Tom Segura & Bobby Lee’s Villain Era

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Pair that with a deep progression system, and you get to decide how Dylan's pair of natural abilities grow and change over the course of time. Control Resonant. Nothing stays contained forever. Coming September 24th to PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S, and PC. Rated M for Mature. And don't talk to him much. He's a big star. He is? Yeah. What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? I've heard of you, Bobby, but I've never heard of Tom Segura. He's confident. He's confident. Tom, Tom, Tom. Hey, Jaime, you just lost Austin. Don't go to Austin again. Just lost the whole Austin thing, man. Texas? Austin, Texas? No. Fucking Austin. It's not the mothership for you. It's the motherfucking stay out of Austin, buddy. Let me try that. Take two, take two, take two, take two. I'm sorry, Bobby told me. He's childhood friends with Ralph Barbosa. Really? And then we discovered him on here, on the corner of the room, and Bobby said, you will sit here now. Wait, how'd you start here? Ralph Barbosa. He got you in here? Yeah. Well, Ralph was a guest. He came with Ralph. I just had a friend sitting on the side. Oh, I got you. Okay. You know Bobby. He sees a certain body shape and starts interviewing them, and I loved the interaction. We're explaining how you met Jaime. Yeah, he said. Don't worry, it's a story. He said. Yeah. No, we'll save it. This you? No, that's you. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm getting one. Honestly, dude. Honestly, dude. I've never seen you have such disrespect for a guest. Thank you, Bobby. This is a very important figure in my life. And you're important. You're a very important figure in my life. I know, but. So what does that mean for? Yeah, that means. Tom, how are you? How are you? Good to see you. I like this. Yeah, what was that? What was that? What was that? Yeah, yeah. Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hug. How are you? Good to see you. Hug, hug, hug. Klyla. I made through some shade at Tom. Oh, no. Yeah. Some deep shade, dude. What happened? Yeah. Tell him what happened. Tom, tell him. Tom, tell him what happened. I mean, it was kind of weird. And I apologize beforehand, but go ahead. shade of Tom. Oh no. Yeah. Deep shade dude. What happened? Tom tell him. Tom tell him what happened. I mean it was kind of weird. And I apologize beforehand but go ahead. I mean I just I walked in the room and he goes I don't know you. Ramsey do you believe it? I can't believe it. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah yeah. Do you want to apologize to our guest Tom Segura or? Sorry Tom Segura? Wait what? You questioned? Did you just see that dude? Dude honestly what the fuck? Honestly you're pissing me off right now dude. When? That's a dear friend. Now? Now? Yeah and yesterday. Well yesterday. Yeah yeah yeah. Every day if I think about it it pisses me off. I ate all the grilled sandwiches. You ate all the grilled sandwiches? Yeah. How many were there? A lot. Four. There were four grilled cheeses? He ate them all? Yeah at one time. With marinara or just? With ham. Yeah yeah. With ham? Sounds like it was a ham and cheese. Ham and cheese grilled sandwich. Wow. So you want to apologize to our guest? Sorry Tom Segura? Why is he so cocky right now? I'm so sorry Tom. I'm so sorry. This is just. I know. I know. I know. We're starting off on the wrong foot. How is it the fourth time you think it's still working? You're like. I don't believe in rules of three. Rules of eight. Yeah yeah yeah. Segura? Yeah. Dude. Can you say it like a fucking spick? Can you fucking. Tom Segura. Yeah yeah yeah. Come on. Hey Tom Segura. Hey Bobby it's Tom Segura. Yeah very good. But can't you do like a Segura? Oh Tom Segura? You're still not sure? Yeah yeah yeah. Roll your R's Jaime. Segura. Yeah. Look at those lips. Can't do anything. Can't do anything. Yeah yeah. Tommy so I shot it. You shot it so wait. Yeah Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! How many has Tom done? He's on eight. No. Six. Six. Yeah six. Yeah. So just did you fill them in on our because we spoke last week. Yeah we did. And I was like it's coming up and you're like fuck you man you fucking asshole. What? I was like it's going to go great and you were and I could tell it went well because you have a big fucking smile. You walked. I said how'd it go? Huge smile. It went great. Well here here's the thing. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it was going to be. Because you've done it 20,000 times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. That whole thing. Well it's you know it's it's it's stressful. It's stressful but you're just doing your act. Right. Right. And the audience is like a TV audience. It's hype. They're hype. They're hyped up. Yeah. So it's like I can't see unless you're not prepared. You know what I mean? But you've been like your last 20 years are preparing. You're prepared. When opportunity meets. You're Eminem. I get it. Let me do the quote. Wait wait. I know I know I know what it is. I know what it is. Let me. When practice meets. No. Opportunity. Yeah. When opportunity meets our preparation. That success. That's not the expression. No no no. No but what is it then? Talent plus everything. Yeah you don't know it either. Fuck I don't know it either. Yeah yeah. So wait you taped four? Yeah. Do you have a favorite one of the four? I think the fourth one is where I was the most wild. Wild? Yeah yeah yeah. I was I was like I have it in the can so I'm just going to go a little extra mugging wise in bits. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? Four was four was definitely the most Bobby one and first one was was I thought like a great standup special. Oh okay. Thank you. Yeah yeah yeah. That does make sense actually. That makes a lot of sense. Well explain because that doesn't make any sense to me. So here's the thing. The first one you actually have the most nerves. Yeah. So the way you the way you perform on show one is probably the closest to like I'm going to put on the best standup show I can once the once you start knocking down more and more shows. You get like a looseness to you but it doesn't necessarily mean that you're better. Yes. You know I mean sometimes that first one has the right amount of anxiety. Yes. And all the elements are right to have like the best performance. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. Very very very very very good. Very very good. That's so Asian the way you just. Yeah yeah well I'm Asian and I'm not going to even apologize for it anymore. Anymore. I mean I am who I am. I'm proud of who I am. And I sometimes I talk like this. OK. Sometimes I do you know. And so. And so what are you looking at her for. Just like how you doing. Yeah. Yeah. And then. Well here's the thing. After the first show I got off stage and everyone was kind of meeting me backstage. Is this annoying to show you. No. I just saw their faces and it seemed like they were like that was it. I mean so after that it was fine. Doesn't it. Because you do the thing where after the first one when they're like you got it you're like great. Let's cancel the. Next three. I got it. You know what. There was a part of me that was like did I say that. Why are we doing three more. I thought I'm always like yeah book a bunch. And then when they're like you got it I'm like good. Let's all go. But you have to do three more. But do you edit off like how many how many specials do you I mean shows do you do. So the way I've always done it is you have your shows taped. They'll send you line cuts right like of all four usually the one that you feel the best about is the best one. It becomes your hero show like the baseline show. And then you go to like all right it's minute twenty two it's my bit about spam or whatever you're yeah yeah yeah yeah. And then you go ten minutes on that. Yeah. You go, all right, I remember show three, it just hit right. So you'll edit in show three, but you'll keep your hero show show. Wow. But a great editor changes the fucking game. Just like in TV, film, like a great editor. I would hire an editor that has done so many specials because they do have a skill set for it. They know how to do it. What do you mean? You're going to have a good editor? I think so. Who's editing? What? You have a great one. Who? They're going to hire him. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, but who is it? He's the best. I got good recs. I got good recs if you want good recs. What's a recs mean? It means recommendations. Hyman. That's what it means. Recommendations. He knows people. Recommendations. He knows people. He does know people. Yeah. Segura. How many recs do you have, dude? I got a few. Yeah, yeah. But what rec would you, what's number one on the rec? I mean, I don't want to like blow up their spot. Okay, okay. Because you might not hire him. I'll tell you off mic. Oh, yeah. And then you can. You can see what they've done and you can be like, all right. And you meet them and you just go out like. It's like in Star Wars when George Lucas first showed Star Wars to Scorsese, Brian De Palma, and Spielberg. They didn't like it. They're like, what the fuck is this? They go, what the fuck is this? And then they hired, they edited it differently. They let the action dictate the edits. Yeah. And it changed the whole thing. Have you ever heard those stories about when he would take the Star Wars script around? When George Lucas was like shopping the Star Wars. Yeah. People were like, what the fuck is this? They're like, there's Chewbacca in space. They're like, you're out of your goddamn mind, man. Because his peers were doing like legitimate, realistic, kind of like grounded work. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know. And he's like, they're on Tatooine. Scarface. And then the Millennium Falcon's going to come. And they're like, okay, listen, whatever you've been smoking, knock it off. Try to write a real script and come back to us. I saw her people on set when they were shooting. Especially like the Tatooine scenes. Just extras or background actors going, this movie sucks. Just out loud. Harrison Ford famously was like, hey, man, we can't say this. Like he told him. Yeah. Deliver this line. Do you believe that that guy, you know, Ramsey Badawi? Hey, what's going on, Tom? Ramsey Badawi. Yeah. That's how you do it, Jaime. Yeah. Yeah. And are you well aware of Tom Segura's? Yeah. Very well aware. Yeah. Huge fan, Tom. Thanks, buddy. And Ramsey's a stand up. Big unpaid regular. Yeah. Tom, congrats. Thank you very much. Congrats. I'm just waiting for it. Anyway, and Ramsey had never seen Star Wars. Until? The other day, we're on the road and I go, I'm forcing you to watch the first half. 1.30 in the morning, Bobby made me come to his room. Yeah. And watch Star Wars on an iPad in his lap. Jesus Christ. A new hope. That's your first experience? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in my pajamas. He was in his pajamas. What did you think of the first? It's pretty good. Yeah, pretty good. I like what they were doing. I recommend a larger screen, maybe surround sound. Yeah, yeah. He fucked it up by putting in that CGI in there. Do you know that? On the re-release? The re-releases, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I don't like it. Yeah. They really, the movie, though, holds up so well. It's so good. It's so good. It's a classic story about good and evil. My kids were refusing to watch it. Yeah. Like, I was always like, oh, I'll show them all the shit that I think they'd like. Yeah. Like, no, no, I don't want to see this. And then this summer. I got them to watch it. And it was so funny because we started in the order they were released. Yeah. And they were dialed in. Like, they were dialed in for New Hope, Empire, Jedi. And then when I got to, like, the newer ones, they'd get up and just walk around the room. Because they're not as good. They're not as good. Right? They're not as good. They're not as good. Although a lot of the stuff that they started putting out, like these series that they put out. Mandalorians. It's fantastic. Yeah, yeah. Very good. That's really good. Yeah, yeah. Very fantastic. Yeah. You've seen them all, those two? I've not seen them all, but I did. You ate up Mandalorian. You ate it up. I ate up Pedro. Billy Burr's in it. Yeah. Billy Burr is in it. He's great. He's great. Great actor. Yeah. Fine man. Fine man. Yeah. Great pilot. Yeah. Yeah. Great pilot. Yeah. He texted me a couple times this weekend. How did it go? You didn't. Ooh. Tom. In fact, I'll give you the list of people that did text and checked in with me. All right? Dane Cook. Not you. Bert. Bert. Ooh. Not you. Santino, obviously. Rogan. Santino. Who else? Just a bunch of people. Yeah. Yeah. Busy with your TV show? My special teacher is out on Netflix right now. Please check it out. Yeah. Number six. Yeah. Yeah. I am busy with the TV show. And thank you for doing it last season. You did it. I had a really good time doing it. That was really fun. That was a fun experience. You know, it's fun that my successful friends invite me to do things. You're a success. You're a successful guy, though. Why do you always act like you're not successful? I didn't say that. What did I say? I'm just saying. You always. Tommy. Tommy. You imply, though. You imply that there's a difference. You're. I mean, obviously. Okay. Here we go. I mean, obviously, things are going good. Okay. Good. All right? Okay. I have eyeballs, feelings. I'm adapted to the environment. I like the way you do your index fingers. Like this? Yeah. No, I didn't mean that. Yeah. I do that. It's just the shape of your. Yeah. I do it, you know? Yeah, that. That. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. Yeah. And so. What are you doing? Oh, nothing. Yeah. Just make sure you check out the special. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tom Segura, Teacher. Yeah. It's out on Netflix now. And sign up for an account. Yeah. You know what's so funny about your backdrop, right? It's so simple. I made mine too elaborate, I think. How elaborate was it? It was pretty elaborate. Like a set design. You did do set design. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he did set design. Yeah, I did set design. Last week when you said that, I thought it was a bit. No. It wasn't a bit. No. What was it? I spent all my money on set design. What is it? What's a set design? Well, there's, you know, a unicorn in it. No, I'm kidding. No, it's a forest. It's a forest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's like layers. You saw it, right? Dimensionals to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who gets to keep that? What's that? Who gets to keep the forest? We're getting it money. It's in a dumpster right now. What are you talking about? We're getting a piece in here. No, we have to keep it somewhere. Really? Yes. Did you go to the taping? I was around. I went to rehearsal. She was the on-stand, my doctor. I was his doctor because he lost his voice. This is what happened. So Friday's second show, I get off and I go, I can't talk. It was gone. Because you were like. I blew it out. Yeah. I fucking blew it out, Tommy. Yeah. Right? Can I call you Tommy? Yeah. Because lately I've been calling you Tommy. I like it. Yeah. All right. Do you let everyone call you Tommy? It's usually friends and family. All right. Good. All right. No, Jaime. Absolutely not, dude. It's like when people call me Bob. Robert. Only certain people can call me Bob. What do you call me? I usually say Bobby. Yeah, you do. Yeah. Standard. But you know what? I'm allowing you and giving you the opportunity to call me whatever you want. That's how deep our relationship goes now. Where you can go Robert, Bob, Bobbo. Babaloo, Babaloo, whatever you want to say. I'm going to call you Chino. You can call me Chino. Chino. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I blew out my voice Friday, second show. Can I call you S? Oh, Tom, Tom S. Thomas, that's good. You're interrupting the fucking story. I'm trying to figure out. Tom S. Mr. S. Why don't you put like an S right here on your chest? Look at Bobby's face, Jaime. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Hit or miss. Yeah, sometimes he's on. Sometimes, wow, where are we? What are we doing? You know? So blew it out. I was in a panic. I was like, Tommy, okay? I call her. I go, I don't know what to do. And Saturday was 9-1-1, just people in my hotel room giving me stuff. And you know what we did? What? Steroids. And it worked. It fucking worked. Aren't steroids the best? They're the best, dude. Yeah. I'm a big story fanatic. Fanatic. I'm up on it. Yeah. In fact, you know what? I'm willing. If I. If you took more steroids to work out, would you be opposed to that? Yeah. Why? Your organs will eventually shut. They're already shut. That's the thing about my organs. Way in the future. Yeah, yeah. You should do, get, get Anivar, get Winstroll. Winstroll. Those are the old school hits. Deca. Yeah. Anivar. Anivar, Winstroll, Deca. Deca. What does that do? It's just a stack. You're going to be. You're going to be. I'm going to stack it out. You're tight. You're going to be. Huh? Because you're hip fit now. You tight? You take? I want it. No, but you take? No. You take nothing? Nothing right now. Tea. I take tea. Tea's good. And let me kind of ask you another private question, if I may. Yeah. On a podcast. On a podcast. We can edit it out. Right, right. Social security number? No, you, you've lost a lot of weight since, for the last three or four years. Yeah. You've been doing it naturally? Yes. I have. I eat more than anybody like that is losing weight. I eat four times a day. You're not doing injections? No. Not doing GLP-1s. No. Wow. Yeah. So it's. Discipline. Yeah. It's consistency. Oh, it's consistency. Yeah. Wow. I try to eat 50 grams of protein at every meal. Damn. 50. Is that a lot? That's a lot. Yeah. Okay. So a lot of meat. I mean, chicken, fish, meat, eggs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Shopify. Ha. Shopify. Yeah. Shopify. Shopify. Guys, it's a new year. It's a new year. It's a new year. I'm thinking about new things to sell online. Like what? Yeah. Like my own clothing line. Ooh. Fancy. What would you call it? Hobo 2000. How about Levi? That's a very good idea. Very good idea. I mean, there's only really one. One way to do it. One way to do it with NetShop. Well, that's obviously that. I would not do any businesses, start a business online without Shopify. Yeah. If you're thinking about launching a new business, Shopify is it. Shopify gives you everything you need to sell online and in person. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made the leap from household names to first-time business owners just getting started. Listen, guys, we have an online business here. We use Shopify. 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The time that I gave you the ride. That's then. Remember I gave you the ride? Oh, that's right. That was then. Yeah. Yeah. That's about 265. That's how much you weighed? In there. And I weigh like 187, 188. And Christina still had sex with you then? Just barely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Now look. Wow. And look at you now. Amazing. What do you think about me? Good looking, man. Thanks, bro. You think he's good looking? For a fit guy? For how old are you? I'm 46, man. Oh, damn. Yeah. We're all up there now. Yeah. Do you look at me like your elder? Do I? Yeah, I ask you. I thought you were asking him. You? You did look at me. I mean, you are older than me, so yeah. Let's see what that means. Mentor. Okay. Mentor, that's nice. My Obi-Wan Kenobi? He always. He always goes up. He's like talking directly to your face. Because he's not. Are you not sure? Yeah, I was looking at Tom for insurance. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Obi-Wan Kenobi is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm your Obi-Wan Kenobi. And you're Luke Skywalker? No. No? Jawa. Can I do the little teddy bears? Walkies or whatever? Ewoks. Ewoks. Ewoks, yeah. Oh, yeah. Right? In the Star Wars world, you'd be an Ewok. Yeah. I think more Jawa. Oh, Jawa. Jar Jar? No. Yeah. What do you think? Anyway, we can move on. But then I did the steroids, and second show, it was just fucking perfect. Yeah. And then. That's awesome, dude. I'm happy for you. Here's the thing, though, Tommy. What? You know, people. I've had this situation happen. Yeah. Where people go, I saw you in this movie. You were great. The movie I haven't seen that was in, whatever. Mm-hmm. And then I watch it, and it's not great. Then you don't trust people's opinions. Wait, because the movie's not great? No, because I look at it, and I go, I wasn't good in that. But that's skewed. It's not skewed. I legitimately wasn't good at that. And they go. I'm looking in the camera. I'm starting my words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is it somebody. Is it like showbiz people, or is it a friend? Anybody. Like, I don't trust sometimes the people around me. So when I got off stage, and people were like, that's it. You did it. Right? Yeah. There's always a little bit of me like, are you sure? Yeah. Do you do that or no? Of course. You do that, right? Of course. Yeah, because people are. Full of shit. Full of shit. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also don't trust. Like, you know, I don't like when somebody gives me, like, a physique compliment. I don't trust them. Like what I did earlier? No, no, no. Like, when somebody goes, like, you look better than you used to look, that's normal. Oh, yeah. When they try to, like, gas me up, like, I'm like. They're like, wow. Yeah. Like, you're. I'm like, what are you talking about, bro? You look like Henry Cavill. Like, get the fuck out of here. I don't trust them. Yeah. I don't trust them. Yeah, yeah. I don't trust that, yeah. For the rest of your life, you don't trust them. Exactly. For the rest of their life. And the tapings, it bothers me, too. Tell me why, because I'm feeling the same thing. Okay, so I was, like, talking about this on the one that I taped, is that I taped. This time I taped three shows. First one, like you said, I think for yours, the first one to me felt great. And I always think you as the person performing, you actually know truly the nuances of when it's good, when it's decent, when it sucks. You just know. You're the one that has reference to all the shows. That's why you can do a show somewhere. Because we're there. Yeah, but you can do a show somewhere. Like, you can book your show, let's say you're in San Antonio, and you walk off stage, and you're like, that show sucked. Yeah. And someone's like, great show. They. It might be a great show to them. Exactly. Because they saw one show this year. Right. You know the show sucks, right? But in the tapings, when someone's there for all the shows, and they're like, oh, that third show's the one. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like. Yeah. We just did three other. We did two other shows. Yeah. And you said that about the other ones, too. And you know that the other show was better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, no, I like this one. You're like. Yeah, yeah. I start to go. I do. What? This is me. Me, too. Yeah. I do that, too. What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about, Willis? Yeah. Yeah. You even say the Willis thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm a different strokes fan. Yeah. And I really miss Emanuel Lewis. Do you remember that show? No, Gary Coleman. You do? You know that show? Yeah. Yeah. What you talking about, Willis? Wow. Wow. That's amazing. And you didn't even question it. No. You didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't do that. Yeah. So let's be honest now. That being said, in the room, what do you guys think now? I told you, one for me. One for you. I liked one and four. One and four. I would say. One was killer, but four felt like Bobby at the Comedy Store. Okay. George? Same. One and four. One and four. I would trust the fact that they're talking about those two shows. I bet your special is going to be a mix of those two shows. Yeah. But it's going to be, what do you want your hero show to be? Is it going to be one, out of the gate, whatever that fire was? Or are you going to want the feeling of, it's me at the Comedy Store? At the end of the day, I'm just going to let them do it. Yeah? I'm your editor. I'm telling you, man. Yeah, I'm just going to let them do it, and then I'll just. Because even. Even if it's like the best, I'll look at it in such negative context, my eyes. Yeah. You know, that's the thing. I want to feel better about what I do. I think that's what we're getting at here. It's just like, I want to be comfortable enough with myself to go, you know what? Things are great. That was good. This and that. But I have such a critical lens with me. That's good, though. You think that's a good thing? I think some of it is. Yeah. I mean, every comic that I know that's very pleased with themselves. Is not very good. I think we all have to have. Now, are you. Let's say I'm an open mic-er. Yeah. Right. And you just happen to be seeing me at the mothership or whatever. Yeah. And I don't do very good. Yeah. But I come up to you and go, hey, man, what do you think? Are you honest with that person? Let's do it right now. Hey, Tommy Segura, right? Yeah. Yeah. What's up, man? What's up? Love Teacher did. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, I just saw it on Netflix. Thanks, buddy. Yeah. It's out now. Yeah, it is. Check it out. Yeah. Anyway, get your subscription. Oh, yeah. Anyway, yeah. I just did a spot, man. I thought I rocked it. What do you think? I was. I wouldn't even. I just. I just got here. Oh, you would lie that you didn't see it. How bad is there? How bad was their set? Pretty bad. Pretty bad. Like the guy before was, you know, I mean, did a really pretty good job. Average job. Yeah. Good laughs. Right. It was kind of maybe he got a pop on one thing. Yeah. But pretty much it was dead zone. OK. But he's like. He's like, Tommy killed it. Yeah. Well, you got a great stage presence, man. Lie. You lie then. Well, I don't. That's a lie. I can't. I can't crush. I can't crush. Clarity is kindness. I know, but I can't crush. Ali Wong told me that. Right. I like it. Yeah. But she's. Yeah, I know. Ali's a savage. I know she is. I know. Clarity is kindness. I can't. You're going to smash an open mic-er who's like. Well, I've been doing it for five years, so I don't even consider myself. I don't consider myself an open mic-er. Ooh. I mean, do they have this kind of attitude? I also called you Tommy three times. I don't even know you. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy S., what's up? All right. Get back on the horse, man. You know? But do you think I have a future? Five years? Five more years? No, I've already been doing five years. Right. Five more. What are you, deaf Tommy S.? I'm telling you. Oh, hard. He's crazy. He's crazy. He's crazy. Who is this? Do five more years. Really? Yeah, but keep doing. Keep coming back. You'll get it. It's still hopeful. I'll tell you my argument against that. Okay. Okay. You're like, hey, quit. No, I would just say, wait, yo, how long you been doing it? Five years. Five years. And you thought you killed? Yeah, I know where you're going. I would ask them. Yeah. You thought you killed? Yeah. Five years in? Yeah. Yeah. Get an ear, dude. I have two ears. Yeah, well, then turn them on. Turn your ears on, because what I saw was death. Death by jokes. Wow. Yeah, yeah. And I'll tell you another thing, guy. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Oh. Five years? That's kind of harsh. No, that's too harsh? Yeah, it's a little harsh. I think a lot of those happen. I want you to do what happened in comedy class. Yeah, yeah. Can I ask you this? Yeah, yeah. You've done Kill Tony, right? Yeah. Do you enjoy, or does it make you nervous to tell them how they're doing? No, it makes me, obviously, I'm not like this. Yeah, I know. I'm worse than you. I get, I get. Oh, you're going to make it. That's me. Yeah, you're going to make it in two years, bud. I get uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing. But you actually made a good point. When they're kind of like, hey, and it's bad, I can't be like, hey, you suck. When they have a bad one and they have attitude, it's easier to like, but even then, I still am like, I'm not that comfortable like shitting on them super hard. But my argument is this, Tommy. Yeah. Okay. Is that stage time. Is valuable. Yeah. And if you don't have it after about five, 10 years. Yeah. And you're still doing it, you're kind of hogging up this time for some young kid that can be up there. I mean, I think you're right. I think more than that. It's about that person's own time. Like, I remember seeing one one time who was at an open mic and they were afterwards. It was like, I'm 15 years in. And it was like, you're 15 years in right now. This is insane. I know. You know? Yeah, but do you have to be nice? Yeah. Yeah. But also, is it our responsibility to manage that for anybody else? Like, you fucking figure it out, man. Yeah. But David Letterman once said that when a young comic comes up to him and says, I'm thinking about doing stand-up, he always goes, don't. It's going to be difficult. It's difficult to make it. Don't ever do it. The reason why he says that is because a comic will still go up after that. He's right. Yeah. He's right. A comic will still go, you know what? Fuck you. I'll prove you wrong. And we'll go up there. That is true. Because you were told that, I'm sure, too, right? Like, somebody told you. Oh, my God. The local scene in San Diego, right, to me, now, I've heard other stories about how I was, right? I've heard stories about how I was, but from my perspective, they weren't supportive of me. Yeah. They were rooting for Dad. Oh. Yeah. So Dad and I started in the same. A couple years, right? Yeah. And when Dad came along, Dad fan, right? Everybody was like, there's two of them? Yeah. I know. This is insane. Where's our Asian clown car? We're growing them? We're growing them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There can't be two. There can't be two, right? It was like one too many. It was one too many. Anyway. And so he was sort of like the Harvey Dent, like the saving grace, right? Because I was so weird. And they were like, so all the locals liked him. And they just didn't like me. What's this? Hey, you guys reconnected. I'm sorry. Yeah. Holy shit. There's three of them. Yeah. Yeah. We're like gremlins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that, wow. Look at that photo. Me, Jimmy, and Dad. Now there's a lot, and I support it. But so, you know, I, but I just didn't get a lot of, did you get support when you started? From like other comedians? Yeah. Like the, well, you started in LA? I started in LA. Oh, that's the toughest place to start. It's a tough place to start. But I was unaware that it's tough to start. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't know. If you don't know, you don't know. Yeah, you don't know. So I didn't, I didn't really know. I mean, no, I mean, I can't really say that people were any, any which way about it because I went to the store a couple times. I didn't go to the store much. I would go to the improv. Yeah. Improv had a scene where like, I don't know, I felt like you could get more on these book shows. And I was doing all the bringers around town, all those things. They also booked me as an MC like pretty early on. And so I just started to work like that. But I mean. So I can't, I don't really feel like I had like a lot of support or anybody like putting me down. So there was no names on a list. Oh, no name shows. No, no. You didn't have names like this fucker was mean to me. I'm going to get revenge. Not because he had me. Ralph. I mean, not Ralph. Me and Ramsey have that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who's on your list again? I don't want to say it out loud. Do you have a death list? There's some good ones on there. Yeah. Oh, I have a list. You have a list. I'm Korean. Yeah. And Koreans all have lists. Really? Organized. It's organized list. Yeah. Alphabetically. Yeah. Now, let me say something. Okay. Yeah. My revenge. It's not something that I would outwardly do. It's just my revenge. No. But there's always like a little thing that I do. Not outward. Can I ask you something about this list, though? Tell me. Are the people on the list working now? Like, are they? Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. And they're cunts. They're not cunts. It's just a little bit like, really? Was their thing like a slight? Like a personal slight? It's a slight. It's a little slight. I do remember one time, this wasn't a comedian, really. This was a writer. So I was on a writing staff. But for, you know when they do pilots, they hire you for like a few weeks. So you go to a writer's room. And I remember I was talking to one of the writers. He was a higher up guy. And he was like talking about like the next thing. I was like, well, I'm going to go do some gigs. I was a middle act. Yeah. And he was like. And I was like, what are you doing? And I go, what? He goes, do you think you're going to be a comedian? Like actually make a living? And I go, I mean, that's what I'm doing. He goes, no. Like you're. I don't remember his name. Oh, fuck. You always have to get the name, Tommy. I mean, I could find his name. But also, what would I tell him? Find the name. Like, what would I tell him? Hey, man, worked out. That's the revenge. But that's what I'm saying. You don't have to say it. He knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy fucking knows. No, I have to be in the room when he knows. Oh, when this guy knows. Yeah, yeah. Or these people. This guy. That's a long list. There's 40 people on the list. Only 40 people. But don't you think the people on your list, they all are like, worked out for Bobby Lee. Shit, man. Yeah, but I still have to go. Oh, you want to gloat? Not a gloat. That's not me gloating. OK, just. No, what's up, man? You good? Have you not run into any of these? I have. And how does it go? Well, let me just say this. Like many lists, there's crosses. I've crossed some names off. Oh, you've crossed some names off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you forgive them when the list, when you cross them off? Is it a forgiveness thing? You got it after the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. OK. You know, to be honest with you, though, I say. Wait, do you love when some of them, like some bad happens to one of them? What do you mean? Well, like when you hear like. Oh, stage four? Yeah. Jesus. Stage four. Yeah. He's filed for bankruptcy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. You don't get off on that. No, no, no. I mean, I actually, the opposite occurs. There's this guilt. Huh? It's always a guilt because there was one recently that, God, there's this guy and he just didn't like me for some reason. And the reason why he didn't like me is because I was starting in San Diego. I'll just tell you what. Yeah. I'll tell you what. And I was starting, I was doing stand up in San Diego and there was another guy much like me. But he had been there longer and I was an open mic-er. And then one day I was at open mic and this lady came up to me and she goes, you're a good enough. Can you do TV? And I go, what do you mean? I'm an open mic-er. And she's like, I book a TV show. It's called Make Me Laugh. And I think you can do it. So I drove all the way to LA from San Diego, right? And then, you know what that show is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. A contestant goes out, like just a regular person, and there's three comics and he chooses a comic and then we try to make him laugh within a minute. And I kept getting asked, which means I was burning through material. Yeah. Yeah. So by the third one or fourth one, it was this show, Make Me Laugh. This is from like 1963. Jesus. I know. There's a 90s version of that comic. Bobby's old. Yeah, yeah. What do you think? It's like Dean Martin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Joan Rivers and I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah. No, it was so, by the third and fourth time they called, I was, I remember being, standing there on TV going, I just ran out of my last Joe. And hopefully they don't ask me again, and they asked me, so I quickly took this other guy's joke and changed it, right? Yeah. And I did it. And it got them to laugh. And then the guilt. Yeah, that makes sense. Right? Yeah, but it's also like for somebody in standup, like you understand why somebody at that time and place would do that. Exactly. Did he come after you? Worse. Okay. So I drive. I drive all the way back to San Diego and I go to a club and I see him. I rock right up to him. I go, I explained to him, like, you know, I just didn't, I was desperate and I did one of your premises. I mean, I changed it. Yeah. And he goes, thief. And he never liked me since then. He never talked to me again. I can understand the anger at the time, even to today. Yeah. Even till this day. Well, no, because he died. Oh, great. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So. Well, can we say who it is now? Was he going to call you? So five months ago, he died. Five months ago? Yeah, he died. And when I found out he died, I cried. That's sad. That's unfortunate. That's sad. And I cried because I thought to myself, I did apologize 35 years ago when I did it. Yeah. But, and he held this grudge because I would hear other comics say that he still has a grudge. Yeah. But then, you know, I know why this guilt is so strong. It's so deep because remember about 10 years ago, he had a. little like radio show that maybe had two listeners and we were the two listeners yeah he would make me listen to this guy he would do like the morning news and talk about politics and every day we would listen on car rides you guys are you think you guys are wild this is crazy this is crazy did you did you listen what do you mean do you remember a whole i don't remember palm springs was i don't remember palm springs man bleep it was just remember yeah yeah yeah yeah you're right did you did you listen because do you think do you listen because of like the feelings of guilt associated from that time no it was this it was this eventually he was telling people he stole my act oh he was saying you did yeah and then here's it was one stupid premise right and then he was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and then here's the thing it was one stupid premise right and then here's the thing it was one stupid they changed it he's telling everyone that i stole his act and then you became super successful so that would that would eat at it more do you see what i mean like oh i see so his his view was like this guy stole shit from me yeah and became a success yeah and also here's what burns more he was also the nicest guy imaginable seemed like it we listened to him for hours he's a sweet very kind guy you know i mean and i was kind of made to believe that i back locally that i was but a lot of people thought i was a villain maybe i'm a villain i can't see that no yeah i think i'm a villain dude yeah yeah yeah i think i'm like you know what i mean i'm a fucking villain really yeah i think so you know what i think i'm a bad person no wait when did you and dat get into like the kumite like i know you like drag there was a dragon kick there was like physical violence yeah yeah he did a dragon kick to my face but when did that happen at irish club um in pacific beach at a bar like it was an open bar oh okay and then he assaulted me a little bit at the comedy store a little bit yeah what's a little he assaulted me a little bit yeah at the comedy store in hollywood because i was hosting the open mics and i was making fun of like a homeless guy on stage and he he was a doorman he grabbed my shirt threw me against the wall and he goes he was homeless were you making fun of people that are more unfortunate than you and i go whoa dude get your that was a fucking solid impression by the way also makes him sound awesome and he grabbed you yeah he grabbed me yeah how'd you respond i went like what the fuck get your hands off me you know what i mean yeah i wanted to say you know something derogatory but then it would be against my own people you know what i mean but gook let's be honest i mean your hands off me gook you can say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know because you know i'm a big fucking platoon and you know my dad's a vet i guess yeah yeah you can understand that yeah yeah it's not out of like racism it's out of like frustration that he told me that he didn't know that was a bad no no no really what do you mean so my dad fought in vietnam he was in combat and hey mr segura mr segura and uh lieutenant um and then one day i was doing an interview with him like for a podcast yeah and he's like when the gooks came over the hill i was like hey hey i was like hey man really i go you can't say that yeah what are you talking about i go you can't say gook it was like why yeah i go because it's a pejorative term yeah he goes no it's not i go gook and he goes it's an acronym and i go no it's not it well he goes it stands for gentlemen of other kinds and i go it definitely does i go it definitely doesn't and then i of other kinds i then i i had to google and show him yeah and he was like huh i go you're fucking 70 you didn't know that response huh yeah he was like huh but then you know the n-word's bad i thought it was an acronym it's like nice it's like a national geographic doc on vietnam yeah and they'll interview a guy who's like yeah so you know we were kind of stationed up on hill 65 the gooks would come up and they play it on the documentary yeah it's just like everybody from there that era doesn't if they fought in that battle yeah they're just like that's how i talk you know hamburger hill was a difficult battle it was yeah yeah it was a very difficult battle yeah and uh they did a movie i saw the movie um but um i mean i i can only imagine you know you're that's the way you have to when you're fighting against another group of people you have to put them in like an animal zone you absolutely do right i think war is the most dehumanizing thing that can happen oh my god so would you be able to do it how can you even say i mean would you be able to do right now probably not like but if you sent me at 18 to boot camp who knows right no but tom sir girl bobby lee now with what we know i don't think we'd be good at it man i i know but we would try we would try what if we had to do it what would you do well then i mean you then you have to what do you i would you know what i would ask what give me put me in the same platoon as sakura fuck yeah dude no wouldn't it wouldn't you want to be with me you can dylan uh yeah i mean this sounds like a horrible platoon no offense no no no tim will do good i think tim's a little bit of a liability yeah yeah no i mean slaughtered the whole village for no reason i think i think you'd want to fight alongside people that you care about and have your back yeah yeah yeah tim okay tim okay okay good who would be let's let's name 10 people in our platoon we'll bring in santino for sure oh for sure he'll seize a snapper head yeah yeah yeah he's gonna yeah yeah yeah we're not bringing bert no we have to bring no he'd give away our position yeah yeah yeah he's a bitch yeah yeah bert's a bitch he'd be like i don't want to fight i love everybody yeah yeah yeah leanne leanne yes yeah yeah where are my daughters yeah yeah yeah shut up shut the fuck up we're trying to kill people yeah um so no little off who's oh they have to be a little off i mean i think we want a little fucking okay so me you santino what about no maniscalco he's got a 50 stoic i think no but he'd be like guys yeah yeah we're killing people like yeah yeah yeah a lot of complaining like i got a new robe on yeah yeah i got my nails done i could wear three colognes yeah okay talking about combat who's a little dirty who's dirty yeah we want some dirty folks oh well tony hinchcliffe oh dirty dirty dude yes the dirtiest yeah yeah yeah there's gonna be some gnarly dudes yeah so tony hinchcliffe rogan yeah so no so gnarly yeah dana dana white yeah the comic dana white we're doing comedians oh dana white oh yeah dana white for yeah no dude we're doing comedians comedians yeah yeah you're not in this you're not in this discussion why why did i say sometimes i'm listening i know but sometimes ramsay ramsay sometimes me and my bro i think it's the steroids am i being really yeah definitely i like it yeah yeah i think it's steroids but sometimes you know me i'm talking to my friend right you just shut your mouth but sometimes you know that was mean huh yeah you know you know what dude let's see what we got what do you put on his nose all right some cubes he's drawn cubes yeah yeah draw your cube i'm sorry that was not too much i love you thanks for okay let's go back okay okay we got to put some women in it we do i think whitney's kind of psychotic yeah she's like got it once yeah whenever i think i mean if we were like this is the plan i think she would be yeah yeah yeah yeah so whitney and um who else ian edwards you're out of your fucking mind ian edwards does you know i mean a chills making guy it's crossover we're in combat okay all right brian simpson then okay i just don't know i just don't know him that well oh he's fantastic oh if you're saying i'm gonna yeah yeah yeah and and like i said he's the one who's going to be the one who's actually be like hey boys this is how you fucking clean your gun like he's the one who's oh he's oh yeah i see i see yeah but can brian simpson tell joe rogan what to do i think in the combat situation everything's out the fucking you know yeah yeah okay i have a suggestion yeah yeah and because he i think he speaks multiple language he could act as a linguist and i think he is of a different type of intelligence is godfrey i was thinking about godfrey yes yeah godfrey for sure yeah godfrey for sure yeah it's definitely you want a mexican in there who no i'm not mexican but cat williams okay cat would be good hi man a little a little tiny okay yeah why don't you throw kevin heart and cat you know i mean that's one person how about an arab oh we need arab yeah we need it yeah uh not fihima anwar he's too clean yeah too clean yeah yeah a dirtier one you know who it is on the count of three say it no no no he's not dirty but i'll kind of give you yeah yeah a k jesus 40 year yeah i'm your okay yeah don't you think good call yeah yeah he already has trauma oh and we definitely need um because we're going to run into wherever this battle is who are we fighting well that's the most important thing it is the most important thing yeah yeah i'm just saying there's probably an arab out there yeah but i also feel like it's not going to hurt us to have somebody that speaks mandarin you got a good i can just fake it that's i mean this is good i'm saying this yeah if we see a bunch of chinese we're all going to go like this yeah yeah yeah and i'll put on my tuxedo in a top hat you'll see it i'll have a swirly mustache ronnie chang what ronnie yeah whatever dude ronnie's fantastic yeah i'm going to tell you right now and i i'm being real all right i believe that if i was negotiating i could i would roll back to the our bunker or our foxhole like laughing it's all good guys we're good you would oh yeah yeah and i'd wipe my mouth for some reason it's all good guys it's all good war's over I have a disease but it's fine I took one for the team but hopefully it's not going to go but I think that if you and I saw blood it would be bad you think so? dude I couldn't kill anybody I don't care what it is I just couldn't kill anybody I think in that situation I actually feel confident that you could me too give me the scenario somebody's coming at you with a fucking gun and you have one too I think you're going to be that doesn't work? I think that would work can we talk? I think you'd probably have the highest kill count I think you would take off I would do stuff poison blow darts I would do I think I'm good with grenades and dynamite fuck yeah you'd be our explosives expert I see it Bobby go throw some grenades on that school bus and get back here I come back put your kids in there but they don't look like us they don't look like us because they're brown and have weird ideas about whatever they eat fucking gruel hummus or whatever with cucumber what do you eat a laugh with cucumbers for? or whatever you could do it what about you? you think you can handle it? war no oh look at this there we are there we are dude Bobby looks like he's on the other team who's the guy in the middle? Tim Dillon oh that's Dylan? and that's Tom? yeah dude we look so good that was badass you want to write that movie? that looks like a fun movie dude let's make that like a war movie? sure they have cheap budgets let's make one I would love to go to Southeast Asia and shoot a movie with you would you? that would be so fun dude dude I would love to do that complaining the whole time? yeah fucking hot yeah where would you if you could make a list top three places you would want to shoot a movie because you want to be there where would you? well I mean I used to shoot in Hawaii so that's a great place to shoot great yeah yeah and then I would probably like Eastern Europe Eastern Europe? yeah like Prague or something? yeah yeah Prague or something you know what I mean? and then I would probably do wow that's a tough one Australia great food because you got to think this you got to think great where's the great hotels and great food? I like how you're thinking you know what I mean? yeah they do a lot of productions in New Zealand yeah and I've been there yeah great food great hotels right you know I don't know I don't know if we would survive it's like The Revenant you and I in the real elements that looked like it I heard in the interview they said it sucked to shoot that man cameras were freezing all the time yeah yeah I'm like this sounds like shit yeah I want to shoot in Italy why would you want to do that? I just feel like it'd be great you like Italy? why would you want to do that? why would you want to shoot in Italy? you like it? the food? that was fantastic thank you so much yeah yeah hey Gimango yeah Gimango? yo Gimango what are you doing? inside my hut go out of town man you come here with the gabalucci and your fucking two-faced magoo you know what I mean? and two-tone Larry I already see the movie yeah two-tone Larry what is two-tone Larry doing in here man? what's wrong man? pretty good right? yeah yeah yeah you do one Italian? yeah there's two-tone Larry two-tone Terry Tony right there how you doing two-tone? hey papa hey papa why you make a spaghetti again? just like how mama used to make it before she divorced you papa hey uncle Jojo's here hey uncle Jojo you bring the good stuff eh? I'm making the garlic bread you know yeah yeah Lucy yeah we got Lucy I'm not playing with you hey Lucia hey it's Lucia Lucia I'm not playing with you what's going on with your what's going on? Lucia she sleep all day she sleep all day all night yeah yeah yeah wow why can't you play along? I can't do Italian with I can't either with half paralysis I cannot okay alright thank you Ramsey can you do Italian? hey mama mia come on Lucia mia I mean this we're gonna get this green lit in a minute yeah but if why? because of the food? Italy? the food the landscape like the places the language I love it there yeah because you're you've traveled a lot I mean I guess yeah yeah I've traveled a lot yes yes you've been everywhere I've been to a lot of places yeah Hong Kong I would love to do one there Hong Kong's great Hong Kong's an amazing city yeah never been there you've never been to Hong Kong? no yeah you have I know I don't know why I lied why did you I lied anti-China I love Hong Kong you like Hong Kong? yeah good food yeah okay I've been to a lot of places too I know I believe you yeah a lot of places too you know what I mean you know if I'm being nice as bad as you but I've been everywhere Africa everywhere but a place that you've been that I've never been how do you what would you recommend? well I don't know where you haven't been is that real tobacco or is that a pouch? no it's just a nicotine pouch you want one? can I have one? yeah what's how would I know where you haven't been though? well just name the place he hasn't been to a lot of places in South America where? he hasn't been to South America oh okay yeah I've been to Peru Chile Argentina which one of okay if I'm going to go to South America where would I go? Brazil ooh Brazil's a good good I've never been to Brazil well then why he said Brazil yeah what about to like Patagonia? oh in the south yeah yeah I mean Argentina's fucking amazing I love Argentina I heard they're racist yeah but yeah but that's cool they have a lot of Koreans there actually oh they do? came from there yeah and they're racist to all of them but yeah are they really racist to all of them? okay well I don't want to go there then well here's the thing here's a little fun love and racism yeah a lot of the world is racist pretty racist pretty racist is it? I think so and I think the funny thing is in America you get this you believe this notion that like the race like we're bad because there's race and they're like like you have this illusion that like the rest of the world must not be like that and then you travel and you're like oh it is these people are super racist too that one um zoom meeting that in Finland that was like outed for everyone doing like the oh the eyes the Chinese eyes yeah I mean I remember like when I studied abroad in in college I did Madrid and so you have like a lot of immigration from Africa yeah right and you also have the Romani like the gypsies dude all the Spaniards were super racist against all of them and then in South America you have like the the majority is the indigenous looking people right like darker brown skinned people explain well I just did and then the minority would be light skinned white you know white presenting people yeah yeah yeah yeah dude who do you think super racist there it's the whites yeah yeah they're super yeah and they're racist against basically anyone who doesn't look just like you see anywhere else yeah well you're a light skinned Latino yourself right yeah yeah does it feel cool like that kind of feels like the best yeah but you do hear I mean I don't hear a lot of racism down there when I go down there for Asians it's you usually hear it for more like for indigenous or just anybody that is darker than a certain shade well even in the Asian community there's a lot of colorism yeah like even within the Filipino community there's a lot of colorism like the darker you are the more you know there's like a lot of whitening product yeah Koreans in India it's like that too I heard Koreans are yeah and then I think in India it's more like ingrained in the you know the caste system of like you were born this your dad was a rat catcher that's what you are yeah you stay that way you can't level up to a difference you can't level up in India I mean traditionally no what if you're like you have like a certain talent like I'm a good juggler or whatever probably then but yeah you know what I mean like a prodigy at something like you know what I mean the yo-yo you know what I mean and they're like oh my god this is the best to do it but they really do you know in Latin America they really do call all Asians chinos in Latin America they do it's like yeah yeah like so if you're if you're Japanese Korean Filipino they're just like chino and also if you look tired they're like chino or if they have curly hair chino chino okay good good good note good add-on good add-on you know what I mean but that's what you're welcome that's why I prefer what's that in Finland they did that yeah so this is like a representative of the parliament but that yeah yeah yeah I mean that's not bad that's not yeah he's doing the teeth dude he's like that's next level but they all did it so yeah yeah yeah yeah you know I have to say that's why I love America the best because we're open with it or what no it's not that it's just that as a minority I understand where to go you know what I mean and where that's like you know If I'm in, like, if I'm in Indiana, for instance, like, you're in Indianapolis. It's just so, like. You're like, it's so white here. No, but it's like, you see gays, you see. Everyone's harmonious. Oh, okay. And they'll go, hey, man, you know, you go two hours north. Don't go to that. I don't go to that town. Right. When they say don't go, I don't go. You listen. Yeah, I listen to it. Yeah. There are some YouTubers that go, I don't want to go, man. How do you feel about the Southeast in general? Is that a place you would avoid? I'm talking, like, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, the Carolina. It's funny. If you look at my road dates, I rarely go to those places. Like, for instance, Atlanta, I've played one time in my life. Atlanta once. That's crazy. I love you there. I played maybe once or twice. In my life? Yeah, yeah. I've never played anywhere in Kansas. When we did the Bad Friends Tour, we did hit Memphis, but they were the first times I ever. And how was your experience? Memphis was a nightmare. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was an absolute. It was a real utter nightmare of epic proportions. I bombed so hard. But you did the Bad Friends. Yeah, we do stand-up, though. I bombed so fucking hard, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was, like, notably. Really? Yeah, some places, dude, it's, like, harder to do stand-up, I think, you know, by being. I mean, it's not like I bomb, you know what I mean? I get laughs, but you know what certain jokes get. Yes. Yes. And I go, oh, this deserved this, and I don't get that. But it's like. I wouldn't say they were racist. I'm just saying that it was just a little harder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't play like. New Orleans, I played one time, maybe 20 years ago. You play New Orleans? I do play New Orleans, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now that you are having a special come out, it's going to come out later in the year, and you're going to have to do a new hour. You'll probably do a big tour. On your next tour, it'll probably be. You're just going to, like, go everywhere, don't you think? You know, it's so funny. It's something I'd like to talk to you about, if I may. Yeah. You know, I know you're a stadium guy. Ah. Oh, you're not? A stadium guy? Come on. Oh, you play the El Paso comic strip? Okay, no. You do Bart Reid's comic strip? Okay, all right. You ever been doing six shows there? No, no. No, no, no, let's get real. Let's get real for a second. Go back to your question. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to get real with you for a second, all right? All right. And I don't care, like. All right. No, no, is that Yuck Yuck's invention? Okay, you think that's the Mall of America, Rick Bronson Hall of Fun? That's not. That's not. That's not the Mall of Fun. I don't even. Here's the thing. I don't know where that is. Yeah, okay. All right. So that's what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And, you know, I feel like. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that doesn't seem. Yeah. Yeah. Can I just say point made and just keep going? Point made, move on. Yeah. Point made, move on, right? Yeah. Yeah. So when you say, I'll go back on tour, yeah, I'll play, you know what I mean, stand up live in Phoenix. You don't know what this special is going to do for you. You have no idea. It's true. I don't. I can't see. But this is the. Here's the thing. You haven't had the experience of having a special come out and see what it does because this is the first one you're putting out. You might put this out, announce your new dates, and have your agent be like, hey, guess what? This sold out in three seconds, so do you want to do, like, five of these, or do you want to actually book a bigger. Like, that might happen to you. That might happen to you. You don't know that. Yeah. I mean, I've been in this business for a very long time, and I think. I think not. Well, the thing. But the thing. I think not. I think not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think not. I think not. But we know something. We know something from data. We know something. Data, what. Data. I'm going to tell you. Data? However you want to say it. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what data is. I'm from United States. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when people do movies and TV shows and that, and they're stand ups, it never really, it. People think it'll translate to ticket sales. The thing we've learned just from a thousand examples is that stand up is what changes people's draw, meaning putting out stand up, like specials, like you're doing. That's what changes the draw. But you're doing it for the first time. You don't know what's going to happen to your draw because of it. You really don't. Yeah, true. Well, I don't understand what you're saying, you know what I mean? Based on your data. Data. Yeah, data. Yeah. Is. But. But. My fans are my fans. But your fandom. So my fans are going to come out. But it can expand is my point. It can expand. I don't think fandom expands as much as you think it does. But how about the people that are doing those big rooms? What's the thing that's consistent about them? They're very talented. And they put out specials. Specials. Yeah. Okay. That's my thing. Okay. It would probably take me two or three maybe to do that. So I'll do two or three and then maybe it'll happen. Okay. Yeah. But let's move on from that. Okay. I don't have enough data. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. To me it's like when I do. Because I've done big rooms with you. Yeah. In stadiums. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Can I see an example of that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you embarrassed by it? I wasn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like who cares? Who cares? You're not the only one that does it. I didn't think. We have fucking 50 examples of people that even do better than you. Yes. Yes. Let's see. Better than you, dude. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Billy Burr. Yeah. Billy Burr did that. Right? How many was that? 80,000 seats? I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Fluffy. Yeah. Fluffy's done Dodger Stadium. Yeah. Yeah. Matt Reif. Matt Reif has done huge, huge venues. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people. Bargatze. Do you mean. Bargatze. Yeah. Yeah. Sebastian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's a lot of people. I think that's a lot of people. front it's like we're gonna be heavy right what what happened he's gonna feel it in the morning he got it he got it again yeah with more of conviction ouch he's gonna fill that in the morning movie star one take wonder dude I can't imagine you in a movie like how many times you'd have to do a line over again just one time oh you're one take wonder give him a line Wow you give him one oh my gosh is that really the philosopher after over there give me something else I can't say that oh my god is that really a philosopher guy I knew he was okay wait we say wait what is it get forget Frank Congo on the line yeah thank you see it oh that looks cool Wow look at this look at this one so I don't want to see it I don't want to see it I think I want to see it that's so cool who's recording your wife you think she scrubbed in she's tick-tocking you know Christine on her tick-tock yeah look at this one yeah yeah look at the hand Wow Wow so they don't make any mistakes they know exactly what nerve well it's a it's a high-risk operation so basically you have two nerves here yeah you can pronate with so what they do is when this one was not firing well they took one out of here and they put it in here and then it's like it's like a doll hair so for like a few weeks they go hey you can't touch like you can't try to pick up a jug of milk you can't pick up anything because if it snaps that's it you're toast Wow and I at the time I had a fucking two-year-old and a four-year-old oh my god I was just terrified of him like they would walk I go get the fuck away from like I'm just you know yeah I've traumatized them Wow Wow but yeah the thing is so what happened was because I had like radial nerve damage from the break yeah when you when you have that and it's like healing they go these nerves nerves sometimes just start firing on their own right just wait you wait and so it starts getting better but I was doing things like if you said open your your hands right you can go up my healthy hand like this this hand would go like that yeah and then if I wanted to grab something I would have to like flop my hand on it and grab it and they're like it might come back but they're like we're we're adding up the months now and if your nerve doesn't actually reconnect and start firing your body consumes the nodules and then it's over so what you have is what you have yeah so he goes he proposes this operation and I'm like I go alright I go like this sounds pretty well he goes yeah it's pretty stated there I go how many of you done he goes one I go so I'm number two he's like yeah but he goes but it's it works it's incredible and then yeah that's so cool because um did you have involuntary movements no before the surgery no I didn't have involuntary movements what I did have was like a lot of you know weird sensations numbness tingling things like that where you're like oh and then it would slowly slowly like a couple months later you're like oh that's a little better then even like to this day if you grab my forearm I can feel the nerve sensations because what happened with my when I got Bell's palsy is I had incomplete healing and so the nerves have like cross wired so I have they don't communicate with each other correctly they kind of regenerate I didn't know you had Bell's palsy I have yeah I had Bell's palsy about a year ago yeah a year ago a year ago and it's supposed to go in like three to six months but it never fully did so when my when I purse my lip say for instance it closes my eye really so yeah they've just kind of miscommunicated and what do they say that might just resolve it so no I think synkinesis is more permanent so like when I'm done and in a little bit there are surgeries so maybe similar like that where they can like reinnervate or come like force the nerves to come back alive but I don't know what the success rate of that I mean it's obviously it's like it's worth you know doing all your research on I remember that after I had this procedure done the doctors would call me and go will you talk to this other patient oh well because this guy like one time they're like we have this like really wealthy guy who's like yeah yeah just fix it and they're like it doesn't it doesn't work like yeah yeah so they're like will you tell him so I had to like talk to this guy and be like I go you you can wait cuz he was like I don't know if I want this I was like you can wait it out man but like you realize that after a certain date if it if your body's like done trying to make it happen it's over it's over yeah there is no Wow you don't have the option though yeah there's a window so if it didn't work what would have happened I just would have had the hand where like I mean would it shrink those are my favorite surgery did you start to see like oh things are moving a little differently or I can feel this now right it's not as floppy after the so like six weeks later was when I was allowed to start like you could pick up you know five pounds and then a few weeks after that he's like 15 pounds little by little and then there's this thing too so I was like started starting to like get month to month it would be like little progress if I picked up like two dumbbells I would be like I would curl them and then sometimes on like the sixth rep of eight and not a heavy dumbbell my arm would just stop here and I would be like hey it's not and they're like yeah the nerve yeah just didn't fire again and then I thought that was just gonna be that's just where it is dude like a year later I was able to bump up that weight it took like a full year Wow to go to a higher weight and now even now my right arm is definitely stronger than my left arm but it actually has continued to progress but you have to like keep working it all and you have to retrain your brain did Bert tell you to do that basketball stunt no you don't know how that actually like what actually happened Bert had nothing to do with it no dude I listened to somebody like I mean it's all my fault but you know we were doing our stupid dunk contest yeah so it was over it had been over no it had just ended and was Bert there yeah okay so the goal was the way it worked was that we started with we did one of those hoops that you can keep raising Wow so we started at seven and a half and then eight and then eight and a half and nine and nine was like looked like that was like the highest we were gonna go yeah so he went to dunk it and couldn't yeah so he went to dunk it and couldn't yeah so he went to dunk it and couldn't and then I did so it was over and I won and then I did so it was over and I won and then I did so it was over and I won I was there like you're the you win and I was there like you're the you win and I was there like you're the you win and that's end of day go home well we were that's end of day go home well we were that's end of day go home well we were gonna do something else but the dunking gonna do something else but the dunking gonna do something else but the dunking was done Duncan Duncan Duncan done and was done Duncan Duncan Duncan done and was done Duncan Duncan Duncan done and then the guy that worked at this like then the guy that worked at this like then the guy that worked at this like basketball place he goes hey man I think basketball place he goes hey man I think basketball place he goes hey man I think you got a little more in you yeah you got a little more in you yeah you got a little more in you yeah and I go and I knew I knew that I had just and I go and I knew I knew that I had just and I go and I knew I knew that I had just gotten oh I was 247 pounds so I was gotten oh I was 247 pounds so I was gotten oh I was 247 pounds so I was much heavier Wow and I just got it in much heavier Wow and I just got it in much heavier Wow and I just got it in and I knew that was my limit and I was and I knew that was my limit and I was and I knew that was my limit and I was like yeah yeah yeah and so they cranked like yeah yeah and so they cranked like yeah yeah and so they cranked it up they cranked it up to nine three and I it up to nine three and I I knew it was beyond what I could do and he goes dig knew it was beyond what I could do and he goes dig deep man you got a dig deep deep man you got a dig deep deep man you got a dig deep right now I was like yeah okay I'm gonna dig right now I was like yeah okay I'm gonna dig right now I was like yeah okay I'm gonna dig deep yeah and I went to right as I deep yeah and I went to right as I deep yeah and I went to right as I pushed off my patellar tendon snapped pushed off my patellar tendon snapped pushed off my patellar tendon snapped what is that that's in your legs oh my what is that that's in your legs oh my what is that that's in your legs oh my god oh that's why I fall that tears I god oh my god oh that's why I fall that tears I god oh my god oh that's why I fall that tears I fall instinctively your arm goes fall instinctively your arm goes fall instinctively your arm goes behind you because you're falling oh my behind you because you're falling oh my behind you because you're falling oh my man it was just dead 250 pounds dead man it was just dead 250 pounds dead man it was just dead 250 pounds dead well my arm it just snapped in half oh well my arm it just snapped in half oh well my arm it just snapped in half oh my god yeah yeah yeah that's me talking my god yeah yeah yeah that's me talking my god yeah yeah yeah that's me talking about it oh oh I can't even watch I about it oh oh I can't even watch I about it oh oh I can't even watch I see what I mean yeah people are always see what I mean yeah people are always like oh you slip I didn't slip oh my like oh you slip I didn't slip oh my like oh you slip I didn't slip oh my gave out oh my god the leg just yeah gave out oh my god the leg just yeah gave out oh my god the leg just yeah and that camera guy just standing there and that camera guy just standing there and that camera guy just standing there outrageous yeah he's like yeah yeah outrageous yeah he's like yeah yeah outrageous yeah he's like yeah yeah he's like I got a good angle right here he's like I got a good angle right here he's like I got a good angle right here yeah that's insane dude Wow who was he yeah that's insane dude Wow who was he yeah that's insane dude Wow who was he Wow do you regret that or you know a Wow do you regret that or you know a Wow do you regret that or you know a part of your story it's a part of my part of your story it's a part of my part of your story it's a part of my story it was so horrible mmm it was so story it was so horrible mmm it was so story it was so horrible mmm it was so horrible the recovery was horrible the horrible the recovery was horrible the horrible the recovery was horrible the the I got so depressed in the hospital the the I got so depressed in the hospital the the I got so depressed in the hospital and in the recovery center it was and in the recovery center it was and in the recovery center it was terrible but it definitely set me off on terrible but it definitely set me off on terrible but it definitely set me off on another path I don't mean just another path I don't mean just another path I don't mean just physically I mean like mentally physically I mean like mentally physically I mean like mentally everything was different after that oh everything was different after that oh everything was different after that oh you want to lose the weight but not just you want to lose the weight but not just you want to lose the weight but not just like physical stuff I just feel like I like physical stuff I just feel like I like physical stuff I just feel like I it helped open me up like I feel like I it helped open me up like I feel like I it helped open me up like I feel like I want your mind yeah I feel like I was want your mind yeah I feel like I was want your mind yeah I feel like I was much more reserved like just I didn't much more reserved like just I didn't much more reserved like just I didn't ever get like too excited or too like ever get like too excited or too like ever get like too excited or too like about anything and then after that I about anything and then after that I think I changed in that regard for sure think I changed in that regard for sure think I changed in that regard for sure Wow yeah it was like like someone Wow yeah it was like like someone Wow yeah it was like like someone someone has like a you know a horrible car someone has like a you know a horrible car someone has like a you know a horrible car crash and they're like what the fuck crash and they're like what the fuck crash and they're like what the fuck am I doing like I kind of Wow it opened am I doing like I kind of Wow it opened am I doing like I kind of Wow it opened you yeah Wow yeah yeah I think the last you yeah Wow yeah yeah I think the last you yeah Wow yeah yeah I think the last time I relapsed is that relapsing yeah time I relapsed is that relapsing yeah - Yeah. - You relapsed. - Four years ago. - Yeah, yeah. - I think it helped open you up. - I think it opened me up. I just remember going, praying to God, going, I swear. word of god this is it save me from this i was in so much like a spiritual pain and um it's been very good since then that's great yeah yeah it's been very good although i'm a little lazy but you know is that is that the rumor about me that i'm lazy what is the rumor tom yeah tom what is the rumor about me what do they say about him what do they say about me they're just like this guy's kind of crazy you know do you think you find me crazy i find you crazy in like a fun comedian way yeah there's there's different types of crazy but i show up on time yeah i show up my time that was a hard laugh yeah yeah yeah i show up on time i know my lines yeah they're yeah i don't flake on things yeah you know i mean and i when you're a professional when i say i'm going to do something i do it you know um it's here's the truth tom if i may i'm not that crazy you're not that crazy no you're you're a little unpredictable i'm not that unpredictable i'm not what scale are we using for unpredictability the standard american scale of being normal pounds of being normal yeah well known i mean ask me questions why i would be and then maybe i can answer some questions here i mean like everyone in the room see why i'm crazy because i want to know when people say that i'm crazy i want to go i don't think i am but but yeah but let's see if i am i think knowing you you're very predictable actually i think i'm the most predictable oh i see what you mean yeah yeah i think he's i think he's very predictable i think he's very predictable unpredictable to somebody like what look at me look at me right now you knew you knew i was gonna do that i didn't know that you knew you knew i was gonna do he's unpredictable like he's what he is is he's like he's like jarring to like a first time person who's never been around this person i would say the unpredictability part is if you were to ask him the same question tuesday and friday you would get two different responses that's where the unpredictability because everything is like mood based yeah so i shift you shift yeah so i'm like a boat in a storm yeah that's where it's a little bit like huh but on tuesday you said but that's getting into into what like crazy not predictable yeah that's right that's right i guess you're right but if you can predict that he's gonna change his mind yes so it's basically like amongst friends yeah bobby said yes but you're you know by friday he'll probably yeah if you ask him again he'll probably don't be surprised if he says no he is predictably unpredictable kind of yeah you know how many times i do a gig at a club that i play for the first time and during the week like a sat like i do friday saturday the manager or whoever the book or whoever owns the club will come up to me and this happens all the time man we've never had you to the club but i heard you were crazy but you're pretty normal really yeah and i go what do you mean uh people think i'm crazy yeah you mean i've never been crazy i've seen this twice by the way you've seen it i've seen yourself two different managers yeah say that where they go we heard but you're not and i go yeah because i'm not yeah but i think when people say crazy about you they're they're that's the thing is there's kind of a scale for crazy so like for for bobby crazy it's like if you're just expecting someone to go like hello nice to meet you yeah and just sit down and like he is this wild guy and no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no because i think you're part of the problem you know and that's why i'm so hostile towards you sometimes okay i think don't see that face you're doing right now it's fucking mean mugging i mean yeah you're mean mugging me dude all right so here's the thing okay it i don't go these social norms you mean like you should lock eyes with somebody shake their hand and go oh how are you but i don't i'm saying that i don't do that because that's ridiculous but that's my point sometimes you go boom boom boom you know i mean right sometimes go you can see me you can't see me right which means that you're not an actual crazy person but you're kind of crazy to somebody who's used to like somebody just some christian right yeah i went to church wow this asian guy's kind of crazy yeah like in that way that's exactly right yeah yeah maybe in that way yes maybe in that way but like yeah the mormons you're crazy yeah yeah like do i rip a fart in a sermon yeah yeah yeah and i'll laugh because i'm uncomfortable and that's also funny it's also funny it is what i found really interesting about you is that not too long ago you dated a praise leader you know the head of the church who does who sings on state the worship leader yeah i remember yeah i do remember what's your point my point is even the christians think he's not that because i'm all about god yeah i mean i am god we're all god no no no what i'm saying is crazy no no we are all god god's within all of us he is right and i just exude that energy yeah i mean that purity who do you yeah i mean the spirit excuse me do you have a god yeah i believe in um a higher power i don't have a traditional western religion god okay jesus i know you do well yeah what i mean yeah yeah okay jc right yeah well that's some to some yes to some yes me no you know what i mean but um listen i was there when he died i mean not there when he was this guy thinks he's gone when my son died no but i was in you know i mean jerusalem you know and i saw the slab where he died how was it he was with steve it's a regular slab it's just a regular if you see one slab there's no difference how was jerusalem what how was jerusalem beautiful place really yeah yeah i got yelled at a couple times for well i mean one time um i guess maybe in this way i'm crazy but it's like i jumped on the slab i jumped on the slab i didn't jump on the slab i think in this way i guess in this way uh people would perceive to be like you're crazy but it's more out of ignorance like i don't know i know what's going on yeah so you know we had this private tour i don't know what's going on i don't even want to be there you know i mean i was tired yeah it's one of those early morning outings of like you gotta go to this you know i mean um not highlight what do you call it um a historical site yeah right and i smoke sometimes i smoke and we're in this room right and i lit up a cigarette i'm smoking inside this room right and they go can you not do that i go why there's no windows right and they go this is where the 12th the 12th supper was the 12th supper the last out of 12 there's 12 of people though yeah this is the apocalypse yeah you were you smoked a cigarette where the last time the last time it was right and then you're like oh even the muslims and i put it out in the room and then i got yelled at you did one of these like i didn't even know about it they had the last supper here yeah that was me there you know me chinaman hat yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're wearing a little you're wearing yarmulke yeah i hope my note is still in that wall you i wrote a note in that wall yeah yeah um another thing that maybe i find a little crazy is would you pee on your own plants in your property like you have bathrooms in your home yeah i would pee on your own plants in your property right i have a bathroom okay well who said that who does that every day who said who does that on your driveway and you just let the pee roll down and i don't understand why do you pee on the driveway why not it's predictable it's your house it's my house i bought you're killing your own plants the forward plants which is what i call them forward the forward the ones in front of the house forward yeah who the fuck says forward i do that's crazy i do and those are backward ones you don't have to do that you don't have to do that you don't have to do that you don't have to do that there's back plants too yeah those i don't as much this is why some people have to say he's crazy yeah because i pee on a plant how is that crazy you said forward plant yeah because no no not a human being alive i know but i'm searching for the word but i commit yeah that's another thing i want to say to you okay is is that sometimes i don't know what the word is but i commit to whatever's coming out of my mouth i know it's why you're hilarious and yeah so that's the thing but that doesn't necessarily mean that i'm crazy i don't think you're actually crazy i think you have to be crazy i think you have to be crazy i think you have to be crazy you have like there's you know everyone's talking about the things that are kind of crazy about you and that's why people go he's kind of crazy yeah but i don't do that and then people i'm a i'm eccentric yeah you're you're an eccentric person i think that i'm a little eccentric i just uh read or heard about a story that could have happened to you this since you had a booger wall when you grew up where when you were growing up right who didn't have a booger wall i know i actually want to ask you guys if everyone had a booger wall is that was that the norm i had a booger cat i had i feel like a booger square maybe yeah yeah but not a whole wall i know yours some have couches and some have squares so this kid so this kid had an entire booger wall for years and years and years so much so that it had valleys and peaks and they were like calcified and hard and one one day apparently he scratched his back up against the booger wall it caused the scratch and then stat it caused a staph infection that almost killed him and turned into like he turns fully septic from his booger wall and i thought about you yeah yeah that's cool that that made her think about you that sounds about right yeah yeah yeah but i wouldn't scratch my back because i have a scratcher so that's there no he didn't intentionally scratch right he scraped he scraped against it by accident oh by accident by accident yeah yeah it wasn't like that my booger wall i was there for the booger wall it was like that where where you had a designated booger wall yeah but how much booger was on there lots okay It was like stalactite And that's my bad What did you think of the booger wall when you saw it? I don't know, I was just like, okay, this is him, he's not hiding it I have other elements on those walls too I know I have an earwax wall Ew That's worse than booger? You had an earwax wall? Yeah, here's one thing that I did have That I've never shared with you Because I was thinking about it the other day And I kind of met your mom about it, but it's fine Because she's cleaning your flashlights No, it's not a flashlight Your mom was? She didn't know what they were She didn't know what it was She didn't know what it was So, you know Mungie, you know what mungie is? Yeah, the dirt when you You have mungie? When you scrub your arm In the shower like this It's the rolled dirt that comes off The dead skin I had a mungie ball So what I would do is I would Take a shower, right? Then I let the skin dry a little bit So you can get more friction in the mungie All these black, you know what I mean? And I thought to myself Every time I'm in the bath I'm going to do this My whole body And see how big the ball can get The ball became this big Solid mungie ball And I just put it in the corner of the ledge of the window And then your mom threw it away And you're like People call me crazy What's that? No, but that's boredom I get bored Okay It's an eccentric thing It's an eccentric little weird thing I don't eat it Was he like your fucking mom threw away my mungie ball? Yeah, my mungie ball I'm sorry, she probably didn't realize what she had done Anyway So you have your show You're shooting it next week Yeah, we start next week Exciting And then you have your special Did you have fun here or no? You always have fun here I always have a good time It was great Teacher's out on Netflix, please watch it Bad Thoughts Season 2 We started filming Filming He has a movie coming out Frankie Quinones is in it Kirk Fox is going to be great And what a great guy And I'm glad you're in town You're going to do spots where you're in town or no? I think during the production it would be hard, man But maybe at the end when I have a couple free days, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Anyway, give Tommy a round of applause Thanks, guys Thanks for having me Thanks, guys.