Today I Cringed Up | Reading Reddit Stories

That's the sound of Lowe's Labor Day Savings. Get up to 45% off select major appliances and save up to an additional $100 on select laundry pairs. Plus, get three bags of Miracle-Gro 0.75 cubic foot garden soil for just $10. Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's. In-store and online. Valid through 9-9. While supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details. Soil offer excludes Alaska and Hawaii. Hello. Welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane Topp. And today, our theme is cringe. Cringe and also people messing up. Messing up their entire day and their entire life. And I'm joined by two people who are extremely cringe. Just kidding. Only one of them is cringe. Damn. Damn. Damn. Wow. All right. You both did it. I love Jake Paul's rapping. Tom. Tommy and Damien, thank you for joining me. Hello. Thanks for having us, Shane. Big fan of the show. Thanks, Damien. Tommy, clearly you did mess up one of these recent days. Because look at this. Okay, so I slipped down the stairs outside of my apartment. Okay. And my neighbor was there to hear me go, Whoa! And I had bags of shit. And so I like threw them up in the air. It was like an ordeal. And then, you know, of course, the ankle pop of it all. I went, uh-oh. And then from inside his apartment, he goes, Whoa! You good? So that was my recent cringe experience. And then I just sat there like this. Oh. Oh. Like waiting for that like broken pain to show up. It never did. I just sprained it. But he was like, do you want ibuprofen? That doesn't work immediately. I'll just walk it off. You're in shock. Do you want some Tylenol? Yeah. Yeah, for our audio listeners, Tommy is in a boot. I'm in a little boot. And also a little strap that my little toes are poking out. And it's real cute. Ding, ding. Can you imagine a paramedic showing up and being like, Oh my God, this is so cringe, dude. Like, oh my God, I can't believe you did that. Oh, this is so embarrassing. Wow, a heart attack at your age? Fuck. Wait, wait, I got a good picture of this. Yeah, guys, I know. I know. I see it. He's right here. He's live streaming. What's up, Snapchat? Oh, man. Now known as Stairsboy on TikTok. Oh, God. Oh, guys, I'm going to use the stairs whoa audio. And I get trapped into the algorithm, so I have to constantly throw myself down the stairs to be successful. Yup, that's Tron. I know that. All right, well, should we hop into some Tfue stories? Shane, I can't hop. Please be kind to me. You can hop with one leg. Yeah. I can't. That was my problem. When I broke my ankle, I got so good at hopping around on my left foot and my left leg that when I went to physical therapy after, they're like, we have to train your right leg to match your left leg. Wow. Because your left leg is like so fucking strong and cool. They just taught you how to hop again? I just was like, I need to just hop around on my right leg now for a few days. I thought this was what you did. Yeah. Oh, shit, we trained you wrong. Yeah. It's so cringe. I know. It is pretty cringey, but I love it. Anyways. I accidentally glanced at the title of this first story before we started rolling, and it made me laugh. Look at Glance Bass over here. That was awesome. That was awesome. That was awesome. I'm more of a Glance Armstrong, but yeah. Dude, sick. Dude, yeah. Thanks, thanks. All right. Okay. This is from a Today I Fucked Up. Uh-oh. Posted a couple years ago. Today I fucked up by walking in on my parents passionately fucking. Oh. Good for them. Good for them. Well, that's, you know, at least they're still passionate with each other. Something about the passionately makes me laugh so hard. Oh, Diane. It's just, you know. Ken! Ken! There's, you know, there was someone godly noises there. Okay. Title says it mostly. I accidentally walked in on my dad going down on my mom. This just happened like 15 minutes ago. I was playing Fallout 4. Cringe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm kidding. You just shot Emily with that. I know. I really like Fallout 4. I did see a TikTok yesterday where someone was like, I've had jobs more entertaining than Fallout 4. Oh, God. I was like, Jesus. I enjoy it. I didn't play the other ones first. I started with that and then went back to the other ones. So, like, I had nothing to compare it to. I liked it. I enjoy it. Yeah. All right. Anyways, moving back. So, this guy was playing Fallout 4 for several hours and I had no clue where my parents were. Keep in mind that I don't know where they are. Keep in mind that I also have a hearing deficit and I was not wearing my hearing aids at the time. On top of that, it is currently very late where I live, so I figured my parents were in bed or something. After playing Fallout 4 for several hours, I go into the hallway and I see a small amount of light coming from the game room. I thought that maybe someone left the TV on and I went to turn it off. I opened the door and lo and behold, my father's head is in between my mom's legs, like six feet away from me. I just shut the door and ran downstairs and outside. I became a little concerned about what would happen next. My father came outside and I asked, how are ya? And he said, fine, but next time knock. I explained that not only had I been unaware of where they were, but it was also late and I thought maybe they were in bed. I also mentioned that I was not wearing my hearing aids and could not hear behind the door very well. I also added on top of all of that, I saw a light coming from the game room and thought maybe someone left the TV on and intended to turn it off. I also apologized and said that I, I just made an honest mistake. My father said everything was fine and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He just said that Fridays and Saturdays are the only two days that he has time to spend with my mom, so I should be more vigilant about opening a door on those days. Dad's got a slurp schedule? Oh my God. There's something so crazy about like, sorry, look, Fridays and Saturdays, we get down. We're going in. I'm going in. That part fucks me up. Like being like, hey, it happens. Like, no worries. But to like plant the seed of like, and by the way, anytime you don't see us on a Friday or a Saturday. You know what's happening. Look, we're entering the vault. Dude, this is great. So they were in a common space, right? The game room. They're in the game room. Yeah, that's fucked up to me. Yeah. Like, I'm like, if they're in their bedroom, I'm like, yeah. But if you're in a space with other people, and you're going to go to a room that isn't typically for fucking, then, yeah. And you didn't shut the door fully. He said the door. It was like a bit of light, so maybe it was coming in from under the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, that's what happens every time she opens the door. Well, like, it's more like lock the door. But maybe that's a room that doesn't, the door doesn't lock. No, you would have to lock a game room for Jumanji purposes. Like, were they on the pool table or what's going on? Yeah. Boozeball? Describe it, boy guy. Yeah. No, they're also playing. He's like, what are you playing Fallout 4 in the game room? He's like, I'm going to join the Brotherhood of Steel. Like, you sure not the Minutemen? I'm not a Minuteman. I don't know. It's, that's, I feel like parents are usually more, like, secretive and shameful about that, where it's like, we've got to lock it up and make sure the kids aren't here. I'm assuming this is an adult kid of the parents. Yeah, I mean, he's got, like, yeah, somewhere over the age of 15 is what I'm picturing. Well, so potentially still like a kid kid. But it could be a teenager, could be, uh, in his early 20s. I don't know, but like, old enough that the dad was like, hey, can you knock next time? Because that's the thing, because I feel like if it was still like a teenager, it'd be like, oh, you have a kid at home. Whereas if it's like, yeah, I'm 24 and I live with my parents, which is fine. It's more like a roommate situation, in which case it's just like, hey, bud, knock. Like, hey, bud, put a sock on the door. You and mom are doing grown-up wrestling. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Brutal. I'd walked in on my parents, my parents before. It was a huge bummer, yeah. Well, I didn't know. This is so brave of you to just say right now. I don't think I was old enough to know exactly what was up until I sort of like looked back and was like, oh. But it was just this moment where I'm like, yeah, I think mom and dad are taking a nap. I need to get something from like their room. And I open up the door and I just see like a flailing of covers and it's like, knock first. And I'm like, wow, okay. Great, well, that's it. I guess I'll go away now. And you were like, I'm five. No, I think I was like a. 20. It was like 28, 25. 25, yeah. No, I was probably like, I don't know, 12. I don't know. Yeah, sure. I was very lucky. I never, never occurred. That's awesome. Never occurred. I don't even think that was happening in my home. So I was like. Well, you came from somewhere, bud. I was straight free from that. I don't know. You came from somewhere. No, I didn't. I'm in your imagination. Oh, nice. Oh, damn it. You showed up one day and they're like, huh? I guess walking in my room, my parents had a bigger effect than I thought. I imagined Tommy. Fuck. Yeah, if they stopped rustling the sheets, I popped out the screen. Oh, my God. Some comments here. Someone said, dad is the real gamer here. He fucked Opie's mom. I think that's the best comment I've ever heard. That's damn. That guy finished typing and he had to like cool his keyboard down. He was like, woohoo. - Oh. um someone said this is the best possible scenario all of you handled it in the most mature and rational way possible no harm no foul shit happens every time i read a post where people cry and moan about being traumatized to feeling nauseated after such an event i just shake my head op said thank you for the reassurance internet stranger oddly enough i don't really feel grossed out scarred or anything like that i just feel awkward i think the reason why i feel that way is because my parents never made sex an off-limits subject, unlike other households. My parents are not Puritans, I'll say that much. Well, clearly not. Yeah, we get the idea. I think his mom's a Quaker. Nice. Took me a second. People at home, that's a smart joke. I got the double entendre there. Thanks. Lastly, someone put in quotations, gee whiz, Dad, hang a sock already, would ya? Yeah. Did you just comment that just a moment ago? Did you just get off the computer? Yeah, I did, sorry. I know we're not supposed to have phones on set, but. Do you think in the moment of shock when he opened the door, he went into vats? Mom's gagant, 90%. Oh, God. Oh, man. I think the most awkward conversation I had with my parents was coming out, so. I mean, it wasn't like. Sorry, that was a last month's Reddit thing, so. Well, I wasn't on that episode, so. So I'm making up for lost time. I'm making up for lost time. Okay, Tommy, how was that? I'm not sure that was hard for you. Okay, all right. These people. I feel like everything you described of your parents, like, they're just very nonchalant, kind of, like, stressed, but nonchalant, where it's just like, they're not gonna. You're gonna tell them the most insane thing, and then they're just like. Okay. All right. Yep, exactly that. Yeah, they're in their chairs. It's great. Just in a recliner. Literally. Your parents, every time you describe them, like, they are permanently in recliners. Lazy boys. Like, yeah. Yeah. They watch WALL-E, and they're like, I can't wait for this shit. I put them onto Frasier recently because they got bored with Big Bang Theory. They've watched the whole show through multiple times, and I want you guys, you simply have to change what you're watching. Oh, my God. Just to diversify your day-to-day. They keep texting us about Giles. They love Giles. Giles. God. That one was for just me. Oh, my God. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Quince. As a person in society, we've got to wear clothes, but it can't just be any clothes. You want to look good and feel confident in what you wear, which is why I use Quince. Quince is all about fewer pieces at better, made with premium materials designed to be your essential pieces that you reach for every day. Unless I join some clotheless colony, I'm going to need quality clothes to wear when I leave my house. 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It's the same thing where it's like, yeah, people do that, that's great, you can be mature about it, it doesn't have to be crazy and weird and uncomfortable, but it is, you know, as a topic, probably nobody's favorite. Yeah. Fair? I want them to be in the bedroom. Yeah, it's like, hey, man. That's all. That's all I ask. Now when he goes to the game room, it's like, all right. Yeah, it's going to be like, just going to cover up that spot on the sofa there and I'm going to sit on the ground. Oh, my God. No, I'm sorry. I don't mean, like, literal spot. God, I just mean, like, the location. I wouldn't sit there and, like, not remember that it's like, oh, yeah, this is. Right. Okay, I apologize. That was my fault for taking it to stained territory. That's okay, because I've heard it before you. Let's move on to our second story. This also comes from Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by taking my significant other to Bed Bath & Beyond after anesthesia. Oh, hell yeah. I'm obsessed with that. Let's go. They were, they're in the beyond. She's the beyond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they're the beyond. She found the remote from Click. Honey, that soap is not for eating. Not for eating. No, no, no. Okay. This is a story we always tell at dinner parties. I feel like I owe him that, so I figure I might as well share it here. So this was around the time The Good Place was airing. My partner had abdominal surgery. I've personally never experienced anesthesia first or second hand and was nervous enough about my significant other going under. After discharge, the nurse told me, amongst a million other things, to take him straight home. However, my partner sounded so upset and super lucid and went on about wanting to get bathroom organizing stuff at Bed Bath now that he's done with the surgery. It made enough sense that I agreed. I left him in the organizer section while I was looking for an associate to help with a high up item. Maybe five to ten minutes later, several employees were jogging to that section and I get there and my partner was basically loudly yelling at people in a completely out of character way. Like I've never seen him yell or be violent, but he was trying to yank off one of the employee's hair. Later on, he tells me that his first memory after the OR was, waking up in Bed Bath and beyond and he thought this was hell and the store employees were devils, just like the good place. He has zero memory of him convincing me he's fine and wants to go to Bed Bath or what happened with the employees. For what it's worth, we are still together and now both laugh at this story, but at the time, it caused quite a bit of drama, both because he felt I dropped the ball and most people think I'm horribly irresponsible. I also felt sort of uneasy for a bit processing if my partner might hurt me in a lucid dream, but luckily, he's back and has been his sweet usual self. Next time he has surgery, he's getting locked in his room for a week. Edit, thankfully, nobody got in trouble and the employee wasn't hurt. I had his discharge packet in my pocket and mall security and the employee were sympathetic to me profusely apologizing. Edit number two, just to answer some common replies en masse, it was a small hernia repair and I saw maybe a one-inch tiny incision. I had been worried sick leading up to it and everyone told me this is a super minor procedure which admittedly let my guard down too much. The nurse gave a bunch of discharge instructions mostly about wound care and medication. The one sentence about going home didn't really register in my mind until later. Wanting to redecorate slash reorganize was very on brand for him so knowing nothing else it wasn't a red flag. I was mindful not to let him lift anything but the fact that he was still drug impaired didn't cross my mind at the time. I'm not trying to make excuses but it was genuinely a mind fuck to my young self that my SO talking to me lucidly about something he wanted to do is something I should ignore. Of course, now I know what anesthesia is and what I did wrong. Woo! That was like, that was a little less fun than she teed it up to me or they teed it up to me. Yeah, it's like, I'm glad they're all good now but it's like, oh my God, bro. We tell this all the time. So he assaulted an employee in sort of a drugged out stupor. Oh, nearly killed a lady. It was very funny. And he thought he was the devil so like, ripped off the head. So for a brief moment, he was in hell. Yeah, he believed that. He believed he was in hell. Granted, if I was sitting on this couch with you guys and then I blinked and I was in a bed, bath, and beyond, I'm in hell. That's fair. I'm in hell. For sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, I think truly the worst part of this is they called it bed bath like five times. Right. That actually felt like a knife each time. It was hard to read. Yeah. I kept getting tripped up. Bed bath. How often do you go that you're like, we don't have time to finish this sentence? Yeah. You guys want to go to Barnson? Insane. You want to go to Crate? Pier? Pier? Michael? Yeah. Look, I get it if they, you know, had never experienced anesthesia before but I feel like, you know, it's some, everyone has blind spots but I'm like, growing up it was like, you knew like when you get anesthesia it's like, yeah, they are in a, crazy state. Even if they see you normally you got to go straight home. Yeah. So I feel like everyone at this point in life has seen like, the after, you know, like after getting your wisdom teeth. Yeah. Where they're like, you know, being like, in a car because they're so drugged up. Yeah. I'm like, they really missed that info? They really missed that video? Because like, two billion people watched Charlie Bit My Finger. They had to have watched it. Or David After Dentist. David After Dentist, yeah. No, yeah, Charlie Bit My Finger is different. That's children. That's just children. Yeah, adults don't get fucked up by that stuff. I will say, in their defense, there's, like, after a surgery, if someone was like, yeah, I actually feel great, like, let's go home. Hey, can we stop and get some Burger King on the way? Like, I might feel a little bit more like, okay, yeah, we can stop and get Burger King. Bed Bath and Beyond is a kind of crazy place to go, but, I don't know, I took care of a friend after their surgery, like, I'd say a couple years ago, and the doctor was very clear, like, we had a whole game plan of like, I'm like, I'm gonna get her in my car, like, I have a playlist to help keep everything calm and relaxed and fun, and then we're gonna get in the, in the, apartment and there's going to be specific things we have to do for a while. I'm going to take care of you for a few hours. Your roommate's going to take over. But it was very specific. So I'm a little surprised that this kind of didn't have the same thing. She did keep giving me gifts, which is nice. She's like, I got you this watch. And it was like a little Game Boy watch. I'm like, that's so cute. She's like, I have the same I got for me so we can match. I'm like, that's adorable. She's like, actually, you should have both. I want you to have both. And I'm like, okay, for sure. Take my bed. I took care of someone just for a day after they had a surgery and they seemed completely normal. But it was hours later that they're like, I'm just now waking up. And it's like, oh, you weren't here with us. Even though you seemed completely normal. Anesthesia does creep me out. It's a creepy thing that it's like, yeah, you can just completely not remember. Because you're not asleep. You're just gone. And then you come back, but then you're not back. And then you come back. It's like, I love being reminded that we're electrical signals in wet bags. It's like, oh, thanks for that reminder, anesthesia. Very cool. Very cool. It's trippy. I've not had serious anesthesia in a long time. Same. I just was a little kid. But yeah. I'm religious. I'm relatively resistant to it. They say it's that way for like a lot of redheads. So I guess maybe I have that gene. I don't know. Because I don't have. That means you need more anesthesia, right? I need more anesthesia. Yeah. So like. So interesting. I just was listening to a podcast last night about this. Really? Yeah. Synchronicity. Electricity. Wet bags. Continue. No, it's basically like when I got my wisdom teeth out, they were like, you know, count backwards from whatever. And I like did pretty well. And they were like, oh. And I even remember like when my vision started to go and I'd see like visions that the anesthesia was making me have. I was like talking about it. I'm just like, oh, yeah, I'm still awake. But I do see like planets and all that good shit. And they're like, oh. But I think when I wake up from the few surgeries I've had, I've been pretty like, yep, I'm awake. Like I remember waking up and feeling sick and being like, hey, can I get some apple juice? And so maybe that's. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I remembered waking up. Oh, yeah. Like they got me, though. I was pissed. Because I kind of wanted to see how long I could last. Yeah. And I was ready for them to do the like countdown from 10 or something like that. But instead, they hit me with the most boring conversation possible. Oh, no. Where he's talking and he's like, he's clearly done this a million times. And this was out in LA. And I'm like, I'm like 16 or 17. And he's talking and I'm getting ready for like, like, okay, they're going to hit me with that countdown from 10. And I'm like, and I'm going to be focused. And he's like, so you're into acting and stuff. He's like, so do you have like an agent or anything? And I was like, oh, yeah, I mean, I have it. And I was like, oh, you didn't do it. You didn't need it. Yeah. And then I truly just woke up and I was like, fuck. Comments here. Someone said, bed and bath was probably fine, but you really should have stayed away from the beyond. Yes. Yes. You did it. We need that commenter from the first story to come back in. Yeah. I want smoking gun. Yeah. He's like, oh. Hot ticket. OP said, honestly, for me, shopping for bathroom organizing hardware basically is eternal suffering. However misguided, I genuinely was trying to be a good boyfriend. Someone said, once after a procedure, I convinced my driver I was fine, made her take me on a shopping spree, and then gave a bunch of my unopened mail to my dog who loved to tear up paper. She told me I was showing off his trick, woke up to a bunch of shit I didn't remember buying in shredded mail everywhere. Good times. That's actually awesome because you don't have to pay those if you- If you rip them up. If you buy a dog. Yeah. If you show the IRS- That they're ripped up. Oh, wow. Lastly, someone said, my wife drove by a Spirit Halloween, and I was very upset she wouldn't let me go in, and that's all I remember for most of the day. Dude, if I- Imagine waking up in literal hell. Right. You're like, ah! Honestly, if I blinked and woke up in a Spirit Halloween, I would be confused, but I'd be kind of stoked. Yeah? I'd be like, wow, this is pricier than I want to spend, but Halloween. Yeah. Halloween. Ugh. It's not really my story. It's not really my story to tell, but my friend loves to tell the story for some reason. He woke up from anesthesia and was so, like, dry in the mouth, and he asked for water, and they wouldn't give it to him. And so his mom was there, I guess because, you know, some about the surgery or whatever. And so he, like, looked over to his mom and went, spit in my mouth. Oh, my God. And my friend Cody whips this story out all the time. Wow. That's crazy. I mean, you have to own it. You have to own it. Spit in my mouth. You can't let that just be something that hangs in the back of your head. You have to be like, I'm putting it out there, so I have no deal with this. Oh, my God. Jeez, I'm crepes. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Hungry Root. During the summer months, I've found that my eating habits change. Beach days with my friends can make my eating routine fall off the tracks. I use Hungry Root because it keeps me on track with my goals of taking care of myself. So after a full day of eating hot dogs and hamburgers, I can come home to ready-to-eat salads and grain bowls. I love that Hungry Root offers recipes. So I can order exactly what I need to make meals that are high-protein, anti-inflammatory, or just a quick bite. With over 1,000 grocery items, I never get bored. Plus, Hungry Root screens out over 200 additives like high-fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, and preservatives. I remember when I ordered my first box, I was amazed at how many options came in it. There was so much stuff, and it was all so good. I've been a huge fan ever since. You're going to love Hungry Root as much as I do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order. Plus, get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash PitReddit and use code PitReddit. That's HungryRoot.com slash PitReddit, code PitReddit to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. And now, back to the show. Our next story is also a fuck-up. Uh-oh. Here we go. Today, I fucked up by not realizing I've been positioning my stuffed animal wrong for 23 years. Leaning it forward. Leaning it forward, opening the butt. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that's such a. Bad position. Fuck up. Okay. Teddy Ruxpin's supposed to have a tape in his tummy, not a CD. Yeah. Idiot. I've had a stuffed animal collection since I was born. One of the oldest additions was a black animal that, for the longest time, I didn't know what it was supposed to be. It sits on my top shelf with all my other plushies. This stuffed animal had a peanut-shaped body with a slightly flat head, stubby black legs, long red ears that I briefly thought were extra arms, sonic-like eyes with the mouth right beneath them. A red dot on its forehead, a press-me button on its belly that sang a song if you pressed it, and what perplexed me the most for my whole life, a little red stub in its crotch area that I thought was its wiener. Okay, the little red dot is going to be its mouth, so it's upside down here. Okay. So it's got things coming out of its. I think that what it thought was the legs is going to be ears, because they're like, oh, the mouth is like right below it. It's like, no, it's going to be sonic eyes, and the little dot is going to be whoop, instead of the beepus. What about the stubby legs that come out of the bottom? Those are your jowls. Got it. I always sat it up on its hind legs so it looks like all my other stuffed animals facing forward, yet I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was supposed to be until last night. Felix the cat. I was FaceTiming a friend, and I picked up the little black stuffy to show him, and while doing so, I was going over it again when I suddenly realized I was positioning it wrong this whole time. I laid the stuffed animal flat and looked at it correctly for the first time in 23 years. The belly side with the press me button was actually its backside, and the wiener was its tail. The mouth below the eyes was just some eyelids, and the red dot on its forehead was its nose. Oh, fuck! It was a dog this whole time. I finally learned after going my whole life not knowing what this animal actually is, and I feel so dumb for not realizing it sooner. My friend and I laughed about it for a good second, and my parents teased me a bit for not realizing what they already knew. My dumbass went 23 years thinking. I had some weird furry bug slash alien creature as a stuffed animal, only to realize now that it was just a dog. It's so innocuous, but I had to get it off my chest because I feel like a happy little idiot for only knowing this just now. Edit, this is what he looks like. Okay, so it's definitely weird looking. Yeah, that's. Okay. Let me get a look at this. So that's the top-down view, I guess. Yeah, the little white spot on the back definitely throws it off a little bit. Yeah, I think the issue. The issue is they've put, like, a little tuft of red above the eyeballs, which could be, like, an eyebrow or something, but it just doesn't really make sense, that little bit. I mean, I don't. To be fair, I think I would know pretty quickly that's a dog, but at the same time, like, I do see what they're doing. Well, you know, a classic dog with red ears and red tail, red nose, and one weird red eyebrow. There's a fucking massive red one I'm gonna tell you about, and then you're gonna feel really silly. Wait, does a little girl own him? Can you really own a massive red dog? There you go. Yeah, nice. I'm like. For some reason, I was imagining, like, the dad calling the mom and being like, he figured it out. It took 23 years. I thought it was bad walking in on your parents going to town on each other. This is cringe. This is so bad. This is a big fuck-up. What is wrong with you? How could you do this? I bet your friend hung up that FaceTime. I haven't told everyone. - I think the press me being on its back is confusing. Well, it's a white circle on its back. Which doesn't really belong anywhere. That could be a belly button. That's it. Because mine's on my butt. Right. Yeah. Mine's in my butt. I had a thing happen like this not recently. God, why did I say recently? I was like 10 years old. Jesus Christ. I mean, you know, time is relative. Yeah. The only time now is party time. Let's talk about it. Let's go. I went over to a friend's house when I was a kid and his family had moved from, I think, Kentucky but somewhere they had like a local soda and it was spelled A-L-E-8-1 and it was ginger ale. And so they were like, yeah, it's like, let's get him an AL-81. Like an AL-81. Yeah, let's get him one. And oh, it's the best thing. You're gonna love it. And I look at it and I was like, oh, wait, this has caffeine. Oh, it's ginger ale with caffeine. It's called AL-8-1. It's gonna be a late one because you're drinking caffeine with ginger ale. It's a late one. Not AL-81. And they were like, oh, and the whole family was just like, what the fuck? And so, yeah. Wow. I would never put that together. Well, you didn't know that was a dog then, I guess. Yeah, I guess not. But I think we all could have those moments of like, I didn't know Lord Farquad was supposed to be a joke about fuckwad. Fuckwad, yeah. And I was just like, oh, you know. No, there's lots of things that don't hit me until way later. Yeah. Sometimes it's a dog. It's a lot of, because I like learned so many words from reading, like learning how to pronounce most words. Yeah. Oh, no. What? I don't know why. Well, I learned a lot of words from reading. You know, I learned those words. The amount of times that I'm reading shit and all the comments are like, what the fuck is wrong with Shane? Did you hear how he said that? No, I'm just kidding. They're not, I mean, but like, yeah, I say things how they look, and then I'm like, oh, I'm learning that now. Is there a good way to call someone out on that? Because it's, I don't know, I never, like, we've all learned words by reading and haven't pronounced it properly before, but whenever I'm like, oh, it's actually, to pronounce this, like, I never know, I think I'm about to sound like an asshole, and maybe I do, but, I don't know. I think you're fine. I called Hermione, Hermie one. I did. Hermie one. I was Hermie one, Hermie two. Come in. Hermie once. Came on. Hermie twice, you get splinched. Splinched. What was the word that Ariana Grande used? She, like, did a really good impersonation. She's like, Ron's been splanched. I don't know. Some comments here. Someone said, you thought I was just hanging dong this whole time? OP said, I shit you not, I went my whole childhood thinking it was hanging dong and never questioning it. I wish I was kidding. Someone said, I can see. I was hanging dog. That's awesome, dude. Thank you. Can I try one more time? Granted, it is red, and it is a dog. That's true. Yeah. Rocket launcher. Someone said, I can see how this mistake was made. It was weird, but plausible. Someone replied, saying, it's the red part above the eyes resembling a nose, and once that impression got into OP's head, it never left. So every other oddity was just hand-waved away. Sure. Someone said, I can empathize. I used to think the old USPS eagle symbol was some sort of sideways Nike swoosh slash cartoony silhouette of a person wearing the US Postal Service hat on which it was printed. My dad worked for the post office, so I saw the symbol every single day growing up. It was not until I was in my 20s that I saw the eagle's head sticking out of the side. Wow. Yeah. It's like the D in Disney being like a backwards G. I still see it as a backwards G forever. Yeah. Sometimes when you see something, you can't unsee it. The big, like, do-da-da-do-do-do-do Disney with a D. It's like, it looks like a backwards G. It does look like a backwards G. It doesn't look like a D. It looks like a weird thing, and then it's Disney after it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disney. Disney Channel. Non-sewable Disney Channel. This, I don't know why, this is not really that related, but it reminds me of Forever Ago. I was at an airport. This is Forever Ago, because they used to have TCBYs in airports, which was a frozen yogurt place. And I was in line once. It's truly just like the Menchies of that time. Got it. Right? That's a good way to put it. Damn. Yeah, because they're not around anymore. But I'm in line, and you see them everywhere, but nobody knows what TCBY stands for. Today, Kaibukta. Yep. But I'm like 12, and I'm in line, and there's a guy in front of me, and he's ordering, and then he kind of goes like, what does TCBY stand for? And I shit you not, the employee just goes, I don't know. And then someone else goes, it's the county's best yogurt. And genuinely, everyone would, we all, even me, 12, we were all like, really? Like, yeah, you're going out of business, buddy. Yeah. You need to come up with something better than that. That's awful. I'm so glad I know that, though. Well, it's gone now. Thank you for that. Watch me find out, watch someone comment and be like, that's actually incorrect. It's the country's best. The country's best yogurt. Wow. So watch Emily comment, and you fuck that up. Yeah. It's still the country's best yogurt. It was still kind of like, okay, like. But if you go to Ethiopia, all bets are off. They got way better there. Reset. Way better frozen yogurt. Any other country, but this is the best you're going to get here. The country's best yogurt is the new name. The new name was This Can't Be Yogurt. Oh! What? It really started off as This Can't Be Yogurt? Apparently. And then it turned into the country's best yogurt? So they did an IHOP, International House of Burgers, thing. Right. But they didn't change the letters. They just changed what it meant. It was always TCBY, but they changed the meaning of it. Why was the 90s, like, incredulous when it came to foods? Like, everything was just like, I didn't know this is fucking butter, and like, this is instant coffee? This is DiGiorno? Like, just own the food you make. I know. It's yogurt and it's good. This can't be yogurt. There's no way. This actually can't be. The lies have to stop, Diane. Prior to 1984, the company's name was This Can't Be Yogurt, but a lawsuit from a competitor, I Can't Believe It's Yogurt, forced TCBY. It's not even I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? It's just a different incredulous yogurt brand? I love this shit. I love the yogurt wars of the 90s. By the way, for me, hot take, frozen yogurt, that's ice cream. I don't give a fuck. I love it. Same experience. Frozen yogurt's different. I'm like, that's the same experience. It goes in my mouth, and I like it. It's the same. Hey, you would love Opie's mom and the first dad. Opie's dad would be like, Opie's dad? I can't believe I can't believe this is your mom. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. Wow, that's wild. What were we talking about, even? I forget. Some stupid dog toy. Some kind of frozen yogurt. Yeah, I like frozen yogurt. It's good. Next topic. Next topic. Next story, go. Our next story comes from Today I Fucked Up. Today I fucked up by not knowing what a durian fruit is and nearly getting my work evacuated. LOL. So, I work at a library, and one of the programs I run. Oh, no! Sorry! Notoriously probably not supposed to eat in there already. Because there's, like, no other senses happening. There's no sound. You know? It's not like he's like, oh, I work at a sperm bank. It's like, you're fine. Jesus Christ! What is. There's a lot to unpack there. Either you need to go to a doctor, or you don't know what a durian smells like. What is the one that I'm thinking of? There is a fruit that smells like jizz. It's the, um, it's the Bartlett pear trees. The Bartlett pear smells like. There's something, yeah. I thought there was one. We had the big gigantic fruit once on a show. No, it smells like sperm a little bit, and then you eat it, and it smells like if gasoline was custard. Oh. That's my take on it. I haven't had durian, and I really want to try it. Sorry, I didn't know it smelled like sperm a little bit. Continue. We've had a lot of fucked up fruits here at Smosh, and so I don't know which one I'm thinking of, but it was a big spiky one, I believe. Yeah. That's a durian. Okay. And there you go. But that was also what I sensed. Totally fine. I apologize. I did not know that was the smell. I also was, I think I've seen that if it tastes like gasoline, it's overripe, and so we didn't get a fresh one, apparently. Got it. So I work at a library, and one of the programs I run is my D&D program for kids. I have a really awesome group that comes in consistently, and we are nearing the end of an almost two-year campaign. Sometimes my players will bring me snacks. Think Twinkies or fruit snacks and the like. One of my players hands me a silver package and tells me it's a durian fruit pastry. In response, I say, oh, thanks so much. What's a durian fruit? At that moment, I've already torn into the package, and I am hit with a wave of the most sulfuric, horrid smell. Think of rotten eggs and gas. It immediately fills the room. My player begins to tell me that it's a fruit with a really pungent smell and is a delicacy in Asian countries. This kid is like 10, by the way. Loves fun facts. He's a great kid, but I think he underestimated how bad this would smell. I politely thank him for the food, but inform him that for the sake of not passing out in our meeting room, that I'm going to put it in our break room. I take a moment to leave and proceed to place it in our freezer, because I thought that the scent wouldn't carry if it was concealed. I'll start with the good news. The game went great. The The scent persisted a bit in our meeting room, but not for long. encounter with a horrible amalgamation of flesh and bone and are continuing up the tower toward the final boss. Now the bad news, the game ends and I'm saying goodbye to our kids when I see my coworker S carrying coats and jackets out of the break room. I asked her what's going on and she pulls me aside outside of earshot of patrons and says, there's a heavy gas smell in the break room. We think a pipe has burst. As she says this, my heart plummets into my stomach because I can hear sirens. In utter horror, I turn and see a fire truck rounding the corner out our windows. Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no. S, no, hold on. I run in the back and there's already someone from our safety office holding a gas meter. Gas sensor? Something to look for gas. Anyway. A gasometer. A gasometer. Gaston. Anyway, he is talking to my manager who is relatively new and looks like he's about to have a panic attack. I rush past him, whip open the fridge, pick up the pastry and say, is this a gas meter? Is this a gas meter? Is this a gas meter? Is this a gas meter? Is this what you're smelling? As I hold the cracker-like pastry thing outstretched. They don't get half a sniff in before going, what the hell is that? I don't even reply because now my worst fear is confirmed and instead I rush to the library, ask S to smell it one more time just to be sure. She does and then looks at me like, are you serious, OP? Before doubling over laughing. I ran out the door and placed the devil pastry in our outside trash can and came back inside where two firemen had already arrived. Full gear and everything. One of them had a freaking axe. I embarrassingly explained to them the situation and thankfully we all have a bit of a laugh over it while I proceed to turn a shade of red that sunsets wish they could be. They actually made me feel pretty good about the whole thing. One of them even said that this isn't the first time they've had to be called out for a durian fruit. I guess this happens more than usual. So this is ridiculous. Yeah, that's so silly. In their defense, if I smelled what was clearly gasoline, I don't think my first thought would be like, let's check for durians. Sure, you're not going to think that. Yeah. I feel like you have to have a whole durian for this kind of smell to be. I know. Like a pastry. You got some bread around there, you'd think. And it's been cooked. You'd think that some of it would. Maybe I guess it gets worse. I think, don't a lot of people, because I really want to try it, don't people often eat it with gloves? But I've never, I think it's the only case that I can think of, of something that smells horrible but tastes good. Yeah. Like that's kind of rare, right? Because usually those scents are so connected that you'd think. I think like a really gnarly cheese can smell just straight up awful but be delicious. But I also think that like, at least in the US, for a lot of people, we're accustomed to that kind of combo. Yeah. Like, okay, this is going to be a little rank, but it's good. Yeah. Whereas I think durian for folks, for me, it would be just like a brand new experience. Right. But I still want to try it. Damn. I like that the one firefighter had an axe. Just like, you just had that ready. It's like, oh, a pipe burst. It's like, well, I'm going to break it more. Yeah. Since it's already burst, can I hit it? Is there, is it okay? What if he just hates books? Oh, shit. Like, fuck, it's my opportunity to chop some books up. Where are we going? It's. That's the firemen in Fahrenheit 451. Literally, it's what the firemen do and they hate books. Yeah, yeah. Comments, how was the pastry? Never got to try it. I was immediately hit with a wave of nausea and was going to eat later, but well, the fire department came, lol. Someone said, I used to work for a gelato company that made our ice cream in-house. The trainer was telling us how one store got their whole strip mall section closed for a potential gas leak when they made durian gelato once. Someone said, there's a reason why a lot of Asian countries have no durian signs in malls, airports, buses, train stations, et cetera, et cetera. Small update. Oh. OP said, hey, everyone. So it's been a second. I just want to let you guys know over my birthday, my coworker surprised me with a full durian fruit. I tried it, cutting it up outside so my fiance didn't kill me, and it was pretty good. A warning, though, to those with acid reflux, your burps will smell like durian fruit for a while and may give you headaches like they did me, lol. Oh, no. Still, I highly recommend you go out and try something new today. Thanks. Hey, love that. Okay. That's great. Headaches? Yeah. What? Like, it's like, hey, I really highly recommend this. It ruined me for a few days and my head hurts. I'm sensitive to light now, but the durian is great. Oh, good. Changed me forever. I woke up in hell. Yeah. Tried to rip their hair off. That is the thing, too. If you pull a devil's hair off, they have to go back to normal and they have to let you off. They have to go back to normal. They have to put you in heaven now. Sorry, I cut you off. No, I love that. I'm glad they ended up trying it. Yeah, because I don't want to, like, put down other cultures, like, policies or anything. And, like, that poor kid brought it, being so excited to, like, bring it. To, like, share it. Yeah. But he's the asshole. It's so funny how much stuff that we've tried here, at Smosh, over the past, like, years. The durian fruit doesn't, like, stand out in my mind as much. Like, I was like, I remember that smelling weird, but I'm like, that wasn't anything crazy. Because we've had surströmming. That sounds rough. For those of you who don't know, it is a fermented fish from, I think it's from, like, Finland or something or Iceland. Like, it's a delicacy somewhere. Yeah. And it's fermented forever. And we did a show forever ago where Noah had to have some and we opened it up. And it was like, oh, my God. It's like, oh, my God. And we opened it up outside. And I helped them open it up, open up this can. And some of the juices got on my hand. And I genuinely washed my hands dozens of times that day. And it would not come off. And it smelled like I had gone to a public bathroom and just got my hands everywhere. You were sifting for gold. Truly just, like, doing it all. It was unbelievable. You know what? Now that you mention it, I ordered, this is going, back to your, like, what's smelly but tastes good. I ordered from a restaurant recently. It was a Chinese restaurant. And it was, I got fried rice, but it was under one of the specialties. It was fried rice with salty fish and egg. And I was like, that sounds great. I love salted fish. This is awesome. And I, like, took a few bites. And I'm like, this is absolutely astounding. It was absolutely delicious. And then I went in for another bite. And I got hit with what I assume would be, like, kind of a corpse smell. And I was like, oh, my God. It was extremely pungent. And, like, I'm very adventurous. I can appreciate most foods even if it's not adventurous. But this smell, like, threw me against a damn wall. It was insane. And I looked down at it. And I'm like, it was a part of the fish. So I think salty fish, I don't know what was the intent. But I think it was something that was fermented and preserved like Sir Stroming situation. And it was tasty, but it was like a hole. I really had to brace myself for the rest of it. And I think it's really cool when something, like, is, like, my taste buds or my sense of smell finds it disgusting, but someone else thinks it's delicious. I think that's absolutely fascinating. Yeah. But, yeah. That's why we're Eat It or Yeet It coming back for 200 more episodes. Yeah, we're going to do it. That's right. Why not? We have new ideas. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Audible. I truly hate doing the dishes. It's probably the worst chore to ever exist. And when I cook a big meal, the cleanup feels like it will take forever. But now that I use Audible, I can do it. I actually look forward to doing the dishes. It sounds crazy, but I mean it. I put on my favorite audiobooks and get fully immersed in the story. Before I know it, I blink and I have a spotless kitchen and I learn something new. Audible offers a variety of titles so I can jump between science fiction and fantasy to biographies and memoirs. Maybe you're looking for something that'll make you laugh, like Reddit Stories. They have an entire comedy and humor section. Currently, I'm listening to The Butcher's Masquerade, book five of the Dungeon Crawler Carl series. I was told to listen to the audiobooks that I actually switched over and man, they are so entertaining. And I love Stephen Fry's Troy because Stephen Fry narrates the book. I've actually listened to Mythos, Heroes, Troy, and I'll be listening to Odyssey next. There's something special about Stephen Fry narrating his own work. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash SRRS. Audible, stories that speak to you. Back to the show. Story. Today I fucked up by swallowing a brown recluse, being sent to the ER and almost dying. So that's a delicacy, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to do that in your sleep. Right. Yeah. Well, no, it's an average of like, you know, everybody eats it. So I have hundreds when I sleep to just balance it out for everyone else. Oh, yeah, yeah. So you, yeah. Oh, that's, that's nice. So you probably had none. Oh, yeah, you're probably right. OP writes, this happened a couple weeks ago and I'm pretty much recovered now, but I guess I wanted to share as a warning in case anyone else ever experiences this. Yeah, don't, don't drink a brown recluse. Yeah, don't eat spiders. So to make a long story very short, I keep water by my bed and a glass in case I get thirsty at night. A brown recluse had fallen in right around the time I woke up and needed a drink. I swallowed the thing and of course immediately realized I had swallowed something and my only assumption was a spider. And I knew we had a few brown recluses in the house, so I automatically assumed that's what it was. I ended up being right in the worst way. Well, I know we got a couple of those around and. Yeah, I was going to get to them next week. Good deal with that later. Weird, just got a few loaded guns pointed right at the thing. Crazy that one went off. Now, I knew from past anxiety Googling that swallowing a dead spider is nothing to worry about. The venom is protein based and breaks down in the digestive tract. I had assumed that I had swallowed a dead one and just decided to try to go back to sleep after a mini panic attack and more frantic Googling. I woke up maybe two hours later with horrible pain in my stomach, muscle aches and hard spasms heat flashes sweating and drooling profusely i stumbled to find my partner we sleep in separate rooms and was rushed to the er their partner sleeps in the non-spider room we're kind of doing an experiment yeah yeah one of them is clean the other one has a bunch of spiders see who sleeps better so what happened well the original assumption was that it bit me on my esophagus but after lots of tests it turns out i had a stomach ulcer that i didn't know about that's another long story and the spider had very much been alive and the venom had found its way into my bloodstream through the open wound in my stomach after a fuck ton of antibiotics and other drugs in a week-long hospital stay i'm mostly back to normal and i'm feeling mostly okay i still feel achy and have a lot of paranoia about my drinks now i won't be drinking water in the middle of the night anymore that's for sure i just wanted to tell this story just in case anyone else has water by their bed at night and to just go to the er if you think you swallowed something just please be careful okay yeah buddy i'll make sure not to do that he's like he's like spider-man if his power was tummy aches yeah yeah i will say okay what i do relate to him is that i i have a water bottle next to my bed but i don't like having like an open container of water no yeah nothing's ever happened but i'm just like you're also have cats yeah i just imagine like tuppence walking by and just be like like i just i don't want that yeah fuck you um he does he does piggy dip ins in his fountain i don't want him to do it yeah right i'm a bed thrasher so the amount of cups i've knocked off by like chucking a pill like it's not like i'm like waking up and going yeah but like i'll wake up and my pillows are all over the and then there's a cup of water like on a pillow only on the full moon though yeah hairy hairy hairy night yeah yeah i guess that's true but also when you have cats you don't have to worry about brown recluses quite as much because i feel like it'd be rare it'd be hard for them to get all the way to there because some people say like oh cats are like immune to some things but i'm like i don't know i don't want a brown recluse bite i feel like it didn't make this venom just for people do we have those in socal yeah yeah shit i don't think i've ever seen one um we got we got a few we can just fly them in you got to bring them uh i've got a bunch of black widows around where i live and that's my only reason to be here i don't think i've ever seen one um i don't think i've ever seen any reason for like wanting them away is like protecting the cats i have a app that i can when i see a weird bug i i can i can identify it common fly because i like to make sure and i i have a lot of false widows so those those are all over the place yeah i know your husband's still alive somewhere you lying dude what i have what i have on my patio is the biggest jumping spider i've ever seen in my life really it is legitimately huge jumping spiders are cute it's so cute it's so big that i could like we can make eye contact and i can see that it's looking at me nice it's huge it crawls right into like it'll like turn like up at you and you're like hey what's going on hey bud um love that thing comments you screwed up everyone knows that you are supposed to first swallow a fly it is fortunate however that you didn't swallow a horse that seems to have an undesirable outcome as that i love clapping for a lame comment it's poetry it's a from the first story he's like oh yeah you ate a spider well guess what your daddy was that high-fiving eight legs that's actually great glad you survived that ordeal have you considered a cup with a lid this is strangely enough a lesson i learned from fallout new vegas here we go again really are we are we back ruby nash commenting on her famous rad scorpion casserole my specialty is a rad scorpion venom casserole it's more appetizing than it sounds the venom has a sharp smoky flavor and it numbs your mouth so fierce you'll forget you ever had a tongue it's perfectly safe long as you don't have sores in your mouth or ulcers in your stomach for the venom to find your blood because that'll kill you dead whoa that's shockingly specific wow well fallout new vegas had killer writing so yeah yeah but i made my character named mean steve and i and i ruined all that good writing real quick you just blasted through it yeah okay that's good i i almost watched my mom drink a spider once and i was so like panicked about the fact that i like i didn't know how to be like there's a spider in your drink i was just like oh and they're like yeah i took a while to get it no she didn't end up drinking it but it was like a live little spider that i was just watching in a clear glass and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die it's like oh it's just you know yeah you don't expect it i'm not i'm not someone who kills spiders if i know i don't kill spiders either yeah so it's like i don't like you know like the other day i was on my computer saw something on the wall three baby spiders little little siblings going and i went i'll see you when you're grown but i hope i don't eat them that's the only thing yeah i probably have honestly because you pooping them out would definitely kill them probably yeah probably by that point they're probably like yeah yeah probably yeah probably yeah i like putting them outside there's there was a tiktok trend recently where people were like guys don't put them outside they're dead like you killed them all because they're only supposed to be inside if they're inside they're house spiders and it's like no yeah sorry they were born outside yeah sorry figure that out it was one of those things where like someone stitched it they're like hi spider scientist that's not true some i guess some could die that's not you can put them outside yeah you they'll probably just come back in but like right they'll figure it out i always put them by a plant or something so yeah oh they love those yeah okay i've heard they're a big fan of those yeah our final story today i fucked up by using a leaf blower on my kids oh you can't do that maybe they had a little parachute on and it was fun what if his kids was leaves though no if his kids was leaves kids was leaves sucks i have twin three-year-old boys and they're very active and silly well the other day i was doing some yard work and using my leaf blower to clear away some grass and dirt naturally they're infatuated so i used the leaf blower on them and they love it started chasing them around the neighborhood with the leaf blower pretending they were leaves good old wholesome father-son fun right well naturally now they want me to use the leaf blower on them all the time no biggie it's a fun game and i like playing with the electric leaf blower only now it's everywhere including places where i don't have my leaf blower and i don't have my leaf blower and i don't have my leaf blower so instead i have to pretend to blow them away like i'm blowing out a candle still fine all day for the last three days it's been dad can you blow me away very cute stuff well this morning we're at target and the kids are getting a tad squirrely they wanted to go to the park and i said we can go after we finish up here they're dancing around the aisles being toddlers then my son comes up to me in the main aisle and in the biggest toddler yell shouts dada can you blow me hell yeah q5 people turning around to look at me and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry look at me and my kid you'd think by now i'd be immune to toddler-based embarrassment but nah so me in my quietest voice face feeling redder than a macintosh apple respond buddy inside voice do you mean you want me to blow you away son one yes blow me blow me excited toddler jumping son two yeah blow me too dada me boys inside voices please you mean blow you away right how do you ask for that sons please may you blow us away i blew them away and they go dancing off like leaves the others who are watching snicker and giggle one of the other guys nearby gives me a knowing smirk that clearly said been there proceed to finish the quickest target run of my life this is that guy's in jail now yeah he's brushing that off a little too fast some guy was just like while he's getting handcuffed jesus christ jesus christ those kids are gonna grow up and when they're 15 they're gonna walk in on the dad he's gonna be like there with the mom he's like oh she's a balloon which don't do that but this don't this is a this is an arrested development joke is it really like michael on the phone being like how's that new consultant going buddy oh it's great to hear you gotta stay away though yeah whatever like he says it like a few times he's just like oh that's awesome we'll just remember you know we're gonna do this we're gonna do this we're gonna do this say away for that and then later they're like how's that new consultant's like well apparently she's blowing everyone away and uh it's so that's so good i this is a weird one i don't know if i trust it really you think it's fake i think someone heard the arrested development joke and is like i'm gonna write a funny story about that because they're like my face turned redder than the apple and it's the same with the library one where it's like my face was redder than the sunset when the sun set i'm like i don't know if i i don't know if i'm gonna write a funny story about that because they're like my face turned yeah that's fine it's too it's too perfectly it felt reverse engineered in my in my mind but i i tend to i think with like this one i think it might have also just been exaggerated sure i think he might have been at target and his son might have yelled that and it probably like maybe nobody was around or something it was just like or something close to it and it's just like oh my god like yeah whatever or the kid asked like dad i have to go to the bathroom he's just like oh can you imagine if he said this other thing that would be that would fucking suck um i will also say that the redder than something there are some phrases that for some reason on reddit they they do it right and no matter how many times you read how many stories it's like after every single update is always like oh my gosh thank you guys so much for the upvotes i'm like i wasn't expecting this to blow up i i every time someone says i wasn't expecting this to blow up i'm like but i guess what are you doing here i'm like okay yeah i i think that's where i need to find the balance because sometimes it's like oh this sounds like it was just written to be written and then other times it's like this is kind of the language of reddit yeah kind of just the culture of like you know thank you for the karma kind stranger or like whatever and also toddlers do say crazy shit oh my god like they do kids do say the day i've told this before but my oldest brother i guess when he was like a toddler he couldn't say the word truck yeah say it would come out as fuck sure and my grandma thought that was hilarious so she was constantly like oh what is that over there like constantly making you say it like just constantly comments i sympathize op when my son was a toddler and only knew a few words he loved going down the street with all the different flags and the big clock on the outside of this hotel we had to run his stroller down there to get to story time at the library he would get all excited and yell flags and big clock as we passed them the problem he could not and did not pronounce l's at all the second they said flags and clock i was like i know where this is going we know this also sounds but maybe i don't know and now that toddler's the mayor of weho it's west hollywood the gay city in la jesus yeah the only one the only one that's the only place they're allowed to be um lastly someone said co-worker's kid did something similar he likes pirates booty snack and for months would ask his mom in public mommy can i please eat some booty that just say it first poster so i heard through the door and the dad dad's like no that's dad's job all right um guys what do we think was the biggest fuck up today eating a spider that nearly kills you i mean that's like that's not that was is that a fuck up that was like a perfect like god spited him god god was like you're gonna have an ulcer and then you're gonna eat a spider and it's gonna be a that's final destination a hundred percent i used to send whole plagues of this shit yeah um i think it was probably the person that brought their anesthesia to partner in public honestly yeah that's probably that's the most like you you caused they did yeah like other people had like little like whoopsie daisies this one's like no he went on a rampage yeah it's nice that the other person didn't press charges yeah but that guy who had his stuffed animal uh upside down you know fuck him that's so cringe 23 years looking at that you idiot i hope the dog wiener haunts your nightmares yeah and it turns into a nose in those nightmares and you're like what does it mean it means you fucked up thank you both for joining me today hey man it was my pleasure it was dope to be on the couch this was honestly very funny i it's always a joy to be here and i'm you know what i'm glad that a lot of these weren't too cringe because sometimes cringe stuff like it hurts it can hurt yeah yeah anyways um thank you all for watching uh go play fallout i guess yeah get some get some hp i'm just saying go play fallout it's a game go get the fallout cards for magic the gathering it adds some fun flavor to your game no thank you guys and thank you all for watching we'll see you next saturday thank you happy birthday it's your birthday bye bye it's your birthday