Tristan Bowling & Lev Fer - He Is Us - Episode 936

Fill her up. You're listening to the gas digital network. [crashing] [screaming] ♪ When you hit that bomb drop ♪ ♪ Blah, blah, you know what to do ♪ ♪ Hoping up the pit, bitch I'm coming through ♪ ♪ Big J, the battle rap champ ♪ ♪ I'm up in your arms with the strap ♪ ♪ Red attack, tag, get gif by the Jew ♪ ♪ Clip, disc, split you into like a sensei ♪ ♪ El Presidente ♪ ♪ For the recon battle snake venom in your veins ♪ ♪ Natural form killers, lead you to scabs ♪ [music playing] ♪ One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one ♪ [cheering] That was fun. [music playing] Wow. [cheering] That was three, four, life. You should do three, you should do four, I should do L. Oh yeah, three, four. I think it's backwards, fuck. I'm right. You're right, of course you're right. You're the easy one. I think we fucked it up. All right, everybody. Welcome to your favorite podcast. To my right is always we got Ari Shafir, to my left. [cheering] The point of recon battle snake Lewis J. Gomez. [cheering] I'm Big J. Elkerson and we are the legendary Hoosiness Kings. [cheering] God, I love podcasting with you guys for 15 years. Hell yeah. It's been great. It's been a great run. It's a legendary, believable, three-for-life. Let's just get this thing started. We got to get our guests out here. Start with some sad news, everybody. Let's get our guests out, dude, fuck that, man. Let's get some fucking great news going. Our guest, Tim Dylan, everybody. [cheering] Had to cancel before the show started. [laughing] He last minute canceled on us. [laughing] As is the Tim Dylan White. It gives you under two hours to find someone. [laughing] He talked to him earlier in the day. He's like, "I'll be there, buddy, for sure. Hold on. I'm picking for layman Yun on my team." He called me this morning, specifically here. He was like, "First of all, I'm not canceling." And he talked shit about some people. And he was like, "I'll see you later." And then he canceled the day I want to have for the show. I came out of Bonfire to 73 texts in the thread. [laughing] But I'll tell you what. He's missing a great show. Do we have people kidding? On a fucking amazing, amazing? We're going to be very funny. Hold on. Hold on, though. If we're going to replace him. We can't replace him with a thin. That's true. No, no, no. Don't worry about that. It takes two different kinds of bodies to fill shoes like that. Yeah. It takes a thin attitude and a big body. Let's get the thin attitude out here first, everybody. From the Cock Fight Podcast, make some noise for Tristan Bowling! [cheering] [music] Yeah, buddy. What's up, gang? What up, Tristan? Hell yeah. Thank you for showing up and having nothing going on in your life. I had something going on, but I can't. What did you cancel for this? I was just doing a. You had nothing going on. He's a liar. No, I had. I was somewhere and then you hit me up and I was just like, God damn it. I got a run to another one. And his fucking thing. Dude, this rules were bigger than something. That's true. It's not nothing. It's nothing. No, very excited to be here. Thanks for having me, boys. Absolutely. And our second guest, also more than available. He's got a new special. Called Patchwork Available right now on YouTube. It's the hilarious limper! [music] [singing] This is cool. I was just having dinner with Tim Dylan and you called me. That's true. Would you do any solid lesson to get over there for me? Well, we do it. We have one fact. Do you think there'll be twinks there? I was like, I don't think there will. I thought there was going to be twinkies here. We have one fact guy and one gay guy to make up one to Dylan. And together, when are our powers combined? Was that the new theme? Yeah, that was the new theme. And I feel like the crowd loved it. They loved it. They didn't give a shit. There are people right now scurrying for refunds from the club as we speak. By the show of hands, who is legitimately disappointed that Tim Dylan is not here? It's fair. A lot of people look. That blonde bitch me direct eye contact with me and put up her hand. How dare you? Guys, what we have to do is everyone has to now harass Tim Dylan for one year straight. You can call him if you want. Call me in word too. But not for gay shit. Just for not coming. Oh, dude. Speaking of that. I got into a told some of it is worth telling you guys. I got to a road rage today. Oh, it was a good one. It was Monday. It was a good one. Obviously. MTA, not MTA bus. New Jersey Transit bus coming on on ramp on the highway. This you've seen this. By the way, can I just interject? Me making an N word joke reminded Jay of this story. So I don't know what happened in this story. But I said N word and he went, oh, yeah, I have to tell you a story about road rage today. A road rage and a bus. That's a horse fleet. He road rage me. He road rage me. He was coming on the on ramp. And like the buses and you know as you drive in Jersey, they don't give a fuck. Like they really like they start coming in and they're like, you'll move over. And he almost ran me into another car. It was a crazy. I'd like to go like speed up like to get around. It was crazy. And then he starts talking and gets behind me and then comes on the side of me with his door open. He had to do this. You want to sit like this? The bus had a neo. We're not stops. We're driving. What? 60 miles an hour. You can't go below 60. That's true. He's about to commandeer your vehicle. Jay opens his bus door. He pulls a six to me. He goes, what the fuck's wrong with you? I said, what the fuck's wrong with you pussy? And he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, fuck you. I went, I went, fuck you, faggot. And he went, you a white devil. You a white devil. You got him. That's what I did. I gave him those. I thought that was hilarious. You're the white devil. But the point that story isn't to Lewis' point, it was a big deal today. I've been celebrating because I didn't call him the N word. [APPLAUSE] And he wanted to. [APPLAUSE] It's a new day. It's a new day. Wow, dude. You know my thing. I like to cut to the core. Quick. Yeah. Can I tell you something? Can I be honest with you right now? Yeah. Before he came around the thing, before I knew we were going to even have an interaction, I did scream it in my car. Of course. Of course. That's still progress. Yeah. All right. I didn't say that part of the bonfire. Yeah, I mean. Every night when I get home, I scream it into my pillow just to get a sleep. Lewis, you're not supposed to say your mantra word. Do you remember Paul Mooney had that joke. He goes, "I say, nigga, 50 times a day, he keeps my teeth white." That's a great joke. He just says it a bunch of times. What is that guy, Ben? Oh. I've been gone. He died. Gay guy. Not from AIDS. Well. Damn the 80s. Gay in the 80s. Dead, not of AIDS. That's crazy. That's crazy. I've heard he's driving a bus now. White devil. That's twice he yelled it. Oh. It felt great. What a crazy thing to say. It got him. The F-bomb was worse than the N-bomb for him. No, an N-bomb would have been worse. No. Because everyone in his community is an N-bomb. But only summer F-babs. No, it's what it is. You catch an old black guy and you're basically in his mind. I call them gay and that is like. That's a big deal. That's a big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal. He's like, "Just call me the N-word, man. Why do you have to go there?" I know. You guys might not recall, but I did a gay joke in an old set of mine. They played recently and a guy in the audience went, "Oh. They don't love it. We have so much to get, so much to get." You guys are really here on a pretty great night. We have a bunch of stuff we plan. We have a bunch of some unplanned stuff. We don't really prepare unless we have a big guest like Tim Dylan. So. You two are the beneficiaries of this. Well, the most unprepared thing is. It's crazy. You guys came on a good night. Kit, all right. The 22 people that would have been here was like, "We would have come anyway." I don't care. I would have been here. There are a lot of people that would have been here anyway. It's all good. We have a lot to talk about. We should talk about this Russell Brand thing because I do think it's pretty funny. What's. What did he do? He cut his hair. He would never. That's his power. I'm pretty sure he raped a bunch of children. The hair gives him the power, too. What did he do? He's on trial right. He's going to trial in October for being like a sexual assaulter and hooking up with underage girls. I guess around this time. Can you shut up on the video, please? Now that he's got all this court stuff going on, apparently it's over the last few years. Maybe it is. He's gotten like. Now he's mega-religious. Look at him. - Any wrote a book, had it become a Christian in seven days because that's what it was. - It was Buddhist. - Was he Buddhist? - He was full on like meditation. - He's carrying a Bible everywhere he goes. - No, yeah, I don't know, but the big cross around his neck. - Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was like basically the love guru until six months ago. (laughing) - And then now he's just like, I know 16 is crazy, but God's real. - Jesus, Jesus wants you to just unbutton one button. - So here's the thing, he's carrying a Bible around. He's a new Christian and a lot of people are going like, all right, this was because he's being accused of rape and he's trying to like get people on his side. So they're calling it a grift. He goes on Megan Kelly show. - Can I interject please? - Double advocate. Maybe he's genuinely remorseful for rape. - That's also true. - And if possible, if I can interject, no Christian sounds like new medal. - Yeah. (laughing) - The worst guy. - It's with you in a new blab. - Yeah, yeah, no. - No, no. - Christian's hate new Christian. - It's a new medal. - It's kind of like Christianity, but they also rap. - Yeah, no. - He starts with a rape to 16 year old. Don't know why. (laughing) - It doesn't even matter how hard she tries. ♪ In her rear end ♪ - Keep that in mind. I designed my cock to get hard from you little girls. (laughing) - She's crazy. - She's so hard from her mom. (laughing) ♪ In the end ♪ - She never knew her father. ♪ In the end ♪ ♪ She took all my splatter ♪ ♪ In her end ♪ ♪ In her end ♪ ♪ She took all my splatter ♪ ♪ Now I carry your Bible ♪ ♪ I went on Pierce Morgan ♪ ♪ Kind of made a fool of myself ♪ ♪ I got so hard ♪ (laughing) ♪ I got so hard ♪ ♪ I see what's fine ♪ (laughing) ♪ In her end ♪ ♪ She really took my splatter ♪ - Take it away, take it away. - Because I'm Mac and Kelly. And she asked him about it. She's like, "Hey, look, we can play the clip." But she's like essentially like, well, I didn't want to be behind you 'cause there was all these allegations. But here, I feel like that was wrong to say that. And then this is his response. Play the whole clip. - In Europe and in the United Kingdom where I'm from, the age of consent is 16. And I did sleep with A-E-16-year-old. - That's why I always live in the UK. (laughing) I think the age of consent in New Jersey is also 16. - That's why I live in New Jersey. - In Cambodia, it's six. - I've heard. - He's carrying the Bible. He's like, "Look how young the wives were in this book." What the hell? - It's just hollowed out. There's condoms and toys in it. - First of all, if you say-- - If you say-- - One of the fake books. (laughing) - I don't know if it's gonna hold you. - You're saying one, there's 12. Do you know what I mean? I was just going to go, "There was this one time I did that." - Yeah, that's not true. - But she was an old soul. - Well, he's also like, I did that once when I was 30. And then three times when I was 29, and a handful of times when I was 20. - She wasn't like young, young. She was in a Drake and Josh. - She got the references I needed her to get. - She was a dance kniter runoff. (laughing) - I was 30, but when I was 30, I was a very different person. I was a lot younger, and I was an immature 30 year old. Concentral sex, actually, with a variety of people, when there is a strong power differential, is there is when you're a famous man that has the ability to attract women that I had at that time. I think involves exploitation. I think it is exploitative. I recognize that my sexual conduct in the past was selfish and-- - I did not apply enough consideration, barely any, I suppose, really, to have that sex. - There it is, there's the jokes. - That's pretty awesome. - There he is back, that's a Russell Brand, I knew he loved. - Yeah. - He's cracking wise. - Yeah, no, that's Chelsea lately, Russell Brand. - Right there, then. - It is me like, I didn't put any consideration. I was crushing 16-year-old pussy. (laughing) - It's just kind of hard to think when you're neck deep in all that gash. (laughing) - It's the kind of like the delirium thing, the right one is like, it's like, God damn it, I was so good at getting pussy, I was. (laughing) - I like he's like, he's a cockney chimney sweep? - Yes. - I really don't want a chimney. - I don't want a chimney next to him. - We're gonna have a hard time getting this specific dialect, but I love when he's first got accused. He was like, oh, it's because I'm talking out against the government now that we're releasing this. And all the UK comments are like, no, we've all known you have done it. For years, we've known, we just didn't say it 'cause you were protected. - Yeah, but anyway, you got pretty hot still. - That's apartheid for you. - To how that sex was affecting other people. - It's tough to apologize for a sex scandal with a bond. - How that sex was affecting other people? Like, were these girls even coming? - It's hard. - Having a TMZ stamp on that, and it's the Megan Kelly show is one of the funny things I've ever seen. TMZ just takes it, they just took a clip and they go, "T.M. we just found this out of the airport." - It's also crazy to be like, you know, just I was the ripe young age of 30. Like, talking to these chicks and what do you mean 30? - I would say that the TMZ stamp makes everything more damning. Like you just said, dude, I forgot to do my laundry. - That sounds cool, man. - That sounds like you're really a bad girl. - He didn't wash his clan ropes. - We should do a story on Tim Dillon, canceling Tim Dillon and put the TMZ stamp on it. Yeah, please. Tim Dillon cancels, legionist gains. - Yeah, put that at the very beginning of the episode before we ended up introducing it. - Wow, Jesus. Yeah, so he was out there crushing pussy at 30, but to be honest with you, British 16 looks like a fucking old haggard lady up. Have you seen British girls around like, "I know, all suck your coke." At 16, they look like the mom of the redheads at Harry Potter. "I want to get in my pie and mash with my pussy on bits." - Oh, fucking pig malion. Oh, all suck your dick. - Sorry, sorry if my badge tastes like a bit of liquor. - You better finish before my mom come home or she's gonna want some tea. - Would you like to have a bite of me fishing jips? - With all of her teeth just in the front of her face. - For it all, dude. - That's kind of fucking Freddie Mercury mouth. - Dude, I'm pretty sure British people have two rows of teeth like a shark. - Yeah, dude. (laughing) - Well, it's one row, but it's back and forth. - It's like a zipper. - So what is he being accused of? It was obviously having sex with a 16 year old girl. That wasn't even if it's legal. Why is that even being brought up? - He's not. - He's just admitting it. I don't think he's been accused of it. - I think he's bragging. - It's he bragging, yeah. (laughing) - He's not admitting, yeah, remembering. - Before we get into these allegations, I just want you to let you know that one time, oh, it's sex with a 16 year old girl. - Now, back in those days, he was andbagged. - It was rare for a 16 year old to fuck a 30 year old. So it was quite a pull on my part. - She went down to know my abbie. (laughing) - Said, you just got branded love. (laughing) - What is actual accusations, you might do? What is he being, 'cause he goes to trial in October. And by the way, I'm on his side completely. I don't want to get this twisted. I'm on his side. - I'm behind the scenes. - Russell, we gotta see it open anytime Tim Dylan's book in the show. - Yeah, if you wanna join me. - We would definitely let him on the show, unquestionably. - Oh, by the way, between me and Ari behind me, you'll see is the adult retard I adopted named Derek. - Hey, Derek, wave-hi to everybody. (laughing) - What you did? (laughing) - Wave-hi to everybody, Derek. Derek, wave-hi to everybody. - Derek? - Yeah, yeah, that was. (laughing) - Go to you. (laughing) - Just in this letting those guys a bowl cut in a wacky moustache. (laughing) It looks like he tells people he professionally collects cards at Trader Joe's. (laughing) - I wanna be the Pringles, man, when I go up. (laughing) - You can be whatever you want, Derek. I keep telling you that. Stop eating my furniture when I leave. I gotta bring him here. Eat my furniture when I leave. (laughing) - Always with our new young vampire in turn. - Yeah. - We're gonna do that too. - Yeah, that's the one I thought. - I won, okay. - We're gonna do a daytime show. That guy can't come to Skankfest before 9 p.m. - She might, we had to, he had to be asked in. - That's right. (laughing) - You gotta give me the golden ticket and I can't show up to Skankfest. - Yeah, you have to invite me in. - Every time they bring by the garlic pizza, he goes. (laughing) - Garlic. - I came to club your clips. - Gee Mike. - Russell Brand's actually currently on trial for more severe allegations against women of age. He's pled not guilty to multiple charges, including three counts of rape and three counts of sexual assault. - One rape, two rape, three rape, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. - Rape count, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. - 12 rapes, a baker's dozen of rapes, ah, ah. - Hold on, I missed it. - Ah, raping. (laughing) - So, but the 16 year old is a completely different story than what he's in court for right now. - 16? - 16. - Ah. - And she says that he began grooming her when they met in London when she was in school and she says she was sexually, he was emotionally sexually abusive. And one time she had to punch him in the stomach really hard to get him away from him. I gotta, he said I got a heart. - Oh, run me bitch, hit me, hit me, got. - Oh, she hit me, hit me, call it. - My perfect abs. - Oh, no. - I'm gonna hell. - Guys, not to jump backwards, but, and I'm stoned. But do you think the count loves counting enough? But how many rates would he watch before he stops counting and starts doing something before it's like this is a story Really good. Yeah, cuz it's by the time he gets a semis it'd be like 17 17 this rapes 18 rapes No, no, no, no, that's 19 rapes Another one down the alleyway They never learn. I don't know why mine is dice I think it's gonna I think it's three rapes. Oh It's like this is going to cost me two years of therapy. Uh-uh. I checked the clock. It's rape a time Now he's a talent Now he's a pizza pie maker Hey, it's a rapie time. Hey Sesame Street does really be coming rough Ever since the italians moved in What are I'm sorry G Mike. So what is there what we said are invite to be a guest? Did he respond yet the other ones the actual rapes? He's three three counts of rape and what were the other ones assault? Assault I'm sorry with the blood sausage. He's currently faced trial for three counts of rape and three counts of sexual assault involving six different women wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, three involving six women So he so he half raped six women. Yeah, no, no, no He's accused of rape and sexual assault by the other three three and three We got to have that way where it's like the person looks all confused and all the numbers are going by their head Yeah, let me beautiful mine this yeah, that comes out to oh my god six rapes Three sexual assaults in three rapes. I mean, there's no beating that you can beat one or two can't be one or two You're not being six six independent if they're all sisters. I see you got a shot Also, if they were all sisters, you deserve an MVP of rapists get the whole family Oh, he hit the tree What if there were seven sisters in the one? He's like, you're not invited I thought they're a fuck jigs There was just two black guys in the hallway, and I think they whisper something to each other and then walk the way I feel like they don't like us. Yo, let's kill all these white people get the guns. Yeah, I bet it's a cousin of the bus driver Probably by the way, I have thought I do always think this stuff like that I go I wonder if somebody on the bus took my license plate right here play it's only in my sleep Yeah, all right guys, let's take a quick moment to think ultra pouches for supporting generation It's ultra Ultra pouches are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus with nicotine caffeine-free and packed with powerful Neutropics and vitamins as got B12 and alpha gpc I use them literally every day. 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You could cram it directly up your ass And now the son of a bitch came out with a cream hurts. So it doesn't hurt so much. No, the cream or you could pour your mouth, Jay No, no, well it makes the crystals less rough. Well, look, I'll tell you right now You got to try body bring coffee dot com. I really am brand of this company. Just go to body bring coffee dot com right It's like testosterone cereal in my asshole move up for body brain Use the promo code LoS20 to save 20% off today if you subscribe to receive it monthly You're gonna get 20% off free shipping and we're giving you a brand new five pack of our brand new cream Or which isn't even available yet right now so go subscribe to body bring coffee dot com body bring coffee dot com You've got promo code LOS All right, five for life Five for life let's just screams five for life. All right, where were we? Dude, I got bitched out by a lady on the street. I was walking through the upper east side and Chick was walking two dogs on two separate leashes. She drops one of the leash and lets the dog like kind of smell it out And I'm just like ma'am ma'am your leash and she just goes, yeah, I know and I'm like I want to kick your dog in the ribs Like you're a fucking con and I'm like there's crazy people. I will say you have you overreacted a little bit No, the pissiness on her face. She turned around in him. It's the pissiness. I know instead of like It's the fucking it's like you don't know me, but for some reason you should know that my dog is trained enough to handle this In just and silver used to do that with his fucking giant could eat your baby with a fucking hiccup dog and go and when people would go Hey, man, hey, he'd be like relax This beast won't murder you at a whim's notice because it somehow understands what I say relax It's like relax. I'm secretly gay. It's like this dog three times my size. I can handle it. No, this dog speaks homosexual Me and this dog keep each other's secrets. I know he's good Do you know blue cheese is better than peanut butter? In dog ears, you're not as tight This dog will never tell what he's saying. She hit me with the attitude or she's like I'm not in your tax bracket Oh, you never seen a trained dog before and I'm like, oh, I can kill you with my hands. You should have a Do my dog ran up my you should have punted the dog across the street. No, it was I say that as a dog lover No, I so there was a today for some reason. I live in a very very suburban neighborhood a suburban is yours, right? So it's weird that it's weird Can I break it? Can I break in please? He literally said to me yesterday, you know now in Lewis's place. It's not a suburban is this It's exact same suburban is like there's too close to a part of buildings very very Jersey super super bits And it's such a snooty casual way as if he's like this is common knowledge You don't want to be near a part of buildings. It's actually actually not in the suburbs. Oh, okay Well, I guess I'm out of the suburbs guys I guess I was in an urban area somewhat near what James Lewis lives in the inner city I'm basically in a war zone. This house is called Nightsha To be fair, I was at your house recently and we did have to walk guy but walk by people playing dice There's an active there's an active dice game happening Well, there was a chicken fight they take razorbleeds to the report It was like what do you want? It's the suburbs man. The suburbs. Oh, you got to come out here on a Saturday We know the Hispanic guy show off their cars They open the fire hydrants. It's great Yeah, obviously you've never been to section seven housing so We live in the burbs. So what was called? There was for some reason I've literally people just don't walk down my block Like there's not there was a chick today. That's how you are. It's how you get shot. It's dangerous It's a it's a hook. You don't block in the block. No, no sidewalk. There is no sidewalk. No sidewalk. Oh, he did mention this too Why are you crushing my neighbor? - He goes, "Now in this day, we've got sidewalks." - He's not, he's not doing-- - I would never live in a place where Lewis lives. - He's a type of life sidewalk. - No sidewalks, if you get my drift. - Wasn't she going to your neighborhood at all? - No, it's all yards, it's all mine. - You have no sidewalks in your bum ass neighborhood? (laughing) - I can't make the point that I'm making. None of this matters. - Wow, I'm saying this while your entire living room is two times the size of my real world apartment. (laughing) - But at the same time. - It's important, I live in the hood. - He's not living the ghetto. - That's all you gotta do. Literally open gunshots all night long. - It's nice, if you go visit Lewis, you can get your hair braided next door. - Yeah, apples are crap. (laughing) - Apple's a crap. - I'm pretty sure, I mean not. So, so-- - It'd be great if this was a friendship and big fight. - Yes, you mother, so I don't have sidewalks. - You tell people on sidewalks, dude? I literally go to Lewis and they were supposed to buy fake iPods. (laughing) - But we're having a discussion on if sidewalks and no sidewalks are makes very nice her thing. Some people say they don't-- - Unless Ari says was, his neighborhood fought his father, fought against sidewalks. - No, you don't want sidewalks. You don't want people walking their dogs in front of you. - No, he fought for the sidewalks. - That's because Ari's dad was the landlord. - Yeah, somebody else was funny. - Goi said no. - Oh. - So, remember, I don't think that there's any, can you guys look it up? Do sidewalks or no sidewalks mean-- - You're taking this, you really let Ari fucking dig under your hands. - You really did get in my head now. Like, do I have to sell my house right now? - You might have to move again, dude. - He said, oh my god, that bus driver just moved in next door to me. - Yeah. - He said unless you aren't a cul-de-sac. He literally said those words. - Bobby Kelly said that. - If you don't have a sidewalk-- - I don't know anything about cul-de-sac. - Bobby Kelly lives three hours away from here. - Oh, he called Bobby Kelly. There's Bobby. - Settle a bed for us. No sidewalks means trash, right? - So, listen, for some reason, there was like a hot chick just walking down the not sidewalk. - On your lawn, you should have hung all the cops. - She's on your property. - That's your land, dude. - You have right to shoot her. - Well, I did put, I did put, do not walk your dog or walk on my-- - Yeah, that's what people do in nice neighborhoods. - Don't touch my grass. - Oh yeah, he did it, he did it, he did it, he did it. - Yeah, I should do it. - Don't touch my fucking grass. - This section of grass is my grass. - Beware dog. - It ends up the other driveway. - Less than $50 cash inside. - I just-- - I have a bumper sicker on the back of my car. - My son beat up your honor student. - I'm pretty sure you-- - To caucus 88. - I'm pretty sure you live across the street from truck nuts. (laughing) - So, for some reason, there was a hot chick just walking like in front of my place, I guess waiting for-- - That's your girlfriend, you need to remember. - Oh, what? - She was just going to get her check out. - I don't know why. - It's terrible, man. - I don't know why, but I-- - It's like a bridge, I need to trust her. - I know, we're talking, sorry, sorry, sorry. - It doesn't matter. It's actually not a good story. (laughing) - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - It's not even a good story. - Monica. - Monica. - Are his never been a pun guy except what he's done with you. - He's never been a pun guy except what he's done with you. - Did his games. - Did his games. - He turned into a pun guy in the past three weeks. - I'll tell you what I turn him into. - The body language here is crazy. - His behavior is so far and I've observed very little. - Yeah. - Unfelmin it may be total. - Yeah. - And I will say, I think this guy has done - And I will say, I think this guy has done - And I will say, I think this guy has done - and I will say, I think this guy has done - and I will say, I think this guy has done - the thing that fucks me up the most is that they don't have the budget for mugs - that is something to consider - that is something to consider - clear plastic cups - those are the New York comedy club cups - that is absolutely something to consider - that is absolutely something to consider - that is not even aid fluid ounces - they don't even recycle them because they just kind of dissolve - they're not even, those are the easy to tip ones - yeah, they might as well be holding the cones (laughter) - oh look, Russell Brand took off his asshole glasses - to talk to me if he was more gonna eye-to-eye (laughter) - what was your thinking and taking it into call? - and what you were seeing looking at some passages - wow, touching that Bible - a performative graph - you gotta watch this, here's a drink start - pull it back for a minute, because you have to have a call - this is very funny - his Bible is all posted, noted up like fucking Kevin Bacon's and Footloos - listen, so what he did was he - for every post-it note, he gets a deeper V - here's more gonna ask him what - every once like read this - and here's more gonna ask him what Bible verse like he was citing in court - like that was helping him - he's wait, he's cited - he brought the Bible to court, and then Pierce Morgan was like well what was the verse specifically - it was like helping you, so this is where it goes - Austin 316 - people were leaping and dancing - leaping and dancing (laughter) - I only go to snake church, like evangelical ones (laughter) - it is a sign of Skitzel, if you're courting the Bible - but let's hear what he has to say - taking it into call, and what you were seeing looking at some passages - what were the relevant passages for you - all right, thank you for asking me - thank you (laughter) - I didn't heard that - a little bit - and it was this from as I am - you're right, but it's a big chill - sometimes I lose the chill man - it's pretty - do you hear anywhere? - I don't know what the fuck you say - this is like watching snatch, this is why I never watch snatch - this is - he can't find it - this is why I never watch snatch, they come out and they go - I don't know what he's saying, he raped those girls - snatch is a great movie - he can't find it because the pages are stuck together (laughter) - oh, seems to have come these ones together, I did, I do (laughter) - all right, let's hear him - damn, it's so sad for him - now he's Puerto Rico - remember he just said it's in a higher spot - this is from Isaiah - you already said that? - pause it again, can't tell you what I'm like - what? - you gotta wear long sleeves if you're gonna wear a fucking suit jacket - you can't, you can't Frankenstein on a suit jacket - don't wear a suit jacket, just wear your stupid fucking - flowy fucking queef show - you want to know what happened, he showed up not wearing the suit jacket and they said hey you can't go on this thing (laughter) - and you're douchey, I'm drinking kambucha while watching this - fucking outfit - and you're Santa Maria fucking necklace - I think you guys don't get it, they all start as regular shirts but the women fight back and pull out (laughter) (laughter) - they all end up in tatters - son of a bitch is wearing his trophies right in front of us - this guy is a serial killer - if you see him in a potato sack, you know we're in trouble - he fucked a farmer (laughter) - he was a Zaya - it's Isaiah, a British dickhead (laughter) - that's called a vacation, not a holiday you take a vacation during a holiday, you fucking dumb British fuck face (applause) and you go to college at a university (laughter) - Arizona's bigger than Britain stop fucking being like oh you haven't been to multiple countries I'm like, yeah, I could go to Coney Island. It's the same thing as you getting to Paris. - And the short lift and football makes more sense, but fuck you. (audience laughs) It's an elevator and sock or dick face. - Uh-huh. - Suck on your own on circumcised, weird dick. (audience laughs) - He's still looking. - This is like what somebody's trying to show you a picture and then they go, "Hold on, hold on, wait, hold on. "Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on." - This is usually like when you're hooking up with a chick and you're like, "I want to show you a picture of her." And you'll see the guys will start scrolling through other pictures. - Oh, she's ugly. You're just trying to find one hot picture of her? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they'll do it. Just show me the first one. - You're just trying to find the hot photo of God. (audience laughs) - By the way, is this guy's. - Is this Bible? - Is this Bible made out of fucking sun chips bag? (audience laughs) - It's the loudest page turns I've ever heard. - Sorry, this is made out of. - You can hear it over the fucking, there's an audience laughing. - Sorry, this is made out of kelp. - Mark, the page. - He's got so many notes that aren't that. - Well, he never thought that-- - That Bible's made of aluminum foil. - He really never thought past anybody asking him what he reads in the Bible. - It's just lack of preparation. - Is he married? - It's a God. - Yeah. - By the way, is this something like that? Is he like, "I'm married to fucking God"? - I could see him being married. - Probably just. - But also, I could see him not. - Fine, is he married, find out? Anyway, keep on playing the video. - Playing this. - I mean, it's like a Tim Robinson sketch. It's just like four minutes of sweaty page journey. - We can get to it, like, "No, I can do it." - And Eve said, "Good for Pierce Morgan for not cutting any of this." (audience laughing) - He's like, "His produce, like, we should chop that." Right, he goes, "No, no." - No, he's thinking about the one-up, man. - No, he's living in a full minute of page churning is so fucking funny, he's trying to fill the time. - No, no. - He's not even saying, "Let me, "here I think," or it's loosely about this. - But Pierce Morgan, you can also go, I was just finding out. My guest today again today is Russell Brandt. He's a noted blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You got it, yep. - He's a fan. - Yeah, he got it. - Yeah, no, he's doing the Snyder cut. - He's choosing not to. Well, once he reals, he brought the loudest Bible ever. (audience laughing) - His Bible's made of pop rocks. - He's like, "Yeah." - He's like, "Bring it on a fucking kindle, ass face." - Yeah. - It's fucking starting. - It's starting. - It's starting. - It's like, "I got my Bible from the Acme." (audience laughing) - This in the Bible, Jay, classic white devil. (laughing) - Oh, what? (laughing) - Pierce is a killer. Pierce is a stone killer. Look at this diabolical dude. - How great would it be if he could? (laughing) (audience applauding) - Wow. - Wow, what a boss. - That's great. - Yeah, dude. - You know, I ain't that bitch. - That's what he said. - I ain't that bitch. - The worst thing I was looking at that day, is a good one that starts right up south. - He's like, a six-year-old's, like, the commercial well. - Ed, right, yeah, here it is. - This is from Isaiah 12. And then God said, in the end, it doesn't even matter. (laughing) - I had to fall. - I just imagine him pulling out the Bible and it unfolding it like a playboy. (laughing) - You battle? - Yeah. - Really, it's right here. - Hello, Philippians. - Ooh. - Hey, can I pause real quick? This goes from both way better than Tim Dylan. - Yeah, yeah, I did. (audience applauding) - This chick is not clapping at all, look at her, she's like, fuck, these are so mad still. - You would've got a word show for sure and you would not have gotten your food yet. - Yeah. - Are you still mad? - Yeah you. - Who the fuck you think? - Shut up, you know who. - That's why you said who? - You're still pissed. - She said I'm still pissed. - Okay, lost it, lost it. - I'll represent you if you want to see us. - We'll give you your money back, okay? But you have to leave right now. (audience cheering) - We can get the fuck out of the room right now. - Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay, right now. - It's a good deal. - It's a good deal. - It's a good deal. - You got to walk out. - 35 minutes of show. You like us. You loved him deal with you like us. Fuck you bitch. (audience applauding) - It was pretty good. - Lewis, that's not how you acquire new people. - She said she likes us but loves 10. - Right, but she might learn the love us. - No way. - You went fuck you bitch. - Now she'll hate me. - It's just not the way to bring people in. - But it's okay. - You know what though? - It works for him. - This kind of shit works for him. - You're right. - There's an 80% chance he fucks her this week. - It's crazy. - I don't know how it happens. - What it does. (laughing) - You're gonna be doing this to my balls. - Lewis, Lewis, Lewis. - She's cute though. What's up girl? - Yo, I'm single lady. If you want to get disappointed, come to the Upper East Side. - Isabella. - She's already got this appointment. She's here for Tim. (audience laughing) - Is this? - If you want to add another layer onto the cake. (laughing) - Is this because of fingernails? - No, it's pocket. - What does that mean? - Pocket? - Hey, wait, pause, pause for a second. She's about to already add to the show. - Yeah. Sorry, let's report to her white bitch in the field. White bitch? - What's that? - I feel white bitch. - Take off your wee-- - What does, what does clock it mean? - I feel like it's not a clock, it's not a clock. I feel like I can see it right here. - What? - Clock it. - It makes no sense. - Isabella just nodded. That's what it means. - No. Isabella, what does it mean? And then beat the shit out of this lady. (laughing) - Come get it. - Come get it then. - Come get it then. - You're gonna come get it. - You're still cute. - You still cute. - Come get it then. (laughing) - Still pretty. - Come on. (laughing) - What does it mean? - That's not the same place. - Come on. - She just said it's better than nothing. - I got behind you 100%. - That's it. - That's it. - You can't use the same word in a definition of a word. Oh my God. He should have punished you for not studying. - Clock it means the clock it. Guys, there's as much a chance, there's a strong chance Lewis flux this chick and there's a strong chance her and my daughters start a rap group together. (laughing) - Isabella, Isabella, I've never done this more of my life. You are grounded. - Oh! Uncle Aari dropped the hammer. You knew it was gonna happen one day. - It means clock. - What the fuck? - That was a terrible explanation. - No, it means clocking it. - What? - We clocked it. - We clocked that shit. - You know what food is? Food. (laughing) - What does it mean you're scared? - It means you're scared of it. - You're like, you know, I'm a clock. I'm frightened. - I'm frightened. You're so good with your words. - Isabella, I'm gonna give you 10 minutes and come back with a better answer than that please. - You can access Google if you want. (laughing) - Damn, Isabella, I wrapped you hard. - I wrapped her so hard. - Isabella. Isabella. (laughing) Unclocked. (laughing) Uncle Aari just unclocked you. - I didn't wanna do that at all. (laughing) - That was really hard for you. - That really was hard. - It really was. Dude, I get it now, fatherhood. It hurt me more than it hurt her. - Also, I don't know if you can call him Uncle Aari when he met her when she was 15. (laughing) - No. - He got so like 11. - He called me Dave uncle, Uncle David Uncle Lewis who's he met her when she was a baby. - I was just going from where the funny at the moment. (laughing) - And also I like that. Aari, you got a contact fatherhood. (laughing) - From that moment. - James does not call me Uncle Aari. James says, my dad's friend Aari. - Yes, he says, the Jewish one. (laughing) - The one I could take. - Aari, you look like, you don't look like Jesus, but you look like a crazy person who believes he's Jesus. (laughing) - I've seen things, Lewis. I've seen things and I've talked to people. Hey, I gotta tell you guys. I don't know if I can do this. I've been off the whole show. The new promo, the new fucking song was a problem. It's not that it doesn't slap. - Slaps. - Slaps? - Slaps. - Shout out to the Palmer Squares. - No one's, literally, shout out to the Palmer Squares. (clapping) - It's good, it's not that. But like, so here's the process we went through. We had them write a song and they pretty much sucked your cock for three minutes straight, musically. - Yeah. - Made sure they got their sking fest tickets. - And then we made fun of them. And then they made a joke and they did a song praising Jay. - Yeah, fantastic. - And now they're like, all right, let's get to the real song. There was no song praising Harry. It just feels off to me. - Oh, there wasn't one song praising. - Yeah, it wasn't like, continue the joke then. - Isn't that Havana Nagila? (laughing) ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ - Hey! ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana ♪ ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana Nagila ♪ ♪ Havana ♪ - By the way, if the Jews would just come with this energy, I'd like them. - Guys, I gotta be honest. I wish this didn't make me feel so much better. - It's so good. - Nice. - They should be doing that on the border over there by a palestine. - Yeah, the palestine New Jersey border. - How the palestine is not gonna get involved in that. They will. - You saw what happened last time, they were at a music festival. - Yeah. (laughing) - There's 11, there's 11 song. - There's 11 skinhits in this room who just sang that song with us. - People are paragliding in the Manhattan right now. (laughing) It turns the source of the sound. (laughing) - There's sponsor by Ray. -It's a dead bull, though, it's bulls. -That dead bull's area is on a paragolider. [ Laughter ] -He influenced us in a single minute. -You see Dave and Dambell Zarian having beef on Twitter today? -No. -Dave Smith and Dambell Zarian. -Dave Smith, long time friend of the show. [ Laughter ] -Political -- -Political commentary and Dave Smith? -Yes. -Okay. -What happened? -And Dambell Zarian, notorious -- He threatened Rogan, no, no, Dambell Zarian, he's all like -- -Is Daddy okay? -The Jews are responsible for everything and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. -Political's area, yeah. -By the way, my special Jew is on Netflix right now, everybody. It's the first YouTube to Netflix special. -Hey. -You better be the first one? -Yeah. -Dambell Zarian's like, "Of course it is." [ Laughter ] -What are the odds? -It's another Jew on Netflix. -What a surprise. It didn't rain that day. [ Laughter ] -Sure. -Vamp. Homosexual secrets are being spilled. -Russell Brand has been over one hour without a rape, as we said here today. His new book, "How to Get 24 Hours Rape Free" is in, uh, well, certain bookstores. -I think we're all over the country right now, Chuck stops it more. -I think Russell Brand started carrying a Bible because he heard they were going to throw the book at him. [ Laughter ] -It did good book. -That's very positive. -If I was Norman, that would've gotten a applause, Brad. [ Laughter ] -Comedy. -Hey, hey. -Let's do some plugs. We have so much fun, shit to have, but we have a new set. We're planning on doing this segment right after this, that's coming up. -It's just on the cell. -Fell into our lap, which is going to be really fun. I'm excited about this. -Oh. -But let's do some plugs really quick. Left for our brandy special, patchwork hilarious. Watch the entire -- [ Cheers and applause ] -Entire half out there. -That's very funny. -Pull up the screenshot. -Pull up. Good thumbnail. -Congratulations, Lev. -Thank you, buddy. Appreciate it. -I think you're advised. You told me to put it out and then kill myself, so let's come in next. -That is. -Good. -Watch "Cockfight Podcast," New York City, May 8th, me-com-tural, Tristan Bowling. We're going to be doing a show at SESH. Check that out. Lot of road dates. Winnipeg, Philly, LA, San Diego, Chicago, levercomedy.com. Along with the skanks. -Oh, yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] Tristan? -Um, uh, previously said, I will be at a show at SESH on May 8th. -No, I'll be there. It's going to be a lot of fun. Lev's fucking headlining. We're going to have a bunch of cool guys coming through, so if you don't come through, well, you know what? -You're not a cool guy. -You're not a cool guy, and I can't fix that, but I pray for you. -Uh, you could also see me on. -Could somebody say "Pray" for you? -Yeah. -No, not "P-R-A-Y," not "P-R-E-Y." -That's right. He's praying. [ Laughter ] -He's constantly praying. -Yeah, it's either "Pray" or "Pray." -Uh, no, you could also see me on "The Modern Knapes" podcast with me and Daniel Bridget and newly passed it. I'm very excited for 'em. We have a lot of fun. Uh, fuck yeah. Thanks for being here. Also, joke, we're a best. -Gonna be there. -All right. -Have you had to see. -That's best to America. -I haven't been emailed about "Skankfest." -I've been able to literally delete that from the show. Anyway, uh, continue. -I've got to be email. -That's crazy. -I have got to be email. -That's crazy. I said you're on "Skankfest." That's enough. -I've got to do it now. -You're going to plug another fucking person. -You have left fucking get his email first. -Wild. -That's crazy. -It's actually wild. -Whoa. -I mean, it's got an email. -You got to know a fight with Lewis that you just turned into a fight with me. You're mad that I got a "Skankfest" offer. -Wow. -I'm mad about the whole thing. -That's great, right? -I'm lashing in. -Now, now you can just go to "Joke World Fest" and not "Skankfest." -It's not. There are two separate dates. -Yeah. -No, dude. It's called "Skankfest Florida." -Yeah. -Wait. -Uh, speaking of festivals. -I heard that you did get "Skankfest" tickets, uh, right now we're at "Skankfest.com." Shout out to your friend and for making it all possible. The biggest "Skankfest." -Many of the panelists on today will be there. -Almost everyone on today's show will be at "Skankfest." -That don't. I will cry. -Inkilling that lady. -I will cry in front of you. I need this. -She's gonna. -She's gonna woman explain things like how they have sign language translators. -She's gonna woman translate. -Clack it. -Clack that bitch. -Clack it bitch. Go to skankfest.com. It is the biggest lineup we've ever done. -I'm gonna make the major concern after sadly missing my first year ever last year. -And I can't wait to get back again this year. -It's gonna be nuts, dude. Uh, Shane Gillis, Mark Norman, The Aurea Garbage, guys. Eric Andre is coming to skankfest for "Skankfest" for "Skankfest." I mean, the lineup is fucking out of control. You guys are gonna skankfest like I'm checking out the entire lineup right there. But I mean, everybody, obviously, your boy, Colin Turles is gonna be there. Two-thirds of "Cockfighter" are gonna be there. Dan Soder. -Don't say that to me. I will kill myself and reference you in my fucking end. Stan Hope, Greg Fitzsimmons, Diva Tell, fucking. -Jolis. -Jolis, fucking. -Anybody who is anybody is on this thing. -Look at this, dude. -You might like me to see you there. -You get things instead. -Brandom Edo's. I don't even know this. I mean, so Welchris, that guy. Ron Bennington before he dies. That's pretty sick. -Hell, yeah. -That is sick. -That's pretty sick as last. -Last festival. -I will kill myself and then attend "Will Me Name" after. -Well, the way you treat your friends, maybe you should. -Yeah. -T.J. Miller. -What do I know? -I mean, the light up goes on and on and on and on and on. -Oh, I think Tracey Carnage, I've got your spot. -Yanis Poffice, Chris de Stefano. I mean, what a fucking lineup. Tim Butlerly. Go to Skankvets like I'm getting those tickets right now. We have a handful of all-access passes left. You can get single-day passes for sure. But get them early because you do not want to miss out on the number one comedy party of the year. Check me out live on the road, guys. Lewisofskanks.com. They're riding me this tour. This weekend I'll be in Toronto. The next week the Legion of Skanks will be in Los Angeles. -L.A. -G.M. in the van. Next week on the van. Come the fuck out, guys. Los Angeles, come represent. -We never perform in L.A. -Ever. So this is your chance to see the most offensive podcasts in the world. -Yes. Special guests coming to that as well. And then we are doing story wars four nights at the comedy store. Most of the tickets are already so that we just added Friday because the tickets are doing so well. So get those tickets as well. Check me out at Fort Myers, Florida, after that. Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more. Go to my website, Lewisofskanks.com. Buy my book, Knives and Spoons, my memoirs available right now at Amazon or at BarnesandNobals.com. And that's really it. Check out all the other pods that I do. That's it. Oh, you know what? Subscribe to Gastigio. If you love the show, use a promo code LOS. Get the uninsensurant ad-free version of the show and hundreds of episodes that aren't available anywhere else. Well, Lewis, I'm sorry to have to tell you this. I have a promo code myself for Gastigio. I don't know. Yeah, it's LOS. Get access to hundreds of hours of extra footage and early access to tons of stuff. Thank you. Yeah. LOS. LOS. Three, four, and life. Ari? Well, guys, how are you doing? You got a new show available right now, don't you? I do. It's called the end. Big J's on it. It's doing pretty good. People love it. How many people have seen it so far? Nice. How great was Big J Okerson on there? [APPLAUSE] Yeah, I got to be honest. When I started doing this show again, I was like, hey, I'm very excited to have your story on. That I knew for fucking years that you tell on stage. And I was like, it's one of the things that made me happy. It's like, I'll be able to do this. I emailed you and said, dust that off. Because it's time to wait for a long time. It's available right now at aryshafer.com. $6 per episode. I know it's a lot. But, again, what? In this economy, it's pretty good. Help it out and enjoy it. I'm really happy. Everybody's really, really enjoyed it. So I'm looking great. And my, yeah, you saw all the work idea. The prologue, unexpected, and that's it. And then my old special Jew is available on Netflix right now. Fuck you. Yeah, watch that. And guys, I guess my last thing is like, hey, you know, Lev has a new special, everybody. It's his first one. All right. Thank you. I really hope you guys watch it. It's on my channel. It's called Patchwork. Even if you don't want to watch it, just let it play the whole thing. Where is it, Levfur? Yeah, it's on YouTube. Levfur. Levfur. And guys, maybe leave a comment saying, Tim Dillon brought me here. Thank you, all right, you're the man. It's a great goal, guys. Tim Dillon sent me. Tim Dillon sent me. Go, even if you don't want to go comment right now and Lev's special. Tim Dillon sent me. Tim Dillon sent me. Tim Dillon sent me. That's fantastic. Who else is here? Tim Dillon. Yeah. This hasn't been Tim Dillon the entire time. BigJComedy.com for all my dates. Greatest Yaffer Alive tour. Come and visit me this weekend. I'm going to be in Providence, the old comedy connection. I love that place. And then we're going to be again at the comedy store, doing story wars all week. We got Legion of Skanks having a Monday jam in the van. Come check out all those shows. I'm also doing what are they announced so far? I'm doing the Greek theater with Jelly Roll. We're going to talk about Jesus back today. You know my Jesus saving us all. I wonder what they think about it. That's all right, go ahead. Jelly Roll. Yeah, so look for me all over Netflix Fest. I got a fun thing. I mean, what the fuck, man, with this announcement? You can't announce it yet? Hey, so guys, I don't-- Guys, you get in the shot. Wait, no, no, no, no. Wait, hold on, hold on. Before we do-- What can they possibly do? What can they do? They're so close. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Lewis and I are-- Sidebar with their eyes. What? Sidebar? Just our eyes. Guys, Lewis and I have a massive announcement. No, no, no, no. Yes. I'm really sorry, Jay. But the reality is, you bring me him. You get me him. You get me him. You get me him. Lewis. What's the biggest event that Netflix did joke festival this year? I think they're doing the roast of Kevin Hart, right? Oh my god. Is that a live roast? who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's who's - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - They've smithed and shanked. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Rumor has it heard that I heard Tony's on it. - Yeah, Tony's on it. And guys, I'm gonna announce it right here. - Please. Big J.O. Christopher's a panelist on the fucking. On the day of the Kevin Hart roast live on Netflix. - Love on Netflix. - Love on Netflix. - Dude, if he gets, if he gets removed from it now, it'll be the funniest fucking thing I've ever had. (laughing) - I'd almost accept it. - Getting the do he deserves. Our own big J.O. Christopher said. (cheering and applause) - And me and Ari are gonna be there to heckle. I believe he has witnessed Kevin Hart penetrating a woman. (laughing) - That's dope. - I didn't, I didn't write anything about that, but yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, it's a huge, huge opportunity. - It's massive. - Yeah. - It's the craziest thing on the fucking planet. - It's gonna be the biggest comedy event of the year. - Yeah. - Side from Skankfest. - Yeah. - Not high wise, but overall, it'd be the biggest. (laughing) - Anyway, after that, I had the cancel Prokipsy. (laughing) - But I will be in-- - Sell out. - I have a-- - The fucking ad. - Spokane, Spokane, Washington coming up, and I'm all over the place. I'll be all over the place all through the years. Look for a senior here. Oh yeah, we're doing the mothership. - I'm sorry, Jay, I'm sorry. I gotta break in here. - If you don't mind, guys, Big J. Ocasin on the roast of Kevin Hart on Netflix. (cheering) - I'd say, I'd say it's not just the win for Big J. Ocasin. It's not just the win for the Big Three. - Well, let me just point to that. Jay hates this, but he hates it so much. He's so uncomfortable. He's gotta call his agent after this. He has to be like, hey, Ori announced it. You might have to call Alex and be like, you have to delete that out of the episode completely. - But I would say it's a win for Skakes Nation. (cheering) He is us. He is us. He is us. He is us. He is us. We're all roasted Kevin Hart. He is us. - You'd hashtag, he is us, I mean, that's, come on. That's fucking great. - I don't know how Ori isn't a promoter, but like a shitty Jewish wrestling company. (laughing) - Scottie Provost. - He really should be carrying a tennis racket and just screaming at the camera. - Oh, you thought he wasn't gonna lead the doveting again? - But he's back just one month. That Joe is awesome doveting. - Did you have a diet buffer? (laughing) This week is more the high versus Jacob. - Can someone turn the lights on? I can't touch the switch. (laughing) Loose the bonfire with me and Bobby Carey. I listen to story wars and let's get to the second half of the show, but can't do this. (cheering) - What a night. - What a night. - I'm sorry, I gotta break in. That's all cut away for these pleasure ones for a second. Shay, this is not just a win for you. (laughing) And a win for Legion of Skanks. And a win for Skanks. No, you shouldn't. (laughing) But also, (laughing) - Three more laps. - Three more laps. You know? (laughing) But Shay, I've been a Hollywood insider for many years. (laughing) And I have yet, as much time as I spent Los Angeles gotten to go to a roast. - I have yet. I have yet. But now, because of Bigger Ocasin and the wisdom of that black guy Kevin Hart, (laughing) me and Lewis Gomez are going to our first roast. (cheering) And I promise you. Yeah. We are not going to be shown on camera. (laughing) - I've legitimately watched Jay spin the ass tray about nine times. (laughing) - He hates everything. - Yeah, it's quite close. - He's like a goddamn Beyblade. He's sitting here. - No, they're going to show these guys, for sure. - Let's see. - Yeah. - I just want to hear Kevin Hart say the words Legion of Skanks. - It's going to be such a blessing when they say aren't it? - Okay, over under. How many times does somebody prepare from Wikipedia and go? The Legion is a podcast with Lewis Gomez and some Jew named Dave Smith. (laughing) - Oh, if they don't use the J, I'll throw a drink at the stage. (laughing) I can hold you. - I'll do something. I'll be good. - If they go, Legion of Skanks with Lewis, your Gomez and Dave Smith, I'll correct them, Ari Shafir. - Goddamn, right, you will. (cheering) - Three, four. (laughing) - That should be a painting right there, or hands together. - That's beautiful. - All right, look, we got to get to the second half. - We got to get to this. - This is fun. - All right, so, there's a couple of friends at the show in the audience right now. Okay, a couple of friends. Now, I didn't realize that apparently there's two gals that are friends at the show, that we've known for a long time. We both like these gals, right? - I could love this or could make me bummed out. - Maybe? - I think it's, I think it's, I'm hoping. - Okay, wait a minute, I'm in the middle, too. - I don't know. - Guys, wait, make more noise, make more noise. Just turn more, just turn more. It's the best thing for an intern to just turn constantly. So, just putting a fucking chair there. - So, let me know. - Wait, did you think I was gonna, why is your chair here? (laughing) Why, hold on, Lewis, I can't interrupt. Did you think it was better to do this for a fucking four-minute straight? (laughing) - Hey, all right, we're gonna put a chair in. Yo! (laughing) I didn't know that. You mean this chair represents a chair you're gonna put in? (laughing) - So, there's two gals who really, I've been friends with both these girls for a while. They've been hanging out at the show for a while. - Yeah. - I've had, apparently, these girls do not like each other. - Oh, this is a thing. - Why I say, my, my side of the, you have to take, oh, totally. - Fucking clock it. - That is the definition of clocking it. - Totally clocking it. - I recognize that. - Hey, we're clocking T right now. - One of these people's a friend, genuine friend. - Yeah, one of them. - Like that I, like, works on the road me a bunch. - Of course. It will figure out which is which. - No, I would say that I'm very friendly with both of these gals. - Sure. - And they're both friends of the show. - Friend, friendship. - One, we go on the road with and has been a friend for a while. And the other one, we're, you know, casual, more casual acquaintances, but it doesn't matter. That's not what we're here for. - It's time for "Hory Wars." (laughing) - "Hory Wars." "Hory Wars." "Hory Wars." (laughing) - "Double Chins." (laughing) - So listen, listen. - Bam, bam, bam, bam. - So, so here's the thing. This all came to us a few days ago, because our one friend, I guess, was offended by what this other girl had written about her on a post. Now, we'll see this. Josie Marcellino, who's gonna come up here in a second. Josie Marcellino is a very funny comedian. - This is bad, this is Bad Girls Club. - And then. - And then. - And then, yeah, on the other side of this is Aaron Lipsky, who's here every week. Aaron's also, Aaron, you do stand up as well. - Possible Jew. - Possible Jew. - Lipsky. - Possible Jew. - Possible Jew. - Possible Jew. - Possible Jew. - Let's not have a bias. - Possible Jew. - Possible Jew. - So Aaron and Josie, I have no idea that there's like a beef between these girls, but apparently Aaron does not like Josie. Now Josie doesn't like Aaron. So we heard about this through this post. So Mike Harrington posted an image of Chris Stanley. I guess Josie on the HSR show, which is right here. Right, and they were sitting next to me there. Now Aaron commented on this thing, making Stanley look thin. Now, here's the thing, let me see. - Wow. - Yeah. - Now Josie looks upset, you said it. Josie looks right there like, what though? Harrington writes excellent camera work, I know. And then Josie writes, girl, I will dog walk you. (audience cheering) - Now, not Alicia. - Yeah, fuck yeah, clock it. - So give the context. - Yeah, so I do want to say like, I heard about this and I looked at it and I looked at it and I go, oh wow. It was, it was said to me like, it's what it was. So I took it the way Josie clearly took it. But when I read Harrington's comment, I go, oh, you know what? I may have took that wrong because that would be a psychotic thing. - That would be a very aggressive thing to say publicly about another girl. - Right. - So I gave Aaron the benefit of the doubt. - Right, and I was like, oh, you know what, maybe Josie. Josie may have like jumped the gun there. It's sensitive and overreacted. And I said that to Lewis. - And I went to Aaron today. - And Lewis, I go to Aaron today. I was like, Aaron, I was like, that was probably just a misunderstanding that Josie commented, right? And Aaron goes, no, fuck her, I hate that bitch. And I was like, whoa, okay. So then I went to the guys and I was like, guys, can we have them both on the show today to hash this out? - I said yes before, it finished the sentence. - Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. Aaron Litzky, this is our own version of the bad girls club. (audience applauds) There's Aaron doing scancams wrong. That's okay, we're not gonna hold it again soon. - That's not Josie club. - Oh shit, there's a fucking chair here. - Suddenly. - And Josie's here, all right, so, all right, we got it. Hold on, wait, does she have a microphone? Yeah. Hi Josie, how are you? - I'm so stoned. - You're stoned. - Don't come into with it. - Don't come into with that, don't do that. - Don't do it, excuse me for you to start. - If Aaron's here. - Josie's 0-1 in debate, so she's taking the early. - Aaron's been quiet and is winning. - No, Louis, you are such an evil fucking carnie. - What did I love it? - You're like, all right. This part of the show, two fucking water buffalo, we're gonna fight, let's do it, that's. (audience laughs) - I know you've seen one bearded woman, but have you seen two? (audience laughs) - No, this was shocking, 'cause I'll be honest. Aaron I think I've met you like two maybe three times ever and I've never been anything but nice to you so that was an insane thing to say to me I don't know where. It was it was aggressive and insane. Oh damn bitch she just burned you. Also I don't I don't want to be mean. Aaron you you're like a hundred pounds heavier Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. >> [LAUGH] >> If I made it. >> Now what you are in their nail, it's nobody rules their nails tonight. >> Just because I can't walk the bases doesn't mean I can't call balls and strike sweetheart. >> A better ball. >> Oh, I would love to know what that means. >> Yeah. >> [LAUGH] >> Let me ask Aaron. Let me ask you a question. This post was correct. I came up to you and I was like, this is obviously misunderstanding. You were like, no, I just don't like school. Why don't you like Josie? >> Yeah, and that's the thing because it's everybody knows I love everybody. So if I don't like somebody, there's a reason. >> What is the reason? >> What's the reason? What's the reason? What's the reason? What's the reason? What's the reason? >> I'm so happy we don't have to go to commercial break. >> [LAUGH] >> This seems like it's more above it. >> Yeah, dude. >> And we'll find out that reason in a minute. >> [LAUGH] >> After you want to hear about Colostomy Pills? >> No. >> So what is the reason here? >> You are an incredibly dishonest person and sometimes that's acceptable. But the things you're dishonest about are next level. >> She's not a girl. >> Level. >> Wow. >> Well, I mean, not to get it. And I'm not just talking about the fact that you don't actually have eyebrows. I'm talking about the things. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Hang on. >> [LAUGH] >> Hang on one second. Hang on one second. Hang on one second. Hang on one second. >> Hold on. >> Hang on one second. >> With someone who has a vigorous eyebrow routine. [LAUGH] >> Hang on what? No, I have no eyebrows. She's right, these are drawn on. Real quick. >> Yeah, completely drawn on. >> Do you have no eyebrows? >> I mean, I have like sparse hair, but I mostly draw them on. >> Damn, Aaron, you just dunked on her. Holy shit. >> I didn't know that. >> Well, I know that. >> I'm never really good to do the same. That is a four life dunking. >> Real quick, before we get into appearances, can you pull up a picture of Drupy Dog and Rocky Dennis? >> Oh shit. Oh shit. >> Let's. >> Jamie pull that up. Oh shit. Okay, while we're pulling things up, can we, while we're pulling things up, can we pull up the clip where Josie claimed that she sold out? Oh, you two kind of look like that. Oh shit, Aaron. >> Rocky, Rocky, Rocky, Rocky, Rocky. >> Can we, okay, since we're pulling things up. Can we pull up the clip where Josie claimed that she sold out a weekend at the club? And it was actually Jay's weekend and she was just his guest. >> Jay's sold out. Jay's sold out. Jay's sold out. Jay's sold out. Thank you. >> Thank you, Karen. People of Appleton was constant. >> Wait. Shout out Skyline. Shout out Skyline. Genuinely, is that the thing you're upset about? >> That's one of the many. One of the many. So, okay. >> By the way, I love that with the women. She's like, you're a horrible person and your eyebrows are fake. And then the other woman goes, don't you talk about my eyebrows, bitch. >> Wait, is Jay coaching Josie right now? >> Josie. >> Jay, gotta keep it neutral. >> You're a corner man. >> Yeah, you gotta keep it neutral. >> Jay's like, I told her to stop pulling at my dick. She's insatiable. >> I want, I want Tristan and my corner. He's younger and fresher. >> Whoa. >> Whoa. >> Whoa. >> She just ducked on you. >> Facts. >> Facts. Not a lot of room in that corner. >> Hold on. We're just to be fair with Josie. Defend yourself here. >> Wait, can I say I'm trying to get Skankfest? Get at it. >> Oh my god. She got up. >> I really find this about what like this morning. She thinks we're stealing this from her generation. So, Josie. So, she's upset because this was during your debate with that guy. >> Andrew Wilson. >> Andrew Wilson. >> Shout out Crucible Crew. >> So, Josie was debating this guy. And was talking about selling out comedy shows. >> Yeah. >> Josie, you know, she might have done a little bit of fucking side stepping. She didn't sound a show. She was opening for Big J. >> Yeah. >> Hold on, hold on. >> So, what? >> That's not a little bit at all. That's a massive. >> No, that's easy. >> She, we honestly make fun of. It's, we make fun of when way bigger people do it. >> Yeah. >> We make fun of it. So, obviously. >> What was the exact wording though? How did she say it? >> Me and this guy had lined a place. What did you say, Josie? >> No, basically what happened was. >> What happened was. >> During this debate. I like random, I was stoned out of my mind and I panicked. And then I just started lying about funny like random shit. I started, I said that I had been to war zones. I like stole valor. I don't know why. I just did. She's been to war zones, guys. She's a fired 90 day fiance producer. >> Well, like, also, it is cool. >> I wasn't fired. >> It's cool. >> Not what I heard. >> It's cool to steal valor. Let's be honest. >> No, that makes sense actually. >> It is pretty dope. >> It's dope. >> It's dope to steal valor. >> Yeah. If the guy did it again, post it, we'd be like nice. >> I tell bitches, I'm in Call of Duty. >> I don't. >> Yeah. >> But I will say that like. >> 65 confirmed kills. >> Yeah. >> You should see my KD, dude. >> Immediately after that happened, I then went on like three podcasts. And I was like, isn't that fucking crap? I don't even know what came over me. I just started randomly lying about shit. >> Josie, let me see if you guys are right now. You're on the defensive. You got to start attacking back. I got to be honest with you. I didn't feel bad because I think she's slow. And I don't want to. >> Josie, you're going to ask me off mic. >> I think I'm keeping up just fine, don't you guys? >> Off mic, that's hilarious. >> Nobody's going to know that. >> That's fucking really funny. That's fucking really funny. >> Take a moment. Let that silence out. >> Yeah. >> Can I hear it in the back? >> I was like, guys, quiet down. >> Just the people in the back now. >> Just the left side. >> One hop this time. >> All right, it's out. You sound pretty good. The left side. >> So good, Jay, sorry. >> I don't even remember. That was great. >> Josie said to you off camera. >> She said. >> Yeah, I know. >> She asked me, she asked me. She goes, she goes, I don't want to be mean. Is she slow? >> Wow. >> And I said, and I'm not going to lie. I don't believe so. >> That was very nice of you, Jay. >> Wait, I don't, I don't know. >> So what else is, what is the other qualms you say? >> Hey guys, let me just break it real quick. Well, you just saw from Big Jay. That was just a taste of what you can get on the Kevin Hart live. On Netflix. May 10th on Netflix. Watch our boy become a man. He'll rule over all of us. He's going to become a Killtonian, brag about his apartment wealth. Just wait and see. Love him while you can. It's Big Jay Ogre said rise to the top. >> I'm going to have three thrones. >> Yeah. >> So you said there was multiple things that you don't like. >> Yeah. >> Also just the way that you completely misrepresented and lied about both Andrew Wilson and Brian Atlas. I've been on whatever as well. They treat you really good on that fucking show. They actually treat you good. You bought into the rage base to try to get attention. And you lied about everything that happened on that show. >> Wait. >> Brian was good to you. He paid for you to go out there. >> No, he didn't. >> Bullshit. He paid your flight. No, he didn't. >> He covered you and you whined the whole time even though you agreed to do it. Before you go on the show, they tell you how long it takes and you lied and claim that wasn't true. Then you sat there and you said you were going to debate Andrew. I said all you have to do is be respectful and it'll go okay. And you said you would rather get bucokeyed by the entire gas digital staff than respect him. >> I never said anything like that. >> That's loyalty. >> I mean congratulations, we know that's already happened. So you live in your dreams. >> The entire staff. >> I'm a good time. >> Josephine. >> I beat your brownies in lasagna. >> You guys need an intern? >> I'd love to make come. >> I mean, let me enter because this is great. But you seem like you really care. But it's not like a personal thing. You're just kind of watching her from afar and you're going. It's almost like you're taking advantage of everything that I've worked for all these years. So you were like, I don't like this bitch. And then you know, here she is in a picture. I think I'm going to fucking go after her right now. >> Yeah, it was still nothing to you. >> Did she like send a message to me that was like, did you say something mean about me? And I ignored it. And then she commented like four hours later, why are you still thinking about it? I'm not thinking about you. Berkdorf Goodman does not think about K-Mart sweetie. >> I don't know either of those stories because I'm not a hundred years old. >> Oh, oh, oh. >> And then I think off of your Amazon wish. >> You initiated this. >> So clearly you do think about me. I made an aside on how many people hear a comment on post at time. By the way I love -I do. I do. I do. -Guys, you do. -Guys, guys, don't be at home. -Don't be at home. -What you just saw is another example of he is us. We just saw it in play. He is us. He is us. -He is us. -He is us. -Have you guys ever seen the "Whatever Podcast?" It's like a guy sitting down with 19 porn stars being like, "Have you ever read Harry Potter?" -He's like, "Well, you're a dumb horror." -Well, you're a dumb horror. -So, you're selling your pussy on the internet? My wife wouldn't like that. So, I hate you. -Yeah, yeah. I don't have-- -I don't have dumb bitch. -I love picking a fight with strangers on the internet that you barely know, and then having a huge cross necklace at the same time. -Aren't his female Russell Brands. [ Laughter ] -Aren't you stand behind those dudes? Those guys are the worst. -No, they're actually really good, guys. -Wow. -Like, you can believe the rage-bait clips because they do exist out there. But Andrew is also somebody that gave hundreds of people $300 for Thanksgiving because their family was going through a rough time and didn't have food for Thanksgiving. -Is that what he told you? -I'm sure the cleaning crew-- -I'm sure the cleaning crew of Epstein got compensated. [ Laughter ] -There's no way he didn't get such a Christmas bonus. -Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold that math expert weighing in here. He gave away over $30,000. -Yes. He makes really good money on YouTube. -He has loyal fans. -I should get a fucking YouTube. -Alex, I'm-- Alex and Mike, I'm-- -Guys, you stay in touch, Mike. -I'm really sorry. We haven't-- -I helped some time book comments for this show, yeah. -If that guy's paying $30 grand for a Christmas bonus, we have done you wrong. -Wait. Aaron, you book the show? -I helped book comics for one of his podcasts at times, yes. -Which podcast? -The extravaganza with him and Jake Rattlesnick. -She took-- She stole my name. -Hello, fucking Jake Rattlesnick. -He's the Australian Rattlesnick, don't worry. -So, are Josie responding to this, Josie? -I don't even know how to respond to this. You're getting mad over, like, guys that you don't really know, who I don't really know. -No, this is the thing that I am truly mad about is saying that you sold out a weekend. You know, everybody here who's an actual comic knows how hard it is to put that work in and to actually do that thing. And for you to try and jump ahead and bullshit about it, -You can't sell out a weekend. [ Laughter ] -A whole weekend's a lashing. -Oh, a whole weekend is crazy. -That's, like, called Thursday, too. -If I sell out two shows, I'm pretty happy. -Frighting Saturday, I'm doing it. -Frighting Saturday, but he's the first day. -That's the first day. -Is the room 12 people? [ Laughter ] -Team Bill and Soul out tonight. [ Cheers and applause ] -This one's for you, Timmy. -Thank you, Tim Bill and -- -Thank you, Tim Bill and -- -That was for you. -Touchwork, Tim, Tim, and brought me here. -So, uh, -No, I mean -- -Can I say -- It does -- Look, I'm gonna take you kind of serious here for a second. Why do you -- Why do you care? -Because -- Okay. You can -- People can shit on me. You can talk about my looks. You can claim I'm not intelligent, but the thing -- -Why would we do that? -But the thing -- I didn't even say that part. Anybody here who knows me, people that have known me, know that the day that I am, the day you meet me, is the day I am five years later, I'm not a liar. So it's just trashy to be a fucking liar. -Wow. -Okay. -I just -- [ Laughter ] -On this stage when you aren't. -Damn, uh, also, who are you with so piercing? [ Laughter ] -That was so good. That really was like, "She doesn't even go here." [ Laughter ] -Is that guy Mike? -Yeah, what the fuck? I didn't know the funniest guy in the world was behind it. I think that's Tim Dillet. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -He's here! He's here! -Guys, I don't know. I just got to get high, and I got to be honest, there's never been a better time to get a little high. And that's why I personally love IndyCloud. -Oh. Yeah, it's got everything. What do you want? Gummies, you want vapes, you want pre-rolls, you want edibles, you want zero calorie THC sodas. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -Who are they, dude? -I know I do. -Oh, well, I got you, buddy. -And it's also legal, and it's online. -It's not legal, it's legal. -No, it's legal. What happened to America? -This is legal. -Legal. -Online cannabis, especially for you. Bro, you don't have no idea how lucky you have it. DEA certified lab tested, mother approved. If you're 21 or older, and a new customer go to IndyCloud.co. -Oh, it's all right. I got a question. -He's mind his blown, 'cause he's a paraguay citizen now. -Yeah. -Hold on, hold on. -I'm 27, can I get this? -Yes. -Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's say I'm 90, can I get it? -Oh, yeah. Hold on, hold on. Let's say I'm 21. -Yes. -Okay, I'm done with it. -IndyCloud.co. That's not.com. Use the code "skanks" for 40 or 40 percent off your weed. -Okay, here, I've been fooled before. -No, no, guys, I've been fooled before. -I've been fooled before. -No, no, I get it. Your clapping makes a statement, but I've been fooled before. -You've been hurt. -They give you 40 percent off. It's crazy to begin with, but then they get you on the shipping. -Well, check this out. -Yeah, that's what they do, bro. -I'm gonna blow your fucking mind right now. If you spend over $50, you're not free shipping, and $30 in free gifts on Telefansion. -No! No! Why? No! You just see Alex go. There we go. -Just once again, go to indyCloud.co. Use that promo code "skanks" for 40 percent off. -Hey, guys, let's talk about one of our amazing sponsors over here at Skanks. And that is Rugee at Ready, one of our newest sponsors. And let's give a stiff throbbing welcome to them. So you can guess what they're for. -You're dick. 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I haven't seen your whatever episode, but you called yourself an eight on the podcast? -A six. -No, no, no, no, no, to be fair, I watched it and shared it with everyone I know. -You. -And I was doing that to Lewis. -I've said that to me that I said that to everybody that I've ever met in my entire life, they on the whatever podcast, they go around and they ask the girls to wait themselves. They say face body and then an overall score. So Aaron said face to face. She said face a body three. -She was talking to a cave person. -Face eight. Face eight food. -We're saying that. -Wait. -We're saying that an animal ate your face? -No. -You're not allowed to say seven, and I ended up changing it to six. I did change it to six. -I do well. -I do well. -First and foremost, six seven. -You do. -But also. -I do well. -Tristan, you're the person she chose. -Listen. -I know, right? -So in time, wait. Do you stand on the statement today, "Face is a six"? -I was about to say, sometimes you're a defendant kills a guy. -Can I do this? All right. Here's what I want. -You got to kind of figure your way out of the mud. You know what's an L. -So you think your face is an eight, your body's a three. What would you rate Josie's face and body? -Josie? I would say she has a six face and a six body. -Wait, wait, wait. Back up again. What was the original one? What was yours? -I said eight only because I had a six, seven, but I did change it to six. -Six face, three body. -Yeah. -She is. -Your body makes me six. -Six face. Six body. -And five is average. Five is average. -Your face is six. -Your face is six. -It makes me six. -I do well. -I do well. -I do well. -I do well. -I wouldn't fuck Aaron with Josie's dick. -Oh, my God. -Oh, I love being mean to women. -This is my favorite. -We know what that's for. -We know what everybody has. -Live, live. That doesn't exist. I've never heard my feelings because I wouldn't fuck a guy that can eat as many subway sandwiches as you either. -You said too fast. First of all, eating two subway foot longs while your wife cries is awesome. That's awesome. -Can I break in here? Maybe I lived in Los Angeles too long. Are both of them retarded? [ Laughter ] -Josey, same question, how would you rate Erin's face and body? -Oh, shit. -I don't want to do that. That's me. It's me. -I don't care. You're not going to hurt my feelings, sweetie. -No, I-- -Oh, she sweeted you. -Oh, she sweeted you. -Prep, rep, rep, rep. You're not going to hurt shit, sweetie. -I love you. -I love you. She hates her. She loves sweets. I already said the droopy dog and the rocky dentist thing. I can't-- a number on it feels mean. I don't want to be that mean. -Don't be mean to me. -I just put a number on rocky dentist. -So, give her your response. -What would you rate rocky dentist? -I was about to say. -What would you rate a fat rocky dentist? -Oh, one. -There's no number that's good. -That is true. He was a thin man. I'm not going to rate her. -Why would you rate rocky dentist though? -Yes. -Rade her. -Rade her. -Rade her. -Do us a favor and rate rocky dentist. -I can't. It's just mean. -Wow. -You're a goddamn dude. You know you're ugly and he's like, "Rade?" And he's like, "I can't. That's mean." -I don't. -That would crush me. -I do, well. -You would do whatever it is. -No. -You have a six and she has six. You guys think you have the exact same look. -But Aaron, Aaron, you fucked though. -Huh? -You fucked. -Yeah, I do well. -So great. -I already, if I showed you the guy I'm dating right now, it would blow your mind, trust me. -Let me see it. -Can I tell you something? -Let me see it. -Let's show Justin's dick. -Let's just his dick. -Dude, nothing but his dick. -And multiple pictures of his dick, but nothing but. -Dude, no. No really attractive woman ever says, "I do well." Guys say they do well. -Girls can fuck whenever they want. They're supposed to be able to. I do well. Means like, eventually I find someone. -You know, Jay, I make mine. -What? -You know, I get it in. -Yeah. -Maybe it's weird. -What's that? -That's the guy she's banging right now. -Not bad. What's his name? Goal on Heights. Aaron, are you saying this? Did you say this guy $100,000? He promised when he shows up. He's going to bring you a million. -Sure. I'll see the video. I'm going to see the video of you hanging out with me. -Yeah. It's you accosting him at his fucking. at his show. -She saw. -What is he doing? He's dancing. -This is him dancing. -Is he trying to get a green car? -No. -He has a very good car. -The evidence you've given about dating this guy so far is the evidence I would have to show guys who lived by my dad on the summer about who I was dating back at home. You just gave the evidence that I would go, "This is my girlfriend." And she's a girl who gave me a class picture. -You got a stop scrolling. It's bad. -Stop scrolling for great things. -It's making us all uncomfortable. -Did they say, "No, I got it." You got a clock out, please. I beg you. -Can I tell you an observation real quick? -Yes. -It's interesting in life where there's two things that are opposing that come together. You see which one is more powerful. Let's say you're left-wing in a right-wing person day, one of them will win out. So you have two facts as I see it. One is that fights are interesting. And then two, it's that women are boring. [ Laughter ] -I don't have any-- -And these two things that come together and you're like, "But even a boring gender would make a fight interesting." In fairness, Josie is-- -I have no skin in this. -She's side-swiped by it because no one saw that when this came up even when we talked about it, it was just like, "At a nowhere." -Yeah, I know. -I just hate Josie. -I don't know why. I mean, she said it. I still don't really. That's a weird reason to hate someone. I have no feelings towards this girl. One way or another. Like, it's such a weird clip. -Who are you, her boyfriend? -Clips. [ Laughter ] -I was like, "I've never hung out with this girl. I've never heard of this girl." [ Laughter ] -Real, my boyfriend goes to a different school of times, yeah? -Tristan, you literally met-- -I don't remember. I'm drunk. [ Laughter ] -He was a handsome guy. -Okay. -Before the accident. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] -The guy she's dating? With a new evidence of them dating? -There is no evidence. -Is a video of him dating? -Can you show me the text of this? -You have at least a dick pic of his? -Hey, can you show me that guy who played Mask? And then him as he was an actor? Like, both of them? That's like the before and after boyfriend? -What an invisible man. He just covered in bandages. -I mean, it was an Instagram picture and a video of him dancing by himself. -Yeah. -He's like, "I would rather dance alone." [ Laughter ] -Are you even dancing with you? Are you dating the guy from WikiLeaks? -You're just following him around and filming him dance? He's my boyfriend. -Oh, yeah. That's all you've proved is you've filmed a guy dancing. -All right, when we go on our next date on Friday, I'll send you pictures. -When you go on the next date on Friday. -Yeah, I'll send you pictures. -Well, good news. That's when the episode's coming out. [ Laughter ] -Man, what do you put pressure on a guy? -I mean, it's pretty funny that we literally just don't believe you. [ Laughter ] -I said I tracked him by right now. -Okay, hold on. -Yeah, they're pictures ready. And they're just like, "Let me show you proof." -And it definitely wasn't her. [ Laughter ] -What an odd thing, not to hide it. -Can you end the thing? -Aaron, can Josh's last act as an intern here be shadowing you from a block away to see you try to go through with the sham? -He's a PI? -Yeah. -Security won't let him in. It's a classy event and he looks kind of black. But otherwise, sure. -What? -Good way. -Racist. -Actual racism, folks. -There I asked. Where I asked, what is this event? What's the event? -I'm not disposing that. -You can't say what the event is. -What kind of event. -You guys are with the event? -It's the whatever podcast gala. [ Laughter ] -It's at the Liars Club NYC. -Is Andrew Wilson fast? -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -No, it's all the fucking guy. Listen, if you're a only fans prostitute, it's a fucking event. -So what? -This begins whatever stock. -Yeah. A lot of this anger comes from you're just defending the whatever podcast, guys. You like those guys that much? -That's not the biggest thing. Again, the biggest thing is lying about selling out that weekend. Like, we know why you get your spots. -Yeah, but she also -- -You're going to come. -Because I what? -You heard me. I didn't stop. -Oh, shit! [ Cheers and applause ] -I'm back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back in. [ Cheers and applause ] -I didn't hear it. -I didn't hear it again. -She said she gurgles. -That's why she gets spots. -She gurgles. -Is gurgles or gurgles? -Did you also not hear her? -I didn't hear it. -I say it against him. -Wait, hold on. You gurgle or gurgle? What is gurgling? -No, no, I say it to you. -Gurgling is when a fatter girl does it. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -It's a thick neck gurgle. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] -Patrick on YouTube. -Wow. -It comes from big -- -Tim Dylan. -Fuck Tim Dylan. -Tim Dylan. -Fuck Tim Dylan. -Fuck Tim Dylan. -Tim, Tim wouldn't have been here for this. -It would not. -Tim would have been like, "I gotta go." -See, if Tim was Aaron, he'd be like, "They all want to fuck me." [ Laughter ] -Hold on. -Aaron, when you say -- when you say you do well, besides that guy, what does that mean? You hook up with a lot of hot dudes? -Not recently. I'm a good Christian woman now. I am Russell Brande, turned out. -Yeah, Russell Brande. -Yeah. -They shit brand you, you fucking crap. -I have a very successful life. -Don't think about it, lad. [ Laughter ] -Russell would have raped you if you were 12. [ Laughter ] -She's like, "I'm a 12." [ Laughter ] -You wish you were a wagyu bitch. [ Laughter ] -I'm glad I came up here, love, because you haven't said a word before I got here, so I'm glad you finally found your voice tonight. -The smell woke me up. [ Laughter ] -Got up, you fucking dumb-gun. [ Laughter ] -Wow. -Oh, wow, this is -- this is brutal. So, Jon, you're -- I mean, as of right now, the debate right now, I will say right now, even though I don't agree with Aaron's reasoning, I feel like Aaron is kind of dominating you right now. You really won't give her a numbers for face and body. I mean, Joseph. -Hey, that's so fucking mean, Lewis. -You can't say less than one. -Josey, she's been nothing but rude to you. -Yeah, no, but -- -She's constantly done this. -And you've already been shitty to me. -She called you a fat whore. -You literally said I look like Rocky Dennis, and now you're going to sit here and act like you're a good girl. You're lying again. -Oh, you're lying again. -Oh, Cody, not bad. -Not bad. -Not bad. -All right, fine. Two in the face and two in the body. That's -- Damn, that was over the line. - That's not fun. - That's not fun, that was not cool. - That's not fun, that's not nice. Nobody likes that. - She went the face and two in the body. That's why I described Erin's prom night. - That sucked. (all laughing) - Damn. - I dropped out long before prom. - Yeah. - We know. (all laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So, but you did attack her wheat specifically, as opposed to that. - Yeah. - That was the thing we're like-- - Honestly, that's kind of awesome. Like being a disgusting big and calling people fat is like that rule. - That rule, that's rule. - That does, that is sick. - Live knows funny, he does the same. - Yeah, I like it. I was about to say, if you want to see more tuning into the cock fight part now. (all laughing) - So, you, I mean, you know, and look, I'm not going to knock your appearance at all. You know, you're curving a big chicken, big tints good for you. You're curving a big chicken. (all cheering) - Big chunky tits, big shits. (all laughing) - I guarantee she has huge shits. - She says, she says big dumps. - Look, you're here, you got monster shits. (all laughing) - You, you're curving-- - You need a guarantee! - You're curving, you unload and stuff. No less than a two-coiler is my guess. - And what I'm assuming is that it starts as like a cork and then just it goes. - You're curving, you go above the water level. - Nope. - Yeah, you breach. - You breach. - You breach the turkey, yeah. - You got the type of shit that can criss in a boat. - Nope, I hate to break it together. Nice and perky. - Sorry, where is that gangly shadowy freak that brings drinks? (all laughing) - Josh. - Freak, oh freak! (all laughing) - Freak, come out of the woods, you're haunting him. Give me another mask down, you'll freak. Another mask down, you will for that, please? - I'm under the stairs with you. - When Josh starts the show, he runs while shrieking through the crowd. - Dude, he is horrifying. - Everyone in the eyes. - Dude, it's like, it's like Blumhouse produced it. - Where's that wall decorative face mask that carries drinks over? (all laughing) - But when you hold Josie, when you call her fat, you leave yourself open for some criticism. - I'm okay with that. - What's the saying? If you don't fit in the glass house, don't put on stone. (all laughing) - Freak, if you're in the glass house and your fat is pressed up against every window, like, if your house is not reinforced to this code for this level, don't throw anything. - Nothing will make you feel fat or the being trapped in a glass. (all laughing) - At first crack, you gotta hit the floor. - It's play wide. - Everyone's seeing it. - You just see the crack like ice slowly. - Dude, that should be all night, man. - I'm waking up in my underwear in a glass box. (all laughing) - I hate to lean on the cliche thing. - Don't lean on anything, you'll break it. (all laughing) - Please God, it's old, don't. (all laughing) - Oh my God, dude. - I can lose weight. She's gonna be a horrible person forever. - Wow. - Horrible person. - Yes, horrible person. - Horrible person is bold to say that I'm on the same show as this old out show. And I'm just being like, yo. - And I was in war zones. Also, she admitted not true. - You're in war, what's up playing Call of Duty? What do you mean, you're in war zone? - I know, I know what she means, I know what she means. She was in Tunisia. (all laughing) So, she was on the show, the guy that was debating you. - I got it, it was great. - You ever just panic and say some shit? - Undeniably, Joseph's getting out. - I guess you're the slow one if you panic and say dumb shit. - Aaron, Aaron, on a show, you said you were in eight face. - Yeah. - Every retarded move I made. - That feels like panic talk. - Nobody hears an eight. - Yeah, and every retarded move I make is heavily calculated. - Yeah, nobody hears an eight. In this room, maybe there's nobody here. - There is not one guy, no, no, no. - The guy right there is a Faggot, but not there's not one eight. (all laughing) - He's like, he's an ugly Faggot. - My beautiful daughter. - Aw. - She's a four at best, Jay. - Shut up. - Hey, you're on suspended. (all laughing) - Wait, Jay, Christine's also in here. - No, she left. - Oh, she left. - Okay, she left. - 'Cause she knew what was coming. Is too fancy. - She left, she's a seven. (all laughing) - She knew she was just a seven face. - She saw the sign at the door. (all laughing) - Only seven's allowed. - She goes, yeah. If you're eight or less, you're about to feel like shit. She goes, I'm gonna go pick up the dog. (all laughing) - That reminds me. - Yeah, no, you should be. - I mean, collect coats. - So, I mean, here's the thing, I feel like you're dominating with the meanness of this, but I just can't get to the idea that Josie's a horrible person. - Yeah, thank you. - She's annoying sometimes, she's over zealous, she tries too hard, she's desperate for attention, but a horrible person, I just wouldn't give her that. - I think all of those traits make for a horrible person. - Wow, that's an interesting point. That's breakdown logically of language. I don't allow it. - Josie, you're blowing an easy win here. - You got to get in this man. - I know, Josie doesn't want to be super mean. - It feels like I've brought a gun to the special Olympics. I can't pull the trigger, it's so mean. It's just too fucking mean. - Damn dude, she said your legs don't work. - Yeah, but if they're open. - Damn, that's right, Josie get her. - I can still play cornhole and kill a man. I bet you can play cornhole girl. (all laughing) I bet you can. - Hey, I'm really sorry. - I punch her in the face. (all laughing) - I gotta go through, I gotta go to the bathroom for real. - Wait, what? - Yeah, no, but I'll be back, but just for a second. - Just for a second? - Oh, you can't shit. - Nah, I'm not gonna shit, I'm gonna piss. But just for a little bit, just for like one minute. - Okay. - Good for life. - Oh, two to life, for a minute. - Can I, can I go, when you come back, when he comes back, guys I want to be back right now. - You go, you go, I get to go piss as well. - Wow. - Oh shit. I've never had so many people have to piss on the show. - That's so rude, or he's like, I gotta piss, but this girl's a two for life. (all laughing) - It does feel like you are oddly, hostily angry at Josie. - But we're all like in the same community. - The thing is, again, you're acting like this is something that I actively think about all the time. I was flipping through some shit, I thought, oh, it'll be funny to say this, and I said it. Like, I don't actually think about her. - But who is it funny for in the moment? 'Cause it just hurt Josie's feelings. - It didn't so much hurt my feelings as it just like, it sent me into a cyclone. I'm like, is this a different person than I'm thinking about? 'Cause like, I, I mean, yeah, we, we didn't make this a big deal on either of you. Asked us to pop on and do this. We're having fun with it. - Well, Josie said it. - Oh no. - If he had not done this, I was going to spit in your face. - Wow. - Wow. - So he did. (mimicking) - Fight. - So he is so classy. You are just pure class sweethearted. - I am garbage from Philadelphia. - Yeah, you are. - Yeah, you are. Yeah. - It's fucking. - I miss the most. - What were the O's I miss? - We were gonna really, Josie said if we didn't do this, - I heard O's upstairs. - Josie said if we didn't do this, she was going to spit in her face. - Yeah. (mimicking) - We were like, we'll say. - Take head. - You were really going to. - I was for real going to spit in her face. - All right, let me tell you, can I tell you why I believe her? - That's a pretty dramatic reaction to an internet housing. - It would have been taken to your therapist. - Let me tell you why I believe her is because Aaron comes all the time. Josie doesn't come to Skanks all the time, but she was here tonight knowing Aaron probably was going to be here. And the interaction was, she made a call to her fat, and then Josie goes, bitch, I will dog walk you. She basically goes, I'll fuck you up. - Yeah. - So I believe she would have spit in her face. - Yeah, what would you have done if she's spitting her face? - What would you have done? - You would have sued her. (mimicking) (laughing) (mimicking) (laughing) - Two, two, two, two, two, two. - On the clock, on the clock. (mimicking) - You do, fuck off. - Because, no, because I could physically fight, I could have been, I could have physically fought back and it would have been one in one fight, or I could get shit involved in ruined your life, and that'd be more fun. - Wait, do you want a fight at Skankfest? - No. (mimicking) (mimicking) - Wait. (mimicking) - Yeah. (mimicking) (mimicking) - Hang on, hang on. But if we do that, then Tristan won't see it. (laughing) - You guys want to fight a joke real fast? - Are you guys doing an ultra heavyweight bout? (laughing) There's a no-cap fight. - There was a fight in this century at Skankfest 10, on the last day of the Maya calendar. (cheering) This is a challenge that has been issued to you, Aaron. This your way to go to Skankfest for free. This is a fucking great opportunity. - Oh shit. - You'll be the one. - Would you, would you only one person? - Do you accept the challenge that Josie is putting on the table for you? - To fight. - Cover my flight, my Airbnb. - I'm not getting you two seats on the flight, that's insane. (laughing) That's insane. (cheering) - It's nuts. (laughing) - No, self-miss. - Wait, wait, how are you flying left? (laughing) We can get we can get air B&B. That was insane ask nobody gets an air B&B. You'll stay at the homeless shelter like you always do. No, but you will get you will get you will get access to a lot of cool shit. You'll get it like an artist backstage pass. You can get it like this. I'm sorry. I guess I could have blown some people like you and got on that way. Right back in your face, bitch. I've been meaning to announce I've been booking skank fans this year. I do also I want to go on. I did not blow anybody to get on skank fest. The booker is a woman. Her name is Rebecca. Now you just blew them for the fun and it happened that way. Josie fucked Rebecca. I blew Rebecca. Not everything. That was a good one. Who the fuck do I got a blow? Rebecca. So I just want it. I'm excited. We're not paying for you to get there. We're not going to put you up. But this is an opportunity for you to come to skank fest. Be a part of the biggest coming world. Aaron, why don't you just swim there like you go everywhere? It is on international waters. She issued a challenge. She said she will fight you. It is on a foot. I swear. It is on an inlet. From New Orleans, you get all way to the ocean if you wanted to. Yeah, no plenty of krill. Look over your krill and your current. Aaron, there has been an issue challenge here or a challenge issued here. Hey, can we do a best of Tim Dillon from this episode? I need the air response. I was not let go from a tacky reality show. I have a job. I can't commit. You can't wait me Saturday. Why Saturday? Talking that shit. You want to show Aaron. That's why Saturday be there Sunday. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's crazy to say that you've been here every Monday for every Monday for every Monday, but you can't make it to the event. She's like the opposite at Garfield. Yeah. No, I can't go to the lasagna conference. Listen, it is only twice a year. Once a year. So you're saying straight up. No, you're not interested in boxing, Josie. It's gangfest. I'm sorry. No, I'm just not. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I respect what you guys built. I'm not somebody who gets an boxing ring for entertainment and boxes. What about? What about bullets? Then why does your face look so beat up? Also. Lev, you've seen you, right? Also, I'm just saying, we can settle this at Naked Rose. Really? Sincerely. We're canceling Naked Rose. We can settle this at Naked Rose. We can do this. We're out there with it. Shut up. We're out of here. Fuck this. Aaron. Is that not the thing? I can't believe you're turning that. That's crazy. If Aaron. If Jay and Ari agree, we'll pay for your flight. We'll pay for your flight. Not for hotel. Fuck that. My paper hotel is insane. Hold on. Hold on. First of all, give me a second. It's doing Jewish arithmetic in his brain right now. How much are three seats on a spirit ally? Are there any big sporting events that the price is going to be higher than normal or just skank fest there that way? Forget Ari. I'll pay for sure. We'll take care of you. What if she shows up and goes to the best and doesn't do the fight? I'll pay for that. We already established. I'm not the one who's a liar. You know what? You know what? Just to shut you up. I will go on with these guys for a flight. For a flight. For a flight. November 13th or 15th in New Orleans. The biggest one we've ever done outside on the Mississippi River. You'll do it. I'll do it. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. Guys, I'm going to tell you when I started this episode, I didn't think the Bigger Ogerson that was fucking out of the day to the Kevin Hart Rosen would be the second biggest announcement for today. Wow. Stank fest weekend. It will be a slobber knocker. They're going to both be slobbering. They both have not. Who's got tickets so far? Not one of you. That guy only. You guys are fucking suck. Some guy has the tickets. Dude, you might see me there. But you got it. After this, I'm not going to be nice to you there. Me? Okay, trust in your also water shit list. I'm goofing around you. Wait, so Aaron, tell, talk to me about this flight. Do you think that you will be Josie in this fight or how do you think it'll go? Yeah, it's a good point. I haven't got in a fight in like 20 fucking years, I don't know. You had to go fight when you were 31 years old. I swear to God, I swear to God, I was going to say 30 when I left it alone because I felt you doing it. I was going to say, do you want me to have a long story? That earned me on turkey, you too. That was great. That was great. That was great. That one was more specific. Yeah. It just seems like it was right. I just, I mean, like, I just think that Josie's going to harness the wall while employee that's in the right. I mean, I know you're in my corner and also why, but, but at the same time, okay, that is one fair point. I can't be going to work with a fucking black guy. Again, I have a day job. You can't go to some way. You can't. Why don't you say that? Then Aaron, Aaron, then do me one thing. Win. What are we waiting for? I thought you said black guy. You need two water fountains. Aaron, I am going to knock your candy corn teeth out of your scarecrow face. After I beat your face in, maybe those definitely struck it to an eighth for you. Wait a second. I'm alive late in the eighth. How long was this segment going? It took you 20 minutes to come up with that. Congrats, sweetie. I got done being nice. I'm sorry. You know, Josie. She's all out of bubblegum, bitch. You know, Josie's fulfilling because she is a sixer. I like it. Tim Gilbert. All right. Well, look you guys here. You're in or you're pulling out because now you sent them about a black guy. You know, we're ahead. I'll still do it. You'll be ahead. The funny thing would beat it with Aaron's shot to put like a name blacker. That says Tim Dylan every time. Yeah. Yeah. We'll give you head gear or a paper bag for your head, but we're going to. Oh, please make it a paper bag fight. The water face fight. But in face championships, please make it a paper bag. Oh, my God. Paper bag fight is the best. Hey, but don't pull out is what every bookie, bikinis and fucking paper bags. Well, this is an excuse for both of you guys to not only train, but to get to your absolute hottest level. So we're also going to be physically judging you both while you're beating the shit out of Josie. We know we Josie's been in great shape before. I was about to say it's crazy. No, who's who immediately? All right. Can we just say, let's add a stipulation, because I'm worried about Aaron bagging out. If you show up and you don't do the fight, you can never come to a Legionist fan. I love that for the rest of my energy. You can never come to this show and you are banned from the stand. I'm not banned from the game. You don't have to move to Shayna Barber and hang in there. Hold on. Joe would not do that. Yes, you will. Get me Joe. If I quote Chris right now and say this stipulation will definitely happen. No, they love me. No, I'm just in the building forever. Just a stand. No. Yeah, just a stand. I'm not going to back out, but they're not going to tell me I can't come. Well, I don't know, but are you excited? Why would you be worried about it if you're not going to back out? Well, it's also you're going to be you're going to be trespassed from the areas. Aaron, here's the hell. Joe Harari. It's Joe. Can you make a vow? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Pass over. Pass over. Pass over. Pass over. Okay. Let's tell them if Aaron gets flown [BLANK_AUDIO] I got this gangfest and doesn't compete in the fight she said she would. Would you do me a favor and ban her from the stand? A hundred percent. [Cheering] [Cheering] -Yo, you just broke my heart. -You just had to fight. You just got to fight. You can lose. It wasn't Joe that broke your heart. It was Popeyes. -I'm just going to see it November. -They said they were better than KFC. November 13th, 315th in New Orleans. By the way, we're not doing paper views this year. You've got to be there live in orders. -Really? -Oh, yeah. No paper views this year. No cameras in the green room this year. We're getting crazy. -It's going to be the best. -Yeah, it's going to be the best we've ever done. I'm excited to see this fight. Josie Marsley, Noverse. Aaron Lipski. Wow. Skankfest. Be there, B-Square. Thank you so much. Live for. Thank you so much, Tristan Bowling. [Cheering] Aaron, Josie, thank you for joining us for the Legion of Skanks. We'll catch you guys. Hold on one second. Before we cut out, before we cut out, I just want to tell the audience here that we're going to hold on for the ads for a second. And then afterwards, you're going to get what most people at home don't get. Something very special. [Cheering] Okay, you can cut now, or look at commercials. And watch my special. You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J. Overson. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. Big with 3C. Who else would be fucking over Lewis? Lewis Gomez. Lewis J. Gomez. You're trying to watch a retard-drawn swastika hilarious. I'm sort of known as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian, Ari Sheffier. The Legion of Skanks podcast. [Music]