The Unknown Dark Influence of Martin Luther | History Hyenas

- Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch. And enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at netflix.com/house. - Boys and girls and maybes, you can come see me August 21st, 22nd. Empire Comedy Club, Portland, Maine. Chrisdcomedy.com for tickies. More dates coming soon. Go check them out on the website. - Cute little club and it's good you go in there during this weather. I was there in February. - No bueno. - No bueno. I'll tell you that right now. But I tell you, it is a liberal city. It is very, very progressive. But then you also notice that it's one of the whitest places you ever see. So that's interesting. - Good lobster rolls. - Really good lobster rolls. So have a good time out there. See me in Philadelphia, August 14th and 15th. And at Comedy Mothership in Austin, August 21st to the 23rd. Tickets yanispapascomedy.com, patreon.com/historyayenas. This episode about Martin Luther is a wild one. You're gonna learn some facts you didn't quite know about the father of the Protestant Reformation. - Yeah. What's up, everybody. Welcome to another episode of History Anonymous. I'm your host, Kevin MacLeod and I'll see you next time. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye. - What's up, everybody. I'm Chris DiStefano, AKA Chrissy the cutie. With me as always is Yannis Pappas, AKA Yanni Pastrami. We are gonna talk to you today about Martin Luther, not Martin Luther King, although I did do the research on Martin Luther King. So I have some things to say about him. And I just want to quickly say, thank you so much to all the fans supporting us over at patreon.com/historyhyenas. And right here on YouTube, we've had the biggest month ever in History Hyena's history for the month of July. And it was all because of you, the fans. So we just want to say, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Keep supporting us. Keep telling your friends, we're only getting bigger, baby. Like Yanni's prostate. - Like we do when we give you a nice blue chew. - Yeah. - That's what they probably like more than the actual read. - Yeah, it's just blue chew. - They want it organic. - Organic. - Make it organic. Can you, can the hosts give us the personal testimony? - Just don't say blue chew is a tablet. Yeah, just don't say that it's a, you know, that it's an actual active ingredient of fucking boner pills. Shut up. - Blue chew, stick it in your ass, stick it in your pussy. It makes you rock, fucking hot cock hard. - Listen, they're not listening to this part. So let's just be honest with you. Patreon.com/HistoryHyena, you don't got to deal with any of that. - You don't got to deal with any of that. - And it's a lot of fun. And cause you, first of all, you said today, when on the car ride, you said, do you want to do an episode on Martin Luther? And I said, yeah. And then I yelled a slur and you said, no, not that guy. - I said, not that guy. - Yeah. - You didn't do that. That's a joke. You didn't do that. You didn't do that. - But Martin Luther who cussed. - But you did yell a slur, but you yelled it at me. But you didn't call me the slur that you thought that people think when you brought me, you called me one that started with an F. - It's just what it is. Now here's the interesting, cute thing about Martin Luther. Cause of course I've heard of him. Of course, we're going to learn a lot about him. But the reason why I really like Martin Luther is you know why? What's the big reason why I really click it. - Cause he looks like Jesse Scaturo after he put on a few pounds. - He does look like, I mean, when we were researching this, he does look like a fat, fat, fat Jesse Scaturo, but he's from my homeland, Deutschland, Germany. - He's from Deutschland. - He was a German monk. - Yeah. - The kid was a German monk in the 1500s. - Yeah. I mean, you gotta give German monks credit because like you come from a culture that's like naturally diminutive. - Yeah. - It's probably really easy to be a monk. But when you come from a Viking German background, they ask you to be quiet and be nice. That's gotta be tough. - Gotta be tough. - 'Cause a guy like you would walk around the monastery and just go, "How can I sell this place?" - Yeah, and give me a fucking linzer tart. - That's what I want. And when they told me to be quiet, I would fart. - Yeah, exactly. - Now, cuz, let me ask you this. What I always like to, I like to get inside your little peanut head. - You can't fit there, cuz. - I like to get inside your marble head. Because I like to just get in there. Because I wanna ask you, cuz, is where, 'cause you call me sometimes out of nowhere and you are popular. pumped of course we dealt with the shroud of turin for months and months and months and we did talk about a little bit we are not done we did talk a little bit about it on patreon but make absolutely no mistake i have been in touch with yannis's family and yannis's um physicians and we are going to start pumping lexapro through his air conditioner vents so little by little the shroud of turin will fade away just stay with us bear with us cuz we're gonna get through the shroud of turin summer cuz you're gonna go to hell if you keep trying to fucking bat it away you're gonna go to hell but let me but but let me ask you this kind of i want to know where did you get peeing for martin luther because you came in hot the other day yeah so where did you where did it happen so martin luther is interesting because with our sense humor i didn't know i didn't know how virulently is that the right word sure virulently yep uh anti-semitic he was it's kind of when you learn about henry ford you're like oh this is a very good movie and then you're like oh this is a very good movie and then you're like oh this is a very good movie and then you're like oh this is a very good movie and then you're like oh this is a very good movie and then you're like oh this is a very good movie and then you're like oh this is a very good movie this is a cool car that's interesting because that's the only thing i knew about him oh henry ford no about martin luther painting the jews that's weird that's your weird that's that's what was spoken about at my home because there was a high school in my in mass but not far from me was martin luther high school yeah and i remember i used to go i had to go to summer school there and i used to go to basketball camp there and i was spoken about martin luther too they told me about some of his what my family considered good ideas here's one thing here's one thing i'd like to say since we take a peek at his we more take a peek we take a listen a lot of you listen okay we live in the ai age if you want to learn something go look it up you're here for the fun of us learning about topics while we learn it yeah it's not yeah exactly exactly yeah we're going to interpret it the way we're going to interpret it so just enjoy it and what i think is really funny is i think we need to make an addendum to the old expression the things that are guaranteed is death and taxes right is that what it is death and taxes right and you know charles jump charles barkley said death taxes my jump shot right which was funny i think we need there's three things i've noticed throughout history that are guaranteed yeah death taxes and the jews will not convert that's no matter what you want no matter what you see no matter how much you think they're wrong the jews are sticking to it yeah so just let it be and figure out a way to work around the jews yeah because the jews are love be they love being jewish as much as they love their neighbors yeah it's just what it is jesus's teachings he had three teaching he said love thy neighbor yeah treat your treat your neighbor as if you want yourself to be treated and work around the jew you gotta work around them work around the jew is just what he was saying two thousand years ago he was saying because the reason why martin luther was so mad at the jews because at first he started this was well let's let's go let's talk about who was martin luther what you know he was born in he was born in germany he was born in germany and he was born in germany okay okay jesse can we get what year the kid was born and like just i want to just do a little 1500 back around with martin luther you know what was his life like where did he grow up like what do you know about the history of martin luther he was a kid he was a german monk he was a german monk right who started realizing like i don't like the catholic church i don't like their hierarchy i don't like their thing i want everybody to experience the gospel he was raised catholic though he was yeah he came up as a monk as a catholic monk yeah that's what was that that's what was cooking at the time he was born in 1483 he was a theologian and a german monk whose protest against church corruption launched the protestant reformation so if you are protestant out there martin luther is your is your is your main guy he's your guy he's your founder he started the protestants you're either uh in the tradition of martin luther or calvin uh john calvin who also for product had a little bit of a problem with certain people yeah but wait so was john calvin and martin luther are both two different sects of protestants yeah yeah you got presbyterians who were john calvin you got your puritans that came to america they were calvinist uh it was they're they're big in scotland got it they're big in uh they're big in those parts of germany and then you got your martin you got lutheran the lutheran church right so there's a lot of different sects in protestant sects yeah there's no different sects where do the protestants live i've never met a protestant i only know catholics do you know any protestants the protestants yeah there's tons of products but where are they who are they are they well are protestants white white anglo-saxon protestants so who are the protestants that like angles like who's a protestant that we would know do we know of any our friends protestants i'm sure we gotta know some protestants because when somebody says they're not catholic they're christian they might be a protest they might be a product you might be dealing with you may have a protestant on your hand if you're just christian but you're not are more protestant down south or you could yes it's all the protestants down there there's yeah and um you might have but you also might have on your hands a dirty greek right or orthodox you might have an ortho or a russian we're like the swar you might have the swarthies you got the pale snow monkey waspy straight up puritanical right protestants that look like you but they don't have to get touched and all that stuff yeah it's what like i always thought like an orthodox christian it's the same thing as catholics except when you go in the church you sit on the floor that's right that's just what it was just sit on the floor just a little different we sit on the floor just russians yeah yeah yeah just gaudy you know altar furniture and you sit on the floor yeah we like candles we just yeah we're moving around with candles and gold robes yeah our bishops still look like monks like yeah it's not you protestants is like this is how you know you're a protestant church you walk in there's like an art deco cross there's like an art deco cross there's like stained glass no icons and then the church ceremony starts everyone's in khakis you everyone's kind of dressed like you khakis yeah right selling time shares and then the preacher comes out the preacher and the preacher her name is john right right and then you go hi welcome to this non-binary all-accepting all-inclusive presbyterian oh that's product oh those are those people let that fly right they let that fly so like the hill songs like the the cool pastor those are presbyterians those are yeah you gotta keep guys wearing like fucking the guys wearing like uh uh you know i think hill song 70 song yeah if the guy if the guy's talking to justin bieber about jesus that guy's presbyterian that's a presbyterian okay protestant okay so let's go okay so so so let's go back so martin luther this is protestant now this isn't necessarily catholicism's rival this is just another sect of christianity they're kind of on the same team they grew out of catholicism as a revolt against catholic what is the main fundamental differences between protestant we don't need the pope we don't need no water met the motherfucker burn they don't need the pope they don't need no pope they don't need no priest they don't need no confession they don't need nothing he his do they go to church on sundays they go to church on sunday do they love their mothers they love them all right then they're all right by me um he his his main he had a few famous quotes right so but one of them was just like the priest or something like every person's a priest kind of thing more luther said basically he was saying this all you need is the gospel i need these people to read the gospel for themselves and then the church authority is kaputsky so here we go the main difference between protestants and catholics church authority the role of the pope and how people receive salvation so what does that mean catholics say that salvation comes through faith combined with good works and participation in the sacraments protestants emphasize sola fide faith alone believing that salvation is a free gift from god received through personal faith not by human work so i will say that i'm acting more like a protestant than a catholic because i have not been going to church and i have not been doing good works but i do have faith because i had faith the knicks were gonna win and they did it yeah so you know i think with protestants you could you get you can slide a little bit more jesus just a little more lenient yeah a little more lenient it's like you know there's no dress code right you could come in in khakis and the preacher can be trans yeah like like like jazz grew up um like i guess pentecostal so i don't know which one that one is that's a pride they're all protestant so the protestant sex so she like because i get almost like sick to my stomach over the fact that my daughter was baptized both our daughters are baptized but now my older daughter doesn't want to go to ccd so she might not go to she might not make uh confession she might not make um uh uh the sack uh yeah the her she might not uh she was baptized she made communion but you don't even remember the jar i know the church it's crazy you're burning in hellfire right now she's living in sin yeah she might not make she might not make her uh confession not confession what am i trying to say what do you do confirmation confirmation she might not make a confirmation and it really like makes me upset to the point where like i didn't even remember the word but jazz like is like what do you she's like that's your mother and your upbringing she's like what is the point like who cares if she makes that or not why why does that matter and i'm like because it's the catholic way she's like but shouldn't we just have her have faith that's and be spiritual you guys are having this disagreement in your home in my home you're having a catholic first president this is sort of what happened in ireland so when you're going to start hitting each other that's what is pretty soon well she already hits me um so catholics seven sacraments and all that um confirmation eucharist penance anointing the sick holy waters matrimony um they pray to mary and the saints protestants recognize only two sacraments baptism and communion so in the protestant faith my daughter's already good she already did she did baptism and she made her holy communion all you gotta do is have faith and do good stuff they they pray to god alone and not the saints yeah you just gotta you gotta pray i got a saint christopher but you got a bunch of he's the patriot saying a traffic you got what we call a bureaucracy going on you're a little bloated you're you're more of a communist religion it's a little bit you understand why it's a little anxiety we get a lot on our plate it's and we're having to do all this juggle all these sacraments do all this while trying to not get so it's a real game of frogger out there it's just what it is yeah you got to avoid a lot of dicks yeah yeah yeah no it's a bloated bureaucracy because it's like the catholic church is like the dmv right yeah there's just a lot of workers okay so that's very interesting this is this is very eye-opening for me to to kind of see that there's a religion out there where you could still be christian you can still have the same values but it's just less pressure it feels like being a protestant is less pressure yeah because what happened is we had orthodox everything was started as orthodox okay right then that rome was like hey man we're doing something different the pope's got authority in the east the orthodox like no no we're going to keep doing it the way we've been doing it since jc we're saying jc's the guy right and we're staying with the jc and then in rome they were going no no no the pope is the in the he talks to jc yeah yeah he said we don't do that so then the catholics and the orthodox split and then so there was that then the catholics were over there in rome and then the orthodox were over there with the swarthies in greece and then as the religion moved up it hit the snow monkeys and then this snow monkey was like listen i'm not listening to your guy down i'm not listening i'm not down there yeah yeah we do things a little different than that walk around he's got his shafidels on what do they call it yeah he's got his shafidels on he's cooking sauce we don't do that we like to stay on time we're german we like to get depressed yeah we like to drink fucking cold beer yeah we're not listening just what it is and that's in a nutshell what martin luther started saying basically he goes we're not dealing he just said i'm not dealing with this i'm not dealing with the fucking mafia anymore yeah we're we're fucking regular people we're not fucking adamale yeah it's just we're not adamale okay i'm sick of your fucking sicily rules and your fucking backswood village bullshit i'm not dealing with bars we don't want to do your i don't want to deal with anything the only thing we have in common is we both so we'll always have that it's just what it is it's just a joke but it is probably the truth unfortunately they agreed on that unfortunately unfortunately unfortunately yeah yeah on that and also a little someone like we mentioned the juice they just yeah unfortunately the racism was heavy back then unfortunately they saw a game of ultimate frisbee in the park they said no this is for family it's just what it is yeah we want to lay out blankets no frisbee so the kid martin luther protestant reparation kid got struck by lightning that's when he became a monk he had a near-death experience i've been struck by lightning were you yeah well how did it feel electrocuted i passed out did you and then i woke up yeah when did you get struck by lightning where was it it was uh camp it was camp okay it was how old were you uh this must have must have been 12 11 12 whatever right we didn't directly get struck by it so it was during a horseback overnight uh lane robbins at hilltop okay and uh it was me and a couple friends one of which you know because i just know i know this about you you without if it was like one of those like blind date shows you saying that you got struck by lightning at horseback overnight at hilltop i know you're a white child it's a white situation no you're a white child i was at a horseback overnight at lane robbins at hilltop in the adirondack mountains yeah and which by the way was like the only time i left the city and met other people from outside the site i wanted to get back to the city i want to get back to the city yeah but it's the first time i finger banged sure it's the first time i kissed a girl did the girl have fumes that you finger banged first one no nice no but i didn't really know what i was doing so i just pushed smushed it yeah i didn't really know what to do squeezing it like a neato like a sponge yeah and it was it was yeah yeah so okay go ahead yeah you didn't see it it was like energy that i like my i was getting like it was so strained my hand because it's like inner jeans and so you couldn't move so i was just squishing it yeah like that did you know what to do the first time uh well yeah i just started jerking it yeah that's what you were watching just what it is that's just what i did the first time i put my hand in the jeans i just tried pulling yeah that's what you do it's just what i knew guys so it's easier for me you know yeah yeah yeah i get it we all came at it a different way yeah yeah yeah we all came with a different way yeah yeah so um yes we're at the horseback overnight and we uh everyone went under the lean-to now you know you're white if you know what a lean-to is i don't know what a lean-to is people listening to this would know what a lean-to is i don't know because i'm white i'm my skin is white but my upbringing was not. Yeah, because you are a burrow trash. That's what it is. That's what it is. My brother would call the help. Burrow trash, yeah. Yeah, the help. Yeah, yeah, your brother. The air conditioner's over there for fixing. Your brother asked if I was gay recently, and because of the jokes that I make. He goes, is he gay or something? Yeah, and then your brother said, and then he said, and then what did you say? I said, no, he's not gay. He's just always joking around. He's just being silly. He goes, I don't understand. Like, what's the thing? What's silly about that? But then you said to him, yeah, and he's not for you. I said, it's not for, and I said, I said, our show's not for you. And he goes, none of it's for me. Yeah. Yeah, which is, so a guy like that knows what a lean-to is. He's just, no, he may not know what a lean-to is because a lean-to is more of a country thing. Okay. So, but yeah. What's a lean-to? That's what a gay guy who went to Oxford, Georgetown Law, he just kind of looks at it like, just take me to Portugal. I'm going from Portugal. I'm going straight to Paros to Portugal, and then I'm going to go to Cuba. Gay guys are big on Cuba. Why do they want to go to Cuba? Because it's got cute fucking Art Deco 1950s tourist area. Yeah, they run around. But how can he go there as an American? I think you can't go. Gay gays slip in somehow. They do slip in because they're always covered in lube. That's right. So they're just slippery. Columbia's big. I want to go to Columbia. Yeah, Medellin is so fucking in right now. For gays. Yeah, gays are on the forefront of fucking cool. Yeah. I think it's like black gays, like those two. They're neck and neck. That's what's really cool. Yeah. So the lean-to is like a three-sided shelter. Okay. It's called the lean-to. I mean, you can put wood in it, or you can hang out in it. Okay. And sleep in it. Okay. It's got no one side is open. Okay. So all the kids that were on the horseback overnight and the counselors. Right. It was a massive rainstorm, and it started lightening. And, dude, we were in the mountains, and the lightning was like, you've never heard anything this loud. It was like the thunder. And the lightning. And then you saw the bolt, and the whole fucking forest lit up. We were close to it. So it was scary. It was so bad that they wouldn't come out. I was a dick. I was an idiot at that time. So I led this charge for fun. I was like, let's go out. Right. Because there was a tarp down. The horses were going nuts. Horses were all type. They're fucking screaming. So we ran out. It was four of us. Our little crew. We ran out, and we got under the tarp. And we were laughing and giggling. And the couchers were screaming. Like, get back here. Like, the rain is torrential. Torrential. But the lightning was, like, close. Like, you saw it hit the ground a couple of times. We saw it hit the ground close by. But then we were just under there giggling, laughing, whatever. And the next thing you know, I remember the sound. The loudest thing I've ever heard. The loudest. It was crazy. And then I just was like, came to. Like, so it knocked us all out. The sound knocked you out? No. The lightning had struck close. It was struck close by the way the kids who were in the lean-to described it was. It struck close, and then it went on the ground. Because the water is like a conductor for the electricity. So it spread on the water. So we got electrocuted from the water on the ground. So we didn't get directly hit by the lightning. If you would have got directly hit, you would have been dead. Some people have got directly hit and lived, I think. But, yeah, there's a good chance you're going down. Right. Or you come back, and you're Martin Luther. Or you come back, and you're Marisa. I think that's maybe what it happened. Do you think it actually changed you? No, I don't think so. Because I don't think I got. So what happened was, I woke up, and all I heard was this kid, Dante. It would be funny if he finds this episode. Kid grew up on a farm. Remember, handsome kid. Right. He was an Italian kid, but for some reason, his family was on a farm in Pennsylvania or something. Handsome fucking kid. He had two lines right here. Wow, so he was like a cool kid. He was a cool kid. He should have been a Brooklyn kid. He looked like a little bit of a Brooklyn kid, but he was a farm kid. So it was me, Dante, this kid, Saul. And my friend. Yeah. Saul, let's just say Saul would not be well-liked by Martin Luther. If your name's Saul, good guess. Right. But no, but no. But he was a black kid. Saul? Yeah, Saul. S-O-L? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, he was a black kid. His dad was the chef at the camp. Okay. Yeah. So we were under there, and I wake up, and all I hear is Dante crying. And he's screaming. I can't feel half my body. So half his body went numb for whatever reason. Oh, damn. The lightning storm. It was so bad that as this was happening, the heads of the camp were driving up to our area. To check on. Before any types of communication, because they were going to bring people out. So they just happened to be coming. And so they told them what happened. They took us, and we spent the night in the infirmary. And the kid was just crying all night. Eventually, he was able to feel again, but that's what happened. So Dante was just like, yeah. They didn't take him to a hospital. They spoke to us afterwards. Like, you're a parent. I don't know. I don't think. We're crazy about us telling our parents, right? Really? Yeah, because this is probably a real liability issue. But this was before, like, America was so litigious. Right. So I don't know. Yeah, nothing ever happened of it, but that's what happened. Cuzzy, let me tell you something. As a guy who owns two dogs, I hit this up. I used our promo code. 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Head to ZocDoc.com slash hyenas to get started, and check the appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash hyenas. That's what I'm. Yeah, because when you go to these camps in the middle of the woods, like you're in the middle of the woods. Oh, dude. Things can happen. I remember when we were on the horseback, we used to ride the horses, which is the best feeling in the world. And we would ride the horses, like gallop through the mountain. This one chick's saddle. We used to put. They taught us to put the saddles on. We'd put them on. They'd check them, but like if you're a kid, maybe, you know, it was maybe like we were talking about the roller coasters. Maybe the counselor just didn't really check. Yeah. I remember we were galloping. We'd gallop in a line of horses. This one chick. Was he knock on the door? Because I heard a protein shake. Yeah, that's your smoothie. All right. You want to get. You can go get it. Wow! That's a bass. Yeah, but now I got to smell it on my microphone. But it's always worth it. It's always worth it. It's really interesting. It's really interesting and fun to get protein shakes and protein muffins delivered by members of MS-13. I prefer it. I hate when it's a guy who speaks English. It's just a little protein muffin. You want a half, cuz? No, I don't. You just got a cholesterol read at 300. Yeah, but the problem is, is Jesse was right, and they wouldn't just deliver a smoothie. So, of course, you went to that instead of an apple. Yeah. So, yeah, where was that? I don't remember. So, yeah, it was. Oh, so this chick, dude, we were galloping, and I was behind her, and I just watched the saddle give as we were galloping like 30 miles an hour, and she just whanged and broke every bone on the side of the body she fell. Really? Yeah, that was just. You saw the whole. I saw the whole thing, and then. Like, she got slammed. Yeah, the horse behind her couldn't. would have trampled her, but thank God, didn't. And there was like five horses behind her. All right. Thank God she didn't get trampled. Like, how do you know? Like, you remember she had to get, like, airlifted out type things? Yeah, she was out of camp after that. Like, it was done. Did you hear her screaming? Everything was broken on that side because she fucking slammed down so hard on the ground. Broke every bone, like, down her body. There was a broken something on every side of her body. Jesus Christ. But, dude, there is no feeling. Is it really amazing? Oh, dude, when you're galloping on a horse in, like, an open field, it's the craziest. It's the best. You're, like, connected to nature in a random way, right? Yeah, you're, like, going, we're the Indians. Let's go. Let's go. So, like, imagine. Now we're both on horses. It'd be crazy to be on a horse like that and be Native American and know how to, like, shoot people with arrows going 40 miles an hour. Yeah, or, like, the Huns or, like, the Mongols. Yeah, those wild horsemen. They're on there and they're just coming at you. You know, Genghis Khan, I think we talked about this. You know nobody knows. Before he's buried. Did you ever hear that story? Yeah, and then they killed the guy. They killed over 2,000 people that were at his ceremony. Yeah. That's one of those things, though, like. Do you believe it? I don't know. It's one of those things. Well, I'll tell you what I believe. Do you believe it, cuz? Martin Luther had some good ideas. And yawning. So, what he did. So, the main thing he's famous for is he goes to the church and, like, the kid's upset. The kid had a lot of. Well, let's talk about the 95 theses in the referendum. Yeah, that's what I mean. He goes to the church. Okay. And he takes it. Tell him about this. He writes out his 95 things. Right. And he fucking nails it. Right at the door of the church. At the church door on October 31st, Halloween, 1517. On Halloween, cuz, he goes, you know what? Criticizing church practices, arguing that salvation comes through faith alone. So, la fide, not by doing good works or buying pardons. Pope Leo X, no relation to Pope Leo right now. Pope Leo X communicated Luther in 1521, cuz he refused to take back his teachings. He said, take it back. It was at the Diet of Worms. Which is a weird name. But he was, it was, at the Diet of Worms in 1521, this is a fun fact. So, they were gonna, they wanted to get him. They wanted to get him. They wanted to kill him, you think? Yeah. And they were gonna, like, you know, he got excommunicated. And they wanted to fucking get him. And then the dude who ended up running the show over there, fake kidnapped him. Fake kidnapped him and kept him safe for 10 months until he got control of shit. And then. And let's be honest. With Martin Luther, because there's one thing about him that always stuck out, one thing I did know, is, you know, he was Catholic, the tradition, a priest, or whatever, blah, blah, blah, a monk. But then in 1525, he does get married to a former nun named Katerina von Boras. So, the kid was motivated by puss. Yeah. And he had six kids with that nun. But can you imagine? Just cackle it. But I mean, she's a nun. So, she, it was just, he was the first. He was the first one there. The first one. He was, he showed up early on the lightning lane. Right. Yeah. He, you probably, at that point, you probably. I mean, I'm just saying, I know it was a tidy. Yeah. It was a tidy one. Do you want to take a bite of maybe the most driest, most disgusting muffin you've ever had in your life? It looks like chalk. It looks like chalk. Just, do you want a bite? It, just, just for, just for research. I mean, it. Hey, cuz. Tell us about Martin Luther, like, at the time. At the Diet of Worms. Who hit him? And how long did they hit him? And how were they able to hide him so he didn't get taken? How do you make it, how do you make this thing speak? It should talk to it. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. My father. Hey, hon. Hon. Can I get another cup of coffee? So, it was the Diet of Worms. It was a formal political assembly where Martin Luther refused to recant his religious teachings. This is where he had one of his famous sayings. What did he say? He said something like, something of conscious, uh, marking a major turning point. The word diet means a formal meeting and worms is the name of the German city where it was held. Imagine having a city named Worms. Worms. Yeah. Worms. Um, so he challenged the Catholic practices. It would be funny if Martin Luther, if Martin Luther, uh, you know, as he got bigger, said that the Jews can stay alive, but they have to live in the city of Worms. The city of Worms. Yeah. So he, he, he appeared before the assembly, um, in April, whatever. Uh, the officials asked if he wrote the piled books and if he would take back his words. Luther said he acknowledged the books and I think he, what he did, I think if I remember correctly, he took a day. He was like, give me a day. I do need 24 hours to think about it. Then he came back and he famously stated, you know, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. He could not recant unless proven wrong by scripture or reason. Right. So he came back and he was like, prove me wrong in the scripture and by reason. I want to hear your argument. And did they do that? They wouldn't do that. And then the emperor Charles V issued a decree declaring Luther a notorious heretic and enemy of the state. And if you get declared a heretic in that time, you know what your punishment is? Burned at the stake. You're done-ski. Burned at the stake is what they did to heretics. They go like this. How do you want your burger? And they go, I want it well done. I want it well done. So friends safely hid Luther. There was, but it's not friends. It was one guy who ended up having control. They hid him and he lived in secret for like 10 months. But then he came out and he just lived a normal life and he was like a professor and shit. Why did he translate the New Testament into German? So all the Germans could enjoy it. But why? Were they trying to keep the New Testament away from people? No, they had a whole system where they're like, come to church and we'll tell you what it is. Oh, right. But he was like, don't, you don't have to go to church. He was like, here's your Bible, kid. Yeah. He was like. I respect that. He was like, all you need is your, so you, are you recanting from Catholic and becoming Protestant right now? I really am. You kind of like a lot of these ideas. I kind of, well, yeah, it seems like less pressure. So the, the staged kidnapping was by Frederick the third. Okay. He wanted to protect Luther from arrest or assassination. Armed horseman intercepted Luther's carriage, seized him and took him to Wartburg castle. So they made it look like it was something real. Yeah. They were like, oh, he's not a problem anymore. He's kidnapped. We kidnapped him. We're going to kill him. Yeah. He's gone. Don't worry about him. There's no cell phones back there. Kid's just gone. Just the way Hitler disappeared. Right. Kid's Argentina. Yeah. Even many of Luther's friends didn't know where he had gone and feared he'd been murdered. He grew a beard. He dressed as a knight. He took the alias Junker George. So he was walking around. The kid was living in the witness protection program. Junker George is a funny name and that's going to be my fake name at the comedy cellar. I'm going in as Junker George. Junker George. The kid was in witness protection as Junker George. Which translated to Knight George. Only a small circle of trusted people knew his location. He was there, like I said, 10 months from May 1521 to March 1522. During that time he wrote one of his greatest books. He translated the New Testament from Greek into German. Making scripture accessible to ordinary people. And obviously profoundly shaping the rest of history. It's what it is. So that's what it was. So Frederick the Wise plausibly denied knowing Luther's whereabouts. Because it was a secret. And then Frederick the Wise took control and Luther was just chill. So tell me about what Martin Luther said. Some of the things he said that were funny. So now we're going to speed through. We wanted to give you a synopsis of how Martin Luther became Martin Luther. Because I think a lot of people know about Martin Luther. But they don't know the story of him. They don't know about Protestants. They don't know Martin Luther and then John Calvin. So it's good to know about that. But you really like this. Because you said that. And I told you to just wait. Say it on the pump. But you said he said some funny things about certain people. Yeah. I mean just he lost it. Like he just couldn't handle it anymore. I mean he just couldn't handle it. Because what his thing was. His first thing he said about the Jews. He first goes Jesus was Jewish. The Jews are great. Right. Right. Jesus was a Jew. Right. And his whole thing was they're going to convert. They're going to see it. He was a guy who was like this is the truth. Just got to go have a talk with them. Just. Just talk to them. Just go talk to them. So he went over. He knocked on the door. There was a mezuzah there. And they were like sorry we can't answer it. Because it's the Sabbath. We're not allowed to open the doors. We're not allowed to do it. He goes listen. He was talking through the door. He goes listen. You don't need to do any of that. Jesus is the truth. He was your Messiah. You guys shouldn't reject him. But I'm sure you know that. I just want to talk about it. Whenever you're free I'll be ready. Because I want to talk to all of you about it. Because it's a new thing in town. I don't know if you. I put up a thing on the door. My name is Martin Luther. Word's been getting around. I'm kind of the guy around here. You might know me from the Diet of Worms. You might know me from the whole Diet of Worms thing. I mean right off his credits. I'm a guy. People know me around here. I just am a little curious how your lot doesn't seem to be concerned. Or know about what's going on. And I just need a little something. A little tribute to what I'm saying. Because there's a new order out here. And the Jews went what? I'm sorry. I can't hear you. Edith, who's at the door? Saul, I don't know. It's some guy talking about a thing. He's talking. Always, you know what it is. Don't open the doors. These people, they flip on the dime. They might be going through some crazy religious thing. You know. And then they go, is that time coming? Are they coming for us again? And she goes, I think so, Archie. And they go, we got to hide under the floorboards. We got to do a thing. We got to persevere. Get the Torah. The whole thing. Masada. We made it. We beat the Romans. We lived through empires. There's going to be nobody named Giannis York who's going to take us down. Yeah. Right? So then he knocks again. And they're like, listen, we heard you. We respect it. You know We got our thing over here You know We're in here eating matzo ball soup Just Leave us alone We're doing our thing And he And then he goes I asked yous He goes I asked yous nicely Right Martin Luther goes I asked yous nicely I came here I asked yous nicely Right I came back again And you wouldn't meet me You know And I said You know what I'm gonna come back A third time Yeah And if you don't open this fucking door Yeah And take Jesus into your heart I'm gonna come back a fourth time And see you Jews a different way Yeah I'm gonna come see you in a different way I'm gonna come see you in a different way So he did give him a couple of chances He gave him a chance He started out He started out saying They're great Jesus was Jewish Cause his hope was that Everyone was gonna see the light He was just fanatical like that Right He was like The Jews They're gonna get it He was basically going They're halfway there They're in the Old Testament They just need to accept What I'm saying about the second thing Right And the Jews just did not accept the sequel The Jews are going It's a classic Just leave it Leave it alone You did ET2 It didn't work Right My Big Frat Greek Wedding Should have stayed It shouldn't have gone to space Yeah It's just what it is That's what the Jews are saying And we're saying no The Christians are saying Have you seen Godfather 2? It's just as good as the original Blue Jew This episode is sponsored by Blue Jew I love a rock hard cock I love Blue Jew gold I want your penis nice and hard I want to feel mine I want to stop feeling like I just have three balls And I want to go back to feeling like I got a rock hard dick And balls And the only way to do that is with Blue Jew Oh God There's a reason Blue Jew is the number one brand For better sex Experience it yourself At BlueJew.com We got a special deal for our listeners Right now When you buy two months of Blue Jew gold You get the third free with the promo code Hyenas That's promo code Hyenas You will also receive an additional 10% off And free overnight shipping On your first order Visit BlueJew.com For more details And important safety information We thank Blue Jew as always For sponsoring the history Hyenas Also for sponsoring us in the bedroom Quince This shirt's from Quince babe Let me tell you something This shirt's from Quince It's a beautiful shirt My wife just got these like bamboo Breathable sheets That like stay cold Yeah I don't know if you both Like they are It's like a It's like slipping into an icebox I know It's so nice They never get warm It's like It must be It must be like what it feels like Sleeping in Sweden Sleeping in Sweden I love Quince I actually today Just got a bunch of stuff from Quince I got What would have cost Probably $900 At like Urban Outfitters or something For $200 With Quince I used our promo code But even if you don't use the promo code Which of course we encourage you to do You have to understand Because they cut out the middle man The prices of their clothes And sheets And accessories Are 50 to 80% cheaper Than every other product Because there is no middle man There is no brand markup But again this shirt 95% of the stuff I wear Is from Quince I don't go to any other website I go to see if it's on Quince Because it's 50 to 80% less Than similar brands How could you not? And it's all good stuff on this It really is It's a really good website No reason not to download the Quince app So right now Upgrade your everyday Download the Quince app For app exclusive offers Or go to Quince.com Slash Hyenas Get free shipping On your order And 365 day returns Now available in Canada And the UK Too So that's Q-U-I-N-C-E Dot com Slash Hyenas So then he comes around And he starts Saying I think what we need to do He writes a thing called I'm the Jews and their lies So The title gives it away a little bit Title kinda You don't really have to see the movie Yeah When you see the title That's the problem The title If I was saying that I would say Martin If I was a publisher I would say Martin Here's the thing Is the The title's a little bit On the nose It's a little too on the nose Yeah Yeah You got a lot of room to work with Yeah On that nose Something Let's just be a little bit You know Yeah Yeah So quotes and recommendations From on the Jews and their lies Yeah According to Constructing the Past He said Set fire to their synagogues Or schools And bury them And cover them With dirt Whatever will not burn So Okay Yeah Yeah Can you pull up some more He said All their prayers books And Talmudic writings In which such Idolatry Lies Cursing And blasphemy Are taught Be taken from them Rabbis Be forbidden to teach Henceforth On pain of loss of life And limb He was basically saying Go Torch these people Yeah And then he was saying Rabbis Be forbidden to teach Henceforth On pain of loss of life And limb And limb So he wanted to kill them And rip them apart Yeah So He was just angry at this point Right Yeah Yeah He was just angry He said We are at fault For not slaying them But these are The thing is He just words He never actually did anything Right No well he wrote this book So this is the interesting thing He wrote And he wrote it in Germany Which we can connect some dots So that's the funny thing That we were talking about before Right It's like The Nazis This was the The Nazis The culture that they grew up in And then of course The Nazis Used this They started They started Publishing it Right And referencing it Right Right So they was on Look at what Martin Luther said So that A lot of people don't know that About Nazis It's Martin Luther Because You know Because that's very interesting Because Martin Luther Is the head of a Major religion Huge I mean we talk I mean huge Right It's a big name Yeah I mean the kid's a big name I mean quotes like that You're living outside The being You're living outside Jesus' love That's what he That was his perspective Right Yeah Martin Luther Just had had enough And I just thought It was funny The change Like the Because if Jesse could pull up The first thing he said About the Jews Was very kind Right He was very kind And then you could just tell He was just like They didn't convert Because they never do Right Like That's why he was getting mad Because they weren't converting To Luther And you could look through history They just won't budge The Jews just will not I mean they will not budge There's that scene from Sopranos Where he's going like The Jews going We survived the Rome We survived this empire He goes And we're still here He goes Where are the Romans now And Tony Soprano goes You're looking at him asshole And then they beat the shit out of him But they just Yeah so At first He called the Jews Blood relatives Okay And cousins and brothers Of the Lord That's nice He had quite a change of heart Now Because you know What's interesting though Because wasn't this Two of the Jews Two at the time This is King Henry VIII Is alive at this time too I think When is King Henry VIII Alive Because he also separated From the church To create Yeah because he wanted To marry another chick But it's interesting that At this same time You have If King Henry What is going on What's in the water That they're both All separated from The Catholic church At the time Yeah King Henry VIII Yeah he lived From 1509 to 1547 Yeah right there Yeah Yeah So what is it Can you put Why Ask Chachi BT Why Why Would King Henry VIII And Martin Luther Both Want to get away From the Catholic church During that time What was What was going on then Or something like that So That's interesting Yeah and while you find it I'll say so Early in his career He was sympathetic to the Jews In his 1523 treaties Written that Jesus Christ was born a Jew He argued The Christians Have treated Jews so badly That they had Driven them away From Christianity He urged kindness Hoping that better treatment Would lead some Jews To convert Right Right And then however When widespread conversion Did not occur Luther became Increasingly hostile The kid just He wanted it his way Like a German He's like This is how It's supposed to be And then he started Ramping it up He was Commanding people To burn synagogues Destroy Jewish homes Confiscate their prayer books Kill rabbis Restrict Jewish travel And commerce Force Jews Into manual labor Or expel them Yeah So the kid just Had had enough And yeah A lot of people don't know That centuries later The Nazis Republished All these writings And used it as propaganda You know From 400 years earlier That's what it is Here let me Hun Oh hold on Hun Hold on wait wait wait Here we go Hun Hey Chris Honey Hey Chris Hey how's Yeah How's it going Took a little bit there Okay We're doing some research Right now And we figure out In the 1500s You had Martin Luther Who wanted to break away From the Catholic Church For his reasons But then also King Henry VIII Right Wanted to break away From the church Catholic Church For his reasons So what was going on In the 1500s With the Catholic Church That two different people Wanted to break away from it What was in the water One moment You gotta make it louder So the short version is Both Martin Luther And Henry VIII Broke with Rome But for very Very different reasons Martin Luther's split Was over theology Like he thought The church had lost its way Selling indulgences Corruption And all that So in 1517 He kicks off What becomes The Protestant Reformation Henry VIII On the other hand Was driven mostly By politics And personal stuff He wanted an annulment The Pope wouldn't grant So he declared The English crown Head of the church In England Underneath this Europe was changing Renaissance thinking, rising nationalism, criticism of church wealth and authority. So, yeah, different motives, same moment, big shakeup. Okay, yeah, so that's my question, though. So was it just a coinkydink that they both happened at the same time, or was the Catholic Church doing something in the 1500s that was making more people say, I don't like this anymore? One moment. Not a coincidence, really. By the early 1500s, the Catholic Church had deep systemic issues, financial abuses, clergy living like princes, the sale of indulgences to fund big projects like St. Peter's. Add to that the printing press making ideas spread way faster, Renaissance scholarship encouraging people to question old authorities, and kings itching to control religion within their own borders. So the Church hadn't changed overnight, but the conditions suddenly lined up so long-building frustrations could actually break through. Luther was the spark, and once that fire started, rulers like Henry found it easier, to make their own breaks. Sounds a lot like the Internet now, with the printing press and what's happening with Hollywood, right? That's actually a pretty fair parallel. That's it? Yeah, the. No, the Internet is similar to the printing press. Yeah, but give me more. Fucking grease me a little bit. Come on, tell me that that was a great idea, and why I'm more right. One moment. I actually think it's solid, in parallel with some limits. Like the printing press, the Internet breaks old gatekeepers. Back then, a few authorities controlled what people could read. Today, a handful of studios, networks, and platforms used to decide what got seen. But now, anyone with a phone can publish, critique, or build an audience. That doesn't make Hollywood the medieval church, but it does mirror how a new communications tech can suddenly redistribute power and unsettle old institutions. What about what Martin Luther, said about Jewish people? Some things he said in the beginning, that he liked them, and then he seems like he got mad at them and didn't like them anymore, but he doesn't ever get, you know, lumped in with Hitler for hating the Jews. But, I mean, we're reading some of the things, I mean, some of them we don't agree with, but some of them are just kind of on the notes. Hmm. Let me think through that with you carefully. Early in his career, Luther actually criticized the way Jews were being mistreated and hoped they'd convert if approached differently. But later in life, around 1543, he wrote vicious anti-Semitic works like On the Jews and Their Lies, which called for horrific things. Those writings are unequivocally condemned today, but historians generally separate his Reformation ideas from his later anti-Semitic ranting. Nazi propagandists did later cherry-pick Luther to give a German pedigree to their hatred, but Luther's context was religious and polemical, not racial and exterminationist in the modern sense. That doesn't soften the harm, but, it does help explain why he's not grouped with Hitler, who built a racial genocide centuries later. They're different in kind, even if later haters tried to draw a line. But, babe, listen to this. If Martin Luther created, you know, the Protestant religion, right, and, you know, the Prophet Muhammad, who was a warrior, created Islam, they were both, I mean, you had Martin Luther saying bad things about the Jews, the Prophet Muhammad, you know, kind of being really, you know, he was a warrior, and he wanted, he wanted to hurt people. The really only one true savior, and the only one who did everything with love and practiced what he preached, is Jesus Christ. Hmm. Let me untangle a few things, just so we're clear. From a Christian faith perspective, Jesus is unique as the sinless son of God, who chose suffering over violence. Historically, though, Martin Luther didn't found a new religion so much as spark a reform movement within Christianity, and Muhammad, is regarded by Muslims as a prophet, not a savior, and also as a political and military leader, in a very different 7th century context. Comparing them directly can flatten a lot of nuance. If your conclusion is a faith claim about who uniquely embodies the ideals he taught, that's theology. As history, it's more about distinct roles and contexts. So Jesus is number one, you just said it. I'm saying that within Christian belief, Jesus holds a unique central place. History and faith. Jesus is number one, you're gay. Here's some good ones. Yeah, I found some good ones. Yeah. All right, here we go. I'll start with the lesser ones, and we'll go up to higher ones. First, to set fire to their synagogues or schools. Okay. Second, I advise that their houses also be raised and destroyed. Yeah. Third, I advise that all their prayer books and Talmudic writings be taken from them. Fourth, I advise. Fifth, I advise that their rabbis be forbidden to teach, henceforth, on pain of loss of life and limb. Kid wanted retribution. Yeah, he wanted retribution, yeah. Fifth, I advise that safe conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews. Sixth, I advise that usury be prohibited to them and that all cash and treasure of silver and gold be taken. Usury is a big thing that the Jews get hit with because usury is loans, making money off loans. Yeah, gold and stuff like that. So, and he referred to them. Unfortunately, he referred to them as a base-whoring people. And writing that they were full of the devil's feces. Yeah, it's just what it is, unfortunately. Unfortunately, he said they were full of the devil's feces. Kid didn't like them, and it happens. He didn't have them, and he used some creative ways to refer to them, and it's just the way sometimes. We like to call these a few inconvenient truths about people in history. What can you do? And there's nothing you can do. Nothing can be done. Right. It happened, and it's just. And the thing is, thankfully, nobody listened to him at that time. He was mostly ignored by that point. Right. I think by that point, they had picked it up, and they were just like, the old man's just rambling or whatever. Right. So. But the Nazis, you know they'll dig it up. Yeah. So the Nazis dug it up, and they started saying, hey, take a look at this. Yeah. Yeah. So it was used. You know, you're right. You don't hear that a lot. You don't hear how much Martin Luther influenced the Nazis, but he did. Right. You always hear about Nietzsche and the Ubermensch and how they twisted that. Yeah. Because they were like, oh, this guy's talking about an Ubermensch. We're the Ubermenschers. Right. Look at our beautiful bodies. But what was Nietzsche really saying? He wasn't saying. Nietzsche was saying, you know, to transcend, to be this, you know, rational. So it was like very Ayn Randian, wasn't it, Jess? It was like the Uberman. Like, you can. To become the ultimate human being. Well, I mean, even the swastika, they took that. That was a Hindu peace symbol. Yeah. Right? And they took it. That's the thing, guys. You can really make anything. You are your thoughts. Yeah. So you can make anything good, anything bad. What else did we say in the car ride, Omi? Omi, something else is about being grateful, gratitude, and kind of just. The amount of good things in your life is dependent on your ability to notice them. That's what it is. Which is so true. Yeah, you've got to notice them. Yeah, the Uberman, the Superman, beyond traditional morality, the Uberman rejects the otherworldly promises, religious guilt, and conventional herd mentality, which Nietzsche viewed as life-denying. So he was going. Well, he's saying a goal for humanity is evolve past religion and societal norms and create personal meaning and values rooted firmly in life on Earth. In strength. Right. So the Nazis said, okie dokie. They got influenced by that. Because you believing in the Shroud of Turin and Jesus and understanding that that man did crazy miracle things, that's not really religious. That's spiritual. And I'm not saying I believe it. I'm not fully convinced because you can't prove it. I'm just saying I can't deny that it's interesting. Occam's Razor says you just can't deny it. Occam's Razor shows, like, if you use Occam's Razor, Occam's Razor would say that, hey, look, this thing, this unique thing happened. That's why they reacted that way. That's why this is all, you know. The thing about the Shroud of Turin is interesting is because it's just a fact there's never been, an object that science has studied so much that they can't, they can't explain. Can't explain. And it just so happens to be about something. Right. That's so crazy. So it's like, that's interesting just to follow, to be like, all right, when are you going to nail it? And we said on the Patreon that every time Giannis says Shroud of Turin, which he has been almost every day for the past three months, you do a shot. So there's your first shot. Okay. As always, we end every, okay, here we go. This is it. Yeah. And we got, yeah, we got a few more names on the list, but patreon.com says history. I just like to say, the way it's summarized, here just makes me laugh. He started off with, did you treat Jews with kindness and criticizing the mistreatment they had suffered? His later writings marked a profound and tragic reversal. Yeah. I just like the way that came out. He had a little, a whoopsie do. Yeah, he just kind of made it right. He took a turn. He took a turn. He took it. He did this with a car. It's just what it is. Okay. So patreon.com slash history. Hyenas, of course, at the end of every single episode, we read out the newest members of the matriarchy. We love having them, having you guys with us, having you guys, you know, you are the real super fans who come and join. We've had our biggest month ever on Patreon and YouTube the last month. So thank you so much for the continued support. We are only growing. So welcome to the matriarchy, the newest members. We have Jihadi Mamdani, Josh. Chicken finger. Chicken finger. Yeah. Josh Neal, TK, Zach Graham, B Cully 10. My wife banged the French soccer team. Hashtag world cup. Fuck. I'm going to list that list. I'm going to list. You got a pen. Yeah, I'm going to list. J-Bone, sorry. Oh, my bad. Gotcha. Yeah, I'm going to list that. That's good. That's one of those not laugh out loud funny, but you got to give it credit. Brandon Kruger, Eric Oschlager, Matthew, Anthony Pierce, Upkick, Chrissy Comps, the fruitcake from Rudy's Bakery. Yeah, Drexler. Here for uncackled Leroy jokes to feel better about my wife's dildo choice. That's on. Catapult. We got the catapult. Pulling them right over. The Chris G510, Ian Coot, Kelsey McGarry, my wife's been horny as fuck since the shutdown of CERN, C-E-R-N. What is that? I don't know what that is. That may be one that they're yelling at us about that we should know, but what can you do? Astoic Leroy, a.k.a. Demarcus Aurelius. Put him on the list. Put him on the list. Very, very good. It's just really good. It's just really funny, and there's nothing that can be done about it. It's just funny, and more than funny, it's okay. It's okay. This is a comedy show. Especially since the guy himself is a Leroy, it's good. Half Jackie Chan, half Jackie Robinson, full Leroy. It's another one, right? Just have to do it? Just have to do it. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is. You have to do it. You have to do it sometimes. You have to do it. Cassidy McDonald, Mark Martinez, Dylan Swales, John Wayne, Larry Nassar went too far. Wait, John Wayne? John Wayne. Okay. Larry Nassar went too far. He definitely did. He definitely did. So you're telling me George Washington had Leroy teeth? Rich, Perry Stinkle 5, paid more for the sitter to see Yanni because he's a Leroy. His tics were free, free, free. I don't get it. Matt, Smoking Bogeys, Evan Lampier, Leroy Frisbee, a.k.a. Ding Rag. Oh, boy. Jesus Christ. Noble Jew with mustard-flavored glue. Malcolm Bailey, Carol Saibula, Muzzy Muff Diver, Alex Steer, Rudy. White girls go in the Spank Bank. Latinas go in the Spanko Popular. Put them on the list. Okay. Yeah. Good one. Wow. Strong list. That's very good. Spanko Popular is very funny. Yep. Finger smelling because she gets around like Magellan. That's really good. Yeah. So I'm going to chicken finger. Okay. Yeah. Bill Cifaloulis, here to get cracked open and cleaned out by Lieutenant Lollipop. Okay. I can't remember which one's Lieutenant Lollipop, which one's Snark and Snuggles. Snark and Snuggles. Which one and what? I don't know. I don't know. Is it you or me? Southern Las Vegas Pool Service, 859-866-3503. Screwed in. Screwed in. Screwed in. If you're in that area, you need help. Screwed in. Drain gang. Mexican that kissed the border wall converting to American. That is so good. Yeah. That is so good. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's so good. Chimp. Straight to the back like Rusa. Okay. Yeah. Jesse, yeah. So don't look at these, Johnny. I'll just read them all. What does that mean, straight to the back? Like Rusa. I don't know. Or should we just do this? And we have enough for a list. We got enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that off then. Okay. So here we go. Here's the list. Hashtag World Cuck. This is why this is so beautiful. Because that deserves to win in my, but it's just the luck of where you're at. Yeah, it's not good enough. You know, it's just, you need luck. You need to be on a list that's for you. And this one's just a little stronger. Hero for Uncackled. Leroy jokes to feel better about my wife's dildo choice. We're going to keep it around. It's probably not going to make it. Then we got a stoic Leroy, a.k.a. Demarcus Aurelius. It's just a funny one. Then we got half Jackie Chan, half Jackie Robinson, full Leroy. It's just, yeah. Okay. Then we got white girls going to Spank Bank. Latinas going to Spanko Popular. So good. But, you know, it's unfair. At this point, it's not fair. Then we got Mexican that kissed the border wall converting to American. Wonderful. Again, we're going to, the funny factor's high on a few of these. So it's between these three. Hero for Uncackled. A stoic Leroy, a.k.a. Demarcus Aurelius. Or half Jackie Chan, half Jackie Robinson, full Leroy. It's too hard. It's too hard. Demarcus Aurelius is 10. They're all good, dude. They're all good. At this point, I think we got to go with the one that looks best up in lights. Yeah. Because, and that may not be the funniest. Right. So just know you may have been the funniest, but they're all, what's the best one up in lights, you think? I think Demarcus Aurelius might be the best up in lights. Best one up in lights. Is that what you think? Yeah. Well, no, I don't want to make a decision that you guys disagree with. Demarcus Aurelius was making me laugh. Yeah? It just was. My favorite one is Dildo Choice. The Dildo Choice. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a really funny one. But we're talking about up in lights. Full Leroy? Free Leroy. You think we have to put it on the Patreon again? You want to put it to a vote? Yeah, put it to a vote. Put it to a vote. Put it to a fucking vote. All three of them? All three. All three of them, yeah. All right. These three are going to patreon.com slash historyianas. You have to join to vote. It's too hard sometimes. The members, sorry, we just got to give it to the fans here. Here's your three choices here for uncackled Leroy jokes to feel better about my wife's story. Dildo Choice, a stoic Leroy, a.k.a. DeMarcus Aurelius, or half Jackie Chan, half Jackie Robinson, full Leroy. Those are your choices. We'll see you next week. Thank you. Endless summer escapes start here. Beat the heat. Get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house.