Two Mark Normands, One Sam Morril, no cups

(upbeat music) - Yo. - Hey, hey, we might be drunk, here we are. - Oh, I'm hurting, dude. - Oh yeah, we're all fried. I got the, I got the bitter sweet thing 'cause the baby goes to school, the toddler, there goes the club, daycare, which is great, but you gotta get up and get 'em there. - Yeah. - So you gotta get up early. - Oh really? - It's at 9.30, but he takes forever to get ready. You gotta like pin 'em down and put the clothes on, brush his teeth, put the food in 'em, swipe his ass. You know, he's running around the living room, then you gotta walk over there, it's like a 20 minute walk. - Yeah, that's a lot. - It's a lot. - In your comic, you're up late. I get it. - I was up late last night at a few pops, and then you get up and you're just like, "Gah, you just in it." There's no like, hold on, give me a second. - Oh dude, I did Christina P. I did your mom's house with Christina P. It's like they switch off. We're like children of divorce from a guest on this night. - I don't know who you're gonna get, I got Christina. And you know, she started in the morning. I didn't have breakfast yet, I got there pretty early. - How early? - I mean, I probably got picked up at like 10.30, but-- - That's early. - Yeah, but I want to hit the gym first, just 'cause you know when you're in the road, you're just like, I almost rather hit the gym and just figure out food later, just for the mental aspects. - Yes, for sure. - So you know, I'm like, quick gym, then I shower, pack, go downstairs, and she's zapping cigarettes, so I was like, "Hey, gone through divorce. I'm not gonna let you smoke six alone." So I said, "Hand 'em over." So yeah, we start drinking, she's drinking white wine, I'm drinking some bodega cat. - Hey, hey. - And before you know it, got that nice little morning buzz, and then it's like, I think the pot wraps of what, like noon or something, I got a 350 flight. So now I'm just killing time at the lounge, at the airport, chilling at the airport, and upon the flight start, it's like, fuck it, hand another whiskey over. Let's do it. - Yeah, start with it. - Go jack and coke, then I move over to like a little whiskey, soda with a lime. - Nice. - And the Yankees, fuck came, Schlittler, fuck shit up. - What a game. - And it was definitely the moment you get off the flight, where you're just like, "Oh boy, that was a lot." And the flight attendant is just feeding me whiskey over. She goes, she goes, "Any shows?" I'm like, "Oh great, she saw, so there's a witness." - Yeah. - There's a witness for that fucking degeneracy. - It's just a little brand though. - He really is, but he might be drunk. He's on the flight. - He's really killing himself. - Yeah. - This is good shit. Yeah, but great, great little trip, and dude, I was home in September, I believe. I think I'm three days home in September total. - Wow. - So that's a rough one. That's when you start to spy on the road a little bit. You start to eat, like you start to reach for like chocolate. - Yeah. - You start to reach for like, "I don't normally eat like this." But you just, I'm just stuffing my face with any candy in sight. - Oh yeah. - Some of these comedy club green rooms, they just stack the candy in there. And I'm like, "I haven't eaten Lafay Taffy since I was 12." - I know, we know about Patrice, the guy lost a foot, and I'm with the candy already. - I get up, I get up, staging with, where the fuck are the Welch's fruit juice? - Oh, I love it. - I had a seven out of 10 set. - Let me get fucking, let me get a butter finger. - You got range, whiskey and fruit juice. - I do, I'm stuck. - I mean, but you know what? As a kid, it's like, that's all you want is access to us. - Yeah, the flight, that flight is deceptively long from Austin, New York. - Yeah, I think almost four hours. - Yeah. You're like, "Yeah, that's what we want." Two and a half, or then you're on there forever. - It's a day. - It's a day, yeah. - You kind of go, yeah, with getting to the airport, and yeah, it's a lose an hour. - Yeah, that's a tough one. - And that airport is tiny for how, it's not a great airport. - Blooming Austin is supposedly, oh, it's this crazy new city, it's the tiny airport. - Not big. - No. But I had the same thing, I was on a flight for Minneapolis. I had a great weekend at Acme Killer Club. - I haven't been there in years, great club. - Great, I saw your name on the board 'cause you signed the wall. You were up there. Somebody put an arrow to gay, I don't know. - That was me, that's how I said it. - Oh, okay. - I want people to know. - All right, I thought it was me. But yeah, so did the show's great, got a ton of work done, and then flew back and I had the dead head, what do you call that? Is that what it is? - Next to the pilot? - Well, it's like a-- - A grateful dead fan? - No, no, like-- - That's a dead head. - The dead head just want a pilot takes a seat on the plane. - Is that the word? - Yeah, they just dead head. - They're dead heading. - Yeah, you never see a pilot just sit in the seat. - Yeah, I didn't know it was called dead head. - Yeah, they're trying to get to another location. I don't know why they called it dead head. Meaning like they're not flying, they're dead. They're not on, they're not on right now. - That's a weird term. - I think that's it. - Yeah. - Where'd that come from? - I think it's a sailing term. - Ah! - Like you're navigating without the stars or something. - So you're sitting next to the pilot? - Yeah, before I have Uber did that, this is why he's got an Uber later, it's okay. So I've got the pilot there and he's kind of give me the funky eye, like the-- - Oh. - Oh. - So I was like, ah, this guy's gay, he's all over me, whatever. And then he hands me a note at the end of the flight and he's like, just wanted to blow up your spot, big fan, a level you start telling us. So it was nice, but he had to be the note. And then they're like, okay, buckle up for landings and now we're just sitting next to each other. And I already know all this about him, but I read the note to him. - I've just seen him, Billy Madison, with the principles, like I'm horny too, that's it. I got a note on the flight yesterday too. - Oh, there you go. - From a woman, she sent it back to the, through the flight attendant. - Ooh. - And he is a little bit of, I'm flatter, but he's a little piv. - Get a little dead head. - No pick. - Also I have a girlfriend, but no pick. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. - I should open with the girlfriend. What's your saying, like, oh, what's up? - Oh, you know. - Well, I'm just gonna hand you a head shot. Where are you gonna put it? - Maybe like a link to something, I don't know. - Okay, okay. Yeah, now you gotta go up there and go, is it her? - But I should have opened that I'm in a relationship. - Yeah. - It said to me, like, where's the pick? Send nude, then we'll, I'm seeing someone, I want to see you naked as well. - Sure, but also, you haven't been home and dealing with it all three days in the month. - Oh, you should. You get prism sex, I was looking to that bell hop, like, I could do it. - Oh, the standards just keep dropping. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, but nice to be recognized on a plane, but you just, you just stuck there. - Yeah. - So it's awkward. - That note is great, but you want it after. - Yeah, it's exactly, exactly. So our thighs touch, you know, it's just, it's weird. - You touch your leg. - Yeah, you touch my leg. So, but yeah, very nice, and maybe I have-- - Nice, it's all, it's, it is a great feeling, for sure. - It's very nice, yeah. - I ran a dick pick on a plane. - A random dick pick. - Oh, yeah, people will do a error. - No, but I've sent a few. - Yeah. - My hair dropped to everyone on the plane. Everyone picks it up, sees that person's dick. - Yeah, it's a high-tech predator. - So strange. - It is, 'cause you think about where the, the purve is started and where they've ended up. - Yeah. - They've really taken it up a level. - Yeah, it's just flash on the subway. - Oh, yeah. - Now you got technology. It's like a mass shooter versus the fucking musket. - Right. - You're able to-- - Yeah. - You used to have to do that one by one at the office party. You got fired. Now you can fucking send a massie now. Air drop, you got options. - How long 'til a kid drone bombs a school. You know, that's gonna come before, you know, other stuff. - Jesus Christ. - Mark, think of it out there. - I'll put it out there. By the way, there's been 13 Lindsey Clancy copycats. - What? - Since it happened. 13. - 13. - Killing kids all day. - Wait, hold that up. Is that real? - Well, is that just people killing their kids? And then saying Lindsey Clancy inspired me or-- - Yeah, that's a copycat. - Oh, many. - They said that she inspired her. - I don't know about that, but it's similar way to do it. Get the husband out, and stop someone exercise bands. - Yeah. - No one's using those. - No. - No one's exercising with the bands. - No. - There's one person that said this directly inspired me to kill my kids. - Oh, it's only one. Well, we've had 13 moms killing their kids since it happened. So, I can't people copycat good shit. You know, it's always negative. Well, we got a serial killer copycat. What about this guy planted a community garden copycat? - The guy who gives out hugs everywhere. What kind of copycat that? - Exactly. I love the hug guy. - The hug guy's nice. - Yeah. - What was that? That Dave Matthews-- - Judah. - Judah was in there. - He was the hug. - What a hug dude. - Yeah. - Nice hugging. - Judah had a hell of a run. He had 30 rock curb. - American splendor? - American splendor and Dave Matthews. - And meet the parents. - Oh. - And Zoolander. - And Zoolander. - He's the brother. - What a run. - And the ten of Vince Vaughn. Mums and meet the parents. He's a great actor. American splendor. He was amazing. - Yeah. Now he's gone full burka. - Yeah. Haven't seen his mouth in years. - Probably for the best. But yeah, he's a fucking great comic and a nice guy. - Very nice guy. - But man, that 30 rock gig. Second banana on 30 rock. - Well, he wasn't the second banana. - He was fourth. - He was in the bunch. - He's at the bottom. - He's at the second banana. - It's Liz Lemon. - You got Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan Kenneth. - He's who's first banana. He's not second. - Well, we got Liz. - Liz Baldwin. - That's two right there. First and second banana. - He's worried. He's lower. - Of course. - But he was in the credits. He got his name in the credits. So that's true. - That's some cash money right there. - All right, he's 15th banana. - He's probably like seventh. - All right, seventh. - Maybe sixth. - I bet there's a call sheet we can look up. See where he is on the call sheet. - He's in the bunch of bananas, which is big deal. - All right, he's in the bunch. - He was great on the show. - He was great. - The show is like tops. - Oh yeah. - That's as good as the sitcom can be, man. - Completely agree. - Holds up hard. - And they went dark. They went for it. It was awesome. - That was one of the few times I've seen you freeze up a little in the elevator with Tina Fey. - Yes. - 'Cause you were like, "I'm going to say something "and I was like, "Hell, yeah." And then you're just like, "I couldn't do it. "I paid it." - And I got it. - I was like, "Yeah, I respect her too much." - She's such a legend. And you don't know what to say to a lady. It's a different vibe. - She's just, she's just, you know, she made one of the best shows ever. - And she's such a good writer that everything I say, I feel like she goes. That was it. That's all you had. - I know. - That's my panic. - She'd see through it. - Exactly. - You could see it. Yeah, I'm with you, dude. - All right, here's a call sheet. - Oh, here we go. Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Rachel Dratch. - Wow. - Tracing one in Scott AdSit. - No bunch. That's it. He's after that one but this is one scene that's not one scene probably if it's yeah I don't know yeah probably why you can see a call she well done on that Google bitch He's but he's in the mix. Yeah for sure for sure Now see that's the kind of gig I'd want That yeah, well that kind of roll will you show up like two days a week exactly and then you still get the tour The exactly you just never see your family ever. Yeah, you get to tell me what I'm on a huge funny sitcom That's big. I mean he had a look. That was back when you had a look you got hired Yeah, I mean he made it a look yeah, and he's still doing it. Oh, yeah But it's kind of like when spider-man changes outfits and went darker. Yeah, it was like he was like the bright red spider-man And then you're just like he's been black and you're like, yeah, alright, not it's fun. He's only working at Harlem This is the longest due to chunk on any podcast ever. This whole hour. We're just talking about due to Freedland We like Judah very I mean, yeah, he's I think I got a special on Netflix. So very good special Come on, how about that doing it currently at number eight on the top 10 so we'll hopefully it keeps climbing hopefully Yeah, I mean, this is I guess the day after it came out we're recording this good sign. I checked it yesterday Nothing checked it today. You're too in so that's it. People are fine to get they're fine to me Yeah, I watch out on my mom's account for you You got to give it a double. We love this. Oh really? Yeah, that's the movie. You got to give it a double thumbs up Yeah, no, it's nice. It's nice. I got it's and I'm getting some text which is it's fun. Oh really nice Well, I don't know if you guys if you've seen the special you know the Jelissa text the Jelissa text messages that story the one night Stan's story she well, this is where it starts. I sent these to Salah Q's So yeah, she write this is what actually happened the bit not even an uber black and I wrote Lift is better nice. He wrote comes in 10 seconds then calls me a Toyota Camry That's that's a line that was actually in the special Wow, and I think I said wait come back. I might be able to get hard again But I mean, that's like actually the only line. I didn't you know the right there's I mean a lot of it really happens But then you're like oh, you gave me a line also look according to the time stamp you kicked her out of five three in the morning I didn't kick her out. She chose to look okay. Okay. I always offer all right. I always offer a Night pass good man though. You got up and you got an uber or lift tonight at wife 30. There's a next text. What does it say? Oh, yeah, but this is but this is shows one good time. She won't come to LA and I'll give you some more content You need all the help you can get. Wow. What did I say back to her? Keep nagging me and I'll keep it. Oh, that's a real name is what I slightly changed I said because I sent her a version of the bit saying you mind about this in a special and She said sure, but then she but then she started nagging me as like I might change it back It hits harder with your name. Yeah, because your name's a little weirder, but I was that your nine twenty nine or is that her nine twenty nine? It's got to be mine. Wow. That's a lot of text And then yeah, what do we say next? Oh, Jalissa hit your off the hook could I change the name? So I was like give me some help with the name so that's where we start brainstorming names that might work But this is great. She's she's fucking with you, but also cool enough to let it happen. Yeah She's she was cool and then see where this goes. This is crazy Whatever my best performance. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, what you were blah blah blah. So then here's as the day the special comes out She messages me so we didn't invite me to Tampa for this And I wrote how do you like the special she wrote it was charming until you implied I'm an anti-Semite I actually didn't even remember that part You know when she goes the part where you say Jalissa was anti-Semitic. I'm marrying a Jew and I wrote But first of all, you're getting married. We've all done like a year ago. I'm a little offended. You're getting married. Yeah, so quickly I said that was that was a callback, which so yeah, that was just a callback. I was just trying to wrap something up Okay, and she goes I said you get married this soon after getting raw dogged by your boy Ah, and she wrote yeah, he always orders me a new black nice She's good she's a callback. So yeah, good stuff very good. I mean she might be the one that I said that I think I close by saying I could have loved you Jalissa Yeah, that's a little quick to get married there Jal I mean, what are you Patrick Clancy? What the hell is going on? Yeah, who is this Jew? We got to bring him in. I know Hopefully gives you a hot 30 seconds I'm sure you and then I got another text from the rad exterminator because he keeps asking when the special is gonna come out Because you want to hear the rat chunked about the rat. Oh great So I told him and he wrote I said hey, it's the second joke check it out and he wrote that's what's up Did you mention VJ pest management? I didn't work it into the special, but here you go try VJ pest management You can photoshop in the rat they killed with a hockey stick I did get a few DMs how dare you that's animal crew There we go, but uh if it makes you feel any better. We ate the rat afterwards We use the whole body Wow VJ pests now do it to the abortion clinic call in after Great I'm everybody just texted you. I got well. I had to I had to let him because he's been asking me for months He goes when's the special out, you know and Yeah, no, so the the rat guy made it so they get these are all real stories. I love it Yeah, it's been 24 hours right is been 24 what's the nicest texture most I wasn't allowed night a lot of nice texts Anyone want to share now? It's just you know your friends. It's nice stuff, you know, but it's it's special Mark and I've talked about this it's not fun when a special comes out because you're doing so many Podcasts. Yeah, you're burnt out. You're you're trying to get the word out all while struggling through Material that makes you feel like a cripple. Yeah, so it's like I'm not at my best right now I know I'm not my best the crowd knows I'm not my best you do the road and you do like Whatever 20 minutes of the old shit to see how the new stuff stacks up against it And of course the home stuff that you spent all this time and I put into specials stronger But then you see there's moments of like okay. That's getting there. That's coming along and you do enough sets We're finally you're like I hate myself. I have to add a tag. I have to add this line, so but it's yeah, it's a process that's like You know, we've been through many times and it doesn't doesn't feel great No, and I'm I have a set that's now finally jelling after months and months and I just keep thinking I can't give this away Because I don't want to go through that again Well, you just pulling out pretty recently though. So you got time I got time. I got time But I will have to put this out eventually eventually with you with your next one, you know and I'm already doing you want it to it there's that also good feeling of like okay. It's gonna live somewhere now That of course you put it somewhere and it's nice that people will see the finished product But yeah, it's it's a real mix feeling. It's a real you're in a real postpartum funk now Clancy, yeah, not a psychosis, but a funk. What's an empty nested? Because you got this thing you you built up And you you honed and reared and then it you put it out and it goes to college, and then you go I miss it I miss it. So you got to have another one Yes, yeah, no, it's it's a it's tough man. Yeah another off at Cornell, but yeah But it's a tough one But yeah, just building that back up from it's like stacking bricks. You're like I got no wall here I got to build the great wall of china. I got two bricks in my hand. Oh my god. It's crazy I was in San Diego. We can I had a fun moment speaking of a Seeing a dude recognize you. I'm in the elevator of the hotel You know when you're San Diego you're just eating non-stop Mexican. It's such good Mexican. Oh, so good Pounding burritos and my camera guy Brian's a vegan. So it's like everyone satisfied. No one's complaining Which like you know good for him for being a vegan blah blah blah, but does it does make the the dinner search Sometimes a little more challenging. I want to be happy. That was a good line of the special what when they're vegan That's never the only thing. Oh, that's gluten free. Sorry gluten free. It's never the only thing right right yeah, but Which is it is true, but no, he's that is the only thing with him. He's great, but He is great, but you know and actually got me a DVD as a gift that I'm going to shout out as a wreck My life as a dog. Oh, it's a Swedish movie from the 80s. Colin Quinn shouted out in his criteria on closet. It's fucking great My life as a dog great Swedish movie from the 80s coming of age. Okay sad, but funny great But uh, where was okay? So I get in the elevator. I'm gassy as fuck. Yeah, you know It's like Maxing food all day, and you're just like these are like bad farts. Mm-hmm. It's not like the fun cartoonish Mark Norman farts Yeah, these were like silent and it's like what the fuck just happened. Yeah, and I get in the elevator And I let one rip and I was like, oh, that's bad And then the door opens and a dude comes in and he's smiling looking at me and he goes Sam I'm a big fan and I was like, oh, thanks man And then he go and then I watched him notice the fuck I watched him process where he's like I was just like I and he didn't mention anything. I was like I nice and that was it But I know that he knew and he knew that I knew it's like your old bit not funny funny again with the chick Yeah, with the girl. Yeah, that was an old bit I he far in the elevator you left and the door opens a hot woman comes on not funny anymore. Yeah, then the door opens again You get off door shut. She stuck with a fart funny again. That was a good. That was an old Sammy bit That's a great. Don't be a stand you know in America's got talent. Hey low bar. Take that tape face Low bar Damn yeah, yeah, the Mexican Farts are no joke. I was farting on that deadhead guy all day long Really? Oh, I was bedlock. You know, you're another note. I'm not a fan anymore Yeah, you wrote me a doctor's note for some Bino it is some people really have that all the time. I know I bought gasex. That's how bad it is Whoa, yeah, why just don't want to be that dude does that work? It works real that went to the I got there's there's like regular strength an extra strength and you're like, "Yeah, let me get the extra, you know?" - Yeah. - And then you get it and you're checking out and the guy, there's no line. The guy just goes, "Self-service is there." And I was like, "I'm a person, dammit." - Yeah. - You think just 'cause I farted 'em out of person? You just didn't want to work. - Yeah. I never got those extra strength, like monostat. I had a yeast infection years ago. There's a monostat one, a monostat seven. And I asked the guy, "What's the difference?" And he goes, "Monostat seven works, it's over seven days." And I was like, "Who wants a longer yeast?" - Hmm, maybe I'm wrong, man. - I don't understand. - No, it's correct. There's monostat one fixes you in one day and monostat seven fixes you over seven days. - Why? - So why would you pick the seven? - I think it's less chemicals in your body all at once. - Ooh, okay. You know, there's stuff like that. I felt like, you know, you get like a skin thing sometimes and they'll like, do you want the pill? Or do you want the cream? And you're like, "Which one can't I drink on?" And the pill will clear it up better, but you can't drink. I'm like, "Give me that cream, buddy." - Hey, boy. (laughing) - It's great for me. Wait a minute, give that a go, though. Are you sure about that? 'Cause who would want a week's long of yeast infection? By the way, when it's a guy's, it's called jock itch. - Yeah. - Fun fact. - Tough actin' to nackton. - That's for the feet. - I know, but it works. It's all fungus. - Really? - So if you spray it on your junk, it sizzles. - What are the names of all of them? There's tough actin' to nackton. That sounds, that's the coolest name. - That's a good name. - What's the other name? - What's the name? - It's a, nah, it scared the shit outta me. - Me too. - What the hell's that called? - Dr. Shoel's has one. - It's gonna say Larry Charles looks terrible here. - That's the beard Jew. - Yeah, dude. - What was that? - Seven. - During pregnancy. - Baby bumps. Oh, maybe, maybe, I mean, during pregnancy. - Oh. - Interesting. Yeah, the wife, she gets them. - God, you used to get athletes for all the time. At least, yeah, at least it's called athletes, but it makes you feel a little bit of that. - That's true. - But it's like, it's just nasty. - You know what I do. - Yeah, yeah. - It's like tennis elbow. I'm like, I'll take that. Modest to that tree bit, bit, bit, bit, boo. Recommended for moderate to severe. Modest to that one is effects for mild effects. I don't know. All right, all right. Call in, ladies. - What's with the background today, Salah Kus? - I just changed it up. This is Goodfellas. - Yeah, make that coffee to go. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - That doesn't kill Samuel L. - Yeah, yeah. - That's right, yeah, quick cameo. - Yeah, yeah. - But he was working. He fucking, wedding singer this guy too. - That's right, yeah, yeah. - Carbone, what's his name? - Carbone. - Yeah. That is a whop right there. That is a Sicilian man. - I think it might be in Mean Streets too. - I think you're right. - Yeah. - Eyebrows. - Yeah. Boy, I watched the Unibomber movie. - How was that? I heard his stinks. - P.U., but it shows the Unibomber as a kid, which is kind of interesting. But you know what I hate about these cop movies, what do you do? So the lady figures it out, the lady FBI person. But she's like, I gotta hunch it's this Kaczynski guy. And there's always a guy in the room was like, I don't know if what the Kaczynski Sarah, we've covered this, it's not him. And you're like, why would you poo poo any possible lead? - I know. - And then when they get it right, she got it right, obviously. - And also who knows if that it was real. - I know, I know, but it's such a trope. - I remember listening to an audio thing on Kaczynski and how he like, you know, is into, you know, science at a young age and you gave a woman a little thing that like lit up and fizzled out or whatever, and she was like, and then she walked away, weirded out and you can tell that's like the moment he was like, fuck women, he's like, fuck everyone. - All right. - Some people can deal with the rejection. Some people are like, I'm not doing it. - That's true. They always say that friend, like, you're fucking Lesbo. Like, well, she's just not a new. - Yeah, just figure out a different way in. - Yeah. - And he's like, I will. - Letters and bombs. - Yeah, I know, the bombing was cool. Oh, there you go. - Oh my god, father too. - That's him? - Yeah. - He looks good there. - Wow. - He's a young book there. - Yeah. - Geez. He looks more ethnic there than now. Is that crazy? - Yeah, he really does. He looks fresh off the book. He looks like now, which is the thing. - He looks, he got whiter or angler. - And he trimmed those eyebrows. - Yeah. - I guess he had to. He had eyebrows like that when you're young. I gotta get ahead of this shit. - Oh, yeah. - This could get bad. - You ever get the hair cut and she's like, should you do the eyebrows? I'm like, what do you think? She's like, yeah. - Yeah, well that's a certain age. - Yeah. - I didn't get that in my early 20s. - I'll snip 'em, they're doing this shit and I'll just cut it with the razor. - Yeah, they always say, yeah, I'll get in there. They little fucking, boom boom, or a little, you feel like a hairy piece of shit. - I'm a hairy guy, man. - Oh yeah, you are. You got the back hair, the chest hair. - Well, well, well, be a little patch. - Shoulder. - Yeah. - I can probably get rid of the back patch. - Yeah, it just comes back. I got, I got, no, I would kill for it. Just a nice hunk right here. - You got nothing? - I got nothing, I got the nipple and that's it, it looks like hell. - It's weird to have nothing. - I know my dad is like a shag carpet. - I heard butt hair is a biological imperative. It helps you or helps humans. - Yeah. - When we used to run through the plains to catch animals, it's smoothed that area so you didn't get chafy. - Oh. - So that serves a purpose. - Damn, next time the girl's licking, I'll say, this is important to have. (laughing) - Crazy in biology is like, what cover you're at chafing? - We got ya. - Yeah. - It's very thoughtful. - I know that she does a lot for us. - Eyebrows too. - Yeah. - It catches all dust and all that shit. - Oh, so it's important to get someone one of these. - Right. Expressions. - I feel like back in the day, this was a big one. Like when you were like horny, it was like. - Oh, that was big. - That was big. - That was big for a while, yeah. The hubba hubba. - Yeah, the eyebrows up. Then some guys could do like the rock. - The rock, this one. - Yeah, that's good. - The rock, the people's eyebrow. - Yeah. Eyebrow tricks were a thing. We had no entertainment. So guys would do that. - God, that was huge. - Yeah, that was huge. - Now there's too much. Now there's 80 different unibomber series. - I know, I know exactly. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, like the cruel that the hair goes away here but then the back, I know it's been set a million times. Like my asshole hair is thriving. - Is it? - Flourishing. - So you have nothing on the chest, but you have asshole hair. - Yeah. What's up with that? - What a surprise. - I know. - That's like an M-Night Shyamalan right there. - Yes. - You don't see it coming. I got a happy trail. I got asshole. My legs are hairy as a wolf. - Your legs are hairy? - I have a standard. - Let's see. - That's not that hairy though. - That's not that bad. - Let me see. - That's about the same. - Yeah. - A little earlier, maybe. But yeah, but it just crazy goes right here. That's where you need it. Location, location, location. - Yeah. - It's like the government. And this is like the people that need the funds. But it's going right to Iran. - It's going to the wrong place. - It's going to the military complex. - Yeah, a little back here. I remember shaving my chest when I was in college 'cause a girl asked me to. I never forgave myself. I saw a picture of us like, and I'll be honest, I looked like I was in better shape, but I was still mad at myself. - Yeah. - You always look a little worse shape with the chest hair. - That's true. - But it wasn't worth it. - No, don't do it. - Where are you guys with hair with a woman when she has like hair or armpit hair? - I don't like leg hair. Women have it? - Wait, what is this, fucking B-C-E? What are we doing here? - Bushwick? - I'm not a fan. - I'm not a fan of body hair. But I mean, hey, to each their own, some people love it. Some people like Aerie Pettin' or Woman, it's not for me. - No, no, thank you. No, thank you. We're going to have some way we're different. - I like a slick surface. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. Give me a smooth Asian boy. - Yeah. - If you got a hook up with a guy, I think Asian. - Oh, I didn't even know where that was going. - Oh, okay. - I was just yes, Andy. Yeah, okay. - Yeah. - No, I like smooth. I'm a woman, for sure. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, there's a little hair in the vage, but too much hair, I don't think I love it. - You perused through Europe. You must have met a girl with armpit hair. - I don't think I did. - But he's more here now. - Really? - I didn't B-K all day. - Really? - Just like girl hell in a cab and you're like, "Whoa, is that Kaepernick under there? "What the hell is this?" - Even the cab driver's like, "Fuck that shit." - He's like a Middle Eastern guy. - No, I don't know. - Yeah. - They can't see here, right? The Middle Eastern guys, they cover the women's hair. 'Cause it's sexual, but then is that sexual? 'Cause hair is hair. - I don't know where. - It's a question. - I don't know. Yeah, it's not for me. I have a friend whose girlfriend has it, and I'm always just like, "Hey, he seems into it." - Wow, really? And I get it, it's unfair. They gotta do this, they gotta do this. That sucks for a lady. - Does the fucking this? - Yeah. - That's crazy, the waxing. - Oh yeah. - Oh my God. - But guys are very lucky, 'cause women like a little stubble. So for us to have a thing they're attracted to, we get to do zero work. - Laziness, it's insane. - Yeah. - It's like considered, girls, the girl I see now is like, "Yeah, that'd be like weird if you shaved." - Yes. - My wife says the same thing. - I think it's on Manly. - Right. - Which is great, 'cause I get to just be a lazy bitch. - I know, and they don't want any pub work done, so you're like, "Great." - Yeah, I get to trim my pubes a little. - What? - I know the listeners are wondering, sometimes. - No, you gotta, you gotta do it, you got nothing? - I may be able to hit a head of the shaft to give myself an extra half inch. I need every inch I can get, but that's about it. Sometimes it'll go out here, and I give that a trim, to keep it-- - It's a little weird when it gets so spreading. - Yeah. - Like COVID in the early days, what are we doing? But yeah, I think just, you just don't want to be too bushy, especially like, I just want it to be pleasant if someone has to go down there. - Sure, sure, but you don't want the pricks, you don't want to get the regrowth. - Well, that's where you put the trimmer blade on top of it. So you don't go all the way down. - Oh, okay. I'm going full bomb squad down there. - You're gonna get fucking razor bumps that look like something else. You don't have that shit. - I've definitely nicked myself. Are you ever nicked the sack? - Yeah, it fucking hurts. - That is a nightmare. - You always worry it's gonna slide out. It's fucking awful. A sack, Nick? - Yeah, you might think. - It's the most delicate part. - Oh, yeah. - That sack is fucking delicate. - Yeah. - It really is, inside and outside. But it looks like an elephant skin. It looks like it could take a knife like chain mail. Yeah, but it's it's pretty delicate. Yes, I can't do much. You know where to kick us ladies Well, you know I tore my sack open in college. Tell us more did it fall out. No, but I saw it. I saw a ball Crazy looking I never told this So I was at LSU. I was at a party and like guys apartment people everywhere music, you know You've seen parties and and I'm making out with this girl on the couch and this guy comes up with like three buddies You know frack guy polo boat shoes, and they're like, that's my fucking girlfriend man Well, she was uh, she was making out with me, and they're like outside now, and you know She was just like get him Bobby. I was like You on my side a second ago. No, he had something so we go outside and it's literally like four or five guys like oh you You you've got a cup and buddy, and I was like break it on home. Oh you so confident Because I was about to jump the fence. I already planted up and I was way hammered Yeah, that's when the confidence comes. Yeah, I'll definitely talk some shit that I could not back up. Oh same same I'll tell you another fight later, but so I go break it on and right when they start walking towards me I just hop the fence, but it was a fence with the the chain link with the spikes on the top You know, and I did a straddle fell down like on like a horse ride and then just rolled off the other side And I was hanging by my jeans And I was so drunk I was like upside down hanging in the pants went and riff around. They're like look at this fucking bad They went nuts and I ran home and you fuck yourself up. I fuck myself up. That is crazy It's fuck when you fuck yourself up so badly, and they don't even want to fuck you, right? Yes. Yes I got already said enough. I know that's brutal. So I ran home Tale between the legs ball bag, and I got home I was telling my friends. I lived in a house with a bunch of guys. I passed out. I woke up pull a blood Oh, and I was so hung over and I had my alarm went off and I had work. I was a waiter. It's like So I just threw my work shirt on and changed my pants and went to work and now my work the rush is kind of Kicking in like the lunch rush and my balls were stinging. I was like, what is this thing? I didn't remember anything I go to the bathroom. I look my sack is torn open. The skin was black because it had you know the skin dies or whatever So I had a big black flap coming off my bag and I told my my manager He was at the movie obsession where you wish for a black cock Not like this. No, no, so I told my my boss. He had a mustache. He was a non vet and I go I forgot his name Jim Mr. Jared something I go look I gotta go I gotta go to the hospital He's like yo, you've said this shit before you're not going anywhere, but he we got a lunch rush for shortstab and I go Come in the bathroom. I showed him my sack. He goes get the fuck out of here and I ran to the medic on the camp Holy shit. Yeah, he has a flashback. He starts screaming I'm not again, Charlie. He got yeah, I went to the doctor and he was like Gee, it was one of those things where you pass out in the waiting room because it took so long. I think I wasn't too late Well, that's what he said. He's like man. You're lucky. You got here in time You'd have to lose a ball. I was like Jesus Christ. So then he would have to be the one ball guy. I'm Hitler. Hitler had one ball Yeah, so that's why I did it. Oh, yeah, so they just stitched me up, but I watched him stitch me up They put a needle in it. Novocaine. I was like can you knock me out like we can't knock you out for some reason Stitch me up. I watched the whole thing damn and then a hot girl of course the hot nurse had to put cream on it after I bet You shriveled up. I was so shriveled. I've been there. Yeah, I remember I had a little Breakout on the old wiener and it was the worst my dick ever looked and a hot nurse came in. I was like It shrivels under pressure. It totally does it's a biological thing. It's like if it's like a night out It's different, but it's if it's like a doctor situation. You're like I'm fucking nervous Yeah, everyone's looking at me hot lights on you. That's a good sign the a shrivel up You don't want to you don't be the dude who fucking who chubs out in public. I guess that's the fucking subway master beta right there Right. Yeah, true. But yeah, it's funny my kid, you know tiny dick He's too, but he hates getting shampoo in his hair because I have to you know wash it out in the tub So he's standing up at the tub like because the shampoo is going everywhere and I watch his dick go Because he's like he's freaking out So he's he's got normal dick and then it goes because of the shampoo part. That's hilarious That's also a biological imperative. It's a fight or flight That's what you're about to go into battle your brain and your body saying you're about to go into battle talk everything in yes Yes, yes, you want to get that caught out there, you know on a fence or whatever I got passed in grade school and I was tucked and oh my god. I never lived that one down Man, it's you made it past it. I had to change schools Dude, I remember I got into a I talk shit with a guy once. I was hammered. I'm leaving remember Arlo and SMA Classic downtown bar. I was leaving their just shit house and I was with the girl we hit it off. We're leaving and I'm trying to get a cab to go back to her place and Some dude just cuts right in front of me and I was like dude you cut right in front of me like nice at first And then he was like fuck you. Oh, she looked at me. I was like I got it I got a nut up you got to do something so I was like I was like what the fuck you say? I just talk shit back I was hammered. I was like I don't know if I could beat this dude up. Maybe not big guy little guy white guy black probably like Similar ish to me, but I was like I was pretty fucked up. Yeah, I don't know if I could have taken him but I definitely could have taken a few hits. I was that one drunk and And he was like what the fuck and I go I go I go you don't want to fucking find out what's gonna happen if you take this fucking And she looked at me like and and and and he just bitched out and walked away and she looked at me like holy shit And I was like I lucked. I don't think I could have taken him well done What the hell is this guy kind of surprise crash breaking Thanks to rocket money for sponsoring the show It's easy to sign up for something stop using it forget your still paying for it Those charges keep showing up whether you remember them or not rocket money bring you subscriptions together So you can see what you're paying for with the premium subscription you can request cancellation of unwanted subscriptions in the app With a few tabs we've all done this dude. You have like some of your pain for you're like how I've been married for three years And I'm still on Tinder to get on it. It's gonna be a game changer for you save so much money You can also see you spending Across the accounts where you're spending organize transactions in the categories and set budget to give you a clear picture of where the money is Where it's going and what you can put toward your next goal rocket money is a personal Finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow Your savings let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join at rocket money dot com slash drunk That's rocket money dot com slash drunk rocket money dot com Hey folks hymns the best sex happens when you're more in the moment than in your head hymns helps Take the second guessing out of it with personalized treatment plans and a process that's a hundred percent online You connect with a license health care provider who can determine if treatment is right for you no office visit our or form Our pharmacy line. Sorry. I'm sick. I got aids some guys want daily support so they're ready whenever others want treatment They can use when they need it your provider can help find the right option and if prescribed your treatment ships directly and discreetly to your door Ready to build a by the sex life well visit hymns dot com slash drunk for a personalized plan for sex here weight loss and more That's hymns h-i-m-s dot com slash drunk Prescription products require an online consultation with a license Healthcare provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate Restrictions apply Individual results may vary based on a survey of hymns customers See hymns dot com for full details I'm hard. Hey folks. Here we are Madison, Wisconsin. I got to tell you about underdog. You ever notice how the second you lock in your picks You completely change as a person before kick off your chilling relaxed. Maybe a little bored then you lock your picks in Now you're standing three feet from the TV because somehow that's helping You're googling weather reports for a stadium eight states away You're screaming just throw it to him come on you fat son of a b Like you got a direct line to the QB. I love that. I honestly think that's the best part of sports Not the outcome the sweat the stretch between making your pick and finding out if you're a genius That's why I play and for those of us who watch to sit up and not sit back It's got to be underdog So this season don't just watch lock in with underdog and give every game a pulse Download underdog to play keep your millions start with one million Make it through all 20 picks and walk away with whatever's left. Hey, that's good underdog unleash your dog That's a pretty weak dog trading involves risk including total loss on positions content It's promotional and not a recommendation of trade terms apply promotion issued by affiliate underdog Hey What's shaking? Hey, you're too fatty. I'm only at half a drink, but am I seeing double already? That's like the spider-man meme What are you doing? Sam bones got a new special air Yeah, Netflix Nice one, Sam, tonight This is much more melancholy - Hello Mark. - Yeah. - Had a couple quailudes. (laughing) Took nine city bikes to get here, did 13 spots. - Wow. - That's an awful night for you, buddy. - You getting new stuff working? - Yeah, just had a birthday. - Okay. - Turned another gay year. - Nice. - A year gay. Still on the quailudes. - All right. - What are you promoting? - Oh, I got a down syndrome friend with a special. (laughing) - Special needs. - That's me. - Yeah, special, oh, not the my other counterpart. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, got a little t-shirt for you guys. - Oh, hey, thanks. - Look at this. - Uh-oh, hold on. What does that say? - Crazy pizza. - Nice. - Whoa, okay. - Is that Jeremiah Watkins special? - Yeah. - Oh, that guy. - He's got down syndrome or he's autistic or something. - Yeah, big nose. - That guy's got a weird looking. - Yeah. - Gangly. - Weird and edgy. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, right. - Nice guy though. - Yeah, very nice. - Nice, nice. - Great, great. (laughing) - Yeah, Norma, can you tell me about your hair transplant? - Oh, it just got back from Turkey. - It looks good. - Yeah, it looks great. - Yeah, coming in nice and full. Nice, thick and black. Oh, the ladies like it. (laughing) - How was that flight? - You know, a lot of ethnics on it. - Oh, yeah. That'll get you. - Yeah. - But my head was twice the size on the way back. - Hey. - Nice. - Yeah, so that was good for the wife, good for the kid, freaked him out a little bit. - Sure, sure. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, it looks good now. - Thank you, you look great. - Thank you, thank you. It's coming in. - Coming in real strong. - Appreciate it. - Yeah. - Give me two more weeks, I'll be good to go. - All right, all right. - Yeah, yours looks better than mine. Let's go down to the forehead there. - Yeah, I'm doing the forward facing airline. - Oh, yeah, the push forward. - Yeah, I got the, I got it. - It's not that curly, you're a little curly. - That's true. - I got the turkey with cheese. - Yeah. - Well, we're gonna have to quit cold turkey here. - Hey, what's this? - Oh boy. - Oh my God, three. This is great. - Oh, that's you. - No, this isn't me, this is you. - Oh, I guess that's me, you're right. - That puppet's a stud. - Yeah, yeah, not bad. - Look at that. - Fist it. - Not bad. - If you could fart right now, I'd blow you. - Let's see how good it can do this impressed. - Yeah. - How well? - I don't know, I don't know if I got one in the chamber. - All right, gas chamber. - You got to commit, if you want to really do Mark Norman, you got to eat Chipotle like four times a week. - That's right. - You got to get the gas cooking. - Yeah, I got my horse shit. (laughs) - On stage. There you go. What are you doing in town there, me? - You know, making the rounds doing 40 shows a night. - Yeah. - Nice. - You know, hey, the data centers are taking over the water. - It's bad news. - I know, the hard drives are getting all swallowed up and then they got Jew honkers on this guy over here. (laughs) - Good name for a special, Jew honker. - Jew honker. - Yeah, or a Volkswagen. - That would be your woman, dude. - What? - A Jew with a honker? - Oh, I love it. - That's your touch. - Love it. - Love a Jew honker. - Yeah, love them. - Like honkin' schnauz. - Yep. - Adrian Brodie in a wig. - Woo. - Would you? - Oh, yeah. - I don't know if my dick would get past the nose though. (laughs) - All right. Oh, there he is. Look at that, that's a handsome woman. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, look, he did blackface. - Was that right? - Look at that. - Whoa. - We just stumbled upon something here. - I think that was an SNL thing where he was, it was not great. - He tried to bury that photo a bribe called quest. (laughs) - I'll take it. - Wow, blackface. Was he Lenny Kravitz there? - I don't know. I think he's just doing Jamaican thing. - Ah, Jamaican man. - Ya man. - Well, thanks for having me. - Hey, come up with a Jamaican. - Thanks for popping in. - I hope you enjoy. - I mean, the T-shirt, I hope you enjoy the special from that special needs guy Jeremiah Watkins. - Oh yeah, go watch Jeremiah Watkins new special, Crazy Pizza. - Yes, check it out on YouTube now. That Jeremiah is a good egg. He does that show where we all do material. - Stand up on the spot. - Just use, yeah. - You gotta do it again. - Yeah, that's a great show. - He hits you up, he wants you to do it back. - I'm coming back. - I'm coming back. - All right, baby. - I'll be there, dude. - All right. - All right, thank you. - Me. - Love you guys. - Take it easy, Fatty. - I'm gay, I'm coming out. - I'm wearing this home. - All right. - Can I have this? - Yeah, it's yours. - You sure? - Yeah. - All right. - I'll see you in a couple of minutes. - One, two, three, comedy. - Power Rangers somehow. Good to have you back. (laughing) - All right. - You still got it. How do you slide back into a pot? - I don't know. I don't remember what we were talking about. What were we talking about? - What were we talking about? Back hair. - Oh yeah, fuck drunk confidence. - Drunk, fist fighting. And you beat the guy. - Well, I, he backed down, I didn't win. - You played crazy, that's the trick. - I acted fearless. - Yes, yes. - I did another time too. I've locked out twice. Was it the village lantern where a guy kept, there was like four people in the crowd. Remember the village lantern? - Yeah, of course. - And you know, you don't know if you're getting 15 people or four, and he got me at the lowest. He got me at the absolute lowest point, I bombed. You know when you're doing too many bad shows in a row, you just start to lose it. - Yes. - Like, you know, you start to just fucking, like I haven't had a good set in, in a while. He turned to me immediate. First couple of jokes don't work. There's four people in there. He turns to me immediately. And he's just shit talking me the whole set. - That's crazy. - And I got nothing to stand on. When there's four people in there. So finally I just fucking snapped, put the mic down and go, you wanna go outside, motherfucker? I just fucking lost it. - Whoa. - And he, and he's with friends and he said, no. - Wow. - And I was like, so I thought bitch and I walked out. And I didn't feel good. - Sure. - Because I was like, that was crazy. Why would I do that? But comedy would put you to that fucking breaking point. Where you're like, I've lost my fucking mind. - Yes. I'm totally with you. And I'm like, I'm in this vulnerable moment and you're shitting on me. What did I do to you? - Yeah, it was a lot of those nights. - Oh yeah. - But yeah, that's one of those walks home where you're like, none of this is good. - Yeah. - I'm lucky I didn't get just rolled by four dudes. - Sure, sure. But who are these guys? Like what do the cab guy look like? Like, it's weird to say fuck you to a stranger. - I don't remember. I was fucking bombed. - Oh, okay. You just get lucky. You didn't get your ass kicked. - I know, I know. I was at a house party again in college at my friend's house, Jared. And a couple of other guys showed up and I could hear the murmuring. These guys are from the sticks of Louisiana. These guys like tough tree climbing kids, I call 'em. They played on the river and they climbed trees. They were always outside camping kids. They were tough as hell. Skinny little kids, but they were tough. They was at a party. These other guys showed up and they were like, fucking with everything. And my friend goes, Gabe goes, "Hey, you guys are gonna have to leave." And it was probably like seven of 'em. And they were like, "We're not going anywhere." And they're like going in the fridge and drinking all the booze. And Gabe was like, "All right, I wouldn't want to eat your all." Boom, and head butt's the guy, right? The nose, nose explodes. And I was like, "Whoa, shit." And then they all just started going at it. And yeah, it was incredible. But you would never see it coming. These guys. I really could've did that. I was just like, "Aww, my head!" - Exactly. - Take whatever you want. - Yeah. And they ran out of there. - Confident head butt. Is there anything more badass than that? - Yeah. - 'Cause you, that's like the sacrifice bun to fight in. - Completely. - You're taking one. - Yeah. - You're taking one for the demon. - I gotta say head butt properly done is not head to head. - But it still fucking hurts. - Head to nose. - No. - Nose is soft. - Yeah, if you do this right into someone's softy nose, it doesn't hurt you that much. - Really? - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - But also it's a risk. Devastated the guy. He was just like, "Aww, he went down." - But if you don't land it properly, you can really fucking head up, right? - That's what I'm saying. - Yeah. - And then to do it off guard. Like, what's that adrenaline feeling? Like, "Alright, don't wear it, bam!" No one's not coming. Blood everywhere. - That's awesome. - It was pretty cool. - And did he win the fight? - Oh yeah, those guys ran out of there like with their tail between their legs. Just, "Oh shit, alright, alright." It was like a movie. It looked like the scene in a Bronx tale where they beat up the bikers. - That seemed so fucking cool. - Oh yeah. - Now you can't leave. - And the thing about fighting, you're like, "That was crazy, holy shit." The whole thing probably lasted 51 seconds. - Yeah. - And I had a beer in my hand and I was like, "Wow, that's crazy." - And then it's over. - Think about the shape most people are in. - Yeah, true. - Like more of the boxers. Those guys are so fit. When boxers are getting tired of the fifth round, you're like, "That's his job." - Yeah, good point. - And you think you can just go, like, you get winded, man. - Oh yeah. You see heavy weights a lot. They're like, "Gast." You know, there's just too much mass to move around. - Yeah, I know. I mean, I get gas from like half-court basketball. So it's like, "You're gonna get fucking gas from a fight." - Yeah, you know. - And I used to, when I boxed, I would always get so tired. And the trainer was like, "You're squeezing your fists. That's using all your energy." I was like, "That's using my energy, this." He's like, "Yeah, that's why people box like that." 'Cause he squeezed the fist and it takes half your shit away. - Same with baseball. They tell you not to swing too hard, right? Because, I mean, I guess at the major leaves, they could fucking bond, probably didn't have to swing it with everything. - Yeah. - But he's still dead. - Of course, of course. - But you don't need to just like kill it. You fucking, you just went properly. Like, look up like King Griffey Jr. Swing. That's not like everything. He just was smooth as fuck. - Yeah. You see that guy suing at the MLB for, he slid into the fence and cut his knee open or something? - Whoa. - First guy'd ever sue him, first player of all time. He's suing the team specifically for not putting some stuff on the suing the team his team Who is this Yeah, he slid into offense and he caught the ball, but he the fence was sharp and he is how long is the injury for I think he'll be all right I think he'll be all right, but he's he was hurt. He was hurt pretty bad He'll be back on the next game. I bet. Let's say Detroit Tigers All right pop fly way out there. He's running for it slides catch it. Oh There he goes. His pants are cut. He does need really hard Cut through the pants. That's bad. I'll be suing the other club for not protecting the fence area properly Pretty cool. He caught it though. Yeah, so he's all right, but it sucks. So yeah, he's already like fuck you ever need a radiator Oh, yeah, that's the worst feeling. I bet that's what that's kind of like. Yeah, oh that hurts I remember I dove for a ball in high school and left field and it got by me and it was so It was a worst fucking feeling. I was like I'm going for this shit. Yeah hero and then I was like that was an inside the park homerun Sorry guys, that is the worst I Just out there alone with shame. Oh, I went to a basketball game with list. What's that? What's that team called college? St. John's no where the nicks all went. Oh Villanova Villanova went to a Villanova game said DC filly. Shit. Where's Gonzaga? Gonzaga's in like Washington state. What's up Georgetown? Maybe you con Basketball you said DC as a George DC maybe was Georgetown So we got tickets to this game me a list go and they do the the gun the t-shirt gun and a gun a guy I think we made eye contact. He sent it right to me and I was like whoo baby. It's gonna be great Went right through the fingers hit the guy behind me and he guy was like what happened there? And I was like I get went right through my fingers And he was like oh and list never let it down why all day was like boy. You really miss that one You blew it completely blew it. I was so emasculated Bummer. Yeah, I've definitely had it were you on stage and I'm like hey if I forgot a water Just don't hit me water and they throw it to you like fuck. I better not drop. Oh my god too much pressure Yeah, that's a pressure moment in front of everybody. Yeah, I don't even like missing a basket on the garbage That's a shitty feeling too. Yeah, it's it's all bad Also, you got it you got it you get when you're catching that you got it you got to make sure you don't hold up like this You don't lose it right right, so you can oh embassies Tell you to catch like this you're just ready to shoot. It's also so it doesn't bolt and so go through your hand The heat in the face. Yeah, that's why these mixologists are so impressive. Oh my god We seen that Japanese guy. No pull it up. Oh my god. He's like the mixologist. You just crazy shit But then sometimes I'm like yeah, but there's nothing wrong with just a whiskey. I know I know we don't need this No need fucking pomegranate and shave ginger. Yeah, but it's but and they're doing ice sculpting It's it's an artist. It is though. It's like I get it. Yeah, that might be him. Oh My god, this guy's ridiculous pull this I mean the music adds to it too so dramatic whoa so Japanese There's a there's a thing about excellence in that culture. Oh 100% like they really are like everything's got to be perfect Yep, great steak great whiskey. Look at that already. This is awesome. Wow If he fucks up he takes that knife and go Harry carry Whoa, I want to see where this is going. He just put the Celsius in there Set a Caprice son Whoa, the spinning getting nice and cool. That's cool That's it. That's it. That was it. That was it. That was it. That was why there's gonna be a better one That'd be right bartender. I mean, I'm not saying I could do the ice thing, but yeah So I was expecting now we're talking. I want to see it. Okay. Okay, magic Oh nice little wrist. Well, I hate a fucking drink like this. I hate those types of glasses Don't you feel like a fucking pussy when you of course Whenever they were you have order a paper plane and they give you one of those like yes, and I'm like give me on the rocks I don't like that shit. Give me one of these. Yeah, yeah, that also you feel like you're getting jipped. That's a thimble What is that there? I don't know. I drink the shit out of that whatever that is. Yeah, it looks like a white chocolate or Milky or something. I mean, I don't know what he made, but I don't know. I got to say. I don't know about this guy He's doing a lot of a lot of nothing All right, that was too much. All right. I maybe I misremember this. I thought this was cool I must have seen a cooler one he did because those are both kind of weak. Yeah, he just he looks good doing it But I'm like it's a lot of slight a hand. I need lavender sprayed over my cocktail just make the fucking yeah I also realize I just I never really like I never order a specialty cocktail I just know he's gonna class like if I usually I either drink straight or I get like a martini or a Manhattan or like a Nagaroni I never stray from that. No, same. I also each cocktail they go, oh young people aren't drinking maybe because each drink is $6 I know fucking glass of a shot of whiskey. Yeah, I don't need saffron and the fucking cocktail ridiculous. It's too much shit. I know blackberry. It's a risk. Yeah, you don't want to take a $26 risk Exactly when you know the other things gonna be awesome. I know that's why I'm like just give me a vodka soda Give me a tequila soda. Give me a whiskey soda because it's just I don't need the hazel berry and the Herb saint and all this other shit. Yeah, we were at a bar in Stockholm and I was like Yeah, fuck we've been drinking a lot of regular. Let's roll the dice on something and we did and they both kind of suck I hadn't done it in forever, but I was like yeah, we're in a foreign country. Let's see what maybe they got a thing Nah, nah, that's always weak. If it's like infused I'll fuck with that if they're like we got like a Bloody Mary, but the vodka's infused with horse horse radish. All right. I'll try I'll try if it's not strained too much If you're just adding to like something already good. Yeah, yeah, it's like stand up. I don't need too many bells and whistles Right fucking do a new spin on a joke same same with a B.J. You know these guys like put a robot tusset in her mouth and a candle in her right now When I've heard it's pretty good actually. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's really clears out the sciences. Yeah, it's nice. Oh No, I don't know. Motessing it up. Motess them. Motess. Classic. Yeah, just get just blow me. How about that? Even ain't broke Oh, the sex addict is back. I forgot. I forgot you were a swinger. Yeah This spray for like sore throat. It knows the back of their throat deep throat. Like no, whoa Your wife in here. I guess it's like say we're chloroceptic this guy. That's a great commercial for the medicine Spray your girlfriend's throat deep throat What a pitch. Yeah, it's a good word that they could like choke or something get hurt No, okay. No All right, totally fine. Yeah What an awful it's an eyes wide shut situation. I know. You know, fucking Sydney Pollock. A doctor comes in because she's fucking dead man Fucked up. I didn't think it would go through her head man. She's chloroceptic Fucking crazy You show up. She still hooked on You and pale right? Is she dead? Yeah, she feels right. She fucking dead man A felt pen A magic marker Geez, I feel bad for your lady. I had no idea you were spraying chloroceptic Pain killer back to the old desophagus. I guess I'm innocent. I always look at this stuff in that in that aisle for just like a cold Save save. Yeah, I'm not like oh Dr. Shoel's at least foot. Let me rub that on her flinch. You will notice I'm Punching it Tylenol PM baby. This is gonna be a wild night Man monestead seven. Here we go. All right seven dudes Sometimes we're getting really crazy mucinex dude. We fucked on mucinex Mucinex DM it was it was dude birds bees Yeah, dude, I mean, it's uh, I guess I'm pretty meeting potatoes in the sack. Yeah, I'm pretty boring My wife likes a vibrator. So I'll do it like the Japanese guy. I'll pull it up Yeah When you're dicked it's like when your controller dies you come and you're like yeah, they still want more so let me yeah It's like when your Xbox thing doesn't work like let me grab into the other remote real quick So she can play everybody wins. Yeah, I'm just so it's so easy. You're just like I'm just like It's great It's really sucks to marry a comedian. I know it really does. They're just their friends sending them clips I don't know. You like the vibrators like mark. Yeah, no that happens with my girlfriend her friends Like there's always that one friend who likes to start shit like did you hear what he said about you on the podcast? I'm like I fuck you annoying friend. Yeah You're fucking up my shit. I mean look at look. Well the sex is great. We have a great time I'm clearly making fun of me of course black luster. I'm hitting her with her over the room. I'm just giving those you know There's only a disclaimer. We know you're your solid fella. I just think you know There's the of course. There's always that there's always that rat 100% every time they have the rat friends Exactly that's a peeve the rat friend the rat friend. I got a peeve hit me. Okay. Wait. Let me write I got one too actually they wrote it down hold on. I think I got a pretty solid one. Okay Hold on hold on Well, we're gonna give me years. Okay, so bought the lady a birthday present online and it's like from a designer. She likes So They do this thing sometimes you know you give your email and your phone number They could be 20% off and it wasn't super cheap. So I was like let me take that 20% off. Mm. They do a thing where they delay the email So you're just waiting and you get impatient and just like fuck it. I'll buy it. Oh - They purposely, when you do it, they're like, "Well, we'll send it in like an hour." - That's evil. - Well, they do it on purpose, and then when they do send it, they put it in like a fucking eight font. So you're like, "Where is this thing? How do I find it?" - Oh. - But I found it. - Good. - But they made it, they made it, that's a pee. That's like, I'm giving you my fucking number. Give me the damn code. - Yeah, that is corrupt. They know what they're doing. - They know what they're doing. - Yeah, and I looked it up, and that's the thing they do. - Wow. - 'Cause I felt shady. I was like, "I'm looking in the junk, I'm like, I want that 20% off." - They leave you on hold sometimes, just so you can give up. They know what they're doing, these people. They make everything hard to return to. - Oh God, did I just dealt with getting, "I have a pair of sunglasses, I just like." It's an old, it's a sentimental, I almost say sentimental, but it's like, you go and custom to one pair. - Yes. - I don't like sunglasses, I'll try anything. I'm like, "Yeah, I look like a fucking idiot." - No, you find one you like, you hold on. - I found one I like, and I left them in Poland. So I had to get them sent back. The hotel, very nice, they sent it back. They sent it to the wrong address. They put in the wrong number. So I'm just like, "Oh, I'm on hold with them for a fucking effort." - Yeah. - I'm wondering, also, there's tariff shoes. You have to feel the insanely confusing form. - Wow. - With the weirdest questions, and you're like, "These are yours, you didn't." And they're like, "Just give me the fucking sunglasses." - Sunglasses. - Double peeve. - Not anthrax, relax. - I know, white anthrax in there too, but I'm on a Kaczynski tear. I want to make a statement. I've got ideas, I'm trying to get out there. - Yeah. I bought Stacy a pair of headphones recently, and they're 90 bucks. They were nice headphones, I guess. I got a fucking bill from FedEx a month later, being like, "You owe $45 in tariff." - Whoa. - So I have a big FedEx now, $45. - That's crazy. - I don't know, I didn't even look. I just ordered them online. I was like, buy it. They're amazing. - They're doing something. - Wow. - This tariff shit, it's not helping go day again. I'll tell you that much. - No. - A few percent tax. - Yeah, I just got back in Canada. They're like, "What are you doing on this?" I'm like, "I didn't do it. I didn't set up the tariffs." - That does feel like Canada's the dad, and we're the mom, and it's our mom's fault. - Right. - We're the middle of a divorce. - Yeah, they're the upstairs neighbor. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It was awkward, but here's my peeve. This drives me fucking nuts. I was on a pod, and it was me and a, more of a straight person, not a comedian. And I was zinging and zanging to be an offensive, being an idiot. - It turned my bag in there. Eventually, the host asked me something else, and I made a point, and she goes, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with this guy." - I hate that. I hate what people say that. You can zing me all day long, but don't give me the idea. Oh, I don't get it, 'cause I made a bunch of off-color jokes. Now I'm less smart than you. - It's coming from a place of moral superiority. - Yes. - It's douche central. - It's completely condescending. I can't believe it. I'm a great, oh, we agree on something. - Wow, I was joking before. They were jokes. So now all of a sudden, I'm a lesser, because I made jokes. That's what annoys me. - Never trust a person who needs to elevate themselves over you too. I'm like, "You've got some shit going on." - Right. - You have to do that. If you have to be like, "I can't believe I'm agree with this, degenerate." - Yeah, exactly. Larry David has a great episode where he's, some lady's giving a tour of his house a realtor. And he's like, "And then the whales out there, they get so close, you can shoot him." And she goes, "Don't pay attention to him." He goes, "No, no, pay attention." (laughing) That's exactly what I thought of, which he did that. No, no, no, pay attention. - Yeah. - Because he's making jokes. He's like, "Oh, don't worry about him." He's an idiot. Why is it making jokes, making it idiot? I came up with jokes off the fly. - And it's definitely people in my family who look down at what I do. - Yeah. And I can tell there's like a snobbery about it. - Yo, completely. I remember watching Mr. Bean, which I used to love. I used to love her when I. - Very talented. - Very talented. And my mom was like, "He would do something funny or crazy and she'd go, "What did he do?" And I'm like, "Idian, this has a genius." - That was hard to do. - That's incredibly difficult. He's not speaking. He's hilarious. - Yeah, you should try it sometime. (laughing) - Yeah, flick your feet. - Flick your feet. - Flick your mom. - All right. I like it. I mean, Charlie Chaplin. Oh, what an idiot. Idiot. You guys brilliant. Change the game. - Yeah. No, I'm with you, dude. There is a elitism to that type of person. - There it is. - Where they're just like, "I can't believe I'm saying this." - I can't believe. Whoa, I'm like, "Oh, I made a good point." Oh, my God, how crazy? 'Cause I made some jokes earlier. I don't get it. I think this is a bigger issue because that's why like Oscars don't go to comedies. 'Cause I go, "Oh, look at these. - Totally. - But we don't need that shit. That's good. It keeps us humble. You don't want to be one of them. - Right. - You should've said, "I came up with what I'm saying this, but you, Madame, are a twat." (laughing) - Yes. - And then you should've had a top hat on. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. No, it's irritating. - Yeah, yeah. - Irritating. I remember you told me about this. You didn't tell me that part. It bothered me. - Yeah, yeah, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right. (laughing) Another peeve, this is a little less anger. But when you get the guy who asks you a question, you say you don't know and they keep following up as if you're holding in some information. - Yes. - You know, you go, "Hey, what time's Jeff coming?" I don't know. Was it six? I don't know. Seven? - I hate this. - I don't know. Are you sure he's coming? - When he water, when he waterboard me and he'll come at me. - Yeah, exactly. - How long is this gonna go? - Yeah, yeah. Then they try to trick you, they go, "I wonder if he'll come at eight." You know, they just won't go, "Yeah, I bet he will." Or something, but they're, "I got nothing." Just like you, you got nothing. So we gotta move on. - Yeah, it's an Irritating one. - Yeah. - Not a fan. - So there you go, folks. Peeve number two. - That's a good peeve. - Thank you. - You got any rex? - I just watched Senna. Have you seen Senna? - I loved it. - So good. - Formula one movie. - I mean, yes, 12 years old now, but I just watched on a plane. - Oh, I loved it. - Yeah, it's incredible. - What a badass. - And then they-- - Many of you have a whole new respect for Formula one. - Complete. - And it's obviously, you have to be incredible to do this. But I didn't really, of course I understood that on some level. - Yeah. - I've seen those turns. - I know. - And the angles, like, you have to be like a geometrical, like kind of genius to know how to do all this. And you have to be a daredevil. Yeah, I mean, sad movie, but it's incredible. - And the sign of a great dog. I don't know, shit about auto racing or F1. - Exactly. - Or Brazil or him. And it was still great. - I still loved it. - That's how I felt about that ESPN 30 for 30 the two Esca bars. - Oh. - I'm not a big soccer guy. Another thing if it's on and I'm watching with someone who's into it, I'm into it. - Yeah. - But it's not one of my go-to sports, but I was like, this is incredible. - Incredible. And I mean, one of a guy, he's like a hot guy. - Yeah. - From Brazil, amazing talent, sweet as hell, super nice, super giving. Like, Brazil's going through hell. They got no food as poverty. And they're all the kids are like, he's the only thing giving us hope. - We love him. And then the ending is tragic. - It's tragic. Yeah, you know where it's going. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But, yeah, like what? And then you're kind of like, wow, it's crazy, he's this big and I'd never heard of him. Cause this sport is massive. F1 is huge. - I know. - Huge. It's kind of like soccer where we don't really think about it, but the whole other-- - Oh yeah. He's like, oh, who's this guy? Some nobody, like, oh, 500 million followers. - I know, I know. - I'm crazy. - I didn't know who that Holland guy was till the World Cup. - Same. - Are you kidding? - I think he's awesome. - Oh, yeah. Cool dude. He's having fun. I like a guy who's rich and famous and having fun. - Totally. - Like, how could you not? - Well, when he goes to Austin, he tries on all the boots and the hats and he's really sliding into the culture. - Fucking Vikings. - And the game with the beautiful women. - Oh yeah. - You don't talk about the good of pillaging, but there are positives. - Well, what is pillaging? We know what the R is, so I don't know what the pill is. - What is it? - Stuff, taking stuff. - Oh, why don't you use that more? Smash and grab, call it pillaging. - Yeah. - I mean, it takes a pillage. - It takes a pillage. - Yeah, she looks good. - Oh, that's not who I thought it was, never mind. - All right. - But still it's so hot. - All right. - Isabel Johansson. - I went to Ireland two years ago and like not a good looking woman in the country. (laughing) - I apologize to the whole country. - So they love this. - And I asked my guy, I was like, what's going on? I was like, there's no beautiful women here. And they were like, oh, the Vikings stole them 800 years ago. They took. - I love that they were ready to field that question. - Yeah, they knew. - Who's the one they've gotten a lot? (laughing) - They said they took all the beautiful women. - What they drink, dude? - Oh yeah. - Good point. Potato family, they weren't eating pussy. (laughing) - This gotta be a hot Irish bread. - There are, for sure. - Come on. - There are definitely some hot Irish women. - There's some hot Scottish women, I'll tell you that. - All right. - If you like a red leg hair. Kielts. - Hot Irish woman. - Hot Irish woman. - Get ready for two Google images. (laughing) - Okay, here we go. - I'm talking about her. - There we go. - Oh my God. - Let me finish another one of these. (laughing) - Who's that, Susan Boyle? (laughing) - She's a nice lady, isn't she? - Very nice. - Yeah, let's be respectful. - All right, see, that's AI on the left, by the way. - Damn, well, this took a dark turn. - Yeah, yeah. All right. - I like to have her in a nice conversation. And Salah, he's like, you know who's ugly? Every Irish woman ever. - Tire country, it's what they've lived here. (laughing) - In one boat name? - Holy shit. - The trash in the country's women. - Holy shit. - Ah, you know what the new Latinas are? Indian women, they say. - Really? - This has to do with Latina, 'cause they are a beautiful Indian woman is unbelievable. - Yeah, it's pretty wild. - The eyes, yeah, the shadowing. - Well, I will tell you, I was in Lisbon. And we're looking around, I was like, not, not dazzling me here. - Nah, nah. - Then you go to other parts of Europe and you're like, holy shit. - Barcelona, unbelievable. - And then how about a fucking, I mean Stockholm? - Copenhagen? - Yeah, yeah, that's a, that's a good thing. The gimme sock home is wild. Yeah, and they there's so many. They don't even know how hot they are It's a and there's more women than men there Yeah, it's a great it's a great situation if you're dude in Stockholm if you ever run over a kid That's where you want to live like you got to get away You know high-tail it out of the country of an over a kid well something where you got to go like I got to get out of here before I go to jail for life Fuck Mexico on the downside. I killed a child and the plus size look at these women Yes, that's great syndrome not too shabby. Well, it's from baby. It's there was some a bank robbery I it was in somewhere in Stockholm. I forgot. Go on. Yes. Yeah, was there in afterwards the all the people that came out that were held hostage Yeah, of course they were on the side of the captors. Yeah, they're they're protecting them. They're actually getting full in there. Whoa Pretty good capture. How'd they do that? I I think it's identified with their captors eventually because they have they have they Lord so much power over you they have life in death. I think if I were a captain. That's how I would try to spin it I if I was robbing a bank. I'd be like I'm on your side these people out there are fucking unreasonable Yeah, you're good. I want this and too. I just want the money. I think I would try to spin it that way Well being a parent's almost like Stockholm syndrome. I love your parents, but like they are they have the power all the power over you and you're in a Tight space for them totally captive. Yeah, you're a captain for 18 fucking years Yeah, and you're chained to a radiator. It's fucked off. You guys none of the same childhood Okay, now what is the patty Hurst? Oh, she was part of the Hurst family. She was kidnapped And then she yeah, she was a she's a stock syndrome. Yes, and she was part of the robbery. Yeah, great book on it by Jeffrey Tobin Worth it. That's that's a wreck. It's called American ares incredible book Jeffrey Tobin wrote the OJ book too. What? Yeah, he's a guy. Yeah. Wow. He's a great he's a great writer. Good for him Yeah, and a great wanker too. Yeah, no, the American ares one is is a it's a you'll breeze through it. It's wild. Yeah In the black panthers kidnapper. No, no, no, there's a black guy in the Okay, the siblings led liberation army. That's it. Yeah. Yeah, it was fake. What? There's no Sibia. It's bullshit But they but she was a part of an anchor. Yeah, and she was with them and She ended up married like later when she was free. She ended up marrying like one of her bodyguards. I think something crazy You know fucking James Ackner and he married a Hurst the writer. Really? Right lights big city. Wow. Yeah, I know that great writer Married a hurt married into the Hurst family. Wow. I think Christ Hardwick was with her. Oh, that's right. That's right That's like dude. That's William Randolph Hurst. That's fucking citizen Kane. Yes completely. That's great They tried to ruin Orson Wells because right he made a movie clearly thinly veiled Yeah, they tried to scratch it off him, but yeah That's like the American wealthy family. Right publishing today still exists like Esquire magazine is a Hurst publication Wow, they have like 10 magazines that used Wow Slowing at the straight the daughter of Randolph. No granddaughter granddaughter Randolph got kidnapped and then you pull up the famous photo over She's in like a beret. It's is a crazy photo. I Mean that was Not that one. Hold on. I've seen it. Yeah, there it is with the gun. Yeah, there it is She's throwing a bank here. No, no, no, the other one. No with the red background. We should pose in That's the Sibbini's that's the famous that's the famous crazy gun Not bad in the eyes got kidnapped from her own dorm. I think in college. Oh really? Yeah, and then what they made her do stuff Yeah, I think they were the closet for weeks. Yeah, but then they kind of warmed to her and then I don't know crazy. Well great great documentary. Why the gun? She's trying to get she's part of the crew. Okay. All right, but then of course she they got Fucked and she was like, yeah, she was a victim of Stockholm syndrome Which maybe she was I don't fucking sure. Sure. It's possible Damn, but you do. I think it's a common thing to identify with it. It's a hot women in Stockholm. Let us here Yeah, Stockholm syndrome baby, and then you know Frank Sinatra's kid got kidnapped. Yeah That kid was a thing tough to be Sinatra's kid. Oh and to have his name. I know and then to be a singer was he? Yeah, oh clearly wasn't a big one, but yeah, Jacob Dylan. He was kidnapped One headlight. Yeah, he was thrown in a trunk old school Jacob Dylan was no, no Sinatra's kid damn Frank Jr. One headlight. Yeah, I think they got him though They got him out. They got the kid Frank Sinatra Jr. Yeah, he survived. Okay. Yeah, but that was a wild one too Yeah, I guess Nancy got threes the last kidnap or lady now. Oh, yeah, I guess so I'm that John Paul getty's grand son Yeah, and he didn't want to pay the money didn't want to pay Whoa, I lost the fucking ear. Yeah, they cut off the kids here and sent it to the families like I'm not paying what Get the oil. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa At some point like how much fucking money do you need like if you're if you're kids life is at stake Here's the thing he was the kid was I think a party animal So I think there was a part of where he was like I'm blaming him and then later in life was on drugs and stuff But like yeah, if you come back after that shit and you're missing an ear and you know your family doesn't love you enough to pay that shit I might I want want to get fucked up. Wow. Yeah, of course. I mean, it's like it's pretty dark The rumor was he kidnapped himself to collect the ranch That was another incentive not to pay, but then why cut off your own fucking ear. Mm-hmm. Did they get the kid back eventually? Yeah, he's I think he's passed it escaped or something. Whoa, that's fascinating. Yeah, crazy. That's another crazy one Give it a goog. That's insane. A lot of amazing true crime stories in America. Yeah, well That's the hard thing about being a rich icon air a tycoon is these kids gig a kidnapped easy. Oh, there's no ear there No ear. That's what I'm saying. Wow $17 million ransom for kidnapped grandson paying only 2.2 million. That's a funny bargaining call The only 17. I'll give you two. Yeah, two and one ear After the team was that's the fucking horrible. Yeah, wow. That's traumatizing. That's like that's him later in life, huh? Oh, not good. Life is cruel. They said you're free. You went what? Who's that? This is a kid who played him in a movie. Oh Damn good stuff air is getting kidnapped. I love it. Yeah, good stuff. Did they get got three? I don't know Apparently she that the people who kidnapped the mom know and they didn't get the body either apparently she died quickly after they Kidnap her they bumped her on the head and I think she bled out pretty quickly Oh, and he sent a note right after being like it was an accident. We're sorry if you want to recover the body pay us Oh, and they never paid him whoa. It was an accident. We're so oh my god And that that's kind of what happened during Fargo. Yeah, memory was like I said the money and the dad was like I'm doing it. Fuck you, Bob. You're your pussy and then halfway through he pulled a gun on him. Yeah And they killed a wife too and they killed the wife. Yeah, that's a fucking I gotta be watch that one Something about the winter time because it's like a snowy noir. It always makes me like it's a good time to we throw Fargo Yeah, that's a fucking god the comb brothers man. It passed the wife test. She's young and 80d so if I can get her clicked into a movie and finish it, but she likes true crime. She likes true crime Yeah, but and they did that clever thing like this is based on a true and it's not this. It's based on the true story in the beginning Oh, it's just a lie. I didn't know that but it's a way to get you like sucked in you like oh shit totally totally But she had me the other guy was so scary. Oh my god. He's great that guy so so fast. Yeah. Yes. Yes Man, he's good Fargo fucking rules. Yeah, I'm just sort of throwing on some like especially for October get some good Got it. I just got the shining on DVD. I want I want to throw that one on get some like a hard misery classic You know why he sees his photo in the end why? Because apparently he's just on a loop. He's been there the whole time. Yeah, you've always been the caretaker. Yes That's a line in the movie. Wow. There was more to it, but I forgot what else should have that prepared I brought it up, but yeah, there's some some theory there that he's always been working there. Yeah, that's fucking great Yeah, damn well. We'll plug some dates, dude. Oh, we got packers. Hey, you open that one And thank you is someone brought me a fucking someone got me a you know that someone brought me is a At my show in San Diego All the Nick starters like the shiny cards and frame. I was one of the nicest gifts. It was such a Also got a really cool, but your prior shirt at my show Freddy Krueger Hock and Lamort I'm a Lord sorry. Whoa Lord. What is this Eli and Mason Nashville Tennessee old-fashioned cocktail mixer? Hey, so this is a classic Old-fashioned cocktail mixer is cancrafted with premium bitters real cane sugar and syrup for fine taste Okay, well, maybe we'll have to have a bodega old-fashioned next episode with this. Yeah, please It could be fun. This is from Joe Mozy. I assume I hope I got that right was a third was a just This name is Joe Mo, I'm a musician in the Chicago area huge Vienna County. I love you guys I was front-road the Dr. Phil show last year. So I got to see you there. That's nice I'm sure you're familiar with Malort and being from Chicago I had to enclose a piece of Malort artwork for your studio after all it is the best licker out there, right? Also, including a copy of my recent album released a few months ago It's also on major streaming platforms. All right. That's M-O-E-S-E Joe Mozy Thanks for taking the time to read this enjoy the record and hope to hear from you guys Thanks for all the laughs look forward to hearing the jokes in the future. Whoo nice. Okay, we got this is a really weird one Oh, oh hit me fatty. It looks like an autograph Kevin Spacey thing. Oh Get the spray out for the throat and then it's and then it's It's a ring. Okay F you. I don't get it. Oh This is from Kevin Spacey. Whoa, no wonder I'm hard. How about that turn of the camera we were this close to the given Kevin Spacey on the pod Claire Claire, it's my terrible Kevin Spacey house of cards. So what does the ring look like? It's a ring it just says F you Add aster. Okay By this time next year, I'm saying he's gonna be back in showbiz really I'm calling it right here 2027 end of the year he'll be back in interesting. I think it'll pass Nobody cares about gay stuff We were so close to ending this podcast episode We could cut that if you want. Thank you, Kim. We'll have you all we'll get some best What the hell is happening I think you're less less about gay six All right, what do we got here? We're at the 11 here. Okay. Oh my God. There you go At the comedy zone in Greenville and at the Charleston music hall a little theater out there. I love Charleston. Oh nice Can't work. I can't wait bringing the wife and kids show them a little a little mint jewel up on a porch Portland, Oregon. I think we had a show there San Jose Improv that could use some help. Please come on out Cap city in Austin, Tropicana and Atlantic City, Wind Creek event in Bethlehem Palazzo and Vegas, Indio Casino Charlotte comedy zone And then you know something in January. We'll figure that out turning stone Casino We have with the movie guys. We're figuring it out. We think we got a director so we're on it Yeah, yeah, we got a new director who's a good get, but he's busy So we're waiting till he's a little more expensive. So yeah, we'll see what happens. Okay. Hey, I got a new special in Netflix Incorrect. Please give it a watch. I'm I'm very happy with it. How it turned out? I hope you guys are too and uh bump it up to top five folks Let's do it put a double plus sign like on there Phoenix Arizona stand up live in November 13th through 15th I know Gary's gonna be bitching about Pizzeria Bianca. So I'll have to get that one there Pittsburgh improv in November 19th through 21st then we got Hilarities and Cleveland December 3rd through 5th. That's one of my faves. Oh another one of my faves Wisconsin December 10th through 12th comedy on state. Then Mcgoobies, Maryland, uh, well easy drive December 17th through 19th and then we got a Florida coming up in January. We got like yeah, a Dorault, which is basically Dorault, whatever it's Miami and then West Palm all that shit Jacksonville. I'll see you guys on the road Punch up dot live slash Mark Norman punch up dot live slash Sam Morrell see you guys on the road We love you buy some bodega cap. Yeah, we're making fucking moves. I said the guys, you know at all the clubs in LA I saw a mad herman or our sales guy. He's the man bow shout out the whole team. Yes, everyone I apologize. I didn't make that San Diego mixer by the way they cancel it the last minute But I will I'll do something else like that next time and we got to do more shit. We'll do yeah, yeah bodega cats crushing right now Seems like we're in a whiskey downturn. We're up. Yes, that's that's huge huge and get a cat scratcher I think it is they sell bodega scratches. I got one for my cat. He's all over it and new merch coming soon The new merch is fucking awesome. I love the old merch, but the new stuff is like really that white shirt mark was wearing on an old episode that people were Yes, we're getting like cooler materials and stuff. It's gonna. It's gonna be really comfy like the nicks colors. Yeah, baby Next season starting soon go Yankees. Uh fucking let's go. Whoo sports are up. You watch Brunson on snl Dude that that part were OG. Did you see that part? No That was the highlight for me when OG came out and got a huge ovation They're all taking questions and he goes uh you remember when you missed that big shot Brunson goes. Yeah, and then he goes you remember what happened afterwards And Brunson goes. Yeah, you tipped it in and OG just goes. Yeah That was awesome and it proud explode it was a really funny moment, but I love she like that because it kind of gives you a Taste of a monoculture. We used to have where we all agreed on something. We all saw something I mean, that was clearly just for New York of course. That was like the most only for New York Knicks fans ever for an snl But it was like who gives a shit about it. I love it. I love it. All right folks. Thank you. We'll see you in hell comedy Thank you Jeremiah. Check out his special too. Hey, I whatever super pizza I like crazy pizza. It's right there. Crazy pizza. All right. All right. See you guys next week The lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember And I get down in the same way We might be true