This Old House w/ Chris Distefano!

Gang that back on the block tour, just keeps rolling on. Grab your tickets, grab the squad. Come on out. See the boys. Yeah. This may, we got Los Angeles. Then we're doing the comedy seller in New York City, LA, YG and Friendshow. Portland main. Those tickets are going fast. We got two shows in Pittsburgh, then Cleveland, Ohio, Atlantic City, New Jersey. This summer, the boys are going down the shore and then comedy works and then forget those tickets. Come to a live show. We love you. Love you. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U garbage. Yeah. That little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that have to give it to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of track. I'm your host, Hey, Trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tody's in a new edition. She's upstairs with her TRT and peptides. She getting jacked. She got chest hair coming in. Get that V coming back. Beat me in arm wrestling yesterday. My coach is coming away from right next to me. He is the CEO of R U garbage. He is an international business man and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Hey, what's up gang, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, be sure you're right. You subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there and Spotify too. And a boy's are climbing the charts, charts, charts, do it. Top of the pops next week, maybe. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patrion.com/jr. You garbage, you go over there, you get all that bonus content. That's right, Kepy. We couldn't be more excited to have her incredibly. And I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today. A family member here in Antotys. Sure. Just a kid from the other side of town. Give it up for Chris Dastephano everybody. What's up everybody? The one the only. How you doing my friends? Crazy. Look at this. Coming in. Everybody's shooting up. You guys are on Muncharo. I'm on the red or true tide. Everybody's got needles. It's like fuck. You're like fucking Balka Labs. Dude, I'm what I'm going to start to do. What are you on Kepp 11? You on Kepp 11? Yeah, I'm on BPC 1570 B500. I'm on Matsi. I'm on Selank. I'm on Red or True Tide. A little DIC. Yeah, it's what it is. You like that guy that sold Mickey Rourke, all the steroids in the wrestler? That's what I'm trying to look like. Mickey Rourke. I want to look like somebody's Jacked Ant. He won the Academy Award for that movie. He did. It's supposed to be Nicholas Cage, he said. I haven't seen you in a while, Hank. And I was when you were a little man. You were ripping a heater out there. And I said, well, you look great. What you do. And then you turn to the side. I said, grow on the hair out. Yeah. It was a grow on the hair. Yeah. It was a real, it was a real like Aunt Diane respond. Can we do a thing? Can we set a goal where you get down to 150 down 150 pounds down 150? No, yeah, yeah. I know. Thanks. You fill it up. No, 150 down, 150 off the starting weight. Uh-huh. We cut the hair. Okay. What do we think of that? I pay for I'm talking about you know, take me to a nice joint. I'm getting all what I'm going to do. I got a great bar, but they're going to come here. Okay, guy. Clip you up. Okay, Edward Scissorhands. I like that. He and he comes and clips you up when we get to the number 150 down. I like that right now. I'm at 85. So we got what? So we got 70 something to go 65 more to go. Yeah. And then we cut the hair. What do you think? I'm down. I think maybe we do it before that. Right? Well, there's just thing I grew it out for tires because they got the sure. The guy has a ponytail. And now I kind of like it. It does look good. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm kind of in a, you know, a transitional spot in my life. And you know, I'm letting the hair grow a little bit. So it feels right. You're letting it go. You're letting the hair go. You letting the weight go. Weight go. Good man. Let the pass go, baby. Let the pain go. Yeah. Let the pain go. New book by age fully. Right. More of a pamphlet. Right. And Kippy looks good too. But the big man, the big man's outshining. Yeah. Well, Kippy was really the inspiration for this. Kippy really got down there. Right. He like he like he was he was chunky chunky month. Yeah. I got big. I got real big. My fucking my head gets bigger in the right parts. It's like a gummy bears. Chris. Yeah. He likes. And you know what it was. Now you look good. You weren't storing the fat right now. You weren't stored. You're not some people are good at storing the fat. I'm not actually Hank looked okay. Fatter because he stored it. You didn't look good fat. You look good like this. I can store it because you don't have a fat. You don't have fat features. You know what I mean? I don't know. You don't and you're and your ass blows out a little bit like a pair. And your face gets real good. I'm good. You guys put a lot of thought. Do you guys have a fucking production meeting? Yeah. Yeah. We used to call you whole foods. We walked in. But now Kippy really got down and he looks great. And he did it quick. So then I started on the on the zepound and laid off the booze for a little while. Nice. It's the booze man. I can tell on it. We go on like a four or five day run out there on the road. We're doing the meat and greets. I can see it first night because I'm like, oh, I'm looking. I'm tight. Night three night four. I'm having a couple of these fantastic broad beverages. There's my head. I think I'm allergic to beer. Do I get so smooth? I'll say what are you talking man? Not garage. Yeah. I think you might be. I have I haven't had a sip of booze in about four months. No. Yeah. I've been I have if I am going to go out and party a little bit. I'll have a weed like a THC CBD Salter weed. Salter because you know what it was me and my lady. We were just like it wasn't any of like it wasn't this thing about like you know this come to Jesus moment. We both were just like we don't like the way we feel. Yeah. We have little kids every single time we drink a little kids. The little kids suffer. So we were like there's just also we you know our we got a teenage you know steps on her son. He's looking at us. Teenager down 15 years old. Holy shit. We're having a couple of pops in the house drink and wine and it's like you know subconsciously then they start to see it. Yeah. So it's no judgment on people who do want to drink. It just wasn't for us. I do you know and it's a nice place. I'm 41 and I find I used to I still was suffering from peer pressure like the like at the met we went to the meds game recently with with my friends from home and they were all making fun of me not drinking and I would have caved to that last year but now it's like I just don't care. Now I finally had a place in my life where I just really don't care about what anybody else thinks of me but in a positive way doesn't mean I'm going to go out and be a scumbag to someone but I'm just not taking it. I'm just not taking in everyone's opinions anymore. I'm like what life do I want to live? What life do I want to live? What's best for me and my family and then I'll do that with also but not screw in anybody over you know what I mean but I can't tell you how many years of my life I was living somebody else's life. Whoa man oh man. I didn't even do that. I didn't even mean to do that. The gospel according to what it is baby. I got Jesus Christ in my life. Big. Are you going to church? Back to church. No you're not. Back to Jesus. Are you guys going to mass up there? Well she doesn't really want to go but I go and if I used to try to force the kids to go but now I kind of make everything you know you want to come come I'm going to put pressure but I'm going. You're going by yourself. I'm going Sundays 10 a.m. Wow. Can I ask you do you take communion then leave? I take what no so that's that's a real dirt bag church thing that I did all growing up my dad we go. You want to know what's what's bad my dad wouldn't even take it. He had like the guilt of like I've done some stuff I can't do it. I know my mother's like I would take it and then he would have the car waiting out front and I'd walk up in the car. My mother's same way she would say you know go I'm glad I'm going back to church but she was like have you want to confession because if you have a wrong confession then you can't take communion and so I spoke to a priest about that and he said that's old world thinking that's fun you could take you could take the eat Jesus' body all day but you know like a confession I'd like I've been a confession like three or four times in the last like few months. Really? It ain't work going. I like going. Do you know the act of contrition you haven't memorized? Of course oh my god I'm sorry for my sins and choosing to sin and feeling to do good I sin to get you in your church I front of me in time to help with your son to make him for all my sins and love as I should bang I'm clean. That's what it is. Get me a bag. Now let's try to act of nutrition. Hey boom. Oh why are we not preaching religion over here. No, no, no, that's what you're fucking 45 second prayer. What are you talking about? I want to be clear. I want to be clear. We're not preaching religion in any way shape or form you do what you want. Yes, do what you want. If I'm not Catholic you're going to burn in hell no. Listen, I'm just saying if you know mom Donnie's a mayor if we got a crusade's coming I'm happy I'm happy on the Christian side is what I'm saying we got nice can we got the numbers and we got Jesus I think Jesus wins in the Great War all day. He's ripped. He can take some pain. He's on a mongerro it looks like and yeah dude. I've got that V cut. He's given Jesus peptides. Jesus to get a lot of fire Jesus to peptides. Why not? But we feel good. We're back out there back in action. That's good. And yeah, living life moved again. You got yeah you moved again which seems every time we have you just moved or you're about to move or you're listed a house or you're you're checking out a house or something. Can't keep you down. Yeah, take me back. You were in a you got rid of the house and you stand now. So what we did though the whole thing to like Ridgewood. Here's what happened. You ready for this through three years of therapy we figured out what's what's caused this chain reaction. All right, here's here's what happened. So so we you're a piece of work. We bought we got the house and Staten on you guys came to right. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful house. I read it because you've like filled in the pool or made you've redid the pool. Went right away. Went crazy on the pool. Shout out with Dale. I have a new Staten Island live there. I sold it to a Palestinian family unless you say the neighborhood was not happy with it. Although it's a very nice guy and a really good person gave me all cash so I couldn't say no but as I was as I was leaving that block we got a few parting texts. What the hell are you doing? Um, so I thought we said never forget money's flying out of the bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was I cash. Yeah, dude, I I drove away with a bag of cash dresses and chic. I said, I'm done. All right, I'm ready to die. Hey, hey, do it. You got the cash ball. Yeah, I went last year. I'll go again. So, um, And I need to go again because of pillow windows. I'll tell you about it in a second. - Oh my god, yeah. - They clip me. So, you stink. - So what happened? What happened is, you know, we're sitting there. This is about 2023, you know, and I'm nervous, right? Anxiety, I'm the house. We got a move. I got, you know, Staten Island. What are we doing out here? I need to be in the city. I need to be in the action. So we sell, right? - Is this like, do you want to be in stand-up? Like, you want to be in like, what action? - That, well, here. Did you even identify it in your head? - Well, yes, here. No, the thing was I was putting, I was putting all this energy into, it must be the house that's making me feel this way. So what do we do? So we go, we have a lot of friends in Forest Hills Queens. Great area, you know, born and raised in Queens. You know, jazz like Queens a lot. So we say, you know what? We had a five bedroom house in Staten Island. Beautiful, no problems. I mean, kids loved it. - Beautiful house. - School was great, I mean, you know. So we sell the house and we move into a two bedroom apartment in Forest Hills Queens because I wanted to get with the money that we got from the house, from the Palestinian money, I wanted to get a, like a triplex apartment in Forest Hills. We're gonna have to buy it, do construction. It's gonna be a whole year process. I said, let's do it. So we're in contract for it. We're staying in this two bedroom apartment. All of a sudden, the one thing, Jasmine, first of all, is upset with me. She's like, we moved from a five-beddie house to a two bedroom apartment. What the hell are we doing? - How are you doing it? You got three kids. - Me and Jazz were sleeping on a pull-out couch in this living room. Kids were sleeping in their bedrooms. It was a crazy, crazy thing I did, right? So there's the number one thing, Jasmine hates, the only thing that's traumatic. She grew up in the hood, survived a lot, roaches, right? All of a sudden, we're about a weekend to living in this apartment, roaches on the wall. Beautiful apartment, roaches everywhere. She flips out. Chris, get me out of this apartment. You sold our beautiful house. Now I'm in a roach-infested apartment. Just a month ago, we had everything we wanted. Now, because you're a big dumb idea, we're here. - You're taking heat. - Taking heat. So then, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna look. I'm gonna get, I'm gonna rent us a house. I'm gonna figure this out. Don't worry about it. - You're not bouncing this off anybody. You're leaving the charge. - I'm just moving. - We got, that's a crazy way. - Just to talk about a quandary real estate. - Two things we didn't have in my life then, that we have now that stages for everything. One, Jesus, already talked about them too. (laughing) One, two things we didn't have. One, Jesus, two peptides. So we have those two things. Jesus and Pepis, and now we're thinking better. But, so we go to the walkthrough of the apartment that we're in contract with, that we're gonna buy. We're gonna do some demolition up of a block, go in there, guess what? Everywhere on the walls. - Roaches. - Roaches, she says, I'm not living in an apartment. I will not do it. It's the only thing. Trauma, she's like, I can deal with mice. I can deal with anything. Roaches know it's a, you know, PTSD from how she grew up. I said, oh my God. So, that falls through. But now we're in Queens, we got the kids in a new school, we got them back in Catholic school. Everything's going. - Jesus saved. - Jesus saved. So we rent this house, right? And it's like an old lady's house. I mean, it's a nice enough house. Don't get me wrong. In far ourselves. But it's an old, it's, you know, we came from, you know, we did all this renovation in Staten Island. Now we're sitting in this old lady's house. Nobody's happy. I'm not happy. The family's not happy. My kids are, you know, adjusting to it all. So then, you're packing everything up and you're moving. - We're packing, dude. I moved three times. I moved three times in three months with a full family, dude. - A full family. - A full, full, full moves, right? So then, so then we, you know, we're looking. We say, you know, the kids come to us and they're happy enough for sure, but they're like, you know, we missed the pool. We missed the yard. We had all those things. And, you know, my stepson actually came to me. He was like, you know, I won't tell my sisters. He was like, but did you lose your job? Like, do you not have money? - Are you writing anything? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You gotta turn material. - Yeah, yeah. - Are you doing clips? - Do it. - Yeah, so he's like, are you on the algorithm? So he was like, you know, dude, you can't, - Who's doing your thumbnail? - Yeah, exactly. He's like, he got to get on with Mr. Beast. - And you're tanking here. - Yeah. - That's awesome. - My mom's doing it with that one. - So then we find-- - Do you know Druskey? - Yeah. - What are you doing? - So then we find-- - That's awesome. - So we keep looking for help. - Yeah, I mean, well, he's acting like it. - Yeah. - They're flip flying. That's what happened when my dude with money was bad at my house. We were moving a lot in the middle of the night. And finally, it gets to jazz sits down and me. She's like, look, we have to move again. We have to fix this. She was like, so let's start looking. You know, we've moved the kids twice already. We're gonna have to move them, you know, we don't have to. She was like, but I think let's do-- - This isn't super sustainable. - Right, you're right. - She's like, you know, we're renting-- - How long term-- - And then the lady, who's home, we were renting-- - You're a lady? - The old lady, you know, turned around and said, listen, I'm gonna put this thing up-- - She was there with you. - She's just-- - I know. - She's gonna put it up, she says I'm gonna put it up for sale. - That's pretty good though, no? - When my mother passes away, she says I'm gonna put it up for sale. - Right, the old lady has her mother? - Old lady has, yeah, this is crazy. The old lady's mother was like in her late 90s and the old lady we were getting from was like in her 70s. - She's had him young back then. That's just the way it was. - She did it. - And here's the thing, here's crazy things about just, I think Latina women are very connected to, I think, another realm. That you know, they always know what you're texting. They always know what you're doing, they know what you're doing. - She calls by where, guys. - So she, the old lady's mother was dying, right? We're in this house, renting this house for about a year. All of a sudden, middle of the night. Jazz wakes up, four o'clock in the morning. She's up, just sitting up. And then I turn over, I wake up, I'm like, what's up, you all right? And she's like, I think, I think the mother's dead. - That happened. - And I said-- - Maybe that happened. - And I said, what do you mean? - That happened. - I said, what do you mean? She was like, I was like, you'd get a call. And she said, she said, no, no, I can feel that she's dead. He goes, she was like, I can't see her, but I can feel her. She's here. She's passed away and she wants us out of this house. I, she was like, I'm telling you, Chris, I'm telling you, you gotta believe me. She's being serious. She's not that, she ate the type. Jazz, do that. She's a real deal, you know, girl. She's not about that shit. So I say, Jazz, just really. I would have left everyone there, including the children. - You're on your own. - I say, anytime, Jazz, it's feeling like that. I said, Jazz, maybe a pregnant, this happens. Don't worry about it, you know. - And she goes-- - I'll take you to the store. - I'll take you to the store. - That's what they have in the fungal. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll get it. So that's about, like I said, 4am, about 11.30 AM. Let's call it high noon. High noon, she gets a call from our landlord. Oh, lady, she goes, hey, my mother died in the middle of the night last night. You know, obviously, she was like, you know, we have some things to talk about. I'm not ready yet. I'm on my way back. She was living down in Florida. One way back up to New York to take care of this. And then Jazz says, she was like, oh my God. She's like, I'm so sorry. She goes, what time did it happen? She said, like, 4, 4, or 5am, the nursing home told us. Right, whatever it was-- - So many times I've heard a year from the nursing home to the house. - 100% like that. And even with sitting in traffic on the van, we can all that. She got there. So then Jazz says to me, she goes, we gotta go. We have to leave this home. She was not only because they're selling it, what, you know, I wasn't gonna buy, to buy a house like that in Queens, and then have to renovate it the way one. I didn't have-- I don't got that kind of cash. - What is she-- - I don't got the RU garbage. - Wait, what did she say? What did she say to the lady told her? - You know what's very trashy in this whole story? That woman finds out her mother dies. And she's like, I'm on my way to New York to list this fucking house. I get this. - Hey, let's call the tenant back. Your bags? 'Cause there's a for sale sign going up. - You gotta catch your jerks. Let's keep it moving. - This is what my mother woulda wanted. - It's just, this is a triplex, it's about the move. - So, and they got, I saw the deal. They got a nice price on that. I wasn't willing to pay that whoever paid that was not willing to put that number up. - Really? - Gang let's talk about or frames. Or, or, or, or. - You know them? - You love them. - We talk about them all the time. - For years. - Because we love them. If you want a smash, grand slam, home run, slam dunk, touchdown, whatever they do and highlight or cricket, which I can't figure that out. Do yourself a favor, Mother's Day's coming up. Get them all, or a frames your wife. You think I kids? Your mom, your aunts, your grandmother. - That neighbor. - Everybody. And dude, when Father's Day comes around, hit him with the same thing. Just get a bunch of 'em and give 'em out. - Yeah, you'll be like Frank Lucas handing out turkeys. - They're gonna love you. - It's the best. - It takes all the thinking out of it. It's dude, it's literally my, I'm, this is my wife's first Mother's Day. Guess what she's getting. Or a frame. Already preloaded with pictures. - That's what I got. - With pictures of me and a baby. Oh, look at this, look at this. Flash the full frontal by me. Back to pictures of us as a family. - That's what I got. - Sneak 'em in there. - Sure. - It's got free unlimited storage. You had photos and videos as you want. You can preload photos like I said before. It ships, personalize your gift. Add a message there before it arrives. The gift box is included. Make sure your photos and videos effortlessly. All you have to do is download the app. Anybody can do it. And boom, send 'em straight to the frame. So if you get it for your mom, who might live two, three hours away, you can keep 'em in touch that way or not. You got a band set of in-laws, give it to them. Say, you don't need to come see the baby. You're seeing the baby every day. Stay out of my head. - Tell 'em about the Carver Matt or no. Go for it. - You didn't tell 'em about the Carver Matt? - I'm not there yet, buddy. You're jumping the gun. - Exclusive 25 hours off Carver Matt. - Yes, I'll take over from here 'cause you botched that. It's named number one by wire cutter. You can save on the gifts mom loves by giving orframes.com for a limited time. Listen to get $25 off their best selling Carver Matt frame. Whits the code garbage at oraframes.com, a-u-r-a, frames.com, promo code garbage. Support the channel by mentioning a boys at checkout. Terms that can dish, apply. - Do it. - Yeah. - Kip, let's talk about ultra. - Ultra, ultra, ultra. - Let me ask you this out there. How many times you've woken up in the middle of you need a nicotine pouch or a cup of coffee just to feel like a human? How many pouches? How many cups of coffee and energy drinks? Did you need per day to stop yourself from crashing? - Red line it. - Or even feel like you were nicotine withdrawal? Did these things cause anxiety or did they make you feel an egg? - Brotter. - Did you catch your heart racing? I didn't know where. Do you sleep even worse? Are you worried about Vastro constriction? - Of course you are. - Of course you are. Do you suffer the favor of getting ultra? - Yes. First off, the pouches are completely nicotine free and caffeine free and you're probably thinking if they don't have nicotine or caffeine and what the heck is exactly in them. Great question out there. - Thank you even that. - Ultra partner with the leading neuroscientists to design these pouches. They're clinically proven neutropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate focus and smooth energy that lasts one to two hours. More specifically, use Affinity Px, a cleaner, smoother energy boost than caffeine. El Thienine, an amino acid promoting calm energy and attentiveness. Alpha GPC, my favorite obviously, a neutropic for an enhanced mental process. I got a mental processor here. I need to enhance it. - Let's go. - Let's go and add the Alpha GPC. It's got vitamin B6, B12. Struly clean, powered pouches that design to sharpen your mind and lift your energy all day without caffeine or to crash. - I have Thienine, I heard it's good. Yes, baby. One of my favorite flavors, the watermelon. I love a watermelon and anything, but these pouches got a nice little watermelon tank to it. - I'm a cool mint man, myself. - Yeah, I'm winter green tropical. I got five different flavors. They're insanely good. You can choose from it. All right now, Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch. It's delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. And customers can use the code garbage. You get 15% off at takeultra.com. That's takeultra.com for 15% off code garbage. Affinity Px is gonna ask you how you heard about them. Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em, the boys say. What are you doing? - Love you. - Love you. - But so we say we gotta move. So then we find, we're looking, we're looking, we're looking, we're looking and we find the home that we currently live in now. Find it about 45 minutes away, went up North. We were gonna go to Long Island, still we went up North to a little place called a Westchester. - Hello, yep. - Or a guy like you. - Not bad. You know who runs that town up there? Paul Verzi. - And Yani Papi. - And Yani Papi. So I live, I don't live close to them 'cause Westchester's a big place, but I live in Westchester, maybe. (laughing) And so, and so I, I live-- - He's in Yankers. (laughing) - He's in Riverdale. - I said Westchester. Yes, Yankers counts. I live right by the Yankers barge. So, but now what I'm in, now I'm finally in, you know, the home. - What's a nice piece of property from the Instagram stories I've seen? - And ain't bad, we got Josephine. - Our dog Josephine is a Siberian husky. Who doesn't listen? - It's all the way in the bathroom. - Yeah. - From what I've seen, it only sits in the, at the property line. - Yeah. - Stairs at all. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We tried to do the electric fence. The shot collar doesn't work, so just whatever. She just-- - It's a wolf. - She is who she is. It's actually amazing sometimes in the mornings to look out in the yard, 'cause we'll let her out in the morning. And she's kind of, you don't see her. And then all of a sudden, you just see something stalking through the bushes. - My favorite thing. - And it's a wolf, and it's our dog. If you have it, 'cause my dog is 75% husky, 25% German Shepherd. So the vet told us what you got is actually perfect because you got a husky, they're typically not known as guard dogs, and really not family dogs. Like if it was pure bread husky, I mean, they're beautiful, but it's a lot, but we, because we got this 25% German Shepherd, she does guard, and she is social with the family, but she guards. You walk up my front steps, she doesn't even bark, she just stands on her hind legs and just looks at you. Just waits. - I'm not gonna say her answer. - Wait, waits for you to do something stupid. You just drop the packages off there, and you back away. But if you take one step in on authorizing, we don't give you a hug or say hello, she's ready to go. - So, but now we're in a position. - Where I did this actually on purpose. I said, I can't do this to my family again. I can't do this to my kids again. So what is the only way, the only way, a little bit, I took a page from the Odyssey, where, you know, where a whole bar with the sirens, you know, the story of the sirens. - Of course, strap yourself to the mass. - So I strap myself to the mortgage and the taxes. - 95-year mortgage. - I strap myself, I said, we're doing this one. The taxes are ungodly. The mortgage is too much for us to handle, but the only way we won't move is I'm gonna figure out a way to keep it going here. I'm gonna pull my stress up to 1,000, and we're just gonna make this place work. And my family came to me, this was just what's today? Wednesday, Thursday, this was Monday. Monday or Tuesday. - The residency at New York Comedy Club starting to make a lot of sense now. - I saw that. - What it is. - Hey, I'm doing a six, a four or two. - So what's going on? - Get it popping, baby. So, so they came to me. - Still 40 shows of bananas? - Yeah. My daughters came to me and my stepson said, we love it here. And my daughter, my tenured said, dad, just promise me we're not gonna move. I said, honey, we got minimum 10 years here. I said, because even if I can't make the payments, I'm gonna have the government. The government's gonna have to come and physically remove us. I'm gonna pull one of those jobs where the US marshals will have to come and get me off that land. - Got me off that land. - I'm not, I'll go into bankruptcy. I'll go into foreclosure. I won't move. I will squat on myself before I sell that house. - Okay. - So that brings us to renovations. - That brings us to Bank of America, knocking on the door. - So I want to shout out, Pella, great window company, they allow me to find it. - That's expensive. - They allow me to do 0% APR over four years. With that being said, I would, I love this show. I'd love for you to support me at Christiecomedy.com. Buy some tickets to my shows because make absolutely no mistake. My monthly, my monthly debt, which was already too high. Just went up about two grand more a month. - I mean, you're fucking. - Why'd you have to get new window? What was the house? - The new house? - The house is an 1899 tutor. So the issue with the house is. - What does that mean? - 1899, the house was built in 1899. - That's insane. - You got fucking your wife picking up ghosts from a house in Ridgewood. Then you moving on the Jesus Christ. - Yeah. - It's got to turn a dial down. - 1899 tutor. So the 1899 house. - The problem is the window guy told me, when he came, I'm doing the smart thing now. I'm getting three, four quotes, right? I got guys DM in me saying, I got a window guy, if I could hook you up. But we chose Pella, and even the Pella guy told me, goes, you know, every owner of this previous owner of this house was kicking the window thing down the, kicking the can. - What do you have in there now? - Now it hit you. I have the original windows from 1899. - Old wooden windows? - Yes, with the, with the chain. - That's how the ghosts are getting in. - These Pella are gonna keep the spirits out. - Keep the spirits out. And then the insulation, the problem is, I got almost no insulation. So when I tell you my oil bills, when I tell you my oil. - Got oil? Do you have a truck come up and dump oil in? - Yep. Holy shit. - This is what I, this is all about. - What do you pop? Cratch it. - It looks like you've moved to colonial willial for you. - What the fuck? - My oil bills are out of control because the heat has the mutton up there. Good. - This is the second, the second you turn off my heat. - The pop is are coming, the pop is are coming. - Yeah. - So I got oil, I got, I got propane. I'm living off the fucking grid, boys. - Can I take this down? - Excuse me. - It's a very cozy feeling in the winter when it's very cold, when the oil truck shows up, and you smell that oil, and he's loading it into the thing. - It's nice. - Yeah, if you're working at a sonoco. - Yeah. - What are you talking about? - We got fireplaces too, so we throw those bad boys on. - I got the nice fireplace insert, so that'll heat up a couple of rooms, but I'm in over my head. - What's the kitchen look like? You have to redo the whole thing. - We've got to redo the kitchen. - So what happens is we already, we already stretched to the max, and then the wife's in there for about three months, she goes, you know, some things gotta go in this house. - Listen, dates are something quick. - Yeah, here's our plug here. Christycomedy.com every Thursday, New York Comedy Club. Get your tickeys, shows it's selling out, then we got Stanford Comedy Club, anything with millions of phone owns, Atlantic City Comedy Club. He gives me the best door deals, then we got more stuff coming. I'm texting my agent, Mike Berkowitz. He has a text me back. He's got one more day to fucking respond, or I'm fired, I'm going to CAA. I need to make money, you talk to my family then, and tell him, you tell him that why we have to move again. - I need the dates. - Casinos, guaranteed money. (laughing) We'll be in Atlantic City, too. - That ain't the hard rock. - Oh, let the hard rock. - Check that out. - July. - Christy. - Nine. - Nice guarantee up there. - What were the windows total? Can you say, can you give us a number? - How many windows, you don't have to, how many windows? - 53. - I swear to God. - What the fuck? - What is it, a cruise ship? - I got a, I got a, 53, I got a, 53. - I got a, 53. - They're getting built houses in 1899 with 53 windows. - I got a 53 window, Scotty, was he? (laughing) - 0% APR for four years. We're gonna lay it out nice and long. Now, break it up into installments. - Do you have the intention? I've had to finance some stuff for the house, obviously. Do you have any intention of like, well, when I come across a lump sum, am I, are you gonna chip, are you just always gonna make the lump? Are you planning on clearing that debt off the table at any point? - The plan is, right now, so again, I think everybody needs a frisbee in your life when we call Jewish person with the yummy. Everybody needs a frisbee in their life. My frisbee is a great guy, my financial guy, and he told me, if you, you know, what, what, what, well, they can't be happy about this. - 53 windows. - Well, I asked him, here's, here's my new system, how I made all these mistakes, you know, a few years ago, or I was just letting stuff fly. I don't do anything now, the frisbees, they tell me, yes, or no, and I tell them, if it's a no, it's a no, you gotta tell them. Tell me they greenlit the windows because they said zero percent is good. They like free money. They said if you're again free money, anybody likes free money, not just the right, but they said do not. He, he, his advice to me is if you come into some lumps of money, career kicks up, don't pay it because it's free not. It's free money. He said we'll keep it in an account invested. We'll keep making your five, six percent. Right. We'll make it. And he said in there, well, we'll just pay it off an installment. So he told me we can do the kitchen. We can do the windows. We can do those things because we had a nice little chunk of change from Saudi Arabia last year. So man, you're getting it from every country to fucking Middle East. I can play both things against the middle of what it is. He will sell all rockets, too. Yeah, it was so we had so, so we had to do that. So that, you know, uh, uh, the ayatollah is paying for my windows and kitchen. You're insane. I'm insane, but you know what it is. We got to do. It's Chrissy Kass, which I also brought back. I saw that. I saw that. I said, I think something's off. We got Chrissy Kass back. We got, you know, of course history. Hyena's coming at you every Thursday, having fun with me and Yani P. And yeah, check me out on the road. Uh, who knows what I else might be doing. I might be getting back into physical therapy, kids. He's also available for birthday party. Uh, available for birthday parties. I got an only fans. So when is the, when does the Pella Windows tours kick off the Pella Windows tour? Well, the first date we got coming at you is June 26th, 27th, uh, down in there and, uh, Stanford, Connecticut. But then we're going to be adding some stuff. Nice. Um, we had a sitcom in development with ABC, but that, you know, that, that got shot, uh, that, you know, done got to pilot money, though. No, we got the pilot money, not much, but another thing, you know, you got to face the music here, kids. Lights. It's about. That's crazy. They're all that. You got to face the music here. You got to face the music here, kids. Life now is about the internet. It's about doing shows from my brother's here. It's about what we can create. It's about, you know, there's nothing, nothing to get anymore. Nobody's going to give you anything. Calvary's not coming. So you got to create your own stuff. If I couldn't get a shit, uh, a sitcom on the air at ABC with Jimmy Kimmel, it's like having a show with fucking Mickey Mouse. And I, they wouldn't put it on ABC Disney. So the truth is is the entered the, the TV and film side of business for whatever reason. They've always said no, but the lovely YouTube podcast audience and stand up. And the people have always said, yes, so I thank you. I love you. So because of you, you know, I'm able to sustain myself here, but app make absolutely no mistake. Things are getting a little dark, uh, you know, um, this winter. And, um, but we're fixing things up. Bella's going to bring some more lighting. That's it. Now, okay, I don't know what to tell a wood or is it like a compound? We're going, we're going, we're, we, that's high in in my house. I was told that it has to be traditional woodclad windows because the mistake you can make is in an 1899 home, you put in the wrong windows. You're actually devalued. You're not wrong. You got to put in the right window. So it's a big, the big wooden windows. And I was told by again, my frisbee, he told me, look, this hurts right now. And it's going to hurt and we got willing. Your career, you know, kicks up in notch. We'll see what you know, get me on kiltony, something like that. But, but he said, you know, God willing, you get to the next phase here. He said, but, but, but you're choosing a little bit more of an expensive window, which I know is tough to take, but he said, but for the resale value, we're thinking about, could we get out of this if we needed to? If you have better windows, you're going to get, you're going to get a buyer much quicker. He said, so think of it as insurance and, and helping with your installation. If you, if you pick the cheap windows, if you the crystal window factory off the side of the fucking L.I. in Queens, then you're going to have a big problem. So the promise to your daughter, may or may not be lasting. No, no, no, no, I told her I, no, it's really more for just insurance, just to know in the back of my mind, if shit ever really, really, really hit the fan. Well, we could just sell this. I also tell my kids, I'm so we're going to stay in that house, but I also would never do this again. I would never move my kids school again. If any parents out there listening and you're on the take it for me and you're thinking, ah, should I move my kids school? If the kids tell you they like to school, don't move the school. I made a huge mistake by moving the school. It's the, I only have one regret in my life. And that is what I did to my kids moving their schools. I regret it. I'm trying to make up for it. I'm, I'm in there. The little one I think will be okay because she's going to go to the same schools. My middle daughter's okay, but my stepson, he moved schools too much. So I'm really, you know, the little one's on a baby. She's in school. She's for the little one. Yeah, she's in pre-K. Wow. Yeah. She's a pre-K. She didn't even remember that. She's not can remember, but the, but the middle one and my older one did a little bit of a number on them. We've learned now. They're okay. They're, they're adjusting nice. We work really hard with them. But, uh, but yeah, don't move your kids schools. Wow. Get pillow windows. They offer the, the, I think they're the best of the, you know, and Renewal by Anderson. I would have, Bella's, Bella's, Bella's, I was in a window, but it's for a while. We got, we got quotes from Bella Renewal by Anderson, Marvin. Marvin. Marvin. All very nice. Bella, Bella came in. Well, when you go, I believe when you go, I mean, yeah, what's the problem? Well, because Marvin was telling me Marvin was trying to, they all, they all fucking, they were probably trying to say the composite. Do it. Marvin's trying to tell me the composite that coming out. It's good. It's better. It's just like wood, but they were telling me they were telling me that, that, that, that, oh, the wood that Helen makes. It's bullshit from Canada. You, you know, you're worried about wood. The wood that I have from my house in 1899 was real American wood. Yeah. Do you know who's from up there? Who's coming to sell you the windows? A guy like me who's going, what, I, I, they go probably on Zepham. Right. Yeah. Seriously, he, the kid looks good. He's, he's actually a fan. He's a fan of all the pods. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I looped. He fucking pulled this. No, no, I'm just saying he can't. He loves all the pods. No, no, no, no, no, he came into my house and told me he was like, Oh, you are a Chrissy D goes. I was like, yeah, he was like, um, he was like, I love podcasts. He was like, I mean, mentioned all the pods that were all of us. He probably did that his research to sell you. Yeah. Yeah. But do you think the wood cloud window I don't need? No, it's good. No, I think it's a good choice. It is a good choice. Black on the inside, black on the outside. I mean, I have to see the house and that's a personal choice. But the window itself is you're, you're, you got a very high end window. Don't ask him. He's a little lemon. I got mold. Yeah. But you can't look according to my, according to my Frisbee, you can't, if you go with a high end window, you're not, you're not going to lose on that. It's better. It's a lady zero percent. And people will like it. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Okay. So if someone's in the market for that house, they're going to go, they did this the right way. Unless you get a guy like you doesn't know what the fuck he's looking at. Right. Right. But a guy who's going in is like, I wanted a fucking 1888 fixer up or whatever. Right. They already got the, he did that windows. The right one, as best he could go and high end quality. He's on that oil too. I'm sure you got double triple pain. Maybe. No, I'm really, I want, I want to shout out, I want to shout out the new oil company I got coming out next week. Because I was with Robinson. But now I want to shout out Plutnik oil. They're going to come in next week. You know what this guy tells me? He goes, I'm, I got two oil tankers down in the basement. He said, let me, let me take a look. He's coming Wednesday at high noon. He says, uh, all you know, I like high noon. He told 11. You know what? It's making it. He told me, you know what? Somebody's machine sound there. He goes, I've done, done a couple of, uh, uh, uh, jobs. Not the cheapest. He goes, but we might be able to convert that from oil to propane. Heat the house on propane. This way, the oil prices right now are sky high because of the war in Iran. Sure. He said propane. Which somehow you're profiting for him. No, I'm losing out because the oil's, uh, uh, I'm, I'm losing. I'm actually on Iran side just to get the US out here. So my price go down and I'll go back on the US. One of those oil tankers is crises. Yeah. This is uncle trying to get it through. So move your bed. Move your boat. So they're going to switch it up to propane. So we'll see because the oil bills right now are astronomical. The, the, the, the, uh, well, let me ask you this, what do you, how much will you need right now? No, no, the summary probably don't need that much. So this conflict's going to blow. I have this conflict. Don't blow by September. We all got bigger. We got big problems. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're fucking oil money. Yeah. So what I mean. So yeah. But the winter, this is cold cold. This winter, you know, in the last 30 years. So I got drilled with that oil. I got pun and then I got drilled. But we got, then we got to re-insulate the house. We got to do, we got to, you know, after the windows, then we have no insulation in the walls because you know this pie in this house, you know, no, that's all I answer for him. He did not. The answer is no. How many bedrooms is it? 53, 5, 5. It's probably beautiful. It's a beautiful. I'm sure it picks 1899. 1899. Toots. That's crazy. That's I'm very happy for you. That's 120 some years. Yeah. Big time. Yeah. Yep. So that's what we do. How are the neighbors? Maybe I've been interacted. And it's supposed to be all day. All the neighbors are neighbors are great people. Interesting guy. My neighbor very diesel jacked guy in his 50s. One of these like really muscular guys walks and takes the garbage down to the front of his house with no shoes or socks on 12 months a year. Okay. Okay. I respect. I liked I respect. He's got feet and I almost to the point where I said this guy's a real man. But then his wife told my wife that he has diabetes. So he has no feeling. He has. He's just picking up any vibes in the house now. Jazz told me I asked her that. We moved in August 1st. I said, if you feel anything by August 15th, I would have made her do that. But when you walk through it, she told me it's clear. She told me it's clear. Did you sage it or anything burning you that beachwood or anything? She probably did that. I didn't I didn't I didn't do it. But I'm knowing her. She probably did it. But she told me it's clear. And she did tell me when we first moved into that to the old lady's house in Queens that she felt the presence there. But we I overwrote it. I were we're staying. But she told me there's nothing in this house. I told my the house my sister lives in now had a guy the guy who the guy died there the previous owner died there. And he would be in the house in the in the house. And he was yelling at the kids. Apparently there's a thing only the I've talked about is only the kids kids kids are more sensitive to it or something. Okay. So she had a party and the kids rough stairs playing and then the one kid came downstairs and they're like, why don't you go upstairs and play with the other other kids or whatever he goes I can't have he goes the that old man yelled at me and told me not to be in his room. - Wow. - And then she was like, what the fuck? And then it happened with another, maybe my niece or nephew or something, so they like, they had to, you know, misclio come in and fucking cleanse it or whatever. - I would have mispat come in. (laughing) - There's a, I saw you guys with mispat. I saw you guys with mispat. - She's the best. - She's the one of the funniest people ever. - I love her. - It's crazy. - It's insane how funny she is, but she came on my podcast. This is like two years ago, and I was a mess at Jasmine's father's dead, and the earn was right behind me, so I was like, oh, you wanted me Jasmine's dad, and then I brought out here. - She loved that. - And then, yeah, but, you know, she's like, and she was like, and she said, there's a clip of it, but she was like, she was like, "Jasmine, come get your man. "He down here playing with your daddy." (laughing) And my little daughter, she says that every single day of practice. She's like, "He down here playing with your daddy." - To the point where the teachers were like, you know, what is with the black cent from your child. I said, it's for the rich. - It's mispat. - Okay, I mean. - We gotta pull out there? A pool, oh, yeah, we gotta pull. - Yeah, we do. - In ground? - In ground, we need a pool. - Diving board? - No diving board, but we'd like to put it in a slide. - We'd like to put it in a slide. - How big is it? - How big is it? - How big is it again? - Big boy. You ready for this? - I seen the yard. - No, but no, no. I'm saying the pool. Again, they made, I think there's pools from like the sevens. You know what the, you know what the deep end is? 15 feet. (laughing) - This is free, this is free permits. - Yeah, this is free regulation. - Day one down. - 15 feet. - And then we go to three out of oil to heat that thing. - Oh, yeah, oh, and I'm heating that puppy on propane. (laughing) So that, if I want to heat the pool, when I got Jasmine's family coming over, when I heat that puppy, 48 hours to heat it. 15 feet, folks. - Cam, it's like about time. - Time. - As you know, baby, life comes at you. Pretty quick. - You ain't lying, big man. - Stand, start adding up. - Uh-huh. - You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self if you're gonna do a little banking. Make sure you save your money. Make sure you do it right. Watch out for bank fees, all that kind of stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had a chime. - I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where a chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard to listen. It's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you. - Overdraft fees. - Overdraft fee, monthly statement. - Yeah. - Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket, not with chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the chime card and the category of your choice like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, spot me, let you overdraft up to $200 be free. - Spot me. - I know I need that dog. Right now you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking head to chime.com/gorbage, that's chime.com/gorbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes. Do it. - Chime is a FinTech, not a bank, banking services and chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details. - Now, do the Puerto Rican, do they like a hot pool, or do they like a cold pool? - Hot. - I like it hot. - My mother will not get in, she will not get in, she will not get in unless it's heated to, you know, but the problem is, as a matter of fact, this is one, you know, what my neighbor told me, he was like, you know, what would help, honestly, is if you just filled in that 15 foot side, you would be able to heat this thing up. - A lot of minutes. - Yeah, you know, 15. - That's a rare. - That's awesome. - See that. - That's also, you get down there, it's colder down there. - Yeah. - See, 'cause I was, I was looking around a lot. After we moved in, I had that buyer's remorse that regret, you know, that's why I always sell. But, and I was looking around, you know, it got to the point when I'm watching commercials, I'm like, look at how nice that person's house is. It's brand new, they got everything. Their house, I probably paid more for my house than they did for theirs, because, but now that I've been in it for a little while, you make these, if you're really gonna stay for, you know, 10, 15 years, you make the little improvements, what you can, I'm like, everybody who comes to my house is like, they don't make wood like that anymore. My door, my, dude, my door. My door is fucking 15 feet in the air. My door, it's the biggest door you've ever seen in your life, because that's, because they didn't make it, they didn't have two by four, they didn't have, you know, a two by four back then wasn't two by four, it was, they would eyeball it. So, they said, all the wood that you're getting, it's not like a machine, kind of, it's none of that shit. - Hand laid. - Hand laid, so now I'm starting to appreciate it. - I'm starting to appreciate it. - Like, we bought this house, they can know it's 1899, you know, it has these columns, right, when you walk in, so you could strip on it if you got to sell it. - What, the columns are beautiful, and you're like, oh my God, it's like, got this colonial regal vibe, 1899, we're sitting down, drinking wine, having, you know, look at the columns, then we take our daughter to the preschool, she was like, she was like, oh yeah, you guys live, I know the house you guys live in, I said, yeah, she goes, I went to a party there once. I said, yeah, she was like, oh, those beautiful columns, I was like, yeah, you know, they're original to the house, blah, blah, blah, blah, she goes, no, they're not. I said, what? She goes, in Indian family in 1978, put those in. She goes, those are Indian columns, that's an Indian, and then you look at them now, and I'm like, oh yeah, that's an Indian person owned this house for 15 years, and their little kid went to the nursery school, and she was like, yeah, it's the Raj family put those in. - The Patels. - The Patels, I was like, oh, well, I thought they were original from 18 to 9, she was like, you're not. I was like, rip 'em out. (laughing) - Get these Indian poles out of my head. - Yeah. (laughing) - Goddamn patriots. - Yeah. - 'Cause he's on his heels, I love him. - Always on the heels. - You need to be though, you're not a comfort kind of guy, you try to be, your whole struggles, I want to be comfortable, but you're not, you need the plates spinning, you need the back pedal, you need your peptides. - Yeah, you need your gun. - But you saw the pic of me before and after, I'm starting to, I'm on the right track. - You look fantastic. - Right, I'm on the right track. - You never know. - So at least we, now, but there's time, but when I show it to the forefathers. - And you're talking to us. - You're talking to us. - Good looking kid. - I got, I'm trying to get the health back. We're trying to get the numbers down. The old cholesterol eight weeks ago was 303, total C. So we got to get that number down, but we've leaned into red, a true tide. We've leaned in to peptides, and Jesus tried to help get those numbers down and lowered the saturated fat as best we can. - Very good. - Would you be a guy at Mass that collects? Would you be one of those guys? Would you get involved like that? - 100%? - Yeah. - 100%. I haven't volunteered my time yet at the church, but I haven't been doing it in New York shows. - You gotta do those New York shows every Thursday, every Thursday through May, starting April 30th. - You have to do a material? - Yep. - And so, and so, then I gotta, but I have been volunteering my time at a soup kitchen in my very nice, dude. I never did this. I never, I never, you know, when I was little, my mom would take me to do that stuff. She's very, very religious. - She was very religious. - She would, you know, take me to do all that stuff in the church and all that, but then I just, you know, sometimes you gotta, it's just gotta, you know, - You gotta hit you again. - You gotta internally, everything, every life choice you make, every decision you make, every change you make, it's gotta be internal. You can see it on Instagram, somebody can tell you, it's gotta come from within. So from within, I said, you know what, you know what, you know what, and every choice, I think, starts a little selfishly and then you realize that, you know, you're outgoing. I said, I gotta feel better. What would make me honestly feel better? So forget about helping me. I gotta help other people. How do I help other people? I was like, oh, you do that with your comedy. Yeah, but how do I really help other people? - You're a real fucking serious, you're a real hero. - Yeah, exactly. - You do that with your comedy. - Yeah. - I know I'm out here saving lives. You have to, there is the best man. - But people say, no, somebody said that to me. I'm like, it's bullshit, but whatever, but still, you know, if you want to be healed every Thursday, you know what I'm talking about. - New material. - New material. - And so, and so I-- - How long are you doing on M-shows? - I said, I'm gonna do about, it depends. - 30. - You do 30. - No, I'll do 45. It depends, it depends. - 45. - It depends how I feel. I'm doing six and eight thirties. Well, let's get some new material. Let's, you know what I mean? - I got 15 in it. - Thanks. - My belief is, my belief is, you know, crowd work counts as new material. (laughing) - The material that you did. - The bits you haven't heard it. - Yeah, the material that you did from your 2018 special counts as new material, you can, you know, you got an eight year window. But I, I went down to the soup kitchen and that really helped helping other people, you know, feeding them, doing that helps me feel better about me. And then you start to realize, we all kind of got the same shit going on. You know, we all, nobody's really that different. - Is it a soup kitchen up there down here? - Up there. - Who's up there? - What do you mean? - Who's the poor people up there? Where's the homelessness? - They come up from the Bronx. Yeah, they come from the Bronx or Yonkers. They have the soup. - The other part of Yonkers. Not the part that I live in. - You do live in Yonkers. - No. - The soup is good, the soup is good. The soup is good, the food, but it's more than soup. - They call it soup kitchen, but they give them all types of shit. Hogi's, you know, I call them sandwiches. (laughing) - But did they make anything there? - Yeah. - Yeah, they make, they make, they make. - What are you getting about this shelter? - I don't want to know. - They kind of want to make you get a bowl of the soup. I want to know if it's worth the trip. - It's good. Everybody gets their electrolytes in. I told these guys, if they want, - They say over there, push your peptide. - I told Cracker Jack, you know what you need? - Yeah. - I told some of these guys, I said listen, if you guys didn't already have a problem with needles, I would start injecting you guys with some pepies. - He's like, they're all strong out. How do you get that V? Is that natural? Is that peptide? - Step over to the windstroll station. - Yeah. You can get windstroll at that doctor's office, I was telling you about. - You really get what I need. - Yeah. - Let me all ruin it out there. That'd be great. You'd be a great strong man lifter. You could probably put up some serious weight. - Right? - No. - You never could? - No, not really. - Interesting. I thought you could put up a nice deadlift, you know? - You could do a good bench press. - Yeah. - What'd you get, what'd you throw around? Do you remember? - I want to say 225, does that make sense? - It's two plates on each side, that's real deal shit. - Yeah, in college, maybe like a couple of times. - Right. - I'm just basing that on when they would test you every year. - So you don't throw weights around at all? No resistance training. - What? No, he got to throw it around a little bit. You throw it around a little bit? That's where the mic arch around. Yeah, I heard that's really good. Yeah, one of my neighbors left the mic arch on my for soup kitchen. No, dude, my neighbor left the mic arch on my front door and he left it late, like 10, 30 PM, but I was already passed out and I didn't know about. He just, you know, he thought it was good. He was like, oh, like a, not a goof, but he went there and he was like, oh, I'll drop, I'll drop on offer and he texted me. Is he a guy up here? Oh, one of the guys up here and then he texted me. The guy with the no shoes? Oh, no, not that guy. I was like, what is he got diabetes? No, yeah. No, my other neighbor, he texted me and he says, that's outside in your front. That's outside. This is 10, 30 PM. I wake up to that at 6 o'clock in the morning. I go out there, deer eating through that mic arch. And then there was diarrhea all over my front lawn. That folly about, yeah, we saw it. We saw it, we saw it on a ring cam. House is beautiful, by the way. Yeah. You gave the deer diarrhea? Well, we know why I saw it on the ring cam. The diarrhea, the deer had come and eaten it and eaten it all up at like two o'clock in the morning. And then 6 o'clock in the morning was one of those like kind of cold mornings. If there was frozen diarrhea all over the lawn. I know it wasn't me this time. What, okay, who's doing the trash cans? You're doing the trash cans? I'm doing the trash cans. We got Mondays, we got regular garbage. We got Wednesdays, it's cardboard, Fridays. It's recycling and garbage. We call that mix. We have the big ones. We have the big ones with the wheels and the flip. Got the big one with the wheels. I got those down at home depot. And now what we're going to do, they don't give me it. They gave you the recyclable probably. We gave me the recyclable. But we had to go get our own new trash cans because the previous owner had ones with no lid. We got ones with the lid with the strap because we got raccoons up there. And now what we do is actually jazz just this morning. She was like, oh, we need to get some kind of like receptacle, you know, 'cause the garbage cans are just out on the side of the house where they're on. So I said, I said, why don't we try to build one together? Why don't we just chat GPT it? And she goes, you want a chat GPT making a box out of wood? I said we could chat GPT it. She goes, why don't we just pay someone to do it? Yeah, you can buy it. I think you can buy that. I said, yeah, I said, let's buy it. Yeah, yeah, they're nice. But I have, I'll tell you what, I have been, I have been doing some more handy things around the house, hung up a picture the other day. That's pretty good. You just put in the anchors or just put a screw in it. Put in an anchor. Put in the anchors. What do you mean? What are your walls? Are they plastered? Uh, drywall. How would I know? (laughs) He's so big. Are they, you're the handy man? What? I think they're plant, I think I mean put an anchor in. I had to put an anchor in. When you tapped the nail in, is it all the hard concrete? I drilled one in. Could you punch through the wall you think? No, I don't think I could. Probably plaster walls though. I've been told, because we wanted to do, we wanted to do. They didn't have to fucking dive X walls in around them. Two contractors, two contractors, we had an idea for, I'm all about quotes. I'm Chrissy quotes lately. I'm all about coming in and getting these guys getting quotes. I'm quotes, quotes, quotes. Quotes are free, right? Quotes are free. I love quotes. Are you there? I'm there with the quotes. A lot of times they make jazz, or both decision makers, they don't like coming, wait, you're wasting your time, they don't like giving out free information. She hit me with a coffee. I hit him with a coffee, with a water, whatever they want. I'll even give some guys some peptides. It's up to that. Is there, is there any like, you know, a little coffee cake or something like that? Do you know what I'm saying? Jazz is big on bun cakes. There's a place up there by us, is it called everything buns? It's a big bun cake place. I think they, they big numbers on Shark Tank, but we go, we're big on buns. I'm jazz. Love big on, yeah, big on buns. She, so, so we'll go, we get quotes. We wanted to, there was one idea we had where we said maybe we can open up a wall here, make the kitchen more, because the kitchen's a little closed off. And the both contractors said, obviously we can do whatever we want. But he was like, I would just suggest you're never going to get a wall like this again. Do not touch these walls. Whoa. He was like, these walls, he said, first of all, it's a big job to get through a wall like this. So it must be place up. That's a big place. It must be real deal shit. And I got nice fucking crown moldings up there. I got crown moldings. I got crown molded. The house was built in 1899. Yeah. Yeah. How many times I got to say it? I bet. One. You have the, do you have the, do you have the chair? Do you have the chair? I think that's called the chair. Do you have like a piece of wood around the wall? Yes. Yes. So that's that's old school. Yeah, I got framing. Yeah. I got Wayne scoting. Yeah. Like that. Wayne scoting. Yeah. What are the floors? The floors we got, they kind of look like this, but they're original to the house. Got some nails popping up here in there. They're real small planks. They're small, but I got them too. Is it the square nails? The ones with the square heads. Those are scary. Yeah. But they got Jesus. Yeah. They got them. They're not going to get me though. I'll show you off there. I'll show you some videos. I'll show you some pics. You guys will come up, right? Yeah. We got the pool. We got the pool. We got everything. I'll bring the baby. Bring the baby. You can put a serious diving board. Yeah. You can probably get a high dive. 100%. Yeah. I'm thinking about it. I already got one. We have a little platform right now. It's like a little elevated because it's a little like a little kind of jacuzzi. It doesn't work, but there's a jacuzzi there. But the platform is elevated about six feet off. So the last summer, the kids were running and doing backflips off that. Yeah. That's awesome. Six feet. That's serious. Day one. One of Jasmine's uncles. It's a great TT Jerry. He got a new port cigarette clogged in the water filter. Respect. Smoking in the pool. What gene shorts on? Why doesn't the hot tub work? I don't know. We got something that something on the list to fix me. I think I think he actually told me the propane. There's there's two lines going the propane will heat the pool. But then there's also a propane for the hot tub. And that propane line is jacked up. There's something about I've never. I don't know if it's just the circles I run in aren't classy. And they're not a lot of cash. But every time I'm in a hot tub, they never work. And the water always gets sucked up like this. Never like hot tub. Yeah. And the one we had in LA was fantastic. Yeah. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. That's a rental. I'm saying the ones that like if I go to my any one I've ever had growing up. Not that I've had them, but have been in growing up or family members or anything. It's always been like, nah, don't work or there's always something shotty about it. A home hot tub. Yeah. Yeah. It's a little. It's a little messed up. But, you know, my, my neighbor told me right for this. The previous guy lived there for 20 years. I mean, I'm talking about my houses here. My neighbor's house is right there. And there's only two houses in this little piece of property. And then there's a golf course. So there's no houses around. So you're really close to your neighbor. Nice. Right. It's the guy with the. With no beer, barefoot. Not the guy with the McRib. No, McRib lives on the other side. 22 years ish. Never got invited to the pool once. I said opening day of my pool. May 19th. My daughter's birthday. You're the first invite opening day. I'm inviting the guy. That's crazy. Right. How? What a scumbag thing to do. You're not going to invite your neighbor to your pool. Yeah. You got to have the neighbors. Did the guy have kids? Yeah. Is the Indian guy to put the. No, it's another guy. Frisbee owned it before me. Yeah. Kids, everything. Some guy came up to me at one of the fairs that we had in my town. He goes, hey, you know, I know the house you live in. It's a little weird. It's a podcast. Small town. They know it. The comedian lives in the house. Is it? The comedian. Yep. He goes. He goes. I banged a girl on that couch. Oh, he goes. There's a Chinese girl that used to live there. I said, no. It's Jewish people. What was this? The UN of the house. I said, no. I said, no. I said, no. I said, no. I said, no. I said, no. I said, no. He goes, no. Ask. There was, they had Chinese girls they adopted. I banged one in the sun room. I said, okay. So I asked my neighbor. He's over there. You know, no shoes or socks on. Light and fires. Putting the garbage out. Mid-Feb. Mid-Feb. I said, kind of a few questions. People that lived here, he goes, yeah. The owner. He adopted a couple of Asian girls. And then he asked his wife. And then he goes, one of them was pretty cute. I said, yeah. I think she got banged in the sun room. He goes, that tracks. And then shut this garage door. So it's a small town. Any beefs in the small. Not beefs, but any ruffle. Yeah. There is. You're a big personality. You move in your own. I know he lives there. Everybody for this. I'm my own business. Here's two. Until he don't. Until. Well, first of all, first week cops come up. Local, you know, village police come up. Come to my house. Why? Well, they knock on the door. Well, first of all, first thing I did. I moved in there August first. August third. Okay. I went down to the farmers market. That's in my town. Got a beautiful peach pie. Dropped it off at the precinct. I wanted to let them know. Here's my name. Here's where I live. I'm a big supporter of the of the police. That's what I said. But what if this guy fucking lives in Mexico now? So what am I going to do? So. So they come to me. They say, thank you so much for the. For the pie. Nice gesture, whatever. And they said we just want to let you know some people already in this town know that you live here. The real estate agent. Squield. And. Hey, that's a fucking confidence. Yeah. That's what I said. So. So. You got it. So do your house move to Mexico? Well, the Mexico. Well, I don't know. What are you going to do? So. So. You got it. People change. Man, you run in a weird weird circle. It's crazy. But he told me the police officer, the captain and then junior guy said, look, you know, you know, some people know you live here. Just want to let you know you ever see some patrol cars around here. We got you. We got you. It's for us. We're going to put a little bit extra. Not that you need it in a town like this. Nobody really. A couple of lives. Nobody really cares. But just know. There's nothing going on. We just want to make sure you feel comfortable. Great. Love that. So then. So then. So then. You would love that. So then because. And not that I need it. Not that we need. Not that this is a big thing. But I had an authentication. What? You know what I'm not. I'm not. I'm crazy to pass the fest. I don't want problems. I want everyone to be happy. You know, I don't. I'm like, dude, live your life. Have fun. I. One of these big snow days. Right. Big snow day. You know, pretty relatively large piece of property, kicking out. So here's the thing you can't get out there with a shovel and a pack and bag of ice you got it you got salt salt right sorry shoveling bag of salt so you can't Shoveling a bag of salt so I tried to shovel it myself and you know even jazz was like I appreciate you You know doing what you can honey being a man, but this is just take you six hours. Okay, you can't we're gonna have to call in we have to call in the trips I love how like a guy can't work for six hours. Yeah. Yeah, baby. This will take you almost a full day So you know what you're right. You're right can't do it. We're moving So I call the my the landscape a great guy and I'd usually who handled it right and he said yeah, I could I could come by no problem Didn't even hit me that hard 200 cash. That's not I don't because he's coming in with that ain't no mobile That ain't just normal. You know man yours. He's coming in with the plow with the plow. You're right. Yeah, so he's coming in Yeah, so he's going in and so I say great your book then my daughter had made friends with a kid in the class right another girl Right, we know we're new to an area of course only a couple months into school That girl's father who had come to we had thrown a party at the house a month before it first We came to my house in flip flops to a Halloween party. Okay fine drank all the beer What are you gonna do my kind of guy? I gotta be honest. Yeah, so so you know talking a little bit here and they're nothing crazy You know nice enough guy really, but then his his guy calls me. He goes listen, you know Do you need your driveway shumbled? I just got laid off I could really use the work I said done, you know friendly neighbor tell my landscaper. He's cool with it my landscaper at seven other jobs He's like oh good. No problem call this guy This is 830 in the morning Landscapes supposed was gonna come at 1 p.m. You know, we need to bang this out 830 in the morning Okay, higher the other guy boom boom boom. It's got all 10 care about you know be right there 130 comes around two o'clock guys still isn't show a text. Hey man. What's going on? He goes? Oh? Couple of towns away. I had a couple of houses before you. I'll be there in an hour. Okay. It's a guy called you right two o'clock three o'clock Now it's four o'clock sun's coming down. I said hey buddy We're gonna get some ice even I know that it's gonna just things could freeze. Okay, like we are be bitch We're gonna be bad. I mean dude, even my neighbor put his shoes on that's how bad it's ever jammed up So so I said I said what's going on? He goes oh He goes sorry. I got one more than I'm on to you. Oh, I said wow, so now my blood's born now my blood's born, right? What's he charging? I cuz I told the other guy to do a 200 it goes. I'll do it 150 So I said all right. I was gonna give him 200 anyway, you know, just obviously do the right thing and so Stand up guy give you do the right thing and then so now it's five thirty six o'clock I text him no response nine o'clock at night. He goes. Yes. Sorry. He didn't get to you. Well, I'll try you tomorrow So now I'm Furious, right? So now I do go out now the my my mic arch neighbor I texted him about it going nuts. He goes that guy's a fucking asshole Because this small town they don't know each other So he goes I'll come over comes over with a stepson who's from Ukraine Right, it's got a stepson from Ukraine. This guy. It's about three degrees below zero Oh, blah. This guy's out there in a sweatshirt no gloves Just fucking shovel and move in ice with his hands doesn't feel anything just does it like a psychopath It was a summer day for him in Ukraine We shovel this whole driveway till about one thirty in the morning on a school night I got to get up and take the kids to school because jazz is not gonna drive in the snow. I don't have the snow tires so That's another that's another eight large. Yeah, yeah, so So then the next day You're fucking APC your pistol The whole time thinking I is out of your fucking mind. Yeah, come on. Come on So the next day so the next day I text this guy and I let him have it I'm like, you know, dude like I hired you. I can't like I use myself like what's the text this is text long text and he goes And he goes. Yeah, sorry. He goes. Oh, it goes. Yeah, I guess me. I guess you can't shovel your own driveway Mr. Hot shot Don't like that. Don't love that. Don't love that Don't look a friend. Dude, so then I call him then I call him flip flops zip it So then I call him I go right away on the phone You know got to get because then it's out of text he picks up on the first ring. I'll give him that he wasn't a pussy picks up It's on front street. I said dude. I don't know where that came from. I said any prop I said I've been nothing but knives to you invited you into my home. You drank all my beer and flip flops. I said I said I've been nothing but knives to you. I said I said this hot shot comment is a preconceived notion on what you think of my career might be I said I've never given you any indication or treated you with anything other than Respect and I've never put myself in a position where I think I'm better than you because of the type of career I have I said all that stuff is is in with you and it's really not my problem. It's yours I said and I think if we're going to be neighbors and our kids are going to be friends you need to do Some some looking within because you got insecurity that ain't about me buddy It's about you and then he was like he just like waited a moment He was like it's just it just pisses me off that you have a nice house It's just piss me off that you got the nice house and I'm sitting over here in an apartment with three kids in a two-bedroom And I said buddy. I swear to God. I said for him though. Dude. I swear to Christ. I'm not even I'm not even I'm not even making up the words I said because you know because in that moment you want to be compassionate But you also want to be crystal clear about boundaries. That was very good I said I respect you for saying that and noticing that I said I think you're doing I said I think your wife and kids Really look up to you and probably love you and they don't think about these things the way you think about these things I said but again as a man that ain't my problem. That's your problem I said we all got to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps I'll be at be your comedy club. Yes. Yeah, July 23rd 24 That was exactly what I said, I want to buy a pillow window and and what he said and now he said he just said I forgot what he said, but we are you know rep not best move over smooth over I think I think sometimes tough love respect. Yeah, that's you and then and better friends But but I told them I told them listen. I'm gonna be honest with you though the way that I work though The way that I have to work is you did that which you know kind of crossed me I'm not gonna I'm never gonna say yes for you to shove on my driveway. Yeah, you're an arms lane I will never say yes. So you just got to understand that he said totally okay And then there was another snowstorm about three weeks later. He was like can I shove the driveway? I said no you stick to your word. I wanted to help him out. He was like I in the money. I said guy, you know If I really needed money from my family, I'm showing up at your house 20 minutes early I'm not gonna just I said you disrespected me. I can't I just can't allow it. I just can't allow it But friends are daughters are friends things are good. But that's the only thing that I had so far Because you asked me if any problems with the names that was the only thing in the town Where the guy was a little bit like, you know, hey man, I'm not you know me I don't carry myself like I think who I am that a me I try to minimize myself I heard a lot of your therapy coming through and big time dude At the end of the day most people are making red other people are making blue you want to have a good relationship make purple Jesus Christ had that what it is Corinthians make purple baby the advent color the advent colors that is shout out, you know lent Easter what's the next big one we got coming up now now we're now going into ordinary time right now is the Catholic school We're an ordinary time chilling we're chilling ordinary time We got nothing really big brewing until you know where Easter's done. We got nothing yeah, but we know we got a few before Christmas We got all saints day We got a few bangers. All hollows Eve. Oh, yeah, yeah Devils devil shit to me. That's what it is. What time is it? I got physical. Yeah, you got a role We got it. We got to get you out of here, bub. What time is it? What do we got? It's 240? Shit I yeah, I got a PT about three blocks away Indian guy. I told you it's fucking good He lost 40 pounds on Reddit true time kept all the muscle. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go to your doctor, and I gotta get Tight I gotta get figured out the G everything. It's all about you guys are on dual agonist It's all about supposedly the triple agonist the GLP that you want the GLP one you want the Glucogon and you want the insulin sensitivity Glucogon sounds like you're making it up. I had What they where they should I like a grill. Yeah, not bad We got it. Yeah, he just keeps getting better. He's better. He's my favorite guy in the world here every Thursday You know where to find me? Chrissy day He's fucking back Alright, can be what he got for guys. We're over the road tickets on sale now. We're gonna be at the Netflix festival Yeah, the Polesco theater get those tickets everybody's having trouble moving tickets to the goddamn festival get the tickets Atlantic City Portland, Maine. We're all over the place. Get them fucking tickets gang. Chrissy. We love you so much guys. We love you guys guys We love you too. We'll see you next week