Trumps OBSESSED w/ Greenland, How to Fix ICE, & Religion with the Hottest Women

Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great, till the CFO sees them, that's bull spend. And marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions. I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand, when leads were slow. Yeah, it wasn't. Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title, and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to linkedin.com slash campaign. Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen. Snacks. A stapler. The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See paypal.com slash protection terms. For details. Decades, a shadowy organization called the Lemonati has kept lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Look around. Lemon forward sodas. Even lemon forward songs. We ran the tracks, slowed them down, reversed them, and squeezed out the truth. That's lemon propaganda right there. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Join the 7up rising. Flip the sip. My mom's complaining. She lost all of her friends on Facebook because she's liberal. Because she's like a liberal now. Wait, what do you mean? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? This is huge. Can we start the episode? Yeah. Because my mom's now a lib. Okay. Because she's a horseshoe. Let's go. She's like, all of my MAGA friends, don't mess with me anymore because I'm libbed out. And I'm like, why are you libbed out? She's like, well, I'm talking against ICE and foreign intervention and foreign wars. Let's go. She's like, this is wrong. And all of her MAGA friends. She's like, but the liberals don't like me either because I think that, like, Satan is in charge of the world. So she's just kind of, she's kind of stuck. When did she get anti-ICE? Because I assumed she would love them. No, she told me the other day. She was like, I would hide migrants in my house. Wow. Yo, wouldn't you? Miss Gags, let's go. But she's always been on that wave. Wouldn't you also, though? Oh, yeah. That was crazy. Because Puerto Rico is part of America. I don't know what to do for y'all. No, wouldn't you, like, if you knew them, like, if this is someone you know, someone you care about, someone you work with. A hundred percent. I had the caveat, yeah. A stranger is a stranger. Yeah, yeah. But she means strangers. She means she would take in. Yeah, I think she does. I think she means strangers. Like, assuming, like, they're good. Like, they're not, like, legit violent. She has seven kids. She's just having fucking people she doesn't even know in the house. But when it comes to an actual person that you care about. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And, like, you heard Ice was coming, and they were like, you know, I gotta stay inside. You're gonna whistle? No, you would fucking. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, yo, chill. And if somebody was like, is anybody here? You say no. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you ask for a discount on that landscaping. You would lie. Probably. He'll miss his last line. What did you say? Hold on. It's all good. It's all good. Don't worry about it. It's just for the good people. It's for the good people listening. You're gonna really make me replay the episode to find out. Yeah, that's it. You're gonna replay the episode to find out. I'll probably repeat it again later. Oh, no. Let me get that drink. No, you would lie. I don't know if Mark could lie. His conscience is too guilty. That's what I'm saying. How would you get around the lie? You can omit. You can omit. What's the question? Are you hiding migrants in your house? No. No. Oh, okay. They're not hiding. They're working. They're literally cleaning my bathroom. Also, they've already migrated. Yeah, exactly. I'm hiding migrateds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? There's also, migrants almost implies legal. These are illegal immigrants. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Also, you don't know that they're illegal. I don't. Don't ask, don't tell. That's another thing. You don't know that they're illegal. I don't know where they're born. I don't know what their deal is. Gay illegals. There's some people in my house. That's all you need to know. Nah, that's good. You gotta hide. You gotta hide them. Yeah. Is there anyone in your house besides you? Yes. Who are they? My wife. And? No one else to my knowledge. You're a liar, you son. Oh, that's a lie. Oh, also, I don't know where he's at. Honestly, I don't know. I don't know where. That's a good-ass question. That's a good point. I forgot. But then I'd be like, yeah, no, also my kid. Yeah, and then I would just leave it at that. You gotta do it, dude. Come on now. All human beings are worthy of human dignity. What'd I do what? Yeah, he would. Would you hide some migrants? Yeah. Yeah, you'd hide a couple right now. He would lie. The way he lied to get you out of Swiss jail or Swedish prison or whatever it was, he would lie like that. He would be the best liar. I didn't even lie. Wait. Well, I thought you said you lied for him this whole time. I said the black guy did it. That's why he was in jail in the first place. They came up trying to arrest me. I was like, I think it's that guy over there. He's infiltrating your country. You really were the first, dude. Technically, he did lie. I did lie. Because the guy was claiming that I hit him like 15 times. Yeah. And he's like, he basically was like, look at him. He come. Take it out of this. I'm a 15-time. He's hitting him with 15 punches in like two seconds or some shit like that. Did he reenact it? He counted. Yeah, he reenacted. He was like, one, two. This is on the standby. I did swing. And I had my form good, too. Because I was like, this is being recorded. I can't have this out here in the streets. Were you in a suit? Say again? Were you in a suit? Nah, I don't think I was in a suit. Couldn't even show up in a suit. Where am I going to buy a suit in Sweden? They went in suits? Yeah, that's a good point. I showed up with the wooden shoes. I had the country wrong. They're like, sir, why are you wearing clogs to the corner? Isn't this professionalism? It is what you guys do. Did you bob and weave while you were in there? Yeah. You're like, bang, bang. Flip, slip. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Raise your epithet. The way he throws a punch. He's a lover, bro. I know, I know. You got to make him underestimate you. It's all right. People are watching me. They're like, oh, he can't punch. And then they try to slide on me in the street. And all of a sudden, you hit him with the fucking bat. You're talking about Jesus. Oh, is that a jab or a hook? I'm glad you asked. Bang, bang. You have to prepare for something that doesn't exist. That's a phenomenal strategy right there, Mark. You never have to get ready if you're staying not ready. Exactly. That's smart, right? You would pack that thing, though. Oh, I hit him with the glagolabum. You got to hide some migrants, dude. You have to. Yeah. You got to. Now, if you don't know them, it's tricky. Right? Because they're going to make you convert to Islam. Exactly. That's a good point. That's a good point. They're going to radicalize you. That's what you got to worry about. You think they tried that with Anne Frank at all? You think at any point they were up to their, like, you know, you just want to be Christian. Here's a quick fix. If you just want to choose up, you probably will be good. But wait a minute. I don't know. Hitler wasn't religious at all. No. The Catholics were getting it. The Jews were getting it. Oh, Catholics were getting it? Yeah. Maximilian Kolbe. I'm glad you asked. He's a Catholic priest that was in a concentration camp that gave up his spot for freedom in the place of someone that was sentenced to death. That's how annoying it is to be around that many Jews. Is that what you're saying? Maxim's like, I got it! I got it! I got it! Get me out of here! Oh, my God. It's too much backgammon. I forget exactly who it was, but they sent him free, and then they were like, but this kid is going to die, or, like, a woman or something like that. And he was like, I'll take their place. And then he died in the place of someone. You believe that shit? Did that? No, he believes it. Look it up. Look it up. They can make up any story. What's evidence? Who can make up stories? Wait a minute. This is interesting. He believes the Bible. Joe. Joe. Yeah. Can we not talk about the whole, who are you, Don Lemon? How are you going to disrespect the congregation, Al? How are you going to disrespect the congregation? Nah, you can't talk about my gay brethren like that. Your gay brethren. Hold on. So what? I passed the whole black thing, by the way, when you're talking about brethren. Yeah, yeah. So what happened? They busted in this church because one of the pastors apparently, like, has the same name as someone who is an ICE official. Is that what it was? I don't even know if they've confirmed it's the same guy. So they were protesting, I guess, the church. But it wasn't even the pastor that was doing the service right there. Hmm. So. Yeah, well. Imagine, dude. You're just trying to give a nice little church service. Help some people. And then you're a fucking racist. And you're like, no, it's the other guy. But we, I don't even think they've confirmed that the other guy is an actual ICE official. Oh. But it is kind of funny that, like, the protesters are doing the same thing ICE is doing. Like, they're just busting into places. Like, we want him. Get him out. Where is he? He looks like one of them. Yeah. He looks like a racist. Yeah. This is why all ICE people need their names on their badges. Because now you're getting people mixed up in the crosshairs. Talk to me. Because if they're, like, I don't know. Apparently, like, they're not named. Like, apparently, they don't have, like. Well, yeah, they got the shy-isties on. Exactly. It's insane. Yeah. Right? It is insane. Yeah. It's a tough look. And I think that, like, because we don't see it in New York, like, we're, like, somewhat detached from it. New Yorkers would not be going with this shit at all. Well, didn't they play it? That happening. Yeah, on, like, 20th. Canal. And we weren't with that shit. And we were, like. Well, Canal's fine. But they wouldn't be fine with it happening. Listen, Canal, we got to clean some stuff up. That's how this shit works. New Yorkers are not going to be okay with it. 42nd Street, get the Pikachus out of there. But, no, do, I mean. Pikachu, what about the kiddie pool full of fucking live fish? That's not, we just got to let that stand? That's on Mott. 'cause it's on Mott Street. - Oh, that's not Chinatown? - And it's called The Lunch. Ouch. Also that. Yeah, what do you think you're eating down there? Yes, but just get it off the fucking street, man. Just put it inside. Yeah, it is a little peculiar to have the food out there, but. I kind of like it. New York really does have the best. You like ice? No, no, hold on. No, no, no. The migrants. New York migrants in particular. Yeah. We have the best everything. Selling bags, you know what I mean? Got the best everything. It's great. We got the best everything. Also, have you bought a bag from a Chinese lady that takes you down the alleyway? Have you ever done this? You buy him bags? Yeah, I bought a fake Michael Kors bag. Mark, just say you got a fucking handjob, bro. He's like, what is this? Oh, a really good Michael Kors bag. Also, you can buy a real Michael Kors bag. I just bought a fake Michael Kors bag. Yo, hold on a second. It's like buying fake Ray-Bans or something like that. I swear to God, this was like maybe high school, maybe early college. I went and bought a fake Michael Kors bag. First, you got to lick your lips, bro, because you got the sesh powder all over your lips. Dude, my lips have been so dry since Salt Lake City, for real. I can't smile because they're going to crack. Oh, because you went snowboarding, right? Yeah, I just didn't want to have chapstick, for real. Okay, go on, go on. But, uh, how bad is it? How bad is it? Use your saliva, dude. No, no, no, I'm going to do this. What the fuck is happening? My lips are cracking. Have you bought chapstick this whole time? Yeah. Oh, please, yes. Oh, you're a legend. Yeah, I know. Make him suck it all. He said he's pro-ice. That's bad black. He got Vaseline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mini one. The finger one, too. That's crazy. Miles has a very black habit. He uses a washcloth. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wants to know his enemy. Wait a minute, hold on. Finish your story. You're in Salt Lake City. Finish your story. I'll reward you. Finish your story. Damn. Damn, right? We know how you would have treated Anne Franklin. Yeah. We know how you would have treated her. How? I don't know, something like that, probably with the rewards. I'd hide a migraine. I'd hide a migraine. Yeah, who wouldn't? Yeah, but he'd try to fuck. Because you can't, so. How did I find it? I mean, I got this gay hockey show. I mean, would you like to learn about hockey? Because you can't hire somebody knowing they're illegal, let them work for you, and then when ICE comes, act as if you weren't part of that whole transaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Right? Yeah, of course. You got to keep your hook up, too. It's very important. You can't lose that. You got somebody that does good work, you know what I mean, knows the deal. Yeah. But I was going on to now. I think you did. Are we arresting criminals anymore? I think we got all of them. Did we get them all? Yeah, we got them all. It turns out there weren't that many. I think it was like week one. Every criminal week one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's just people working. All the guys at Home Depot. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. I think it's just meant to mess with states. They're just like, oh, I hate Tim Walz. Let's go to Minneapolis. At what point do migrants just start wearing blackface? How's that going to help? I think I know where he's going with this. Hear him out. Yeah, I want to see him. Hear him out. I'm just saying. I hear him out. If you saw a dude in America wearing blackface, you wouldn't assume they're a migrant. You would assume they're MAGA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Ice would probably be like, nah, nah, he's cool. He's like one of us. Yeah. Don't you think? But most of them are like Hispanic. Yeah, but you're covering that. I've never seen Hispanic in blackface. You're covering that. It might never have been done. So he must not be Hispanic. How else can you tell? He must be white. How else can you tell that they're Hispanic? If you're covering it, is there any other indicating markers for you, Al? What's the indicating markers? I don't know. The hands, maybe? 5'3", 240 pounds. A little gut, boxy bill. You know how I knew I was fat in middle school besides the mirror? My principal always thought I was Mexican. Every time he saw me, he would say, hola, amigo. And I was like, god damn, I'm short and fat. Nah, but that's because that's all they had down there. It was just whites and Mexicans. Yeah, they didn't know I was colored back then. Every time he saw me, hola, amigo. Damn. I hit you with a Gordo ever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got hit with that by Mexicans. That's a term I didn't even remember. Oh, bet. All right. They like my little chubby ass. That's love right there. No, we got to shut down. We got to shut down ICE. We got to focus it in a more specific area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you thinking? That town upstate in New York. Son. You saw this? What was it? The name is hilarious. It's called Curious Joel. Curious Joel. Yeah. I don't know this story. Which is just a funny name for a town. Please try to find that video. What's the guy named? Tyler Oliveira? Yeah. That shit is hilarious, bro. So go. Well, basically, he goes to this town. This is an upstate. And it is predominantly Hasidic Jewish, which is a specific subset of Orthodox Judaism. And he's basically making the claim that they're all on welfare. I don't want to misrepresent his video. I didn't see the whole thing, but these are the clips I saw on Twitter. And he's basically going around interviewing people being like, what do you do for work? Who are you? Like, how do you make your money? And yeah, the title inside the New York town invaded by welfare addicted Jews. Kind of a tough name. Welfare addicted. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we need him. Yeah, I didn't see the whole thing. So I don't want to speak out of turn. But basically, the claim is like they're all just stealing from the government. They're all faking being on welfare. It's a leech. And it seems like right now people are not happy about it. Yeah. He didn't have to go all the way to upstate New York, though. Yes, I was on Williamsburg. Yeah, you could do it right there in Brooklyn. Yeah. If Tyler lives in New York City. Guys, very, very cool show. Part of the Netflix Comedy Fest. I know that they announced a million different shows. This is a pretty cool one. Jelly Roll and I are going to be doing the Beautifully Broken Comedy Night. Okay. Jelly's going to host it. I'm going to be doing it. We've got some special guests that we can't announce just yet. I think that you can maybe assume they're going to be special. May 8th, 2026, the Greek Theater in L.A. It's going to be a wild night. You know I fucking love Jelly. He's the man, and it's awesome that he wants to host his comedy show. You know Jelly's going to be doing music. We're going to get all sorts of people out there. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I'm very excited. I want to do something a little different for the festival this year, so I'm stoked to be a part of it. There's going to be some other cool people that are going to be a part of it, which we will not announce now for probably contractual reasons. Jelly's well-connected. Hey, he knows a couple people. So I think it's going to be a pretty special night. Anyway, I want to see you guys out there. The pre-sale is live now. You can go use the code Andrew. You can go get those tickets right now. We will see you May 8th with the man, Jelly. Love you, dogs. Very excited for this. Peace. All right, guys. Knocking out. Bang. Are your ad campaigns lighting up the dashboard but not the pipeline? That's Bullspend, and marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions. My boss asked for results, so I opened my dashboard for the only positive-sounding metric I had, impressions. Cut the bullspend. See revenue, not just reach. LinkedIn delivers the highest return on ad spend of major ad networks. Spend $250 on your first ad. Get a $250 credit. Turn sick conditions apply. Sunscreen. Snacks. A stapler? They have great electronic stores. Shout out B&H. We don't know what entertainment in New York City would be without you. Shout out B&H. Goats. Doing a great job. Best store in the world. Best store. It is kind of hilarious to like buy the most high-tech electronic equipment from a guy who looks like he's from the 1600s. Like there's no, you're looking at him like there's no way you know how to use this. And they know it well. Everything. They know everything. That's crazy. Everybody there got to have a college education like in the thing they're talking about. Oh, really? Yeah. Some weird. Some weird. Huh. Yeah. And like they sneak like black Hasidic Jews in there too. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's a really fun adventure walking around the store. Yo, they got to expand. That would be great for Jewish PR. You just put a B&H in every major city in the South in particular. Yeah. And watch the views on Jews start to change. Yeah. Suddenly we're a little more pro-Semite. You could make an argument that they're responsible for all the negative views on Jews from selling the equipment. It's like film this documentary. If they just shut down the stores, there would be no YouTube videos made about them. They don't control the media. They do control the cameras. They do. They control a lot of the cameras. They do. They do. They do. But yeah, dude, you'll talk to a guy in full 1800s Polish gear, ask him about like camera settings. He's like, oh yeah, no, you need to be on this frame rate. This is. Yeah. And then he just gets a flip phone call. Dude. They got the flip phone calls. I told you. They're like drug dealers. The bad part is that they celebrate the Sabbath or whatever. Oh, no. The bad part is they celebrate every fucking holiday. So you'll go there on a random Wednesday and it's shut down. That's true. They do that. Like Saturday. How do you close on a Saturday? That's when everybody shops. Remember, nobody beats the Wiz. Yeah. Yeah. They did. Yeah. Yeah. They're open like three days a week and they still beat every other electronic store. Dude, did I tell you? Because my wife works within the Hasidic community. And so she was in the apartment one day with all these Hasidic women and one of them gets a phone call. Does she get paid in EBT? Isn't it fun to make welfare jokes? I know. I know. I know. - Riley, you're on this side of the ledger. okay we did it that was his dream dude she's sitting in the apartment and the girl gets a phone call on her phone and it literally goes that's kind of funny and she goes why and she's like well it's Jingle Bells she's like what's that I swear to the sham bro she's like that's a Christmas song she's like really I just thought it sounded nice and she's like yeah it's a Christmas song I had no idea I'd never heard of Jingle Bells open the window drop the phone out but I had no idea so they do live in a very insulated bubble yeah it is fascinating we used to drive through it as a kid my dad would take us through it you gotta check this out and he's like they're living like it's the 1700s still and it was cool to see I don't know why he would do it he's taking you to the zoo or something it was like a human zoo he's like this is a throwback don't roll down the window like it is crazy I run through that neighborhood I live right on the edge of it you don't be hunting you don't run who's getting circumcised I wanna see but it's a fun neighborhood to run through because you're the only one everyone else is like speed walking and like doing it's just such a fun neighborhood to go through I really enjoy it that's how you gotta feel fast truly shout out them I got a fake vaccine from y'all that didn't work but shout out y'all man I got a fake was it a vaccine or the booster I forgot what I got but I went out to Williamsburg and I got that shit it was the booster because you got the actual vaccine I got the vaccine didn't get the vaccine sucker I know you really went the whole time without getting it wow I mean I don't know if that stuff we're allowed to oh yeah the Hasidic Frogger for the marathon yes every year they do the New York City Marathon cuts right through their neighborhood you know what they call their neighborhood the silent mile because no one cheers oh that's so funny there's no one down there cheering it's all just neighborhood oh that's hilarious gotta lock in pun intended yeah dude yeah that is so funny I love them I love New York New York is the best that's what I'm saying like part of me is just like it's literally 17 degrees outside right now so we're about to go to New York come on because I felt myself buying in and then I was like what am I fucking talking about it's 17 degrees outside why is it so cold though why are we here thank you what are we doing thank you what are we doing what an invalid question I'm bringing up what an asshole I am I'm not I'm indulging it where should we be where should we be Southern California San Diego greatest city in America you love San Diego it's perfect it's paradise why is it perfect why is it paradise it's a very small Punjabi community no I'm kidding it's the best weather on earth people are friendly the traffic isn't bad so all the things that you like about LA are there but none of the things you hate there's no Hollywood phonies food is pretty good not great pretty good especially for Cali it's just what's wrong with living there it's great strong military presence strong military that is dude a liberal state with a Republican city or vice versa that's the way to do it that's your shit you need a liberal fucking Austin in Texas conservative state or a Republican San Diego in a liberal state the yin and yang they balance each other out cause they don't get too far yeah I mean New York New York is a socialist we are socialist we looked at a communist that I pretend isn't a communist because I like brown people you know what I mean we'll take it we'll take it Zoe's not a communist I know I love him it's all love but no what is it is he a communist he changed the Williamsburg bridge you saw this he did he stopped that little dip he blew that shit up his first act as mayor was to get rid of the little the little bump the little jump would you get a little air off of when you're coming into always always dude and have you ridden on it since yeah and it's super limp that's my big issue I thought he was gonna build a ramp I thought that was his plan that'd be fire but now he's not I'm not gonna lie it's they could've did a better job it's not that good it doesn't look it doesn't look great yeah like I said it is safer if you're gonna make this the big first thing like do it nicer it is apparently he did it off a comment someone like commented like yo if you become mayor will you fix the bridge and he was like it'll be the first thing I do oh that's fire that's great social promises made yeah he's smart dude you know what I mean the guy that is mega for Zoran was a guy who was like yeah I called Zoran when he was my elected like official and he got shit done for me immediately I was like oh that's cool he's very like close ear on the ground kind of guy that's good but also I don't know did you see Ricky Velez's post he was like ever since Zoran got elected Knicks have been two and eight yeah it's bad it's bad so I don't know how he's gonna fix that it's very bad and I haven't come up with a joke yet connecting the two but I thought by the second time I said it's bad I would have one and when I got to the third I was like I don't think it's coming you just felt the pain and the anger just fill your world yeah I know it's bad because my group chat was going crazy last night y'all lost to the Mavericks like by 20 or some shit yeah Damaris hit me up he's like I don't know how he did that without Anthony Davis it's just really embarrassing yeah something's up something's up were you watching games Al? no you know I'm a fake New Yorker I'm a fake Knicks fan sorry sorry I know that was crazy that was crazy you made me feel uncomfortable I was thinking about San Diego you saw that? yeah the Akash fucking got you I love Cali Al loves Cali yeah yeah yeah I ain't gonna lie San Diego's the best where's Wheezy's house? shouts to Wheezy by the way Wheezy just bought a new house so shouts to you Wheezy oh congrats is it in LA? yeah is it there? that's yeah address? no no you don't have to give the area I just didn't know what city it was in I didn't know yeah wow good for her yeah have you gone over there? not yet she hasn't invited you over? no they're gonna is there trouble in the gay podcasting that way? what happened? they're gonna do demolition all that type of stuff oh she's gonna do complete renovation inside wow yeah that's money when you buy a house and you're like this house ain't nice enough that shit is money let me tear down the house and build another house where I bought the house yeah that shit is money she's doing good yeah god bless dude I love that she's doing good she's doing good she's doing good also counterpoint to your San Diego thing Salt Lake City oh you were there this weekend I love it dude yeah tell me what oh it's I can't say it's the best city ever to go to a place colder than New York but you can use the cold you can't say Salt Lake is the best city because it is this is actually a good point it is racist to say it's the best city I don't know why because it's only Samoans? a lot is a lot yeah it just is very very white so if you're like a lot of salt if you're like dude it's the greatest city ever it's like a lot of salt why is it the best and you're like well it's quiet or whatever like you gotta kind of like kind of back out of it but it is one of the best I love Salt Lake City with all my heart truly the best you just love the Mormons I love dude we call them LDS technically but I do love them it is the whitest city I perform in and I love Wise Guys Comedy Club is the best the fans show up but it's I'm always like I can count the minorities on one hand which for my show is very I mean for any of our shows rare but for me in particular it was like two Indians that didn't know what they were getting into amazing right yeah yeah it's just perfect because you get to utilize the whole thing the whole time you're making it a little bit too much bro that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying that's why you gotta be like it's good it's good but like it's cold but you get to use the cold and it's hot but you get to use the hot you know what I mean like you get to go ski and you get to snowboard and snowmobile and put your kid on a sled and send him on a tube New York is cold for no reason and hot for no reason like New York well what I would say about New York is it works without the temperature like the temperature doesn't matter like you're doing whatever you do you can go do it like you're going to Madison Square Garden you're going to summer you're going to fall it doesn't matter but Salt Lake is all about the weather yeah yeah yeah entirely yeah and like the culture that like the LDS kind of built like there's like alcohol but are there things to do outside of nature my only argument would be what you're gonna go to Swig and drink like Coca-Cola with sugar in it have you guys watched the Real Lives of Mormon watch oh yeah dude it's all time great show that's the ones they're all fucking each other right yeah that was part of it let me tell you something it is thank God they don't drink alcohol what they're willing to share on caffeine is unprecedented yo these girls this girl's talking about cutting off her beef curtains whoa she's like yeah my pussy just started getting hangy she takes a slurp of a 44 ounce of Coca-Cola with like some like red sugar dye in it she's like yeah so I had to chop them off she shows all the girls her new vagina shows the cameraman everything they have to blur it out because she's showing it and what's really interesting about them is this show sounds amazing no no must watch TV but what's incredible about it is that like they're so open with their sexual shit but they're married and they don't shame sex within the marriage it's really interesting like they would shame sexual behavior outside of it like if you're just like a whore in the community that would be bad but once you were with your husband he was clapping my cheek and you could just say it and they don't care they'd share the stories with each other also right I'm noting they're attractive at least the one in the front seems hot everyone in Salt Lake is attractive it's like our Scandinavia yeah it's like our Norway our Sweden is Salt Lake for a few reasons I would say tell me please no alcohol like that helps no drugs no drugs being outdoors a lot and then on top of that they don't do like the processed food right don't they like try to eat food they're healthy and like crunchy but like on top of that you also because of the LDS mission Mormons going around like converting people it is actually pretty diverse and you get like weird mixes and you get like Would it be like a Filipino-Pakistani LDS? mormon you know what i mean wow and then it's early you get like half japanese white mormon yeah samoan like guatemalan how did the samoans end up embracing i like that i like that he said the only reason why they're attractive is because they're mixed with other stuff that's non-white no the whites are fucking good looking out there they're all everyone's just good looking but then you get mixing you get nice little mix no no that's valid though because it's not just hot white girls which you would think it's mixed hot girls just said it's all white people i'll be honest with you i haven't seen it i've seen non-white men i don't think that i don't i think they kick out to non-white women or something i haven't seen a non-white woman i see a lot of like male samoans you see male other things you mentioned but it's females it's just white women and like skinny in shape blonde hair blue eyes that's a stereotype yeah stereotype i mean yes i mean there's a few brunettes but it's like yeah there's one mixed girl on the show yeah and she happened to have like a kid out of wedlock it's kind of fucked up so she had a kid from a previous marriage or something it happens i think you're not allowed to get divorced i don't know i mean you can't they do probably right that they like kick you out the community maybe i don't know i mean they're getting a little loosey-goosey now money shoulders money that's what happens they like change the dress code i don't think they were on caffeine before i think that's new yeah well apparently caffeine thing was never doctrinal it was always like inner interpersonal whereas like no i don't think it wasn't in the it was never like oh you can't drink caffeine it was like a coffee that don't drink but now what they do a little ketamine they love ketamine yeah but like on the show because that's not really doctrinal exactly because they didn't know about the pharmaceuticals back in the day but it's prescribed yeah and then they do like ketamine treatments no that sounds awesome to be honest that you're really making a good case oh it's this off and then in the summertime you go mountain biking on hiking the weather's beautiful i love all of it sure yeah you're getting a little k-holds yeah yeah yeah shout out shout out salt lake yeah it's just the best speaking of television i'm on a flight to arizona five hour flight guy next to me locked into his laptop ignoring the tv on the screen all the movies that are there i'm like what the fuck is this guy watching he's so locked in and then i see this really hot girl and i'm like what show is this and then i see ali larder and i or whatever the name is and i put together oh this is land man and my man was locked in how old is 17 really how old is that i don't know how old i glanced i was like who she's 28 she's 28 in real life the character is 17 she's 28 in real life gross continue i think the real years matter and i think i might owe you an apology yo man i accept it yeah i accept it never needed one but i accept it yo because i was shitting on him for liking land man then when i saw the girl i was like maybe i need to share earbuds with her that's what every girl in salt lake looks like she's like the quintessential salt lake mormon girl that you can't keep a society that is this like kind of like removed from normalcy together without beautiful women if they if the girls were dogs people would convert to like regular christianity but the girls are so hot they're like yeah the tablets were buried in upstate new york and the fucking jews made it to the shore the native americans were really out there like all that makes sense when every girl's a dime and that's the reason in islam they got to cover the girls up man yeah it was growing too fast the religion was growing too fast from all the beautiful women and they're like we need to slow this thing down we got to slow it down they covered them up they consolidated it they had it in one region and then that was it but alan i could still tell we cracked the code and we were there yeah but can you yeah dude i'm telling you when you're there long enough you know how when you're in college and you start thinking like sixes or tens we saw through this so hold on that was a bad example i know what i said i know what i said and i'm still standing up how do you feel i'm standing on it you know how when you're in a new country they're speaking a foreign language over time you still start to understand without realizing yeah exactly that's what happened in saudi we can still understand what's underneath the niqab without without really exactly that that ain't hitting me like that man when i was out there i didn't hit me like that maybe i'm just more faithful with you guys no i think it's more than me i'm just not looking for pussy on the road it's jarring when you land at the airport because you're not used to it yes you need to see whoa what's going on it was jarring yeah yeah yeah ninjas everywhere fucking jarred me up yeah i got so jarred up man yeah hijabi women are pretty because they just focus on this it's it's hijabi women are beautiful they limit the amount oh hijab is different than niqab yeah hijab is just this yeah niqab is well we were starting to get able to tell just from that yeah eyebrow work see where i would give pushback is remember during covid when everybody wore the mask and everybody was good looking yeah yeah remember how much better looking people were on the streets when the mask was on do you remember that a little bit yeah i think that's what happens you treat good looking people better so maybe we are nicer to women in that part of the world when we can't see what their full heads do you think that's possible that's and we shouldn't be we should be nice to everybody no matter what no matter what they look like exactly yeah but uh i'm gonna start watching land man and it's for only one reason so that's 17 year old in the show let's alex she's 17 in the show not i don't make it better you know who's with her um i think it's the top gun guy who's also no no no no no handsome son of a bitch what's his name glenn powell i think is it glenn powell that's with her is that the girl that miles went on a date with no oh no yeah why'd you say it like that oh my god putting in work no i know that's just not but that's not you know that's not it that's not it i mean maybe it is it miles michelle randolph is uh yeah miles not really feeling it today right a little salty or something what happened you have money on the game no no no everything's good but apparently michelle randolph is dating glenn powell so you are correct yeah i know i'm correct who was the girl you went on a date with him today he gave you some sass yeah he did he just talked right through me yeah i got nothing wrong no something happened it does seem like something's bothering this nothing is bothering me and if you say nothing's bothering you then it's more bothering you can just share with it's just the guys just the guys yeah just tell us what's going on no one else listening i have nothing bothering me i think there might be something bothering you and if there is something bothering you i think that this is a safe place to share it yesterday was blue monday i would like to say that sort of i think affected me hold on is that what you hold on just it's just the way he steps into it is so magical yeah it's yesterday was also martin luther but to him he's like it's blue mother it's the saddest day of the year i would like to bring up the fact that i had to work on martin luther king day we can get rid of this i would like to say i worked on martin luther king day and i didn't want to because it felt racist you couldn't even honor the holiday i couldn't no i had to fucking fix all the lights in here you were working you didn't have to you were singing white spirituals miles what's up i feel like you're just a little sad today or something just be vulnerable and share with them so good can you be vulnerable i'm so good how much you weighing in how much am i weighing yeah oh i weighed myself today and it was bad okay that's probably it it was a bad number marty i weighed 290 recently also you don't weigh 290 no you said that motherfucker i just repeated what you said right now you said it at dinner you guessed all of our weights and mine was it you guessed 290 mark said that i don't think you're even at two i think you're i think you're 187 you're so kind 201 this morning everybody 201 nice oh that's yeah that's a rough day no yeah that's a rough you don't feel good no no no no that's a rough day hold on that's gonna affect your mood a little bit that's what i get what he means that psychological barrier right it's like if it came in at 199 you're like i can fix this 201 is like yeah fuck yeah yeah fuck do you feel all right can i ask you this as an honest question at 201 when you feel hungry is there part of you telling your body like there's no way no i'm full of food i'm full of it like there's no there's reserves here somewhere i have no calorie restrictions in my life i have no fear of calories it's such a funny problem we're just trying to get to the bottom of miles of stress eating what could possibly be stressing you out recently nothing okay okay but yeah 201 this morning sort of rough you're on a bulk you're on a bulk yeah that's what i tell myself yeah that's fine yeah you bulk you get to like 205 290 and you come down you're shredded i try to tell myself that for a few minutes but i don't but no muscle came in so it just no it's in there it's under it is under 21 ah okay it's underneath dude yes dude i just can't believe that mark dipped his lips in pop rocks before the fuck bro i'm telling you it's dry up there in that soul no i believe it is so dry i think you're so white dude this is a great little vaseline this is oh what what's wrong so yeah where do you guys stand sharing this where do you guys stand with sharing the the lipstick if it's finger i don't care i don't do it you want this one so you won't do it no this bird this is a nice little vest i like this the same shape so you won't share a chapstick like that's a lipstick i don't like with whom with whom with whom would you share with me never fuck out of here no all right all right hold on you're the last person in the office i was sharing okay wait why is that the immediate knee jerk reaction from all of you i don't know where you're gonna put it okay like my ass my ass no uh wait why me why not me come on what are what is generally one of the dirtier human beings yeah like you'll take a shit not wash your hands and then dap us up immediately you guys notice that you can tell when i don't wipe my hands or wash my hands after it's completely dry so yeah yeah and your finger pierced through the paper somehow yeah dude don't you guys hate when that happens every single time it doesn't happen doesn't happen to you guys every single time when you go single ply by accident on purpose like aren't you like oh i forgot to fold it oh no how am i gonna get this thing out of there the only way is through yeah that only happens do you guys find it satisfying to scratch like a little deep in the hole when you're getting a good scratch no i love when someone else does it bro just get a bidet dude i save it for the bidet i was i was digging in my ass today while on the deadlift bar i was with my with my trainer shout out mike and uh i i was doing i stopped the lift and i dug in my ass right and uh i looked at him and he's just looking at me like he has no clue what he like he's giving me the look like i'm just gonna pretend i didn't see him do that in front of everybody at the gym and i was like yeah man sorry i just had to dig in my ass and he goes he goes uh yeah i get it all right uh give me 10 oh my god yeah why was it so itchy yeah i don't know is it wiped i don't know yeah we're gonna get you a bidet don't worry we're gonna do no let's get back to the show flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the cfo sees them that's bullspend and marketers are calling it out in dashboard confessions i remember telling my boss it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow yeah it it wasn't cut the bullspend linkedin lets you target by company job title and more advertise on linkedin spend 250 on your first campaign and get a 250 credit go to linkedin.com slash campaign terms and conditions apply this episode is brought to you by paypal you know how a mom's bag has everything sunscreen snacks a stapler the new paypal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and pass keys you're protected at every step download the new paypal app to get started see paypal.com slash protection terms the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now seven up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first seven up flip the sip oh yo shelty watched his first college football game yesterday yeah my it's almost my first no i did watch the uh i did watch the national championship yeah what'd you think i mean it was i had to miss the very end which sucked but it was a fucking amazing game and by then it was pretty much wrapped up it was just like but no it was close up to the end like they had one final drive yeah and indiana is it's the maybe the greatest game in the world and it's the greatest story i've ever seen in sports yeah can you break you were breaking this down yesterday can you explain why indiana just became a college football powerhouse so yeah i'm not a massive college football fan i'm a casual i'll watch on sports center and then toward the end of the year i get interested yeah indiana has never been good in my 41 years on earth they are actually the literal losingest team in division one football history wow oh wow more losses than anyone in division 1a or whatever it is and then all of a sudden last year they were good they hired this new coach and we all kind of thought it was flip-flopping and then all of a sudden they were spooky they lost in the playoff and then this year they go undefeated and they're one of the greatest teams of all time and it is based on this coach there's one guy chuck signetti is his name he came from a school james madison university he went one there kind of out of nowhere uh and then he brought a lot of those players over and his his method is really interesting because college football my entire life has been run by these like blue blood programs the sec schools like george alabama uh michigan ohio state to ut lsu whatever and they have all the big boosters and all the big money and all the fertile grounds of football players are in texas and florida and california or whatever so they just throw money around and nobody can compete and it's been the same good teams my entire life what this guy does is he's like okay i can't get some 18 year old five-star recruit high schooler who's one of the best high school kids in the nation so i will explore exploit what's called the transfer portal so these are older kids who might not be able to play at some of these other schools who are less highly recruited out of high school but they're grown men they're 22 23 24 years old he brings them over and a lot of people are saying that's unfair but somebody brought up a good counterpoint which which was if all that matters is age byu to bring up the mormons again why wouldn't they be the best school every single year because they go away before they go to school for a couple years they go do mission trips for two three years that's like a thing you do as a mormon so it's not just the age he also like has a very interesting practice philosophy they don't do grueling practices that last hours and hours we're going to practice we're going to practice correctly and we're going to practice correctly and we're going to get the fuck out everything is done very efficiently like that he's also a hard ass in that he won't ever really show emotion or happiness like um they had a bye week all the best team the four best teams in college had a week off and then they got to advance straight to the second college football playoff game three teams lost one team won and it was indiana and he was like i told my team on no uncertain terms that we were not going to have a letdown he basically just fucking reamed him and was like we're not doing that they decimate alabama who was one of the greatest college football programs ever then the next round they play oregon beat the shit out of them their quarterback sweetest kid on earth latino kid two latino parents mom has ms this guy literally is the perfect human being he is in the first two playoff games had more touchdowns than incompletions wow oh he had like eight touchdowns total and like five incompletions that's great un-fucking-believable kid that's that kid mendoza and miles said this i don't even know whenever they do a touchdown they do a touchdown they do a touchdown they do a touchdown they do a the parents are always sitting down and celebrating the dad doesn't stand up because his wife has ms and she can't stand up so he only celebrates with her sitting down it's like the sweetest fucking story this kid won the heisman he's gonna be the number one pick and he's just like catholic catholic who just it's an interesting point just to add i just can't believe you don't call ice on them like championship game if it's if everything is on the line that's true and we're just arresting you going after the quarterback from the opposing team yeah yeah that is good well i mean if you're a miami fan you probably can't call ice oh that's a good probably you probably compromised he was about to be part of america don't worry okay fair enough they're coming home but dude the last touchdown he scored was like i think they were up this is also fire they were up uh 17 to 14 indiana was and they had the ball at like the 10 yard line it's fourth and five they could kick a now they're losing so the head coach says fuck it let's go for it this guy who's the heisman trophy winner who's gonna be the number one pick in his last game just throws his body over the goal line to score a touchdown gets fucking hit from in front and behind and he just goes my teammate fast forward then watch this so he also he's already got the first down but look at this yes he can run too okay he's not even a good runner but he just won the game and he goes look at this he's fucking celebrating oh i thought she was dying so she can't stand i'm sorry he has ms so you're not fully wrong i know but when they cut to it my bad that's really my bad you know there's a moment during the game where they cut to abella danger in the stands she's a porn star okay you know who she is okay you know abella danger no you don't got a lot you probably recognize the face probably recognize how do you guys want to know the names of these the only who cares to remember she's a big university miami fan i think she's you know furthering her education okay okay that's one way of describing it but she's very concerned team is losing you don't know what she does for a living she might have retired she might have retired al oh if she retired you know can we see more pictures yeah it's kind of cute anyway point is they they cut to her and like you could tell someone that she's a porn star in the booth like some young kid was like tapping the director because they cut away very fast like usually they'll milk a beautiful girl in the crowd for a little bit that cutaway was instantaneous there was an old director who wasn't up to date with the young porn stars locked in and he was like oh we got a beauty that's going through it right now she's a miami fan and there was somebody tapping his knee like you're gonna hear about this one you're gonna hear there she is i mean yeah i don't think i've ever seen her work yeah i don't even know how that's like physically possible the position she's in right there i mean i mean but with all due respect to like that's can you go back to that one because that would be with all due respect as you say that would be the position to eat it right this is very comfortable yeah yeah would that be i mean comfortable yeah you don't have to like no hesitation yeah no hesitation i'm hungry i'm getting away for a reason yeah i'm a hungry boy you're gonna have a walking desk and make that work that's far but i think like what you never got one of those like the treadmill that's far holy standard but if you're gonna be putting women on from miami there's a decent chance one of them has a has a link tree what are you trying to say a link tree there's a lot of link trees in miami i've been to miami and there's a lot of link trees in miami listen there is a guy who's running for governor i think he's got john fishback i think that's his name and he is proposing a syntax yeah 50 for only fans models yeah which is in florida yeah florida wow yeah you are uh if you got a link tree in florida you got to pay 50 dude i had a i had a guy i know okay i didn't even know cuba was on the table so i i think it's all on the table i think trump got like a boner after the like i think the venezuela thing went too well you know what i mean like i actually think it like if it didn't go so well it might have been better for the state of the world yeah because i think it went so well that trump's like oh i could just kidnap people now like wherever i want and like emboldened yeah i i really i really i really i really i really i really think like i don't even think in his head he knew these things could happen yeah now it's a heat check yeah he hit one from long range he's on fire see what else i got because he sent some shit like you know cuba figure it out and then a guy told me today he's like uh i wouldn't go long on miami real estate right now i go why what are you talking like i'm not buying anything fucking miami like what do you mean he goes if cuba comes on board they're all gonna go back home say it sarcastically he was like i was speaking to some guys and they think they're like you know cuba will be part of the united states of america in some way shape or form i mean i mean this is the tricky part with modern imperialism is on the one hand you're like no every nation is sovereign you should respect their rights and their leaders on the other hand you're in the imperial stop havana sounds awesome you know they got those old cars don't we want some old cars it was supposed to be like a resort thing what like a resort that was the vegas of the east coast but the yeah the mafia are all locked up what'd you say i love me in aruba yeah so it's uh but i don't want to do that i mean i don't know all this shit is just ugly like it's just a shit you should be able to do this shit diplomatically you know what i mean like like the like even the greenland shit i cannot fathom that we cannot do whatever we want with greenland i find it hard to believe that we can't just call up denmark and be like yo can we put a base over here yo can we refine some minerals over here i and we're not gonna allow that like don't we already have a base there don't we already have a presence in greenland we do but like china was already like buying up mines and shit like that so that's why so then you make a phone call be like yo don't sell in the mines we'll buy up the mines like i feel like we did that already this was like back in 2022 i believe so now he's like if it's just ours now we can just we don't have to buy shit can i we can stop so this is crazy it's like they do what you want and then he goes well i might as well just take it if it's ours yeah oh i thought they said no and that's why he's like wait we just take it they said yes to selling it to the u.s no no no no they said no to selling to the u.s but i'm talking about the the mines like letting other countries come in and collect some of their resources yeah now trump is just like oh we own this shit nobody can come in walk me through the hole in that logic which which yes walk me through it i'm not saying it doesn't exist i'm just saying this is this is the funny shit this is which imperialism we want so why are we talking about this last night but this is the funny shit this is the funny shit this is the funny shit this is the funny shit this is the funny shit this is the funny shit right because like trump's like we're gonna take greenland and it's forced people to go you can't take greenland white people in europe already own them like nobody's making the argument that ethnic group that has existed there for thousands of years should have their own autonomy nobody's made that argument that one person said free greenland they go no other white people bought them they bought them and own them in perpetuity yes we have to protect them yes important question is the people of green greenland yes are they not white no no the people of greenland are um they eat narwhal pull up a bit pull up a bit i need to see what they optically look like before i decide how i feel more uh i would say like cambodian oh we can't do that they're in you about there yeah yeah i think they're like oh i didn't know they're in you first nation then i'm not i thought they were you know very well i think people assume that they're like vikings yeah that's what i said yeah i thought it was just denmark getting rid of that people how denmark's australia yeah exactly no i think they're more than the criminals are adorable you can't do that to them but isn't it funny that nobody is going should should greenland be able to just be their own country like that's not even on the table that discussion is not allowed oh hey let's miss greenland 2024 let's go i love that i mean we might need to take it hey run that narwhal narwhal nah he's us i know oh man yeah she's beautiful with all due respect i uh what you didn't say anything wrong no but i was thinking it came with all due respect for the intrusive thoughts yeah exactly dude i just saw myself ice fishing dude i wanted to find a hole drop the rod with all due respect i shouldn't have thought that come on well okay but that is kind of funny right oh yeah these are the videos that we watch right here those are we dude i send these videos to mark it's so funny can i say what you said when i said okay so this is narwhal this is like a uh i guess now it's a a very well it's always been a popular dish not that thing that they're eating the first thing that they're eating yeah and they cut it up with this like curvy knife i don't know the name of it and they're eating it and they're eating it and they're eating it and they're eating it and uh this guy was doing this muck bang with the narwhal you see how they cut it right there and then they dip it in this like a little soy sauce thing and this guy was doing this this video and he was like you know this is a a delicacy for us and it's how we honor our ancestors and i sent the video to mark and i was like look this is how they honor their ancestors and he goes you want to honor your ancestors eat a fucking burger narwhal yeah this is the guy this is the guy i watch his videos all the time his name is brandon what is it yeah and he's greenlandish no i think he's from uh i want to understand the people what's all the face tattoos and all that shit i think it's cultural yeah it's like indigenous like like the maudi yeah yeah the maudi people anyway gotta try it a bunch of drill rappers over there but yeah i bet like i don't know i recognize on the one hand like people's relationship with their ancestors probably tenuous specifically in colonial states and it's probably hard right you try to reconnect with something that was taken from you with that said talk that shit with that said that was some chat gb how can i defend this offensive thing that i'm about to say yeah with that said if you went to your ancestors you're like yo i got some narwhal for you they'd be like fuck no we don't want this you got ac we want to be in america like let's roll but what if it tastes good it probably tastes good but nothing tastes better than a fucking big mac at 2 a.m you convince yourself to buy overpriced sushi yes all the time ain't that just the same shit well if it was good we're wouldn't it be available everywhere else that's the thing like good food maybe the world has the rest of the world i don't think there's one dish that's not delicious that isn't in uh every major city on the planet because if it's really that good we're gonna go fish your seas so you don't have it anymore right like wouldn't isn't that kind of how every now and again some new shit drops so we're like wait this was here the whole time break it down we didn't even know what greenland people look like until right now i knew yeah probably because they didn't have any food worth eating that's like we gotta try this shit we didn't know about i don't think he's from greenland we should check that out though i thought he was i thought he was alaska yeah we have to be accurate you know we got listen we're changing culture yeah this podcast will literally change culture and we got to make sure more specifically it helps with stereotypes you know what i mean if you're too broad and it's like ah what are we even talking about you guys you get real nuanced oh that's that's the speech but uh canadian inuit oh canadian inuit nice there you go but yeah i'm like i don't know there's some shit we just found out like people weren't eating like salmon sushi until like 30 years ago you know what i mean yeah because salmon isn't indigenous to japan right i read this that like norway had this excess yeah they had this like hundreds of pounds of salmon they just had to get rid of it so i guess they sold it to japan and they kind of branded it as like new sushi yeah but we just found out about that yeah remember chia where was chia this whole time oh yeah yeah no one ever heard of chia that was in every pudding for like five years yeah but i feel like we could live without that like that's gonna work its course but there's so many things like acai what even you know what i mean acai bangs acai bangs yeah there's probably some little sneaky indian dish that no one even knows about that's like oh this is fire great time for a joke who wants to throw it up this is the perfect time i thought it would happen i prepared myself angel hair pasta maybe i'm like i don't know i'm trying to think we got - We gotta try it. We gotta give it a try. - Nah, we gotta do it. - It might be delicious. - It probably is though, right? You could open your first whatever that food is called spot here in New York. Be the first. I couldn't remember the name. Narwhal. Narwhal. Narwhal. Narwhal are those little, like, it looks like a seal with a huge horn. Like a unicorn. Let's get back to the show. Blowing ad budget on metrics that look great until the CFO sees them. That's bullspend. Yeah, it wasn't. Cut the bullspend. Sunscreen. Snacks. A stapler. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons? Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7-Up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7-Up. Flip the sip. Did we figure out the daycare situation yet? No. Truth is unknowable. We're beyond truth. We are beyond truth. Some of them gotta be legit. You can't know anything. Some of them are legit. Can we talk about how frustrating that must be? If you had a legit Somali daycare in the city where there are illegitimate ones? Yeah. And what they're going through? And then you got a bunch of white people knocking on your doors with cameras. Where are the kids? That's scary shit. Isn't that fucking crazy? There's probably some concerned parents watching the video being like, that's the daycare my kid goes to. Where is the kid? Wait a second. So did anybody get to the bottom of this story or no? No, I don't think it's been solved. No. No. But probably the truth is somewhere in the middle where there's some fraud and there's some legit and the reality will probably never make the light of day. And then Ice shot a lady in the face three times. So kind of derailed the story. You kill a story with a story. Yeah. Nice job, Ice. Yeah, we started talking about that and we stopped talking about the Somali daycares. Exactly. Yeah. The most important thing when reading the news is that whatever you believe is what you're reading. And as long as it reinforces that, that's how I live. I just, I believe something. And then if I read news, it goes again. I say it's not real. And if it does support, then I just would say that's actually the truth. That is the internet, right? Like I will scroll on TikTok when the news story comes out and there is a guy going debunking the whole Somali front. And then there's another guy going exposing the whole Somali front. It's the exact same information. Yeah, just pick your favorite one. Just pick. That's the problem. That's the beauty. Just pick. And then you don't have to think critically. You just go, oh, nice. I was right the whole time. What are the odds? I've been right 20 times out of 20 times. Isn't it so much easier? It is so much easier to just pick a side and like ride for that. Yet when I see people do that on the internet, like I get why, like we're talking about like the binary. It's either the internet right now. It's either America first or America last. And that's it. America last? Meaning like everything America does is bad. Oh, yeah. Like, like that's. Or everything America does is perfect and done for a reason. Right. Like everything America, everything America does or everything Trump is doing is 100% legitimate and we need to do it for whatever bullshit reason. They'll find some fucking bullshit excuse to justify it or every single thing that's happening in America is. Bad and this is why it's bad. And like, if you view it through that lens, there is a massive audience of people that will consume your content on a regular basis because they're like, I already feel this thing. I need somebody to justify it. And that is the internet and this massive space in the middle, which like we assume most people feel right. Like we assume there's a lot of like normal, regular folks out there that are looking at the Smiley daycare thing. Okay. There's definitely fraud, but like, there's no way every single one of them are fraudulent. Like their children there. Yeah. They need to go to a fucking daycare. Yeah. Mm-hmm right. It's not like there are no kids in these places. Like they're stuffing them somewhere. Yeah. So, but there's no creator that's going, well, here's the boring gray middle ground of what's happening. Yeah. There's no clicks in it. There's no clicks. There's no views. And if there's no clicks and there's no views in it, there's no money in it. And then they're not talking about it. Yeah. So it's like, it's almost like if you remove the financial reward of the internet, yeah. If you completely remove monetization, I wonder if it softened it, which is funny. Cause that's what we used to say about the. The news. They're all just paying bills. Right. You got ads to sell. Cause didn't that, didn't that happen? Like that's a perfect example with the news. You go to Fox news or CNN or whatever the hell it is. It's like, okay, you're just going to feed that narrative, whatever the fuck it is. And that there's a lot of money to make in that narrative. Cause these people already feel that way. Like you were saying. And you know, same thing goes to the left and the right. The internet has done that. And now it's not only five news programs. Yeah. Now it's everybody with a phone that wants to talk about something. And those audiences exist and they're super radicalized. And I'd like to assume that. I'd like to assume that the majority of people are here, but now I don't know. Like if you go on the internet, you're like, I don't think there's anybody in the middle. I don't think there's anybody who wants to. And now that you're competing with a billion other creators, as opposed to eight different news networks, now you got to up the morphine. Oh yeah. On what your truth is or what you present that gets clicks and views. So it's getting crazier than any of the stuff that we said was fake news. Yeah. I remember when Trump appointed RFK and they were making all these promises about getting real sugar out of soda and whatever, making food more natural. Some liberal guy on, on Twitter was like, this isn't actually a fake news. It's a fix for anything. The only thing that matters is calories in calories out. This is a, and it's like, yeah, but also isn't it good to get chemicals out of food? Wouldn't we all disagree baseline on that? And he was like, this does nothing. And then it had so many retweets and I checked the comments just to see, and everybody's like, I know it's a false, whatever. It's another lie that they're feeding us. And it's like, oh, okay. You guys want to believe that can't find a middle ground. And that's just what it is. Yes. That's so much easier, dude. Yeah. But realistically, most of the people that you talk to in your day-to-day life do you find that they're pretty normal? The most normal. Like, that's how I feel. I'm like, I just choose not to believe the like radical binary. Cause it's like the real people I'm talking to are like kind and they have different opinions, but like, you know, they're nuanced and if they don't know, they go, oh yeah, I don't know. I'm not a, you know. Everybody except the Flavoring Group chat. Yeah. The Flavoring Group chat is a perfect example of the internet. Yeah. But yeah, that is how I feel when I talk to regular people. And it's a shame. Yeah. It's a shame that there's not more of a space for that. Right. Like. I almost feel like you'd think the, the, the, the pendulum would swing away from the extremes, but I think the pendulum has swung towards apathy or distraction. Yeah. So instead of going, I don't want the extremes. I want a nuanced take. I think it's, I'm going to watch Landman. Yeah. Right. It's just like, I'm going to watch TV. I just want to escape from this. Don't give me anything political. Yeah. You know, I'm going to watch Handsmaids or whatever that movie was that Sidney Sweeney was in. Yeah. You know? I'm going to watch Avatar. I just need to escape from whatever the fuck these conversations are online that are just causing me dread. Yeah. It does make you feel dread. Like my phone is just, it's a Viking simulator. What does that mean? It's just, it's, it's only fans, girls, and then just death. Like, it's just like pillaging and sex. It's just like, every time I scroll, it's just like the most base human primal instinct of just like carnage, hot girl. Like, it's just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally, it's just like, it's, yeah, I think it's bad for people's brains. I think detaching and tending to your garden and just actually like interfacing with real human beings that you love and care about is probably the most effective. Yeah. This guy got a roof and a garden. Like, God damn, bruh. He's living, bro. He's living, bro. It's crazy. Yeah, bro. Yo, let me hose him. I know. His whole I don't shower thing is so we don't know. Exactly. He got it like that. Let me hose him. Let me hose him. If you have enough, you're rich. I'm telling you, dude. You just got to log off. Log off the internet. Everyone quit. It doesn't matter. It's over. It's over. The internet's over. That is a failed experiment. Right after this episode. No, right now. I want you guys to log off. Right now. It doesn't matter, dude. No, it's true. Right now, after this ad break. Call your mom. Hug your children, okay? The words of Mother Teresa. If you want to change the world, love your family, dude. That's the only thing that actually matters. Did she have a family? She was a sister. Had many sisters. Yo, that was good. That was good. That was good. Thousands of sisters. So close. So close, Mama T. So close. All right. Wait, what'd you say? She's half Indian. Yeah. Mark asked me if I. Wasn't she Albanian, too? Yeah, Albanian. Yeah, Albanian, I think. What a connection, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Indian-Albanian. Good mix. How do you even get that? Really, probably had to get mistreated by a lot of men. Really, you know what I mean? Like, it was rough, dude. Finding Jesus was the best thing you could ever have done. Because either direction she went, it was going to be abuse and sex. Yeah. The perfect man, turns out. She was ethnically Indian? Is that so? Oh, I had no idea. I thought she was. That's what. I thought you asked me if I had, like, ill feelings toward her. You said that in a way you were disappointed. What's wrong with that? Hey, bro. Shout out to Albanians, bro. What's wrong with them? I thought she was birded up. I thought she was full black bird. That's what I thought it was. All right, that's better. That's better, bro. I thought she was talking shit. You're not going to be able to eat in a familiar pizza in New York City. Again, if you keep talking shit about the Albanians, bro. They run the pizza shops in New York City. Shout out to y'all. Wait, what is this? Pro Football Champions? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The playoffs have also been awesome. Yo, right when we needed great distraction, this is why you think it might be a simulation. It's just like right when America's about to tear itself apart, we're fucking invading all these countries with no good reason whatsoever. Can you pull up the Caleb play, Joey? Football steps in, and it's absolutely fantastic. Un-fucking-believable. You watched the Bears and the Rams game. Yeah, I was just fixated. It was perfect. Like, it's the greatest football game ever. You went to the game? No, I just watched it. No, he just watched it. I never watched a football game, really. You turned the TV on? Someone else had it on. Yeah, okay. Actually, Zom. You know Zom. Yo, Zom, Zom, Zom. He took me around Salt Lake, and then on the way home, he messed up his shoulder on the last run. He did so much great stuff for us, and then some kid hit him from behind and broke his shoulder. Oh, brutal. Broke his shoulder? Yeah, and then drove home the whole way one-handed, watching the game. And I was like, you want me to drive? He's like, no, no, it's fine. And he's a snowboard instructor. Like, he has to be out there. Oh. Yeah, I don't know the exact diagnosis, but I think he's totally got messed up. Okay, so let me walk you through this game. Chicago. Are we talking about Zom? I don't care about Zom. Yo, fuck that guy's shoulder. I don't know this man. I don't know him. Nah, he's a good guy. Next time you go out there, he's going to take you snowboarding. Hey, shout Zom. I hope you're okay, man. He's Indian, by the way. Oh, oh. Is there a GoFundMe? I'm sorry. What is Zom short for? Zumbinder. Zumbinder. Zumbinder. Oh, gee, are you okay, dude? I'll send you some money, man. Let me know. Indians bring out the best of our cash, man. You're a beautiful soul as always. Or the worst. Let me let you know how cheap I am. Tell me. I did a very kind thing where, like, it was cold. You got to get gas. We got gas in New Jersey, and it was fucking freezing. I saw this Indian dude pumping gas, older, so I tipped him. And all I had on me was $100. So I gave him the $100. And that shit still hurts my feelings to this day. Like, it's still. I'm like, God damn, dude. I didn't have a fucking $20 on me. Damn. Damn. Both these guys. You tipping hundreds? This guy got gone in a row. Can we get something? Yo, what's up? Can we get something over here, bro? Yo, we got to check the books. Damn. We got to check the books. Son, if he was any other race, I'd have been like, hey, man, sorry it's cold. Vroom, vroom. Just come on, bro. But as an Indian, older Indian, I'm seeing him fucking bundled up. You know how cold it was yesterday? It's almost as cold as it was this morning. And 17 degrees, if those of you who weren't listening. And this guy's out there pumping gas. I felt so bad. I gave him whatever I had. And if he was an Indian, I wouldn't have done it. But this is how cheap I am. That shit is eating away at me. I woke up this morning. I was like, God damn it. So now you got to go back a few times. Don't tip. Bounce it out. Decent weather. I'm going to do that. Give me a 50 degree day. Probably not going to happen. I'm not going to do that until May. But I'm going to go back. I'm going to look for that same motherfucker. What kind of Indian do you know? Catholic Indian? Who usually owns the gas stations? It's usually Punjabis or Gujaratis. Or Gujaratis. Yeah. Usually Punjabi. Second option, Gujarati. Okay, so Punjabis are the gas stations and the hotels, right? Gujaratis are hotels. Oh, I thought the Punjabis are the hotels. Gujaratis are hotels, dude. But it is one ethnic group of Indians that own like 80% of motels in America. Hotels. Hotel, hotel, cartel, yeah. They call it the motel. They call it the Patel cartel. Yeah. Patel, hotel, cartel. Yeah, that's kind of nice. Can I just tell you something? That's fine. That's fine. I like that. They're doing a fantastic job. I want to get down with that. Because nobody's even brought it up. Oh, that. Yeah, okay. Like, if we had a problem with it, people would be like, well, why the fuck does 80% of the. No, there will be YouTube videos soon. Yeah. Of course. But like, what I'm saying is like, nobody's doing it. Like, Shirley, investigate. The motel addicted Punjabis. But like, nobody brings up a single Indian. There's no official issue about it. There's no. Yeah, yeah. It is something interesting about Indians. Well, that one. Nobody's upset at the fucking Subway sandwiches? Yeah. Oh, that's all Indian. Son, I went to London, or England, and the Subways were owned by Indians. I was like, God damn, dude, this is international. So what does that say? Do we like. That you shouldn't trust a Subway sandwich in your fucking life, dude. Wait, why? Why? Yo, when you think they started putting yoga mats in the food, that didn't seem fishy to any of you. I knew. The crossover is too perfect. I knew there was a connection there. I knew there was a connection. Yeah, you guys love trains, dude. You heard Subway, you're like. This is good. This is good. Oh, man. Dead ass. I don't trust a Subway. Son, we went to India, got sick at the Subway in India, and we got sick on the way. I don't know why we ate it twice. We ate Subway in America before we left, got sick in America, then went ahead to India, got more sick. I take back what I said about Indians bring out the best in our country. I told you. I completely take it back. I ate there twice. It took him 60 seconds before he was like, fuck all these motherfuckers. I ate there twice. That's support. That's support. I support my. I buy Brown Owen. What about y'all? We buy Brown Owen, too. We were saying we love the hotel chains that they're doing, and we love Subway. Yeah, yeah. But we'd have no criticisms about it. It's only coming from you. Grabs in a barrel. I like chai from your chai spot. I don't know the name, but I like it. Fonty's. Fontaneous. Yeah. See, he's close. Is that right down the block? Fonty's, yeah. It's a 15-minute walk, probably. It's West Village. Fonty's is the chain. Went a little viral. Really? Yeah, they got sandwiches there that are very good as well. And the chai is nice. What kind of sandwiches? They have like a. Subs? Yoga mat bread? No, they're good, dude. They have like a chicken stick-up panini. Panini, like a butter chicken. Or nanini, it's called. So it's naan as a panini bread. That's nice. And even noyosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like Indian culture. It's true. The Indian food hybrid is fire. There was a spot in my town that was Indian-Mexican food. And it was like Indian butter burritos. Yuba City, shout out. Fire. Yeah. And it's like quesadilla with like biryani. It's unbelievable. There's a taco mahal. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Also, tacos with butter chicken. Great. Crazy. Yeah. See, this is the beauty of diversity. D-E-I. Bring them together. Only in New York. You know what? That is only in New York. And Central Florida. Everybody. Yo, shout out. First of all, shout out Mexicans. Because it's almost all of the mixed cuisines are just your shit and Mexican. Right? It's like, here's an Asian thing, but Mexican. Now, Indian-Asian is Indo-Chinese. But that's the same thing. You know what I'm saying? We got that fire Chinese-Puerto Rican spot in L.E.S. That's, you know. What I'm saying is like, people love the Latin food so much. And then they realize people love it. So what they do is they put their shit on the Latin food. In the same way that like white people white up Indian food. Like other cultures have realized like, okay, Latin food is fire. So let's just do our shit on top of the Latin. And then it's going to work. And it works every single fucking time. Yeah. Can I name one I went to recently? Please. Fire. Shalom, Japan. Japan. Oh, he's feeling better now. Jewish. Jewish. Japanese. Japanese. Double Jap. It was fire, dude. That is. That is fantastic. Jap squared, dude. Jap squared is fucking incredible. And Miles is so depressed that he didn't even give it a chuckle. Come on, bro. No, that's a fire. Come on, dude. Yeah, I play Spirules. Check that one out, too. That's a great one. It's in Williamsburg. Miles, what's wrong, man? Yeah, why are you sad? I promise nothing's wrong. Nah, something's wrong. We can feel it. We don't feel the positivity. We don't feel the excitement from you, man. Everything's great. I don't know how to. I don't know how to win here. You know it's bad. He doesn't want to even bring it in. It's really bad, isn't it? No, it's fine. Yo, Shifty, what's going on with Miles, man? Nah, gotta be in a mic. You got Shifty in trouble for snitching last time. So he's not going to say shit now? Nah, he's solid. He's solid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, fine. Yo, can we watch this football play, please? Follow me to see. Yes, go. Oh, brother. Half black people are capable of that, because this could be your kid. Yo. This thing is great. Yo. Yo. Look at this. Fourth and four. 27 seconds left. Look at this fucking play. Runs from the cops. Caleb Williams embarrassed by that. Perfect. All right. Yeah. Is that not the craziest shit you've ever seen? That's incredible. That's truly the craziest play I've ever seen in my life. That was impressive. Fourth and four. He's at his own, or at the Rams' 14-yard line. He runs back 27 yards. He goes all the way back to the 40, and then just throws the fucking, off both feet. No feet on the ground. Just throws it. Touchdown. Ties the game. And then he throws a pick, and they lose it in overtime, which is the saddest shit. Yeah. Which quarterback is that? Caleb Williams. So what are we thinking for the championship games? I think the Rams, they have a, they're 27% on Kalshi. I think that's a good bet because Seattle's a, they dominated San Francisco. Oh my God. From all of them. But people don't necessarily trust their quarterback in big moments. Matthew Stafford is a bad motherfucker. Yeah. And for the Rams, dude, he had a game-winning drive against the Patriots in the first playoff game. But right before the drive starts, he goes up to Devonta Adams, another receiver, and he goes, hey, let's go snatch their hearts out. And he just does exactly that. Far. Shows a phenomenal touchdown pass. I love a cold-ass white boy. Yeah, dude. I love a cold white boy. Yeah. Let's go snatch them. Snatch their hearts. Boom. It's just so, I think, I think they, I think they win it. They haven't been playing great, but I think they're the team that I trust the most. But only a 27% chance. Yeah, that's why I feel like the odds are kind of the best there. Seahawks got 40. I just don't, most people don't really trust Sam Darnold in the biggest moments. Who's their quarterback? If he won, it'd be great. But if I had to put it down, I'd say Los Angeles just because they got good odds. Denver's fucked. If they won, I'd be astonished. What a fucking shame. I know, dude. Their quarterback got injured with three plays left in overtime. And then on the kneel, when you like kneel the ball down, it got worse, it seems like, because he started limping really badly, broke his ankle out for the rest of the season. No. aren't in it yeah the broncos are just gonna end up losing anyway and that was a kind of shitty call i mean i don't know what was your take on the so they had one like 50 50 ball that every official seems to say was an interception get that video against the bills and like the broncos they said it was the official say it was every official says it was an interception why do they consider this an interception i don't know because to me you catch the ball and so the receiver catches the ball his knee is down let's watch it it's his ball so catches it down and then after he's down so i guess the argument they're making is that he didn't have clear possession of the ball it was shared possession and then it was ripped out yeah they both have possession i imagine there is that yeah i guess they're saying he doesn't have clear possession so it's incomplete well so it's not in anybody's possession and then it doesn't touch the ground and then this bronco intercepts oh that makes sense which could be valid okay so maybe it wasn't as bad a call as people are making but yeah i think we all just want the bills to win yeah the bills they live for buffalo josh allen seems awesome so this is another one right because last year he's five six years in a row just heartbreaking loss after heartbreaking loss and if you grew up in the time that we grew up you saw the bills go through this yeah four years in a row years in a row they lost unbelievable and it's like they live for that team dude and seeing how emotional he was afterwards i was tearing up my teammates down did you see what his offensive lineman did you see that like so they're interviewing i think is one of his old linemen and they're like josh said that he feels like he let his teammates down and this is a big old line yeah and he just he has to like turn away from the camera he goes he didn't let us out and like it's kind of beautiful yeah man it's beautiful it's a great game and now that i have no team because i've given up on the cowboys i can just watch and root for a team every game and yeah we're having fun yeah i was hoping the bears would be the rams the rams won i'm rooting for them it's just fine i have no loyalty i'm just watching a game i have a team i kind of like better and then i enjoy it this is it right here you know how come no one's like the whole cte thing that just no we over that bro yeah why didn't michael jordan win the game i don't know why didn't michael jordan win the game i don't know why didn't jordan molest kids what hold on michael jackson jesus christ jesus christ yeah bleep that bleep that you gotta do like a lap or something yeah that's crazy you know how many sneakers we gotta sell you're right i'm in time out y'all go ahead bro that's crazy no that is so confident yeah i thought i had you dude fucking unbelievable oh yeah why'd you even bring that up yeah what did michael jackson molesting kids gotta do with anything it's too fun to just listen to the music and dance and have a good time oh that's why we're saying turn a blind eye it would have been a good point if i got it we've been great point really shut you shut shit down what's history saying about that now that mike is dead like is it he did it or there's a black history and a white history right it's very similar to oj truth is unknowable oh really yeah yeah wait so whites think he's your truth yes dude i don't think he did it wow what a surprise i think you just proved my point mark what do you think i to be honest i have not looked into it but uh because he knows he would think he did it yeah because i don't want to know mark not researching something you know how crazy that is oh yeah okay yeah that's interesting what do you think i don't think he did it i don't i thought he was just a little stunted in the head i think he's stunted like yeah i think that's gross yeah i think he's sharing a bed with kids which is weird very weird but i don't think he was like thinking sexual i think there was inappropriate things there like you shouldn't share a bed with kids yeah yeah but i don't think that he was like fucking them right yeah yeah i don't i don't think so i have no opinion on it and i'm not white or black this is based on not reading any of the evidence this is based purely on my perception of michael jackson yes this is the way you should go about information this is how i feel and i'm going to just feel what i feel and that's fine yeah but my feelings don't align with one side every single time that's the problem like there are some people who elite where they like force their feelings maybe you know their opinion before anything comes exactly right it's it was uh it was that's what you're saying about the uh the minneapolis thing it's just a rorschach test it's like what you whatever you already felt you're gonna see in every single video right but my feelings don't align so now you're thrust into this situation where like okay well i feel this way about this thing and i'm like okay well i'm gonna feel this way about this thing and this thing about this thing and then there's really i think most normal people would be like yeah i have differing opinions on different things but the group think is completely siloed yeah and it's a much easier way to go through life i imagine online but regular life probably makes you horrible because every person you meet that is a normal human being that has like varied opinions on the world you're either judging them or feel judged by them yeah yeah yeah so what so their experience online is probably much more pleasant because you're just reinforcing what they already feel yeah and their experience in life is probably miserable yeah i don't think they talk about their opinion or they create those silos in life too yeah and then it's just reinforced and they probably live online a lot yeah i feel like you live online yeah yeah we talk about kids with screens dude old people with screens that's even more it is terrifying good point we talk about screen time for like little kids like oh they're getting radicalized and dude it's like the 75 year old dude that's at home yeah that doesn't talk to his kids that doesn't have any friends that is just getting inundated with like twitter and like and we used to complain about fox news we're like oh they're just watching fox news that's bad now get it if they're on youtube yeah they know youtube it's over yeah yeah it's over yeah yeah we gotta get screen time limits for the for the elderly i need i need screen time limits i'm watching too much body cam footage oh yes i love i love the body i thought you were gonna say i thought you were gonna say porn and then you said the same thing yeah what do you mean you're watching too much body cam footage you say like of what happened in minneapolis no no we're like i avoided that one this is just there's these channels shout out ew and midwest safety yeah that just have the most insane uh thumbnails and titles and i'll just put one on and do the dishes and follow through with the whole thing so so to relax you watch black people get chased by the cops no generally it's not black people that's the best part generally it's not black people it's usually like a white trash family and like the one i watched a white kid killed his mom and then they're like what happened what happened he's like some guy came and killed my mom and i don't know and i just watch it and then he goes in the interrogation room and i just watched the whole thing top to bottom and then another one shifty shifty internet is cooked bro shifty and i were talking about this yesterday shifty had a great take shifty are you willing to respond with words and not memes shifty shifty something he has a rolodex of memes that he can respond to in any way but what is your what was your take about how uh legacy media is now punk rock or something what what was what was the take it's like anyone can post on the internet now so like anything you consume on the internet usually is going to be more slop and you have a little bit more trust in something that's on like legacy media because it's more money went into it the most talented people are going to usually worked on it and you're not speaking about news per se you're speaking about like like hbo netflix hulu right paramount plus whatever yeah and then legacy is caught up to where they'll just like snl like just takes the like talented people off social and it puts them on tv so it's an interesting thing that's happened like the shift which is legacy media was locked into those like cable contracts you know for a while so they were kind of like had their like hands tied behind their back and in their ability to put stuff online and also there are all these new streaming networks that were coming out like a paramount plus and shit and like people are like what the fuck is a paramount another thing i gotta sign up for like what is all this shit now if a show is good regardless of what streaming network it's on people will find it like you're watching pluribus on apple right uh with severance i think was on apple too taylor sheridan universe is on paramount plus and i think other channels as well like you can kind of get to every show it doesn't feel like there's that barrier of entry that like maybe four years ago if you had an hbo show yeah yeah not an hbo show if you had like a show on an obscure streamer it might just die yeah you know so cobra kai was on youtube red at first and then it died then netflix picked it up and then it was huge and i think part of that was the fact that like everybody had netflix yeah and and but to your point it's like youtube red who has it i can't find it even though the show is good and uh yeah it's just interesting that like all these all these not like shackled to cable where nobody was watching tv are now putting like a new crop of young talent on their shows and whereas before when they couldn't really take risks you had to just put the legacy like they brought back roseanne because it's like this is the only way we can get people to watch cable on abc so now you're having young people who would probably be like influencers or like social media stars now being snatched up and some of them were influencers social media or something like that so it's like so it's like you have you basically hollywood is doing what it had always done but there was like a five year wait but now they are consuming all the talented people online and i think what you'll see is the stranger things cast will be like the next crop of movie stars who knows if it works but i think like the guy who played steve harrington like joe keeling they're gonna give him movies he's gonna get a few shots to to blow like i Like, I wouldn't be surprised if he was in some Marvel shit. Right. Like, and I think that. But if you see young people that you're familiar with and you've built, like, these parasocial relationships with, maybe that is the impetus to go watch their shows or even maybe go to the movies. Before, when it's a young kid going to watch another Tom Cruise movie and that young kid's like, I never grew up watching Tom Cruise. I don't really have a connection to who he is. I don't need to leave the house to watch Mission Impossible. And it was basically all on us. Yeah. So basically everything I said about movies a few weeks ago, I go against it. I don't know if movies are back, but to Shifty's point, which I thought was really interesting, is that people might want to escape. And now networks are creating a lot of shows. They're, like, unshackled by any kind of, like, woke stuff that they're a little worried about. Like, there's just, like, heartland shows, you know, that don't feel like they have to meet any, like, diversity requirement or they don't have to, like, police language. They'll just tell whatever fucking hillbilly story they want. People are finding it. They're flourishing. And then they've got, like, the coastal elite shows. Like, I Love L.A. And I'm sure there's some shit in New York for HBO. And people are finding it. I don't know. I don't know if you guys are feeling this, but it does feel like the consumption patterns are gravitating back towards network television a bit. By network, I mean, like, streaming. I think also maybe some of the writer's block or the writer's strike where there's, like, this big lag in content. That's a good—oh, man. Yeah. And now it's, like, they're catching up. Plus COVID. Yeah. Like, both those things happening back to back. I think there was just a dearth of good streaming content. Yeah. And the explosion of, like, sort of— Of non-centralized creator content that kind of— Filled that gap. Shook up the industry. And then now we're kind of, like, regressing back to what that normal average is. So I don't know if people ever, like, stop, stop watching TV. I think, like, it just took streamers time to kind of catch up with what the new paradigm is. Yeah. 100%. Or it could also be they're making TV dumber. And what was that? That second screen. Yeah. Get that clip up from, like, Ben and Matt on—you know what was really great about seeing Ben on— On Rogan and, like, seeing Ben and Matt. It was, like, Ben played the dumb guy in Good Will Hunting. Yeah. And I think we assumed he was dumb. Yes. Yeah. And it wasn't until 30 years later, we're watching him in a long-length podcast, and we're like, oh, this guy's fucking brilliant. Oh, they both went to Harvard? Yeah. They're both geniuses? What the fuck is going on? Because, yeah, Ben is speaking with, like, profound confidence about an industry that he knows incredibly well, obviously. But just, like, really great observations. Yeah. What did a Marty Supreme movie do? Did it, like— Without knowing anything, I would guess it did extremely well. It did— That's my feeling. So that means it's right. Exactly. That's true. Yeah, that's my reality. It made a lot of money, which is really good for the film industry, and it showed that people got to movies. I don't know if it made—if it was profitable, per se. Oh, okay. I was thinking maybe it was the opposite. Maybe it made money because it was low budget, and then it didn't gross a ton. No, no, I think they were really excited about what it grossed, but, again, it was an expensive movie to make. It's like—it was like that Leonardo DiCaprio movie, the—what is it called? One problem after another? It's like, that movie made a lot of money. It was just really expensive to make it. Yeah, to mark it up. A ping-pong movie was expensive to make? Yeah. I mean— Huge. Yeah. Why? Like, no CGI, no—like, what? What was expensive about it? I mean, cast and locations and, like— Shooting in New York is probably expensive. Like, making everything reflect the time is probably expensive. Yeah, costuming, like— Yeah. It also—just this Variety article says from yesterday, it's A24's highest-grossing film at domestic box office with $80 million, beating out everything, everywhere, all at once. Oh, wow, dude. It also still didn't break even. Yeah, that's the thing, is that, like— But, again, the fact that it's generating, I think, is a better indicator because you can always make films for less money. Yeah. You can get actors to say, okay, instead of doing it for $20 million, I'll do it for $10. Like, you can tell Leonardo DiCaprio nowadays, you can be like, listen, movies don't make what they did 10 years ago when we could give you $25 million and a piece at a box office. But if you're willing to do it for $10, I think that we can make a profitable movie. I'm just really surprised because the amount of marketing and, like, you were seeing the lead everywhere, the promotion that they did, I thought that was going to—I thought that movie was going to go. For this type of movie, I think that's exceptional. Like, it's a movie based on a story that nobody really knows or cares about. Brand new IP, which is awesome that they're pushing for something like that. I mean, back in the day, our stars did that with brand new IP, and there was— I think it was a different consumption pattern. It's like, I think we were willing to take chances on an obscure movie about poker. You know, I mean, we watched—what was that movie? Rounders. Rounders. Yeah, I didn't even watch it in theaters, but yeah, it became this cult thing. Oh, it was awesome. I caught it on Starz because there was no phone. I had cable. I was so happy. I see this movie. I'll watch it. Oh, this is amazing. So, like, this is—I think we were willing to take some chances because it was just part of what we did as kids. Like, I remember literally on Friday after school, like, is there a movie coming out? Let's go sneak into it. Remember 444 Film? What was that? You would call a phone number, and it would give you all the show times for the movie in your area. Movie phone. Yeah, movie phone. Yeah. There was a Seinfeld episode that's funny where Chandler—or Kramer's phone number is 444-FILK, so he just pretends to be movie phone. It was really funny. It's great. But Matt Damon also had the point in another clip where he said, like, also because people aren't buying home movies anymore, they just can't make as much because you would make X amount in theaters if the budget was this, and then it would get released on VHS or DVD or whatever, and then all these people would buy it, and then you'd make more money. But I thought you can purchase to stream it. But you're purchasing it instead of going to the theaters. You can rent it for $2.99, but you're not—most people don't buy it for $10. Like, remember when people had DVD collections? Yeah. Do you remember that? Remember Blu-ray? Blu-ray. People being like, Yo, I'm going to get every Blu-ray. Yeah. Crazy. There was a war. HD, DVD, and Blu-ray. I always thought it was so dumb. I was like, I can't tell the quality difference. How many times are you going to, like, want to watch the same movie? It's huge, man. All right, here, play this clip about reiterating the plot three or four times. The standard way to make an action movie that we learned was you usually have, like, three set pieces. They kind of ramp up, and the big one with all the explosions, and you spend most of your money on that one in the third act. That's your kind of finale. And now they're like, can we get a big one in the first five minutes? We want people to stay tuned in. And it wouldn't be terrible if you reiterated the plot three or four times in the dialogue because people are on their phones while they're watching. So here's the thing. And then there was another conversation about when people are watching it on your phone or you're watching it on an iPad, it doesn't lend itself to the cinematography that, what was that movie Leo did in, like, Narwhal Land? Oh, Inception. Revenant. You know, like, these beautiful landscapes, and you're taking all this time in your shoot. It could be a magic hour. And I think it was Matt making a point where it's like, if people aren't consuming them on devices where you can appreciate that type of cinematography, it becomes less valuable. So then maybe they're shooting things a little bit more flat or something. I don't know. But this is interesting. It's like, what are you supposed to do? If you know people are looking at their phones while you're watching the movie at home, are you supposed to be like, well, fuck them. If they don't watch it, they don't watch it? Or do you do things that accommodate this new form of viewing? Vertical. Vertical drama. Yeah. No, I mean, I've seen that. But, like, I guess the artist in you goes, I'm going to make it no matter what. I'm going to make it how I want to make it no matter what, 100%. And then there's also a part of you, the artist part, that goes, I want people to see my art. Not in terms of, like, for making money off it, but because, like, I poured my heart into something, and I want them to watch it. If they hate it, they hate it. If they love it, they love it. But, like, you know, you don't have to. Share your art. If you choose to share it, you know, you want people to be able to consume it. I wonder if it's different types of audiences you're trying to hit, I guess. You know, like, maybe there's certain projects you're like, okay, this is going to be for mass consumption. I'm going to hit as many people. It's going to be two-screen viewing. I'm going to have an explosion in the first five. And then you can pick projects where you're like, this is going to be a pure piece of art that ultimately, like, pulls up the artistic, you know, core of the audience. Like, I'm not going to capitulate to the algorithmic overlords that force me to go to humanity's base instinct. Which is, like, you know, constant dopamine. I need to just, like, feel something at all times. Beautifully said. You go, like, I'm going to pull up the, I don't know, the human, like, artistic, you know, higher range. I'm going to drag you into, I'm going to appeal to your highest level of artistic integrity and intellect. Yeah. I'm not going to drop to the lowest level of it. Yeah. I think that you can do that. And then all of a sudden you've got to be like, but we're making this move for $20 million. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And I think that the actors got to. You've got to be okay kind of losing money on stuff. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I was listening to a podcast with, oh, I forgot this guy's name. It was Alex O'Connor and another dude who's, like, an art historian that talks about. Nick Fuentes. Might have been. Might have been. I think he really loves one ancient artist. Yeah, one specific painter. It was just about, like, architecture. Like, what is architecture supposed to do? You walk around a city and, like, you see a beautiful building. Like, it inspires you to, like, think about the divine or think about, like, literature or, like, whatever. Like, back in the day, like, they would lose money on these public works projects to make something beautiful. Exactly, yeah, this guy. The cultural. The cultural tutor. Whereas now, it's, like, all things kind of exist for, you know, like, the new god is capitalism. And capitalism requires cheap materials and simple building designs and, like, sort of ugly kind of amorphous boxes. Tucker was making this point, too. I heard him. Thank goodness. Yeah. Good company. But, no, something about, like, putting time and effort into these government buildings created a relationship between the government. And I don't know if you, I could be butchering this, but, like, there was a relationship. between the people and the government that these places were not there to oppress them right that these were like beautiful things beautiful institutions that they could be proud of i don't know if that's how you get the greatest relationship between government and people but when you do look at the old buildings in new york city you know like even in this neighborhood there's a couple i don't want to expose where we are but there's that like beautiful old i don't know if it's a government building or like an old bank or something like that and it's like one up the street yeah and it's like they ain't making those anymore they're not putting the time in to have this perfect dome archways and all this other shit like no developer in new york is going to get a fucking permit one yeah to do that and to take the time and lose the money to do it so you just build a studio but yeah you need some type of like higher calling that's philosophical whether it's like god or nationalism or something to make you be like i'm down to lose money and ultimately like you hope that art pulls people up to like their higher self where like they can appreciate something beautiful that's probably the idea with like the public park right yeah it's like central park is probably the most valuable real estate on the planet yeah like the park itself yeah and they could easily siphon little bits off and sell them to developers and make fucking high rises and also but they made a commitment for whatever reason that we're not going to do that and it's important to have this space and they meticulously designed it like it's beautiful you walk a fucking central park it's beautiful yeah and um i think it's a cool thing i think it's a cool thing to go hey we're going to in the capital of capitalism we are not going to extract wealth and we're not going to extract wealth from this fucking thing yeah we're going to lose money on this thing right here because it's important that people have a place i do wish they could get the horse shit out but other than that yeah i'm phenomenal yeah i'm good with horses you know you know the likable way of saying that would be like we got to stop these horse carriages because it's brutalizing the horses akash is like if we could just make them not shit i'd be totally fine with it both end yeah yeah but yeah i have an akash prediction then which is like something that he's probably wrong but on a technicality you'll get it right you'll get it right you'll get it right you'll get it right every once in a while um i think that all the vertical viewing like vertical dramas and shit like that that's going to be bigger than movies and tv explain these vertical dramas everybody keeps talking about these things it's big in china it's big in asia already okay it's getting bigger here and they're just shooting everything for vertical so that it's a tv short drama probably maybe between 5 to 20 minutes something between there and then um yeah they're doing all the same production value lighting and everything but they just cameras just this way and the whole thing is meant to so it's quibby but it's available on tiktok or available on youtube shorts or there's other platforms and but it's like the production value like what's what they're putting out is amazing are they the same characters and the storylines and the characters carrying through or is it each one is its own little soap opera and then when that's oh no there's some shows that are continuous like they're like 30 minute shows yeah no some are like five minute shows yeah okay and it's just enough where it's like oh okay i can yeah i can i'll jump into that and then you just pay like oh one dollar an episode and they are just printing oh you're paying directly to watch like on tiktok shop or something like that and you're saying that this will be bigger than the film industry yes yep hot take it's a tough it's a tough one but maybe but maybe film industry is constantly every year it's getting smaller and smaller well this is the film industry but they just found a different way to this is an example of one right here yeah it's 41 minutes it's 41 minutes this doesn't look uh some are really bad yeah yeah some are bad like whatever but this doesn't it's a new industry it's like white people's tubi yeah yeah i guess but it's like hit no shelter so right with that there's some on tiktok where like you can tell they're trying and they're filming some in eight in the asian markets with like the subtitles look unbelievably like good some in the american market that are coming out it'll be like uh an italian guy walks in the room he's like how you doing thought about like it's overacted it's bad lighting like they're getting there but some are quite bad but but people are watching them like the views are insane yeah and the drama is immediate it'll be like you've shot my wife yeah yeah yeah and then the wife yeah it's very funny it's gonna be huge it very much feels like uh soap operas this looks like an indian soap opera let this be a lesson to you nobody here it's actually a lot like bollywood yeah that's fine it's like it's like over like it's everything is like extra that's like a bollywood soap opera a lot of like whatever the cuts but we're biting your shit yeah yeah it's coming full circle isn't that wild bollywood is ripping off batman yeah and now we're ripping off bollywood yeah yeah damn you're welcome where we at on time uh just over an hour and 40 oh wow you want to go back to the show yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we gotta go hit patreon boys we're going over to patreon right now patreon.com flagrant we will see you guys there love y'all appreciate y'all peace feeling short on smiles does your frown need to be turned upside down we got the perfect dose of comedy 30 minutes of scrubs zach braff donald face on sarah chalk and the rest of the gang at sacred heart are back for a brand new season we play medical doctors who are besties just like in real life and we'll definitely be up in each other's cases scrubs premieres tonight on abc and stream the next day on hulu side effects may include laughing cheering and lots of high fives close your eyes exhale feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying today well i'm letting go of the worry that i wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class i got them delivered free from 1-800 contacts oh my gosh they're so fast and breathe oh sorry i almost couldn't breathe when i saw the discount they gave me on my first order oh sorry namaste visit 1-800 contacts.com today to save on your first order 1-800 contacts now at kroger your points add up to more ways to save every trip use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump you can even save up to 35 on your next fill up same points more choices and with low 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