To live life, is to learn

What's happening beautiful people will hear for another fun filled episode of the church of what's happening now new testing I'm here with my trusted fucking soldier of debt. Kato Lee Syat and Uncle Joe is here for another fucking whatever, what up Luke? Where you been? You've been hiding lately, what happened? I've been in Saratoga. It was a good weekend. I went up and we were talking about how expensive food is. I went up to a place in Albany and got barbecue that's actually pretty fucking good. But I had something. Do you ever smoke before you go eat somewhere and then people, what the fuck is wrong with you? I sat next to this old lady and I just sat at the bar to eat. As soon as I sat down, she turned up her nose and loudly to the bar turn. I'm smoking a reaper. Meanwhile, she was hammered at two in the afternoon and I was like, it's amazing that people still get upset about it. I didn't smoke in the restaurant. I just smoked and went inside and way back. That's right. I got one for you for later and I'll never smoke that. She's ordering an Uber because she got three DUI. Oh yeah. I really don't eat them saying like when those people listen, marijuana is so far out there now. If you're still talking little shit about marijuana, there's something wrong with you at this point in the game. Oh yeah. Plus, I would think a restaurant would want people to smoke weed before they came inside. She had one order of sliders, meanwhile we had like $100 worth of food, appetizers, two entrees. But like fucking a little bigger cologne, not to put it on you, but just to spray it on you if you don't wear it. Oh, I don't care. I don't care. I can care the fuck less. I walk into the best restaurant in the world, wreaking a vrypha. Oh yeah. Fuck it. Let them know what type of the party this is. But I'm not going to, at this age, I'm not going to smoke like I smoke whenever and wherever the fuck I want. But listen. Okay. But this is a consequence is here. Okay. I don't want to smoke around kids to confuse their parents. You're following me like the other day in my neighbor, we were talking about some, we were talking about edibles and she go and Addy was there and she was talking about edibles, something she doesn't take them. She was talking to Addy goes with type of brownies and she goes, you know that smell, you smell in New York City that you don't like. Right. Oh, she goes, yeah, I don't like that smell. This people just don't like that smell and when you go into this city now, that's what it smells like. Oh, dude, I, the whole city smells like marijuana, but down to Jersey Shore, it smells like marijuana. I don't think this is what people signed up for, but this is the result that you got. You know, because I do it all the time. I pretty much not now because it's cold. But like if I'm going between spots, I bring joints so I can smoke on the walk to the next spot. Absolutely. Okay. So that's okay. I thought you were saying. Yeah. No. Yeah. You're going to do comedy. Right. Okay. Some people go lift weights, you go on Instagram. There's a guy swinging kettlebells. You know, he's yoked. I mean, super yoked. Right. And he's talking. He's a fitness instructor. He ain't no fitness instructor. He just did steroids. Stereoids is fucking. What do you call that? Like they don't allow it in most sports. Right. Right. But thank God they allow referring comedy because you know what? Okay. You eat a bag of dicks with the New York comedy club. You got an eight block walk now until the rest of the place. You say goodbye. You're like, oof. I'm not going to cash. It's 25 dollars. He's in front of eight people and then you walk over there and on the walk over, you smoke a joint and trust me. If you get high, like at night, like really high, like that, don't have one, you know. Right. I got to eat three fucking nickel edibles. But if you're getting high off, reefer in between sets, yeah, and it's like a two-hour like you're there. Now you got to be there for an hour and a half. It's not like you, but at the time you go to that next smoke, you're going to need it and you're going to ride a joke on the way. That walk is everything. That little eight block walk, well, not for me, for you. Eight blocks. I got to bring the inhaler and fucking walk slow and make it even getting calls. I don't see, you know, I'm not running any races on the walk. Either takes me a fucking walk, you know, it's like to say, listen, who am I lying? If I come up to the dojo on Tuesday, right, and then they have an open mic and I get my car. And catch the RBR lounge and do a spot there at 10 on the fucking drive. What are you doing? You talking to your mother on the phone? You talking to your girlfriend? You're by yourself and you're going over that thought. You got 25 minutes to drive. What a fuck? You got a notebook next to you with a pen and you're just cutting off motherfuckers thinking about shit. Oh, shit. And because now you're out. Now you're out. Now you're in your creative mode. You get, when's the best time to ride a joke after you get off stage? Yeah. Because you're right there. You just did it. This is not you at eight in the morning. This is funny. This is funny. Now you just went into the spot. Now you go to another spot and wait till you start making money and like you fucking, you're shooting this real special. You're going to give me 13 million. You can hire somebody to give you a rise. Oh my God. And that's even better. Like you tell a motherfucker here. Stay high. Put your phones on, don't listen to a word I'm saying to myself in the car. I'm just going to sit in between traffic lights and go for the next. That's the best time to ride a joke after you perform. You're loose. There's no, you know, you could do all this shit, right? Before baseball game. What are you? You stretch it. You do all this thing. You do all this shit. But there's nothing like going out there and just swinging the fucking back. But we were older so we scared. We got to do little trunk swings and shit because we don't want to swing. You can fucking rip an abdomen, right? But you go out there whatever is abdomen, you go out or bleak. No, you're a bleak. You don't want to go out there and fucking swing, you know, this is the same thing. We just swung. Okay. Here's the third inning. You figured out the picture. He struck you out the first time and that's fine. He struck you out in the fucking first inning. You were cold in the motherfucker. You didn't stretch. Right. Right? And now you went out there, he struck you out. But now you've been watching this motherfucker and all the other guys when they walk off and they got struck out there organ watch the slider, watch this, watch that. You go up there, two pictures in your time it and you got a single. I wish comedy kind of does work like that, but like sometimes I'll watch a show like if I'm bomb, if I bomb and I'll watch a show, I'll have like a intrusive thought about like running back on stage and like at the end of the show, let me do this again. I know I can get you guys now. Please. And it's too late. You're like Ralph Cramman and the honeymoon is $50,000 question and they were like, it's too late. It's too late. Um, Merrill Shaw, 1952, you got to go now. You got to go now. Vinnie Askiles, 1929, you know, like he kept, he kept fucking saying shit. Right. But here's the other thing. This is we're talking a comics real quick and I told you this because let's be honest. At the 30 years, I finally figured this out. Nobody told me and it's just like anything else, you know. When you do your weekly spots, right. I want you to, like that's why I don't like open like the, you know, pay $5, right. Go up. The other comics are looking at you, they're on their phones and you really don't get a read. Yeah, you go through the emotions, but you don't know if you bombed, or if they worked, so what now? What are we doing? What are we doing? Just go to a bar and tell Vinnie, Vinnie, Nikki, go up there and fucking tell the bartender. I'm like on stage and do 10 jokes, you know what I'm saying? Well, let them go. Put the light on. Well, if he, if we get laps, he could put on light on after three minutes, you know, shit like that. I'm just exaggerating. No, man, that'd be great. But the whole thing always, but I never did is a comic because of addictions and stupidity was I never went up there with, it's another word for purpose when we discussed this intention, another word for intention. So again, you're 38, you go to jiu jitsu, you have a 90 days, you learn the basic shit, now you have 180 days, now you're rowing with people, you're still getting beat up. But after a while, I forgot when I go with the stiattables, hitting me, going somewhere within 10, you know, after a while, when I go, so after a while, you become a blue belt and you're so crazy, you're just going into tap people, right? I'm 63. I have no intention to tap anybody, and you don't want tap anybody. I get little victories. I get a hook in, I sweep you, oh my god, and you're done, I gotta go. We did jumping jacks, we did push ups, we did sit ups, we drilled, that's it. So intention is everything, right? When I go to a class and Nicky's like, let's jiu jitsu, Nicky's fucking 10 times quicker than me, even if he busted his ankle, he'd be quicker than me. I could sit on him, I could, if I could get him, but Nicky's smart, if I could get him, even then, these young guys, they always find the way to hook your leg and Nicky, you know, you're flying in the fucking, oh my god, you're 200 pounds heavy in these motherfuckers. But my point is when I go to Jitsune, I don't go for any of that brazzled basil. I just go to that get hurt right to do one fucking thing. So you leave a one club. You go on to the other one. Well, Joey, I bomb that look where you perform. I'm not taking them away from you. I'm not taking them away from stand up comedy. But I won because I tried that joke the first time and ate a bag of dicks. But the second time everything I dropped sucked, but that joke got a lot. Yeah, I won. That was my intention for the night was to tighten up that joke. And by the time you get to the third spot, it's gravy now. There's eight people. You go in there to crack that joke, but ain't nobody to crack it with. There's only eight people. Yeah. And now you start talking and you found a variation for that joke. So that's intention. I had no intention. My intention was to get a gram of coke and fucking snort it after the show. And who's going to snuck my dick? So I had no intention. When did he start like doing that with comedy? When you how do here we go? I will have much to do. I don't have five nights. I got two nights. So I got to get the most out of my two fucking nights of comedy. I can't go every night to do comedy. You don't think so? Listen, man, even if you did the eight o'clock show, I got some stories for you, right? Okay, no, I just got stories for you. That it's not what it you, it's not what it used to be. I can't live that life no more, but no mad dog. I come in that one in the morning. I'm done for two nights. I don't know if there's no lie to hang anybody. Okay, I get I get I go out on Wednesday. I'm 1130 after a two hour drive. Then I pull a Thursday night and I bump into Nick and you and George and we're talking. And he has he wants to get a plant scallop and he had a pizza place. And it's one third in the morning. Nobody drank, but nobody in this room is going to be tipped up. McGoo at 730 when I call you and we need to be up at 730. Yeah. So then, you know, it's not like the old days when I just flipped over, took a Coke. It's not out of my nose, ate it, banged one out and went right back to bed to one. Those days I can't do that normal. No, I got people looking at me. I got cats me out and I got wise asking me questions and shit. You know, I had to take a nap at like six o'clock the other night because I had a midnight show. Listen, I take a nap every day and sometimes two naps a day. Good for you. Today, my nap was we're going to the whoop of 49 minutes and that's all I needed. That's it. Just a little after I left and drive and people telling me, you got to join up the fucking. But I got into it with the fucking agency. You have to link up the page for a gig. I'm guys. What are you talking about? A Facebook page now. You have to link it, right? That I'm not doing that. That's not happening. We just self-picked it. You know what I'm saying? We just self-picked. I'm not linking groups and putting posters of me in the shower. I don't need that aggravation. I can't wait to be able to say that to one person. I don't think I've tied. I don't think I can to tell anyone. No, but hold on. Right now nobody's asking you to join. Right. Exactly. But then at first, you really enjoy it. But then you're like, this shit don't work. I get more action out of taking a picture and jumping off the bridge and saying dates and saying I've been told that me coming up at seven in the morning and doing TV. You ever get, what do you start doing TV? Local news. I've only done radio a couple of times. I've never done radio. Local news. When you're sitting there with two other people, I'm like, hi. We just, oh my God, those bagels were yummy from Empire Bagel on Edgewater Road. And but now for you people who love to laugh, it's a bunch of housewives at nine o'clock in the morning. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, it's a grand bar, this shit. And you're like, yeah, I'm gonna be a fun week on the funny bowl. And then I've been going right there. And they started to fuck like it didn't to go in as like a rapper. He had like a fur coat with a chain like towards the very end of him needing to do that. He, he just said, fuck it. I'm going to start fucking with these people. Well, yeah, then they don't want you. And you're like, oh, fine, fine. But some people like, remember that dude in Reno? Oh, yeah. Oh god, it's in his apartment. Seven in the morning. So lunch, he dropped you off and he picked you up at one. And he's like, we're doing radio toe five, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, but it's calling that fight. Listen, it's not happening. I'm going home. I'm going home. I ain't doing it after the radio. We did enough. That's it. There was a guy in Pittsburgh that made you do a fucking truck show. What do you mean? Record one night. Oh, hysterical. So after you did Pittsburgh radio, you went to his house and done another hour with him on like a CB radio, I'm like a CB fucking radio. And I walked out when I'm like, I'm hungry dog. Who does he want to come? He wants the trucker to come. It is. I don't know that's just terrible. I just didn't do it. I just didn't fucking do it. Especially during your coke days. I can't imagine you having the patience to do any of this stuff. Yeah, that was towards the end of my coke days. But that was towards the end of my coke in the beginning. It took me about six months to get calibrated real quick, like eight months, nine months. I got, I mean, I still didn't feel well, but that not feeling well made me like angry. So now I was asking for money, but you had a good time for a long time. You had a good time for a long time. Paying me 200 charging 25 at the door and giving me 200. Sometimes it checks bounced. You had a good time. It's different now. Israel and bro, 50% of people go, you're done with me, Joey. And that's fine because they weren't real anyway. But the 50% that stay, now you have something to work with. So now you're added to changes. And now they're on board because they understand you did a movie. You did this. You did that. You're not selling out places, but people come to see you, you know. So what the fuck are we doing here? And now you start asking for shit and people like, you're too tough to work with. I'm like, does that matter? You get 20 dollars a ticket, 100 fucking people. And I get 200 dollars. And for eight years, I've been doing that and I appreciate the work. Yeah, but how many mortgages can I pay for you? Now it's my turn. Now it's my turn. Give me a little extra like two 400 or I can't do that. And then they do it and they go, but don't tell nobody. And then the years later, I'm talking to leanly, he's like, he paid me 800. You dumb fuck. Oh my God. That's why he told me not to tell nobody. What do you think the comics union thing never worked out? Because we're horse. And that's it. I could, I could go into like, give you like a chat like, uh, no, because we're horse. Because you and I both know if a booker calls me right fucking now and says joy. I got a gig tonight, paste $350. You're going to drive an hour, come back. I'm going to go, you know what, man? It's fucking late notice. I got a kid, I got a cat, you know, I'll do it for 400. And the guy going, all right, no, no beef, no beef. I just didn't want to do it tonight. By the time I hit that door, George will call that same guy and go, hey, I'll do it for 300. So what union do I have? Right. I don't know. It's just that little thing comedians have. It's not, you know, I think hookers have it too. Who knows? There's not a hooker union, right? Because somebody will suck your dick for $10. Eventually, if you keep asking. Yeah, it's a, it's a fuck. If you go to a homeless tent, there's a chicken that I'll suck your dick for $10. No teeth, doesn't look good, a hair's all ratted up. There's a fly living in a natural, you know, but fucking hit her. I'm just imagining it would attend all a blowjob would be just nasty. Something that you even close your eyes and go, God, I hope nobody finds out about this, but I needed a blowjob and I had a coupon. I could beat that fucking price of $1 that that chicken wants to suck my dick. So I know if I keep creeping, you'll find something. I keep creeping. It's like a woman, you know, and I'm not saying anything bad about women or anything like that. But think about it. You go to a woman, a girl's fucking 28. She's got student loans and shit. She works at a bar. You go in there every night. You're 40, maybe you got a million dollars in the bank. Who the fuck knows? And every night you tell her, I'll give you a thousand bucks to eat your snatch. If you ask her for eight months, once a week, eventually she's going to go, give me 12, 50. But don't tell nobody, oh my God, you're like, I changed my mind. You know, it's just stupid shit like that. But eventually we tell somebody every day, you're going to loop them out. But you don't think like it's, you would think comics would be able to do like, I don't know, like because it was, the unions work in other places, the unions work across the board. But if you have weakness before, like I tell you, ten times late. You can't go down there. Some people cannot. You're going to go Joey, but they keep calling me five nights a week. They call me, and they'll give me 15 bucks on a stake dinner. You know, did you ever see the show on Showtime? But Mitchy sure in the comedy store, it was parts of the not all another line up here. I'm dying up here. That was what a couple episodes were about. Because yeah, that went on in the story years ago. But it's not. It's not. You have, we're from a rare species, species, especially at some level. We just go off. And you know, I don't know what I did, but I'm sure I did a couple creepy things in the beginning. You know, I'm sure I called people over hearing something. How could you not? I was thinking about the first gig I got offered, and I was going to visit my dad, and I was so I was, because when you go from only doing those $5 open mics to actually getting a real show, to me, it felt like I was getting called from Madison Square Garden. It was a fucking apartment show, where there was like, the rugs were crusty. It was disgusting. But it was my first gig. And to like, especially in New York, you go to these open mics. These open mics, I got to be honest, a little even not scarier than LA, but there's a little bit more, I think with the train, there's a little bit more mental health issues in New York than there might have been in LA, because in LA, you have to at least be able to drive. And it was like, there's some people that I just, I see them hanging out at shows. And I'm like, you've only, no one would ever put you up at an actual show, because you're a crazy person. But you're right. If everyone, if all the regular comics banded together to get like a union together, that guy would get an offer to do the shitty show, and he would just do it, which is depressing. And especially now, we have such a market. It's so everybody's a comedian. Yeah, there's a comedian. Once a week, somebody comes up to me somewhere and goes, I just got on stage. But the first time it's great, I'm dumping my kids. And you're like, well, everybody's a comedian. Now they've movies about it. I haven't seen it yet, but they haven't even seen it yet. We got on that, right? Yeah, let's kick out, give me two minutes. We're going to talk to you about, it's the beginning of the year. You want to start your coconut in the right leg. Battle of hell is going to talk to you about a couple of things. All right, we'll be right back. Stay black. What's happening, beautiful people, Uncle Joey, this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. The new year can be a tough time. Remember, it's okay to ask for help. Therapy is a great way to better understand your emotions and what you're going through. Listen, when I first moved to Jersey, I was going through some stuff. I contacted BetterHelp, spoke to them on a weekly basis. And here I am. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and fully licensed in the US. Identify your needs, preferences with their online quiz. If you're not happy with your match, switch to a different therapist than any time with over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp makes it easy to get you matched with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% at betterhelp.com/deas. Again, sign up at betterhelp.htlp.com/deas and get 10% off at betterhelp.com. And listen, don't ever be ashamed to ask for help. BetterHelp will help you. So go to betterhelp.com/deas and get 10% off right now. Thank you. We're back, Jack! Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about that's very important. What I wanted to talk to you about that was very important was with my behavior last Monday on the show, torturing you. You know, I think that it was my own insecurities. And you know, Lee, I've been around you. You're like a kid. You've been around me a year longer than my daughter. So you're like a child to me. And I told you, even John Wayne, we don't take this shit lightly. You don't say it. And I'm your stepdad. So I'm very sorry. I said those things, but I'll leave it at that. You look looked a little pale last week. And I felt bad, but you know, you have to understand where I'm coming. Everybody in this room is in this room for a reason. I can have 10 people in this room. I don't because I just want love in this room. I want people that breathe for one another. That's very important to me in life. I don't have many years left on this fucking planet. But what I have left, I want people who breathe for me because I'll breathe for that. You know, so my apologies on that at number two. And we have to cover on this show this week. And you know, I'm not a political motherfucker. I don't care, but I need that shit. I don't know about the GOP or what's going on in Venezuela. I don't know Maduro. I don't know the oil. I don't know any of this shit about the world. But I knew no one thing. And I'll stand behind it 150% and I know the streets. I fucking know the streets. And you know, I mean, I look it to you. You know, because I'm old and shit, but I'll go to that Bronx and I'll bang it out with every fucking Dominican up there. Because I know the corners. I know how the street works. And everything in life changes except the movement of the street. That's where people walk a certain way. A burglar walks a certain way. A fucking cocaine addict walks a certain way. The street does in line and never fucking changes. I fuck around with Lee and I fuck around with you people. But I'll tell you what, I respect things more than any mother fuckers do. And I know for a fact, because I go on, I read your pages and there's no respect anymore. But the things I respect the most, even if I fucking my mother died, even when so security wouldn't give me money, even when they threw me in fucking jail for something I did was laws and the country and how it works. What I saw last week should scare you more than ever. And I'll cut into a story to tell you because we were just talking about the story two weeks ago. I feel that last Tuesday in America, they just murdered a fucking woman on the street. But Joey, she weaponized the car. I weaponized the car once. And mother fuckers still walking with a limp. Okay. I know what weaponizing a fucking car is. Okay. And people going to have different opinions on this one. Let me tell you what I saw. I saw a fucking chick that divorced a husband that was confused all suddenly, pussy. And all of a sudden, who saw the Grammy's last night? I went to fuckers and gloves. I woke up this morning. I'm trying to have him good morning and I'm going to Twitter. And I see a thing about Mark Rufalo. And it's like, Mark, how are you doing tonight? I feel great to be here this evening, you know, with Hollywood's elite, but I really can't enjoy myself because of the murder of whatever we wore a pin. I'm not one of those guys. I'm not one of those guys at all. But you know, there's people who find that solace and they find peace going somewhere at Rudy's and for George's company and say, oh my god, I saw what you did on NBC. You're so brave. There's people who live for that shit. I know somebody has to stick up for the blind children in fucking Tel Aviv. Whatever, I don't know. I don't know the average in the world. I've never been one of those people, but that woman was. But shall we? They pointed the ice agents. You know, years are going bold and we lived in bold. The CIA would come. And one of the things I took from those things, so that went down and not the protests of CIA, just to see why kids get beat up. I enjoy that. I enjoy seeing stupid people get beat up. And dog every year, what I noticed was that all the police and the other people would have the shields and people would just be yelling at them. Me, two yells, and I got a foot up your ass, especially if I'm a cop lit. Look, hey, you fat spick over. If you think the meat may put on Rodney King, you ain't seen nothing yet. I'm going to Rodney King, this motherfucker. I'm going to duplex him because I'm a fucking cop, okay? That's why I didn't become a cop. That's why I don't do roast. That's why I don't like, you know, there's a point. And after that point, you're fucking just white people, bro, and a man in Minnesota. What's the joke you used to tell me about Minnesota? Go get a gallon of milk. You some stupid shit. Exactly. What did I know? You're here when I walk into an airport, and you always have this family cut you off. Nine and a ten. When you walk into an airport right in the morning, there's always a family that walks in front of you, and you're like telling your girlfriend, or, you know, you're trying to get your luggage, make sure you got your ticket, and also an expression out. Fucking prison. Okay, where's my scarf, you know, and you go and this family walks into the airport and they just stop. They think they're in heaven. And they speak in order from Hachibata, ati tita. I told you they're all talking like like move. Yeah, move fucking move. You could step aside and talk all that shit and look around and oh, Japan, you're all that shit for an hour. By the time you finish, I'm already at the gate back in my shit. That was one of those women. Like, she was like move the car, move the car. She's looking. She stepped out. You can't shoot a tie. You can't shoot. I mean, to shoot a woman in broad daylight in the clip. You know, and people have different opinions. I don't talk about this type of shit on the show. Why are we talking about a couple of weeks ago? My mother's friends who I took the Polaroids are. I'm not that two friends. I'm not that one. And I told you guys the bar time that I was really hot. Well, I liked her. Her name was Dina. I was at a house when Hank Aaron hit the home run. She was cooking in shit. Dina had a baby, but I was tight with Dina and a husband. A husband I was really tight with. Dina was, I was 10, 9 and Dina would talk to me about stories or Cuba. One day she called me. I think I told you guys. She just filled my head. And it was like a fucking pimple far. I said, okay, what is that? She goes, that's scrap. No. I'm a fucking gun. Yeah. Night December 31, 1959. She goes, everybody was leaving a van and she goes, I got in a car with my sister. We just went like, we're going into the into a couple, you know, into the country. Whatever the fuck she goes, we missed a fucking spot. They killed my sister and they left me for dead in the car. She had like scrappin' on the fucking head. This before 9/11. So she'd go to the airport with no fucking problems. You know, there was no magnetic plane. She's not going to fuck up your 4G phone. That's so funny. But I'd always remind of me of that. A year ago, listen, again, if you think you hate Jimmy Kimmel, I hate him more than you guys ever hated Jimmy Kimmel. Okay. I don't think Jimmy Kimmel ever said a funny fucking thing. I think if you stay up late to watch Jimmy Kimmel, there's a problem with you. But I never spoke about this publicly. That's CC whoever shoved him down because of what he was saying about the president or whatever he wasn't saying. Freedom of speech is the first amendment. Is it not? Yeah. Once you lose that, you lose everything. And they retraced it and they gave him back his job and all that shit. But that's to show you the win that we're kind of taken. It's the win that we're kind of taken. The world's changing right in front of you. Fucking eyes. Oh yeah. You know, it's changing right in front of your eyes. But this situation, you know, again, I'm not going to show up in New York City at the protest. I just know to me, for a man who does this for 10 years for ICE and should be prepared. Listen, when I first saw it before any judgment, I thought it was murder. I just thought something wasn't fucking right there. That's just my true opinion. And then I heard and I saw both sides of the 18 different fucking angles because everybody's got JF Kennedy around them. I really got a fucking phone. I never saw them like that. Everybody had a fucking angle. Even the cop had his side of the thing. I don't know. It's a fucked up situation. I don't know why ICE people don't have to wear body cams, but even like he was recording. So I saw that. And I'm like, I'm like 90% with you. The only thing is, and I feel like it's like the same when people like protest by sitting on the highway. Okay, goofy people. But I was the thing. He was, she was blocking it. Like, no matter what. And I don't agree with what ICE is doing. I don't, I don't or how they're doing it. Like she shouldn't have been shot first, but they're there in their comps. And they have, they're allowed to eat like it's, I, it's just why would you put that's not a situation I would put myself in. Well, the cop got the cop got hit 10 months ago, and he got 37 stitches. Well, then why is he standing up front of fucking cars for? You hit me with a car. I'm moving the fuck over. That'd be what it later. That's exactly what he did. But you know what I didn't like. I don't know. Oh, fucking thing. What's his country built on? You thought about going with us. Right now I'm driving home. I love you guys. See you next week. See you Sunday. George, I see you Tuesday. I get in my car. I leave here and I stop soon and I shoot a guy. He goes to bug me. The gun falls and I shoot it. Whatever the fuck. What was my point? There's countries built on us. Okay. Nick gets a call. George gets a call. I don't know if you know this. Joey got arrested for attempted murder. Papa, he got arrested and they're going to charge him. No, you guys are going to get a call. That says Joey got arrested. There was a shooting. He's going to get charged tomorrow morning at the clock. They're holding them in North Pearl. Okay. Next morning you guys wake up. Terry gets the bail money. We go down there. What is that called? Well, the arraignment first and then correct. It's due process. So wait a second. What's the difference between that and I shoot you and I go on TV and go, you're a domestic terrorist. Yeah. That was not good, guys. That was not good. You know, Lee, I've been dying or apologize to you. Since I said the things on the podcast, I have to apologize to you on the podcast. I could just call you. You could have blown this off. I did that because I have to live by my word. But you fuck up. You have to claim responsibility. When that dude came out, bang, whatever's fucking the price present. He came out dog. I had goosebumps of what this guy, how he was acting. The energy was wrong. He was condemning somebody already. Instead of coming out with a smile, I'm going to listen. I'm not sure about what happened. I don't have all the details, but there was something not good. And I knew something like this was about to happen. So we got to have to make changes. Nobody said that, guys. Nobody said that. Remember, the next day, when the paper comes out, what is it called? Not a hutch and dispatch. It's going to say every ex comedian podcast, Joey Diaz was arraigned for attempted murder, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't say nothing about I'm a condemned murderer. I'm a thief in 1982 or doesn't say that. That's what I didn't like. That's what really I go, wait a second. So you they fucked up and now you're going to lie to my fucking face. I mean, enough. How long can we get lied for as Americans about everything? Listen. If they lie about one thing, they lie about everything. Okay. That's true. And here's what I like because I, you know, we don't fully agree on, but that's fine. And there's going to be a lot of people who are angry about you for saying this. And this is going to be a lot of people. Fuck, but I got to say something about this. And I don't sit here and talk about presidents or vice presidents or dictators or how I feel about this group or how I feel about that group because I don't feel anything about that shit. But you have said, and I was gonna say this to your credit is you have said like some pro right side, Trump side stuff previously on the podcast. Not a lot. But you, you've talked about certain things and you've been on the other side. So it's like the thing that upsets me. And I think it's what Vance was doing is if you're on one side, whatever that side is, you have to completely, you have to take it completely. Like there's no seeing the other side. And I think, well, I have a dear friend that I've known over 20, 30 years, they called me immediately. We started talking. And he's or whatever winger. I don't know what winger. He looked at it completely opposite. Yeah. I didn't argue with him. I let him tell me what, what I said, what happened? Because again, as human beings, a fly could come out right here. He's like, stop out of one of his shoes. And I go like this. And the fly goes down and the cops come. Lee's gonna press two bridges. The cops going to ask you what happened. They're going to ask you what happened. They're going to ask me what happened. Two of those stories aren't going to match. You were on the phone looking at a sports fucking thing. George God knows he's drinking the, he's dreaming of something fucking absurd. So we're all going to get different takes. You know, and we're okay with human beings. I don't get mad at any of that other shit. I look at it and I go, hmm. So you motherfuckers waited eight years for the Epstein list to let me know that Michael Jackson was on the island with with Woody Allen. And those people shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. You're gonna throw Michael Jackson under the fucking bus. Well, motherfuckers doesn't matter. And I'm saying like, everybody knows Woody Allen's a pedophile. He was on the island. You know, right. So I understand those things. So we get lied to, and again, I came me with a mother who was pro-american. I was raised by a mother. But if it's fucking, you know, she loved Kennedy, but if the Americans killed Kennedy, fuck it, so be it. You know, he fucking left the Cuban people with their dick in their hands for all that shit. I grew up with somebody who said when I was 18, they were gonna throw me in the fucking Marines. Because of what the country did to them to take 'em in. So I'm not coming at you motherfuckers like some kami or some fucking idiot. I'm coming at you from a criminal perspective. I'm not coming at you from a fucking, a voting perspective or who I'm trying to, I'm coming at you as a fucking criminal, okay? (laughs) Life long criminal. That chick, it was not a criminal. She fucked up and she did not deserve to get shot in the face. Listen, the size of that gun, there was no face left. Like, there's no face left, bro. There was nothing. There was like a little stem and like a piece of a tongue. Everything else was fucking gunna. And you're gonna, you're gonna, you know, go home and then tell me, tell me, tell me we're gonna investigate it. It kind of been shady and I turn off the TV and go, wow, America's really America's still. I'm a Cuban dude, dog. So I take this shit more seriously than any you motherfuckers that were born in. I look at this and go, 'cause when I came in, this was a hero. Elvis was a hero. You know, Nixon was a hero. Those people, I looked at them as God when I was growing up. You know, and little by little, you just got smacked in the face. So now, 30 years later, after I've got 1000 fucking scars on my face from taking Coke, Rocks out of that board in the morning, all this shit. You're gonna tell me there was our own government that was bringing the fucking Coke in. So now you're gonna tell us 50 years later that the president who America loved and the whole thing are on government fucking shot him. So we've been getting lied to, and it's okay. That's my, I was exactly what I was gonna ask you. Like do you think they, like America used to do, like they used to do the right thing or they just used to be better at lying to us? They were better at lying to us. It's like it felt good to be lying to us. Now everybody lies to it, to you. I don't think they lie anymore. They just, well, they're lying, but they're just saying shit that's insane. What they tell your news is, it's not fucking news. You were telling the news and you're like, just saying, God, now I wanna see the kid who got hit by a bus. What is this shit, you know, guys save, they catch the same news. Forget if you put the New Jersey news on, like New Jersey 12. And they got the same stories from three days ago. You know, you're like, how much happens? Yeah, like nothing. Some, the other night, two kids shot somebody in my neighborhood of 14 year old and say of them. But how much on TV? Why do you want nevermind? No, no, listen that night, before I go upstairs, I take my medication, there's happy news medication. Okay, I put on New Jersey 12 because it gives me the weather. Got it. And I ignore it to expect in the morning, which is all bullshit. But at least, you know, I know the weather at 5.30, when I opened my curtain, cold. (laughs) Fuck that shit. That 5.30 dog, it's dark and cold. Some nights I get the coffee and I just go outside for three minutes. And the coffee steam and I'm out there, not even shaking. It feels kind of good for about a minute and a half. And then you're like, okay, I've had enough of this shit. When you go in, as you're walking down the stairs, your hand touches the pants and you're like, God damn, it's cold out there. Or your pants hit your leg and you're like, oh my God. What the fuck was I thinking? Listen, there's gonna be people that are happy and there's gonna be people upset with me about saying these things. And I'm fine with it to say, you know, I don't pop off about a lot of shit. I never do pop off about anything because I don't want the podcasts. They divide people and all that shit. And listen, I don't want to hear to upset nobody. But I'm talking to you guys as a criminal. Not as whatever American who, you know, gets up in the morning and salutes the flag. I do that too in my heart, but you're talking to somebody really respects. I never blamed the cop. And all my years, George, I blame the cop. I did what I did. I made the choices I did. They did their fucking job. And that's what they're supposed to do and shame on them for not putting me under the fucking jail when they had me. (laughing) Shame on them for not putting me under the jail. So because I've been on that side of the coin, I've gone, I've seen a lot of shit wrong now. To me, that look like stone cold murder. And it's our government getting a little bit more comfortable with comfortable. But here, like, the other part of it is, like, you know, she was a parent and it was Mercy's birthday last week. And I think you're right. I think like when you said it's like, couldn't you have shot the tile? Like shooting people used to be something that like was like the last resort. And it seems, I'm dissensitized to it. Like when you were talking about the news, it's like, there's a news. I hear about a new shooting every 20 minutes. You're watching the sports and all of a sudden, you're about to score. Hold on, we got breaking news. Like, priest has been run over by arm, Brooklyn. Details 11, listen, all right. Move over, you know what I'm saying? I got 20 on the game, yeah, exactly. I'm just a guy. I'm gonna tell you what bothers me, just letting you. Yeah. And I'm not gonna talk about voting or ice when everybody did wrong. I'm gonna tell you something. When I got in trouble, I'm not getting in trouble because somebody got hurt. Everybody knew the people involved. Number two, I did not cop to it. I would not cop to it because I thought it was cool. I don't know what happened, but okay. But, at the same time, you don't complain anybody, but you can't blame anybody for, I can't blame somebody for my mistakes or whatever, right? But I gotta tell you, man. It's just something about that when he came on, just seeded me. It just seeded me that he was lying to my face. I felt like I was getting lighter and the energy was weird. He should have came out with more of a smile on his face and broke down the situation. And I know the ice people get all of a sudden they started blowing with statistics up about how many threats they get and all this other shit. We wanted, listen, anybody who came over that border when the president was at a retard fucking, yeah, we want those take-outs those three hagglers and all those fucking people. But at the same time, listen, you can't scare white people. Right now, white people who are very nice white people, are fucking petrified and to add to this. I don't know if you read or you see it. Ice makes mistakes. Ice makes mistakes. And I'm not, this, you know, I talk about this on stage as a joke, but in reality, Diaz, they got 20 of these motherfuckers and all of them are criminals. You know, I'm pulling out of my house one day. Ice pulls up. My wife comes out and they shoot her in that. And I'm not for bad. You never dream of this shit. But it's called the potential for violence. Okay, there's a potential for violence. If Nick comes down here and threatens me and he says, I want my $2,000 and then he pulls the fucking stick out. And for some reason, the bat bites him in the neck and I call the cops. They're gonna arrest him for having that weapon. But through the court process, they're gonna fuck with him because of potential for violence. You went down, I would stick. You wouldn't go down there with a stick 'cause you wouldn't make chicken catch a Tory. You went down and they hit him in the head with a fucking stick. What could have happened? Now let's say you did hit me, but I blocked it. And I still got stitches or something like that. Oh, forget it. Now they're really reaming. But whatever you got a brain skull, he didn't. But they, let's say he did. The slips and now you're done. Now they got you on that charge. Do you know what I'm saying to you? So it's all this shit to me was like, I don't pay attention to a lot of stuff. I do pay attention to lost stuff. I'm not gonna lie to anybody. Like I pay attention. Like I can't wait for this man, Jeannie trial to start. Oh, man, Jeannie? Yeah. Like I don't care about when Johnny Depp fought the horse. She shit on his bed. That's not, that's not, that's not justice. You gonna watch his case? White stupidity. But I'm not, it's not like I'm gonna watch it every day, Lee. But I wanna take little things. Like when OJ killed his wife, there was nobody in the world I wanted to kill more at that time, but my wife, okay? So every day I watched the OJ trial, like taking notes. Like defences and, you know, 'cause it had to hurt me. My feelings connected with OJ throughout this whole thing. Right, you couldn't talk to me about OJ 30 years ago. After the OJ thing, like all you had to say was like, "Joy, what do you think about the OJ thing?" He was paying a 24,000 a month. If I pay you 24,000 fucking in the ass, whenever the fuck I want. (laughing) That was where my man head was then. And I'm honest to say this. When I was 32, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm paying you 24,000 a month, you don't want me in the house. I don't know what type of cube you think you're dealing with. 24,000, I'm dropping in and I'm going to get him off you and fuck you in front of him. And then come on your face and go cast the check next month and walk out. That's what I'm, but that was my, that was my mentality back then. Right. Now you look at it and you hear all the fucking things and you know, OJ killed it, it was LAPD that fucking dropped the ball. There was the LAPD that dropped the fucking ball, so. So why can't you wait for Manjiani? I want to see how they're going to defend them. I want to see who shows up to defend them. Like that, what's the lawyer? He's not going to have a lawyer. It's going to be lawyers plural who's paying for it. Is it like a like public defender? You think there's going to be like a bad ass lawyer? No. I have it. People don't do anything, but the same people will pay this. These people are protested. You see how much they pay these people? They pay people protest. They're like, that's a real, I've heard, I thought those are conspiracy theories. They pay people to start shit. No, they pay people to start shit. Oh, damn. It doesn't. It doesn't. Yeah. But fucking, that's going to be interesting, because you look at the defense trial and they're going to be in trial. That's on a thousand a day. That's no fucking go find me. That go find me if they got three million. That goes in fucking two weeks. That's crazy. Two weeks. Push preparation. Push. You got to bring specialists in and where he got this 22 psychiatrists coming in, you know, because they want to hear. I want for my tooth to get filled and insurance didn't cover it. I was over my fucking, right, pay premium. Whatever the fuck that is. What is that? You know, it's, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Okay. So, but, because you want it to be a lawyer, so that's why legal stuff every time it comes out. I like legal stuff. Yeah. So, to me, this was right in my alley. I got, and I'm a criminal. And I know the excuses and I know all this shit, the police training. To the last five or six years of the police getting attacked and all the funding polices, a lot of these departments had to do retraining on people like this. Yeah. They had to prepare for riots, which means you're going to say things to me. And I have to block them out. I have to think about my daughter or think about a fun, think about a fun time you had. Oh, listen, I'm getting stabbed by 18 quarter weekends. What fun time did I have, right? Oh, but it's fucked up for the call like it's the other like with ice specifically, like I don't think offering like $50 to $100,000 bonuses and people are getting hired, like, can you imagine? Like, if you, when you were so angry, if someone was offering you a good money, a government job and an extra $100,000 and you got to beat people up, like that's not going to attract the best people all the time. Listen, even though it was angry, I was a little bit on the humans. Right. Okay. I was a little bit like, listen, again, I didn't want to get into this part of it. Okay. But while we're here, go. If I raped somebody and Nicaragua and your ice and you call me and go, joy, what's the tactic? There ain't no tactic. I want you to go through the fucking wall. I want him to have 35,000 stitches, but it's time he gets to the fucking jail. Right. And I just sliced his throat, but keep him alive. So he has to do the time or fucked up, cut his hand off, something, right? You know, I'm a demented motherfucker. Of course. What are we talking about? I'm not, to be honest, I'm not sure. Meet Nida. I forgot. Fuck it. But yeah, you're going through it. Yeah. And it's going to, it is going to, it is going to crazy out there. It's very fucking crazy out there. So you see this and again, I don't know. Okay. We're talking about, and there's the guy that, you know, moved to Los Angeles and met Maria. And she worked someone in cleaning houses and he got a job working for a company as a man and a, and things evolved, they had three kids, then they opened up a taco place, the taco place been open 24 years, he's been here 38 years. And now you want to pull him up by a gun in front of his family because he's illegal. And my world, that guy made a life here. Go over to give him a summons, but don't treat that man like that. He's honestly become an American. Everybody in the wreck and everybody in the neighborhood comes in to COZ for a taco every day. But what national are you on? And then, you know what I'm saying? Like there was little things, but again, I'm not a judge. I don't know what the fuck they did. But to come into neighborhoods and pull people out of cars, dog, dog, it seems like a movie almost. It's a movie. It's, it's just something that, it's a message. Okay. And I love messages. I love that. Look, these idiots in New York are calling to impeach the high check with the fucking earrings. Yeah, whatever the fucking name is that chick. She's the meanest person in the world. Like, if you fuck her, you hell have no fury. She'll get you somewhere, you know, but that's not the issue here, you know, these are the problems I had. And again, I'm not blaming a political. I'm not saying that Spanish people are good and not good. I'm just giving to you from a criminal fucking take what I saw last week. That was number one. And number two, what was criminal last night that I saw, I went up to dinner. I came home, my wife and I were going to watch something. And I wanted to see the girl, Nikki, okay, and I put the thing on Golden Globes. Thank you. And I put the fucking thing on and I told Nick, male performer was going to come on. Best male actor. And I go, Nick, this is the best because soon and he'll tell you, I go, it's going to be Seth Brogan because he's going to take that award. He's going to walk into the back dog and two guys tap you and you go behind a curtain and there's a little room and there's eight fucking old school Jews with mask on. I'm going to hit the mask, the other one with a Mussolini mask and you just know you got to bend over, suck all their dicks and they're fucking in the ass with that old Jew dick. And you pull up your pants, you go out there with the golden Grammy, whatever the fuck it is. And you're so fucking happy, you know, saying like, and people don't know, you just suck their dicks, sold your soul eight times to the same people Tom Cruise told the fuck themselves and eyes wide shut. He was Seth Brogan. You think it's that important place is another fucking world that looks there. I got that poor John Cena coming out with a dress that most Jews are cold blooded dog. But this is not what I want to talk to you about. That has to be the name of the episode, I think they did something that was so again. You could just lie to the American public, so fucking low, okay? They did a golden globe for a fucking podcast. Who won? Which, listen, I got no beefing, but you know what, whatever you feel about it, and again, I'm not a cheerleader for anybody, but again, you just state the facts, you try to state the facts, and it's a little pinging on your head. I'm looking at this and I'm like, first off, I knew who the top who before they named them, I knew three of the podcasts that we haven't nominated for, okay, back shepherds, the chick from the office, the blonde, okay? And there was another one I knew all the dude who's an actor, and then he became a podcast with two other movie stars, 'cause I made the article about his wife saying that he's making so much money now he hasn't had to act on him. He could stay home and be a dad, so I knew three of those were going to get nominated. Yeah, I didn't even know about this nomination shit. I thought it would be at least JRE and, and call me daddy, call her daddy and call her daddy was nominated, but I'm watching these guys, and it's like, it's like winning defensive player of the year, and Lawrence Taylor got more votes than you didn't, didn't double in you, they got to spend it for doing below, and you got to actually go up there and go, yeah, I did it. No, you didn't do shit. It was Taylor got high, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like I felt like we know who put this blueprint together, I know who put this blueprint together, and you know what, and I appreciate what you guys did, you guys came, took that blueprint and changed it around, the one podcast is three couches, and they just sit there, one guy in the middle, and listen, it works, it's not a podcast, it's a live entertainment podcast, we used to be. When I was live anymore. We don't we can't smoke dope. We can't let ourselves on fire. We can't smoke fucking hash on the repeat. They suspend you. Don't let you play the episode. So that's been taken away from us. Again, I'm not crying. I'm trying to take the topic back the last night. But even Theo Vaughn. Even Theo fucking Vaughn. You know, even Theo Vaughn. Who I think had the best fucking last two years in podcasting. Honestly. Yeah. Honestly. I said, honestly, honest to God. He had two really good years. Forget the political people. Just he had really two years. You couldn't put them in there. Something. But they decided to play like this snoony thing. And I bet Mark Rufel had a button on to, you know, he got a button for JRE like, please, he's horrible because he has broken too. Well, don't. And this is something. I don't think a lot of people know. And I'm not even tryfully understand it. But like when you see someone like get us up for like, I always used to see them like for your consideration. Don't like the studios or whatever, like basically wine and dine and like campaign for their whatever to win. So like, I bet these people probably spent money to get nominated for the golden low. But it's not like, it's not like there was like an actual team of judges. I know you picked this up when you lived there. And people don't understand this at home. They never will. And they think that you're hating as they call, oh, Joey's a minor. No, but I'm just stating the fact for you motherfuckers. Okay. There's certain people in Hollywood, which I will not name. They gave up 10 years ago. And I tell you why they gave up because every year two people gave him a big check. Not because of the talent that they were now, but the talent they were then. Okay. Happens with me. But I'm not, I have to leave the house. Dip between my check. Is there got to leave the house and do some, right? That check gets sent to the house. And then the year will have a writer come to the house. And he'll figure out your story and that year never comes because the deal only holds you for a year. But they have to have tax write-offs. So they sit there on the 30th and they go, all right, pick up three Spanish kids. You don't know three Spanish kids. How about George Colodinski? Check it out. His mother's Panamanian. George is qualified for 250,000. Some lady still goes, oh my god, I love George. You know, one of those women, right, when they get to toss to George. And they do that with a lot of people. Now people are going to get this the wrong way. I'm not saying this. Amy Pola does nothing wrong. In Hollywood. Her and the other chick do nothing wrong. Tina Feyn. Listen, they could pull up on the year and fucking shave their pussy on camera. Take the joke out of their snatch, read it to you. Dog. Oh my god. Her vagina, the way it moved. And I'm not dog. I'm not hating. I love those two girls, right? But let's trace it. Every project that they have now, they'll call those two first. And it's one of those things that goes, it goes. If it doesn't, just keep the check. And it's like a pre-million dollar check. They split it, you know. And there's a lot of other people like that in Hollywood. They haven't done much, but people like them, they're safe. They're not going to say nothing wrong. You know, they're not going to go up there and say something, you know, or act bad. And then you go, oh my god, I read something a couple of weeks ago with share called out Kristen Dunnson about Dakshap. If you, I cannot believe you're married to that fucking moron. Really? Kristen Bell, yeah. What did Dakshu to share? Huh? What did Dakshu do? I don't know. But in my, I'm known him for a long time. He married her, shot some steroids and got some tattoos. And also in these number three podcasts for America. You know, I know him since Renazzy and all those guys in that show fucking, they did with Theo and all those guys. He didn't have a tattoo. He didn't have anything. He was like a fucking scarecrow. He was so skinny, like a next ray. Also, he pops out with muscles, bigger than fucking Arnold and I have tools and a shaved head since when? When did this happen? And, you know, so we're buying again, that's a complete different fucking argument, which we'll get into some other time. But that's what I saw. I listened, I turned it off. I watched the, I watched the, I don't know, I don't know. We watched Landman and Nick left and we watched Landman and we watched something else to 11. That was it. But, you know, there's no reason for me to, but not living there now and watching that and seeing like the jokes from last night and blood, you know, it's just like I see right through it now. I saw behind the curtain, been there, done this. You know, I remember living in that L.A. and go, man, I wish I went to the Golden Globes. Now I'm like, thank God, because I would have left the press because as soon as I walk in there, they're gonna let you know you don't belong here. Hey, how are you doing? And they're talking other people, they got sunglasses on now, you know, they're talking to directors and giggling at their jokes. So I don't need that in my life. I'm so happy. I did not have to do that stuff. Yeah, that's why you got to be grateful for what you have and what you don't have. And people look at me go, oh, Joey, you would go. Trust me, I wouldn't know how to act that when I was there. If I had to sit at those tables and laugh at that shit, I'd rather be tortured and better as well. Okay, I'd rather you torture me to death and now I'll call whatever, send me to Venezuela. I want to be the one of those Americans that's going to get tortured this week before you ever see them. They got to sit there and go. Do you think they practice? Oh, no, those fucking fake motherfuckers. You know, they're in on practice and would make up on makeup off. How does it look when I laugh with the earring? Should I put in my nose? Should I put it in my eyeball to get more effect? You know, Jesus. Not like that. Now the the comedian and we want you to get like a really important acting role and like be forced to go. Oh, you know, I would never know. There's no way like you know, there was like another deniro movie and he was like, you been around me alone. There's no more deniro movies and I love, I love them. I'm a big fan. I always will be. But deniro ain't got no movies left in the middle. Do a lot of people. Okay. So I'm okay at living in Jersey. I'm okay. Not going those things anymore. Dog, I have not heard from the girl from the soprano's now in a year and a half because they invited me to four events and I showed up to not one of them. Not even. And so they just stopped asking. I haven't heard from her and I have to call an apology and tell her that I was going through psychotic moments or something. I don't know if you should tell people then. I told my wife that one of my favorite jokes became my world. And it's not even not even. It's not even that. I think it's some form of negativity or something like that. Even though I read that book every January, I can't get rid of that. I'm sorry. I cannot get rid of it. I've tried. If I could talk to somebody about it, I would, you know, Bill Hicks, my favorite joke of all time. People say marijuana makes you lazy. It doesn't. It just makes you realize what you're going to do ain't worth doing. And that is so true in my fucking world. And again, take the marijuana away. Just me sitting in front of the computer with a pen in the piece of paper and I'm trying to write a joke. I'm trying to journal. And I think about I gotta get in a car now, drive the clue side and fucking park. And right now I'm done. Right there at seven fucking AM. I'm not supposed to be that tall child. But and I'm not even high. I'm not saying that I even get high. I'm just saying that there's days I wake up and I go. This days I wake up and I'm going to Jiu Jitsu. But I'm so wired. I can't wait till 12. So I gotta go box attend. Then I'm too sore to go at 12 to fucking Jiu Jitsu. Like there's some days I'm ready to fucking go. Like I ain't waiting till 12 to fucking do Jiu Jitsu. I'm gonna go fucking box. And I'll shoot down there at 945. So in the classes, I go in there. I go in the back and I do what I need to do. I talk to the fucking people for an hour and I get the fuck out. I get my social and I get some exercise. You follow me? But this Sunday is only like today. I had services 745 AM. I slept right through that - That motherfucker. - On service. had a service my car. Oh, okay. I thought you were talking I think I'm going to church. I had a call them and lie and say I got diarrhea last night. Oh, I love doing that dog. I slept right through. I got up. I had three text messages. Mr. Diaz, we're expecting you're 428. Whatever the fuck it is. I don't know. I slept right through really. I got up on my wall. I ain't making that today. What was your excuse? I call I know the girl the one girl on service. I called there and listened. It was a long weekend because I get a lot of people cancel them one day. Okay. I don't feel too bad. So I'm going to put it in there next month. Yeah. I like I thought you meant like you get came up with like a I had a real rough I'm so sorry my meetings ran late and I'm going to talk but I'm getting into that thing again where I'm getting up early. Okay. Then I do my shit and I got to go back to bed at six thirty seven. I wait for mercy to leave. Soon she kisses me and we talked for two minutes. The game is over. Right there. I know where the 10 o'clock is going to get canceled. I'll tell you why because I'm going to sleep through it. Or you have to assume I'm going to get up at 930 and go fuck 10 o'clock. I'm never going to make it because I got a process. What's your process? I got to drink my coffee. I got to fucking meditate. It's even after the morning process. Now is that just because it's like something that's not that important because me knowing you you don't seem like the kind of person is like listen I no matter what it is I have to drink my coffee because like if I wake up and I'm late I'll just go I don't drink coffee but like how to respect for my brother George. There was a time I drank the coffee but George you don't leave the house until he gets his coffee and if George could do it so could I and I don't do too. I do one in the morning and then I'm good for the day and I could sleep on that cup of coffee. I could drink a full cup of coffee at six and by 715 I got to hit the crib done not be no no time. It doesn't it doesn't really fully get but the second one gets you the second one don't do dick it could be coffee or a snap of iced tea. I don't drink I'm starting drinking espresso a little bit. I do espresso like at the shot now because I don't like coffee but you will you will not right now but you will you will. I didn't like it either and one day when I was 30 some I started drinking on a triple run because I had like a dollar 50 and coffee was free and I'm like I'm gonna also see what this coffee is about and shit see if that shit fills you up. How much weight did you gain when you started drinking coffee because that's like one of the huge reasons I've haven't gotten into it is because yeah the calories because I'm definitely putting milk. You drink black coffee. Oh it tastes sweet man. You're good. Black coffee is the shit. I'll tell you what else is the shit which I haven't gotten in six years. What's that? A flat wire from Starbucks. That motherfucker. I mean it's just that motherfucker. Remember there was like six months you were up until three or four in the morning because you kept stopping on the way over than the colleagues. All right. Listen. The flat white dog. I've been addicted to everything. I don't sit here just lay judgment because I'm some fucking kid who went to four years of college and the liberal mind. No. I'll tell you about shit you haven't heard before. At my worst. Okay. Tuesdays was pizza night. I always took him with me on Tuesdays. We stopped. We double park. We didn't give a fuck. We went to Joe's. Yeah. Right or wrong. One shows open. Yeah. Wednesday was always open. So if I went to the store Wednesday Thursday and Saturday my goal was to get out of there to make the midnight Starbucks. They had a Starbucks that closed at midnight around the corner from my house of fucking drive through a dog. You get that 10 to 12. It's a bunch of limo drivers. Get fucking gallons. They get this coolest filled. And I would sit there and get the tallest black white. It'll be Grande. Whatever the the the venture or the trend or something. Biggest one. The Grande Monday. The Grande is the smallest one. But the biggest one is like 20 or 30. Yeah. It was the 31. Damn. The trend to fuck. I go. I shipped the top. Put the lid on it. You drink a trend. I didn't know that. I didn't know you're drinking that. That's 30 ounces. That's three sodas. At midnight. And I go home and put sugar. Dog. You have no idea. And then I'd be popping Xanaxes and writing and shit. And then I wake up the next morning and I ordered like a boat. I ordered fire. I emailed my girlfriend from high school and apologized for stealing a flowers. I'm like, what the fuck? Jesus. I was drinking a flat white three two nights a week and bouncing. George. George, because I was a crazy comedian. I want to see how many milligrams of caffeine is in this. Yeah. I think so. George, I was crazy. I was fucking crazy. I'm eating Xanax and he had a boost 2,000, 3,000 milligrams. I'm drinking a fucking Grande at midnight. I'd be fucking bouncing, Jack. My three in the morning. I'd be fucking starving starving. I eat guys. You had no idea what I want. You have no idea. Nobody. I'm going to be looking at the calories. They're saying it's at least 300 milligrams of caffeine. And it's the trend to flat whites are usually made with espresso shots and smaller quantities. So a trend to would require many extra shots, significantly boosting caffeine. That's, yeah. And I'm not just drinking fucking expressions. That flat white at midnight. I'm going home to rock. Okay. Why would you bring yourself all the way up with the coffees and then all the way down with Xanax? Because I convinced myself that it would help me ride a bike, Henry Carrowack or one of those fucking people. I don't know why. I don't know why. I'm fucking crazy. So I would call you when I got home with the 12 wedding. What are you doing? I'm sitting here. I hang up on. And then I drink a couple of sips of coffee and I go into the fucking back room and start with the fucking pipe. And I was this crazy, guys. That I would, in those days, like I had good adables, but George would bring me this. I would get so hungry that I would eat the adables as like a fucking, like a blow my mind when you do that. Two, I would eat like a bag of eight hundred to have like eight hundred milligrams or something. It was our whole bag. I would eat the whole thing at two in the morning, guys. And then to fall asleep, I popped fucking three or four Xanaxes. One every 10 minutes, a little football. And I'd sit there like fucking, you know, I crawl into bed at night and I don't know when I wake and then I'd wake up talking before. But this is for somebody who gets up at lunch at two. That didn't happen in my world. I woke up at seven. So that's first hour. Do you know what I was in? Hell. You don't know where you're at. He just woke up. Terry would talk to me and I'd go not now. And I just got a cup of coffee and I drink like in those days. I would drink two cups of American coffee, black with sweetener. And I would pop two expressionals for breakfast, maybe three. That was my morning before I went in a shower. Then I'd do all the meth and then they'd do in the back, smoke and token. And then I fucking commodity breakfast. And I'd hit that fucking thing again. I was unstoppable. That's right. I was in line on Theo's podcast. Somebody was going to die. I didn't cancel this podcast because I was moving. I canceled this podcast because either you or I were going to die. That is from the bottom of my heart. And I was not going to go to Boston and tell John Lane, you fucking died. Fucking eaten. Fucking 2,800 milligrams. And you went and made a milkshake and that fucking other shit of it. I just refused. And I knew it was going to happen. When you're also old and you've seen how life works, you see it coming. You see it coming. Lee, we did ketamine at the end. I would never in my whole life even go, you bring that in here, you give it to me, but please don't give it to Lee. I was like, give it to Lee. I watched Lee. I made sure he didn't do the amounts I was doing. But I'm like, give it to Lee because we're getting fucked up. Whatever you show up with. It was before we knew. Yeah. I didn't know what I didn't even till today. I don't care if it's all you've got a lollipop. Give me two. I want to draw the pump. I'm an image. I want to draw them out enough with the fucking bullshit or whatever. I barely did any. Look, I honestly didn't because you told the story on I think it was on Rogan. And I think they did a cartoon about it. And like, you said you got fucked up. I barely, I honestly don't, it's like the first time you smoke weed when nothing really happens. It felt a little weird, I guess, but I didn't like, I didn't have any of like the hallucinations or stuff that you did. What? When would they kind of mean? Oh, no, no. I didn't have the hallucinations. So I started watching the TV show. Right. And the black guys head started going up and down, up and down. That's all the hallucinations. I didn't have any of those. I was fucking sweating. It was not good. What I put my left foot out of the car when I got to the garage, and I'm like, what the fuck? I don't know if we get opening up my car door, like really slowly, and then put my foot down, and my foot wouldn't stop. Oh, that happened to me at that cousins. My foot wouldn't stop, wouldn't stop. I'm like, what is it going to hit land? And then finally hit land, and I'm like, I don't even, should I step and I'm looking around, I'm looking around in my yard, it's fucking 12, 15 at night, right, and I'm looking around and shit, I closed the door, I'm stumbling, there was no fucking joke. When I got in my room, I was fucked up. I had to take my shirt off, fucking get water, and she's up, 365 days, I get home, she passed out at 9.30, 10. This night I walk in at midnight, there she is, hi honey, I weigh it up here, you mother I'm sitting in my office sweating, guys, it's coming out of my palms, I remember touching like the computer and it wouldn't click, because my fingers, I was fucking dying, and I finally go, you know what, let me go out there before she comes in, I sat next to her, she's watching through, wasn't, no, the one about every season, they put two new cops on there, they did it one with Woody Harrel, so whatever that's called. And it was, and it was a season with the black dude from Green Book, and the white dude from Blade. Okay. Yeah, no, it's a good series, but it's not Fargo, is it, or, no, no, no, I know what I, true crime, true crime, something like that, whatever the fuck it is. And that was the night, and I had a tell, he got to take the saw, and she's like, what's going on with you? I got to take the saw. I love doing that. The fucking black dudes head keeps getting bigger and bigger, holy shit. But back to what I was saying, again, I don't want anybody at home to think I'm talking from 80, I'm not, I just thought that I don't know, I don't even know why they have a podcast category. I mean, listen, if you think I'm sitting here going, we should have gotten nominated, no, we shouldn't. There's no way. We've gotten some nominations, listen, not, not, not on the Golden Globes. No, no, I don't want to even go down right now, I just want to have fun. That's what I'm talking about, right? But crazy stuff. You know, I don't even think half the people got nominated, well, like, what's this shit about? Like, I need this in my life now. And yeah, that number's to go up today, maybe a little bit, you know, more fucking people on the job. Oh, and they'll make more money. It's for Gentiles. Yeah, it's for Gentiles. It's Gentiles. I'm going to buy right. Oh, it's so, the conversation is so erotic, whatever the fuck they say. But it's like I was, I had to talk with some people today about this. And I'm not taking those are great podcasts that get millions of listeners. So they're doing a great job, but it's just different than when I fell in love with podcasts and found you in the podcast that we had, when you listen to these podcasts, like they're scripted, there's meetings, there's teams of people, the podcasts that we had were just really fun and just hanging out and it's like there was, there was no editing. It was posted within hours of it going, of it being recorded. It was like a real, a real like kind of like zoom in to like our lives. And, and that's why like I fell in love with podcasts, that's, that's what the early Rogans were like the early Rogans were the most fun I'd ever, I'd ever heard, like the, like the flashlight days of that podcast, when you guys didn't even really understand what was happening. Like when I found you, those were the most, you're listening to like what the fuck is happening? Like the people are allowed to say this shit, people are allowed to, and it was so funny and so unique. And now it's like, like you've been saying for a while there's going to be something new after podcasts and there will be, because a lot of this stuff is now sort of like, just very generic now. Listen man, a couple of weeks ago, we were fucking around here and we sat around and we watched old podcasts like us with Dio, I think, Ralphie, and I'm going to tell you guys something right off the bat. Listen, a lot of people went to acting class, a lot of people took drama in high school. For me, this was fucking going into something with your eyes closed, you know? And to scroll through the channels at night and see the longest yard every night, you know, there was on BET, like come on man, like they have it everywhere, they have it everywhere, okay, I was very lucky, unfortunately, thank God, I had balls, thank God I was comfortable with the people I was around, and the other night I watched Grudge match. It's been on Paramount Plus lately on that, yeah, it's been on like 10 times, when I turned it on, when he walks in, and he goes, are you my coach, it looks like you ate my coach, and all that shit, I looked at that on my, okay, I can live with that, you know? And then I watched, like the R.E. Shafir things, and there's like two of those, and I look at him though, holy fuck, I was on a different fucking level, people never understand what level I was on those two nights. Those two nights were about a story and me making that R.E. proud, because R.E. fought hard to get me in front of Comedy Central. There was about more than eight, but he thought, and I look at those two things now, and I go, wow, I really enjoy those two, like that's good work. But when I left here that Monday night at the watching on our podcast, thought that was a rough ride home, like I was like, we didn't have a clue of what we would do. Like there wasn't a clue. We just got two microphones, three microphones, and decided, believe we're going to get high every night. That's going to be our promise. I think you decided then. So we don't can't take it no more, and it got, and it just took off. I was thinking about the time when we were at the San Diego when they gave us the bag of cookies, and you were like, wait a second, you took those cookies from, you don't even know them. You know, I'm like, listen, they're going to get us fucked up, you know, like just there was so many things that I don't, I'm so old, I fucking forget them. Some night, somebody's going to say come and tell us about, and you got to tell them about the night. We got so high, we got to San Diego, we got lost. Oh, dude, that's the night we pulled over, and I said something to you about when it chicks suck your dick, you have to make them suck your dick and swallow and then you have to punch them in the stomach and make them puke to come into that, it was like a sex move. Oh my God. And we were like, like I was almost dying, like these are things that it was like, I have stories about Seattle, being an open micer, not having any money, getting 50 bucks and going to McSoli and whatever that fucking place is where we used to go get the happy hour in Seattle, living on Mark Madison's floor and his dog would shit, you know, these all apart as stand up, but I could say that I did the same because when we started podcasting, it was a hundred and an episode, it was the sex people, right, maybe we had an evil. But all those dogs, I was thinking about the time we're driving and then we're four or five traffic. And also the guy comes up and he's got a patch on his eye. That's the best Instagram I've ever had, oh my fucking God, like, and this is what I was writing in my journal the other day when I was talking about I fucked up and I go, you know what, to live life is to learn life. It used to be nothing happens on that fucking couch, right, and while we fucking moved it up at 2026, okay, to live life, like to live fucking life is to learn. It's not all going to be good. It's everything. Listen, I wish I wrote a joke and so no, you're going to write shit, Joey. You're going to write shit as a comic, but if you don't try to shit, like think about that. Think about, we'll do a whole podcast a bit about it in a year. Think about our first two years. Nobody, three years, 2012 to 2015. Nobody doing, there was a year I was reading ads. They would go like, he adds for a sneaker plus or two, one, two, four, and two, wait. I'd read him every day. You know what it is to do an ad and then go, you're not getting paid for that. You learn. That's how you learn when you take money out of your pocket. You don't learn by making money. You do learn, but you learn more by cutting a picture short and now you got to go back and break the fucking frame. You learn for the next time. I don't know what was going on, the lighting, you know, what to live life is to learn. And guess what? There's going to be more fuck ups than what there is going to be. I did it. Like, we did it. No, but that podcast thing, I got to tap you in the back. And that's why I got to apologize to you and that's why I got to be grateful that we got to do that. this. We did stand up and you know, I know what it is to fucking sleep on George's couch and my ass crack is sticking out. Those are the board days and we had those but for podcasting dog, we were doing live podcast. Nobody ever done a live podcast. We did hundreds of live podcast. And especially it's not like we have like the current event podcast. We were doing we were going live like this fucked up fucked up. Cheating out of bulls in front of the audience, throwing out of bulls to the audience. We started with those fucking things from Denver. Remember they gave me a fucking shit ass suitcase of what what animals the fucking ones I used to fuck with you with. Oh, the two. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I went to Denver to do a festival dog. And these motherfuckers call my whole Taroum, they're like Joey, we're here from Cheaper Choos. We have something for you. I told you they had like a baggy, they gave me a fucking duffel bag with all sizes. And I'm like, done. What am I doing there? Take it back. I'll check it in the next day. They're like, what's in their batteries? Oh my God. So that's what started the podcast. The podcast. Jesus Christ. That bag was there for us. That was a big bag apparently. And then we just we were doing this Sunday and listen, podcasts on Sunday, you were hung over till Tuesday. Yeah. At least. And then we recorded Wednesday and we recorded just when you got your wits up and I call them up at three. Thank you. Vitamin's Lee. Why? What are we doing? What are we doing? Three o'clock at the call started at six o'clock. Yeah. What are we doing? You used to wake me up with a picture of your shit at like seven in the morning. That would be the brother immediately followed by a call. What do you think of that? And then it was like in the beginning, dude, my people in my life would be like, what do you guys talk about? Cause you would call me between seven and four, probably 15 times, yeah, 10, 15, like like they wouldn't last more than 30 seconds. It wasn't like a long talk, but you would have like one thing you wanted to say or a check in or my favorite was like 10, 30 in the morning, you know what, we're going to take it easy tonight. No, I don't both. All right. 10, 45. Yeah. No, I don't both tonight. Two o'clock. You see what I got for us tonight. Like every time you would always say it's not going to happen. And then it always, there was like it was very impromptu. It was completely, listen, I learned it from even Joe. I went up to do Joe's and they didn't tell me not to talk about anything. They said, let it go. Let it go. And I remember doing that podcast with Felicia, which I really like, but she wasn't letting me go. She was trying to keep it, you know, and I got it, but I was just steaming and I'm like, I can't keep doing this. And I told the story about light and the hooker on fire and all that shit. And she did not like it though. She did not make it. First of all, not the hooker, her wig, a wig on fire. That's a very different story. Are you letting go? Are you letting the hooker on fire? I might be on Felicia's side. I remember a lot of things about life like saying something and to look on somebody's face, to look on her face dog, I wish I had a camera, because I was just rapping the way I am. We leave. Fuck yeah. And also when I look over and see what she's doing, and she had tears in her eyes and the mouth was open. And I'm like, oh my God. Had to wrap it up. And she's like, Charlie, that's the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm saying. Holy shit. Yeah. But it's like people, I don't think people, would you tell that story now? Like, if you hadn't told that story, you might, but I don't think a lot of people would. And a lot of people were telling stories like that, or it, you know, leave. My logic was this, a friend of mine, in Hollywood, in LA, when I first got there, I had like a website. I've never told the story. Maybe I told a variation of it. One night, thank you brother. We were told, we had become friends in the whole thing, and then it was about comedy and life or something. I still remember the kid's name, but I'm not going to say it because he lost his mind, moved to some other fucking state. I haven't seen him in like 20 years, but so many of the kids became tied to a comedy store. This was the first time I ever did guys. There wasn't part, I didn't interview with the guy. He took some pictures of me, you know, he asked me, are you from North Bergen, you know, he didn't know I was from North Bergen. He didn't know what North Bergen was from, what North Bergen was. He had no idea. I don't know where he was from, but he knew nothing about New Journey. We start talking and I want to thank you for interviewing me. I'm excited. I'm green as fuck at the comedy store and this guy wants to interview me about my journey with comedy the last eight years. Well, he put it up and that web was popular back then, like 98, 99, around that 2000. When I see him and then he goes, can I talk to him for a second, and they go, what's up? He's like, listen man, I put a thousand comics on that. And this before long as you are, this is before baseball, before any of that, it was around baseball. And he goes, I put that thing up up you and people had some comments, but you pissing people off. Look at your first thing, I never heard about this. I was just thinking about it. That's what got me a little confused at first, because I was already paranoid about going out like CBS reached out and then I thought about Tim Allen, that he got arrested, but now he's on Disney. So at least they come after me for a police record. I could always say what about Tim Allen, big, complete differences, but I tried to get my, anyway. And I go, what do you mean? I dropped and he goes, no, I got one from a guy in Boulder who said not to trust you. And I got a guy from somebody you grew up with in New Jersey who said you were really bad news or something else, something like it was something else. And I remember looking at him going, interesting, not mad at anybody. I mean, the other day I was watching the longest shot and I was thinking about when Adam called me in his office at Sony, and he goes, I don't know who you pissed off or read this. And he gave me a letter and it was like, "Dear Mr. Adam, you made a bad choice with Joey Diaz." He's not Italian. And I saw all those 20 names that wrote it and I never said nothing to none of them except the one of them. Are you new to them? I know them from auditions. Oh shit, it was the other actors. These were all the guys that had eaten their lunches, had different auditions. There was a time when those Italian auditions would come out and I'd walk in there with a pep of my fucking stuff, like a black dude, like a limp, like, yeah, and they'd say what the, and then I'd talk Spanish in front of them to really pissed them off. And then I'd book the fucking job and then I'd see him two weeks later and they'd go, you book that fucking job, don't they know you're Spanish and I'd go, here comes the hate. There were 20 fucking names on that. Long as you are a list of people saying that I wasn't fucking Italian. That, bro, that's the mind of the minute human being that he's going to go, "Well, he got it. I'm fucking really Italian." I'm too truce. What is that? Whether they're always neapolitan, they always got to tell you what they're from. You're a real retard, all right. You know, I would give you so much money to be able to see Adams reaction to that letter. Like that moment. He goes, "Look, I read this." But my point is that when I got that podcast, me and Felicia were experimenting. And as I was doing that podcast with Felicia, I knew this was going to be a podcast. This was going to be my HBO boxing, HBO after dark, like they show this fucking dude. He's killing people. Then they go to his house and he's got cats and he's got daughters and he's making them farina for breakfast and he's putting bows in their hair. Meanwhile, you hated this guy. You just saw him and that's human nature. People are going to look at him. I don't like this guy. But then you're going to hear something about him. He'll be going to hate him more or go, "Fuck, I didn't know, let me check into this guy." He's a human being. He's not the monster that they're portraying you to be. So we started doing the podcast. In the beginning, it was about me getting my criminal stories out there so they couldn't come back to me later. Get him out. Why are we fighting? Even drop the names. Not a very body, but drops a name so you know they're talking about it. Get him out. Before somebody goes, "Hey, when we were kids, he robbed the jewelry store." Episode 54, sorry, now I know who you are. how you made yourself live. look bad. Ready talked about that in episode 54, but by the second year it became some mouth-to-pocket. It became the education of Lee. So through my stories, Lee would listen and sit there with his jaw drop. You guys really, like I was driving up 88 Street and I swear to God by that park, by the mouth, I still remember till this day it was a Friday about 9.45 night and there was a car that didn't even park right. And the mouth of that park, like I'm just going out on a Friday night. I'm walking up that hill and I'm looking and there's a car that's parked this way. Okay, and it was the off-ward doors were open and everybody about on that car was eating. And I go, guys, what's going on here? You know, I remember their faces, but I remember their names, they go, what's going on there? Like, we bought the Chinese delivery dude. This is his car. We'll come get some food and I'm over to eat low-main with them and shit. I'm like, how'd you do it? And they're like, oh, we fucking wait till the delivery guy, the windfuck or they robbed some guy. I mean, they robbed the fucking Chinese delivery guy, look, they took the car, the cash and the food. One of those crazy motherfuckers from the A Street Park. Who would believe that? Who would fucking believe that? I just drove past it and I was giggling to myself going, oh my God, I saw the fucking wire by Leggeo's house here at that. But when I got stuck on and I told you the story with the snow, it's still fucking there. My band got caught and I'm only, smokes coming out of the thighs and shit. So I wanted to get it out before I did get a TV show and some motherfuckers go to see HR and I go to HR and I'm like, hey man, we're going to have to scrap you off the show. Some guy said you kidnapped them 30 years ago and you went to prison. I got it out there. It started becoming, and I go to auditions and people would tell me, tell us how you kidnapped that dude. That's it. I got this role. They know me. They got referred by somebody who heard that story and said, you know what? Give them a second chance. So that was the point of that first podcast and they grew from that. That's why when you see these 28-year-olds, we raised those motherfuckers. We did things that their parents couldn't do. Their dads couldn't do. Their dads absent. They're fucking, the uncle, you went to jail. I got a thousand of those emails. I got to that. Whenever I find my Gmail, this 200,000 likes set. I don't even know how to get in there. There's people crying. Listen, I didn't even know how to steal a car. Thank you. You know, shit like that. But that was the point of that podcast. It was the education of Lee, not by me schooled them, but by me saying something going, so how did you rob the guy's house? You know, well, me and George pulled up. George told me what a guy lived. I kicked down the door and I got the speakers and such security check for 200 bucks or an unemployment check for 200 bucks. That's what happened. Lee would sit there. I got my kid in the first three months. He went on. He's like, he stories can't be fucking happening. It can't happen. This is ridiculous. And then all the comics are come on. And we talk and they're raw feet, man. He talk about binary or hash ways or, you know, wait, before the podcast even started, you took me here. Like it was one of the first things we did. I met George. Like we like, we took me here and like, we spent close to a year together before the podcast or a little accident a little over here because before the podcast started. So it wasn't. It would have been completely different. Like you hired me as like a producer or something for the way, like just to go into that first day would have been fucked up. Could you imagine? Let me get to time. I know what I was doing. So how was that going to give you a job? Listen, I never forget. We picked them up at Times Square and I almost killed them. We gave them a joint when they got in the car. What do I do? What do I do? Smoke the fucking joint and people going, hey, Lee and Joey, we're like, get out of the fucking way. No, I remember it. This is so, first of all, you were already in New York. Right. And then I was a judge and I enjoyed when picking up my boy. You were trying to convince me that like I took like an air train or something from JFK. I had my shit. I was like 20, 23. I had, you called me the director from Israel. I was never a director of anything. I, I, I was, I edited her, but I, we rented gear. I had all this shit with me. I somehow got Times Square which by now, thinking about, I don't know how I did that. And like, it's not like you put, you pulled over to like this side of the street and like had your blinkers on waiting for me. Like you were like, I was like, the crosswalk. While the left hitly, yeah, well, like the left hand turns. And then as I got, I like jumped in, like it was like a heist, but the cool thing that I should, I wish I had recorded was it wasn't Joey and Lee, because we didn't know the podcast. We gave him the joy. It was always like a homeless black dude or something. Like in like bumper to bumper traffic and Times Square. Anyway, who was about going to joint? And he just hand, he smelled it or something, walked up and you handed it to him. Just hand it with some. Yeah. And like, the next time we're in North Bergen, he goes, do we need permits? We're not talking. I go, just don't walk around with that camera. Yeah. And with the minutes, Hey, what are you doing with that fucking camera, my neighborhood? We're like, I told you, Lee, I the fucking camera. We went downtown for, yeah. And then we went to, we went to the flower shop. Yeah, we all just came down and we just do a math and shit. How to a flower arrangement for you? Where are you guys from? You know, the whole fucking thing about that. But this was, it was two guys that I thought he knew what he was doing. And he basically thought I knew what I was doing. And I was just riding him like, we started with little videos. You started with a bloggy, a bloggy. I still have that thing. It doesn't look what I won't throw it away. Oh, it doesn't work. It was like a fuck. It was like a, a USD video camera. Did they really go, but it's, it's completely different brand new one here. But I know that they're going to make one soon that you could do a podcast. I'm sure. And just take the tape out and send it to somebody and podcast with it. Because that's the bloggy. That was just us making 30 second videos or. Yeah. Well, it was the man flavors world videos. You were just record way before we did anything. You would just record yourself throughout the week. And then it was like a camera that had like a retractable USB thing. And I was just taking it on my computer. And I would combine like you would. The shit you would have was fucking, it was just you were like with your cats, beeping at people. There was something you would just drive around beeping at people with that. And I'm going to tell you the truth about that. Just so the audience knows how fucking crazy. And George is always known. I'm fucking retarded. But guess where I got that first bloggy. I know exactly where you got it. Ooh. Your brother is. For Christmas. No, I think I actually I think it was something different. It was for standard revolution. The standard revolution. And I looked at that camera and I go, this kid's worth. If he I'm going to do something go with this camera. This is a gift from Gabriel with his luck on it. I go, this is Gabriel's luck on this camera. I got to do something good with this camera. And we met. And next thing you know, we start doing those math flavor worlds. But that was the formula. Remember the first video we put up other than the one we shot. We put up a standup video. From the juice. No, the ice house. The John, the juice guy. Oh my God. That's right. That's what I my brain was blown. I started your YouTube channel. And you had this clip. We shot a video with your camp with a skinny finney. And then we had this clip from the ice house with this hysterical. And I just kept looking at the number of people watching it. I was like, it was blowing up. It was started from, you know, I think about the grassroots that, you know, the big question with comedians constantly is, how did you start selling tickets? Okay. You started as going on Instagram and putting interesting pictures of yourself. I started three or four different things. Again, if I tell you, I don't know what I was, I didn't know shit. I was just trying to fail five, but the three things I was doing was contributing to it. One, and I've told you for two years. My room and bread. My room and prayer was big. I called that guy once a year on the holidays and new years. He's in North Carolina. He's running a club down there, not a comedy club. That dude so told me, taught me how to have patients in self tickets in a room without me even knowing it. And then I did a few things, and it proved what he was saying. I stuck with it. And then what we were doing with the camera, the YouTube, it's not just one thing you're feeding them. It's, you have to overwhelm them first. That's exactly what we did. Now we put on a CD. So now we had them at every level without no one without, you know, again, well, yeah, it was the seed. No, no, no, we had no fucking idea. What did I tell you on the drive down there? I had no material. It's crazy. We're just going to ref tonight. But prayer. The videos Tune with Rogan and by the way that CD went number one That wasn't just a people don't and that's why I want to do a CD But not to be number one, but just a It wasn't like everyone was doing a special doubts everyone was there were people putting out Specials like audio CDs. I didn't want to do it Wanted people to listen again. Yeah, I always think till this day. We've forgotten the gift of listening Of putting on a radio you know when we were growing up if I went you won't we saw pictures of people sitting around a radio Listen to a Yankee game or listen to the green horn or whatever the fuck they played you know that won't with They took over the world and they tricked everybody more other worlds with whatever You know that was interesting to me and I wanted to bring people back to listening Because people gave up on listening. I did for a while and my life was ruined We'd listen and we just keep plowing listen to what that motherfucker saying and get a read from him for years We don't listen. We just want to talk shit And sometimes you got a fucking listening over. Oh shit. I Was thinking about something the other day About one of those don't go down their stories and went down there I was a kid one of those and I didn't know how we told you not to go down to Ebola I wanted to fucking sold it. There's a thousand bodegas Don't go down and you went for that one, you know, so Some people don't even have a motive. They don't even I don't think this tells somebody why But I know myself that I wasn't listening and When you're a stand-up you know listen When you're a stand-up your mom and brando Let them talk Let them talk When I go to a green room Let them talk You're just sitting there fucking listen Let them even if you know this subject even if you know they're wrong Let them talk and eventually it's fucking just it's like anything else if I'm on top you You're gonna keep trying to get out from the bottom. I'm just gonna let you move. I'm just gonna move with you You're gonna put weight on you and after a minute you're gonna drop your arm. Not I really got you because you died As a comic you have to listen to the audience And it's funny because you're on stage listening to the audience and trying to listen to your brain feed you the jokes Yeah, I'm in order. This is not for everybody. You're kind of blowing my mind. What do you mean listen to the audience? Bug size reliefs high. Oh, oh my god. I can't believe he said that Those little things that you don't hear and you're not supposed to hear but you being the bad motherfucker that you are you here? I'm very deaf and I have selective hearing Okay, because I know the deathness I can't listen to everything I Can't listen to everybody So if I'm in here and you guys have in two conversations and what I'm the conversation Mike chicks over there I got to do select the very who's having the best conversation here You know, who's talking about this was talking about when I learned when I went to restaurants people throwing things down I learned how to listen to the original And some reason that room taught me how to hear a mouse on Stay you're on top of everybody like right there. You're here But you're on top everybody everywhere. It's 170 seats. So think about it. It's 170 seats, but something about that room Made me a listener again for years when I went to lock got locked up all those people would say you don't listen You're not listening to what I'm You listen, but you want off the rampage That's what I wanted to get back that's when I became a better comic When I started listening to the audience different breeds different yells different You know when they're laughing how long are they laughing? You know you know you listen Yeah, so I just going from Buffalo Ah, now you have them on this tuning right right? Yeah, who are he? I want to get them little volcanoes, but for longer So what's that going? Ah, I want to get them And you build it When you getting those You're a fucking amateur that's how you know you're an amateur you have to go in there and get them like I Want to see a black guy fall off his chair? How do you make a black guy fall off his chair? You walk out there and attack him Fuck racism listen you black motherfucker. It's lonely Negro night tonight. You showed up Boom, he's laughing because he's loving it. You give him attention Never seen like that. Oh, but yeah, no, I mean it's It's really cool because That's what I think the the difference is between like me and like I got a look like even One of our friend Jerry Rocha the first time I opened for him. He had me open for him and He's he's been doing it for a while But he's not super well-known. He had a special And I was so blown away the difference in the level of his laughs for like the when I I was just in front of that audience And I was getting laughs and then I heard the level of it. I was like those are the same people laughing so much louder You know, you just fucking know Yeah, like you just know and you start to go. Oh my god. They're laughing differently Mm-hmm. What am I doing differently? Yeah, listen man We got to get the fuck out here, but I'll tell you this and I tell people all the time You have stand up. How do you do stand up six seven eight years? You haven't you have the basics and you have all the tools to become a great Stand up whatever the fuck that is It's just tweaking 200 tweaks That's a lot of fucking tweaks to tweak You know saying that's a lot of tweaking when I look at you and I go I got to remember to smile in that joke I got to remember to breathe on that joke. I got to remember to pause and look at my pants I got to remember to shake my dick on that joke. I got to remember all these tweaks For it to be a perfect fucking set And every night you go up there and you count and you go fuck on me. I did 160 tweaks Nick, I did 140 tonight. George. I did 128 Then also and I get one night my dog with the 168. That's 40 better than two nights ago, and then one night unexpectedly I get all 200 tweaks right Because I didn't try to correct them all at once. I Took care of them once at a time And where did I learn that from My embassable as a kid we pick up bad habits my bad habit was rebound It was a great rebound, but what did I do, George? With the ball down Bro, I had coaches fucking put me in a dark room for a week And just and I couldn't break the habit. What a fucking awful habit to break And once you break that habit You become that much better and that's all stand up is Is little tweaks your jokes and for me, it's my writing It's a thousand things. Sometimes I come out too high energy My boy, you know, you have so many things going on. So you have to tweak them all together You're not gonna, you know, I got a night board in 1965 car My grandmother left me $75,000 and I'm gonna fix this fucking car Okay, I'm not gonna fix the car one piece of the time. I'll bring it upstairs to Bruno And let him fix this, but not just fix it. Let's make this so it doesn't break again. It's a 1967 car You know, and that's stand up we can little things over time Some take a week Some take three months Hey folks, how you doing? How many people could grow out here tonight? What the fuck? How many terms complete? About not passing the question that question up front determines whether you're an amateur Well, pro. Yeah, you've been asking questions that little question. Yeah, how many people like to get tied up during sex? What are you gonna get? Two fucking chicks to the fucking alcoholics Don't ask them tell them When you're up there, just go listen to this chick. I could tell she like to get tied up. Whoa. Okay. I got a reaction from Okay, never gonna because since you asked a question your week. You just lost a battle They they smell it. That's it. You're not jaws no more. You're a little fucking bubble guppy You know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, you've you've You cut like 20 minutes of my actual like last year like you just can't do this whole tongue of jokes and it worked Yeah, it did work, but it was it was very like hey Lee. Oh my god. I love no Lee commit for them But that joke and leave fucking said fine. He didn't argue because he knew He fucking knew he knew you with this fucking chick a year and you're still talking about stepkids. Let me kick you in the stomach and how they kicked them when he was fat. They really know your fat. Right. They see you. Why are you telling me what you're fat? There's all those little fucking tweaks. I know. I'm gonna know 35 years. I make more mistakes than you do. All right. I am fundamentally so unsound for me to tell you this, but I can look at somebody and go like my stepdad. Hey, can I talk to you about something? One of my friends told me you smoked by. I'm not forget when he told me this, like on Hudson Avenue. He was one of my dear friends told me you smoked by. I hope it's not true, especially the family that you have. As of today, you stop smoking pot. I'm gonna look and I'm going, you gotta give me time. You know, not you know about Rehaz and the world, but in his world. It's over now. It's over now. That's it. Why even think about it? And he was so right. And that's what it is with standup, though I love certain jokes. And I'll keep doing them because I'm weak. Because, but that one day, you go, I'm not doing that, Joe. I'm not doing it. Why could you know what, man? I just don't want to do it. No, it's time to move the fuck on. We're like fucking without jokes. We're like our girlfriends. We don't want to let those old bitches go. She kicks me. She takes my money. She fucks me in the ass. She hits me with a stick. But I love it. What the fuck? Let that joke go. Right. So it's the same thing. Where are you going to be this week, Tarzan? This week I'll be at St. Mark's comedy club on Tuesday. I'll be at the comedy shop on Wednesday. And that's it. And it's around New York this week. All right. You know what the people know? I just did. I don't know. Put them up on Instagram. They know they want to know it'll be up on Instagram. This weekend and have nothing booked from always around the comedy shop. And I'm hanging out at St. Mark's a lot more now. And then next week I'm in Batavia with Josh Wolf. All right. We'll burn next week when it comes. Well, he came down to the top of the town. Batavia is next week. Why confuse him? Now they go to the website that that's next week. Then off we get to get tickets because well, they let the cat out of that. Anyway, I'm going to be at the Dojo Wednesday, Wednesday night for the best of. I might stop in an open mic this week. I had a lot of fun, man. I told you I went to an open mic and it was a lot different. And it just reminded you. I think every comic should go to one of those every once in a while as a reminder of what it's become, what your life has become. And how much fun it used to be. Go up there, say whatever you want, drink what you want. Fuck away. Trust. Get VD and come back next week to get the number three spot. Like when life was simple, you're doing comedy. You got to get up for a day job. You know, it is what it is. But that's real comedy. They're showing up there for not one dollar at 10 o'clock at night. So it shows you the other side of the character of the comedian, which is nice. I still got it. But that level to sign up and all that. You look at that and go, woof. Thank God, I got, oh, it's like getting fucked in her piece. Once you get it, you're like, oh, I'll never get that again. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week. Stay black. And what else? I love you. All right. Love you. Bye. [Music]