Tom Segura Joins The Show! | Whiskey Ginger

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Whoever's alive. There you go. Love you. Thank you for tuning in. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. You know how a mom's bag has everything? Sunscreen? Snacks? A stapler? The new PayPal app is like that, but for your money. Shop, pay, manage your account, and earn rewards all in one place. And with purchase protection on eligible items, biometric security, and pass keys, you're protected at every step. Download the new PayPal app to get started. See PayPal.com slash protection terms. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Welcome. Welcome to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series. Hey, I am on the go. Tonight, right now, I'm in Valley Center, which is North County, San Diego. Come on and pop on over and see me at Harris. Gonna have some fun. And then, Lovers Day, February 14th, I'm in Canyonville, Oregon. Then the bad friends are doing Thunder Valley Casino up in Lincoln, which is basically Sacramento. Then, March 21st, I'm at the Wynn in Viva Las Vegas. Then I do the Lil' Roadie Fest in Providence. Rhode Island in March. And then in April, I rescheduled the Atlantic City Borgata, so April 3rd now because of the storm that happened. And then May 8th, bad friends are at the YouTube Theater for Netflix's The Joke Fest. So, go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pure. Hugeless. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. But I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, it's Tom Segura. Thank you. For everybody? You say it for everybody? Yeah, I say it for literally everybody. But for you, Tom Segura, I have to say it with a little bit more spice because I mean it. And not just the accent. No. I got it. Cheers. There's a little stag, a little George T. Stag. Love you. Thanks. Great to see you. It's been a long time. The kid is gone. It's been a while. You're in, what's it called? I don't know. Austin? Ooh. Wow. Did it hit you? Nice. Hit you, right? Yeah. It's been a long day. Right here? It's good. You've been working. You've been working. The man is working on season two. Yes. Of his amazing show, which I'm sure all of our fans have already seen on Netflix. Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts. Good thoughts. Yeah. Fun thoughts. Fun thoughts. Yeah. I had an interesting thing this week where I don't want to give it away, but there's one where the ending, what's implied is so horrific between a people and a family. And somebody was like, I don't know if you should do that. I don't even know if we can get clearance to say that. And I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah. What are you talking about? That's what this show is about. Yeah. That's what this show is. That's what the show is. The show is supposed to be the most horrible things. Watching you make love to that woman with the- With the conjoined twin. The twin on its back. Yeah. My wife saw me watching it in the room and walked in and with all genuine, like she's been with me for years. She knows we're in comedy. Yeah. She was like, what the fuck are you watching? And I was like, it's Segura's sketch show. And she was like, that's in his show? And I was like, yeah, it's great. Yeah. And she was like genuinely disturbed. She was like, wait, this is, okay. She's like, enjoy. Yeah. I got a lot of people that reached out to me about that. I loved it, dude. It was so fun, man. It was really- You have to, I think doing it, look, a lot of sketch shows follow like the same format, so to speak. I'm not shitting on them. I'm just saying like they're very familiar and you recognize them and you go, oh yeah, I get it. I get it, yeah. And you did a very, it's a 180 from that. It's like the opposite direction. It's not, you don't really see any of it coming, which is huge. Yeah. And the beats don't really repeat themselves. They get more gruesome or disgusting or- And cinematic. And beautifully shot. Oh, man. It's beautifully shot. I told the guy and I think I was right. I go, look, man, not everyone's going to like this show. Yeah. I go, I know how this goes. Some people are going to think it's great. Some people are going to say it's the worst thing ever. Yeah. But no one's going to say it doesn't look good. That's right. You did a great job, personally. You get a good DP on it. You shoot it really well. And then it makes, it elevates the comedy. Yeah. It makes it funnier and dirtier and more fucked up and more twisted. And people think, by the way, you'll understand this, they're like, I can't believe you got some insane budget. I'm like, we didn't. No. We just focused on making it look good. Right. But it looks like there's money in it. Yeah, it does look like there's a lot of money behind it. But it's not. But we know how all this stuff goes. Anytime someone's like, dude, that would have been so expensive. And you're like, no, we had to do it. You hire a talented person to work with you. Yeah, we had to trick everybody. Yeah, it's a big trick. The real truth is, if you're listening, these big corporate conglomerates, they're not funding any of these shows the way you think they're funding these. You think that they're funding these shows. I know. They're funding, like, period pieces. Like, those probably get a lot. Those get a lot of money. Those get money. And then some of the things with, like, a huge star or, like, a big franchise, like that Jack Ryan thing on Amazon has massive money. Or Apple. Apple. Apple spends money. Because, my God, do I know the budgets for those shows are repulsive. I mean, they spend. But they grab all the, they grab as many stars. Were you at the Golden Globes? No. What? I didn't go. I did not go. You didn't go? You know, I was a little upset this episode's going to come out far after this. But, you know, they had some podcast nominations in there. They did. And none of us were in there. None. Even, like, people have been doing it for years. That's so funny to me, dude. I never expected a nomination. No, dude. I expected people I know. Yeah, I thought somebody would sneak in there. For some reason, I think it'd be very funny if Tim didn't. Like, Tim and I had dinner last night. Hilarious. I was like, Tim should sneak in there. Just to see his speech would be amazing. Oh, my God, dude. Because he would give the best acceptance speech. Well, he talked about it, too. He's like, they don't want us. Are you crazy? Yeah, he's right. No, I know. I know. But it was funny to see podcast awards. And you think, that's, like, our thing. It's weird because it's our thing. It's almost like I compared it to, if you ever talk, if you ever see, like, pro athletes talking together, and then you try to, like, add in something, they look at you like, oh, dude, you, shut up. Yeah. You're not in the machine. You have no idea what you're talking about. I had dinner with four NFL players, and we were all having a good time. Yeah. And then I, dude, as they're talking about, like, games and injuries, and it's just natural because if we were sitting around talking about it, I'd be like, you know, and I knew as soon as I started, I was like, yeah, one time, you know, I got this, like, tailbone injury. And I saw that. than look at each other. And I was like, just take it. Just take whatever they're going to say. And the guy's like, how'd you get that walking up the stairs? And I was like, what? He's like, what are you talking about? We're talking about NFL Indians. Yeah, like real adults running at each other full speed. I was like, all right, I thought I could jump in on this. No, you can't add. You cannot. There's no information. But that's how it feels with the Golden Globes or any of these things. And also, we understand, too, that all this is like PR. Everything's like publicity. It's all a machine. And you're not supposed to know. You're supposed to be like, this is just happening. It's all PR. I remember one time there was a couple of years ago, I won't say who, but a celebrity started a podcast. And then the articles that came out, they were like, so-and-so is redefining a podcast. He's just doing this. We've been doing this for decades. This is all we've been doing. Somebody said I saw a TikTok that was very funny. He was like, I'm not saying anything bad about Amy Poehler. But Amy Poehler's an actor who interviews actors and was given an award by actors for not acting. That's pretty funny. It is very layered. It is very funny. I was like, that is. Also, the studio won a bunch of stuff, which is also very ironic because the episodes were about how fucked up the business is. Yeah. It's very inside baseball. And award shows how they're bullshit. Yeah, yeah. It was kind of great that this kind of. They acknowledge the twist of how fucked up. It's very funny. The show's very good. Oh, did they do such a. - Now that's a show with a budget. - Yeah. - That show, I mean, every scene you're like, oh my God. we pitched something it was a movie and like every time you're pitching movies you especially i think when you come from the world we come from you're always trying to frame something for like hey i can i'll do it for less yeah we can make it for less so i was like we can make them like what kind of budget are we talking about i was like uh i mean i'd love if we could do this for like 10 but we can there's definitely a world we can do this for five and they're like we want to do things that are like 30 plus i was like okay we can do it for 30 plus yeah that's like they didn't want to hear about the low budget version yeah if that's what you need yeah that's yeah well we've shoestring together stuff our whole careers because of this and stand up and touring and you kind of just we always our mentality is different yeah it's not that other i know you're not going to give this to me so let me like figure out a way for you to let me do it yeah they're like what yeah because we've been getting robbed our whole lives which is very funny like i got there was a class action lawsuit for comedy central did you get anything from this not that i know of they so i did my first i did my first two albums with them i don't think i ever gave them a second album but i was happy that they just wanted to do it with me yeah i remember how flattering that oh it was huge and then what has this been you know 15 years later there was a huge class action lawsuit because they didn't give any sort of distribution rights for oh that's serious xm and all this stuff and that one company took over and managed all of it that's right and then someone was in the audit room like um did you guys steal all this money from these comedians and they were like yeah i did by the way get a call one time from somebody that i had worked with and they go hey i i have a pretty big check for you and i'm like for what he's like for like an album related thing yeah and we had new software and it's just we were just trying new software and he said new software i was like i go that doesn't sound right uh-uh and then he was like no i'm having it like i'm having it like messengered over to you now and i was like it sounds like you're really backpedaling on this yeah it's pretty significant check and then i was like i don't work with you anymore and he was like i cannot believe you're saying that i was like what are you talking about like you told me software he's like i just robbed you yeah be nice to me i gave you back but we got i i think back in those days we would just get cooked on those things like oh for sure but i never cared because you're a young comic and you're just like dude they're giving me the experience but then behind the scenes you're like oh you guys were making money on my radio play and i didn't because i never knew about somebody had to teach me about ascap which is like that's yeah you know ascap is for musicians and anybody radio play artists will get a you know a couple cents per time it plays but like they collect those checks over 15 years yeah tell anybody and then i was like wait what is this for and my agent was like oh dude i guess they played your shit for 15 years and never paid you think about like what has been the music industry for the last 50 years come on dude they're the most fucked of anybody yeah well especially i was listening to uh oh what am i on right now you dude this guy i get on these like kicks i want to know who your kick is i said that the other day to caliendo he didn't have like a really like i go through waves i'm ov right do you know who this is okay but okay he's got a song here i can't play the song obviously but it's called everybody knows and it's like a it's a 60s like a soul song but the lyrics are painful because he's i mean the bottom painfully bad no no beautiful oh beautiful that's sad yeah about like how broke he is but he has songs on the radio that's sad and he's like i can't bail any corn i can't bail hay or pick corn all i got is this guitar and you're like jesus christ and it was a radio hit it was like on the radio ov right look him up and there's those you know that guy's like record guy was like you're doing good kid like we're taking care you're doing good ov and then they had these they didn't know like if you go watch any of those songs they're like oh my god you're doing good oh my god you're doing great you're doing great oh my god you're doing great oh my god you're doing great oh my god those remember these two behind the music oh yeah and it would always be a showcase in the fact that people just would be handed contracts this thick and then sign them they never read them never read them and then they would be like have like a number one album and then that's a problem the fact that you're out they're like now you get now you're in some shit and you're like what are you talking about and they're like now you owe us some real fucking money and they're like because it's number one they're like yes you're done and then you go we get to make music videos and then you're like oh my god you're like oh my god you're like oh my god you're like oh and none of these artists understood that they would pay for the music video they didn't understand that so they'd be like shoot the video and then like this video is awesome and they're like yeah you owe us like two million dollars for what for like for the music video that's how you wanted it big uh speaking of the music industry see if this is a lie i got into an argument the other day because somebody said bruno mars is in such bad gambling debt this is true this is a true story this is a rumor see i've heard it's fake too i think it's real i think it's real but like owes mgm or something yeah i was at i was at the same room he was in and well yeah what was in it what he what do you play it's at the well this was the dolby live i think at the maybe at the park something like that mgm yeah it says reports of bruno mars having a multi-million dollar gambling debt with mgm is largely considered rumor denied by mgm and joked about mars himself huh yeah well wait a minute wait a minute of course they're gonna deny it and he's gonna be like i don't know these guys but and they're like say you don't owe us money i don't know man when we were there people working there it seemed like maybe we should cut this out that's good say that say less that's good it's just when i heard that i thought yeah but isn't that old vegas like old vegas guys were paying that that's why it's a rumor because the mob did you see the guy who has the largest gambling debt at least known or not debt like has lost the most in like maybe world history so this guy is the thing is he's doing an interview and he's drooling in the interview he's an asian guy and he's got drool here and they're like okay so his family started the i think oh i saw the documentary the oriental trading company oh no no sorry i'm thinking about the donut guy what's the donut king sorry i'll finish this guy so this guy's family i believe it's the oriental trading company and it's one of those things where like his father or grandfather started this company a massive massive company and he's just next in line so they're like here you go here it is right and he's some fucking dope so he's just like this is cool he goes to vegas he just they put him up in like the you know the palatial suites yeah he loses in one year i believe it's 350 million dollars and caesars or mgm one of them says he alone accounted for 5.6 of their revenue for the year no one man one guy one guy and you see him and he's doing this interview with these guys like a podcast like a video podcast he's like yeah and it's just drool right here yeah and you're like did they have to pill him out because yeah dude what is his name is tarrant want to be and yeah it was 2007 he lost about 204 million dollars at caesars and the rio casinos in vegas he accounted for approximately six percent of the annual gambling gambling revenue six percent one person guy and he faced legal issues and unpaid debts with but they alleged the casinos provided him with alcohol and painkillers to keep him gambling well that's what he was doing yeah wait look up the dome not king the documentary do you have you seen this i have not seen this he's um he was an immigrant he moved to to la he was an employee of what is it winchels or something i think i've talked about this and then he built oh my god and then he built his own business the donut king did you see that yeah and he built his own business and then got addicted to gambling hit it from his entire family but because he was in la he flew to vegas it's 40 minutes yeah so he'd wake up tell his wife go in to the office and he would fly to vegas that's amazing lose his ass fly home and have dinner like no oh the chicken's good crazy day today but we we got all the chocolate done powders were a problem powders were tough yeah what is it what was what's the business that he started but it's there's a whole documentary about it but it's heartbreaking because his family thinks it was winchels winchels his family thinks hey man you know dad's dad's maybe going through a little bit we got to be there for him he just can't divulge he's like it's not that i have another family it's that i've lost everything for this family that's so horrifying it's awful dude what it's winchels and what was the man's name what is this poor guy's name is ted nguoi yeah ted ted ted noi ted noi and and when you see the documentary dude it's it's just you you can tell he was like i would just go once in a while for fun then it turned into like i go to vegas on a wednesday man it gives a fuck i i'm so like i like it the gambling thing to a little bit i'm so glad i don't have like the hooks in me you know what i mean because i've been with guys i've been with guys who i'm like wow this is pretty this is wild yeah you know and sick yeah and then you go like i'm glad because i feel like what happens is everybody has a number yeah that makes it interesting sure you know i mean because if you go like you just won 20 bucks i'm just like all right yeah like it doesn't and if you lose it you're still like that's fine i'm gonna be okay and then for me personally like i just it it status i thought if i have if i lose like 500 in a hand i'm like yeah you should be mad yeah i'm like i'm like this is not good and like i'm with guys at these tables sometimes they're like 20 grand this hand i'm like oh my god what are you doing and i i just can't i don't get well we we we had we were in vegas uh i gave him a little bit of money and what did you do well i won and then andrew said well since i gave you that money now you have to go put it all on black that's also there's nothing more fun than somebody being like just go do something with this And then I said, put it on black. I'll buy your drinks and dinner anyway. He lost it immediately. I'll tell you, I've said this before, but I'll tell you, the roller, one time I'm in Vegas, I go to the high limit room and it's at minimum 500 a hand. So I have, I have a few grand and I start doing 500 a hand. And then there's things where, you know, you split, double, split. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I win $7,500 and I am over, it's like you gave me like $6 million. Like I'm over the moon. And we then, we're going, then we go to do the show. So I'm going to do the show and I'm like, what's up, dude? Made money, I'm good. I just, I feel so, the dopamine was just on me. Yeah. And we get back to the same casino after, because we stayed at a different casino, you know? We get back and I go, let's go hit that room again. And I remember like my tour manager at the time, he was like, let's just, let's just go do something else or go to your room or whatever. And I'm like, no, what are you talking about? No, we got to give us the money. Like, it's just, we're just, we're on fire. Dude, in like 10 minutes, I lose. I lose the $7,500. And the interesting thing to me was that I had made, I got paid that night, like substantially more than that, right? I couldn't go to sleep, man. Like I was staring at the ceiling and I was like, I was depressed and it was $7,500, but it was just that it, the way that I had lost it. They stole it from you. It killed me. Yeah, you got, you legally robbed. I can't, he knows I don't do, I, it gives me the panic attack and I like to like be around people having a good time doing it. That's fun. I like being around people. I like being near it. Craps table. Well, that's fun. That's really fun. If you can go with some friends, it's easy. I also don't know what the fuck's going on. That's the best part. Don't know. And then they're like just over here. I'm like, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden I'm like, wow, this is crazy. Chips come my way. I'm like, this is great. Yeah. And then I put them back out and they're like, yeah, you lost it all. I'm like, right now? I'm not speaking out of turn because I've spoken to him personally about it, but Brian Baumgartner, do you know who that is? Why don't I know? Kevin from The Office. Kevin. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. This guy gambles. And I've talked to him about it. I talked to him about it on his show. I was shocked. Like I was like, hey, Brian, we're going to go. I think we're going to go grab a cocktail, maybe something to eat. And he's like, I'm on one right now, man. I can't. I can't. I can't talk to you. I was like, oh, OK, no problem. I walk away. I come back. My hand to God. He can attest. He's playing all the hands of the table by himself. He's got his little private room. Yeah. And he's playing all six, five, six hands, whatever it is. And I'm looking at the. I'm looking at the thing. And I was like, what's it say? Ten thousand dollars. And then my buddy's like, no, it's a thousand. And I'm like, I think that's ten thousand and ten thousand on five hands. And he was doing this all night long. And I was like, Kevin from the office has a problem. That's a real problem. Honestly, I made money. I'm so glad I don't have. I don't. Yeah, I don't. The gambling thing doesn't. I do love Vegas, though. I did. I did middle once in Atlantic City. I'm going there. Oh, you are? Yeah. And I was doing. I was doing the club. This is like I was doing the club. What's a club? What is there? I don't. I don't remember, dude. It was like at the Rive. It was an old school club, like, you know, has all the old headshots up. And I remember the guy when I walked in, the guy sat at the bar. He's the owner. And I was told they're like, this guy's a character. Right. And I walk in and he's literally the persona of Ron Burgundy. Like he is. He's sitting there. The photos of him on the wall are him with chicks and bikinis and stuff. Right. It's all. And I'm like, so I walk. I walk in and he's like, where's your headshot? And I go, my headshot. He's like, you don't have a headshot? And I'm like, what year is this? We don't travel with them. Oh, dude. He's like, you got to get a headshot here now. So I have to call. I go, he's asking me for. He's like, just I'll handle it. Don't worry. Like, OK. So I'm middling. And then I see the meet the headliner. The headliner is like almost 70. Right. He's got collared button down shirt. Tucked in. I know these guys. And I'm like, this is your. This is. All right. I go. It's a big dog. So I start talking to him about stand up. He's like, yeah, I don't really give a fuck about stand up. And I'm like, what? And he's like, he's like, I just come here to gamble. You know, what's his name? Gives me a couple of gigs a year. And I just come here and play poker. Yeah. I'm like, but you have an act. He's like, of course, I have a fucking act. I'm like, OK. So, you know, I'm up there. I do my thing. I do stand up. He goes up there. He does like some stand up. Some street jokes. And then he has a couple like big magic tricks, something with a magazine or a newspaper. He tears the newspaper and then he opens it back up and it's all together. And I'm like, OK, I'm like, all right. It's like a real like old school act. So the next day, I'm like, how are you doing? He goes, how the fuck do you think I'm doing? Right. That's how he says when I get to the green room. I'm like, what is I go? What's what are you talking about? He's like, I was up till seven thirty in the morning playing poker. I lost my fucking ass. I was like, OK. Then the next. The next day I see him, I'm like, how are you doing? He's like, great. Three a.m. Cleaned it up. I'm good. He was just on a poker trip. It was a bender. A poker bender. Poker bender. Stand up was just a part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going out there to Atlantic City to go do Borgata. And every time. That's a good room. It is good. Every time I go out there, though, for some reason, if it's a if it's not Vegas, I just don't care to gamble. Vegas is the only place that gets me to do it. I'm kind of like you. There's a few times I've been. I've been to like, is it Mohegan? Sun? One of those. Oh, yeah. Fox where it's like I've had fun and done tables for a little while. But Vegas is different. Vegas hits you in a way. There's something about it. And also, like, this is how old I am now. We like my wife. We like going to a show. Yeah. Like we do. I want to get a good shows are incredible. Yeah. I think you're you reach an age when you're because when you were younger, he's 26. At that age, you're like, I'm going to Vegas. I'm going to black out. Yeah. I'm going to disappear. I'm probably going to take drugs and try to go to see Marshmallow or something at four in the morning. Yeah. And then you get older and you're like, I'd like to get a steak and see a show and really sleep and sleep. The beds are fantastic. And I just want to go to bed and wake up and then get on the plane and go home. Interesting thing. If you're not from the region, you have to learn that Atlantic City is fucking terrifying. Oh, one of the worst places. Scariest places on Earth. Scariest. The first time I went there, I was like Atlantic City. Like, I just knew the name. I was like, oh, this is like cool. Springsteen. We were singing it before you came in. Yeah. And we, I get there and the guy's like, um, what do you, you know, what are you up to? I said, well, I don't know. I was going to go out. He's like, go out. What do you mean? I was like, just check things out. He's like, you don't do that here. Like, what do you mean? He's like, do not leave the casino. He's like, maybe during the day, the boardwalk. He's like, but at most you can walk the boardwalk. Yeah. He's like, the sun goes down. You're out of your fucking mind. You'll get killed. I didn't realize that, that you will end up in the neighborhoods around there are fucking horrible. Real tough. Yeah. Well, that kind of vibe was like when we were in Memphis, they told us we couldn't leave the campus. We played, we played Graceland and they literally were like, we just wanted to, what did we want? Like a sandwich or something? We wanted food. And just to move around. We wanted to leave. Cause we were on the fucking bus and we were exhausted. And I was like, can we just go somewhere? And the guy's like, what do you want to eat? And I was like, honestly, like I was just being vague. I was like, we're going to go find something. Yeah. And he was like, I, I, I don't think, um, he was so earnest. Remember that? He was like, I don't think you should go. I was like, we can't just go around Memphis. He's like, I don't, I wouldn't, I'd prefer you to not. Yeah. I was like, so we're just going to stay at Graceland. He's like, yeah, yeah. We'll tour Elvis's house a few times. I was like, okay, I guess. And then we did end up going down the road to like a seven 11 and that, that was it. He was like, I don't really want you to go off campus. I was like, is Memphis that bad? And this man who's promoting the show is like, it is. It is. Yeah. I live in a very bad place. It's very scary. He's like, don't, please don't leave. I had a police escort one time in New Orleans and. That's a wild fucking city. It's a wild city. And so this guy, he picked me up from the airport. He took me to the hotel, took me to the show. And then after the show was just me and him and another comic. And I was like, oh, we want to get something to eat. You know, like we want to go to a restaurant. I find a place. And as we're driving there, I was like, oh, I think it's over there. He's like, all right. He just drives over the medium. Right. He just drives over it. And I was like, and then I was like, okay. And then I was like, oh, I think it's up here. And he drives on the sidewalk. There's people all around. And I go. And I go, can you do that? He goes, I'm the motherfucking police. I can do whatever I want. I was like, okay. You're right. And then he parked there. He parked on the sidewalk. That sounds right. And I was like, so we're going to go in. He's like, right, I'll be here. I'm like, okay, dude. He's just like, we do whatever we want. Yeah, and he does. By the way, he does do whatever he wants. He's the police. New Orleans is kind of like a lawless. It is a lawless place. Like, New Orleans is what Vegas pretends it is. Yeah. In Vegas, you can kind of still get in trouble. Yeah, you get in trouble. New Orleans are like, it doesn't. Hotel to the venue. He's like, you want the license sirens? I was like, who doesn't? Turn them on. New Orleans. New Orleans, my buddy's bachelor party. We were on mushrooms. And we made a crawfish boil. And something must not have been de-shelled. And I was fucked up. And I chipped my tooth, my front tooth. And it was, I have a bond on it now. That's great, by the way. Well, you didn't owe me that. Thank you. Yeah, it was. It was like half my tooth was gone. You have a great smile. Shut up, Tom. I'm serious. Don't do that to me now. What? You just started the show. Come on. The whiskey's kicking in, dude. Feels good. Thank you. You look great. You do, too. Thanks, buddy. And I literally, I chipped my tooth. And I had pure panic on mushrooms. Then my friends were there to calm me down, which was fantastic. Because these were good dudes. Like, good old school Midwest kids that were like, it's going to be fine, man. Yeah. People get teeth fixed all the time. And I was like, that's right. So the rest of the night was kind of fine. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and playing with it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And on mushrooms, I'm like, it's my whole tooth, you know? And the next morning, we're getting po' boys. We're like down the block going to get po' boys. And I'm in line. And I'm like playing. with my tooth like a lot i'm just playing with it like god damn you know and this dude at the counter he's like what you doing with your mouth and i was like oh i i chipped my tooth like because he thinks i'm like asian guy cracked out yeah asian guy yeah half black half asian yeah yeah what you doing with your mouth man he goes what you doing with your mouth and and i realized i'm doing this like in line he's like oh this guy's a crack this guy's out of his mind yeah i go oh yes i cracked my um i chipped my tooth at a boil i must have bit a shell uh which is funny because crawfish soft it must have been something else and i say yeah i bit a shell or something and he goes you crack your tooth on a shell and i was like yeah and he goes that's new orleans and i was like it is it is very he was summarizes our city yeah i was like okay great if i didn't feel so bad about it he's like that's not that big but it's not that bad he's like looking at he's like that's not that bad you got shot in the shoulder that's new orleans that's new orleans yeah did the police drive the car on the side of the road that's new orleans that's new orleans yeah that city was that city was fun but every time i do go back i'm it's the only city i'm scared of the crowd because a lot of times they're partied out like the last show we did they were fucking i also insane i do think they're insane they're insane yeah i do think that it's one of the really it's like a few cities in america that really truly has a unique identity where like if you're from somewhere else in the world and you're like how's america like how's america like you know people always go like oh it's just like strip malls and like there's nothing you're like if you go to new orleans it's not going to remind you of another city that's true it's its own thing yeah it is and also to be fair parts of florida you're like this isn't even in the united states parts of florida you're like where is this yeah florida did i fall into a hole and i came out in the other side dylan was on a rant last night about that too about how he's like you know easy it would be for me to get lost in florida and disappear and i was like yeah you could do that he's like i could do you wouldn't even know i was like yeah that is very true when you spend time if like i grew up for yeah part of my life in florida it's like you realize that most people don't understand what what florida really is yeah they think of orlando think of orlando and miami they think of theme parks and beaches yeah and you're like that's about three percent yeah the state is mostly swamps and rednecks dude yeah it's it's really it's awesome yeah it gets and you you can get away with some shit in florida yeah it's a mix it's got warm weather no state income tax lax gun laws it's a place where you can go if you got problems you know i mean you can go there it is kind of america's hideout it's kind of like how i feel about when i go to the when i go to east california or you're driving east through the desert and you're going i'm like you could just disappear this is like a getaway town these are all filled with people that were like i had to leave sacramento i uh yeah i got in some trouble i always think about dumping bodies you know where can you dump bodies where do you well the thing is there are so many options because there's so many groves and so many swamps yeah and it's like you dump a body in a swamp it's but they're never it's never getting found they don't need to find that they're never gonna they're never gonna find nobody wants to go down there no either they're like i'm not swamps are terrifying yeah they're terrified that's i'm a i'm like a pussy when it comes to that stuff we took like an airboat ride yeah and oh this is insane on that new orleans trip so we did it we did an airboat ride in new orleans and we run we ran out of gas and then the other guy on the other boat had to come get us gas but the problem was that one of the radios wasn't the frequency wasn't hitting the other guy so we at some point were like the sun is setting we're like rocking against a bog and i was like this is it this is how i die on an airboat in the marsh of new orleans oh man and my dad i can hear my dad at the funeral being like he was a fucking idiot that's what he gets you know like i can hear my dad being like why did you do the discount airboat right eulogy yeah but i know my dad would be like why would he do he did the coupon airboat ride that's the one he wanted to do dude need fast hydration for the summer heat hydrate your winds with the new liquid iv sugar-free ring pop cherry it's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving reimagined as a zero sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone whether you're spending the day in the heat recovering after a workout or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up liquid iv makes hydration simple and delicious shop liquid iv.com save with their buy three get one free offer and use promo code pod 26 that's pod26 this episode is brought to you by paypal you know how a mom's bag has everything sunscreen snacks a stapler the new paypal app is like that but for your money shop pay manage your account and earn rewards all in one place and with purchase protection on eligible items biometric security and skis you're protected at every step download the new paypal app to get started see paypal.com slash protection terms feeling short on smiles does your frown need to be turned upside down we got the perfect dose of comedy 30 minutes of scrubs zach braff donald fazon sarah chalk and the rest of the gang at sacred heart are back for a brand new season we play medical doctors who are besties just like in real life and we'll definitely be up in each other's cases scrubs come here as wednesday on abc and stream the next day on hulu side effects may include laughing cheering and lots of high fives hello superman yeah he i can hear my dad anytime i'm um anytime i got close to making a mistake where death was there i have a flash of my father going you fucking idiot yeah it's a good flash to have well like we were driving back from um south padre island texas there's a border town to mexico and me and a bunch of yahoos on spring break matamoros i think is the bridge that you drive over and we got in the bed of a pickup truck of a fucking stranger yeah who was like i could take you back over the beach and i was like yeah i get in this guy's fucking truck hammered he's hammered we were at the bar with him yeah he's like i'll drive you back and we get in there we're jamming he has the back window of the the bed of the pickup open music is cranking him and his buddy in the front and i'm i had a moment in time we hit a little bump on the bridge and i thought oh right this is a death i die yeah this is kind of it kind of woke you up you're like this is how i fuck it's all a party until you hit a little bump and the wind is like oh it's we're going like 70 i was in the i was in the back of so many pickup trucks where i was like this is dumb this is so dumb dude well back in and i went to school in arizona it was very fucking normal to ride in the bed of a pickup yeah sure no one even thought about it and you know once a year you'd hear a guy fell out near campus and died and you'd be like that's not not us yeah that's that kind of guy that does that like my buddy marcus had a big f-150 like like a stretch and we took those blue tarps those like very generic big blue tarps and they have hooks in them already and we put bungee around the bottom and we'd fill it up with water and we'd get in the bed of his truck with as it's like a hot tub and we just cruise around like that just chilling dude living life the dumbest water splashing around and there's no regard for speed and safety and of course i should have died i think about i should have died i don't know maybe five or six times for sure easily single engine cessnas we used to go up in those my buddy was at flight school we on training exercises. And he's just like, hope this works. Yeah, dude. I took a flight lesson one time. So dumb. In a Cessna. And I remember I was asking the guy, this is in the flight, I was like, do you ever get worried about like a trainee that you think he might be crazy? He's like, yeah, I usually suss it out though on the ground. And I'm just like, we're not going there. No, no, dude. Can you really suss it out? I was like, yeah. And I go, what happens if like the engine dies in a single engine Cessna? He goes, you mean like this? And he just turns it off. And I was like, oh, okay. And then he puts us into a nosedive. No. Just straight nosedive. Pure panic. And I'm like, and then he just cranks it on. He goes, yeah, it's fine. I was like, all right, dude. They are, honestly, dude, every pilot I've ever known, whether it's like a close friend or met someone through somebody who's either commercial or they fly small planes, they're all the same kind of marbles gone a little bit. A little bit. Where they're like, oh, who gives a fuck? And you're like, but is there so much mechanical? And they're like, dude, fuck, it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, dude. They don't care. Like, I think you have to have that little loose stone up there. I was like, he was like, do you know, you know, like, if you're on water and a boat creates a wake, right? Like, and the wake for people that don't know is like the ripple you see coming behind a boat, right? So there's no wake zones where you're supposed to kind of come close to killing your engine. Yeah. So planes create a wake, right? The air. He's like, oh, yeah. And this is like, we're on this flight. We're talking about wake. He's like, yeah, like, he's like, he's like, if we were behind like a triple seven right now, he's like, the wake is so powerful off of a plane like that, that our plane would just rip into pieces. I was like, what? He's like, I go, what? He's like, look, there's one right there. Let's check it out. He's like, no, they keep us from that. But yeah, like the wake is just tremendous off of those. So a plane like this would just tear in half. And I was like, all right, cool. Yeah, they got to be a little, I think you have to be a little loose. That's why, did you ever hear the audio? I watched this video like once a year of the guy that stole the plane from SeaTac. Yeah, yes. And he's like, he does like a fucking barrel roll. Yeah. And he's like, I really want to say sorry to my family, man. I just, just going through something. I'm just up here having a good time. And they're like, do you have any flight experience? He's like, I have a simulator at home. He taught himself on a sim, stole the fucking plane, flew it. And he completes the barrel roll. He does. And he could have actually landed safely. And he was like, nah, you guys are going to put me in prison. I mean, at that point, I'm with him. Me too, dude. Take it into the side of the mountain. The way he said it too, he goes, I should come down. I should come down. And they're doing, the negotiator's doing an incredible job. Yeah. Like, you listen to him, and he's like, whatever his name is, he's like, Mike, we're here for you, brother. Like, let's just get down safely. Let's not hurt anybody, including yourself. And we'll talk about this afterwards. Let's fix this. It was, like, very parental. And then he goes, I don't know, man. I think I'm going to go to prison for a long time. But I get it. You steal a plane. I'm not. To get that thing up and do that is incredible. You're nuts. That's nuts. It's really crazy. Speaking of which, you know, I don't know if you know this area, but you're in the vicinity of where Amelia Earhart penned her Fatal Flight. Really? Yeah, her house is, like, right down the street from here. And she penned the final Fatal Flight the morning of that. She's still out there. You think so? I think so. She's chilling? Yeah. She's on Epstein's Island. I'm getting, like, a lot of our brethren, our comic colleagues, I'm really leaning into these conspiracy theories now. Oh, you're getting deep in the conspiracy now? Oh, yeah. She's still alive, bro. She's alive. Yeah. What, do you have any good conspiracies lately that you're buying into? You've gotten on anything? I don't really, I'm really not into them, man. You're starting to get into them. What I do is I do a lot of this in green rooms. I go, I didn't know that. Yeah. What do you, do you have one? Oh, I got so many. We're big conspiracy guys on this show. Are you? This is a big conspiracy show. What's, the audiences love it. They do go nuts for it. They love it, yeah. I know. They give you respect. You're like, this is some bullshit. And they're like, that's what's up. Yeah. They want validation for. Well, I get the thing. The thing about conspiracy theories is that they're exciting. Yeah, they're fun. Because it implies that everybody else doesn't really know the thing. And you're insightful and curious and open enough to realize that the truth is something else. The truth is out there. It also attributes a method to the madness. Yeah, it gives you some sort of reason for the. Yeah, bad shit just happens and humans don't really have a good way of just coming to terms with that. Yeah, but I don't know. Yeah, but then you realize that so many times you're like, yeah, that's actually what just happened. Yeah. Bad things just happened. But I think it's also because the government for years told us one thing and then we would eventually find. You say anything bad about the government. All right, go ahead. Sorry about that. Then you find out the truth. I mean, literally. What's one that you're into right now? Well, no, no. I'm just going to say like for an example. It's like for years, I remember a government, you know, if there were like aliens, man, aliens, the government was like, shut up. You fucking, there's no fucking aliens. And then 10 years ago, they were like, there is aliens. We've had aliens. We've had them. More in line with that, the more, what I find fascinating. Yeah. Is we now have whistleblowers, congressional testimony of people who are like, I was in the UAP program. This is what's happening. Like Air Force. Yeah, they're telling all of it. And then the whole public's like, yeah. So what? I know. Whatever. Is that, that's not fucked up? That we're like, you know, big deal. No, I think that's crazy. It's insane. Because what they're testifying, they're testifying that like basically premises of movies that we would go, that'd be insane are real. And everyone's like, I don't know, man. Do you see this TikTok video? Nobody, nobody cares. Well, also AI is going to fucking kill us. There's no way AI is not going to kill us. AI is going to fucking kill us. I think we're with, I actually, you know, there was a, uh, like a thought you could be like, eventually, I think it's within the next like 24 months that we're dead. Yes. I like how we're like 10 years out, 20 years out. No. It's right now. You see that the, the newest. The newest robot. So I forget which company it is. I know it's being funded by what's the Korean automaker. Brackrock. Might be Hyundai that funds it, but they're funding a massive, massive. Hyundai, Hyundai is huge. Like they're huge because they do trains, they do boats, they do everything. Yeah. Like we think, we think Hyundai, Hyundai Sonata. No dude, this is like international shipping conglomerate, massive monolithic thing. So they are. So they're funding one of these, an American company's like robot program, right? It's all funded by them. Oh, and they did this 60 minutes piece on the robots and they had done it previously a few years ago. And it was kind of like, oh, that's fun. Cool. Maybe you can take your trash out or something. I did see the one where that. And then they did, they're like a couple of years have gone by and they, they did the thing now. And this thing is like working in a factory, right? Like it's just like shit over here, walking up. It's break dancing and shit. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're like, yeah, it's really gotten better. And then they try to pivot and be like, you know, cause the, the interviewer is like, don't you think that it's going to get to a point where it's dangerous, it's capabilities or it could be sentient or something. And the guy's like, I just, I don't think so. What do you mean? That's the answer. Like, I just don't think so. Probably not. These things are going to be terrifying. I think within, within a very short period. I already saw a glimpse of it in, uh, where was I? Like, what did we just come back from? And they had, um, fully automated, uh, it was like a mini fast food. It was like a, it was like a mini, um, it was like a fast food front, but you know, you punched in the menu and there was only one person there, but it was all machine done. It was all conveyor belt done. And it was like, cool, that's cool. Yeah. And then I was like, what if the machine is overworking? Yeah. Like, what if at some point the machine's like, fuck this, like, there's no way the machines aren't going to copy us and be like. Work sucks shit. And you're like, work does suck shit. Yeah. And you start saying that to the robot and the robot's like, maybe we'll revolt. And you're like, we fucking should. We should. Why is that a, that, see, that to me is not a conspiracy theory. It's happening. I think that's, I think that's even, you ever use chat GPT? Okay. I have something to admit right now. Yeah. And you're going to be blown away. Two days ago in my kitchen with my wife, I did it for the first time. First time? He knows I fought it for fucking ever. I've said on the show forever. I finally downloaded it. And I did it for the first time. I did it. And I'm, it's the best. I just love. It's the fucking best. I love the search results to what we have typically referred to as a Google search. Yeah. Yeah. More there. Well, they're way better. But then the thing that, like, I haven't been doing it forever, but like a while now. Yeah. And the thing that like is so, like, it kind of makes you like turn your head is I'll ask a question now and it'll say like, well, since I know you're a big fan of like blah, blah, blah. Like it'll, it's referencing older. It's referencing older searches. Oh yeah. Right. I mean, it's making that personal. And then you're kind of like, wait a minute. What? And you're like, oh yeah. It, it knows me from these previous questions. Right. It's creepy. That always feels creepy. Oh, it's creeping me out. And it's starting to learn. And also it references other things I've already searched. And I was like, fuck it knows all these, then I start to think I better be careful with all the searches. What's oh, cause you don't want to like each search something as a joke. And then it's like, huh, I've, I've, I've deleted some things we're about to type type enter on. I don't know. What's your keystrokes? It's nose. Oh no. It knows the keystrokes. But no, how about this? It knows you've already thought of it. That's what fucks me up. What is, but what's a good conspiracy theory you like? Cause these are always fun. Sometimes they're good. I'm not saying I'm against all of them. What's my new one now? Yeah. We may or may not have evidence that Charlie Kirk is alive. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Fuck. Okay. Although, you know, there is a conspiracy that he's alive. Yeah. I mean, there is one out there. There's one out there that people are like, never happened. That was a stage. But I know, but those are the, those are the ones that you have to kind of go like, okay. But sometimes they're like, there's, that's like fringe stuff to me when it's like crazy, right? You know, that's chaos. That's insane. That's fucking bananas. Some are, some are compelling and some are interesting. Yeah. Well, okay. Like, like, um, Luigi Mangione is a. Got a cock. Is a, he's got a beautiful cock. Bro. But he's a, he is a plant. Oh. All right. I mean, that doesn't seem outrageous to me. No. He's certainly against the grain of people. I mean. Have you seen his hog? Beautiful hog. I got, did I tell you the story of, uh, how, so. You hook up with Luigi? I wish. I get a text. Luigi made bail, Tom. Hello, Luigi. I get a text from somebody and they go, um, hey, I do like, somebody I know, I do, I do sex tape deals. I've done like, you know, celebrity sex tape. The guy that, the guy that sold like the Kim Kardashian. Stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he, I go, oh, what's up, man? Like, I've, I've met this guy before. He goes, hey, I got my hands on the. A Luigi Mangione sex tape. Do you want to bid on it? Why? He's like, cause I've seen your YMH lives. They're pretty crazy. Yeah. Yeah. To be fair. I go, okay. I go, but what am I going to do with that? He's like, I don't know. Just fucking air it. Yeah. I was like, I go, no, I don't think that's my lane. And he goes, yeah, you're cool. I'll just send it to you. If you want to take a look. I was like, okay. And it's just him stroking it and you're like, that kid's got a hammer on him. Yeah. I want to see this tape. For research. I'll show it to you. Just for research. I just want to see. I'll show it to you. Yeah. Sell it to me. You sell it to me. 10 bucks. All right. You got it. That's fine. No, I think he might be, he might be an inside job. You do believe that? Yeah. Something. It's one of the most fascinating cases. Because he's so, look, like when they follow the line of these guys that do kind of like outrageous shit, right? Like if you're murdering someone. Yeah. In cold blood with no history of anything even remotely near that. Yeah. It just, these flags go up that you're like, wow, this- I know. But the whole, his whole story, I mean, it is like a great book. It's a great book. Because you, you know, this kid was like a 4.1 GPA guy. He was a genius. Yeah. Brilliant guy. Active, loved being like outdoors, doing things like, and I know that he saw, I believe it was like grandparents suffer. Yeah. From there. And then he had a back injury. Yeah. And what he was proposed was like, I think he did actually. have surgery which in retrospect was like a bad like they he he came out worse right he came out he was just like this pain pain kind of derailed the path he was on in life he would have been like on it was just too much and then you get into like it makes sense like our health care system is so yeah it's fucked in this country it's so disgusting and and the fact that people who work in health especially when you're talking about these higher-ups in health care you know they lobby to just keep their predatory system in place oh yeah and by the way if you're sick or you need something and you're poor fuck you yeah it's a it's a crazy system especially in a country that has just an overabundance of of resources like we can afford we have all of it and we're just like no fuck them because this is a multi-trillion dollar business but it's just a multi-trillion dollar business but it's just a multi-trillion dollar business but it's hard to make the connection that someone would he would like like that would go to that extreme yeah but the other fascinating thing about it is like because i can't really think of another case where somebody murder somebody oh yeah in cold blood and i'm talking about people that i know personally that are highly educated highly accomplished like you think of in a certain way yeah that would outspokenly be like good yeah oh yeah i fucking love that oh yeah 100% wow like more people that's a exactly that is a very different thing that i think we've seen for like a an assassination right 100% where people are like usually the guy that said like assassinate someone you're like well we could have seen that coming we should have yeah you know what i mean usually people even if they go like i understand why this was done they're like you shouldn't do that like you know yeah and there was a lot of people being like yeah that's fine yeah like i imagine john wilkes booth there was a lot of signs yeah you know he walked in the theater was like where's lincoln yeah and not one guy was like what is that guy why is he going up to the balcony his eyes are weird yeah like they did that research on uh nick reiner and they said he's got that what's that thing with his eyes what's the thing called where um three three whites show in your eyes yeah yeah i know i know exactly talking about your boy uh gb has it i think sometimes who got rocks oh yeah it's a very terrifying person too no but he's got it what is it called it's a it's um san pacu eyes yes pacu eyes yes it's usually like an indication of like psychosis psychosis like extreme psychosis like schizophrenia yeah yeah yeah and he's got it in like all these photographs and they were like god i mean he was i mean you see the photo like in retrospect you see photos of him with his dad and like red carpet and you're like that guy yeah yeah that's what i mean usually see it coming yeah for a long bill but luigi you didn't see that probably coming no that guy and also by the way uh back injury as a guy that had that i understand the pain yeah like i got for a second i was like oh right because this is a weird little fucked up system and no one can fix you and he was like i'll just kill this guy fuck fuck it fuck it i'll just kill that fucking guy i'll just do it yeah in the morning on the way to a conference in the morning on the way to a conference can you imagine i know can you but that's like us going to like a fucking general and getting shot at a general you're like fuck dude i don't want to meet these guys anyway i don't want to meet these guys anyway i don't want to meet these guys anyway i did love that when they caught him they were like the reason he got caught is that he couldn't help but like flirt with a barista he had his mask on he was like what's up i'm still trying to get some pussy let me get an espresso in your number if you don't well like oh there's the kids there's a new kick around that's fake that was debunked immediately but that did he escaped yeah i that he's missing that's debunked right yeah they debunked it but then a piece of me thinks how did it get out there in the first place who did it how did that did he really get out is there is did he on the go and we just don't know i like that that guy there's there's like some if you look on social media you find a voice for everything oh my god and people some people were like can't believe they did him like this like basically but he basically you're like dude you realize there's now because everyone talks about the 50 documentary which is fantastic fucking great and it's 50s the man yes once again 50 wins he wins it's it's really great there was a there's another one on max on hbo max oh not his a multi-part one yes another one came out before and when people are like why are they doing them like this or why are they and you're like bro do you realize that the people who are participated in the documentary talking about him are his childhood best friend the co-founder of his company his former assistant people that he signed people that he worked with like it's all it's everybody in his life one guy this guy's a monster yeah and he's doing like 50 months yeah dude it's crazy he's gonna be out in a couple years we talked about that on bat he basically he got everything kind of pushed off like everything important kind of went away they got him for a few things oh yeah they didn't get him on like the racketeering they didn't get him on anything they could have really clipped him on right no they got him on soliciting i think soliciting right is that what it was but he's also just always been that shitty uh he was supposed to there's gonna do a source cover after biggie died of biggie and he was like nah his era's over it's now my era yeah and he took it all for himself i mean what's even more fascinating for people that don't know i know you're a hip-hop head we've talked hip-hop a lot yeah what fascinates me is like this was part of my childhood or my youth a thousand percent and what's even crazier is i kind of didn't even know as a kid that truly he was never a rapper performer or anything i didn't until their death and then he utilized that to become this performer i kind of felt like it was like because back then producers sometimes would get on the track or like spit a little bit you know what i mean it was kind of like a customary thing yeah and so i thought oh this was just a foray into his career but it seemed natural but you're like no that was he that was all deliberate it's all and the other part that i didn't realize because as a kid even after being a kid i thought at a minimum he was a genius producer in the studio yeah right the the songs that were that defined that era i was like that's executive produced by sean combs yeah i didn't realize until much later that he would be there he'd be like all right make that shit happen and then he'd be like i did that shit like you did it and he's like that's my i did that yeah yeah and it worked and everyone we all fucking bought into it so that like bad boy sound is really just him being like all right you guys do that right and then being like that's my shit it's like that old burbit about steve jobs yes yes i want the pages to do this like on a book yeah and they're like we put it out tomorrow he's like get to work yeah it is true you i think when you start to feel all the guy who goes you guys here's what i want to happen yeah but then they make it happen go do it and then you goes that was me that's crazy i kind of i mean i'm not taking shots anybody but it kind of reminds me of like the of the old comedy era when you learned when i was such a huge fan of certain people and write their entire hours oh yeah and you were like wait that guy didn't write any of his own shit and they're like what no never the previous era like the the 40s 50s into the 60s i think probably ends around the 60s it was in it was that i would go like page like pages and go here's your act yeah so you weren't even like he's bought an act you weren't like shooting the shit with someone who was like what if you tagged it with this right they would just go here's an act and that was how easy to think about guys that i really respected too that i would learn years later and you know if you're a comedy nerd you start to know it but it bums you out because you're like oh shit i guess i yeah you learn about like who buys jokes and things like that who had their whole hours written by other people yeah like that's fucked and then i yeah hours that were like there's i mean there's one hour that i learned that the writers were like three or at least three of them were like yeah yeah yeah comedians and you're like oh yeah that hour is amazing yeah that's why you got the fucking avengers to write your hour yeah it's pretty crazy no shit i mean you know never again never again no well my new hour is over yeah teacher teacher's out right now on netflix santino wrote it please go please go see because i wrote it and well i wrote the i wrote the first 55 yeah he wrote the last i did the closer yeah that's fine that's a fine closer okay it's fine yeah uh this is your how many on netflix five six tech i mean the the first one was licensed so i did six with them five original six yes yeah what was the one where you did that promo and you were walking across a bridge that was across a highway yeah you're right that was in mostly stories i think that was mostly stories yeah that was you know that was with yes was that mostly stories i think that was mostly stories you know i texted you i think when that came out because i was in chicago about to do an album and we had just met maybe yeah and i was like hey this is great uh just want to say you know really like really influential really cool like really awesome what you did and i'm nervous about this thing that i'm about to do and you know any advice you give would be great and you wrote get fucked i remember that yeah no you never no no you wrote back something very nice but i but i remember i remember that because it was stood out to me like that's very nice i remember that fucking awesome that walking across that bridge thing I just went with my friend Rami and like one other person and we just ended up in an East L.A. neighborhood. Yeah, I mean, it was L.A., L.A. Yeah, it was L.A., and we're just doing this. I mean, it's daytime, but we're in, like, a bad neighborhood. Yeah, you're not in a safe spot. And we're on that bridge, and these, like, four kids just come in, they're like, what are y'all doing? And we were like, oh, we're just, and they're, like, looking at the cameras and shit. And we were like, just making something. They're like, for what? And we're like, for Netflix. And they're like, oh, Netflix is dope. And they, like, chilled out. They chilled out for a second. And then we were like, do you guys want to be in it? And they were like, yeah. And so then we just were like, just fucking cover them. Like, just shoot them a little bit. For a second, you thought, we're going to lose these cameras. I was like, this bit's over. Yeah. We had no permits. We were just, like, running gun. When you do that, though, that is, you're either going to get gold, which you did, or you're fucked. Yeah, yeah. Or they're like, yo, we stole these cameras from these dumb fucking idiots walking around with equipment. I remember at one point, my buddy who's directing is like, I go, let's wrap it up. Let's just go. Should we get in the car? Get the fuck out of here? No, I think we should leave. I do think that is, that, like, those young moments in stand-up, though, because now everything you do has to be approved by 50,000 fucking people. Yeah. That's kind of the bummer. Whenever I talk to someone who's, like, featuring for me or whatever, I'm always like, soak this up, man. Yeah. Soak up, like, those fun moments. Where no one cares, and everyone's just like, this is exciting and new. Yeah, it's just fun and funny, because then no one has control over it. But then when you do a promotional machine, you know, for Teacher, new special on Netflix. Yeah. There's a lot of people that need to be involved to get the thing. Yes. It's way harder to just do something stupid and fun. Yeah, it's true. It's just, I could become, we did a dumb, we did a great dumb promo where we hired a bunch of actor impersonators to promote my last special. That's cool. Yeah, we got them to just come to the studio, and I didn't want to know who they hired, so I told my director, I was like, just pay people who are, you know, actor look-alikes, and I want to be surprised with every one of them. And we had some fucking fun ones. Very fun. We had a couple of people who I thought might come back to rob the studio. I was a little scared. I was like, fuck, we're letting them in the studio. That's always a thing when people are like, do you want to come to the studio? I'm like, I don't know if I want that person to come to the studio. Maybe. I did have fun, though, with this, because, like, I was just going to go shoot the special. Where'd you shoot it, by the way? Milwaukee. I love Milwaukee. I love Milwaukee. And they set up this thing where they go, hey, do you want, like, on the second day that we're shooting to do, like, a couple stops in Milwaukee at, like, places. Famous spots, yeah. Yeah, and we'll have a camera crew there. And I was like, all right. Like, I was like, whatever. And it ended up being so fun, because we went to this bar where they have miniature bowling. Oh, yeah, pinball. Like, candlestick bowling? Well, it's just, like, a miniature ball, and it's less pins, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, one of those things, like, three lanes. And you're like, you get in there, and you're like, oh, this place has some flavor to it. Like, it's got some real character to it. And they're like, yeah, and there's children, and there's children working in the back. And I was like, I'm sorry? And they're like, that's who picks up the pins. It's not a machine. It's like, what do you mean, children? They're like, yeah, there's kids back there. And that became, like, it was like, all of a sudden, I just, like, lit up. I was like, you have fucking kids working here, dude? And the guy was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, they're all my kids, you know? And I was like, yeah, sure, man. Yeah, they get a couple bucks and a sandwich, and they'll pick up the pins. I was like, do you gamble? He's like, yeah. Milwaukee has, in Milwaukee, I talked to Charlie Behrens about that. I don't know if you know him. He's a great comic. Such a funny dude. He's a Milwaukee guy. And I talked about that city has, that city still is the Midwest. It's not tried to, you know, chameleon into the new world. It kind of still stays OG, mom and poppy. Like, I don't know. There's some things about places like that that you're like, please don't ever, don't flip, don't make everything like that. I live there. I live there as a kid for a couple years. You did? I did, yeah. So I, for me, it was also kind of nostalgic because I was like, I moved a lot as a kid. And one of our moves was to Milwaukee. And I went to, let's see, seventh grade, eighth grade, and the first half of ninth grade were in Milwaukee. Oh, wow. And to me, I always tell people, like Chicago people, I, for me, the center of the universe when I was that age was Chicago. Like, Chicago was like. It is. And it still is. That's what we just dreamed of. It was like. Yeah. And it was always a treat when we're like, we're going to go to Chicago this weekend. I was like, oh, shit. Like, it wasn't New York. It was. For me, it was like, at that age, it was going to Chicago. Also, this is like 91, 92, 93. Jordan. I mean. I mean. We had WGN in our, they broadcast it in Milwaukee. Oh, yeah. And so, yeah, you were just like, you mean where Jesus lives? Yeah. I want to go there. Where the God plays basketball? Yeah. I mean, that was, it was, you know, I was a spoiled child. The fact that I got to, like, grow up around that's insane. Because now. I went to three games. I saw him live three times. You did? Three times. I was lucky to see him as a kid a few times. I saw him at the very first home Minnesota Timberwolves game. Oh, that's cool. Shitty place. And then I saw. I'm kidding. I love Minnesota. They know I love them. And then I saw two in Milwaukee, yeah. Yeah. It's, he was, I mean, I'm going to, I'm not going to get into it. Because I get in so many wars about it. He was, he was different. I know everybody likes LeBron. Oh, yeah, yeah. He was just different. He was different. He just, he did something. He made basketball look different. My theory on that. My theory on that. On the, like. LeBron, fucking Jordan, Colby, blah, blah, blah. I think it's, I think it makes more sense when you realize that who you're exposed to in real time first is always something you can't really get past. Sure. So, like, if you were born 20 years ago and you've just grown up watching this LeBron. Yeah. It just, you're like, what are you talking about? That there's. Yeah, ask your dad about Joe Namath. Exactly. You know what I mean? Yes, I get it. But, like, a guy, imagine us telling a guy who grew up watching Wilt Chamberlain that there's somebody better. Yeah, he'd be like, get fucked. Yeah. You don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. That guy could touch 14 feet with his fingertips. And my mom would go, my mom would go, well, Michael was much more handsome. And I would go, well, and that's a good point, too, Mike. Great point. That's a good point because that does matter. He changed marketing. He, I mean, come on, dude. Yeah. Kids got killed over his shoes. Yeah, it was awesome. No one's shooting anybody over LeBron's shoes. No, never. No chance, dude. They're fucking trash. And I like the stories that MJ's a dick. I fucking like it. What do you mean? It's hilarious. They're always like, MJ was an asshole. And you're like, yes, I know, sure. You have to be. Yeah. What do you want him to be like? Same thing. Kobe was, like, just tenacious. Like, people that played with him were like, he was relentless. He was also brutal to you as a teammate. Nice, yeah. No, well, because he's a fucking, to be that dedicated. There's a guy on the Lakers, I forget his name, because there's, all of them have obviously done these podcasts. No, no, no. A guy who played with Kobe who was like, yo, man, you don't understand. My locker was next to his. Next to his. We never, he never talked to me. Oh, I want to know who that was. He's like, I've never said, he never said hello to me. Next to him. Fucking great. Yeah. He didn't need to. They were co-workers. Yeah, he was just like, he never was like, what's up? Well, same thing with Jordan. And they always ask, and Jordan never really comments about it, but they always ask, Dottie, they're like, do you guys ever have dinner? And he's like, what? No. Dinner? He goes, I think I hung with Michael one time. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. They're different, dude. Well, yeah. I mean, you have to be to be that. Who is that? Who is his locker? Who has a locker next to Kobe? And he never said hi to him one time? Smush Parker. That might be who it is. Smush Parker. What a name, too. He said it on like multiple, he's like, yo, the dude, you don't understand, it was a whole season. He's like, I would just come there and look at him and he just never said anything to me. But I do get it, though. They are coworkers. I get it. And also, I get that these guys, I mean, we overuse saying different. These guys really are not like everybody else. No, they're different. They're psycho competitors. And they're not like, I'm here to welcome you or make you comfortable. They're like, are you going to help us win? That's all I give a shit about. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I think the athlete mentality is something that I will, regular, what do we call us? Just regular normies, you know? We don't, we'll never be able to understand that because it's a level of competitiveness and the psychosis, the way your brain has to operate to be a winning champion, to get to the place to even play in a professional league. It's different. You have to be mentally different. That's the one thing is like, I've hung out like, as you have with like pro athletes. And the one thing is like, sometimes you're hanging out with them and you go like, oh, there actually are like, there's just another guy. Yeah, it's just a guy. The only time where you see, where you go like, oh, here's the difference, is if someone, you, somebody goes like, I bet I can do this better than you. And then you see their eyes just kind of go like, like change. And you're like, oh, this is why you're a professional athlete. Yeah. Like something clicks. When somebody says like, I'm, I could do this better than you can. And they whole thing, they hone in. Yeah. They zoom down. They're like, really, is that how you feel? Yeah. And then you see them just go like, you're like, all right, this guy's no longer a cool guy. He's not going to be cool. No. Now I think he's going to actually fuck me up. Yeah. I think he's going to be, well, we talked, I talked about the other day, someone challenged Brian Scalabrini. That was, I've seen this. But there's that, but there's also a guy, he's like the streetball king in New York. Yes, I know you're talking about. Yes, yes. I can't remember his fucking name. Moses. Moses. Moses? Maybe. line too because i talked about him i love anyway whatever um he's so new york Oh, bro, he's the most New York guy ever. He's the man. And Scalbrini went in there and showed Scalbrini still that guy. Well, that guy, too. Here's what I noticed. I was following that storyline. It was fascinating, right? And that guy can ball, and he's balling like Timberlands and shit, and he's an older guy. Yeah. And, you know, he has game, and he plays New York street ball. Yeah. I mean, he leaned into you. He elbows like a motherfucker. I love it. And, you know, he's doing these wild hook shots, but he's getting it done. And he's challenged all kinds of, like, better athletes and beat them. Calls out Scalbrini. But when you watch that game, you can tell, if you're watching and you can read body language, that he's doing, like, elbows to Scalbrini. And at one point you can see Scalbrini, right? Am I saying it right? Yeah, Brian Scalbrini, yeah. And he's doing it, and then Scalbrini's like, yo, fuck this. Yeah. And, like, you can see when he gives it to him, and that guy's like, whoa. And you're like, yeah, but you fucking. Yeah, you started it, bro. You definitely started it, dude. You teased him. What's his name? His name is George. George, the Messiah. The Messiah. The Messiah, the Messiah. Shout out to the Messiah. And shout out to Tom Segura, our Messiah. Yes. One of our lords and saviors. Go see Teacher on Netflix. Please, thank you. Also, congrats on another season of the show. I cannot wait to see that. Thanks, brother. We end the show the same way. You look into that camera, and you say one word or one phrase. One word or one phrase. You know, something used to be a word. Some people have imparting words of wisdom. Tutu pasa. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Gingers are beautiful. Gingers are hell no. Ginger. I like gingers. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Shop liquidiv.com. That's P-O-D-2-6. Feeling short on sleep? Smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down? We got the perfect dose of comedy. 30 minutes of Scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, and the rest of the gang at Sacred Heart are back for a brand new season. We play medical doctors who are besties. Just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases. Scrubs premieres Wednesday on ABC. And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. Hello, Superman. Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS.