Toxic Relationship Tour: Our Exes, Six Years Single & Finding The Good Ones

(upbeat music) - Lemonado. - Welcome to "Inner Childish." Side effects may include laughing too hard and unexpected emotional growth. - Wait, is this just like we're just doing it? We're just doing the thing. - How should we start? (laughing) (upbeat music) - Hey, hi. How are you? I miss you. I miss you too. I am great. How are you feeling? - I'm feeling good. I've been feeling pretty good, which is nice. I feel fortunate and I know. Don't want to jinx that. You know what scares me is when people are like, something's always hard. Whether it's the first trimester, the second trimester, the third or delivery, I'm like, okay, so is my delivering gonna be horrendous? (laughing) I was talking to this woman on the street the other day and I was like, you know, telling her. I was like, oh, I had a rough go in it. Whatever the first trimester and a half. And she was like, yeah, you know that happened. My sister, she had a horrible pregnancy. So I was like, you know, your delivery's gonna be amazing. And then, you know, her delivery was awful too. I was like, okay, thank you for sharing. I was talking to someone who had two vaginal tears the other day. And I was like, what can I do to guarantee that does not happen to me? I'm so scared. Like, I can't even, my brain doesn't even let me get there. Which I'm honestly grateful for. I think it's a production mechanism. I think it's good. Told Max, he's giving me those perennial massages. I'm like, that has to happen. (laughing) That just feels like, that just feels like, I'll call it, if it's for play, what do you mean? That's for the baby. But I, I'm not gonna be able to reach and do it myself and I simply, I need it done. If anyone doesn't know what that is, just look it up because my mother-in-law is listening. I can't, I can't be explaining that. (laughing) That's gonna be preventative for anti-tar. Anyways, it's medical. How are you? I'm so glad I just got to catch a little glimpse of Hinky. Oh my God, I swore I was not gonna be one of those people that was obsessed with their dog. Like, I was like, dogs, a dog, you know, happy to have him around, happy to feed him his kibble, whatever. That, that boy is my son. I talk about birthing. I birth that boy. I can't describe what it's like having your own dog because I've had family dogs my whole life, having your own. And I think being pregnant is contributing to it. Like, something in my body feels like he's my son. Like, I have to do everything in my right mind to protect him. Like, I can't describe it. And I'm like, I keep telling what I'm like, if I love him this much, how much am I gonna love my child? Like, I know. I get why people have birthday parties for their dogs now. I get it. Before I was like, that's super cringe. And I still think it's really cringe. I don't know. But I get it a little more. And allow you to do a birthday party for your dog. I would laterally never. No judgment if that's your thing. It's what a nice biggest debate. He thinks it's like totally normal. And I'm like, that's a really weird thing to do. I love him so much. He won't have an own Instagram. Within your partnership or whoever owns the dog or like, if you are single and you have a dog and you invite like your best friend over who loves your dog and you like, do a little cake. Like, that's cute. But like, a full blown thing where you're like, inviting like, you're sending out an invite. That's too far, I think. We've gone too far. We've lost the plot. Just get him a little pop cup. You guys can celebrate at home. But I will say, I understand it a little. I hold less judgment for a doggy birthday party now. You know what I also think though? Is the main reason I'm like, don't celebrate the dog's birthday. It's because like, I don't believe anyone knows the date of their dog's birthday. Unless it was your situation where you literally saw the mother get birth. Those people literally punched it out. Well, I guess if you're adopting a dog, you don't really know. If you're adopting a dog, you have to guess. And then if you're even buying from a breeder, they're lying to you. Like, they, oh, the dog would go in this day. OK, give me your money and take the dog and leave. So I think that is like, upsets my perfectionist brain of like, this is maybe not the day. I will say after accidentally becoming a dog breeding household for a moment in time. And it was so accidental, you guys. They didn't sell the dogs. We did not sell any dogs. My mom's dog was given to us pregnant. But you're really hyper aware of when the birthday is. Like, I don't know. I feel like that experience changed my life. And I feel like there was so much with Bambi being pregnant. Your mom, like, basically pulling the puppies out of her. Like, I understand if once a year, you guys are like, that's the day that all this stuff happened. It was also my birthday or the day after my birthday, I guess. Some of the puppies came out like 30 minutes after my birthday. But yeah, long process. Well, I miss him. He needs to stop growing because it's just like kind of rude while I'm not there. Like, he's going to be a full-blown, unrecognizable, actually, full-grown dog when I see him. I know he's going to be a big old stinky golden soon. Anyways, we are not here today to talk about perennial massages, birth, or puppies. We are here to talk about X's. Okay, I have a hard time because yes, we're here to talk about X's, but I don't want anyone sitting here thinking like, why are these two pregnant married women sitting here talking about their high school X's? No. It's a shit. Let it go. Because I'm still at the restaurant. Like, you didn't watch my game. You didn't watch my game because you had to go to the around the world party and you didn't watch my game. I'm crying. You guys, you're going to know what that means shortly. But I think it's more of the journey that led us to the wonderful marriages that I think we have now. I feel like this can be a beacon of hope for, you know, anyone struggling in their relationship or who has just gotten broken up with and wondering what's out there for them because I promise it is so much more definitely. And I think people don't know how would you know I've, I've never breached this topic on social media ever because similarly, I've been like, okay, this is so like it's not even love. It's not even worth my time like thinking about or talking about. And I think what is important to share is people probably look at our relationships now and think they're like picture-esque. We have happy, healthy marriages, fortunately, knock on wood. And they don't maybe compute that both of us were in really toxic, shitty relationships. We have been cheated on. We tolerated the being cheated on. We tolerated verbal abuse, just abuse in a relationship in different ways. And now we have these wonderful partners and something had to change, right? We had to recognize this is a pattern. This is toxic. I don't want this anymore. I'm going to choose something different. A partner who respects me, who is kind to me, who is loyal to me, and really open up to the love that we deserve. I think that's a huge storyline for you. I'm excited to talk about with your relationship with Wood and like you accepting that you were worthy of a great, great guy. There's so much there, like our own self-esteem. So we wanted to go down memory lane today and give you guys some of that backstory. So we're going to start at the very beginning. Obs, when did you first start thinking about love and romance and what did it mean to you? Oh, I mean, little crushes here and there, like, you know, middle school, you'd be up listening to what was my song, vanilla twilight, like texting the boy you like or eye chatting. What did we do back then? A-I-M messaging. Just or like, you know, you'd video chat them, like, you know, little hints and like, I feel like in high school, I kind of always had a boyfriend. So I don't think I was like super in love until like my junior year of high school. What about you? Yeah. This is where honestly my obsession and love for Taylor Swift really comes into play because from the very beginning, just her music and the fearless album, I remember hearing actually our song on a, I think a bus ride with a friend in, was it fourth grade? I'm so bad with numbers and anytime I get the numbers wrong, the Swifties are so bad at me. So I'm so sorry. I think it was fourth grade. I can't remember. And I was just like, yes, this encapsulates how I feel about a crush and love and I fell for the fairy tale and the prince and prince charming and like the rom-com movies I ate all of that up. It's so much and like, I wanted that kind of love and romance for myself. So I think that was like when I first started thinking about it and to me it meant like everything. I was so excited for the quintessential kind of love story to the point where I love to romanticize everything. I mean, my freshman year of high school, when I walked through the doors of high school, I sang under my breath, you take a deep breath and you walk through the doors like I was like, I'm that girl, the drama, I was so dramatic, the absolute drama and I am not exaggerating. I'm not exaggerating. I was singing it out loud. It wasn't just like a cute, oh, this is 15, no, I was singing it, oh, I believe it. Vic also, I would say like prom was really high stakes for Vic, you know, how she was asked to senior prom, what she was wearing, what the dress felt like when someone slowed dance with her, so, you know, we practiced that just to make sure that the material was okay. Do the amount of times I made Aubrey fake slow down to me in like six and seven grade. to be like, okay, how does my shirt feel? Is it a soft material for like the guy like to not ask me to slow dance? - We've spent more time slow dancing than you and whoever you were helping for. (laughing) I'm dead. I'm dead. - Did you have a good example of love and tell the relationships in your life? Did you feel growing up? - I think my parents did, you know, obviously like, it's not the relationship what and I have. They were very traditional, like my dad was the boss and my mom played a more traditional housewife, mother, role, he worked, she was stay at home. Wouldn't I play on a more equal playing field than they did? I think because I'm so bossy. I think our whole generation just wants to be equals. - It's a lot different now. - Like how close we are with our partners, them seeing you pee, poo, fart, like our parents, at least ours did not do that. It was very traditional. - No, but I will say what was weird for me in high school was after my dad passed away, my mom and I were dating at the same time and we were more equals than I think a mom and a daughter should be. And like me and my high school boyfriend had been dating longer than my mom and my stepdad at the point that they got married. So it was like, it was weird, it's a juggling act. Like if you have parents dating, like, I feel for you. Like the dude moved in after six months, thank God we liked him. But like, I was like, what is this random man doing in my house now? - I've never thought about the fact that that is probably the reason you were allowed to have such lenient lacks rules with your boyfriend in high school. Like I was not allowed to have a boy in my room with the door shut, let alone a sleepover of any kind not allowed. But Audrey was, it was like, do whatever you want. But probably 'cause your mom was like, if I let her do whatever she wants, I can do whatever I want. And it was fully, it was fully like we were in this together. You know, she was getting up ready for dates. Like, I don't know, my boyfriend would come over. Like, I don't know. It was like, my mom was very, very strict with like, curfew parties, drinking all of that. But boyfriend, it was like, I don't know, I think as a single girl, she was like, I get it, like, go for it. - Yeah, honestly, respect, really cute. And we, you were always responsible. And at the time, I think in the time of that relationship, it was like good for you and it was healthy. So it was like, yeah, no. - Yeah, for a year or two. (laughs) In the very beginning, things took a really dark twist. Things took a dark turn, you guys. - Yeah, don't trust guys. - Don't trust them to, I guess add on to that. I'd say I also felt like I had an example of healthy relationship. I have actually never heard my dad yell at my mom ever. Like, he's such a gentle man. And yeah, there was, I just feel like a lot of respect. And my parents are very yin-yang. They're very opposite. If you meet one, you do not expect that they're with the other. My parents actually were at like a pickleball tournament recently and like, I think my dad had been there like the few days prior. (laughs) Wait, wait, wait, wait, I forgot about that. My dad had been there the few days prior. And they're like getting to know, you know, this George character and he's got like his ring on. And then my mom shows up like two days later. And Lini's so hot. I'll just, I'll call her spade as bait. Lini's so hot, she looks like she's 25 years old. Continue. She shows up and the registrar person's like, you're married to George. (laughs) My parents are really cute together though. They're very yin-yang. They're very co-dependent. I think my mom would be like, oh, your father is so dependent on me. But you know what I've really realized? Is my mom is so dependent on my dad. - Totally. - She just like talks, talks, talks. He just listens, listens. She says, let's do this, he goes does that. Like, yeah. So anyways, I feel like I had, yes, I had an example of a healthy relationship and I'm really grateful for that. Do you feel like when it came to dating and relationships, you have like a certain approach? I know your dating history was quite short and limited. (laughs) - You guys. - Let's see, I would call it high school to what was it freshman year summer of college? - You guys, as we were prepping for this episode. - I was like, yeah, we'll start in like seventh grade and Aubrey's like, Victoria, we are like 30 and people are listening who are like, dating in their 20s. Like, no one's scared about me. - I'm just like, just keep me in the mic. Just keep me in the mic. No one wants to hear about the guy you made out with freshman year of high school. (laughs) - Love you guys about dating in your 20s. - I don't really have a long, yeah. I don't really have a long list because Max and I got together the summer before my sophomore year of college, which is relatively young. So when most people think about dating, they're thinking after college, honestly. Anyways, when it came to dating, yes, I feel like I did have a certain approach. I just think I had very high standards from the beginning and I think I had a lot of little birdies on my shoulder and my family telling me to have high standards and telling me how to be treated. I guess the two things I'm thinking of are, I had an older brother who was very protective and kind of in my business when it came to dating and we also had a great relationship. And so I cared about his opinion a lot. So having an older brother kind of set the tone, I think made me think, yeah, I'm gonna follow that lead. And then also, was it grandma or yeah, yeah. I cannot remember which two of the wise elder women in my life growing up told me, whether it was my mom's mom or my dad's mom, told me this like China cup story. And from when I was literally, I don't even know how young, they would say to me, you can be a China cup or you can be a Styrofoam cup. And a Styrofoam cup is used once and crumpled up and thrown away. And a China cup is treated with great care. It's viewed very delicately. It's taken out on special occasions. It's cared for. It's treasured. And take that is this a little misogynistic. (laughing) You know, are we hearing a little undertone of slutshaming in the Styrofoam cup from Yaya? (laughing) I think that's a really good call out. I guess I'm thinking like a delicate. I don't like the used ones. Do you know what you're right that it was misogynistic? And I feel like, at least with all my friends, I am all for and very supportive of like, however they want to live their life, all of that. As long as it's what you want. And it makes you happy. Let's just say if someone wants to go have a one night stand and that brings them joy, like, I'm not gonna shame that. I never have shame out with my friends. This was the real story I was getting from grandmothers when I was like 13 and it impacted me in the sense of my radar is up for how am I being viewed by a guy and how is he treating me and that's how I took it. - That's fair, that's fair. But help very healthy call out. We're not here to slutshame. - No. - So I think that's part of the reason why I didn't like have that many. - That kept me off the map. - Yeah, I was gonna say, I agree. I feel like you kind of went into the world knowing what you were looking for and then you found it and then you just like called it there. You know what I mean? - Yeah. - This kind of goes back to you being romantic because like I feel like from day one, you were like, I am out to find my husband. And like I talked about this in my made of honors speech with you. Like we would literally be getting ready. Fresh from here to go out to a party and it could be like, you guys, tonight's the night. We'll find our husbands. And I'm like, who is thinking about that? I was like, I'm 18, I'm here to party. Like you had a goal and you were going out to achieve that goal and I respect that. - I love love so much. It brings me so much joy to see people in love, to see them share love, to see all kinds of love. Like I just love love and it makes me really happy. And I just knew that that was something that I wanted. - Totally. - All right, so should we get into our first loves and our first heart breaks? - Yeah, I mean, why not? - I mean, just to keep it brief, 'cause I don't wanna make this about the X's. I wanna make it about like what we learn from it. - Yeah. - But like I had this boyfriend, we started dating my junior of high school and it was like, you know, whatever you think true love is in high school, I was like, we're getting married. He did everything for me. Like I don't know, it was like, we had, I think this like great relationship for I would call it six months. And then things like took a turn and we fought constantly. Like screaming yelling at each other. But like, I don't know, it was the type of toxic relationship that I think I can look at now when people are like, wait, but the good is so good. If you're ever saying that, just call it quits there, I would say, because it shouldn't be the good is so good. It should just be good, you know what I mean? Like, and the good feels so good because the lows are so low. But we ended up going to college together and then it got so bad and so toxic. I think we truly had, we were like the epitome of like the most toxic relationship at our high school and the most toxic relationship in college. Like, to the point where people, like my good friend Victoria here was like, you cannot be in this relationship anymore. This is so hard to watch you just going down this path. And I don't know if you want to speak on that of like, I don't know advice when you see your friend in a relationship that like, you know they don't deserve. - Yeah, it was really hard. I also. feel like what was unique and super not the norm for us was you weren't really disclosing a lot to me because I don't think you wanted me to know how bad it was. So I feel like I even in my recollection don't really remember the bad starting at the time you did 'cause I think you didn't wanna tell me. And I think that's another red flag 'cause if you don't feel like you could have a camera on your lunches, your car rides, your walks with your partner and someone watch that and you'd be scared for them to see the way they're treating you, like huge red flag. I just have like some memories where like I could see how Tetherd you were to this relationship and that I almost felt like we need to like claw her grip off of this person because you're like almost under a spell and like you're not seeing that this is so bad. - Yeah. - And we just tried, I think your friends night we just tried to talk to you about it. You wouldn't really listen. And then when did you feel like you had a breakthrough of like I don't wanna be treated this way? What's crazy is like it wasn't until literally after college and I think this is why it's still relevant for me today is because we broke up, broke up for the 9,000 time but like this one felt like the most real. Like I don't know what made it feel real. Like I think we deleted each others pictures off our Instagram. Like it was like there was like a public facing thing that was like oh they're broken up and I met Wood a week later and I met this amazing guy who I remember feeling so confused that he wanted to hang out with me. There was one time I texted him like oh I'm walking home from this party and then put my phone away and he like came and found me on the street and was like you can't be walking home from a party by yourself. This is not like a safe neighborhood and like walked me home and like just wanted to be around me which is so sad to think about now why that was so confusing for me but I couldn't accept that love because I was so broken from my past relationship and it's like truly the main reason why Wood and I didn't work the first time and it's so crazy to think like I almost lost the love of my life because I felt so broken like it's just wild and what an I didn't work out and I kept getting back together with that other guy like we were on the same campus I would go to all the parties he was at because I couldn't stand seeing him with another girl and I figured if I was there I could wedge myself in between them and then like after college I he moved to literally a different country. He had to move to a different country and then I was like oh my god I'm free but it was literally like eight years of me not knowing my worth needing this guy's approval for God knows what reason but I think it's like anyone who's been in an abusive toxic relationship can understand that like if someone loved bombs you and then pulls that away from you it's like an addict it's like you're craving the affirmation you're craving the affection that like was just there and then taken away from you and so you do anything to get that back but after that break up I literally probably so subconsciously vowed that like I was never gonna get hurt again and I was the biggest serial data in the entire world for six years like did not have another boyfriend after would essentially myself more year and was just like it took like a valve against love I guess you really did like a subconscious vow and Aubrey had had like always had like someone she was kind of seeing or dating and then this person was like her serious boyfriend for all those years so yeah after it ended and honestly thank God he left the country like I so grateful for that like God he was a dream he has to move out of the country who arranged this for us how many years were you single without a relationship? I was single for six years and like truly I think those six years were the most critical time in my entire life because prior to that no one mattered to me besides him like in my brain I was like I'll lose all my friendships no one knows the love we have like whatever and it was like I was like coming back down to earth and I was like re grounding and like making new friends and finding a love of life outside of that shit ass relationship you know and I just realized what I thought at the time I was like no guy is worth my independence and I kind of reclaimed dating as my own but I think what I didn't realize was I had put this like giant wall up this huge wall up and didn't let anyone in even though I was like I looked like I was dating and going out there and putting myself out there on the surface like there was no nothing emotional about what I was doing when I was dating you know what I mean? Totally and that's why it was such a big deal when when would came around when would came background I should say it was like you have to let the wall down for this one like trust everyone what did my mom say to you at my rehearsals in her? Oh my god it had been like a summer of wood and I playing cat and mouse basically because I just couldn't fathom getting hurt again and I didn't know that's what it was at the time but your mom came over and she's like obviously wood and I was like I know like you know tried to brush it off and she looks to me dead in the eyes she goes why don't you ever let yourself be happy? And I was like Laney (laughs) Ow, so true, so true. I know it's so crazy. So bold and then thankfully you slowly did start like putting your feet in the water realizing the temperature was okay and then let yourself fall and then that's why you guys fell in love again so fast. So fast, I know I told him at that wedding we had gone to after your wedding because I was still so so guarded which is crazy because wood hasn't been nothing but kind to me like there has not been one instance where I even felt like a little bit insecure about how he's felt about me whether we were together or not and it was like I needed him to prove that over and over and over and over again and then finally like the night that we decided we were starting dating like I literally told him I was like I have this box of emotions that I have buried so deep inside of me like if we start dating I need you to take care of it and like I don't know where that like came from the depths of my soul that like just spilled out of my mouth 'cause I don't even think I realized like that's why I couldn't let anyone in but like it's crazy how long a shitty relationship can affect you, the right shitty relationship you know? And it's so slept on that you were single post-college for six years 'cause now people just look at your relationship and think oh she's been with him brother and it's like no you had the like 20s grind of being single going on hinge dates meeting people but also to your credit and I'm glad you never had a pressure like I need to get married I need to find my husband we're so opposite in that way you just beat to your own drum and trusted like that it was gonna align when it was supposed to yeah I was never worried about that I think 'cause I discovered how much fun you can have by yourself like you're someone who feels like you constantly need a boyfriend because there's a hole that you're building which I think is what happened to me like the second you're by yourself and you realize how fulfilling it is to find your own fun and be your own person you don't need anyone you don't need a marriage you don't feel like it's a necessity it would be a nice thing to have if the right person came you know what I mean? - Right and we're seeing that I think so often with just today's day and age you know people are saying this is the first time women make their own money have their own careers pay for their own apartment put food on their own table have fulfilling friendships have fulfilling social lives have fulfilling routines and they actually are sitting back saying what would this man add to my life? - Totally. - He has to bring something to the plate because she's got everything else covered and there's not a lot of men bringing a lot to the plate. No genuinely I literally like I joke with wood I'm like if it wasn't for you like I'd be by myself because I can't believe every day how much wood brings the table I'm like I think you're kind of one of a kind for me at least do you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. - Such a value add. - The last thing I think to add to this and people might be wondering is like with the friendship I think the supporting the friend question is really good I feel like at the end of your relationship with that ex I was very vocally not supportive don't wanna see you with him he's not welcome at our apartment we live in together like I am black out on him but I wasn't like black out on you and I think that's the thing is like you can decide if you want that I can't tolerate this man in my life, in her life but I can of course you know want this friendship and I want to be there for her so like that I'm not gonna put my negativity on her but I'm gonna have my boundaries with this man and then it's kind of on the friend to decide how to navigate that. I don't know what do you remember? - I was gonna say it was hard being in that relationship, knowing full and well I should not be tolerating that and then it only had me. helps to hear it from all angles. But I think it is important to remember that just because your friend is going through this thing she's not the enemy, it's not that she loves you any less, it's like, have compassion for it. 'Cause I feel like a lot of times people when they're like, "Oh, I don't like my friend's boyfriend." Like, they're dead to me. And it's like, "Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on." Like, you had a whole friendship outside of this man. Like, now just 'cause they're together and you don't like them together, it doesn't mean that they're like, he's her whole identity. You know, like, stick with her. And I feel like I had faith you would like see the light and this wasn't forever and our friendship is so important. I was not gonna be like, you just, you have to dance a fine line, especially in your adult life between, between recognizing what is someone else's life, their choices and their decisions. And if you wanna maintain that relationship with them, with said boundaries then included. Like, you know, and I think I come across that a lot on my life where I'm like, I am not Aubrey, I don't make her choices, but I want Aubrey in my life. And so what does that look like? I'm not gonna double date with him. I'm not playing board games if he comes over. I don't want him at our apartment 'cause I live here. But I'll do anything with you. Let's talk about this, that's whatever. Like, so I think that's something, I think people maybe lose sight of where they think they're like responsible for their friend's choices and you're not. I think when your friend is with someone that you can't like completely understand why they're with them, like, it's hard. It can put a strain on your friendships, but I think there's a difference between like an abusive unsafe relationship. That's where you really need to step in. Like, don't be shy. Like, get involved 100%. But if you just don't like the guy, it's hard. But I think it is-- - It sucks. It sucks, but-- - It sucks. But it's worth saying your piece about, which I think you did with me, for sure. And like, I was not unclear on how you felt. I think God, because your friends are always right at the end of the day. You have to ask yourself a very listening, thinking like, should I be with this guy, should I not? Would your friends, if you texted them today, we broke up. What would their energy be? Would it be, oh my God, I'm so happy for you. Leave his ass in the past. Girls night, I'm coming over, we're going out. Or would it be, oh my God, wait, what, wait, how, wait. Can you still talk to him? Can you guys work this through? What? - He did it. - Or do something like that, are you eating? - Yeah. - You're eating, you know? - What would the vibe be? And I think that's dumb. - I don't have, that was way more of a significant, like life experience, your past and how you grew from that, than what my experience, I feel like yours is the more common. - Yeah, like, I would say, you know, at a high level, I was cheated on multiple times. I was gassed lit when accusing of the cheating, looking back, I feel like I was so dumb. If it walks like a duck and cracks like a duck, and they slept in the same bed, she cheated. (laughing) - Wait, I have two stories of us now, I need-- - We didn't touch. We were both really tired. And that was the only bed left in the house. Oh my God, I can't believe I've seen that. - And she just needed a t-shirt to borrow. - I don't know what to tell you. - She just needed someone to keep her warm. (laughing) - She has low iron, she's freezing. You bitch. - Her mouth was dry. (laughing) - I'm dead. - Okay, I have two stories of us. - You have to tell the Natalie messaging story. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) Okay, so, oh my God, I wish Natalie was here to tell this story. She's so much funnier, but basically, so like I said, I was cheated on so many times. And one of the instances was this girl who, I don't even remember her name, went to a different school, none of us knew her. And I was with Natalie and I was like, I have a genius idea. Why don't you Facebook message her and say, I think that this guy, let's call him Bob. I think Bob is so cute. And I just think the message was, ask if he's a good kisser. I just wanna know 'cause I think he's cute, but ask not in a have you ever kissed him way, but I know you guys have kissed. So, was it good or bad? So that it reminds you that this is a college girl. This is a college girl and Victoria's college boyfriend. We're still in high school 'cause he's graduated and moved on. - So funny. - And this high school girls messaging her. Natalie, of course, never got the DM back, but such a real friend for sending the message for me. And then actually, I think there was another time at the end of the relationship where I saw texts on his phone fully confirming he had cheated on me with his girl in college, which I'm sorry. If you're in high school and he's in college, what are we gonna do? - I think we all have lessons to learn. I think we all have lessons that's not my place. - Yeah. - So, but remember, he's a duck at the end of the day. - Yeah, he's a duck. So, yeah, anyways, I remember at the end, I saw texts that like confirmed and I didn't even have it at me anymore. I was like, I'm not even, I didn't even bring it up. I didn't even like make a fight about it 'cause I honestly didn't care. I felt like, I felt like the relationship was kind of winding down anyways. I knew I was going to college and, you know, fortunately I'd have this new world ahead of me and new people to me and like, whatever. But now I would never tolerate infidelity and I think that's what I took from that relationship was being very verbal and I don't, it's not like I can say with the other guys I dated after, it was Max. Like, I had that relationship. I had a year being single in college 'cause I was like, I do not want a boyfriend. I just got out of this like long. It was a multi, it was a couple years on and off, whatever. - For sure. - I wanted to be single and I did not want a boyfriend. Even though I met Max at the beginning of my freshman year and he was perfect, I just was like, I don't care who you are. You're literally my future husband. I can't date you yet. And so I needed to be single for a year and then I dated Max and then when Max and I started dating, I remember I did not know how good he was at football. Like I literally did not know. I did not thought he was like a walk on who didn't play. So then after a month of dating when he became the starting quarterback for USC, I remember saying to him in some conversation, like just so you know, like I am not one of those girls that's like you are now the quarterback, you go have your fun, like I don't care. I said, if you ever cheat on me, I'm gone. Like and that has always been my narrative. Like I'm gone, no questions asked. I don't care what happened. I don't care what sort of is, I'm gone. And I just always said that from the beginning. I think it's a healthy thing to say so that they're like really scared. Not that Max would ever cheat, but just so that they're scared, chillists. I was gonna say it's so crazy to think about infidelity now that we're in like healthy marriages 'cause when I was in that other relationship, it was like, oh, he made out with this girl at a party. I was like, well, like did they like was their tongue? It was like genuinely, I'm like, but did they like go back together? Was it just like a pet? He was probably joking. Like you know what I mean? Like it's so crazy. No, it's so crazy. But anyways, I guess we'll quickly wrap all this up with the Around the World story, which is the straw that broke the Campbell's back. So it was my very first conference game at USC. We were playing UCLA at UCLA. I was a true freshman walk on starting and I still was talking to this guy. We were like together, but it was a joke, whatever. And I remember I scored the game winning point. I served in Ace, we won. It was iconic. I had so many friends and family who had watched the game supporting me. I was playing volleyball at USC. This was just major. I remember coming out of the game and he didn't watch it. First of all, he didn't watch the game, which is insane if you care about someone. And then for his reasoning on why he didn't watch it, it was because the frat was having an Around the World party. And he was like managing the tequila in the Brazil room or something. And he was managing the tequila room. He couldn't watch the game. I'm like bro, just look up on Twitter. Like the game stats for 10 minutes and lie. Pretend you read the spark notes. Just read the spark notes. It was so funny because I like a malight switch person and I swear to God in that moment, I had zero feeling for this person. (laughing) Dead to me. No. It was like literally, I was like, buy. I don't know who you are, I don't know your name. I have actually no feeling for you. I'm actually scared of how quickly I flipped in that sense. That's a tourist, that's tourist energy. So anyways, that's the Around the World story and how yeah, the tequila room put the nail in the coffin. Just remember you guys, if you're sitting there writing a pros and cons list ever, just run, run a million miles away. There is someone out there for you that will never, where you have to really sit there and think about a con. That's one of my favorite movies. I don't even know if I could. That's one of my favorite pieces of advice about love, honestly, is if you have to make a pros and cons list, you know the answer. Totally, totally. It should just be so glaringly obvious. Okay, it is time for star six, seven. I'm asking for advice on how to navigate a breakup that my best friend is going through. She consistently gets into relationships with guys who are somewhat emotionally unavailable, but they're available in a physical sense. They kind of love dump on her, make her feel really. special. It feels like there's something growing. It feels like there's a friendship there. And then she just gets dropped. And she's always left feeling unworthy. She's left questioning herself, not feeling like she's going to find anything. And I keep seeing these patterns of how she's choosing these guys and settling for a lower standard. For a lower standard. And I'm not sure how to best support her. I want her to find love. I want her to find her dream person. But I think that she's playing a role in this too. And I don't know how to communicate that to her. So on brand for the episode. So real for that too. I feel like this is a common trope in friendships. For sure. Do you want to kick it off? Do you have automatic thoughts? I have automatic thoughts. I feel like one, I just want to make sure that you've expressed that to her. I want to make sure I know it's a hard conversation. And it's an uncomfortable conversation. But when you're seeing a pattern, sometimes people can't see that pattern in themselves. And it helps to hear it from the outside looking in a ton. And then if she's receptive, I feel like this is where you could come in. Like, what would a therapist say? Like, how does one heal that wound in them that makes them search for something that isn't up to par? I feel like that second part would be being a space where like she can explore that in a safe way. And like, have a deep conversation with you about, I guess I've just never felt good enough. And so, you know, the physical validation, like, is a big confidence boost for me. Like, I don't know. They can do some of that talking out loud. And you sound like really heartfelt and thoughtful. I can tell just from your, your voice mail. So I feel like you would be a great supportive friend to just like, no judgment. Be there to help this person kind of talk through. If when they maybe have this light bulb moment of, oh my god, you've been thinking this, I know. And it's because of this or I don't feel, I don't feel worthy in this way. And then I think just like being, being there for them because they probably are not having a great time, getting love bombed and then dumped constantly. Totally. I feel like something that you taught me, which I think your mom taught you, was you teach people how to treat you. And I feel like that one little line clicked something in my brain. That was like, you're exuding an energy and you're putting something out into the universe. Like, make sure what you're putting out is that like, you are confident, you are strong, you are beautiful. And that's what you all attract. Because if you're putting out like a weird, insecure energy that, you know, accepts less than what you deserve, those people will find you and take advantage of that, you know? 100% and I think in dating, it's really important to have strong boundaries and really clear standards. And if someone goes into the gray area where you're like, nope, that's on my list of, I don't tolerate that. We're on to the next. And I think that to your point, teach us people how to treat you. I do believe in second chances, but never thirds. I do too. No thirds, no thirds. Okay. And then lastly, I had to play this because it was adorable. Hi, this is Zoe. And I'm Sammy. We have been such big fans of you guys. And we've been following you and your content for so long. And we have bonded over it. And we've grown closer and closer together because of it. Our friends have solely know who you guys are just because we talk about you so much. And today we were playing a game called Fishbowl, which is kind of like charades. And Zoe and I both wrote in your podcast title because we're so excited for it. And it was just a really funny coincidence. But we love your content. And we're so excited to see in here and listen to this podcast as soon as it comes out. Keep being you. You guys are so awesome. And we love you. Bye. Obsessed. Wait, you guys are so cute. You're on the same wavelength. I know there's so cute. Who is saying what? I've obsessed. Oh my God, I'm obsessed with them. And they both wrote in for Fishbowl the same thing. I'm flattering and honored. I love also doing a fishbowl prompt that like not everyone would know. Like there's no way anyone else in the room knew what inner trial this was. No, I know. Except for, oh my God, that's so cute you guys. Thank you. Sammy and Zoe, we love you. Lastly, we'll just quickly do our something beautiful. What was your something beautiful? My something beautiful was that my mom popped over the other day to drop something off. She has a key to our house. And I was like, thank you so much. And then I got home and she had done my dishes. Oh, that's so sweet. No, literally so sweet. Like doing a physical tour like that that clearly someone's like putting off for them. It's like when you've cleaned my whole room for me, junior year of college. And that's like the nicest thing to this day you've still ever done for me. I was like, oh my God. Just both of us just so depressed. So depressed. So thank you, mom. I love you. My something beautiful. I'm going to say it was recording this podcast today. I feel like my days just getting started, but an hour to gap with my best friend, Mike Dove, what an honor. So fun to go down memory lane. I love you. I'm proud of our growth. I'm proud of us making changes to our patterns of what we would accept and who we would be with. And we found some great dudes. Remember he quacks like a duck, he walks like a duck. And if she sleeps in his bed, he's a duck. That's funny. Thanks for listening to this episode of Inner Childish. Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast wherever you listen so you never miss an episode. Oh, and follow us on Instagram at Inner Childish Pods so you always get the behind the scenes. We're so, so grateful for you. See you next time.