Trade wars, what are they good for?

[MUSIC] >> From NPR and WB Easy Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR news quiz. I'm the number one pick in your fantasy NPR dress. Auzo Slade, and here's your host at the studio breaker theater at the fine arts building in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Sego. >> Thank you, Auzo. Thank you everybody. >> Thank you to be back with you. >> Great to see you. >> Thank you so much. >> Hey, but before we get started, we just want to pay tribute to the great Dolly Parton, who we lost this week, all week. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Yeah, I'm for the same. And as I'm sure you've seen, all week people have been coming forward with stories. We didn't know about her incredible generosity. She gave to disaster relief. She started literacy campaigns. In fact, when you put on your winner coat for the first time in a month or so, and find $20 in the pocket. Turns out she put that there later on. We're going to be talking to magician, Karissa Hendrix, better known as her alter ego, Lucy Darling. But right now it's your turn to call in and play our games. The number is one triple eight, wait, wait, wait, that's one, 888924, 8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're my wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. >> Hello, Peter. >> My name is Francis, and I am from Chalkdale, Oregon. >> Chalkdale, Oregon? >> [APPLAUSE] >> Yeah. >> We have people who presume to know Chalkdale. I myself don't believe them. What do you do in Chalkdale? >> Right now, I help take care of people that need help. Basically, as my manager describes it, I take a bunch of old men on bad gates. Just to make sure that they get out of the house. >> Oh, wow. So you like, you pick up old men in there. >> Wait a minute, no, no, no. >> All right, you pick them up in your car and you transport them. That's what I'm trying to say. >> Well, welcome to the show, Francis. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a comedian whose album "Yellow Joy" is available on blonde medicine. It's Joel Nicole Johnson. >> Hello. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Hello. >> [APPLAUSE] >> Next, an actor and writer who could be seen in the acclaimed improv show, two square at UCB, New York, in September 23rd, it's Peter Gross. >> Hi. >> Hi, Peter. >> And her podcast is Handsome. >> And you can see her perform in Rochester, New York on August 29th, and up in Calgary, Canada, on August 30th, it's TIGNATARO. >> Hello, TIGNATARO. >> Hello, TIGNATARO. >> Hello, TIGNATARO. >> Hello, TIGNATARO. I choose for your voice smell, you ready to go? >> I am ready. >> All right, here's your first quote, it's Canadian politician Doug Ford reacting to someone who put a 50% tariff on everything his country exports. >> He can kiss my ass. >> Who started a trade war with Canada this week? >> I believe it's Donald Trump. >> Yes, Donald Trump, President Trump did that. >> Here the U.S. launched massive tariffs against Canada last week, Canada fought back with massive tariffs of their own. It looks to be a prolonged fight, but it was a nice moment of diplomacy when Trump repeated all his dumb threats in French for the Kebacquois community. Are you going to rally to the cause guys and get domestic maple syrup? >> If that's what it takes. >> Really? You're only going to make any sacrifice. >> Absolutely. >> It might be a nice time for bootlegging again though. >> Will it be nice to see that come back, right? That was really fun during prohibition. No offense to people in Vermont or other places where there's maple syrup, but I'm just in it for the smuggling. I don't really care when I'm smuggling. >> You're going to get angry e-mails for sure. >> Definitely. >> No, I mean, we joke, but Americans are about to find out how much stuff is made in Canada when the price skyrockets, cars, dishwashers, toilet paper, and that's bad because without toilet paper, my backup plan was the dishwashers. It's almost the NHL season, too, are they like hockey players, not allowed to come down to the stage? >> It's terrible. They have to leave them at the border. I don't know. I mean, and it doesn't make any sense because Trump first said the tariffs were about Canada's discriminatory trade practices and then it was about their unfair labor laws. Now he says it's about stopping Canada from getting a nuclear weapon. >> It's weird because I can't imagine maple syrup being any more expensive, like has anybody purchased fresh maple syrup? It costs as much as a car, like-- >> It's true. >> What kind of car are you buying? >> She buys expensive syrup and cheap cars. >> Right in the middle. >> Now, Canada, as you heard, that was dug forward the premiere of Ontario, and as you heard, they're being rather defiant, so Trump got mad, and this week issued an executive order to rename Lake Ontario Lake America. >> Oh, yeah. >> Oh, yeah. >> No, wait a minute. No, guys, to be honest, to be fair, Lake America sounds like a great place to get on your pontoon boat, drink about 50 beers. >> It also sounds like a place you go to die. >> Lake America. >> Yeah, because there's a lake. What's that lake? Georgia, that everybody keep dying in Lake America. >> Lake America. >> It's like we're deer. >> Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Every year, a bunch of white people go to Lake Lear, you never hear from them again. Black people keep telling y'all to stop going to Lake Lear, so I'm not going to Lake Lear or Lake America. >> I mean, it's a little bit of a low blow, and Canada decided to get back at us by calling that thing that poops all over your local park on America Goose. >> All right, your next quote is a customer watching her Amazon package get delivered. >> Oh my God. Oh my God. >> Oh, no. >> She was watching as the package was dropped into a swimming pool by a what? >> I think I'm going to need a hint. >> Well, if it's dropped from a height, it has to be being delivered by something in the air. What would that be? >> A drone. >> A drone. This Amazon announced, give it up for Francis, Amazon announced that it is expanding its drone aerial delivery service to 500 American cities, and America's new favorite pastime is watching videos of the drones completely screwing it up, the dropping packages in pools and ponds in the middle of the street. So far, nobody has been hurt, but you can always order a bowling ball for your enemy and hope for the best. >> Yeah, what about all the delivery people who are people who usually deliver the packages? They're going to do what? >> No, just job wise, what are they going to do now? >> Imagine they'll probably the way these things work is have to follow the drones around and pick up the packages in the street, pool, and the gutter. >> Well, you know somebody is going to jailbreak one of the drones and it's like, yo, I got three drones for sale. They're going to be going to the barber shops and the PDs on the drone. Is that an Amazon? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is a Amazon drone, can you buy a drone from Amazon? >> That would be funny if a drone brought a drone. >> That's what I was just thinking. >> Yeah, it'd be impossible, I guess. >> Yeah. >> Why not? >> And then while it's flying, it's like saying to the other drone, this is so weird. >> All right, Francis, here is your last quote. >> It's good for the planet if I skip the Sabbath. >> That was a commenter in the Washington Post talking about their opinion that what common food might not actually be good for us. >> Oh, I mean, Earth, I want to go for lettuce, it's lettuce, yes, we've been talking about lettuce and why we shouldn't eat it apparently. Even when it's not diseased, we shouldn't eat it. The Washington Post says it's time for us to stop eating lettuce because it's wasteful and actually has no nutritional value. Experts claim that most of the time lettuce is just a delivery method for dressing. That's obviously not true, sometimes there's bacon. And the nutritionist says the problem with lettuce is that it's mostly water. Meanwhile, Taylor Farms is like, yeah, water, that's the problem with lettuce. >> It's mostly water and the rest is poop. But a lot of things are mostly water, celery is mostly water. >> Right. >> Like a cucumber is mostly water. >> Humans are mostly water. >> And I eat humans all the time. >> Yeah. >> Is there going to be another way that people can ingest ranch dressing, just chuck it from the bottle. >> Yeah, I guess. I mean, the nutritionist is making this case as a solution is simple. Just swap lettuce, which has no nutritional value, for lentils. >> What? >> Lentils. It's like the same thing, nobody wants a BLT where the L is a lentil. >> What's he just doing this alphabetically? >> Lentils are apparently good for you, they have a lot of fiber, so you'll still spend an hour in the toilet for a good reason. >> Hi, protein. >> Hi, protein. >> Yeah. >> You like your lentils? >> I love my lentils. >> You're a vegan, right? >> I am, but I didn't want to announce it publicly. >> I like to choose when I corner people and tell them all about it. >> Also, how did Francis do in our quiz? score three out of three. Well done, Francis! Thank you. Thanks for calling and thanks for that good work you do. Right now, a panel that is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joel, when Universal Studios in Southern California built a new state-of-the-art rollercoaster, they promised all the people who lived nearby that it was engineered to be nearly silent. It is. But the neighbors say the park did not account for what specific noise. People scream it? Exactly right. The engineers, the engineers who built the new fast and furious coaster at Universal Studios eliminated the clatter of the wheels and the whining of the motor, but they forgot about the "ah" of the customers. So now every 30 seconds neighbors say the air is filled with people screaming in terror with no context, with no roller coaster sound to make it make sense. And Universal Studios is getting nowhere with the sign they put up saying keep your hands inside the car and your emotions inside your body. They're going to need other solutions like gag the passengers or every car comes equipped with a stern librarian. Now all I hear is shushing. It's neighborhood sucks. First it was screaming, now it's shushing. That's even worse. power corrupts, but power also needs a friend. And our Blastalistender game call 1-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8. We'll be back in a minute with more of Weight-Way Don'ts on me. From NPR. Thank you all so much. Thank you so much. Right now it's time for the "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener" game called "Untriple Eight, Wait, Wait to Play our Game in the Air." How you were on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me?" Hi, this is Casey from Pittsburgh. Hey, I love Pittsburgh. What do you do there? I work in the arts and my staffs and I are trying to raise a four-year-old. Good luck. I recommend watering them twice a day. We're trying, we're trying. We did almost give birth to him at the Philly 2021 show that you guys did. Oh wow, when we were in Philadelphia. Oh yeah, that was one of the first shows we did out of the pandemic and you were there like very pregnant? Yeah, yeah, and then I had to leave early and try to get back to the car which was like five miles away. Oh my god. Did you give birth on the way? I did not, luckily. Well, it's a nice day to have you with us, Casey. You're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. How's it, what is Casey's topic? Everybody needs somebody. This week someone in power revealed a secret relationship but thankfully this one makes you say, "Huh, rather than ooh." Our panelists are going to tell you about a pick, the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize. The voice of your choice on your voice smelly. Ready to apply? Yeah. Alright, first let's hear from Joy on the Col Johnson. The town of Bantry and County Cork Island is beautifully benign. It's a sleepy seaside village without enough gays for Grindr. The police don't even carry guns, gasps in American. Consequently, the police superintendent Cornelius Crowley is bored. He walks the entirety of the tiny town daily in search of crime but it wasn't until his herring sandwich went missing one afternoon that he had a thief in his midst. When he identified the culprit as a local seagull, he became obsessed with investigating seagull crimes. One particular seagull has drawn the most of his eye or a sturdy lad. His name is Carl. Cornelius claims Carl is a menace to society but his family ain't sure. I'm pretty sure he loves that bird, commented his wife who has listened to hours of Cornelius complaining about Carl. His co-workers claim that his relationship with Carl has given him a quote "new lease on life" and a sparkle in his eye. One shop owner who watched Cornelius track Carl for an entire day commented, "It's just like Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones in the future day." At a certain point it's like, "Guys, y'all should kiss." Cornelius and Carl will continue to be Bantry's odd couple which truly gives a new meaning to the phrase, "No harm, no foul." The superintendent of a small town in Ireland becomes obsessed with his nemesis. Carl, the seagull, your next story of a covert connection comes from Peter Gross. Famous Dutch boarding school Rotterdam Preparatory Academy was rocked by scandal this week when the headmaster Jan Van Omen revealed that his trusted advisor Sophie is actually a chalkboard eraser. 20 years ago in Van Omen was a math teacher. He was working on a complex math problem on a massive chalkboard, think a beautiful mind or someone trying to count all of Elon Musk's children. His eraser slipped and erased part of his calculations. He was horrified until he realized that what got erased was actually a mistake that was preventing him from solving the problem. And from that point on, the eraser who he named Sophie, after an ex-girlfriend who never believed in him, never left his side. When Jan was promoted to headmaster he asked if he could have his advisor Sophie on the payroll. They wanted to keep me happy, so they said yes. Van Omen told the website Holland today. It's not like I lied and no one specifically asked me if Sophie was a person. His secret was discovered this week when a student asked to meet the famous Sophie. Van Omen opened a desk drawer to reveal an eraser with googly eyes and a tiny blonde wig saying, "Here you are the first person to meet my beautiful Sophie and now that I'm doing this I'm realizing this is quite insane and I'm going to be fired." A Dutch headmaster reveals an intense relationship with a chalkboard eraser. Your last story of a furtive friend comes from Tignatara. Sanae Takaiichi, the prime minister of Japan, is known for working on weekends and only sleeping three hours a night, so sounds like a very diligent bummer. She admitted this week that while the long hours have gotten a little lonely, she's recently made a new friend, the cockroach living in her house. In a story that makes you think, "Hmm, maybe three hours of sleep isn't enough." The prime minister took to social media to explain how she came across her tiny disgusting friend and screamed at first. The start of any good relationship. I mean, I get it, who doesn't want a friend who skitters around and eats all your garbage and secretly has hundreds of more friends hiding nearby. Her staffers had the cockroach removed because it was a cockroach. She says, "I felt relieved, but also a little lonely, or maybe sad. I wish her well and recommend maybe getting a dog and a life." One of these people in authority turned out to have an interesting relationship that we had not known about. Was it from Jail Nicole Johnson, a police superintendent in Ireland who has an obsession with the seal named Carl from Peter Gross, the headmaster of a school in Holland, who revealed that their closest advisor was a chalkboard, a racer, or from Takenotaro. The prime minister of Japan had a beautiful, if brief relationship with a cockroach in her official residence. Which of these was the real story we found in the news? I am going to go with Taken's story about the cockroach. To a take story about the Japanese prime minister and their tiny little now dead pet. All right, well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to an expert. That does not make sense to an exterminator's mind. Cockroaches, I've been known to spread the evil. That was Tony Hernandez, exterminator and manager at Pest Control Chicago, who he called to get an opinion about the Japanese prime minister and her late roach. Congratulations, Casey. You got it right. You're into point for take something for telling the truth. You won our prize. The voice of your choice and your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you, thank you so much. Let me go on my job. This is true, setting the world record for holding a lit torch in their mouth. But it was when they put on a beehive wig and a cocktail dress and became magician Lucy Darling. That they took the internet and now the world by storm. Welcome to Weight Weight, don't tell me. Chris, I feel we need to start with a question that's on everybody's mind right now. How long did you have to hold a flaming torch in your mouth to set the record? So I set the new record at two minutes and one second, which is embarrassing because the old record was only one minute and 32 seconds. So I hurt myself longer than was necessary. Marco Fregatti, who was the official from Yunus, he was supposed to be counting down my time. absolutely needed to. But at about 50 seconds, he stopped counting. So I just kept going, and was able to push through the record. Although I watched it, it was done on an Italian TV show called "Lost Show to Record." And I watched about six months later. I had spent six months just being so mad at him for not giving me this anchor point. And I watched the episode, and he had counted the whole time. But it was so painful. My brain had blocked out all the noise. So I had been caring around this absolutely unreasonable rage for this poor Italian man for six months. That seems I understand. But he could have said something that a minute 33. I don't-- Yeah, he could have waved his arms. He could have waved his arms. Congratulations on your last shot. What's the international symbol for take the fire out of your mouth? Does it hurt? It hurts. It hurts. Oh, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Here's the thing. If you're doing basic fire eating tricks, there's a lot of science to it. The fire triangle-- all you have to do is remove the spark, the oxygen, or the fuel. And if you're your mouth, you can close it around a torch, and you basically snuff the fire out. And if you're doing it correctly, you can do without injuring yourself. Except if you're trying to beat a world record, then there's basically no way to do that without injuring yourself. My teeth heated up so much that the bone inside was hot enough to burn the space between my teeth and my gums. And my whole mouth swole up, but they gave me a medal. So it was-- There you are. OK. I was-- I was-- [APPLAUSE] I'm still confused. A medal-- Yeah, a medal meaning a metal bone to replace. So you don't get paid anything to break the world record? No. No, it's just about the glory. Yeah. Has your record been broken? Has anybody else risen up to challenge you? I have not had the desire to Google it. I don't want to know. But also, if somebody beats it, they can have it. I know that you studied circus and all kinds of other things. Do you have any other amazing skills that we may not know about? I was knackered about for a while. My favorite weird thing I ever did was I did an act years and years ago, where I would hold on-- like I'd be suspended by an aerial rig and be hulu-hooping a fire hoop. So it would be like fire on a hoop. While I was clenching fire torches in my toes. I only did that one summer, because not only was it painful, but people didn't get it because of how it didn't make any sense. That's the problem with being a great artist like yourself. People just don't understand what you're trying to say. You had a message, and the message was, I am on fire. Nobody understood. I didn't get it. All right, magic, however, do all these things, but the thing that you've become extraordinarily well-known for, or at least your dear friend, Lucy Darling, has become remarkably well-known for, is magic. And it's my understanding that you were performing in a variety of different guises or personas until Lucy arrived. And can you tell me where Lucy came from? Absolutely. I've been a huge fan of Old Hollywood movies for a long time. Bring up, baby. What a way to go, like watching old Jessica Boor movies. And Maywest, I love these things. And I always had wanted to do something in that style. And this winter, right before I started working on it, was when Jessica Boor passed away. And it made me realize, oh, this is the last of those women, those effortless, clever, stunning, like, bon vivant-style women from that era. And I just felt this, you know, I was compelled, you know, like this call to action. I refused to let that energy be gone from the world, even if it meant that I had to carry a tiny piece of it with me. I'm carrying it, too. Because I didn't kick you, she slapped you. So for anyone who hasn't seen Lucy Darling perform, can you describe her? I can try. Lucy is sort of like a 1940s, like almost a low-key style character. She is a little evil. She is going to-- what my favorite thing about doing Lucy is it's drag. But it is all the parts of drag that I love most, which are like the silly, like almost mean things, where you sort of push the audience a little bit. And I really tried to create a character that was like right on the line before you know its drag. So it's deliberately a little bit ambiguous. Where if you know it's drag, you're like, oh, that's drag. But if not, I can kind of trick people into not going to see it who don't know that they like drag yet. Wow. You're like an entry level. You're like the first puff of a drug, you know? Exactly. You know what I like to think of myself as the Neil deGrasse Tyson of drag, you know? Yeah. All right. Well, this administration doesn't like you at all. No, no. No. And I'm Canadian. So it's even worse, oh no. Yeah, next time. By the way, there's an extra 50% fee on any of my shows all of a sudden. So this, Andrew said, is a pleasure to talk to you. We've invited you here to play a game. We're calling, try eating this fire. Oh, no. You're a world record fire eater. So we thought we'd ask you about flamin' hot cheetos and other spicy snacks. Get two or three right. You win our prize for one of our listeners. Also, who is Carissa Hendrix playing for? Ryan and Don Himmel of Windsor, California. All right. Ready to play? Here's your first question. I'm ready. In 2025, a flamin' hot cheeto that was shaped like the Pokemon character Charizard sold on eBay for almost $88,000. But that story actually isn't as impressive as it might sound. Why? Is it because A, real Pokemon fans know it looks much more like a Bulbasaur. B, eBay took a commission of $45,000 over 50% of the sale price or C, that wasn't the highest price someone paid for a flamin' hot cheeto. Oh my gosh. OK. As somebody who is dealing a lot with ticketing fees right now, I want to say the fee one. But I also know people are terrible with money. So I'm going to say it's that somebody paid more for a cheeto. That's right. [APPLAUSE] In 2017, a cheeto that looked like Harambe sold for just under $100,000, proving your point, Carissa. All right. Here's your next question. Once you get used to flamin' hot, you might want to up the ante. And Doritos is here for you with which of these. A, Doritos roulette. A snack pack where one in six chips was painfully spicy. B, Doritos lime and lime disease flavor. Or C, Doritos sharpened Corners edition. [LAUGHTER] You know what? Based on the Doritos, I've eaten all three of those are correct. I'm going to go with the roulette one. You're right again, Carissa. You know what people want. They want a little danger when they're snacking. It was so much-- And no lime disease. Right. No lung disease. It was so much fun, apparently, as school in the UK had to ban Doritos roulette after it sent one kid to the hospital. Oh, you don't find that amusing, are you all right, well? No, they're just shocked that's in the UK and not in America. Exactly, right. All right, here's your last question. We wouldn't have the flamin' hot flavor if the cheeto had never been invented. What happy accident led to the creation of the cheeto? Was it A, in the 1930s, a farmer was cleaning out a clogged animal feed grinder? And somehow the first ever cheeto popped out. B, a police station in Boston was using orange dust to do finger printing and when they couldn't get it off, inspiration struck. Or C, in the 1970s, the CIA created it while attempting to develop something more addictive than heroin. [LAUGHTER] I'm going to say trying to create something more addictive. No, it was actually the animal feed grinder. That's presumably the guy was trying to clean out the grinder by feeding some grains or something through it and these little things popped out and he said, huh? And he ate it. And you know what? They still make it the old-fashioned way they do. So I'm just thinking about that, kids, when you're popping a cheeto in your mouth. Also, how did Carissa do in our quiz? They did enough. Two out of three is good for me. [APPLAUSE] Good for me as well. Carissa Hendrix is the award-winning magician behind the amazing and sophisticated Lucy Darling. You can see Carissa and Lucy on tour starting in September. Carissa Hendrix, thank you so much for joining us. I'm wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We say hello to Lucy and I'll see her once she's here. Bye-bye. [MUSIC PLAYING] In just a minute, Justin, you thought it was safe to go back to your hotel room. That's in our listener, Limerick Challenge call one, triple eight, wait, wait, wait, to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me?" From NPR. From NPR, N-W-B-E-Z Chicago, this is "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," the NPR news quiz. I'm Alzo Slay. We're playing this week with Taylor. Nate Nataro, Joyelle Nicole Johnson, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Segal. - Thank you so much, Alzo. Thank you, everybody. (audience applauding) Thank you so much. And just a minute, play the game, Limerick fans everywhere, call the only thing we have left. (audience laughing) It's the listener Limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-888-9248-924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. TIG, parents at a Kentucky middle school, suspect that a map of the United States that was given to the students there might have been AI-generated after they noticed that what was incorrect. - The shape. (audience laughing) - I'm gonna give it to you because everything was incorrect. (audience laughing) Kentucky, the state where the school is, was labeled "Veneci." (audience laughing) Louisiana was "Lucong." (audience laughing) South Carolina was "Sorth Quanto." (audience laughing) Why do you need to AI-generate a map? - Right, aren't there places that just make maps that are not wrong? - Or can't you just Google map of the United States? Look at it, make sure it's spelled right and print it. But no, that's how it goes. The map was part of a packet of materials given out to students, which also included an apparently AI-generated periodic table full of completely botched elements. (audience laughing) - Boy, stories like this are worth their weight in "Gor-World." (audience laughing) Peter, finally, there's something to take the stress out of getting you to know someone, a new app that will do what before a first date? Like do a background check on somebody? - Exactly why a background check. A new website will run a full background check on your date before you meet them. It's a great way to answer the question, is he just being charmingly mysterious about his past or does he have a bunch of DUIs? This site uses publicly available information to compile a comprehensive background check, which is what female friends have literally been doing for years. (laughing) I mean, don't even try this unless you can send me a screenshot of his homecoming date from 20 years ago, you amateurs. (audience laughing) - There should be something that's like, do you look like one of this person's exes? I feel like I've known a bunch of people recently where like you see their new person and you're like, you look like one of their exes. Like this person has a type like same height, hair, whatever it is. I would like to know if I was dating somebody, like am I just like a carbon copy of somebody that you've dated before? - Would it bother you? - I would feel like I was like they weren't taking it seriously. That they're just looking at, they're like, you look like an ultimately all goes back to like my dad. - They're very serious, they're trying to perfect what they started. (audience laughing) - Come to the basement and be measured against the other specimens. - I love it when they say to you, oh honey, you're the best in the series. (audience laughing) My prom dates father did that to me. - Really? - Yeah, I went to go pick her up and she was getting ready upstairs and he said, son, I need to see your driver's license for a background check. And I just went down in a giggle and tried to come up thinking that he was joking. And he wasn't joking at all. - Yeah, not at all. - Did you give him the driver's license? - Absolutely. - Yeah. - But I was clean. - Yeah, yeah. - How do you do a background check? - Yeah, see a long face. - Like, yeah. - His, he had homies in the department. - Oh. - He was one of those guys, that new guys, that new guys. - I was picturing just like a little machine. (all laughing) - Like a tournament. - Like at the airport? - Yeah. Like when your daughter turns 15, (all laughing) you'd run IDs. - Here, look at it. Just look at my phone, it'll scan your iris. Okay. (upbeat music) - Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message. At 1-triple-8, wait, wait, if that's 1-888-924-8924, you can come see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater and catch us on the road. We'll be at the Rose Music Center in Hubert Heights, Ohio next week on September 3rd. You can check out our back-to-school special discounted tickets and then in Omaha, Nebraska on September 24th for tickets and information to all our live events. Go to nprpresents.org. Higher on, wait, wait, don't tell me. - Hi, Peter. My name is Tomi, calling from Aurora, Colorado. I know Aurora, near Denver, we got an Aurora fan here, and do you do all those Colorado things that everybody in Colorado does? - You know, I don't actually, because I'm a dad of two kids, so I don't have time. - Really? So you're not out hiking and adventuring, you're just home being a dad? - Yes, exactly. I like to cook with my family, but hopefully when they're grown up, I will definitely do all that stuff with them. - That would be cool. - Well, Comey, welcome to the show. Alzo Slade is gonna read you three news-related Lemrex with the last word or phrase missing from me. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the Lemrex, you'll be a winner. Ready to plan? - I'll do it. - Here is your first Lemrex. - With this tissue, we might be rubbed raw. I think that's the plan's only flaw. Thank God it's not sticks, or even worse breaks. They're making TP from. - Straw? - Yes! (bell dings) Straw! (audience applauds) - They're making toilet paper from straw. Great news, toilet paper just became ouchi. (audience laughs) This is, it's made from rice straw, which is a byproduct of growing rice. And this person knew that this stuff was just being burned. It's like, what can I do with it? And his mind went right to toilet paper, which tells you something about rice straw. And that guy, yeah. - Was it white or brown rice? (audience laughs) - Would it make a difference to you? - Yeah, brown rice is tougher. - Yeah, it's true. - And it's brown. - Yeah. - Anyway. (audience laughs) - Here is your next limerick. - Because floors hold more sludge than a tarpet, wall-to-wall shouldn't be on the market. When I walk in hotels, I will guard my feet well. Because Ike germs dwell in the. - Carpet. - Yes! Look, we all love hotel carpets. - Yeah. - They're suspiciously sticky, rough, and the perfect shade of blue-green navy-black-round beige. But, according to a hotel inspector for Triple A, they're also, quote, germ traps bringing them into the same category as the hotel TV remote, the light switches, the bedspreads, the door knobs, the coffee maker, the toilet seats. The guy at the front desk and that laminated card, listing the TV channels, do not ask where that thing has been. - You just named all the places that I eat off of the hotel room? (audience laughs) - The expert says that even after housekeeping has cleaned the room, the carpets can contain so many mites or mold that you should never walk on them barefoot. - I haven't walked barefoot in 30 years. - Really? - Yeah. - Anywhere? - No, just now. - I even wear flip flops in the shower. Anyway. - At home? - Is your own shower? - Guys, I don't need to be shamed again. (audience laughs) - All right, here is your last limb rig. I ride up in a cart to tee off. Then I light a cigar with a cough. To the greens, I won't walk 'cause my joints start to bulk. It's not exercise, it is just golf. - Yes, golf, the age-old debate of whether or not golf is exercise, resurface this week with experts declaring it's less beneficial if you use a cart. (audience laughs) If you don't use a cart golf, can you be good for you? You're walking a bit, you're outside, you're swinging a stick, that has to have some value. But if you use a golf cart, golf has the same exercise value as, quote, "darts" or "chair yoga," (audience laughs) which is to say "none." (audience laughs) - Wait, that means that miniature golf is better. - Yes, the miniature golf is better if you think golf is processing that. - You're walking around, you're avoiding windmills. That's a lot of activity. - Yeah, you have to hit the ball hard to get it up the windmill. - Yeah, so, yeah. - Also, how did Komi do in our quiz? - He did great, he got three out of three. Perfect score. - Well done, Komi. (audience cheers) Thank you so much. - Thank you. - Thank you. (upbeat music) - Now, onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Also, can you give us the scores? - Of course. We'll then take our tide at three, and Peter has two. - Okay, so Peter, you are in second place. - Why did you say last place, it's fun. - Okay, okay, Peter, you're losing. - Yeah. (audience laughs) - So, you're gonna be up first. The clock will start when they begin your first question, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, meta agreed to an 18 billion dollar settlement over accusations that blank is harmful to kids. - Everything they do. - Yeah, I'll give it to you, social media. - On Monday, climate scientists reported that the world's blanks had hit their highest temperatures on record. - Oceans? - Yes. - This week, the sister, a former Senator Lindsey Graham, won the GOP runoff election in blank. - South Carolina. - This week, a teacher in Atlanta went viral after revealing she had created a corner of her classroom where students can go and blank. - Be dirty. (audience laughs) - Yeah, almost, fart. On Wednesday, medical officials warned that the blank outbreak in Congo may soon become the worst in history. - Ebola. - One month before the start of fall, Starbucks announced the return of blank. - Is it pumpkin, something? - Pumpkin spice. - Yeah. - Give it to you after a woman had a heart attack and they're parking a lot of grocery store in Australia, blanked while she was recovering. They built a part of the grocery store around her. They did something around her. - Yeah, nice of her. No, they ticketed her car from being parked in their lot overnight. (audience laughs) the woman was shocked after she got out of the hospital to find an $80 ticket on her car fortunately when she reached out to explain to the grocery store that the reason her car had been parked there overnight was because she'd had a heart attack they said and this is totally true quote "do" to the circumstances we were able to reduce the ticket to $30 oh my god i also had to Peter doing our quiz so you got five right for ten more points total of 12 and the lead the lead the lead we picked you take to go next so fill in the blank six years after leaving the country for the u.s blank and blank have moved back to the u.k. Harry and Megan that's right this week the trial for holly shake mahammed one of the architects of blank was scheduled for 2028 the architects for blank architects of blank architects of blank it was bad there's so many bad lightning we move quickly i don't nine eleven yes this week rescue workers are searching for survivors after a massive blank hit the border of china and the paul flood right on Tuesday health officials confirmed the u.s had surpassed 2700 cases of blank in 2026 maisles this week a small airport in India which has zero flights in or out of it was named the country's blank airport no it was named the country's best airport for customer satisfaction on monday united announced they would leave blank open in the economy plus action of their new jet the middle seat exactly right this week an Italian man who led well reviewed tours of an ancient Greek ruins has been sent to jail when it was discovered that he had blanked when they realized he had yes climbed not close enough that he had built the ancient ruins himself it is a crime the man charged around sixty bucks a person to tour this ancient Greek amphitheater that was behind his property but people in the tour started noticing some inconsistencies like his claim that the site had been visited by both Cleopatra and Juliett Capulet from Romeo and Juliett but he was just operating under the correct assumption that no one ever listens to a single word spoken during a walking tour also how did take do in our quiz Lord have mercy listen i am always stunned that i'm invited back take that five right for ten more points total of thirteen and the lead so how many then does Joyelle need to win five to tie six to win yeah four to lose i'm ready here we go Joyelle this is for the game on monday the Supreme Court ruled that the White House could move forward with an executive order targeting mail-in blanking voting right on Thursday US officials said that hackers from blank broken to justice department servers the internet specifically from china this week Bill Gates said that blank was much more dangerous than tech CEOs are willing to admit microsoft were hi one hey i on monday space company blank announced plans to build a hundred billion dollar launch pad in Louisiana i was goofy SpaceX yeah on monday auctioneers said that a jersey worn by blank at the nineteen ninety eight NBA finals could sell for over ten million dollars michael jordan right known for his roles in the rocky harbor picture show and clue actor blank passed away this week a last consenitor dan Sullivan is running for re-election against another man named dan Sullivan was officially endorsed by blank uh don't know he's endorsed by the former mayor of anchorage whose name is dan Sullivan sitting a last consenitor dan Sullivan thought he'd have an easy time getting re-elected but he needs this endorsement because now he's running against another guy named dan Sullivan and as if worries about splitting the vote between the Sullivan weren't bad enough the democratic challenger in the race just legally changed their name to check this box for a chance to win one million dollars i also did joy i'll do well enough to win nope now but she enjoyed herself and that's what's important she got four right for eight more points total of eleven with me oh my gosh slow and steady slow and steady in just a minute we're going to ask our panelists to predict now that amazon drones are in the air what'll be the next big innovation in deliveries but first let me tell you all wait wait don't tell me it's a production of NPR and WB Z Chicago an association with urgent haircare productions Doug Burman benevolent overlord filip godecare writes our limits our public address announcers Paul freedman our ops managers just see a revard act thanks to the staff and crew at the student baker theater bj leader been composed our theme our program is produced by Jennifer mills miles learn boss and lillian king special thanks to blythe roberson peter goon was assisted this week by dan Sullivan and dan Sullivan and a joy is our vibe curator technical direction some more in a wider cfo is calling Miller up production managers robber new house our senior producer is the enchilag and the executive producer of weight weight don't tell me is mr. mike danforth now panel one will be the next innovation in package delivery joy on the call johnson delivery through cans cans of whoop ass peter gross when it's revealed that amazon's drones are made in canada they'll be forced to switch to the most american method of delivery t-shirt canons and tignataro well i've heard they are currently in the process of working on this new state of the art system where humans manually pilot their very own vehicle to a local retail store execute a real-time physical transaction with another humanoid and then get this self-deliver the package to their very own private residence early testing with advanced robotics confirms this zero-drone manual carry model is so far a hundred percent viable and if any of that happens we'll ask you about it on the weight weight don't tell me thank you also slay thanks also to the joe on the call johnson peter gross and tignataro thanks to all our fabulous audience here at the steeter backward theater thanks to everyone who's listening wherever you might be a peter segal we'll see you next week outside date and oh hi This is NPR.