Tizzle Wizzle Show

It's the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast! I'm rolling. I'm recording mine analog onto tape, so it's a reel-to-reel. That's why I said it's rolling. Oh, it's real, so you're technically really rolling. Yeah, I'm rolling. You're old-school rolling. You're also really rosy, and you're rosy real. Damn. I hope you were rolling for that. And by rolling, I mean on ecstasy. Oh, yeah. Really rosy was always rolling on Molly. Otherwise, I'd be like, uh, that's too much, and then I'd turn my mic on. I'm glad we waited until we were rolling to figure that out, Seth. Unbelievable. Can you guys hear me all right? How do I sound to you guys? You sound fine. You know what else was so hot, Seth? What's that? Basic Instinct. Oh, my God. Basic Instinct. Do you remember? The original. That white outfit. Am I right? Oh, the white outfit. Can I actually say a real thing about Basic Instinct? If you go onto what I assume would be the DVD Blu-ray extra features that are now on iTunes if you buy it, there is a thing that was cut together by the home video department. I was like. It's like a bonus feature, along with all the behind the scenes. And it's a string out, meaning like an edited thing of all the clips of the TV version. So it just shows you like a moment where it's like Michael Douglas saying, you know, like, did I fuck her? Yeah, you know I fucked her. But that doesn't matter, whatever the line is. And then it goes to black for a second, and then it comes back up, same exact scene. And now he's going, did I frick with her? Yeah, of course I fricked it with her. And as we all know from watching, you know, I think we've talked about like Mickey Ficky on Do the Right Thing and all the funniness of clean versions. I've never in my life seen it as a DVD extra feature just cutting to the funniest times. It seems like it's a comedy. It's so, it's so random. It's such a funny thing to do to the cast. Like, yeah, we're going to show how you got like cut up. It's also voice doubles. You know, back in the day, they didn't get Michael Douglas. Boy, they might have just been scraping the barrel for extras. Clearly. And they were like, what else we got? We got nothing on this. We're like, well, we got those funny ones we did for when it airs on TV. Let's just show those. Putting all the horniness aside from Basic Instinct, I will tell you that when I saw it in the theaters, when it ended, I had a real like, this is one of the greatest thrillers ever made. Yeah, you're not wrong. Like genuinely gasped at the end. The ice pick? And like went home and told my parents like, it's groundbreaking. You probably hadn't seen a lot of sex movies. You probably hadn't seen a lot of sexy R-rated thrillers. Yeah. But Basic Instinct holds up. When's the last time have you seen it? I have not seen it in so long. May I recommend a viewing of Basic Instinct? Great. But you would recommend I see it on network television, right? With the frickins in there? No, I think you watch it the real way and then you enjoy the real. Keeve, scale of one to 10, how much Atmos? I mean, we're at a 95. A 95 out of 10? Oh, I went out of 100. A 9.5. 9.5 out of 10. What's an Atmos? What's Atmos? Like pumping smoke into the scenes. Atmos. Atmosphere. Visible atmosphere that any movie still to this day uses, but uses much more delicately than in the 90s. Also, they didn't have computer color correction where you can kind of crush it away if you want to get rid of some afterwards. What's the most Atmos you think ever in a movie? Is it like Cobra, Stallone? Yeah, it might be that era like Running Man, you know, like he's out in that city and they've built all those sets and they don't want you to see past like 40 feet where there's no set left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really. So every interrogation's over an open steam grate? Well, it doesn't read Bully of Smoke, Seth. That's what's ingenious about it. It's like steam. That's what I mean. It's like, it feels like just like street heat. But it makes things look like a movie. You'll, you notice the first time you put it into a music video shot or a movie shot that you're like, oh, that's the difference between an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and an episode of Game of Thrones. Wow. Perfect one-to-one comparison. That's great. Also, less dragons. Less dragons. But beyond that, same thing. Same show. We tried to ape Basic Instinct for Naked Gun for how it looks, among other things. You had a lot of Atmos in Naked Gun. Yeah. God, I thought I was throwing out just like a random ref and how it turned into the whole preamble. I should clarify for anybody who's wondering, Yorm is running late because it's Mari's birthday and he just sent me a text that he's, hold on, let me see this, hanging lights. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Oh, Yorm. Seth, no, man. Seth, that's not it. But I'm winking at you. They can't see that. Hey, well, maybe should we get our, should we get our New York Times stuff out of the way? Well, Yorm's not here. If you want everybody to turn it off after three minutes, go ahead. Yeah, because they now know what they came for. Oh, but you're not saying they turn it off because we start. You mean they turn it off when we finish it. That's all they've been waiting for. Correct. Yeah. They wait. It's tease it. Be like. Hey, everybody, stay tuned. Stay tuned. Later on, Seth and Andy will reveal if they quibbled. So stay tuned. You should be throwing it anytime we go to commercial. Right. Doing ads. You should be. Yeah, it's like teasing who the presenters are going to be on an award show. Oh, man. Can you believe it? They're going to present. Then just do Seth. Right. Then hold Andy for the for the last act. I'm just going to read some random comments then. Yeah. Hit us in our titties. Somebody wrote it's pronounced shy ranny, which I liked. After everything. Like Rihanna. Yeah. After we did all that. We posted Tapper's artwork. And the first comment underneath it was total cube job. And I had forgotten. I was like, what's a cube job? And a cube job is when you draw somebody and they look like Mark Cuban. Yeah, you get Mark Cuban. I forgot already. And then a bunch of people said I couldn't believe that anybody could draw Andy to look like Mark Cuban. And a bunch of people were like, yeah, no, he did. I mean, decidedly. Yeah. So everybody was on team cube job. Tapper has reached out. He's open to any notes. I mean, he'll hear this. I think your main note would be just make it look like you and not Mark Cuban. Right. Yeah. That's pretty much the note. Yeah. It's a it's a really strong drawing. Use your face. This again. I hate for Jake to get his criticism via the pod. But someone said, I can't believe Seth in a crazy wig looks the most like himself. Like the three of you were farther away. In terms of like more Tapper. Tapper carnage. Oh, it's full Tapper carnage. You know what, Tapper? Thanks for just being creative and doing anything. You know, now I'm backing off it. I just I don't like to see a pile on. But you know what? I do like to see a pile on when I'm running for the end zone. Keith doesn't get that because he's a fucking dork. But me and Seth get it. That's cool. Go stillers. You dive right into that sucker. What is what was the name of the actor in Hung that Shy Ronnie looked like? Oh, that's a Google real quick. Yeah, just Google it because there was a great comment and I feel like I should. I should have written his name down. Charlie Saxton. Yeah, that's it. Somebody said love to imagine Charlie Saxton listening to the pod and then just hearing his name drop right while he's making a hot dish of mac and cheese. There's a photo of him. He looks like a well-adjusted adult man. He does not look like his character. He's doing good. Yeah, we're not pilot on. There's no way for me to imagine anyone listening to this not making mac and cheese. And so that's I'm with whoever wrote that. Quato right now is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, don't get too far away. From me. Yeah, wait. Oh, wait. Oh, what you cooking? You using that extra butter? Oh, wait. Oh, hey. There was a question as you were talking about you singing the Rihanna lines and Shy Ronnie in the demo. Did you guys save any of the demos? Is that an existing track where we can listen to it? It's got to be somewhere. We definitely have some of our demos around, but we were not thinking about the legacy of them at all. So like something like that. That one that was done on an SNL writer's computer randomly in that office might probably be gone. And not to say something when Yoram can't defend himself, but it was Yoram's computer. So when he left that office, he probably didn't think like, I'll back this up to a hard drive and take it home and label it. Yeah, right. Because he's a massive flake. He did say he was just at a restaurant like five minutes ago and got a quiet army. So we ought to remember to ask him about that when he shows up. Queen Bee is when you get everything. Someone suggested. Someone suggested when you are super mad that you didn't get everything. And you know what they think the slang should be for you, Andy? What? A frisbee. That's the lowest version of queen. You started that and I was like, there's no way I'm going to like this. And then I couldn't have been more wrong. A lot of people were disappointed that we talked at length about the Peabody Award and then completely missed that literally the next thing was Yorma talking about. His body pee, because he literally transitioned right from the Peabody to urinating. People were mad we didn't catch that. They were like, oh, that was right there for you guys to go peabody more like body pee. Yeah. I mean, he didn't say, like, check out my body pee, you guys, by everybody, two people. But it was there for him to have done it. That's true. There was a Segway waiting to happen. He should have done it. They're mad at Yorm, like all of us. They're a little bit bad at Yorm. Yeah, yeah. I'm piling on him now because he's not here. Yeah, he can't do anything. He can't do anything. Oh, there was something I wanted to say about Shy Ronnie that I forgot to. That you're attracted to him? And then I listened to it again. Yeah. This beat costs a lot of money, right? Yeah. That's why I really like that because we now, if you listen to the podcast, know that people buy beats and some beats are, like, more expensive than other beats. Yeah. I don't think I knew that as somebody who, like, enjoyed music that, like, you know, like, hip hop artists would buy beats. Yes. And if you get a beat from someone who's really well-established. established, it costs a lot more. yes and what i liked is that you guys just wrote it the way you knew it to be true it was that really good comedy writing advice which is like don't talk down to your audience like just i felt like the audience got that line too i did too but i'm wondering if i you know maybe i was just uh the person who knew knew that the least if kanye on his own recorded himself doing the shirani part but full-throated didn't you know do you think that would be like one of his first steps back into acceptance well does it on his own dime i mean the the first step would be figuring out what the fuck shirani's saying right but then like what if he just kind of cracks that or what if he writes what if he goes out and writes a great kanye version andy samberg because we still don't have your seth my old compatriot i love you oh can we just watch i i didn't i meant to watch it and then i was i couldn't download on my phone how about a quick share screen you did nick cage on weekend update i saw the rundown just a second before we got on here and i had no recollection of that so have you not done to get in the cage at this point no this is the first you tried a solo and it got cut this will be fascinating you did cage it got cut and then obviously this is a good reminder again to the creative process that first drafts maybe don't work also it's a real i think uh pat on the back to you for knowing there was something there and sticking with it and figuring out getting the cage i mean i'm curious to see it i my theory is we thought it went great and you guys still cut it and then i was me and klein were like the only way we're gonna fucking get an update is to have celebrity guests that seth and bays can't say no to once they're there yeah we fucking love bays especially fucking love celebs yeah he's like oh my god he's he's always checking out slideshows of red carpets he's that's the thing you would like he got his own getty image account he'd just be like oh my god look at this he's like i don't want all that text on the screen i'll pay the fee the united nations just named oscar-winning actor nicholas cage goodwill ambassador on drugs and crime for his contributions in humanitarian work here now to talk about his new responsibilities nicholas cage thank you thank you seth it's great to be here you know i've always considered myself a bit of a global ambassador it's nice to finally make it official so uh what exactly would we be doing with this new position i'm gonna steal the declaration of independence no no no no they'll never see us coming seth quickly look under your desk there should be an engraved panel of masonic seal push this shard against the engraving you unlock the latch the real declaration will be inside and that will lead us to the treasure the cage that movie's like three years old i don't have time to explain this to you every second that you people will die do you trust me look stop you need to calm down nicholas cage let me just say i'm really enjoying that you and i are acting together right now it's just me and you in an action movie basically it's basically as an action movie and uh again i uh alex bays we were joking about bays being sort of a fan of celebs bays a great joke writer and bays said the closest thing i ever came to a catchphrase is i'm gonna stop you right there because like ultimately the one who got you the doormat for your office he got me a doormat that says i'm gonna stop you right there he said that works two ways because it also stops people from knocking on your door which you also like yeah you're right you're right i'm sorry seth taking the shard away take it you'll need it later i sometimes get overexcited i go very deep into my characters and sometimes they spring up let's talk un yes let's get back to this very serious un matter yes so what do you think being an ambassador will mean on a day-to-day basis what will you actually do i'm going to steal the statue of liberty i know where it is seth it's buried under the white house the other one is a decoy built by james madison to hide the treasury stole from the jefferson memorial that's wrong here take this deck no but be careful it's a relic from the tomb of abraham lincoln's dog put that dagger away to cage i don't have time to argue with you seth if you want to stay alive come with me now it's your choice senator no stop stop nicholas cage you were not in one of your movies please take this dagger take the dagger it could come in handy seth you're gonna have to forgive me again i'm really enjoying it call you senator that my favorite thing of all that is senator also the fact that the music does not cut out hard but rather just has like a low slow fade oh yeah you gotta love dress rehearsal that's probably a moment where lauren turned to bays and fucking side and it was dead so you're gonna fix the fucking music like that i'm just guessing i was never under the bleachers i'm a very impassioned man and of course i'm a little bit crazy okay now despite my best instincts i will ask you one more time what are you gonna do as a u.n ambassador i'm gonna eat the president of the united states switch faces with me seth no take your dagger and your shard and get out of here okay all right here's the thing it definitely could have aired it's great that it didn't air because getting the cage is better than the end of it sure and like in another life we do that and it's really fun and you and i always talk about like remember that one time you played nicholas cage you think this would have hurt the chances to move on to get in the cage well it's also a different nicholas cage this is a kind of smiley nicholas cage and then the get in the cage nicholas cage i think is more fun than this one even though this one was a lot of fun yeah it's still finding itself this was much more national treasure based it's all national treasure yes and then you became the president of the united states and then you became i don't know it was way more multi-layered once you started getting in the case if you came more unhinged i mean i there's no way to know there's no way to know there's no way to know but it was very enjoyable and i will say i'm having a great time you can tell in my eyes that i'm enjoying every second of it kidding me you're riffing you're going off cards i'm going off card of taking the dagger before you offer it feeling all silly and loose um just because you knew you were gonna cut it probably yeah i was like this is the last time i'm ever gonna do this gotta make the most of it by the way you really burned me because because basically you're like okay you don't want to do it with me then i'll get jake gyllenhaal and you can sit off to the side and you don't have to be in the two shot anymore i mean what was on update that week not to like drill down on this i mean i think we've got a garth and cat if i'm if memory serves you were up against some heavy hitters okay but what else though oh you know i will say where you probably got burned is like i bet it was the other one was political yeah you know what i mean because um it's like uh i don't know if you remember but it's kind of the newsy part of the show or at least from the news that week even if it's just topical yeah i mean i'm looking at the rundown from that week it looks like it was uh bill and bobby doing snooki oh yeah from jersey shore so that's pretty political and they were kind of national they had gone national at that point oh my god uh you did uh you did uh you did uh you did uh mark walberg talks to christmas animals yeah we tried to bring it back that's the one where it was last in the rundown and we ran out of time on the episode but i didn't know that when we started and as the sketch was going chris kelly floor manager chris kelly uh was counting me down like we're gonna cut the feed yeah and i had more cards and they just started like ditching cards it has an abrupt ending yeah with that said i'm glad you weren't rushing off the top yeah because it plays great and you know ultimately like we'll break a little news here uh the endings of snl sketches are often not the best part another fuego take i i have no memory of it other than when it ended being like oh shit i'm i probably won't do that again because it didn't go the right amount of good that's a good sentence i actually um i think maybe because you didn't do it again i incorrectly thought that and i fucking loved watching it oh okay well great bust it out let's see it yeah let's bust it out um and keeve you were dancing in the background of the monologue of this episode right yeah what what what was he i was just doing that though it wasn't musical why i can't remember why it's just like a where's waldo yeah i was just in the background like kind of vibing out hello my lady hello my darling all right mark walberg talks to christmas animals mark walberg talks to christmas animals hey i'm mark walberg you guys you guys know me little fluff right let's go talk to some christmas animals i was thrown by the rush hey sheep how's it going i like your fur so you're with the first christmas right let me ask you something did you guys know it was gonna be a big thing okay well it's great to meet you say hi to your mother for me okay now i'm gonna talk to a partridge hey partridge how's it hanging where's your pear tree oh there it is so you were in that song the 12 days of christmas i was in the happening did you see that movie okay talk to you later partridge now i'm gonna talk to a snowman hey snowman it's nice to see you how'd you get in here with all these animals you're not an animal you're a man I like your stick hands. I have real hands. but we can still hang out. Just let me know, okay? Say hi to your mother for me. Now I'm going to talk to Rudolph. Hey, Rudolph. Long time no see. I've been thinking about making an Entourage movie. Do you like that idea? Hey, Rudolph, next time you talk to Santa, tell him I want an Amazon Kindle, okay? You hear me, Rudolph? An Amazon Kindle. Say hi to your mother for me, okay? This has been Mark Wahlberg. Jesus. It's still very enjoyable. It's very enjoyable. I can tell I'm rushing. The impression's great. I do feel like. I forgot you did it again after Mark came and did it with you. Yeah, that was the last time, pretty much. I think the reindeer also, there's a moment where even watching it, I'm like, is that, what is that? Is that an actual reindeer, or did they, like, super glue some antlers on a fucking donkey? It's a reindeer. It is a full reindeer. I mean, as soon as I enter that frame, I know for a fact I've never been mauled by a reindeer, but I immediately was like, oh, God, I hope I don't get mauled. It's a very small reindeer. Those horns are big and scary. The horn, big old horns. Yeah. With apologies to Spodeody Dobalicious. Oh. That thing had some big horns. Because it's got a huge horn section, Seth. Oh, fuck. It goes like. Suck on that, reindeer. It's really good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How confident were you when you made that joke that Keeve would be there to catch you? One million percent. That's fantastic. That's a very good song. I calculated this actually this morning, Seth, because me and Keeve were texting. We've known each other 31 years. That's unbelievable. It depressed me rather than make me feel special. Yeah, it didn't cheer him up. It made him feel worse. This was a Christmas joke. I was like, well, for me, it's been an honor, Keeve. Wait, guess what Bill Hader texted me today? I know what he texted you, because he texted me the same thing, that today was the 25th. 20-year anniversary of our first show, Keeve, also. Oh, October 1st would have been the Steve Carell show. Yep. 20 years ago, and he sent me the picture of you two just chilling. Wow. And it's nuts. That's huge. And we look exactly the same and feel great. They feel the exact same greatness. I then sent him, because I was watching this episode to get ready for a thing right when he sent it, and so I was like, I can't believe that guy grew up to be this guy. And then I just sent him, and I sent him a clip of. production has a real nasty dildo out. Ah, damn it. So close, guys. We got to figure out these gifts, so buckle down. Carol, hold my call. Maybe we're making this too complicated. I say we just ask ourselves what we would want for Christmas, and that's where we should get people. So dildos in? Dildos it is. Jerry and Carl. What? This is. Jerry and Carl, which again, you forgot Mark Wahlberg talked to Christmas animals. I did not. I forgot that Jerry and Carl, somehow, have been on the show three times. I definitely didn't know that. Is this the third or the second? This is the third, and it is mind-boggling to me that this kept finding its way back into the show. And that there was a line about someone having a dildo allergy. Well, dude, I'm going to play from the start. You cannot believe how quickly dildo finds its way into this sketch. This was second to last in the rundown just before Mark Wahlberg. So by the way, this is why Andy had to rush through Wahlberg. That's right. Forte's hair is so funny. Just a little tuft. Also was, I think they explained in the second Jerry and Carl why his hair looked like this, and then they just kept it this way and never explained it in the sketch. Troy, Jerry, so sorry I'm late, but it's been a grizzly bear of a day. You know what I always say. The going gets tough, the tough go fishing. Oh, Jerry, you and your inimitable sense of humor. Gentlemen, I appreciate the lively japery, but in the next five minutes, we got to figure out what gifts we're going to get the office staff for Christmas. So we got to buckle down. Carol, hold my calls. Christmas presents. Christmas presents. Christmas presents. How much are dildos these days? Around 25 bucks last I checked, and that was two hours ago. The Christmas show. It's the Christmas show. Oh, God damn it, I love it. In the previous, remind me, in the previous Jerry and Carl sketches, they were interdisciplinary, dildos, that was the main thing, or no? No, no. They just were like, the third one's about dildos for the staff. Yeah, it's a staff party for dildos. Two hours ago, though, is what gets you. They could have changed. Yeah, $25 last I checked, which was two hours ago. Hold on, let me, there's also a crazy joke at the end where they vote. The reason they can't get dildos is somebody in the office is allergic to dildos, but they vote at the end. Okay, all those in favor of firing Ted Fields, dildo. All those opposed? Human penis. Okay, dildo. Oh, the dildo is hammock, yeah. It's the most. Dildo is eye. It's the most. And human penis is neck. Hammock. It's the most forte writing joke. Oh, yeah. I mean, wow. It's essentially a John Bovey. Yeah, essentially, yeah, they essentially Bovey it. Tizzle, whizzle. By the way, we're coming off back-to-back Criterions. I don't think we've ever had three Criterions in a row. So. And we're not gonna. I don't think we ever will. We might. We might, but it'll be hard to do. There was, there's a moment around Three-Way and Jack Sparrow, maybe. Maybe in there. Maybe. Well, you're presuming the Three-Way's Criterion. Well, it just, it's grandfathered in. What do we think about, do you remember, do you remember anything about Tizzle, Whizzle and the jump off? No, and that's, and I don't, not that we should count on Yorm to know, but that's why I was hoping he was gonna jump on by the time of it in case he does. I know he kind of likes kid stuff, so I was hoping he would remember. I will say. Yeah, go ahead. Shuffle, I believe, is the song. Sounds very much like something that I came up with. I could be wrong, but I kind of feel like this one maybe started with some kernel of a thing of mine, but I could, it could be Yorm. I don't know. There is, there are elements of this I really like, but in my memory of it, there were like two things I had forgotten that I thought were really great. And at the same time, not quite for me. I think this is undeniably influenced by wonder shows. And a little as well, probably, right? Just because it's a perverse take on children's programming. Yeah. A skewed take, a demented take on children's programming. You could almost say we see things a little differently, Keeve. We don't do things exactly the way that others might. Hold on one second, guys. I'll be right back. Well, Keeve, since Seth stepped away, what's your take on the Nick Cage update situation? Do you think Seth and Baze fucked us? I think that that easily could have aired because you watch things transform. Transform, or what do you want to call it? Grow up. You watch characters change over multiple sketches on the air all the time. Where you're like, oh, the first Wayne's World, they hadn't quite figured out everything yet. By the third one, it's like the Wayne's World we know. So you could easily have had that Nick Cage, and it could have gone a B. And then you still, next time, would have gotten the cage, and it would have been an A. And it would be no difference. Agreed. That's my guess. Agreed. And I just hope that my friend Rob Klein, who I wrote with, is listening so he feels equally vindicated But it's also, you know, it worked out fine, so it doesn't matter. Andy, you're not looking at the rundown, right? No, but I can. I could. No, don't. Don't. Oh, okay. There are two special guests that were on the episode. Okay. One was on 30 Rock. Okay. And the other was in The Hangover. What's your guess? This is The Christmas Show, December 19th, 2009. Tina and Zach? Mike Tyson and Jack McBrayer. You're an idiot. So I basically got it. I did not expect to see special guest Mike Tyson. Seth, do you remember what Mike Tyson did on this episode? What up with that? Oh, he was the guest sitting there that they never get to? I'm just guessing. I'm just thinking, like, what would Mike Tyson. Oh, I think Mike Tyson got up and dressed and danced like a crazy person at the end. On What Up With That. Did some What Up With That dancing? Yeah. All right, so let's watch Tizzle Wizzle, guys. My recollection of Tizzle Wizzle is that it was. Really, really good. So let's see how that holds up. Mine is just that it is fully realized. So then you can judge the content as, you know, it's up there to be judged. Yeah. But for the amount we just, like, got a soundstage and figured it out on the fly and kind of made it happen, I was like, hey, it's a whole idea. That's mine. I remember it ending and being like, we did our job this week. Yeah. Everybody's very good in it, and there's a moment. When the lights go off, I really like. It's really good filmmaking. Here we go. Ready? Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Tizzle Wizzle Show. Our special guest today is James Franco. Hey, Tizzle Wizzles. Hi, James. It's also a little bit of, like, Teletubbies and Bananas in Pajamas and what's the other one where it was like. Yo Gabba Gabba kind of, too. Yo Gabba Gabba. But it's also, like, the one where it was those Australian men. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was it? That one? The Fucknuts. Yeah, the Fucknuts. It's a little like that. Yep. James, what are you wearing? I'm wearing. I'm wearing pajamas. Same with us. Only around here we call them. Jammies! Let's dance. The Jammies Shuffle. The Jammies Shuffle. Everyone put on your jammies now. Comfy, cozy, snuggly warm. Come on, everybody. Don't have a cow. Pink ones, blue ones, even stripes. Jammie party. Dance all night. Jammies! Knives, knives, all types of knives. Everybody pick out your favorite knives. Short ones, long ones, one with spikes. Three more. to choose your night. Pills, pills, all types of pills Everyone must take at least one pill Gobble them, swallow them, eat them down Don't spit them out, because we'll know Yay! The pills take hold of your mind and flesh You're brave and strong, you don't fear death Cheese! Steal yourself, it's time for war Your glowing stick is how we keep score Hop to the left and raise your knife It's a fight to the death, now kill the lights Now turn on the lights, one player remains All hail the king of the Tissue Whistle Day We've had our fun, but goodbye for now We'll be back next week, don't have a cow What is going on here? Put on your jammies now Yeah, yeah Short and sweet Perfectly executed My favorite phrase Don't have a cow, call back, my favorite part The game is over The glow sticks, like, just solving the problem Of how we will not actually watch the violence Well, it's a children's show It's a children's show Yeah, that would be inappropriate, Seth The wiggles, Kev, came through Yeah, it's kind of like the wiggles I directed it, I wrote it, and I starred in all the parts You did get a pretty big laugh in the beginning Just for the cutaway of your face looking Kind of just too guysy, awkward, dancing It is like Andy had a real ability To be a believable kid Even as a grown man This was an audience that cheered On the logo So we were in our sweet spot With this one, I think Yeah And again, you're right You did your job perfectly executed In fun times Yeah, and it's 100% criterion Seth agrees This guy Just this look got a pretty good But I don't know where this lands Because it's not criterion But it's not exactly Kim's videos Or is it? I think it's Kim's video All right, Kim's video Then I was wrong Let's go fuck myself But that's more than you thought It was going to be, Seth, last week You were like, I don't even know what this is And then Kim's video is high price I watched it today It's way better than I thought I thought it would be Do you think Nick Cage got cut Because it also had a dagger? Oh, yeah That was probably what you told me You wrote two dagger sketches Oh, yeah He's like, you can't have two daggers He's like, we call them knives By the way, while you were gone, Seth While you were gone Akiva fucking trashed you For cutting Nick Cage It was crazy I was defending you, too I was like, hey, hey He had a job to do Never He had to get politics in I'm sure there were like six jokes That got like mild reaction But they were necessary Because the show was saying something Never leave the pod You leave the pod You get trashed There's a clip going around And this is We'll feel like it's forced But it's true There's a clip going around of Because this guy says From that new Kanye documentary That's out Of Che Oh, I saw it Talking to Kanye Yeah, I saw it And that I want to say a couple things One, it's fascinating to watch Che talk to Kanye And defend the show And two, that is absolutely The same spot in the hallway That Baze would have told you Your stuff was cut I know, I was like Why does this Why is this giving me Like, I don't know PTSD That would have been Where you would have heard We're not doing Gage He went, hey, sorry, buddy And then he was like Maybe some A-listers And then he was like Why are you giving him Like a deep, gravelly voice? I don't Hey, sorry, pal We had to cut it Seth wants to do Like seven jokes About That is a better Baze I don't know why I Play Baze like He's tall Like a growling He's tall I'm just No, he's got some heft Yeah, he's not Baby Herman He's got heft Where was he Where was it? Where are you saying that is? Eighth floor or ninth floor? It's on nine Right out That hallway right Like the Between Higgins' door And the back door To Lauren's office Yeah, yeah That's basically Exactly where The story that we told about The Joaquin Phoenix Yorma Cameron Diaz moment That I told That's right in that Where it kind of Widens out for a second Where you can have A little chat there Again, I guess Like at this point One might say Yorm's not coming I think that's fair And by the way Knowing him He'll show up Like as we're saying Bye Yeah We can also ask him Next week about The Tis a Wizard show He honestly might remember More than us But I do think This was a three-hander As they say That it didn't come From one of us specifically Yeah, he was very involved And especially in the song A lot of Yorm's signatures In there Yeah, that's definitely A beat he made Yep It did not Cost a lot of money Nice This set didn't Cost a lot of money Nice, guys Keevy sounded just like her Oh, thank you There is something to That like Because you built Two sets you didn't use The last time They were like You got a white psych Well, it wasn't our fault, man We definitely wanted To keep it simple Wait, were we gonna talk about Stuff from the other shows? Well, I wanted to talk about Underground Underground Music Festival Which is one of my favorite things And basically A three-hander It's Sudeikis and Nassim Who didn't do a ton Of stuff together And are so good DJ Super Soaker And I think she's a little Blaster Mike O'Brien wrote it And it's based on The Juggalos, right? Mm-hmm And I want to make sure It's the first one Because the first one Was called The Kickspit Music Festival I remember that We spent like An hour trying to come up With what the name Of this music festival was And I think we ended up On Kickspit And then literally The next one It's like Let's just call it The Underground Underground Festival Which is such a better name But three-hander Sudeikis, Nassim And also Yorma As the The voice Because Yorm is perfect As a guy Who's doing the VO For a music festival Like this Should we watch it first? Yeah, let's watch it Underground Records Brings you its Tenth annual Kickspit Underground Rock Festival What up, y'all? I'm DJ Super Soaker And I'm Lil Blaster And we're bringing you Amazing happenings For the super dope Tenth annual Kickspit Underground Rock Festival You want bands? Your ears will bleed We've got Rat Ball Slit Thirder Sex DJ Deuce Grown Mrs. Potato Dick And more This most Underground festival ever No water bottles No protection from the sun And absolutely No port-a-johns We didn't sell out And get you a bunch Of port-a-johns, yo You want bathrooms? Oh, we've got bathrooms They're called Your Pants Ha-ha Underground enough for ya Aw, yeah And don't forget The mud eating contest Try to dethrone Last year's mud eating champ Ass Dan Everywhere you look Mad crunk's Gonna be poppin' off We got loose alligators Up in this Chomp on some stick meat Come have sex With the iron sheet And did we mention Bands? Now I want to say This is one of the most fun Kind of sketches To have at the rewrite table Yes Because all it is Is a perfect structure To just throw on Dumb ideas Come have sex With the iron sheet And it's just Mike O'Brien This is his brainchild And a lot of them Come from him And then he would also sit At the rewrite table And he would just Write stuff down And we wouldn't know What he was keeping Or what he was losing But it was Pure joy for an hour Even just yelling out Names of these bands There's gonna be Donkey Cross Good And don't miss A very special Encore performance By Mrs. Potato Dick They're my boys Always spraying the crowd With cat piss Ha ha, hell yeah So many fun events And you know you gotta get In the worst He-Man impression contest Just look out for Last year's champ Ass Dan For sure And if that wasn't enough For you ninjas We got a mad list Of special guests, yo Like this Like Mark Furman From the O.J. Tribe The Mac Guy Justin Long The Snapple League Turtle from Entourage Miss Screw Magazine 1997 And NBA All-Star Dirk Nowitzki Shoots a BB gun At you in an open field You wanna get sick as hell Helicopters gonna Spray your ass With viruses, yo Viruses And there's more Like a full screening Of Facts of Life Season 3 Plus we got a bunch Of ventriloquists Walking around on stilts And their dummies Got tiny stilts, yo And you know We got moms Running all around this bitch And here's the best part Everybody Gets Pitchforks Everybody's gonna be Running around mad crazy With pitchforks, yo Literally everyone Is given a pitchfork Plus Don't miss a very special Memorial service For Ass Dan So get your tickets now, ninjas For the 10th annual Kick-Spit Underground Rock Festival And get ready to be truly Underground Kick-Spit Underground Rock Festival See you ninjas there Fun Super fun Yeah Kept getting better Kept getting crazier That was very crazy to start And like only 1x as crazy As it got Which was like 20x They invited us To do stuff with Ass Dan Like twice Before saying ye Had actually passed away Yeah So I asked Mike O'Brien To send me a voice note Last week Mid-pod I thought we were gonna get to it And I said Hey, leave me a voice note About how you chose You or I'm gonna do the VO And he's like When do you need it? I was like now And so he sent this Hey I don't remember Why Jost and I First asked Yorm To do those VOs But he was so great at them And I'll just say briefly That after he left We had someone else Filling in for that part For the table read only And after he'd gotten used to Yorm doing it It was a bit rougher Folks It'd be like If you went to Star Wars And some regular guy Was doing Darth Vader's voice Instead of James Earl Jones Thanks for the platform guys I appreciate it Fantastic guy Thanks for the platform So anyway But wait Did they not go ask Yorm then When they did him Once Yorm left? Because there's nothing Yorm likes more than Getting and doing VO No, he did it for the shows Oh, just not at the thing He did it for the show But not at the table Now, anyway We aired Obviously we're talking to you I'm talking to you guys After the Shy Ronnie episode Has come out Mike O'Brien listened to it Realized his voice note Wasn't in Texted me I'm so glad you didn't use it. I felt like I rushed it and it wasn't great. Yeah. And he said, should I do a second one? I was like, sure, but I feel like we're still going to play the first one. And he goes, I think that's right. I want the audience to know what my rushed version was. Yeah. And then he sent his second one. Oh, good. A reboot. I just want to say before you play this, if he doesn't thank us for the platform, I'm going to be furious. I hated that bit. I think if you're even going to do the Vader thing, you've got to go all the way through to where you're acting out lines from Star Wars, and then you're just so far off track. Let's just start it here. You know, it's funny. Jost and I were just kind of banging our heads against the wall trying to think of who to get to do the VO. We were like, it's got to be someone with a little gravel, you know. And then we both looked at each other all of a sudden and said at the same time, got to get Jorma. That was it? That was it. So he turned on his, like, press junket liar voice. He did a junket, yeah. He imagined that he had, like, an underground festival poster. He had a poster behind him, and he's doing the behind the scenes. Didn't thank us for the platform, either. No. He did give more credit, or he did give accurate credit to Jost, which I forgot. I knew it was a Michael Bryan joint. I forgot he did it with Jost, too. Sorry, Jost. I'm not sorry. Yeah, he's got enough great stuff. He doesn't need this. Jost is going to be fine, that piece of shit. Sorry, I don't. People asked if you would ever do a segment on my show called Job Drinking with Andy Samberg. So it wouldn't be a day drinking. No, it would just be you and I chugging Jod. That would be fun. I mean, it would be different. Interesting to see if over the course of two hours, if you had 16 espresso shots, what you'd be like. Oh, no. The best part would be us having to stop every seven minutes to go to the bathroom. Is that more dangerous than over drinking at a certain point? I don't know. I would think that's worse. Well, you have to think that. Yorm is not here, but I texted, I looked at the YouTube comments this morning and texted one to you, Seth, to say to Yorm, Did you see my text? Oh, yeah. It's somebody sent it. Remember, Yorm said somebody just wrote in a postcard that said penis. And the person wanted us to know that it was pelvis. Yeah. I'm going to show this so that Andy can see it. Because once you see it spelled out, you see, are you seeing it right now? Yeah. You see how that could look like it. Because the V goes up and down and the L. And if you connected that, if you were writing it with your hand, you connected an L to the V, that could be an N. Pretty easy. Yeah. But it is really funny that this person says, I wrote pelvis on the postcard. Pelvis. But I could see the confusion. It seems true to me. It makes way more sense. Yeah. It's still weird to write a whole postcard and just write the word pelvis. It's still a little weird. Yorm told the story about, for the second time, about how he peed in a jar while he was on a Zoom with Daniel Radcliffe. Yeah. And somebody did comment, Do you think Yorm broke his pelvis because he kept dropping names on it? It's a very Andy comment. You're really, you're teaching these people. You're teaching them how to burn Yorm. How to rip. How to interact with us. Well, he has an affliction. Name dropper-itis. All right, guys, it was a quieter week. Yeah. Well, this hour in the night, I'm not jobbed at all. I'll be honest. I'm not jobbed at all. I haven't been jobbed for hours. And you know what? Not to be all Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption, but I miss my friend. Have we come to depend on his painkillered out? Wild ways. Yeah. Yorm went crazy. Yorm went full ladies man. Isn't it maybe I just missed my friend? Maybe I just missed my friend. Some podcast seemed to draw out like a blade. Do you think Yorm wrote, Yorm was here in the rafters at the hospital? Or he wrote it at the top of the ladder right before he. Oh, no. He wrote Brooks was here and then fell off the ladder. That's so fucked up. You guys heard it here first. Seth and Keeve making fun of Brooks. Oh, hey, guys. I made it. Wait. This is great because we're at the end and Kevin, our producer Kevin, just pointed out we teased the New York Times games, but we didn't get to it. So we did live by Rome. So everyone had to stick with it. They've been on pins and needles. Afraid if they hit the 30 second forward, they'll skip right past it. And by the way, some people said, don't say what words you missed because they are doing the Beyond Archive. We cannot agree to that. And I'm sorry. Yeah. Also, I didn't even know. There was a B Archive. I know. Oh, boy. You don't need to know that. Well, he's hit them every day. He'd have to go way back to get. I have the app and there's no archive. Where are they getting it from? I don't know. Maybe they mail it to them. Tell me what you what you miss. Oh, you didn't miss anything. But what do you need a hint for? I needed two hints today. One, I'm glad I used the hint. It was citification. OK. And then another, I was like, God damn it. It was Fontina. Gotcha. Should have got. I missed Finito. Oh, that's a rookie. That's a rookie mistake. Well, I mean, it's very similar to Fontina. No, yours is way worse. No, Fontina is a word you see on a menu. Finito is a word you literally never see. I say Finito every single time I leave the bathroom. Seth's laughing. You can't see him, but he's laughing really hard, actually. Yeah. I was wondering how you were going to argue you used it. Threw myself under the bus. Just to prove my point. Do you say it to yourself? I'm like, Finito! Flush! Loudly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, before the flush. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, with great flourish. Gotcha. All right, well. If we just wait a second, then we'll have a funny ending. Because Jorm will join in. Andy, as soon as you see him, just say, later, Arnold. OK, perfect. So let's do, love you guys. Love you guys. Love you, buddies. Hey, hey, guys. How's it going? Later, Arnold. Oh, fuck. Are you safe? Later, queeds.