Things Get Wild w/ Lisa Gilroy | Reading Reddit Stories

Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is wild. Wild stories. And I'm joined by two of the wildest people on the internet and in the entertainment industry. Please welcome Angela and special guest, Lisa Gilroy. Woo! Woo! Hey, settle down! You can't get too wild yet, okay? Sorry. You better be careful. She'll take the iPad. I know. I fully know. Lisa, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Sorry you're already mad at me. It's okay. But what can I do? We love Lisa! And this is my little baby, by the way. Oh, nice! Yeah. She's this little, so try to be nice to her. I will be nice to her. She said, you okay? Mm-hmm. You hungry? Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. That's what I do. I ask her if she's hungry, and then I just ignore that. You don't even bother. Okay. Okay, well, hold it. All right. Lisa, how familiar are you with Reddit? Slash ShaneFansForLife. I'm the mod. I'm the mod. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you're very familiar with Reddit. Chat, I've made it to the top. I sat across from Shane AMA. Oh, my God. You don't use Reddit, though. Can you tell? Because I don't either. I would never ask it anything. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, do you guys? You do. Well, I mean, if you Google stuff, you're going to, like, Reddit might give you an answer. But I'm saying people who use Reddit as a search engine. I find that not a lot of women do. Oh, I use it for, like, health stuff. Oh, you do? Yeah, because, you know, I love, like, anecdotal health diagnosis things. Oh, okay. Yeah. See, I don't. That's, like, the most. That's the most common way to use Reddit, right? It's like, hey, I have this, like, weird thing or, like. Say what it is. I don't have a specific thing, but or, like. My penis is just, like, so small. It feels a little weird. Yeah, exactly. Where I've used it is, like, my cat is being weird in this very specific way. But my cat's penis is actually too small. Not mine. My penis is too big to carry up and down the stairs. Yeah, it hurts as I go upstairs. I've gotten used to that. But you will have a very specific issue, and then you'll go to Reddit, and someone seven years earlier had the very same specific thing. Yeah, and then all the comments are just like, hey, how did it go for this? And then they never respond. That is true. That's what I'm saying. They're absolutely deceased. It's everybody just, yeah, arguing. You can get a lot of good answers, though. All right. Well, we've got a bunch of wild stories here, and I feel like it's going to get pretty wild in this episode. I hope these are all bear attacks. Help, I've been attacked by a bear. Yes, r slash attacked by a bear, help, help, help. Very possible. Okay. I mean, when you say wild, that's what I'm thinking, like. Like wilderness. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, oh, I don't know if it's wilderness. Okay, so it's not wild, so let's not call it that. What is it? R slash mildly inconvenient? That is a subreddit. Okay. We need animals in the wild to call wild. I get it. I get it. Okay, well, maybe there'll be some animals. Okay. We'll swap in some stories. Before we get into it, new chair, by the way. How's it feel? It feels really good. The other chair was just a little too deep, you know, so I was leaning back. This one's really nice and fits me perfectly. Look at you. This is crazy, because you've been in that other chair for. You didn't get to see the other chair. No, I didn't. Honestly, from where I'm sitting, you look like the perfect boy for a perfect chair. Isn't it? This looks like it's molded for you. Well, look at that. We found the perfect boy for the perfect chair. Yes, I feel like a little perfect boy. Honestly, if there was a prince who had a chair and was going among the kingdom and trying to find the perfect little boy to sit in it, it's you. And then whoever sits in it and fits in it perfectly, they're like, you're the new king. You have to marry the chair. All right. Our first story. This first story comes from Am I Overreacting? And it was posted in April of this year. Okay. Am I overreacting for being angry that my doctor's office responded as a dog to call me a liar? Okay, I'm laughing. That's the title? Yeah. That's the title. Go on. Sorry for the doozy of a title. They heard you. Essentially, the context is that I had a car. I had a car wreck on my way to their office, obviously causing me to miss my appointment. When I called to reschedule, they wanted me to pay $75 to do so literally while I'm standing on the road. I tell them about the accident, and I don't even ask to waive the fee, just to reschedule as they take four to six weeks to get you in, and I have to see them for my psych meds. I literally begged the lady on the phone to just put me down and let me pay the fee when I'm able to get to my things, and she refuses. When I got home, I left a review. There aren't many psychiatrists' offices here, and I don't want people wasting their time on that one. Within ten minutes of my review, the office posted this. On top of telling me there was no evidence of calling while pretending to be a dog who is writing this, I also proceeded to get tons of calls and texts from them. Upon blocking them, they called my emergency contact to ask if they could speak to me about waiving the fee. I asked them what gave them the right to reach out to my emergency contact for a number of days. They said it was a non-emergency, and there was no answer. I'm obviously not intending to go back there, but am I being ridiculous, or was this really infantilizing and rude of them? So we have the response from the psychiatrist. The dog? From the dog. From the dog. And they write, Woof woof. Blank here. Resident floofer and emotional support mascot. First off, I'm really sorry to hear about your car wreck. Those are rough. I hope you and your vehicle are okay. At this company, we do understand that emergencies happen, and we actually waive fees when unexpected situations occur. But the boss needs to know about it to waive it. The tricky part? I sniffed around and can't find evidence of the big guy knowing. If we had, we'd have gladly worked something out. I think they meant to say they can't find. I sniffed around. Maybe they're Irish, and they say, can he find? Might be an Irish dog. Can I find? I can't find evidence of the big guy knowing. As for testing, some specialty assessments aren't covered by insurance. Trust me, I've tried to file a claim for more treats, and it didn't go well. But we always aim to be upfront about what insurance covers and what's out of pocket, so there aren't any surprises. I totally get frustrations with policies, but our goal is always to provide the best care possible. If you'd like to chat with our management, we're happy to take a second look. Otherwise, I'll be here, ready to accept belly rubs as payment. Stay safe out there. Blank the therapy dog and company mascot. Blank the therapy dog? We're redacting the dog's name? Yeah, can't we know the dog's name? I guess knowing the dog's name would probably dox the company. Okay. What? That's awesome. So if I tell you someone's dog's name, can you tell me what celebrity's dog it is? Yeah. Bruiser. Oh, yeah. Elwood. Okay, it works. If you know anybody's dog's name, you know exactly where they live and who they are. Yeah, yeah. It doxes them. It's like a social security number. Okay, so this is a mascot that responds to reviews and emails in character as a dog, but it's for a psychiatrist's office. Like, this is like really— Where people are trying to get psych meds. And that is playing with fire, because all of a sudden you're like, wait, is my doctor a dog? Am I the only human in dog world? Like, that's a slippery slope. I get it for like a— Or like a foot doctor. Or like a dentist. Even that, though, that's crazy. I get it for like a vet. Not for a human doctor. Yeah. Like, I don't need a dog mascot responding to me. Be like, ugh. Totally. Oh, gosh. Not getting your meds for your depression? That sounds rough. Or worse, what if it's your med for your psychosis and suddenly a dog's being like, newsflash, dogs can type now. And I can talk to you. Yeah. You're like, I think I'm having a manic episode. And he's like, you are. I'm a dog emailing you. Yeah. I get manic for walks. Yeah. This is kind of out of control. So maybe— Why would you do this? I guess you do this because you have different receptionists throughout the week. So then you don't have to keep, like, be like, well, Sarah chiming in here. So this is this year. I'm trying to figure it out. I'm going to be— This is from this year, which means this is likely an AI bot responding to people in character as a dog. And they just don't want it to look like AI, so they're going, it's a dog? Sure. Just like, why a dog? They're trying to be silly. I honestly— They're trying to be silly. I think it's a genius idea, to be quite honest. Okay. Because if someone is speaking to me— If someone's speaking to me as a dog, I'm not going to get furious at them. You're not going to get as angry. I can't get mad at a dog. You can't get mad. It's just a simple dog. Of course you don't understand how the insurance claims work. That kind of makes sense why, like, small towns have dogs. What am I supposed to do? Yell at you? I'm not going to yell at you. Sure. Like, when small towns have dogs as mayors, you can't get mad at policy. Oh, you're talking about— Exactly. It's like, so let the ones— You're talking about Idlewild? Aren't there a bunch of dog mayors out there? Specifically, Idlewild has a dog mayor. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like, so what are you going to do, get furious about the potholes? The mayor's a damn dog. Like, give him a fucking break, you know what I mean? Like, he already did more than you could ever do in a lifetime. He's a mayor. He's a politician. What are you, a stay-at-home dad? Think about it. I think, like, here's the thing. I want to be really clear, Angela. I want to be really clear, okay? Angela? I want to be really clear. Bring up the thing. I'm not a liar. Oh, okay. Whoa. Hottest take I've ever heard. Okay, let me finish. Angela, keep going. I am not a liar. But when it comes to cancellations, 24-hour windows, I will say anything. I will say I'm pregnant on the side of the road, like in a car accident, and also my mom died. I'll make up anything. But that's why, let the record show that when you were, Your Honor, let the record show that when you were reading the original deposition. Yeah, for sure. I looked over and you made eye contact immediately when this person said they were in a car accident, so they missed their appointment. Car accident world has been flambéed. Everybody is saying, and not to say everybody and their dog, but everybody and their dog is saying, I was in a car accident. Don't you find? It is like so the go-to. It's that and found this in my junk mail. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm guilty of that one. I do it all the time. The problem is it's real, though. That really does happen. I do find things in my junk mail. But then sometimes I think it's a problem. Perfect excuse. Well, look. You just don't, do you just not read your emails? No, not all of them. Okay. Cancel me. Internet, do your thing. Come on, come out for me. No, it's fair. You already know the name of her dog. Do you ever feel, okay, okay, can I say something crazy? Do you ever feel a little bit of relief when, like, the thing genuinely happens to you and you're actually, like, saying, like, oh, I couldn't make it right. I'm so sorry I didn't respond. I, like, I actually. Yeah, my power went out the other day and I was like, oh, this is cool. I can use this. I don't like that because I'll tell you what. Like, I had to cancel on a show and this was, like, five years ago in Toronto. And I texted the producer and I was like, I am sick. And I knew I was getting sick. I went to the doctor. He did a little swab. He was like, you have strep. So then I went home and I was like, damn, I really want to do this show. So I texted the producer. I'm sick. And he was like, yeah, okay. And I was like, this is the most I'm sick. I don't want to do this show. But the worst part was I was actually in pain and I was really sad. And then I also didn't get sympathy because it just seemed like such a lie. Yeah, that is so true. I think it sucks when the real thing actually happens. Because one day you're going to get in a car accident and everyone's going to go. Had to pull out the emergency excuse, huh? Yeah. Sad. And one day Angela is going to be pregnant on the side of the road. And no one's going to help her. You know what I mean? We're not going to believe it. You're going to be, like, found it in my junk mail. I'll be like, oh, sorry, I didn't see this text. It went to my email. So the verdict is not overreacting. The comments, this would set me off, too. The dog writing an email is so passive aggressive. Someone said, when I read the response to you, I thought it was for a vet appointment. But even that doesn't really make sense. These people are completely unhinged. In the comments, OP mentions how the office has two therapy dogs with dyed hair, a coffee bar, popcorn machine, and offers ketamine infusions. This place is a state fair. This is, and that's not really good when you're not super grounded. Someone said, I wonder if they reply to their ketamine patients pretending to be a dog. I used to do ketamine therapy, and that would have fucked with my head so much when my head was already fucked to fuck land. OP left a comment saying, edit to add, the person calling me over and over again wasn't even office staff. It was the owner who isn't even a psychiatrist and has no business talking to my EC about anything if I'm not dying. And so I'm going to be like, oh, my God. I'm going to be like, oh, my God. Now, generally, I've come to accept him for being a guy and not cleaning up after himself. Fuck, God damn. He has got a lot better at it, though, so I'll give him that. Anyway, this morning, I went downstairs as usual to clean up a bit, and when I went to pick up the remote off the floor, I noticed a white McDonald's cup sitting next to the chair. Thinking it was just a leftover drink, I went to dump it in the sink, only to realize that there was piss in the cup. I'm not sure how long it was sitting behind me, or behind the chair, but it smelled really bad. It was pretty much full with ashes at the bottom of it. He smokes. I don't really know how to go about talking to him about this or how to even bring it up. Advice, anyone? Okay, we got the sound guy laughing. He goes, I piss and smoke in the same cup every day. Those days, like, classic. Because I piss in my ashtray every Friday night. Hell, yeah. When I go to McDonald's, they're like, supersize it, and it's like, I'm going to need to. Got a lot of piss. Wait, she found it behind a chair in the living room? Like, hidden? No, I don't know. Just, yeah. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's disgusting! In the living room. Not even, like, at a gaming setup. Just, like, not at a desk or something. What do you mean? Like, I don't know. I'm just like, we're. You're like, you can relate. You're like, if you're gaming so hard and having so much fun. If he's at a desk and he's gaming, and then I'm like, okay, like, I would never do this. You did this to yourself. But I'm trying to picture, like, where it makes sense, but I'm like, I'm picturing just, like, a living room setup where I'm like, the fuck are you doing? Because I can't pause Shark Tale. I can't. I can't. Like, what the fuck? And he's also, is he smoking inside? Yeah, it sounds like it. Yeah. There's a bat all over the place. Well, because my first thought was, like, maybe what was in the cup was water, and he's ashing into it so that it doesn't. And it's, like, fucking it up. be stinky, and it's making it turn into piss. I think that does turn it into piss. Okay, so question. What is OP asking advice For like what to say how to bring this up to drink it or not to even yeah it's a drink or not to drink Um, I don't know how to go about talking to him. Wait, don't you have a character who's obsessed with piss me? Do you have a character? Oh, yeah, I love this character. Can you do it the character? Nerd who likes piss It's this real 100% a really single right character nerd who looks I like just Nerd who like and if you want to cut this you can This is this is nerd who likes piss. Okay? No boys are coming. I hope they don't piss on me again Why are the police coming for the boys the bullies are coming out though the bullies I think said police and I was like what oh the boy speaks So this is like a nerd who wants the bullies to piss. It's a nerd who likes piss You understand I can't wait to show you it's a real thing. Okay And it's really good It's always funny to hear people's characters like nerd who likes piss and then rib girl, oh, yeah Kylie Kylie came on the channel and made fun of a character I used to do that I forgot about that I blacked out and it was just girl eating ribs screaming Nerd who likes piss and rib girl are meant to Chain mr. Normal chairboy calm What's your what's your big wacky CA god fuck that's gonna carry with me for a while now, huh? He's doing his chair boy character Boy who fits perfectly in chair? Okay, there's something there. Wow really perfectly in a chair. Yeah boy whose legs bend perfectly when the chair bends He fits perfectly on the chair now that people buy tickets crazy Yeah with the opener Piss boy and rib girl, come on. Okay. Okay, so I think I would just is this would this okay? What would you guys do? I would is this is this would this be a deal breaker the absolute deal breaker? If I thought if you were dating someone and you found a cup of piss on the ground somewhere in the home This is what I don't understand same with couples who don't fart around each other I'm like you gotta talk about this, you know, but this is different like so this isn't farting. This is pissing I got one immediately pick up the phone and go like I just want a couple pisses on the is this piss? I would immediately do that. I would not be turning to reddit. I would be immediately picking up the phone and going did the piss did you piss? I would immediately pick up the phone and going did the piss did you piss? Like that's what love is supposed to be. Yeah, it's not supposed to be go to reddit. It goes to your partner. Okay, if and if your partner says yes, then what? Then come to reddit and discuss it with me. Before you went to him. Yes, you're so right because we need to know what he said exactly. Maybe he's like it's not piss It's just ash and water or or somebody came over and pissed in the cup And I told them not to and they did it anyways or the cat did it the litter box was full and I held her Over the cup and she did it or I held her over the cup Or or the toilet was overflowing and I bailed out the toilet and there's so many different things that could happen Give this guy a fucking break Oh no, Lisa have you pissed in a cup? Oh no, Lisa have you pissed in a cup? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! No, I couldn't my streams way too wacky. Yeah! Yeah! Do you find? My stream, wack! Mine's a fucking like sprinkler like I can't control where it's going. No you have no idea how nice it is. No idea! You can piss in one line! You don't know? What if my piss is kind of like the shower that you can dial it and change the directions? Wait wait wait wait that'd be so cool. Wait are you all pissed in one line? You don't know? Do you have like 12 holes in a circle? Ew I'm gonna barf we're talking about his dick and a bunch of holes! Yeah that's actually so gross that's so disgusting to think about but it could be true. Wait do you have 12 holes in your dick? Do you have 12 little holes and they're like in the shape of a kind of like a spiral? Don't worry I don't. Comments? The iPad is voice controlled? Comments? Comments read comments. Comments not sure how to ask him about it. Don't ask. Tell. Boyfriend I was cleaning up the other day and I found a cup behind the chair and it smelled like three week old piss and had cigarette ashes in it. It smelled really bad and I'm really grossed out. You don't need to know if it's piss or how long it's been there or whether he'll clean up next time or why he didn't clean it up this time. You need him to know how finding something so nasty affected you. OP said instead of calling him on the phone and yelling in his fucking ear about it which I really wanted to do when I first found out I wanted to think about what I was going to say. Before I let him know that I found the cup. Thanks for giving me some idea on what to say. What's funny about this to me is it feels like OP's like doing like what happens when you find out your partner's cheating on you and you're like I'm going to think about how I'm going to respond or I think about what I'm going to do. There's no fault. There's nothing to like think about. There's really not much you can do. It's just like hey what's this? Yeah and also like. Like there's no other. But you just need time maybe to register how insane it is. Sure it's piss in a cup. There's got to be some other explanation. Someone said who the fuck pisses in a cup when they are in a house. I can see being too lazy to go to the bathroom so you piss in the kitchen sink or just stepping outside the house and pissing outdoors but just pissing in a cup is proper dirtbag behavior. Yeah that's not. Who the fuck would piss in a cup? I can fully understand. I can see pushing my penis in between the couch cushions and soaking the couch with piss but I wouldn't piss in a cup. I can picture getting my wife's purse and pissing inside the coin purse but I couldn't piss in a cup. But a cup? No way Jose. I can picture pissing into the Brita filter to see if maybe that does something cool with it. But not this. I can see putting my dick up the ice cube dispenser in the fridge, cranking it on, pissing up into it and freezing my piss into ice cubes and then later putting them in a cup and leading them to thaw. But pissing in a cup in the first place? No. No. What? What? Yeah. Yeah. One last comment. Someone said was he getting drunk last night? Not that that is an excuse but it would give a reason for this. OP responds saying no he doesn't drink. There shouldn't be any excuse for him to piss in a cup when our bathroom is 30 feet away. 30 feet? I'm in shock. Big house alert in mansion. Okay, cool. I'm just in shock that anyone, especially the person I'm living with would do this. Maybe he's sick. Like. Well if he's sick he shouldn't be smoking cigarettes. There you go. Well there you go. Yeah but we don't even know what if the ash came from his dick. He's that sick. That's tough. Ashy dick. Fire. All right. Update. One day later. Okay. Nice. First I just want to say thank you for all the helpful responses that I received yesterday. I've never in my life had to deal with a situation like this. I also hope it is the last time as well. As soon as he got home from work this morning I told him that we needed to have a serious conversation. We both sat down and I told him that I found the cup he had been pissing in behind the chair. That it was the most disgusting thing I had ever seen and I was repulsed that he would actually do something like that when we have a perfectly fine working bathroom upstairs. He started to actually defend himself as to why he was using it. I tried to stay calm but I couldn't anymore and eventually it turned into a heated argument. He stated that the cup was easier to use than going upstairs to use our bathroom which is seriously 30 feet away. And he usually dumps it in the kitchen sink when he's finished. WTF. That right there was a deal breaker for me. This has been going on for quite some time. Upon further inspection where I originally found the cup I could clearly see urine stains on the floor. How I didn't know about this sooner I don't know. But I'm really glad that I do now. I can't continue to live with this sick fuck any longer. I'll be moving my things out today and will be staying with a friend for the time being. Wait, is that real? That's, wow, okay. She's just like, can you imagine? People are, people are gross. People are very gross. I'm gonna, listen I'm like, is love real? Because I can't imagine loving someone so much I move in with them and then they piss in one cup one time. And then they suck to me and I'm moving out. He pissed in the cup a lot though. This is, this is wild to me. That he would put it in the kitchen. That he would dump it in the sink. Yeah, and he's been doing this since he was a child. And he's clearly missing a lot because there's piss stains on the floor. That's so, yeah. Oh that's disgusting. So his accuracy is not top notch. I mean, the scary part about this is, is it's a hop, skip and a jump away from shitting in a cup. Oh yeah. In your living room. Like that's where it gets like. That's a little harder because it's harder to like aim that. Is that what camera you tried? No. But yeah, it's like, it's true. It's like if he's, if he's fine with that, he's defending that, then what other gross shits are you going to do? Yeah. It's just so strange to me that the conversation wouldn't go like, you pissed in the cup. Like, yeah, okay, yeah, you're right. You really can't be doing that anymore. Oh, okay, sorry. All right, love you. Good night. Like instead of like, I piss in this cup, I do this. I'm out. I'm moving out. Yeah. He doesn't want to go upstairs to go to the bathroom. Like he's like, I'd rather you move out than me have to walk up the steps to use the toilet. I have like a kind of a funny feeling that maybe he's also kind of not great boyfriend. Well, she was saying that in the first post we could infer that. And they just moved in together, right? Yeah. But she's just like, oh, it's typical guy behavior. I'm working on getting him to finally like clean up and do things basically. So I think he's probably pretty nasty. Yeah. But honestly, to go with what you're saying, I will say. As disgusting as it is, I think I could try to work through it. Of course. I think I would. I'd be like, hey, don't never do that again. And then if he didn't. it again, then I would leave. I mean, yeah. That's like. Is that disgusting? I think you deserve better than that. Hey, look, as your friend, I'm going to say you deserve better than that. But I feel like it's an easy. It's not like hate or like judgment or like. No, no, no. Because imagine I'm a person that Angela G. Rotana fell in love with. Imagine. Just couldn't. And you said, I love you, and I said, I love you, and then we moved in together, okay? Imagine that. Now, you've found the cup of piss. Approach me with it. I'm the type of person that Angela G. I would be like, hey, this is really, really gross for me. Wait, why is it gross? I've always peed in the cup behind the couch. Okay, that's not going to ever go for me. Oh, okay. That's really, really disgusting. But don't you find the bathroom so far away? No matter how far it is, I would never piss in the living room. Okay, sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry to make you embarrassed. To make you feel embarrassed. This just really grosses me out. So, what are you saying? I can never do it again? Please never do it again if we live together. Okay. I mean, I guess if you're insisting, I won't do it anymore. That's what would happen. Okay, then cut to us talking about it. So, you're telling me about your relationship. So, last night, so, Lisa just moved in, you know. Right. And last night, I didn't notice, we were just like, we're getting used to each other. You know how you have to, like, get used to each other when you're moving in? She pissed in a cup. And I found the cup. But she was, like, really understanding when I said that grossed me out. She said she wouldn't do it again. Thank you, guys. Come to flush my piss down the. Uh, hey, you guys. I didn't know you guys were hanging out in here. Dude, it's good to see you, Shane. Good to see you, too. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't know you were home. I was just hanging out downstairs. What you got there? A drink. Drink? Oh. Is that Sonic? It's Mountain Dew, yeah. Please share with our guest. Oh, no. Please share it with our guest. He loves Sonic. Or whatever. And I love Mountain Dew. I know all the flavors and all the colors. My favorites are, like, green, blue. Time out. It's so interesting that you, as a performer and a character in the scene, know that this is piss, but you're insisting that you want to drink it. Anyways, time in. I don't know that it's piss. Uh, okay. I guess I'll give him what he's asking for. You wanted a sip of this, right? Yeah. Actually, I. Here's the thing. I love Mountain Dew, and I love piss. Hey, now, you guys need to have a conversation. So, now, what are you gonna say to Shane? Like, I'm never gonna do your podcast again? No. You would be like, I think it's weird that you like piss. Yeah, and hopefully he would understand. Exactly. I agree with you. I think it's workable. I think you guys should break up. But I think these two in this relationship, it's like, it seems to have been founded on something weird, and. Yeah, I think. I was gonna say, the only time where I'd forgive someone for pissing in a cup is if they were going through, like, severe depression. But that's not the case with this guy. He's defending a very different situation. Or remember that kid who said Gucci Gang a million times on YouTube? If he pissed on a cup in the middle of that, that'd be fine. That's true. Because you have to get. Well, he's on a mission. Or, you know, if I'm doing a High Rocks competition, I'm gonna shit all over myself. Yeah. But that's gonna be more as an intimidation. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Wayfair. You know when it's time for bed, and the house is dark, but you realize you forgot something in the living room, and now you're fumbling around blindly for a phone charger? This can all be avoided with more lighting options from Wayfair, like floor lamps that create a gentle light at night, illuminating your path. With Wayfair, I bought the Arch floor lamp with remote control. I knew this lamp would work perfectly because it is Wayfair verified, which means there are trusted reviews, and the products have been hand-vetted by product specialists using a 10-point quality inspection. My lamp has five color temperatures and five brightness levels. Now, I can watch movies with a dim, warm glow in the background, or when I need to get work done, I can turn up the brightness. I love having options. I am so glad I used Wayfair. I know that I will find exactly what I need in my budget and my style. With my new lamp, I can now see my home. And, let me tell you, I really like it. Fine pieces made for real life. And, get even more value with Wayfair Rewards. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase. Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Now, back to the show. Wayfair, every style, every home. Our next story comes from Wedding Shaming. This was posted in July of this year, 2026. I was a plus one at. Hi, this is PJ Vogt from the search engine. So, you're a great small business owner, but math was never your thing. Totally get it? Enter Xero. That's X-E-R-O, as in X marks the spot for the perfect platform that puts accounting, payments, payroll, and analytics in one connected platform. With visual dashboards, Xero makes it easy to understand your cash flow. You know exactly what's coming in and what's going out. Join 5 million customers worldwide who use Xero to manage their finances. Learn more at Xero.com. That's X-E-R-O. This episode of Reddit Stories is sponsored by ZocDoc. It can be tough to stay healthy during the fall and winter months. It's so stressful when I'm not feeling well because I'd hate to get my castmates or crew all so sick. Nobody wants to be that guy. I want to stay healthy and be productive. That's why I use ZocDoc. ZocDoc lets you search and compare high-quality in-network doctors. ZocDoc gives me the tools to find someone even in those urgent situations. They have more than 150,000 providers within 200-plus specialties across all 50 states. And when I have needed urgent care, ZocDoc has given me options. I search by location, insurance, and type of doctor. Their patient reviews have helped me select a doctor that I feel confident I'll gel with. So, no more getting my coworkers sick. With ZocDoc, I can act fast and book an appointment within 24-72 hours. Sometimes, I even get same-day appointments. Your health matters, and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to ZocDoc.com slash PitReddit to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash PitReddit. Magic is real. At a wedding where the bride kept interrupting people's conversations because they weren't on brand. I was a plus one at this wedding a couple of weeks ago, so I didn't really know anyone there besides my girlfriend. The ceremony was nice, and then the cocktail hour was normal, and obviously dinner starts, and everyone is just doing what people do at weddings, you know, catching up with relatives they haven't seen in ages. Then the bride starts making the rounds, and at first I genuinely thought she was just being a really attentive host until she stopped at the table next to ours, where two guys were talking about football and said, smiling the whole time with a really eerie smile, no sports tonight, let's keep the conversations about the wedding. It was so awkward. Everyone laughed, and the guys laughed too. Then she walked away. About ten minutes later, she stopped an older couple because they were talking about a cruise they'd just come back from. This is really funny. She actually said, and I'm not kidding, you'll have plenty of time to talk about holidays later. Today is about us. She kept doing it all night, and it was driving me insane, noticing how she was sucking away the joy from her own wedding. Someone started talking about buying a house, and she redirected them. Someone was telling a story about work, and she appeared like Voldemort again. My girlfriend started catching up with a cousin she hadn't seen in years, and the bride literally came over and suggested they share their favorite memory of the couple instead. Like, are you actually serious as an adult? What kind of attention-seeking is this? It said so much about her as a person, and I was kind of also worried, considering my girlfriend is friends with her. On the drive home, I asked my girlfriend if I'd imagined the whole thing, because it was so weird. She just goes, no. She did this at the engagement party too. I'm honestly left questioning how my girlfriend is even friends with this lady. We're giggling over here. I think this woman's a legend. That is commitment. This is so me, by the way. This is me having one good joke and doing it all night. I'm never related to anything more. Angela, am I wrong? Does that seem exactly like the type of joke I would make? And then if people laughed, I would do it all night. I feel for her. I'm sorry, guys. You gotta talk about me. Yeah, that's so funny. Talk about your favorite memory of us. Oh, that doesn't sound like it's about Rebecca and Josh. Refigure the combo. And then the whole table laughs. You walk away and feel like a queen. And you pop up. Yeah, go to the next table, do it. That is the funniest bit I've ever heard of. Are you guys taking a picture? It should be a picture of me. Yeah. I mean, if you. Come on. And as OP said, so if it hit at the engagement party, you did it there, it crushes. So then you gotta do it at the wedding. It's her only joke. Give her her goddamn joke. She found a good joke. Let her keep making it. Let her fucking do it. Because guess what? After today, the joke has expired. She's only got today. She has until midnight. You're right. It's so funny. But what's sad is I think she actually genuinely probably wants people to talk about her. Yeah, because the girlfriend isn't going, oh, it's a joke she does. It's like, yeah, no, she's just really like this. Maybe they don't know how funny she is. It's true. I'm like, they're jealous of her. She's a famous comedian. Wait, we heard the funniest thing in the entire world on a plane. We should talk about it. What was it? Remember, I think this woman is a famous comedian, but she's not. She was a flight attendant. Oh, my God. A flight attendant? The funniest thing. It was, and Angela and I are both burning with jealousy because we heard a flight attendant make the funniest joke anyone's ever made, and it wasn't either of us, and we were just, I was riding on a high for her. Yeah, we left the airport, like, All of us were like, fuck, that was a good joke. So we have a whole flight. Everything's normal. Get on the flight. Safety demonstration. Ladies and gentlemen, is your captain speaking? Yeah, all the same. Everything is the most normal flight you could ever imagine. Okay. Okay? We land. Ding, ding. Great. You know, flight attendants, prepare for cost check, blah, blah, blah. Everybody's doing their thing. All the standard stuff? Standard. Flight attendant gets on the intercom. Grab your stuff and get out. Whole airplane. The whole. Oh, man. We're just fucking dying. Like, it was. We were. Oh, it was. And it was the way she's going, get your stuff and get out. Yeah. Oh, and you could hear, like, the click of the thing hanging up. Like, oh, God, it was so good. Sorry, that was a tangent. I just remembered that because I was thinking about how funny this joke is. And how many times do you think that flight attendant has done that? I don't know because even then, afterwards, another flight attendant got on the thing and said, and was like this. And please be aware. Please be aware in case any baggage is. Yeah, like, they were all dying. Wow. I think she genuinely was just feeling herself that day. And just was like, I got the, I got the, get your stuff and get out. That's incredible. It was so good. Damn. If you watch, if you watch YouTube and this is you and you're like, I did that. Yeah, please. Please comment. Please let us know. So we can find you because you're the funniest person in the world. Next to this bride. I think this bride is very funny. Yes. Comments on this. Someone said, I agree. A wedding really is. I agree. I agree. It's a celebration of community, family, and friendship. You get to meet the other people who are important in the couple's lives and tangentially learn more about the couple from their other relations slash friendships. It's not specifically about the couple, but they're the common denominator. Great time to catch up with distant relatives or mutual friends. Bride totally missed the bus. Someone said, this is one of those things that's so ridiculous out of the realm of what I'd consider a possibility that I would have no fucking idea how to react to it. Lastly, someone said, tell her that the whole. Reddit is talking about her and it's not even her wedding day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Tell her that she's famous. We're all talking about. We're talking about her on this podcast. Hey, we're talking about she's we're all talking about her now and her wedding. I actually don't think like I've never had a wedding, but I could imagine I think I would if they were talking about me, I would want to be a part of the conversation. Like if they're talking about my dress. Yeah. Talking about me and my husband or whatever. I'd be like, oh, what do you guess? You have a fun memory. So like, if anything, I don't think I would have too much FOMO all day of every combo. Yeah. Yeah. I can't relate at all because I like it's funny to say, but like we work in entertainment, but I don't if I'm in that type of situation, I don't want the attention on me. Yeah. I kind of enjoy that. I'm like, this is just a big gathering and all these people are just here and. Yeah. Enjoying it. But some people, this is their one time. Yeah. It's their one time. Yeah. But it's like, how much can you say about one person? No, it's true. Like in this context. Or either person. Talking about them. It's like, all right, cool. We're talking about the wedding. Yeah. That we're at. Yeah. And it's cool. And it's a good opener. It'd be like, how do you know the bride and groom? And then after that's out of the way, you've got to get to talking about football or the. Talk about other stuff. Yeah. The big cruise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-uh-uh. What's going on over here? Keep the topic on me. Oh, yes. Oh, good. We were just talking about the food actually. It's really good. Okay. But what's my favorite food? Cake. Great. Good. Congrats. Okay. I'm going to leave, but don't let me catch you talking about anything else. Great. I have to use the restroom. Oh, restroom. Nope. Hey, that's against the rule. Okay. Okay. Here's a cup. This next story comes from Am I Overreacting? It was posted in August of this year, 2026. Am I overreacting for disliking my boyfriend's anniversary gift? Okay. Do we think it's a dildo? A dildo? Yeah. Why would he do that? Put himself out of a job? Okay. What do you think it is? Should we guess? Yeah. What are anniversary gifts that you would. Okay. This is actually. This is going to be great because you don't know. Do you, Shane? I don't. Do you skim ahead and look at the. I did not skim ahead. I did not. I did not. So let's each guess and then we'll say honestly after the story is read who we think got closest to the gift. Okay. Okay. And can you read the title one more time? I'm guessing dildo or nipple tassels. Okay. And what's the subreddit? Am I the asshole? Am I overreacting? Am I overreacting? Okay. I think. Heels? I know. You're going like, oh, it's like a sexual thing. Yeah. You're going sexual. I think it's a gift that's more for him than her. Like, oh, I got tickets to a basketball game and she's not into basketball. Or it's like, it's like a Roomba. No, nipple tassels. You already did yours. No, Roomba or nipple tassels. Roomba or nipple tassels. Roomba. I get to guess one. I get to guess both. No, because that's covering all the. Cleaning and sex. I do both. Okay. Fine. Cleaning and sex. Sports. See, mine was going to be something. Mine's just gift for himself. Yeah, mine was going to be something that's like gift for, like, to include, like, let's say he loves to canoe. He, like, gets her paddles so she can come with him. Yeah. Like golf. I'm on the same, I'm on the same vibe. You guys think it's a selfish gift. Selfish gift. And I think it's like. Sexual gift. Either be sexy or clean. Cleaning or sexual. Okay, but what if it's, what if it's worst of all? And it's like, it's like happy anniversary, worst of all. Here's some dumbbells. Oh. Worst of all. Worst of all. Worst of all dumbbells. Happy anniversary. Here's a treadmill. Here's. That gym membership. That sucks. Okay, so me, 21-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, 33-year-old man. Oh, they already huge problem. Had our one-year anniversary yesterday. Already a massive gap. So, they started dating when he was 32 and she was 20. I got him several things that I knew he'd like and had mentioned over the past several months. I wrote him a thoughtful long note and bought him flowers. He got me $20 lilies and wrote a three-sentence note and we went to dinner. I like flowers, but I have told him several times over the past several months that I do. I want nipple tassels or a Roomba. Yeah. I told you I want two things. I like flowers, but I've told him several times over the past several months that I do not like roses or lilies. When he gave me my gift, I managed to contain my disappointment and told him I liked his flowers. And note, after he gave me my stuff, he opened a $215 pillow that he had bought himself. His main hobby is mattresses and pillows and bedding. No, his main hobby? Hobby? You thought canoeing? No. Mattresses. We had drank a little bit at our dinner, so honestly, this kind of triggered me and I started tearing up, but gave another excuse for it. He kept pressing me as to why. I was upset and I told him that there were several cheap things I had mentioned that I'd wanted as a gift the past several months and I got a type of flowers that he should know I don't like. I also said I was upset that he got me nothing, but I had to watch him open an expensive thing he bought for himself for the 10th time that month. How did he wrap the pillow? No, he didn't wrap it. Oh, it's just like a fresh pillow that he's opening up. But for the 10th time that month, he's opening up a new pillow. I didn't say that. She said, yes, yes, I had to watch him open up an expensive thing he bought himself for the 10th time. Yeah, exactly. She didn't say an expensive pillow he bought himself. But his hobby is mattresses and pillows and bedding. After this happened, he threw the flowers. After this happened, he threw the flowers he bought me at me. Sorry. After this happened, he threw the flowers he bought me at me and started yelling how I was an ungrateful and a bitch. I just went up. I just went upstairs after that and he slept. Come on, everybody, get up. Awesome. I just went upstairs after that and he slept in the living room. For context, I make significantly less money than he does. Well, of course you do. You're a teenager. You're a little baby. He makes $4,000 plus every month and we live in a very low cost of living area. He regularly buys himself expenses. He has a mattress hobby that he has spent thousands on. What's going on? Just buying new mattresses and sheets and pillows. There are six mattresses in our little apartment. Just last week, he bought over $300 worth of sunglasses and a $2,100 bar of silver. This spending. That is the behavior of a 30-year-old man who is dating a 21-year-old. A 20-year-old girl like I am just like, yeah, sure, all right. Or a pirate. It's just sold silver. Or a pirate. Wait, he's a pirate. He's a pirate. And me scurvy says he's using those mattresses to build a boat. This spending is typical for him. I will add a photo of the mattresses so people don't think I'm trolling. The post got deleted so we don't have the photos. But I trust. My main issue is that I was thoughtful for him and spent my minimal money to buy him things he'd mentioned because I pay attention to what he likes. A year is a special milestone in a relationship. I feel like he pays no attention to me or my interests and doesn't know me as a person. None of the things I wanted were expensive at all. I just would have felt seen if he remembered what I liked and got me it. I told him these things and he called me ungrateful. Am I overreacting for not liking this gift? Edit. Yes, I posted this on the other subreddit. It got removed and almost Almost all of the comments were about the mattresses, not my question. I don't care about the mattresses. That's not what I'm asking about. You cannot include that your boyfriend has six mattresses and not have that be the main topic. Like, come on, man. She's like, help me. I'm in a loveless relationship. And everyone's like, what were they? Give us Rex. Yeah. So he has six? Are they stacked on one another? Are they in different locations? Another edit. Somehow he saw my post, so I guess no more updates from me. He saw her post? He saw her post. That's ominous, you guys. We have to find her. She's not overreacting. Yeah, no. No. This is fully insane. There is, like, I'm not going to ever, I'm not really, I'm not really going to defend it, but every time we read a story where it's like, it's like me, 20, and my boyfriend, 35. It's always, like, then from there on out, I can't be surprised by any of the behavior. It's like, he collects mattresses. I'm like, for sure. He bought a 2,000 bar of silver. I'm like, yeah, of course. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, biggest thing here, let's just get this out of the way. He threw these flowers at her and called her a bitch. I hate this guy. Yes. But is he a pirate? Because, oh, my God. He bought a bar of silver? He bought a $2,000 bar of silver. He bought her $20 worth of lilies, which she's explicitly said she doesn't like lilies, and then he wrote a three-sentence note. I don't trust people who don't like a flower. Well, I think people have preferences. Like, what do you mean? She's 20. Yeah, I guess she's a kid. Like, I don't know. I don't know. People have preferences. If he didn't throw the flowers at her and call her a bitch, I would say this is the perfect man. Yeah, because if I had a boyfriend that was like, look, my main hobby is sleeping, and I'm going to buy you so many gorgeous pillows and mattresses, I'd be like, I'm in heaven. And then the whole home is just mattress on mattress. It's just mattresses. That's yip-yip-yip. We're jumping around from the kitchen to the bathroom to the bedroom. That sounds like the most fun little pillow for you ever. Yip-yip-yip. Yip-yip-yip in the living room. We are jumping. Literally. I mean, it is a beautiful hobby. I would love someone. It does. That's why that would have made me happy if he bought her a silk pillowcase. He was like, please join me in my hobby. Yeah. Can I be a stickler? That's not a hobby. Get him. Get him. That's not a hobby. Internet, get him. Right? Like, isn't a hobby an activity of some sort? Sleeping is an activity. Buying a thing. You're a collector. He's a collector of mattresses. That's so wild. And pillows and bed. Like, he's an enthusiast. Hmm. But a hobby. A hobby. You can't say, what's your hobby? It's like mattress. Yeah, right. It's like, oh, like. What's your hobby? Guns. Even that's a hobby. Guns is definitely a hobby. Yeah, my bad. What's your hobby? Because you can get good at guns. But you can't get good at mattresses. You could get good at mattresses. I guess you could get good at mattresses. And not to brag, I feel like I'm pretty good at mattresses. I'm not very good at mattresses. Are you guys talking about sex? No. Sleeping. What the fuck? Interpret it however you want, Angela. If you think mattresses are for sleeping, then yeah. It's about sleeping. It's about sleeping. Okay, yeah. Ew. You fucking loser. No, no, no, Angela. Why don't you go home to your mattress and have a good sleep? Yeah, okay, dude. Ew, what are you guys doing? Are you guys boning? Yeah, we're having sex. I'm dying at this. This is fun. This is fun. I guess it'd be like somebody's hobby is water. Or toothbrush. Right. Or phone. Toothbrush. No phones up thing. Even toothbrush. Even toothbrush. Toothbrush, you can get better at that. Like, you know, my dentist says, hey, you can brush better on your back teeth. You can apply more pressure. This is just a pillow he wanted for himself that he opened on their anniversary. Yeah, yeah. And I don't even know if he's sleeping on these pillows. Like, if he's just a collector, like, we don't know the situation. Yeah. Maybe he's keeping some of them in the wrapping because that keeps their value. Or maybe he thinks the only way to hide his bars of silver is under the mattress, and he already filled the first one with bars of silver. Oh, my gosh. So now he's just getting more mattresses. And then he's going to get sunglasses so he can hide her vision. He did also buy $300 worth of sunglasses. You mean that's like one sunglasses? She writes $300 plus worth of sunglasses. That implies multiple sunglasses. And how long have they been dating? A year. It's a one-year anniversary. And to be honest, I mean, listen, anything where a relationship comes up, cup of piss, bad anniversary present, I'm just like, everything can be fixed with communication, especially one-year anniversary. Like, you just don't know what people's gift-giving styles are. You don't know if anniversaries are important to people. Men can't identify different flowers. Like, we just have to get to know each other. One-year anniversary, we're not going to get it right the first time. Yeah. And also, gift-giving, like, I grew up, like, my mom loves to give gifts, and then I started doing it. But some people don't. Yeah. And some people, you make them uncomfortable when you do it. Yeah. Some people aren't into it. But you communicate about that. Yeah. I don't, well, she tried to communicate. And then she got hit in the face with flowers. He threw stuff at her and called her an ungrateful bitch. He's a bad guy. He's a bad guy. So that's kind of the end of that. Comments. His main hobbies are mattresses, bedding, and pillows. That's the first time I've ever heard those things as a hobby. How strange. Someone said, is this rage bait? Age gap, living with someone you've dated less than a year, mattress hobby? Yeah. You're not overreacting about the gift, but maybe rethink this relationship. Update. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm fine. Sorry for the cryptic one. I'm moving back home and leaving him soon. He just does not understand. I don't understand my actual grievance with him and is more concerned that I am embarrassing him on the internet. He wanted me to add that he will be volunteering at an animal shelter after I go home and contributing to the earth. Another really funny person. He might be the funniest guy. If somebody gets canceled for being a bad guy and he's like, fine, I'll volunteer at an animal shelter. Okay, guys. Fine, I'll volunteer. I'll help animals. Literally, though. Yeah, my name is Jason. I'm 32. My hobbies are mattress and contributing to the earth. It's like, make him the bachelor. Now. Net worth, bar of silver. Yeah. $300 worth of sunglasses. Yeah. Contributing to the earth is weird. He's going to contribute to the earth. I think it's noble. He's going to do his best. Final update. Hell yeah. Final update. Because I've dedicated my whole day to fighting for my life in the comments. He is going to make his own post, apparently, to clear his name since he thinks somehow everyone on the internet knows who he is from my post. I know people have found my post history. We broke up because he was trying to cheat on me with prostitutes and his ex-girlfriend and I came back because he begged me to and told me he'd pay my bills. And you're pissed he got you lilies? Yeah. $300 a month and buy my food, which he does. $300 a month. Turns out that was not worth it, so I am leaving and probably won't comment anymore. Thanks for the advice, everyone. But do we have his post? No, we don't have his post. I'm going to try and find it. He's probably dead. Hello, Reddit. I'm here to say I've spent time with goats. I've been helping goats. I've been giving goats beds. Wow. Wait, it makes me sad that this was much worse than we thought, this relationship. Yeah. But she's out of it now. Yeah. Finally. So there's that. That's the silver lining. We're going to have to get rid of that. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now, and listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixllearning.com slash audio. Visit ixllearning.com slash audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Fall is a vibe. So, what's yours? Do you go wild? Or get a little nostalgic? Do you like to cozy up indoors? Or kick it outdoors? Whatever you fall for, get shoes that get you. We've got the trends. You bring the vibes. DSW, let us surprise you. We have another story for our final story, but we actually have found the rebuttal from the boycott. We have found the rebuttal from our boyfriend. This is how I like to hear when men defend themselves. I like to cover up. We found the rebuttal from, we found the post from the Pillow Man. Scary. Hi, everyone. Since this person has glamorized and make me look a very specific way, which was tailored to engineer the public view to her side of the situation, I decided to create an account to clarify some things which will be listed below. Let's go. Can't wait. Mattresses. I don't know what you're talking about. The bed we sleep on affects every other part of our lives. If we sleep improperly, we have a chronic quality of life inhibitor, which will cause a person to have shorter, more unhealthy lives and inhibit their overall productivity and their lives as a whole. This guy sounds so hot and smart. When I first started researching them, I realized it was a huge rabbit hole and that there was so many options. It took forever to pick the first one for our apartment, and I realized it's probably not going to work. It's probably like this for many others. It's just hard to know what to pick, and if you pick the wrong one, you're stuck with this massive thing in your house that's ruining your quality of life. Sounds like the way he talks about women. Yeah, literally. Let me clarify that I acknowledge six mattresses is ridiculous. It's just a thing that built up over time as I learned the different ways they are constructed. Multiple of the beds I got for heavy discounts. I was very interested in learning the properties of different layers and how they affect our sleep, which is also the case for pillows. The girlfriend below criticizes my hobby, but in our free time has repeatedly told me she loves sleeping on my bed and uses my pillows for comfort. I like seeing her sleep well on my beds. They make her feel better, which despite how stupid she says it is, she still sleeps awesome on them, and that always made me happy. This is crazy. Another note, I am not attempting to absolve myself of the fact that it's kind of hoarding. Once again, as I learned about how things are put together, it started to interest me how different companies construct different things that we use to improve our lives. My first ever hobby was health and nutrition. God, I'm so bored. Yeah, this guy. When I learned how our bodies work and how various qualities of foods, herbs, and vitamins can benefit everything about our health, I have helped many, many people improve their health, which gave me fulfillment. This is also another reason I like to help others decide what kind of bed they need, because I know it will improve their lives. How could they learn from someone if that person does not have plenty of experience? So I learned everything there is to know about the industry and how they are put together. That way, when anyone asks me what they should sleep on, I feel confident knowing I am improving their lives. I am planning to decrease the amount of bedding items in my apartment, but the thing is this wasn't supposed to be the entire Internet's business. I didn't realize that the person I was living with was the type to tell the entire Internet everything about me. I work all the time, and I have only one friend in person who I can hang out with. You don't say. This guy's only got one friend? That's crazy. You'd think he'd be the most popular man. So when she, the girlfriend, is not around, I become extremely lonely, and I have nothing to do. And I recognize mattresses might be ridiculous, but the fact is I sleep better than I ever have in my life. She has been, and anyone else who has listened to me about what to do also sleeps better than they have ever in their lives. That's a big accomplishment. She can't say she's helped anyone. I don't think she's helped anyone sleep better by having this information. Instead, the guy who helps people all day gets criticized on the Internet. I'm basically fucking Superman. Did he say that? No. Okay. Also, I need to clarify my monthly pay is much more than I told her. I told her it's $4,000 a month because why would I be telling her the exact amount I make when she's the type of person to post all of my business on Reddit? Oh, my God. I didn't live my life to have it announced to the whole Internet. What if you or anyone else here were living lives that, at someone else's will, would be published for thousands of people to see? Happens every fucking day. Yeah. I did not do anything in my life to please anyone else here, unless you're trying to sleep better. It's really good. That's killer. And guess what? If you were to ask me what to try, your mind would be changed because you'd be sleeping on the best setup you have. And will ever have. She lives in my apartment for free. I do pay $800 a month for rent and utilities, but I also buy the food for the apartment. I make sure all the water we drink is high-quality well water. I give her vitamins and supplements all the time to help her be healthier. That was not listed in the massive paragraphs of complaints about me. The food I buy for her and us equals to $2,000 a month for groceries and the amount I take her out to dinner. I also pay her $75 a day. I pay her $75 a day to ride with me and buy most of her drinks throughout the day and other food items for her to be happy. Like in the carriage? Yeah. Ride with me? Like in an Uber? What does it mean? I don't know. It's like reverse Uber. Get in. $75. I prefer conversation. Yesterday I spent $150 on her for her to have spending money and her bills and for our expensive Italian dinner. Almost every time I do something that is not to her liking, repeatedly, I have heard her say almost every day, "But the other guys I've been with did this better than you." This is a chronic occurrence. The things I've done in the past, I can't change. I acknowledge I have messed up, but I do the best I can in the current moment with the amount I have to drive and work to afford all my bills and for us to have a good time and her to be taken care of. But almost every day she tells me other guys she's been with did this or that thing better than me or are better than me in some way. My other boyfriends gave me more vitamins and supplements. My other boyfriends have better mattresses than you. It's very often that I receive criticism for trying to do good things like buy gifts for her. She will say somehow that what I'm doing is not good enough as if I'm doing something wrong. Things I have bought her recently that she did not note. $75 very high quality natural cotton robe from Quince. I'm obsessed with this guy. I'm obsessed with him. This is not an ad. Oh my God. Okay. Whatever you're about to read, I'm going to read it to you. You're going to read it to me? I'm going to read it to you. Okay. I'm going to take it verbatim and post it as my Christmas wish list. Okay. All right. Guys, welcome to Lisa's Christmas wish list. Start from the beginning. Need. Two special lava lamps from Walmart. Come on. What's that going to do? Hello Kitty and Sonic, $50. A $110 Sonic Air 6400 electric toothbrush that I found for $75. Okay. You don't say it's a $110 one if you got it for $75. A $45 pair of sunglasses so she wouldn't feel left out. Lisa's getting sunglasses. A $45 pair of sunglasses so she wouldn't feel left out because I bought multiple pairs of high quality sunglasses. I drive all the time and standard polarized sunglasses were not filtering out enough sunlight. This is why I got high quality sunglasses. These will last me for years because I'll take care of them. She gets access to all my high end fragrance. I also collect those which I have heavily slowed down on. I use this to make sure she smells great all the time. Oh my God. He's spraying her. She's an access key card to the firm. So excuse me for not picking out the right flowers. I have a lot to remember and focus on. I did not pick that bouquet of flowers in an effort to insult her. I spent 15 minutes looking at the available options and liked the ones I picked for her because of how beautiful, lively looking, and how colorful they are. It was not my intention to make her feel inferior as if I did not care about her. This is how she interpreted it. I figured dressing up, going to an expensive Italian restaurant, putting one of my favorite fragrances for her on her, then spending $70 there so we have a good time was a nice gesture for her. We had driven the whole day beforehand. We were tired but I still wanted to try to do what I could to make the day fun for her. She also included I only wrote a three sentence letter. I put my feelings into that and it was not three sentences. What are we doing? Competing to see who does better for the other? I was supposed to spend and buy more than she bought me so she wouldn't feel upset. She said I threw the flowers at her. I did not throw them at her. I hit the table with them because apparently this bouquet of flowers that was beautiful and vibrant Here we go. that I thought hard about to pick. I spent 15 minutes looking through all the options. Oh my god. Was not good enough. I was very angry which I think anyone would be if they tried to do a good thing. And are constantly told what they're doing is not good. If I had known she would be hit in the process of me hitting the table with the flowers, I would not have hit the table until she had moved her foot. Which brings me to the next point. Her foot? It was under the table at that point in time. Her foot in which I spray good stuff on top of so it smells good. I keep her foot in the perfect, most expensive Italian shoe. Every day I give her a new Italian shoe complete with nutrients and resources to make her life better and her emotional state happier. Ever since I got hemp CBD lotion for her foot, she's slept like a awesome queen. She tells me daily that the shoe she walks in has made her life and the earth she lives in better and more contingent with the rest of the natural earth and the biosphere. Which I am contributing to, by the way. I also spent $16. It's not over. I love this. I could listen to this for hours. I'm like crying. I also spent $16 on a 12-pack for us to drink for the night so we could have fun together. A 12-pack? Of like? That's also on your Christmas wish list. Thank you. A 12-pack. I love this. Which also, if I threw the flowers at her, how come only her foot got hit by them? I like how he goes back to that. I hit the table until she had moved her foot. Which also, if I threw the flowers at her, how come I only hit her foot? It's so stream of consciousness. It really is. What are we even doing here? Everything I did received criticism despite me having previously. I honestly spent $160 on her for the day and sending her $75 every day she rides with me and buying her a lot of drinks and food. Her dirty foot. Paying for all of the supplies in my apartment, letting her sleep on my high-end mattresses and not making her pay to live in my apartment. In conclusion, I recognize the bad things I have done in the situation. I should have been better, but I have been trying. He did not acknowledge or deny him calling her an ungrateful bitch. So. Honestly, this guy is up there with the bride for funniest fucking things. The way he talked about those products. This man needs a book deal immediately because I would read anything he writes. It's so funny to me. He needs ad reads. Like, he needs to just be like. God. You know, I'm really glad we heard him out. Not normally do we hear both sides. And now I can make an informed decision. Yeah, exactly. That she was in the wrong. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. I can make an informed decision that what we thought before we read his post is also true. Yeah, that's so true. Him going back to be like, the flowers hit her foot. God. That was. And like all the things he listed that he does as a good boyfriend. Allow her to sleep on my mattress. Give her access to my cologne. Access to my fragrances. These are things that like you would say you do for your cat as a good cat owner. That's so true. I don't like when he's like, I sprayed her with my favorite smell. Yeah. Like, it's very territory. It's territorial. It's just. It's terrifying as fuck. Yeah. I don't want to know who that gathered. I don't want to read what those men said. You don't. Wouldn't it be cathartic to hear someone go like, dude, you're a moron. Yeah. Well, we're saying it. I guess, but. We have one comment. One? There's just one? One comment. And they said, okay, mattress fucker. Okay. See? Wasn't that nice to hear? I like that. You know that this guy posted that and then like waited and like was checking, like he was waiting for comments. I'm honestly shocked he didn't respond. And the comment was, okay, mattress fucker. He goes, damn it. Yeah, yeah. I'm surprised he didn't respond in like an essay to that. He's like, it would be impossible to fuck a mattress. You can't fuck a mattress. The way he's beautifully. There are no holes. There are layers to the mattress and I understand what everyone needs from their mattress. Oh, God. Wow. Well. Thank you for that. Yeah. Thank you for reading that. That was awesome. That was a mouthful probably to read. Sometimes when it's very stream of consciousness and I'm reading it, it's like I'm getting possessed. Yeah. He goes, what are we even doing? Sorry. One other comment. Someone said, I almost believe this is real because your girlfriend posted a picture of most of the mattresses, but it's too hilarious to be real. You're incredibly unnecessary accounting of the exact amount of money you spend on her. You graciously sharing your library of colognes with her. You considering nouns to be hobbies instead of just realizing that you're a guy who's a guy who fixates on a subject and reads a bunch of marketing material on the internet. Get him. I couldn't write a character this funny. Bravo. Get him. Damn. It is actually kind of crazy for this guy to just summarize the whole relationship with just products he buys her. Yeah. We don't know anything about them. No. He does not. She is an accessory to him. Yeah. She doesn't. It sounds like they don't really talk. No. But he allows her to sleep in the bed. I feel like you guys are kind of like. Yeah, I guess. He does. He does. He provides her with colognes. He provides her with supplements. Exactly. And he provides her with supplements. And it's like he wouldn't do that if he didn't want her skin to glow and her hair to be healthy. She's like a Tamagotchi to him. Yeah. Or Tamagotchi. Yeah. He makes her sleep well with the mattresses. Sleeps well, smells well. Sleep awesome. Sleep well, smell well, supplement. Like, wake up, babe. You slept awesome last night. Yeah. Like, how does he know? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. What a little fucker. But funny guy. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this episode lived up to its title. Yes, it did. This was wild. Wild. Thank you. That man is a wild bear. Yeah. This was a crazy episode to film after having recorded, like, three other episodes today. Why? Was this just, like, these stories were crazy? This was already a fever. Like, I already came, the start of this episode, I was already out of it. It's a new chair. It's a new chair. And then where this all went is just absolutely insane for me. Try not to talk about the other episodes while I'm here. I'm the guest. So, let's keep the conversation focused on me, okay? Of course. Yeah. Yeah. The day started with Lisa and it ends with Lisa. Why don't we all talk about how we met me and memories we have about me? And I remember meeting you literally an hour and a half ago. Perfect. Right before we started this episode. Yeah. It was very cool. And are you enjoying my party? Yes. Thank you for having us at your party. Of course. So cool to be here in your studio. Yes. Thank you. Thank you both for joining me. Uh-uh-uh. Not Angela, just me, right? Okay. See what I mean? I can take one joke and really let it go. That's what I was going to say. Keep on going. You would kill this character. Yeah. This was so fun. Is there anything you'd like to plug? Because I believe you do have a show coming out. I'd love to plug my fist up that mattress guy's ass. Plug it, baby. And he would love it. You know. Yes. Brothers on Apple TV and The Paper Season 2 on Peacock. On Peacock, yes. All right. And Angela, great job. Thanks. Thank you all for watching and we'll see you next Saturday. Bye, guys. Bye. Lately, I've been thinking about skin care a little differently. Instead of chasing every new trend or using products that leave my skin feeling stressed, I've been focusing on my skin care. I've been focusing on supporting my skin's long-term health. That's why I've been loving Primally Pure's Plumping Collection. It's designed to deeply hydrate, support your skin barrier, and help your skin look naturally firm and radiant, all while using thoughtful, non-toxic ingredients. One product I've been reaching for every day is the Plumping Serum. It uses Bacuccio, a botanical alternative to retinol, along with nourishing oils and astaxanthin to deeply hydrate while helping improve the skin. I love that my skin just feels healthier, it's hydrated, glowy, and supported, without feeling like I'm using harsh products to get results. 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