Trump Hits Rock-Hard Bottom

What's up Los Angeles, welcome to Love It or Leave It live from Hollywood I'm John Love It and we've got a great show for you tonight, but first let's get into it. What a week. The bag's that staff broke a priceless globe that belonged to President and former Supreme Allied Commander Dwainty Eisenhower after the Defense Secretary demanded it be relocated to his office. "Oh no, we've destroyed the world. Also my globe's all fucked up," said Hegshev. Way to go, Captain Butterfingers added the Defense Secretary, which is sadly how major Butterfingers found out he was being demoted. Americans meanwhile have turned on the Trump administration over the Iran War, the Epstein files and Trump's focus on pet projects and personal enrichment as daily cost rise. Plus his secret weapon, America's beloved First Lady Melania, has been playing a reduced role ever since she never cared about any of this. And so Republicans are breaking out the classics like this super pack ad airing widely. "Michael is a normal guy. He loves the tailgate and he kinda hates politics. He was ready to skip voting this year. Many remembered Democrats are crazier than his ex. They care more about their pronouns than his paycheck." Michael's a normal guy. He hates politics. His ex is crazy. His ex couldn't see a great normal guy standing right in front of her. Michael isn't even yelling. He's just upset. And it doesn't matter because he's leaving. Michael doesn't even know why Eric is talking to him right now. He has nothing to say to Eric who swooped right in, didn't he? This is between Michael and his ex and if she would just come to the door instead of sending dumb tall handsome Eric, who doesn't even have his shoes on, Michael could explain that she is being crazy. Anyway, this ad brings up pronouns like a high school quarterback showing up at the home coming a decade after he graduated. Did somebody ask about the big game in '07? Funny you should bring it up. Here's Vice President just to do advance, cutting it up at a rally on Wednesday. "Do we have any birthing people out there? Do we have mothers?" It's a pretty effective attack as long as Republicans are trying to defeat a social media post that annoyed them in 2019. Here's the problem, that advance and the Republicans are having. This is a chart of gas prices over the last 10 years. When we're here, okay, in this range, talking about pronouns could potentially work. When gas is under $3 a gallon, you can do some damage with pronouns. But here's the thing, we're up here, okay? And when gas prices are over $4 a gallon, people will become much cooler with trans people. I don't totally understand why. I know it's a bit confusing, but in a sense, the two groups to come out ahead from the Iran War are the leaders of the Iranian regime and the trans community, which is ironic because both will probably be banned when we host the next Olympics. In Ohio, Vivek Ramaswami has officially taken credit for that vial ad featuring Amy Acton's abusive mother, like ISIS taking responsibility for blowing up a train station, reminder Acton's mother lost custody of her children. Following accused of abuse and neglect, and after her husband was charged with rape for his crimes against Amy when she was a child, Ramaswami did take credit on Tuesday evening. I would love for this race to be about issues, unfortunately Amy Acton left me no choice, but to produce an ad starring her neglectful abusive mother who stayed married to Acton's rapist until the day he died. Not only should Vivek lose this in every other election, he should find himself so completely unwelcome in public life that he has to buy a new face. And he should have to get that new face in Ohio. He doesn't deserve the plastic surgeons we have in New York and Los Angeles. He gets the best face work possible in Cincinnati. An amid bipartisan outrage, Vance also defended the ad on Wednesday. Here he is at the Ohio rally. Hey man, calling Acton a liar is not the part people are mad about. It's like saying everyone is obsessed with John Wilkes Booth because he yelled during a play. At a press conference before the rally, Vance also scolded Republicans like Megan McCain and Nikki Haley who had criticized the ad. Whether the ad was appropriate or not is not really my concern. But I have to admit that I'm a little bit disgusted when I see Republicans across the country who are whining more about that advertisement than they are about what the congressional Democrats and other Democrats want to do to the United States of America. Hey man, go off King, said America's pedophiles, three days into the backlash, including criticism by Ohio's Republican governor, JD Vance, then had this to say, look, my prayers for her and for her family, getting in the middle of some of that drama is not something I want to do. You don't want to get in the middle of the drama, bitch, you're a hamlet, you're on stage, and you're holding a fucking skull. You are the drama. The ad is the drama you support the ad. You're the source of the drama. This is abused from 1978. It's almost 50 years old. The reason we are talking about it is because of a vague, produced, a despicable ad, a bunch of Republicans criticize it. And the part you found disgusting in your own words was the criticism. And then you're like, prayers to her family. What the fuck? And by the way, what's crazy about all of this is Amy Acton is telling the story of how she escaped abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother when she was a girl in 1978, and then built this life, became a physician, made the most she could have herself, right? And now wants to come back and be a leader in Ohio. Who does that remind me of? Oh my gosh, it reminds me of a story I read by a guy named JD Vance in a book called Hill Billy Elegy, which he describes some of the challenges he faced from his mother, where he had to go live with his grandparents, right, that he overcame to get to the place where he is. And then he is going to return to Ohio and campaign against this woman and support using an ad that has the abusive mother who stood by her rapist to score political points in the home stretch of a campaign. And then he has the audacity to say, he prays for her family and he doesn't want to be part of the fucking drama. Are you kidding me? Trump, of course, has continued to defend the ad as well. I know nothing about it other than the mother said horrible things about a person that's running for governor of a great state, right, a great state. And if it's even a little bit true, you don't want her as governor. I'm sorry, but he is just flat out lying. Ohio is not a great state. By the way, while Vance was in Ohio, he visited the Cincinnati Bengals locker room and let's see how that played out. One fist bump, a handshake, everybody else just walks by, end of interaction. Maybe Ohio is a great state. Trump hasn't just been defending the ad. Let's see how he's been doing out there on the hustings. Like this appearance in South Carolina, discussing former governor, Nikki Haley. I'd say 90% of the reason I took the governor, I took the governor, I put her over the United Nations because I wanted this guy to be, I wanted this guy to become governor. What the fuck was that? Play it again. I'd say 90% of the reason I took the governor, one more time. I'd say 90% of the reason I took the governor. Let's isolate and enhance. (audience laughing) Was he making a disappointing noise? Did he burp, did he glitch? What is that? (audience laughing) Then there was at this moment in North Carolina. Thank you very much. I said, do I need a coat? Do I need an overcoat? They said, well, it's very marginal, sir, very marginal. So I said, you know, I'd rather not wear one. I got to show I'm all men. We're all men. We're all men. We're women. We're whatever the hell we are. But I know one thing. There's only two of us, right? It's not seven of us, it's not six of us. And when I saw seven sets of footprints on the beach, that is when I knew all the different genders were carrying me. Nothing is more manly, by the way, than bragging about being able to get through a speech on a fall day in the American South with only a light jacket, like the men who took the cliffs at Pointe-Hock. And then Trump returned to one of his favorite recent topics, the body of Ohio Senator John Houston, who of course has absolutely no connection to North Carolina. So he's over here. I'm over here. And I'm studying his body. I've never studied the body of a man before. It's not my thing. Nothing wrong with it, of course. But I looked at his ass. And then I looked at his legs. And I said his ass, it's like, it's like a pile of muscle. Then I looked at his legs, and I said, "Ben, this feet are big." Then I looked at his shoulders, and they tapped him on their shoulder, and it actually hurt my hand. We even have a photo of Trump's hand after the tab. See, this is why people have turned on Trump. You don't have enough money in your bank account, but even Trump's bank bank is overflowing. Trump has been thirsting over Houston so much, his vice president is poking fun at his campaign events. Don't worry, I'm not talking about John Houston's ass, I'm not talking about it. And true to his word, Vance focused the rest of his speech exclusively on Houston's magnificent dick and balls. Even New Gingrich is taking pochots. The best of my knowledge, and I knew Reagan pretty well. He was not an ass man. At least not about God. Gingrich went on, but if he was, he'd be like, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down them drawers." And Houston wasn't the only man on Trump's mind. He shared his thoughts on South Carolina Senator Tim Scott as well. And then you have a certain Senator that I happen to, as much as I can fall in love with a man, which isn't that much. I fall in love with him, and his name happens to be Tim Scott. It must be so galling for Tim Scott, he has to spend his whole life pretending to be straight, and Trump gets to go around the country pretending to be gay. Mr. President, you are so funny, I too like John Houston's ass, which we can all proudly say now, praise God, I want a fuck John Houston. I want to touch his beautiful body, I'm just kidding. We're all straight married men. I have a wife, a beautiful man, D, Mandy, Mindy. I love men, I mean man, I love my wife Mindy. USA, USA, USA, but don't worry. Trump did finally weigh in on a female Senator darling Graham of South Carolina. Then you have darling and her very handsome husband, you know what I mean? Now that it's been proven a success, I'm proud to reveal, and Tief is newest bio-weapon, Alzheimer's, that turns you gay. Speaking of which, the left-wing media outlet The Young Turks has released the closetocracy, a documentary on the late Senator Lindsey Graham's secret gay sex life. And let me just say right off the bat, the dog features interviews with three male escorts allegedly hired by Graham, one of whom was underage at the time. Here's a clip. My name is Kelvin, I had sex with Lindsey Graham as a minor. I'm Corey, and I had sex with Senator Lindsey Graham. I am Jesse, and I had sex with Lindsey Graham. Say what you will, but Lindsey Graham was clearly a job creator. It's also unfair that Graham isn't alive to respond to the Young Turks, or as Graham would have known them, the old enough for me Turks. Meanwhile, as the midterms descend into vitriol and trivia, the challenges we face as a society remain on Wednesday, the FBI and NSA issued a warning about two critical vulnerabilities detected by AI in PHP programming language, relied on by almost 70% of websites. Open AI said the weaknesses have been present for almost a decade, and identified the gaps before hackers could exploit them. Yeah, that's right. AI did something good. Maybe think about that when your ears are bleeding, because a rogue AI released a super catchy song that makes your brain vibrate until you no longer can do math. I'm reading a book about all the things that AI is going to do to kill us. It's really on my mind. You had a knowing look like you're reading that book too, no? Okay, well, I'm reading it, and yeah, it's sort of keeping me up at night. I feel like I've seen something from the future, and now I'm supposed to just go about my life. You know, like in Terminator 2, when Sarah Connors keeps having visions of the future, and then she sees the kids playing in the park, and then they all catch fire. That's where I'm at this week. Open AI added in a statement as significant as they are. These bugs are among several significant vulnerabilities we've already found and are working to fix, and we expect similar findings to increase sharply in the coming months. But will instances of AI identifying weaknesses increase sharply than level off into an online environment that is for the most part stable, or will this kick off an escalating cat and mouse game between AI detectives and AI hackers in perpetuity? If I had to guess, it's the second one. But I've been wrong before. One time in a crooked merge meeting, I pitched, and this is real, pizza boxes with different non-italian ethnic stereotypes on them. That was the whole idea. What would be in the boxes? Nothing. In Canadian prison drone news, a Canadian prisoner used a drone to deliver McDonald's to his cell last week. The inmate, Hamilton B. Ergler, better known as the hamburger, has since been transferred to a maximum security facility until his scheduled execution next week. According to officer Big Mac, he's set to be put to death at midnight. How, by frying squad? Added Mayor McCheeze while consoling Grimmis' family. Ba-da-pa-pa-pa, justice will be served. And finally, a mysterious humanoid creature was spotted killing chickens near the U.S.-Mexico border. Whoops, wrong photo. That's apologies to ambassador-large Barbara Thornhill. No, one UFO investigator suggested the creature could be from another dimension. That, or it's a lizard, either way, pretty exciting. And we wish the mysterious humanoid creature from another dimension luck in his new role as White House Press Secretary. All right, we've got a great show, Peter Knight. We'll be right back with Tunky Johnson. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've been on the fence about therapy, and you shouldn't be, that was the perfect time to explore it through our longtime partner BetterHelp. Insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay of just $23 per session for eligible members. Prioritizing your emotional well-being is vital at any stage of life. You don't need to wait for a crisis or major life event to start therapy can simply serve as a safe space to talk through daily life, whether that's work-stress, relationship friction, or just a quiet feeling that things are off. You got to have therapy, everybody's therapy. I should be in therapy, but I'm just so busy, you know? Just so busy. But that's an excuse. That's an excuse. If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 planned networks. And eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or don't live in the United States. You can still get 10% off your first month. Visit BetterHelp.com/loveit to explore your payment options. That's BetterHELP.com/loveit. Love it or leave it as brought to you by policy genius. Setting yourself up for a smooth day often comes down to the little things. Like setting out your clothes before bed or prepping meals on Sunday afternoon. A quick act of preparation goes a long way towards making tomorrow easier. And when it comes to protecting your family's future, taking a quick moment to prepare now can bring years of confidence. Policy genius makes it simple to protect your family's financial future no matter what comes next. Prioritize peace of mind by locking in your life insurance today. Policy genius is an online insurance marketplace that allows you to compare quotes from some of America's top insurance side by side for free. 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Political expert Jennifer Palmeri and award-winning journalist Aaron Haines introduced us to the battleground states in the South that could define the midterm election. And as tensions rise within Trump's coalition and Republicans back out of frontline districts across the country, they decided it was time to get back on the road to report on the unlikely swing states Democrats are competing in to win back the South. Whether you heard the first season or new to the show, it's a must-listen for understanding this campaign. Subscribe to Longplay, wherever you get your podcast. All right, my first guest has a new stand-up special out this week called Long Tiddy Short Story. Meanwhile, my comedy is more "No Tiddy Extremely Long Story." Let our powers combine and welcome punky Johnson. Good to see you again. What's up? Congrats on this special. Thank you, thank you. You seem to be working through some stuff. I was working through a lot of stuff at the time. Yes, yes, obviously in the title. Yeah, yeah. You talk about what it felt like to not be on SNL anymore. Yes, I did. About the end of your marriage? Oh, ugly, dirty. How's it been going? The life of the divorce? Yeah. The SNL, I'll just-- Both. Life of the divorce. It's been great. I've been bucked while. I've been having a lot of fun, experimenting with a lot of different things in women. Because you know, I was with her since I was a kid. I was with her since I was like 15, 16 years old. So we were together more than half of my life. So it was very devastating when I had to leave that marriage. But now I have a black and Puerto Rican girlfriend, so I'm going on a ride with that. We're going to see what that takes me. She's black every day, but when she gets mad, she is extremely Puerto Rican. I never know what you're going to get. But other than that, I'm having a good time. My app, the SNL, I got a girl, I got a special, I'm on the TV show coming up. coming out next week, God has been good. - That's great. Yeah, when you come out of your first long relationship, especially haven't been in another relationship before, it's interesting in your next relationship, when there are issues, you're like, oh man, that was me. - Yeah. - You know, you know, that like-- - 100%. - You know, like, oh, when I was bad about something in that last relationship, that was on, I was totally in the wrong. - Oh, no. - I brought this to both of them. - Yeah, I realized I'm terrible at relationships. I was with her forever, so I never-- I've been in two relationships my entire life, so I was with her, and I'm with this other girl. And the other chick is like, you don't know shit. She hates-- she don't hate me, but she's like, this is how you communicate. This is how you talk to your partner. If I'm sad, come touch my back. Don't just look at me and be like, tough to get over it. 'Cause that's what I do. I talk to her, like my mother talks to me. I'm like, the world don't owe you shit. Get up, keep it moving. And she's like, you don't do that in relationships. So I'm learning how to be a little bit more sensitive. - Grace, because it seems like you had only to go up. - I am constantly learning how to do this thing. And once my daddy found out I was gay, he raised me. So I act and I communicate like a man. She hates the way I don't-- Let's say, all right, somebody in a family lost their job, right? Family member, oh man, punk, I lost my job. I'm like, dang, bro, that's crazy. Keep your head up. So I'll call her. Yeah, man, you know, rob a lost his job. Why? I was like, I don't know. He just lost his job, man, I told him to keep his head up. She'd be like, you don't get none of the details. He's like, he just like a goddamn man. I'm like, we don't, you know, I don't, you know? My job is to come home, sign the check, pay the bills, make sure you got a roof over your head. Like my daddy taught me. What? I don't get the details. - It's funny because I do think like a lot of-- It was something that you would hear in a gay couple, that you don't hear as much anymore, maybe not, maybe it's really not in sort of places that feel more kind of cosmopolitan and pro gay. It used to be like, oh, which one's the girl? Which one's the boy? And that became it's something you're not supposed to say. But then, but you're not. Well, I'm just sort of, because it's like, well, we're not, we don't have to obey those rules. We're not always playing different roles. Shit, I'll bail. But that's what I'm saying. But then inside of gay relationships, I don't think you're always the boy, or always the girl, whatever. But you do have that dynamic where like, you know, like, I'm the one that cries at the end of the shows. You know, that's my role. That's my role. - That's your role. - That's my role. - You're the cryer. - I am the cryer. - OK. - I am the cryer. - Got it. - I want to talk about my feelings. - Me, I don't. - Someone say, oh my, someone say, oh my God. - I love it when the woman says, oh my God. - Oh my God. - Stop it. She's over it. She's over it. She's like, ah, ah, ah, get over it. Ah, ah. But then you also don't like the word queer. You don't know-- - No, no. It doesn't apply-- you know what? Queer to the ear to my ear is just a little soft. It's just a soft word. I don't feel like people of the world respect us when we call ourselves-- I don't feel respected if I, you know. But I feel respected, you know. Ain't nobody going to play with a butch. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? And queers are like super nice and joyful, cheerful, you know, I'm-- I'm-- I'm brash, aggressive. I ain't never seen no brash, aggressive queer, you know what I'm saying? So it's just-- it just like-- There's some-- you know what's so funny? You're saying this, where our brash, aggressive, lesbian, queer, head, writer happens to not be here because she took the night to go see Chabble-Rown. And I'm afraid she's going to come busting through this fucking thing, like the, like, the cool-ate man to hear, like, you want to see a brash, aggressive queer? We'll flip this fucking couch over. [LAUGHTER] If she was-- Normally, look at that table. She'd be running full speed up through this thing. Well, you know, if I don't-- if people want to identify as queer, you do that. I want my queer community to accept the fact that I just don't want to be identified as that. And they don't-- they don't pick on me, but they'd be like, you ain't a real gay? And I'm like-- I'm like, I'm gay as hell. Yeah, I'm telling you. [LAUGHTER] Now, I didn't realize that you would cook food in your dressing room at SNL, not like a panini. We're talking about seafood. Can we just roll a clip? Real food. Oh, love it. You're making shrimp in your dressing room at 30 rock. That's raw shrimp. That's your washing chicken. You're using an air fryer. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't see the crackpot or the crackpot or not, too? Is it possible that this may have played a role in the shortening of your SNL tenure? Is it possible? What a thing is, I'm just-- listen, listen. I'm going to just keep it a buck. I feel like I was underutilized at that show. So I was just like, I'm not going to just sit here. I'm going to-- if I ain't on a set, I'm at least being the pot. You know what I'm saying? Everybody worried about if they're going to be on TV. I was worried about if my room was sticking up, you know? I'm just-- Hmm. Keep that. Come try these egg rolls. You get where you're able to get the root brown enough on that. During that-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've got to-- You just got to keep moving. You've got to keep moving. I had all the time in the world. Right. I had every bit of that 45 minutes to get that root brown. Because some people don't wait enough on the root. They take that root off my side. Can't rust a root. People, they go too fast. They're taking off before it's reach that deep dark color. That really upsets me. Right. Because if you know you're making a rule-- You've got to stick with it. I have to make time for it. You don't have 15 minutes in ending and getting mad at the root. And by the way, you got to go low. You got to go slow. That doesn't mean you can just bail out early when we're in sort of like a light caramel color. Cooking is their beauty for me. I start thinking and talking to myself. And you know, just regretting things. And saying, damn, I really had to curse her out like that. And sometimes it fixes my relationships. It does? Sometimes because I think when I cook. Me too. I love cooking. I find that you're very present. You're not. You can't really be on your phone. And either if you're cooking from scratch without a recipe, maybe you can kind of, I don't know, beef have your mind wander. But if you're in a recipe, you're really kind of sticking with it. And I'm not like-- I haven't enough been cooking long enough that it's effortless to me. Or like I have to really think through all the steps. And I find that that's a-- Well, I cook a lot, but I find that I'd rather go slow and really be methodical. I like to go slow with my cooking. I don't like to be disturbed. I put all the Trinity. Y'all know what the Trinity is. Right, good, good. If you add garlic to it, they call it the Pope. What are we talking about? So the Trinity is onions, bell pepper, and celery. Now, if you add garlic to it, that's the Pope. And I put that in almost all of my food. Celery, you got to chill with the celery, though, because the celery can overpower it. So just not that much. Yeah, I like to do carrot garlic onion. That's my go to three. See, ain't no wrong little carrot. Ain't no wrong little carrot. That's good for the eyes. Hey, did you win the break up? Huh? Did you win the break up? With my ex-wife? Yeah. She-- you know, it's a very tough subject to talk about. And in my special, I stayed on the surface. That's why they shot stories. Because I couldn't win deeper into what actually really happened. Yeah, I tried to-- I tried my hardest to talk about the divorce with care. You know, because the relationship is over, but the respect is still there. But it was brutal. It was really brutal. I'm going to just cut to the chase. With respect, she's an addict. So you can't be with an addict. I tried to. You could see potential in an addict. And you could have hope for the addict. But they have to-- they have to embody that. It's not-- it's not you. It's tough. You can't be with-- you have to get away. What if you're addicted to compliments? I'm just kidding. Well, that's a really great question. Let's talk about it. No, I'm not in there. You're in therapy. I'm not in therapy. I'm out. I'm all-- I cured myself. I'm good. Right now, I'm in the weirdest thing right now. I'm in couples therapy. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's good. Well, we kind of-- we kind of had to, because we want to have a baby. And the doctor's like, well, you got to go therapy. Interesting. It is interesting, because all we do is fight now. The therapy makes you find-- You know what makes me mad? She comes to therapy, locked and loaded. She has a list. She's got a list. Locked and loaded. You think she has a notes app, you have a notes app? Yes. Why don't you have a notes app? Make a list. Because I think we're good. Because you've got to keep it going. I'll be like, oh, we had a great week. We shouldn't even call or relieve today, you know? And she could on there, she'd be like, OK, well, let me tell you what happened on Monday to 16. I'm like, damn! See, this is-- you've got to be-- this is politics. You've got to be ready. Someone's like, hey, I don't think you're listening to me enough. And it's like, I think you didn't do enough on this day. Exactly. You've got to be able to change that subject. I'm just starting writing every single thing down. Yeah, that's healthy. That's good. It's not my fault. I know how to-- I know how to compartmentalize. Because see, I'm away a lot. And I know how to just cut this emotion off. And she's like, you don't love me. You don't miss me. I'm like, no bitch, I'm at work. Now, in your special, you mine your breakup. But it's time for us to mine everyone else's. In a segment we're calling, heartbreak feels bad in a place like this. I love-- OK, great. Here's how it works. We have collected embarrassing breakup stories from the crooked staff and the discord from the friends of the pod. And thanks to everyone who submitted to let us laugh at your pain. Here's how it works. I'm going to read you an embarrassing breakup story. And you'll decide which is the more embarrassing until we get to the most embarrassing. OK. First up, dumbed by the guy I was dating in my college comedy group, well, we were all on a trip for a comedy festival. And then had to go play laser tag together because no one else knew we'd been hooking up. Also, I just got in my wisdom teeth out and my face was swollen. OK, so let's compare that story to this. When my ex broke up with me, I drunkenly shout it on the. streets of WeHo, you're making the biggest mistake of your life. They were not, and I was too ashamed to go back and get my credit card from the bar afterwards. Which is more embarrassing. That one. Yeah, I think that's it. I think so too. All right. Now, which is more embarrassing? This story, or briefly dated someone in undergrad who said things weren't working out and wanted to end things. She then texted me a few hours later to ask for my friend's number because she thought he was a better fit for her, and then when I agreed she blew up at me for not fighting for us. Okay. Okay. That's. I mean, it's insane. I mean. You know, it sounds insane. It's almost like when my girl tells me to leave, and I leave. Oh, yeah. You're not supposed to do that. I didn't know. I follow instructions. You know, if you'd sent me to go, I'm a go. Maybe that's right. She sent me to leave. I leave. I get in trouble for leaving, and now we fighting about me leaving, plus what we was fighting about in the first place. I'm confused. It's hard to. Any help. Yeah. Yeah. We all do. And we all do. I think the first story is still more embarrassing. All right. Me too. Me too. That was just crazy. Yeah. This one's more sort of dodgeable, you know? I believed that Cosmopolitan, the magazine, contained great tips on how to be a fun, fearless female. And so I dressed up as a Catholic schoolgirl for Halloween. I went over to my then-boyfriend's house where he lived with four other guys for a Halloween party. I played a spirited round of beer pong, and then he broke up with me. I walked home by myself crying tears of fury dressed like the preview image of a browser's video. So just dressed up as like a Catholic schoolgirl and then got dumped. That's so bad. I still think the. Yeah, I think so too. Anything that's public like that? Public breakups? All the worse. Yeah, I agree with that. Next up, I was in a college production of 12th Night, and I was Viola, and I started hooking up with Duke Orsono, and it turned out that he got blackout drunk and only made out with the boy playing Sebastian, which he'd drunkenly confess to me. I broke up with him immediately. He then cried and we got back together. Then he broke up with me again five days later because he said I should have stood up for myself and it made him feel bad to be around me. That's just funny. Dumped someone and then took them back and then that made them feel as though they shouldn't be together. It's tough. Yeah. It's tough and it's funny, but it's not embarrassing. Okay. All right. Next up. Am I right? Okay. All right. Okay. Strong feelings. Next up, in high school, I broke up with my first girlfriend by email because things were going too well, and I wanted to break up while we still had nice memories of each other because I was convinced I'd ruin everything. Fast forward 12 years and we're best friends who regularly travel together. I think you as a person are embarrassing. Self-sabotant. To your reader. Yeah. I don't like that. Yeah. I don't like that. Well, I, you know, I mean, listen, you know, sometimes I might cause a little bit of trouble when I'm bored. Sometimes I don't trust myself with a relationship. Yeah. I tell anybody, you know, before I got this woman I'm seeing right now, I would tell all the women to run. I'm crazy. And I'm not like crazy like I'm going to do you anything. I'm just crazy. Like, I'm goofy. I'm crazy. I have problems. You know, like I'll come to the house, I'll rip the curtains off the wall. You will. Yeah. Well, you shouldn't do that. I know. But you seem to know that you shouldn't. I know. You have clarity about it. I know. I'm working. I am constantly working to better myself. I'm just happy that the woman I'm with is allowing me the space to do that. That's good. Yeah. She sounds tough too, though. You got your things like you need to do with someone like you don't play. Oh, no, she don't play. She don't play. Right. You need to hold her on. She don't play. She don't play. Yeah. Cause I feel like you, you'll take up space that someone will give you. Yeah. So they have to take up space. Yeah, you have to put your foot down with me. I love a woman. You put your foot down. I love a woman talk to me like this. That's why I can never be with a guy. Cause all, you know what I'm saying? Cause dudes be like, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, I'm like, I don't like the slap hand, I don't don't, I don't do that. I don't know if there's appropriate, but that felt a little Puerto Rican. Well, she, she, yes. That's the thing. It felt a little bit of that. Right. And then sometimes she'd be like like that. I love it. It was straightened to me up real fast. That's cool. I love it. It's just like, and you better, you know, and you better get it together, boom. And then I, and then I, and then I get it together. Next up, last one, my partner became too controlling. So I planned to break up with her. But I knew she would be a huge help in my upcoming move across state. So I stayed with her until I moved and then broke up with her. That's, that he's just a piece of shit. That you can't use people like that. He says that to, to make me not a complete villain, I let her keep my huge cooler so she could use it to travel cross country post break up. I mean, hey, you know, a cooler, hey, you know, insulation prize for an embarrassing break up. The reason why I'm trying to be a better person is because you're really weak with you so. So I'm trying to put in a good effort in, in my relationship. I don't want to do ever do anything like that. That's insane. He's, he's never going to have a good girl for me. So you're saying that the reason you want to be a good person is because you think if you're not a good person, there may be a harm that comes to you, which means the reason you're being a good person is so that good things happen for you. Absolutely. Which is a terrible reason to be a good person. Presumably you should want to be a good person even if bad things happen to you, right? Like, I want to be a good person, even if it doesn't lead to benefits because I just want to be good. If you only want to be good, so good things happen, then you're really being good for the good things, not for your own good. Okay, let's rephrase. Okay. Okay. I do good because I don't want to do bad because when you do bad, you definitely will get bad. If that makes sense. Yeah. I do good all the time. You'll never know it because I don't film it like the rest of the world. Oh, that's mistaken. You got it. You got it. Film your good deeds. You got it. Otherwise, it didn't happen. I take care of so many people. I dish out so much money. I take care of homeless. I donate to all kind of organizations. I am fire. I don't expect anything back, even when I get money to borrow. However, I don't do bad. I try not to do bad things because I don't want the bad things to happen. So I guess it was. I like that. I like that. You know what? I don't know. If I like the way you analyzed and broke me down like that. You know what's funny? I felt you building towards that. I felt you getting mad at me. You're like, why am I being de-fucked defensive on this f*cking podcast? What the f*ck? What the f*ck? I'll take everybody, go check out punky's new special, long-titty short stories on YouTube right now. And we'll be right back. There you go. Love It Or Leave It is brought to you by Willie's remedy, unwind, without the hangover. Willie's THC infused social tonic gives you the relaxation and social fun with zero morning regrets. Willie's is an alcohol alternative that actually works, delivering an uplifting euphoric buzz. You can really feel with no negative side effects. Willie's is a premium THC infused social tonic, crafted by the legendary Willie Nelson who is an expert and weed. Very few people could credibly call themselves a name you can trust in THC, but yeah, he's one of them. There's only 15 calories and just three grabs of sugar. This tonic gives you all the fun or relaxation. None of the regret. 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That's code LOLI at drinkwillies.com or use the store locator to find willows on shelves near you. The local Total Wine Specs ABC or local liquor store. Longplay our docu series exploring the people and forces shaping the south is back. News flash, the south is the new political epicenter of the country. Democrats are way on their heels in this region, but Republicans are going through their own reckoning in the south too. We're in the final stretch of the midterms and the political map has only gotten more competitive with new states and districts emerging as potential flips. So we thought it was time to get back out on the road and take a closer look at what's actually happening on the ground. I'm Erin Haynes, journalist and expert on all things Southern politics. And I'm Jennifer Paul Mary, former White House communications director. Tune in on Mondays to Longplay series on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Please welcome to the show Puzzle Master and Magician, David Kwong. Good to see you. Good to see you. Welcome to the show. And now, punky and I both have separately just been guest on your show, The Puzzle Room. I did it with my friend, a comedian guy, Brandon. Would you say that the two of us were among the more competitive guests that you've had on the program? You were the competitive guest of the most competitive guest. I noticed that you did not cut out the part where I thought I'd buzzed in before guy and you had called on guy and I'm reduced to sputtering nonsense. You could have been edited out. You could have lightly edited just that last little bit where I literally stopped being cogent, but you did choose to leave it in the show. Yeah, you asked us to go to the tape and we went to the tape and you were first I was first I was first on the buzzer I was first you know punk years on the show just yesterday just yesterday I had a ball what is your relationship with the dark arts the magic it's it's it's it's spooky it's very spooky to have something happen in front of your face just like that you're looking at it you're watching it and your eyes have deceived you the reveal at the end the trick you did at the end of the episode with me and I it was shocking I still am shocked in fact it was so shocking I haven't even really fully prostate like I haven't gone back and been like what it was so impossible that I am haunted by it I just want you to know that that's the highest compliment I think yeah can AI do magic can AI do magic yes I mean yeah it's it I think we're all in trouble I mean we're but but I think you'd be last I think I think what I do is AI resilient because I I think I think practical theatrical magic people are gonna want to put their phones away their AI way to come to the theater for a couple hours and unplug you also write New York Times Crossword puzzles yes now I don't know if we've talked about this but so I had a streak in which I had to get gold and if in the New York Times Crossword app if you solve the puzzle without help and on the day or within the day you get a gold star literally and I clearly have needed them since I was a small child but so I became so obsessed with the crossword so they put the the next day's puzzle up the night before and so I couldn't go to bed until I'd done the next day's puzzle for fear that I wouldn't get it done by the time the next day came and sometimes like a Thursday a Friday a Saturday will take me like 30 minutes or more and it or you know even an hour I mean just a long time Sunday too and I it became a big preoccupation in my life and then I accidentally missed today and I haven't done a crossword since you've been living yeah I do love what is the biggest challenge in doing making a New York Times Crossword being original the the number one constraint is that they're 365 days a year and since the and since will shorts to go over in the early nineties there's been a different puzzle with a different theme and a different trick and to come up with a new bit of you can see why I love why I think magic tricks are puzzles and puzzles or magic tricks if you come up with a new way to fool people misdirect them like a twist to turn that makes for a good puzzle yeah as well like Thursday's Thursday's a little tricks in it yeah there's days of the best Thursday's and Sundays I know a lot about Mel Ott you do yeah you hear a lot about Mel Ott in those possible and also Bobby or yeah and Moist is a Lou yeah yeah we get ruined there a lot too yeah yeah Roo does show up a lot you know but it'll be you'll find a tricky way to get back to Roo you know blank the day kind of you know I like it huh you went to Harvard I did and you studied magic there I yeah that's not that's you my are you my parents I've had this conversation before that's not on the diploma but I was a history major and I I focused all my my studies on the history of Houdini and Keller and Thurston and the golden age of magic boy your poor parents and your and your sons at Harvard is he yeah what's he is he pre-med no law school no what's he doing is biomedical research something like that anything of that name no what's he studying it's kind of history what kind of history European history the history of war and conflict anything like that no no he he performs at bar mitzvahs now but now my Netflix come on Netflix hey come on what's it like what's the magic so LA has a has a pretty big magic community there's a magic castle what's it like inside of that world is it competitive is there are there are there rivalries are there great are there great vitriols oh yeah yeah it's it's it's it's very competitive we're all frenemies if not enemies the big problem is these tricks they've been around for a hundred and twenty five years and we're mixing and matching those principles those effects trying to create something new put a fresh coat of paint on it but people feel stolen from all the time and you can't protect a magic trick it's there's no there's no there's no copywriting for magic huh it's all expression and so it's about finding your own twist on these things developing is there something that you feel like you've like is there an example of you developing or changing or kind of improving upon something that you feel like very proud of yeah yeah the the the crux of my whole careers that I realized on my 30th birthday I I threw a party the magic castle and I thought I'd do a trick for everybody and I decided to have somebody choose a playing card and then I built I built a cross proposal as quickly as possible on stage using words and letters that everybody's throwing up to me and at the end I revealed that the card is hidden in the crossword usually on the diagonal sometimes it goes like this that's really just pick a card any card right you can reveal it in your shoe you can in your pocket you could sky-write the seven of diamonds or you can hide it in a crossword so it's it was a way of me like cross-pollinating the the two worlds that I loved of magic composals to make something new I feel like years ago you were we were at a party at house and it was a party with a bunch of celebrities okay and then you were doing like kind of everyone's like oh you know David's gonna do the you're gonna do the crossword with everybody and then a very very very very very famous man would not stop interrupting to the point where the host had to say to this extremely famous man would you please stop interrupting David he is in the middle I remember the I remember the part we'll have to unpack this later I remember the party I sure isn't okay yeah I'm I know exactly what is yeah and I yes it was a look when you're when you're in LA and you're doing for all these actors they want to be the center of attention it's wild yeah it was wild it was to be fooled yes and they well they want to perform being fooled but they don't want the time in between when you're getting to talk yeah which was really something so famous I wasn't you no okay no no no no no I'm not being like joking like this was a like a mega star had to be shushed yeah in this party and it was incredible because you everybody was trying to watch you do this incredible thing and this person wanted to be the center of attention I always think about that it's a long time ago now I don't talk about a party yeah hell yeah yeah that's funny I want to know how you handles stuff like that because you know with comedy we had to handle a heckler so what I was usually usually I set that person up for something so I'll I there's a trick I love doing it's called the multiple selection card trick instead of just pick a card any card I have ten cards selected and I will give that person I'll have that person choose a card and I know when I get to them and I say what card did you choose I'm gonna find it now I know they're gonna give me the wrong card and I'm already ahead of that yeah wow so there are people that try to kind of throw the game yeah so you're you're you're allowing them to throw the game because you're prepared for it yeah some you know what you know what the greatest trick of all is understanding people well I really love the show the Puzzle Room on Netflix and you have agreed to play a game with us yes from the show which you're gonna lead so I'm gonna go see you I'm gonna lead it and punk in I'm gonna play yes I'm ready yeah right so so in the show there was a pair of celebrity guests they solve a couple of puzzles inspired by them then there's a game then there's a magic trick my favorite type of puzzle I did bring one of those puzzles I got it right here I'm gonna read these to you this is a puzzle called love it or leave it okay we're going back to the original phrase here okay and the way you should interpret interpret this is love it the letters I T you're gonna keep those letters leave it the letters I T are gonna go away okay so I'm gonna give you a clue and it might be something like this pleasant like a well-behaved society becomes what to raise a flag on would be polite pole because polite you love the I T and you keep it there and then it goes away and you get the second word pull polite pole interesting right oh I got buzzers yeah I feel dumb as hell should we record buzzers yes yes yes yes yes who that it's me okay okay good okay here's your here's your first one you ready so there's an I T you can all play along as well by the way this is this you can all play along I might need a breakdown I don't yeah I don't think my brain wrapped okay so here look at polite oh it's okay to look at this well I don't want you don't don't look up here okay but polite has an I T in it and then the second word is pole because it's missing the I T right and I'm gonna clue polite and I'm gonna clue pole all right I still feel first don't worry about it because he's this guy's real good he's gonna be he's gonna be smack on that buzzer all right so that's filthfully yeah All right, here's your first one. "Light Hardiness in a Serious Moment" becomes a tax imposed by the government. Oh, we got someone over there. You said it, you said it. I'm not taking credit for this one. Someone in the audience shouted, "Levy, levity." That's right, levity. You did not say it really quiet. You're in a quiet room and you set it out loud. What is it? Oh, heard it. What's the answer? It was levity and levity. Levity. Okay. And I'm proud of you. Yeah, great, great. Yeah. Yeah, you guys can raise your hands if you got it. See if you can get it faster than these two. Here's your next one. "Friendly Relations" or the name of the fictional New England island in Jaws becomes actress polar. Psh. Amity, Amy. Amity, Amy. All right, good job. You're good. Yeah, he's good. Okay. How about this? A connected set of rooms in a hotel becomes, take someone to court. Hey, sweet suit. Yep, yep. Good. Sweet suit from the audience. Sweet suit. Very nice. Okay. All right. A guest who drops by becomes the sun-blocking brim of a cap. They're good. Who are you? Look at this. Yeah. So just some of the audience shouted visor visitor. That's right. Great job. So, all right. All right, punky. How about this one's for you, ready? Oh, damn it. Okay. Company that pioneered the paperless request to attend a party becomes the night before a holiday, for example. Jon's hovering. Press the button. Eve, Eve. Yes. Eve, Eve. Very nice. Okay. What Newton's apple demonstrated becomes the brown- It's gravy gravity. It is gravity. Gravy. Nice. The brown sauce for mashed potatoes. Okay. I got two more. Here's the telephone. Provoke, as a protester might do, becomes a marbled gemstone. You have to pay attention. Oh, because a protester might do marbled gemstone. Oh, no. What do we think, audience? Anyone got this? It's a marbled gemstone. No. Oh, good job with getting over for the IT. Very nice. But the IT is not in the gemstone. You also, this is also a setting on your dryer. I mean, on your washer, washing machine. A setting? Agitate. Agate. Yes. Agitate. Agate. I want to name number. I want to name number in email. Yeah. Okay. Are you dude? Yeah, right? My people, my people. Okay. Okay. How about this? You're gonna like this one. Text at the bottom of a foreign film becomes understated and not obvious. Subtidal. Subtidal. Yes. Subtidal. Can I try a feed of magic and magic? Let's see. We love that. And now it's time for a magic trick. I need a pad of paper here. Yeah. There you go. I brought the biggest one possible. I got it. Marker. Can we try something? Yes. Let's do it. All right. Yes. I'm gonna see if I can get inside your brain a little bit. So you tour around a lot. Yes. Okay. I want you to think of a city in the U.S. Don't say it out loud. Okay. Get a city in mind. Some place you'd like to go. Okay. And I want you to imagine you're getting on a plane, okay? And you get in your seat. You settle in. You fall asleep because of the, you know, the change in air pressure, you know, rests in the cabin. You fall asleep. You take off. You wake up. And you're almost there. And you come to your eyes. They start to focus on the screen in front of you that says, you're 15 minutes away from this city. Okay. And you start to think about this place and what you might do there. Okay. And then 10 minutes away. The sights and the sounds and the smells of the city, five minutes away, two minutes away. You're excited. Touchdown. Think about, I am here. Look right here. Ooh. intimate. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Let's try this. All right. You got a city in my heart. All right. Can you tell everybody? I'm not changing it. I wrote it down on the biggest piece of paper ever. Can you say for the first time, what is this city you're thinking of? Las Vegas. Las Vegas. Las Vegas. That's exactly what I wrote down. Look at that. Yeah. Thank you. I need to know. I need to know. Thank you. What the? But, you know, I was kind of in your brain. What the heck? See, I was kind of in your brain. I want to show you something. Because these right here, these are all the answers that you just got in the puzzle we just did. Right? Levity. Levity, right? Amity, Amy. I want to point something out. If you take the first letters of these, you get L-A-S-V-E-G-A-S. And that spells, what the friggin' act? Yeah. What does it spell? It spells Las Vegas. It does spell Las Vegas. Deval, use subterranean monster, you keep going. Yes, I agree. You keep going. You keep going. Keep going. What is even? What? How is that? That's it. Well, yes. This is my puzzle. Happy solving is what I like to say. See, this is what I mean. See, sometimes you see a magic trick and you go, wow, that's amazing. I don't know how he did it. And then sometimes you see a magic trick and you're like, let's get a priest in here. Thank you to David, check out the puzzle room with David Kwong on Netflix and we'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere, there's more of Loveter Leave It coming up. Loveter Leave It is brought to you by Thrive Market. Cozy season is calling, but the weekly grocery trip remains as stressful as ever. Skip crowded parking lots and busy aisles of those other healthy markets and big box retailers. Thrive Market delivers all your grocery essentials straight to your door. It only $5 a month, the membership unlocks thousands of curated organic and non-GMO products. 90 plus dietary filters, weekly sales, and free gifts with over 1000 restricted ingredients. You get total peace of mind for one simple annual fee. Plus Thrive Market is a great place to load up on healthier Halloween swaps and cozy autumn staples. Thrive Market is great candy options. You can get the organic lollipops from Yummer, you get a 50 pack of organic assorted candies. There's a lesser evil, spooky popcorn packs and unreal brands as an assortment of chocolate bars and cups. Thrive Market is the first online only grocery store to accept SNAP, EBT online. Every membership sponsor is one for a low income family. Plus, your purchase is this month's support. The Thrive Market saved the children partnership, funding the learning without limits initiative for kids in high need rural communities. Get $30 off your first two orders with our link, thrivemarket.com/loveit. Get stocked before Halloween and save $30 off your first two orders. That offsets the cost of an annual membership. Sign up now at thrivemarket.com/loveit. Blanclay, our docu-series exploring the people and forces shaping the South, is back. Newsflash, the South, is the new political epicenter of the country. We're in the final stretch of the midterms, and the political map has only got more competitive with new states and districts emerging as potential flips. I'm Erin Haines, journalist and expert on all things Southern politics, and I'm Jennifer Paul Mary, former White House Communications Director. And we're back. All right, let's keep that energy going as we change gears. It's time for The Rat Wheel. Here is how it works. We'll each get 60 seconds on the clock to round about a topic of our choosing. We'll spin the wheel and when it lands on you, baby, letter, rip, are you both ready? Let's go. All right. First up. Let's spin the wheel. And is that a punk you have 60 seconds? What would you like to rant about? The world. Let's just rant about that. Okay. I've been thinking about this because people always ask me about politics. I don't like to talk about politics. I like to keep myself out of it, but I do have a lot to say sometimes that I think that that's as a country we need to go on like a weekend. We need to just take a week and off and just do some goddamn inventory and just see who it's left. I'm sick of this right shit and I'm sick of this left shit because no one's listening to each other and no one's going to change their opinion. So we're just talking to brick, fricking walls. So when people ask me for my opinion, I'm like, I don't care about the right or the left. I just want my grocery bill to be back with in budget. So whoever can do that is who I'm for. I just want the gas prices to go down and I just want to drink my water, my, my business, and for God's sake, please let the saints go to the playoffs without the person that I love, a celebrity who I love to death, have a fricking documentary coming out to upset me because I thought that was a great person if that makes sense. Is that a sports thing? I don't know. What documentary? Just people, some people that I like, they don't have documentaries out and I'm just like, I like you. Oh, I see. I like you. So many. Better to know less. Yes. Let's spin it again. Sorry. No, nothing. Go to the end. Go to the end. Go to the end. Go to the end. Go to the end. We have our own tricks here. David, it's your turn. - Oh, Danny, okay, well-- - So you're in good company. - Yeah, go for it. - Apparently, they're illegal in Los Angeles, but it's a scourge and everybody uses them anyway. They're the loudest thing ever. I'm very sound-sensitive. And they just blow a bunch of crap around and don't really do anything. I also, this is, I'm the guy that's like, oh, I have two questions. Also, I flew to Las Vegas just last week from Burbank. Our sweet little Burbank airport is no longer. It has been taken, it has been remodeled. You can no longer just roll up 10 minutes before the flight and get in there. I feel like that is a good metaphor for our lack of innocence is gone. - Here in Los Angeles. Oh, you've been to the new-- I haven't been to the new Burbank, but it took longer than the previous time. - You got to drive all the way around and yeah, and then security and the thing and it's our sweet little Burbank airport is gone. - Wow. - And Leafblowers. - Wow. (bell dings) - Thank you. I think you're right about both. Let's spin it again. (bell dings) (laughs) (bell dings) It has landed on me. I would like to talk about the problem of other minds. (laughs) Okay, so I saw you can see everything. The new Nathan Fielder movie is incredible. It's about Elizabeth Holmes and at root, you wonder if like she's so strange. Her worldview is so unusual and she's been so traumatized by the legal challenges she's faced that perhaps it's not, it's possible to believe that she really doesn't know whether or not she lied, right? Like that's a question the movie seems to ask. The answer is she obviously lied. She has to have known she lied. Maybe she's in denial about that now, but it wasn't kind of one off series of misunderstandings. It was a giant and long-running fraud. But what's interesting in the movie is the question of whether or not she knows. But I think in a lot of ways that's a question of asking is she conscious, right? Is she conscious of what she did? Which is a question we're often asking about AI. Like is it conscious? Does it know that it knows? And I don't think it matters. And I think we should spend less time worrying about that question and more time worrying about what the actual consequences of it are in the same way that it doesn't matter whether Elizabeth Holmes now knows she wasn't telling the truth to the investors and the patients that she defrauded. That's all I wanted to say about that. (audience applauding) Incredible movie though. An incredible film. Have you seen it? Have you seen Digger? (audience laughing) We'll be right back. (upbeat music) And we're back. (audience applauding) This night has been magical. But we've got one more ace up our sleeves. It's time to end the evening with some second thoughts. (bell dings) David Punky, my producers have written down everything they think I did wrong during this show tonight. I'm going to read them to you and you'll decide if I should regret these acts or not. And if you have any regrets, this would be the time to share it. This is the moment in the show where we reflect on ourselves. How about that, Punky? Self-reflection. That's right. Wow, ew. Not a bit of ew. Ew, they've got. One potential regret is in the monologue I argued that the trans community should try to drive up gas prices. (audience laughing) And that if you follow the argument to its logical conclusion, the best step that the trans community can take to improve its conditions in America is to bomb Russian oil refineries. (audience laughing) I don't regret it though. I'm also sorry that I spent so many time, I played that Trump sound where you go, I played it three or four times and that probably is too much. And then the writers do want to know, why did I change Normandy to Point-to-Hawk? Why did I do that? And you know why? I'll tell you why. I'm going to answer your question because Reagan gave an incredible speech about the boys at Point-to-Hawk, the men who took the cliffs. And Trump is talking about being a man in that speech. And in that incredible Reagan speech, a great man. A perfect president. He has this incredible riff about those soldiers. It was I believe in part by Peggy Nunean about the men who took the cliffs and I always think about that. That's why I changed it. But no one laughed. (audience laughing) - Wow. - But no one laughed. - She said Sarah from the back. - Yep. - A little sad, huh? - That's right. Oh, punky during our segment, I suggested it was gross for you to cook shrimp in your dressing room. Me, a man who famously eats food off the ground. (audience laughing) - Yeah, you should regret that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And then it just says here, "Boy, I should go back to therapy." (audience laughing) - Yeah, I agree. You don't think so? - Well, also, as a sub-point, it says, because I equated substance abuse to being addicted to compliments. (audience laughing) - You should go to a black therapist. I would love to see that session. (audience laughing) - That's a good, I'm interested in that. - That is a wonderful session. - I'm interested in that. - She can talk to you like this. (audience laughing) - Now, John. - One regret it says, I said, and this is a quote, "That felt a little Puerto Rican." (audience laughing) And maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe not, maybe not. I may deserve to regret that. - But how does, how does being Puerto Rican feels? - It was just that, it was your end, it was because you had talked about it earlier, and then the energy you brought to an action that you were doing a performance of a response from your girlfriend reminded me of what you had said earlier, which is why I felt it was justified. (audience laughing) - Famous leave you say, I don't think I should say something, and then you say it, you're protected. That's a great trick in Dungeons and Dragons in life. It's a little protection spell. You can do it to put a little shield around yourself, ironic distance from your own words. Let's see, sorry to all of my Puerto Rican people. (audience laughing) Within moments of you coming on stage, David, I complained about my edit on your show. - Damn. (audience laughing) - Well, I was happy with it. - I wish I brought a smaller pad of paper. - Oh, you think it was too big? - That was too big. - No, it was great. It added some drama to it. - Okay. (audience laughing) And I did say to you, as my guest, quote, your poor parents. (audience laughing) And I called you a devil and creature of darkness. (audience laughing) - I took that as a compliment. - Are you a materialist? - Materialist. - Yeah, do you believe in the material world as it all explains everything about the world? - Yes. - Okay. - Yeah. - Okay. (audience laughing) - Magicians are the great skeptics. You know, we don't believe in any of the spiritualism. We know all the tricks work. - Interesting. - Yeah. - Hmm. - Hmm. (audience laughing) - Can I add one? - Yeah. - I think you regret that you almost said Elizabeth Warren instead of Elizabeth Warren. (audience laughing) - All right. And I have only one regret. This show must end. That's our show. Thank you so much to Punky Johnson and David Cobb. There are 11 days until the midterms go to vote Save America and sign up. We'll be back next week with Ron Perlman and with more special guests. Love and relief is a crooked media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Wilma Graf, Kelsey Gante, and me John Love. Our production team includes Halle Heifers, Sarah Lazarus, Roman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Toll's Claudia Shang, J. Banks for Uel Calderon, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGrove. And our production staff is proudly unionized with the writer's Guild of America East. (upbeat music) Longplay, our docu-series exploring the people and forces shaping the South is back. Newsflash, the South is the new political epicenter of the country. Aaron Haines, journalist and expert on all things Southern politics. And I'm Jennifer Palmieri, former White House communications director. Tune in on Mondays to Longplay Series on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.