This could all be B.S.

Kick this motherfuckin' newly. What up, beautiful people? It's the church of what's happening now, new addition, whatever. New testament. I got my man, Lisa Iat, the KO of Jews, the rental Joey back for another fun-filled episode. It's Tuesday, Cinco, the mile, tada tada tada tada tada tada tada tada tada tada. Nobody gives a fuck anymore. Do you have another sound? Like you gave a fuck one year because you had a crush on a girl that worked with the ping and you were going to show up and dance to mom ball. But besides that, unless you got none right and who gives a fuck? I think it's because you don't drink. I think people who drink are like, oh fuck, I drive around and I look, they don't fucking celebrate like they used to. No, that's true. I was in LA. I don't know what it was. I mean Cinco de Mayo in LA, like we did the weed stuff for Cinco de Mayo, a lot of the spentries that comedy shows, you know, it was Cinco de F*ckin Mayo in LA where they invented Cinco de Mayo with the Mexicans right there. I don't even know, I dated Mexican for five years, do Mexicans celebrate it or is it like a white thing? It's like Corona. Right. It's a Corona holiday, you know what I'm saying? It's the day the Mexicans beat the friendship, correct? Something like that. I don't know. No idea. Fuckin' two college educated people, you see what's wrong with this country, ladies and gentlemen? As soon as we start recording, you said Cinco de Mayo with the Mexicans. You want the f*cking know that your child, what they're getting for the f*cking two G's, they're paying. They don't even know what happened on that day. Two G's. Me. I'm a next felon. I'm f*cking, I got a GED and I even know they beat up somebody, the French, something like that. Don't f*ckin' quote me on it, but they beat somebody on it. They f*ckin' quote me on it. Somebody got a f*cking beat in the Mexicans out of celebrate. So tada tada tada tada tada tada tada tada tada tada. I had surgery. Yeah. Thursday, which is very humbling. You know, you walk in there with expectations and it's completely different. A shout out to the drugs they give you at the f*ck. I think you said the doctors. A big shout out, big shout out to whatever they give you because nothing that I've ever done matches that calmness like that. I don't know if it's the Michael Jackson T. Oh, like the-- If it's with the probes and all, I don't know what they shoot you with, they, you know, listen. Well, Joey, somebody came to you and said, yeah, right before surgery, do you think I give a f*ck what they put in them is I'm going into nappy, new, new land. Well, you're not worried about like, I'm always worried about like what I'm going to say like on that stuff. That was a f*ck. They already heard it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You don't think there's that like, there's not something that I'm going to change out of it at this time. I just smiled. Because I thought about the same thing because I know the time I did it before, right before they were going to start the surgery. I said, guys, I got a pee and then I don't worry about it. We'll put a catheter in you during the surgery and I'm like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. That's my nightmare. I made pee right now and they had shot me with so many drugs that it was like a sign fell thing. It was like doing coke and then they sent the hottest nursing to get my pee. So I had a swoop around and put a peanut. I mean, it was a centimeter of a dick into this jar and like, hump it. That was pee jars and like, hump it, give it a hip so the pee wouldn't fall on top of it. That's that. You know, so I just, uh, it was not good. I can imagine and she looked at me like, we looked, we made eye contact and she had beautiful like green eyes. So I guarantee when she walked away, that went into my subconscious and I'm in the thing of it. Bring the check back. I'm worried about it. I want to like my balls. Oh my god. It always worries me. But what do you know I do? It's who you are. Right. You know, when I listen, if I wake up in the cops are in the room, then we fucked up and then we talked about a murder. I know. I've thrown off a bridge, you know, that's what you got to worry about. Holy shit. But if I wake up and there's nobody that interview me like social services or child services, whatever the fuck those companies are. They always want to ask you creepy questions when you're waking up, nobody fucking lets you wake up there. What do you feel? Let me wake up. You mind if I wake up? Look at a tree or look at a fucking, you know, anyway, it doesn't really look like this. This is video I've seen of this husband who had surgery, this black dude and his wife is sitting there and he's just waking up and he's like, you're a stupid. I had a threesome this week and like was going through and she's like, no, you didn't. He's like, yes, I did. It was great. It was one of my favorite videos, but it's like, oh my god, all this stuff. And then because I was a little bit worried about you because like the night before you said, hey, I'll text you. I'll be done at one. Don't call me. I'll text you when I'm done. And it was like four o'clock and finally Terry texted us and I was like, hey, he's okay. Like did it take longer than expected or you know, I got there with seven thirty. And they're very nice. They tried their artists. You know, no, no, they really tried to get me in there. Well, I think I started going in about eleven thirty, but they give me a protein drink that holds you. It wasn't bad. It wasn't like I was starving or anything. And then I got in there. And I think the most uncomfortable thing about the surgery was the spine blocked it. What's the hat? You have to shoot me in my spine. If you look at my back right now, I got a tramp stamp. What does it say? What does it say? Fuck Joey D is in the ass. I don't know what it says. I got a tramp stamp because of the bruising. And they just shoot a big needle to like turn it off a couple of them. And the third one felt like I was watered back. I'm taking the ball out from the center, and somebody kicked me on the back of the ball. Not the front of the nut sack. Just the back. It felt like the, you know, the back of your nut sack really never gets as good as I should. No, it's like the bottom of your lungs. Sometimes you do it. Sometimes you don't. Bro, I had it. It hadn't breathed in like maybe twenty years. I actually, my body lifted like the fucking chair, and I'm not trying to be funny. Acute. No, and my body lifts like I got satin in me. If fucking, I don't know how I got up like two inches, because I didn't put my feet on the floor. There was no way I could have, you know, jumped off the table and my little chubby hands. I died. I just want to move. But something she shot me the third time, guys. It was real. And then my legs went numb. Really? I remember scratching my calf and I couldn't feel it. How do they do this when you're awake? Why can't they just put you to sleep and shoot you with every needle and they try to do listen. The only thing they hit, at least they hit you with a 20 milligram. Obviously. Is that a good one? I don't know. Yeah. It slows down the game a little bit. And then you walk into the room and they shoot you with, you know, the nerve blocker for your legs to shoot somewhere around here. You see it right there? Yeah. That's shut off your leg. Right. And then they want to shut you down completely so they come around your back and they hit you with whatever the amount of Jesus and then they laid me back. Okay. And they positioned me in a way like it was like I was sitting and somebody launched me I was like in a little chair, it's like being in a rollercoaster with no fucking hinges. Like I was just smoking dope if I was flying through the valley and, you know, that's what I felt like for a couple minutes after that they had me seated that way where my legs were up. They could get in and they had something under my knees. So I felt like I was sitting down and then whatever they shot me with was it was like six minutes, six minutes of brilliance. What does that mean? It was like six minutes of being in fucking a state of euphoria. Really? You're happy. You know, somebody put a stick up your ass and wiggled it the right way even though you don't even like a finger in your ass, everything that could feel good about yourself, at least in your mind. That's nice. You're upside down. But the whole time I'm like, what am I going to fall asleep? I fought it as much as I could, you know, why? Because I feel I don't want to just tap out of it. Okay, they felt good, okay, yeah, okay, yeah, it felt kind of good, so then I remember just waking up and the guy talking to me and going, Joey, took four fucking hours. This was what was, you know, I was hoping he'd say, it took us an hour. We just had to make some adjustments and shit, right? But he went right into me right there, that I was like, I don't want to hear this shit. I want a ginger ale. Yes, yeah, this is just, I've always hated the thought that I'm crazy. I make mistakes in my life we all do, and I accept that. Sometimes we judge a situation, but I don't, you know what I'm saying? Like I don't enjoy it. Okay. Whatever the fuck it was going on. You hate thinking you're crazy. Yeah. Like, for years after I got divorced, it took me 20 years later, finally. I don't care who messed again. Just to see if I was crazy, if I was right the whole time, I felt something at the beginning of the divorce. it just dropped off and I was right. Everything I assume was correct. You know, I don't like feeling fucking crazy lately. No one does, yeah. I'm thinking I made a mistake. Second guessing. Second guessing for a few days, you know, so. No way, and it's, 'cause how does this relate to the surgery? I have no fucking idea. (laughing) Okay, no, I mean, you fought doing the surgery, for a while. And you didn't want to do it, you wanted to wait. Are you happy you did it? I had dates. You know, listen, I'm not. 52, we met. Or even early, 49, we met. Yeah. I could go on the road three weeks on the road and do six theaters and three weeks, you know. I do what I can. I'm like Cheryl Crow in '85, '95. (laughing) I do what I can. I'm like Cheryl Crow in '95. That's a good song. ♪ And I'll stay there playing guitar ♪ (laughing) Anyway, what were we talking about? That you couldn't do, you couldn't, yeah. You know, so. I get it. I did one of my favorite jokes years. I was about the recovery room that you'd wake up in the Philippines everywhere. That was what I was giggling about. That on the way to. That's the first time I really got like a big surgery. I like it. I was a fat ball in my neck and had to break my collar ball and shit. And I was petrified that. I went into that surgery being petrified. The funny thing about that was that I was, I'm always very honest with people. And when he, I went in there like maybe the end of November, the beginning of December, I think the schedule that was like January 26th. And the guy seemed like a great guy. You know, when I had the whole thing, yeah, I'm going to do, you know, talk to my surgical assistant and we'll be fine. And right before he's really, we'll not. And I talked to him, close the door. He was, yeah, what's up, I don't know. Listen, I made the snorkel came. I go, when do I have to stop? He goes 30 days before the surgery. We'll probably have a problem with the end of the surgery. I'm like, okay, do you know I didn't stop at all. Even the night before this surgery, I did like a gram, just to maintain me. And I walked in, he's like, all good, we stay clean up. You got it, you know what I'm saying? (laughing) So when I got that surgery, I was fucked up. Well, that's a surgery when I paid the little black dude, 50 bucks to get me out of the building. Another 50 to run me to my car and his little cart. My wife couldn't find me. I was out of my fucking mind, guys. Yeah. So you, this is what I learned about the surgery before. Years are going now. Now listen, you're coming home. You ain't gonna die. It's just a few fucking needles. They hurt for maybe a moment, you know. And I wanna work after this heals. When we opened up that new door, going out again, like I never thought I was gonna do comedy. - Right. - And I figured out a way to do it. That my family could have a piece of me. I could have a piece of me. And I could still perform. And I did it. If I wouldn't have the surgery, I would have had a canceled somewhere, like I thought about it, maybe I wouldn't have the surgery. I'll just sit out and lift it. You just being a fucking pussy. You're just prolonging a worse situation. It's just gonna go on bone on. And it wasn't even bone on bone. It was metal on metal, guys. There was no kneecap. He said when he cut the kneecap, flew right out, there was no glue on it. You have no fucking idea what I walked around with. And he was like, "I know, I believe how painful it was." Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. "Believe how fucking painful it was." Next time with something, a guy like me comes in and tells you I need a little help. Give me some fucking help. I didn't know you taught you talk to him about it. Hey, everybody's scared about giving you pain medication. - Oh, yeah. - And I got it. There's a lot of lunatics out there. But for me, I just don't want to be a fucking dog. But the first time I came, I got walking up at one o'clock in the morning by a pain, but I can't even start to tell you guys. And my wife's like, "I'll give you one pain pack." I go, "Listen, we're behind you." I need all three or four times. Just give, "What's your cough work, too?" Give me three of them a big glass. And then what if it's a cough or one every four hours? Give me three fucking pain pills. And even then, it was still on fucking fire. And it wasn't until I smoked up and put the ice on it. Just disappear. Like I was telling you guys before the podcast, when everybody was trying to legalize marijuana, "Oh, it's good for pain." And I get pissed off. I go, "These fucking hippies are doing anything to smoke weed." You know, and I tell you what, I remember years ago, I got my tooth broke, December 23rd. You can't have a worse fucking. - I know, you're fucked for the rest of the year. - Right before Christmas, nobody could see me and everybody was like, "January 8th, January 6th." Oh, we're going to a room, a mother fucker. (laughing) - And I had a fucking deal with that. - Can I get up at night? - I get up at night in pain and I smoked up. And next thing, you know, there I am two minutes later of my space, there's some people on this. - Well, I was in, 'cause you had like, before we left Ella, you've talked about it. You were taking some Xanax. And I don't know if Xanax helps with pain. I don't think it does. Like, are you worried about taking any of these pills? - You know what, I've been grown up, it's just pain pills. To me, they're just pain pills. For me to get high on them, how many addables do I, I just want you to figure this out. - Okay. - How many addables do I need to get me out? I mean, we do 'em together. This is, I think at least a thousand for you. - And they already, I dropped the $500 vampire, $500 milligram vampire. - Jesus. - And one of the extra strengths. - ABXs? - No, I'm a lot of ABXs. - Okay. - One of the extra strengths. Fucking daffees. - Okay. - And one of what everything in it, the kitchen sink, pubic is fucking all toilet paper. (laughing) And that makes me feel great. That really helps the pain. - Right. - So instead of me having to take two oxies, they're five milligrams a piece. That's candy for Joey. - Right. - My milligrams of oxy, I ain't gonna do them for me. And ten. - I mean, the other day, 20. Remember when I went to the hospital, they gave me 20 milligrams? - Okay, yeah. - I looked at the ground palace Chinese restaurant. (laughing) I was looking fucking down, flowing side kicks. I didn't know what it was. Because I forgot taking the pill. - Right. - I forgot. So I was in there, but how long was I here for? - Maybe an hour and a half. - Okay. - And I came home and watched TV as some stupid. It doesn't take me down. It does take the fire off. There's knee pain. And there's a little fire you add to it. - I'm knock on the wood. - I'll do the knee pain, or if we get the fire, I can't handle the fire. And that's an unfortunate amount of marine. I'm not a seal, I didn't ring a bell. I didn't have a GI chain. - I didn't have a chain. - If I signed up for pain, then I never signed it. I don't know how this worked. - I've never had surgery like that. I've had my wisdom teeth, I've had a birthmark removed, but that's thankfully it so far. Like, when you say burn, is there anything you can compare it to? - We don't remember that. They put a metal rod into the bone. This time I had to take the old one out and they made it deeper. So that's not even ready yet. Like that won't start giving me pain for three weeks down the road. One day I'll wake up and go, what the fuck is finally healing there? That's the final thing. Once you get through that and it becomes like anything else, the more pain medication I give it, the more pain I'm. - Right. - I have to learn how to, so I'm gonna start. I really want it. She doesn't work till Tuesday, my girl April had rooted, but she told me she would bring the RSO gummies. - Oh yeah, that's nice. - At 10 milligram nights, I'll eat the whole bag, but if she brings me 10 bags, I'll be pretty good. That'll help with the pain. And that's how you get away from that shit. You don't want to be on the fucking pain pills, it's just like Xanx. It's like three days. Like you don't want to take them that for a day. You want to do everything else you can to not take them that for a day, okay? And then now you take them, not take them that for a day. And then one day you go, you know what? I'm not going to be taking them for two days. Once your mind realizes it ain't that bad. - Yeah, I mean-- - But what am I going to do now? Prussian, it's not, I don't even know about that world. And then when I first got to surgery, one of my friends coined, which was the ad. I have no idea 'cause you could crush those. It's not those. That'll be great. You put some gasoline on it. What are you talking about? - Oh dude, I'm fucking 58 years old. And you're talking about Prussian these days. - When I first moved to L.A. I worked nights and the guys who worked days, I'd come in and they have a coffee cup full of wine. And that's what they would do. They'd take the mug and I don't know what it was. It could have been pain pills. I don't know, but they were crushing it in snort. I'm surprised you haven't done that. That seems like something right up your alley. Even before when you were doing Coke, would you snort it? - Oh yeah. - Okay. - Oh yeah, it was snorting Coke. Yeah, so make sure that I see it. I got a low-cut shirt on and I could tell she's out for the fucking poor girl here. One in Europe, one in France, one in Rome, you know what I'm saying, one in the gutter. And I don't know, I just, at this point it's not, listen, I'm very happy with the effects of, that weed we smoke, that's 68%. Is it really? Yeah, that's like gunpowder. That's like weed treated with fucking Russian gunpowder. You know? That's cool that you feel like it actually medically helps you. It actually, bro, the pain has been, tonight, by six, who's playing tonight? Anybody go, oh no, by the time the games come on, tonight, or whatever, I'll be so sizzled. Like THC sizzles, that, you know, like when you get really on an edible like you, you feel weird and shit, but I'd rather feel weird from an edible, than five or six days on these things. Yeah, and to be honest, I've never done, man, I don't want to say never. I don't know what we've taken, but I haven't like gotten really high on pain pills, but I've talked to people, and they tell me to make some feel itchy. Like it doesn't sound good. Like it's like the thing you can't shit and you're itchy. I was itchy, and then I sprawled like a mother fuck. So I got a role man to take a shower, and I had to put cream on, and I had to do a bunch of things because those things do make me fucking itchy. And thank God it's not hot yet. You may be hot, oh, that's an outskratch. I'm gonna eat you thinking about it. Oh my God, that would be my nightmare. How sleeping been? Last little first, last slap, two hours and 23 minutes. They just refused to like you. How tall are you? This was surreal, this last time. This was a very weird experience because they had me on anesthesia before five hours, maybe, and they get out of that. And I'm feeling a little tight, groggy, okay? You know, when you're tired, you just close your eyes, and ask, "Why don't we give 'em a fuck?" The turkey sandwich will be there when you wake up. (laughing) You groggy, you know, when I was young, they gave me eight o'clock meds, and then they came back, and they go, "Joey, we can't give you no more pain left tonight." Because your heart rates too low. Oh my, what are you talking about? So they gave me no sleep medication, and no pain medication. And that is a fucking surgery talk. At 3.30, I almost called when the fuck is the bus me out. I'm from blame you. And don't worry about coming up. I'll just jump out the fucking window at this point, because the window and when I land, there'll be a lot easier than when I'm feeling right now. Holy shit. I could not fucking sleep. Then they finally decided to give me some other shit that anti-inflammatory, and now let me close my eyes, and that's how long I lasted two hours. And are you, 'cause you have a recliner down, we're in your basement, but are you able to get and go to bed or where you go? I make it up to stairs. It's just 11, it's 12 steps. - Wow. - So you go up on the strong leg, and you come down on the surgery like you were, balance yourself. - I love how you count the steps. - You have to, when the people come over here. - He do, yeah. - Yeah, 'cause they're coming over here till Friday. So I have three visits with a little Filipino guy, pretty fucking cool, he worked me yesterday. - Nice. - He fucking worked, but I haven't. - And it's supposed to like, so I don't even know what happened. So you have a tendon now again, and I'm like, what broke? - They took my old neon, and it's called the knee replacement. They put all this different thing in. - You have a brand new knee. - Good thing about knee replacements and anything else in the medical field today. 'Cause a lot of people listen to this show a younger man, parents, that is still alive, and this is what they're going to. Joey, my dad just did that. Joey, my fucking grandpa, you know, he's kids of 30, 20, something like, hit me back up. Oh, my grandfather had that. It was the best thing that ever happened, Joey, you know, good for you, whatever. So your question is, they put a new knee. You know, I don't know if they make it out of rubber. - So it wasn't like the ACL MCL thing? - No, no, no, no. - It was just like the actual knee. - I think they take all that out. All I have is something in there. - Okay, okay. - I got something, I don't know. I don't want to say anything and then get it wrong and people torture you to death. 'Cause I don't know anything in medical. I let them do that. - Right. - I didn't want to go on Google before the surgery. - No, that's the worst thing you can do. - Because it fucking destroys your head. (laughing) So I talked to a couple of people that weigh a lot smarter about this. And so they put it on, but what was going on with the old one was there was a gap, guys. From the beginning, there was a gap between the metal settling into the bone. So the metal was in the bone, but it lived about a half inch away from it. And that's not good 'cause you've got a bunch of shit to happen and stuff. - Okay, damn. - Listen, there was what it was. I'm sure, listen, it takes two to tango. So it wasn't, and today I read things you have to, it's not allowed to do ever again. Like number 11 broke down a lot. - What's that? - Can't be on your knees. That's a side control. - Oh, damn. Okay. That's side control. So there goes that for sure. Can't walk on the beach, can't be, you know what? - There's a ton of, can't kick the bag with this leg. - Yeah, but that, hopefully you won't have to have surgery again. - No, I don't want to have surgery again. That's why I'm doing this a little bit more, paying more, I paid more attention to this this time. - Yeah. - You know, I'm six years old. Recuperation is a lot slower. I don't make the same minerals and the same juice that you're doing right now at 38. It's impossible. - Oh, but even at my age, like I was just, I was with a buddy in New York the other night. We haven't seen him in a couple months. And he just basically pulled the time cigarette. Like he fucking was playing basketball for himself. I don't know if you know, do you know who Stopros is? The comic? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You see, he fell off a scooter and broke his arm and now he has to delay his special. Like now, I don't think I'm gonna do anything like that again. I don't think I'm gonna get on the scooter. I don't want to fucking, I don't want to jump. I don't want to, I'm trying to maintain. I can't imagine, like Eric, would you remember the night? I don't know if you remember this. Eric Rocha opened for you in Bakersfield. Right before we left, and he called me, 'cause on the way to your house, he went over the handlebars of a scooter, scraped everything up bloody, but he was like hobbling to your house, 'cause he didn't mean to leave without him. Fucking Sam tripling went over the, so it's like all that stuff you're talking about. Yeah, I kind of find like easy things that you're not gonna get hurt at 'til I do kung fu. - You know, you don't get hurt at it. - Sitting on the couch. - You're fat ass on the couch all day. - Yeah. Tell me how that works after 40 years. You got to live your life. Listen, if I go to a fucking American mom ball. - What's the name of the American dream? - Some terrorists come and they start shooting. Yeah. Unless you got a crystal ball, or you guys have a crystal ball. You know, these guys at the jet camps don't need to start shooting outside during when they're eating cheeseburgers or a junkie. - I don't know that, I don't have a magic. But if you're standing online at the garden, one of that time that we got on that private plane, it goes down. - Yeah, yeah. - You follow me, Lee? - Yeah. - Anything we could do, we could die. - Right. - When you read about the main things you could die at when you sleep, not being hydrated at night. - It's like a catch, 22, so what is that? I don't want to get up every hour on the hour with a pee. (laughing) So I would stop drinking one of like a six o'clock. Boy, you get up to pee, you're a fucking proof. And that's not good for you either. Plus, the sleep apnea machine air is in my tongue. So a lot of times you guys are calling me and I just go, "Oh, what?" (laughing) And you guys are you meeting us in the lobby? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. (laughing) Oh, yeah. Because you can't even bend it until I put a bunch of water on it. - Right. - Then the heat from the coffee loosens it up. It's like dehydrated, it's like a defrosting. A piece of chop meat. - Oh my God. - That's what it feels like in the morning. And if I don't put water in the sleep apnea machine, I have a hole in the middle. It's like that Jesus hole in the spot. I got a Jesus hole in the middle of my fucking tongue. - Oh my God. Holy shit. Can you, like, how does it feel? You've talked about not thinking you'd make it to 63. Like it's pretty like, is it, I think about this sometimes. Like, you know who I, who did I just sinbed? He just did stand up and God bless him. But I haven't seen him in a while and you can see, you know, you can see he's getting old. - He has a stroke, right. - And it's terrible, but like, I'm almost 40. And like, I still, now I can't even imagine what I'll look like at 63. Like, can you, like, how does it, is it weird? I don't know. - One of the bits I've been really trying to work on, and they finally got a little hook into it was, you know, One of my guys is to always say, when you get used to, when white people get too cute, you know, he would say you get the end word, wake up cold. Okay. We all got a reality wake up cold. It's like when you're Puerto Rican or Cuban, I parade myself as Joey and I don't even talk Cuban and shit, you know, what are we talking about, you're waking up cold and you get your wake up cold one day when you got arrested and now you got to be Cuban, those Cubans are going to look at you and go, when you want to be Cuban, you don't want to be Cuban. Right. When you were supposed to be Cuban, now that you're going to get fucked in the ass, now you want to come and get a Libra tie, Libra tie, it's just going to work that way. Yeah. So what was the question, there's like when you were, I'll say 40, like is this what you thought it would be, like because you said we have a lot of young listeners, like what would you tell your 40 year old self, 20 year old self, I don't know, listen, I live the life of fucking impurity for 35 years, I'm not talking about impurities, life's a drug addict, talking about, you know, there was a lot of reverse stress, what reverse stress, I grew up with another father, I had a mother who died in an early age, then to add injury, I quit high school, then to add more fucking, I didn't make it to college and then I got arrested for a felony, and my mom's world, there was a waste of time, was I doing drugs the whole time, yes and no, so I can't blame them, the drugs, but those 30 years of living that way, it takes its toll now. If you're over 50 and you lift weights on a consistency level for three years, you will fix the heart damage you did early on, that's why it's never too late. To pick up a weight or a brick, or whatever the fuck you want to pick up, yeah, you got no money to go on a gym, you get two bricks, you get the curls, I think whether it's a will is a way, you know what I'm saying, so I believe in that somewhere, it turned my heart around, that little girl upstairs, that helps in keeping you a little younger, I don't have the stresses that most 60 year old, I have a complete difference in the stress. Yeah, okay, so all the things in consideration, I had to work at, so we'll get up to 60, I had to think about it for years, like I looked up, what is life after 60, right, too much fun, unless you make jagged, right, too much fun. But there's a difference, like did you see that new Shirley Staran movie, whoop, Shirley Staran has a new movie, it's fine, but she looks good, she's like 50, like there's a difference between, like, you know, you don't look like mid, like there's people who I see who are mid 60s who like are using one of those walkers all the time, nice. With the knowledge we have on our fingertip, computers, television, whatever podcast, right, there's health podcasts, right, thousands of them, you know, they see these ads, save 30,000 on me, me, medical, whatever, and I look at this honestly and I go, how many people can honestly afford this, okay, how many people can look at themselves and honestly afford this, they can't, they can't, so how can we make our lives as best as we can without living like Jennifer Lopez, right, that yeah, that's fair, okay, you know, Jennifer Lopez, she wakes up, somebody's rubbing her feet, somebody's rubbing her fucking eyeballs with the shit they get from Europe, they put people lost an eye in the building, you know, they get this shit, whatever, maybe a fucking all in line, but all be bullshit, and there's some Somali and he's going, we got him for 100 grand for stem cells or whatever, this could all be bullshit, yeah, but I think by in your mind, you thinking you're working on it up and you stop it, then there's another part of that spectrum, I'm 63, I eat addables, I'm not buying them off the streets, I get good sleep, I'm not in arguments, I'm not doing what most people, like I said to you, I get into arguing my wife once a month about stupid shit, okay, and it's not like a DM, it's not like a domestic violence argument, it's like, you know, something stupid and we giggle and that's it, that's it, that's my stress level, I don't do the stress, I don't want to do weekends, because I never want to get to the airport with you guys, it's six and only, and they tell us they cancel dark lights, they will blow my fucking heat, you don't have it all the time, I know this going in, so I'm not going to lie to myself, and this is the other thing, you don't know what your limitations are, what you can and can't do, my brother's 63, George, sometimes we talk, I'm on the phone, I'm like, George, like, right now, George going to sleep. It's crazy that like, you just had surgery in your knee, but the biggest thing you're talking about is stress, you think stress is the biggest thing? At NEA, stress is a sound killer, because it's like, thanks on your heart. Yeah, but it's so fucking crazy that you sign yourself up for stress when you become a comedian. You know what I'm saying, I mean, because of the thousand things, he wants to arm wrestle Democrats. That's good. That's good. You want to play arm wrestling as Democrats. You know, we're signing up for a life of stress, because the first 10 years of comedy, as a month, you can't pay the rent, you got to climb into the window and the landlord's fucking puts God's tape on your door. There's a thousand things to that. Yeah, but even even like without comedy, like we were driving down here today, I didn't know gas was 440, or imagine we were driving by Newark Airport, imagine you got to the airport and not that your flight was canceled, your fucking airline shut down overnight. Oh, spirit. Yeah. Oh, they're like seven. Imagine getting to the airport and you don't have a, there's no, there's nothing. That's like, it never ends. That's the one. You know why it never ends? Because we allow it. I don't know. There's no reprimand. It's accepted. Well, I'm going out of business. In other words, what you're telling me is you weren't good enough. So now you're taking your basketball and going on. We've been playing all day with the basketball, but now since you got fucking dunked on it, now all of a sudden your grandma's got an injury. And that's what spirit reminds me that they're fucking done, but at least honor these people. And I was reading something and not that 8 million were to save them, but like they'd CEO last like the old CEO made like 8 million a year, the new one made 4 million a year. And meanwhile, all these people are out of jobs. It's crazy. And it's just accepted. The things we've been talked to except nowadays is fucking ridiculous. As personal on the internet, the things we accept now is human beings. We just accept them, you know. Listen, if you, if you look at those calls, you sign up for something for two weeks or free trial. And then you just, you thought you like it, but you don't like it. And then you try to cancel on this fucking, you can't cancel it. Three hours a day. So you just go fuck it. I'll just pay the dollar for a month. Carter, Carter goes, we work hard for that down 99. And we just tell somebody for a year, I paid massage envy. Did you really deep bucks? It was driving me crazy. You understand me? Every time we saw the charge come through. Oh, every month, I would go, my wife don't see this. $90 or fucking, it was driving me fucking insane. And I'll go in there and they go, but you have so many credits credits, you can't quit now. I'm like, listen, you don't understand. I ain't got the lamp of this shit. First of all, the worst massages in the world, every massager massage envy is creepy as fuck. Like they got it in a good way. No, they just felt cosmetology school. So what am I going to do? I'll become a fucking masseuse. I'm not putting anybody down. I'm just saying that I don't know. I'm not a massage guy. Let's talk about that. I love massage. You have to be able to sit and I like certain people and I like certain massages. Once you tell me you got to get naked, you lost me. I don't even want the fucking tower around me with nothing underneath. No, we don't need all that. If I want a massage in my hands, I'll do it the privacy of my own home. In fact, I got a steam cleaning and everything. You don't have a steam. You're a steam cleaner for your asshole. Fuck you. You got to keep that area clean. Oh my god. I kept the pink soap from now. hospital hall. That's good. I only know what I know everything. So I made my loofah. I made three little asshole loofers. I got them. I got them hanging for three different days of the week, Monday, Tuesday. Oh my god. Yeah. You with all this free time on your hands is not good. You're going to do some weird. You're making asshole. You made three asshole loofers. Yeah. I'm getting ready for the surgery. How's Grand Theft Auto going? Grand Theft Auto is I played the odd night, and it's I'm getting better every time I do it. Am I great? No. I do enjoy. You drive slow as fuck. Why do you and in real life, you drive 90 in Grand Theft Auto. You're doing 25 in the right of the lane because the faster I go, I lose control. And next thing I'm spitting and falling off clips, I'm in pedestrians. That's the point. You're supposed to read. You look, you can go crazy. I love getting the sniper rifle and just picking people off. Oh, I turn into a serial killer. Spider rifle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know. Listen, I know she codes. You don't know about she codes. You've never played video games. I don't know anything about anything. Lee, you have to assume I'm a retarded child that broke out of the institution on Sunday. That doesn't explain you. One of those retires just wakes up on a Sunday and goes, I don't belong yet. Oh my god. That's fun. Grand Theft Auto. And do you play, do you play missions? Are you just going on killing people? You can go around to just fall cookers and then kill them, take your money back. Listen. I know what I think. I just drive. I'm learning. You're just living in the game. Yeah, I just love how to stop, which was great. Yeah, that's what you don't before. Just go just round into cars. I was trying to move around them. It's it's not good guys. Oh my god. It's a me. But that's listen, you were talking about this. So it's an interesting fucking topic and it very much is what I moved here. I was heartbroken. I was just heartbroken. It was just, it didn't feel right. Okay. It didn't feel right. I had a better help. She gave me all these things. But the bottom level was. I thought that I was coming back to a society. This is my fault. This is my phone. We discuss this on the old podcast in LA. A thousand times how we create these scenarios in our own heads. And we're lying to ourselves in some ways. You know, I would come back here to do comedy and I go, Nick, have you seen George? Nah, we talk every once in a while. We try to see each other. But he's all the way up there and fell on and I'm fucking running 10 and it's an hour and a half each other. And I go, I live in California. You can't see fucking George once a week and check in with him. And you too. What are you doing? Paul, this kid is your best friend growing up. Then I moved here. And I fucking fuck George. I drive it out. He ain't coming down here an hour's a lot when you get older. It's a lot when you're in the car and it isn't. My best ride of the week is when I go up north to do this podcast. If you want me to lie to you, if you guys knew I didn't like it, I wouldn't do it anymore. Right. Yeah. I enjoy it. It gets me out of this area. You know, and you breathe a little bit. I knew I couldn't handle doing stand-up full-time. I just knew it. That was not going to happen. The capabilities. And I knew I wanted to be a father. Right. So somewhere along the line and it makes this all fit. And you know what? My social life, you know, but who at 60 has a social life? Unless you're, you know, you got like a young check the flies around the world with you. You'll be fucking glue your wig up back onto your head. I mean, you know, I don't know. So they said get a dog. That's the number one thing people over 60 do. Okay. Get a dog. So you build the bond. Those dogs help you out when things get rough. You could pat them, watch, chat with you with them. You're going to have, I think you're going to try and fight people. Well, I'm trying to say to me that you're going to keep your mind occupied up to 60. That's fair. You know, riding a bit. Yeah. Is not. You know, it's not what it used to be for me. So now it's a challenge. If I could ride a bit that keeps you alive another day. All we're doing right now is trying to stay alive another fucking day. Right. That's it. And you're, because I've been around people who like mentally start to not like the depression, but like they're not all there anymore. Like they used to run. You don't even notice it until it starts to happen. But like you don't, it doesn't seem like you've, like you're not stay, I don't, you don't just stare things like it's, it like you've seen even though like physically your knee fucked up right now. But like you don't, you seem the same mentally. I don't know. I forget shit. You know, which is, it's safe take creatine. I take creatine to help me a little bit. Okay. So you don't get dementia, but I have a little shake in my lap. That's the beginnings of one of those Alzheimer's. Jesus, it's not a day. It's like, it's like if I was playing a drum. What happened? What happened? Not going on Google. They would just go, no, I'm just fucking with you guys. Listen, you get up and you pray it's like being 20, you wake up and you pray for the best of your ability. It's no fucking different than being 25 and going with them sick and tired of working the fucking bus boy. I'm bus now as a way today. You know, I'm sick and tired again sitting in this house. I'm gonna go grab with my pension and go with my Dix up. Now you're the bad guy because you're going out and trying to get your Dix up. I don't have a passport. This doesn't pertain to me. Right. But you understand what I'm trying to say to you. You die in your fucking house. Okay. So for me, I could do stand up twice a week till I die. I mean, if I go up there and I'm shaken, I'm looking like Bruce Springsteen, like, I don't have a long talk with me guys. Pull me aside and go join. This is what we really think. You look like a fucking Frankie Valley up there. Let it go, Joey. Let it go. Joey. Let it go. We love you. We're not, I know you're going to be mad at me for a month, but it's time for you to stand on the off run employment. Do what you need to do with time and what's that? Yeah. But even, let's say, let's say it's 70. Let's say you are a shake maybe once, maybe once every six weeks, you want to go out. And yeah, but it's like, would you let me go out there if I was like, oh, fuck the shaking. I wouldn't remember shit and people go, we love you, Joey. If you couldn't remember, stuff is a little bit different. I know how much fun I have and I'm doing free shows. Like if I if I was headlining sold out theaters, and I've done it at that point for what 40 years, I might want to be like, yeah, you know what? Fuck it. I want to go out there and have fun. How about this? How about maybe two years? I won't solve fears. And there's the difference between a man and a fucking mouse, who I quit comedy because I'm not selling feeders. No, I pick up a house and see job one of the casinos Philadelphia, New York casinos, we have book and gig once a week. You don't like to have me there once a week. Okay. Once a week people like an old guy, I mean, for four of us. And that sounds like fun. And that's me being alive. Yeah, that's what I would like. No hardness. Listen, I let that look fucked up. Well, my memory starts to go if my knee gets strong, you know, on our days for guys like us to retire. It's not going to happen. Those days of us disappearing and bringing our wives, getting up in the morning, all of us in this room, we're fucking hate that life. That life last great. How about this? How about I semi retire? I come home. Mom, the kids are gone. We go by the pool of the 55 and older. We drink some margaritas and I put in your ass. Everybody's happy. Everybody's fucking happy, right? I don't know if she's happy. No, but you know what I'm saying, but I don't think any of us are in the none of us. And even who listens to this podcast, you should never even think about your retiring. You're going to semi retire the worst. The worst case scenario. Okay, Joey, but I need to retire. Retire. But within one month, you're going to be volunteering with the dogs or the cats picking up cats. She had a dog shit and telling people why they should take this fucking dog on this cat. You need to do something. If you don't use it, you lose it. I've seen and that's the worst thing in the world. So you have to keep your mind. You know, you go to all these places around here, whether I go to colds or forget about Costco. Costco guy dies there. He fucking dead. It's so old and I'm like, Costco gives him jobs and gives him insurance. Yeah, there's some hours. And you know, you ever go into Costco and people check your stickers. Yeah, they just had a fucking be nice. Costco's a nice guy. The dealership where I bring my car, they got 55 euros. That worked the morning shit. McDonald's used to have it. You mind it when I was a kid had like an old 60 fifth. I don't know how I was like 10 who maybe was 45. He seemed old, but he would just, you know, they walk around. They give out stickers. They say, hi, it's nice. And as long as as long as like you're not like, I wouldn't want to have to have a teleprompter with your bits on it. But like as long as you're mentally there, I think it's like like yeah, I'm sure the audience would have a great time, but honestly, fuck them. It's all about you. The audience isn't having good time. You're selling tickets on a different fucking bill. No, yes, you're doing that. People are going to see you because he might die any day. Oh, Jesus. This is my fucking might die any day. We want to see him before he dies. Right now, why are people paying $2,000 per form of cart? The bills have been done for fucking 22,000 years. Why do you pay all this money for poor McCarthy right now? Because you might not see him again. Yeah. So I don't want people coming to see me to go, we love you Joey, even though I'm bombing on stage, talking about jokes that I wrote 19 fucking 88. You know, nobody wants to see that. And I don't want to go out that way. I don't want to go out that way. There's a fucking singer, actor of all Puerto Rican guy, one of the baddest motherfuckers singers in any genre. You know, he was just a problem fucking dude. He just had problems guys. He had AIDS. His son shot himself. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, it was English. But he had a good heart. He just couldn't get off that heroin. And he went to Puerto Rico and he fucking got so paranoid in the hotel. Everybody's account is different. I've lived it. When you just go to a hotel lounge and you see your ex-wife, another guy, you got all the cocaine in the world. When you get in those rooms, you got all paranoid and shit. Right. We got so fucking paranoid. Just jumped out to win them. Oh geez. Anyway, thank god he had an air condition. Because that stopped his momentum. Right. And he ended up living. And he's fucking people in the Bronx and Brooklyn. We're doing these shows. They just bring them on. And if I can get those people today, I fucking choke them. The guy had probably given them a small thousand cash. The fake manager, he'd have probably robbed them of that. Yeah. Because you always get some guy to fucking rob you at that level. And then he wouldn't even know what he was. He wasn't as bad as Frankie Valley. But the song, the tempo of the song was gone. The tempo of the song was 40% left. So let me give you an example. One of his own. It's all the end. So we know. Right. Okay. Instead of saying. It was all the end. He was like, it was all the end there. And they would have to slow down. Right. He was half a retard. He banged his other fucking neck. I mean, I don't know. You don't care about comic books. But there was a whole thing that like they were taking Stanley. I don't know if you remember him from Marvel. Like there was someone pimping him out at the end. Yeah. So George, my brother, George, broke that info. Really broke that. That's so sad. Yeah. So and you and you have good people around you. Thanks for like all your agents and stuff. Cool. And you're, I don't think your wife could let you do weird. You guys are my biggest opponents. Whatever. You guys see something that's a little off to you. You pull me aside and say, listen, George, we don't think you should do this no more. Look at your head. It looks like a straw hat. You're done. You're done. You put on that. Let's stop it. But I'm not going to be one of those guys. I'm not going for badly. I'm not going to be fucking. Look at Casey in the sunshine, man. Look at where he started and look at where he ended with a wig on stage. You can't even do the moves to the song. You know, make what? Oh, you look fucking terrible. I don't want to do that guys. That means you owe tax money. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. And only tax money is what that's a sign and killer right there. Because now you got stress in your 60s and 70s. Like red fox had, you know, how most of those guys get in trouble, those fucking kamikans, because it's all cash. Wow. That's why I boy, anything like that that you take 20 bucks and cash, I'm, that should have come to want you 20 years later. Oh, no, you buy a retirement home. And also, the most t-shirts you had, but you will hit learn and you win people. Yeah. Yeah. What have happened to us? Are you so 10,000? And you never claim one of those things. And now you got to dig, you know, it's like to have to do. Yeah. And, you know, so I, and I also support. Listen, we talk a lot of shit in this country. And we have all these people. You know what, man, I support like a woman wanting to have rights and work. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know what I mean? Like, we used to go when the whole movement started when I was a kid, I support fucking hold the people. If they want to work and they can carry the load, go do it. Yeah. Listen, I don't expect listening, you're not going to hire me for a warehouse job. No, you're not going to hire me to load pallets or shit like that. But there's work available. If you just don't want to sit there and collect the two grand from social security. Especially like Uber Eats and stuff. Yeah. You're not going to make a fucking killing on social security. You don't have to downsize your life. That's why you end up living in your daughter's basement with a fucking retarded husband. Yeah. That's a complete difference that a fucking roast. Yeah. That's it. And not getting back to stress. Like all like having to do something would be stress. A dear dear friend of mine in Congress. Listen, I never ever thought about being over 40. My dad died when he was 37 tragically. And I thought he'd left me the curse. And I was adding to the curse because I was doing coke. I was testing the curse. Right. And then I ended up meeting Terry and, you know, the years just flew. And all of a sudden, I was 42. All of a sudden, I got married at like 44 or something like that. 45. And even then, who gets married at 45? Only an idiot does that. I did. Who would knock up their wife at 50? Only a fucking moron. What a freaking would do that? I did. Am I sad about it? No. So I didn't read just a lot of things. And I pretty, you know, you're 50 with a fucking kid in the stroller. Yeah. 50 year olds are going to fucking have a strip club. Go to happy out to get their little dick suck before they go home to eat my leg up with their wives who weighs to 800 pounds. So it's been unfortunate. I also know that you have to work on it. You have to put a little effort into yourself. You know, I sit here at night. What's the lake? Whatever. It's a whole time. I'm looking on the broad end. Yeah. 41 years old. All right. He's a whiner. He's a pussy. He's this. He's that. He could have won this year. He could have done what it should have could have. Look at the time. An effort he puts into his body. Yeah. But Joe, he shoots TRT. He just doesn't shoot TRT. He does everything that comes with it. He does drills. He hires trainers. He hires a trainer for the fucking trainer. He's one of those guys. My footwork isn't right. Hires me a trainer, but they want $8,000 an hour and get 10 hours. He's one of those two. He invests himself. Yeah. And that's it's not. Oh, it's not. I'm not even breakfast that fucking, you know, with a fucking mimosa. I'm upstairs with blueberries like a fucking idiot. They taste like a snack at the time. They do raspberry. I don't know what they come from. And fucking I put yogurt in little fucking almond granola. Now, is this the breakfast? I'm a fucking three egg sunny side up. And then on the way out of the stop at McDonald's and get an egg McMuffin type of motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Here I am like a half a bag. You can fucking granola and yogurt, coconut cult. You got to ask yourself, who am I? Who is Joey Diaz anymore? But I had a change. It's worthwhile. Yeah. And I continue like even if I eat eggs, I only bacon. Okay. I stopped eating bacon years ago. If I go to a fancy place at your mother's house and you eat the bacon. When you eat the breakfast, how much is the only bacon? Is it going to change in it? Like, the other day, there was a list of things that eat and your life gets changed. If you're a hard dog, you lose six minutes. I don't need those six minutes. I'll be 91. I can't eat a hard dog. I was thinking about that earlier because sometimes when people are super healthy, they say, oh, you should eat granola. But you know what? Maybe just not having three strips of bacon. You have one. It's a little bit of like, okay, at least I'm trying. And it's hard when you're not even older, but just to change it. I haven't seen a coconut cult. A coconut cult? No. It's just big. Okay. I charge you $9.99. Fuck you. You're supposed to eat two a day. It's a probiotic, a live probiotic. It's gonna feel stomach, especially when I'm doing the drugs and the whole fucking thing. Right. Okay. I usually just take two teaspoons. That's what it's called for. Okay. The last year, five days. Okay. Not me. Very great. Come here. She does. She don't like this hang up. I usually get half a jar, put a little bit of granola and she has blueberries and raspberries. Okay. Blackberries. I'll just take the blueberries and the raspberries and eat that just a little bit to have a little something in my stomach. It's like seven grades. a protein. Okay. That's horrible. That's horrible for me in the morning. I'm over 60. I should be getting 30 right off the bat in the morning. Just to get your mood going. That's a little shit. I can't call no more for breakfast. No. You know, even though I do miss them from time to time, a nice butter roll, egg and cheese and ham and a fucking Coca-Cola 16 ounce with a bag of wise for breakfast, stop it. Oh, that's a Hudson County breakfast. When I knew what was coming down here this morning, I was like, oh, I'd love to go to McDonald's breakfast, but I could, I didn't. I would have loved to. Two egg and muffins, three hash browns. So I could put a hash brown in each sandwich and then have an outside one. That's where I was 300 pounds. Yeah. What is it? Two egg and muffins, three hash browns, one hash brown in each sandwich and then one on the side. Oh, I love it. I love it. Go bathroom to two you Jews. I love it. Yeah, we do. It's just really great. And how I looked at this surgery was maybe a two guy who inspired me to just look at this different. I didn't look at this surgery as an ending. I looked at this surgery as a new beginning in a way. Yeah, fucking two different things. Listen, I don't have to work every fucking month or every weekend. I just got to do one big gig a month that makes me work towards something every month. I work towards something. Right. So that's always fantastic. Instead of doing a special with a title, I do a show in my mind. I don't tell the audience. I do a show with a certain title in my mind. Right. I cover those jokes. Yeah. At the time I get to another town the following month. It's not going to be that theme. Some of the jokes will be the same, but the narrative will be a lot different. That's what I'm going for. That's it. Yeah. Nice and fucking easy. I'm not going for no specials. I don't be on Hulu or Mulu. I don't want to know nothing. Well, but you also don't have to deal. I was laughing so hard last night because someone pulled one of the moves you told me about, but I haven't experienced it yet. I was at a club and this poor host, this comic went up to them and they were like, where am I? And they're like, you're going six or seventh like, no, no, no, I have to go forth. I'm very tired. I'm old. I have to go home. I went up last on this show like half an hour past that that person was still there. Just talk. You know, like you mother, meanwhile, they asked me, do you mind going last on the 10 o'clock show? I went up in midnight. I was there since 830. I was like, I'll go wherever that person I have to go third. And meanwhile, they stuck you booked a room. And after the time when you look on, they're going, you're a dick. Good. Yeah. I came here to get down. Yeah. Fuck you. And you making me close the room. I'm flattered. I don't mind that. No, I'm flattered. You say, Joey, come and close the room. I'm fucking flattered. But at the same time, it's like, you're going to fucking come up to me to say you have to leave just because you don't want to follow or is it because you want to talk to girls and be. Oh, it was, it was an older. I'm, I wasn't even a guy, but it was. I don't know. It was, and I heard, I heard that went in and said, I'm retarded about four times. It was a hot room. There was a sold out room. And it was, they wanted the prime, like, you know, third or fourth spot. They wanted the kill spot. And it didn't. And I had a great, I had a fun nightlife. I told, I told a couple, because I saw the coolest thing. These two parents took to at a 10 o'clock show, had the like 12 and 10 year old son in the showroom. And they were basically fucking in the bar. The dad had his hand like in the mom's guard. It was, and I told the kids that I went up and I opened with it and it fucking killed because it was like, your parents are out there fucking like, and they have comics as your babysitters. And it was, it was. Last night was a fun New York night. And you know, do you know who Payton Ruddy is? He's a kill Tony guy. He's a great dude. 25. He's in from Chicago this week. There's been a, it's been a fun, it's been fun being in New York. I'm having a good time. It's been fun. You're learning. And but I can't wait. I can't wait for Atlantic City. That's going to be fine. I can't. Are you excited to go back out there and get this is my whole recovery? Yeah. There's the road to Atlantic City. Yeah. And everything that comes in. In fact, we've got to shoot a little thing before you leave. Okay. Yeah. It's, uh, this is all part of it. That's what dangles. That's the dangle. Atlantic City. Yeah. That's gonna be awesome. Give me plenty of time. Do some spots and tune up and go to Brooklyn and go back to the Liberty Live. Go to Austin. You know, it's a little by fucking little. I understand that. I do not have a gun. The only gun I have to my head is being ready for June for her baseball season. Okay. Every weekend. And that's going to be a fucking nightmare because those fields are usually got a hike. Oh, you got to get a scooter. Yeah. So I'm going to get like a school. Some right then. No, some next thing. I'll be down like Stavros. Oh, oh, no, this is your, this is your, your Rikshaw time. My Rikshaw time. But the funny thing is Lee. I mean, listen, I was walking into the store. I was rocking and rolling. Nobody was there. And I hit the turn next. You know, my leg went out from one to me. I'm like, he and my hamstrings. Tara. I still have the pictures on my phone. Yeah. Of how it was worse than this. The bruises up and down my fucking spine. I didn't look for that. It happened. I don't think I had a cancel anything. I had the following two weeks. I'm like two weeks to recover. You know, things are going to happen when you do comedy, when you're a plumber, when you're a framer, when you're things that are going to happen. And that's where you earn your. Yeah. Okay. Everybody knows how to be a fucking roo. Like I worked with a lot of roo for 30 years ago. But my brother-in-law, when it came down like that, a problem like we'd be on our roo and somebody would call them and go, bro, we can't finish this. And they go over there and fucking figure it out within three hours. There's a lot of comics. But can they maneuver? Can they call an audible? And that's what you have to do with this. And listen, I wouldn't be having this conversation with you if I was 40. Because I'd be fucking coped up and trying to rush this because I got that week. It's just six, a lot. You know, and you're rushing for no reason. You're going against your house. Now I'm to the age where so everything changes. If this was 20 years ago, we'd be having a different conversation. I'm just honest about it. I'm not going to tell you that this is the way I thought when I was 40. Right, of course. Because I don't want the people to listen and go, I don't think that way. You shouldn't. You're a gangster. You're an asshole. You got no time to fucking bleed. And that's your mentality. You got no time to bleed. I don't know what you're talking about. Right. But this is how you think it's 63. Yeah, this is how I'm thinking now is with a family. You also make decisions based on what's around you, who else gets shot in the ass to take off time, who doesn't, who's not able to go to fucking ballet classes. You know, these are all the things that are becoming a fucking man right here. This is the scene right here. Man, fires on the background. Oh, yeah, the fucking it was on, but they never saw this. I wish, I wish you had more fucking time. But I'm, listen, as far as I'm concerned, I don't even feel like I had surgery three days ago. I have painted my legs a little bit and shit like that. But everything else is pretty much better than you did when you were in the hospital. Yeah, no, no, I started taking the BPC 157 24 hours. Today, I shot both of them, the TB 500, I'm at 72 hours. So if you take that stuff, it helps your recovery time by 40%. Okay. So we're going to bank on that. We're going to bank on sleep, good diet, and whatever the PT puts me through. I'm not going to go ahead of what they put me. No, you're going to listen to the experts. No, I have public, public, have PT tomorrow, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Nice. And then when I don't go to the home guy, I guess I'll go down there twice a week and whatever I could do on my own. I can't box, which I miss it right now, right now today for the next month. There's no way I could take a box and sport boxing class at all. Get blood in it, get it moving. Yes, it's not, it's not a matter of me getting it and trying to be, no, again, I'm 60, I know the fuck I am. And there's how he do it. I love it, dude. But uh, yeah, I was a little concerned about getting that Vegas date. I was like, well, maybe this Vegas date all, but this Vegas date, if I go for the Vegas date, it'll fucking me up. Okay. If I got a call in a month about the Vegas date, I'll feel a lot better and I can really see what direction I'm going. Right. You don't want it again, right now. I go to physical therapy on Wednesday. I was like, wake up Thursday and the leg is swollen and it's bloody from the knee down. Not that it opened up, but something broken. my third knee surgery. I went to lift with the girl from the YMCA. The next day I woke up from the fucking knee down. You thought I got tattooed. What did they call that when you blackened out the whole knee? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Sweet. Sweet. I'm fucking sweet. Oh yeah. Take it easy. I'll take it easy. This is about this is it's not fucking brain surgery. No. But that's how I fucked it up last time. I got on stage for my love of comedy. I got to go down. I'm trying to and subconsciously I stuck with this fucking leg. That destroyed the fucking knee replacement. God damn it. I'm glad you're no I'm glad you're good. And just I can't. Yeah. You know how we do it Lee. We're always fucking good here. It all starts in the fucking coconut. But nothing's happened the last week. Nothing is the same fucking bullshit in the news, right? Yeah. Well cost me 85 hours to fill my tank. The small 85. That's a lot of fucking money. My friends up to like 165. What did he drive a tank? He drives a V8 truck. Oh my god. Fuck that. That shit's real man. So we got that off some along. That means you only go to seaside four times instead of eight. You fucking us. Sure people. Yeah. That's it. And we wake up every day. Rocking and rolling. You're doing stand-up. No. And I think I'm going to Japan for two weeks. All 10 days. Shit. Look at you. Very excited. How the plans do you have? I'm going a few places. I'm doing stand-up until in Tokyo. Really excited. Frank Castillo hug me up at the club. Okay. But we're doing everything. We're doing Kyoto for a day, which is like the old school Japan. We're doing something that you'd hate. We're doing universal Japan. Going to like the universal, the Nintendo world. Me going to universal, like the universal in Hollywood. But then we're going to Tokyo for four days. And then we're doing and we're going to assume what they have every four times a year. They have a sumo tournament, like a, like a legit, like the big, like it's like the big deal. So we're going to that for a day. We're going to a sumo wrestling tournament. And then yeah, that's going to be fun as fuck. I got to throw you in the sumo. Oh, I love it. What if I was meant to be a sumo wrestler? No. And then we're doing Okinawa for four days. And we're coming back, which is going to be a lot of fun. And I'm, dude, I'm going to eat nothing but shrimp and tuna for non-stop. Hold on. They got to cut this showing. They got to go pee real quick. Okay. I'll be right back. Hey, what's going on? Listen up here. UFC 328 is here. You can make every fight more fun with Draft King Sportsbook from the opening bell to the final horn. Draft King Sportsbook keeps you locked in on the action. New Draft King's customer. Listen to me. Bet just five hours, five hours. And you'll get a hundred and bonus bets instantly. Right now what you need to do is download the Draft King Sportsbook app. Use code Joey, J-O-E-Y. So you're ready for the moment. That's code Joey for a new Draft King's customers to turn five bucks into a hundred and bonus bets just like that instantly in partnership with Draft Kings. Whereas you know already the crown is yours. Get it together. Download the Draft King's app. Use code Joey. 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Now if you're over 21 and older, go to indecloud.co. Again, that's indecloud.co. That's dot CO, not dot com. For new customers, use code church for 40% off. What did I hear that? 40% off your order. That's indecloud.co. church for 40% off shipped discreetly to your doors and nobody knows nothing. Plus, the shipping is free on orders over $50 and free gifts on qualifying orders and they will hook you up and don't forget to fill out the quick survey when you order to support the show, their products, the whole thing. In the cloud, when you want to go see the clouds, you know what I'm saying? All right. So we're talking about sumos. I was out of take a pee and sometimes you can't focus when you're when the fucking flushes about to come out. I don't blame you. Can you imagine they went out there? Like a sumo got COVID and they look at you and they go, well, good. And you had to go in there and fucking wrestler guy and also you threw him out of the ring and they're like, you come stay with us and all this shit. You got to call me and quit. You got to be in the comedian. I think I might do because I went. They tricked me. They had a thing. I don't know if anyone saw this on social media, but they had something called sumo and sushi and they traveled around the country and they think they said like, oh, all the best sumo people from Japan were going to come. And I went, I didn't pay for the sushi because it looked weird. But we got seats and it was like, it was like if they told you they were going to play a baseball game and they just played catch. And like it was just, but it was all retired sumo people. And then we were like, oh, so and then we went and watched it. They're fucking intense because there's there's no weight classes. Like you could face fucking the undertaker like it's like the and it's just I think I'd be good at it. Like I think I think I have a low center of gravity. Like I sucked at wrestling, but you couldn't pin me. So like I think maybe like I think it might have been my calling. I'm fucking ready. And it's Japan's been number one on my list for a long time. Like I haven't been I was like, do we haven't taken I've done like little small trips. I went to Mexico for like five days. I was terrible and I went to Florida once for like five days. But I haven't taken I've never done anything like this. So I'm fucking really excited. It's going to be awesome. I need shrimp. I'm going to go. We're going to do a lot of stuff. Like what do you want us to souvenir? You want like a sumo wrestling outfit? I'll make it back. I'm going to Okinawa where the air force is and we're like they lived to like 200 years old. That's going to be fun. That's why I would go. Yeah. Because everybody's old there. Yeah. It's like they're Hawaii. I found out. I didn't realize it's like a boy. So we're just we we're just on the beach and do nothing. So don't be careful there. So be careful. Oh, that's why I wanted to be like Hawaii. You have to be recommended to move on the island. Oh yeah. It's a fucked up place. They don't fuck around. I know seafood is supposedly sensational. There was a thing a lot of years ago which really caught my eye around. Well, the people lived there to be 104. Yeah. That was one thing. But the other thing was that they had a and I think we talked about in the last podcast. They had a bodybuilding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who fucking bodybuild for 85? These a lot of fuckers. And listen, do they look like an almost Schwarzenegger? No. But they look good. You know, you see the chicken skin. But just the fact that they're doing it and the motto they said was, oh, I really make you think it's you going to go to the doctor every day. You go to the gym. Mm-hmm. Holy fuck. That makes fucking a lot of sense. And they're all healthy. And like they're so respectful. Yeah. There's a lot of rules I've learned about like what you can't do. Like, you know, I'm in New York in that train. If you're you have to be aggressive. So like I stand. I don't stand right in front of the door. But like you have to be ready to go because sometimes you won't get into the train if you don't. But in like Japan, you feel like lying up like it and they take it very seriously. There's some restaurants that they don't allow non-Japanese people in. Which I I fucking love. I'm so excited. You won't pass. Yeah. I'll watch back. That's how I'm go fuck the Jews. Oh my god. I took a picture of the other day. There was a someone has a sign up in there. I thought I thought it was you. Someone has like a nice townhouse in New York. And they had a big sign that says I'm proud to be a Jew. And like and like neon lights. I was like, oh shit. And it was saying, yeah, I'm gonna I don't know what they're gonna think about Jews there. But we'll see. They might not think anything. Oh no, I'm sure they're gonna be nice. You know, like they don't not even think of that way of life. No, maybe they're thinking, I don't know. I've never heard of, you know, you know, you guys are sushi places. You know, they're the sushi places. There's ten Jews in there. find the big money on that part of the fish. So I don't know what they're talking about, but I'm excited. Listen, anytime you leave the country, 10 days, it's not, it shouldn't call it a vacation. It's what you're gonna learn. What you're gonna make it back with. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? 'Cause you might get mugged over there. So I can see that happening. - Yeah, Kooza takes me down. - Oh yeah, they might get the message over there. - You probably have someone in the Kooza. - No, no, no. - No, I'm really, I'm really excited to stand up there. I'm excited to just see what it's like. Like I, I think God, now with the iPhone, like I can talk into it and it'll translate for me. Like, but I like, I've only had the place I've been to Israel. I've been to Israel, Mexico, Canada. I've been around this country a bunch, but I'm excited to, like just, dude, they have so much fucking food. Like the 7/11s are supposed to be like the egg salad. You wanna bring you back an egg salad sandwich? - Not really. (laughing) They have so much. - If you go to Israel, you bring me back an egg salad sandwich. - Deal. - It kind of has a bottle in the back. - I checked. They can't make no sense. - Oh no, it's supposed to be supposed to be fucking amazing. - They can make a nice spicy tool and avocado on a rice crust. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited. - Oh shit. Well, I'm happy you're going. - Thanks, dude. - I'm happy you're doing comedy. You know, I didn't think I would even be able, from the pain to do this podcast today. - Yeah. - I'm very grateful that it could have been a lot worse. - Well, glad you're okay. - I made them pretty much. They were very nice at this hospital, but everything was broken. - I've never heard of a room not being sanitized. - It's fucking the chair. Well, this is a different aspect. - Oh, they moved you a little. - Okay. - This is a clean hospital, beautiful. The fucking chair where you sit down, it doesn't stay back. (laughing) And then they did a fucking EKG, because they couldn't give me pain medication. The first EKG, I don't know what happened. I saw a lady leave shaking her head. (laughing) That can't be right. And she came back and did something. And she did it again. And she goes, who? The problem with this machine doesn't work. Let me go get another one from the floor. She's coming back three minutes later. Vlogging me up again, that machine don't work. I don't know what was this. Candid camera. And also she goes, I gotta go upstairs. And now a lady, she shows up with the fucking hard thing. And they finally do it. It's week 30 in the morning. I don't know. I can't fall asleep, but I'm in medication, which I did. I ended up sleeping, who I was in 24 minutes. I put it on my whoop. You know, I put the whoop on, but I was sleeping. This is a neck when he tells the motherfucker, it just set up the meeting with God. Oh yeah. The rest is up to that shit. (laughing) And then he takes the dude from where he shoots and he puts a bomb in his ass. And he talks to him for like 15 minutes about life and shit. Oh, I think that happened. Yeah, but then, oh yeah, this is, tends to all look good then. He's always saying like, whatever. Just about the hospital not working. Yeah, everything's broken. No, it was a fucking nightmare. And I got up to six. They brought me, no, and I got to tell you the one that broke everybody. So they come back seven. Let's take your vitals. Okay, how do you feel on the campaign? You know, okay, let's see if we could get you something. Did you order breakfast? No, they go, order breakfast. Breakfast wasn't bad. Scrambled decks. I didn't see the yolk, but burgers can't be choosy. The oatmeal was really good. Thank God, I ordered oatmeal. I ordered a fruit fucking thing. Look at the ladies and look. In the church, they say to forgive right here. He cracks them. Oh, they won't translate what he said. That's not them. I'm just here to set up the meeting. Yeah, I'm just here to set up the meeting and shit. So they come in, they decide they could give me one fucking five million, actually. Doesn't dick me. And then he has the clink of my wife shows about lemon. They're like, you pretty much could leave. Nobody really talked to me. One doctor came, one of the surgeons. And then the one nurse goes, why don't you order food for a Terry and wait? 'Cause you're not going to be discharged about two. So I'm like, Terry, you want to eat here? So Terry ordered like spaghetti, margolazano, tomato paste. And I went simple, with chicken salad, with chicken ghoul soup. Oh, Terry missed that, he showed up with Terry's lunch. It's a, who's important? And I called them, they're like, not our problem. You know, not our problem. Like, really? Okay. So fucking, I just said, listen, let me go. I'm not getting nothing on him. I'm anxiety's running high. You're not going to get me pain medication. So, what am I doing here? I came up, took a shower. Yeah, you got home early. You're like, I'll be home by four. Are you home at like one thirty two o'clock? You called me? Yeah, yeah, so. And listen, we each got to make moves in progress. I don't know what we're doing about the podcast next week. I'm going to bring the mic if you want to do it. Leo being Japan. I'll do it from Tokyo. All right, maybe we'll do it. Hit me up, we'll do it live from Tokyo. With the way they hear the lines, they're going to knock on the door. And then you're going to find out how they really feel about Jews. And then that's it. I'm excited for you to go. Thanks, buddy. You know, give me another week to heal. And hopefully by that time, I can make it up and down the stairs. You know, I'm already going up and down stairs. I slept upstairs both nights. So, yeah, but all I got on the books right now is we're going there. So, what do people say in the seventies? Rateful, that'll bust. Yeah, Atlantic City or Buzz? Yeah, now it's fucking Atlantic City or Buzz. Oh, you got two nights now. Two nights. They had a second night. So, I love it. We love it. But I wish you luck. Thank you, dude. Don't get mugged over there. I wish you'd do. Yeah, do for a mug in the slot. That's all going to work out, buddy. I'm happy you wanted Japan. I love you. Love you, buddy. Stay black. [MUSIC PLAYING]