102: Throwing a Tantrum at the Airport

[PHONE RINGING] Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California. This is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. ♪ Such a boy up in the sun ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, that's such a boy ♪ ♪ That's Superman, that owner watch me ♪ ♪ That watch me, that watch me ♪ [LAUGHS] ♪ Such a boy up in the sun ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, that's such a boy ♪ ♪ That's Superman, that ho, now watch me ♪ ♪ You, now watch me, you, now watch me, you ♪ All right, guys. Welcome back. Help, help, help me! ♪ Such a boy up in the sun ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll ♪ Guys, get up, it's 8 a.m. Guys, get up, it's 8 a.m. This is your wake-up call. Hi, this is the front desk calling. These facial framing pieces are just nuts. It's one of those days, y'all. Some days I have days where I'm like, I don't know if there's actually a more beautiful woman alive than me. It might, it might be me. And I'm sorry to kind of end it for the rest of y'all, but it might be me. Today is not that day. Today I'm looking at this bit. I'm actually, I'm gonna turn this screen off. I'm turning this screen off. And that's just how it is. 'Cause I didn't used to have a screen. You know what I mean? I've been spoiled by the screen. All right, you guys. Holy shit, we have a lot to talk about today. First and foremost, another week. ♪ Such a boy up in the sun ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll ♪ ♪ Watch me crank it, watch me roll ♪ ♪ And I should've ran that fall ♪ (laughs) Soldier, soldier, soldier, soldier. (laughs) You can't remember that fucking song. Black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow. You, ah, you know what it is. Everything, everything I do. I do it big. You, ah, ah, it's your next step. It was screaming at it, but it was so, when you see me in a, what the fuck? I don't hear it to that song. Anyway, let's cut to the chase. I have to talk about this TikTok. ♪ I'll just talk, I'll just talk, I'll just talk ♪ (laughs) Okay, so basically here's, I'll describe what this TikTok just was. This is a grown-ass woman flailing around on the floor, throwing a hissie, and yes, I mean a hissie fit, in a public airport while onlookers record, while onlookers, voyers and pass her buys film her. She is flailing around on the floor because she did not get her way. Let's watch it again. ♪ I'll just talk, I'll just talk, I'll just talk ♪ ♪ I'll just talk, I'll just talk ♪ The fucking cops, or whoever the fuck is back there, just watching her, just like thumb through belt loop, just leaned up against the counter, just watching her do that. Yeah, actually, I saw this TikTok and it shook me to my core because what level of boomer is this? What boomer genetics hybrid is this? Where you can do that and think, "This'll get me my way." (laughs) Oh, this'll get me my way. Well, you guys leave me no option. It's clear what I have to do next. (laughs) What's the fucking caption? (cat meows) "Passenger throws epic tantrum over her luggage." "Passenger, grown-ass baby woman throws epic-chungus tantrum "over her luggage that probably was too fucking heavy "and I know her ass is probably flying spirit." And so she said, she probably was like, "Yeah, 75 pounds, what's the big deal?" And they're like, "Man, you're gonna have to pay for that." And she probably threw this big hissie and I don't even wanna know what's in the luggage, okay? I recently watched the Sex and the City 2 movie and let me just tell you, why did they do that to Samantha? Why did they do that to Samantha? They made her the big ol' heifer with a bunch of creams. She's goin' through metaphors. Why did they do that to her? Anyway, the big woman baby who threw the epic hissie at the whatever fucking airport this is, I know this woman makes marbled tumblers on TikTok. I know this woman calls her grandkids fat, whenever she gets the chance. I know this woman is probably in a loveless marriage. I know this woman's kids don't talk to her. The grandkids are the tether, you know? And what I've kind of realized is, I'm, there's something here. (laughs) I'm gonna start doing this. Passing her throws epic tantrum over her luggage. I'm gonna start doing this. I think there might be some validity to what she's doing here. Like TSA, imagine going through TSA. They flag something in your bag, okay? You forget to throw out a water bottle. Maybe it's like my big fat tube of eczema cream because yes, I have eczema, yes we exist. Sometimes your skin tries to peel off your body and that's not my fault. It's not a doctor's fault. But I am sort of heavily reliant upon eczema to keep me here, keep me in one piece. Otherwise, I'm just kind of skin flakes floating in the air. You know how those tick-tocks are always like, we're made of stardust. Everything about the human body comes from stardust. Yeah, well my stardust is desidronic acute eczema. So what about that? What about that Neil deGrasse Tyson? My fucking lips are made of fucking eczema. I am just an accumulation of skin flakes that have melded together because I have so much grease on my body. It acts as a solvent and it glues all of it together. But you put, look, you stress me out this bad? All right, nice start. I start doing my tantrum. Pizza pieces of me are going to start flying off into the ether. I'm gonna, you're gonna be beating my eggs up. What arm goes? I wanted to bring them up. Here's my other arm, okay? This just gonna happen to me. Viral tick-tock star Britney Brosky found in eczema puff at the DFW airport. Viral Britney Brosky explodes at the DFW airport. Not in any terrorist-related incident, just she's got eczema. And she ended up turning into a big cloud of skin. A big, a big cloud of skin particles, scaricles, if you will. Like imagine this woman going through TSA, just a bag full of liquid, bag full of eight ounce, 12 ounce, 36 ounce liquids. And these people always act like they've never flown before. What do you mean you're 70 years old? You've never fucking gotten on an airplane. And oh my God, don't even get me started on these real ID people, okay? The old heads who don't have a real ID, don't have an update to passport and they come to the airport. Look, those signs have been everywhere. Everywhere in the airports feel like the last at least five years. National news blasts about it. Careful if you're traveling after 2025. You're getting any real ID with the star in the corner of the. These people have known, okay? And you're getting on a flight. You're getting on a flight to go harass customer service workers. You're not even flying anywhere. They're getting up into the plane, flying to fucking Salt Lake City, flying back to where they came from. They're not even going anywhere. This for them is fun. These people like to get on planes and just harass. I truly believe they like to see what they can get away with. What doing this? Throwing an epic tantrum over your luggage? Yeah, I'm going to start doing this. I'm going to go through TSA and I'm going to pack a suitcase full of liquid and I'm going to put it through the fucking machine and they're going to flag it, they're going to be like, "Who's back is this?" And I'm going to say. They're going to say, "Maybe you have to throw this away." And I'm going to say, "No, I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to." I'm going to hold my breath. I'm going to hold my breath until I pass out because you, all the fuckers, want me dead. Everyone in this earth wants to try to kill me. It's because you want me to throw out my luggage because you trying to fucking kill me. Every TSA agent here is trying to kill me. That's what I'm going to do the next time I have to pull. Man, you cannot bring this much liquid on the plane. You're going to have to throw some of it out. You are only allowed a small. You motherfucker. They told me about you. And you were going to try to kill me. I knew it when they said someone was going to kill me. I knew it was going to be you. Ma'am, please come this way. We have "Don't touch me!" The way that that's not an exaggeration, like that's genuinely how old people fucking act. That's the airport. That's how they act. Don't touch me. I'll call the fucking boys. Ma'am, we have to. You refuse to go to the metal detector, you say you have a heart, stand, get over here so we can want you. Don't fucking touch me. I will have you know, I read my Miranda rights this morning, and they said you can't touch me. Ma'am, please come over, we're gonna have to take you to a private room. A private room so you can what, kill me! Ma'am, do you want to get all the plan or not? I, and I was about to say something, and I'm actually, I just decided I'm gonna let it rip. Obviously my own grandparents are not included in this, but I hate old people. I know some people are like, oh old people are so this shit! This shit dude! Would you ever see a millennial or just, well, would you ever see someone under the age of 30 doing something like this? No, because they have too much social anxiety. That's the issue with Jinx and Boomers. I don't know how the fuck those generations do not have social anxiety. In fact, they bask in it. They bask in the freedom. These are the people that caused a whole generation to have social anxiety. Because you do this shit, and then you involve everyone in the family. Let's go! Let's go! You're just threw a hissie on the floor of the DFW Airport! Now I have to go get on a plane and sit next to you! My god. Yeah, I'm gonna start doing this. That's what I've adopted. I'm gonna start doing this when I go through TSA. I'm gonna accuse all the TSA officers of trying to kill me. I'm gonna start kicking the metal detector. I'm gonna kick over wheelchairs. I'm gonna get in a wheelchair and I'm someone push me! Someone push me! Get me the hell away from here! That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do the greatest freak out ever, Britney's version. And I'm gonna shove one of those TSA wands up my butt. I'm getting down the greatest freak out ever where he does the remote. Put it up here. I'm gonna do that. But it's a TSA one because everyone here is trying to kill me. And you're right here is trying to kill me. That's the TSA one up my butt because that's what I have to do. Because they've left me no choice. And you know what actually makes me sick is she probably got her way. She probably got her way. She probably's got some son-in-law who works for American Airlines. I was able to call and be like just let her. Right? Because that's the thing. They get away with it. These Jinx Boomers. Whatever, whatever side of the aisle you fall on Jinx or Boomer. And if they don't, then it's it's never their fault. Perpetual victims, even though the earth is on fire because of you. Start bashing my head on the fucking. On the fucking. Ma'am, you have to come with us. Get the fuck back! Okay, you guys know what I want to talk about next. Is um, I recently rewatched Twilight. Specifically Breaking Dawn. Y'all. Y'all, okay. Edward and Bella. We're fucking. Fucking. Capital F. Capital G. Fucking. What re- Let me take a breath. Rewatching, rereading some of those scenes. As a grown-ass woman. As a grown-all woman. I have to say. What the hell? Stephanie Meyer, you literal freak. You aren't free! Uh, breaking the bed. Fucking feathers everywhere. That shit was so horny. By the way, okay. I don't know if Twilight's characterized as a YA novel. Not to me. Not to me. All right. Well, they are in high school. I don't care. Okay, because by the time they get to, you know, Breaking Dawn and there at that, wherever the fuck island they go. And he's fucking her in that bed. He's fucking her in that bed. And it's destroyed the next morning. Why is that? Why was that in writing these characters? Think of all the planning that goes into, like, writing a four, actually, like, more than four series. Four part book. Fuck! Can I talk? Four part book series. All the prep and planning that goes into that storyboarding character arcs, character backgrounds. Okay, family trees, governmental systems, high school names. Shit like that. To write in that he fucks her real good. To the point where it's destroyed? They destroy the venue? I'm just now realizing as an adult. Oh my god. What's that? Nus- I mean, I get that they're vampires, right? I get that there's vampires. There's extra terrestrial, extra human sort of capabilities and strength. However! However! Rip that bitch up. The four poster bed ripped up. Headboard torn off. Sheets shredded. What are y'all doing? There's no need for all that. I guess it had been building up. The tension had been pinned up for four books. I get it, okay? But damn! And I'm, look. I'm all up in that, okay? I'm reading it. I'm walking. Oh my god. Oh, by the way, I have to talk about a book. I'm reading. I've got about 40 pages left in shield of sparrows. Let's talk about shield of sparrows for a second. Okay. I thought shield of sparrows was a pirate book. I was sorely mistaken. All right. There is sailing in this book. However, it is not a pirate book. I was fucking led astray. I was led astray. Did I read a synopsis of it? No. Did I just see that it had great reviews on book talk and good reads? Yeah. And so when I was at B&N. Barnes and Noble. My neighborhood B&N. I picked it up. And was that book $35, by the way? Yeah, it was. $34.99. Ah, me. I picked it up. Okay. Here's what I will say. I am not done with this book. But I couldn't put it down. It's, this is the third day that I've been reading it. And it's like 500 pages. So I flew through that bitch. I read it all yesterday, all the day before. I will say. It is a classic, just romanticy structure. Okay, really nothing new here. There are some crazy twists and turns at the end that I have been enjoying. There were two parts where I was. No! I like out loud in my living room. Oh my God. So I will say, yeah, it gooped me. It gooped me a little bit. But my God, for the first 350 pages. No-boyking, no-kissing, very much flirting, very much extended eye contact. Very much, he whispered into the shell of my ear. Okay. 350 pages. No-one's-boyking. This was marketed to me as a spicy fantasy. And I'm not, look, let me make a disclaimer. I'm not the one. My favorite book ever is The Secret History by Dona Tart. I love Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. I love all, you know, East of Eden, whatever, which I'm going to talk about next episode. Or maybe 17 episodes from now. Who fucking knows? Are you guys going to kill me? Shield of Sparrows. I'm a Romantician joyer, but not just Romantic. Okay, I read a bunch of shit. I also just finished why I write by George Orwell, which I will talk about in a second. This book, I knew what I was getting into. I've been reading a lot of dark, like, nonfiction. And I wanted a lighthearted, you know, whatever. So I read it. I just want to make it clear that this is a fun read for me. I don't exclusively read Romantician, okay? For all you bitches in the comments that are like, and this is the thing people have reduced reading down to just fucking porn. No, however, when I want to read porn, I read porn. Well, I want to read fucking Shield of Sparrows because the big sexy man with a beard and brown hair and he's 6'4", he's got cord and ripped muscles. Yeah, we'll read that. And does that make me un-American? Does that make me a pseudo-intellectual anti-intellectualism? No. I post it on my story the other day. "Roscination Book Club" and it was "Shield of Sparrows" and "How Fascism Works", the politics of us versus them. That's what I'm reading, okay? Shield of Sparrows, here's what I'll say. Lead character? Ab- salutely 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. Chef's Kiss. Absolutely fucking love it. The Guardian? The Guardian? Holy shit! Very bad. Yes? What? Oh, yes! Yes, and I have a certain Mmm, celebrity fan cast in mind that I'm not at liberty to share right now. But you guys leave it in the comments who you think I have fan casted as the guardian. And I'll like the comments that are. - That are accurate. - Okay, the guardian. Probably, look, okay. When it comes to fantasy book, boyfriends. I know a lot of people have resandes or number one. I get it, I get it. And if you have Xavier as your number one from fuck and whatever, is this name Xavier from fourth wing? I don't, we can't really, like I get it. Okay, but Xavier is so toxic. So is Violet for that sake. They fucking deserve each other. They so, oh my god, they annoyed me. I didn't read the third one, by the way. Xavier and then from the Throne of Glass, whatever, people loved Dorian and Kale and whatever. Okay, I get it. The guardian? Oh, and Quicksilver, what's the name of Quicksilver? He was sexy, Kingfisher, love that Irish band, by the way. Kingfisher from Quicksilver, I will be reading the second one. Brimstone, Brimheart, Brimstone Heart, whatever it's called, Cali Heart is the author. Okay, Shilla Sparrows, the guardian? Very, very much, yeah. And I do enjoy the female main character because this is my complaint with a lot of Romanticie is that people try to make her, you know, if it's a lead female character. People try to make her too much like, I've been through the fucking hardships. No one's known what I've lived through. Family, dead, parents, dead, best friends, dead. I'm starving, I have no money, but I'm also ripped. I'm also curvy and I have beautiful, luscious hair down to my ass that I so much hair I can't even fit into a braid. Oh, and my eyelashes are so dark and long that getting them way, it's shit like that. These leather pants won't fit over my juicy ass BBL curves. Even though I'm 18 and I'm starving. It's shit like that, right? Where I'm like, I get it. You're trying to give this character depth. You're trying to give this character some sympathy factor for us to be like, she just, a man will fix it. Like that type of shit, unfortunately, is a lot of the times it's the trope. This one, dude. Very much I appreciate. I'm not gonna give away too much because this is all kind of revealed in the first 10 pages. She is a princess. And her family is, maybe not sadder, but definitely more interesting. Her family is together, somewhat functional. She's got a half sister, a stepmother, a half brother and her dad. Her mother dead or missing. And no one really talks about it. However, this female main character, what is her fucking name? Odessa. Odessa is tender-hearted. The only thing that she really needs in this life is her father's approval and her father's love. And just like a loving family unit, she yearns for it. And I think a part of her knows that she will never get it. These are not the people that will be able to give that to her. And it's not her fault. It's not her inability to be loved. It's not anything wrong with her. It is her family. Her family not seeing her. Her family dismissing her, telling her to get out of the way. She is the eldest sister, but she is not the heir to the throne. It's shit like that where it's like, here is a woman that's just been overlooked. And she has so much love in her heart to give, but she remains hopeful. And she is not cynical towards the world. She leads with love and kindness, and she tries to show love wherever she can, even though it hasn't been shown to her. I love that. I love that in the main character, okay? 'Cause a lot of authors will take the route of, that hardens her, right? And that's why she builds up this wall. And only the man can knock the wall down. It's not that. Oh my God, Odessa is her bleeding heart. She has so much love to give. She loves small animals and children more than she'll ever love herself. I feel like that sort of thing where it's just, she radiates hope and love. And that is the bravest thing you can do. And let me say that again. Radiating hope and love in a cynical world is the bravest thing you could do. That is true courage, okay? Cruelty's boring. So I really appreciate that, No Desa. And so does our main male character. Yes! Yes! But, and yes! Oh my God, yeah! Okay, a man who sees the heart of you? Wow. And from the beginning, I mean, as with any enemies to lovers, whatever, right? I don't even know if this is any of these to lovers. I mean, it kind of is, it's like strangers to lovers. It's enemies to lovers. With a dynamic like that as well, from the jump, you see the negative parts of each other, which I love, that's why I like it. You show them upfront. These are the horrible parts of my personality because you're getting the full force, like the brunt of it, on both ends, right? I, I, like I'm her. We're seeing all the negative parts of his personality, you know, the mystery, the dismissiveness, the arrogance, the stubbornness, all of these things that it's honestly how they process emotions. And then as they get endeared to one another, the walls come down. So you've done the hard work, right? It's not like it's all honeymoon, rainbows and butterflies. You're so in love. And then you start saying the negative parts of these people. And it's like, oh, I don't know if I want to, you know, I don't know if I'm ready for all that. It's the opposite. I've seen the worst of what you have to throw at me. And I'm still here. You know, and now it's like smooth sailing. So what's that type of shit? I really enjoy their dynamic. And of course, it's the classic, okay? Who's gonna train me? 'Cause I'm a princess today when I use it so hard. Oh, fuck, the big buff. Corded muscle ripped, rainy, cult. Cast you come train me. (claps) The penis with ears has to come train me. Uh, fine. Get into your fighting. (laughs) (claps) Oh, get into my fighting stance, I guess. One foot behind the other. For balance, okay? 'Cause you don't want to be knocked on your ass. I've read so many of these damn fantasy books. I could teach a class on sword play. And did I order a foam sword from the interweb I did? And do I run around my house in a cape with a sword? Sometimes, yeah. And am I 28? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I failed to see where the issue lies. I failed to see, I failed to see what's wrong with that. What's wrong with that? Nothing. God forbid a woman has a hobby. God forbid a woman runs through the home that she lives in absolutely going to town on a foam sword. I beat the fuck out of my couch. I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shhhhh. Okay, and I also got a metal one. It's not in here. Oh, I have a lightsaber in the corner, dude. I have my Kylo Ren lightsaber. Cause I don't have, look, I don't have a green one, blue one. I don't even have a Mace Windu one, okay? And I think that if I were to do the lightsaber experience at Disney, that's the one I would get. Because it's not even about being different. It's about I love Mace Windu, okay? I love Mace Windu. I do sword play in my home. And at this point, I could teach a fucking class on it. Next podcast, I'm gonna teach you guys some sword play 101. And if there's any medieval times nights watching, turn up the brightness. (laughing) If there's any nights who work at medieval times, the Renaissance fair, Disney, turn that brightness up. Yeah, turn that brightness up, turn up the sound. I want you to see this. I want you to see and hear this. Okay, this one's for y'all. And if any of you guys want me, shoot me a DM, you know where I am. All right, I'm over here teaching sword play classes. All right, you know where to find me. Okay, I do like Shield of Sparrows. I think the concept is fun. It's just enough political, you know, whatever. It's not confusing at all. I didn't expect the twist. And I'm, me and Drew talked about this a lot because we're always kind of when we read, especially fantasy, it's like we're predicting the twist or where the author's gonna take it. And when they go completely left field, it's really nice. But don't, you know, like I don't want to stray too far from the world that they've built. Like in trying to deliver a twist, sometimes they completely undermine the world that they built for themselves as the author. And this is not that. Like it really honors the true nature of these characters. And I'm loving it so far. I got 40 pages left. And I'm wondering is this a, is this a series? Is Shield of Sparrows a standalone? No, it's not. It's the first book in a series. The ending leaves room for further development and a potential sequel. Okay, I wonder if she's reading, if she's writing it. It's got great reviews. I don't know if it's one of those like, it's just new. And so it has great reviews. I saw this TikTok of this dude going in on Goodreads. How the UI hasn't been updated since, 2012, you can, you can't do half-star ratings on good reads. There are so many different versions of books on good reads that if we could just consolidate, you know, like clearly we're all talking about the same book here, not a version that was published in 2005, 2007, 2011, there are all three different listings of the same book. There are so many things, accurate book recommendations based on like what you're logging, what's on your TBR, shit like that, you know, even an improved way to see your friends' reviews and what your friends are reading and if there's like a maybe new and improved forum or way to interact and have discourse on these books, it just sucks, but I'm not on story graph or what's the other one, Fable, Blueberry Fego, I'm not on that one. So I don't really know 'cause all my shits on good reads, you know what I mean, like I'd have to transfer all my TBR, which is like 300 books onto, I'm not doing all that, I'm just gonna wait until fucking good reads get it together! If you work in good reads, oh my fucking god, get it together! I'm just gonna wait till you guys update the damn app. I don't get a shit. Okay, Shield of Sparrows. Yeah, I would really recommend it. I love the MMC and the FMC. I love them. The world is interesting, okay? Their continent is shaped like a croissant and there are some things where I'm like, that doesn't really make sense, but who gives a shit? Right? 'Cause he had just blanked her and that's half the reason that I started this book, 'cause I wanted to read a blanking. By the way, back to Twilight, Edward knowing that he had that in him and he, right, like I just, what a self-aware king. Like I'm processing it now. You knew that you had the dick of all dicks. You are king of the dicking. Okay? His dick is lethal and I mean that. The dicking is fatal. The dicking has a death toll. And you kept that from her! To protect her. You don't love her. And then when it finally happened, right? She had to go, she had to go sit in the ocean for a second. Right? She had to go be alone. That's how good it was. She said, "Give me a moment." Wow. Okay, let's move on. Oh, this is another point I was going to make if they look, the time is coming. All right? We had this epic cultural boom in like 2013, 14, 15, 16, even into 2017, where it was just hit after hit. We had divergent, we had hunger games, we had what's the other one? The other one where it's all these like sci-fi, romance, sort of political dramas, and what are those called? YA. Okay? I think we're now in a kind of golden era where Romanticie is on top. And it's just a matter of time before all of these books, these, this IP is sold. It already has been in talks. Wasn't fucking Akatar supposed to go to Hulu and then they canceled it. I don't know. All these like, it's easy IP to make into a TV show or a movie. We need to start thinking realistically about how I'm going to be cast in one of these shows. And I don't want to be a lead. I want to be a Dobby adjacent character. I need you guys. Some of you, if you work at studios, I don't know what the fuck you guys are doing. If you need a goofy little elf character, you know where to find me that business emails in my bio. Come on. Akatar, the surreal. I'm drooling thinking about it. If you need someone to come in and be like, your husband, stay with the high lord. Stay with the high lord. I can do that. I can do that for you. Okay? Don't even look at me. Don't look at her. Look at me. Don't even think about casting someone else. I can play the elf. Put me in the prosthetics, shrink me down to three feet. I don't give a fuck. I'm your girl. I'm him. I'm him. I'm the surreal. Guys. Come on. Every single one of these books has a goofy little character that needs someone to play it. I will take on the burden. If they do a live action adaptation of Akatar, let me be the surreal. Please. Let's look up what the surreal looks like for reference. There's the surreal. Okay? Really spindly skeleton-like. Where's a hood? Emaciated nasty body, all right? Put me. I want to live my Jim Carrey Grinch fantasy. The role will not be funny. I'm really gonna embody it. Okay? But I want to sit in the chair of the makeup chair for six hours, turn me into the surreal. And then I'm gonna make TikToks doing bad bitch. And she do it. I say so. And say, "Hey, blueberry thing." I'm gonna make TikToks as the surreal doing. I'm talking about it. And they're gonna be like Britney, you have to post for the TV show you're in. Done. I have 37 hours worth of content on my phone. Of me is the surreal. I'm doing I be flossing. I be flossing. Number one, victory royale. Yeah, for today, we're about to get down. Dress is the surreal. I don't give a fuck. You guys want content? I'll deliver. Trust I'll deliver. Okay. This is my destiny. I've done podcast host. I'm interviewing Superman. I'm doing red carpets. What else do you bitches want me to? I have to be the surreal. I have to be Dobby's female love interest in the Dobby spin-off TV show pre-desk. Because if you'll recall, Dobby had died. Oh my god. So, Dobby, his little side arc, his his love life arc, that's what I see for myself, right? So, when we're talking about this, especially when it comes to, oh, I would also love to play a dragon. I'm not kidding. I would love to play a dragon if there's a fourth wing adaptation, which isn't there? By the way, isn't what's his name? The guy? The guy doing Xavier. And he's sexy? Fine. Fine. Hold a gun to my head. Yeah, he's sexy. He needs the what's her name? The little dragon. The runt dragon. The runt of the litter. Eric, Eric God, Arab. Who's the tiny dragon from fourth wing? Ariadna. On Andarna. Look, I'll do Andarna. You guys need someone to voice Andarna. I don't know who the fuck you have in mind, but you need to scratch that. Scratch it off the page and write in my name. I'll deliver an Oscar award winning performance as Andarna. And Andarna, the golden little runt dragon. You guys don't know what you're missing. And they'll keep missing until they call my line. Get my agent on the phone. I have to play a size challenged dragon. But in reality, she's going to save us all. Okay. Surreal, she, her. Okay, Sarah J. Moss, here's what I'm thinking. We changed the surreal to she, her thoughts. We give her breasts and a waist. We give her breasts a tiny little waist and some hip curves. And we cinch in the no one wants to waste over nine inches. The pizza hut apron that cinches her in. That's what I'm going to do to the surreal. You guys are going to cast me as a serial. I saw this technique that was like Disney anytime that they need to make an animated animal female. And they like inflate the chest and suck in the waist. Like a female rat. A female dance. If you know, whatever, like a chipmunk with tits and a waist. Hilarious. Do that to the surreal. Great. Here's my reference. Do it to the surreal. Now, thank you. We start filming in September. Next on the list, I wrote down what is Huffing glue? What is Huffing glue? What is meant by Huffing glue? Because here's the thing, right? People talk about Huffing glue. What does that really mean? Because you can sniff glue. What type of glue? Because you're not sniffing Elmer's glue. Because I remember it's got a scent, but it's not that strong where you could. What type of glue are you but just smelling? How did you know that that would get you high? Does it actually is my second question? Third of all, what the fuck? There has to be an easier way to get high. Huffing glue? Okay. It is a dangerous practice. Well, yeah, particularly prevalent among teens due to easy accessibility of products containing volatile chemicals. The chemicals and these glues and other substances like tall uine and napfailing can cause severe and irreversible damage to the brain. All right. Well, yeah, seizures choking. Okay, but I want to know What it does, huffing glue, how to do it. (laughs) Huffing glue, why? What does it feel like? What does it feel like to huff glue? Y'all, I'm gonna be so honest. I had three cups of coffee before this, and a bowl of yogurt. And my stomach is churning like the open sea. My stomach is churning as like, the ocean crashes against waves. That's the diarrhea hitting my sphincter right now. It's just hitting, it's just this constant, just the endless push and crash of the ocean against my butthole. And I'm exercising every muscle in my body right now to not have boo-boo diarrhea all in this chair. So just I need you guys to know what's going on with me as I'm looking up, what does it feel like to huff glue? In-in-hulence glues, gases, and aerosols, glue sniffing. Okay, this is on Reddit. (clears throat) I knew a master technician, best dam mechanic at his shop, but he got caught multiple times, huffing industrial grade glue he stole from work. Squeezed it into plaster grocery bags and hide in the bathroom sniffing it to the point. Sorry, this is not funny. Sniffing it to the point that he was glassy eyed and drooling. Dude eventually got fired and later tried to break into the shop and tried to steal the safe. How do you even figure out that that's like something you want to do? Glassy eyed and drooling. What is the benefit of being like that? It's older glue or industrial glue that causes this. Okay, so they probably discovered it, my accident. That was probably on some like factory shit. You know, like they're in the factory and they're walking home, knuckles dragging on the ground, drooling glassy eyed. And then they were like, hold on, hold on, that kind of goes crazy. Don't expect to get high sniffing elmer's glue or glue sticks. Same with those old big thick permanent markers. Sharpies will not do it for you. I used to work in a place that used gigantic felt tip markers in its shipping warehouse. I'm talking five inch long, two inch in diameter. The smell was powerful and made your nostrils burn the moment you took the cap off. When they screwed up shipping orders, I joked that they had a couple of the things sitting around the warehouse as air fresheners. Very interesting. Call you in is the thing. I used to make a ton of plastic models when I was a kid, late '60s, early '70s. I remember when they switched from tall uin, based stuff to some worthless orange-centred crap that barely worked. I ran across four tubes of the good glue in a hardware store a year later and they wouldn't let me buy them. Sat face. I'm worried about you, King. Hey, Jay random on Reddit. We're worried about you, my love. Let's get that checked out. All right. See, now I feel enlightened because every time someone was like huffing glue, I did not know if they were, and this is stupid now that I'm about to say it out loud. I didn't know if they were sucking the glue up into their nostril. Maybe it created like a coating around the hairs. I don't know. I'm so, I didn't have a sip of alcohol until I was 20. So I know I've been held back. I was held back in the life department. I was way ahead in the academics, not so much in the life. So that's kind of what you get for being told that you're a gifted and talented student. My worth was tied to my academics. Nothing was going to make me sacrifice that. And now look where it's gotten me, okay? I'm talking about being the she-her BBL surreal on a podcast that a lot of people tune into. And I think I've wielded my powers for evil. And I'm fine with that. Okay, huffing glue, the more you know. My next question was, what else can you have? What are they huffing? What are they, Derek Huffing? Julian and Derek Huffing. Here are my obsessions of the week, all right? We're 49 minutes into this damn episode. Let's get to it. My obsessions of the week, I went to Ulta the other day. And I perused the perfume aisle as I do because I have a problem. I have a real addiction and problem. Also, there's a beef on the perfume top community. I'm not in it, but I watch these girls fight like it is. And I'm like, why, right? 'Cause a lot of them are just salespeople. They're just, they go live and they do these. Honestly, like QVC type. Okay, and we're doing a 10% bundle on all of the, okay. Also, I am very curious about all of these, like, Arabic fragrance houses, like Latafa, and then there's some other ones. But my question is, are they just dope houses? Or are they, like, really unique blends? Are they original fragrances? Or are they just, like, you know, their take on this popular fragrance? I don't know. You know how, like, Oakjah's a doop house? I don't know. I'm curious, but not curious enough to actually go research it because whatever. I also have to, I've blind bought before and I will not be doing it again. That should is a waste of money. Do not blind by fragrances. I'm just telling you, okay? I follow someone who I used to love, he makes his own perfume. I bought it, came into my house, I didn't like it. It also smelled just, it was a doop of Prada paradox intense. And I was like, I already have, I don't really need yours. And yours was significantly more expensive. Don't blind by fragrances. Also, you can't blind by samples and small ones. You have to get the big fucking, like, four ounce perfume. I'm not gonna use that. I gave it away. Anyway, I was at Ulta. The diarrhea is churning in my stomach right now, y'all. Oh my god. I was at Ulta and I was walking through and I stopped by the Ariana section, right? Cause they, her fragrances are, I also didn't realize she had so many. I had the original cloud, I still have it, but I used to work cloud to my horrible insurance job. And so now when I smell it, I think of sitting at my desk and it literally makes my stomach cramp. But the bottle's beautiful, so I'll always keep it. Then I bought REM because it's a very interesting fragrance, like notes of coconut in it, but it's not coconut in a beachy way. Like, it's a really beautiful, interesting way that they've incorporated these notes. I think I got, oh, I had the original, was it sweet like candy? Was that the one? In like 2017, one of the first fragrances she ever did with the little puff bottle. Oh my god, and bitch, it was in dillards and maces. I asked for it for Christmas and I got it, and it was the best day of my life. Because it's the cute little bottle with the puff on it, and I was, ah, way too sweet though. Like now, I'm 28 years young. My god, if I were that today, it smells like a fucking middle school locker room, just like that sickly sweet can't do it. Okay, so I'm walking through love notes. I tried love notes by Ariana, and she's got this gorgeous cherry fragrance. I tried both of those, very, very pretty. However, the love notes one, I think has a rose note in it, and I sprayed it on my skin. It smelled great on the little sampling paper, sprayed it on my skin, something in my acidic pickle body, did not interact well with love notes by Ariana Grande. I'm so sorry to report. I wanted to buy it. So about, in fact, I got the little travel size. I said, hold that for me at the front queen. They held it for me. I walked around the store with it on my skin. By the end of it, I smelled like a fucking grillo's pickle jar. I said, I do not want this. I do not want this. And that's just, you know, you always hear it matters, like the pH in your skin, whatever. That interacts with the fragrance positively or negatively. It's true. Okay, I hate to admit it, but it's true, because that smelled so good. And it would smell beautiful on someone else, but on me, we're doing pickles right now. We're doing pickled jalapenos right now. So I'm mosey on over to the Kylie section, because I was like, let me smell this. They had all the Bella Hadid stuff. They had Kylie. They had Chloe Kardashian's new fragrance, which wasn't really impressive. And I go and I sniff Kylie's stuff. Y'all. What I'm about to say might shock the masses. Both of them, I forget what they're called. Cosmic one and Cosmic two. Delicious. Y'all, I bought one. Y'all, the notes are like, "Pairer?" I was genuinely blown away. Like, so I sprayed Ariana on one arm. Cosmic 2.0 about Kylie on the other. And Cosmic 1.0 on it. So I was walking around the store smelling it. I love it. Kylie Cosmic 2.0. I try to give each fragrance its own chance. Like, I try not to cast too much judgment on a fragrance, because there are so many minds that come together to create a fragrance. And so I was, I smelled it. I'm addicted. And I don't really, y'all know me. Like, I go for really androgynous, hinnoki, patchouli, cedar, like, just woodsy, earthy, usually. But sometimes, you know, you want a really pretty, like, night with girls, like that type of fragrance. And usually, I wear, I love product paradox intense. I also love, you know, killian and all that. [BLANK_AUDIO] of vanilla and teak all these that are really fun and kind of girly. I also like that one from Soldigianaro, the pink bottle. It doesn't last, obviously, because it's a body mist, but right after the shower, you spray it. It's just like girly and fun, but not too sickly sweet. It's like, it feels like a mech, okay, for where I am in my life, how I want to feel, it's a mech. And did you notice how the diarrhea went away? Did you notice how the redness drained from my face because the diarrhea passed? And that's a beautiful feeling, amen, hallelujah. The notes on Kylie 2.0, pair, lavender essence, amber accord. Hold on, I want to read them all. Okay, here we go. Top notes, pair, accord, and pink pepper essence. I think that's why I like it, it's kind of spicy. Heart notes, vanilla orchid accord, and lavender essence, base notes, amber, and sandalwood. Y'all, I love it. This doesn't even add, like, I'm not getting paid to say this. I went to Ulta and bought this shit, and I love it. Who knows, I might be over it in like three weeks, but really, really love. I also got, I finally got Space Cowboy by Urban Decay, because that shit's been sold out ever, like the last couple times, maybe a year ago that I went and tried to buy it. It's always sold out. I found it. And they have a new one called something, and it's dark, and I think that alone all over the lid, stunning. So I got Space Cowboy. Wow, I'm excited to use it. Wow, wow, wow, wow, I'm excited to use it. Okay, here are a few more things I'm obsessed with this week. A breakfast scramble. Here's what I do for mine. Scramble eggs. Pre-cooked turkey sausage. I just cut it up, put it in there. Green onions. I do garlic salt, pepper, and then some chalula hot sauce. Do all that. Just scramble it, whatever. Plop it on the plate. Delicious. Y'all, delicious. I love it. Another one is. Oh my God! I am so happy to report to everyone if they don't already know. Bath and Body Works did their first fall drop of the year. I went and went fucking pork and beans. And their candles are cheap. I don't know why they're cheap. They just did Christmas and July or some bullshit like that. I don't know. I'm not a. I don't do the coupons and all that winter candy apple. I don't do it. But I love their pumpkin candles. I love that shit. I went and I got probably about six three-wit candles. And it was like $100. And I also got some hands up. And my favorite ever, my favorite ever sent from Bath and Body Works. It's called Sunrise Woods. I don't know what the fucking notes are. I don't know what it is. It is so lovely. It's another like you get right out of the shower and you light a candle and it's just like, I love being a girl. It's like that. Okay. Sunrise Woods. And it's like always tucked in the back. These bitches discard it. They push it to the side. No more. No longer. I love Sunrise Woods. Every time I see a candle, I get three of them. Because I'm like, I know you bitches are going to put a, you're going to do away with this and it's going to piss me off. Love Sunrise Woods. I got some of the wall flowers of it because wow, wow. And you know what else that I do to make my house smell good? Bath and Body Works. Sometimes I'm over it, right? They're like so pungent. I get it's glade brand. It's called fall, fall night long. And I put him in the little plugins and it's I just, that's all over my house. And it's just the homiest, lovely smell. You can get it Walmart, you can get target, whatever. That's again, not sponsored. This is what I like. This is what I like. That's usually what my house smells like. But man, when I saw the head Sunrise Woods, I booked it. I was so excited. And then, last but not least, two more things. I'm really into leopard print right now. I really want a leopard print bag and I want a leopard print dress. That's kind of what I'm, it's on my spirit, it's on my heart. So I'm currently in the market for that. And then K1, dude, I love K1. Five more by K1 is my favorite song right now. No Cinderella, another favorite. The album's fantastic. Such a bomb in this hole. Watch me crank, watch me roll. Watch me crank. That's such a boy. That's super bad. That all. All right, guys. I think that'll do it for me this week. I love you guys. Suicide match. Thanks for listening. And as always, if you need merch, if you need a moumou or slippers, please just go to broskey.shop. Stop harassing me. Just go to broskey.shop and buy it. Fuck. We also, I don't know if you guys know this. If you guys are long time new time listeners, I've got a show called Royal Court where I interview celebrities. Most recently, David Cornsweat, Fortune Feemister. All right. Yes, we interviewed Aaron Taylor Johnson. Go give that a watch. What else do we got for you? I've got links in the description as always for charities and organizations that I believe in. And I will see you guys next week. Oh, by the way, this week, this is on film in this Monday. This comes out tomorrow. Y'all please send me good vibes and good luck. I will be at the fucking hospital once again, because not to go too much into detail, but three, three months ago, when I had that whatever, the gallbladder saga continues. I had a gallstone stuck in my bile duct. They had to do an ERCP, which is they go down your throw, whatever. They had to remove the gallstone in doing that. It was so fucking big that they found out my gall, my bile duct is pinched at the end. So they had to cut it open, put a stint in it, remove the gallstone. And they hit my pancreas and it up being a whole thing. But this time, they're just removing the stint. It's a relatively simple procedure. It's an outpatient procedure, but I am having that done tomorrow. So wish me luck. And hopefully I'll be right back here next week. I'm actually going to pre-film two episodes. So sorry to ruin the magic. But yeah, that's where I'll be tomorrow. My mother will be taking care of me. So amen, God bless. All right, I love y'all. And I'll see you next week. Be good. Bye.