Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth Out w/ Rob Lowe | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Hey everyone, I'm excited to announce the first leg of my new 2027 U.S. stand-up tour, Preposterous. I'll be going back to some of my favorite cities, so don't worry if you don't see yours, this is just the first leg. Get tickets starting this Wednesday, September 30th at 10am local time with the code word TOMMY at tomsegura.com slash tour. Many more dates to come, including international dates. I hope to see you there. I'm just, I'm just feasting my eyes on Skinny Man. Can I tell you, like, I, I never, I thought I looked good when I was fat. I was like, I was like, it's a big hard fat. Everyone's like, ah, I love a big guy. And I was never had any self-consciousness. And when I started losing weight, I was like, I'm not going to lose weight. I started getting self-conscious of my body for the first time. That's hilarious. I know. Like, I look too good. I'm not sure if I should look this good. No, you know what it is? You know how it started? One day I was, I was looking at my stomach and I was like, wow, I've lost some weight. And then I looked up and I was like, I'm losing my hair. And then I was like, I never noticed it because I'd only focused on. Focused on the belly. Yeah. You were like, when you're fat, you look at whatever works and you're like, hair loss doesn't look that bad compared to the rest of it. That's a good point. Yeah. I like, well, take off the hat. Let me, let me judge the hair loss. Not happening. No. I just woke up in the, I literally, we pulled in from tour. You know what I said? I was like, I should have done it this at your house. We were right. We were in Paso Robles last night. No way. Yeah. You were? Yeah, we were in Paso Robles last night. Yeah. That's a good drive then. Yeah. That's a. Do you sleep well on the bus? Incredible. Right. Are you in the, like the coffin ones or are you in a big bed in the back? I'm in a bed. This bus is the best bus I've ever had. And, and. I loved my, my bus burned down, but this bus is a double slide out and it's set up like my old bus, but my area slides out. It's the best. It's a queen size bed. But wait, how do you do that when you, it slides out, obviously you can't do that when you're moving. So can you sleep on the road when you're actually moving? Oh, I'd sleep like a dream. And this bus is a little bigger than the average bus. So there's, it's a little smoother and we have this driver. I hope my current driver doesn't hear that. We have this driver who's like, just so you know, I don't go over 60. And we were like, it takes forever to get places, but you're asleep. So it doesn't matter. Right. And you, you never feel the bus moving. It is. Wow. That driver wouldn't last long with me. I have one, my driver would tell him, I have one rule. I'm like, I like to like get places. So I'm like, if I see anybody hauling a ladder past us, you're fired. It just keeps it really simple. Like, you know exactly what I mean when I say that. Yeah. Like, you know exactly how fast to go. I see a ladder passing me. Fuck it. How were you with teaching your kids how to drive? Not good. I mean, not, I mean, I did it, but my one son, Matthew is, I'm like, dude, you got to calm down. My other son, Johnny drives like an old lady. So I have both sides of the thing, but you know, you don't. You don't. That, that amazing hand-me-down parent to child thing of teaching how to drive in the parking lot is kind of gone because there's no, there's no, no manual cars anymore. Yeah. I mean, you had to learn how to drive a, dude, I knew, I learned how to drive a stick. Yeah. Remember that? Dude, I was so proud. I knew how to drive a stick. Yes. It was like, it was like a badge of honor. It was like the closest I've ever been to be a man. How well do you know, like the streets of LA? Pretty well. Okay. La Cienega and Sunset Boulevard. 100%. That it's like, yeah, it's steep as shit. It's steep as shit. So there used to be a boot barn over there. There's a pink, pink dot. I know these streets. Okay. So that street, hold on that street. If you're going, if you're going on a clutch north. Yes. If you're going up the hill, you're the third car from the light. You're, you're, you're, you're in a stick. Yeah. There's cars behind you. That was fucking gnarly. And I remember that being like the rite of passage. Hold on. Can you, okay. So for everyone who's really having a hard time, cause this is actually almost a beautiful thing. Can you explain with your eyes closed, what you're doing with your feet on a hill with a stick? Okay. So first of all, you're, you're smashing that break in like, there's no tomorrow with your right foot, right? Yes. With your right foot. Now you've got your left foot on the clutch and it's not engaged and you've got your hand, you're ready to be. It's in, here, right? So now what you've got to do, this is a 45 degree hill. Your car's on a 45 degree angle and there is another car behind you. Yes. Six inches from you. Now you have to quick as you can get from the break to the accelerator and, and you, it has to be seamless. And now you have to feather the clutch, feather the clutch. So you're not sliding backwards and you can't stall it. Cause if you stall it, you slide backwards and you just have to, you have to mix those two just perfectly to engage it and go forward. Do you know, they don't, I'm not a huge car guy. Leanne is very much so she wanted a Porsche, but she only wanted a Porsche in stick and they were explaining to her, we don't do that anymore really because, um, it, our automatics switch faster than a pro normally. So you're not going to gain anything from getting a stick. So we just do automatic and Leanne's like, I don't care. Listen, how about, I'm sorry to interrupt, but it made me think of this. How about the new Elon Musk roadster that supposedly flies? You don't have feelings about these electric cars because it's almost like, it's almost like AI. It's almost like a game changer. It's almost like my daughter's being smarter than me because they have access to the internet. And I go, this isn't fair. You shouldn't know these informations. Like, but like I remember hearing Joe, talk about those, the, they were like, go like zero to 60 in one second. That's right. And, and it, it almost is like, is that what, uh, Indy cars are doing? Yeah, I'm sure. F1 cars. Are those F1 cars all electric? Yes, they are. I should, are they, we're looking it up, but I'm obsessed with the flying part, actual flying. I'm so sorry. I don't think I know what you're talking about. Oh, I'm not using flying as a euphemism. They actually, the new Elon Musk car, the Roadster that's coming out, hovers. At a minimum, it hovers. They're talking about it flying. It doesn't really fly, but it has, I have a friend who saw it and it hovers. I could be really impressed. Yeah, it's coming up here. And so it's starting to leak and Elon's been very cagey about it. Maybe it actually moves, but I know it hovers from what I'm told. How sick is that? That is. I mean, you kind of have to have, if you're a gearhead at all. Yeah. That ends any conversation about anything else. Like there's no other, like if you don't have a car that hovers, why bother getting any other cool car? Yeah, it's so, yeah. I mean, that is, you know, it's like for, I don't really have. And it also looks dope. It's a good looking car. Fuck yeah. My only thing is, and I don't think they solved it. If the car is going to fly, then you don't want it to be heavy, but I don't love the, you could, the interiors on those Teslas are a little utilitarian. I remember the first time I got in a Tesla, I was high as shit on edibles. Amazing. In Amsterdam. Well, as one is. Yeah. Why go? And it just picked us up and I went, this is the thing I've heard about. I'm always so late to the game. We went and did a tour of SpaceX back. I mean, this had to be like 12 years ago, maybe. And I had no idea what SpaceX was. They invited me to come do it. And I was like, I was like, no, I'm going to pass. And Leanne's like, what are you doing? And I mean, my managers and agents came. Everyone wanted to see it. And I had no idea. And they were like, and I want to say Elon Musk was there, but I wouldn't have known. Cause I don't know who the fuck he is at the, especially at the time. Like I, I don't know who anyone is. I'm always the guy that goes, oh shit. You're that person. Fuck. And then my energy shifts and I'm like, and I'm impressed. I played it so much cooler when I don't know who they are. But that's amazing. The, um, so wait, do you have to have a pilot's license? Well, that's where I go is like people drive poorly enough as it is. Yeah. Like I'm not excited about flying cars. People can't even drive now. Yeah. It's crazy that you think that, I think Bill Burr said to me one time, he goes, I was, I've talked about being afraid of flying and he goes, fine, fine. Buddy, we're on the four Oh five. In the, in formation, we got people that don't know what the fuck they're doing from different, all over the place. And we're all fucking going at 70 miles an hour. And when you really take a step back and think about that, it is chaos on the roads. And you, I can't believe they let even my daughter, I let drive. I mean, did you ever take flying lessons? No, I have no desire. Tom. Well, he, when he had money, he started and now he had to stop. He had to sell his plane. He's going to do a big yard sale for everything. The plane was over here. Can I tell you, can I tell you, So like, I didn't know, I mean, I'm not supposed to talk about this divorce. anything from the wife i've been like i don't give a fuck what's going on i'm not giving half the first canary in the mind was when he started selling all his watches you're like oh there's trouble at home i was like wait because i and i like i said i'm oblivious to everything and i was like why would you sell you have some of the hardest to get watches in the world why would you sell them and he called he was like you want to buy this truck of mine and i was like what and then and he was like you know i'm just downsizing and i was like that's not the guy i know you he's a guy that built he dug out his garage so he could put nine cars in his garage and then still had so much spill out of extra cars and then i go downsizing i should have known you should have i should have known i'm always the last let me tell you a story rob this is how bad of a listener i am oh so that way you just so the reason you don't know is because you don't fucking listen i don't listen at all you don't listen i don't listen at all one of my best friends in the world eddie fernandez eddie fernandez i've known him since we were uh 18 years old we're 26 years old we're sitting on the beach in santa monica and he's telling a story about his brother and i go you have a brother and he says i have two brothers i go you have fucking two brothers and he goes and a sister i go why didn't you tell me this he goes i have you've never listened i was like that guy mario's your brother that guy that guy mario i he's always in your house i'm dealing with it in therapy right now because you don't listen there either unless we're talking about me of course not ever since i turned 40 every year more than once a year i get my my levels checked and i'm always blown away at how you can optimize almost every single thing in your body and if you're tired of hearing everything looks normal after waiting 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heard about superpower tell them two bears one cave sent you to support the show so now that our girls are out of the house and i'm doing my world tour my wife leanne chrysler has said she will be coming to europe with me and guess what i'm going to teach that redneck a new language leanne speaks no other language than english and i'm so excited if you're traveling in summer here's a real travel hack don't wait to start learning language until you get there instead try babble even just 10 minutes a day with babble can help you start having real conversations in as little as three weeks instead of memorizing random vocab words you're learning phrases you're going to use while you're ordering dinner asking for directions or talking to locals or just having dinner with your wife at a bar in in germany with your wife lessons are quick practical and built by more than 200 language experts they have interactive dialogue personalized reviews even podcasts all designed to get you speaking quickly and confidently and unlike cramming before a trip babble fits into your actual schedule coffee breaks a commute maybe a few minutes right before bed if you've got summer travel coming up now's the time to start so you can actually use what you learn on the trip right now babble's offering listeners up to 60 off go to babble.com slash bears that's babble b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash bears for up to 60 off rules and restrictions may apply the thing i love about fall a hot tub oh cold outside warm inside sit in your backyard and watch your head steam with a nice cold mountain dew let me tell you something about fall moments like that deserve a treat and a mountain dew is a treat it's not fall until you get out there get in the hot tub tailgate at a football game sit by the fire pit with your friends and family when you do grab a pack of mountain dew the american original born in the foothills of tennessee mountain dew was made for a damn good time outdoors god i love that crisp citrus kick little ice never does you wrong from hanging out around the campfire to playing catch in your backyard get outside and enjoy a mountain dew mark your best fall memories with the crisp refreshing citrus kick of mountain dew get out there and enjoy the outdoors with mountain dew an american original tasting great since 48 look for mountain dew in stores near you but like i i feel like i said i said to the therapist i was like okay look we can try to fix it all right we can fix it but fixing what like like let's not do any big global changes because everything seems to be working pretty good right now yeah we got a good living we're happy our kids are really well adjusted yeah leanne does a lot of the heavy lifting with that shit but like but like everything seems to be working no one's really upset so like what are we asking for so the thing what are we asking for what are we asking for you ready yeah i'm doing it really good is um i'll do it to you this is what i'm supposed to do to my wife okay i'm going to do it to my wife i'm going to do it to my wife i'm i'm okay how was your morning thank you for asking it was really good thank you what did you do you know i i did some work and um i helped what oh so then you said like i start going like when do i get to talk about like what and and and really it's not only when do i get to talk let's face it because i'm a brother brother in arms here i'm not judging yeah it's when do i get to talk about me well sometimes my life is so much more overwhelmingly interesting that like i go can you want me to tell you the joke i wrote last night and like and i wrote five new jokes let me tell you about my shows but like i have to find a way and i am finding a way to be interested in things in her life that aren't aren't interesting i'll say it you you don't you don't have to say it i'll say it so it's like below interesting as a matter of fact let's just say let's just say this is how life should be if you stand in front of a crowd and tell your story people shouldn't get up and walk out right hello yeah yeah i mean how hard is it as a professional storyteller to suffer through an amateur's storytelling the word that comes to mind is tedious okay can i tell you can i tell you i'm this bad i'm this how bad i am i sometimes will tell ian can i can i just edit punch your story up for you can i tell you how to tell it because you you're you're giving so much facts that oh my god okay dude so here's here's what happens is my wife who is wonderful at many many many things very long successful marriage which is rare in hollywood let alone this podcast 36 years yeah beloved love it and but i realize is like we all we all have separate skills two halves make a whole i write books and tell stories for a living she doesn't she's a jewelry designer she jewelry designer and great when i'll walk in and say what are you watching and then she begins now it should be it's a murder mystery story full stop yeah right that's all it takes that's all i need to know wow right that's all i need to know yes what i get i'm not kidding what i get is so that girl there met this guy and they were at a bar well no actually it wasn't a bar it was a bar it was a bar okay it was a restaurant yeah it was yeah it was a restaurant it was a chinese restaurant and they met there and then then there was a murder but he doesn't know anything about the murder but she does and 20 minutes later we get to the answer of what she's watching all i need is it's a murder mystery don't need to know what restaurant the first scene took place in don't need to know the name of the the third lead is it's amazing yeah i'm blown away at how long leanne can draw out like the simplest story like just like how about how many details that you don't need how many details that you don't need do you think you get you know kills me if she doesn't include the details that i find interesting there's that too yeah her dad's got afib and the doctor doctor told him uh every now and then just take a take a stick of licorice and bite into it and have a shot of white lightning and i go that's the craziest shit i've ever heard in my life and then cut a half an onion and leave it in your room that should help with your afib what exactly and she goes well he said that one i go it doesn't matter he said it to him he was a doctor and he said it to him he does he was a doctor and he said it to him she's got a cousin who can't eat anything with a hoof and i go why don't these are the things i hold on to yes well this is the most interesting thing i've ever heard in my life just a phrase he can't eat anything with a hoof you can build a fucking entire 10 minutes on that when he said you know i was sitting they were her entire family was panning for gold without sunscreen one morning everyone's beet red And I said, what are we having for lunch? We're sitting. Everyone's panning for gold. This is amazing. What are they, the fucking Donner party? Buddy, this is my family. And I said, what are we having for lunch? And I said, I'll run and grab some burgers. And her cousin goes, well, I can't eat none with a hoof. And I went, huh? No one blinked an eye. They're like, yeah, you can't eat none with a hoof. And I went, hold on. It's very, so specific. I can't date girls with hoop earrings? Like, wait, what is the? And she just glazed past it. And I go, this is one of the most interesting facts. She goes, well, it's common around here. It's common. You can't eat it. You got bit by a tick. Tick got to do these. Can't eat none with a hoof. Wait, now ticks are involved? Yeah. I'm blown away. And I go, she does tell a good story, but she gets caught up. People get caught up. Yes, they get caught up. And there was a UFC fighter one time. And he was telling me about his training regimen for the championships. And he got so caught up in the tedium of his training. Of how hard he was training. That he never, I, he lost me by the time he got to the championship fight. And I was like, dude, I really don't care about the incline on the treadmill. Like, tell me what it was like to go into the cage for a UFC championship belt. And then, and then when he did, it was so brilliant. The little bits of what he noticed. He was like, I didn't realize there was going to be celebrities there. And I was like, keep going. Super interesting. Yeah. And it's so funny, but like, that's why I love being around. Great, great, great storytellers. Like Colin Quinn or like, like, especially the older you get, like, like, uh, like Bill, not Bill Engel, uh, Jeff Foxworthy. I was with Jeff Foxworthy. And he told such a great story about swim, playing with his grandkids. He goes, grandkids, trust you. My grandkid looked at me and said, pop up copy in the pool. And he goes, Hey, don't tell anyone I said this, but we all be in the pool. He goes, thanks, pop up. And again, this kid gets. Pissed out of the pool, drops his pants and pisses in my pool. It's amazing. Like, it's just like, it's such a great, it's like Ron white. One of the best storytellers in the world. You have, can I, can I stop this whole thing and say, I, I, I really just, I watched Tommy boy again the other day, Chris Farley was a brilliant actor. Yeah, he was. But like, I think that slept on because he was overweight because he was high energy because, but he was a brilliant actor. He was a brilliant actor. And so spade in that spade is a moment. Yes. In it as well. That's brilliant. They're, they're both incredibly, incredibly underrated actors. And what I'm really obsessed with this because right now that's going on the internet is, uh, and I find this fascinating how the celebrities from which boys, young boys draw their charisma. Oh, it's, it's, I've been obsessed with this for a while. The first hint I ever got of it was when I was in college. And I noticed guys doing an Ace Ventura impression to be funny around girls. And then I was like, wait, what's that? And then, and then guys would, and I knew that I would kind of do a little bit of a chubby chase around girls, like a cool guy, like a, oh, well, you know, you know, and, and then I watched it like people would do a Borat impression, but, and now they're saying like boys are doing a Ryan, uh, Ryan Reynolds impression that of that charisma. And. What I find fascinating about Chris Farley is he gave us a language with, within which to be funny. Like he gave us a currency of that. We still do today. It doesn't hurt so much here or here, like little things he did as an actor, we stole and put into our lives for the rest. I find that so fascinating, but as one of the coolest guys I know, and you have your charisma is fucking through the roof. I mean, you have a whisper in the way you talk, I watch, I'm being serious. You've had it your whole fucking life. You've had it as long as I've been a fan of yours, you've had it. Like even you were the softest greaser in the outsiders. So, so I think too soft, but no, but that's what we fucking drew you to you. Soft. I'm like, I look back at what's with the body language. I like, I'm like a Gumby. I'm out there like flopping around and Tom Cruise like, ah, Tom Cruise was off on that. If we're gonna be, if we're gonna critique performances. He was, he was reaching. He was, he was working very hard on that. He was working really hard. He took his tooth out one day. He was like, he was like, I figured my tooth would get knocked out on the rumble. It was like, took his own tooth out, took his own tooth out. Jesus. And, and it had a, just the, not only had like a post of his, but you know, that's commitment. Yeah. I don't have that commitment. That's I was, I see, I thought I was a soft greaser. I'm glad that it worked for you. But wait, where did you get your charisma from? Like, where do you think, like what w? Who were your heroes when you were a kid? Oh, for sure. Oh, that's and okay now. Okay. Yes. 100% mine, 100% is butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. It's all based on that. There's a meme going around right now of, uh, of Paul Newman. Is it Paul Newman? Yeah. Uh, have you seen this where he's carrying four beers? No, but that would make sense. Cause he, he loved his Coors beer, but it's Coors. Paul, it's such a great, Paul drank a lot of beer, apparently. Yeah. And he was, and the, the, the, he's there. This is the, oh, look at him get really stoned. Oh, look at him. That's my guy right there. He is, is that Grolsch? What does he, what is he carrying? It looks like it's remember the beer Grolsch? Yeah. Oh yeah, of course. I think it's see pictures like this are why I will never be totally sober. Because I see this and I go, well, he seems to be in control. You know, that's where I think. And he was, yeah, yeah. He drank every day. Apparently he drank every day. I mean, and there's, there's another thing going around about his body type, that his body type was the perfect body type. You kind of share it. I've seen that. It's this athletic, it's this athletic, not overly built, but really flexible, really healthy fucking body type. Yeah. He, he and Redford and their whole patter in that movie. It's like, it's like self deprecate. It's, it's like, it's interesting to chat, like we could, it'd be fun to break down. Like what about, what, what, what is Chevy? Cause I, I love that arc, his Caddyshack architect archetype is a great one, right? Caddyshack and Fletch were like two. Yes, for sure. But like Newman and Redford, it's like, they're, I think the number one thing is they're self deprecating. They don't take themselves seriously. There's a great moment in, in Butch and Sundance where we're, we're, you know, where they're, they've been shot up, they're surrounded by people and they're trying to figure out who's gonna go out and get the ammunition that's out by the mule. And, and, and he, and, and Redford goes, we gotta figure out some, one of us needs to go out there and Newman says, it's no time to be a hero kid. I'll let you. And to me, that's, that's it. That's the coolest fucking move ever. These days, it seems like everyone is talking about AI. What you don't hear as often is how AI is changing the way businesses get work done from the routine tasks being handed off to the questions being asked and the decisions being made. That's the idea behind NetSuite Next. It's the next generation of NetSuite with AI woven into the tools your business already relies on. It's built to surface insights, direct agents to execute routine tasks and respond to complex questions. 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With ShipStation, you can automatically compare rates across UPS, USPS, and FedEx on everyday orders. um aaron sorkin great writer he he's got a movie coming out and he then they asked him they said what's the perfect screenplay which casting the sundance kid the musical musical dude if you i'm gonna let me tell you something i i i i'm really obsessed with um authentic writers and and and real acting and like and only because and i don't mean this shitty but like a lot of the things coming my way these days feel like they've been at least run through ai just for structure you know yes and and and i'm i understand that that is a young thing to do and and a lot of young people are going to write screenplays but what i do love about the musical is it's it's it definitely is written for guys that have let spike drive their lives it is i and you're looking at one of them i i there is there there was a period of time where i wanted at least two to three girls to see what i was doing in my life without a doubt right and if i i won when one of them called and was like you're really killing it my parents are proud of you oh yes her parents called me again i probably have to edit this out her parents called me one time and i was i was i was broke i i mean i was it was it looked like i was doing well on paper but like i'm sitting with in an apartment that leanne's paying for by doing by working for the company we were getting just free rent that's it no money i'm making seven hundred dollars a week on the road i got two kids we're we're drinking two buck chuck and amazing her dad called and he was like bert buddy i am i am appalled at how wrong i was about you uh amazing i was like huh i was like is he drunk i'm gonna put jan on the phone hold on one second she's like we had you all wrong you were you're such a success and i by the way i was not i absolutely was and now they must think they're they called it but like i that but this movie is it is an you can tell an artist wrote it you can tell an artist what's really brilliant is the entire now i'm not giving anything away but the entire the entire drive of the movie is an intellectual who's not writing from a a a a a place of his own experience and then learns to write from his place of his own experience i will say that within the last 12 minutes i am crying laughing crying laughing crying laughing great music selection great the the kids are brilliant the kids the kids kind of carry the show jillian um jillian jacob jacobs is her name yep jillian jillian jillian jillian jacobs she's awesome yeah um she's awesome uh you're awesome she's from in the show community yeah that's her big thing yeah you're awesome uh the the lead is uh rob bill will will birth will brill he's awesome but those kids man how i'm a question for you going into it did you know what the big reveal is no i had no idea so you had no idea going in i had no idea it was it's a really it's a it's there's zero ai so so for those of you who or this this is my movie the musical that's out right now in theaters it is the most audacious breathtaking i cannot believe they did that movie that's come my way ever and there is a moment in the movie where i've seen it now with audiences where they i can only honestly compare it to uh let me guess don't say it little miss sunshine it's little miss sunshine election election yeah yeah and it's very it's it's dark it's super dark it's super dark super funny super dark and i love the elements of levity of like just the little things like you doing lunges and like like it but it's like it's such a thing it's written from a perspective it's great writing it's really great writing and i i will say the directing was pretty phenomenal because the actor uh will yeah took chances at things that i wouldn't have i wouldn't have done and i was confused at but they played very perfectly for that movie he like his his his tone he's in it for real yeah there's not a moment like the way he speaks to those kids yeah there's there's a scene where he makes these fourth graders watch the manchurian candidate which makes me laugh so it's just like i said it's it is unapologetically insane and in our day where where all movies seem the same it's it's it's really really really special can i ask you a question that you don't have to answer and we don't have to put in the in here but i want i want to know the i want to know personally the answer and i don't you may not know it at the very last scene the very last cut where the camera pulls back to reveal the lead actress who he's yes got something going and is it history's repeating itself okay here we go again yes okay i like it or he's gone to new york yeah yeah yeah and it's the same thing i'm telling you there's not enough um i don't know what the budget was nothing i i was assuming based on pretty much one location it's one location we made it in 18 days it's a first-time director first-time screenwriter um and it it's just one of those things where you know nobody made any money but we all believed in the movie and and it plays it's just fun to go to a theater and watch it because it plays like flipping gangbusters i think that's the thing that's missing a little bit is like listen if you're asking me if you know a couple movies and immediately i go just because of the the peril of public display of like do you want it like if it just goes to streamers everyone thinks it's a hit it was a hit yes it trends number one oh yeah everyone's like oh wow you crushed it and then but there's no payoff you don't get any box office and no one makes their money back i mean i guess they do i don't know how i really don't know how there's no it's a thing you go to a streamer and you have a movie on it and they can say i mean sometimes you know it's number one on netflix for 10 weeks and everybody talks about that's clearly a hit but there's other times you don't know you say it was hit was it i don't know nobody watch it who knows yeah and now you know they'll be we're this is we're in 300 theaters it's tiny tiny tiny gem so we're never going to compete with with the big movies that are out there but but it's it to you're right you could go out there and you could sit in a theater and a no one's there and b no one laughs and luckily that's not the experience this this thing's having it's it's it is you could go out there and you could sit in a theater and a no one's there and b no one laughs and luckily that's not the experience this this thing's having it's it's it is you could go out there and you could sit in a theater and a no one laughs and luckily that's not the experience this this thing's having it's it is how about i don't think we're ruining anything how about i don't think we're ruining anything how about i don't think we're ruining anything to say when when the little kid goes what to say when when the little kid goes what to say when when the little kid goes what will happen to me will happen to me will happen to me rudy giuliani literally rudy giuliani literally rudy giuliani literally the the place explodes the the place explodes the the place explodes it's so wrong the i mean i look we're it's so wrong the i mean i look we're it's so wrong the i mean i look we're and we're not giving anything away and we're not giving anything away and we're not giving anything away when the twin towers show up when the twin towers show up when the twin towers show up i am i am i am when it dawned on you no it's tower one when it dawned on you no it's tower one when it dawned on you no it's tower one you when it must have you when it must have you when it must have when did it finally dawn on you when the when did it finally dawn on you when the when did it finally dawn on you when the paper airplane hits the so so i paper airplane hits the so so i paper airplane hits the so so i oh that's how he got the idea yes yeah oh that's how he got the idea yes yeah oh that's how he got the idea yes yeah i didn't get it then but most people the i didn't get it then but most people the i didn't get it then but most people the penny drops when the paper airplane penny drops when the paper airplane penny drops when the paper airplane hits the fake towers when they're hits the fake towers when they're hits the fake towers when they're rehearsing west side story rehearsing west side story rehearsing west side story which by the way the towers weren't which by the way the towers weren't which by the way the towers weren't there when they there when they there when they made west side story people are made west side story people are made west side story people are listening to this being what are they listening to this being what are they listening to this being what are they talking about it is a it is a talking about it is a it is a talking about it is a it is a i'm really in love with um big swings i'm really in love with um big swings i'm really in love with um big swings i'm i don't want safe i like a good big i'm i don't want safe i like a good big i'm i don't want safe i like a good big swing yes me too and i love a chance swing yes me too and i love a chance swing yes me too and i love a chance and i love and i love and i love i love all that and it's really it's i love all that and it's really it's i love all that and it's really it's really tough to do when you make a movie really tough to do when you make a movie really tough to do when you make a movie because because because in all honesty the safe play is what in all honesty the safe play is what in all honesty the safe play is what everyone makes everyone feel better everyone makes everyone feel better everyone makes everyone feel better because no one gets in trouble but when because no one gets in trouble but when because no one gets in trouble but when you take a big swing right well well you take a big swing right well well you take a big swing right well well how about this so the movie this movie how about this so the movie this movie how about this so the movie this movie plays at sun gets into sundance accepted plays at sun gets into sundance accepted plays at sun gets into sundance accepted sundance very hard to do sundance very hard to do sundance very hard to do plays at sundance huge plays at sundance huge plays at sundance huge literally literally literally nobody bought it except this tiny little nobody bought it except this tiny little nobody bought it except this tiny little company that's releasing it company that's releasing it company that's releasing it it played huge because they were afraid it played huge because they were afraid of the big swing that's in the movie of the big swing that's in the movie of the big swing that's in the movie they were afraid of that moment that they were afraid of that moment that they were afraid of that moment that we're talking about yeah that we're we're talking about yeah that we're we're talking about yeah that we're dancing around that takes your breath dancing around that takes your breath dancing around that takes your breath away that is away that is away that is there's so it's so it's so and so like there's so it's so it's so and so like there's so it's so it's so and so like team america borat like any of those team america borat like any of those team america borat like any of those movies where you go i can't believe movies where you go i can't believe movies where you go i can't believe they're doing this yeah that moment they're doing this yeah that moment they're doing this yeah that moment prevented all of the big distributors prevented all of the big distributors prevented all of the big distributors from buying the movie and they loved it from buying the movie and they loved it from buying the movie and they loved it yeah so the notion that a movie is good yeah so the notion that a movie is good yeah so the notion that a movie is good is not enough now because people are so is not enough now because people are so is not enough now because people are so afraid of getting dragged that's what afraid of getting dragged that's what afraid of getting dragged that's what audiences are eating up they don't like audiences are eating up they don't like audiences are eating up they don't like safe comedy no the audiences want it safe comedy no the audiences want it safe comedy no the audiences want it again the musical kills in a theater again the musical kills in a theater again the musical kills in a theater audience are they're they're literally audience are they're they're literally audience are they're they're literally starving starving starving for the pc gatekeepers to get the fuck for the pc gatekeepers to get the fuck for the pc gatekeepers to get the fuck away from them away from them away from them and let them experience and let them experience and let them experience you know breathtaking comedy yeah it it you know breathtaking comedy yeah it it you know breathtaking comedy yeah it it it was you know it's fun i got i we did it was you know it's fun i got i we did it was you know it's fun i got i we did the show last night and then everyone was was gonna stay up and they wanted to watch some movie and i was like well i'm gonna go back and watch rob's new movie so i got my bunk and i started it and i literally was like you know i'll watch half tonight half tomorrow i watch the whole thing i watch the whole thing in bed i didn't go to sleep until like two in the morning amazing i'm just sitting there in my phone i'm just on my phone driving down the fucking five or wherever the week and i'm just and i was like wow this is you know it if i could give it any compliment it was inspirational because i thought dude this is a guy who's clearly writing from a very personal place and then i did the research and it is a personal place this guy uh i don't think he ever even wanted to be a screenwriter and he but he went to nyu because he got cheated on by by his chick and i was like oh yeah i was like oh this is written out of spite this is this is he's not processed it yet oh i identify with this oh you know who it also reminds me of he's very travis bickle and taxi driver yeah you like it's very and like it it's it i i've never seen a movie like it it's really i knew i had my character down when i when i picked the big huge ugly white hokas i was like oh yeah i know that choice by the director to just show you with the hokas yeah to go hoka first yeah i was like oh i know that guy it it uh yeah it was it's a great movie man congratulations thank you man thank you and your show let's talk about your show well i mean can i tell you let's talk about your show let's talk about how much fun we had i wish i could tell you exactly who gave me the compliment it was someone very it was like someone in the business they were like i think it just happened on a podcast the other day they go can i tell you how great your show was and i was like please and they're like you know starting it off with rob lowe is such a great he goes you really like expose exactly what people may think about you and it's such a great and he goes and rob low is fucking perfect because there is a part of you that goes yeah i bet rob would like that but then that moment of you guys at the bar which by the way is my greatest acting moment ever i mean all the actors i've ever worked with including mark hamill yeah that's awesome but acting across from you do you know did you catch did you did you catch the the subtle uh rob low references when i was with uh uh pac-man jones and oh yeah and i go from young bloods yeah amazing and they're like who the fuck that's a pac-man jones saying that is one of the highlights of my career but i love that i picked young you know they're are they remaking young blood they remade young blood but you you think that my phone would have rung no no they've remade it apparently it's coming out apparently might be out i don't know pull it up and it was such but i think they made it i think they there was a lot of talk of remaking it over the years and nobody could ever do it and i think it's like a canadian production and here's young blood he's black young blood's black so much better made such a better sense what's up young blood dude you'd think that people would have a problem with that yo yo young blood oh yeah what do you mean by that why are you calling me young blood i don't know i don't know because i'm black you calling me that yeah but yeah young blood's black now and i have not seen it but i bet it's great it's a great story yeah it was a great story um but you know they did they call me to be the old coach maybe but then my name wouldn't have been young that's why they didn't because if he's the new young blood and i'm in it and i'm the old coach it can't be two young bloods can't be a young blood and old blood old blood yeah yeah it's uh i i love that that my friend's was that and pac-man is like what yeah it could have been worse come in oxford blues really random 80s but no that's that first scene that we did the first two scenes i love i think i love those scenes are really really really and jared and andy who wrote it those guys are so smart yeah and so funny and they just murder all the time they uh they are they are really great uh writers and really great directors and really great partners like they i have to say that like i don't you know i'm always weird about compliments because it sounds like something you do in hollywood just to that's like that's part of the you do it in rote there's a lot of people i wouldn't work with again that i don't i didn't enjoy the process but man i had like a i'll say this and their love that i'm sharing this i had a little bit of a temper tantrum in the middle of this season i didn't realize what was happening to me um i had all this stuff happen in the beginning of the year my dog died i got a blood clot my bus burned down blood clot traveled to my lungs so pretty low like and then and then all the stress of touring and releasing season one and and then we go into production and when things finally settled and i'm towards the end of the finish line i had a absolute meltdown with panic attacks and i had like another health scare out of nowhere and it just manifested itself in like and not in bad behavior but just in like anxiety and and we're halfway through and i started panicking that like maybe that i and and i you know it's like also you got to trust those guys like they wrote a scene they wrote a scene and you know look i'm not the best actor and i'm not the best writer and i'm not the best reader they wrote a scene and i didn't have any lines in it and i was like what the fuck am i supposed to do and they're like you're reacting off everyone i was like guys like i don't and i and i'm reading it i'm like it's it sounds ridiculous and they're like they're like they're like that's what's funny about it and i was like yeah but i don't understand it i didn't understand it right and then we did the scene and i realized they're being ridiculous and i'm the only one grounded in reality and that's the comedy i didn't understand that yeah it makes sense and i threw a tad bit of what i wouldn't say a temper tantrum but i wanted to have a meeting with them and have a come to jesus yes and we had like this come to jesus and they i gotta say they were perfect because they held their ground they refused to bend at the knee and be like well he's the star he must be right they held their ground they explained to me why they were doing what they were doing they told me everything i wanted to hear but they told it to me in a very firm like this is what it was and and i walked out and i literally i've never had an interaction with two guys where i was like thank you for doing that like thank you for being firm but yet also really understanding that i'm going through some stuff right now and i'm stone sober and i don't have any i feel like i'm not going to be able to do anything i'm not going to be able to i feel like life isn't fun anymore and i don't know how to do a production because every production has always been a party for me and now i'm just it turns into a job and i'm like wait what the fuck is this what what is life like it you know sobriety is is sobriety you got to do work if you're going to do it you can't just go like no because everything's different like you said it like there's a world where every production is a party so you wake up to what it is for people who are not partying which is 99 of the people yeah and you go oh i see this is fucking there's insecurity there's tension there's boredom and when you're sober you're reading all of it yeah it's like all of a sudden you have dog senses where you're like that's right do you know what i you know what i was like i was like wow i was like so i said to them i was like so does everyone come in and draw focus and they're like yeah you guys are actors i was like but it's kind of like annoying and they're like oh you haven't seen you walk in a room i was like what i do it they're like you do it worse than anybody yeah yeah no nobody doesn't know when you walk in the room it's such a fucking like when you're sober it's all of a sudden it's like it's like taking the noise reduction headsets off and you hear everything isn't it it's like you press them and they bloop and then i didn't know everything in the fucking plane every baby crying i don't know how you did it i literally i i've i've had i found a middle ground where i can have a i gotta be honest with you i don't even know if i'm feeling the beers like i had two beers the other night and i got in bed and i didn't feel a buzz but i went i went that was stupid that's just 300 calories yeah that was dumb i could have easily had water but for whatever reason doing a you know 600 person meet and greet i was like having a beer in my hand just made it seem palatable yes 100 and um but like i i really like so where are you so where are you've been sober you've been not sober i've been you're what we would call california sober would that be fair to say i can't do marijuana because i have great panic showed up in my life in a weird way like and stone sober this is what i think that if you're going to say like what the last the the the last straw was for me is i had a i had a like a 36 hour panic attack well and and a real and real one i've only had two of my life and they're they're no joke yeah it was it was like it was what's a panic attack look like for you it's i i'm not going to go into great detail because you'll laugh hysterically but i'll tell you i i i um it was you know it came i didn't understand where it came from i didn't feel weird i was you know going to bed sober was my favorite thing in the world like i loved it i loved going to bed because i knew that my heart rate was going to drop in the 50s and then i'd get great recovery that was all i looked forward to when i was sober that was my favorite thing in the my favorite thing in the world was getting up making coffee going to the gym and working out did i take my meds today i took my meds today and thinking about what meds to take i don't we're living the same life this is all this is all yeah my life for the past 36 years and so i um i get into bed and um and i i go to yawn and um i couldn't yawn oh and i was like and then i was like that's weird that's so crazy i normally can yawn really good i'm stealing this this is a great fucking bit i'm so i'm i'm i'm not kidding i'm stealing he can't yawn and putting it in a scene to trigger an attack i'm like so i go that sounds crazy it's kind of like a sneeze that goes away yes i was like yeah that's weird then i'm really tired and i start to yawn again and i just go amazing and then i'm like what if i can't yawn oh my god and i was like come on let's just get this yawned out and then now that i'm thinking about it as i start to yawn it goes away and then i start panicking and i go i and it a panic attack always has a sit up in bed moment where you're like hold on this isn't real this none of this is real we know that we all we're good we're good but i'm not drinking and i'm not using drugs or anything so i'm like i'm like we can get through this don't worry about it don't worry about it now in my head i go alcohol's in the other room if i take a sip of alcohol this goes away immediately immediately immediately you relax you forget about life that's how that's why i drink on planes and so i go in to the bathroom and i google how to yawn and it says look up at a light raise your neck back and say the word leather what i know i mean leather leather like leather and what's crazy is i start to relax but i'm not yawning and then i start getting really bad i'm shaking and i'm trembling and i go to leanne and i wake her up first thing the does is yawn and they say it's contagious i don't know i don't yawn and i'm like and i told her i can't tell her what i'm going through because i know she won't understand it because she doesn't have panic attacks but she's there for me and and what was your heart racing oh through the roof i was i was tracking it was 120 beats per minute are you sweating i'm sweating i'm shaking uncontrollably okay okay i'm naked i grab a blanket and we walk in the front yard for about 30 to 45 minutes i'm walking in the front yard and she's going tell me that are real in the front yard that's not good and i'm like and i'm like i'm going crazy tell me things that are real yeah oh bone chilling and then she goes let's go into the bed and let's just breathe and by the way and what's crazy about the not yawning is i felt it in my jaw and in my nose and in my chest and i felt like i was almost hyperventilating like and so i go to the bed and leanne is breathing so deeply that i start having a panic attack about my breaths because she's like like a fucking baby beluga just in for eight out for eight i'm like who has fucking eight in them like she and then and then i go listen so i fall asleep and i wake up and it's still there and i'm like what i was like this this isn't real like hold on so i go to the treadmill and i i ran like seven miles i did a hundred pull-ups i did a hundred squats i did what time of day night is the first thing in the morning first thing in the morning like seven in the morning and then of course word in our house gets out that dad can't you only had a panic attack so both girls come back mocking me his i mean they're like first thing georgia does is yawn yeah and goes how'd you sleep last night i was like fuck off i was like but it kept going it kept going it kept going and it and and at that point i was very ang i got to tell you i was very angry and i kept saying to leanne i'm doing all the right things like i'm not drinking and i'm not doing drugs and i'm not taking xanax and i'm not taking nyquil i'm not doing and i was so mad i'm like i'm doing all the right things and i know that i'm doing all the right things and i know that i'm doing all the right things and i know a drink would make this go away and i'm suffering unfairly for nothing i was so angry we went to couples therapy and and i brought it up and by the way leon started telling the story about not yawning and i yawned the second she talked you should have just said tell me i should have just had her talk to me all the time just tell me a story tell me about your aunt's back surgery and at that point i said um i was like dude i'm not like okay and then i had and then for like a week i had um fear of going to bed i had a fear of going to bed because a panic attack would show up when i just laid there and then one day i'm i i forget exactly how it happened but one day i was just like um i think we're getting on a flight to go to somewhere with my daughter and i was getting panic and i was like you know what i'm gonna have a glass of tea i'm gonna have a glass champagne i'm not dealing with this and it went away and then ever since then i've kind of i've kind of uh i i would say very measured with alcohol but like i i enjoy it but i don't i haven't gotten hammered or anything but uh and i've been doing pretty good and i and i don't know what i'm gonna do with it like i really enjoy the problem with me now is if i have a couple glasses of like last night i had a couple glasses of rose and immediately i went well i want to be present tomorrow so uh i'm gonna stop i'm gonna have some water i'm gonna go to bed and i'm gonna watch his movie that's as opposed to like staying up late and that's look that's good that's normal people thinking that's great yeah i don't know i mean but i don't i i didn't ever have that but i don't know if i do you know i think it's sometimes there's a little bit of a honeymoon phase with it it's and i've had that before we have a honeymoon where you're doing really good look i i didn't want i don't look you didn't ask my opinion but i'll give you my opinion because having 36 years of recovery i've i've heard it all and if you have it if you have the ism and that in in you may you may not but if you have it my my guess is eventually it shows up there's no running from it so you know when i hear people go yeah i'm back drinking but i'm you know i'm doing this and that i'm like good for you i couldn't do it good for you and and write it as long as you you you can and if you if that works for you in in in the long run you didn't have the ism yeah you didn't have it i don't know if i ever did or if i didn't and i never really explored any of it i always just went i don't and then when i quit drinking it was medically suggested because my blood clot and so i did it spitefully so i didn't enjoy it for the first month and a half two months i didn't enjoy it he did it under duress yes and then when i started to enjoy it i really started to enjoy it and i started to enjoy it too much like and i was like i was like dude i i remember saying like i could do this for the rest of my life this is this is light work and then when everything and then what i realized is i didn't do any of the work yes on myself i just was i just quit drinking yeah you then knew what they call a dry drunk yeah that's what they call it and i was like which is unsustainable can i tell you why i thought that it was doable because honestly with marijuana i could never smoke marijuana again never think about it and and and there have been times where i smoked marijuana every single day for like six months and then i would just be like i'm done and i'd stop and it never there was never but i think alcohol got into my life so young same that i don't i don't there's a lot i didn't deal with and a lot of everything i didn't do how old were you when you got famous 40 two okay so you at least were a grown man because the other thing i was going to say is for people who get famous early you also get you get stuck there like like where however you old you were when you got famous most people are like trapped in amber developmentally at the moment they got famous so in theory i'm i'm basically still like a 19 year old how great is that i hate that i'm a 42 year old i mean i'd love to be a 19 19 year old your bird was a loose cannon dude i can how great if we go back in a time machine you and i let's go to the let's go to the outsider's location and a time machine i've been to the outsider's location i've been there a lot anytime i'm in tulsa i go do you go to the house i go to the house i performed at i performed at the um i performed at the drive-in movie well yeah i performed at that drive-in movie i performed there and i was so excited i was like this is where pony boy met jerry valance that's right and everyone was like ever everyone was like what do you know my assistant had never done doesn't know what the outsiders is that's crazy he has no idea and i said and he goes yeah it's like it's like a thing right like uh like a thing and he and he goes well i know rob lowe is in it and i go that's because you were here for the podcast and i was like did you know tom cruise then he goes tom cruise and then he didn't know who patrick swayze he was he does like generationally these kids are like are are when it comes to art things turn over so quick and by the way and it's always been that way but now it's quicker like my kids have no we no connection whatsoever to robert redford or paul newman or i'm watching i'm watching none i'm watching that asap oh it's so good butch cassidy and you know it what it is it is the it is the perfect it's the with the very first buddy comedy really yeah and and they're such movie stars oh my god oh my god they're gorgeous and cool and tough and vulnerable and hilarious and it's it's great it's just it's just great does it does it break your heart i think about death a lot i think it's because of the year i had it's been showing up on my plate and i keep thinking like like and i think that's part of the anxiety i was going through was like was like i kept thinking this the the shoe was about to drop with my life like i kept thinking and i'm stone sober i'm the healthiest i've ever been my numbers have never been better i'm working out like crazy i'm running an eight minute and 34 second mile like i'm really in great shape but i'm still like you know healthy people die too that's the crazy thing but like does it the other thing is drunks or and drug addicts get healthy and then die that also happens not i mean you know yeah yeah yeah no no i appreciate it that was a nice well we got our clip for the week but um but it's uh but like what really upsets me what really breaks my heart and it makes me think um i think the word is listless or or or hopeless is that my assistant doesn't know who paul newman is he doesn't know who he is and nor does he really care like he doesn't care like he why would he and and paul newman in hollywood terms in ho and i look i understand that people now think hollywood's just where people eat babies but like in hollywood terms hollywood defined cool for a very long time and it still does they don't understand that they're getting fed it a different way but it still does um but paul newman was the epitome of cool of masculine of of of the coolest guy in the room was paul newman by the way you realize in the outside the outsiders begins with the first line of the outsiders i had two things on my mind paul newman and the and the walk home oh they just seen that movie right just seen um i think i think i think it's the hustler yeah but yeah the pony boy curtis in the outsiders hero is paul newman paul newman i mean this is how cool paul newman is paul newman had his this is my favorite this is one of my favorite paul newman stories and this is everyone knows the story but i'll share it if you don't paul newman's daughter brings her boyfriend home from college or whatever and paul newman says to him as they're making dinner what time is it and the guy goes i don't know i'm gonna watch so paul newman goes hang on goes back gets a rolex daytona gives it to him he goes now you gotta watch what time is it kid tells him the time find out how much that i think he sold it for three million dollars or thirty million dollars pull up paul newman's daytona uh he then they broke up you know the story right i i did not know i may know about the paul newman daytona i know paul newman paul newman's daytona i've seen the gift go go back go back go back go back go back in 1968 paul newman's wife bought him this card she engraved drive carefully that exact he gifted it to james cox in 1984 he gave the watch to james cox who was dating his daughter at the time became because cox didn't own a watch cox then put it on sale through phillips auctioneers it sold for 17 million dollars that's how cool paul newman is the watch he gave some dude that was banging his daughter sold for 17 million dollars paul newman was the first paul newman was the prototype for like for all these people i have a new beer i haven't did this he had he literally his it was started as a salad dressing newman's own and then i came everything and by the way he never do you know he never made a nickel off of it it was all with the charity 100 went to charity 100 then the paul newman the newman's lemonade is the greatest thing ever newman's own lemonade to this day greatest thing ever i bet there's people that don't even know that that's paul newman no for sure or they or they think paul newman is the lemonade guy and had no idea as an actor i i've i know that i've seen people go the lemonade guy the salad dressing guy i'm like yeah salad dressing guy is the greatest actor ever that there it is oh that's my jam now i just gotta i didn't love that he did all the goofy like ads for this i didn't love that i think he's i thought he was too there's like him eating the popcorn and like a clown suit and all this that i don't like i think he's but i think he did anything to sell that now look see there he is there he is he's he's tossing something up in the air was what's crazy is and i don't mean this is a slight um because i don't mean to talk negative about someone at all by any stretch means and i love this man's body of work but it has to be acknowledged i don't mean to talk negative about someone at all by any stretch of means and i love this man's body of work but it it has to be acknowledged that he's had a side story on the side people remember mel gibson more than they will paul newman because of the extracurriculars that have happened around mel gibson because he can be fodder for the internet and paul newman has no fodder for the internet because he he was long gone before the internet was a thing yeah how old was he when he died he was in the 80s right he was in his 80s and i think he died in like i'm going to guess like 2006 maybe something like that i'm just guessing look at paul newman 1925. yeah is that the greatest generation what what's the type in there is a term for the greatest generation and my grandmother was a part of it yeah they witnessed like two world wars that's right like uh the vietnam war the korean war the they the telephone showing up the car showing up they got that's the greatest he'll be americans born between 1901 and 2027 grew up in the great depression and served during world war ii they are the greatest generation look at the they witness i mean like i think by the way our kids are going to see the same stuff in terms of like technology can i give you a couple they're going to see all of it okay i'm all over the map with you right now and we love you for that but wait what year were you born in 64. 64. god damn it i gotta get some i gotta get a laser for my face i'm gonna get a laser so you you got a childhood with no phone i'm gonna get a laser for my face i'm gonna get a laser so you you got a childhood with no phone i'm gonna get a laser so you you got a childhood with no phone whatsoever i i just said this today i lived in the best time in the history of mankind i had a childhood out running a muck bikes parents didn't care no fun what whatever do whatever then you know drug drugs were good for you there were no sexually transmitted diseases that could kill you there was no phones and it was like i wouldn't want to be a famous you single guy now you know i i we we i look look at me with that stupid rabbit a picture of me with a retarded rabbit what the is that dude do you know the story behind this is that the worst photo ever would you kidnap that kid if you saw that kid i would kidnap him and you do and you do the other thing well you're an actor so i bet your attitude would shift pretty quick you you not only would kidnap you'd find a way to get me you'd do stockholm syndrome with me yeah to get me to like you to get me to let you go i would i'd pull out that rabbit so he that was in the days when to be an actor you had to have a thing called a composite do you know what a composite was yeah so it was like you had to have it was not your headshot it was a headshot with like four other pictures that would show your range yeah and usually you literally at one point had to show because you had to do commercials you like would hold like a bottle of coke or like a can of pop it was so bad but like i guess this was me showing that i could be a magician but like look but the hat's wrong it's a gilligan's island hat instead of a top hat that's what it's really bad it's really it's really not good yeah that generation i mean i always feel like i got really lucky because i also grew up in the middle of nowhere in tampa like very very north tampa so we didn't have cable like i remember i can remember like i i said this my daughters i remember when fajitas came out like and they're like no you don't go i remember the first time seeing fajitas i remember the first time that who i remember when hooters showed up i remember when i got one better i remember when taco bell came to ohio and you went there and they phonetically spelled because people ta and cha la da like they phonetically spelled it on the menu do you know why they call it taco bell no because the guy's last name was bell i think but wait here's another good one here's another good one here's my composite here's the other fair and this is like this is a lesson it took me forever to learn when a director tries to tell you something you intuitively know is wrong by the way i must have slept on a what is sight saver thing i was like what is on my back i just i slept on this last night and it was stuck to my back i was cleaning my teeth with it keep going so i remember shooting this photo and if you notice i'm dressed as a soccer player but yet i'm kicking a basketball and i remember telling the photographer i don't think this is right he was like oh it's fine and i just remember like you know that you got to trust your instincts that looks ridiculous why is that soccer player kicking a basketball do you think do you think that like do you think you could make it through let's let's let's pull you out ai let's pull you out say you're born in 19 1994 right yeah so your success would have shown up in like 2012 yeah do you think you would have made it like your personality all your behaviors all your everything about you now hold on there's a lot that like you the best representation of you at the time maybe my tiger beat was out you were on there but you would have been so much bigger because you you were you are camely camera friendly but especially at like 18 you were heartthrob i mean a legit legit defined that's crazy that i'm saying this defined the phrase heartthrob and and but with the exposure whereas whereas if you look back to being born in 64 there was a little bit of uh like you know a padded room around you when you went through life well what i think about is the jet fuel that instagram social media would have been on top of the sort of what what i had in those days which is the tiger beat like we were siloed off like the kids knew yeah do you mean yeah like the 14 year old girls like they knew but like sort of the it was we were like ghettoed off over here and then the serious actors and people when adults kind of look down their noses you know do you know what i mean yeah and and and that's all flipped and now all anybody cares about is what is what is moving the needle for today's 14 year old girl and and so it would have been it would it would have been bananas it's funny because nowadays you have to be a little bit of a jack-of-all-trades which i think you've always had but but what showed up for you later in life like your comic chops showed up much later in your life for everyone but they were always there whereas today to timothy chalamet he yes he's a fantastic actor but he almost like if he couldn't rap or uh you know then like we would be like who is this kid when he's a he's a great market like you going back to paul newman my heroes in those days it was beneath them to sell their movies yeah they didn't do it they did not do it i defy you to go how many times has warren baity on the tonight show i don't think he ever was no and and and it was been it was like you wouldn't sully your hands today timothy chalamet is like wearing suits and doing a potato sack race potato sack race and doing i mean no and he's great at it i mean what he did with marty supreme i mean he single-handedly opened that movie and made that movie and i thought it was dope the fucking pop-up stores and the swag and oh him on top of the fucking sphere fucking sick it was and and it's just a different different like you would never have done that yeah i remember people giving attitude to like johnny depp when he didn't want to promote movies or he was difficult promoting promoting movies now that's like such a sexy thing well they have in your contract now yeah they put it in the contract i gotta be honest with you i think the i'm gonna bite myself in the ass by saying this but i think sometimes the only reason i get offered a movie is because they know that i can promote it no it's that is a big part of it if you're a really talented actor that's great but if you can't get yourself on the tonight show then they're like what are we doing here and today's version of the tonight show is this yeah oh yeah yeah yeah i guess this too no no this is it it's so funny i here's what what's really amazing is and i love it so much because i fucking hate i shouldn't say it those shows are that but they're so produced so they're gonna say this and then you're gonna say that and then they really love the story well you say this and then if you say that and if we have time for it then we're gonna it's like it's so produced and you and that's why most people are terrible on it because they listen to it i don't i just gotta do whatever the hell i want to do but um now podcasts are the way that people get to know celebrities and it's great because you there's no hiding in the length of this conversation no like you know what i'm about there's no there's no way to get around it it's been fascinating to watch tom crew is in this new uh press tour he's on because it's it's him it's tom just talking so you really get a sense of of tom which you've never really gotten before which has got to be scary for his team because you're like will smith when he hit chris rock i was like yo i've known will for the since i started this business and i i was reaching out to everyone going like have him come on my podcast and i think they were like i think in a weird way they're like you ever ever see someone with a pretty dog and you're like oh it's a great dog can i pet it and they're like no and you're like what they're like it's better if you just keep walking yeah and like tom cruise i think he would admit he's got some nooks and crannies then maybe not maybe not his people want to see everything about it you know i know people that worked with him i mean he's like i would kill to work tom i wouldn't i don't even care about working with the guy i want to i want to just i want to live his life is fascinating i i can't say how i know this but like he has everything planned out to a t like in he has a person who trims down f1 and soccer so that in the gym they've just cut out all the commercials and all the highlights so we can go oh this race is great and he sees the best race anyone's ever seen and then he works out and then as he works out they're like tc's coming it up yeah get his food ready and he walks into the room food's ready and the shower's already steaming like everything's planned out i find that pretty fascinating part of tom cruise i don't really care about the religious that doesn't bother me whatever floats your butt whatever get whatever you find solace in yeah but like like there's some parts of him when you're that do you see that interview with mick jagger and it is so good i think it's new york times it's so good and they're like um john mulaney made fun of you because you weren't nice and mick jagger's like yeah i'm like i've been a rock star for 70 years like he's like and john mulaney's like you know mick jagger's not like the kind of guy you'd be like hey do you have a charger for your phone like what the are you talking about yeah sure and mick jagger's like you know it you get very insulated yeah for sure look i'm not that famous and i am very insulated in my own life see here's it look what you what you liked about that mick jagger moment is what i really admire is people who own it it's like dude you're famous yeah you've been famous forever don't give me your man of the people do you know do you know what i mean it's like do you like you can you can as they would say today hold space yeah with with being mick jagger famous for ever and also being like a a human being but he's not gonna be like giving you his charger i got very passionate now i have to say this i i always i always take the wrong side whatever that is whatever that is i take the wrong side for whatever reason i always hear the wrong side in my head that makes logic there was a uh a makeup guy and i apologize to this makeup guy who i'm about to slam he was like they were like what was it like working with uh ryan reynolds wife what's her name blake holiday blake holiday like big lively i like blake holiday better that's a great they were like what was it like she was in the porn you watched last night after my movie drop anyway they were just in a mask and a ball gag and so the uh he goes uh what was it like working with blake lively and he goes well i can only answer that question to say was it as bad as anne hathaway oh jesus and he slams anne hathaway and now i said now i was talking to my assistant on my tour bus when i had this conversation so let's just acknowledge how distant i am in reality i said but you know let me just it's not the star's job to go and strike up a conversation for hair and makeup the star is also working that day and they could be working on sides running lines running lines getting into character or also they're humans and they could be going through now the guy's defense was that he worked with her for like six months she never said a word to him his daughter was his stand-in he never said do you have another daughter he never he never asked about him also once again uh i got the tires rotated in my daughter's car the other day and i didn't i really feel bad i didn't ask a guy doing it about his family what the are we talking about like he's he's doing a job i'm doing a job that's the way commerce works sometimes you just do the job you just do the job and then my and then my assistant was like uh you know too much about the people you work with he's like you're not like you're like you're defending it like he's talking about you it's not you and he was like do you remember your hair and makeup lady i said jury and he was like yeah i was like she's on blood thinners because i'm on blood thinners her husband has like we and i was like okay i definitely maybe i go too far where i'm like i should shut the up but like but i also uh allow a celebrity to be a little different than me and like be a celebrity and not you know like like i and and if they don't want to talk they shouldn't have to talk i stand by my friends i always stand by my friends have you ever worked out with joe yeah is he a beast yeah he's a beast right yeah yeah i'm i'm obsessed with people's workouts i like like when you're talking about tom and the workout like oh oh first of all i really am obsessed with mark walberg's 4 a.m club stuff that is would you would you be interested in going to vegas with me and going to work out with mark walberg one morning because i bet we can make that happen i that would be really fun actually that would be fun and then we'll go play golf with him i would love that hey let's make this happen let's make this happen i would love to work out with mark walberg and and same and i would want to eat what his chef cooks and i want to i want his whole program i want to the whole program the whole program and then i'm going to go play golf with him because you know i think by the way i shot my best career round yesterday i shot 74 two days ago congrats i know wow do you know do you know i just played with the other day who bryson dechambeau oh he's the great i don't know him but i have friends who know him really well he's great great dude he's incredible and i was his caddy and we were playing a course i played a million times robinson herbs it's called uh something else but it's robinson ranch is what i called it sand canyon and i was like this is part one it's uh it's 350 gotta go over that tree and you can land on the green first shot first drive he's four feet from the pin eagle i'm like shut the i go this is like playing with the my controller i got my superhuman guy it's insane let's go let's go to vegas i would love to do that i'm obsessed with i've known him forever my my longtime best friend the first real dramatic role in a movie called travelers this is years and years and years and years ago yeah really really a long time ago and so he was like not taken seriously as an actor at all and i was very supportive of the whole thing and he's always been great because of that but i i love mark he's a great dude and but i'm obsessed with this for a really 4 a.m yeah do you know he just said if i'm not mistaken but i'm there's a couple guys i'm rider dives for like you know like mark walberg when he was in that movie with reese witherspoon uh do you remember that movie oh of course oh uh yeah with jimmy foley directed it it's it's great movie and uh that movie i was like dude this guy's legit and i was i was a marky mark fan because i was i'm that age yeah and i was a new kids on the block fan because i'm that age yeah so like but uh i've been a fan of his the rock i love the rock there's guys i love that i love their i love their mentality i love everything about them and but i heard that mark started slowing down the 4 a.m because he was like he started realizing how important recovery is so he goes to bed a little earlier and wakes up a little later just because recovery i i thought i heard that's probably true i heard it i just the other day he's going to bed at five in the afternoon so insane it's so bananas but i love it i love the dedication i just love his whole vibe he's in there with these cast of characters yeah it's like he's got like the complex like is it in his garage i'm just fascinated with oh i'm fascinated with the like i met a dude who's like his son and mark's mark walberg's son went to high school together and he's like yeah mark's a cool guy i go what he was like he goes to crespi games you know this doesn't happen anymore i'm sure his son's out of high school but like back when he lived in la he goes he goes to crespi games i'm like i'm gonna start going to fucking crespi games to meet mark walberg yeah dude i would love we're gonna do a video after this we're gonna post it on social media just a very mark walberg burke kreischer rob lowe here we would love the opportunity to just spend a day in your shoes walk a mile in your shoes by the way we'll be wearing uh what is the name of his shoes uh oh yeah what does he have provincial providence probably uh what's the name of it what we're where we want we would love the opportunity to walk a mile in your municipal shoes municipal and and we go we go in right right we we get there like we'll get there like i'm sure we should probably be like weekday probably the easiest lift right so we say we fly in on a right yes we'll go to dinner early we'll get to bed around eight eight for sure eight yeah and then for sure no later than eight and then i should we spend the night at his house yes i think we should we should spend the night at his house in his house yeah we spend okay so we get into vegas we should definitely have dinner and pre and like plan some stuff out like we need a very heavy dinner so we go immediately to sleep and then because because the thing is you're basically oh yeah yeah yeah we're going heavy pasta cacio pepe yeah fucking 100 eggplant parmesan that's right and then i want to do an upper body day because he's he's like i do it all in one day yeah it's probably not right but i just don't want to get it but we i don't want to do a leg day with him no we're not doing legs fuck those legs no no one does legs but then if we do upper body then we're playing golf and then we're all swole that's not good either no i think that would be good for us because it'll slow down our swing oh i think it'll slow down our swing yeah i like so we go in we me and you go get dinner first and then we get dropped off at his house he's already gonna be sound asleep it'll be i don't want you yeah because i don't want i don't want to meet i don't want to see him we go into a back entrance through the garage we don't want to see him till 4 a.m no yeah right and then should we share a room do you snore i have a feeling you snore i definitely snore that no okay absolutely not okay absolutely we do not i'll sleep i think his kids in college i'll sleep in his kids bedroom you sleep in the guest bedroom and then he wakes us up he wakes us up or should we have like the way he gets woken up like like no no we want him to wake him up my brother got woken up by clint eastwood once and it was the greatest thing ever he was they went uh he was married to hillary swank at the time and she was shooting million dollar baby and so they just wrapped and they were at clint's house this is my favorite story my brother tells it's fun to have famous people wake you up and they're gonna go skiing in the morning and so my brother's asleep he's tick tick tick tick hey uh it's time to go i'll be in the kitchen and then he goes into the kitchen he walks in and just sees clint like in silhouette with the rising sun over the mountains the steaming hot cup of coffee he says he'll never forget it as long as i so you want you want mark walberg what would mark mark's i don't do a good walberg hey man hey we're gonna go hey someone go hey burt hey burt burt hey burt it's 4 a.m hi no this i would this how he wants i want him to wake me up i'm ready to fuck burt i'm ready to fuck i got the big dick who am i fucking come on jack dirks the king of dirk jack dirks it's simple arithmetic a plus b equals c come on it's rock and roll man hey i want the broken mark is my big dick yeah i say when we go i'm ready to fuck jack on dirks king of dirk that's what i want that's how i want to be woken up he hates that movie though no he doesn't he's i've i think he doesn't like it that's well i think he doesn't like it we are going to change that it's the greatest movie ever it's one of the greatest movies i've ever seen that three kings i'll go through a list of great mark walberg performances dude i like the one where he's in the oil rig oh which one we are are you talking about the greatest storm with george clooney oh that's also great yes they shot that on the warner brothers lot i would go from the west wing set in my suit and like be in the in in a tent and go aaron sorkin wrote west wing yes you did dude did you just god damn it finish with mark walberg go no but it was just to go and watch that shot on the warner brothers lot like literally there's a scene where there's a on never it was like hollywood movie magic it was the um they had they'd built a coast guard ship trying to rescue a rescue swimmer and it's on the lot it's in a tank it was fucking insane dude how do you want mark walberg to wake you up what character do you want to play dirk digler of course dirk digler so he wakes us up yeah i think that's really and then i know that's a lot to ask but i think that's a lot to ask because i think that's a lot to ask mark but that we want to be woken up as dirk digler and then we go to the gym and it's chest day because listen yeah yeah yes he better drink coffee he better oh dude i better have espresso what if he's like one of those i cut caffeine years ago i don't even know who you are anymore yeah no no no and so then we would do a big chest day i want to see can i tell you what i want and i'm just playing this i see i'm fucked because i bet you guys lift heavy chest and oh i will blow out but this is what i want this is what i want because you know he's got these i want i want you doing bench with the chains on the side where it goes and then and then we go back to our rooms no we cold plunge we got a cold plunge with them do you not supposed to cold plunge after you lift i don't know i don't know maybe you're not okay so we don't because you're all swole and then the cold plunge reduces that can i tell you the part that i that i'm married to yes that i'm afraid that we may lose you on what i'm afraid that we may lose you on what i'm afraid that we may lose you on and mark i want you to know i'm being sincere i want to get prayed up with him me too okay oh 100 good good good good good good good good i know 100 i'm going to get prayed up hard fuck and i'm i'm i believe i got my jesus piece everything i want to get prayed up i want to go to his little garden where he prays no no 100 we'll do that after the workout yeah and then go in have breakfast go to our rooms get dressed in golf tire top to bottom municipal you can use us for all the municipal promos you want that's right and then out to the course i don't think he drinks you don't "I'm gonna be fucked." And also I hear he literally runs shot to shot like like he's like when you ask like i ask always celebrities who's a good golfer and whenever you say about mark what everybody says is he's fast i like someone that plays ready golf me too my my dad would love that when he was younger yeah my dad was always like hey don't stand over the goddamn putt putt it yeah you're not that good you're not reading anything that's right that's right um i bet we get bryson dechambeau to come out and play as a fourth with us we need a fourth let's get bryson yeah bryson me you mark i bet i'm i'm feeling a netflix special i i think i'm feeling this is a netflix special actually i bet he i think mark has a tequila he does los pantalones or something that's not no that's hilarious it's not los pantalones it's not those pants it's like that though it's like really amazing corazon pantalones uh flecha azul i like those pantalones uh spanish for the right-handed the right-hander right no the old right pantalone those pantalones um and then and is it just 24 hours with mark walberg do we get in and out of there do we spend the night again and we just get there's something great about the phrase 24 hours of mark walberg is really good by the way there's a great hold on one second you are pitching a great netflix series i'm saying just 24 hours and me and you go spend 24 hours we're the modern butch cassidy let's all come full circle let's do our list of 24 hours with okay 24 hours with mark walberg easy peasy no brainer 24 hours of tom cruise okay we're in but it'll never it'll never happen but you never know uh i just want this is what i want tom obviously you know rob rob can vouch for me i will creep you out at times but not a ton but i just want the time when they're when we're in the gym with tom cruise we get done the workout and this is the shot this is the tr the stretch okay his security detail going rl tc and bk are heading up for the showers that's right yep that's but that is how it goes down because i've seen that and tc's right what would we do with tom cruise will we run race cars oh you have to be careful because he'll have us doing climbing k2 yeah like i don't want to i don't want to go to base camp yeah i don't know yeah i don't want to die no he's not going to die but i'll be the dude that dies in the thing would you go in in the acrobat plane with tom tom's flying it he's like let's go do some aerial maneuvers would you do it i will yes you would yes i don't want to but yes i mean for our show i will i think you have to do it only because what what's the worst case scenario we die and it's the most famous thing that's ever happened in the history of the entertainment business for me right i died with two legends do you know how great that would be for my profile dude like my digital footprint after this my daughter you know documentaries about me like the day the music died buddy holly it'd make that look like a non-event easy easy easy okay stunt pilot with tom cruise yeah okay yeah um full workout eat with them i go i'll go i'm being serious i'll go i'll get i'll do that do we want to do we need we need well a day with mick jagger he's prepping for the tour yeah yeah he's in his capizio dance shoes yeah dancing in front of a mirror for 15 hours and singing stone songs i would love to i would love to do mick jagger tom this i don't know why someone doesn't buy this show look at our talent list me and mick jagger i mean this is a gold mine i can call netflix right now shaquille o'neal i can get that one to really happen shaq is a great i mean there's a lot of guys have interesting lives yeah the thing is is like you watch these kids and you're like they're crazy they're crazy they're crazy they're crazy kids replicate i'm gonna get you out of here you have a meeting you gotta go to tom but it's okay bobby lee's still sound asleep bobby lee's asleep still what's crazy is like you have an interesting life and i have an interesting life but these people have very unique lives and when you watch kids to go back to like replicating oh you know we need to do a formula one driver because those people have freakish lives yeah oh the spanish dude who's the one i play golf with he i think he he he he's mclaren guy really yeah i know but i play golf with with a great i don't know enough about formula one are we playing golf with a lot of these people if they play golf we should play golf can i tell you who i'd really like to do okay now here's the deal steph curry he's great but steph curry's i heard he's an incredible golfer he's incredible by the way i i i'm like late to the game on steph curry like you know he because he's i think he's same he was so good i was like when people were so good like yeah yeah why do i do that it's like he's clearly the best the internet's changed it where everything looks like everyone's good and you're not getting a free like look here's the deal when i was a kid i knew james worthy was pretty good but he wasn't the greatest that ever played he was just james worthy kurt rambus was just kurt rambus today if it was kurt rambus there would be a highlight reel around him and because he had the goggles on the glasses on and he was white and he was gangly you'd be like who the is this legend that's right and that so the internet can make anyone really great that's right and but they they're just edit edits and then you look at a body of work and the internet that's you got it that that's the problem with with all content today is it so in your face that it makes me go i'll be the judge of that thank you yeah and then you go and you see um steph play in person or you go and you see patrick mahomes play in person and you go holy these guys are shohei ohtani and and you so he ohtani is is is my definition of of greatness in my opinion i don't think we'll ever get a baseball player better than that last year in the playoffs he pitched eight innings and hit three home runs one of them out of the stadium in one game it's insane out of the stadium the pitcher it's it's unreal it's so good i would love to do a day with shohei ohtani i was going to pitch that i know it would be tough because we don't speak japanese it's a i think it might turn into a very long day because the language barrier no no no no no no it's a lot of me and you guessing what he's saying oh that's great how about we don't have the interpreter oh how about that no one wants the interpreter these days how about that no interpreter no interpreter just me you and shohei just trying to figure out for an hour what we're eating rob rob i think he wants to go swimming no i don't think he's putting on a bathing suit i think he's putting on a bathing suit no no no he's just taking a shower oh we're in the room with him let's do that i'm gonna have oh here's the thing that i don't understand here's really what we need to do okay and i'm not actually not kidding about this okay because they've talked to me about it a little bit i'm going i'm just i'm going to be very clear i'm going to have my team write this up send it to your team and then i'm just going to send it to netflix and go can we please do this show i mean we can yes and and and we'll say whatever we'll do something like it i think it's such a great no no it's a great idea we we have to do it um here's the other thing is how have we not done our our national anthem bet at the baseball playoffs buddy ladies and gentlemen here to sing the national anthem from the new movie musical and from freebird and also from freebird but did but isn't the bit that we don't know that it's me that that i come out and surprise isn't that what we did in santa barbara yeah but but i i so wait so you want to do it you want to do it okay so do you want to do it like did you see the guy with the trombone do it this weekend no it was amazing he's got a trump not a trombone maybe a trumpet or like a trombone whatever did you see it and it breaks in the middle he goes and then he goes by the door oh amazing people went berserk right okay now listen if you're seeing this don't spoiler alert this for the nsl and it's what we did in santa barbara let me pitch your idea to you okay yes let's agree ladies and gentlemen here to sing the national anthem bert kreischer mediocre applause not it's not going to be it's not going to be that's not this is part of the cell no but hear me hear me out hear me out shirts on right dodgers shirt i go out and i start it and my mic cuts out and you come out with your mic and another mic in your hand and you hand it to me and we finish the national anthem together and ever because and it's a real moment everyone like what was it like how did somebody and i'm tapping it and then you come running out and you have two mics and you're like oh we should we should try it like uh we should dry run it at like a minor league baseball game we're running out of time yeah we are we're running out of time we should get we'll reach out to the dodgers we should do that that would be great right what savannah bananas but then see the problem savannah bananas is you're you're already primed for hijinks they know something's up the thing with them with national baseball league is they go that'd be great and then shohei otani comes out and sings the rest in japanese or i wonder if they're so if it's so sacrosanct that that mlb or won't let us do it yeah it is weird the people do get weird about the national anthem but not your mic going out well they did the trumpet thing when they find out it's a bit we've been practicing they're gonna be like the good thing is is i have seats i'm traditionally in the seats right there yeah so i could literally come out of my seat and be right there for you like it would take me all of 30 it would be yeah i just hopped the fucking thing and be there would be wild if you had to climb all the way up over the net and then back down the net oh how if i climbed and found that oh and just goes on forever like i love comedy bits they go on forever hold on he looks like he has two mics in his hand he's climbing up whoa he's losing his footing ladies and gentlemen he just took his shoes off just hey bird just one i'm up hang on just still climbing to to 24 hours with robin burke that's such a great show and by the way you know i like the way he gave me for spilling let's not renege on that don't worry okay uh the the you should i don't know how you haven't done a show called the low down i know right i have a low down line on my podcast but i've never you know why because it was i felt like it was how is it too low hanging fruit no pun intended low hanging fruit fruit now yeah oh low hanging fruit were you going to gay bars yes and you're just hanging out with like low hanging fruit and it's like the ugliest guy at the gay bar the wait what is what i try to pick up the hottest guy at gay bar low hanging fruit oh wow these are these are gold mines i am writing up 24 hours of burt and rob robin burt the uh what was i gonna say that i had a thought that i wanted to share and i can't remember it now it was about low hanging fruit it was right around there it was right about our show i don't know i wanted to pay your son a compliment we were at a party i can't remember where it was and i knew he was your son and we were with a bunch of celebrities and it was ted sarandos's house and people were casually like kind of you could see i i i call it like uh ego maxing like you could tell and i'm bad at it i'm really bad at it like because i have a low self-esteem and so people were kind of like saying who they are and what they've done and what they do and who they've talked to and you know did you know eddie murphy's here and your son did none of that do you know what he did he listened and smiled and he was like smiled and chimed in and was so pleasant and and as i and he walked away and i was like do you know what i would have said if i was him what would you have said i would have fucking been like do you know who i am do you know who the fuck i am i'm fucking i had a meeting the other day where the guy was like you know burt i don't know what size venues you do but hopefully one day you'll get into theaters and i went and my wife's like i'll stop this in the bud he does arenas all right let's and i was like i am my god my self-esteem's so low i can't help it i wish more people wouldn't would see this clip right here and go oh i can identify with that as opposed to you're gross and you're like oh we're all gross we're all fucking gross no i i by the way you just tapped on my favorite thing is when people give you career advice and they don't know what they're talking about in terms of what you've already accomplished yes i had a i'll never forget it i had a guy up in where i live who's like a big businessman and knows the world knows shit and he said you know i just have some advice for you and i was like great he goes you know what you should really consider doing i mean i i don't know if it if it would even be possible but if you could do it you really should think about being on dancing with the stars and i fucking wanted to i don't know if i wanted to kill him first or kill myself and but that's the same thing as like you should get into theaters like it's like uh i've played out the enorme dome i was i i i'm so bad with that like and i wish i was better like my dad your son like our types of people that they're that doesn't drive them they don't care about what you think about them they know who they are inside right my dad is that my dad really is that um and i am i love that well thank you about my son johnny he's both my boys are it was so it was so interesting because i was watching it happen i was watching everyone do it i'm sure i was a part of it too i'm sure if he told you the story he's like bert started it but but he was just very casually comfortable in his skin and not didn't have to be like oh yeah i have a series on netflix too yeah i mean yeah what are we doing here that's sweet that's good yeah it's a it's a real testament is the kids you raise is like a real reflection of who the fuck you actually are you know like um like my daughters are great i don't know if that's reflection of me it's more reflection of leanne usually it's more reflection of mom yeah well my we stipulate yeah i yeah exactly i phoned it in yeah exactly you and me both yeah uh this has been a great podcast we've got a new tv show we have a new tv show coming out soon yeah i'm gonna have them write it up and just send it over yeah and be like and then i listen um there's a big thing on netflix right now that they're doing shorts have you seen this 10 minute shorts a lot of them from architectural digest um from uh from gq wait is this the only thing hi welcome to my house is it that i'm gonna i want everyone to if you're gonna watch any part of this it's right now yeah okay the greatest piece of entertainment that's ever been made now look i've talked a lot ad nauseum about some things that are some hits and misses i don't know if you're a fan of ad nauseum but if you're a fan of ad nauseum or if you're a fan of ad nauseum or if you're a fan of ad nauseum i'm not gonna lie i don't know if you're a fan of ad nauseum but if you're a fan of ad nauseum i'm not gonna lie i don't know if you're a fan of ad nauseum she wants to let you know that she reads and that her kids read there's you can and i say that because you can tell the things that they want they want you to know about them yes which is totally it's totally fair but as a viewer i i find that the most interesting 100 when they go let me show you my garden they want you to know that they do in fact let me show you where i meditate yeah they want you to know that they're you know evolved usher starts with him in a car and then it comes to reveal the car's parked and it's a close-up shot like a a drone shot of him that goes to his front door and he is standing in a leather unitard with a cigar and the cigars in an ashtray so i'm just very clear it i smoke cigars never do i carry an ashtray with me with my cigar if i'm outside god my my wife would love it if i did but he's holding on to a crystal ashtray and he doesn't acknowledge the camera then he just walks in he walks in this is the greatest thing it's a single shot it's a tracking shot and he walks into his kitchen hands on the counter thinks for a second same leather unitard halfway zipped goes over to the sink gets a glass of water takes a sip puts it down and keeps walking and it is clear that usher decided he would show you who he is there are no less than eight costume changes within it amazing there's no addressing the camera at no point does he tell you about the room he's showing you he shows you the room and what he does in there for instance his son is in his pajamas playing piano quite well i gotta say he's a great and ushers in a white tuxedo standing behind him nodding a white tuxedo rob it's the greatest thing i've ever seen in my life i watch it i watch it i watch it once a day i'm gonna be watching this immediately he gets back in the car for no reason he's back in the car just driving and then back in the house his whole family is dressed like they're going to a cotillion of some sort and then they all jump in the pool in those outfits it is the wildest yet so artistically driven when i say there's zero ai in this it is usher you get usher shows you what usher beautiful house absolutely beautiful house i assume in atlanta very well decorated i mean well there's some i have some notes like there's parts there's always going to be notes takes you in a room and there's an orb and he stands in front of the orb for a little bit you're like what the and then he leaves never explains it robin is so great the orb that i go if you if netflix lets me do it cruz has a scientology orb i bet he does he does i just i just okay i want to i just want tom to know that we are a safe place say to me uh like just so that like a little role play so um uh you be tom cruise okay Hang on. it and then say something scientology oh my god say something scientology so i can show them how i'll play ball okay like uh like like maybe i want to get tested or something you want to get tested i'm up for anything tom you know i think if you find solace in anything that's what's important you know burt i i just want to hear people's stories i just want to learn i just want i just want to that's all i want to do tom i just want to tell my story i don't want to hear your story i want to tell my story you want to tell your story yeah i'm interested in movies you know you got to go to the theaters you got to have movies it's a communal experience that's what i'm interested that's what that's what that's what turns for other filmmakers i'm interested in other filmmakers look at this camera that was was that good yeah it was pretty good that was really good that was really good dude we i'm telling you we have too much footage here this is a two-parter you know what i would love i would love a one-on-one interview with you and tom cruise like a like legit because i really think because you've known him yeah you could really i've been trying to get him he you know he just doesn't do much of it and he gets to the nuts and bolts of like going through like tit for tat of of where you were in life and what was happening to you and when like when he made decisions to lean heavy into religion versus lean heavy into relationship like i would love that and i think only someone like you who i think he trusted that he would have the conversation and know that if it doesn't turn out right you wouldn't air it like i would love that yeah because i he's dude he's the greatest i mean he's he's worth every single fucking penny he's so funny and so did jerry mcguire is one of the great movies of all time he has access to touch into so many things that we feel he's he's really phenomenal i gotta get you the fuck out of here i love you to death congratulations on the new movie and congratulations on our new series 24 hours with robin burt coming soon streaming soon dropping soon on netflix dropping can't fucking wait i got a call with netflix today i can't wait we're in i love you buddy one goes topless while the other wears the shirt tom tells stories and burts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave if you don't know by now this is me and tommy's vodka it's called porosos for the bears and we want you to make friends there's nothing better than having a best friend that you can share see if you're going to share a cocktail with and you're going to love this vodka it's got a smooth taste a beautiful finish and we taste tested a hundred different vodkas and landed on this one mutually and we were not wrong we have 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