Tim Dillon & John Goblikon - Live from Jam In The Van - Episode 937

Fill her up. You are listening to the gas-digital network. When you hit that bomb drop, Blah, blah, you know what to do. Hoping up the pit, bitch I'm coming through. Big J, the battle rap champ. I'm up in your arms with the strap. Red attack, attack, get your fighting jewel. Clip digs, splits you into like a sensei. No president day, for the weak and rattlesnake. Venom in your veins. Natural born killers, leads in a scab. Happy Netflix festival, Faggets. What is up everybody? Welcome to your favorite podcast. As always, to my right, Ari Shafir. Yeah. Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two. To my left, the Puerto Rican rattlesnake, Louis J. Gomez. Buh, buh, buh, buh. And I am Big J. Ogerson, and we are the legendary Legion of Skanks. Well, the disclosure, we were supposed to introduce the guest. I don't know what fucking Seraphina's doing over there. Seraphina's only good for having hits. It's fucking insane. She's good for that though. It's great for that. She's really good for that. Our guests, let's get right to it everybody. From the right now podcast, and the lead singer of Necro-Goblicon, it is The Great John Coppacorn. [ Cheers and applause ] ♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. By the way, I thought he was just Jewish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ] Is he not? [ Laughter ] It's given a hurry. And of course, from a special "I'm Your Mother" available on Netflix to Tim Dillon Show, it is The Great Tim Dillon! [ Cheers and applause ] Tim E.D. What's up? Tim, Tim billed on us last week in New York with an hour notice. I, well, we had a fat, what a fat, what a fat, live fur fill in for you. I, I was in the, I ran, fighting, fighting, acceptable for Ari and John Goblican. Thank you, Tiffany. Thank you so much. But I'm here now. Yeah. And that's what matters. That's what matters. Fuck New York. It's all about LA. Yeah. LA's coming back by the way. LA. Yeah. People were, like, LA was long forgotten comedy city. Come and dance, it's coming back. That's right. That's a great, uh, we're back by the way. We look like we're inside of a homeless encampment. Yeah, this is, this is, this is when people wait for further instructions. Yeah, it's not bad. It's a lot, a lot of Mexicans. Wow. No, no, no, that's not, no, it's, that's a bad thing. There's too many Mexican looks like a Vietnam war veteran. What happened? That guy traveled through time. That's who Rambo was looking for in the beginning of first blood. Uh, I'm, I'm excited to be here at the Netflix is a joke festival. I mean, we're not actually a part, this isn't a part of the Netflix is a joke festival. Is it not? This is not. It's really not. Listen, they don't want Legion to say they want story wars. That fucking gay pussy is Netflix. They have a guy in the live roast and he has a podcast and they go, nah. That's crazy. It's pretty well. Yeah, we, we thought we were at the comedy. There's no Netflix signage anywhere here. Yeah. No, well, there's a bench outside. It's a power move by Netflix. Here's a power move to put it right in front of you. It was not, but I think we were supposed to be the comedy store. And they, I thought they thought we were doing another story wars. And when we're like, no, Monday is going to be Legion of the Scanks. They said, no, they're like, no, I was told this was going to be Netflix. Yeah. Shit. Sorry, God. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. No. I was strictly streaming Goblin. You know, John Goblin Conn doesn't get out of bed for non-streaming shows. Goblin Conn's eyes are redder than Ari Shafir's. Holy shit. Do you get stone, John Goblin Conn? Yeah, man. Nice. Yeah. I live this way. Good. We're going to, look, tonight's show is going to be great. We have a lot of fun things to talk about. Ari, on the way over in the car, started telling me a story about last night, and I had to stop him because I thought it'd be great for the show. I did say this is not for Skankfest, but I will tell you. Yeah. Who's Skankfest? Thank God this isn't Skankfest. Thank God we're doing a podcast inside of a busty pole, apparently. We were out, we were out of dinner last night with Shane, and then Chappelle just walked by. Like, just goes, "Oh, fuck, Shane." He's like, "Oh, Dave, what are you doing here?" He goes, "Oh, I mean Kanye. And then Kanye West pops up." Yeah, and everyone's just hanging out. And they're like, "Let's go see Shane's dumb jokes for the roast." Second best. He is us. He is us. See, we are all roasting Kevin Hart this Sunday. It's not Jay. We're all doing it together. By the way, if I do well, and I say that at the end, you guys are all going to cheer. It's going to be really funny if I eat shit and at the end I go, "He is us." How is he doing? He is not us. That sucked. Yeah. The rest of us are going to do well, I hope. No, but Ari, you told me you were walking down the street with Kanye. Yeah, walked down the street with Kanye, Shepel, Chris Rock, Louis, me, Shane. And Shane, I must have looked like their agent. For sure. Yeah, went to the economy store. We all sit down to watch, "Dave's going to go on and bring on Shane." So we all sit down. So it's me, Louis CK, Shane, and her open seat. And then the bouncers come up and go, "Hey, Louis and Shane, Kanye's people are going to sit here. You got to get up." They kicked Louis and Shane out of their seats. Hey, you two, who are you two? You got to get out of here. And then Shane and them just both looked at each other for a second, like, "What?" And they both go like, "No." And then the guy walked away. Yeah. He just took it. Well, I had just arrived. I said, "Where the fuck is my seat, man?" Yeah. They fucked him again. Fucked by Shepel again, gobble-con. Yeah, it's just kind of crazy to see Louis CK hanging out with Kanye. That's insane. Where are we? I mean, here was the coolest thing in the world. Dude, he said all that anti-Semitic stuff. Wait, wait, wait. This is good, too. Yeah, this is good, too. I mean, they paid. Thank God you were wearing your Kanye swastika shirt last night. Do you have someone to talk about with him? Oh, this is him. I didn't know you were going to be here. Oh, this is embarrassing. What do you mean, like, Kanye do on stage? No, he went into the back and plugged his fucking phone and started playing unreleased songs. Oh. Oh, that's sick. Wild. Your Kanye is a one-trick pony. Were they good songs? They were great. Of course. That's kind of my hair all day. He did a remiss of a supreme song, guys. He's never topping a higher Hitler nigga ever. The number one song of the year, dude. So make a song, that catchy song. Make a song that catch you with nothing I stand behind is fucking awesome. Right. I like the song. I like the song. I tried to make it my tour song last year and literally every venue except for one venue said no. What venue was that fucking? It was the attic in Columbus, I think. They're like, yeah, we have that actually already. They're like, we're playing it anyway. Yeah, it's our house song. It was great. So Tim, what are you doing for the festival? You're doing some fun stuff, right? I'm doing this. Well, no, this is not part of the festival. We can't advertise this. This is a favor. No, no, no, no. I'm happy I'm doing this. I think you did with Chappelle and Louis, it sounds terrible. It was cigarettes. No, this is, I'm doing this and then I'm, I'm doing story wars. Hell yeah, you are. Which, with, with, with. Burk Chrysher, another gig. Well, these are, these are all surprises. Nobody knows. I'm sorry, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I'm sorry. Yeah. Burk's on it. -You're dating, but I already saw that. -Dory Royce's secret lineups, unless we're not moving tickets. -Why? -Yeah, I'm sorry. -Then they become public. -Well, that's been able to kill Charlie's usually a secret lineup, except they're in a stadium, and I'm assuming they're not moving tickets, because they release the entire lineup. -Oh, yeah. -They're like, "It's a new way, it's Shane, it's rockin' this guy." -Yeah, that guy. -Yeah. -Let us. I'm doing that. Story Wars, which is a secret lineup, but I don't know who's on it. And then I'm doing a show at the Wiltern on Thursday night, which is going to be a crazy. Uh, we're gonna introduce a real estate show in Netflix called "Selling Sunset" where a lot of. I used to watch "Selling Sunset" my, my, my chick, my ex-girlfriend used to watch "Selling Sunset" I would watch it and it's all fucking hot chicks on the show. And there, we're gonna come in and interview them about how to solve the homelessness crisis. (Laughter) And we have some surprises lined up, uh, like story wars. Yes. Things we don't wanna say, um, but it's gonna be, I'm, I'm, I'm pumped. And I'm doing Matt Rife and friends, he asked me to do that, and his audience will be thrilled. Well, I will say, Matt Rife, Matt Rife turned us down for story wars, so guys troll him relentlessly, attack him and his lively, huh? Ooh, Matt Rife, ooh, fuck Matt Rife. Fuck you, Matt, I like you little bitch. I like Matt. Yeah, I tech, I messaged, I messaged Matt Rife, that was my reach out. I reached out to. Hold on, let him have it. Fuck, Matt Rife, that's a nice guy, fuck Matt Rife. That was all, guys. That was John Goblecom that started that change. John Goblecom is out of his fucking mind. He hates rights. No, Matt Rife is the, he's the same cheekbones as Matt Rife. Yeah. He goes, "I sent him a thing I asked him if he couldn't." He did like a, he goes, "Ah, dude, he goes, I can't, man, I got so much stuff going on." He goes, "But I'm gonna be there, those nights, so I hope we get to catch up." Right. Why don't you just catch up on the fucking show? Yeah, yeah. I just love it if you and him catching up, like there's a ton of just. There's no history. Shared experiences, you both have. There's no history. We did one time, he was a guest judge on roast masters. I met him there, he almost got into a fight with Voss. That was very weird. Well, what? His opinion is about the Middle East? No, not even. No, Voss was trying to bust his balls. I can't remember this, Matt Rife said something, he goes, "Voss was like, "Who is this kid?" And he was like, "I'm the guy your daughter comes to," or something like that. Whoa! Voss wasn't funny after that, yeah. He was like, "Wow!" He was like, "Wait a minute, I'm the guy my daughter comes to." Yeah! My partner was like, "I'm so awesome." So, there was that, and then one time. You guys were also wiggers at one point in your life. Sure. Oh, there's connections, but I mean, as far as seeing each other, and then one time on one of the shows, I was opening for Shane. Yeah, he popped in, too. And him and Shane talked all night. Well, I stood about 10 feet away and just played on my phone the whole night. Yeah, Matt Rife wouldn't work on his phone. I got to relive that moment. Matt Rife, he wouldn't work on story. All of his stories are going to be like, "One time I was the hottest guy alive and every woman was throwing a pussy at me." Yeah. He was one time I thought I was going to suffocate and snatch, but thank God. Another woman pulled me out. Yeah, we were going to invite goblicon on story wars, but your stories are going to be so obvious. Yeah. One time I was eating toads in a moat. Yeah. My mother was attached by trolls. The great guy, you know. One time I was flying on a dragon. That's all I have. I thought everyone else was going to jump in on the riff. But, you know, I guess, they're not. Apologies. Yeah, look, fun show planned. I'm just going to keep on saying that. We'll be in the middle of the show when you say that. Do I get to plug my Netflix is a joke show? Please? I don't know you have one. It's like not a big deal, but I just thought like, you know, he was doing his. It's a completely big deal. Lewis is a son of a bitch. He's fucking the whole country of Norway. What's your show, goblicon? Matt Reif and friends. Nice. Nice. That's Coincidental. Kanye's the guest. Did anybody watch last week's "Skanks" with Tristan and. Do you remember Aaron and Josie got into the whole beat, right? Explain to Tim and goblicon. Well, I'll just let me tell them this first and then I'll explain to them. I was in the chat tonight and I told the chat I was like, I'm about to go to Legion of Skanks with Tim Dylan and John Goblicon. And somebody called in the racist live chat called Aaron Joanna Goblicon. Goblicon, I'll let you know out of the gates this girl doesn't wear a mask. Okay. All right. I would rather fuck John Goblicon than Aaron, holy shit. Who is Aaron? So, there's. That's a great question. Everyone hates her, dude. She's a body of a three in a face of a six. Yeah. According to her. She's a. I think she's a comedy. Can we show Tim? Uh. She does good for herself. Well, if you want. All right. All right. I'll tell you that. So, she's a fan. I think she does comedy as well. She's like, you know, a young comedian technically. What? She is. I believe so. Young in comedy. Oh, yeah. Young in comedy. Yeah. No, no, no. She's not. I mean, she might be young. It is one of those things I have no idea. It's like ugly women are the same as Asian women. You have no idea how old they are. She can be 25. She can be 75 years old. Who knows? And only the scrolls will tell you. Yeah, man. So, she had a beef with another comedian, Josie, Marcelino, and then they had it out on the show. And we just acted like middle schoolers at a lunch table. It was so fun. What was it beef? It was just. I don't know. Who's fatter? I don't know. Who's fatter? No. So, Josie's comedian, she went on a podcast and said a bunch of ridiculous shit one time. She's been called out on it. It's whatever. Aaron just, I think, to start a fight was like, I don't like that bitch for that. Right. And she. And Aaron had gone, it's like the whatever podcast, that whole thing, right? So, Aaron had also gone on it. Here's what you guys didn't see. Okay. Go on. So, the guy asks all these girls, you know the whatever podcast, right? Which one is that? That's the one where it's like two dudes. And then it's like eight or nine porn stars. And then they just don't come. These retarded porn stars the whole time. But sometimes those have like a mom. They'll have like. The girls get. The girls get their promotional for the. Because everyone's like, what's the CM get dunked on and then go watch them do? Well, this guy is like, well, you're a godless whorebag who. Right. suck and fuck anybody like a slut. So, you have no morals or class. And they just sit there and cry. And then they're like. I think I do know this. Yeah, of course. It's pretty great. Is it the black eye, does it? No, that's the same kind of thing. That's fresh and fit you're thinking of it. That's what I'm thinking about. Very similar. It's white fresh and fit. Yes. Oh, go, well, good. Okay. I'll watch it tonight. It's a nine hour podcast they do. Yeah. I'm a member of the Patreon. Yeah. Yeah. I support this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Aaron goes on it and she's just. And look, Aaron does it. No. God damn it. That's not Aaron. That's the real Rocky Dennis. That's Rocky Dennis. No, no, that's Aaron. That's Aaron. She was sitting right there last week. No. I know, Ari. I get why you think that, but that is. I thought it was last week. Ari, that is the real Rocky Dennis. As made famous by the film The Mask. So Aaron goes on this podcast and one of the questions that they asked the girls just to kind of start up shit is they go, "Oh, can we call it. Can we call it "Rocky Denise?" Yes. Yes. They asked us to rate themselves like their face and their body. So Aaron, they're like, "You can't say seven." So Aaron, in the beginning, says she goes, "My face ate, my body's a three." Her face is not an eight. I'm not even hating. Is that by the way? Very rarely? Wait. Very rarely. Almost never. Does somebody have an eight face? No, no. No, no. It's an impossible thing to have. I think she did it. Looks like I ate it. You know? Yes. Yeah. Turn gum gum at her face. Yeah. It's an eight. Gobble gum, what would you rate yourself? Face and body. Face and body. Hop, three. Okay. Hop. Okay. So she rates her face and eight. And then they ask her to compare herself to a celebrity. And you guys got to go watch this. This is crazy. With a straight face, she goes, "I'd say I look like Christina Hendrix from Mad Men." From Mad Men. I don't even know her. Her head from Mad Men. All I know of her is that she's the big-titted red head from Mad Men that everyone was talking about. She's so hot. She does not look like her. No. And so, uh, yeah. And then for some reason, but I guess because they didn't say, like, actually, you're a fucking one and a one. She has some allegiance to them now in some way. Yeah. And so she hates Josie for that too. So they started getting to it. And she, uh, it looks ridiculous. But God damn it, it's funny. How fucking awful. She is and continues to -- Can I see a -- like a photo of her? Yes. Show the photo one more time for Tim. [ Laughter ] If you wouldn't mind. It wasn't getting a full look at it. Just show that one more time for Tim. Let's see, uh, Rocky -- Rocky Denise if we could. And jump scary. Three, two, one. [ Laughter ] Or not. You don't want to forget it, guys. Oh, well -- Oh, well. That was -- Oh. We said, "Pulp the real -- God damn it." I mean, the timing on that could -- I know. That's really -- We really got to stop giving our producers freedom. It's insane. [ Laughter ] It's wild. It's what fuels them. Yeah, it's true. Um, we -- she -- look, she's not attractive. And her and Joe's, you're not fighting Skankfest. We're very excited about that, which is going to be awesome. All right, guys, let's take a quick moment and thank Sheath underwear for supporting the show. Spring is here, and it's time to clean out your drawers. Swap those old-radi underwear for some Sheath. And they're truly the best for so many reasons. Not only do they -- They are the best. Are you wearing them now? Probably. Almost definitely. I'm going to have no other underwear, so yes. Right here, Sheath, right here. Ooh, Sheath. Love it, dude. All right, but you use the dual-pouch technology so well. No, I do. Do you put your dick in the pouches? I put my dick in the pouch and I put my balls. Listen, if you wanna test the strength of that ball pouch, I'm the man. - Yeah. - And they've held up. - They held up. Can I see them? Can we see? - I wanna see how it looks on you. 'Cause for me, I have to have flat dick. I don't put anything in anything. It's, no dude, it's fucking pathetic, dude. My underwear asked me, is it in? (laughing) Oh, look at that, dude. - Oh my god. - Look at that, dude. Sheath, oh! - You have, I didn't know that you have the shining carpet. - Yeah, you're gonna tell, let me feel. - Let me feel, I'm not gonna hurt. I'm gonna feel nice from the shining carpet. - I swear to you. Look at that, dude. Wow, they're so warm, dude. Yeah, because they, like emotionally. - They know they're being talked about. - Look, it's the shining carpet, Ari. - What? - Do you know that that's the shining carpet? - Sheath underwear, everybody. - It's not on camera. (laughing) They carry all sizes from extra small to three X. Even have sports bras and women's underwear when Ari decides to get drunk. - Go to Sheath Underwear. - Go to Sheath Underwear.com. Use the code Skanks20 to get 20% off your first order today. Plus, you get Sheath Underwear's 100% money back guarantee. - Hey, Lewis, I noticed over the years, Ari about how it is where she's on work. You didn't ask me about my spirit. I mean, I think we lived the same life. - Oh, you're right. - We lived the same little dick life. - Oh, I guess we're both having the same. - Guys, it helps your bulge, if you pay the lid there, it holds it up. - That's what they tell me. (laughing) - You just gotta get through more than one inch. - You don't need to use the sheath. That's the point where we make you. - You don't even have to. - It's just there if you still don't underwear. - If you're some kind of a freak who needs it. (laughing) - Go to Sheath Underwear.com. - Support your balls. - Sheath Underwear. - Sheath Underwear. - Sheath Underwear. - All right, Skanks, let's take a quick moment to think Body Brain Coffee for supporting the show. Body Brain Coffee is a company that I started about a year ago and people genuinely love it. Incredible freeze-dried Colombian coffee with adaptogens and new tropics that will help you boost your testosterone naturally, boost your brain function, boost your mood. It's gonna make you feel like the best version of you. And I'm so excited to announce that the Body Brain Creamer is officially here. We're in pre-sale, May 11th through May 25th. If you go to bodybraincoffee.com, you automatically get 25% off. If you try the brand new Body Brain Creamer. Body Brain Coffee is incredible. It's even better with the Body Brain Creamer. You guys are gonna love the stack. It is a completely separate stack that works in conjunction with Body Brain Coffee. It's coconut milk based, plus it's got C8 MCT. It's got rodeo, roséa, cortisaps, college and peptides. Cinnamon, it's such a great product. You guys are gonna absolutely love it. You gotta try it. Just go to bodybraincoffee.com and order the brand new Body Brain Creamer between May 11th and May 25th for 25% off. And if you guys wanna save some money on Body Brain Coffee, use the promo code LOS20 to save 20% off your entire Body Brain Coffee purchase. All right, where were we? Can I ask you a question to the crowd? How do people hear from out of town? Okay, your skanks fans. How are you gonna get home now that now the Spirit Airline is no longer a business? True. Are you stranded here until a new one pops up? Spirit Airlines, yeah, it's officially over, right? Yeah. They shut their, they're. - Time. - Time. - Tim, if you were a full-on Spirit? - I flew a one-time. - Yeah. I flew one-time and then everybody on the planet, the pilot, this has never happened before, the pilot, had to get on the laps because it says, we could not take off unless you sit down. I'm asking you, like the pilot said, literally word for you because I am asking you, please, to sit in your seat so I can put the plane on the runway. You had to explain it, because we have to put it on the runway and taxi and then take off. And for that, you have to be in your seat. And then everybody started to realize what was going on and they sat down. And then they stopped the rap circle and they stopped the rap circle. The DJ Kimner goes, all right, y'all, we gotta sit down and we'll get that runway. Him, him, him, him, him, him, him. Let's hear it. It's take off time. Him, he's good, him, seat belts on, him, him, him. Everybody's listening to music on their cell phone, speakers on the screen, and it's like, oh, fucking 16 people are on a FaceTime call. I also heard a pilot. When we landed, you know how they usually say, like welcome to whatever, the pilot went, hell, yeah, the pilot went, the pilot goes, I swear to God, the pilot went, we're here. (laughing) I just swear to God, he goes, well, we're here. (laughing) Yeah, I was like, all right, well. Spira, it's literally like a fucking a shitty like New York City public bus in the sky. Well, it was a good scam because you, everybody thought they figured something out 'cause it'd take it was like $38, but then you showed up, and they would humiliate you, they would take your bag, and they would just open it, and they would go, you've got to condense this into something else, like a drug baggie, or a fucking, and they would charge you like $40 per episode. And everything, but bags, it was like, coffee, they charged you $2 for fucking coffee, $2 for coffee. I thought if your seat wanted the recline, it was money. Yeah, it was everything. The charge you'd have reclined your seat? I heard that, yeah. But you have to with the people that flew that, like the people that fly that have to be charged. (laughing) I'm just saying, I'm not making any point at all about any group, but the people that fly Spirit Airlines do have to be charged for their behavior, so they think twice about what they're gonna do. They have to stop and think, this will cost me money if I do this. Yeah. Gobble kind of, have you ever flown Spirit? The only airline I can fly. Yeah. Yeah. (laughing) I don't know what we're gonna do, man. Yeah. Have you flown it? I have a couple times, a couple times in my life. Well, there we are. Hey. You try to get a gay guy to catch something that you're saying. Well, I'll tell you what. I was actually recording exactly like a gay guy. It was a band that was rich for it too. Hey, dad, Tony Hitchcock's also got Stroy Ward. Anyway. (laughing) It's, it's one of them. And it's one of them. Release the list. Speaking of names. Release the list. Release the list. By the way, it isn't, it isn't, it is an all-fag lineup at the comedy store. Me, Tony, and Bird's swallowing comm on story wars. (cheering and applause) It's gonna be a good episode. It's gonna be great. Yeah. It's gonna be, I sucked a dick, and you're gonna have to bring a mentalist to figure out who on the panel did it 'cause it's every single one of us. One time, I sucked a dick and I loved it. Yeah, right, it's, yeah. (laughing) The floor is open. Oh, shit. Yeah, I flown Spirit a few times. I had never really had any problems with it though, you know. You respected what they did. Yeah. You looked as Spirit went good. Yes. Sustice and business model. It's finally yes. Charging for a cup of coffee is fucking wild. Charging for a client is crazy. Are you, are you over-clined around a flight? Well, Tim, you, you know. I do a client. You've reclined. It's like a big fucking faux pas. They say don't recline. The people get mad about it. It's very, people are very talking about this. Yeah, I reclined. Are they, I reclined with somebody in front of me of reclines? I smashed my knees into the back of their chair. Always smashed. And I go, oh, my knees are so big. Sorry. Oh, I make it, if somebody reclines on me, I make it unpleasant for them. Yeah. The entire time I make it. I mean, I really like, just work my knees into their back. You're supposed to recline on Spirit Airlines. You're supposed to relax. Well, if you did, you've paid for it. So you should, you deserve it. Yeah. By the way, how many people have gone bankrupt because of reclining on Spirit Airlines? [LAUGHTER] I keep, it's funny, when I went on my, I guess, was United app or something that keeps each, I guess, all the apps now have a thing like, hey, if you were on a Spirit Airlines flight, kill yourself. Yeah, I was like, sorry. They're trying to rebook you on something that makes more sense for you. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, we did, we do want to pay some respects to Spirit Airlines. They just canceled all their flights. They're issuing refunds. It's officially over. They shut down after a 34-year run. I thought Spirit was a newer airline. I didn't realize the thing would be moving it around for 34 years. People have been fucked for a long time. Yeah, dude. Yeah. It started with the '80s crack epidemic and they kept going. It's like a cigarette price. You're super able to get $2 Spirit Airlines flights back in the '80s. By the way, 30 years ago, you probably could smoke on Spirit Airlines. Probably. Absolutely. Yeah. So here's what we did. We actually had the team compile our other top five Spirit Airlines moments because they've got a lot of history. I mean, anytime you see a fight video in an airport, it's always at the Spirit Airlines. And usually, it's being started by one of the employees. Of course. Is it funny that before you even see a video, I know this is going to be racist? [LAUGHTER] I don't know. Wait, maybe not. Whoa! Oh, man. No. Yeah. He's the victim. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] I got that. Oh, my God. I've seen this one. I've seen this one, no. How about Kanye set down next to this guy, too? Or Kevin Hart or anyone, any Atheon Crockett? Name a black guy. That's him. What's sad is the white guy is the body I want to have. [LAUGHTER] I'm trying to get you down the dead body. Yeah. I'm trying to get down to middle seat Spirit Airlines fight body. That's what you told your trader. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you better believe it. I don't know where the fuck it does. They get in front of public. You want to come and try it? I mean, it really wasn't him being the problem. That's so funny that it's like somebody like let's see how this white guy And he's like, "Of course." Also, that's the pre-- that's the pre-flight announcement. Yeah, yeah, yeah! [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] Shit up, motherfucker! Now, don't put your seat back till we fuck it in the air. Yeah. I don't know. Can you see clouds, motherfucker? They're like, "She's not even using a biker film. This is crazy." [ Laughter ] Now, I hope you white-mother-fuckers is ready to help mother-fuckers in the exit, bro. [ Laughter ] No, you bitch. I know Darnell there, and he ain't helping shit. [ Laughter ] Look at other women, nigga. Now, fuck you. You ain't gonna look at other women. Are you gonna tell me you're looking at other kids? We have a lot of time, right? But I know I fucking consult the fucking child. I already know. Look, I'm not gonna say nothing if you don't say nothing. Try to cause a commotion because he's a fucking problem. If I let him be my friend, I'm not ever gonna see you again. I swear to God, if you ever come to my house, nigga, I'll call the police on you. I'm really-- [ Laughter ] You should the fuck gun. This black guy's like, "Fuck, these are our people." Yeah. This is how-- he's never seen it from this perspective before. I don't know. Oh, that poor white flight attendant. What happened? Low on the totem pole, huh? If you get a job at Speeder Airlines, it's like, uh, like being a teacher in dangerous minds. I know. We're gonna teach them how to act. Yeah, they should have a fucking leather jacket on her for this. [ Laughter ] Hey, Susan, go break up that fucking hostile black domestic real quick. [ Laughter ] Wait, back up to your second. Wait, wait, wait. Back up two seconds. Wait, wait. Hold on. This black guy drops his head. And he knows his behavior, and he knows something's about to fly. [ Laughter ] All right, now, Sarah, here's it. Come on with us. Oh, are you gonna come up? Yeah, I'm gonna come up. I'm fucking you. I'm fucking you. I'm gonna come up for fucking you. [ Laughter ] DJ Caller who cannot sit back down. Yeah. She's like, "Now that that's resolved, continue." Is she not black? She's a wigger. She's a wigger. I'm gonna get my-- No, she's-- there's something there. She's no wild card out, she is. No, she's like, uh, light skined Dominican's, my guess. I'm gonna sit there like no way she said behind us. Are you out of your mind? All right, all right. Fuck you, memo! Man, I'm gonna move over there. You're gonna be charged tomorrow. Fine, whatever. Oh, yeah, memo? Okay, wow. Whoa. Oh, the time that child flew alone? Yeah. [ Laughter ] I just had James fly alone for the first time. This is like the beginning of a Japanese horror movie. Yeah, really. [ Laughter ] This is what-- this is what Trump thinks is happening. Yeah. Yeah. It is kind of happening. That doesn't matter. And then a mom's gonna wake up on a spear later on his plane and go, "Jafar!" Yeah. [ Laughter ] So he's going through the-- he's getting scared. But, by the way, this is fair. If you come to our country, you get scared. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair. Absolutely fair. What if the kid's full of heroin balloons? Oh, he-- that kid's made of heroin. If he's-- if he's on spear and he's made of heroin. He's realized and he's trying to get away. I'm checking my son. Oh, no. This guy looks fun for him. It's fun. Oh, no. He's fucking gone. He just comes out of spear and flight attendant. That's how they're made. He comes out of the yellow shirt. He's a robot on the other side. Wait, did I miss him? Where is he? Where is he? Are we watching someone get killed? [ Laughter ] Welcome to this snuff episode. [ Laughter ] Yeah! And then I said to that-- By the way, still no parents even looking for this thing. [ Laughter ] TSA is like, "We had to stop masturbating to everyone's scans for this." Yeah. Where's his parents trying to get in the mile high club? Like, "You're still on the fucking ground." Okay, on my flight to California. That one wasn't. That was crazy. What do you mean? That one wasn't what? The kid went up the conveyor belt. I just want to be a blame spirit for that. Yeah, you can't blame spirit for that. That's our crack TSA. Yeah. Let's see, on my flight to California, the man behind kept touching my arm and boobs. California, the man behind kept touching my arms and the O-O-B-Z. [ Laughter ] And when I confronted him and showed the videos to everyone around me and the flight attendant -- [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] You getting strong arms sexually assaulted on a flight? [ Laughter ] Spirit definitely can't afford air marshals. There's no air marshals on that. I actually see this one. It's Russell Brandt. [ Laughter ] That's son of a bitch. Does he ever learn? Down and stay quiet. F.U. Spirit Airlines. Probably for -- Well, you can't really blame spirit airlines for that guy being a rapist. Well, so what are they supposed to do? That kind of paid money for his team. They actually paid extra money to be able to sexually assault the girl. It's one of the things -- This is the most likely airline -- listen. You know, you're not going to get sexually assaulted in a limo, but you might in a fucking -- Yeah. Yeah, fucking -- But what short does she have? I'm going to have a dragon bos -- Like, what did you -- Yeah. What is it? One punch man. Get them out of here, you fucking nerds. That was a test. No. No. I agree with them. I agree with them. She deserves to be assaulted. Congratulations, ladies. Someone's grabbing your tip, finally. Yes, seriously. Also, her arms are so fat, she should be so lucky. Yeah. Why does she have a mouth on her thigh set? What if I hit her? Those were also your arms. Sorry, Goblincon. We're pro-rape. Oh, fuck. Did we set in the memo? No, I'm just going to say that guy said it in a way that it was familiar, you know? For sure, you know? FU spirit airlines. She's a dropkick, anyone. That's a big black woman. A dropkick is a crazy thing to threaten. I'm going to dropkick you. It's a complete sellout of your own body. To dropkick, you have to go. I want to hurt the other person so much. I'm just giving all of myself to throw every bit of me into them. We'll see what happens with me. A dropkick, no matter how good you are a dropkick, you're not getting the type of oomph that you really need with a kick. A dropkick is not a good move. It's hard to know. But also, it looks like her hair was dropkick. Absolutely. Dropkick off, for sure. By the way, a dropkick. You're right. A dropkick is only going to work, and I don't know if I'm preaching to the choir here. It's only going to work if they're coming back on the recoil from an Irish whip into the ropes. They have to be coming towards you for the dropkick, because you have to just in place, stand up, and give everything you got from those knees. Yes you are. Fuck out of here. You ain't the regular ass fucking bitch. Fuck out of here. Pause the first second. Can I tell you something? I don't know why this is my first thought. But this lady, bald fucking receding hairline and all. She gives crazy wet blow jobs. Like super wet, right? Like it's like your dick and balls are soaked. That's who you want, sucking you off. It's just one of those things where if she sucked you off, you'd be like, I know she's fucking a tro, she looks like fucking rock. Right. But fucking. No, that's the best blow job you'll ever have in your life. Fuck out of it. But as said by elderly spirit airlines, desk worker. She does that thing where your dick and balls are so wet. She goes under your balls and slides up, and your balls go through and up all the way. In one motion. That lady. Because there's so much wet. Yes. That lady. Yes. And quick. Like it doesn't take a while. You're going to be ashamed of yourself. Yeah. But I'm telling you when she does it, you're going to be like, it's going to situation where you're like, yeah, I guess I'm that low. Let's do it. And you're going to be like, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. She's pulling it out of me. Yeah. And she speaks. She speaks with the confidence of a woman who knows she can do that. Absolutely. Yeah. She goes, keep talking to that shit bitch. Fuck your man. I'll suck his soul through his dick hole. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. Go suck the dick. Oh. Like I said, I said what I said. And? Wait, what did she say? I said I said. Please step to me like you wanted. You can't say it. She looks like Ron Simmons from the WWE. Go suck. She does. He won't have a Harlem heat. By the way, it is funny because some manager at Spirit Airlines has to go talk to her and go, okay, that was a little less than professional. Oh, that's when they send a little white light as she goes, guys, could you not fucking do this right now? She looks like the dad from Family Matters. It's crazy too. Reggie Vel Johnson? That's right. Yep. She does look like a young Reggie Vel Johnson. I can't argue that. Carl Walsh also gives an amazing blowjob. How does this spunky wet? Sloppy wet. Sloppy wet blowjob from Carl Winslow. Yeah. Sloppy wet. Yeah. [Laughter] [Music] Go suck another guy! You think I'm brown? Oh. Oh! Oh! Take the ride, bitch, like the little fucking Indian boy! What? These are two! -You were in police fighting each other? -Yes. With somebody with that camera right in front of them. -That's what I mean. -That's their boss. -Yeah, that's just filming. -That's crazy. -It's so much chest bump to you, and you fall right to the ground. -You should not fight that. -That's not. -That's like the first sign. -That's easy to move the walls. It's a fall away, but be on a conveyor belt and get pushed right back. -It feels like it was way worse. -You cruising through. You're like, "Oh, a child!" -Well, see ya. -That's what happened to that little kid. -She chest bumped him? -Yeah. -That chick with the fucking bald head has nothing to lose. You don't fight that. -No. -She don't give a shit. She's already lost her kids to the state. -She gave her kids to the state. -I ain't got time for these motherfuckers. -Come on, have a knockdown. -Yeah. -They in the way. I'm trying to give wet blow jobs. -But they have all these problems with searing airlines at the 34 years of being around. They never had a single plane crash. [ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah. -I have all the searing airlines facts right in front of me. -One or the two. You're not the one or the two. -Let's go. -Then you're gonna fucking kick her in the ass hole? -That is something that my mom would say on ironically. I'm not the one or the two. -Oh, I thought she said she wanted the one or the two and she was gonna kick her in her pussy or ass hole. -What do you do with the one or the two? -She's giving her a choice. I'd say ass hole. -It's a ghetto line. If you're fighting somebody like, "Yeah, I'm not the one motherfucker." But she's saying, "I'm not the one or the two." It's an extra ghetto chick shit. -I'm not the one or the two. -I need to go back to my thing. But if you kick somebody in the ass hole, though, if you catch them right, uh, it's either gonna hit the balls too. So it's kind of like a three. I'm sorry. I didn't mean interrupt. -It's okay. -You ain't gonna do that to me. Like I said, keep my fucking name. -Like I said, keep my fucking name. -You ain't shit, by the way, I can't tell you the amount of times that somebody who has been swabbing my PlayStation or Xbox for a fucking bomb residue has had a gold tooth and been like, "Club was crazy last night." [ Laughter ] -What are you gonna do if this fucking thing starts dinging that it's a fucking bomb? -They should have swapped that joke for bomb residue. [ Laughter ] -Okay, Jesus Christ. -Hey, I liked it. -I liked it. [ Laughter ] -Is that story worse? Can't always vote for J.E. pieces of shit. [ Laughter ] -Lewis, I need my confidence this week more than ever. [ Laughter ] -You guys are so much of a better crowd than New York. -It's so bad. -L.A. is back. -L.A. is back on the map. -L.A. is back. -I love L.A. -I say, "Best comedy scene in New York, second best L.A." Fuck Austin, you guys are the official number two. -Yeah. -There's the number two. -You're number two. -You're number two. -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. -You're number two. -Yeah, number two. -We just spent a whole conversation about how big the two sucks. [ Laughter ] -Are you the one or the two? And they're like, "Where the two? Wait a minute. Hold on. -Different, though. Different, too. -Different, too. -A different, too. Yeah, Austin took all your garbage. Get it out of here. Boom. Now the dust is set, and we're back. [ Laughter ] -God, I'm not going to say shit. Try me. [ Indistinct conversations ] -This guy tried to start a chat and he just fell. [ Laughter ] -You guys are. -It's the same kind of stuff. -The rhythm was off. -I'm not -- I'm with him. -He went fuck off. -Oh, shit. He was unsure of the rhythm. -Yeah. -Fuck off, shit. -Fuck off, shit. -It is. -Fuck off, shit. -I'm gonna say something. Everyone's moving there for two people's tax reasons. And. [ Laughter ] I won't move to a play -- I don't give -- I'll pay taxes, dude. I'm not going somewhere where the roaches fly. -Fly? Suck my dick. That's alien shit. Now, I'm gonna keep it northeast if you don't mind. -Also, Jews don't pay taxes. [ Laughter ] -Doy! -Jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew, jew. [ Laughter ] -You guys are outnumbered with Jews. [ Laughter ] -Fuck out of here. -Fuck out of here. -Fuck out of here. -Fuck out of here. -I'm with her. -I'm with her. -I'm not gonna smash shit, Charlie. -You think your phone is up and that's wrong? -If I was the next person in line, I would hype her up. I'd be like, "Yo, damn, you fucking son that bitch." -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -You fucking pwn that bitch. -She's supposed to profess she's still doing her job. -I know. -You know what I mean? -I'm gonna mock you. -I'm gonna see her in airlines, like. -You're still doing the job. -Yeah. -She's so reassigning a seat. -Yeah, great. -Yeah. -I gotta put a priority tag on this. -Yeah, probably. -If you call spirit airlines, you have to call collect. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -It is. -It's gonna cost you, for sure. -Yeah, sure. -So bitch, she tried. You two tried. I want you to do it a third. -By the way, she's still doing work. That's awesome. -She's still doing work. -That's awesome. -Absolutely. -She goes, "You good." -This one's good, it's world style. -Wait, wait. Oh, she's giving him head? -Oh, no. -That's not bad. That's awesome. -That's awesome. -Rest in peace for beard airlines. The last place you can get your dick stuck without them bugging you. Have you ever gotten a blowjob on an airplane? -No. -What? -No way, dude. -What? Dude, to get caught in that is the worst thing ever. -The worst? -Yeah. Dude, start sucking my dick on landing. Maybe. But no way, in the mid -- no way. -Have you? -I've gotten a hand job on an airplane. -Who was he? -Any time I fly with a woman, I make her touch my dick on an airplane. Anytime. I put her hand on it. She's like, "No, I'm like, no, you're gonna do it." And then I put a blanket over myself, and then -- -Yeah. -Do you think that's why you like her -- -That's why you like her -- Sheena Hendrix from Mad Men. You look at 55. -Suck it, sweetheart. -Honor else. -But that flight attendants literally care about this. They're just happy that they're not beating the shit out of each other. -No, that is a flight attendant. -That's the pilot. -That's right. -No, I gotta tell you, you know what? It is an interesting thing. I don't like, if I was a flight attendant on this thing, I would just -- I feel like they're doing it to me, and I would back down from that. I would be like, "I'm not saying anything because I'm not dealing with this." -If you were a flight attendant, you're being quiet. -To being quiet. -You can't expect a ton. They're being quiet. -You're like, finally. -They're keeping to themselves. This woman's found something to do with her mouth. -Yeah. If she stops, she'd be like, "Yeah." -Yeah. -Fight right. -That's it. That's it. Must be funny. I have to assume a speedrunner didn't have movies on their flight, but if they did, it would be funny if everybody had headphones in, and all you heard was what Black people say at the screen. -Why are you going in there? -No! Oh, hell, no! What? Oh, damn! -That's why a speedrunner doesn't have screens because that's what it would be. It was just everybody yelling at their screens. -Yeah, it would fuck up the pressure of the cab, and the thing would fucking go haywire. Big 0G everyone's floating around like they're doing space-fucking training. -It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. -It's also, it's during the pandemic. This is so. -Awesome. -Yeah, yeah. -Can I be honest with you? -This woman is drinking booze. What cup is that? -Christly knows. I'll tell you this. If I was sitting next to that, let's go around the horn and talk about this. -Would you wear your mask? -No, no. What do you do? No, like, again, I think I do go, come on, man. That's fucking weird. -Mond your business, you pink glove mother fucker. -Maybe, maybe, but that's fine. -You would get into a whole thing with that. -No, right, you're right, because by that point, you're right. If they say something shitty back, it's going to become a thing. -It really is funny. Like, I will. -But here's the thing. But here's what I want to explain. I'm sorry. -Jay sorry. -It's just that I would say something. I would say something that I make up, champ. I probably wouldn't tell anybody in authority. I would say something to them. But when they. If they get shitty. -I'd go, bing. -Right. Get them to walk over. -I would say that in the Coke. Hey, do you guys have Coke Zero and this? -I used to be eyeball thing, like. -No, I wouldn't get it, but I would say something. Personally, I'm like, yo, come on, man. That's plenty. And if they got shitty with me, then I would just get shitty with them. It wouldn't be necessarily telling the authorities, but the authorities were never getting involved, because it would become a thing for sure. But that's what's weird about that. That's why I bring it up. What's weird about that is internally, technically, I'm like, I'll watch this girl suck this guy's dick. -Yeah, totally. -But I bring on this sense of justice of, like, there's fucking children on this flight. They just say, "What the fuck are you doing?" -There's children on those conveyor belts. -Yeah. -And you're gonna suck this dick right now? We're all looking for a boy. He's lost in the system. Now, do you get what I'm saying? It's weird. I was like, I was like, because it's like, I take on society's justice role, which is for me, I love them. - What is he? - For me, I love them. - Yeah. - It's like, yeah, I want you fucking suckers, dick you. - What is they asked you before it happened? You're assuming this guy didn't look at the seat, mate, and go, listen, we're gonna do something. (audience laughing) And we'd like if you, we wanna run it by you before it. - I think they threw a hunt at it. It's a hundred percent different, might be. - Yeah. - If they fucking, it goes, hey man, she's gonna suck my dick real quick. - She's gonna suck my dick. - Are you cool? - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm just talking to you from far. - Yeah. - If he said to me, she's gonna suck my dick, I would say, good for you and absolutely. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But if you laid it on me, I go, you've made too many assumptions. I'm angry. - I get it. I get that. - Yeah. - Ask first. - Yes. - Yes. - Do you think the wider chick was sitting in the middle, and he asked either one of them, and then the further one said, I'll do it. And he goes, yeah, can you guys switch it in? - Hey, switch it up real quick. This one's a real slob. (audience laughing) I just like that he's wearing a mask. You know, imagine getting a blowjob, on a spirit airlines plane, and you're like, germs, you know? (laughing) - Yeah, he's wasting his time, I agree. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It would be great if this dude would have saw him getting head and just went, yeah, yeah, yeah. (audience laughing) - It's kinda cover your nose. - Yeah, yeah. - You gotta cover your nose. - You could do it, but it's gotta, gotta buy by the bull. - Getting a dick sucked or not. - Yeah. - The mask has gotta go. - Leave it to him. - I'm gonna go. - I'm gonna go. - I'm gonna go. - A band-ass not enough. - A band-ass. - I go, there's a black guy getting his dick sucked in the back. - Or even if-- - By the way, if you're gonna get your dick sucked on a plane, get hit in first class, where it's just you and them. - Well, Jay, they don't-- - Why do you gotta involve the third person? - They do not have a first class. - Oh, the spirit airlines, that is first class. - Okay. (laughing) - That's road two. - That's good as he gets. - Yeah. - That's second row. - Yeah. - Or a fever gun, a blowjob or any job on a plane. - I'd be most nervous at this point of like, I'm never gonna keep an erection. - Yeah. - There's no chance I'm gonna be able to stay hard. And especially if that chick keeps sipping her fucking coffee at me. - Yeah, but I'll tell you what though, that chick, like just dealing with it, here's the thing, if you're gonna take that wild shot, you're gonna take this swing for the fence. They go, "We're just gonna start doing it. I hope she deals with it." And her reaction is, "I'm just minding my business." Now, it becomes weirdly hot that she's like, "I don't want this, but like, go ahead." And I'm like, "Oh man, you're sort of a whore bag too." - Yeah. - I'm assuming that they're friends, and she knows them. - No. - That's my assumption. - You're wrong. - Yeah, do we find out who's filming? - I'm just gonna guess that this woman here is also not a lady. - Yeah. - Maybe, I'll tell you who's filming it. Somebody in row, whatever, see. - Yeah. - Yeah, of course. (upbeat music) - It looks like she's gonna get rid of this. - By the way, that was coming in for a landing. - Yeah. - I'm getting sad, I'm getting misty-eyed. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Oh, wait. (laughing) - You just need to pay respect, pay respect. (upbeat music) (cheering) (upbeat music) - Oh. - No, no, no, no. - Okay, stop it. - Oh. (upbeat music) (singing) - Today. - You're at the fire. - And today. - Let this go. I'm not scared. (laughing) - Is that police Hawkins? - I think I have to kill these. - Is that police? (laughing) Is that the Anna Rawls' daughter? - No. - It's former Legion of Skanks, guest police Hawkins. - My elbow is hurting my wrist. You're hurting me, sir. (screaming) - Oh, wow. Guys, you just later have this one. (laughing) - She's cool. Oh, no, I guess she gets that. - Guys, if we get past this fucking incident, I'm sure she's gonna be cool the rest of the flight. - She looks like, she looks like black Alex. (laughing) - Yeah. - I can't breathe. Why are you touching my leg? - 'Cause you're arresting you. (laughing) ♪ And the tears ♪ (laughing) ♪ Yeah, fuck you, fuck you ♪ ♪ Oh, to bring my sons down ♪ ♪ And to the rain ♪ - Wow. - Yeah. (laughing) ♪ Oh to the heart ♪ ♪ To the sleep of the heart ♪ - Wow. (cheering) - We have to save this airline, man. We have to. - We could do it, baby. You think it was a chance we could have saved them, baby. (laughing) - This is fucking Skanks, airlines. (laughing) - How did they go on a business? Not one of those seats was empty in any of those clips. - No, that's why. Why did they go on a business day? - I think it's gas prices. It's like $8 a fucking gallon, and it's insane. - Yeah, their tickets were like, you could go to Phoenix for $12. (laughing) - But they were hanging on the info for a while because they shut down like, sorry guys, tomorrow your flight's not happening. - Yeah. (laughing) - Like they did, it was like, when they shut down-- - They did a bell call no shell. - Yeah, it was fucking, yeah. - They did it the spirit way. - Yeah, they did the spirit way. - Yeah, yeah. (clapping) - All right, babe. - There we go. - All right, peace, spirit, airlines, guys. - Well, Delta, welcome all your new black friends. - Well, the way Delta, they just, didn't they just cancel a bunch of flights? They, I just went to Atlanta, Miami. (laughing) - Tampa, Jacksonville. - Dude, if you flight as you make up, like Jamaicans don't know how to fly. Like, whatever it is dude, Jamaicans, like, no matter what flight they're on, they treat it like a spit airlines flight. They're just like fucking dancing and poop, pooping and fucking, they won't sit down. They literally just stand in the aisles and told the flights ready to take off. It's crazy. - Yeah. - Yeah, and I bet that you make a lot, boys. (laughing) - A lot. All right, thanks. 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(laughing) - It's not working right. - Hey, guys, it's sort of a bad word here or something. - Oh, sorry, guys. Did you guys hear that? That's just my new fucking signal. (laughing) - One thing to pack five ways to power. You can find Ridge Wallets power back at best buy where Legion of Skanks fans can get 10% off at Ridge.com by using LOS 10 at checkout. Just head to Ridge.com, use code LOS 10. You're all set. Hey guys, if you're looking for a rush, but wanna keep it clean, I want you to check something out. Ultra pouches. - Love it. - I know. You're gonna be like, "What are they designed for?" Mental clarity. Is that it? - No. - No. - And hence focus as well. Well, my problem is all these things have nicotine in them and caffeine and I don't wanna do that. - No. - I don't want anything that's lacking. - Neutropics and vitamins of any kind, let alone powerful. These guys have all that. Nicotine free, caffeine free, and pack with powerful Neutropics and vitamins. - Yeah. - Ultra pouches give you a lift anywhere, anytime. It's like a nicotine pouch without the side effect. - There's a really great, it has alpha-GPC in it, which is a really, really great Neutropic. Dude, a little fire you're bringing right up. I'm not bullshitting. I use these all the time. I love it. I love it. I was taking Alpha GPC independently from this, so believe me, I love it. I really do it. They taste great. They have cool mint, wintergrain, tropical watermelon, and they all new blue razz if you're black. And you're truly going to love it. You can pop them. Yes, get involved. Put them right in your lip and you'll just feel it. You're a little bit of like a cooling in your lip. You know? I hear you. You know what it's happening? I need a new thing to make. Get that for me. Yeah, yeah. It's the ultimate guilt free pouch, instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use codeleagen to get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com, 15% off with the promo codeleagen. All right. Let's get back into it. One of my favorite things that I read this week is that the WWE's undertaker called out Israel. Finally. Yeah. Finally. You had to come from the taker himself. Yeah. Now as we all know, Cain is super pro-Israel. Sure. So what's this going to mean at WrestleMania? Yeah. I heard this and honestly, I think it makes perfect sense. Wasn't his catchphrase "rested pieces"? Yeah. Let's see. Let's see the statement the undertaker made. The undertaker slams Israel as a bastard state built on the blood and lies, no justice for child killers. Wow. Hitler had some good idea. These fucking hook noses, they make me sick. Give us back the banks and the media. I mean, it's a good way to celebrate. I mean, what pro-wrestlers just did, I watched the the Hulk Hogan documentary as well. Snoozer, huh? No, I thought it was pretty good. What? I got emotional. Why? Because it brought me back to my childhood. Oh, you forgot about the part where you fucking did a bunch of weird shit and was awful. No, it was great. All the shit that he got in trouble for, I was like, yeah, racism, steroids, it's guys awesome. Haha. That is fair. Yeah. Um, but I do go to the undertaker for all my political takes. I know the undertaker's political, that's fucking great, you have to tell me. All you need is holding that back before he's like, I can't do it anymore. Oh my God, if you're going to go full politics, you got to stop doing comedy like Dave. Haha. Yeah. Oh. Ha, ha. Rest in peace, Dave. Oh. Locked on. Dave. Being funny. Rest in peace. Build your own road. This. Build your own road. This. Build your own road. Taxation is death. Ha, ha, ha. Libertarian undertaker. War is wrong. The non-aggression, as outlined by Ron Paul. I just know like four words that Dave's ever said. And those were all of them. Did he just, did he text that he tweeted that that's it? I don't know. I don't even know where it came from. Did he say it? I think it was written on his tombstone. Yeah. Where did he say it? Was he publicly speaking somewhere? I don't know. Did people call him for takes like somehow? Does the newspaper call him and go, all right, undertaker, yeah. That's real. Go. Go. Right before the election for sure. Like he got huge behind Trump. Yeah. Some sort of a sit down thing. We're at a nowhere. The fucking undertaker was just kind of like, yeah, the school system needs to be refanned. And, um, you know, there's a lot of illegals in this country. Tim, why do they go to any Guerrero, Rey Mysterio. They're all gone out of here. Yeah. Why do they keep caring about the takes of the people he's qualified to give? He's the undertaker. Yeah. Yeah. He just has takes. Yeah. He was breaking cake, cake, cake, cake. Yeah. Which by the way, it was very brave. He could have been the undertaker him, but he chose me to undertake her, which is very brave at a time, time like this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think comedians and pro wrestler should stand up politics. Both of us. Yeah. What if it gives a shit? What if it gives a shit to the overtaker? Okay. Now, now we're cooking with gas. Yes. All takes. That's his new thing. He's alive. He's out of the ground now. Guys, we're just workshopping this undertaker thing. Yeah. They're not all going to work. Can't see what I got wrapped up into, Lewis. Please. This guy who just started working out this year's body. He's turned things around, but he's wearing tank tops a little prematurely if I'm being honest. Looking good. Yeah, you sir. You sir. Yes. I know you brought a safety sweatshirt in case this moment happened, but don't. You're doing great. You look great. Did he add all the confidence? He looks great. He's like, I'm just going to wear it. I'm like, she's like, no, babe, you look great. You look so fucking hot. He does, sir. Because she remembers him at 250. Yeah. That's okay. Let's look. Let's do some plugs real quick. We had a lot of show left. We're having a lot of fun. You guys having a good time tonight here in Los Angeles? Live Legion of Spanish John Goblincon. 10 Dylan special guests for the not Netflix is a joke comedy festival. John Goblincon, what do you plug in my friend? Well, I do actually have a show here in LA. Four Netflix is a joke. Yeah. At the lab in the Hollywood. Yeah. And tickets are selling very good. So the following are the guests. Okay. We have. Eddie Patterson from the righteous gym. Oh, that's fun. We got the very hilarious Ian Edwards. Yeah. Okay. And we got an eight. Yeah. Dr. Z is coming from the plan of the eight. I thought you were. I thought you were calling Ian Edwards in April. Like Jesus Christ John Goblincon. I know you did the research on the show, but that's a little bit on the nose. I cut a promo. I sent it to the editor. He sent me back the first cut. And I went, I don't need to tell you why this has to be changed. Tim, what do you plug in my friend? I got I'm doing a live podcast with the Undertaker. It's called The Holocaust. Maybe. And then I'm on. I'm doing a great show, which you would love. You should come and see it. It's called Story Wars. I'll be the Whitbrook, Chrysher and Tony Henson. Goddammit. At the comedy store. In Los Angeles. Ari. The end is playing right now. Episode seven, Rips. That's what Jay's in. Episode seven. Guys, I gotta be honest. I forgot what the weed was like in Los Angeles. Ari, that's the weed. I always smoke my man. I brought it. Now wait. It's no California weed. This California weed. Is it stronger? It's some different to it. There's more love on it. They roll, they roll it into, they roll like this. I said like that. I'll say this. I only smoke California weed. Jeaters. They said they were sending me a gift. And then they didn't. Jay, what are you talking to my friend? Biggetcommy.com for all my dates. I never stopped touring ever. It never stops. So there will be a deal here. He says it like it's not his choice. He's like, they're forcing him to tour as much. I keep saying I shouldn't go out as much. And then they offer me dates and I go, of course. Because eventually they're going to fucking figure it out. It's all a shame. So let's get it. Well, they're getting good. We have the same agent. And that's how he talks. Yeah. You're going to find out soon. So let's go. It's all a shame. You'll find out soon. So look for a senior. You a big jay comedy.com. Of course. The bonfire five days a week. Faction talk. Series X and one of three with me in the great Robert Kelly. And story wars. And story wars. Maybe that's the flagship show over here against the show right now. Story wars. Everybody make sure you check it out. Oh, wait. I forgot. My special Netflix. You should watch my special Netflix. June. Yes. Yeah. You're arrival. My arrival. Uh, you guys got it to happen with this. That you know, like people keep asking for it. Yeah, people keep on just chanting. You know, they must be saying. I think they want to get the outside of Netflix. And they're just going like, what do you want? We'll put the special on there like. Uh, come see me on the road guys and Lewis of skanks.com. They're right on me. This tour coming up this weekend or next weekend. A comedy club in Fort Myers Florida snappers comedy club. Huge room. Uh, I'm going to kill myself. Springfield Missouri after that. Tulsa Oklahoma. Oklahoma City. Rosemite Illinois. Chicago and more. Go to my website. Lewis of skanks.com. Sign for gas. Uncentered and at free version of the show guys. A brand new gas digital new app. We have a bunch of features. We just added as well. Uh, use the promo code. LOS. You save a couple bucks a month. Check out story wars. The reals podcast. Lewis from the podcast. The regs. They do a lot of different podcasts. And uh, buy my book knives and spoons. Buy my coffee. Body brain coffee. I got body brain creamers samples on me too. Everybody wants. Creamers. What? What flavors of creamer? There's one of my ass right now. If anybody wants a taste. What what kind of creamer? It's a coconut milk paste. (upbeat music) - What? (laughing) - You were right, it's easy on the asshole. - Why a hole? - He made it for me. - What kind of scam? - It's coconut milk powder, C-A-S-C-T, - That's disgusting. - That's delicious. Stop it, Trump. - It's in my asshole. - It's disgusting. - It's gonna make your coffee look like it's spoiled. - Oh no, that's not true. - I won't let Tim talk this down, dude. It has made the crystals up my ass so much soothing. - How can I know the cream right there? - Yeah, it's really. - Coconut milk powder, C-A-M-C-T, rodeo-la-roo-zae. - Yeah. - You put all of this shit in a creamer? - Yeah. - You have M-C-T oil and corniceps in a coffee creamer? - Yeah. - For the people that want to be healthy but also have coffee creamer? (laughing) - For the body builders? - Yes. - They're using coffee creamer? - Yes. - Tim, I'll let you know that I don't drink coffee. I think the taste is repulsive. And since Louis had his little coffee crystals up and shoving them up my ass, see if I get the benefits I have. - Yeah. - But now with the creamer up my ass, it makes it all a little easier to ingest. If you know what I mean, I think you do. - Maybe I'm wrong. - Listen, maybe I'm wrong, maybe it is great. - It's incredible. - It's great. - Maybe it is, I think you're wrong. - Change my life. - You know the creamers are like little. - No, no, it's big. It's a big package. - It's a big package. - It's a lot. - It's a lot of powder. - How much is it? - Like four grams. - But it's enough that I have to funnel it into my ass. - I just want to buy it from there. - How much is it? 49.99 for 30 days. - Wait a minute. You sell creamer in days? (laughing) - Louis has subscription creamer. (laughing) - I do. - He sells subscription. - Hey honey, go get 30 days of creamer. I'm a bodybuilder now. I want corniceps and MCT oil. Go get me a month of creamer. Your husband's a stupid faggot. I'm a stupid faggot bodybuilder. And I'm going to fix my shitty body with Louis Gomez's creamer. Go get three months of creamer. You dumb cunt. - Tim, Tim. - Tim, that couldn't have been more on the nose, don't I? (laughing) Boy, did you fucking hit that hammer right on the head? It is bad shit, but it is smoothed up my ass and I have been reaping the benefits. - Yes, thank you. (laughing) - So there's not much here, but apparently there's a rape festival in Nigeria. - What the fuck? - There's not much here. - Yeah, we're calling it Skankfest Nigeria. (laughing) And this is the headline. Brutal rape festival in Nigeria sparks outrage. (laughing) People are upset about this. - Yeah. - It's a festival of rape. - It would be great if by the way, they still wouldn't put Legion of Skanks in it. (laughing) - We can headline this. - We're not showing a rape festival, we can handle it. - We're doing some snacks. - Yeah, we're on the perimeter off site somewhere. - They're like, "We'll rape. "We're not going to talk about it for two hours." - Wait, can we see what, do we have any information on this? Alex or Jimmy, give him a microphone back there. I just see Alex's dumb cowboy boots shaking right there. - Who bought tickets for the rape festival? - Oh, a lot of people. - Yeah. - I'll tell you that. - I bought yearly passes. - Yeah, a lot of people. - Yeah, I fast-passed. So I jumped along. - Yeah. - I buy the VIP passes before they announce any of the rapies. But I'll be honest, after your first rape, you're not going to wait in line for the next one. - Well, is there like a headlining rape? Is it like, this is the one we got to see? - I think it's like the holds bar. You get in there and go, "I'm going to rape." And then you look around and you're like, "Oh, I'm going to get raped." - Right. - You know what? That is the trick, right? You're like, "I'm going to rape." And then you, yourself, get raped. - Yeah. - But I've been, everyone leaves it and goes, "It was a good time." - Rural rape festival in Nigeria's box average worldwide after horrifying videos of men chasing women through the street's surface. - Let's see. - On the nightly feed. - Let's see. - Let's see. (laughing) - This is more spirit airlines footage. (laughing) - This is. - I think the message here. - I think the message here is just don't get caught. - Yeah. - It still looks more fun than fire festival. - Yeah. - At least it happens, right? - I'll tell you, it's funnier than the National Comedy Festival. - Pretty festival. - True that. (laughing) And then better food. - Way more left for head. - I love that you used a video of women getting violently raped to settle as beef you had with the National Comedy Festival. - No, they're great. I completely unaffected by this. You just wanted to shit on the national. - No, what is this JFL Nigeria? - Oh, you're all known as JFL. - You're a comedy club. (laughing) - No, I love the National Comedy Festival. - Of course. - You know, they. - It's just like, there's not a lot of comics. - Yeah, they wouldn't let you sell creamers in the street. (laughing) - They did restrict creamers sales. (cheering) - It's there. - This is very disturbing. - Yeah. - They happening now in Ozzoro. Can we go back for a second? Go back for a second. - What's happening now in Ozzoro? See how many boys they rush? Just one girl on the name of raping festival. God, a big helper. Ooh. - Alex, get to the money shot. - By the way, we're only 27 seconds into two minutes and 42 seconds of rape festival footage. There's so much rape festival footage. They should make people use the. What do they call the bags to lock up your phones? - There should be a Yonder bag event. - I would say the rape festival. - If she'd held with a stayed in Africa longer, he would have let it true. (laughing) - Well, everyone's so bummed out about these rapes that we're watching. You grow up. Guys, loosen up a little bit. Jesus Christ. Ozzoro in raping festival. Please, all the girls should stay inside Biko. - I mean, when in Rome, right? - Almost. - Wow. - Louis, I do feel like you go native at this place. - Oh my God, dude. - It's the festival. What am I going to do? - It's local custom. - I bet you guys need help producing this because I have some ideas. (laughing) - Christine Rebecca. - Yeah. - We need a jumbo tron. - Yeah. - I've got some rap submissions. I need you guys to go through. - Is it really a rape festival? - Is this a national holiday? - We're like, it's really going on. - It's their Martin Luther King day. - Right. (laughing) - I have some info on it, if you want. - Please, Mike. - Yeah. - Can you guys hear me? - Yeah, we can hear you. - One more time for G-Mine, guys. Give it up for G-Mine. - Can you guys hear me Los Angeles? (cheering) - They're on the back. So this is actually, that's a headline from the New York Post that said it was a rape festival. It's called the Allodoo Festival to traditional event held in Nigeria. The festival features married women trying to conceive marching together to a shrine. During the 2026 celebration, groups of Nigerian men attacked and sexually assaulted the women at the event. Community leaders said these men were hoodlums who did not understand or respect the tradition. - Well, I ain't got our face. - Yeah. (laughing) - Now I feel just filled dumb. Can you pull up the Undertaker's tweet about this? (laughing) - Mike, please. - You cannot rape the willing. (laughing) - I got it. Oh, what do you think? - It does. - Rape doesn't count if it's part of a festival. - I wonder if Rape, I wonder if Rape back entire knows this is where her ad is going. (laughing) You can watch it right here on this phone, y'all. (laughing) - You're gonna get Rape to LaVorice on Realtor.com and that's festival. (laughing) - And Reepin McIntyre knows it. - She's a slippery bitch. - I don't know, dude. - It was actually a targeted ad, you know? - Oh, you know, Reep Festival, guys, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's go. - Do we put Mike and Alex in the back? 'Cause LA, we're paid ever to pick their ugly here. - Maybe. - Maybe. - Mike and Alex are LA ugly. - No. - New York, New York attractive. - No, don't you dare. - I'm attractive LA ugly, I'd say so. - Yeah. - You guys are all both ugly. (laughing) - How do we find the only ugly people in LA to get ugly? - What the fuck do you mean? - There's some lookers in this audience. - Another rapist. (laughing) Hell yeah. (laughing) - Trump. - Trump. - Trump. - Trump. - Trump. (laughing) - I want to confuse the people who get angry. (laughing) - Wait, are they in new it or not? - Jay, you told us the other day that you had a little bit of a mishap, a little bathroom mishap. - Do you want to tell us what happened? - Yes. No, I don't want to, but I will. I told you guys in the meeting because it was. shortly after. But I don't know. My stomach was all fucked up this weekend. I don't know if I'm nervous about this fucking thing. What's the thing? It's a breach of contract already. I'm getting in trouble. But I'm nervous. I guess I'm nervous. How many days of creamer? I'm not. I will not blame the creamer for this. The creamers get me sharpen on point. So I woke up Friday morning in Providence, Rhode Island. And I was like, "Do I have to fart?" And I was like, "No, I definitely have to shit." And then I started gathering my phone and stuff to go take it. And then as I was standing up, I was like, "I have to shit right now." And then it just happened everywhere. And then I just sit down and do the whole thing. And there was, and I mean this clean pieces of corn from the night before. That's how much he loves corn. I love, no, no, no. I didn't eat the corn. I realized it was garbage. Yeah, it was a fucking, it was fucking sucked. So I hope I did good on this thing. You shit in your pants. And you were, we're assuming that it's nerves. You're so nervous about this, that you're shitting and vomiting everywhere. Yeah, well, I had like chicken. I had chicken the night before. Everybody's chicken. That's not a reason to shit yourself. Right. It's probably nerves. Also, hell, you're 48 now? Yeah. What was the last time? How long is it? What streak just went on? Oh, Dave Smith was with me. We were in streak. Fuck yeah. Nice. Me and Dave Smith were in a, it was, we were in a Sacramento, California and we got Denny's one night. And I woke up in the morning and we were both in different bathroom shitting our pants. We both ruined our underwear. But there is nothing worse than throwing out underwear, a tank top and basketball shorts in a Marriott lobby. Oh, Tim, when's the last time you shit your pants? Probably like two and a half, three years ago. Really? Yeah. What do you eat? What happened? I ordered a creamer from a website. Oh, no. No. No. No. It can't be this. No. Stop it. It couldn't be. You're on day eight. It couldn't be. My trainer said, if you want to start getting serious, you got to start getting in a creamer. If you're looking for serious gains. Yeah. So I bought six months of creamer and that I just shit myself. Why do I bring creamer, presale, May 11 through 25th? Are you doing a presale? Presale. Yeah. I'm telling you right now, divorce your husband. If there's a presale creamer, I'm baited testing it on my asshole. Pretty good. I want to send me some it, literally. What's that? I want to send me some of it. No, I'll give it to you while here. I have a bunch of it with me. In fact, I'm going to make you taste it on camera and I'm going to use it for a promo. No, it's at the hotel. This guy says he's got creamer. Does he? Does he even? I'll give it to you tomorrow. You will have creamer. It's all about this. You and Tony Henson. I'm going to spit it into his mouth. Well, by the way, everyone on that panel likes creamer. There's nobody that's going to have a problem with a little creamer. No, I'm going to get it literally tomorrow. I'm going to have you try it. And I want you to give an honest review of it on camera. And then I'm going to use that to sell the creamer to other people. Okay, but be honest, be honest. I can tell you how it tastes because my asshole doesn't have a tongue, but I could tell you it does the thing it's supposed to do. I'm excited for the quarter saps. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Goblin's last time you shit yourself. Five minutes ago. Yeah. Okay. Goblins do shit themselves regularly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But that's not a weird thing. It's not a weird thing at all. Yeah, it's regularly. Oh, you go where you go. Yeah, yeah. I had chicken. Oh, I know if you share your pants, it's like a crime scene. There's blood involved always, but yeah, I honestly, the last like eight months through South America probably like once a week or so. Damn, really? It was just like, I didn't abandon the underwear though. Really? You kept them and you washed them in a river. Yeah. I let them, I let them mine and housekeeper fucking handle it. Okay. All right. Do what you really shit yourself through? There's just little strikers the whole time. My body did not do well. Oh, no, no, no. Strieking in your pants is not shitting your pants. Yes, it is. Strieking. No, no. I'm not talking about a stain. I'm a little fucking a little shit stain. No, no, it's just stain enough. You could scoop out. Oh, no, no. So wait, wait. So then you say just let it soak in. No one saying that. No one. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. Give it the poop. They get it. Yeah, I don't I don't think I've shit my pants for here. They'd get it decades. Why? I don't because I make it to the bathroom. That's insane. Oh, dude, you're no fun. Did I remember one time, uh, this thing we like we went like out and got really hammered. We're to the podcast. And I don't think I've ever said this publicly anywhere, but he got so drunk he literally got in bed with me and shit my bed. And it's Michael Bisming. So you can't do anything. You have to be like, I guess I was going to lie in Bisming shit now. You didn't relocate to a couch. Dude, I didn't know I woke up the next day. He's lying in my bed covered in shit. I know. He was like, sorry, mate. I've seen you have done me do's again. I lose a lot of friends this way. You're not going to freak out. Oh, yeah. And I only got on your tail a little bit. Yeah, I don't think I've shit my pants in. I mean, he's like, hey, at least I didn't rape you. I just duked in your bed. You know, there's a whole festival for that. Yeah. Hey, how do you feel about private jetting and Nigerian? And that's Australian. Oh, looks like I took a duke and you bet I did it does. Straight all time London. Yeah, I always speak chimney sweep. Dude, when Jay, when when Jay's like getting the right dialect and like the right accent, it's so fucking perfect. But when you're off, it's just so awful. What do you say? What is it? I can't keep it in for a minute. My fucking Irish will turn to African in two seconds. All right, so we have a little bit more time here. Do we want to talk about this cop that was fired after a racist rant? Or yes. What is this? What is this question at the end? Alex, do you like? What is this question you have at the end? I want to understand this. It was the it was the cop at rape festival. But they got they got hit the racism was right there in front of them. I'm pretty sure what are you not understanding? They asked if they have a question here at the end. I don't really. I read the question. I'm sure this is I was talking back angrily back there. I'm pretty sure it's like my question and it's not happy. Yeah, you came up with this question. Me? Yeah. Oh, what was it? What? Oh, that's embarrassing. No context. This is your idea. What is it? What is shit? I don't remember. Oh, right back at your Lewis. What do you got to say? What do I understand? What was the I don't I don't get it. Tell me what do I do like an idiot? I don't remember this. I do. Go ahead, Mike. Tell me. So the question is does a racist peto target white kids or black kids? Why would Netflix not want this in the festival? I know. Why? Oh, no, I get to get this a brilliant question actually. Hold on. That was the pitch. That was a pitch you guys sent. This can be a whole we can do a whole fucking TV show. This is a logical puzzle. This is a logical question. So all right, if you're a pedophile and you're racist, well, obviously it's white. You're making a white pedophile. A white white pedophile. Wouldn't it be white kids? No, because you know you're hurting them. Yeah. So you want to hurt the black ones. You think you're that racist. Yeah, you think you're that racist. Yeah. You're already a pedophile. So sure. The other in the other world, you're fucking the. Well, this is exactly why it's a brilliant fucking question. Either way, because it's really up for debate. It's actually a really good. It's not racist. It's actually good. Hook up the. You're a pedophile and there's what there's two rooms. And a room of black kids, Netflixcomedy.com. Listen, but Tim, Tim society has already said that like pedophilia is wrong. So whatever you choose, I think right. You know you're doing a bad thing to that person, obviously. Well, okay, but we're not debating that. Yeah, right. We're debating if they're racist and they're a pedophile. What are they choosing? Are they going to choose again? Do you want to hurt? Do you want to hurt a black person? Or do you are you so fucked up? You believe you're bringing pleasure to this. If you're racist, if you're racist, how are you getting hard? How are you getting hard for black kids? Exactly. That's it. Because you're racist, you're more attracted to white children, but you don't want to hurt white children. You want to hurt black children. You bend them over so they're fucking face away from you. All you have is their asshole. If you ever watched a show, there was a show called the Millionaire Matchmaker and she said the penis does the picking. It's not about your ideas. I think if you're a racist pedophile, you are going to fuck white children. No way. And I'm -You're telling me. -I agree with you. -I'm going to tell you why. -I agree with you. -It's because you're attracted to what you're attracted to. -That's right. -They're a pedophile. They're horrible people to begin with. They're going to fuck kids. It's not about, like, their racism actually comes secondary to getting their nut off. So they're going to go after what they want. They're not going to be able to get hard for little dirty black kids. It's insane. -Lewis, we don't-- -Discussing. -They're racist. -Let's go. -He thinks they're animals. -Let's go. -Peace of shit. -Let's not insult the hypothetical rape -shilder. -No. -This guy's a re-arracial joke.com. -Let's just try that. -Hey, guys, I'll be on live TV Sunday. [ Laughter ] They can't stop me once I'm live. -Sure. -They can go to that standby screen. That'd be pretty dope. -Ari, you were saying it would be-- -Okay, listen. If you are racist, you under-- It's not about loving. It's about power. -You know what you're saying. -You know what you're hurting so much. -I was just going to rape it. The pedophile-- -No, I think-- -No, it's not rape. Hold on, timeout. You're talking about rape. Rape is an aggressive act, okay? There's nothing about really sexual pleasure. It's about power. I think with children-- -You're saying pedophiles just-- -I think it's hidden porn. It's about hidden-- -I think it's hidden porn. [ Laughter ] If you're a pedophile, you're like, they're tight. They're cute. They got tiny nails. -No. -You know you're doing something. If you're racist, you know what I'm saying. -Oh, my God. This guy's like, "This is what I fought and beat him for." -He's at it. -This is what I come home to being called a baby killer and raper. [ Laughter ] Right, you're good. -Gobble-con, what are you thinking here? -Jay, don't let anyone ever tell you-- -I was going to say, "Don't let anyone ever tell you you don't ask good questions." -Okay. -I ask great questions. -Yeah. -It's actually-- In the beginning, I dismissed it. There's so many-- like, this is actually-- -Yeah. -Because if you're not racist, then who would you do it to? -Well, okay, hold on. Whoever you're most attracted to-- -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. -I would just say-- -And if I was racist, it would be bunch of-- -And I would say if you're gay or straight Asian, hairless. -Right. -So, if you're-- yeah. -Yeah. [ Applause ] -I think-- I think Lewis is correct. I think Lewis is right. -And then if you're not racist? -If you're not racist, and you're a pedophile-- -Yeah. -Black kid, black kid room, room full of the most delicious ones. -Well, black kids room full of white kids. -Both of you are a pedophile. -Like, you're a pedophile, but you're not racist. -I believe in equality. -Right, right, right, right. -I believe in opportunity. I believe this country's made a lot of strides in the right direction. -Yeah, but more like president. -I voted for him twice. And then you're also in a room with-- -You love him. It's not your fault. You love them. -Right. It's just what it is. -Well, so we never said-- -Well, that's going to come down to preference. -Preference. -Interesting. -Because that means-- -Which means-- -Which means-- -That pedophile doesn't see color. -All right. -Well, so he's going either way evenly. -He's going either way. -Also, I mean, he never said a room full of children. Now, that sounds just-- If you're a pedophile, that sounds delectable. -Oh, my god. -I mean, if you're a pedophile, a whole room full of-- -Oh, my god. -Oh, my god. -You all those little fucking handprints on your winner, like, the Blair Witch House. [ Laughter ] -I'm raising-- -They put me on live TV some day, everybody. -There's three guys in here going, "Wait, is that a thing?" I would like to participate. -Tame, you're raising the stakes? -Well, I was raising the stakes by saying-- -You have the two rooms. -Yeah. -You know? -The rooms are crazy. -Well, the question, the whole thing is crazy. -Yeah. -Yeah, sure. -The whole thing is crazy. -Well, now, how are you going to find that many of them? It's a lot of work. -Well, we're an L.A. -Oh, right, right, right. [ Laughter ] -Yeah, these stage moms are hungry. -This is a hypothetical question here at this podcast. Five miles away. It's not. [ Laughter ] -It's already an action. -This is a discussion three businessmen who work at Hulu are having and they're having-- -Buck you Hulu! -Buck Hulu! -How you doing? -60 bucks for live TV. [ Laughter ] -So, are you guys black? You go white. -I would say if you're a racist pedophile, you're not going to be getting your dick longer. -I think if you're a black kid. -I think if you're a racist pedophile, you're going in angry. You're white and you're doing black kids. -No, that's crazy. -I think it's black kids either way. -You guys two black, two white, the goblin breaks the tie. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] -This is what it's all boiled down to. -Yeah. -Jongabacan. -Everyone wants to hear my take on this. -Yeah. -Yeah. -Yeah. You went black. -Yeah. -You went white. -Black. -You went-- -The answer's white. It's making me angry that it's even up for this. -You do this. You go that. -Look at these pussy's leaving. Shut grow up. Grow up. -You pussy's. -No, that's making me sick. -Ooh. -Oh, we can't even talk about child rape. -Hey, lightweight, they were mad. -No, they were afraid their side was going to lose. -Yeah, it goes with three. [ Laughter ] -They're like, it's black. We're going to be losers. Let's get out of here. -Fuck out of here before this is all fucking turns the shit. [ Laughter ] -They had their shirts on that said, "Please, rape whites." -Yeah. -Only, exclusively. [ Laughter ] -Goblin, come on. -Goblin, come on, you were saying. [ Laughter ] -Two, two for black. Two for white. -Luice is in white. -Mean or you're black. -John Goblincon. [ Laughter ] -It's a racist pedophile. [ Laughter ] -Two rooms, two rooms. -The white children, white children. -Yup. -Yup. -Which does he choose and why? -John Goblincon. [ Laughter ] -I'm like -- [ Laughter ] -Come see us show at the improv. This Thursday night. -Yup. -At the lab of the improv. This Thursday. -John Goblincon, your answer please. -I go home. Up. I go. [ Laughter ] -Let's go white. [ Cheers and applause ] -I -- I -- I -- I know how to play to my audience. -You know what? [ Cheers and applause ] -I submit -- I submit to the -- [ Cheers and applause ] -Do this black guy -- -You have to -- -Why is that white? -He's the comic book nerd. -Finally, dude. -Yeah. Finally, white guy. Guess what is, come up and -- [ Laughter ] And this white kid can't get raped. -Let's go this hula back in. Tell them they're okay. -Yeah, they're going fine. Let them know that a white kid got raped. Pretty in their car. Forget it. -All right, well -- -I can see you. By the way, when did you have that thought? I just love being here. -I think it was -- I was doing the mean -- I forgot that I even asked the question, but it is a pretty brilliant question. -Yeah, he was picking up James from school. [ Laughter ] Having a big round of applause for our amazing panel, John Goblincon. [ Cheers and applause ] Make sure you check out if there's tickets left for his show at the lab for the Netflix The Joke Festival. Tim Dillon, a great tomb-dillon. [ Cheers and applause ] At the will turn this Thursday. Thank you guys so much for hanging out with us, Chairman of the Band Three, for life. The Legion of Skanks. We'll catch you guys down the road. Thank you. Good night. Peace. [ Cheers and applause ] -You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J. Oakerson. -If you suck it, I think I would instinctually suck it. -I think we're three seniors. -What's we fucking over, Lewis? -Millis Gomez. -Millis Gomez, you fucking sucker. -Millis J Gomez. -You're trying to watch a retard-draw swastika hilarious. -I'm sort of known as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. -And comedian, Ari Sheffier. -The Legion of Skanks podcast. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Music ]