Trashy Boardwalk Experience! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grew up to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. That's right. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She just told me that if the new Spider-Man sucks, she's going to kill herself. Isn't that crazy? I'm hanging out with you a little too much. You've got a lot riding on the film, which I hope it don't suck either. I like that Tom Holland. He's a good jet. Good Spider-Man. I like him. You don't? Nah. Are you a Jacob Malorty man? I don't know what that is either, but by the sounds of his foo-foo name. That kid stinks. Jacob Malorty. Whatever the fuck his name is. It's a Lordy. Pull it back. My cause is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. He is my best pal in the whole wide world. He is the denim king. He is the king of the boards. The king of the burbs. Kevin James Ryan. Oh, hello. It's a cool kid. What's up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. Now, boys are climbing the freaking charts. And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. And also, don't forget. If you're in the Denver area, which I think it's just Denver. Ain't much around there. Oh, Rocky. They got that shit at the airport. We're coming next week. The underground base. If you're in the underground base, come out and see the show. No, stay there. I don't need whatever you got going on that made you go underground. No, we want them to come see the show because if they like us and the shit goes down, then we can do a couple of sets down there underneath the airport. Yeah, that's the next. For the mutant people. That's the next booking I want. I don't want to eat canned food. Fuck it. Just take me out. I've been trying. I've been spraying you with a raid every night. You should have killed me when you had the chance, baby. I'm the strongest I've ever been. It's a little bumpy. Some would say, like the Rocky Mountains, where we'll be. Whoa, Denver. Denver in July. What are we going to do? We can do a little fucking skiing in our jeans, shirts off, like a Mountain Dew commercial? It's a very, I think Denver in July is probably like, it's probably when they shine. You know what I mean? That outdoors. Yeah. Lakes, rivers, mountains, caribou. Caribou? Yeah. I mean, carabiner. No. The thing that you hook on your jeans and look cool. No, I mean caribou. They have reindeer up there? No, the fuck they don't. I don't think caribou is reindeer. Yes, it is. Is it? A reindeer is an actual reindeer. Are you talking about that big rat they have in Vietnam that they eat? A car or something? What? I don't know. Nutrient. No, nutrient. Nutria. Nutria. Rat. That's a UR. I ain't no rat. I'm a bug man. Yeah, right. Rat. Whole family. Whole family full of rats. Yeah, right. Patty is breaking my balls, though. About what? She wants me to clean out my drawers in my room. What the fuck's going on in your whole universe? I got to clean out my drawers. What's in your drawers? I got a bunch of clothes and stuff in my closet and in my drawers from my dad and my uncles and all that stuff. She wants me to either get rid of it or donate it. What are you going to do? I don't know. I kind of fit into it now. I got that 90s style. Bring it back. Start straight pimping at the Bluebell Inn. Show up on the scene with a pair of jeans. A pair of khakis and a fucking extra starts striped button down shirt. Dockers. Maybe a little fucking penny loafers. You'll be pulling them off me. Yeah, that's good. You know what I'm saying? For sure. Are you doing that? No. Are you going to go down and get it? No. Are you going to have her? It's going to be when they go to fucking Marty's and he's going to have to burn it. Probably all his fleas or mauves. Whole fucking inventory goes up. Take it down to Marty. Take out a whole Salvation Army. Uh-huh. Nah. Yeah. I'll go through it. Yeah, you do it. She's busting my balls. She wants to get rid of this stuff. You getting a new bedroom suit, as I told you? It's not a suit. Not a bedroom suit. Sweet. We went over there. Whatever. We're going to fucking reruns today. No, we're not. I think it's a little harsh. Just reminding you of a conversation we had 15 minutes ago. I think you took it a little too personal. That rerun struck a chord and you know it. I got it. Fresh material. I know a lot of people out there in Hollywood. I got fresh. Fuck. You stink. And we're back. I got fresh material for you. I'm out there. Boots on the ground. Listen, as you know. King of the burbs. King of the birds. King of the boards. King of the kips. I'm doing it all, baby. But we've talked a lot about Wildwood, New Jersey. Mm-hmm. The place I love. I've never really thought about it. Near and dear to your heart? I want to be. Buried there. Yeah. What? Uh-huh. Where? Spread your ashes on the beach? No, I don't think I want to be cremated. Bury me. I can't bury you on the beach. Why? We can. I'll come up. I can cremate you. First of all, that would be a crazy universal thing. You outlive me and have to take care of me. My final wishes. Aw. That would make me sad. Yeah. Then you have a drawer full of my clothes. You're going to have a drawer full of my clothes. I'll be calling you. Hey, this is too much denim. Patty's outlived you, too? Hey, holy shit. Well, obviously, if I go, I'm going soon. It's going to be a tragic thing. Jesus Christ, man. What? Can't say that. I've got money tied up in this thing. Give me the Instagram password, just in case. The best I could do. Yeah, that's why we need you in those DMs. The best I could do is cremate you. Stiff-armed it. Which I respect. I respect it. I respect it. Uh-huh. Heisman. Best I could do for you is cremate you, and I could stick you into one of the Parmesan shakers over at Sam's Pizza, so everybody down the shore is eating it. Gets a little bit of kippy. That's not bad. Hold on. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. You and these mics. Listen, I don't touch the fucking thing. Yeah, you're right. We come in at night and I unscrew it. Why does Mike. That's what we got going on. Why does Mike. Why does mine always get messed up? I don't know. I think it's the arrow and not the Indian type thing. The Indian and not the arrow. Who said that? Native American, but go ahead. Please. I respect the bus throw, my guy. Please continue to make your off-color joke for the fine and Native American people in this country. Uh-huh. It's not the arrow, it's the Indian. Yeah. I like that. I love shit like that these days. Yeah, why don't you start listening to it? I do. I'm right. Okay. I do. Have you ever heard the one, if you go a thousand miles into the darkness, it's not a thousand miles back, the light is always right there. You've told me that a thousand times. Hey, it's not the fork, it's the fat guy, huh? Hey, man. Nothing on that! Remember those bumper stickers? Let's be a little more specific. Guns kill people like spoons made for Rosie O'Donnell fat. That is a. That is a political. People used to drive around with that on the back of their. The 90s was crazy. Why did she take so much heat? Remember when she used to do that music show on VH1? I watched it all the time. I used to watch it religiously. Wow. Did she introduce videos or. Maybe it was the Rosie O'Donnell show that was on? The Rosie O'Donnell show, I liked. That was a daytime talk show, maybe 10 o'clock. It came on after Regis. I was a big fan. Yeah. She came up with the term. I not came up with it. She really coined it, cutie patootie. Cutie patootie. She's a cutie patootie. She did do cutie patootie. I know. She was very good in A League of Their Own, too. Yeah. Reminds me of a Laverne and Shirley type vibe, her and Madonna. Sure, sure. That's when Madonna was at her. And Madonna is. That's a Goldman. Anywho, I was down the shore, and we talk about it a lot. Obviously, we have a very worldwide program we have, obviously. Shout out to the homies in the bozos. Very popular. So not everybody might not be completely familiar with what Wildwood is, right? It's a southern tip. It's a southern portion of the New Jersey coastline. It's the second to last town. Yeah, because Wildwood, Cape May, it's one of the last free beaches in South Jersey. So it's not the best clientele. That Cape May is nice. I.e. my family. Yes. Cape May is very nice. But you can't swim in a cape. That's how you get there. You don't get there. That's how they get you? Yeah, you don't go out. That's where the sharks hang out, and that's where the rip current gets you. Gets you a ripper. Oh, fuck that. Not me. Anywho, I was down there last week. before the 4th of July. I was walking. Did a lot of walking around. It took the baby. It was going on long walks on the boardwalk. During the day, take naps, the whole nine yards. The baby, not me. And this is the best. So, obviously, there's a lot of T-shirt shops there. Yeah, that's right. Right? A lot of cheap T-shirts. Yeah, like, hey, you can go, you can get, you know, a picture. They'll put your picture. Anything kind of, you can make your own T-shirts. Not like the quality of comfort colors you can get at RUgarbages.com. Which, shout out to everybody who bought the fucking 4th of July shirts. That's awesome. The Not Rubbish and the AYG ones. Those are, I mean, those are low quantity at this point. Nice. Move and march. I like it. But, yeah, so I took a couple of pictures. This is a family boardwalk we're on here. This is 10 o'clock in the morning. This is what's on display. Okay. On the Wildwood boardwalk. About to show me some T-tats? No. Oh. I don't know. This guy's obsessed with pussy. No, it's not. I mean, you know. You're a young guy. What are you talking about? You about to show me some T-tats? Oh. Because that'd be pretty cool if you did We were doing a podcast yesterday And Kimmy pulled up a pair of knackers Also Why would that be what I was about to show you? Have you ever seen the show? I don't know what kind of freak shit you're up to I don't see you that much these days Sure, okay Alright, we can do Hit me This is an easy one to start off Steve's bitch This is a pair of booty shorts That say Steve's bitch That's pretty awesome That's not bad, right? No, that's great You're like, that's on the edge That's, you know, whatever We're having a good time Are they for girls or guys? You know, I assume they're made for girls I think if a guy was walking up and down the boardwalk on these I think they're, you know I like that though, Steve's bitch That's pretty good You're a fucking weird guy Then there's this one, you know It ain't gonna spank itself Written across the back of a pair of Oh man, you're gonna be hard as a rock After these You're gonna come in with wear and soul Yes, it isn't I'll tell you that right now Right? This is like I don't know who Well, some probably good girls out there, huh? Jesus Christ, dude You're like You're like one I think it's Nicolas Cage You look like the In Face Off when they switch Face Off And he's hitting on his daughter or something like that What? That's you He like peaches and like asking weird stuff like that He like peaches I'm sure it's gonna rise Using words like succulent and stuff You fucking creep I remember the guy that used sexy to describe a showroom It's a real sexy room Do I remember him? Yeah We trash him every day You can't say his name publicly Of course Um Okay Now I don't even remember all of these This is an easy peasy one Dunkin' Deez Nuts In the style of Dunkin' Donuts You know, that's a t-shirt you can wear I assume a parolee or something That's just alright right there Dunkin' Deez Nuts Dunkin' Deez Nuts It's a good time That's fun You know, that's something I would show my mom She'd go, oh, you know, you're, you know You're bad That's disgusting Yeah, you're bad You're bad Kevin's bad Then this, I think this is This is another three sets of the shorts The shorts are pop They must move units Yeah, they move Those are chicks like them Bite me, all you can eat Thick filet Thick filet In the chick filet Whoa Alright I mean, if Listen, I'm glad I don't have a daughter Also That's a tough Have your daughter walking around Wildwoods Boardwalk Wearing a fucking All you can eat set of shorts That's a That's a wild I know hookers that don't wear this kind of stuff Would you allow your daughter to wear that? What? No, that's what I just said Hmm Allow her I mean No Okay Would you allow your daughter to wear it? I don't have children Okay, I don't have a daughter I can use make-believe And not make it sad I didn't say it's sad You didn't make it happy I don't have children You sound like you lost them in a fire Or something like that I don't have children They're no longer with us They went down into the Titanic I dressed up like a woman And got on a lifeboat Mm-hmm Um What's this one? This is Tony's booty That's alright That's not bad Tony That's good clean fun That's good clean fun I mean, listen I'm down here to have a good time At the end of the day All of these Are straight garbage Oh, you think? I don't know if you can see back here But there's a shirt with a weed leaf on it A lot of A lot of marijuana That shit was so scandalous In the 90s I remember this year This We all thought this kid was a cop Foreign exchange student I don't know where the fuck he was from Had a mustache And fourth grade guy What's going on here? Yeah He might have been from Belgium To be honest with you Which obviously Recent beef Et cetera, et cetera And he had a fucking chain That had a weed leaf on it We all stayed clear of him It took him a long time He had to show up with bags Upon bags Upon bags For us to not think he was a cop Making sure his money's like Not marked and non-sequential And stuff like that You're looking for like The mark on it Mm-hmm Um Yeah Foreign exchange students Foreign exchange students Don't do as well as you would think With like the, you know The ladies Yeah, it's a tough In high school You're not ready for like Outsider To use the accent Not even that No, I'm saying like It's still a little Too foreign You're like You know, that's like college You're like finding Like in high school You're still like Who's this fucking weird guy Who, you know Needs a little fucking Right guard on him You know what I mean? Hoo-wee K-plits, huh, dog? Is that the weed Or your pits, dog? Um What? You stink What do you got? This one is, uh This is my favorite It says I love to finger paint Mm-hmm And then this says I'm paint It's a, it's a double You wear it as a couple Mm You get it? Yeah, I get it Okay That's a little offensive For a Saturday afternoon Down the shore When I just got my Core brother's frozen custard And I'm walking down The boardwalk with my daughter Mm-hmm Okay? Well, that's like You're gonna have to Explain that And listen, I don't know I don't have I don't, I mean I have a kid I don't have a kid That like understands What's going on All right, let's say Little Caparino was like Daddy, what does that mean? That's what I'm saying I'd, I'd have to learn How to Just be like He likes to finger paint And his wife's a hooah I don't know I don't know But don't shake his hand His girlfriend's a skank, sweetie Uh, yeah, I don't know You know I don't know I, I have never had to cross Any of those, uh Those bridges But, uh That's, you know Come on, man And then this There's this one I believe this would be The last one These are kitschy, though They're, you know, fun Not that last one This one says two-seater It's an arrow pointing to the face And you're Johnson Right? What are you, a drill instructor From the 70s? Johnson Oh, my But what do you call it? A schlong? What do you call it? My wiener What do you call it When you see it, huh? What do I call it? I ain't that Huh? Oh, yeah Call it to find out Where the hell it is Hello? Oh, man Put an echo on that Two-seater God damn it That's either What's funny is More older people Would be wearing Those That's like a guy Who just got into Like the Retirement community Two-seater I gotta be honest with you I don't think you're that far If you keep making A couple of the decisions I don't think I don't You're closer than I am What? I think you're closer What? Because I want to get the tattoo And my nose pierced? My Prince Albert? My scrotum ring? I'm just saying If you like me You would Luke up A lot of these shirts would I never wear anything like that I never wear anything like that Because I can't do Two things at once I'm a one-woman guy I got ADD It was my train of thought How am I going to do that And watch Sopranos All at the same time? Uh-huh And eat a deli double From McDonald's Sure I don't eat those no more But yet I had one Just last night And then there's one more Let me just find Where it is Your computer stinks I unplugged it So you didn't see it Asshole The way you said Asshole Asshole Asshole All right Here then there's You know Those were all You know They got a little more risque As we went along Obviously Obviously Thick filet is all right You know Sorry to crush a cough drop real quick It's okay I've had a tickle In the back of my throat For about three weeks Uh-huh Comes in Piece of semen or something? That's what the guys Get the shirt made It's okay I've had a tickle In the back of my throat So feel free to come In my mouth Jesus Christ Again AYG After dark over here That's a teacher My boy Deli Used to have one That said The man And then the legend A dude in like Eighth grade I didn't have pubes yet I was like This guy's fucking What the hell's he got going on Deli got a piece on him? Uh Yeah I mean this is Deli's I mean He's doing well Yeah he's doing well I haven't seen him in a while But A legend Woo Uh Yeah My guy's the fairy tale Right? No I don't know There's a Over exaggerated story What? Small winner More of a vignette Ah A novella if you will Yes A vignette More of a haiku To be honest with you What? What? Remember how everybody thought they were cool when they could do a haiku real quick? No. what kind of fucking bozos are you rolling with you don't remember that people would always do them who i don't know i'm asking you said people always i know it's like people do it as a face throw i just mentioned that my friend has a shirt that says the man and the legend and you think that guy knows what a haiku is i don't know i don't really know what one is either you want a karate chop what's a haiku luke it's like four things or something i think it's like five syllables seven syllables five syllables it's like that's the dumbest shit i ever heard you don't know you've never tried no five syllables i don't what's five i don't even need to rip one out real quick i don't even know where i get how would i come up all occasions doing form against me yeah it's uh it's a five seven five pattern it's syllables five seven five i'm more of a five five five man if you know what i mean dominoes kip what do you know about that racket money big money guy over here big fans of rocket money over here you know you know a lot of people don't really give rocket money credit for being a time saver you ain't lying get rid of all those subscriptions that you don't want you make sure everything's organized neat clean organized it saves you so much time i remember i used to watch my mom on a sunday just drive herself crazy bang an hour after hour a little rocket money in your life you know what i mean takes care of things the easy way yes one of my favorite things about rocket money is i've said it before but you eat listen this is what it does you put your you you you link all of i linked my all of my accounts i got my savings account i got my checking account i got my credit card that way it knows everything and you get it all in one place i don't have to go oh i gotta log into my credit card what's that pay this is that all of that because i'll forget and then the next thing you know i get wallet with some charge it was mine it wasn't mine you lose track of your subscriptions which i've done time and time again i had a dairy queen charge on my card the other day uh-huh i wasn't at dairy queen i swear to god i was not at dairy queen you think i would come in here and say that shit tell it to tell it to the judge i gotta talk to rocket money about it rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings let rocket money help you reach your financial goals faster join rocket money.com slash garbage that's rocket money.com slash garbage one more time rocket money.com slash garbage do it kevin's talking about draft kings draft kings gang you know fight night is here and draft kings has you fully covered the draft king sports app is now available in all 50 states and that includes all markets you're in on the excitement get it on the excitement at the speed of sports baby yes uh sweat every round of the card all in one place with one app i'm a big draft kings guy everybody knows that and right now new draft kings customers sign up with the code ayg you spend five bucks to get 200 rewards within 21 days that's code ayg and shit with draft kings the crowned is yours bet with dk sportsbook gambling problem call 1-800 gambler 1-800 my reset connecticut call 888-878-97777 visit ccpg.org on behalf of boot hill casino in kansas bet tax pass through may apply in illinois 21 plus void in canada event contract trading with draft kings predictions involves risk of loss availability varies bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days trade to get fifty dollars in prediction dollars that expire in one year issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days one non-withdrawable reward redeemable predictions offer void in new york end july 19th terms at dkng.co slash audio nailed it hit me with the what's it called finale crescendo no crescendo is when it slows down then the finale first a crescendo then your finale finale then you crescendo no you charge a crescendo you run from a finale i was watching stand-up guys the other night with uh al pacino you are my dad it's great you're my dad after this i got i only got to be so i watch what to be i'm watching a bunch of like late year fucking uh sylvester stallone v i was about to start lansky the other day i'm trying to have like a blue you're gonna be showing up like a weird blue suit a little too shiny i was gonna watch lansky with uh harvey kytel there's a chance i'm busy i love you we've reached the point where you're telling me what movies you were gonna watch oh no really that's cool dude what are you talking about i can write a haiku show me a picture not with that attitude there better be some boobs this one might fucking have you slipping out of your seat oh eat healthy oh my god with stick figures of a man and a lady he's eating that girl's vagina how crazy is that that's at i'm all i'm standing on the boardwalk that's at the that's the that's to get you inside that's crazy that's wild what the hell that's awful now give me the location of this that store also the lady didn't like that i was taking pictures of her merchandise yeah what'd she say not that she gave me the stank eye pictures ain't free you gotta buy it probably thinks you're going home to jerk off on fucking older bald man wearing denim on a boardwalk are you dressed like they probably have jeans on don't you you walk up and down the boardwalk in jeans yeah i walk up and down the boardwalk with jeans are you really i bet you do taking pictures of fucking risque t-shirts and going home to fucking pleasure yourself in your mother's bathroom that's disgusting what yeah think about that it's fucked up just pull out a gun and blow you away now that's comedy fucking murders so louis got it that's our last word drive hit me we're having a good time um this might not play this probably won't play but we're gonna take it we're gonna take a shot at the phone of a murder suicide bit uh bitch killed by the way gotta come heavy what do you got i think it would be this there was they do breakfast on the some some restaurant i got your attention now that's not so stupid is it no you got breakfast um they play uh so like there's some restaurants they're like pizza places right but they do breakfast in the morning i know that's always on a paper plate or something they that's not great i down ashore there's this place hot hot spot there's like three or four of them they do they they almost had me it was just too hot for a little kipper you know to not to post up to this place was wide open on the beach on the beach and there's like 19 like on the pier on the beach side of the pier okay it just it's like 499 for like the fucking all-american man all-american fucking the scrapple grapple yeah i'm with you i record it they they so like it's also like a lot of like carnival barking like step right up step right in and they this place was advertising their breakfast to the man in a denim shirt taking pictures weird t-shirt the baby's all in denim i got a denim stroller but the they my favorite thing is the they they they're at this place had a recording there wasn't one person in this fucking restaurant oh man and the recording was a guy from philly like he's it's he's the it was the proprietor going over what they have for breakfast and i gotta i thought of you immediately i said the bug man would be all we would if we were walking we'd stop and go the place is empty yeah is this just on early though yeah it's just on repeat so if i'm sitting down to eat i hear this guy's voice like i'm in a fucking that's on the outside camp i don't think you'd hear it inside okay breakfast specials going on right here we got a big day day right now going over and try some delicious taylor pork roll that's right we have taylor pork roll here today the original and we're going to show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead and show you how it's done so we're going to go ahead you hear that you little shits we got the real stuff what the fuck with the sausage and then the bacon and pancakes french toast this guy just keeps saying the same thing over again he's got me to death listen delicious sausage ham right up step right bacon eggs and bacon you could hear him like miss not mispronounce but like stutter on stuff you know what i mean probably in the office doing that one take yeah that was all right the original now he was kind of saying they were like the first place to have taylor ham he has the the original pork roll is taylor pork roll yes we have Original pork roll. Not this fucking Dietz and Watson trash they're throwing around. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Cumberland Farms. I got money tied up with them. Talking real shit here, guys. Dietz and Watson's all right. Dietz and Watson's for the working man. You know? Not all boar's head. Who does boar's head? People do. What? I've said that weird, didn't I? It sounds like you're sucking a pig's dick. What? That's one of my favorites. Cut that. This is ridiculous. One of my favorite battle raps. I think it was a Roan. Shout out to Roan. Of course. One of his old original battle raps. I don't think it was him. It was the guy he was going against. It was Prophet with a P. Get it? Like with a P-H-A. Roan and I agreed on trashing somebody not too recently. Very nice. Was it me? No. I don't want to say who it was. Key part. Your raps are like cold cuts. It boar's heads. Ooh. Come on. Is that a double entendre? Yes. That's exactly what a double entendre is. They're big in the rap game. Apparently. Thought it was a Mexican dish. I'll do the double entendre. With mole sauce. I like that mole sauce. Me too. I didn't. Holy shit. That rap battle has a genius lyric breakdown. I don't know what that is. You know genius? They break down the lyrics. It's just very in-depth. What the fuck are you talking about? Line for line. They have all the different meanings and where it connects to. Oh, shit. Yeah. Is that what the line? It's something like that. Send me the link. It boar's heads. Send me the link. Email it to me. Snapchat. You know Snapchat's still banging? Yeah, we're on Snapchat. We are? Uh-huh. No, we're not. Yes, we are. What are we doing up there? We're on Snapchat. I don't have a thing. What do you mean? I could do the little filters. The face. The little chubby face. You need a filter to do a chubby face? I didn't see what you did there. That was not a double entendre. Wait, we're on Snapchat? That is a double chin. We're on Snapchat? No, come on. What? That's fucking in there. That's in there, guy. Take it easy, Marshall Matters. Marshall Smathers. Marshall Scrapple. What was that with the Smothers Brothers? I thought that was like a jelly company, no? No, there were two guys. They were a comedy team. Smothers Brothers. Dick and somebody else. Fat ass. Not a one guy was in Casita. You know. He played the- Rickles. No. One of the Smothers Brothers was the state assemblyman that wouldn't- Was I at that dinner? Was I at that dinner? He's the one that bangs the blonde hooker in the room upstairs and takes the chips out of the drawer. Remember that? Chick was hot. I wonder if that was all you could eat. Listen. You got to get your mind right. Get your mind out of the gutter here, guys. My mind's out of the goddamn gutter. It's a comedy goddamn podcast. We're doing a job here. We're doing a show. We're broadcasting. Got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. And now for more Kevin Ryan. That's original. Taylor and pork roll. You got eggs and bacon. Eggs and sausage. Eggs and ham. Eggs and Taylor ham. We also have eggs and bacon. Eggs and sausage. Your mic's off again. It's it. Listen. We're going to glue. Can we weld diesel? You say hi to you. Don't say hi to everybody. Are you ever on camera? Diesel? I got you got to tack weld his fucking his mic so he can't break it. Solder it or something. You got to use. So is so his mouth shut, too. I won't stop breaking my cojones. Just it's just Chinese stuff. You're buying American. You know, yeah. The fuck the fuck is that? Someone just rolled in cities with the garbage company. He might think we're also a garbage company. Oh. See, you guys also do trash. Are you connected or no? Come in a couple of fucking wise guys. Shake us. You're right. You're on their side because you want to be a mobster. Oh, hey. Hey, got my goo. I did it that John's on 12th Street. Couple weeks ago. Delicious. You want an old school joint? It's John's of 12th Street. I thought it was John's on 12th Street. John's of 12th Street. That Annie's village. You're Henry of Hell's Kitchen. I am. Motherfucker. I live in the kitchen. Which I got a new series coming out about the kitchen about the Westies. I got to get my apartment before the fucking prices start skyrocketing. It's on MGM. I think I'm safe. Ain't that. Guys, as you know, we got a Gastronomy Family episode on our hands. When you sign up for the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Let's see here. This is a home run. This one's from Brooks. You ever rip a sandwich in half instead of cutting it? I did that down the shore. If you go to Wildwood, you go to Russo's over there on 9th Street. They don't cut their sandwiches. I think you got to ask. That's kind of infuriating. Kind of. Imagine ripping a hot cheesesteak in half. I ain't got time to go look for a knife. I was on a beach. You're eating a cheesesteak on the beach? I ate a cheesesteak on the beach. How do you do that? You rip it in half and eat it. I can't really eat on the beach. I don't know why. I can eat on a boat. I can eat everywhere. The beach, I feel like sand gets everywhere. I don't like it. I guess if I had to, I could. Yeah, I think you could manage. If I was sitting there with a Russo's cheesesteak and you're hungry, you hadn't eaten in 10 hours? If you ripped it in half. I ripped it in half and I said, I don't want to wrap this back until my paper blew away. The only way to do it is eat it. You couldn't eat it? You're going to eat it. Yeah, I could eat it. Uh-uh. I'd need a lot of cheese on it, though, because I wouldn't be able to put ketchup and stuff on it. Oh, then we're out. Yeah. I can't add condiments to it on the beach. I'll get sandy. I didn't have condiments on me. I didn't bring a college boy fridge. You didn't have salt, pepper, ketchup? No. How are you going to make any money on the beach, then? You got no condiments. Huh? What, did you just raw dog it? Just cheese? Yeah, a cheesesteak. That's how I do my cheesesteaks. You don't eat cheesesteaks with ketchup? No. You don't put mayo on them? No. Oregano? Lettuce, tomato, onion? Hoagie fire? No, it'd be a cheesesteak hoagie, then. I would have said, if I meant cheesesteak hoagie, I would have said cheesesteak hoagie. I used to love them when I was a kid. Not really so much anymore. Cheesesteak hoagies. Try one on the beach. Chicken cheesesteak hoagie. Mayo, oregano, white onion, raw onion. That's nice. I prefer when they cut them into quarters, to be honest with you. Whoa. Don't like the double end. I don't like a half. That's why I don't like. I don't like hoagie trays. Really? I don't like. Well, hold on. Most hoagie trays, they don't give you the end. No, I'm saying I don't like a double cut. I like an end. I need a heel. Really? I need an anchor. That's crazy. No. What? It's the bottom. It's the. But on a hoagie tray, there is no bottom. It just goes around in a circle. I know, but then it falls. I know, I get that. But I'm saying the bottom of the sandwich, there's nothing to contain. It pushes. It falls. I get a tomato. It's hanging out. No. Okay. Not on the hoagie tray, because it's bite size. Don't you get that? They're not bite size. Yeah, they are. They're at least four, three to four. I've never had a hoagie tray where I bit down and the meat slid out. Okay. A couple of places out in Queens where that happens a lot. I'm not going to say any names, but. Okay. Well, I like a heel. For whatever reason, you may or may not see an issue. You're like, yeah. I like a heel. I respect that. Yeah. But they don't have them in hoagie trays. This wasn't that you're stuck on hoagie trays. I said, you said you like when they cut a sandwich into quarters. I said, I don't like that because then there's two pieces that don't have heels. I'd rather a longer. Oh, that don't have heels. I'd rather the longer heel. Gotcha. I understand. That's what I like. I understand. I ripped a Whopper in half one time to share it with somebody. It didn't really pull right. Yeah, no shit. Yeah. I got to be honest with you, man. Burger King, that's fucking really fucking up. You bite. Apologies. Who was that? It's an alarm for a call. You got a call. Pushed it. Ooh, nice. Is that the eye doctor? No. You have another call. It's actually the Snapchat with the Snapchat guys. Nice. We have Snapchat guys. Pretty cool. Yeah. Why don't you get an AYG filter on there? Get him, dork. Mr. International Businessman. What, to just make the guy 400 pounds? What's it do? A bad hang? What's it do? Makes the guy a real dickhead. You take a bite out of a fucking, any sandwich from Burger King, all the stuff comes right out of it. You get it all in one bite. It's like hooking a dolphin on a net. Everything comes with it. Okay. The pickle pulls the tomato. It's bad. And they're trying all this shit with the fucking jalapeno Whopper. A holla what? Jalapeno Whopper and the fried onions and all that kind of stuff. They got to get back to the basics, man. Fuck. I feel you, dog. We're never going to be 100% back until Burger King gets their shit together. I don't know what that idiot's doing over there. He needs to get his fucking head out of his ass. Yeah, that's straight talk right there. I feel you. If there's any sort of endorsement deal we had, I don't know yet. They should call. I care. McDonald's don't need the money. They're doing great. Burger King's got to come back. I think they should bring back Styrofoam cups. That might be the first step. I think your dolphin may have a problem with that. Chick-fil-A does it. Who are they paying? Who did greasing? They're rolling with God, dog. Sonic does it, too. That's why they're top of their game right now. What? Chick. Also, if fucking Burger King was one-tenth of as good as Chick-fil-A, everybody would turn a blind eye to the fucking Styrofoam. You know what's really good over at Burger King that they really don't push enough because I know people don't really dig it? Their big fish. Their fish sandwich is fucking fantastic. You're living different. Why? You're living different, dude. You're getting the big fish at Burger King. You don't like a big fish? It's healthier for you. I like a big fish. I like a fish sandwich. You know what I also like? You can't like a fish sandwich. Now, is that a big fish of the area? Is that a local? It's North Atlantic cod. Locally caught? North Atlantic cod. Uh-huh. Or fluke. Yeah, a lot of eyeballs in that fish, I feel. Nice piece of cod. Uh-huh. I love the saying, piece of fish. A nice piece of fish. The very old school saying, piece of fish. You're an old school guy. A friend of mine was saying it. She's like, I'd love to have a piece of fish. Nice piece of fish. It's cute. It's cool. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Yes. Gang, BetterHelp's 2026 State of the Stigma Report. How are we all doing? How are we really doing? Why is stigma still keeping people from getting help? That stigma about going to therapy. Uh-huh. Fuck it. Makes you better. Makes you better. Makes you better. Makes you better. Gotta push through that. Push through that. Yeah. Don't let anybody break your balls about talking things out with somebody. Shit. Therapy's turning my life around. Yeah. If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know we're big advocates of, you know, positive mental health and talk therapy is a huge, easy tool. Easy to do. It's tough to overcome that stigma of what your parents might think. Your old school dad who don't think that's for you. What are you telling them in there? What do you think? You going in your bad mouth? Is that what you do? You blame me? I tried my best. Oh, sorry. I did the best I could with what I had. Yeah. And you go, that's why I'm here. With your pudding pops and your fucking G.I. Joe commercials. A little too specific. Better help therapist work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. Better help does the initial matchmaking for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. I have always said it's easy to get involved. I've used better help. It's easy to go, boom, I get started. And then you can figure out who the exact fit for your therapist is. Don't let stigma stay with you. Don't let stigma stay in the way of your support. Start therapy with better help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash garbage. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch. And enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play. Eat and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house. All right, let's see here. This one's from Brisket Brigade. $10 Hell's Kitchen rent supplier. Never have one. Red shout out to you. Is it garbage or do a taco bar at your wedding instead of traditional meal because it's $2,000 cheaper? We're cutting corners at any chance we can get to be easy on the wallet. I don't hate it. No. I love it. Taco bar means you do it yourself. I'm assuming that you go. That's it. What the fuck are we doing? Have it there the whole time too. Yeah. If people get there and want to get eaten, let them get eaten. If people want to go get fucked up and then go. Taco bar all night. I'd be doing one every 30 minutes to take the booze off. Let's delete a couple of them. Be your ticket. Cut. Take. A couple of the drinks off my belly. Trashy, yes. Fantastic, yes. Yes. But is it even trashy? It's like we've gotten to a point with fucking these weddings where it's like Burger King, man. We've gotten to a point where it's just this dumb shit. You get a nice wedding and you fucking throw a taco bar at it. Damn. I love that. I do think, you know, it. It depends. I don't know how stoked. I'd make a taco salad. Everybody would be about that. Why? Fuck them. Tell them to fucking take it on a heel and toe. I just. Take the bricks. I mean, you know. Who's going to get mad at a. Who the fuck? Some aunt's uncle going, you drug me out here all the way to fucking. I drove two and a half hours. I put 200 in the fucking envelope. You got me dressed up in a fucking suit and a tie. I'm sweating my fucking balls off. And I'm here doing my own fucking taquitos. Yeah. Well, you're not here for the fucking. You're not here for the fucking food. You're here because you love me. All right. Now, shut the fuck up. Talking to me. There's only 100 in the envelope. Now, what would anybody in your family say if we got all the way out there and you had fucking. You just had a taco bar. We're talking about my wedding in Hawaii. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. I know you're talking about. I mean, you had to drive to Tommy Cassidy's wedding in upstate New York. You bitch. You still bitch about how long it took you to get there. If he got there. And let's just say they ran out of fucking, you know, they ran out of corny asada. You think I'm having corny asada? That's ground beef, bitch. Are you nuts? Fuck that. You're not getting no corny asada. No, you're getting ground beef and you're getting beans for the vegetarians, which I'll be honest with you. I don't mind a fucking black bean taco. Black bean chalupa. They're delicious. You do have to. You do have to see that some people would be like, what the? You got your fucking Nana on a walker trying to carry a. I'll make her a goddamn plate. Somebody will an aunt or something. Shut her up. Yeah. I did bitch the whole time going to Tommy's wedding. But I tell you what, I got there and those goddamn bacon wrapped scallops turned my whole day around. They were delicious. And so was the. Just for the record, you bitch for about a year and a half afterwards to just. Just saying. Scallops were good, though. And it was a lovely time. Sure. And I was a different person back then. Sure. We had a nice dinner out that weekend as well. Yes, we did. Oh, yes, we did. Yeah. The four of us. Man. I like the taco bar idea. I like it as well. Go for it. Definitely. If you need the if you're, you know, no qualms. You're trying. But I give people maybe the heads up. Also, not, you know, people are dancing. You got a belly full of fucking, you know. Who doesn't want a fucking taco when they're all fucked up? I'm on board. I'm just saying not everybody, you know, might want a fucking. What's that taco bar look like? I'm OK. I'm doing ground beef. First of all, we're going straight up Ortega like that kind of spice. That kind of season. So we're doing that. We're doing taco meat. OK. Chopped up onions. Chopped up tomato. Chopped up iceberg. Chopped up tomato. Chopped up iceberg lettuce. What the fuck? In there? Pre-mixed or like in the bowl? No, no, no. In the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salad bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some sour cream. Some guacamole. Hard shell, soft shell. Got both. Do both. Have some ding dong standing there doing the fucking tacos. The fajitas. Heating them up. A little flame. Bang. Two seconds. Oh, OK. Yeah, nice. You know what would be nice? If somebody made them for you. Yeah. Hey, let me get two chicken, two beef, whatever. Chipotle style. And then they fucking whip them up real nice. So you don't have to fucking. You got a suit and a tie on. You got a nice dress. You won't be dealing with fucking. You know what else, too? I like that. That's nice. You could do it in a bowl. Because you know my thing. I don't like the layers on a taco. Mix it all together and throw it in the fucking, in the, in the mitt. You're going to need another guy for that. That's not how you're talking. No, you're doing that in a bowl. What? Take two seconds. It's like a guy that does the salads at a deli. They make those in three seconds. Don't they? Yeah, but you need a guy then. There's more dishes involved to me with that. All right, so you get two guys. You're still saving money with the fucking taco bar. Where are the bowls going? You need a fresh bowl every time. No, you don't. You don't need a fresh bowl. You wipe it out. They're tacos. Okay, you clearly never worked in a kitchen. That's going to sting. That's going to sting them. I'm just saying. I was a hot shot fucking fry guy on the line of Pusser's Landing on the intercoastal waterway. fucking Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina. Summer in 96. Bitch. Down there working. Scallop, shrimp. We did a fantastic. Ate it all. I did. We did a fantastic fried seafood sampler. So you know you got to wash the. You got to wash them. You got to wash them all. I mean, yeah. We used to do fried oysters, too. Yeah. Oh, they were so good. Beer-battered fried oysters. Man, got my hands on a couple of them. Sick one. Took out a whole family reunion. Shrimp was underdone. I don't know how you tell. It's sick and wrapped up. The Jenkins did not see it coming. Three generations of Jenkins is all fucking. I usually had one incident at every job I ever worked at. You've had a couple here. I'll give you. I think it's pretty. If you're on the Patreon, it's pretty well documented. Big man's got a couple of fucking blemishes. Blemishes in the file. A couple of food poisonings. You know. Sure. The nature of the beast. And then when I worked at the Hess station, I squirted gas in that lady's face. She owed you $20. Poor lady. I don't think I ever heard that story. I don't know, though. One hundred percent. I'm telling you, I've never heard. I don't think I've heard that story. It's not ringing a bell. Really? Yeah. So me and my buddy Kramer one summer had the greatest job ever. We worked at Hess gas station on Germantown. Pike and it was like a pit because it was a two lane highway with a divider in the middle. So you had to come in, you pulled in, get your gas on stuff. That's when we had that scam going with the fucking with the with the change or the you get a coupon for $10 a premium. You got whatever. So we would do the floater gallons, save it up, write it, fill out the cards, walk out of there with another 30, 40 bucks cash. What? Just only to get on your scam, want to fucking want to scam and you had a dowser. What happened? How the fuck am I going to skimp from the skimp? This lady's bleeding me dry. It's like trying to get blood from a stone. Yeah, I think we can work that out. Did you say premium? Get her with 35 cents if I'm letting, I'm going to shut her up. Yeah, she pulled the 30, probably back then a gallon of gas was 80 cents. That's like a half a gallon. Dude, I think I actually squirted her with like five cents. It's a lot, man. Five cents. Five cents. It's a lot. Because you could see it on the pump when I hit her with, and no, it wasn't retribution. I have to have told you this. She was a heavyset lady. She pulled in one of those old minivans. I bet you. Heavyset lady, heavyset boy. She was wearing a stick it anywhere t-shirt. And all you can eat, a pair of shorts. Yeah, she pulled in. She was a sweet lady. She had the short lady haircut, curls, bigger girl. She pulled in one of those little woodies, those minivans. You might have been described, describing Denise. And her husband who was a juice head was behind her in another car, he was in like a white Pontiac. I didn't realize that was her husband. And she rolled down the window and she's like, fill it up with whatever. And it was this old school pump and I was just having to be holding it like towards her by accident. And when I went to fucking- Thing you'd never joined the military. I went to jam it up. And when I did it, like a muscle thing, I squeezed it and hit it with like five cents of fucking- In the car? Yeah. She was sitting in the car. And she fucking like fell out of the car and was rolling around on the ground screaming. Lady, stop being, you get mad at her. It's what you would do. Stop being fucking- I had to have told you. I don't remember that, no. Yeah. She was, I was so bad. There was nothing I could do. She was just rolling around screaming. I can't see anything. I retain. I'm just gonna tell you that my- And then her husband came over and was like, "What the fuck?" And I was like, "I'm sorry. It was an accident." And then Dale, my manager, came out with some kind of shit that they had in the back for when that happened. Like sand or something? Something like that. Hit her with the Ansel system? Foamer? I hit the whole thing. Shut down the fucking gas station. We're like- You stink. I had to get, I had to use that thing in science class. This kid, Mike Brown, squirted me in the eyes with- To fart bed or something? Out of the eye wash? Yeah. This kid, Mike Brown, squirted me in the eyes with- Yeah. This kid, Mike Brown, I flicked him or something like that and he squirted me in the eye with hydrochloric acid. You've been a dickhead your whole life, haven't you? You really have. But it was diluted. He could've fucking blinded me. And I remember I tried to get out of wrestling practice that day, and fucking Mr. Landis was like, "No. What's your problem?" You didn't miss lunch, did you, fatass? This was after- I seen you down there. Ate a whole stack of pancakes breakfast for lunch. Huh? Yeah. And Mr. Landis was like, "What's your problem?" He was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And he was like, "What's your problem?" And I was like, "What's your problem?" No, I'm going to ask a cop to make sure. I'm going to go online. There you go. Take a class You're not doing any of that The fuck I'm not I know you're not You're at group therapy tonight too You keep saying that I do You've said it so much I don't believe you at this point If I'm being honest with you I definitely won't be at the Hustler Club That's still open? Yeah Okay I don't go I don't go to strip clubs Alright Okay What the fuck was I saying? What were we just talking about? Something about your dad? No What I don't like is Gantz in Jersey Yeah Oh my dad would never Put a button in that This was way I was working with him I mean I was in my 20s And he refused to Use a credit card In New Jersey Because they'd rob you Because you give them the card And then They walk away with it They walk into the hut And he goes You know what the fuck that guy's doing He's writing my shit down You're always cash I go you're fucking nuts This was in They do sometimes though This was in 2000 Oh yeah I know But this was in 2012 You know I mean this wasn't This wasn't that long ago He's like nah He'd stop at a Wawa Hit an ATM 40 cash Irregular And a pack of haters Packing up Marlboro Lights You got there guy Is that what he Pulled with Marlboro Lights? Now he has Reds Wow Uh huh I think he's still smoking Reds I haven't talked to him In a long time But if I had to assume I would assume yeah Damn He was smoking Reds The last time he's seen them He's been smoking Reds Every time I've ever seen him Ever in my life Yeah Um But I gotta I gotta be a little bit This is a little hard feelings Or whatever But uh I got a little bit of a beef With people At this point now Complaining about The tipping On the screens Mmhmm You know what I mean? It's like I Listen I'm not I I'm not Wait You have beef With the people That are complaining about it? Yeah It's like Cause they always lead off My problem is They always lead off with I'm a good tipper And it's like They have it at the airport though Where? They do that shit At the airport Like do you wanna leave a tip? Yeah where? For whatever The Hudson News and shit That's a round up For like Charity or whatever Which don't do that either Don't do that Cause the fucking car The The The credit card They wet their Everybody wets their beak on that But you And them Goddamn poor kids Mmhmm But it's always like I ain't fucking I'm a No I'm a good tipper But I'm gonna complain about They're asking me for 18% of a $5 cup of coffee If you're complaining about the dollar On a cup of coffee Hate to break it to ya You're not that great of a tipper I'm just so irresponsible that Whatever I just hit it Keep it moving Also say no I I do think it's aggressive How they go this And it's That's all from the The card processing Companies Is that who's doing it? Yeah because they get Three and a half to four percent on it On a tip? Yeah They do Because they get a total They It behooves them to make the total higher Mmhmm Because they take a higher They take a percentage Man So it's It's all the Yeah it's all the credit card companies doing it The credit card processing company Like the Toast or whatever They wet their beak on all that Is that what toast is? I don't know But somebody's wetting their beak on all that And it ain't me I thought stop going I'm a great tip But I just get mad When they ask me for Twenty percent of a five dollar cup of coffee Just give them the dollar Or don't give them the dollar I'll try to tell them you're a good tip Who are you hanging out with As a complainant about this? It was mainly One kid Mmhmm It was me Was it? This is all about myself Is it you're hanging out with Down there in suburbia? No Bunch of whiners and complainers And what are you? I'm fucking On the front line still Here in the city Getting it done Getting it done Not down there in the rear None of that means anything You just say stuff Also Pull the curtain You didn't come to work yesterday You're not getting it done I'm sick I'm here today Ill For you For ya Yeah thanks I have to go to the doctor I'm scared Uh huh They're all that Legionnaires disease Don't fucking say that Just saying Um Alright let's see this one This one's from James McCarthy Ten dollar homie Ever use paint Pancakes or waffles As a bun for your hamburger That's a great question I've never thought of that I've never been in the position Where I needed to do that I've never made a sandwich With I've done like I guess peanut butter On top of two eggos Probably But Yeah I'm assuming you Well I mean I guess That would just be The McGriddle Effectively Not with a hamburger With sausage Sure yeah yeah yeah But Not that long ago I'm not sure Uh huh I was at my mother's You can't say anything That can shock me at this point No there's There's genuinely nothing Hmm I mean do you think there is Yeah There's not That would shock me There's stuff I don't know For sure There's nothing that would shock me What the fuck is that shit You just alluded to There's things I don't know I'm not saying Well you just said There's stuff I could tell you That would shock me You know everything Clearly that would shock me No Huh How could something I You said You know There's stuff I made a ham and cheese sandwich Using an Eggo waffle Okay I don't know why You made it so serious After And it's delicious I get that I still did the Dijon mustard and everything It all works It's just like It's like buttermilk bread Effectively All works Well was there no bread Or you decided to get wacky I'm okay with either way I decided to get wacky Fair enough I'm a weird guy You know how to do Whatever you want Yeah Doesn't shock me Huh Interesting Mm-hmm You know I have two penises Mm-hmm Doesn't shock me Hmm One's on my foot Mm-hmm Can't see that one either Hey Dan Is this thing on? Hey Dan What are you gonna say One's on my butt Yeah there's one on my butt He actually has three Keeps them in his mouth too Hey Dan You call that a three-seater Hey Dan Hey Dan Um Yeah it's really good And anything on You know The fucking What's it called Monte Cristo Which is basically Ham, cheese, and turkey On French toast Yeah Yeah no syrup though You use syrup Okay Syrup That's syrup Whatever What does my wife do? I had a blueberry pancake The other day That blew my balls back Uh-huh Tried it at a Galaxy Diner How's that ozempic working? Great I'm just saying A lot of Burger King talk A lot of pancake talk A lot of ham and cheese On waffle talk Still going down baby No I'm just saying Treat every once in a while Plus a lot of steps Okay A lot of walking A lot of working out I can get so depressed I can get so depressed How's that Rogaine? I haven't been taking it Really? I lost I left it I was kidding by the way What? Just teasing you About what? You look great I don't want to throw Why are you getting weird? I don't want to throw Stones back at you After you make insulting comments I try to kill them with kindness What insulting comment Did I make? You made fun of my weight I didn't make fun of your weight You said I was fat You said I was eating A lot of pancakes And a lot of Burger King But you said that You said all of that stuff I just asked you How's it going To see if you were Still taking it Because hold on Don't get weird We have both Have lapsed in it Oh I didn't take it I forgot it This that I gotta get re-up It was mostly that It wasn't a A shot at everything It was that And also You have mentioned The multiple times You've had Burger King Recently Once I've had Burger King once Okay Multiple times Okay I had it once Multiple times Not multiple times During the day But I have had Burger King Multiple times Stop saying once Okay I mean it's crazy It's crazy You really have to learn How to speak you You stink Yes sir If you stink And you know Clap your hands You doing that With the baby What If you're a baby And you know Clap your hands No You doing all the old tunes The old show tunes Old McDonald All that shit Chicago Chicago What do you mean You said all the old show tunes I thought you meant Chicago the band We're more of a Steely Dan family Does anybody really know What time it is I love Chicago We do clap your hands Till daddy comes home But what is that Is that you make that up No because Tommy knows it It must be a Philly derp See if you can find out Clap your hands Till daddy comes home Daddy's gonna buy me An ice cream cone So big Cause Tommy knows So it might be A Roxborough thing Clap your hands Till daddy comes home From the bar The bar must have been far Cause it's really really late Clap your hands Till daddy comes home From the bar I hope he doesn't hit mommy When he gets home He's probably gonna hit mommy When he gets here I hope he didn't spend the rent When he gets home Just a classic It comes from the UK But US Hello Hey dad Hey what's so dish Classic Really Clap hands Clap hands Till daddy comes home For daddy's got money But mommy's got money Got none Oh what the fuck Yeah that's what I said Really pushing the patriarchy Over there That's crazy Um What about moms And their breadwinner Huh Luke What about that That was in my household Really Yeah Hot Stuff All due respect Mr. and Mrs. Dempsey Of course They probably hate my guts By now anyway Yes Yes they do I'll answer for you I gotta cut my losses I gotta cut my losses at a certain point, you know what I mean? You got to put a tourniquet on it. Yeah, you got to realize that. I've lost some rooms that I'm never going to get back. I'm aware of that. I don't know what the fuck I did that was that bad. I'll have Mark Desjardins draw up a list. You're like a bad air conditioner, losing rooms, baby. Is that true? Am I out? The Dempsey's? Lost the complex. No shit, huh? Can't keep the room. I'll miss them. Ah, fuck them. Who cares? Nah, you know. I like to let people down. Wait, what? Wait, when's that start? I thought that was kind of your thing. I thought that's what we were doing this whole time. Listen, we got to wrap it up, though, gang. What a fun one. What a silly one. That right there, if you're new to the program, is a good old-fashioned family episode. We love you guys, and we'll see you in three days. Peace.