The wedding night & waiting 'till marriage: Your most chaotic questions answered!

Olen Shannon Maldonado, käsintehtyjä artesaanitua teita myyvän jaujialahjakaupan perustaja. Valitsin Shopify, koska alustoja testatessani totesin sen ehdottomasti yhdeksi helpokäyttöisimmistä alustoista. Minulla oli tärkeää pohtia kehittymistämme tulevaisuudessa. Kaikki myyntiin tarvittavat työkalut, kuten varaston suunnittelu ovat kätevästi dashboardissa. Aloita ilmainen kokeilu Shopify piste komsi vustolla. Täällä on koulut. Onko koulut. Täällä on koulut. Täällä on koulut. Täällä on koulut. Täällä on koulut. like obviously we see the numbers, we see comments and stuff, but hearing your voice, I just feel like it puts humans to what we read and see online. And so it just makes it feel so like, it feels really real for us to. - Right, and like a small element of your life too, like your personal life, we hear about so much about our lives. It's really cool to get like a little bit from you guys too. So that's what this whole episode is. And these are like, we call them major buckets. We're talking about pregnancy and parenting, marriage and dating, friendship. And then we just have some for fun ones. Maybe a couple pop culture ones sprinkled in there. We'll see what we get to because we get a little chatty sometimes. But yeah, thank you to everyone who sent voicemails. And then if we will always do this segment in future episodes, but just not as many as this current episode. So if you do want to call in, the number is 602-456-9690. - Woo, thank you Adi and Hannah for going through and picking me up. - Yeah, how? - It was great hearing everyone's questions. I hate the ones we can't make. I'll also give a PSA. If you're leaving ones that are like over 45 seconds, there's less likely that they're gonna make it in the episode. - Oh, yeah. - So keep them under like 30 and you're way more likely to make it in the episode. - Okay. - Little PSA. - Hi, I am 10, almost 11 months postpartum. And I am down bad with baby fever. I want another baby so badly. My husband wants to wait until we have a vacation in August to get pregnant after. What was your logic behind the age gap of your kids and do you wish that you'd date anything differently in terms of the age gap between your siblings? Thanks so much for the podcast. - That's a great question. - Do it. - Do it. - Do it. - Baby, I feel like whenever you're excited about it. - Yeah. - But you both have to be excited about it, so that is hard. But you can just say, hey, I can be pregnant in August. - Yeah. - We go on vacation. - No, but deal. - I guess yeah, where's the vacation? - They're pregnant now and then you're in your second trimester in August. - And you feel bad. - Then you'll feel great. - That's so true. Yeah, 'cause if you're in your first trimester on vacation, I could see him being like, let's just wait a little bit to after that. - Also, if you do both agree on needing to wait, that's really not that huge of you. - Yeah, it's not that long. - But I get that. Oh my gosh. I'm like, just make it one, make it big. - Okay, tell us your age gaps. - My age gap was unplanned with Griffin and Augie. So they were only 13 months apart and it's so fun now. So I'm like, not a good, I'm not the person to talk to, honestly, 'cause I'll give you bad advice. I'm like, just do it, just make another one right away. But I do forget that it was really hard in the beginning with the two littles, like literally a year apart. I had two babies for a little bit there. And then we perfectly planned our third one and they were gonna be two and a half years apart from the youngest to the baby. We unfortunately lost that pregnancy and then just were like, whatever we were just, we were like, whenever a baby comes, we were really grateful. And so now we have our third August or July baby in a row, which I was trying to avoid living in Arizona, but life just had the way of reminding you that you're not in control. And so, yes, and so that gap will be three and four years between my kids, which was bigger than I ever. - Wow, I didn't really want it. This baby in all you'll be three, three full years. - Basically, 'cause this baby's due today is August 11th and August birthday is August 10th. - Oh, that's amazing. - It's like exactly three years. (laughs) - That's kind of cool. - Which feels big and daunting. - Really, I feel like that's what we want for our next gap, ideally. So the gap between CJ and Vivian is about two years and three months. I, we were pretty strict about waiting the 18 months because I had the unplanned C section with CJ. And my doctors are pretty firm with me about wanting to wait a full 18 months to get pregnant, which I was like, that honestly sounds like a great timeline anyway, because then they'll still be relatively close in age. And yeah, so we waited and then basically 18 months was like, okay, let's start. And then we got pregnant right away, thankfully. So I think an ideal timeline for us this time have these two clothes, then have a three-year gap, and then have two more kind of clothes. - That's what we're gonna do. - Yeah, I think we want like a buddy system. - Ideally, okay, actually this is something that really triggers me post-loss, is talking about age gaps, honestly, between kids. Because it's like something that I like tried to perfectly plan and it like all worked. And so then I was like, this is so dumb that you've been talking about, because it's so out of my hands, but I understand that it is warrants a conversation, but like ideally that's what would happen next for us. - Yeah. - I think it's good to have them close, but also like I know a lot of people that have kids with a gap and it's great too. - Yeah, sure. - But I totally, I'm like if you're excited about having a kid then I feel like you didn't have a kid. - I don't know. That was one of our husband's cousins. How what's our relation to them? - Who? - Iva. - Oh, she's our cousin's wife. Our husband's cousin's wife. - Our husband's cousin's wife. (laughing) - There has been no way to start your family. - And I'm like, yeah. - Whenever you're both excited about it. - Yeah. - I don't know. - Or until the good Lord gives you a baby. - Until it just happens. - Hi, I was just wondering what you could talk about. How the transition goes from having one baby to two. My husband and I are considering having a second one. I was also wondering how it is having a C-section when you have a toddler at home. That's something I'm really nervous about. But if you could just give your advice and things on that, that would be great. Thank you, love listening to you guys, bye. - One side note is I think both of these last few of the boy smells were while they were driving. Which I just think is sweet, they're listening. - That's mom life for you. - Yeah. (laughing) - Mom's on the go. - Well, do you want to enter the C-section with a toddler part of the question? - Yeah, unfortunately I feel like I've locked out. - I feel like you handled it really well. - Really? - Yeah. - That was so nice. - And Griffin was still at the age where he wanted to be held a lot. I don't remember that really. Like, you, it didn't stop you. Like, you know. (laughing) - And you were just like, I mean, like, either way, whether you have a baby or not, like if you have a C-section or vaginal birth, you still have downtime to where it's like, it's hard to pick up your baby. - Yeah, I will say mom's listening, you know what I'm about, like you feel this, what I'm gonna say, mom's make it happen. - You do. - Like, you just make it happen. - It's gonna do it, you gotta do it. - And so, like, I remember it being difficult, but you just, you just simply make it happen. And so, yeah, C-section after, when you have a toddler, I think as candidly, you can just be like, I wanna hold you so bad right now. But like, obviously, early on, I really am not a good idea. So, I would just sit down and put them on my lap all the time. And then, make sure I would always have like ice packs, like the freedom moms, uh-oh. - Uh-oh. - Oh. - Oh, no. - They eventually had another brand. - Find another brand. - And I'll shout out about it. - No, they have a great C-section. - They have a great core, baby. - They have a great C-section. - I'm not gonna turn on them. They have an amazing C-section recovery man that has a ice. We can make a hot or cold and that cold on that really. It also protected the area. So, he could sit on my lap, we also load your baby in their car seat, like, not in the hold. Like, you don't have to lift up the hold, do you know? I also feel like this might, I don't know if this is medically sound, but moving as much as possible does help. Oh, I think. Like, moving a lot, like, with my toddler, even though I was like soar, like, it wasn't like soar that was like, "Oh, this is hurting my healing progress." It was soar in the sense of like, "This is just what it's gonna feel like to do things." - Mm-hmm. - Like, as this is healing, but I feel like, if I were to stay still, it would have been worse. Like, I would go on walks even like, kind of really right after. - I think you healed way quicker than me from those, from the C-section. I remember I saw a video of you skipping, uh, on- - Why was I skipping? - And I was like, "What the heck?" - Why is she skipping? I can't skip. And so I tried it and I was like, "You know what? I think I need to move more." (laughing) - Wait, why was I skipping? And then you just actually got up and tried to skip. And then I was like, "Can I do that?" You were like a month, about 16 days ahead behind me. And I was like, "Wait, I don't think I'm, she's, I probably need to move some more." - I couldn't walk, I didn't walk a mile from. - Well, that was a difference of having a toddler too, like, you kind of need to have to. - Yeah, you have to. - So I think you're actually probably gonna love it. - You're for coverage. I think you're gonna, it's gotta help you. - Propel her forward. - Propel, yeah. - Yeah. And then what was the other part of her question? - Oh, the transition from one to two. - Oh, okay. - I actually think I was humbled, pretty good. (laughing) I think it was a lot harder for me. - I'm surprised you saying that, 'cause you did so good. - That's really sweet. I think my mom, as she was here, and she'd be like, "Yeah, you need it help." (laughing) I think those first four months, I was pretty surprised that I was still struggling, at least internally. I felt like I was struggling. I had a lot of help, thankfully. My mom stayed for eight weeks. And I think, if she had left earlier, obviously, you figured it out. - Right. - But I was like, I remember getting upset with myself, 'cause I'm like, I still can't picture myself taking care of CJ alone in the mornings without, like, really feeling super overwhelmed, with taking care of CJ and the baby. It was really just the morning, specifically. So yeah, I think I was just pretty humbled by that. But you get over the hump once you start, I think after those eight weeks, when I was forced to do it by myself and like practice it and get into routine, it obviously was way smoother. So yeah, it was pretty hard, but I think if you have a support person, like my husband didn't get paternity leave. So my mom is there to help me. If you have just one person to help you with your first child, it makes it so much better. - Hey guys, my name is Megan. I'm the first time mom. The first week of March, my five-month-old girl is gonna be turned six months. And so we're gonna be starting solid and I'm kind of scared about it, but I wasn't sure how you guys went about feeding your first-time babies solids. Thank you guys, love y'all, bye, yeah. - Addy, this is you. - No, this is scary. I actually, when I was listening back, we talked about it on one of the episodes that I was really nervous to start solid and it was really stressing me out. By the time we had recorded that episode and then I reviewed it. So we record on Wednesdays. I review the episode on Monday. I was like, what the heck was I stressed about? - Good. - It's like, it's one of those things you don't know what you're doing, so it stresses you out, but then you start doing it and it becomes fun. So I'm like, okay, just pick what do you want? Does she want a packet? You don't want to get her oatmeal or don't want to get her actual things to munch on? And just choose, and I kind of just didn't stress about it. I live in the world that I'm like, everything's probably gonna go well. And I'm not like super stressed about her choking or things like that happening even though they can happen. But I just started with the breast milk oatmeal, which is what you both recommended for me. And that was great. She loved it. And then I've done packets and then I've just given her a couple like berries and fruits and just things were her to chew on. And it's been fun once I started it and not stressed about it. I was more so stressed about the schedule and what I just did in my, I was like, okay, you feed her a bottle when she wakes up and then an hour after that, I gave her a snack of some sort. And I just did that every week window. So then I didn't stress too much about it. That's awesome, Annie, that's a really good device. I think to the not stressing about it part, I feel like the internet has so much information on feeding your baby that I was like, I remember feeling really overwhelmed by it. And I never did the baby lead weaning with CJ and I don't only plan on doing it at the baby and either, but I've had a lot of, I think it was really good for me just like doing the baby oatmeal, purees and then working her way up to harder foods and like, munching on stuff is great. I think to the expectation at first, just know that your baby's not gonna like it at first. Like, I just gave baby an oatmeal last week for the first time and she did not like, the first time she was spitting it out 'cause it feels different like the texture of it is so new, but then the second time she loved it and ate it. So just like practice makes perfect and they'll figure it out. - Yeah, introducing things multiple times 'cause just because the first time they eat the oatmeal, they don't want it, doesn't mean the second time they're not going to want it. And so just keep introducing things and do what you're comfortable with. I think that's the most the best advice I could give. I'm for some reason in my brain, giving braille rice doesn't make sense to me, but I see other people giving their kids rice. I'm like, she can't shoot. It's just gonna get stuck in her throat. For some reason, rice gives me. So guess what, she just doesn't have rice right now 'cause I'm not ready for that. But she can have broccoli, she can have carrots. Like, there's different things that I'm comfortable with. - Both my kids actually love food from the job. They loved it, like from the job. I actually quickly, you said you gave milk first in the food, like right away went to food, and then just kind of a little bit of milk. They really loved food. But I did two completely different approaches. So with my first, I did baby-led weaning by the book. I downloaded feeding littles, like did the thing. Made the food, like, actually get, like there was gagging involved. There was the whole nine yards. And then with my second, I literally did strictly purees for the first, like, good chunk. And I am here to report just in my small case study. My second is much better here than my first. - Oh no. - So I don't, I say this to say, don't stress because I'm what you guys both said. But like, your kids are gonna be who they're gonna be. And I feel like their palettes are gonna just develop into their palettes. And there's not as much as we can do about this. We would like to think that we can. But it's a fun season. So don't, I don't know, it looks different for everybody too. Like, it is fun. I just agree. It makes your life a lot easier if you're nursing home. - Oh my God. (laughing) - Hey Abby, Abby, and Abby. My name is Brittany. Great job on a podcast, by the way. I listen to it all week while I get ready to work each morning. My question is, when someone is disciplining their child in front of your child, and it doesn't the way they are disciplined, how do you approach that with your child and explain to them? Thanks, keep up the good work. - Yeah, we've had this conversation. And then we would say, hey, that's what they do in their house. We do, we do it differently here. Or that might be okay for them, but it's not okay around here. Like sometimes, like, yeah. Just saying that we can have different expectations. And it's only felt like necessary when they ask. And so it's usually involving a form of discipline that like obviously we don't use, but then there's also kind of like, I don't know, socially deviant way. Like, it involves, I don't know how to explain, I'm not gonna say. - I'm confused. There's a certain type of punishment that we don't use. - Oh, okay. - And this is the one that, anything involving physical punishment we don't use. - Oh, sure. - And so like when that has happened in public, like I think it actually kind of scares our kids because they're like, wait, that's actually something we're not allowed to do. Like, and so I feel like that's where it's come up. And so it's like, oh, well, they do it differently in their house. It's hard though, too, but I don't know. It's hard because they start to really observe. Like I feel like Griffin is really observing this now and how people, different people are disappointed. - But I think it's a good lesson to learn. Like, they do things differently than how we do it in our house, but this is how we're still gonna do it. - Totally. - And they do it differently and that's okay. - Yeah, but has that happened with CJ yet? - He hasn't really asked. - No. - For instance, we were at a play area, like a local one, and I'm like a mom like hit her kid. What do you do in that situation? - Like, in the face. - What? - Yeah. - I have no idea what he did. - What do you do? - What do you do? - I like what you do. - Like, smack the kid across the face. - It must be asses. - She was yelling, so he was already drawing attention, and then she hit her kid in the face. - And like, your kid is asking, like, what is he doing? - I think he was scared, yeah. - Were you near her? - I was far enough away. So one of my friends was really close to her and I was far enough away, but I saw it happen. - I think if it was near her, I would have been, I would think it would have gone. Oh, wow. - I literally, I'm not a burden. - You would dress it with your kid. - I think I just stood up and looked at her because I was like, I want you to know that everyone's watching you, like, - Well, if she's doing that in public, what is she doing behind the stove? - I know. - And so he, like, came up to me afterwards, and he was like, that mommy hit, and it was like, and I was like, yeah, that wasn't a good choice. - Yeah. - And then, but then there's other, like, forms of physical punishment that is, like, less jarring, but still, like, dang. - I feel something. - Yeah, there's the difference between, that's not how we do it, and we do it differently versus, that was an acceptable that we decided. - Yeah, like, as thinking, like, I'm not gonna, I'm just like, they do things differently. - Yeah. - And so, but then with that, I was like, - That's actually abuse. - Yeah, so I was just like, yeah, that wasn't a good choice. And I was like, mommy's, like, some mommy's make, like, make mistakes too. - Uh-huh. - I said, I hope she said, sorry. Like, I was just like, - That's a really good way to handle that, Abby. - That was a really great job. - It's uncomfortable. I mean, you won't see it a lot, but we've seen it a couple times. - Yeah. - And Airport too, like, the dad was just screaming at his kid, like, in a way that was like, yeah. - How can this not be verbal abuse? Like, and so, and then, of course, that my kids are just staring. - I know, the screaming is so interesting because I'm like, the other person, I'm always trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm like, that could just be like a horrible day at the witch's end. But like, slapping a kid across the face, I think I'd have been, I think I would have let it go. - Wow. (laughing) - I think you would, actually. - I'm pretty, I know you would have, yeah. - I'm not afraid of competition. - I just was like, if it's like blatantly wrong, that's crazy, you know? - That's really bad. - That's really crazy. - Hi, my name is Angelina, and I'm calling to see if either of you have any advice if I should quit my corporate job and stay at home with my three-year-old and my one-year-old, or if I should continue doing it. I've been debating this for a couple months now and not sure what to do. Thanks. - Oh my gosh. - The age old question. - That is the age old question. I've been listening to a lot of Dave Ramsey about this exact topic. - Really? - And we're here. - Oh. Well, it's a hard topic to talk about because I do feel like they're situational for every person. - I think that the data is pretty clear about like the benefits of staying a mom being with the baby, at least from the ages of like zero to three, that's like the best for the child, but everyone's financial, like some people, like financial, that is not an option. And goal is never to gelt those people and the thing they're not doing the best, because I think you can really raise your kids excellently. It's still work. - Yeah. - My parents worked full the time. - Yeah. - The whole time I was growing up. But if it's like without knowing about her financial situation, it sounds like she's financially able to do it, right? - Yeah. So it's like if you want to, I think you should just do it. You'll never get this time back. - Yeah, I agree. Yeah, if it's something that you can financially do, I think it's the best, like it's so amazing getting to stay home and just be with your babies. If you're like worried about the transition of that, I actually, one of my best girlfriends, they were a dual income household and for a while they did a test, well, they only ever lived off of his income even though she made more. - Yeah. - And so they kind of did a test run of that to see and they were able to make it work and she really wanted to do that and so they made this switch. So if you can test run it, just like go for a little while living off of one income and then decide, but yeah, I don't think you'll ever ever regret staying home with your kids, like ever. - If you're financially stable and that's something that I agree, it kind of sounds like she is at that point that I would say. do it. Mm-hmm. It could be in a thing too where you're like pair down your hours. I don't know what. I was talking to you about that. I feel like the corporate job would have an option for that. It's good. I don't want to quit part-time but if you want to do a part-time and I transition out then I'm more comfortable doing that or taking a break seeing if they'll let you take us a medical do it for a little bit just see it just really depends on the job but I think even me always saying that I was gonna work all the whole like always. I'm like in that but where I'm like financially I can't do that like just be a stay-at-home mom. Also I think I would still want to work some but I'm like what does that look like transitioning out of maybe being full-time into part-time and I think having a three-year-old and one-year-old is a perfect time to do it because once I get into school you can also go back to work if you wanted to and get a part-time job or something like that. Yeah. Agreed. This isn't me giving my notice. Great advice, honey. My job's different. I get to keep my baby and work with my family. It's the best thing ever. That's not a lie. You're like where you gotta go. I think that's it for this category. Okay, do we want to go to marriage and dating, friendship, pop culture. Let's go let's go pop culture and then end on marriage. Yeah, friendship. Friendship is one too. Throw that after pop culture. Okay, pop culture is it makes it like fun like hearty questions and then pop culture wants to. Okay, okay. I don't know I think about pop culture. Well, there really is not that much pop culture. Okay, I think there's like one. I want to learn though. There's one pop culture. I want to get it from you guys. Okay, let's do the pop culture one. It's really not that serious. I think it. Olen Shannon Maldonado, the founder of the Artesan Institute of Technology, has been a member of the Institute of Technology. Since the beginning of the Shopee Festival, the University of Technology has been able to help the University. The University has been able to help the University of Technology to help the University of Technology to help the University of Technology. Every member of the University of Technology has been able to help the University of Technology to help the University of Technology to help the University of Technology. The University of Technology has been able to help the University of Technology to help the University of Technology to help the students. I went to the page of one of the Beast Games contestants August because my son's name was August so I just immediately latched on to him. I just immediately latched on to him. I'm gonna, that you would put a sticker on your car for everyone else to know. (laughs) - I think about that a lot. - Or I came in here one day and I was like, what is the line with bumper stickers? 'Cause it's late, this man had a full naked woman bumper sticker on his car. - Yeah. - Uh-huh. - And I was like, that's what they wanted to know about. - 'Cause this is a hot take in a hard judgment, but I do believe that if someone has multiple bumper stickers, they're probably not mentally stable. - I just don't think we'd be good for anything to say, but I just am kinda like, what would you put on your car? - I got one. - If you honk at me, I will cry. (laughs) - I should have that on there. - You put me down when people were like, you know what, she's not moving. She might be distracted. Oh, I don't want her to cry. She'll figure out eventually. - I think you might get honked that more because of that. - You'll be like, let's ruin her. - I don't want to ruin her. - I want to ruin her because of her. - You look kind. (laughs) - I feel like I might see that and be like, oh, that's funny. (laughs) - What a bully. (laughs) - I think I think it's a joke. - I'm too sensitive for honking. - I hate honking. I hate, I don't do it to people. I don't want people to do it to me. And in living in the state of Arizona, that is very hard because everyone here is just hand on the board like, oh my gosh. - They do honking a lot. - I got flipped off. Is it flipped or flipped? - Fliped. - I think it's both flipped. - Fliped? - I say flipped sometimes. - I interchange them. - I say both flipped and flipped. - Flicked off? - They flipped me off all the window for a long time. And I was like, it's still going, it's still going. I, and I still can't. - And then you cried. - And then I cried. - No, I don't actually cry, but I just get so distraught. - Distraught about it. - I can't stop thinking about it. - Could you ever accidentally hearted at someone? - No. - Oh, I did on accident one time. I didn't know how it happened on accident. I felt so bad. I was like, I'm not good. - I'm pro honking. I'm pro honking. - I mean, if someone is at the light and they're not going, you don't think I'm going to get my little love to happen. I'm going to go, honk, hey, hey, hey, little wave, like a nice one. And then you don't think if someone is trying to hit my car, I'm going to lay on the horn. Caleb used to not honk at people when they would do reckless things. And I'm like, I can do it. - I can't. - I can't. - No, I'm like, immediately. I guess I'm probably the problem. - Oh, you, Abby. I'm ached out. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - So you didn't say your bumper said it? - Well, I would have not have ever had a bumper sticker. The thing I believe you can avoid the question like that. She said, if there was anything ever that you strongly believe. - I love my husband. - Oh, I put that on there. Like, I'm like, okay, I wouldn't put a faith one because then if I drive badly, I don't want to do a reflect poorly on my shirt. - You can't get your driving doesn't reflect. - I just want to reflect Jesus. (laughing) And I don't want them to know that I have children. And I don't want them to know that I'm a woman. Honestly, it's just by my car. So I'm like. - Well, if you say I love my husband, well. - Then that telling them I'm a woman. - There is a bumper sticker in my neighborhood. - There's a bumper sticker that I greatly appreciate actually. My neighbor has it says, I heart my cochlear implant and I'm like, what a great bumper sticker because then people know that she's hard of hearing. - I've seen some like that where there's like, there's a disabled child on board. - That is a great bumper sticker. - It's here in accident, those are also marked first to know. - So those are good. - So I'm distracted with my kids in the back seat and I don't go right when the white turns red. People can just, what if your sticker says, sorry, I'm distracted. - No, can't say that. Sorry, it's goldfish underneath the car seat. And it's really important. - Hi, Abbie's and Addy. I wanted to know what you guys have been doing for your job, plus careers. If you couldn't do content creation, plus business owning, plus podcast, or being a teacher. Coming from a fellow always homey. I love the podcast, bye. - Bye. - So many ideas. I would love to be someone's personal chef. I think I would like, I love everything about it. I love going to the grocery store, getting groceries. I like meal planning. I like, I want to just make their food and then leave. I feel like that would be so fun. Prep it, put in the fridge for them. - So fun. - Someone else is kitchen too. There's something about cooking, that sounds fun. - That does sound fun. - 'Cause it's probably gonna be a nice kitchen if you get it for me. - Thinkin' for me. - Yeah, hey, baby. - So I think that would be really fun. Also, I feel like I might be a real estate agent one day. - One day, you're gonna come back to that and become a real estate agent? - Yeah, maybe when I'm like 30. - I always thought, that'd be so fun. And then we bought our house and I was like, that would be so bad at this job. - Why? - Because the back, all the communication behind the scenes. - Oh, maybe I would be a real estate agent. - It's a lot of back and forth in the paperwork. - How, I've been seeing things for six years. - It's actually three, so I don't know. - You said by the time you're 30, you want to be a real estate agent? - Maybe my 40s, okay fine. - Wow. - I have a lot of life to live, y'all. I'm not gonna do this forever. (laughing) - It'll just be me here, me and Addy will be, I don't know, hold me. - You're so mean. - I'll sit over here, hey, hold me. - Addy's on another, another real estate agent called. - Mormon wives were we paired to Addy and she's not there. Like they do with me and interviews. - Addy refused to be interviewed. (laughing) - She's showing a house. - Yeah. - Addy actually has another job. (laughing) - I love it. - I also just love, like, I love house shopping. - Yes, it is so fun. - What would you do? - I used to think that it would be really fun to be like an on carpet correspondent for e-news, or like a carpet interviewer of some sorts. - I bet someone like that in Rhode Island. - Really? I don't even know if I'd be good at that. I just think it'd be fun. - You would be good. - Or like on QVC, 'cause I used to do that for bull all the time. Like I would do all my trial and videos and like describe the products and sell the clothes. And I think it'd be so fun to be a QVC host. - That's fun. - Yeah. - That's fun. I'd be burn boot camp trainer. I think I would train. - That's a good one, Addy. - I would do that. Yeah, I think that's it. I don't want to do anything else. - I feel like you know. - Really at this point, like with this under my belt too, I'd probably be good working for like an agency or something. Like I feel like I'd be, if I needed a backup plan, I could work for an agency. - I mean, you're the most organized person I've ever met. So, and so good at communication. You could thrive at most jobs, I think. - So good. - So good. - I'm gonna put that on my master's degree. Not my personnel, yes. (laughs) - Hi, Dita Mar. I was just wondering what your first job or what you did to make money before being an influencer. Also, what made you like to decide to be an influencer? Have a good day. - Oh, that's nice of me. - Thank you. Just go through all your jobs, run 'em down. - Me? - Yeah. - But there's not that many. - Yeah, I said that many. I don't have a lot of work experience. - That's the same. - I am not hireable. Well, I was trying to. - I'm trying to make money. - Unfortunately, I can not get hired anywhere. - Yeah. - No, I do have my degree. - But I was a babysitter and a nanny and a tutor and a substitute teacher. And I worked at a cocktail lounge and a pizza server. (laughs) - What else did I do? - And then I did a taker. - What was the first time you guys met where, when, and with awkward, or like, even when the first time you heard about each other? Like, what were your first impressions? - I feel like I'd like, let's go on the area of first times you heard about each other. Like, do you remember the first time, like, you heard about? Like, you probably heard about Abby because she was dating that. - The time of life is such a blur. So it was like ten years ago. - Ten years ago. - So long ago. I just, I think we talked about this in the first episode. But I just heard it thinking Abby was really quiet. And yeah, you were very quiet, you just didn't talk much. And you just kind of stuck by Matt. So like you just didn't, and we were never, like we'd be around each other occasionally at like a family dinner, or you know, it was always short and quick. But yeah, for a couple of years, there just wasn't a ton of interaction. - Yeah. - It was like we were both in the room, but we weren't really interacting with each other. - Yeah, why were we like that? - I don't have many memories of this. I just remember thinking that you were really cool and like really, really comfortable with the family. And I was not. And so I was like intimidated. I was like, she's so, she's like, veteran here. (laughing) I mean, I'd take veteran, yeah. 'Cause I think we had been dating like two years at that point. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I was definitely comfortable with that. Also, you guys were in college already. So I feel like we would only see each other at holidays, but there's already a lot of other people around. - So many people around. - I don't remember, Addy. I just remember hearing that, I don't even think he was Blake who told me that he was like interested in a girl. Like, it word got around church. And then he's like, oh, my brother's into somebody. I was like, Blake, you wanna fill in your sister? - Uh-huh. - And so I just remember, I feel like there was one time, did we share a hammock at our fall retreat or something? - We had it, we had three hammocks. I know I was in one, I remember Matt being in one next to me and you were probably in that one too, but I remember one time Matt just popped his head up and I was like, that's sitting in the same thing now. But I had never talked in before. - What was the first time that we talked? It was then, probably would have been fall retreat, but I don't even really remember talking to you that much. I think I was scared of you. - What was your first impression of Matt? - I thought he was a cool guy. Like I thought he was cool and the popular guy. Like he was tall, so then that just adds another effect to it as well. - Yeah. - Yeah, I just thought he was probably cool. I have him, I'm trying to think. - I love how you were friends with everyone. Like you were just like so fun and happy, and that was cool. I'm like, when was the first time? - I think the first time we met was at Gryffindshire in New York. - I was wondering when did this happen? - And I first asked, I remember I followed you I think before on Instagram and I remember you were really into fitness at the time. Like you were always going to the gym at most day and I was like, she's so cool, she's so fit. And you came to town and I remember just having a lot of fun talking to you. - I was like, I was wondering, I'm like, when did we first meet because it's weird to think that we didn't know each other before like Abby. - I know, I just never met in Missouri. - No, but I remember like buying stuff. I was like, I'm gonna buy stuff from bowl. - I'm like, I still have stuff. I'm like, I just threw away something. So I was like, oh, actually I'm mad about it. - No, I'm just kidding. - I still have a couple of tank tops. - So yeah, I was like, I was intimidated by you just 'cause I was like, she's so cool and older than me. - Abby, you're so much younger than me. - I'm 25, I was probably 21 at the time. - Yeah, I was like, you're older than me. - You probably think I'm such a little kid. - Good, be afraid of me, ladies. - No, I'm just kidding, I'm scared of you. - I think I'm cool, it's fun. - No, I remember, Abby, I had you over to my apartment without Blake, and I made you mac and cheese 'cause that's the only thing I knew that you liked to eat, 'cause the only thing I knew about you was that you were a picky eater. - Which is just so crazy 'cause I'm not that way anymore, but I guess I was a picky eater, but I do remember you inviting me over 'cause I had to stay in Springfield for dance 'cause we had nationals at the beginning of January, so we had rehearsals literally like 40 hour weeks of dancing, and you had me over because Blake went home and I'm just here by myself, you got you and Matt had me over and I just sat at your table, I was like, what do I wear? I was like, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to wear. To my boyfriend's sister's apartment, I don't know what to do. - Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, but my boyfriend's or husband's sister, there's no one more intimidating. I feel it. - Is there anything you want to do on December 4th? - And she probably had me over like December 20th or something like that. I'm like, we'd been in the dating for two weeks, I was in that. This is so nice, I can't say no, but also, I was like, Blake, you want me to have better? - Yeah, I can do it. - He's like, I got it. (laughing) I'm sure he was like, no. - You're not like, actually don't wear a number. (laughing) - That was very nice to me to invite me over. That was really nice to me. - That's so fun. - Hey guys, my name is Haley, and I love watching your podcast. My question to you guys is how do you handle friendships with your close friends that don't have kids? In 2025, I struggled a lot with jealousy because I couldn't pick up and do things like they could anymore. It made me more and grieved being able to do that. And of course, not to discredit the love that I have for my children, but I just want to give your advice on that. Love you guys, thanks for listening. - I think it's okay to miss your old life while still loving and appreciating your new life. Yeah, so I don't think, yeah, I don't think that makes a lot of sense that you would feel a little bit of jealousy sometimes, just like the ease of not having as much responsibility. I'm like, that's always, that's always, yeah, I'm like, oh, young and free, you know? It does, it does make your relationships different. - It does. I didn't feel that way when Kielb and I got married. Like I married no big deal with single friends or friends that weren't married, no big deal. When we started having kids, I feel like the gap started to increase of things that we had in common. You know, it's just so much harder yeah, having things in common. - And the schedule's too, because it's just so different. - I gotta go home for like two, three hours in the middle of every day. And we also have to be back at like seven. So yeah, we gotta fit in these little windows and that just makes things logistically difficult. - Totally. - I would say have your friends over to your house. - Yeah, I'm like, that's what we did too. - Yeah, but also just know things are gonna be different. And I feel like expecting things to be the same or your friendships to be the same is just a little unrealistic. It doesn't mean that you're not good friends. It's just, it's just another factor that makes it more challenging. - And it's a great opportunity to meet new friends too. - Totally. - 'Cause I mean, get rid of your old friends. But it's a great opportunity to meet new mom friends. I agree. - Hi guys, I love your podcast. It's wonderful. I listen all the time every time it comes out. But I was just wondering, I'm trying to get a little closer to my sister-in-law and I know y'all are all sister-in-laws. And I was just wondering if there was like some kind of activity or something that you would suggest that could help me out. Thanks, bye. - Okay, if you're gonna do like a double date situation. - Oh, perfect. - Yeah, I feel like that's always easy and fun. Like I feel like a family game night is always fun. But it's just you, your husband, your brother. Well, I guess is she married? - We don't know. - We don't know if she's married. - Well actually, yeah, if it's her sister-in-law, she's married. - But it could be her brother's wife. - Oh, yeah. - So now I'm thinking what are some fun just like girl activities to do? If it's just gonna be a one-on-one thing. - Go to lunch, get your nails done, get coffee. - Go shopping. - Go on a walk. - Going on a walk. - I love going on walks. - Going on a walk. - Especially if you can walk to somewhere and do something like that's fun. - Yeah, so fun. I also think just having dinners together is just. - That's the best. - Easy way. You have to do it anyway. You got to make dinner anyway. So, invite him over. - And invite him over. - I think yeah, just you're so good at this. Just being an included and just always inviting her to come into your life or vice versa. Well, maybe not pushing yourself under her life, but including her into your life. And then if it's like reciprocated, then she'll be like, oh, I'll invite her back. And just that repeated time will be really good on your relationship. - Yeah, go to work out. There's anytime there's something that comes up. - Yeah, I also saw another voicemail in here when I was looking through them of someone who doesn't really live close to their sister-in-law. And she, I think she even mentioned she doesn't even have their phone number yet. Or she, their brother's about to get married. And she doesn't have her phone number yet, but she wants to have a good relationship with them. And I think that's another factor if you don't live close. It's like making them all set at that time. But just know it's not gonna be the same. Like it doesn't have to be. Like we weren't as close before I lived here. It was just the way it was. - Then I would think almost because there's like this sense of comfortability with its family. We're almost, it's almost like, well, no matter what, we're gonna have to spend time together and be together. Then I think if you go the extra mile, then that is like, oh, they really care and like want to be our friend. So like sending them, sending them something nice in the mail. Like if they have, they're getting married. Like sending them a nice gift and a nice note and like something really personalized or if they're having a baby, send their baby like a nice gift. I don't know, just doing something a little bit extra special to where it's like, oh, this isn't just like the family thing. I want to like actually have a relationship with you. - That's very important. - If they're in town, do a one-on-one thing with them. Instead of just be with the family the whole time, too. - Yeah, you can face time. It could be a little bit weird, but if you're, make it, make an excuse for it, you know? And but also if they're wedding planning, just see if there's anything you can do to help. I know that's like a big question, but I feel like even just offering, it's like, okay, you want to be involved in like an intimate detail this wedding, not just like a regular wedding guest. That would then carry on hopefully into the marriage. - Yeah. - And I would say make an effort to go to all the things. Like even though it's going to be expensive, like flying for the bachelor at party to be invited. Like try to be a part of everything that you can. - Oh, I'm switching to a different category now. - Okay, what's the next category? - This is kind of just like outliers. So it's just a couple other. - This is a little more deeper one. - This is a little deeper. - I'm doing clicks. (laughs) - Hi guys, I am in high school. I wanna know how you like to come out the negativity in the drama of the everyday life and to ignore it and go forward. How do you just only think about the joy and just understand one. And I just love listening to all. Thank you. - What was your name? - What should I say? - Okay, thank you so much for that. That like, in my heart single a bit. - Yeah. - Because you can just hear the sadness in your voice. If I can preach for a second. (laughs) I'm gonna preach for a second. I want you to remember that like you are chosen, you are loved, you have been bought for a price you are perfectly and wonderfully made. And when for me, when I'm facing hard things or I'm feeling insecure, like I just went through a season of feeling insecure. When you're facing negativity, mean voice from the outside. You just have to remember that your identity is not what people say about you. It's about God It says about you. And if you're not a believer, I think it's just important to like have a Just come to like conclusion about who you are and Have a firm sense of identity outside of what others think about you. And so for me, that's my faith But like I really want to speak that over you because truly that having a sense of there's so much safety and knowing That you're chosen by God, you know And so yeah, especially in the season of life where like I'm sure the drama is really hard and girls can be girls and boys in high school and can be so mean And it just feels like it is your entire world Just have try to have that perspective of like you're gonna move through high school and you're gonna come out And the world is gonna go from really narrow to really really wide And you're gonna make it through that and like the doors are gonna open for you And I think sometimes To like when you're really and the thick of something hard you have to have this like eternal perspective or like a perspective past your current circumstances And I know that's really easy to say and hard to practice, but you just have to remind yourself that a lot Honestly, I have nothing else really that that was great advice That makes me just I it's like it's hard. It's like you can see it on this side. You're like that was such a small spec of our life, but it felt like for I felt like everything it was everything for that season And I think having that like broader Perspective is very helpful, but then also like as you're I don't know where you're at in high school This could be four years, which feels like such a long time, you know And so my advice is to just try to find at least one genuine friend And to just have them as like a support It's really important to have that peer support. I feel like especially like in school and if you're having trouble finding that The advice is just to go first and be weird and just I don't know maybe just say like we get sit together at lunch And then just just be the first to put yourself out there And I know that's a really scary thing to do, but I think having friendships and really made high school also just like So much more enjoyable enjoyable. I fell in so much joy through my friendships and Yeah, Abby said it great. Hey Abby's you guys are awesome. I love the podcast so far I want to ask a question and that is what sacrifices have you made to keep what mattered to you truly at the center of your life? Oh, that's a good question That's a good question What sacrifices have we made to keep what's important to us truly at the center of our life? That's session. That's kind of a hard question. Yeah, I feel like I can give one even just Starting to work for you guys because I always expected to work corporate and whenever you guys offered me a job. I was like Okay, this gets me the chance to be with my family with my daughter with my family again. I just said that And I think that's something I had to give up of like my how I just expected my whole life to be to work from home work With my family instead of building up this big career outside of that and It took me a little bit to process that on my end It seems kind of shallow to be like the career versus the family even though I'm still working, but I was like really excited about that life of like working in an office working in a building working for a big company and shifting that because I knew Taking this job opportunity. I'd be able to be with my family more Mm-hmm. That's a good one. I think when I closed my clothing business Making that decision to end bolt was like the hardest decision ever But it was one of those things where I was fighting tooth and nail and just like driving our family into more debt And so it was one of the things I had to do to like Uh, it was just it was so hard like giving up my dream if I like But I had to I was pregnant and we were in a lot of debt from it and so that was just a sacrifice I had to make and I was the best decision I made for sure But yeah, and choosing to close the business. I remember that day. I was so vividly when I was like oh my gosh I can't keep doing this. What am I doing? I'm like ruining Like there's such a wedge between killb and I because this stress of this debt is so scary and like I just have to let it go so That was hard, but that was the best decision ever in the long run. It's a hard one. I To never envision my life looking like this But in a lot of ways I feel like life has Through a series of decisions and which I was like prioritizing first like my marriage And then my marriage plus my kids or my whole family has like led us to this point and as long as it feels like the best option for our entire family Like I'm going to consider this the greatest gift of this career option that I never considered originally and never even actually knew existed when I was dreaming up my dream lifestyle So um like That's just something that's always going to take precedence in my life and like it'll always be the Like the greatest thing this this job has given me is like that flexibility in that time to like work with Matt and have that like get to just drop everything when I want when my kids meet me So like that's a series of like a lot of little decisions where I was like I just want like this. I choose this. I choose this and it's not like I just feel so grateful that that's where we've landed now and Yeah, I think family. I think all of us have that same Drive and so then know we're all fine ourselves in the same place How I want to hear ladies But yeah, and I feel like that's something that's always adjusting and changing too and it's hard This is a good wake-up called question to ask you because I feel like sometimes you make a series of decisions small decisions And you wind up somewhere that you didn't ultimately want to end up being And you're like this actually in the long run is an ultimately like the direction I want to go So it's good to always ask that question to like zoom out also and be like wait a minute I thought I was making this decision, but I've ended up over here and this is where I'm supposed to be but Um, that's a good question to keep asking. I feel like that's always like a beginning of the year question Like you can kind of think zoom out and think long term more. That's good. That's great Okay, imagine setting your makeup then forgetting. It's even theirs Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily, New York Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily, New York Maybe it's Mavily Marriage and dating. Okay, you like you bucket. Hi So I'm planning in wedding in in July. I'm so excited What is the one or two things that you chose to do at your wedding that you regret doing for that you recommend doing for other people Thank you. Bye. Bye. I have to think back Two things that you regret doing and or something that you regret doing something you recommend doing at your wedding Mm-hmm. I don't remember what I would know how to do it. I do remember what I I genuinely this is so cheesy. I don't have any regrets for my wedding I don't have any regrets for my wedding either. It's amazing. I always say if it didn't the day You are married to the person who's been the rest of your life with and I just don't think you could really Fairly look back. I'm like oh well The dinner was a little cold Like you're just not gonna think about those things and so I would say just the whole day just I mean my Greatest goal and my like I kept trying to push myself to be like be present because I heard so many people be like It's a blur like I just don't remember anything. I'm like oh my gosh I just want to remember everything as you get this once like I just want to be present So I just was like that was my base pair I was like just loving had presence of mine the whole day and I feel like I had that and like had such a great freaking time It was amazing and actually Caleb pulled his aside at our wedding I'll remember this he's like look at everyone here. They all came to support you guys And I was like that was a really good reminder So maybe build in in your schedule like a time to pause and just look at literally everyone that made a sacrifice To attend your union like that's really special and that is it's a very humbling cool Like also when you think about the gravity of that like these people witness you make your vows to your spouse for Till death to you part like that it like that gravity I think that we can't lose sight of that amongst all the Flowers and the food and the party. Oh, that's my best advice. Have a big dance party We had a really sweaty fun dance party. It was so fun. It was not there. That's so crazy. Yeah, that was Everyone was sweating through their shirts I don't think he hit the dance floor actually killed when I were on the dance floor Actually living it up. Oh, yeah, that was so your wedding was so fun. Oh, I thought you're winning, but also my wedding. Oh, yeah Also at my wedding for my father daughter dance I also had both my grandpa's who I've since lost and so I look back at that video and that moment as like So special and I don't know what I just like was so close my grandpa's and I love them so much So like now I'm like the fact that they were both there and I just didn't know how Little I had left with them that we have that moment and especially knowing my dad and my grandpa's That was a big sacrifice for them to dance publicly in front of all the wedding guests with me And I just look back at it like they did they made themselves so uncomfortable to have that special moment with me And they forgot everyone else just for me for that moment And it was really sweet. It was just the way you look tonight. My friend Snatcher. It was so sweet So yeah, I think just make the most of like those personal moments with the people there because it's so easy to think like I'm the bride like don't don't be that bride it's just not it's just not about you like I know that everything in the wedding industry is saying it's like all about you that day right it's just not the case no like there's a lot of people that make sacrifices for you and your spouse and ultimately it is about your marriage and the vows that you're making together and the rest is extra so we don't have to look at that as like oh that was such I can't believe they were late with the right with the I don't know the DJ was late so not a big deal yeah that's great advice I mean did you know that I got cold feet on her wedding day on the day of Abigail I got I got out the rehearsal I got cold feet and I think you know what here's my advice and here's what I regret I didn't process a single emotion beforehand it's so on that morning of the whole day the build up is so crazy because Caleb also we're not seeing each other until he walked on the aisle and I just remember like we're getting ready and everyone's having fun and I'm sitting like and then we get on the bus it was like dancing and singing and he's like and it just starts hitting me and I had this moment where I go oh my gosh from driving to my freaking wedding and I just started to like have an internal panic attack that has to happen honestly I think it happens a lot yeah but then I just kind of got quiet and I tried holding it in and then the minute we got to the venue everyone was like Abby was wrong I just go I can't believe I'm getting married today and I just started a busting out cry great and after that I felt amazing it was like I just need to release the emotions yeah yeah but on the bus I did text Caleb and I said I can't do this oh my gosh Abby he's probably he's like responded she's not that's kidding I was actually fanicking oh my gosh it was like a legit I legit text him said I'm freaking out I can't do this and he just said it's not crazy I mean that is crazy I don't even like that I know I just started to panic I was like I can't believe I'm getting married today so um I would say pre think about every emotion like and visualize the day because I just didn't I didn't have any I was like the first my friends to get married I just had no context of the day um so that's so funny I forgot my wedding dress at my wedding yeah where uh at home oh my oh no that's a dress shop I never picked it up oh my gosh yeah no big deal I was in a small town I also didn't have the wedding certificate right like drove home oh we didn't have the wedding certificate I'm not surprised by the details of the story is that he knows what he was here and he's like you guys married certificate you're like what is that I didn't sign it the day I've had a prime y'all the dance floor yeah that's like happy stay focused I love it um but yeah my biggest advice too is to wait to see each other before you walked on the aisle oh yeah I think that's a given it was the most amazing incredible experience ever getting to see each other for the like they opened the doors and I made eyes with Caleb and I just was like I cried the whole ceremony there was in a moment in which I stopped crying it was so incredible cats said is the first it's like what do you pictures like when in heaven like the doors open you know and it's like seeing your bride it's like oh it's just so cool I want to go back and do it again I know I know I just get red wedding renewal yeah the same anniversary since we should but let's just do a destination wedding vow renewal for you guys but I'm Mexico it's fun let's do it always homies they're all invited I actually two regrets from my wedding that's okay that's why I want to share I wasn't going to say anything but I actually do have something tell me no problem your time will make me cry but the first one is I didn't do a wedding video because of the cost and I think the cost would have been worth it I think now I was like when am I ever going to watch that and now I'm like I wish I could watch it so first regret second regret okay I was really stressed just like because I'm a planner and so I'm not in charge I'm my wedding planners in charge but I'm stressed about it you know and so like right before I'm going down the aisle like my mom wanted to have a minute with me and I was so stressed about like everything going right that I just like I didn't take that time with her I was really stressed and I was like let's go mom let's go mom let's go mom and she's like we're trying she's trying to have a special moment with me and I was just like not focused and I apologize to her about it afterwards but I wish I would have like just like taken that moment to like have a special moment with my mom because I was also wearing her wedding shoes going down the aisles she wanted to have a moment with me and I just wasn't present for it at all and so I think just be chill that's my recommendation that was vulnerable of you just yeah thanks for sharing that's good advice for people really especially if you're a type a person like me yeah yeah it'll be fine it'll be fine if you're late going down the aisle no one cares they're waiting for you I you have to hire the people in the place you have to put the people in place and if you can't afford to hire someone have your friends do it I had my friend do it and I yeah and I she didn't make me pay but I paid her and now she's a wedding winner and she was great yeah and it was wonderful but hi amigos my name is Camden I live in Oklahoma me and my fiance are getting ready to get married in the beginning of May and we've been together since we were 17 high school sweetheart also grew up in the same hometown will both be 21 when we get married just wanted some advice for wedding night and how to prepare because we also have both waited to be intimate with each other until after we're married thanks love you guys listen love listening to you guys so much hi my favorite pal that was kidding wait we've been waiting there's another one just like this too so let me that's kind of in the similar realm and then you can talk about both of them hey girls my name is Aubrey I just wanted to say that I love the podcast and everything that you'll do um I'm calling today just for advice on boundaries awaiting till marriage I get married in less than six months and I'm so excited but also the struggle is real I'm getting married to the high school sweetheart so that's super exciting so any advice you'll have on that that y'all did with y'all's husbands and also if you'll have any advice about getting married so young because we're because we're getting married at 21 so any advice and tips you have for that would be so grateful and I just hope you'll have a blessed side whoo girly is congratulations that's so fun the drought is coming to an end oh my gosh I have so many things to say how do you kick it all okay well let's talk about the first question first yes okay the wedding night yes your rules gonna be 21 I would say only have one drink of alcohol because you want to be fully present I have sprite I was actually I was gonna say don't drink yeah you don't drink so fully present at your wedding and for the night because you've been waiting so long for this special moment to like be intimate and connect with your husband for the first time so I would say just don't mess around with alcohol Matt and I didn't drink at all at our wedding yeah I think I have like a glass of champagne and maybe one glass of wine it was like beautiful you know um no I just definitely that's actually really good advice I think I just had one glass of champagne because I think too it's like you're in the moment and like they're gonna give you a lot of drinks just as the bride and groom like they're gonna offer you a lot and I just was like I only want one and then you can be fully present that's so that's such good advice I wouldn't have even thought of that but like you waited if you especially you waited like you didn't so long like let's set ourselves up to remember it uh-huh like let's not yeah and enjoy it and have patience of mine okay let's go to next time and then okay Caleb um during the day with his groomsman they he slips snuck away and like decorate the room and did little special things in the room so I don't know maybe if that's like a tip to your husband too like have him sneak away with his guys to go like decorate the room because that was really fun that's sweet yeah bro is pedals on the bed to the bed I was like oh baby um also shower before you think it going because you're gonna be sweaty from your dance floor if you stinky take a little surf you know take a little shower and then go take it to the bed just take the shower you get out of the shower you can keep your makeup on and your hair nice just watch your bits and bobs but I'm what I'm saying is don't do it in a shower go do it in the bed yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly or you can do it in bed that's expert level you are not a person. No, skip the shower. skip the shower. Exactly, what's your advice for the wedding night? I okay I have to say this I feel like there is so much messaging that is so negative towards waiting till the night so like it's gonna be so awkward it's gonna be so like embarrassing and it's gonna be terrible it's not gonna work it's like that's actually just a lie from seeing it. I just think that's not true you guys and at least in our experience like that was just the furthest thing from the truth and if anything it was like it was very very just like whole sub and sweet and beautiful and like there was like I think at this point like there's certainly like excitement about something new but it's not like you're gonna be like necessarily nervous because you are with your person like there's just there's so much comfort towards that and like a random one off like there's just so much so much history so much relationship you know they're not like looking for anything other than to like connect with you so I just think like and also I'm the last person to really give great advice on boundaries so I'm just gonna say that right now like but we did wait until the day of the wedding and it was beautifully intimate special wholesome never once awkward like we certainly laughed and like we're experiencing new things together but you don't have to like have this I don't know expectation of you know I'm not saying that it's gonna be the most romantic crazy night of your life but in a way it will in a way that doesn't look like the movies because it's just so it's so intimate and special and it's just I don't know I just feel like there's like so many people are like I know they're what it is going to be terrible like so many things but waiting towards you have to know what to do the first night you figure it out okay exactly it's not even about like the big fireworks moments of like sex and about the orgasm it's about like being intimate together for the first time and it's just so I was actually super nervous and Caleb and I had had sex. before and then stopped having sex for like two years and we became believers and then pursued. And so I had been there done that with him before and I was still like had giddy butterflies. Like I was so nervous to be intimate with him again. And so it was so sweet and I just looked back on that night with just such like a smile on my face. - Totally. - Yeah, it was just totally. - It's amazing. I was like nervous to leave the wedding. - Say. (laughing) - Oh, it's time to go. I was like nervous, but like it was amazing. - That is so funny. - Yeah, I just don't believe what people are saying and I'm not saying it's gonna everything. You're gonna have to communicate. You're gonna have to say things that you don't even expect you're gonna have to say. But it's everyone just figuring things out and I think that's what's also so special about it. And I don't know. - Totally. - Just be present and communicate. And I do think that it would be good to have a conversation about both of your expectations before the wedding day. - That's good. - In this area which they had us do in premarital counseling. - Yeah. - Because I do think if you guys go in with different expectations, that's a hard place to find out that you're not meeting someone's expectation, your own expectation isn't being met. So I would say have a conversation that's pretty detailed about like, and not as like what's actually gonna happen, but like what, I mean, in a way, yes. (laughing) I think you should. I think 'cause I do think I hear that a lot. People were like, oh, I kind of was like thinking, you can build it up a lot in your mind. That's the thing about waiting is that you can build it up in certain ways. And so just hash that out a little bit beforehand. - Yeah, yeah. - It doesn't have to be perfect. Okay, but then the second question. - boundaries. - All boundaries. - And how to like tips for waiting until marriage. Okay, like I said, kill, but I went all the way and then I wheeled it all the way back. - Yeah, you're gonna be the one. - Oh boy, do we have boundaries? - Oh my gosh. - We didn't lay horizontally together. We didn't make out with tongue. We didn't, sometimes it was just handholding because we were too excited and it was like, we can't actually kiss. - Especially like an engagement. - Oh my gosh, freaking. It was so hard. - You're longing. - It was so hard. So I just like, the strict boundaries that you need, like maybe you don't kiss for a couple, we didn't, we went seasons with an engagement where we could not kiss each other 'cause it was just like, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like animals. - His face. - Yeah, look, I'm like, what is wrong with me? (laughing) So you just had to be really strict with yourself. But I will say, like people who listen to this and they're like, these people are crazy. - I don't know. - It was so worth it and beautiful. And having sex and then not having sex, there was a massive shift in our relationship. Like I felt the difference between like, actually choosing to wait. And I think some of the big things that stick out to me, one, obviously our culture talks a lot about like, cheating and fidelity and all these things. It has given me such a confidence in Caleb where it's like this was literally the most like, sexually charged time of our life was our engagement. And we chose to be pure, like fight for purity in it and chose to not have sex with each other. That tells me that if Caleb is at a water cooler with a coworker or me, some other lady down the line, I know that he has self control and I can trust him to like not let his feelings or emotions lead him to something else. And so one, it gave me like a deep sense of trust in Caleb as a man and him with me as well. Like we have this sense of self control in this area of sex. Second, I would say just this idea of like, we couldn't just like go back to sex to communicate with each other or like show each other love. We had to learn how to show each other love in other ways, which really deepened our relationship and deepened our communication. It deepened just, I mean so many areas of relationship got so much stronger when we removed the element of sex. And yeah, I'm sure they're like a million other things, but I just felt like such a night and day difference in our dating relationship. That's so good, Abby. Yeah, it was like, it's one of the biggest things. I'm like, okay, I know I got made it this way. You know what I mean? It's just so clear, you're like, this was better for us. So I just know that like the fight for purity is worth it and also it's like when Caleb tells me that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, like I know that he only has eyes for me and he like means it, you know? So there are just so many benefits to it. And if you haven't chosen to do that, you're not like doomed or anything by any means. Yeah, so don't hear these things and think like, well, you're a great testimony of that. Thank you. Like that's, yeah, that's our testimony. Yeah, that's huge. It's born again, a virgin. (laughing) Just kidding. I think it's important to win like the culture of waiting till marriage is also that everyone's boundaries look a little different. Like Blake and I are both not physical touch people. So we can actually sit and bed together and we can hold hands and we can actually kiss and we are not gonna have sex. But I was just nod. We were not like that. But everyone's boundaries are a little different and not okay and not to judge people based on their boundaries. If they're not going doing the same boundaries that you're doing, 'cause the sin and the part that you're trying to wait for marriage is the actual sex part. You wanna create boundaries to help you not get to that point but everyone's might look a little different. So have grace for other people. But now I remember what I was gonna say. If you're more on the side of like okay, this is really, really hard to resist. Like being with friends is always a great way. Don't be a loner. Don't be a loner. Like I remember we would hang out with like one of my roommates. They were probably just like they're all the time. I was just like, oh, it's just me and Bob and Abby here. We had so many triple dates. So I'm not saying we like shaperone but kind of. They're on it, something. You're not gonna cross it. That would be very medeviant. I don't need a call at that. But come on. It's essentially that except it's not like my brother. Right. My little brother. Right exactly. But it was just like people that made sense at the time or like our friends or go on a double date. Like I mean, there's just like so many other ways. Yeah, and you're not like hang out with us if you don't have sex. It's like hang out that's because you wanna hang out. Yeah. Well, yes, but that's a proxy. It's the end goal was the same. Also having adult mentors that were already married. This is also just like not necessarily isolated to the area of sex. But like adult married mentors were very forthcoming about like what, like they knew our goals. And they also were very forthcoming about talking about them whereas like among our single friends it was very taboo to like talk about oh, they wouldn't have sex. But like adult mentors were very like like very, they would bring it up on their own all the time. And so it was very like we knew that we had someone to keep us accountable in that area. And they weren't gonna like ignore it necessarily. And so it's not like we were ultimately still making our own decisions as adults. But just knowing that you had that extra accountability too was helpful. 'Cause whenever you saw them, I'm like they're gonna ask. They're gonna ask and it's gonna be, I'm not gonna lie. And so that was good too. But that is hard to find. But if you can seek it out that is really so true. We did have a slip like before a wedding or we did. And that was really sad. 'Cause I was like we wait all this time and then we slipped. But I just remember calling a girlfriend and telling her and like talking through it. And it was like she just prayed over me. I was just like it's okay. Like you're still gonna, you know, it's just like there's so much grace. Yeah. And so don't think that I was like perfect at this. We weren't perfect, but it was still worth it. Yeah. Wow. Ooh, that was fun. I hope you guys liked that episode. That was fun for us. It's just so good hearing from y'all. Okay, exciting update. Now we finally have actual details for you. But we are hosting a live event locally here in Arizona, the Phoenix area. The details where it's always here in Burnboot Camp. We've actually done an Abby's camp before and it was so fun. So we're doing another one. And always here, Burnboot Camp workout class. And the day is April 11th at 10 a.m. There's no child care for this class, just a heads up. And it's gonna be a 45 minute workout. The signups are live today. I'm right now. They're live right now. So if you're interested and you wanna go sign up, there is a $15 fee for the class, which is cheaper than their dropping class. Yeah. So they did it as a favor, which was really sweet. Yeah. So it's a lot more fun to do. It's a lot more fun to do. If you're going, yeah, if you want to go, we would love to work out with you, we're going to have like a little bit of afterward so we can hang out and talk and meet and greet and pictures and like some snacks and stuff. So it'll be really, really fun. It'll be really, really fun. Yeah, we can't wait. And we have a review to read. This review is from Haley. Thanks again to everyone who leaves us a review of rating, liking, subscribing, all the things sharing. This says moving to AZ. Abbie's in Addy. I'm 28. I'm a 29 year old mom of two toddler boys. We live in that West Virginia. That would be big stuff. I can't, I can't tell you guys how much I love listening to this podcast and correlate so much. Every time I listen and usually while driving, I feel like I have a mom group session and truly you guys make me want to move to Arizona and be besties. I hate that I'm caught up because it means I have to wait until next week for the next one. Thank you so much for your mom advice, transparency, hilarious moments, but also the thought provoking ones too. Oh, thank you. So meaningful. I'm so crazy. That's such a sweet feeling because I feel that way about podcasts. I'm like, dang, I have to wait until next week. Right. And so the way that people feel about us is so amazing. It's such an honor. There's no other way to describe it. Yeah. Really high honor. Yes, thank you guys so much. If you guys want to call in and leave a voicemail, we'll say the number again. It's 602-456-9690. We always close out our episodes with voicemails from you guys. It's the best. So thank you guys for that. And oh, should we do an always hungry recipe? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to share the rice crispy treats I made this past week. They were really good. They're Easter themed. They're spring themed. It has Cadbury eggs, white chocolate chips, and obviously marshmallows. They were delicious. So I'll have the link below. really easy to make and very, they went very fast. - Oh, they're so good. My recipe is just a really quick, it's literally five ingredients. I've made it since Matt and I were in college, but it's quick, healthy, and affordable. And you can even make this for a lunch, and I don't normally cook for lunch time 'cause I just don't simply wanna spend the time on cooking lunch, but it has kinglock, ground turkey, taco seasoning, crushed tomatoes, and corn and I top it with cheese, and sometimes like sour cream or salsa, and then you can scoop the fritos in it. It's just, it's so filling and the whole family likes it. My kids will even eat it, which is saying a lot, and it's just really easy, one pot, and yeah, I kinda want that for dinner now. - You use ground turkey, you know my ground turkey? - I know, I like it in this. - Eh, okay. - Do you wanna know where I got this recipe from? - Yeah. - I think it was on the back of my taco seasoning in college. I was like, "Oh my God. - It's so good." (laughing) - Don't use red kinglock though. Only use white kinglock. - Oh, yeah. - That's hilarious. - It's like a college, learning how to cook in college is such a trip. (laughing) - I use red kinglock, it leaves like a film on the roof of your mouth, except I think I did it wrong, 'cause I don't think that everyone would, anyone would ever eat it, if it wasn't. - I don't know, I've even seen red kinglock at the store. I don't know, I don't even know what that is, Eddie, or Abby, sorry. - I think you've got it from Aldi. - Oh. - Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who listens, and who shares the love, and also shout-out to our like, in-person friends that listen to this. - Yeah. - Every single week, I'm like, you hear enough of us. - Why would you ever choose to just listen to us talk at all? - I love it, I debrief with my sister every week, so. - Oh my gosh, it's sweet. - I love you guys. - All my friends, our real-life friends, we just, we're so grateful. Feels like the appropriate time to say that, since we listened to all you guys talk today, so. - Yeah. - Thank you guys, and remember, we're always here. 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