things i've never admitted online

Hello beautiful people, welcome to the first ever episode of the Don't Tell Anyone podcast. I am your host. Alright, alright, alright. Many of you guys know me as Poke, Poke main, Pokemon. My real name is Iman. I've been a streamer, content creator, every other social media, or we don't really love the influencer word. I've been one of those for the last nine plus years, about a decade of my life. And I just cannot believe I finally have a podcast. I've been thinking about and dreaming of this day for a long, long time and contemplating it. And now we're finally here. I am really nervous, really excited. I hope you guys are excited too. There's no way you're as excited as me. I hope you're excited. There are so many things that I've been wanting to get into for so long that I just have not had the right opportunity and platform to do so. And I feel like a podcast will just be the perfect medium for it. But let's take a step back and talk about my background, why I started a podcast, how those things relate. So as I said, been a content creator for almost a decade, I first started when I was just 17, just a little baby, a little minor, like so young, so young. When you're 17, you feel like you really know yourself, huh? You don't know a damn thing, not even 1% of a damn thing. So it's crazy how far I've come. But anyways, I started now 17 and I actually started streaming because I didn't have enough friends who wanted to game. My only purpose in streaming, I never in a million years thought I was going to be a career. I just wanted more friends who enjoyed the same hobby that I had so we can game together. Alright? In other words, I started for shits and gigs and all of a sudden now it's my career, okay? And I've been doing it for so many years that I guess the last couple of years, I've been doing it for so long. Sometimes I feel like I am almost, I guess it got to the point that I started feeling a little bit confined by people's expectation and perceptions of me having been a person that is very public facing for so much of my life. And what I mean by that is people might have watched my content when I was 21, 22, heck, 17, so like any age, right? But who I am today is not the same person that I was five years ago. Not to demonize or put down any past versions of ourselves, but just to say I feel like there are so many more sides to me that are completely unrelated to gaming and so many more things that I want to dive into and care about and want to talk about. And I just finally really want to dive into those things. Not just that, but if we're going to be honest here for a moment, I'm tired of keeping secrets, okay? There is so much stuff that I just want to get off my chest and I think it's time. I don't know about you guys or many other content creators out there, but for me, I oftentimes don't want to or can't talk about something as it's happening again because I'm a public figure and people might piece things together and you know, that don't want that kind of drama, but it's almost like there's an expiry date in my brain on certain things that happen. I'm like, oh, it happened five years ago. If I talk about it and I'm not naming names, who cares, right? It's just a good or funny story. It's time to spill the beans on those things, okay? Not just spill the beans on those things in the past, but even things now that I feel like it's hard to discuss these things on stream whether because it's not the right audience or because frankly, when you're live streaming, you're always at risk of being clipped out of context or what have you. And there's this pressure of people constantly responding like this immediate feedback loop of what people think about what you're saying right now, even maybe before you finish a coherent thought. So again, why I think it's time to start a damn podcast. Also, I live in LA. Do I really live in LA if I don't have a podcast? Think about it. Think about it. Wait, okay, side notes. I've been thinking about moving to New York for a month or two or just moving elsewhere. I kind of feel like starting a podcast is like taking you guys on a life journey with me. And if you guys want to see me go to New York, let me know on the @don't tell anyone Instagram. That's where I'll mainly be engaging with you guys for the podcast. I'll be asking you questions. I want to talk about what you guys want me to talk about and what I want to talk about. Okay. I'm going to be pulling you guys because I want your opinion on stuff. I just think it'll be some really fun back and forth. And maybe we can have a New York arc where you guys follow my adventures. It'll be fun. Anyways, moving on. I want to, before I really dive into the meat of this episode, I want to preface this by saying, please don't ever spread hate to anyone. And what I mean by that is I will be talking about a lot of my life experiences. And of course, I have many other public-facing friends. And I know a lot of you guys might assume you know who I'm talking about and hate. I cannot tell you to literally not have a thought, right? All I can do is ask that you please don't assume that your assumption is correct and that you please do not act on it. My platforms have never been about spreading hate and I don't want this one to be either. So I wanted to put that out there. I would hate for you guys to end up going after someone who did not deserve that harassment or hate or assumption or whatever at all. And that might wind up being the case. And I want you to please keep in mind. I could be telling you a story from a month ago or from 10 years ago, okay? So there really is no concrete, concrete way of knowing. And yes, I really needed to put that disclaimer out there. I just feel like I'm pretty comfy with who I am now and my life now. And I'm ready to share that with you guys. This episode will talk about my relationships on and offline and my personal life, my personal beliefs, some business related things. And yes, just generally things I've never admitted online. So let's get into it. I really, really, really hope that this podcast ends up being a way that I can learn to express myself unapologetically and that may not always be perfect. No one's perfect. We are all humans at the end of the day. So I am leaning on you guys to try to be as honest with me as I am trying to be honest with you guys. I am always happy to learn, listen to your feedback, improve. That is part of the process, of course. So yes, don't be shy. I also want to touch on the name. Don't tell anyone. I feel like the best stories always start with don't tell anyone but I feel like when we're online, it's so easy to objectify others. And I don't necessarily mean sexually. I just mean we judge others and what they say and do as if they are an object, right? As if this one moment in time encapsulates their entire existence, which is a little bit silly. But when you're with a friend and they go, okay, don't tell anyone. Please don't judge me for this, but that's the kind of vibe that I want because at the end of the day, there are certain parts of me that aren't always going to be cute, but I don't want to talk about it. And I hope people won't go out of their way to perceive the worst. At the end of the day, let's just have a little fun, okay? So my first, don't tell anyone but is that don't tell anyone but I low key. I hate streamer relations, okay? I do. I love my friends who stream. Heck, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them, frankly. But streamer relations are so stressful, scary, low key political. And when I first started out, again, I was, I was just looking for friends. And I think one of the reasons that I wound up looking for friends online is because as much as I got along with people in high school and throughout my high school years, I never quite felt like I fit in. And I think perhaps other people who may be immigrants or maybe those who are biracial or really anyone who just didn't really feel like they fit in might relate, I always felt like I was never enough of one thing to be a part of a group. I was never like Moroccan enough to be with people whose maybe lives revolved around Middle Eastern culture and religion and etc. But I also was not like white enough to get along with people who are like just can or come from a different background. I always felt, (sniffs) like I just didn't fully have that connection with people. And I felt like being able to bond over this hobby that is gaming brought me that feeling of belonging, which is such a beautiful thing, right? Isn't that all we want to do as human beings to belong? I think I held such high expectations of fellow friends in gaming and the gaming community because I finally found that belonging there. And I mean, there's a lot to say about that, right? But I guess perhaps my expectations were too high because at the end of the day, friendships are hard. And I swear they only get harder as you become an adult, right? Everybody has their career to worry about. They have their own responsibilities and friendships take a lot of effort, time, communication. It is simply not easy, no matter your age. And then imagine you take the regular difficulties of friendship in and of itself. And you throw in clout, money, a lot of it sometimes. Public perception, all of these things that only make it more complicated. Oh, on top of competition, jealousy, envy, streamer relations are so damn difficult. And managing them is unfortunately part of the job. And so I think that ends up with a lot of high highs, which might include being able to work with some of your closest friends and make money with them and have people love your friendships and praise them and all of these things, like what an amazing thing, right? But very low lows. For example, being harassed online and feeling like even your closest friends might not be standing up for you if they could. And I mean, everybody's different. Some people are more or less confrontational. So it's very hard also to hold that against people when their careers are literally on the line for these things. Or if you feel like people act like they like you more or less depending on how popular you are or how much clout you have or whether or not you're the streamer flavor of the week, all of these intricacies that make it hard to exist. (laughs) And again, I want to preface this by saying I understand, given my line of work, my financial status, all of these things are a huge privilege, 100%. And I know it can be annoying to hear creators like maybe whine about these things. Because frankly, we're better off than a lot of other people. That is very, very, very true. But if you want to hear the hot goss and also the negative realities of these situations, I think those are kind of fun to share. And I would love to share with those who are interested in hearing about them. And frankly, it might actually make a lot of you guys go, "Oh, I'd actually hate to be in that situation." And so I just hope me talking about a little, maybe give some perspective of what it's like in front of the camera versus behind the camera. And frankly, sometimes things just turn sour. Okay, let me tell you a little story time. So a few years back, oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. Okay, this is the first time, kind of that I'm talking about my dating life. I didn't really ever talk about my dating life because frankly, I just felt like it was irrelevant to the work that I do publicly. But now I just think it might be a funny story, so I'm gonna start talking about it. (laughs) And I guess this is something that I never admitted publicly. I've never admitted publicly that I've actually never been in a relationship with another full-time streamer. Yep, I can already hear the caps. (laughs) Well, let me explain. I sure as hell have gone on many a dates with streamers, courted some streamers, kissed a few frogs, but I never liked one enough to actually date them. And this is for a few reasons. And mind you, I have dated people who are streaming adjacent, but it's not like they're full thing, not an actual freaking streamer. One of the reasons why is because, listen, there can only be one attention hoe in the relationship, and it's gonna be me. (laughs) No, but actually, I feel like it is hard for two streamers to date each other. Like you both have so much going on, I don't know how people do it. One, two, you gotta be a little bit kooky to date a streamer. And I'm saying that as a streamer, okay? And I would like to be in a relationship with someone who kind of maybe mellows me out. I need to be mellowed at times, but also sometimes maybe you just don't come across the right person, whatever it happens. (laughs) Oh, also, a lot of the guys that I tried, like that I went on dates with, I wound up feeling like, oh my God, they just liked the idea of dating Poke-Man. Like they don't actually like me that much. And one of the dead giveaways is when they just like me too much already. You know, I'm like, we're on date too, and you wanna get married? Eh! But also, it's because, okay, one time there was a guy that I kind of dated for a bit, went on some dates with, I mean, and a guy in the industry. And then I wound up not liking him, and months and months after I made it evident that I don't like him, but we stayed friends while a block one day, we were kind of joking about it. And I said something along the lines of, yeah, like I kind of felt like you just liked the idea of dating Poke-Man. Like you didn't really like me, Imawn, you know? And he goes, yeah, no, that's true. I said, oh, whoa, ha! (laughs) He was like, no, yeah, that's true. I was kind of like into the idea. I said, ha! Oh, okay. I didn't think you were right. You know, when you just throw an idea out there, like you're fucking worse scenario, and someone's like, yeah, no, that's actually true. So not only has it been confirmed, but, you know, I actually kind of developed a test. And if you're ever gonna go on a date with me, fucking tune out right now, 'cause I'm, you know, I'm divulging secrets that you are not allowed to know. But anyways, I've developed a test, which is that, what I start, (laughs) what I start seeing someone, at some point during the dates, I'll be, you know, I'll just throw out the idea of like, yeah, I'm kind of thinking of retiring. And then I'll listen up real close. Like, what do you think? I'm thinking of retiring and never posting another piece of content ever again, because I think that's what'll make me happy. What do you think? And if they go, oh, yeah, whatever do it makes you happy? I know they don't give a flying fuck about my clout, okay? Well, I mean, they might, and maybe they're hiding it really well, but either way, it's a green flag. But one time I said that to a guy, and he was so vehemently against it. And I thought that was kind of weird. And I was like, bro, I need a mental health break. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like you can't. I was like, I'm gonna disappear for a month. Why? 'Cause I fucking feel like it. And he said, no, no, no, no, no, you can't. What if you lose everything you've built up? And like, you know, I just don't watch you to them. And I'm like, bro, you care more about my career than I do. (laughs) You know? That was the same guy who later on was like, yeah, I know I really did like the idea. So it makes, like you get what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying. That is a bit of a red flag, and that red flag has come up. That's all I'm saying. There was a story I was gonna tell you guys, and I swear I'm getting to it, okay? (laughs) Oh, hold on. (laughs) I can't stop laughing. Well, I feel like I'm gossiping to a DM camera. It's kind of fun though. (laughs) Okay. So the story I was gonna tell you guys, relating to the other story, okay? About how some of these respectfully male streamers talk about respectfully female streamers, not so respectfully, behind the scenes. One time, I was seeing this guy for like, bro, a couple months. You know, we're going on dates here and there. I'm not too sure what to think about him. Let me just give you the full story, actually. Fuck it. It's kind of fun. This guy was quite popular, well off, attractive, and I looked up to him for many reasons, you know? And our dates were exciting in the way that I felt like, you know, I could learn a lot from him and look up to him and blah, blah, blah. But frankly, he was a little bit shallow, a little bit. And what I mean by that is kind of materialistic, like I could tell he valued money a lot. And you know what? That's just a thing for some people, maybe in relation to how they were raised or what have you, and don't get me wrong. It feels quite nice to be spoiled, especially as someone, who, you know what, one of my giving love languages is like I love to give gifts. So I love to spoil and it's nice to be spoiled sometimes too. But I started feeling like material possessions were a little too important to him. Like those values from me and him were just a little bit off. What really made me, and things with him was one day we were at a party, an industry party. So bunch of streamers there, my friends, his friends blah blah blah. And this one we're still seeing each other. So I was so excited to see him and get to talk to him that night. And it's like halfway through the night almost nearing the end. And we finally kind of get a moment alone in like a more quiet corner. We start talking yada yada. And I need to preface this with a couple things. One, I asked my friend if I could tell this story. So I am telling it with her permission. Okay. And two, this is about my friend Lily. If you guys know her, Lily P2, what a gem in all of our existence. If you don't know her, she's a YouTuber, streamer, voice actress, artist, she heckin does it all. I love her. I lived with her for many years. And when this story happened, I was also living with her. We were publicly roommates. Okay. And publicly like besties, you know, like a very, very good friend of mine. And oh yeah, she voice acts initially when she first came into the streaming industry, there were some weirdo haters that would pick on her for having a higher pitched voice. And hey, some people just have a higher pitched voice. Like that's just how it is. Okay. And some people might have a lower pitch voice. And sometimes people's voices will change for different reasons. And that's not of anyone's business period. I'm just going to leave it at that. Okay. I'm not even going to get into it. It's just what a silly thing to care about. Okay. So we're halfway through the night or a little bit more. I'm finally hanging out with him. I'm like, he, he, he, blushing. He's like, oh, you look good. I'm like, he, he, thank you. Whatever. The usual. And my friend, Lily is also at this party. Okay. So he moves in a little bit closer. Oh, I'm blushin. I'm blushin. He turns to me and he goes, you can be honest with me. Lily's faking her voice, isn't she? And when I tell you, my nether regions have never dried up like a raisin sodium quick. Okay. Never. I was just such a turn off. And I know some of you guys might be sitting at home like, oh, maybe he just meant it like a serious question. Like, maybe she's baking, you know, maybe he just wasn't sure. No. Okay. The tone was very like, you can talk shit about her to me. What? makes you think I'm gonna talk shit to you about my roommate? Also about something so stupid. I literally live with her and you think she's faking her voice? Get out of my face, man. And obviously I just, I was like, no, that's so silly. Of course she's not. And then I ended things with him like a week later because what a thing I cannot stand is when any guy just like speaks poorly about my friends for the absolute worst reasons on earth. Like the way someone looks, the way someone talks. Like if you have an actual problem with someone, approach it kindly, especially if it's like your love interests friend, be like, hey, I think maybe your friend is in treating you so well or whatever. It's never something like that. It's, you can be honest with me. She's faking her voice, isn't she? And when I tell you again, I'm like, bro, you are so damn popular and this is how you view another female creator for like the stupidest reason, just disheartening. Anyways, that guy went out the damn window. There's a couple more that are fun. Oh my God. I never really wanted to talk about my dating life because for starters, when I got into this industry, if you were dating someone, you no longer had a name. You were known as that person's girlfriend. And I wanted to make a name for myself. So I was like, can't be nobody's girlfriend if you don't know who I'm dating. But then when I actually got more popular, people started saying, oh, you're just hiding your boyfriend because you don't want people to think or single or this that and a hat. You know, if I were to have a boyfriend in the industry, people would then call him a cloud chaser. Or if he was more popular than me, I would still be a cloud chaser. It just felt like a lose, lose, lose, lose. Let me tell you this much. Being a woman or femme presenting in a lot of industries, people are going to discredit your success no matter what the fuck you do. So might as well do whatever the fuck you want. I also never wanted to talk about my dating life because, um, I kind of want to show like it doesn't matter if you date a billion people in your industry publicly, or you date no one publicly, you can have a successful career. You can do whatever the heck you want as long as it's consensual and safe. And it's what makes you damn happy. All right. There might be some like advice that I can give in that regard. But at the end of the day, it's pretty damn obvious that these things don't matter. There are plenty of successful female streamers or women in general with public relationships, private relationships that maybe don't want a date at all or that do want a date, whatever. And I just didn't really want that to be a part of the conversation. So I didn't have it be a part of the conversation. And that's my damn prerogative. And now that I want to talk about it, guess what? Still my damn prerogative. Period. Prerogative period. All right. I mean, people always shipped me with random people. And it's kind of hard to be like, no, I'm not dating that person Yuck because in a way, you're almost like insulting them. But I also knew the more I said like, yes or no, the more people would start playing like process of elimination. Oh, I guess it's not him. I guess it's not him. And listen, even now these stories don't need names. They just don't, they're just random, fun, irrelevant stories. And you know me, if I need to name and shame, I would bitch well. But oftentimes you just don't need to. They're just fun stories. If you've been following me the last couple of years, especially you've seen that I had kind of like a curly hair journey. My natural hair is very curly, but I straighten it a lot and I have been straightening it for the last like 15 years. But before I went on this journey, I went on a few dates with another popular attractive man in the industry. I've dated some less conventionally attractive people too. Okay. But also to me, they were probably attractive in some way. I'm just saying this guy was conventionally attractive. Now that that's even that important. And sometimes it's almost inversely correlated to how much I like them. But again, besides the point, we're going on a couple dates. And we're at that point of the why did I just laugh like a high school boy? We're at that point in the dating part where we're like, oh, you know, what's your type? And you know, when you ask that and you're expecting them to list out every single characteristic that you have, right? You only really ask what's your type? Because you want to know that you're their type. Okay. It's a it's a pathway to getting gassed up, hopefully. So you know, he asks me what my type and I say whatever the heck I said and then I ask him, oh, what's your type? And he was one of those guys who was kind of known for being like, oh, I'm really blunt. You know, like I just say what I mean, like I'm not going to say it's you if it's not actually you, whatever. He says something along the lines of, oh, like I don't have a very particular type. I've liked a lot of different kinds of girls, Yadiyata. And then he goes, but the one thing I don't really like is girls with curly hair. I don't know why. But yeah, I just don't and I'm sat there across the table with the most heat flat iron hair ever. Like, who's gonna tell him? It wasn't me, bitch. I didn't even tell him. But like now he knows. And I was like, yeah, maybe not the guy for me, maybe not the guy for me. And to be honest, in a way, I'm not really the girl for him. I'm not really the girl for him. But also can we just talk about how that is the most random thing to dislike? I understand having preferences. I get it, you know? Maybe you like tall guys, maybe you like short kings, maybe you like blondes, maybe you like whatever. But being like, I just really don't like people with this hair pattern. Huh? Why? You might wanna investigate that a little bit. (laughs) It was so damn random. But yeah, that was another streamer that I was like, eh, bro, it's like American Idol or those judging shows. I really tried it, man. I tried it. I tried dating people and every time I was like, eh, it's a no for me, dog. And frankly, it's kind of sometimes just easier to date people outside of your industry, too. Let me tell you guys the last streamer dating story that I have. All right. Oh man, this one's tough to talk about. Okay, it is, it is, it is. All right, this last and final dating story occurred when I was in my, I'm gonna date nice guys, Erra. Let me preface this by saying, I feel like I was brainwashed by those people that were like, nice guys finished last. Girls never wanna date nice guys. And then we just tell you, that's a crock of shit, okay? It just is. For starters, maybe don't date self-appointed, self-identifying nice guys. 'Cause those guys are not always nice. Like if you're so damn nice, you usually don't have to tell people, okay? But should you date a human being that is nice? Yes, of course. But this idea of like, girls never date nice guys. Nice guys, it really had me thinking like, oh my God, I'm gonna prove them wrong. Ladies don't do that. I'm gonna prove them wrong. And I'm gonna date the guys that are really nice to me. But let me tell you what happens. Someone's really nice to you. And you give them a million and one chances. And sometimes that emotional connection is just not there. And that doesn't make you a bitch. And that doesn't make them a bad person either. It just makes you incompatible, okay? So again, I was in my nice guys era. An era that I do not recommend for most. But then again, you gotta try it to learn. So I dated this guy. So incredibly sweet. Like so sweet, you could just tell he did not have like an ounce of mal intent in his heart and soul, okay? Not a bad bone in his body. Super sweet dude. I, to this day, have nothing bad to say about, okay? But after a few weeks of seeing each other and again, giving it a chance, I realized there just was not enough of a spark and emotional connection to warrant continuing to see each other. So I decided I was going to break things off with him. And we had not seen each other for a couple of weeks. I don't recall if we were, if like I was traveling or he was traveling or something. We hadn't seen each other for a little bit. And I was thinking, okay, as soon as we see each other when we're back, I'm gonna break things off with him. And before we had gone traveling or before those two weeks, we made plans to go to a certain event together that he really wanted to go to. And so I'm not gonna lie, I felt really bad ditching him because we had to buy tickets for this event. So I was thinking, we're gonna go to the event. I'm gonna try to make it a fun time for him. And then afterwards we'll have a conversation and I'll all break things off as kindly as one can. We go to this thing and I'm trying, the whole time, I'm trying to be like happy, go lucky enough for him to have fun, but not so much that I am encouraging any level of romance between us. You know what I mean? I'm like, "Ah, yeah, but don't hold my hand." You know what I mean? A tough balance to strike, I'll tell you that much. And then, you know, I invite him back to my place to have the talk, the unfortunate talk. And I sit him down, you know, we have a little debrief about the event, "Ha ha, wasn't it so fun?" "Pawabla." And then I'm like, "Okay, but we really need a talk." And he says, "Wait, wait, before we talk, give me one second." He runs to his car and he comes back in with four gift bags, with four different gifts that he got me. 'Cause I think it was like around the holiday times, including bitch, a Gucci bag. And I had never, at that time, I had never had, like, a luxury bag. This was the first one I ever got. And it was right before I wanted to break up with him. Oh, he's gifting me that. He's gifting me like three other things. And I felt so terrible, man. And I have all these thoughts running through my mind. "What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" But again, something's something y'all don't really know about me. In my personal relationships, I tend to be honest to a damn fault at times. So I still had to sit him down and be like, "Listen, thank you so much, but I was actually planning on never seeing each other ever again." Not actually, but you know, I was saying, "I actually think it's maybe better if we go our separate ways and I'm so sorry that you bought me all of these things. Can you please return?" And his face, oh my God, I felt so bad to this day, even telling the story, I feel terrible, 'cause I know he felt terrible. I had never in my life like almost visibly, like almost audibly broken someone's heart like that. The jit. I'm typically on the receiving end of getting my heart broken. That was the only time and I felt so, so, so bad. And I was like, "Please, please return this." And he said, "No." And I said, "No, like I'm serious, I feel really, really terrible. Can you please return these things?" Like, you know, it's not that important to me. And I appreciate, well, like I just can't accept it. I can't, like, you know, I care. And he said, "No, like I really don't care about this stuff. You think that I care about it?" And it started getting to the point where I could tell that breaking up with someone already kind of hurts their ego and pride. And it was almost like me telling a man to return this stuff was also hurting his ego and pride even further. And after like the fourth or fifth no, I started understanding like, "Oh, I almost need to accept this so that he feels a little bit better about himself." Does that make sense? - So when out there was like, "Yeah, so he feels better about himself, huh?" "Listen, not only did I never have the heart to even use this curse it, it was a Gucci bag, this cursing Gucci bag. Like it just sat in my closet. And I think at some point I ended up giving it to like a friend." - So sick, I just, it's cursed, I can't. But again, if that guy ever listens to this, I wish you well. You are lovely, so sweet. Again, really sorry about that, but still wishing best. Let's move on from my relationships in general to something else, my relationship to my faith. I believe in some sort of greater power. God, the universe, call it what you will. And this has been something that's always been very difficult for me to talk about because being kind of thrust into the spotlight at a pretty formative age, you know, like your young adult years or even your teenage years, I kind of had this rule of thumb of, maybe don't talk about things until you have a very solidified stance. And one's journey with spirituality, faith, religion, whatever it is, is really just between them and whatever they believe in. I stand with that 100%. On top of that, I never, ever, ever wanted to come off as someone who was like pushing religion or whatever because so many people have had terrible experiences with religion. And that word, along with the word like God or spirituality or whatever, is a very stained term. And I understand why it hasn't been easy to come to this point where I'm like, hey, I can affirm people's shitty experiences with this thing while still talking about how it might have benefited me. And again, I never, ever want to be someone who is exclusionary of people, no matter your identity, your sexuality, your race, your gender, your sexual preferences, your what have you? Okay, if you are a nice person, I, except you wholeheartedly, okay? And I never wanted to affiliate with something that might lead to people making assumptions on my character or on what I truly think. I wanna start off this talk by affirming anyone who has had negative interactions or experiences with religion because actually, you know, I have to. I feel like religion and belief in anything greater than oneself. In this modern day and age, it is often used almost as like a fear tactic, a way of controlling people, a way of excluding other people. But to me, that should just never, ever be its purpose and it is such a disservice to human beings in general to treat them that way. So I'm really, really not an agreement of that. You will never catch me pushing people to any sort of religion where I stand is just having faith in something greater than myself has just helped me make it through the worst parts of my life. It has helped me find guidance when I needed it. It has helped me have a sort of north star and it has helped me try to be my best self in a lot of instances. Obviously, I'm far from perfect. But just to say, I guess, my takeaways. And I think a large reason why is maybe because I focus on my singular relationship and sense of spirituality as opposed to being a part of a community where other people are telling me what to do or how to live or how to, you know, and I surround myself with people who are encouraging in that regard. And actually, one of the things that makes it more comfortable for me to discuss this today is over the last two, three years of my life. I've been able to become friends with a lot of other people who have some sort of relationship to spirituality. And it's shown me that you can do that without any level of like fear or guilt or pressure. And that can be different for everyone, you know? Spirituality to me can really be anything, you know, you could be drawn to yoga or saying grace before dinner, with your family or fasting, Ramdan or Yam Kapoor or whatever it is for any individual, just something that hopefully brings you a sense of groundedness, of connection either to community or just to other human beings as a whole, you know? To this universe that we're in. And I hope that there's almost like a modern day spiritual revolution in a way where we no longer feel the need to have other people control us or tell us what to do and how to behave because clearly we've seen that in a lot of circumstances that just leads to people power tripping, that leads to a lot of harm being done. And instead we encourage people to just have some sort of connectivity to themselves to others, whatever feels good to them, I'm happy for you. You know? Or even just, have you ever just like sat and thought to yourself like, what do I want for myself? What do I want for my life? And just sent that wish out into the universe. That kind of connection can be a pretty beautiful thing, I think. And hey, who knows, maybe my mind will change in a few years. I don't know. I don't ever want to pretend like I know more than anyone else. And I never really wanted to talk about this online because Lord knows anytime a topic like this is mentioned, you got the debate bros coming out of nowhere being like, how do you know that you can have any connection to order, can be a greater power in a man. And I just want those people to know. If you come at me with that energy and you want to debate, my response is going to be, how do I know? I don't know, bro, the vibes. OK. I have apps I could not have less interest. I could not possibly give a less of a shit in regards to debating other people or convincing anyone of anything. I'm just saying, hey, faith, believing in something greater, believing in the connection between all human beings and these little practices, whether that's meditation or yoga, or prayer, all of these things that I do, damn, it makes me feel pretty good. I think helped me be a better person. And I'll fuck with that. And I want to keep doing that. And if you're interested in hearing more, I would love to share more about that, as well as growing up religious, what that's meant for me, transitioning into adulthood, et cetera. Also, kind of random side note, but did you guys know that my name, Iman, actually means faith in Arabic? Just going to reiterate, I never want to pressure anyone, anyone ever to feel like they need to be a part of anything or believe anything. Also putting it out there. I'm just so far from like a religion elitist. You know, people who are like, there's just the right thing to believe in and everything else is wrong. No, snooze, bro. I prefer people who maybe even don't have a religion, but just try to be good people versus someone who identifies as being a part of a certain religion. But is a shit human being? Like what? Huh? I don't, I just don't get it sometimes. I actually have so many things that I could vent about in relation to this topic. So if you want to hear it at number no. Yes, but ultimately, I would love to maybe encourage you guys to reflect on your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof, all good, and just making sure that it is something that you decide for yourself. Not something that's being imposed on you by your family or your parents or your community, whether that is believing in something or not believing in something, try out what you will and see what feels good for you, see what improves your life. That's all that matters. What makes you a better person? Let that question guide your decisions. Yep. Wow, I feel like that was such a late off my shoulders. Whoa. And we didn't even get into the really juicy stuff when I tell you-- this is kind of embarrassing to say-- I tried to film this episode a couple weeks back. And it was two and a half hours long because I had so many things that I wanted to talk about. So I've had to take out so many stories, especially relating to the industry and the business and all these things. So don't worry, I have so many more stories and content saved up for future episodes. And I'm just so excited to dive into it. It was surprisingly fun to yap out of camera for this long, surprisingly fun. And yeah, it's just been so many years of being worried about what people will say if I say this or think that or whatever. And now I'm just ready to face it head on. I'm someone whose opinions might change, but I'm happy and open to sharing how I feel right now and hoping that I can share these things in a respectful and proper way. And I'm hoping you guys are open to hearing them. Yeah. But do buckle up because things will get spicier along the way, OK? I would love to know your thoughts on everything. Please DM us, send us your questions. Please tell me what you want to hear me talk about. The Instagram is @don'ttellanyone. Make sure you hit that follow button on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening to this. Um, yeah. I don't know what to say, but you guys are so much for listening. Oh, leave a review because I think-- I don't know if you could do that yet. But once you can do that, I want to read the reviews at the end of the episodes. I think that would be so fun. And seeing as I'm starting this new project, a new venture, and I genuinely-- I'm just so excited to hear from you guys. I'm excited to engage with you. So please, please, please. Let me know what you think. All right? Appreciate you very much. I'll see you in the next one. Bye. Bye.