadowed her work and learned so much about how to get people to shift because she'd helped me finally discover who I was and feel worthy about myself. I feel like I deserve to be on this planet, which I didn't believe I did for 30 years. Even though I had an amazing career from the outside, I looked fucking awesome. Look like I was rocking, but my heart was sad. So after knowing a lot of the things I knew and then seeing people, again, working with celebrities and professional athletes, people that are making millions and millions of dollars, it could see that even though they looked great, they were successful, they were also a lot of them unhappy, dealing with aging, dealing with, you know, not being as relevant anymore. And so I started thinking to myself, I work with all these people who have it all. And they're still struggling. And then what about all the other people that have it all, but they're not a celebrity. They're just, they're a human on this planet. And I wanted to start helping people in a different way. So I put all of the things I knew and learned about life and evolving and personal development into my program now that I do with one-to-one clients called SOAR coaching. And I started working with breathwork and with mindset and with empowerment tools. And that was a shift I did eight years ago. And so it was mainly because I wanted to work from the inside out. And let's kind of how, you know, it's my longer than that. There's a lot of things that happen in between, but that's kind of the cliff notes of it. Is it a just felt this urge to help people become happy first on the inside? And then that transcends to the outside. Then you want to go to the gym. Then you want to stay fit because you feel good. Right? I mean, I'm like, I'm over here like high five in you because our stories are very, very similar in a sense where I mean, I was also somebody who for years from the outside looking in. I mean, I had the perfect job and the two kids and the perfect husband. And I was, I was in shape and I look good at people. All of that. But on the inside for years and years and years, I was really fucking sad. I mean, I was really fucking sad. I mean, I'm giving you a high five in a heart. I really actually hated my body and I was very abusive to it. And I had an eating disorder. And I was like, just like all of the things. And so so much of my mission in the platform and helping women to achieve sustainable weight loss is it really actually does. I, that's why I start with the mindset. And I start with the inside because I always say it's like, I'm gonna fuck how much I teach you about how to build your plane and what exercises to do for 40 and all this. None of that matters. If you actually just even like first and foremost, don't believe you're worth making a priority, right? Because then no, you're not gonna implement any of this 100% and this is like, yeah, and this is so much of my issue that I have with diet culture, which is, you know, we, they've got it backwards. Like we have to start with healing the mindset and working from the inside out and the transformation on the outside will not only come, but it will last. It will last. That's right. That's that right there is the kicker is that you can get to the weight loss goal. You can do a lot of, you know, strict diets and fads and things and lose the 20 or 30 or 40 pounds, but can you keep it off 100%, but can you keep it off and you can't if you haven't changed the reason you got out of shame, you gained the weight. You didn't care about all that first. If you don't change that, then nothing you do, like you said, with the food, with the gym, with the none of it matters. You just change here. Absolutely. Because you just right. Yeah. 100%. I mean, you just, you just go back to your old patterns and your own, you know, eventually, you know, work meeting start coming up, kids start coming up, you start pushing yourself down and down the list of priorities. I mean, all of it. Absolutely. So yeah, I mean, that's so I love how an alignment we are with that. Well, one of the things that you said that I'm just so curious about is you said that your life coach shifted you in 41 days. I am so curious. Like what was the big if you don't mind sharing? Yeah. No. And it's funny. People would go like, how do you remember that? I remembered it because I was someone who didn't, who couldn't connect to my tears for lots of years. I couldn't, I couldn't cry. I felt numb while I also had been a cocaine addict, which is a numbing drug, right? So I used cocaine when I was a drug at it from 21 to 26 hardcore, like hardcore, to where I shouldn't even be here on the planet. Yeah, you can relate, right? And so I used that drug particularly as opposed to like coiloves or alcohol or whatever, because I wanted to be completely numb to feelings. And that one is a really good one for that. So I, I lost the, forgot the question now. So we were on a 41 days, right? Yeah. So how did I, so I couldn't cry. I couldn't connect to the tears. I was just still numb even after I got clean. And when I met this woman, she literally cracked me open with some of the things she helped me work on. A lot of it was around inner child work, you know, like I couldn't connect to my inner child. I just couldn't, I, I thought it was silly and stupid and woo woo. And she did it in a way that didn't feel corny or silly or goofy. I felt real and authentic. And I had to do a lot of anger work. I was in and out of foster care and adopted at 12 and didn't meet my real dad till I was 40. And so there was a lot of anger around, I guess, I didn't realize it. I didn't know I was carrying on this anger, but around not having that perfect quote unquote family, whatever that is. But, you know, we, what we're younger, we don't understand that there's all kinds of families and it doesn't matter how you grow up. It's up still up to you to live an authentic life and a good life. And, but I was angry. And so I did anger work and I did journaling. I wrote fuck you letters. I wrote, you know, self-forgiveness letters. I wrote forgiveness letters to my mom who had, who wasn't able to be there for me in the way I had hoped. And when I did all that work and the tears started coming, I counted the days because I couldn't believe I was finally crying. So every day I cried as I had another exercise to do, I was like, oh my god, this is the third day. This is the why am I crying so much? And I just kept track from there. I'm like, I've cried seven days in a row and then it was like 10 days and then it was, and then I'm like, what is going on? And then I realized, oh, it's the evolution of my fricking spirit in my heart. And I always say I use this saying when I was in the fitness industry because I was a fitness model for years also in addition to my work. And so I always had to have six pack abs. Like my agent would call and they'd go, are your abs in? If they're not, get them in. You're having an audition tomorrow. They want six pack abs. And I'd be like, shit, dehydrate and do all the things and you know, you get it. And so I would show up and have my six pack abs. So for years, it was about having those abs, you know, because that's how they define if you're super lean. And so now though, I don't, I probably have a two pack on a good day, but I have an eight pack in my heart. And it's what I accomplished by doing that work. Like I reclaimed my heart, which was asleep for so long. And so in 41 days, that was the beginning. Obviously, I wasn't like cured or fixed or whatever that even means. But you know what I mean, that was the beginning of the journey that then continued on and still continues. I mean, I love just how I mean beautiful, because I how beautiful your story is. And because I just I can relate so much to the power of doing the inner work. In fact, I just recorded a solo episode talking a little bit about how parts therapy like really understanding seven year old amber. And how and for me, I actually a lot of that inner child work for me didn't start until after I was divorced because I started noticing somebody show up in relationships when I started dating again. That ain't fucking recognize that I didn't recognize. I was this very like anxious, anxious, attached. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Like very and I was like, who are you? And I really had to start digging into. But yeah, I talk a lot about and I love having experts on that are very familiar with doing a lot of that inner child work because I do think that, you know, all healing really does start from going back to the beginning because that's our deepest, that is our deepest most, you know, wounds for a lot of us is our obviously our most informal years. I mean, yeah, so that's been really, really powerful. 100% and I, you know, I think it's, you know, if I had a wish, my wish would be that everybody on the planet would be required as they became an adult to go through inner child work before they could even enter into the real world. And because I think that it would change so much around and on this planet, I think this planet would be completely different if it was a requirement before you became an official adult to do inner child work. Yeah, they need to teach that in schools. Seriously. Yeah. Well, so if somebody is listening though and they've never done inner child work, like, yeah, where where where does someone start? What do you even recognize? Oh my goodness. There's so so many ways you could go. Where does someone start? Right. And and first and let me qualify and quantify this that I'm not a licensed therapist. I'm not a psychiatrist or any of that. I am a life coach, a mindset empowerment coach. And so remember, everything I say is from experience that I've gone through from shadowing people who do this work from studying reading for 30 years. So taking that with a grain of salt, the work that I've done that's been the most impactful around inner child quote unquote healing or understanding or learning and growing has been, you know, I start, I actually have, I don't know if you can see it over there on my altar. If you could see that in the middle, can you see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would grab it, but I have my headset on. It's a picture of me at two and I keep that on. That's where I meditate. And so I keep that that started the journey is that I started with just looking at that picture and writing a dear little Rebecca letter. If and the letter just simply starts with if I could go back in time and give you what you had wanted, this is what it would look like. It starts like that. It also starts like a me to me manifesto was another thing I did where it's reparenting. And this was actually inspired by Bernet Brown's whole hearted manifesto is what she and her husband Steve wrote to their kids. And it's this beautifully written manifesto. And she says, please reuse this any way you want. And I found it on the internet one day. And it was a thing they read to their kids of how we want to parent you guys. And holy shit, if if every parent talked to their kids like that and wrote this beautiful thing and it was all these things like you will learn how to love from the way you see us love each other. You will learn how to have joy by seeing us celebrate. You will it was all these beautiful things. So I took it and I said, let me spin this to me to me. Like, why can't I tell myself these things? So it goes dear older wiser Rebecca when I look at you little Rebecca. This is what I would tell you about. And so you just kind of insert different parts of it, but it's all written about repairing of yourself. And so you're reading it and writing it from your older self to your younger self. And it is one of the things that changed me. There's so many other things like doing anger work on some of the feelings that I had, understanding the attachment style. I mean, there's, there's, and every person that you'll speak to approaches it in a different way, right? There's all kinds of things. Doing actually the, it's more gestalt style where you actually see yourself as a kid in a chair talking to your older self and you actually visualize the conversation. You could do it with a parent. You could do it with someone who's deceased if they're no longer here. And you want to re-invision what the story could have been. You kind of acted out in your mind. There's all kinds of different ways. But yeah, those, those, that was the first thing is just putting a picture there, looking at my own eyes at that age and going, I see you. I feel you. I'm right here. Let's start over. I love that so much. I did something very similar where I went home to my mom's house and I just, she had a whole like box of pictures. And I just started going through some of the pictures and went and I picked out a few and I sat down and I spent time with each picture trying to remember what it felt like to be that little girl. So a picture that goes through my mind right now is I, I remember a picture very distinctly where I was about 10 years old and I was in a white dress and it was, I was standing, getting ready for my piano recital. And I looked like a happy little 10 year old girl, but it, but actually what was going on is I was very sad little girl because I was wearing the dress I was wearing at 10 years old was my mother's dress that she fit into right then and there. And so I felt very, I felt like I felt like I was, I was, I felt like I was overweight. I felt like I was too, because I was like wearing my mother's dress and it was like a size two. And I'm 10 years old wearing her dress. And I really just took time to like go back to 10 year old Amber and what was she feeling and what would I say to her now and really just taking a second to, I think that's a really easy way to just, you know, to just start connecting with what you, the feelings that you had for, because for so many of us, we repress them. We don't think about that. We just, you know, that manager part of us comes out, protects us. And we just don't spend time thinking about how we felt then for sure. Yeah. And I like what you said, well, it's sad, what you said, but it's real. Like we repress or we suppress, right? And, and that is how, you know, we grow up with eating disorders. We grow up with drug addiction or we grow up gambling, sex addiction, whatever it is, we, because we're still stuffing the feelings and we're trying to look for something to sue that. And I was saying, you know, one of the things I always talk to my clients when they're like, you know, I don't know, I feel like I'm numb inside or I'm dead inside and, and I can't feel my heart. I can't feel it. And it's, and it's either because you, you've suppressed the feelings and you've chosen to be that way, but the only way to get through them is to feel them because otherwise you act out and you explode or you implode. Do you either act out on people around you who you love or you implode and hurt yourself? And so the only way ever, I believe, I don't know if there's another way I would love to, if any of your listeners have another way to, to miss this step, but otherwise the only way is to actually move through them. And I, I said this on a podcast the other day and I think this is important. Like if we remember like, how does the lotus bloom, the lotus flower, it comes out of the mud, out of the muck, out of the mud, out of the sh*t, the stuff we don't want to deal with comes this beautiful flower. That's where it grows. Yeah, I mean, I love that and I love that. I just love that imagery and I will say and I think this is again just putting an exclamation point again on white inner child work. I think it's so, so important is because at that age, at those young age when I was nine years old and people were making, you know, adult female figures were making comments about my body and you know, all of these things, I didn't have the skill set to be able to to navigate those feelings. And so, and then children, you know, typically don't and this is where they get shut down, which is what led me to, you know, being pretty promiscuous in my 20s and using lots of drugs and having a needing disorder and outsourcing my worth to my body. You know, if people found me attractive, then I ultimately was loved. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, then all the things. Yeah. And so revisiting that and really healing that, yeah, it's absolutely been very instrumental in my own healing journey for sure. Well, I want to talk about a video that you did. This is actually the video that I found you. It came across my feed. And it was the video where you were talking about it was the worst year of your life. Last year, I think this was the been last year and yeah, yeah, God, you know, God will always, and I'm paraphrasing, but I think that God will always put you back together in front of the very people that broke you. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because I heard that and I know that's a really, one of your really videos that was yeah, it really went well because they really resonated with a lot of people, a lot of people. So I would love for you just to talk a little bit more and give a little context about about that video. Well, that video came, it was actually inspired by and I don't know where I saw it or heard that quote that's been around for a while. I didn't create that quote and I had heard it and the day that I heard it, I was out of coming out of that worst year. And it was in, it was this year, obviously, when I shot that video. And last year was the year I was referring to and I finally sort of got myself to this really beautiful place in January. I was January 11th. I don't know how I knew that that was going to be a monumental day, but it was the day where I felt that's it. I'm not letting the things that happen, the circumstances, the people, the situations, steel or dim my light anymore. And look, I've had a great life and I've had beautiful years and I've had some bad years too. Like I've been hurt before. I've had broken dreams and all that, like all the things that everyone's had. But last year, I always referred to it as I got stacked with a bunch of things all at once. And it was more than my spirit could handle for whatever reason. Normally, I can bounce back and I'm resilient as fuck. And I can, but that last year, I was like, I can't, I can't take one more thing and my heart was crushed. And my spirit was crushed. And so when I finally rose back up on January 11th by doing all the things that I was taught by my coach and no one, I didn't go to a therapist, I didn't go to a nobody, but me saved me in the beginning of the year. And that, I think, is important for us all to hear. And then I'll share the answer to your question that we are our own fixer. We are a healer. We are our own guru. There is nobody that we could put on a pedestal that's going to come tap us with a wand and say, you're better. All the things are fixed. You've done the work. We have to do it. We have to go through the mud and come out the lotus. That is the only way. Otherwise, it's false, it's fake. It doesn't last. If you don't do it and you don't grab that lifesaver and do the work, you're never changing. I wish, you know, and you wish too, that we could say to our people that follow us or work with us that there's an easy pass or an easy button, but there's not. So when I spelt myself coming back, that quote I saw somewhere or video I had seen, I forget where, but I saw it and like, holy shit, that's how I feel right now because I'm finally putting myself back together and I hope that everybody that had played a role in tearing me down in some way, one day we'll see that they didn't hold me down, that they didn't steal my light, that I was able to rise back up. And it's not literal for me that somebody, whoever it was, that hurt my heart, or someone who betrayed me and might be, I don't need them to really, but it's more of a, what do you call it, a euphemism of what it was to me. It was empowering quote. And so, I said that and I felt it in that moment really strongly and I don't know why, but that video did do really well. I think it's almost like at a million, say, 800 views or something, but, but I think, you know, because when I heard you say that, what I love about it and I love to say that, I love that you said, like, it wasn't necessarily literal that you literally need people to say this and see you put back together. But what it came up for me as I was like, it just, to be able to declare that, just send a really effing powerful message to the universe, which is like, I'm resilient as hell, and I will get back up. I will get back up. And that is how, yeah, that is how I hoped it was perceived. It isn't literal that the people who broke you have to see you and have to go, "Nah, nah, nah, it's not like that. It's not like that at all. It's more that nobody, I can put myself, God, puts me back together. I put me back together. And when I do, look out. Here I come." Yes. And that's kind of it was, yeah, it was like that. I'm resilient as AF, is kind of what it means. And I forget. Absolutely. Love that. Well, you talk a lot about faith in your, in, you know, on your social media, and so one of the things you talk about is choosing your F word. And I have, what's that going to choosing your? What does that mean? Oh boy, well, I love that quote, and I love that that video also did really well, because that was the thing that my life coach would say to me. She said two things that I remember the most. She said many beautiful things that impacted me, but two favorite sayings from her. One of them was choose your effort, fear or faith. She would say that to me all the time and to all of her clients. I think she even had coffee mugs. I'm actually going to tag onto that at some point and do something with it because I have a t-shirt that I created that says that. But it's so important, like, and everyone and jokingly, you know what everyone else would choose, right? Like they choose the effort or the other effort. But she used to say that and it was catchy firstly, but it was so poignant because it's real. We have two choices. Always they're going to live in the fear or we're going to live in faith and trust. But she also said this other really important thing which helped me in relationship, which helped me in my whole life, which was feed the fear, not the love. Feed the faith, not the sadness. Feed the love, not the hate. You know, and it's that whole thing about the wolf's, the two wolf sitting under shoulder, which one are you going to feed, right? But the way she would say it, it stuck with me. And that was 30 years ago that she said those things to me. And they just stuck. So the choosing, you know, your effort is, you know, if we, I think if we wake up every day and just remember, we have a choice every single to every breath, every new sunrise, we get to choose who we going to be. How we going to be, who we going to be? You know, I say that playfully, but it's like, who do you want to be? Yeah. You know, and every day it's a choice. And I don't think people say, oh, you don't understand my life is so bad, everybody, but we've all had stuff. And we will always have stuff. And it's going to always be a choice of perspective and how you let it impact you. And whether you choose to let it dim your light or not. Yeah. I mean, yes. And I love how you just simplify it, though. Like, what are you going to choose? What effort are you going to choose? And because it's so true, it's, it is, you know, we do, you know, things happen to us, but it's our responsibility and how we respond to them. And it really can be as simple as those two things. Are you going to live in fear of what of the unknown? Are you going to live in fear of what's going to happen? Are you going to live in fear of your fear? Are you going to, or are you just going to trust? And this was a huge, huge lesson for me when I was, you know, turning 40, and my, I tell the story of my podcast or my whole life was really imploding my marriage was falling apart. You know, just the whole, my whole life was really coming to really a crashing halt. And I really, this is where I really had to dig in. This began my spiritual awakening of really leaning into the faith and trusting that I was exactly where I was supposed to be even though that's not, you know, where I wanted to be. And I didn't understand it. And I sure, shit didn't like it, but it was where I needed to be. And so it is, I love that that's such a simple message. Well, I'm so curious. Like, what are some of the things that you do? Cause I just recorded a solo podcast on it was, I wanted, I was sharing like some daily things that I like to work into my, just some, some daily things that I work into my day about keeping perspective and what, what came up for me as I was listening to our news feed came up on my phone the other day about what's going on in Gaza and Israel. It was talking about the children being in the morgue with their name on their leg. And the reason why was because their parents were afraid that if they died and they weren't that they, no one would be able to claim them. And I had this moment of just like, I mean, I get just really obsessed me to talk about, I just had this moment of like, fucking perspective like, holy shit, I'm, you know, it's like, I'm here. We're, we can get so caught up on the every day about dumb shit. So dumb shit. And then I'm like, I can't even amount, I mean, so as far as perspective, maybe what are some things that you like to pull into your day? Maybe some different practices that you have to just keep you fucking centered and keep things in the perspective and to keep an open heart of gratitude, which is so, so important. So important. I, you know, thank you for and my heart goes out to everybody that's feeling all of the people that are being affected and feeling and all of us, I think there's, it's a collective. What is happening in our world, right? And so thank you for bringing this up. I think first and foremost, I think if we all remember that I'm never going to go, well, what kind of impact can I make in this thing that's over there? And, you know, what can I do? And like, if we can be responsible for who we be, how we show up, the light, the energy, the vibration that we contribute to the planet, that's what we can do. And how do we do that? How do we keep our frequency, our vibration, our light bright when it's so tough right now, right? For so many, especially people who are super close to it because of their culture or their religion. And I think that it just starts with how you open your eyes in the morning. What's the very first thing you do and the first thing I do and I've been doing it for years and it's changed my life is the very first thing I do is it's going to be a fucking great day. I'm so grateful that I am here. I'm so grateful. What can I make? How can I make this a great day? And even when I wake up and I'm like feeling like, "Uh, do I believe that today? I don't care. I still say it." And so I start with that. And then I do what I call RK Tuna, which is, you know, I believe, I truly believe that if it's most important to start your day with this, a lot of people say, I don't have time. I do it at the end of the day. I'll do it in the middle of the day. But I really feel that it sets the tone for the entire day. So I do these four things. I start with, and it's very similar to anyone follows Tony Robbins or other like the more miracle morning. It's similar to that concept, but I do it three to five minutes of breath. If you know my background too is breathwork. I'm a breathwork coach, facilitator. I lead training courses for breathwork. I train other teachers to teach breathwork. And I believe breath is, well, we get our first breath and our last breath, right? And most important, but what about all the breaths in between I always say? So the very fact that we can take a breath is gratitude for that, right? And so being in gratitude for the breath. And so I start with three to five minutes of breathing and just connecting back to me. Even when I start my sessions with clients, I found that because everyone is full of stress and chaos and anxiety lately, just in general, I think, again, before this, the Middle East stuff, there's been a collective of that since COVID and after COVID now, but we're still COVID is around. But and so I've been starting with three minutes of breath every single session that I do with my coaching clients because they all come to me, keyed up, wound up. And it's so funny. If I could take a picture of their eyes before and their eyes after, when they open their eyes after we do some deep breaths and we just ground for three minutes, they open their eyes and I'm like, oh, there you are. There's the you I know that I love that I want to see right now. And they're like, yeah, there I am. And there's something that's even up tears in their eyes because they just connected for three minutes. So I start with three to five minutes of breath. And I start with then I add on top of that gratitude. And I do this thing called trail of gratitude. And it's where I visualize all the people that have touched my life standing on a lit up trail, both sides as a path, both sides of it are lit with little T lights. And there's one by one, the people that have touched my life show up on this and I do it in my breath, work classes. It's the way I end every class. And I have someone picturing themselves in their happy place, their safe place, and then this trail in front of them. And I do this to myself. And one by one, the most important people who've impacted you show up and you run up to them and you say, thank you so much. I love you. Thank you for touching my life. Thank you for the gifts you gave. You could have passed me by, but you didn't. And then I hugged them in my mind. I am doing all this and it's real because, you know, we're frequency, we're energy, we're vibration. And so I do that and I do that for three to five minutes. And then I do what I call rap formations, not affirmations, rap formations. I actually get up sing them and dance them and put on this cool African drum song. And I rap out loud. I speak about loud and they're long. And I've got a lot of them. And I just I call in what I want to attract. I call in what I see myself doing and creating and having and being. And then I do three to crush. I call it three to crush. And it's three things that I must accomplish in the day that will make me feel like, okay, today was a win. Even if it's something silly, like calling a friend, following up or doing a load of lawn, whatever it is, but three things without overwhelming myself with 50 on the list, I do three things, three to crush. And if I do those things, it's a win. If I do more, it's a bonus. And then I move my body as a fifth thing if you want to do it. And I do that with people that I've got some people that come to me with what we call low grade depression, right? Where they're low, they wake up with the blas with the heavy, just because they're they just have that. And they're just that's their default energy. So I have people who are really struggling with that do about five to ten minutes of a brisk movement. It's like a fast jog or a sprint or pumping their arms on a power walk to change their state and their physiology so that they almost break a sweat. Their heart rate gets up and immediately your mood shifts because if you're dealing with low energy low or even low grade depression, it's because your levels are probably off whether it's our tone and dopamine or whatever. And when you can get a little boost through changing your state, physiology of chemicals, shifting, breaking a sweat even just getting your heart rate up, you shift. And so that's a really great way to start the day, I think. And if everyone would start their day that way everyone goes, I don't have 20 minutes of it. You've got to have time. Stop watching that silly show. Put that book down. That's a silly book. Put that, you know, get home earlier. Wake up really. Go to bed later. You got to Well, and stop that's the story you've created for yourself. That's right. The story you've created yourself as you don't know at the time. But that's right. That's actually just what you value. You're just demonstrating what you value and what you don't. So that is the story that I think that that's a huge thing that a lot of women, especially I mean, even men too, but they have to really take ownership of. Stop telling yourself that story for sure. Oh, I love all of those. You know, one of the other things that I was talking about too in this podcast that it thinks important and you touch it on a little bit of like got it. One of the things that you can do if everyone's like, "Oh, I don't know what to do. I'm over here. They're over there." And like, you know, I love that you said, like, just work on like taking care of you and just showing up as your best damn self. Be a bright light. Yeah. Be a bright light. And the other thing I think too that's really important though is, is I had said like, be in service to others. And it doesn't necessarily mean about obviously giving your time, volunteering, all of that, of course, is important stuff. However, sometimes too, it could be a matter of just like asking like the hard fucking questions. And then, I was just sitting down with my friend the other day, who's Jewish and I just said it. And I said, "We're having a beer." And I said, "How are you doing?" And he says, "Well, what do you mean?" And I said, "Well, how are you doing?" And he was totally taken back. He's like, "I don't think anyone's really asked me that." He's like, "But it's been really hard." And so I think sometimes, you know, we don't want to ask the hard questions. We get stuck in such a culture of toxic positivity. Everyone's fine. I'm good. You know, all the things. I think sometimes of how we can even keep our perspective and have an open heart of gratitude, like I said, you said, be the light and also ask the hard questions for sure. Yeah. Yeah. So I love that. And I think being able to be comfortable with asking all the things, right? To and like communication and elevating, being responsible for just elevating everything that you can control and that's your communication. That's the way you show up when you walk in a room. That's the way you talk to the people that you come in contact with. That's the way you love on the people that you're in relationship with. And all of that, if you do the best you and you elevate every area you can touch and you can impact, then you impact the other person on the other side of that dynamic. And I think that's how we help this, you know, in any way, the smallest of ways, but can become the biggest impact, right? Because one by one by one, we can touch that. We can touch each other. Yeah. For sure. Well, I want to share with the listeners like who you work best with. Obviously, the listener, I mean, as as what I was so attracted to, you were such a powerhouse, you're so inspiring. And so I would just love, I know you have a program, Soar. I want you to, I would love for you to share like who you work best with and really who Soar is for. Yeah. So thank you for that question. I find that, you know, women typically over 40 have been and are my most amazing clients, but mostly they are the ones who already are doing something and look, you could be doing anything and I don't mean to categorize if you're doing something you're amazing, but like they, they already consider themselves having achieved something like they're in a job that's badass. They're making lots of money or they're in a successful marriage and they've raised kids in there, but they're still feeling like they're some part of them that is unfulfilled. So it's, for instance, I've got a woman who is crushing it in her business. She's amazing. She's doing all the things, but she's like, this job doesn't fill me up anymore. It doesn't fill my cup. It doesn't light my soul. And I want to transition into this more heart-based business. Can you help me? So we're working out. We're creating a business model and a business plan and we're vetting the idea and cutting. So it's more of a business kind of coaching angle, which is funny enough though. We've actually shifted now into more heart coaching because something came up in one of the talks around the business stuff and now she's actually off on some journaling assignments that I've given her and she just wrote me the other day. She's like, holy shit, I had no idea that I would hire you for this work because I've done all the work I thought. But now not only are we doing the business work, you're also helping me change my life in a different way that I didn't even think. So people come to me for one thing like I'm helping a woman right now who's in what I call a silent, silently toxic marriage for seven years and she has been, they both just sweeping everything under the rug and they're cordial to one another but there's no love or sex. There's no intimacy. There's no hanging out and having fun anymore and they're both just ignoring it. So I call that silent toxicity. Like that. She is unhealthy. She's feeling depressed. She goes to bed early every night. She wants to hide in the house from him. I mean, like they're not hurting each other physically but her spirit is dying. And so she came to me and we're working on getting her to feel empowered to leave him and feel okay with that and even though she's scared financially and all these things, we're building her confidence. We're building her to a place where she's like ready to take that leap. And so people who are struggling with all kinds of things but mostly it's either relationship or a business career change or it's feeling worthy and seeing your heart again, feeling your heart. A couple of women that just recently started with me who said, my heart's close and I just want to open it. That's all I'm hiring you to help me open my heart again. So I mean, it's really the gamut but those are the people I end up working with most. I love it. I love it. And so the SOAR program is this a like a one-on-one or is this like a collective or what is do you mind sharing with the listeners? Yeah. I got one-to-one coaching with me which is what I call like the VIP coaching and that's one to one where we work weekly for a period of time. I either have three months or six months where people work with me and we see each other once a week. Then in January I'll be launching Body and Soul Badasserie and that is a group program, my first group program and I'm super excited for that one and that is for women over 35 who want to elevate into their 2.0 version of themselves. Like on all levels, mind body soul and it'll be 8 weeks with me where we meet every week, you'll have a community, a tribe, every week it's a new topic and we're going deep. I love it. I love it. I love it. Your approach is so holistic. This is why you and I are in alignment for sure. Well, okay. So as we wrap up, there's definitely one more question I have to ask you because there's no way I was not going to have a conversation to ask you this. I need to know about your skincare routine. I already like Siri and we were with the people, with the women see the video and then they go and follow you on social media and they're like holy shit. What did she do to because I mean every single one of you? Well it's filters, you know, and good light. Listen, I'm on live with you right now. I know. You're so cute. Thank you. No, it's flawless. It's absolutely flawless. So seriously. I will, I'll share what I do and you'll be, you'll laugh when you hear. I do not follow any particular skincare routine. I drink lots of water. I moisturize my skin. I switch my products all the time, which I know people are going to say, if you don't have a favorite product, I don't have, I wish I did. Maybe I should have endorsed the product. I don't know. But I don't have a favorite product. I switch around a lot. I morning and night, I do the wash, the cleanse, the moisturize. I eat really clean. I remove my body and make sure I sweat every single day. So I'm always like, you know, having, you know, releasing toxins. And that is honestly it. And I wish, and every now and then, I do some, you know, things here and there and I, a little boat talks, a little this, that, but like, but my skin is a Italian and Danish. So maybe it's genetic. I feel very lucky that I'm almost 60. I mean, and I, that's what I'm talking about. Like, absolutely. Thank you. flawless. You're absolutely beautiful. I'm like, listen, I need to be your agent. We're going to eat some brand workships for us to get a skincare. I would take it because I would love to have a product I could get behind. Honestly, but I just, I've never found anything that I'm like, oh my God, this one made all the difference. But if I found one, I would, yeah, do it. Or back, I thank you so much for being here and just dressing. Yeah, if you're just, now gets some just wisdom and just, I really appreciate you. Thank you. Me too, you. Yeah. Thanks so much for listening today and we'll catch you on the next one. Thanks so much for tuning into the wellness revolution. I hope you're feeling more empowered and inspired from this episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you consume podcasts and connect with me on social media. I'm Miss Amber Shaw that's MS Amber Shaw across all platforms. And remember, you got this, mama. Until next time. [BLANK_AUDIO]