Tortilla Face

Our studio smells like poop and we walk in well twice I walked in because I had to go to the bathroom And it's yeah, but it but the poop would the smell was before that before I smell the poo Then I smelled my own poo came back more poo more poo. Yeah, it's it's worse than the poo that I had the real poo Well, there's a pipe that broke is a pipe, and then you guys gaslight it is saying that oh, there's no smell smell Yeah, oh this is okay Well, they had a meeting before and they go tell tell them we don't smell it What is going on is there a Something broke you can't yeah, and none of you can smell that I get smell from here that dude I said it three times. Yeah, good. We have the same senses you guys are gaslighting. Yeah, you did smell something It's a famous thing. This is wood. No, you all got no Okay, this is wood. Yeah, this is glass. This is glad. Yeah, this is ceramic That's a wall. I can see I could all my senses are working and I smell poo smelling poop in there typically means you're inhaling Volatile compounds hydrogen sulfide so oh my god, we're inhaling for this is our studio is hydrogen sulfide We got to get out of here. The arrow particles apparently. Honestly, we do need to get out of this We got to get out of this studio. That's the that's the final that's what it is microscopic fecal particles arrow particles Yeah, you have phantom odors though. No brother. Maybe it's the odor that Lindsey Graham left These two idiots Disgusting All my villains are dying Yeah, yeah, Mitch McCullough's in the hospital. It's my penguin. We're just the riddle or die That's one of the Graham. You know that's here is fucking fucked. There's a there's a There's a theory that they that Mitch McConnell is dead and they killed Lindsey Graham to cover up more time No, but they did they posted a real photo with her him in China lady. Hey, I Did you see the photo though? It looks AI to me. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't look AI-ish. That's AI. Yeah, look at that That's not even a real they're not in the room together. Yeah, there's no way those are two separate photographs that they mesh together It's pretty good AI though. Who's the guy in the back on roll the blankets? That's through who's holding up the pillows. Yeah, that is true. Stop it. That's crazy. It's crazy He's alive though. That's what they say. I don't think he thinks he I don't think he knows he's alive, but he's alive as of now It's well now he's alive if this show does anything. Yeah, if this show does anything And it comes in three in a row. Oh, yeah, it comes in three in a row. I don't know. Maybe the man on top That's all I can say the man on top. Wait a minute. You know what? What? You know who I not that I want. Yeah, you know what I did the other day by the way. Yeah, you know what I did I saw like a podcast clip about somebody Joel McKayle was talking about some of his craziest guests on Who's a Dan Patrick show and you brought up Danny about a duty being one of the worst guests on the soup? Hmm, I thought he passed away. Didn't you think he wasn't alive? I don't even know who that is Yeah, you look up bring up Danny about a duch. Oh, I love him. What was he on partridge family? What was it zoom in? Yeah, partridge Partridge family. I thought he passed away 74 No, that's me. Yeah redheads. You guys survive for a very long time. I don't know, dude. Yeah, yeah I'll fire or something. Don't say anything fancy. You don't deserve anything right now. Yeah, he was taking shots at me I bit my lip and he goes Luna does that all the time and we tell her he ate the food not your mouth or the tongue That bit my life is to get residuals from partridge. Google that gotta be probably I don't think so, dude. Oh Yeah, what do you mean they still play that's gotta be an international show? Yeah He does we're still received residuals. Well, these are are usually small like 11 cents He says all the time if even if if it's over a dollar. It's three dollars. Oh my god 70's Wow, wow, sometimes I look at my do you ever look at that the app? Do you ever look at the app is this residual app? There's sag after you can look at your app and you can see what your residuals are watch us Let me tell you what's coming. Okay, I'm excited for this actually. This is real residuals. Yeah, I want to see if I'm good Well, that's for you residuals. I don't have a thing $30 Friends giving oh, it's from a bunch of it. So it's five things. I once all Warner Brothers This is what we're this is what was it you never track that no my thing is to be like you owe eight dollars Karate goes Yeah, oh, yeah, you owe 1495 to Matt TV for There's no way I'm getting checks Well, they're well, they're not going to you. Yeah, they're yeah, yeah, someone's got that somebody's got it 58 bucks coming in Yeah, wait man TV definitely still giving you residuals. I don't think so Matt TV is syndicated for sure all over the world they're playing somewhere in a hut in Indonesia Yeah, yeah, they're cracking up at mr. Kang no way. Yes, it says It says yes What Matt TV cast members and crew still receivers a little checks from their contract. Oh, you probably didn't have your contract I didn't probably have it. Yeah That's I mean they have crystal flanagan as as her photos always the one Why why is that do you think that was when I farted in the mouth remember what you farted in her mouth Yeah, remember I farted in her mouth that you cried famous Bobby story. Yeah, I mean it does make sense if you fart it Anybody's mouth, they would cry I know I didn't know at the time though. My instinct said no, but I did it Wasn't that funny then when we were kids you could do that to your best friend and that was like a that's what it was It was like a fun for club, but she cried. I told you I used to put a I used to club behavior. It's club Locker room. Yeah, basement sleepover stuff my best friend Sean. I told him on here, right? Yeah, he's claustrophobic I used to put a blanket over him and hold him down That's like a mean is singing the world and he would cry when we stop. Yeah, when just when we were So mean sacrameno Troy. Remember Troy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my buddy Troy works for the casino So Troy reminds me a story of this guy Eric Purvis and when I was a kid I spent the night at the room and it was a slumber party with a bunch of dude kids sleepover. Yeah sleepover, right and they drew Penises on my face of like Penises. Yeah, and I just said that. Yeah Yeah, yeah, they they do things on my face. It's your penis is on your face And you know, I mean, and you know, I mean whatever, you know when I did sleepovers They drew up penises on my penis. Yeah, yeah, very weird. I want to get a tattoo of a bigger penis on my penis Do you think that'll work? Yeah, yeah, anyway, um, have I said that talk before? No, okay Anyway, so I remember I got up and I cried and I walked home How far was the walk you think it was like a seven-mile walk Without a dirt road with Dicks all over your face. Yeah, with Dicks all over my face I remember um Eric's mom drove Define me and I was crying and she picked me back up and drove me home It's too sensitive. Did she help you get the Dicks off your face? I think I had my dad did it Could you say if you gay? Yeah You're dad thought you're gay. Yeah, that's like a star on your sleep. Yeah, that they did for Jews They did that for you. They drew cops on you if you were gay. Yeah, it was all of my face And I just I remember why I make a big deal out of it because it's embarrassing. It was embarrassing It's not fun when someone draws a dick on your face It's fun if everyone's doing it to everyone, but if everyone teamed up on you He teamed up on me and it's like I um also, I don't like getting woken up abruptly. You do not I don't it puts me in a bad mood Or you fall out of a bunk. Yeah, and you go to the hospital Yeah, I'll just what do you mean when you fell out of the bed? Oh, yeah I fell out and broke my face On the per-crusher tour bus. Yeah, yeah stuff like that. That's correct that the fact that that happened on His bus of course, it's gonna happen on his bus Yeah, where else would didn't happen on our bus? I know Well, because I got to choose where to sleep. That's exactly right. Yeah, I want bottom bunk You want you need I need bottom bottom of a little guy Right and then they just like no man. They bully me. Well, that's what we're gonna do at some point in a couple years I said we're gonna do one more world tour bus tour world tour. Oh, no, we are Yeah, we got to go back out and do one more for the kid. Oh, yeah, one more. Remember when we did the KSI show We did his we did his make me laugh show. Yeah It's um and they got up what tough It was tough for me because it's like nothing makes me laugh if it's not you actually funny It's so hard to make somebody laugh, but this is prove what I went up there and I I went up on stage and I just do a funny Dan killed and it got everyone to laugh. It's not it's not hard. No, but yeah, here's where you're wrong It's because everybody thinks they can be funny And that's all you have to do to get anyone to love but they had this They I mean one woman pretended to be poo. Yeah, you liked her. No, I love the poo girl. She was great That was thought out the weird one that probably isn't gonna end up in the episode was an older woman came up and and did a Southern story about going to a motel with her husband and she had a cane and she threw it and Then I got worried I said do you need the cane? And she did need the cane she needed it, but it was very strange and she and then the girl after her stole the cane stole the cane from her Yeah, yeah, and she came up with the cane which and I wanted her to get the money. She did get the money I know because I forced it. I made sure she got the money because she's that open micro I've seen her at home open mics, but anyway, they do that they make sure that the right people get the money Because they want to make sure they they go. We don't want to give away. They want to give away money. Yeah, they want to give it to people But it was hard people didn't have a plan. You got to have they just came out like hey What's going on one guy set up a piece of bread? Yeah, and it fell and they said I laughed I didn't laugh No, no, I said they laughed. Yeah, yeah any bread work. I'm not I'm out That's not true. Yeah bread work. I don't know that's not true because you said French roll would have made you laugh Yeah, I said Chris not what I mean. Yeah, if we were in France. Yeah, that would make me laugh But it was like it's not it was things like that that were happening. It just reminded me that we're old. Maybe we don't have our finger on the pulse of comedy now. No, my fingers on this pulse making sure my cholesterol. I'm old. Yeah, old people now. Yeah, we don't get it. But bread, I guess, is a thing on the thing on this. See, bread can be funny concept of Gen Z, surreal, random meme reference to money income, getting that bread. Didn't get any of that. And then the tortilla thing. Well, that was funny. You hit, you hit, Bobby hit a guy in the face with the tortilla and then he hit him back. But he, he had Bobby so hard, he felt. I fell up back. It was soap. I like blacked out first. He hit you hard. You worried? Yeah, I thought like you were going to like break your back or something. First of all, you're supposed to hit him with the tortilla. He used his hand and he had some of his fingers were in my face. That hurt. You got assaulted. Yeah, I got assaulted. It was like five minutes in too. It was wild. Yeah. It was wild. What I would have done is like you audition them first. Here's what you would have done. What? You had gone on stage and told jokes. That's how you're funny. That's not our world. Trying to make people laugh like stand up. Yeah, we're stand-ups. I know. But I can still do it. That's different though. You don't, that's clowning. That's actually clowning. I can clown around, you know, and do it. But they just weren't funny people. Would you be willing? Yes. Already, already. Yes. Because I want to do it. Let's do it. I want to go to clown school. I actually would do a semester at clown school. I'm not kidding. Would you go to France with me and do a semester at clown school? I would do a semester. Yeah. Because after I talked to Zach Zucker about it, I was like, this is incredible. I would love to just go. It's like, you know, people go take a college course to they want to learn something? Not from you, fancy. You guys would be good. Oh, I'd be at the best clown. By the way, he gets a kid show out of this. No, but he, um, here's another thing I want to do with him. Your own neighbor won't do you be my neighbor. Yeah. Yeah. I would put, um, you know, you've seen those Chinese people wearing the squeaky ducks on their feet and then they whip each other with a harmonica. So funny. We, I want to do that. It's the one of the funniest things. With mouse traps on the floor. Yeah. I want, I love stuff like that. What is that even called? This, I, no, that's not it. Yeah. It's they whip with they whip each other with ducks on their feet. Just click on that. It's just so funny that they do that. Yeah. I think it's a fun game. They beat each other with ducks on their feet. Yeah. This, this. Yeah. Look at. He's capable. So this guy's blindfolded and they have to walk it and he swings at him. Yeah. Pause this. This is just in this guy's bedroom, by the way. I know. I know. He got his friends over. It was like, come put ducks on your feet. Yeah. This is what we need to. I want to do this. This is fun. This is funny. Some people use bullwips like white dudes. That's crazy. It's crazy. Where they get really hurt. Yeah. We're not going to do that. But maybe a belt or something. Yeah. Last night we had a, we had a crack. We had Thai food last night. But of course, I make fun of my wife every time she gets a Tom Kha soup. Why? It's lemon. Beautiful. Lemon grass is not it for me. I love lemon grass. It smells like wet feet grass. It smells like the studio. Yeah. Yeah. That's what. Tom Kha. It's lemon grass soup with mushroom. I cannot stand it. And to me, it's so refreshing to me. It just feels like they don't even like making it. Like they get the order and they're like Tom Kha. All right. Yeah. Like they have to get it out. They like making fun stuff. This is, this is like soup slop. It's also like the taste. It's like when did fire become a flavor? It's right. You know what I mean? Burn. It burned. It's an element. Right. It's like this sandwich is windy or whatever. Like why would you, you know, like it should not be a flavor. No. Fire doesn't need to be. Yeah. Fire. Yeah. Earthy. Earthy muscles. That's never good. What are you eating a storm? A storm. Yeah. Yeah. Meeting a little storm. I don't see. I can't do it. Where it's like it's so hot. Like how is this? Do you like hot shit? Yeah, but not like that. Not like where it's so hot. You can't taste anything. Yeah. Because it I told you I took my buddies one of his good friends over to in Taitown to Jitlada. No. You don't know Jitlada. Yeah. You say these things. I'm not fancy. No. Jitlada is one of one of the most famous old school Jitlada. Jonathan Gold ranked it as like one of the best Thai food in L.A. at the time. Rest in peace. Jonathan Gold. Jitlada is the best. Oh, I want to go there. No, you know Jitlada. You've passed it a hundred times. Yeah. I've seen that before. It's on La Brea. No, it's on it's on Hollywood Boulevard in Taitown. So good. We took a Swedish kid here. Whatever. Swedish Danish. What are some up there? Well, there's a haven't that have it. Just a kid. Those kids don't eat spice. Swedish kids. Okay. Any Nordics. He goes. He goes. She's like, how spicy? And he's like hot. And they were like, okay, how hot? Like they see whites. They know better. And they go, you don't do what we do. And say if it's 10, what you do is a two or three. If it's 10 from them, I get three max. Max. You don't go over five people. No way. Five is too much. We're what I'm white. Yeah. That we can't do that. This guy got their spice. And he did the game where he he's like, no, it's good. We're like, that's not too hot. And he was like, it's fine. Four seconds of dripping in sweat. Yeah. He's like convulsing. And he's like, I don't know if I can finish. And you're like, yeah, no shit. Yeah. You, you just bet. Wait, wait. That Swedish guy has an Asian accent. Yes. It turns him Asian. Oh, he ate such hot food. Yeah. Yeah. He became Thai. Wow. Anyway, Thai food. Got to be my new number one lately. I don't know what it is. I keep eating good Thai. Yeah. Thai is my, it's never been my thing. Wow. Really? Yeah. Indian is my thing. I love Indian. You ever go to El Merch? Come on. Yes or no? Of course. El Merch is so good. Yeah. Don't give it away on the show. Why? Why? Ain't no, the non. We shouldn't say the name. I don't want to know. El Merch. No, I want to give them a plug. That's how good they are. No, it is good. But then it's not now. Now people are going to go there every day. I'm there every day. Yeah. Yeah. El Merch is so good. It's phenomenal. They have, I don't know about you with Samozes. What do you mean? I love Samozes. I know, but I'm only a vegetable Samoze guy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. Yes. No, you don't ever get meat? No. I only get vegetable Samozes with the potato and the peas in there. It's so clean and fried. It's delicious. And also non. I love garlic. Which one? Garlic on you? Garlic on's my favorite. Garlic. Alright. It's my favorite. Good. And then you always get two curries of some, you know, have to get at least two curries. Yeah. I chicken one and what do you do? I do a vegetable curry and then a veggie always. Yeah, veggie always. Oh, wait. And then I'm just making our listeners hungry as all this really. Yeah, but it's a really, I love Indian food. Well, welcome back to the show, McCone. We're starting. I get when I give you money. Would you spend it on? I would spend it on. I would bowling with some friends. I spent it on when I got drinks with my aunts. Now, did you pick up the tab? Because you never offered the tab ever. Yeah. You picked up the tab. I threw a couple of hundreds down on it. Whoa, player. Wow. Wow. Wow. At the bowling alley. By the way, $100 Minnesota at a bowling alley. That's like, that's a lot for a month. Yeah. Yeah. I'm amazing. Like how many games do you want to own the bowling alley? Do you hook up with any Minnesota ladies? You know, he did. No, I was just with my family. He's being boy, you know, he did. He took someone of the cabin. Yeah. Now, my girlfriend wants me to take me to a wedding in Wisconsin in the woods. There you go. I know. I'm scared. Whenever a white girl says, let's go to the woods. Yeah. Yeah. And invite him to the minority of the woods. You know, that's bad summer. Yeah. Yeah. Can you sing get out? Yeah. That didn't work out too well for him. Yeah. That's your girlfriend and that's you. Yeah. It's sinking in. It's slowly sinking in. And then in the movie. So I enter a white man. Yeah. Yeah. You do. Yeah. Head on a board. Yeah. You transform into a nerdy white guy. Wow. Bradley Whitford. Yeah. Phenomenal legend. Guys, so good. He's so good. I mean, West Wing, it goes on and on. Yeah. Studio 60. Yes. Studio 60. Yeah. Not not as good. That's good. What's the ones that we're the, what's the show with the whites and the hoods and that that's why I took you to in the south. No. What's the one that we're talking about? The water and but it's like oppressive. Hands in male. Hands in male. Hands in male. I saw that. He's in that. He's in that. Yeah. Yeah. Hands in male. That show was so good. It was so good. That show. But the best show on television is Widow's Bay. I've never seen it. It is. My friend Katie Teppold and Colton Dunn produced it. It's so good. I know Colton Dunn. He's great. He's great. So it's dude. Wait. This is his show. He wrote this. He produces on it. Yeah. He's the man. He's in it. No. No. He's a writer in it. No, the writers. He's a native. Yeah. But he does. But he's, you know, Colton wrote from Kim Peel. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's a great writer. He was a Matt TV writer. He did a role that I was maybe going to be up for in Superstore when he's in a wheelchair. Yeah. And they literally, I went in for the audition. They were like, you're in a wheelchair. And I was like, oh, why? Why? And they were like, what do you mean? Just you're in the characters in a wheelchair. Wow. I was like, no, no, I just, I didn't know that going in. They didn't tell me that until I was in the room. What? Did you do it? Well, yeah, I was like, good. Yeah. Yeah. You got to go high so they can give you notes. You got to go lower down, lower down. They have to tell you to tone it down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I didn't get it. Hi, it's Fiona Colley. And I'm a real life wheelchair user on a pop end to let y'all know. Andrew Santino is my best friend. Neutral be yours too. Don't be bothered by what you [BLANK_AUDIO] I'm not so you shouldn't be either. - Yeah, we good? - Yeah, we good. - Okay, where's my booking money? - Oh. (mumbles) - There you go, I'll add it to this. - I'm gonna count it. - Acorns! - So many people are focused on where their money is today. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. And with Acorns potential screen, you can find out where, what your money is capable of. - Yeah, there's not much you can do about the money that you got now. But if you want to do something about the money, you could have tomorrow Acorns wants to help you out with the Acorns potential screen. You're gonna find out what your money is capable of doing. - As a young man, I wish Acorns was in my life. - Me too, I'm telling ya. 'Cause I did know how to budget, did not save. 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Bobby and our big proponents of therapy in all forms. - Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. - Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable plus most insured members have a zero dollar co-pay. - As listeners of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with talkspace when you go to talkspace.com and interpromo code space 80. - At space 80, SPAC 8080 to match with licensed therapists and go to talkspace.com and enter that promo code space 80. - We went out a couple times with a gay Asian guy. - You did. - Yeah, I'm like, (laughing) Everybody, yeah, I did that. - Imagine my performance is so bad, they're like, we gotta have a black guy in the wheelchair. - I literally auditioned and they were like, it's too much. - We can't do this guy. - Yeah, this guy's too much. - We went too far. - Yeah, but Widow's Bay is-- - I went back for a callback. I broke my neck. I jumped off a building broke. (laughing) - Yeah, let's call it my strategic. - I love it. - What? - Method. (laughing) - But Widow's Bay is the funniest and pretty scary show. It's great. - What's it on, Apple? - It's on Apple. - Jeez, man, these guys, he's making great TV and we're not a part of any-- - I know. - God, I bought your fucking phone, cast me. - Look at Tyler, Katie. - And then we know the other guy. - It's pretty great. - Hero. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. Yeah, I don't know who that is. - He was the showrunner for Atlanta. That's what's his name? No. - Did I fuck up his name? - That's not the same guy. - It is. - Is it? - Yeah. - Can you look it up? - I don't know, but it doesn't. Oh yeah, Hero Murai. - Murai, Hero Murai did that. - Yeah, Hero Murai, that's right. He doesn't look like that. - He's getting older. - Maybe they use the wrong picture around Asian. - That happens a lot. - Yeah, that's so funny, sir. (laughing) - I got an Amber alert yesterday last night. And then I was driving on the highway and they also had it on the highway. And one of the signs, enough. You're not gonna get 'em. - Have you ever gotten an Ebony alert? (laughing) - What's an Ebony alert? - It's real, it's when a black person goes missing. - Yeah, my phone goes, "God Damn!" (laughing) Dude, I was dating. I was like, "Who's gonna do it?" - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's right there. - Yeah, it's in California, it's new. - It's so hard on the phone when you're watching a movie at the theater, right? - "God Damn!" - I'm all the time. - Oh, you're already talking so much. It doesn't matter. - Yeah, yeah. But, wow, so I get Amber alerts as well. - Yeah. - It's always crazy. - Well, if it's an Ebony alert, it should be Ivory alert then, if it's Ebony and Ivory, why wouldn't we do that? Why is it Amber? 'Cause it was a girl that got a kidnap name Amber. - Yeah, it's that, probably. - Can I be honest with everybody in our audiences? - Yeah. - If you're naming your kid Amber, she's gonna get kidnapped. - Yeah, also, can I just another suggestion, please? - Right, don't kidnap white girls. - Yeah, well, you're gonna. - 'Cause they care so much. - They care a lot. - They care so much. - Yeah, me. - Don't kidnap white girls. - That's a lesson out there. - Don't do it. - Yeah. - I just don't like when you get the Amber when your phone and it goes, "Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" - Yeah. - You're like, okay, I can't, I'm not gonna go. - I'm not going. - What am I gonna go look for the Kia Soul? I'm gonna go look for a brown Kia Soul with license plate XQ485. - You can turn 'em off on the government alert section. - How fucked up. - How fucked up and dark is that? You can turn it off. - I have. - That's a little we care about people. I don't wanna. I'm gonna keep it on. 'Cause what if I'm at the 7-Eleven? - Now, this is the beat of a movie. This is the beat of a movie. - Yeah, I myself wouldn't do anything if you saw Amber. - Are you out of your, not Amherr? She's gone. - But if Amber, Amber's gone. - This is the beginning of a good movie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're at 7-Eleven. - I'm at 7-Eleven. I look over, I get to Amber. I look over, look out for a white boss, you know what I mean? With Flores and Greene. - You mean like a van? - Yeah, white van. - Oh, school boss. - Yeah, you know, a boss, like that, a school book, right? Well, Flores and Greene, hubcaps. - These guys are bad criminals. - Yeah, yeah, right. - What do they steal or an a big white, though the Chinese tourist bus? - Yes. - It's a tourist bus. - And it's Phil with Chinese people going to Hollywood Boulevard. - Exactly. - Right. And it says, look for a Puerto Rican kid named Rahu. - Tata. - Last scene on a bus, Phil with Chinese tourists going to Griffith Park. - And then I go, would I, who do you call? - The cops. - No. - They're busy. - And then you got to call and go, I think I see the white bus. - You call the cops and emergency dock answers? - Hey man, we'll suck. (laughing) - Hey man, we're a girl that got kidnapped. - You got a job. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I thought you failed. - Yeah. - Yeah, they need to do someone bad, do you know? - With like, who do you call the cops? And then they leave and then what happens? - They try to try and then I gotta stay there. - Then now you're implicated. This is where I'm saying this is the beginning of a movie. Now you're in the cops on show up, so you keep following them. And then you have to pretend like you're a part of their crew. - No because I have a white bus too. (laughing) - Right, there's another white bus. - It just so happens. - Yeah, I have a white bus. - Okay, I got it. You're a tour guide and you're giving a Chinese tour. - Why a Chinese tour? - That's who takes those. - No, you mean like a Hollywood tour? - Yes. - Yeah. - And they're all kidnapped. The girl is saying. - They're not trying to do that. - Oh, this is where Morgan and Freeman are living. (laughing) - They do? - I've been on that tour. That's exactly what it sounds like. - Oh, okay. - The whole time. - And they come with a little flag and they go, "Follow, follow." - Okay. - We've all seen this too. - All right, so I'm a guy. There's two tour buses. - Yeah, identical. - Identical. - We're both Chinese guys. - Oh, dude. The kidnappers are just guys that kidnapped a girl. - But they have a tour bus. - They have the, you're same bus. - The same kind of bus. - Yeah, exactly. - And you're giving a tour. - Actually, the same bus is the one bus. You're just the driver. - Right. They kidnapped a girl and take her on your tour bus. - Exactly. - Oh, and I call them on my own. - Right. - Speed, right? - It's speed. It's the same. We're just doing speed. - It's speed. - Oh, there's a bomb on it. - Oh, there's a bomb. - There's a bomb. - Yeah. - You have an adult child and a bomb. - You have an accident in it. - A hundred percent. - Oh, yeah, no. - Yeah. Police, LA police are gonna help you. - Yeah, I have a bomb on my tour bus. - Okay, where are you at? - We were going to Marlon Brando Hall. (laughing) - Oh, you got it. - Yeah, going to Marlon Brando and the Patatian House. - Okay. - Yeah. - There's a guy in the back, and he goes, I saw Amberlo first. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, Amberlo. - Is a girl with you? - What? - Is a girl with, is a little girl on the bus? - Yes, well, I got two, I got Amberlo and Ebony Alert. (laughing) - Yeah. So both of them are on bus. - Okay. - Yeah. - Well, bring them to the police station now. - No, but there's a bomb. - Why is there a bomb on the bus? - Please call, we cannot leave. - Okay, I'll call him. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I think he can solve. - What about Sandra Bull? You want me to call her? Okay, this is not a bulk speed today It's a funny movie, right Amber alert. I've never heard of an ebony alert. You made that up. I really didn't yes. You did how come we've never gotten one. Is it only for black people's phones because you you had the Samsung? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Cricket wireless. It comes with cricket wire. It comes with it as a packet. By the way, the only ebony alerts only goes to phones that go green. It's only it's not I message. It's only you can only get a view of an android. This is insane. It's insane. Emergency notification system. California design aid to swift recovery missing black youth and women. I've only seen Amber. I've never seen ebony, download download it. It's not an app. What just do all races then? Yeah, I don't know what I don't do in the argument of Fox news. Yeah, Korean alert. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, he's on Fox. Can I tell you something? Oh, my god. Kimchi alerts. So good. Kimchi thieves. Yeah, or just okay. Kimchi alert. Kimchi alerts. So good. The California ebony alert program and in fact January 1, 2024. Oh, just started. We're brand new. We're brand new. By the way, I'm going to Europe. In what eight days. I had no idea you you got to get a visa to go to UK. Now you got to pay 20 bucks just to like apply to go to the as of tourist. Yeah, we did it last year for the London. Those are not our dogs anymore. I thought they were our boys. Well, Australia. You have to do it 100% Australia. You do. 100% Australia you do yeah, but yeah, but you're working. I'm going as a tourist and you still have to get wow I thought that was wild. I was like man. They really don't like us anymore, huh? Yeah, you got applied right there to the ETA They do the same thing coming here. I know, but we didn't used to do that. Yeah, but for the World Cup How many I mean did it was a difficult? For people to come you know, you just pay 20 bucks. They tourists pay 20 bucks, but I'm treating everyone in I think they do I don't know you've seen if you've seen some of those games it looks like everybody got in yeah, yeah, yeah holy shit, dude It's a trump thing. I think 20 25. Oh, it just started January of last year. So we did it when we went there last year Yeah, didn't know that Yeah, speaking so much even the park. I mean, it's like everything's been charged. It's fucking crazy that pisses me off Yeah, I know we already talked about I know I know that pisses me off every it goes back to my like we got a sell air It's like we got to get in bottle and sell bad air. Yeah It's bad air. It's just Bobby's farts and a can yeah, we'll just get the room here Let's bottle the room. I think something I'm there something wrong. I feel that's it's thought throw me off because I feel like I'm getting sick right now I hate that you guys don't even smell anything. It makes me question your living situation. Yeah, maybe you guys all have broken pipes Yeah, what is this it's air from Taylor Swift's eras tour? Yeah, it's from a one of her concerts 50 dollars. Yeah, no buy it Now if you want it by I know you want to yeah, there is new air one water at the bar that's twelve dollars It's just ice water we'll get some next show. It's just water that comes from their tap and they it's there It's just $12 for tap water. Yeah, it's a good new thing. It's unbelievable. We got to get it some what a game that they're playing over there What a game that they get to play huh? Yeah I that's wild so stupid. It's genius though. Yeah, people are doing it. Who cares? I wish on my thumb in print Your DNA. No, you know my thought you know the glue thumbs. I make oh the glue time. I thought you're physical. Yeah Oh, your fingerprints. Oh, yeah, that's I wouldn't tell that your dear. That's I can use that for what murder for sure Whatever everything. Yeah, okay, but that would be interesting Because I'm not in Atlanta wherever the murders are right and they use it They got to go down the list of how you're not there. How were you able to not be here? That's pretty impressive I'm sure they contract that I'm not where they're killing right but if you're fingerprints are there I know, but I'm saying I sell glue thumbs. Yeah, but they ping his thought they ping your phone so they'll know you're not there I'm not there. How could you have been there? It's if now this is for you covering up future murders You're sending out all these know you have an alibi. Oh My god. There's another movie there. Yeah, the kimchi alert thief. Yeah He's on the go He's just kidnapping at will leaving his thumb prints all over the country. Wow the other day was 7/11 day Did anybody go get a free 7/11 slushy? No, no, you know I did What'd you get? There's nothing more slushy. Blueberry cherry coke cherry coke my favorite. Yeah, tree coaks the best They don't they don't they don't like giving it to you know that You go in there. You go out of the free slushy and they're like well fine. Guess what about coke? What's wrong? Prices are rising Coca-Cola prices are on the rise. Guess why? It has something to do with the straightover moves. What is it? No, don't go go. Don't go. Okay. Okay. Okay. Wait. Yes There's why would there is there a little bit of oil and coke It would make it better. Yeah. Why would why would Coke rise because of the straight-armose you think Because in during more times you share a coke. I've seen the commercial Did your house just get bombed? Yeah, coke. Yeah, there's a polar bear there, too This is really bad. I'll tell you. Yeah, what is it aluminum? Oh the cans Aluminum dude. Wow, that makes perfect sense. I don't even know how I know that well you you saw it on a tiktok this morning on the shitter. Yeah I know you aluminum prices are surging multi-year highs due to accommodation of geopolitical supply shocks Structural production limits and growing demand middle east tensions are causing what is it? So what does it say aluminum one of the world's largest smelters aluminum Bahrain and Alba previously cut output roughly 10 19 percent So we're overpaying for coke hmm. Thanks a lot her most. Thank you her most. Yeah. Who's the blame there? You think Nobody's just like it's a forever war. I feel like everything is a forever war though What do you mean name a war that actually finished we didn't finish be an arm wasn't still going on brother No, it's not no it ended. They won. They did win. Didn't they win a hundred percent. Yeah, well we surrender We we stopped we left we left which that's an American way of being like you didn't beat me. I went home Yeah, it's like well you were losing. It's like no. Yeah, the word that was the worst We're still suffering from that in terms of people but military still suffering from that. It was the worst That thing was the worst was the worst war. It's a bad fuck up. But guess what it wasn't even a war Conflict. Did you know that yeah, we did what was the last war that you us were in? It was on bad friends We were talking about yeah, okay. Sorry. My bad. It's fine. Let's talk about not war. Okay But gonna just say one last thing though about war horse. Okay, so I was I rewatched on Godzilla minus one Have you seen it more terrible movie. I've only seen plus one I only go positive with Godzilla. Yeah, yeah, and What you realize is that the guy the main Lead in it his character bailed out of kamikaze Oh, right. He we talked about that. He he decided not to go through and then when you think really think about that You're like why would I root for this guy the shame? Yes. Yeah, because he was they were disowned by by the government Yeah relatable what it's probably relatable to not want to kamikaze I almost bought you a gift yesterday. What is it I couldn't get the gift because of circumstances But I found a shop in little Tokyo. I went to little Tokyo yesterday, and I found a shop that people Huh somebody be from out of town We had family in town and they don't want to go there. Yeah, we want a good place to it's awesome. Yeah, well first of all you get recognized a lot Uh through the furry masks. Yeah, I did They wear furries all you know, have you been to little Tokyo? Yeah, those kids dressed up with furry masks on People anime dressed up. It's actually fucking awesome. It this is like It's like kamikaze constantly in in little Tokyo. Yeah, it's great. It's great So I went around to some of the shops. I wanted to take them to Philippe's french dip and then we walked down Oh, that's a great place. And then we went walk down from there and I said My wife was like you know little Tokyo's right there and the girls wanted to go see it and I was like This is definitely worth it and they were It's mesmerizing good food, but there was a figurine that I'm a spot for you, but the circumstances. I'll tell you later Okay, but I am gonna buy it for you and it's It's a one-of-a-kind Godzilla It'd be perfect in this studio and I saw it. I immediately was like. Yeah. Oh, he's gonna love that. Yeah My girlfriend was like um my bracelet broke. I go. All right by another one. No, I want to fix it. I go where do you go? To the jewelry desk for a downtown. Well careful. Oh yeah, what Yeah, but you don't realize that the jewelry district is right now that you can't say jewelry. It's my favorite thing in the world. Well, say it again jewelry. There it is jewelry Jury it's like you English wasn't you will know what is it jewelry jewelry jewelry district jewelry district jewelry jewelry district. Yeah, do it fast Jewelery district and I really I go I go with there's no parking Right, and if I were gonna park my car in on any street. It's gonna get taken. It's gonna get ransacked broken into yeah It's like a we I said we kind of got in our first kind of I'm actually Yeah, it's crazy. I'm it's literally right next to it your first fight was like 15 months into your relationship It's going well. Yeah, I mean, we don't really don't fight It wasn't even a fight. I was just like can we just not You mean I can just get you another, you know, piece of jewelry This is why mccone doesn't mind driving that piece of shit that he drives because he McCone can leave the doors open the keys in it running and people are like I'm not taking that You can't imagine we should get a forensic scientist to come in to find out how many materials have been spilled on his seats bodily fluids food all your car seats. It's unfuck it. I bet you I would win. No chance. Oh, yeah 100 percent I got stuff that you would like why was that even in the car His car is a biohazard. Yeah, the state came by in a half anti-fungal cream all over my car right now That's what he drives anti-fungal cream. Yeah, yeah, Honda 100 - And if I go, 'cause of my foot, itch once, and I went, oh, the two of them went all over the place. - His car has your seats, or I don't want to sit in it. I get afraid to go in there. - Well, it was like that before you bought the car. - Of course not. - No, but I've had it for like seven years. - But he just roys it. It's not, he-- - You're like me. - Yeah. - We don't care about it. - Brother, he's way worse. - I love it, dude. - Way worse than you. - Are you a hoarder? - Ah, yeah. - Yeah, I can see it. - It's gross. - It's gross. - Never been in his house. - Is it hoardy? - It was just, there's shit everywhere. - There's shit everywhere. - Oh my God. - He's referencing from Coachella. - Yeah. - Throw it away. - Yeah. - I haven't done anything since Coachella-- - Oh, he's holding on to it for a rainy day? - Hell yeah. - You look like an actresses priest. - Yeah, you could perform an exorcisms. - Yeah, like not. - They're like street, like, but if you see the exorcism, right, exorcism-- - Exorcism through Rome, but my no go through Rome. - You know, you don't go for the Rome. You're just the guy that knows, right? And you smoke, and you're a little dirty. You live in like a tiny place. - Yeah, I do. - With a neon red Bible on your wall. - I do hail, man. - You could say a neon sign outside of his window and it's glows in his room. - Yeah, that's cool. And everything's black. - Yeah. - Like John Doe from Seven. - Yes. - Yes, exactly. - Does that hand in a glass jar? - I would love to devote my life to like just exercising demons from people. - Yeah, dude. I think you'd be able to do it. - We got to exercise somebody use it. - Yeah. - I did fail that. - No, you would suck the demons in you. That's your thing. I think you have a great capacity for demons. - I definitely do. - I think you do. I think you could just-- - You're the vessel. - Yeah, yeah. - His reserve tank is big for demons. - Yeah, I think so. - Yeah. - You're like the thing that captures ghosts and ghostbusters, but they don't have to ever clean it out. - Yeah, I don't like getting rid of like addictions or bad things. I just manage them. - So bad. - Yeah, you manage them. - Brother. - You can manage demons. - Oh, yeah. I mean, I currently do. - Stop, stop, stop. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I know he speaks and Latin to them. - Yeah. It's Amber. - Ultra, you know what, man, those pouches get addictive. - Well, they're, look, you put in your mouth, you put in your mouth, you keep doing it all day, you don't realize how many you put in there, and then you're buzzing off the nicotine, and you don't need that. You need a little bit of an alternative, and that's why Ultra is here to supplement that. These things are great, man. There's zero nicotine, and they're natural new tropics. - It narrows your blood vessels and restricts oxygen delivery to muscles, which indirectly counteract the pump. You want to get out of your workout. - That's what nicotine does to you. Yeah, but with Ultra now, that's not gonna be the case, okay? Ultra helps you out, all right? It helps you out, it feels good. Nicotine's actually detrimental to your workouts. If you are exercising, it increases your heart rate and blood pressure significantly. So why not take an alternative that helps you out? That's nicotine-free. These things last, one to two hours of energy. They're actually fantastic. - They're great for athletes, runners. - Yeah, they are, they are very good. You get a better, you get a better boost without having that nicotine buzz, that nicotine anxiety that sometimes comes along with it. So if you're looking to supplement it with something else, they got great flavors, cool mint, wintergreen tropical, watermelon and blue razz, which is my favorite. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. - New customers can use code bad friends to get 15% off at takeultra.com. - That's takeultra.com for 15% off with code bad friends after your purchase are gonna ask you, what would you hear about us? Support our show, please, and tell them that we sent you. - Draft kings, the Draft King sports app is now available in all 50 states. - You're in on the excitement at the speed of sports. - Bobby, I didn't know there was 50 states, but now I know the Draft King's got-- - I thought there was only 13. - Covered, Fight Night is here and Draft King's has you covered. New Draft King's customers can sign up with code bad friends. It's been five bucks to get 150 and rewards within 14 days and includes all markets. What's the code, Bob? - Bad friends. - That's that code bad friends in partnership with Draft King's. The crown is yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook. You got a gambling problem called 1-800-Gambler, 1-800-Myreset, Connecticut called 8-8-8-7-8-9-77-7-7-7, visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boohill, Casino, and Kansas. Bet tax pass through may apply in Illinois, 21-plus void in Canada. - Event contract trading with Draft King's predictions involves risk of loss. - Availability varies, predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days. - Trade to get predictions dollars that expire in one year. - 50 dollars and rewards issued every seven days via click-to-claim for 14 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free-to-play sports contest availability. - Various by state. - Terms at dkng.co/offer. - Limit a time offer. - Factor! - Oh my, there's not a better meal than factor. - You want to try that again? - No, I don't, because that's. When I get excited, I stutter. - Oh, I know. - Yeah, yeah. - You get so excited about factors. The factor meals are designed to help you with a healthier lifestyle that doesn't cost you a lot of money or a lot of time because they're ready in how many minutes, Bob? - Two minutes. Factor makes chef-crafted, dietician design. Ready to eat meals. So you don't have to choose between real food and convenience. - And here's the best part. They got salmon burger, shredded pork, collar greens, and so much more. - Oh my God. - It's not just the old school lump of chicken with rice that you're used to in other meal kits. - And they're all good. When you eat a factor meal, they're all good. - Every one of them is very good. 97% of users agree. Factor meals have them live a healthier life with a more delicious life. So you can feel confident you're doing something good for yourself with every meal. - Yeah, let's eat real. Head to factor meals.com/badfriends50off and use code BadFriends50off to get 50% off and one free breakfast item per box for one year while supplies last until 1031, 2026. - Ooh, Halloween, that's code BadFriends50off at factor meals.com. BadFriends50off at factor meals.com, see website for more details. - What do you mean you failed Latin? Why would you take Latin? - My dad made me take Latin in 2001. - Why? - Because it was offered at my school. - And then I wish you would have studied that. - No, I didn't. - Your whole life. - Unusable language. - It's not. - It's a romantic language. - It's a thick sand script instead. You can't fucking use Latin. - No, it was terrible. 9/11 happened during it. - That's why. - Wow. - Yeah. - You were summoning some old. - Yeah, it was crazy. - Like, Gregory and Chance or whatever? - I said the wrong thing in some Middle Eastern. There's all of a sudden show up on a plane. - We must kill the infidel. - Exactly. - Because of you, they crashed. - It was a curse. - You look like a conspiracy theorist to me. - Bob, that's projecting. - You write, like you know things, believe in things. - You do, you do write now a lot. - Yeah. - Make believe a conspiracy theory. - Give us any of them. - Yeah. - No, it's something that you've completely made up. But let me just see. - Lindsay Graham didn't die of natural causes. - What happened? - There was a bathhouse, rave party, late at night and keve. - You know what's so funny? - What's a German? - You know that he knows this is Russian. - Russian. - Yeah. - He was Russians. And there's like really good looking hockey player guy. - He did right over me. - Yeah. - Yeah. - They were filming. It was one of the actors. - What are the actors? - But to get Lindsay's attention, he whispered things about Disney movies. - Whoa. - Love Disney World. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, he was like Aladdin. - Yeah, he knows about Aladdin. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, we all know about Aladdin. - So he did some deep diving. - Aladdin was one of the 9/11 pilots. I can show you the world trade centers. - Wow. - Wow. - That you did the theme music for this movie we're gonna make. That's amazing. - We just cracked the code. - I can show you the world trade centers. - The world trade centers. - Shining shim. Let's go to the lyrics. Let's find out if there's 9/11. - I don't know. - Okay. - No, there might be. - Okay. - I can show you the world. - 9/11. - I can t- - I can tumbling. - Oh. - Oh, no, dude. We just find out that this was, I can show you the world trade centers. Shining shimmering splendid. They were. - You tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your heart decide? - I can open your eyes to the fire. - Take you wonder by wonder, one by one. - Wonder, wonder. - Two wonder, the two wonders of the world. - Over sideways and under. - And under, which is the third building. - It was sideways, right? - Wow. - Oh, the third, okay. - And what happens when that happens? - A whole new world. - A new, fantastic point of view. - Point of view, 'cause there's nothing in the building. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, no one. - Oh, someone was out. Bidlata was right. (laughing) - Or say we're only dreaming. A whole new, dazzling place and everything. Well, we figured it out. - Yeah. - We cracked your code, Aladdin. - Undescribable feeling. - Yeah, it's gotta be, I imagine. - Yeah. - Every turn of surprise, yeah, it sure was. It sure was. - That's crazy, dude. - Well, we cracked the code. And I'm a little upset that we cracked it that easy. - I'm not. - Every conspiracy theorist, by the way, online. - I'm so sorry. - It's sunk. - Is it flat or a few minutes? - Conspiracy theorist. One of my favorite games, Donkey Kong. Unbelievable. And that old man in the chair. - Cranky Kong. - Cranky Kong. - Cranky Kong. - Yeah. - Donkey Kong was probably one of the, beyond Super Mario Brothers, it was one of the games that I wanted to conquer the most. I wanted to beat all the levels of Donkey Kong. - The new one is so good from last year. - What is it on? What system? - Switch to. - So you'd memorize when to jump and timing. - 100%. - That's what it is. - Donkey Kong, I was obsessed. - Yeah. - And Anza, you can rip apart the levels. - Oh, you destroy everything? - Yeah, it's kind of tight. - No one's never good at Pac-Man. - Pac-Man, it's a panic. - It's anxiety. - It's anxiety. - Yeah. - You're like stuck in a corner. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What does it say on our side? Baff, Reigns. - Baff, Baff Reigns. - Oh, Baff Reigns. - Baff Reigns. - Hey, Baff Reigns. Hey, I'll do that guy from my friends. - I said that guy. - I get that a lot. - Yeah. - Where's Bobby? - Yeah. - I don't fucking know. What did that guy do at the shoot? He goes, my friend loves you. That's like one of the funniest insults. It's like such a funny guy. Hey, but my buddy loves you. Can I get a photo of my buddy loves you? I'm like, okay. - Yeah, I hate it. - And they're like, I don't care about you at all, but my buddy loves you. - Yeah, you sometimes you're at a place and they go, let me send a photo of my buddy 'cause he loves you. - Yeah. - But then just send a photo of me then. - Take a picture of me. - Yeah, because I know it's because of you that you want the photo. Yeah, it's, you know, I-- - You think they're being, you think they're being, why would they not just say it's them? - Ego. - They want a big dog. - Yeah, I'm getting a lot of like dinner interruptions too. - Maybe it's a sign of getting more famous. - Oh, shut the fuck up. - Like you haven't reached any, like you're not, I had a peak yet, so you're getting recognized. - I mean, that is what it is. - Yeah. - Obviously you're getting recognized more. - I'm not, it's like, I don't even go, what? - What do you mean? What do you mean? - What do you mean? - Fine, you're not famous, whatever, who cares? - It's relative. Everything's relative. - Yeah, it's like. (laughing) - The fuck are you talking about? - What are you talking about? - You just said I'm getting a lot of dinner interruptions. Like you're fucking Frank Sinatra. (laughing) - No, I'm not. - You're getting a lot of dinner interruptions. I can't just get out and smoke and eat with a broad out at night. ♪ I did it my way ♪ No, I get like A. ♪ I did it my way ♪ - Yeah. - Am I doing it my, no, I'll get this. Hey, man, my friend dared me, you know what I mean? To take a photo with you. Is it right? I know you're, I'm interrupting dinner and I'm like, all right, and I'll do it. You won't do it. - If I'm at dinner with you. - No, anybody. - If I'm at dinner with my wife, I would say please don't interrupt dinner with my family. If you're on a date with your girlfriend, I think it'd be cool to not interrupt the date with your girlfriend. But if it's with people and friends, yeah, I don't give a shit. But it's like, you're with your significant other. It's kind of like, I'd like them to do something with my wife. But if I'm with you and I, yeah, we'll take fucking photos. I don't give a shit. - No, I do it every time. Yeah, I do it with ballet. - But it's hard for your girlfriend then 'cause then they have to stand there and then it just feels weird. But if it's just friends, I don't give a shit. - She takes a picture. - No, I think she likes the fact that I'm so generous with my thing. - I think it just interrupts an intimate moment that you might be having. - I do have a little smirk when I do it. Maybe it's a little cocky thing. - Yeah, of course. - It's you, it's you. - Can I take a photo? I'm like, excuse me. (laughing) - I did it my way. - I always stand up. I do it my way. I always stand up. - Chang Sonatro over here. (laughing) - Yeah. - You really are. - I'm Chang Sonatro. - You're Chang Sonatro. - Yeah. (laughing) - But yeah, I do, maybe I do ham it up. - What? - Yeah, you go to Dan Tan. - Yeah, you go to the spots where it's gonna happen, too. - I do. - If you go to the door. - Yeah. - There's this one Italian restaurant, I think it's like inward. - Hey, thanks for taking care of me, huh? - Yeah. - Oh, Chang Sonatro's here. - There's this one restaurant where you make reservations. It's over like way on the west coast. Not like on the west side? - West side of me and west coast. (laughing) - It is the west coast. - It is west coast. And there is, there's known to have paparazzi there. - Elefonte. - I think of that, it is it. Elefonte. - Elefonte. - Yeah, that's right. - It's like, yeah. - It's like what the Ivy used to be or whatever. - Exactly. - It's like where they, where they you know they're gonna be. - And so I never, I've never gotten like, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, right? And it ended up in TMZ or whatever, right? But in this particular situation, I was on a date as a way before the girlfriend I have now. And she's like, yeah, I can't live this lifestyle. - I could just never happen. - That happened though. - Yeah. - I left so hard, did one time we were walking. - That was it. - Oh, wow. - Yeah, look how fat I was. Is that the restaurant? - Yeah, it looks like you ate the whole fucking plate. (laughing) - I tried everything. - Yeah. - Do I look terrible? - What does it say? It says, Bobby, Bobby, whole menu Lee steps out for dinner with a female competitor. - On a rainy night in LA. That was it. - What year was that? - Two years ago. - You're fucking wet and fat. That's tough. - Dude, I was so fat back then. - Look at how good looking you look now. - Yeah. - Do you look skinny? - Look at us now, you and I now, right now. - Wow, look at how sexy, sexy boys. - Yeah, yeah. - Dude, one time I was leaving Nobu, Malibu. And they were taking pictures of like a celebrity. And it was like, I don't know who's coming out. I couldn't see. - Yeah. - And it was like, and I was like, what the fuck? What's going on over there? And then a guy turned a photographer. I can see like turns and looks at me and goes, "Hey, what's up?" And I was like, hello? - And they scurried back to taking pictures of whoever. - Oh, would you be a millionaire? - No, it was fine. I was just like, I'm not. Whoever it is is famous. I was like, the camera guy was like, he's like, oh, hey man, that one's up. (laughing) Whoever, somebody real, a photo that could make them money. - Yeah. Actually, you can like talk to them and be like, in negotiate. - Into what? - Into like, I'll get off a plane at the LAX and some guy with a camera will come. Now, how do you think of a new controversy that happened? - TMZ is that. - Yeah. And I always go, hey dude, come on, I know it. We know each other for a long time. 'Cause yeah, I got, I'm so tired. 'Cause I get it, but I get it. And then I'll just want, you know what I mean? There's a way to negotiate. - They're spending the try to catch people off guard. Eric Andre handles the best. He's always just like mean or weird to them. He's always weird, and it works. Every time it works. - Like what? Let me, let me. - Do a clip of him, it's amazing. Like Eric Andre of TMZ, he's like, he just bullies them back. Unless it now, he's being nice 'cause he's promoting a movie. - That's what it looks like. - Yeah, of course. Now, there was one of them getting in a car and he just kept acting weird or questions back to the guy. Like the guy was like, Eric, what do you think about this, a controversy thing? He's like, do you like gelato or ice cream more? To the camera man? - That's so good. - Yeah, just bounce it back to him. - Yeah, it's like a mood point. - That's it? - That's just them leaving. - That's good. Good clip, dude. - What the fuck? - It's Eric Andre, just walk into a car. - He rolled up, select. - What are you getting angry for? - What are you getting? - Sorry, I shouldn't have been told to you in Mr. Andre. - Whoa, dude, you know what? - There's famous Eric Andre. - What about this? - Not say anything. - I do like this, Carlos. - Yeah, yeah. - If someone's building up, let it rip. - I did immediately. - Yeah. - No, but I mean, what else is going on that I feel like something's drumming up a little bit? - No, I'm pretty open with you, Andrew. - Yeah, I know you are, but is anything rumble-bumbling right now? - Between us? - I think we're good. - Yeah, yeah. - You got me an ice coffee. - Yeah. - Oh, you're money for that. - Yeah, you do? - Yeah, okay. - That might be it. - He wants it. - Is that the money? - I'm not rumbling about money. - That's he's fine. - What's the anchor about then? - You know what it was, I snap at you because you were insinuating that I was bad at my job when I made a mistake. - I did hear that. - When? - I heard just now, seconds ago. - Yeah. - It can make you insecure when your boss makes fun of you in front of your fucking co-workers. - I know, but we asked for a video of Eric Andre responding with, you know what I mean? - Pretty hard to find a video of Eric Andre and the paparazzi considering he's not even remotely close to like Timothy Chamolay, like enough more famous friends. - Okay, so can I ask you this then? Okay. - Ask me anything. - I shouldn't, I shouldn't have said anything. - No, you know what? - I shouldn't have said anything. - Or you should have found good footage. (laughing) - It would have taken me more than five seconds considering-- - We could edit the fuck out of this thing, you know what I mean? We could give it-- - No, no, no, there's no-- - Australia's gonna be so fun. - If I had taken more than 10 seconds, you would have been like, where's the fuck? - Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. (laughing) - Wow. (laughing) - He's another thing that Jules does that drives me crazy about my animals. - What? - Is, so Esther Povinsky. - Yeah, of course, the other day, oh, I wanted to bring this up, the other day, I woke up, Saturday morning, to hearing children play in my backyard. - I know. - Okay. - What a terrible, it's like birds is worse. I mean, as bad, but it was children playing in my backyard. - So like joy was going on and it was-- - There's pure joy going on. - There's too off. - Yeah, I walk in and there's three babies in my backyard in my pool. - Esther's kids. - Two of Esther's kids and Kaleil's kids. - Okay, everybody you know has a key to his house. - Yeah, everyone knows. - Literally. - The fucking the key maker was like, I can't keep copying this key, there's 30 of them out. And so I got in my swing trunks, you know what I mean? My girlfriend came out and right, I'm swimming. There's a swimming teacher there too. - They fucking hired a full, like a full on swimming. - What are you on the YMCF? (laughing) - Yeah, he's going on at your house. And I sat there and out loud, I said, there's just too much joy here. - Yeah. - It's, it's, it's, it's, it was pleasant. - Right. - Right, but if it's, if I had the responsibility of the kids, I don't think I would be as joyful. 'Cause there's a lot of, hey, hey, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, Look at him. Wasn't it? You got yelled at a lot a lot. Yeah, McCone was well Maybe if you want to eat the dog poop and explore that's okay if it's gonna if it's gonna open up your mind That's good. Yeah, he was baby'd like that. You know that. Yeah, you see his parents and that's why you treated him like a kid Poor bitch Like a soft pork bitch. Okay, dude. Sorry. Are you kidding? Okay. I love you, man Here's but what here's one thing that I missed though in life is S's kid went to Dave you know Dave King. Yeah, her dad his husband is dad. Yeah, and the kid he goes, "Daddy hold me." Right, and he's, "I'll hold you." - Chinese, little baby. - No, no, no, no, it's a baby. - Daddy hold me. - That's better. That was a white baby. - That was a white baby. - Yeah. - You betcha. - That's a white baby. And then he grabbed the baby, and you know that he's teaching the baby to swim, and I'm like, "It's cute, this is so cute." Maybe I'm missing out in a hole. - Yeah. - No world. - You are, but you don't have weight loss money. - Yeah, you and I, you and I didn't have kids, and that is a thing that we miss. - Yeah, but it's a, I just feel like it'll, it's too much of a responsibility for me. - Maybe, I don't know. I think you'd be a great dad, so I don't think it would matter. I think you would learn, I think you'd be so much fun. It would, you would just be a different guy. You'd be a different Bob. - Daddy, there's a ghost in my room. - And you're like, "Oh God." - Well, I don't bring it in my room. - Yeah, yeah. And then you gotta check underneath the bed. I think that's fun. That's cute. And then you make up a game where you killed the ghost. You took care of it. - Oh yeah. - I got the ghost out. I went and got him. - Yeah, that's a boogeyman. And then I had my wife, you know what I mean, go check. And then I'm the boogeyman. - Girlfriend. - I dress up in the thing. - Yeah, see? - Yeah. So then get become stronger. - Isn't that fun though? - It's fun. - See, that's good. - It's a good time. - Like, did your wife ever come in there and say, "Hey, I need you for something in your middle of cutting?" - Sometimes, but not-- - What would she ask for? Help of any kind. - Like what? - Hey, we have a child, they need help with literally anything. - Like what? - I get the baby to sleep. - Why can't you do that? - Exactly, that's what I say. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. You do that. - Exactly. - That's that Latin lover she muppin' loves. - Yeah. (laughing) - I would do like, you know what I mean, you gotta drop, you know what I mean, Timmy off a baseball practice. At seven in the morning. - You're not doing that? - I am doing that. - You would hire someone to do that. - No, I would do it, but then I would be like, but you're picking them up. - Because I'm gonna sleep when I get back home. - You wouldn't do that, you just pay someone to do it. - Pay who? - There's drivers, wouldn't you? - Yeah, Carlos. (laughing) - I'm not taking care of your fucking kid. - I'll give you money. - I don't need money that bad. - That is so funny, you just shut it down. I'll give you. - Dude, you're so rude. (laughing) - I don't wanna-- - You're being so rude right now. - No, it's-- - Pick up my kid, Timmy! - That's insane, fuck Timmy. - Yeah, whoa! What about you, McCone? - I'd pick about you. - Yeah, Timmy's a little bit-- - In his little bacteria car. - No, no, no, I get you new car. (laughing) - Yeah, you would have to. - I would have to-- - Timmy would die in that car. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It'll make him stronger. - Oh, it'll smell like this. - Timmy will be trapped underneath like a box of old merch and a Chick-fil-A bag. - Yeah. - How do the kid die under bad friends, hoodies? (laughing) - And then if you watch the baseball game, your Timmy is a baseball game. - Yeah, go to T-ball game? - You got a cheer. - You have to cheer. - But you're not really cheering. - It's only when they look at you. - Oh, yeah. - I want to get his watch. - What if we're being honest here? That is a little thing. We still could, we could adopt you and I, we could adopt a kid. - No, that's the way. - How about we adopt a kid and we time share it? Like it's a condo. - No. - You have it. - How much is, can you adopt? - I'm googling it already with my quick skills. - Okay. - God, he's on one today. - Which color do you want? - 40 to $70,000 to adopt. - $40,000. - That's how much it costs to get a kid. - Fostercare is the most affordable route. Often zero to $2,000. - Now, that's how much is to get the kid transferred to your house. - Unless you adopt from a foster care, which is zero to $2,000. - Oh, that would do that. Fostercare. - Fostercare, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but those are rampant with scams usually. - Yeah, but if I go to a legitimate, - What? - Are you talking? - But you might get, what if you get like a 30 year old. - You get bred. - Oh, like that movie Impostery would see that movie. - Yeah, it's horrifying. - That documentary. - That girl was incredible. - Oh, another one just came out, about a girl that kept going back to high school. Did you see that? - Never been kissed. - No, no, it's a news article. It's not a movie yet. A girl kept going back to high school and lying in different cities and stuff like that. It was like 26 years old and a senior in high school. - Imposter was worse. You know that documentary? - I know, I know, I'm just saying, but this is a real story that just happened as well. - Yes, okay. - People still trying to pull this shit off as wild. - It's wild. - What is it? A girl keeps. She kept going back. They just kept fighting. - What does she look like? I want to see what she looks like. - K-Classman, 28 year old woman who was arrested for enrolling in a Bronx high school, opposing a 16-year-old student. 28 years old and pretended to be 16. And she did it multiple times in different districts. That's her. - I would buy it. - 16? That girl's not 16 years old. - Yeah. - That's crazy. 28 years old. Here's the saddest part. She didn't do it for any like nefarious reasons. She's just like sad and lonely and missed her childhood. That's so fucked up and dark. It's not like, - Why would you want to go to the worst place imaginable? High school was the darkest years of my life. - It was probably bullied and she wants. - So was I, I don't want to go back. - No, she wants to make up for the years that didn't work for her probably. It's sad. - Yeah. - By the way, that's another movie. - What? - Bobby goes back to high school. To make up all the times you were bullied and now you're the cool king. Now the guy becomes a famous podcaster and comedian goes back to high school and is the king again. - Like 22 and a half jump straight. Back to school was incredible. That was so he could get a. - Did that joker get? (laughing) - 22 and a half jump straight. - Yeah, I was worried. - They did 21 and a half. - Yeah. - They did it. - They did it already. - They did it. Back to school. - It's a call. He goes back to college, right? - Yeah. - Okay. - Oh, but with the sun, yeah. - They put a hot tub in his dorm room. - Yeah, that's a funny one. - Dangerous. - The man. - He's the man. - Oh, that's right. - Oh, that's right. - I forgot he's like the cool art guy. That was before he like. - To slid off into the midst. - What a combat story. - Raymus told a story about Caddy Shack on day one that the DP set up a shot, and he had got to set. And they were like, all right, let's go. And Raymus was like, let's uh, I think we should be shooting this way. And the DP was like, what? - Yeah. - He's like, what about over there? He's like, because everything is right there. (laughing) And he turned and he was like, yeah, we'll get shoot that way too. That's totally fine. Like, they were so fucked up and out of it. They were just every day. They partied all day, every day. And then they had storms in Florida while they were filming. So they would just coop up in a hotel and just do drugs, all day, all night. And they're like, we got a film and a day or two. That's crazy. - And also they would get real money. - Yeah, dude. - And half of it would be spent on cocaine. - Drugs. - That's awesome. Can we miss those is? - Let's make that kind of movie. - Yeah, dude. I'll relapse. - We would naturally just. - I'm gonna relapse, do a movie, a drug movie. - No, you're not. - Yeah, let's do it. - Fear of both. - Fine. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Let's remake Jaws with cocaine. - Yeah. - That's a big fish. - And I'm just chewing on shrimp. (laughing) - Coconin shrimp. (laughing) Just grinding it in my teeth. - The boat never leaves the port. - It never leaves the port. - We just do blow on the boat for like five days to drink, never leave. - Meanwhile, he's killed 1,000 tourists. (laughing) - And hence the beginning of the movie, the Amber Alert. - Amber. - The Kimchi Alert begins. - The Kimchi Alert, yeah. - All right. Thank you for being a bad friend. (upbeat music)