Too high? Too low? How are your standards?

Let me tell you about a dinnipotty that ended a friendship. This isn't about drama, there was no shouting, there was no scene, this was all really rather quiet. It started with a small, beautifully set table. The linens were pressed, the candle wicks were trimmed, there were six guests which if you know anything is a really lovely number. The menu was uber thoughtful and the timing should have been perfect except that one guest arrived 45 minutes late. There was no apology, there were no flowers, there was no card with a really heartfelt message. This guest just breathed in, loud, amused even rather impudent, I think, slightly inconvenienced by traffic apparently. She expected the whole evening to reorganise itself around her. Now here's the rather interesting part, nothing explosive happened, the hostess didn't really say anything, she smiled but something structural shifted. She didn't reheat anything for this guest, she didn't scold this guest, there was no speech about respect, there was no punishment, she simply began the dinner. Cornly, gracefully on time and that guest she was never invited again. Not because of the lateness per se, but because she had blithely ignored standards. The hostess was not going to lower her standards and that is really crucial. This is what we are discussing today, standards. It's not about manners as performance, it's not about taste as decoration, it's not about elegance as a simple aesthetic. This is all about standards and standards are crucial because you know what they are, my darling. Standards are the invisible architecture that holds up your whole entire life. In this episode we are going to be talking about the difference between preferences, aspirations and enforceable standards. We are going to be talking about domains where standards live, internal, relational and environmental. We are going to talk about how your family, how your class position, how your romantic history and how any traumas you have endured have shaped your thresholds with your standards without you even realizing it. We are going to be talking exactly about why high standards are sometimes trauma in a silk blouse. We will be talking about how low standards do feel kind in the moment. It feels like you are not asking someone to contribute anything beyond what they can contribute, but honestly they really do destabilise things over time. We are going to be talking about how to calibrate your own standards to your actual economic and emotional reality. You know, new vupurve life, especially if you possess cultural capital without financial insulation, do you need to adapt your standards to that situation? I know so many people who are ex-rich and who have these ridiculously high standards, but they can't be backed up at all with what's in their bank account. It can seem a bit ridiculous. People do tell them that they are being snobbish, although being unrealistic or they are being idealistic. None of those things are especially flattering. We are also going to be talking about how the enforcement of standards must be quiet. When you start to enforce your standards loudly, all of a sudden you are not being very polite, so there is an etiquette component to this which works out quite well in our whole awkward etiquette framework. And we are going to look at how access, instead of argument, is the true mechanism of authority when it comes to standards. We are also going to be zooming out because standards are not just personal. Standards are also societal. They are shared. And when shared standards erode, the culture itself can destabilise. And sometimes I've joked that we are in the fall of the Roman Empire, that our own version of it. But I think this might be happening right now. And when everything becomes negotiable, trust declines. Cultures destabilises. And convenience starts to replace excellence, which means that cohesion of the culture, of society, etc. all of that weakens. And believe me darling, I don't think standards are about being superior in any way. It's about being structurally sound. I think that instability is generally a rather dangerous thing. And that's what old money people tend to fight. When old money people are trying to say this is not the way we do things. They are really trying to protect the structure of society as they know it. So I think that by the end of this episode of the awkward etiquette owed money and new man as podcast, you will be able to audit your own standards. You're going to understand where they came from. Did you inherit them? You're going to understand, did I inflate my standards beyond what they need to be? You're going to see if they are imaginary or if you need them. And you're also going to understand whether your so-called standards are quietly leaking energy from your life. And you may begin to discover that what you thought was a personality was actually a collapsed boundary. Because standards sometimes are quite crucial. So let's dive right in. These eggs. rich. novelepo. kiki-astor's got the cure for etiquette style. And the man as you lack it's the finishing school social skills hack. Hello darling. Welcome back to the awkward etiquette podcast. I am your auntie Kiki, Kiki-aster, romance author, ex-rich person, and owed money and etiquette expert. And I also do love a spot of social anthropology and talking about psychology and social skills and the architecture beneath things. And I believe that standards are a excellence, the architecture between everything in society. So let's begin with something that most people never really give too much thought to. It's about standards, the fact that standards can be rather invisible. You can't see standards the way you see taste or fashion or style or perfectly set table. Standards do not sparkle, they do not announce themselves, they do not perform. But they are the architecture beneath everything. I think that standards have something to do with boundaries because standards determine who has access to you. They determine how your time is spent or treated. Standards determine how stable or unstable your life may become. And so here is one rather important distinction. Preferences, for example, are mostly aesthetic or they are formuleic. Aspirations have to do with fantasy. It's all about the future, things that you wish you had or that you want. You don't know if you'll get them, but standards are enforced criteria. You can prefer fresh flowers, you can prefer croissant mums or renonculus. You can aspire to a mansion in Montecito, but a standard is different. It's something that changes behavior. A standard is what you will and will not permit. For example, I prefer pianies, and that's fine, but I will not abide by flowers that are full of fillers and that are wilting. I aspire to a mansion in Montecito. However, art by standards say that my home will be clean and organised. So that's the difference between aspirations and preferences and standards. So today I want you to ask yourself something that's perhaps slightly unnerving. We've been talking about things that are rather deep in the past episodes of this podcast. And by the way, I hope you're enjoying this direction. I know many people are. And if you want to see all of these things in action, I highly recommend that you read my romance and my suspense novels because you might think that they are just light little books, but they actually do show all of these standards and societal issues and owed money versus new money and boundaries. They show them all in action. And you've noticed that on this podcast, I don't have any advertisements. And because that's one of my standards, I don't want to distract you with advertisements that have nothing to do with this platform and with the things that interest you. However, in exchange, I do ask for your support, financial and otherwise. So by reading my books and by reviewing my books or by collecting my products such as T-shirts or what have you, you can support me or even hiring me to do a cameo for one of your friends. Happy birthday message, perhaps, or something a little bit more detailed. This is how we maintain the standard of having a podcast without advertisements that do not align with us. So let's get back to talking about standards. Are your standards chosen or are they inherited like taste, like social class? Are your standards protective or are they performative? I know some people who adopt new standards that really don't align with their social station or with their life experience. And I think that then there's a disconnect and people feel it to be rather jarring. Because if you are high performing, high class, elegant, work hard and have all this experience, if you have high standards, that's expected. But if you don't have all those things and you have high standards, people will think that you are affected. So are your standards protective or performative, very important? Are they calibrated to who you are and what you want? Or are they copied from someone else? Because most people have not designed their own standards. They have absorbed them. Where have they absorbed them from? Perhaps from who raised them? Perhaps from who they spend time with. This is why they say that the five people you spend most of your time with, they merge you, they say who you are and they shape who you will become. Let me talk about something that is etiquette-based, a little provocation, if you will. So I was mentioning in the introduction this idea of the denigast, arriving significantly late without any kind of apology. What does etiquette say? Do you delay the meal or do you begin without them? I think this question is very, very important. I believe that the correct thing to do is to wait for a moment because you want to smooth things over and you want everyone to feel good and welcome, etc. However, time is often the first boundaries some people collapse. And that tells you everything about them and once you start to collapse boundaries, other things begin to collapse too and that is not desirable at all. So I say you begin without them calmly, without talking behind their back or anything else. But such lateness without a huge apology, that's not acceptable. Now, let's talk about what standards actually are. We're going to define this really precisely because in this podcast we are able to delve more deeply into things we're not doing little Instagram reels. We are really delving into these concepts. So what is a standard? A standard is in non-negotiable, behavioral, threshold. It is a line in the sand, not even in the sand, it's a condition for access. It is a boundary. A standard is a repeatedly enforced expectation and it is also a reflection of your identity. However, without enforcement, standards are a mere fiction. They are idealistic without anything to back them up. You do not actually have standards if you do not constantly and regularly enforce them. You simply have wishes. Now remember that in the introduction I was talking about these three domains where standards exist, the first being the internal standards. How you treat your body for example. People who say, "No, no, no, I couldn't possibly eat that." And then they back down and they eat it. I'm not in the business of talking about diets. That's not what we're talking about. However, if you see you have standards about how you are treating your body but then you don't demonstrate those every day that is a disconnect. Another internal standard is how you manage your time. All these people who are consistently late and they say, "Oh, I hate being late but they're late all the same." What does that say about the standards? It says that they do not exist. There's also the standard of how you handle your finances. You know, do you spend on things that you claimed you wouldn't spend on? Oh, I don't want to spend on things that aren't meaningful but then here you are doing door-lash for the 10th time this week and you aren't really demonstrating that you have standards when it comes to handling things and talking about value. Many new people, people, they say that they're not going to spend money on certain things. Well, put your money or your mouth is. Don't spend the money on those things. Don't break down. When you do that, you show that you don't have any self-respect or self-control. Really ultimately, it's all about whether you are keeping your word to yourself. When you said you wouldn't do that thing or you would do that thing, did you or did you, all of those things are really important. The next domain where standards live is something that has to do with relationships, their relational standards. I.e. the standards that you have that have to do with other people. Who gets to gain emotional proximity? Who gets access to your vulnerability? Who gets repeated invitations? Who do you trust? Who do you spend time with? All of these things are dependent on what you allow and what you want for yourself when it has to do with other people and how they treat you, how they make you feel. This also has to do very much with etiquette. Finally, that is the environmental standard and this is the kind of physical space that you tolerate. This is my house. I have certain standards when it comes to how my house is. I'm not always the neatest person, but I do have standards when it comes to my common spaces, my living room, my dining room, my kitchen, my outdoor space. For people visit, I want all those spaces to be in a certain level of clenus, a certain standard of decor, a certain standard for how I can receive people. The environmental standard is also, for example, what tone of conversation will you allow around you? I have a friend who's really a delight except that she has anger, management issues and so she's always screaming. And the tone of conversation that she has around me, even if she's not screaming at me, she's screaming around me. And I've gotten to the point where I don't tolerate it because I have standards. And so I spend a lot more time avoiding her than I do letting her participate in my life and being around me where she can impact me in that negative way. Another thing with standards is what kind of social atmosphere will you participate in? Will you go to events that are a certain way? I went to an event today and it was quite fascinating. It was a luncheon for ladies and it had a day. discussion attached and quite a lovely menu and the standard was sky high when it came to the quality of the food and also the conversation and the woman who was the hostess or the person who actually organized the event. She said, "I insist that people must come on time because we will request that we respect each other's times. We have standards when it comes to what we do and our discussion is going to follow a certain structure again because we have standards for the sort of event that we are putting on. And also when we pay for this event, it's so that we can uphold the standards. And I thought that was really quite useful for me to see somebody else doing that and upholding those things. And in terms of the environmental standards, here's another etiquette question. If someone is addressing you overly casually in a formal context, do you gently correct them or do you absorb it to avoid discomfort? Now, I know that etiquette is all about smoothing things over. However, social skills and maintaining your status and your different standards that you have, all of that is about not letting people address you in a way that you don't find appropriate. In French, we have an expression when somebody is overly familiar that we say, "Nu n'avons pas gardé les cochons ensemble," which means we did not keep the pigs together. And it really puts people in that place. In Anglo-Saxon culture, we have a tendency to be much more discreet and to gloss over certain things because we don't want to be awkward. However, I do think it's important to put people in their place and it can be rather gentle. So if someone is addressing you overly casually, you can say, "Oh, I'm sorry, it's miss so-and-so." Or, "Oh, I don't like to answer to things that are so casual, I really prefer to be addressed in this fashion." And you can say it very calmly and you can say it once and then if the person continues to disrespect your standards and your boundaries, you can remove yourself from the situation. And it's fine to do that. You cannot always control people. Now, I think oftentimes, the context of things can signal the hierarchy and hierarchy shapes behavior. But I think that standards are crucial because when you modify your behavior and when you remind people of the context, I think that this is how you teach people how to place you in society and you teach people how to treat you in the long run. And I think that's really important. Now, very few people are able to actually invent and set up their own independent standards. Usually, these things have been encoded and they've been encoded in the way you grew up. So oftentimes, your family or perhaps with old money people, your school or your boarding school. But in terms of the family, because most of us grew up in a family, you'll start to see how standards were established and encoded within the family. For example, family dinners. Or were that family dinners? Were they original? Were they protected? Were they simply background noise or something that was an obligation to feed people? I know so many American families where the children are doing some sort of soccer or lacrosse. And the parents are splitting up driving these children to their team practices, etc, etc. And the family dinner falls by the wayside. And I feel that this is an example of standards collapsing because the ideal standard is that family spends time together in a ritual useful way. So, you know, is there expectation of certain things? And for example, in family as well, how spoiled were you? Did your parents have certain expectations for you? Did they raise their standards and let you know what their standards were? And if you were living up to them, all were they very indulgent? When you did something bad, were your parents composed? Did they have kept standards when it came to their own self-control? Or were they incredibly volatile? Which can lead to a bit of trauma and also your own standards when it comes to dealing with your own children, etc. And what you do as a family and your family traditions, did you have high standards for them or did they drop? Someone wrote me the other day and they said, oh, this new rapport thing, is it always elegant because I feel that my family is technically new rapport in that we are a generation that is removed from the wealth aspect, but they said they tend to drop their standards and then be a bit more laissez faire, a bit more lobe brow. And there's nothing really technically wrong with that except when I see someone writing me a letter about this, I know that perhaps it does affect them. They've realized that their standards are fallen and that now there's an erosion of who they are. Early environments in your family, they really show you that you are either elevated or you are starting to fall. And they say shirtseves to shirtseves in three generations. And this is not only the financial bit, I think that that is a question of standards. In my family, we always dress for dinner, we always address people with politeness, we always set things up in a certain way. Those are the standards and I really would rather hold on to them. They are free. It's not easy to uphold a standard, but I think sometimes if you want to have that nouveaupe of aspect of being elegant despite the fact that your financial reality is diminished, I think that being easygoing is really overvalued in today's society. I think sometimes families say, oh no, we're very casual here, we're very easygoing, but really what you're saying is that you are acclimated to disorder and that you are normalising something that now becomes invisible and that nobody thinks about and now before you know it, your standards have fallen. And it's true that standards behave very differently across economic realities. Wealth without standards always produces decay, you've seen it. Money amplifies, which have a discipline already exists and cultural capital without financial insulation however, which is where many of us nouveaupeuve intellectual aristocrats reside. All of that requires constant calibration. You cannot perform standards that are difficult to sustain, especially in an economic fashion. If you can't afford the finest option, how do you choose elegantly within range so that you don't feel that your standards are collapsing? Or do you overextend financially to signal status and the fact that you still have those standards? I think it's important to point out that security never needs theatre, so you can uphold your standards, at least the ones that you can afford, without destabilising your future with overextension for the sake of optics. Because that's not refinement, that's anxiety. Now let's talk about romantic and social imprinting, because some standards are born not from wisdom, not from family, not from habit, but from trauma and injury. After betrayal, many people tend to erect fortresses around their hearts. After rejection, they tend to inflate their criteria. I've seen so many girlfriends doing this when they've been unlucky in love, they've been rejected, they had a bad breakup and all of a sudden they don't find anyone that they can actually condescend to accepting their lives. Now I don't think everyone needs to be partnered up darling, that's not it, but I think that is important not to lups into chasing fantasy and idealising different situations. I think that sometimes the idea of high standards is simply trauma wearing a lovely string of pearls. So that's why if someone starts to forget things that are meaningful or they start to treat you in a way that's unacceptable, do you address it calmly or do you suppress it and self-adjust silently, and I think that your enforcement style is going to reveal your relational standards. Silence darling is not a grace if it's going to start breeding resentment or if it's going to start making you feel that you have let your standards go by the wayside. So again, this is not even a question of etiquette. This is a question of self-worth. Now, what do properly calibrated standards do when standards are calibrated to your actual life when they are aligned with your life as you live it, not the fantasy life, not the someday life. Something pretty miraculous, I would say happens. Chaos tends to reduce before it even enters in the situation. There's less resentment. Your reputation as something that matters to you, strengthens, decision fatigue almost disappears. Well set standards tend to pre-filter your world into a form that is acceptable and pleasing to you. You no longer are going to debate every single thing. You're no longer going to dread the invitation. You're not going to argue with people about basic respect and how you deserve it. And you no longer need to explain yourself to people who cannot meet the threshold of your very appropriate standards. Properly calibrated standards create psychological peace. So you know, do you need to rely on charm to compensate for you dropping your standards and hence being disorganized? I hope not. It's really good to move through life in a more intentional way. Preparation at any kind of situation is structural self-respect and a demonstration of the fact that your standards are still worth something to you. Now here's where many people become hypocrites. There is a principle of reciprocity when it comes to standards. Standards must be embodied by yourself. It is not an issue of do as I say, not as I do. You cannot not at all require discipline that you yourself do not practice. You cannot demand that people act in such a way that reflects standards that you talk about but that you don't actually live. You cannot demand emotional maturity or emotional whatever that you don't demonstrate yourself and you can't expect refinement that you don't model. Do you expect handwritten notes yet you fail to send them? Well, that's not really demonstrating that you have very high standards. Is it integrity is that alignment between expectation and behavior? It's the golden rule. It's due unto others as you would have them do unto you. Without reciprocity, your standards are only entitlement but with reciprocity they are leadership. Now let's be honest again, I've started to touch on this but really standards can mutate. Rather than being about being the best version of yourself or smoothing things down or helping society, sometimes standards really become perfectionism which in turn becomes emotional avoidance, ego inflation and chronic dissatisfaction, it can become isolation disguised as discernment. If a minor service mistake occurs when you're eating at a restaurant, for example, this is a very good etiquette question, how do you respond? Do you respond proportionally? Oh, sorry, oops, you may not mistake. No big problem. Or do you escalate to assert control? This is what the carons do. These people who call the manager and it's inappropriate. And that's not something that anyone's going to look at and think, oh, that person has their life under control and they are really cool because rigidity is something that is hand in hand with insecurity. True standards and people who have high standards, that always brings about a sort of calm. If your standards require constant announcement, they are not standards, they are some sort of personal brand, I suppose. Now let's talk about low standards because I do find that we are living in an era of a bit of deconance and I'm sorry if that's a bit negative, my darling, I can't help it, but you know, I think that we are in an era where standards are rooting. And here's the thing, low standards rarely declare themselves dramatically. They appear as chronic tolerance. It's the parents who allow their children to come to the house and not clean things up or they allow themselves to be spoken to in a certain way or they stop dressing for dinner, they let people dress like slabs or they let people say and do things. This is chronic tolerance. It's not anything that is actually aspirational at all. So people who accept repeated last minute cancellations, casual disrespect, reframed as humor, financial self-sabotage, emotional overextension, shrinking to maintain access, all of these things create the erosion of standards. If someone is repeatedly doing something to you, they're repeatedly canceling last minute, although speaking to you in a way that's not acceptable or the underdressed, etc, etc, how long do you continue accommodating? Or do you quietly reduce access? Access is absolutely the enforcement mechanism. This is what people say about dealing with dorsisists, even if it's your own family. You don't have to cut things completely clean, but you can go low access. And when you reduce the access, all of a sudden is starts to scare people and they think to themselves, "Oh my god, what can I do to get that access given back to me?" It's absolutely crucial. People are not going to rise to your speeches. They are rising to your thresholds and your real enforcement of them. So though low standards can reduce immediate discomfort in that it's easier, they create long-term instability. Now here's the central discipline. We are going to be talking about calibrations. I would say doling whenever hard as parts. Standards must match your season of life, your economic reality, your emotional maturity, your long-term objectives. And remember that over-calibration leads to isolation and under-calibration leads to resentment. Let too many things slide and you're going to resent them. But if you let nothing slide, people will think you very, very cold and they will leave you aside, so you will be isolated. So if you're invited to something that's beyond your comfort, for example, it's up to you to decline graphically. You can't just keep destabilizing yourself in order to attend and then resenting the whole entire thing. Remember, there is a real elegance to restraint. You don't have to say yes to everything. This is also about standards. Does this thing meet my standards? Then if it doesn't, I'm not going to go. There's literally nothing dignified about self-sabotage and accepting the things that aren't appropriate. And you might think, "Onti-ki-ki, well how do we enforce these things?" Because you said that true authority is quiet. It's true. You don't need to deliver a lecture. Standards gain power through consistency, through enforcement that's absolutely calm. You reduce access and you don't do the traumatic confrontations. So you don't need to issue lengthy justifications for your boundaries. You quietly adjust proximity. Remember that over-explanation weakens boundaries, which really does weaken the whole idea of your standards. Never beg simply be. So why do people collapse standards? Why do they start to let standards lapse? Why do they start to have lower standards and allow people to have lower standards? It's because they have a fear of being slight. They have a fear of loneliness. They have an fear of appearing difficult. They have a fear of missing opportunities. If a guest is overstaying their welcome, do you endure silently or do you see something? Do you signal closure politely? I'm I personally think, no matter what the formal etiquette says, I think that modern etiquette, especially psychology-driven etiquette, says that you signal closure very politely but very firmly. Enforcement requires tolerating temporary discomfort to preserve long-term stability. Most people will choose the immediate comfort, and then they wonder why their lives are being turned upside down, why they feel so unstable. Now, here's the little reward because it is really quite difficult to uphold all these things, but over time, calibrated and upheld standards improve your social circle. People respect you. It strengthens partnerships. It enhances your professional reputation. Because it's increasing that internal strength. It's reducing the breaking, shattering and repair cycles. Your life is becoming far less dramatic, not because everyone's behaving perfectly, they're probably not, but because you are filtering things early. The standards are preventative maintenance. Now, let us zoom out and talk about societal standards. When shared standards weaken culturally, we start to observe patterns that's in full-bality replacing decorum, there is spectacle replacing dignity, that is excess replacing restraint, that is oversharing replacing discretion, that is convenience replacing excellence. When everything becomes so easy and negotiable, trust declines. If a formal dress code, for example, is specified, you might think in the modern age, you can't force people to dress a certain way. You can't, you know, people just think to themselves, "Oh, this is personally more easy for me." But I always think it's highly inappropriate to not follow the formal dress code because it represents standards being squashed. You can't just reinterpret things for your own comfort, that is a good and medium. Having these shared standards is maintaining the social coherence, and I think that without them friction increases everywhere else. Now you might be wondering, "Otiki, are there signs of this cultural slippage you're talking about when standards start to evaporate?" Yes, cultural decline rarely begins with a complete collapse. It begins with things like laden, being normalized. Guests showing up empty handed. People ghosting each other, even in adulthood. People who are volatile and angry, and they are saying, "No, no, this is authenticity." All of these things are symbols and signals of erosion. When public figures that we all see are behaving crudely and rudely, do we excuse it as being real or do we recognize it as the fact that our bar as a society has been lowering over the decades for a very long time? What we tolerate becomes precedent. Historians start to weaken after the self-regulation weekends, and that's not a very appropriate thing. Now I ask you, "Which standards did you inherit unconsciously or consciously? Which standards are you pretending to uphold or to have? Where are you overreaching beyond your discipline? Because when you are trying to uphold standards and your life is not reflected in that, it's really difficult. You don't want to keep pushing. So stop overreaching. What are you tolerating that erodes you in your self-worth? Do your standards match your habits? Are they stabilizing or destabilizing your life? Again, I think that the old money people, they have these standards that they uphold on a day-to-day basis and it seems a bit anachronistic or old fashioned, but actually it is really useful for keeping up the way of life. So now, in closing, I want you to imagine your whole life as a house, not the aesthetic, not throw pillows, not a marble countertop, so I don't care. I'm talking about the structure, the beams that are behind the walls, the foundation that is under the floorboards, the load-bearing columns, no one in compliments, but everything depends on. Standards are those beams in the house. For other things that you don't see, especially not after a while, but they hold weight quite literally. Every time you tolerate something that unsettles you, a beam in your structure weakens. Every time you enforce something calmly, a beam strengthens. When you are over inflating your standards beyond your discipline, the whole house strains. And when you undercalibrate to avoid discomfort, the structure softens. And here's the truth that many people never confront. Your future will sit on top of your current standards. Meaning your partnerships, your reputation, your social circle, your financial stability, your sense of peace, all of it rests on thresholds you are either enforcing or abandoning. And standards are not about superiority. They are about sustainability, how you prevent chaos instead of cleaning it up, how you filter before you fracture, how you attract alignment instead of negotiating basic decency. If your standards are too low, your life will feel crowded and unstable. If they are too high and disconnected from your own embodiment, your life is going to feel a bit brittle and lonely. When your standards are calibrated, truly calibrated, something extraordinary happens. The world gets more quiet for you, you are useless, you resent less, you repair less, you explain less because the architecture is doing its job. So today I want you to sit somewhere still and ask yourself, what do I permit that actually you brood to me? What do I demand that I'm not modeling? Where am I performing standards instead of embodying them? And are my thresholds strong enough to hold the weight of who I say I want to become? Because aspiration is decoration, standards are structure. And structure, my darling, is what allows life not just to impress but to endure for many generations to come. Anyway darling, this is just a small discussion on standards and I really hope it helped. I'm so looking forward to speaking with you next time on the awkward etiquette, old money and new manners podcast. I hope this helped.