The Theseus Thesis

One awesome tabletop games littered right to your door sign up now for Game Box Monthly learn more at Game Box Monthly dot com When it comes to this mythology All the connoisseur Sarah has an interest But it's all Greek to her from chronices kids we a childhood so what's going down in hidey's hood these people's eyes are But what it's here for does to do yes, hey, it's me Paul Bianchi. I'm here with my bf Sarah Oliver That's me and today we're also joined by Alexandra Hoy Hi, hey doing here Alexandra is she is a poet and just an all-around good person Oh, yeah, what what is your previous experience with Greek mythology my previous experience So in school we did actually learn about it in middle school that's kind of where it stopped and then in high school I did like E.P. classes so sometimes there might be something we'd need to like study in relation to a story But otherwise like Zina yeah, yeah most of my knowledge comes from Zina word or hercules Yeah, the show hercules the show yeah, or your friend hercules. Yeah, my friend hercules. Yeah, yeah Yeah, he feels you know my besties. Do you guys know anything about these yes? No, that's familiar Theses is one of the great heroes of Greece There's like Yeah, you haven't heard about you've heard of Jason you've heard Jason born There's Perseus Okay, yeah, there's hercules. Mm-hmm. You got hercules. I know about him. You got Anius Nope, mm-hmm, and you know Anius I know the name Uh, and then this this episode is about these yes Bum bum bum and I thought it was gonna be a good hero to talk about because last episode we talked about the deeds of Deedless and the Which I think is I'll give that no snicker you'll give it nice You watch it. I'm gonna retroactively make that the title of that episode but these is Is sort of interwoven with the story of Deedless because of his interaction with The greatest invention of Deedless or one of them which is the Labyrinth so We're gonna talk about Deedless is origins and what he did up until the Labyrinth and then the Minotaur Slayer Spoiler alert come on Okay, so you do know these yeah, that story. Yeah, so yeah, theses in the Minotaur is His biggest claim to fame in this story so Deedless was The child of Aegis but these is has three parents and here's how that wacky spider So Aegis was one of the primary deal kings of Athens and he Was childless and looking for an heir. He asked the Oracle of Delphi for advice and her cryptic words were Actually Sarah will you read that in an Oracle voice? Do not loose in the bulging mouth of the wine skin until you have reached the height of Athens lest you die of grief Thank you very much Oracle of Delphi Do what so yeah, do you know and has any idea with that? Yep, so Aegis was like us and did not understand the prophecy and was disappointed So then he asked the advice of his host that evening who was a pithius king of Troison I'm just gonna spell that because if you have a better pronunciation idea. It's TRO easy Ian Yeah, troison troison Pithius does understand the prophecy and It doesn't explain what it means, but it's it's to do what pithius does which is that he promptly gets Aegis drunk Naturally, I like pithius and then he turns to his daughter Athera and says go have your way with him athera and That's weird Go have your way with him athera Clean your room or have your way with our guest Okay, I'll find him so Following the instructions that Athena gave to her in a dream athera After she sleeps with Aegis Leaves him and then wades across to the island of Sparia That lays close to the kingdom of troison's shore and then she pours more alcohol into the sea and brings Poseidon to the surface who also has sex with her all right This goes a lush Yeah, so she makes the sea drunk and then Poseidon drunkenly has sex with her too all right So I don't very few times where a woman gets hers Yeah, she was she was having a night She's doing her so this and everyone else this mix of seeming in her mm-hmm naturally Science works creates the perfect combination of Divine and mortal characteristics and she has this double paternity sort of Half demigod child Comes from her which is what what did the other guy give her? That's good um he gave her the You know the the kingly leadership the The Poseidon you can just the noble the noble birthright Well, because Then the clothes you've been watching a lot in too much but Yeah, so after ather becomes pregnant Aegis says cool your pregnant with my baby Maybe before I'm gonna leave though still I have a kingdom to rule so Here's what I'm gonna do though. I'm not gonna leave you high and dry I'm gonna put my sandals and my sword underneath a huge rock and When our son grows up If he's strong enough to move the rock then he can have my sword and sandals and then he can come find me So in between that time though I need to feed and shelter. No, no, no, no any kind of money Your rich no, thank you. No, I'm a king. I've a kingdom to rule There's no way to tell what shoe size will be at this point if he fits my shoe size which is fucking big then he's gonna be a hero I've made a huge mistake. Goodbye Please So it just goes back to Athens where he is joined my by Medea in wedded matrimony Do you guys know of Medea tile pair? Yeah, I know that That's my answer. That's your that's your full understanding of Medea and at this point it doesn't matter who you say she is So Medea we're gonna return to Medea because Medea is very featured in the story of Jason and the Argonauts Medea is also famous for killing her children. Oh, she threw a mother's red right? No, but she she for sure killed him Wait because she had you though right? No, she did not have to kill her kid. She I don't think you're somebody else then you're thinking of your mom my mom had two pieces of Styrofoam that she glued together and carved into a Piece of art that she painted herself of Medea standing over her dead children That was like a warning to you guys that was just like it was like it was a warning totem And it sort of just like sat on the shelf in like her art studio for a long time Next to her like her clay figure of like a woman giving birth. I have an artsy mom Which is nice. Yeah, yeah, terrifying the art choices. Yeah, mm-hmm. I have a terrifying artsy mom So yeah, Aegis was joined by Medea and she She sort of didn't want any any foreign power coming in and taking like she she liked co-ruling with Aegis And she liked him not having any children because she had more power if he had no children Mm-hmm. So she just likes killing children on the gather. Yeah, what's up? so Thesis grows up with his mother and When he's raised by her he does grow up and becomes a brave young man and He reaches a point where where his mother tells him the truth about his father's identity. Hey, Mom, I'm like big and strong now. What's the deal with the rock in the backyard? - Okay, there's a whole thing with the fucking rock. Your dad left you some flip flops and some, so order some shit. Oh, okay. - Oh, cool. There's a sword under here. Oh yeah, and the flip flops. But the flip, the magical flip flops. - They're pink. - I didn't say your father was a fashionista. - Okay. - Put them on. - They're like, they're flat. They've been under this rock for a long time, Mom. - Just, you know, walking them for a while. - Okay, walking my own mid-adji, is right? - You don't wanna be like your dad beat father. He'd never give me no child support. - Bye, Mom. I'm gonna go to Athens because he said I could, right? Go to Athens. - Go to fucking Athens. - Inherent his kingdom or something. - You're getting sent, send me some money 'cause your father owes me. - But he is warned when he goes to Athens that he could go by C, which is the safe way. - Same way. - Or he can. - Go by foot? - Yes, go by foot. Okay. So, the Aces chooses to go by foot, which is the dangerous way, along the Seronic Gulf. And. - Oh, and everyone to see my new shoes. - He wants everyone to see his new shoes. And he. - No, pink. - They're pink and he encounters a string of six entrances to the underworld, each guarded by a frightening enemy to the public along the way. So, the Aces. - Steve Van. - Jeff Sessions. - Wow, getting political. So, young braven and vicious, the Aces decides to defeat all of the bandits along the way. The Aces is also. He's known for his great strength, but he's also known for being clever. As I was reading about this, I also feel like he should be well known for being very on the nose with the punishments he decides to dull out to the enemies along the way. - I mean, it's about time someone in Greek mythology did an actual eye for eye. - They, he really does. It's sort of insane how much he does it. - But at this point does he know anything about Poseidon being, you know, the other baby daddy? - Sure, I'll say that. I mean, all the myth that I. - One more thing before you go, son. - Yes. - There was a whole sperm in the water thing. The sperm got together. - Wow, mom, you really got yours that night too. - You, I got mine. I got mine and try to get some gel support from that guy too. - Okay, well, they all go get some sand dollars. - I need them. (laughing) - It was my smoke cause I guess I smoke is what I sound. - So when he reaches the first entrance to the underworld, he, that area was called Epidarius, which was sacred to Apollo, but it was guarded by a bandit named, named Perifides. - Hey, I'm Perifides. You wanna come in here? - Perifides was a giant (laughing) with a little voice. - He got down there. - And he was also known as the club bearer. And he was a son of Hephaestus. And he was lame in one leg. So he didn't really have a Perifides. He just had one feeding. - One feeding. - Yeah. - Call me a Perifides, but I just got this one. He has sweeties. - He loved rhyming. He, like his father was lame in one leg, but he, but like his mother, he had one eye like it. (laughing) - Well, it's also humorous. The truth is, can also be sometimes as humorous. Like his mother, he had one eye like a cyclops. - Oh, you're a handsome man. - Yeah. So he roamed the road from Athens to Trozen where he robbed travelers and killed them with his big bronze club. So when, actually, I thought that you guys would make a comment about that. At both of you as Buffy fans, no of the club called the club. - Oh no, no, no. - I thought that's where you're going. - You won't look at me with this twinkle in your eyes. So when Thesis approaches him. - Okay, buddy, what do you want here, huh? - Hey, I hear you've been murdering people along this route. - Well, yeah, just for the money and stuff. - I'm Thesis. I hear that you murder him with this giant bronze club. - Yeah, it's this one right here, isn't it? Pretty nice. - Yeah, that's pretty nice. I'm not sure if it's actually bronze or if it's just like, you know, painted bronze. - Okay, what that's pretty rude? That's a real bronze club. - Can I see it? - Of course, because it's bronze, for real. - Wow, yeah. Wow, yeah, this is real bronze. (burps) (burps) (laughs) - Snaky. - So Thesis tricks him into giving him his own bronze club to check if it were really bronze and then bashes him over the head with it and kills him. So. - Awesome. - Yeah. - He's no fool. - Yeah. So his next assignment, the next place he goes is Ismia. And there's a robber along that route named Sinus. This guy was real weird in how he decided to kill Thable. He would rob travelers and then say, "Hey, come over here. Grab the top of these two pine trees and I'm gonna bend them down towards the ground. Now hold onto those pine trees and then let go." And then the person would be either-- - Too complicated. - Flood. (laughs) They'd be either flung into the air or if they held on, ripped apart as the two pine trees like sprung back into the air. - But he's like, "Oh, you have the choice. You can hold these. You should definitely hold these." - Yeah, hold on to them, but no human had the strength to hold onto them. - Yeah. - So yeah, that was a really complicated way of killing people. - So you didn't kill a lot of people, bro. - So Thesis walks up to them. - Hey, Sinus, is it? - Well, yeah, Siam Sinus, Trace layer. - I hear you have a really complicated way of killing people. - You should know that complicated. It's quite simple. Just, you know, these things down here. - No, wait, wait, wait. I need proof that like a human could actually hold on to these. Can you hold on to them for an extended period of time? - Of course I could. You stupid bitch. - Well, you are a big strong giant. I'm sure you could hold on to them for a real long time. How long do you think you could hold them for? - Well, infinity. - Okay, show me. - Fine. - So he does that because he's an idiot. And eventually his strength gives out and the pine trees spring back up and Sinus is torn in half. - Nice. - Then. - Told ya! (laughing) - Then. - Quartered by trees. - Then Thesis finds Pyroguni. - Sounds like a pasta. Pyroguni. - Pyroguni is Sinus' daughter. - And these guys are guarding the underworld. - Yeah, these guys are guarding entrances to the underworld. - So why does he want it not have. - Well, because they're also robbing travelers and creating chaos. - But don't we need guards there? - Yeah. (laughing) - It seems like he might be causing more problems than he's. - Let's just solve the problem of robbery first. - Okay. - And then. But he sees Pyroguni's Sinus' daughter. Hey, you, you sinus' daughter? - Yeah. - Hi. - Hi, I just killed your dad. Do you want to have sex? - Uh, well, do what he's so cute. - Told him. - You're right. - Trust your friend, the squirrel. - Okay. - He then sleeps with Sinus' daughter and father's a child named Melanipus. - Wait, so was she a giant person? - I don't know. - She could have been. - Half giant. - Well, those are some big boobies. - Mine's a name of Futurama. - And like a proper Greek hero, he's like, "See ya afterwards." - Peace and the cradle and the sea of the soul. - So then he moves along. The next gate is guarded by an enormous pig named the Cromonian Sous. And he was bred by an old cron named Fea. Hey, are you Fea? - Yeah, I want to know. - It's I, Thesis. Is that your big pig? - That's my favorite pig, you's big old pig. - Cool. And he kills them both. Not in the clever way. He's a kills both. - When he does it, does he say that'll do pig? - I think that's how he's clever is that he quotes a movie. That's like thousands of years in the future. - In the future, yeah. - So then he meets near the town of Magara. There is an elderly man named Ciron who there's a very long cliff-based pathway that he guards. And so people walk up to him and he's like, "I'm an old man, wash my feet." And so everyone's like, "I feel bad for this old man, so I'm gonna wash his feet." And when people bend down to wash his feet, he kicks them off the cliff. That's what they get, honestly. I finally found the one great character I relate to. When they get kicked off the cliff, they are eaten by a giant turtle. Oh, that's great. Oh, that's great. Okay, sweetie. He's just feeding his big pit turtle. So, Thesios walks up, "Hey, are you Screone, the old man?" Why? I am. I'm the old man with some dirty little toes. Oh, yeah, you. What do you want me to do about that? I want you to scrub a dumb, dumb. Okay, I'll bend down and wash your feet because that's what we do in Greece. So, Thesios bends down and. Hey, down! Thesios is unmoved by the kick to his face. He catches it with his hand and then he pushes up on Screone's ankle and throws him down and then the giant turtle eats him instead. Not you! This is the true origin of the Teenage Mutant Dragon's Ape. The fifth one, see? He just keeps marching through and just murdering his way. Not even breaking the sweat. He finds Kersion. And Kersion was a king of. I don't know where he was king of. Oh, of. uh, Alusis. And he challenged all pastors by to a wrestling match. And if you beat him, then you could have his kingdom. Hey, are you the king of that kingdom? Hey, eat you, come here, wrestle! I'm gonna get you. I'm not being all-cogon. You're being someone. So he wrestles Kersion and just like absolutely destroys him in wrestling. There's like a giant German suplex onto his head, but like doesn't do the spot right and actually paralyzes him and then like, you know. He's brutal, got me, brother! And so he wins this entire kingdom and ends up giving it to Hypothos, who was. I forgot even when we talked about it, but he was the son of Aleppi and Poseidon. And she like abandoned him on a hillside and he was raised by a mayor. You guys remember. Oh, legally, yeah. Yeah, well, so he gives him that kingdom. What about his wife or his woman he impregnated in new child? Oh, he doesn't care about that. That's done. Yeah. So he's not a perfect hero, okay? The last bandit was Prokristus, the stretcher. And Prokristus had two beds that. And one of them he slept on and the other one he offered to passers by. Like, "Oh, stay here for the night." But if they didn't fit the bed perfectly and no one ever did, he wouldn't make them fit it. He would chop off a body part or he would stretch them to fit. So, hey, are you that weird guy Prokristus with the two beds? I've got the beds. New, sleepy. I'm tucking you right in. Wait, which beds yours? Is that one? That one. I usually sleep on the right side. Can I sleep in your bed tonight and you sleep on the other one? I want to see if you fit. Of course I fit. So, Prokristus was too tall for his bed. And so, the A/C is cuts off his legs and the cap hits him with his own axe. Brutal. And what's interesting with this is that, you know, we talk about how in Greek mythology, things get become part of our general consciousness. And the Prokristian bed has become sort of a literary device that is like an arbitrary standard. And to which exact conformity is forced. So, for instance, in like Edgar Allan Poe's The Perloined Letter, the private detective Dupin uses the metaphor of a Prokristian bed to describe the Parisian police's overly rigid method of looking for clues. So, it sort of has become that sort of literary use. You know, so every day. Every day use. So, with these his arrives in Athens, he does not immediately reveal himself to his father physically or literally. His father, of course, had married the Sorcerer's Medea and she recognizes these his and wants to kill him. I know those pink flip flops. So, she sends him to like prove his worth to the kingdom to capture the Marathonian bull, that same bull that last time we talked about who was the father of the Minitar that the Queen of Knozos had sex with. Good, I'm ready to get out of here. She's insatiable. So, he captures the Minitar, or not the Minitar, the the bull and brings him back to Medea and Medea's like, "Curses, you were able to do this." Sort of my plan. So, she says, "Here's your award and give some poisoned wine." But Medea's husband knew of her plan and at the last moment he saw Aegis, saw theses and the sword and his pink flip flops. And he knocks the cup out of his hand very dramatically like slow motion. Stop it! Yeah. And so, Medea flees to Asia and Aegis welcomes theses and names some of the air to his throne. So, very nice things. That's all the backstory for what's going to happen with the Minitar. So, the greatest challenge for theses was this challenge with the Minitar. So, like years ago before this happened, Minosus son Androgens was killed by the Athenians during like a game, like an Olympic Games, sort of an activity. Is this the honeycomb kid? No, this is a would've been Clocus' brother. And since he was killed by Assassin's during the game, the Creetans threatened the Athenians that they would go to war with them. And we'll go to war with you, unless every seven years you send seven courageous young men and seven beautiful young women to be sacrificed to our Minitar. And so, after theses becomes the air, he's like, wait, what? Do you have set up with the Creetans? That sounds terrible. I'm going to go remedy this. I just killed six assholes on the way to get here. And I scared up, scary witch Medea. I'm going to now go kill this Minitar because this arrangement has got to stop. So, he's still not taking care of his son. But he's he's he's he's moving on. So he, he promises to kill the Minitar and Aegis is heartbroken because he thinks that the Minitar is going to kill these. And he promises he gives these these a ship to go to create. And he says, the ship has black sales. Change them from black to white when you return so that when I see your ship on the horizon, I'll know you're successful. And if they're black, I'll know that you're dead. And so, yeah, you know, and he could also just like wait for him to get there. Yeah, parents. Hello, I'm in the car. I'll text you later. So, when these he arrives to create King Minus's daughter area and the one who wanted a dance floor, falls in love with him immediately. And it's like, no, you mustn't. I sort of like her job is sort of like she's she sort of works in like the filing department or like all of like, okay, seven beautiful daughters, cool seven heroic men, cool, they're all going to die. Like that sort of her job, concrete. And so when she sees him, she's like struck with, I guess, lust. I mean, like what else are you going to it? Is I don't know. Maybe that's just mean being unromantic, but like struck with true love. Like she's like, no, she looks at those arms. She's like, those arms look like they feel a bunch of guys. So, so she goes she goes to Deedalus. And says, hey, so I have this crush on this guy who's about to go in this maze. I don't want him to die for the first time. I don't want one of these innocent people to die. Can you please figure out a way for him to survive. And so Deedalus hands her. just like a ball of silk twine and says, and I found out that a ball of twine is also called a clue C-L-E-W, which is very much a double entendre that is circumstance. And he also tells her once in the maze, go straight down, never, move here to the left, never, move here to the right, just straight down, or design the labyrinth to lead directly to the, the minute or. And so which doesn't sound like much of a maze. - Kind of defuse the purpose of the labyrinth. When does David Bowie show up though? - He's in all of our hearts this entire time. - Okay. - What a big. - The babe with pow. - Pow. - Pow of the voodoo. - voodoo. - You do. - Do what? - Cluedoo. (laughs) - So Thesius and his fellow Athenians entered the labyrinth with the yarn tied to the end of the door, and they let out the string as they walk, and they continue straight, and they find the Minotaur sleeping at the center, which is very fortuitous for them. Thesius attacks and a terrible battle ensues. The Minotaur just like, you know, all of the other Athenians that sort of use a Star Trek metaphor are red shirts in the battle. - Oh, okay. - They just get like gored and murdered quickly by the Minotaur. But Thesius uses his incredible like wrestling abilities to, you know. - Has proven already, the Hulk Hogan. - Yeah, and he ends up like, let's just say the axe flies back, some lands on the ground, and then he does like a German suplex on the Minotaur while leading the Minotaur's head towards the axe, and like, it capitates him like as he likes the crown. So, the capitates the Minotaur, and then is able to use the twine to find his way back out of the labyrinth where Ariadne is waiting for him. - Kind of hensling gruddley. - Yeah. And so they find their way out of the labyrinth, and they get on there, but before King Minos even knows what happened. That night, he has a dream, Thesius has a dream as he's sailing, sent by the god Dionysus, saying he has to leave Ariadne behind because Veit had a better plan and a path for her. So in the morning, Thesius leaves her alone, weeping on the island of Naxos before he continues sailing to Athens. - Oh. - Does she become really emo now? Does she become very emo now? - She does. - She curses Thesius. And causes him to forget to change his ship's flags from black to white. But Dionysus was the sneaky bitch too, because Dionysus ends up picking up Ariadne and making her his wife. And that's why he implanted that dream in the first place. - Oh no. - So Aegis sees black flags on the horizon, assumes Thesius is dead, and throws himself from his clips into the sea. - My son, I knew you for a week. - Yeah. - So again, wait for him to arrive. Wait, just like, don't, yeah. Don't jump off a cliff. - It's very dramatic, man. - That's just a turn of phrase. - Don't jump off a cliff, dad. - So that's why the sea east of Greece is still called the Aegean Sea, because they named their seas after places where people die. (laughing) So that's the main tale of Thesius, and we're just gonna sort of wrap up the rest of his life now, which is he becomes king of Athens after his father's death. And he's credited as the creator of democracy because he gave up some of his kingly powers to an assembly, and he was the first king to do that. So really we can thank him for America. - He is, we should be called the United States of Thesius. - Yeah. So he seems like an overall, a good guy, but you know, afraid of commitment. - Yeah, afraid of commitment. - Which could be credited to his daddy issues? - Well, daddy's issues. (laughing) He does he ever meet Poseidon? No, no, word about that, huh? - Well, so he, the thing that he does do is he goes on some journeys with Hercules. He joins-- - Are they BFF? - They are BFF. - Are they BFF? - So he, during one of his adventures, he travels through the underworld with his friend, Perthius, who was trying to save Persephone from the underworld. And they sat on some rocks in the underworld that were cursed, that whoever sits on them cannot move ever again. So they were stuck there in the underworld for like many months, not being able to move, until Hercules, who was in the underworld because just happened to be there because of his, like, one of his labors, helped, helped Thesius escape that. But Perthius had been, like, basically scared away and like taken to another part of the underworld at that point by the theories and was not able to be rescued. So his friend died in the underworld. - He gained a new one. - Yeah, well, Hercules is his cousin, so I guess true. There's sort of friends. And then he goes on, Hercules is one of his other labors where he's supposed to get the girdle of the Amazon queen, Hippolyta. And Thesius, after that quest, ends up marrying queen Hippolyta, queen of the Amazon. - Mm-hmm. - And together they have a son called Hippolyta. And he was said to be such a handsome man that he caused a fit of jealousy between Aphrodite and Artemis. - Mm-hmm. - And Aphrodite, because of this, cause, Fadre, who was the second wife of, Thesius, Thesius had a lot of wives. - Jesus. - Okay, I did commit, yeah, you gotta find him. - Yeah, he caused her to fall in love with her own stepson. And so, Bajra killed herself and left a note blaming Apolitus for bad treatment. So, I don't know, there's this sort of weird stuff happened. So then when Thesius had the note, he called on his father Poseidon to take revenge on Apolitus. And a sea monster ended up being summoned and it frightened the horses of Apolitus's chariot so that he was thrown from it and got tangled on the reins and was dragged behind. And so, Artemis let Thesius know that he had been deceived. And so he ran to his son and his son died in his arms because he's a sad guy. So due to despair of losing his wife and son, Thesius lost popularity and the support of his people. - Oh, wow, that's cold. - Yeah. - What did you look for? - Family all died, fuck you. - So when he fled to Athens, he, or when he fled from Athens, the king, the new king of Athens was afraid that Thesius would overthrow him because he still had some support. So they found him and pushed him off a cliff and to the sea to his death. - Oh, just like that. - So yeah, that's the way that he died. - Seems very, you know. - But yeah, you know, he had a really nice pinnacle there, right? Until like everything got weird and tangled up and strange. - And he was pretty bad at us. So bad at that I would think a poet could trade a little mimic about him right now. - Mm-hmm. I don't know about that. - Yeah, put it around the spot. That's it. That poets love that. - They do. All I'm hearing now are just lemurs actually. - Our poets, not all like like Eminem, they just freeze out of battle each other. - Actually, all poets are definitely like Eminem. That's what I've heard. - Yeah, mom's spaghetti. I was just, mom's spaghetti. - Yeah. - I'm talking about. - We're just hungry. (laughing) - Theses, theses, there he is. Theses, theses, do it. - Hey, my name's Theses, and I'm your all around. Just do it, guy. I will. - Woo! - Here's a babe. - Thanks, ladies. I will sometimes choose the harder route instead of like the easier route. And on that way, I will murder any son of a bitch who gets in my way. - That's so cool. - Do you have problems with like a guy who smashes you on the head with bronze things? - Yeah, what do you get to about it? - I'll take that bronze thing from him and smash him in the head. - Oh, I didn't see that coming. - Do you have a problem with a guy that makes you sleep in a bed, but if you don't fit in the bed, then he's gonna stretch you or chop off your limbs? - Yeah, I haven't encountered that. - Well, if you do, I will chop him up. up into little bits too. Oh, what a hypothetical. Do you know a guy who like makes you hold down the tops of trees? And if you like lick over the trees and you'll get ripped in half or flung into the air? I can't say I do. Well, if you do run into them, I will do the same. Oh, well that would be something. Call my phone number. What is it? Five. Oh. I'm not going to say that. I mean, Disney's Hercules. Okay. Okay. So it's sort of like Disney's Hercules. It's Dragonwagon.