The wedding night & waiting 'till marriage: Your most chaotic questions answered!

Did you know that I got cool feet on a wedding day on the day of Abigail did text Caleb and I said I can't do this Oh my gosh happy. He's probably pooping his pants This is something that really triggers me a post-loss is talking about age gaps. Honestly, but really kids because it's like something that I like tried to Perfectly plan. I'm pro honky. I mean if someone is at the light and they're not going You don't think I'm gonna give him a little love top. I guess I'm pro you Abby. I'm egg tower Welcome back to always here. I'm your host Abby Howard and Abby Howard. Hey Have a new and ladies Stomach bug hasn't left the stomach bug is the lingered around it's just hitting more people you guys last week I said didn't know what it was like for a baby to puke now I do Brie all had it over the weekend She'll be cute twice two separate occurrences a lot during those occurrences, but two separate occurrences And now she's better. She's not throwing up, but she's so kind of not a hundred percent back yet Well, she fussing and stuff in between like you could tell she I could tell she knew she wanted to be put down Which is not normal for her. She really likes to play independently, and she just wanted to sit on my lap the whole time Like she would sit there and just lay next to me. I'm like Where are you doing? This is not normal. It's just sweet like I loved cuddling her But I could tell she was just like not feeling the best Totally unfortunate and then like got a little nauseous little sick. I'm still good. Everyone stay away. I'm scared No, I feel bad. I'm sorry. It's so scary. We I thought we were in the clear We I mean, oh I talked about this a lot last episode But that morning that we filmed the podcast I disinfected her house I scrubbed everything the couch front back underneath the tops like every surface. I vacuumed I mocked well they also dropped off suit when you were sick. So yeah, but they didn't come inside. Oh, okay They just put on our porch. So now our family that we had family in come in town this weekend and It is starting to run through them as well I know Prangin I called her like I'm praying for your girl Flight today too. They but they push it back. Okay. Good. I know I know I know what I'm playing No one wants to puke on a plane. So yeah, our Matt and Caleb's our husband's extended family was in town like the whole week But we really mostly saw them on the weekends. Yeah, that was fun. So fun. It's always fun having people We have people their families always in town. I know I'm like wow, this is just a really tight knit family totally I know it's fun. It's so fun. So yeah, we spent so much time outside you came over here We swam we had pizza you guys made a good wine meal the next night grilled some chicken Yeah, it's really I learned the art of paper plates after that first night Abby is always the dishwasher. I feel like it. I was like, you're like ever thought about doing paper And I'm trying to off my job. No, there's still plenty of dishes And I was like wow, this is amazing so free. I still will never use paper plates just so it's just my family Or even just a small group, but that was a lot of people. That was 11 adults right this is like three kids So I was like, okay, we'll do paper plates and it was so convenient If you haven't discovered paper plates Here is your opportunity. I feel like my family went through a phase where my mom just kind of threw in the talent So I'm doing dishes for a while and just said paper plates Yeah, and we were we were like a solid paper plate family for a couple years Which I know is not good environment, but you know what actually you know what aunt Jen said that she thinks that they did some Studies and they said that maybe this was a paper plate company, but that running your dishwasher is more energy Consuming than using paper plates. Well, I believe that paper plates use less water But don't you think like the landfills maybe? Yeah, it doesn't feel right to me either, but you know, I won't I still am not a paper plate person Yeah, I don't know. I wasn't raised that way. Uh, no, but sometimes you just Yeah, I think that was been I don't really have a like a solid hope in a heart. Honestly, we're just talking about it I think that was it having family town is really fun Recovering from the stomach bug my mom gets back in town tomorrow bad. I'll be great. I'm so excited Oh, and I get my hair done tomorrow. Oh my gosh. I'll just change your whole life. I know I feel like I'm coming out of that fog where I feel like the last three weeks the fog is lifting out of my mind from just postpartum hormones like I feel like a Different person. Well, I think your hair holds on to memories. It does it's waiting me down Oh, it's waiting me down. I wanted to wait until after I went through all the postpartum hair loss and all of that to get Your hair still looks really thick. Thanks. Yeah, I wasn't I mean, it definitely hit me a little bit on the sides, but not horribly Not as bad as it did with CJ. I think um, but yeah, that's super hopeful. I think I'm gonna go shorter Yes, and should a little bit of brightness that will be great. Yeah, I haven't ever gone like above my shoulders Yeah, yeah, I actually have I think I'm kind of dramatic with my hair transformations Yeah, if I'm gonna go I want it to be I want people to notice like I my feelings to get hurt one time When I was there for four hours and then kill goes what did you do to your hair? Oh, it's like it looks amazing But I think that's the signs of a good haircut. It's like it was very natural looking Yeah, I think it's only natural looking and be a big difference. Oh, you know, she did a really good job But yeah, kill did not notice. Yeah, hopefully we'll see. Yeah, it'll be exciting. Mm-hmm. My Hope is just being halfway through the pregnancy They now being public wow is that relieving uh, you know Yes, and no it didn't feel like it was like some big secret that I was like worried about hiding Like I don't know some people were like, oh, you can kind of see your bump here. I was like I don't care Like it's not like some big secret, but it is it is I don't know apart. We did kind of want to keep it Private forever, but you really can't do that and I also feel like purpose in sharing like about it too So no, it feels good. My hard though is that our anatomy scan. I'm sorry. I'm worried about this so much to you guys I was just really first of all. I think it's a little deeper than this like thing because I just wanted everyone to just be like Everything's perfect. Right. Stop worrying. Everything's fine. And it's like okay, baby looks great Which is obviously like we're so grateful for that and do feel relief from that. Yes, but just like we're the placenta attached It's in the lower part of the my uterus and so They have recommended pelvic rest for at least four weeks and so this means I can't go to the gym Which is like obviously by thing that I talk all the time about like loving so much It's like a great part of our morning routine right getting out of the house socializing getting activity in And especially at this stage of pregnancy. You have so much energy at this point. I feel like so like um What's the word like I think the biggest jump you take and like belly size Is literally from 18 to 22 weeks. Oh, yeah, and so I'm like. Oh, man. I really wish I could like move a little like Keep this thing going right but No, so it's fine. I've actually learned to really love my walks I've been going on long walks because I they did say I can do walks and I listen to some audiobooks Have in a great time people are like you take your kids with you, right? I'm like no. No, no You think they could sit in a stroller for four miles right though. No So especially it's been like over a hundred now, but they cannot do that. I had so I miss going on walks It's so hard getting Everyone corraled to go on a walk like we were like just take your dog in a walk route and look with poor Lewis But I'm like to put two babies two kids in a stroller a horse on my waist and then two days usually on a bike Not a stroller that alone talk about four or five minutes. It's not a it's not like a leisurely walk. I'm like this is This is actually to survive adventure. Yeah, like this is I had a mentally prepared for this Oh, so yeah, no, no, so the walk is the dream also no intercourse. I'm just gonna say that. Oh, that's the hardest thing I'm sorry. Just go throw that one in there. It's not just Matt Sorry mom. You guys got a lock in you got a lock in not locked in locked in Abby you're not locked in You got to mentally get it together. You saw it. I go the other three and more weeks I know you just thought that it it is actually pathetic. I like don't kiss me He's commenting you every five seconds your pup is so cute reading you like get away. I'm like get away devil No, my gosh. That's fine. It's fine. Well then we'll get you lit up like a little uh, you're not allowed to do anything Yeah, literally the second trimester are you kidding? I know gosh dang it. That's the best time fine. We'll go back in three Clock in you need to like some distraction techniques I am not I just go to bed. I'm literally like I just have to sleep I mean that's good. I actually haven't sleeping a little bit more good good good anyway moving right along To this episode is all about You guys this one's for you guys. I'm so excited. I am really excited We have should we share her uh Topics sure So okay this whole episode is dedicated to voicemails from you guys because we love hearing from y'all and it's just like It's just I don't know. It's the most rewarding part of this show. I really feel like knowing that like obviously We see the numbers we see comments and stuff but hearing your voice. I just feel like it puts Humans to what we read and see online and so it just makes it feel so like it feels really real for us to right and like a small element of your life too Like your personal life we hear about so much about our lives right. It's really cool to get like a little bit from you guys too So that's what this whole episode is and these are like we call them major buckets We're talking about pregnancy and parenting Marriage and dating friendship and then we just have some for fun fun ones, maybe a couple pop culture ones sprinkled in there. We'll see what we get to because we get a little chatty sometimes. But yeah, thank you to everyone who sent voicemails and then if we will always do this segment in future episodes, but just not as many as this current episode. So if you do want to call in the number is 602-456-9690. Woo! Thank you, Adi and Hannah for going through and picking me up. Yeah, it was great hearing everyone's questions. I hate the ones we can't make. I'll also give a PSA. If you're leaving ones that are like over 45 seconds, there's less likely that they're gonna make it in the episode. So keep them under like 30 and you're way more likely to make it in the episode. Okay, little PSL. Hi, I am 10, almost 11 months postpartum and I am down bad with baby fever. I want another baby so badly, but my husband wants to wait until we have a vacation in August to get pregnant after. What was your logic behind the age gap with your kids and do you wish that you'd do anything differently in terms of the age gap between your siblings? Thanks so much for the podcast. That's a great question. Do it! I feel like whatever you're excited about it. Yeah, but you both have to be excited about it. Yeah, so that is hard, but you can just say, hey I can be pregnant in August. Yeah, we go on vacation. No, but deal. I guess yeah, where's the vacation? To pregnant now and then during your second trimester in August. And then you'll feel great. That's so true. Yeah, because if you're in your first trimester on vacation, I could see him being like, let's just wait a little bit to after that. Also, if you do both agree on needing to wait, that's really not that huge. Yeah, it's not that long, but I get that. Oh my gosh, I'm just making one. Okay, tell us your age gaps. My age gap was unplanned with Griffin and Augie, so they were only 13 months apart. And it's so fun now. So I'm like, not a good, I'm not the person to talk to, honestly, because I'll give you bad advice. I'm like, just do it. Just make another one right away. But I do forget that it was really hard in the beginning with the two littles, like literally a year apart. I had two babies for a little bit there. And then we perfectly planned our third one. And they were gonna be two and a half years apart from the youngest to the baby. We unfortunately lost that pregnancy. And then just were like, whatever we're just we're like, whenever a baby comes, we will be grateful. And so now we have our third August or July baby in a row, you know, which I was trying to avoid living in Arizona. But I life just had the way of reminding you that you're not in control. And so, yes. And so that gap will be three and four years between my kids, which was bigger than I ever. Wow, I didn't really wanted this baby in all you'll be three, three, four years. Basically, because this baby's due to is August 11th and August birthday is August 10th. Oh, that's amazing. It's like exactly three years. That's kind of feels big and daunting. Really, I feel like that's what we want for our next gap, ideally. So the gap between CJ and Vivian is about two years and three months. We were pretty strict about waiting the 18 months because I had the unplanned C section with CJ. And my doctors are pretty firm with me about wanting to wait a full 18 months to get pregnant, which I was like, that's honestly sounds like a great timeline anyway, because then they'll still be relatively close in age. And yeah, we waited and then basically 18 months was like, okay, let's start. And then we got pregnant right away, thankfully. So I think an ideal timeline for us this time have these two close, then have a three year gap and then have two more kind of close. That's what we're going to do. Yeah, I think we want like a buddy system. Ideally, okay, actually, this is something that really triggers me post loss. It's talking about age gaps, honestly, between kids because it's like something that I like tried to perfectly plan and like all worked. And so then I was like, this is so dumb that you been talking about because it's so out of my hands, but I understand that it is worn like warrants a conversation. But like, ideally, that's what would happen next for us. Yeah. I think it's good to have them close, but also like, I know a lot of people that have kids with a gap. And it's great too. Yeah, but I totally am like, if you're excited about having a kid, then I feel like then have a kid. Yeah, I don't know. That was one of our husband's cousins. How what's our relation to them? Who? Eva. Oh, she's our cousin's wife. Our husband's cousin's wife. They're asking about knowing when he's our daughter, your family. And I'm like, yeah, whenever you're both excited about it. I don't know. Or until the good Lord gives you a baby. Until it just happens. Hi, I was just wondering if you could talk about how the transition goes from having one baby to two. My husband and I are considering having a second one. I was also wondering how it is having a C-section when you have a toddler at home. That's something I'm really nervous about. But you could just give your advice and things on that. That would be great. Thank you. Love listening to you guys. Bye. One side note is I think both of these last few boys were while they were driving. Which I just think is sweet. They're listening. That's mom live for you. Yeah. Mom's on the go. Well, do you want to enter the C-section with a toddler part of the question? Yeah. Unfortunately, I feel like I've locked out. I feel like you handled it really well. Really? Yeah. That's so nice. And Griffin was still at the age where he wanted to be held a lot. I don't remember that really. Like you, it didn't stop you. You know. No, I'm just recommendation. No, no, no. I mean like either way, whether you have a baby or not, like if you have a C-section or vaginal birth, you still have downtime to where it's like you, it's hard to pick up your baby. Yeah. I will say mom's listening, you know, you know what I'm about. Like you feel this, whatever I say. Mom's make it happen. You do. Like you just make it happen. I've got to do what you got to do. And so like I remember it being difficult, but you just, you just simply make it happen. And so yeah, C-section after when you have a toddler, I think as candid as you can just be like, I want to hold you so bad right now, but like obviously early on, early on, not a good idea. So I would just sit down and put them on my lap all the time and then make sure I would always have like ice packs like the freedom moms. Uh oh. Oh, oh, oh, no. They've been doing another brand. Find another brand. And I'll shout out about it. No, they have a great C-section. Frozen corn, maybe. Frozen corn. I'm not going to turn on them. They have an amazing C-section recovery man that has a ice. We can make a hot or cold and that cold on that really. It also protected the area. So he could sit on my lap. We also load your baby in their car. See, like not in the whole, like, you don't have to lift up the whole do you know? I also feel like this might, I don't know if this is medically sound, but moving as much as possible does help. Oh, I think like moving a lot like with my toddler, even though I was like sore, like, it wasn't like sore. That was like, Oh, this is hurting my healing progress. It was sore in the sense of like, this is just what it's going to feel like to do things. Like as this is healing, but I feel like if I were to stay still, it would have been worse. Like I would go on walks even like kind of really right after. I think you healed way quicker than me from those from the C-section. I remember I saw a video of you skipping on Instagram and I was like, what the heck? Why is she skipping? I can't skip. And so I tried it and I was like, you know what? I think I need to move more. Wait, why was it skipping? And then I was like, can I do that? You're like a month, but 16 days ahead behind me. And I was like, wait, I don't think I'm, she's, I probably need to move some more. I couldn't walk, I didn't walk a mile from. Well, that was a difference of having a toddler, too. Like you kind of have to. Yeah, you have to. So I think you're actually probably going to love it. You're recovery. I think you're going to, it's going to help you. Oh, yeah. Propel her forward. Propel, yeah. Yeah. And then what was the other part of her question? Oh, the transition from one to two. Oh, okay. I actually think I was humbled pretty good. You think it was a lot harder for me because you did so good. That's really sweet. I think my mom, as she was here, and she'd be like, yeah, you needed help. I think those first four months, I was pretty surprised that I was still struggling at least internally. I felt like I was struggling. I had a lot of help, thankfully. My mom stayed for eight weeks. And I think if she had left earlier, obviously figured it out. But I was like, I remember getting upset with myself because I'm like, I still can't picture myself taking care of CJ alone in the morning without really feeling super overwhelmed with taking care of CJ and the baby. It was really just the morning specifically. So yeah, I think I was just pretty humbled by that. But you get over the hump once you start, I think after those eight weeks, when I was forced to do it by myself and practice it and get into routine, it obviously was way smoother. So yeah, it was pretty hard. But I think if you have a support person like my husband didn't get paternity leave. So my mom was there to help me. If you have just one person to help you with your first child, it makes it so much better. Hey guys, my name is Megan. I'm the first time mom. The first week of March, my five-month-old girl is going to be turned six months. And so we're going to be starting solid. And I'm kind of scared about it. But I wasn't sure how you guys went about feeding your first-time baby's family. Thank you guys for your part now. Howdy, this is you. No, this is scary. I actually, when I was listening back, we talked about it on one of the episodes that I was really nervous to start solid. And it was really stressing me out. By the time we had recorded that episode and then I reviewed it. So we we record on Wednesdays, I review the episode on Monday. I was like, what the heck was I stressed about? It's like, it's one of those things you don't know what you're doing so it stresses you out. But then you start doing it and it becomes fun. So I'm like, okay, just pick what do you want? Does she want a packet? You don't want to get her oatmeal or don't want to get her actual things to munch on. And just choose. And I kind of just didn't stress about it. I live in the world that I'm like, everything's probably going to go well and I'm not like super stressed about her choking or things like that happening even though they can happen. But I just started with the breast milk oatmeal, which is what you both recommended for me. And that was great. She loved it. And then I've done packets and then I've just given her a couple like berries and fruits and just things for her to chew on. And it's been fun once I started it and not stressed about it. I was more so stressed about the schedule. And what I just did in my, I was like, okay, you feed her a bottle when she wakes up. And then an hour after that, I gave her a snack of some sort. And I just did that every week window. So then I didn't stress too much about it. That's awesome. That's really good advice. I think to the not stressing about it part. I feel like the internet has so much information on feeding your baby that I was like, I remember feeling really overwhelmed by it. And I never did the baby lead weaning with CJ. And I don't only plan on doing it with the baby and either. But I've had a lot of, I think it was really good for me just like doing the baby oatmeal purase and then working her way up to harder foods. And like munching on stuff. It's great. I think to the expectation at first, just know that your baby is not going to like it at first. Like I just gave baby an oatmeal last week for the first time. And she did not like the first time she was spitting it out because it feels different like the texture of it is so new. But then the second time she loved it and ate it. So just like practice makes perfect. And they'll figure it out. Yeah. Introducing things multiple times because just because the first time they eat the oatmeal, they don't want it. It doesn't mean the second time they're not going to want it. And so just keep introducing things and do what you're comfortable with. I think that's the most the best advice I could give. I'm for some reason in my brain giving braille rice doesn't make sense to me. But I see other people giving their kids rice. I'm like, she can't shoot. It's just going to get stuck in her throat. For some reason rice scares me. So guess what? She just doesn't have rice right now because I'm not ready for that. But she can have broccoli, she can have carrots. Like there's different things that I'm comfortable. Both my kids actually love food from the jump. They loved it. Like from the jump. I actually quickly, you said you gave milk first in the food. We like right away went to food and then just kind of a little bit of they really love food. But I did two completely different approaches. So with my first I did baby lead weaning like by the book I downloaded feeding littles like did the thing. Made the food like actually get like there was gagging involved. There was the whole nine yards. And then with my second I literally did strictly purease for the first like good chunk. And I am here to report just in my small case study. My second is much better here than my first. Oh no. So I don't I say this to say don't stress because I'm what you guys both said. But like they're going to your kids are going to be who they're going to be. And I feel like their palettes are going to just develop into their palettes. And there's this not as much we can do about this. We would like to think that we can. But it's a fun season. So don't I don't know. It looks different for everybody too. Like it is fun. It is I agree. It makes your life a lot easier for nursing. Oh my gosh. Hey Abby. Abby and Abby. My name is Brittany. Freaked up on a podcast by the way. I listen to it all week while I get ready to work each morning. My question is when someone is disciplining their child in front of your child and it doesn't the way they are disciplining them. And how do you approach start with your child and explain to them? Thanks. Keep up for good work. Yeah. We've had this conversation. Uh-huh. And then we would say, Hey, that's what they do in their house. We do we do it differently here or that might be okay for them. But it's not okay around here like sometimes. Yeah. Just saying that we can have different expectations. And it's only felt like necessary when they ask. And so it's usually involving a form of discipline that like obviously we don't use. But then there's also kind of like, I don't know socially deviant way like it involved. I don't explain. I'm not going to say I'm confused. There's a certain like there's a certain type of punishment that we don't use. Oh, okay. And this is this is the one that anything involving physical punishment we don't use. Oh sure. And so like when that has happened in public, like I think it actually kind of scares our kids because they're like, wait, that's actually something we're not allowed to do. Like, like, and so I feel like that's where it's come up. And so it's like, well, they do it differently in their house. It's hard though too, you know. But I don't know. It's hard because they start to really observe. I feel like Griffin is really observing things now and how people different people are disappointed. But I think it's a good lesson to learn. Like they do it differently than how we do it in our house. But this is how we're still going to do it. Totally. And they do it differently and that's okay. Yeah. But has that happened with CJ yet? He hasn't really asked. No. For instance, we were at a play, a play area, like a local one. And I'm like a mom like hit her kid. Oh, what do you do in that situation thing? Like in the face. What? Yeah. Uh, I have no idea. What do you do? I like what you say when you don't trust a face. It must be asked. She was yelling. So it was already drawing attention. And then she hit her, hit her kid in the face. And like your kid is asking like, I think he was scared. Yeah. Reunion. I was far enough away. So one of my friends was really close to her and I was far enough away. But I saw it happen. I think it was near her. I would have been. I would think I would have gone. Oh, wow. I was not a burden. I think I just stood up and looked at her because I was like, hey, I don't know that everyone's watching you. Like, well, she's doing that in public. What is she doing behind this? I know. And so he like came up to me afterwards and he was like, that mommy hit. And I was like, I was like, yeah, that wasn't a good choice. Yeah. And then, but then there's other like forms of physical punishment that is like less jarring, but still like damn. There's the difference between that's not how we do it. And we do it differently versus that wasn't acceptable. Yeah, like a spanking like I'm like, I'm not going to, I'm just like they do things differently. Yeah. And so, but then with that, I was like, that's actually abuse. Yeah. So I was just like, yeah, that wasn't a good choice. And I was like, mommy's, like some mommy's make like, make mistakes too. I said, I hope she said sorry. Like I was just like, that's a really good way to handle that Abby. It's uncomfortable. I mean, you don't see it a lot, but we've seen it a couple times. And airport too, like the dad was just screaming at his kid. Like in a way that was like, yeah, how can this not be verbal abuse like? And so, and then of course, my kids are just staring. I know the screaming is so interesting because I'm like, the other person, I'm always trying to get from the benefit of the doubt. I'm like, that could just be like a horrible day at the wits end. But like, slapping a kid across the face, I think I'd have been, I think I would have let me go. Wow. I think you would actually. I'm pretty nervous about it. Yeah. I'm not afraid of comfort. I just was like, if it's like blatantly wrong, that's crazy, you know, that's really crazy. Hi, my name is Angelina and I'm calling to see if either of you have any advice if I should quit my corporate job and stay at home with my three-year-old and my one-year-old or if I should continue doing it. I've been debating this for a couple of months now and not sure what to do. Thanks. Oh my gosh. The age-old question. That is the age-old question. I've been listening to a lot of Dave Ramsey about this exact topic. Really? And we're here. Oh, well, it's a hard topic to talk about because I do feel like they're situational for every person. I think that the data is pretty clear about like the benefits of staying a mom being with the baby, at least from the ages of like zero to three. That's like the best for the child, but everyone's financial, like some people, like financially, that is not an option. And so the goal is never to get those people into thinking they're not doing the best because I think you can really raise your kids excellently. It still worked. My parents worked full-time. Yeah. The whole time was growing up. But if it's like without knowing about her financial situation, it sounds like she's financially able to do it, right? Yeah. So it's like if you want to, I think you should just do it. You'll never get this time back. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. If it's something that you can financially do, I think it's the best. Like it's so amazing getting to stay home and just be with your babies. If you're like worried about the transition of that, I actually, one of my best girlfriends, they were a dual income household. And for a while, they did a test. Well, they only ever lived off of his income, even though she made more. Yeah. And so they kind of did a test run of that to see and they were able to make it work. And she really wanted to do that. And so they made the switch. So if you can test run it, just like go for a little while living off of one income and then decide. But yeah, I don't think you'll ever, ever regret staying home with your kids like, ever. If you're financially stable and that's something that I agree, it kind of sounds like she is at that point that I would say do it. It could be in a thing too where you're like, pair down your hours. I don't know what. I was also thinking about that. I feel like a corporate job would have an option for that. It's like I, I don't want to quit full-time. But if you want to do a part-time and I transition out, then I'm more comfortable doing that. Or taking a break, seeing if they'll let you take us a medical, do it for a little bit. Just see, it just really depends on the job. But I think even me always saying that I was going to work the whole like always. I'm like in that. But where I'm like financially, I can't do that. Like just be a stay-at-home mom. Also, I think I would still want to work some. But I'm like, what does that look like transitioning out of maybe being full-time into part-time? And I think having a three-year-old and one-year-old is a perfect time to do it because once I get into school, you can also go back to work if you want it to and get a part-time job or something like that too. Yeah. Agreed. This isn't me giving my notice. Great advice, honey. My job's different. I get to keep my baby and work because my family is the best thing ever. - It's true. - That's not true. - That's not true. (laughing) - You're like, "Where you gotta go?" - I think that's it for this category. Okay, do we wanna go to marriage and dating, friendship? - Pop culture. - Let's go pop culture and then end on marriage. - Yeah. - And friendship. - Friendship is one too. - Throw that after pop culture. - Okay, pop culture is a mix of like fun, like hardy questions and then pop culture ones too. - Okay, thank you. - Okay, I don't know what I think about pop culture. - Well, there really is not that much pop culture. - Okay, here we go. - I think there's like one-- - I wanna learn though. - There's one pop culture. - Okay. - I wanna get it from you guys. - Okay, let's do the pop culture one. It's really not that serious. - I think it. - Hi, Abby and Abby. My name is Liz. I just wanted to say I love the podcast and my first time mom did you all so relatable. My question is, what is your top tier reality TV shows? - I am a big reality TV fan and I just love getting other reality shows to watch or shows in general to watch. Thank you so much. Bye. - Oh yeah. I mean, the serialism or my wives is basically the only reality TV show watch. Oh, and love on the spectrum. - Love, love on the spectrum. - Yeah, you love that one. You love that one. - I do love that one. They need to make more. - They're coming out the new season. - Oh, good. - I know, yeah, season four. - Okay, could I have my soapbox? - Let's go, Abby. - Yeah, I was gonna say these games. I'm like, is that even reality TV? - Totally. - Yeah, totally. - Peace games. (laughing) - There is a question way deep in the voicemail somewhere that I read across it. I didn't save it. But someone's like, brother-in-law was on Beast Games and they said what number he was and they wanted to know your opinions about. - Wait a minute, I didn't want to say I followed one of the, I went to the page of one of the Beast Games contestants August because my son's name was August so I just immediately latched on to him. And he made it very far. And his character arc was great. Wait, did you watch it? - Yeah, I did, he watched it. - He follows us and his wife follows all three of us. He had always here. So shout out to August's wife. - Wait a minute, they make really cute content about me because he's the one who got the Starbucks for life. - I feel like I can tell you what that's like that his wife is gonna love that. - And they make videos of like getting Starbucks orders. - Oh my god, it's like that people recommend them. - That's okay, I'm gonna follow them. - They're so sweet. - Okay, I found it. Hey ladies, my name is, how about I just play it? This might not be her, but this is someone from Beast Games. Hey ladies, my name is Kylie and I'm from Lincoln, Nebraska. My brother-in-law is player 172 in Beast Games season two. And I wanna hear all about your take on how it ended, who you were rooting for, and maybe any favorite moment from this season. So I'd bless you guys, and I love, love, love this podcast. - It's August. I loved August. - Oh my gosh. - He seemed really genuine. - August got home. - He was a good competitor. - I know. - Yeah, he was. - He knew, he was like, no, I know. - And he didn't even expose her. - No, he didn't. Wait, when at the end? - When he knew that she had sold the coin. - Yeah, I didn't think he was gonna make it through. No one knows what we're talking about at the end. - I'm sorry, you guys. You have to watch Beast Games, but I was a huge fan. - Oh man, I was a big fan too. - He follows us. - He's why he follows us. - I think so. Gosh, don't follow me. - We were like, I'm gonna sister-in-law, 'cause this is a sister-in-law calling it. - I was star-struck. I was like, no way. - I was happy with the winner. - Yeah, I thought either of you two finalists, I was like, I would love for them to win. - But when he got all this out, I was like, you know what I mean? The loyalty really, but I know. - No, I know. - And also you got one shot at that. Like if he would have missed. - Not even crazy. Everyone needs to go watch Beast Games. We can talk more about it. - Seriously. - Okay, my turn to hop on my TV every hour. - Let's go, let's go. - Let's show the TV. - Let's show the TV. Currently, obviously, secret lives of Mormon wives. And then we also have a survivor. Does that count as reality TV? - Yeah. - I don't know, but survivors on right now. So watching survivor love Island, of course, all the love islands, UK is great too. USA is getting there. - Any watches them all. - Oh, I'm not even halfway through. (laughing) And then, oh, what am I? Okay, what I'm not watching, but I really am interested right now is age of attraction. - Wait, I watched the first episode. - So that loved it. - Okay, I might have to hop in and watch that one. And then that's, oh, Housewives, Salt Lake City. Perfect, great. Always Salt Lake City if you're gonna start. And summer house is great if you're looking for the one that you want to watch. - You look my older sister would love to talk about this. - And then, okay, shows in general. - Do you do something while you watch these shows or you just sat? - No, I do stuff. I think I'll clean around the house. - Oh, yeah. - It's good background noise. - I can see that. Currently, we're watching The Pit, great show. If you're into medical shows. - No, never heard of that. - The Pit is great. And then, what else are we watching right now? Oh, we're watching Barry, which is a murder show. - Oh, I see that. - But it's like, it's like, a sitcom murderer. - Oh. - Show. - Okay. - It's not like about a real murderer. It's just like a TV show. - Okay. - If I don't know what to watch, I'm just gonna come to you at the end of the day. - Oh, I've got plenty of recommendations. - So, TV households, they already-- - We are a TV house. - One more episode of Barry will watch. - And they watch a lot of sports too. - Oh, I don't know how. - We wrote it once, once basketball finishes at night. Then it's a show, and then it's bedtime. - Oh, that's a good routine, that's a good routine. Hey, can I just say that if I was ABC, I'd be absolutely ticked at Hulu for airing season four. I was a more midwives before the Bachelorette, because I think Hulu did ABC dirty a little bit. - Are they not the same? - Are they the same? - Disney owns Hulu and owns ABC. - Wow, that's so interesting. Just the whole time that that season four was Ducalizm or my wife was airing, I was like, I feel like the Bachelorette has to be so annoyed with it. - Yeah, I finished-- - Sherry, I'm in the middle of season four. - Okay, well. - I like had been rush watching it, so I could skip my opinions. - And-- - Woo-hoo! - I mean, you just need to start watching so you can talk about it. - I'm like, is Ben going to be on-- - Was Ben going to come and show up on-- - I'm more scared than ever. - And Dakota? - I know, it's just-- - I'm watching him. I'm more scared than ever. I understand that. - So much-- - They're still going on. - They're still going on. - Okay. - Let me get off my soapbox and-- - All you need books, get to our next question. - It's good. We shouldn't gossip, so it's good to know. It's good. Books are good. - Thank you. - Hi, my name is Tyran. I've been watching Abby specifically since the beginning of the unplanned podcast in Hawaii. I'm so happy that you guys have started another podcast. Now, my question is just a silly, fun question. Would you rather have a permanent clown nose or permanent clown shoes? I just thought I'd send out this question just to lighten things up for you guys. Thanks, bye. - Easy nose. - Why? - Because I don't want to have to deal with walking around in those. - You might have tried to do a box jump with like clown feet and go over here and hook us. - I roll my ankle over here and hook us, so. - I don't want to have to be slowed down. I already got a clown nose, so it's not that bad. - I'll go clown nose. Well, I'll go clown nose. I agree. I mean, every picture, every video, I think you would just learn to love it. - It could be your trademark. - The right song. - Like Rudolph, the Burst Mark. - What do you mean? - Remember that whole internet drama? - The scar? - Oh yeah, the scar. - Yeah, the fake scar. - Oh, I don't remember it. But because on those trademark is iconic. I mean, it can't be that bad. - No, one time killed, but he said, would you rather have no arms or no legs? And I said, oh, easy. No legs because I'd have to go for runs. And then he was like, I think you need to think about that a little longer. Because think about how hard it would be, wait, I'm sorry, I said this backwards. (laughing) - I think I can go for runs, no legs. - I said, easy, no arms because I have to go for runs. And he was like, really? - So I'm gonna have to always wipe your butt. - I know he was like, I think it would be much harder to have no arms. And then I thought about it for a while. And I was like, I made a mistake. I take it back. I probably have no legs. (laughing) - So, hi, my name's Alexis. What is something that you believe in strong enough that you would put it on your car? For example, I'm driving by a car and it has two boobies saying free the nipple. So obviously, like, progress feeding those kind of things. But what is something that you feel strong enough that you would put a sticker on your car for everyone else to know? (laughing) - I think about that a lot, right? - Before I came in here one day and I was like, what is the line with bumper stickers? 'Cause this man had a full naked woman bumper sticker on his car. - Yeah. And I was like, no, that's what they wanted to know about. 'Cause this is a hot take and a hard judgment, but I do believe that if someone has multiple bumper stickers, they're probably not mentally stable. - I just don't think we'd be good for anything to say, but I just'm kind of like, what would you put on your car? - I got one. If you honk at me, I will cry. (laughing) - I should have that on there, so when you don't know when people are like, you know what, she's not moving, she might be distracted. Oh, I don't want her to cry. She looks like you're out eventually. - I think you might get honked that more because of that. - You'll be like, let's ruin her. - I don't want to think that of a human kind. (laughing) - I'd be like, I might see that and be like, oh, that's funny. (laughing) - What a bully. I think I think it's a joke. - I'm too sensitive for honking, don't I? - I hate honking. I hate, I don't do it to people. I don't want people to do it to me. And in living in the state of Arizona, that is very hard 'cause everyone here is just and on the board like, oh my gosh. - They do honk as well. - I got flipped off, is it flipped or flipped? - I think it's both. - Flipped. - Flipped? - I say flipped. - Sometimes. I interchange them. - I say both, flipped and flipped. - Flipped off? - They flipped me off. - Flipped. - All the window for a long time. - Time and I was like, it's still going, it's still going. And I still can't. - And then you cried. - And then I cried. - No, I don't actually cry, but I just get so distraught. - Distraught about it. - Can't stop thinking about it. - Can you ever accidentally hearted at someone? - No. - Oh, I did on accident one time. I don't know how it happened on accident. I felt so bad. I was like, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I'm good. - I'm pro honking. I'm pro honking. - I mean, if someone is at the light and they're not going, you don't think I'm going to give them a little love tap. I'm going to go, honk, hey, little wave, like a nice one. And then you don't think if someone is trying to hit my car, I'm going to lay on the horn. Caleb, you said not honk at people when they would do reckless things. And I'm like, oh, I forget, I don't. (laughs) - No, I'm like, immediately. (laughs) I guess I'm probably the problem. (laughs) - Ew, Abby. I'm egged out. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - So you didn't say your bumper say it? - Well, I would not have ever have a bumper cigarette. - The thing I believe about someone. - You can't avoid the question like that. - She said, if there was anything ever that you strongly believe. - I love my husband. - Oh, I put that on there. Like, I'm like, okay, I wouldn't put a faith one because then if I drive badly, I don't want it to reflect poorly on my shirt. - You can't, you're driving doesn't reflect correctly. - It doesn't want to reflect Jesus. (laughs) And I don't want them to know that I have children. And I don't want them to know that I'm a woman. Honestly, it's just by my car. So I'm like. - Well, if you say I love my husband, well. - Then that telling them I'm a woman. There is a bumper cigarette in my neighborhood. There's a bumper cigarette that I greatly appreciate. Actually, my neighbor has it says, I heart my cochlear implant. And I'm like, what a great bumper cigarette because then people know that she's hard of hearing. - I've seen some like that where there's like, there's a disabled child on board. - That is a great bumper cigarette. Those are also marked reverse to know. - So those are good. - So that I'm distracted with my kids in the back seat. And I don't go right when the light turns red. People are gonna just, but if your cigarette says, sorry, I'm distracted. No, can't say that. (laughs) That's goldfish underneath the car seat. (laughs) And it's really important. - Hi Abbie's and Addy. I wanted to know what you guys should be doing for your job slash careers. If you couldn't do content creation slash business owning, slash podcast, or being a teacher, coming from a fellow always homey. I love the podcast. Bye. - Bye. - So many ideas. I would love to be someone's personal chef. I would like, I love everything about it. I love going to grocery store, getting groceries. I like meal planning. I wanna just make their food and then leave. I feel like that would be so fun. Prep it, put in the fridge for them. - So fun. - Someone else is kitchen too. There's something about cooking that sounds fun. - That does sound fun. - 'Cause it's probably gonna be a nice kitchen if you get it for me. - Think it for me. - I'm just kidding. - Yeah, hey, baby. So I think that would be really fun. Also, I feel like I might be a real estate agent one day. - One day, you're gonna come back to that and become a real estate agent? - Yeah, maybe when I'm like 30. - I always thought like that would be so fun. And then we bought our house and I was like, that would be so bad at this job. - Why? - All the communication behind the scenes. - Oh, maybe I would be a real estate agent. - It's a lot of back and forth in the paperwork. - It's actually three, so I don't know. - You said by the time you're 30, you wanna be a real estate agent? - Maybe my 40s, okay fine. - I have a lot of life to live, y'all. I'm not gonna do this forever. Okay, it'll just be me here. Me and Addy will be a, I don't know who me. - I'll sit over here, hey, I'll be you. (laughing) - Addy's on another real estate agent call. - Mormon Wives where we pay the Abbey and she's not there, like they do with me and interviews. - Abbey refused to be interviewed. (laughing) - She's showing a house. - Yes. - Abbey actually has another job. (laughing) - I love it. - I also just love, like, I love house shopping. - Yes, it is so fun. - What would you do? - I used to think that it would be really fun to be like an on carpet correspondent for e-news or like a carpet interviewer of some sorts. - I bet someone like that in Rhode Island. - Really? I don't even know if I'd be good at it. I just think it'd be fun. - It'd be good. - Or like on QVC, 'cause I used to do that for bull all the time. Like I would do all my trial and videos and like describe the product until the close. And I think it'd be so fun to be a QVC host. - That's fun. - Yeah. - That's fun. I'd be burn boot camp trainer. I think I would train. - That's a good one, Addy. - I would do that. Yeah, I think that's it. I don't want to do anything like that. - I feel like you don't have to. - I'd also say at this point, like with this under my belt too, I'd probably be good working for like an agency or something. Like I feel like I'd be, if I needed a backup plan, I could work for an agency, so we would be the most organized person I've ever met. So, and so good communication. You could thrive at most jobs, I think. - So good. - So good. I'm gonna put that on my master's degree. Not my personality. Yes. - Hi, Dita Mar. I was just wondering what your first job or what you did to make money before being an influencer. - Also, what made you decide to be an influencer? Have a good day. - Awesome to me. - Thank you. Just go through all your jobs. Run 'em down. Yeah. - But there's not that many. - Yeah, I've had that many. I don't have a lot of work experience. - That's the same. - I am not high-errible. - Well, I was trying to, I don't have a resume. - Unfortunately, I can not get hired anywhere. - Yeah. - No, I do have my degree. - But I was a babysitter in a nanny, and a tutor, and a substitute teacher. And I worked at a cocktail lounge, and a pizza server. - What else did I do? - And then a tiktaker. And that was cool. I'm like when was the first I think the first time we met was like Gryffinds general I was wondering when did any I remember I followed you I think before on Instagram And I remember you're really into fitness at the time like you're always going to the gym at most day And I was like she's so cool. She's so fit and you came in town And I remember just having a lot of fun talking to you. I was like I was wondering I'm like when did we first meet because it's weird to think that we didn't know each other I thought Like Abby I know I just I never we never met in Missouri No, but I remember like buying stuff. I was like I'm gonna buy stuff from bowl. I'm like I still have stuff I'm like I just threw away something so I was like oh Actually, I'm mad about it. No, it's good. I stole a couple tank tops So yeah, I was like I was intimidated by you just cuz I was like she's so cool and older than me I'm 25 I was probably 21 at the time. Yeah, I was like you're older than me You probably think I'm such a little kid good be afraid of me ladies I know you think I'm cool. It's fun No, I remember Adi I had you over to my apartment without Blake and I made you mac and cheese cuz that's the only thing I knew that you liked Because I'll only think I knew about you is that you were a picky eater So crazy cuz I'm not that way anymore But I guess I was a picky eater But I do remember you inviting me over cuz I had to stay in Springfield for dance because we had nationals at the beginning of January So we had rehearsals literally like 40 hour weeks of dancing and You had me over because Blake went home and I'm just here by myself. You got you and Matt had me over and I just sat at your table I was like, what do I wear like I don't know what to do. I go over to my boyfriend's sister's apartment I don't know what to do. Oh my gosh I'm sorry, but a boyfriend's or husband's sister. There's no one more intimidating. I feel it like And she probably had me over like December 20th or something like that I'm like, we've been to dating for two weeks. Oh, this is so nice. I can't say no, but also Like Blake, you want me to better? Yeah, he's like I got it I'm sure he was like no, but you know like actually don't remember That was very nice to me to invite me over. That was really nice. That's so fun Hey guys, my name is Haley and I love watching your podcast My question to you guys is how do you handle friendships with your close friends that don't have kids and 2025 I struggled a lot with jealousy because I couldn't pick up and do things like they could anymore It made me mourn and grieve being able to do that and of course not to discredit the love that I have for my children But I just want to give advice on that. Love you guys. Thanks for listening. I think it's okay to miss your old life while still loving and appreciating your new life Yeah, so I don't think yeah, I don't think that makes a lot of sense that you would feel a little bit of jealousy Sometimes it's just like the ease of not having as much responsibility. I'm like that's always That's always yeah, I'm like oh Young and free, you know it does it does make your Legislative ships different. It does. I didn't feel that way when kill when I got married like I Married no big deal with single friends or friends that weren't married no big deal When we started having kids, I feel like the gap started to increase of things that we had in common You know, it's just so much harder Yeah, having things in common and the schedules too because they're so different. I gotta go home for like two or three hours in the middle of Every day and we also have to be back at like seven Yeah, you gotta fit in these right the windows and that just makes things logistically difficult Totally. I would say have your friends over your house. Yeah, I think that's what we did too. Yeah But also just know things are gonna be different And I feel like expecting things to be the same or your friendships to be the same is just a little unrealistic It doesn't mean that you're not good friends. It's just It just is another factor. That makes it more challenging and it's a great opportunity to meet new friends too Totally, you get rid of your old friends, but it's a great opportunity to meet a new mom friends. I agree Hi guys. Oh, I love your podcast. It's wonderful. I listen all the time every time it comes out But I was just wondering I'm trying to get a little closer to my sister and mom and I know y'all are all sister and mom And I was just wondering if there was like some kind of activity or something that you would suggest that could help me out Bye, okay, if you're gonna do like a double date situation. Oh, perfect. Yeah, I feel like that's always easy and fun Like I think a family game night is always Fun, but it's just you your husband your brother. Well, I guess is she married We don't know I we don't know if she's married okay Yeah, it's her sister in law. She's married, but it could be her brother's wife So now I'm thinking what are some fun? Just like girl activities to do if it's just gonna be a one-on-one thing go to lunch Get your nails done get coffee go shopping go on a walk going on a walk. I love going on walks Especially if you can walk to somewhere and do something. Yeah, so fun I also think just having dinners together is just the best easy way you have to do it anyway You got to make dinner anyway Invite him over invite him over. I think yeah Just you're so good at this just being an included and just always inviting her to come into your life or vice versa Well, maybe not pushing yourself under her life, but including her into your life And then if it's like reciprocated then she'll be like, oh, I'll invite her back and Just that repeated time will be really good on your relationship. Yeah, go to work out There's anytime there's something that comes up. Yeah, I also saw another voicemail in here when I was looking through them Someone who doesn't really live close to their sister-in-law and she I think she even mentioned she doesn't even have their phone number yet or she they're Brothers about to get married and she doesn't have her phone number yet But she wants to have a good relationship with them and I think that's another factor if you don't live close It's like making the most out of that time, but just know it's not gonna be the same Like it doesn't have to be like we weren't as close before I lived here. Mm-hmm. It was just the way it was Then I would think almost because there's like this sense of Comfort comfortability with its family. We're almost it's almost like well, no matter what we're gonna have to spend time together and be together Then I think if you go the extra mile then that is like oh, they really care and like want to be our friend So like sending them sending them something nice in the mail like if they have they're getting married Like send them a nice gift and a nice no and like something really personalized or if they're having a baby So they're maybe like a nice gift. I don't know. Just doing something a little bit extra special to where it's like Oh, this isn't just like the family thing. I want to like actually have a relationship with you They're in town do a one-on-one thing with them instead of just be with the family the whole time. Yeah, yeah It's time it could be a little bit weird, but if you're make it make an excuse for it, you know, and But also if they're wedding planning just see if there's anything you can do to help I know that's like a vague question, but I feel like even just offering it's like okay You want to be involved in like an intimate Detail this wedding not just like a regular wedding guest That would then carry on hopefully into the marriage Yeah, and I would say make an effort to go to all the things like even though it's gonna be expensive like flying for the bachelor Party divided like try to be a part of everything that you can. Oh, I'm switching to different categories Okay, what's the next kind of kind of just like outliers? So it's just a couple other There's a little more to the world one question Hi guys, I'm a high school. I want to know how you like come out the negative the negativity in the drama of the everyday life And just ignore it and go forward. How do you just only think about the joy? I'm just I'm gonna try one and I just love listening to all. Thank you. What's your name? Okay, thank you so much for that that like in a heart single a bit. Yeah, you can just hear the sadness Yeah, in your voice if I can preach for a second I'm gonna preach for a second. I want you to remember that like you are chosen you are loved you have been bought for a price. You're perfectly and wonderfully made and When from me when I'm facing hard things or I'm feeling insecure like I just went through a season of feeling insecure when you're facing Negativity mean voice from the outside you just have to remember that your identity is not what people say about you It's about God says about you and if you're not a believer, I think it's just important to like have a just come to like conclusion about who you are and Have a firm sense of identity outside of what others think about you, and so for me that's my faith But like I really want to speak that over you because truly that having a sense of there's so much safety and knowing That you're chosen by God, you know and So yeah, especially in the season of life where like I'm sure the drama is really hard and girls can be girls and boys in high school and can be so mean And it just feels like it is your entire world. Just have tried to have that perspective of like you're gonna move through high school And you're gonna come out and the world is gonna go from really narrow to really really wide And you're gonna make it through that and like the doors are gonna open for you And I think sometimes too like when you're really and the thick of something hard You have to have this like eternal perspective or like a perspective past your current circumstances And I know that's really easy to say and hard to practice, but you just have to remind yourself that a lot Honestly, I have nothing else really that that was great advice It makes me just I it's like it's hard. It's like you can see it on this side You're like that was such a small spec of our life, but it felt like it felt like everything It was everything yeah for that season and I think having that like broader Perspective is very helpful, but then also like as you're I don't know where you're at in high school This could be four years, which feels like such a long time, you know, and so my advice is to just try to find at least one Genuine friend and to just have them as like a support It's really important to have that peer support I feel like especially like in school and if you're having trouble finding that The advice is just to go first and be weird and just I don't know maybe just save like we get together at lunch and then just just be the first to put yourself out there. I know that's a really scary thing to do, but I think having friendships really made high school also just like so much more enjoyable. Enjoyable. I fell in so much joy through my friendships and um yeah Abby said it great. Hey Abby you guys are awesome. I love the podcast so far. I want to ask a question and that is what sacrifices have you made to keep what matters to you truly at the center of your life. Oh that's a good question. That's a good question. What sacrifices have you made to keep what's important to us truly at the center of our life that session. That's kind of a hard question. Yeah I feel like I can give one even just starting to work for you guys because I always expected to work corporate and whenever you guys offered me a job I was like okay this gets me the chance to be with my family with my daughter with my family again. I just said that and I think that's something I had to give up like my how I just expected my whole life to be to work from home work with my family instead of building up this big career outside of that. And it took me a little bit to process that on my end it seems kind of shallow to be like the career versus the family even though I'm still working but I was like really excited about that life of like working in an office working in a building working for a big company and shifting that because I knew taking this job opportunity I'd be able to be with my family more. I think when I closed my clothing business making that decision to end bolt was like the hardest decision ever but it was one of those things where I was fighting tooth and nail and just like driving our family into more debt. And so it was one of the things I had to do to like it was so hard like giving up my dream if I like but I had to I was pregnant and we were in a lot of debt from it and so that was just a sacrifice I had to make and it was the best decision I made for sure. But yeah and choosing to close the business I remember that day so vividly when I was like oh my gosh I can't keep doing this what am I doing I'm like ruining. Like there's such a wedge between kill but I because this stress of this debt is so scary and like I just have to let it go so that was hard but that was the best decision ever in the long run. It's a hard one. I to never envision my life looking like this but in a lot of ways I feel like life has through a series of decisions and which I was like prioritizing first like my marriage. And then my marriage plus my kids my whole family has like led us to this point and as long as it feels like the best option for our entire family like I'm going to consider this the greatest gift of this career option that I never considered originally and never even actually knew existed when I was dreaming up my dream lifestyle. So like that's just something that's always going to take precedence in my life and like it'll always be like the greatest thing this this job has given me is like that flexibility in that time to like work with Matt and have that like get to just drop everything when I want when my kids need me so like that's a series of like a lot of little decisions where I was like I just want like this I choose this I choose this and it's not like. I just feel so grateful that that's where we've landed now and yeah I think family I think all of us have that same drive and so then we're all fine ourselves in the same place. But yeah and I feel like that's something that's always adjusting and changing to and it's hard this is a good wake up called question to ask you because I feel like sometimes you make a series of decisions small decisions and you wind up somewhere that you didn't ultimately want end up being. And you're like this actually in the long run isn't ultimately like the direction I want to go so it's good to always ask that question to like zoom out also and be like wait a minute I thought I was making this decision but I've ended up over here and this is where I supposed to be but that's a good question to keep asking I feel like that's always like a beginning of the year question like you can kind of think zoom out and think long term more that's good. Okay, marriage and dating. Hi, so I'm putting in wedding in July. I'm so excited. What is the year or two things that you chose to do it for weddings that you regret doing for that you recommend doing for other people. Thank you. Bye bye. I have to think back two things that you regret doing and or something that you regret doing something you recommend doing at your wedding. I don't remember. No, I do it. I do remember. I genuinely this is so cheesy. I don't have any regrets for my wedding. I don't have any regrets for my wedding either. Like amazing. I always say if it didn't the day you are married to the person you would spend the rest of your life with and I just don't think you could really. Fairly look back and I'm like oh well the dinner was a little cold. Like you're not going to think about those things and so I would say just the whole day just I mean my greatest goal and my like I kept trying to push myself to be like be present because I heard so many people be like it's a blur like I just don't remember anything. I'm like oh my gosh I just want to remember everything as you get this once like I just want to be present. So I just was like that was my base part I was like just having had presence of mine the whole day and I feel like I had that and I had such a great freaking time. It was amazing. It actually Caleb pulled his aside at our wedding all of this. He's like look at everyone here. They all came to support you guys and I was like that was a really good reminder so maybe build in in your schedule like a time to pause and just look at literally everyone that made a sacrifice to attend your union. Like that's really special and that is it's a very humbling cool like also when you think about the gravity of that like these people witness you make your vows to your spouse for till death to you part like that it like that gravity. I think that we can't lose sight of that amongst all the flowers and the food and the party. Oh that's my best advice have a big dance party. We had a really sweaty fun dance party. It was not there that's so crazy. Everyone was sweating through their shirts. Blake wasn't. Blake I don't think he hit the dance floor actually. Killed when I were on the dance floor actually living it up. Oh yeah that was your wedding was so fun. Oh yeah also my wedding also at my wedding for my father daughter dance. I also had both my grandpa's who have since lost and so I look back at that video in that moment as like so special and I don't know what I just like was so close my grandpa's and I love them so much. Now I'm like the fact that they were both there and I just didn't know how little I had left with them that we have that moment. And especially knowing my dad and my grandpa's that was a big sacrifice for them to dance publicly in front of all the wedding guests with me. And I just look back at it like they did they made themselves so uncomfortable to have that special moment with me and they forgot everyone else just for me for that moment. It was really sweet it was just the way you look tonight my friends not sure it was so sweet so yeah I think just make the most of like those personal moments with the people there because it's so easy to think like I'm the bride like don't don't be that bride. It's just not it's just not about you like I know that everything in the wedding industry is saying it's like all about you that day. It's just not the case. Like there's a lot of people that make sacrifices for you and your spouse and ultimately it is about your marriage and the vows that you're making together and the rest is extra. So we don't have to look at that as like that was such I can't believe they were late with the right with the I don't know the DJ was late. So not a big deal. Totally yeah that's great advice having. Did you know that I got cold feet on her wedding day on the day of Abigail. I got I got out the rehearsal I got cold feet and I think you know what here's my advice and here's when I regret I didn't process a single emotion beforehand. And so on that morning of the whole day the buildup is so crazy because kill but also we're not seeing each other until we walked on the aisle. And I just remember like we were getting ready and everyone's having fun and I'm sitting like and then we get on the bus. It was like dancing and singing the music and it just started hitting me and I had this moment where I go. Oh my gosh from driving to my freaking wedding and I just started to like have an internal panic attack has to happen honestly. I think it happens a lot yeah but then I just kind of got quiet and I tried holding it in and then the minute we got to the venue everyone was like happy was wrong. I just go I can't believe I'm getting married today. I just started to cry. Great and after that I felt amazing. It was like I just need to release the emotion. Yeah yeah. But on the bus I did text Caleb and I said I can't do this. Oh my gosh. She's probably. He's like responded. She's not that's kidding I was actually fanicking. I legit text him said I'm freaking out I can't do this and he just said. Isn't that crazy? I mean that is crazy. I don't even like that. I know I just started to panic. I was like I can't believe I'm getting married today. So I would say pre think about every emotion like and visualize the day because I just didn't I didn't have any. Like the first of my friends to get married. I just had no context of the day. That's so funny. I forgot my wedding dress at my wedding. Yeah. Where? At home. Oh my gosh. That's a dress shop. I never picked it up. Oh my gosh. Yeah no big deal. I was in a small town. You also didn't have the wedding certificate right? Like drove home. Oh we didn't have the wedding certificate. I'm not surprised by that. Details of the story. How does daddy know that? I was like, you guys married certificate, you're like, what is that? - I didn't sign it the day I've had to prime y'all the dance floor. - Yeah, I was like, happy to stay focused. (laughing) - I love it, but yeah. - My biggest advice too is to wait to see each other before you walked on the aisle. - Oh yeah, I think that's a given. - It was the most amazing and credible experience ever getting to see each other for the, like, they opened the doors and I made eyes with Caleb and I just was like. - I cried the whole ceremony. - There wasn't a moment in which I stopped crying. It was so incredible. Caleb said, it's like what do you pictures like when in heaven? Like the doors open, you know, and it's like seeing your bride, and it's like, oh, it's just so cool. - I want you to feel back and do it again. - I know. - Do you want me to do it again? - I'll just get you. (laughing) - Ready, wedding renewal. - We should have the same anniversary, essentially. - We should. - But let's just do a destination wedding, vow renewal for you guys. - But I'm Mexico. - We go, go. - It's fun. - Let's do it. - Always homies, they're all invited. - I actually have two regrets for my wedding. That's what I want to show. (laughing) That's why I want to share. I wasn't going to say anything, but I actually do have some regrets. - Tell me, no problem. - Your time will make me cry. But the first one is I didn't do a wedding video because of the cost. And I think the cost would've been worth it. I think now, I was like, when am I ever going to watch that? And now I'm like, I wish I could watch it. So first regret. Second regret, we'll cry. I was really stressed. Just like, 'cause I'm a planner, and so I'm not in charge. My wedding planner's in charge, but I'm stressed about it, you know? And so, like right before I'm going on the aisle, like my mom wanted to have a minute with me and I was so stressed about like everything going right that I just like, I didn't take that time with her. I was really stressed and I was like, let's go, mom, let's go, mom, let's go, mom. And she's like, we're trying, she's trying to have a special moment with me and I was just like, not focused. And I apologize to her about it afterwards, but I wish I would've just like taken that moment to like have a special moment with my mom, 'cause I was also wearing her wedding shoes going down the aisles. She wanted to have a moment with me and I just wasn't present for it at all. And so, I think, just be chill. That's my recommendation. - That was vulnerable, you just said. - Yeah, thanks for sharing that. - That's good advice for people. - Like, especially if you're a type A person, like me, just like, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. - If you're late going down the aisle, no one cares, they're waiting for you. You have to hire the people in the place. You have to put the people in place. And if you can't afford to hire someone, have your friends do it. - I had my friend do it and she didn't make me pay, but I paid her and now she's a wedding planner and she was great and it was wonderful. - But. - Hi, I'm Fees. My name is Camden. I live in Oklahoma. Me and my fiance are getting ready to get married in the beginning of May. And we've been together since we were 17. High school sweetheart also grew up in the same hometown. We'll both be 21 when we get married. Just wanted some advice for wedding night and how to prepare because we also have both waited to be intimate with each other until after we're married. Thanks, love you guys, listen. Love listening to you guys so much. - Hi. - My favorite topic. - I was kidding. - Wait, we've been waiting for this. - There's another one just like this too. So let me, that's kind of in the similar realm. And then you can talk about both of them. - Hey girls, my name is Aubrey. I just wanted to say that I love the podcast and everything that you'll do. I'm calling today just for advice on boundaries and waiting till marriage. I get married in less than six months. I'm so excited, but also the struggle is real. I'm getting married to the high school sweetheart. So that's just for exciting. So any advice you'll have on that that y'all did with y'all's husbands and also if you'll have any advice about getting married so young 'cause we're getting married at 21. So any advice and tips you have for that would be so grateful. And I just hope you'll have a blessed day. - Woo, girlies, congratulations. - That's so fun. - The drought is coming to an end. (all laughing) Oh my gosh, I have so many things to say. - How do you kick it off? - Okay, well let's talk about the first question first. - Yes. - Okay, the wedding night. - Yes. - Your role's gonna be 21. I would say only have one drink of alcohol because you wanna be fully present. - I had spright, I was actually under it. - I was gonna say don't drink. - Yeah, you don't drink. - You don't drink so fully present at your wedding and for the night. 'Cause you've been waiting so long for this special moment to like be intimate and connect with your husband for the first time. So I would say just don't mess around with alcohol. - Matt and I didn't drink at all at our wedding. - Yeah, I think I have like a glass of champagne and maybe one glass of wine. It was like beautiful, you know. No, I just definitely had that. - That's actually really good advice. - I think I just had one glass of champagne. 'Cause I think too, it's like you're in the moment and like they're gonna give you a lot of drinks as the bride and groom. Like they're gonna offer you a lot. And I just was like, I only want one. And then you can be fully present. - That's such good advice. I wouldn't have even thought of that. But like you waited, especially if you waited. Like you did it so long, like let's set ourselves up to remember it, like let's not. - Yep. - And enjoy it and have presence of mine. - Okay, let's do it next time. - And then okay Caleb, during the day with his groomsman, he slips snuck away and like decorated the room and did little special things in the room. So I don't know, maybe if that's like a tip to your husband too, like have him sneak away with his guys to go like decorate the room. 'Cause that was really fun. - That's sweet. - Yeah, gross pedals on the bed, to the bed. I was like, oh baby, also shower before things get going. Because you're gonna be sweaty from your dance floor. You're gonna be stinky. Take a little shower. And then go shower in the bed. (laughing) - Just take the shower. - You've got a shower. - You can keep your makeup on and your hair nice. Just watch your bits and bobs. - But what I'm saying is don't do it in the shower. Go do it in the bed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. Or you can do it in the boat. - Expert level, you are not my friend. (laughing) - No, just give the shower. - Give the shower in the bed. - Exactly. - Yeah. - What's your advice for the wedding night? - Mmm. - Okay, I have to say this. I feel like there is so much messaging that is so negative towards waiting till the night. Like it's gonna be so awkward. It's gonna be so embarrassing. And it's gonna be terrible. It's not gonna work. It's like, that's actually just a lie from saying it. - I just think that's not true. - That's not true. - You guys are. - At least in our experience. That was just the furthest thing from the truth. And if anything, it was like, it was very, very, just like, wholesome and sweet and beautiful. And like there was, like, I think at this point, like there's certainly like excitement about something new. But it's not like you're gonna be like necessarily nervous 'cause you are with your person. Like there's just, there's so much comfort towards that and like a random one off. Like there's just so much history, so much relationship. You know, they're not like looking for anything other than to like, connect with you. So I just think like, and also I'm the last person to really give great advice on battery. So I'm just gonna say that right now. Like, but we did wait until the day of the wedding and it was beautifully intimate special wholesome. Never once awkward, like we certainly laughed. And like, we're experiencing new things together but you don't have to like have this, I don't know, expectation of, and I'm not saying that it's gonna be the most romantic crazy night of your life, but in a way that doesn't look like the movies. Because it's just so, it's so intimate and special and it's just, I don't know. I just feel like there's like so many people are like, I know their wedding is gonna be terrible. Like so many things, my way into it. - You don't have to know what to do. The first night, you just figure it out, okay. - Exactly, and it's not even about like the big fireworks moments of like sex. And not about the orgasm. It's about like being intimate together for the first time. And it's just so, I was actually super nervous and Caleb and I had had sex before and then stopped having sex for like two years and we became believers and then pursued. And so I had been there done that with him before and I was still like, had giddy butterflies. Like I was so nervous to be intimate with him again. And so it was so sweet and I just looked back on that night with just such like a smile on my face. - Totally. - Yeah, it was just totally. It's amazing. I was like nervously with the wedding, I was like, I was like, oh it's time to go. I was like nervous. I was like, it was amazing. - That is so fun. Yeah, I just don't believe what people are saying and I'm not saying it's gonna, everything. You're gonna have to communicate. You're gonna have to say things that you don't even expect you're gonna have to say. But it's everyone's just figuring things out and I think that's what's also so special about it. And I don't know, just be present and communicate. And I do think that it would be good to have a conversation about both of your expectations before the wedding day in this area, which they had us do in premarital counseling. - Yeah. - Because I do think if you guys go in with different expectations, that's a hard place to find out that you're not meeting someone's expectation and your own expectation isn't being met. So I would say have a conversation that's pretty detailed about like, and honest like what's actually gonna happen, but like what, I mean in a way, yes. I think you should. I think because I do think I hear that a lot of people are like, oh, I kind of was like thinking, you can build it up a lot in your mind. That's the thing about waiting is that you can build it up in certain ways. And so just hash that out a little bit beforehand. - Yeah, yeah. It doesn't have to be perfect. - Okay, but then the second question. - Boundaries. - Oh, boundaries. - And how do like tips for waiting until marriage? Okay, like I said, kill, but I went all the way and then I wheeled it all the way back. - Yeah, you're the one. - Oh boy, do we have boundaries? - Oh my gosh. - We didn't lay horizontally together. We didn't make out with tongue. We didn't. Sometimes it was just hand holding because we were too excited. And it was like, we can't actually kiss. - Especially you can engage in it. - Oh my gosh, freaking. - It was so hard. - You're longing. - It was so hard. So I just like, the strict boundaries that you need, like maybe you don't kiss for a couple of years, we went seasons with an engagement where we could not kiss each other 'cause it was just like, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like animals. - You just ate his face. - Yeah, a little bit. I'm like, what is wrong with me? (laughing) So you just had to be really strict with yourself. - But I will say, like people who listen, listen to this and they're like, "These people are crazy." - I don't know. - It was so worth it and beautiful. And having sex and then not having sex, there was a massive shift in our relationship. Like I felt the difference between, like actually choosing to wait. And I think some of the big things that stick out to me, one, obviously our culture talks a lot about like cheating and fidelity in all these things. It has given me such a confidence in Caleb for it's like this was literally the most, like sexually charged time of our life was our engagement. And we chose to be pure, like fight for purity in it and chose to not have sex with each other. That tells me that if Caleb is at a water cooler with a coworker or meet some other lady down the line, I know that he has self control and I can trust him to like not let his feelings or emotions lead him to something else. And so one, it gave me like a deep sense of trust in Caleb as a man and him with me as well. Like we have this sense of self control in this area of sex. - That's good. - Second, I would say just this idea of like we couldn't just real like go back to sex to communicate with each other or like show each other love. We had to learn how to show each other love in other ways, which really deepened our relationship and deepened our communication and deepened just, I mean so many areas of our relationship got so much stronger when we removed the element of sex. And yeah, I'm sure they're like a million other things but I just felt like such a night and day difference in our dating relationship. - That's so good, Abby. - Yeah, it was like, it's one of the biggest things. I'm like, okay, no, I got made it this way. You know what I mean? It's just so clear, you're like this was better for us. So I just know that like the fight for purity is worth it and also it's like when Caleb tells me that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, like I know that he only has eyes for me and he like means it, you know. So they're just so many benefits to it. And if you haven't chosen to do that, you're not like doomed or anything by any means. Yeah, so don't hear these things and think like, - Well, you're a great testimony of that, thank you. - Like that's, yeah, that's our testimony. - Yeah, that's huge. - Born again, a virgin. (laughing) - Just kidding. - I think it's important to say that too and like the culture of waiting till marriage is also that everyone's boundaries look a little different. Like like and I are both not physical touch people, so we can actually sit in bed together and we can hold hands and we can actually kiss and we, they're not gonna have sex. That was just not. - We were not like that. - But everyone's boundaries are a little different and not okay and not to judge people based on their boundaries. - For sure. - If they're not going doing the same boundaries that you're doing, 'cause the sin and the part that you're trying to wait for marriage is the actual sex part. You wanna create boundaries to help you not get to that point, but everyone's might look a little different. - So have grace for other people. - Oh, that I remember when I was gonna say, if you're more on the side of like, okay this is really, really hard to resist. Like being with friends is always a great way to resist. - Don't be alone. - Don't be alone. - Like I remember we would hang out with like one of my roommates. They're probably just like, they're all the time they're just like, oh it's just me and Bob and Abby. - We had so many triple dates. - So many times. - I'm not saying we had a chap or own, but kind of. - They're on it, something. You're not gonna cross it. That would be very medebient. - I don't need a call at that, but come on. - It's essentially that. - Except it's not like my brother. (laughing) - My little brother. - Right, exactly. - It was just like people that made sense at the time or like our friends or go on a double date. Like I mean there's just like so many other ways. - Yeah and you're not like, hang out with us if you want to sex. It's like hang out with us cause we want to hang out. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - Well yes, but that's a proxy. - It's the end goal was the same. - Also having adult mentors are already married. This is also just like not necessarily isolated to the area of sex. But like adult married mentors were very, forthcoming about like, what, like they knew our goals and they also were very forthcoming about talking about them whereas like among our single friends was very taboo to like talk about oh, they wouldn't have sex. But like adult mentors were very like very, they would bring it up on their own all the time. And so it was very like, we knew that we had someone to keep us accountable in that area and they weren't gonna like ignore it necessarily. And so it's not like we were ultimately still making our own decisions as adults. But just knowing that you had that extra accountability to was helpful cause whenever we saw them I'd be like they're gonna ask. They're gonna ask if it's gonna be or I'm not gonna lie. - Yeah and so that was good too. But that is hard to find. But if you can seek it out that is really so true. - We did have a slip like before a wedding or we did. And that was really sad cause I was like, we weighed all this time and then we slipped. But I just remember calling a girlfriend and telling her and like talking through it and it was like, she just prayed over me and was just like, it's okay, like you're still gonna, you know, it's just like there's so much grace. - Yeah. - And so don't think that I was like perfect at this. We weren't perfect but it was still worth it. - Yeah. - Wow. - Ooh, that was fun. - I hope you guys liked that episode. That was fun for us. It's just so good hearing from y'all. Okay, exciting update. Now we finally have actual details for you but we are hosting a live event locally here in Arizona, the Phoenix area. - The details where it's always here in Burn Boot Camp. We've actually done an Abbey's Camp before and it was so fun. So we're doing another one and always here Burn Boot Camp. Workout class and the day is April 11th at 10 a.m. There's no trial care for this class just to heads up. And it's gonna be a 45 minute workout. The signups are live today. - Right now. - They're live right now. So if you're interested and you wanna go sign up, there is a $15 fee for the class, which is cheaper than their dropping class. - Yeah. - So they did us a favor, which was really sweet. - Yeah. - They have trainers to pay. - Yeah, trainers to pay. And also the last time we did this Abbey's Boot Camp to be transparent, there was a lot of signups because it was free. And then we could have a lot of no shows. - A lot of no shows. And people sign up at a stay and just took spots. So this is like, you're all, we needed a little bit of a buy-in. - Sign up if you're going. - Yeah, if you wanna go. We would love to work out with you. We're gonna have like a little bit of afterwards so we can hang out and talk and meet and greet and pictures and like some snacks and stuff. So it'll be really, really fun. - Yeah, we really fun. - Yeah, we can't wait. And we have a review to read. This review is from Haley. Thanks again to everyone who leaves us a review of rating, liking, subscribing, all the things, sharing. This says moving to AZ. Abbey's in Addy. I'm 29, I'm a 29 year old mom of two, taller boys. We live in that West Virginia. - That be vegan, so? - I can't, I don't know, sorry. - I can't tell you guys how much I love listening to this podcast and correlate so much. Every time I listen in, usually while driving, I feel like I have a mom group session. And truly you guys make me wanna move to Arizona and be besties. I hate that I'm caught up. Because it means I have to wait until next week for the next one. Thank you so much for your mom advice, transparency, hilarious moments, but also the thought provoking ones too. - Oh, so sweet, so meaningful. - I'm so crazy, that's such a sweet feeling, 'cause I feel that way about podcasts. - Right. - I'm like dang, I have to wait till next week. - Right. - It's the way that people feel about us is so amazing. - It's amazing. - It's an honor. Like there's no other way to describe it. - Yeah. - It's like a really high honor. - Yes, thank you guys so much. If you guys wanna call in and leave a voicemail, we'll say the number again. It's 602-456-9690. We always close out our episodes with voicemails from you guys, it's the best. So thank you guys for that. And, oh, should we do an always hungry recipe? - Yeah. - Okay, I'm gonna share the rice crispy treats I made this past week. - Oh, this was so good. - They were really good. They're Easter themed or spring themed. It has Cadbury eggs, white chocolate chips, and obviously marshmallows, they were delicious. So I'll have the link below. - Really easy to make and they went very fast. - Oh, they're so good. - My recipe is just a really quick, it's literally five ingredients. I've made it since Matt and I were in college, but it's quick, healthy, and affordable. And you can even make this for a lunch, and I don't normally cook for lunch time, 'cause I just don't simply wanna spend the time on cooking lunch, but it has quinoa, ground turkey, taco seasoning, crushed tomatoes, and corn, and I top it with cheese. And sometimes like sour cream or salsa, and then you can scoop the fritos in it. It's just, it's so filling and the whole family likes it. My kids will even eat it, which is saying a lot. And it's just really easy. One pot, and yeah, I kinda want that for dinner now. - You use ground turkey, you don't like ground turkey? - I know, I like it in this. - Eh? - Okay. - Do you wanna know where I got this recipe from? - Yeah. - I think it was on the back of my taco seasoning in college, I was like, "Oh my goodness." - Oh my goodness. (laughing) - Don't use red quinoa though. Only use white quinoa. - That's hilarious. I've like college, learning how to cook in college is such a trip. - I use red quinoa and it leaves like a film on the roof of your mouth. Except I think I did it wrong. 'Cause I don't think that everyone would, anyone would ever eat it. - I don't know, I've even seen red quinoa at the store. I don't know, I don't even know what that is, Adi. Or Abi, sorry. - I think you got it from Aldi. - Oh. - Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who listens and who shares the love and also shout out to our like, in-person friends that listen to this. Every single week, I'm like, you hear enough of us. Why would you ever choose to just listen to us talk to them? - I love it. I debrief with my sister every week, so. - Oh my gosh, it's sweet. - I love you guys. - All my friends are real life friends. We're just, we're so grateful. Feels like the appropriate time to stay out, since we listened to all you guys talk today, so. - Yeah. - Thank you guys, and remember, we're always here. (upbeat music)