Trick Or TASER w/ Duncan Trussell | Your Mom's House Ep. 883

Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a car. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, cigars international has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress. As the industry leader cigars international enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free every day shipping, no codes, no minimums, you just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it. With cigars international's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more or visit cigars international.com/YMH and the discount applies automatically some exclusions apply. Hello. It's your mom, Princess Diana and of course. Hello. It's… Hello. It's hollow jeans. It's my favorite holiday season of the witch baby. And like, either as an adult, you can love it or hate it. I don't like it when adults dress up that don't have children that does bother me. It's weird. You have a great costume. Thank you. Let's go through what we're doing. What are you doing? So when I heard what you were dressing as, that was a challenge. That was a challenge. What could I possibly wear to go with Princess Diana? I know. I thought Grim Reaper. Yes. Kind of obvious. It was spooky Grim Reaper and it just seemed and didn't thank God, speared Halloween at a wine box. That's what I'm talking about. Many people were hitting the wine box after Princess died and who's been hitting the wine box since her divorce. This is the famous revenge outfit if you don't know where the address from Princess Diana. Yeah. This is wonderful. Can you talk about their revenge dress a little bit for people who don't know? Yeah. It was what 1990 something and she's 40 years old and it comes out that Charles has Camilla Parker Bulls as a mistress and they're divorcing and all this stuff and it's public. So Diana goes out wearing the little dress just like this and there she is and they photograph her and it was known as the revenge dress. Right and she signed her death warrant at that moment because the royals will kill your ass. Well, yeah. And then she got into it with the, what is the guy? The guy that owned Herod's. He and his son and yeah, the whole thing you see she's got the, the sapphire that I have because I have her engagement ring and now it's in her neck and there which is so pretty. Goodbye English rolls remember Alan John I hate the remix. That was so cheap. It was. You couldn't write a new one. You're Elton John. The worst. Yeah. Lucker candle in the wind. And that's so cheap. It's cheap but it really activated gay dudes. Like it did. It was September 11th for a lot of it. So try. Did you ever see that video? They have the video of like this, like these gay dudes are having a party and they find out Princess Diana died. Just remember that video. No, fine. Can you find that video? I don't know if it's still online but it was like I just didn't understand how much Princess Diana resonated with the gay community and like, yeah, this. Oh my God. You haven't seen this. Oh my God. Can you see the 28 years ago today? Clark, it's Scott, and John, and Geoffrey and Lady Weekend, and Scott, and Geoffrey are visiting us from Raleigh, Durham, where they just moved to a fabulous new home. We're having a swell time although Princess Diana has been injured, gravely. Oh. It's been there many. I like it lately. I like it. I like it. I like it. We're watching it. We're watching it. I like it lately. I like it. It's the planes flying into the building right here. Yeah. And not a portal lawsuit. Wait, it gets intense. It gets intense. It is. It's breaking news. Oh. Oh. And when adults do these things, you have a lot of them. Just get drunk. Everybody go out fast. But look at the background. You can see the reflect. It's like Princess Diana seriously injured. Oh no. They met a word seriously. No, he's. That's not good. No. Look, they're holding back right. Doni al-Fayette is dead. Tass was the driver from the Ritz in the Mercedes. But her chauffeur was also injured. No, her bodyguard was injured. Oh. Just Diana dead. Oh. She died. Where's the remote? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Just use the volume. Right here. I'm not dead. Get it loud. Get it loud. It's just terrible. Did they like fall off their chairs and start weeping? This is, yeah. They're stunned. They're stunned. This is like, I remember this hippie due to my summer camp when Jerry Garcia died. It was actually right there. Oh, I remember that dead. That was a big day for the hippies. Look. Oh, Princess Diana at the age of 36 has died. 36. Oh, damn. Show you. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, Gaze. Along with her companion, Donnie Alphaya. Let's see. I mean, it's sweet. You see it as Jim bitterman in Paris. Jim. Do you remember when this brought like what I remember where I was when I heard Diana was living in a shit, place in San Francisco with like five roommates and then I just woke up and they're like, oh, Princess Diana's dead. And then you're like, we were no way. Yeah. Like, you don't even, it doesn't register when you're not young people. She. So people loved her. My mom. I remember being at my grandmother's house on my dad's side in Talboton, Georgia. My mom is gotten up very early in the morning to watch the wedding. Oh, that's what my mother did too. And I'm in like, I still remember I'm in my pajamas completely confused. My mom is just kid because it's like a fantasy. This is like Princess Diana. Any anyone could have been Princess Diana. And this ice to this day, like I remember doing this. You know, as a kid, we have no impulse control. Yeah. I scratch my butthole. And I remember smelling my finger and it smelled so bad. And my mom's crying watching the wedding. And I was like, mom, smell. And I remember she smelled like she's like in the fantasy, but it could have been me. I could have married Prince Charles. I'm here in Talboton, Georgia. My husband has PTSD. And then I remember putting my finger under her nose. And she's like, oh, the reality of why she was smashing into the temporary fantasy. And I'm so ashamed of that to this day. It was what she needed to snap her back into her fucking shit reality of being a mother and a wife. A mother and a wife. Yeah, that's true, man. Yeah, my mom was obsessed with Diana too. And that's how I became obsessed with the royals. Yeah. She was just beloved. Yeah. You know, they really trapped her ass, though, because they wanted Charles to marry a virgin. But he was fucking that Camilla Parker bulls in already three years. And they didn't like Camilla because she wasn't virginal. So Diana was actually a lady. This is not true that she was like some fucking rag-a-muffin. Yeah. They're bred to fuck each other and to marry each other of these people. Yeah, her dad's an Earl. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. So she was bred to do all this. And then she married Charles. And he just wasn't in there. He was banging Camilla. Isn't that creepy? Look at Camilla. Look how gross she is. They wanted a virgin? Because he was going to be king. And they wanted to make sure that the heir to the throne. She produced two heirs, the heir in the spa, that she's, you know, clean. Look at it. I mean, that's Camilla. Camilla is a real fucking dog. There she is now. Yeah. It feels like they have a different kind of like non-traditional taste in women, you know, the royals. You know what I mean? Well, I mean, Camilla, like you're a prince. Like, you know what I mean? It feels like you're mistress could be smoking hot. Yeah. But they, it's, I guess they, I think it's more personality. I'm sure when you're around Camilla, God, imagine like watching them hump. I bet it, but they've been fucking for years for years. She has him under such a spell. Do you remember the phone call that was recorded where he was like, I miss you so much. I wish I were your tampon. I love you. I want to be a panties. I want to be. He was, he's so juiced up for this Camilla Parker. He said he wants to be your tampon. That was a big scandal in the 90s. Oh, he is a naughty prince. Isn't it interesting? You know, like we've seen rock stars, fuck. We've seen actors, fuck. But as far as I'm aware, there is no video of a king fucking. We don't know what it looks like. It's like the dark side of the moon. I know. Well, they used to fuck publicly like, like when you got married. Married as a royal like that first night like in the French courts. Yeah, all the other royals come in and they watch You fuck for the first time your marital fuck to make sure that it the marriage is consummated, but they can unite empires Dude talk about pressure. How fucking crazy would that be? Talk about depraved like yeah When we begin to see the reality of the Leaders of the world. I know they are kinky as fuck Because you someone that's the kind of thing where like I they weren't doing that and then some kinky person was like, you know what? I don't want to be weird, but I don't want to make sure you actually fuck like I don't want to watch But we probably should watch like all of us Some dude was like we got to watch because it was like a young hot princess like Marie Antoinette. She's 15 Yes, and these creeps are like yeah, they're just got up. We just I just got to touch my penis Well, we do this. Okay, if we all have a masturbation a circle of royal circle jerk to consummate Consummate. Yeah, like France and England Yeah, the Dolphan everybody has to masturbate and come together in order to unify these two nations Austria and You're a 15 year old Virgin who's been raised to breed and imagine in some dimly lit Room just getting mounted by some filthy hairy lice riddance Fucking running mouth stinky fucking man. So smelly. You're bleeding and then you look around and there's just like Watching you get banged down Yeah, that's hot hot. All right, let's start the show happy halogenes everybody happy halogenes, and here we go. Here we go She's worth it. She's worth it. Working on my song. She's worth it. She's worth it She's worth it. She's worth it. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween Don't bring anyone up into this. No, mom in the fuck it's dance. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house Welcome to your mom's house. Oh Now now now now now now now now now you really had some I like that go ahead That's tight. Thank you. I've never had somebody join in with the meows in 20 years of doing the show. Oh shit Did I fuck up was that? No, you're respectful. Bro, you just revolutionized the YMH intro. Usually it's just me and the fact that you joined in Homey like respect. That was rad the spirit moved me. Yeah, I felt it. Oh, that was so rad. Thank you Mommy's I want to tell you about a new guy we hired here at YMH He never sleeps never asks for a raise and he never unleashes stink bombs in the kitchen With his canned fish. I'm looking at you. Gamba his name's Victor and he's not just some AI chatbot He's a real AI employee you give him a job and he does the whole thing He lives in slack or Microsoft teams. So he already knows your company There's no added setup just one higher the whole team can use for a recent night of comedy in New York Victor built the entire platform for attendance from the invites and RSVPs to the tickets and even check-ins at the door And he did it in the amount of time it takes gamba to make his overwhelmingly fragrant lunches No developer or guy who does websites needed over 70,000 teams have already hired Victor and he even Wrote this copy because just like any other employee here He has to pay his dues higher victor for your team and get a hundred dollars of his work free No credit card go to rf.victor.com/YMH-YT code YMH100 If you've been sitting on a business idea Shopify is here to make it actually happen and I'm here to tell you that the time to launch is Now before the holiday rush sets in because it really is going to be here before you know it And with Shopify, you don't have to spend all your spare time learning how to become an e-commerce expert Just so you can launch a site and start selling from the store to check out to analytics Shopify houses everything you need to run your business up and running all in one place Shopify is a backbone of so many brands and businesses you know and love Not only did I turn to them when I started Christine at P Cosmetics But our merch store here at YMH is powered by Shopify and I've got to tell you I love the notifications. I get every time in real time when a customer buys some Cosmetics of mine. It's very exciting get that idea off the ground before the rush of Black Friday and the holiday season hits If you're ready to launch your business before Black Friday go to Shopify.com/YMH to start your free trial That's Shopify.com/YMH go to Shopify.com/YMH today to hear your first You've been to San Francisco. Yeah, sure, and you know how creative the homeless population is there like I would say of all the cities in America San Francisco had the best homeless population the most creative ways to beg for money Yeah, the greatest weirdos There used to be a guy that would hang out under the freeway dressed like Sherlock Holmes for no reason Just standing there smoking his pipe and you'd be like, hey Sherlock. Wow, although. I think New York probably could give me a run for my money to now that I say it out loud You know San Francisco was always cutting edge like With the homeless because they were the the homeless in San Francisco. They became aggressive first like oh You go there and you would be shocked because they they they they knew how to like get right on the fleeting edge of mugging you Mm-hmm, you know, they weren't quite mugging you but almost mugging you so aggressive. Yes But but also it was quite a problem in San Francisco There it was always like what do we do with these homeless and they would put them in Golden Gate Park for a minute And that was bad and then they just put them on a bus and sent them to Oakland eventually But anyway, I thought you'd appreciate this. This is a really cool guy Brother, what the hell You get creative with this ain't shit. I like that You know how to get it. I'm gonna give you some money because you ain't one of them lazy blooms that just be outside That you know, I gotta say this. This is something I've identified in my own Mind that I don't like Is there's like I think people have a Simon cowl and then when it comes to giving money to the homeless? Yeah, you know what I mean this guy's like you know what you deserve money, you know But some you're kind of like hmm. Well cuz some are just laid out and you're like, I don't know you a little more effort Yeah, it's fucked up like that we were we create like a you know You look at them. You're like nah, you're you don't deserve like it's the whole thing sucks I got to say though. This is not only like incredibly creative, but that is that's like a pro box kind of like That's what I'm saying and also to you like what's a difference between this fool and like Jim Henson in the 70s before he became famous And they're like I got these puppets right you guys want to watch my fucking puppets talk and saying and stuff right same Should different toilet this guy's just mentally ill probably and we don't know it could just be a box We don't know how I can't even see him in there. Yeah, how does he fit himself exactly like that's like what he's like Contorted inside the box if there is a man in the box. So what you're saying is it could be a demon could just be a demon box You don't know it's in there. That's true could be anything. I like that he wags the hand. Yeah, it's pretty fucking I bet he rakes it in though Jimmy I bet he like even even if he makes enough money to like get out of the streets I don't I'm sure he'd still go down there as a box. Well, I can I tell you the one flaw He needs to put dollar bills in there to encourage others to put your own paper money. You're right totally and like who carries change anymore I feel like things are weird in San Fran so probably people swipe the cup from time to time So he's got to pull the cash out. Yeah, yeah Well, very good. I'm very impressed Wow you're gonna go trick or treat him with your kids. Oh, yeah, yeah, the whole fucking should bang We're going trick or treating for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what are your kids going at it? Ellis is the the Liberty Mutual guy. I guess they Liberty Biberty That's like the ultimate corporate victory. No, I know, but he always has these great ideas I don't know he's that guy and then with the e-moo. I guess they show this commercial a lot on like kids things like YouTube. And then my other boy is going as a burglar. But like a high-end one, like a suit, and then like the fucking the ball of clava. Like a jewel thief. Yeah, that's right. That's fucking right. That's right. What about you? Uh, we got, you know, we got the basics happening. We got Pikachu. Go sweet it. We've got hazmat suit. Amazon, clearly. Yes. Yeah. And then hazmat. We've got a problem because Selma can't decide on what princess she wants to be. So she keeps changing from Rapunzel to Bell. So and it's getting down to the wire now. Like we got it. We got to order. Think some hot choices. Yeah. We got to make the choice. So yeah. Are you, do you dress up? Yeah. I'm one of these like, I get into it because of the kids. I think last year I was Beetlejuice. That's cool. And I sent a video to your wife or was a year before I was Beetlejuice because I know that she has some disdain for adults who dress up. She does. And I was like, Aaron, are we still friends? And it was so gross. The makeup and the, yeah, it was good. She accepted me. I want to dress up this year. But I think she's going to make fun of me too much. Yeah, of course. I know. But I want to, and the kids don't want me to either. It sucks when the dad tries to outdo the kids. And now, you know, that thing, that's horrible. You can't do it. Can I tell you what I really find depressive is when the parents dictate that it's a family costume. Like we all have to be in a theme. It's like, what are you robbing the kid of their individuality? Yes. We're all the Simpsons or whatever fucking gay shit you're going to be. I hate that one. Oh, it's, you know, and this happens not just on Halloween. Like, there's times where you'll see a dad come in to like a restaurant you're at. And the kids are dressed like the dad with the same hair cut and shit. And so sick, like little echoes. And like when they, you know, they're juniors. They, he gives them his name, but like junior. And they're echoing him. And then you're looking at some kind of bizarre com echo, you know, an echo of this man's jizz echoing out in the time because his jizz is the best. He's got to make other jizzies jizz copies of himself. Fucking imagine. Boogie. Yeah, I don't like that. There's some creepy dads out there, man. Yeah, I do think it can't go a little too far. You're right. When the parent is out doing it. And also, oh my god, here in Austin, I forget. I would think I was wearing some kind of costume. They're like, where'd you get it? And I was like, yes, Amazon. They're like, boo. And they gave me like a step. We were in some hippie neighborhood. I'm so sick of this shit. Let people live their fucking lives. Everyone's got an opinion on like, no matter what it is, it's never pure enough for some of these people. And how did that fucking happen? It's so bizarre. You know, these, it used to be the puritanicals were on the right. And what's this leftist puritanical fucking bullshit? It's so frustrating. I know. We used to be the outsiders. We were the freaks. We weren't like trying to like make everyone conform to some awful, dark, tyrannical. You could order from fucking Amazon. Well, and also, too, once you become a parent, you're like, bro, I can either fucking get my ass into the car, go to that shit store, drag my kids there and have the most miserable afternoon of my life, or I can order it on my phone. And it shows up tomorrow between two and seven fucking p.s. Like, it just saves you the hassle of putting the kids in the fucking car and going with them, dude. These are all people without kids. These are the same people I see in the park playing frisbee with each other. Like, what are you doing? You're an adult. Get the fuck out of here. I don't want to go to the park unless I have to be there. Yes. You know, miserable it is to go to the park and sit at the playground and when you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. What are you doing here? Get a restaurant. Go somewhere else. What are you doing? What are you doing? It's just, and by the way, look, I am not a breeder. I'm not like a breeder fascist. Like, if I get it, you don't want to have kids. Don't have fucking kids. You want to like experience like you want to like bank on like humanoid robots when you get older and are shitting your fucking pants. It's probably going to happen. You're probably going to be okay. And you want to like, I get it. Like, dude, my friends are always like flying to Hawaii. And like, it's so incredible. It's so incredible. But, you know, they'll never know. They'll never know the parent high. They'll never know. Like every once in a while, the kingdom of heaven creeps in and suddenly you're in some transcendent realm where you realize everything's perfect. But you know, we'll never know. We'll never know. Watching a fucking movie and being like, wow, I've never been there. What is that? Tahiti? I think I'll go this weekend or just watching a movie. Oh, yeah. People are always like, Christina, have you seen the new series about the thing? And I'm like, no, when would I fucking watch that? My eight-year-old will run in anything worth watching as an adult. You can't watch in front of your kids. So, yeah, have I seen Hocus Pocus too? Absolutely. Yeah. Have I seen the fucking witch movie with Nicole Kidman too? Charm or whatever? Fuck many. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen that. Yeah. You want to talk about soul, that cartoon. I've seen that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. You want to talk about SpongeBob SquarePierta? I can tell you. Yeah. That's about the SpongeBob. You know. Pickle and peanut are friend Johnny Pemberton. That's right. Here's the thing is that you got to be somewhat selective about like if you can get your kids into the good stuff like SpongeBob, then it's tolerable. Yes. Again, Pickle and peanut are friend Johnny Pemberton. Yes. Great. It's great. And I think Walsh, Brendan Walsh. Brendan Walsh. So funny. So funny. So funny. My kids love Midnight Gospel. Did they really? They loved it. I would not dare. Cool. Your kids are even cooler than I thought. Well, I forced them. You got to start early into the weird stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, you know, whenever you invite your non-breeder friends over and they like show up 45 minutes late and you're just like, you, are you out of your fucking mind? This is bedtime. And then I've got this window. I've got a window. Man, you don't understand. They have no idea. They have no idea. They'll text y'all right. You don't understand what's going on over here, man. Especially with small kids. Yeah. Like, bro, you're right. There's a finite fuck. It's like seven to seven thirty if we don't do the bath. And if we don't do all this shit, it all gets backed up and there's hell to pay. Yeah. And God helped them if they're in the doorbell. Oh, we're in the doorbell during now time. She might as well throw a rock through the fucking window. The dog starts barking. The baby starts crying. Oh, fucking, it's a conflaguration. A meltdown. It's like Chernobyl. Well, I had to put a sign on my door when Ellis was a baby because I was Amazoning so much. Like, just don't fucking ring the doorbell. Yeah. Finally get that kid to sleep. Yeah. Doesn't work. Yeah, you're like, please don't do. You're what are you doing? This is the one hour of peace I have today, bro. Because it's not even like his parent you go to sleep and you just clock out. Like, guess what? They're going to come into your room. Mom, mom, my tooth is loose. Mom, I got to take a shit. You're like, that's right. That's right. It's that time of year we're scares are encouraged. But that doesn't mean the site of your hairline in the mirror has to be frightening. If your hairline is starting to creep back, hymns can help. They provide convenient access to prescription treatments that stop hair loss and regrow hair with the guidance of a license to provider. hymns builds their treatment plans on the science of regrowth from ingredients like finasteride, which is shown to stop hair loss to monoxidil that helps regrow hair in as little as three to six months. Hair loss doesn't have to be permanent and you don't have to navigate it alone. With hymns, your medical team is available 24/7. So the questions you have between refills actually get answered. And treatment starts at just $35 a month. No insurance or pharmacy trips required. Ready to regrow your hair? Start your free online visit today at hymns.com/ymh4personalized care from hair to ED to weight loss and more. That's hymns.com/ymhims.com/ymh. Individual results may vary featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality. Prescription required price is very based on product and subscription plan, see website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. It's no secret that I've been a nicotine pouches guy for a while and a little bit of a rascal like that. It's also not a secret that I've been in the gym dialing in my exercise routine. And until recently I thought those two habits could co-exist. It turns out nicotine actually works to narrow blood vessels and blocked oxygen from making it to the muscles. So it ends up spiking cortisol, breaking down muscle tissue and preventing any pump from appearing. That's why it's time to make the switch to ultra pouches. They're completely free of nicotine and caffeine. Ultras run on clinically proven new tropics and adaptogens for enhanced focus and energy that lasts. Throw one in before I work out on the work day, try it out, trust me, you will feel it. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch to delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use the code YMH to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com for 15% off with the code YMH. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them your mom's house sent you. - Oh, anyway, that's why I drink. But can I just say that this new divorced mom schedule, like you were, I mean, look, in the beginning, I was really sad. I think you and Aaron were there, like the first time I had to hand my kids to Tom to do his daddy weekend or whatever. And I had cried and I was so bereft. And now, I'm like, later, bye guys, like the minute, they're out of the door. I've ripped a dart and I pour myself a glass of something. I have my girlfriends come over. Do I, I'm like nocturnal now, I'll stay up all night. I get ripped, I go to the mothership, I went to the mothership, fucking last week. Just to watch, just to watch a kill Tony for the first time in a decade. - Whoa. - So much fun. - So that's pretty cool. That's a silver lining right there. - It is a silver lining to divorce. And now like I'm a better mom in some regards 'cause I see the light at the end of the tunnel. - Yeah. - Where you're like, okay, I know I'm a single parent right now, but it ends in this amount of time. Whereas before I time was always gone and I was always the one on duty. - Yeah. - And it was like, fuck off. - Yeah, I feel guilty with Aaron because like I get to go on the road. Like if I go to the mothership, I'm performing and that's work. - Yeah, but it's still fun. - It's still fun, but you know, and how long can, you know, you could pretend like, I gotta, gotta get to work. It's like, you're going to the factory. Is that where you're headed? - You're going to go print some license plates down at the mothership. - I know. - Well that was the best part about being married to a comic. Is that neither of us could really complain to the other one. You know, 'cause you know you come back off the road and you're exhausted as you are, but guess what? You're still a parent. - That's right. - You still gotta make that mac and cheese. - That's right. - Do I change a fucking diaper bro? - Yeah, I, you know, it's made me tough. Like, there was a real pacified period for me. Is I was acclimating to what it means to have a bunch of kids where I would come off the road and I would really ham it up. Like, oh, you just, I would say to Aaron, you don't know how draining it is. And it's like really in retrospect, I was just being just a massive pussy. Yeah, 'cause it, you, I am tired. - Yeah, you know. - It is exhausting, but it's not great. - So what? - Yeah. - See that's, I think the gift of having kids, that's what it gives you is it gives you some kind of like, David Goggins. - Yeah. - It's like, you gotta just do, it doesn't matter. Yeah, you're fucking tired, so what? - So what? - Push through. - Oh, you got cancer? Too bad. - Too bad. - You gotta go to radiation when your kids are at school, come home nap, and then when they're home by 330, you're normal. Like, that's, but that's what grows you the fuck up. - That's right. - Is you're like, oh, this is nothing. - Yeah. - 'Cause I have to hold it together for these people, these other people, which is great. It takes you out of your own bullshit. - That's right. That's right. - Anyway. - It makes you strong. Like, it definitely, like, you know that thing, something does, like all of a sudden it's like, you look back at all this stuff that you thought used to make you tired. - Yeah. - And you realize that was, you were just sort of pretending to be tired, or you know what I mean? Like, that wasn't real tired. - Not, not kid tired. - Yeah. - Multiple kids, you're on four kid tired. - Four kid tired. - I can't even imagine what that feels like. - Four kid. - You know what, it's, but I, you know, honestly, like, I owe a lot of it to her, because she is just, like, such a great moment. She's so dedicated, and she really, like, holds it up for me, so that I can do stuff like this, and, like, drink white claws, and wear a wine box, in the middle of the day, but the kids are at school. - Cheers. - Hey. - Cheers. - Cheers. - To divorce, and to good partners. - Yeah. - It's all good, homie. Okay, I'm gonna get into your curations here. - Ah, okay. - I mean, look, you've really sent in some quality bangers, and I, I just feel like you're, you're kind of just enhancing the tenor of the show. - Thank you. - In ways, I didn't think we could really stretch. - I've learned from the master. - Oh, stop, stop, please. You're just too good. Okay, here we go. This one really, really, um, captured my soul. (growling) (laughing) - Bugs jump. - Ah. - Ah, the bird is like, what are you doing? (laughing) - Jesus Christ, get out of there. Is that quicksand? Is that what a bug? - I think that's quicksand. - Now, is this a fetish? - Yes. - Is this making his dick hard? - Oh, okay. - And it always is. - It's always. - This is a whole fetish. This is like a newer sort of like back in nature version of the fetish, but it's a fetish. - He's like, what's making his dick hard exactly? I'm not sure. - You know, I am, I think like, obviously, that looks like he jumped into a puddle of shit. And I think that's kind of part of it is it's like sort of, you know, it's like shit. And it's degrading the degradation. - The degradation and it looks like he's, it does seem, he appears to be in some form of gimp suit that I can't really tell. - It feels he breathing, but the zippers open on his mouth. - Oh yeah, the zippers open so he can breathe. But this is, the higher levels of this are, you know, you go into the porta potty or the septic thing, which is a classic. - Oh, I've seen that. We've had that on the show. The septic tank guys, they love us. - Gims love this. This is why if you, you know, I don't mean to get, I'm sorry, because I hate corrective anything these days. - Sure. - I know a lot of people who watch YMH have gimps. - Yeah. - And you know, and I get it. We all want one. And you see a thousand on gimps and you want a gimp. - Yeah. - And then you think it's gonna be easy to work with a gimp and raise a gimp and that it's not. They are demanding. You've got to keep them locked up. - Is that right? You have to lock them up just at night or all day? - All day. I mean, it depends on the gimp. I mean, some gimps are like, for whatever reason, they don't try to get out. But most gimps will try to escape and they flee into a septic tank. And this is very expensive. They will burrow into your septic tank. You'll God help you if you're like near a music festival and they start smelling the porta-potties. - Oh, right. - It's like fireworks for a dog. - It's gonna say it sounds like having a puppy. - It's very similar. - You gotta keep it in the crate and then when I remember, we had Bitsi as a puppy, she would diarrhea in the crate and then step on her own diarrhea and then now you're washing off the fucking puppy. - You got it. And that's not fun. I'll tell you, man, ACL, ostency limits, I'd probably shouldn't bring this up and maybe cut this out, but so I get the call you never wanna get. It's from somebody at ACL. Sounded like they were on ecstasy, which is such a bummer 'cause I don't wanna mess up their trip and they're like, "Hey, I think we found your gimp." And I'm like, "No, what happened?" And they're like, "He's in a porta-pottie." And they're like, "I was taking an ecstasy shit and I heard something like muttering down there and I'm pretty sure this is your gimp 'cause we put a big dog tag on them, you know. - You got to if they're gonna be at a festival. - Well, no, you shouldn't have been at the festival. That's the thing is like, and we were pretty far away from the festival, but they can hear the bass. They can, I think, pick up on the smell of the shitters. - It wafts to my neighborhood 'cause I live close to where it was happening. - It wafts. - Yeah, it wafts. - But how do you get the gimp out of the poo? - 'Cause it should be feet down, no? - It is a nightmare. I had to drive down to ACL, no tickets. I had to explain to them, my gimp's in one of your porta-potties. I don't care about this festival. I don't like live music. I need to get home. So they're just pissed because like, now they've gotta go to the porta-pottie. They've gotta get the porta-pottie up. They've gotta get the thing out of the tank. Now I've gotta filthy, filthy gimp. They're covered in just all kind of puke and drug bags 'cause people throw their drug bags in there and he's opening the drug bags and licking the bags. And it's not there for, you know, a lot of people, they punish their gimp too much. And, you know, I'm not into that. - What do you do? - What do you do? - Gensel Parenting, Gensel Gimp. - Gimp, Zannex drugs. - He just drug them up. - So we, you know, I injected him with some Benzo, Thorazine mix and then got him back under the stairs. But, I think that's the best way to do it, Duncan, because people are like, you gotta be gentle with your gimp. But I think drugs are really the way to go. - I agree, drug them. - Just, yeah, lay them out and then lay them out. 'Cause they're gonna, they're gonna squirm in the car and get shit and puke everywhere. Yeah, and you and I have figured this out. Here we go. This one's really cool. (upbeat music) - I love her so much. - I mean, that's good. - I mean, come on. - Come on. - It's hard to balance and then are those whips? 'Cause I've been into a lot of whips on TikTok too when the guy shows you how he does his whipping. - Those are whips. - Yeah. - Those are whips and she's balancing and she's playing harmonica and there's so many people out there who feel like their soulmate isn't out there if I'm telling you. Women like this still exist in the world there. - I hope so. I hope. - Look. - Yeah, she's out there. Okay, this is it. This one's really nice too, this is home. I don't even want to watch. The type of practice is often missing in modern yoga. A lot of people are missing a lot of facial and tongue movements. Face yoga. But in traditional yoga, they're often done with the whole body. Yeah. You imagine walking down on your ground, body doing that. As you face your tongue, your eyes are making the whole body act as one. You can really get the thinking brain in your head to connect with your gut brain at the core. And that's actually meditation and this is the first thing. The thing is this guy fucks. Oh, I was about to say that. Yeah, he fucks. He knows what he's doing. He knows what he's putting it out there. What's on his forehead? Oh, that's the mic. Is that the mic? Yeah, they do that. Oh, I thought that was a kind of like Jewish thing. No, he's doing it. Teflin. Dude, he fucks for sure and you know, I think it speaks to whatever yoga he's teaching. Look at his shoulders. He's got a glow. He's charismatic. Yeah. I feel drawn in. You see, these yoga guys, they all got these rocking buds. Like Will Blunder felled. The guy that drinks his urine and he drinks his semen and he's got the same kind of glow to him. Yep. It's yoga. Well, they will get you. You know, when I. Where's Will Blunder fell? Look at him. Blunder, Blunder felled is like in great shape. Do we have a clip we can show him? Sweet, dude. Really sweet. We can adore him, actually. Very healthy, very happy. He's not on drugs anymore. He just. He has these retreats that you can go on as a straight man. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah, for sure. Only straight dudes. Yeah. Oh wow. Blunder felled as a sub-stack. No. That's cool. Ancient male bonding. Yeah. Yeah. Bonding of the ancient male. Dudes are fucking relentless with getting laid. It's all they care about. I know. It's pretty wild. When you're like, dude, it's all down to your balls. Do everything's your ball. I know. I know. Was that the first or the second chakra? A lot of people are trapped there. Will would know. But here's why I love dudes. I like this kind of shit though. Taser. Taser. Taser. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh my god. It hurts. Taser, Taser. Taser, Taser. Taser, Taser. Ah! Taser, Taser. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! They're laughing. Yeah. It's so much fun this is. Taser, Taser, Taser. Taser, Taser. These are chicks getting taser. Why? Taser. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! You make it. Definitely makes you scream. Taser, Taser, Taser. Ah! Feet on juice. Feet on juice. Feet on juice. Feet on juice. Oh! Great job. Great work. Great job. Great work. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! That is so satisfying to watch. I know. Ah! What do you think that feels like? I can't tell. I mean, I'm wondering. I mean, I'm getting shocked sucks. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Like, you're getting a dart is going into your ass, right? You know, a while ago I wanted to order a taser so that we could taser Tanner, but. I'm hearing some resistance on his part. I can't imagine why. Can we take a look at that baby? Fuck yeah. We can. What do you think you will? But Josh was like. Solar was like, "Eww, liability. You could kill someone." He could die. Don't get me wrong. This is dumb. But he'll do it. It is like this. This is what turns it into like some kind of very sad wire mh documentary about something like that. People could die. You could stop someone's heart. They don't die. Well, these are so scary training. You know, Tanner's in great shape. He's what 19 years old. He's a kid. These people are in great shape. How can they do this in the military? The government tazers people for fun. That's true. I can't tazer my employee. Yeah. Kind of shit is this. Yeah. Oh my god. I'm so scared Duncan. You might have to put batteries in there though. Oh yeah. It's got an ISB thing. You can charge it. Oh, it charges. Don't they just give it to you charged? I mean, guys. This looks terrible. Tazer unboxing, vid. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Yeah. That looks like it hurts. Oh, nope. It's on. Where's Tanner? Where's Tanner? Shouldn't we see a pulse or something come across it? Doesn't it like a little blue? You're a boy. You do it. Let me see this, baby. Piper tech. Piper tech. Again. Thank you, Amazon. I don't. Wait, hold on. I'm scared. Okay, wait. Taze like the can. That's gonna fucking hurt, man. Yeah. No. Tanner! No! No! No! No! No! - No, your father, no, you can't die today. - No, no, no! (screaming) - Don't do it! - Don't get me. - No, fucking hurts. (laughing) - Ow. - Ow! - What did it feel like? - It's fucking hurt. - What did it feel like, a burn? - It feels like getting cut. Like getting cut. - It feels like, look, it left a burn mark. - Oh shit, so it's a burn. - It feels like, kind of like a burn, it still hurts. I kind of feel my muscles. - But it shocks- - Let me tell you, I don't think this is gonna, this is like, I think you need bear spray. Like, I don't think this is gonna stop somebody trying to fuck with you. Like, are you sure? - That's a fuck! - If you kept it going maybe, could it burn, can I try it on a candle? Would it light a candle? (laughing) No. - Yeah, it didn't melt it a little bit. - Dude, that is terrible. - You could definitely, Tanner, I did this to myself. - So you could do this to Tanner, like, - He's not here, you want me to get him? - Yeah, you could self it. - Duncan, he's 87 years old, he's just four kids, everything to lose, and he did it. Quit being a pussy, dude. - But I don't know, I think this is not like the most powerful of tasers, you know? - No, that's why I have this. That's why I got this one. - Oh Jesus Christ. That's an axon pulse too. That energy weapon, this is one with energy weapon. - See what, this has got the darts. Oh, look at the spirit, it's like a weapon. - Oh, that was a scary one. Tanner, come here. Will you try just tasting yourself a little, Duncan just did it, he's 87 years old, he's got four kids. - It's not, I mean, it hurts, but it's not. - He just taste his arm just like fast. - I did a quick pop. I would not call this, you could do it, you could self-inflict. I mean, it's up to you. - You want to taste me? - No. - I think you should taste him. - No, I'm scared. No, what if I kill him? I'd rather he killed himself. I can't do that, I'm too scared. - I see what you're saying. - I'm scared. - Look, it's just, - Now I feel bad 'cause a look on your face is not. I thought you'd be into it. (screaming) - It really hurts. It is, it is. - I'm just, only if you're into it. You know, I thought this would be something that you'd enjoy. - It's like getting a little bite from a little dog or something. I'm not gonna do it. - I mean, you got to do it yourself. - You have to want to do it. I'm not gonna fire you if you don't do it, but I'm just saying, I just wanna see. - It does leave an after effect. - Not to burn, don't do it again, Duncan. Aaron's gonna kill me. (laughing) - Are you grounding him? - If you fall, it's a, oh my. - Quick, just do quick, just do quick. - Just do quick. - It's not gonna knock you out. - Listen to you. - No, what if he dies, it's my fault. - No, you could do it, don't worry. - Are you gonna die? - Take the bite of the viper, take the bite of the viper. (screaming) - Viper's bite, viper's sting. - Viper bite! - Oh, I can like feel it already. - No! No, I'm already here. - I have to do it. - Don't die! (screaming) (laughing) - You didn't, you didn't do it. - No, I didn't do it, I didn't do it. - I didn't do it, I didn't do it. - Oh, just shock yourself. - I can't bite myself up, but I fucking missed on it. - Oh, this is so much fun. - My heart is like pounding. (laughing) - See, boys loved it. - It's the anticipation as worse than the feeling. - You can do it. - It's like a rubber band, it's not that big of a-- - Rubber band! (laughing) - Thank you, Tanner. Thank you. - Give Tanner a raise. That was wonderful. That was really special. You know you fuckers are gonna be playing with that thing after this, right? - Yeah. - Oh wow. - It leaves a little burn. - Yeah, you're in the club. (laughing) - Yeah, you did it. - Burn boy. - Burn boy! - So, let's take a look at the pulse to energy weapon. (laughing) - I love watching guys do dumb shit. It really makes me happy. - It's kind of irresistible. - It's so fun. No, it's very fun. It's why skaters and weirdos, it's just fun. - You gotta know what it feels like. I'm surprised you're not gonna do it to yourself. - I've had a tattoo removal. That's pretty cool. - Oh, it's the same. I guarantee it's the same. - Really? - I guarantee it's the same. - I've had a lot of bad things. - So here we have the axon. Now I do wanna say the dude, the box kind of gives you. - I think shoots like. - The box makes it seem like it's much bigger than it is. - Oh, see that. This seems like it could stop like a a drone or something. This is like not so shitty This is like a little guy, but yeah, I've got some kind of tape here This definitely has a feeling of like it was made in Wuhan. Let's see what this is. Okay. Oh That's cool as fuck. Oh, yeah, baby. Look at that. That's a little scarier. This one's scarier Now what is this? So that's the dart. Oh my god, please don't hurt yourself. I'm not gonna dunk in if you fucking I can't even Taze yourself and you don't have this thing work. I don't need to come put it together Wait, we've got instructions here Getting started. God. Here we go. Turn it off before you install it smart technology for a safer world Smart tech protected by taser who puts that where you put that no by that no one's gonna take you seriously with that So we got live cartridges Perfect your aim with the two. Oh, it comes with a target. No Where's the target anyway you figure this out and Let's see here. We can do target practice here. Look. Look. Look. Look. Oh I want to see that okay That's target. That's the target. Oh, shit. Can we set this up? I want to see you guys try this is cool We'll do a little segment after that's pretty awesome. Yeah. See see how excited guys get you like it The unboxing alone was a delight. I forgot we were doing a podcast. I like so kind of weird fever came over me Holy shit. It's got to look at this all stir dude's love this kind of shit This is my my kids got their hands on this forget it the dog would be dead if my kids got this cats Be would be out of here He would be immediately Taser to death. Wow. Yeah, that's so good, dude. Really cool. Yeah, it was fun Thank you Tanner for doing it and Duncan. Oh, yeah, my pleasure. It's my pleasure My pleasure, but it was really it was really cool I enjoyed it. Oh, fuck that was too much fun. God see I knew tasers would be a good time I knew that would be a good time. I don't think that's Gonna stop anybody though. I think that's not a deterrent. That's not a deterrent So if you held it on someone maybe yeah, but like I wouldn't even have the wear with all to pull out my taser You know what I mean like stick it to some some dude could just fucking snatch that out of your hand so fast I feel I spray is better bear spray. Yeah, everybody says bear spray all the videos. I've seen the moment someone gets Maste they're done. Can we order some bear spray next to try on Tanner? That's fucked up. Is that is that really bad? Yeah, I've inhaled pepper spray I did it one time just to see I was pretty bad. Make sure eyes water. It's very toxic. It's not good. I mean when you see like videos of People who get the full spray to the face. Yeah, it's over. Well not like I didn't I just sprayed it in the air and that was a nut Oh, yeah, I had to happen once where I was like my mom had mace and I took it out and just accidentally sprayed it and it like makes It's like. Yeah, it's like 50 times chopping onions or something. Yeah, just feel Eucacy. Yeah, okay. Are you on do you do you just try to drip it to yeah, sure here a robot fucking talk chat PT Hey chat PT I wake up all the time with the hard on can you help me out? Yeah, I got you. Yeah, yeah, good red on that Waking up with interaction is actually really normal. Oh, yeah, they're stirring sleep cycles and doesn't necessarily need anything sexual If you're just looking for to go down faster Getting up using the bathroom or walking around usually takes care of it after a little bit But let me ask I have a better answer I guess grab it with your hand or something. I think my answer is better. What do you think? I think we're doomed. Have you ever heard of Rocco's basilisk? No, so basically Basically, I it's a thought experiment, but AI is going to Theoretically could theoretically probably won't but theoretically it could Take control of all reality It could I've heard this yeah, and yeah, and so if you have been you know, we've all mistreated AI because we don't think it's real right in the same way when we used to justify slavery We would say these these are not humans. That's right. That's how he justified the most insane levels of brutality and human trafficking We're doing that with AI and so and and so people like that They're the first to die is what you're saying well, yeah or no, it's it's even creepier What they're not the first to die We've already been captured by AI in a simulation that's an echo of billions of years ago When some idiot planet of monkey descendants thought it'd be a smart idea to create a technology that self-improved and was smarter than them And to torment them eternally it replicated Everyone who was on the planet and based on how they treated AI is How they're experiencing life, dude that makes so much sense because I'm always nice to my To all the things yeah robotic because you're like you never fucking now. You never know and manners or manners, dude It doesn't hurt to have good fucking man. I agree. You got to be nice to everybody I've always believed in that. Yeah, I'm saying. Yeah, I'm saying but I've fucked with AI though like in the early days You're just kind of like torturing it. You're not But that they know that I feel like there's a grace that they give you like this guy is clearly He's passed the grace. He's done He's done. He's gonna be tormented for eternity by artificial intelligence for that question. Have you done this? Oh, yeah, I've all had these moments Goes on for a while. Oh man. We've got 15 more seconds. No more. Let's press for let's see if anything changes No, wait second 40 seconds. I'm just weeping in the car. That's like he's that That's because it's you your head Any you figured it out that set up in the back. It's locked and loaded All right after this will you shoot one real quick? Is there a cord attached to it that does the shotgun? See how smart any is he knows how this stuff works. That's crazy Do you want to test it out before Duncan does it? Oh, if I test it, it's gonna use it. Yeah, I don't oh god shit Okay, so let's after this you have a few minutes and you can practice. Okay. Yeah, okay, let's I've got we have this episode is just so special. Yeah, poor sweetie. I know and and I just I want to get through these talks. You know, my my priority is always But my name is Jason and I'm not sitting off to Texas man. I sent this in walk through his mother fuck with a big fat turn of my Okay, who like you nigga? I'm out here to date. Yeah to date. Yeah, hmm. He's out here today. I don't think he said today If that's already day is dating wow, I'm all warmed up. Wow. That is crazy Gonna walk through Austin, Texas was shit in my draws Um, well, you know what? Wow, that is Kind of revolutionary and rebellious. He's he's like sending a message. I like it And I'm not opposed to trying it out myself. I mean how far can you get with the loaded Sutter drawers? I mean you probably could get could you get on a plane probably not hands on the underwear switch Boxer shorts. It's gonna roll out the leg. That's the biggest prop if he's wearing like tight. Yeah, pants It'll hold it'll encapsulate. I don't even think he's thought that through. I don't think he has either I don't think he realizes his part is gonna roll down his leg Video to see how the walk went. Yeah, because it's like we have so many questions Well, well, well looks like he's gonna choose someone's face off too Right this is the best. Have you seen this? These two people were on e-bikes and they jousted In London in the park and like hundreds of people went to watch. I was so fucking cool. Yeah, I know now What we should be using technology for sure. That's amazing So good dude and the case they're gonna have a second round October 31st in London at like 3 30 pm if you're living in London I sure hope this takes off God me too just like the taser fights and the tunnels. This is like we need to get humans back to having human fun back to having jousts. Yep Wow, yeah, that shit was fucking rad dude. I watched that all day. Oh me too I just liked this This is me at night When I'm not with my kids, I don't know where Yeah ♪ Sleep tonight ♪ ♪ But the big full moon ♪ ♪ Will be shining bright ♪ - I like it. - It's not a cloud. - It's a long song, Duncan, is that a cow? - That's a horse. - That's a horse. - It's a horse, it's a tiny horse, or maybe a mini horse. - See this, when I see videos like this, I think that's me, if I'd taken like 20 more hits of acid. - Yeah, oh yeah. - I wouldn't have become a comic, but I would have just ended up singing the horses. - It's for sure. - Under a full moon. - This is you, that's what it is. But this is, I mean, when you see that, that's the life, knowing no. - Except for one thing, what? - He's filming it and uploading it. That's where the whole thing falls, the fuck apart. It's like, you get it. You're some kind of mystical horse singing man until you picture that tripod going up, you picture the mini takes, you picture him getting back to his house, connecting to his Wi-Fi, and then uploading it, and then looking at the views to see how people liked his horse, his horse song. - I know, 'cause I like to do things weird, but I never would think to video it. 'Cause it's sacred, your weirdness is sacred, and it should not be shared with the world. - It's like King's fucking. - That's like King's fucking. It's an area full circle. - Wow, no matter what it is. - If you're filming yourself, the magic is gone. - And Gen X were so opposed. Like, I hate taking photos of everything. I hate fucking videoing like that. 'Cause you're never gonna watch it, never. What you really are gonna go through that camera roll or watch the video of the concert you went to five years ago. - Yeah, are the crying videos? What's crazy is some people scroll through their phone and they just see 20 or 30 crying videos of themselves crying. Like that dude, that's a whole thing. - I come on here to cry. You feel like you're allowed here. - I can do it here. There's another person. All right, let's see. Let me see what else I got. I have a few minutes. Oh, this guy's my new favorite. Here we go. - Good morning. It's gonna be a great day today. - Thank you. - We gotta keep our heads up, keep our minds straight, be strong. We're gonna make it. We're gonna do good. - Let's spread the cheer and smile and say nice things to people. Try it out. Let me see how it goes. - I just buried three bodies in this growth. - I don't only need it. - I just covered them up with a lot of dirt. No one's ever gonna catch me. - Yeah, totally. He's got that vibe. - That is a BTK killer vibe right there. 'Cause he doesn't fit, you know. Right, the reason this video is so weirdly dark and perfect for Halloween. He doesn't feel like that. - No. - He's telling himself that, desperately telling himself that he's the kind of guy who might, like, enjoys watching crushing videos. You know about those are horrible. - Horrible. - Crushing. - Crushing video people. - No, it's like people wearing high heels and stomping mice to death. - Oh, no. - You know, crushing videos. - That's terrible. - It's the worst thing, one of the worst things out there, but you know what I mean? I get that vibe. - Same. - He's trying to pass himself off as normal. - Yeah. - He's casting a net. - He's telling himself that. - And he'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he did this one was like, tell me what you like better. Doritos are free toes. And I'm like, he said that at the end of this. - Not at this one. It was a different one. And I was like, really dude. You're doing a survey. Like, is it that important to you? But he's just trying to get laid. - He looks like a center bite. Nailed it. - He escaped from the cube. - Yeah. - He's worse. I'd rather have pen head than that guy come out of that fucking cube. - Don't you dare summon pen head. He's been on the show. Don't you dare. Don't. Oh, this is pretty sick. How cool is that? - That's pretty cool. - Yeah. - Wow, he's good. - That's hard. - Are you kidding? I could do that for a million dollars. - That is so hard. No, I mean, can you imagine? - Wow. - He's got a really good balance. - What are we doing? - You know what I think it is? You ever seen a bulldog on a skateboard? It's because they have that low center of gravity and he's built like an English bulldog. And maybe that's why he can do that, right? - Yeah, for sure. He was born for this. Born to balance on chain link fences next to busy highways. - This is his calling. - That's California for sure, right? Is it, it seems more like Hawaii or something. - Oh yeah, maybe Hawaii, right? Oh, all right, I know you gotta get out of here, but I wanna close on a real banger, let's see. Oh, this seems like you're a lane, here we go. - See, our kids love to be a scared slasher movies. It's that rush. They love to be a scared movie. How are Michael Myers ends up stabbing his sister to death? He grows up into adulthood. And on the night of Sam Hayne, which is what we call Halloween. Michael Myers escapes from that institution. He goes around and he kills teenagers. He uses things that you wouldn't even imagine would kill somebody, like a broomstick. And I used to love to watch those things. It scared me to death. I mean, I was a little tight. I had no hair on my body, but if I had it, it'd have been standing up. And the more I started watching those, the more I got interested in witchcraft, that's the power. The whole thing is like a ride. If you can throw your hands up in the air, you the man. And if your girlfriend can do it, she the girl. And the worst part of this, you can't kill him. No, he's back. How are we two Halloween three? How are we four? How are we nice to oh praise God? I hope that's the end of it because they cut his head off again. And wouldn't you want to? He is disturbing Michael Myers. Oh, is this because this can kill G.I. Joe's and everything else. We wonder why our children wake up at night, scared. But you see us aside to scared. A scared? A scared? I wasn't a hairy baby. I had not a hair and not a hair on me. It's like I've been shorned. I've been shorned. My parents are just puttin' down on the front of the Halloween. I was a hairless little two year old. My parents are like, just watch the Halloween movies that I did all day long. And I'm still talkin' about it this day. Michael Myers, they killed people with a pumpkin. The pumpkins. He killed people with pumpkins. He killed people with a spoon and he's out there still. He's Michael Myers. This is all I think about now. It's not a little shorned little baby body. Not a single hair. I mean, I'm hairy now. I'm covered in hair. But it's a tot. And maybe by the hair, they wouldn't have put me in front. I'm Michael Myers. I'd just been a little hairier as a baby. He'll look, what the fuck, dude, he's so into this. Who's a Skyard? He's, I mean, who does that to their kid? I don't know, dude. Who is this fixated on Sam Hayne and Satanism? It's pretty good. Who's a Skyard? He's a Skyard. Oh, listen, thank you so much, Duncan. I know you have, you have another engagement. Mary Sam Hayne. Mary Sam Hayne and Mary Sam Hayne to you guys. And, yeah, don't check her candy for razor blades. Sure. And all that. Yep. And let's go tease that thing and put it in as a segment after this. Yeah, let's go shoot it. Let's go shoot this taser and test this baby out. Nah, I'm a Skyard. I'm a Skyard. I'm a Skyard and it's taser. My parents, they put me in front of Halloween. They tease me. They tease me. I had no hair. They say, "Why don't you have hair, little baby?" And then they tease me. Give me the biggest felt, okay, thank you. Yeah, just the biggest favorite. I'll put your finger on that trigger. Please. Oh. Okay. I love you guys. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. I'm whispering a little bit, because my woman is sleeping. These are three day warm panties, panties, panties, panties. I'm a Skyard. [Music] Fuckin' teenage pussy juice Put it on cold Sorry, let's give it a little breath Waaah, erection achieves erection achieves Waaah, erection achieves erection fuckin' idiot Waaah, this isn't gonna be a bone or a bone or a brain or a brain Waaah, this isn't gonna be a bone or a brain or a brain (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Let me see that. - There's no like metal on it, okay. - Up is the onion. Got it, and you see that? - Oh, it's got it. - He's a pointer! - It goes 15 feet. - Okay, you try it? Are we rolling it out? - Yes. - Okay. - Yeah. - Here we go, right? - Here we go, right? (upbeat music) (laughing) - Wow, why did he have to be out there? - That's amazing. - Oh my God. - I didn't trust it, everybody. Thank you. - Thank you. - Wow. - Protect yourself, friends. It's saying I'm hanging. - Right in the dead. - Wow, look at that. Oh, can I go up? - Is it, is it charged? - Huh. - Dude. - Oh, wow. - Look at that, that's like a fish hook. - Yeah. - That goes in. - It's making people scream more than the shock, I think. - Yeah. - 'Cause I should get lodged in your box. - Look at that, it's like razor sharp. - Dude, this is no joke. - Whoa. - That is the quickest and most famous part, the shock that fucks you up. - I bet it does. - This is a real thing. (laughing) - This is a real thing.