The 'The Air Up There' Heist

I'm playing mine wasn't that bad. That's pretty good sleep on that. Yeah. Oh, DC's cold this time of year. It's a nipple. When you get off the plane, as we travel through the little hallway on wheels, the jet bridge. The jet bridge. It's a little nippley. You know, I've heard crimes gone down here recently. Has it? Yeah, I feel much safer on this jet bridge. Yes, yes, absolutely. Hey, you guys were supposed to do this in the terminal, not in the fucking jet bridge. How are you doing? I got a scoop on an awesome podcast. I mean with you guys here. I mean, the fact that you, we just got that anonymous letter saying you better go to DC or we're going to kill your families. Oh, that was you, Albert? Oh, well, yeah, you know, that's my style, guys. You know, threaten your family to get you down to where I need you to be. Stuff sending letters, phone calls are fine. You could have just told me I'd show up. We went over this in Halloween. Well, guys, check it out. This podcast here, we're going to have to do a little bit of work to get to. And I don't need you guys to take these badges here. Okay. All right. And make sure it's, you know, visible. Otherwise, they'll freak out. What does mine say Mohammed? Ha ha. That sounds familiar. Mine says Michael, but you changed my last name to gay. Michael gay. I'm not worried about. I don't worry about none of that. It's just we do what we have to do to get things up. Yeah, classic Albert. God damn it. Yeah, you're gay, Mike. Not gay. I'm just some like probably super handsome, super cool, never did anything wrong in his life ever. Mohammed Ata. No, that's a very problematic name. Why? You don't like Muslims? Jeremy, how did you know? Wait, we didn't even know we were meeting Albert. Why are you wearing a turban? I thought this was what we were using to get in. Jeremy, no. And this big, heavy jacket. God damn it. Jeremy, you look fantastic. Thanks, Albert. Albert. Albert. Albert, you made my middle initials. It's Michael S.K. Everyone in TSA is going to think you're gay. You're just, you're just, you're just, you're just, you're made a comedy. It's just Michael's gay. That's all you did. All right, check it out, boys. The podcast is in the FAA office. Okay. Okay. Now we got to get in there. And you know, I don't know what lies behind behind the gates, but we got to get in there and we got to get this podcast. My new identity is given me ideas. What if we take one of the planes, Mike? Now hear me out. What? We take one of the planes. And we fly it into the office to get the podcast. Absolutely not. I'm doing a lot of my stuff. It's crazy enough that just might work. All right, Albert. We're not doing that. Albert, pass out the box cutters. Jeremy. Albert, now. Can we get a taxi? All right, boys. Guess what? We don't need a taxi because the FAA office is here at the airport. Oh, that's quite easy. So no need to do any of those horrible things. So you take those patches that I gave you and go bust through that door over there and just act natural moving through there. You guys make it to the last office on the right and there's the podcast is in there. Okay. On the door, you'll see a big stupid sign that says the air up there. The air up there. That's when you know you're there. Jeremy, that's famously, that's the FAA's actual podcast about flight safety. The FAA has a podcast? Yeah, it's called the air up there. Things are going real bad nowadays. All right. All right, Jeremy. Confidence is key. Okay. Ha ha. Me, Mr. Gay. Yep. Coming into do our normal inspections. No, I'm in chat. No relation is a new one. You know, it's very common name actually. I'm to it, you know. All right. Through here, Jeremy. Yep. I mean, Mohammed. Please, I prefer my full name. Nope. All right. All right, Jeremy, it's right here. Wow. It's sitting on, oh, it's just kind of dusty. Well, they haven't done, they haven't done, the FAA hasn't done a lot with this podcast in a while. Well, there has been a shutdown. And right next to it is the movie. The air up there. It's starring Sully Sullenberg. I don't know who's in it. But judging by the case, it's a very tall African looking man. What's this poster on the wall that has the twin towers and the Pentagon circled on it? I don't know. Probably nothing. Hmm. All right, we got it. All right, Jeremy. Oh no. Jeremy's got a hit. It's on a pressure plate. Oh god, no, the alarm's. Quick. Oh no. They've been doing a Jones to the fucking FAA. We have to put something of me. Jeremy, you're termin. Put your turbine on it. How about the bomb? I mean the best. What? Jeremy, the turbine will work. No, okay. Oh, wow. The thing was really snug on it. Yeah, this is nice. They tie it pretty tight. Okay. All right. Oh, the alarm's on. False alarm, everybody. Oh, no worries. We have, we're on our way. Inspection complete. The Dalai Lama. The air up there movie is exactly where you left it. Heroes. So guys, should you get the podcast? We got it. We got it, Albert. All right, let's move. What's got to get it? Well, we don't want to draw attention. We have to walk with purpose. Well, no, they're looking. Run, Jeremy. Let's go. Run, Jeremy. Oh, this vest is so heavy. Why is the vest so heavy, Jeremy? It's full of, you know. Meads? Deep turkey? It turns a lot of things into meat. Okay. I hear it, boy. I must jump right now. All right, Jeremy. Go on without me. Oh, no, Jeremy. I'm here. They got Jeremy. No, they got him. I have her now. They got Jeremy. No, I'm not with that, man. I'm doing it. We got to go, Mike. Go ahead. Run, run. I'm going to jump. Run, run. I'm going to jump. Run, run. Run, run. I'm going to jump. Run, run. Run, run. Run, run. Run, run. ♪ You've just healed 'Traser to all ♪ ♪ Now I'm here in the dead ♪ ♪ One ♪ ♪ All ♪ ♪ My gladior me, still your podcast ♪ ♪ My gladior me, still your podcast ♪ ♪ I'd like to get crazy, talk a lot of trash ♪ ♪ My gladior me, still your podcast ♪ ♪ My gladior me, still your podcast ♪ - Hey, Mike. - How are you? - I'm good, buddy. I have a couple long playing rides, like I do every week. - Yes, you're a perfect candidate for the FAA's podcast, the Air Up There podcast, the actual FAA podcast. - So that means it's a government podcast? - It is a government podcast, Jeremy. - We have government run media. - And we've stolen it today. - Oh no. - Yep. - Slonja. - Choose me. - So Jeremy, flying is part of your life, a huge part of your life. People deal with flying and they hate it, especially people who don't fly very often. Me, I've fairly recently started flying again to go do things, which I haven't in a long time. Occasionally every few years I go see my dad, like twice every 10 years. (laughs) - How is Pops doing? - He's doing good. - Papa Riley. - Yeah, he's doing good. He's got heart disease. - Do you think when he had his other two kids, he loved them more than his first two? - No. - Do you think he has like a different emotion with them because he was there the whole time? - Because he actually raised him? - Right. (laughs) - No, I think he loves us all equally. - All equally? - Yes. Reality hasn't has said it yet. - But anyway, Jamie, flying. - Yeah. - So for Dungeon Studios, over the last couple of years, I've flown out to do conventions and stuff over on the west side of America. - Yeah, Dungeon Studios. They make fifth edition Dungeons and Dragons modules. - Dungeons and Dragons modules. - As well as great wonderful shows like the game. - And Nerd News. - And Fables from the Forgotten. - Oh, wait, no, I almost forgot. - The game and Fables from the Forgotten. - The Nerd News is gone. - The Nerd News is pretty with dead. - We stole Nerd News? - We didn't die. - We didn't die. - That's actually pretty correct. We do that to a lot of parts. Actually, they they die after we still it's not our goal. It's not our goal. We're supposed to pump up other podcasts, but That's right, but sometimes that's just the way that it goes sometimes it just crash and burn isn't that right? Muhammad Ata Isn't that right, Josh? But yeah, people fly all the time Mike. I didn't know there was a podcast from the government about it Yeah, they want to they want to inform people, but Jimmy. I don't think they're doing a great job. Oh what the TSA The TSA is part of flying. Yeah, it is it is a to supposed to protect us. Yes, but instead they just look at a bunch of winners all day They touch mine all the time Well, that's because you store all of your stuff in your weiner. No, every time I go through it flashes off of the little machine flashes off right like Upper thigh but towards my shmink. Yeah, and they always like Yeah, yeah, start touching your groin they go up and until they feel resistance So they get like kind of from my knees like my thigh a little bit and they stop and then they go to the backside and they go all the way to the my little Tush shmink, but no the front they they stop and they go And then in the back they go all the way up to my butt. I got around it out, but so they go up to the the shelf the 90 they go to the Here let me show the camera They go right up to the curve. Yeah, then they stop there Jeremy you look amazing right now. Oh So do you buddy thanks? It was feeling emo. Yeah How do I Parents why okay? How do I Anyway, so yeah talk about planes another more emo but then airports. I love it in planes. I love airports Well, you have to I have to you jam it you know all the tips and tricks all of the stuff that people need to know again I was mentioning how my my current relationship with flying has been horrible What's so bad about it? Well, so okay When I started flying again, I would say as of like 2023 2024 You know, I'm I'm flying out to Utah in Nevada Nevada Nevada Nevada never never never and I'm flying there and I'm experiencing airports and planes as it is now and my My original experience with flying was from the 90s Because you could still smoke on the plane There's ass trays in the plane and they did have those little like car ass trays that just fold it out. Yeah, yeah So basically You know, my mom used to drop my brother and I off at the airport and then drive away I always thought that was so wild that yeah, you guys just flew by yourselves as children. Yeah, so we were You know Six all the way to you know literally literally until 18 because you know our dad had custody on Sun on summers So we would go see my dad during the summertime as I was a child and then like certain holidays, you know Fly up to my dad every other Christmas stuff like that and so Flying in the 90s was is way different Then it is now well you were also a kid you probably had like the special treatment, right? Well, it was they took you right you had a you had a person who yeah, we could layovers and stuff So we would we would get off of the plane and then there would be a woman usually very rarely a man It's very usually a woman. Everyone knows how sexist the airport is so they and they have a lady who takes us to a Secure holding area for children And then they would they would hold us there until our next flight and Sometimes the flight was you know very short after the time that we layover to Indiana. Yeah, really Interesting. Where'd you fly out of Orlando and you had a layover to Indiana damn. They didn't care about you at all So well, this is the 90s. They just got the cheapest tickets they can yeah, stop off in Cleveland, I guess yeah It's usually yeah, yeah, so we So we'd go to this room at the you know this the children holding area and then we'd like play with other kids who were also in this You're also going to see their divorce parents There were sometimes there's like Legos I imagine it's like it's like shredders Home all the teenagers smoking cigarettes and playing video games and The foot clan The foot clan hideout From TMNT. Yeah, they're like what do you want you smoke red you smoke men's all just a bunch of 12-year-olds? So we would thinking about doing this with my own daughter now Impossible inconceivable. Oh, you wouldn't just send her off with some strangers. Never in my life Could I imagine sending my nine-year-old daughter to the like drop her off at the airport and have a strange and she's she's gonna be in Detroit For a layover to go to go see her mom or something like that. I could never imagine doing that It was a safer time. Yeah, well. Yeah, it was it was a safer time well It wasn't safer. We just hadn't experienced the trauma of no people taking advantage People didn't start doing that stuff of the lack of safety measures that airports to have today and do they have that right? So people argue the TSA you know There's always someone who's ruining the fun for everyone else So you have to take your shoes off at the airport. No, you don't because what do you mean you don't they stop that they did Yeah, you don't have to do that anymore unless you have boots like I have to take my boots off but Everyone gets to keep the shoes on now. Well, I went to the airport this year Yeah, and they made me take my shoes off. Yeah And put them in the conveyor belt. Yeah, that's changed Since you don't have to wear boots anymore Or shoes you keep your shoes you don't have to wear shoes you keep your shoes on is what I mean Ah, they don't make you take your shoes off anymore. How recent is that very recently? Oh very recently When the last couple months. Yeah, a couple months. Oh wow It still applies to me though because I wear boots and boots And no no there are two so the guy who bombed yeah, it's a shoe that's what I was getting to Jimmy is shoe bomber was wearing boots So you still have to take your cowboy boots and I wear leather construction boots You have to take those off still but people with sneakers and sandals and flip flops and everything. Yeah, they get to Still they get to leave their shoes on and then the whole oh, there's a certain amount of Liquid you can put into a container. Yeah, there's no limit to the number of containers But we'll limit how much you can put in any given container It's actually a very good point, but I never thought of yeah, it's a very good point is I do fight Divi this up And seven containers. I'm okay. Yeah, you're good to go right it just can't be in a you can't be nine ounces I think it's like four you can't go over four fluid ounces now, right? I think is the thing Because my wife got blessed her she uh, she'll she she bought these little Models that are TSA approved and she'll put shampoo in one conditioner in the other lotion. I have to lotion my elbows Sea last week's episode. I have to do my Get a promotion's on yeah, you know, mm-hmm gotta keep those up. Oh, shine in that's right. So Anyway, so now that people have to do airports my experience so far has been I am going through the airport and I have all of my containers. I have to do research on What I can and can't bring it's very annoying I've had shit taken away from me because they're like that could be used as a weapon. I was like they took stuff away from you Yes, yeah, I'll have like a keychain that's got a particularly sharp part on the keychain. Oh no, I'm like I guess throw it away. Why are you taking away my my my my pony keychain? Cuz it's got a sharp tail you think I'm gonna take down a plane what a boy can't travel with a unicorn keychain charm right You might stab someone with that unicorn horn You know, I did I did get away with and I freaked out when I landed right so I got on a plane. I think I was headed to Dallas or Houston right and I landed and and I wear cargo pants With the extra pockets and stuff for work because I have all these tools and shit. I got a carry. Yeah, and salamis and salami dried Genoa salami about a bing Morthe Dell you ever had a good Morthe Dell? No mean either So I landed and I felt my cargo pants. Well, I have a pocket knife That's plastic the handle is plastic and then the only metal part is the Little keychain part. No, no, the the blade is metal and the little uh What would you call that part? the swivel. Yeah, the swivel part of it that hooks into the plastic is also metal. But even the little thing that stops the pocket knife on the inside is plastic. It went through TSA. Wow. I went through the scan. He padded me down and everything and I like landed and I felt my pocket and that knife was in there and it's a very sentimental pocket knife, which they would have immediately taken it. Oh, absolutely. They would have confiscated it. So I've been to I went to a place and keep the camera on me, Josh. So I went to a place with my parents and I went to this shop and it was like a little sort of like thrift store and they had a box of TSA confiscated knives for sale for like two bucks a pop. Yeah. And I found this really nice Swiss army knife with a wooden handle with engraved in the side that says Jerry. So I have Jerry's pocket knife. I have Jerry's custom wood handled Swiss army knife. He's handed down to him from his $5.2 on like fuck you Jerry. Fuck you Jerry. Should have brought it on a plane. Nice knife dip. Yeah. It's good. I didn't know that they sold the stuff they confiscated. I guess that's a good way to re re-coup money. Yeah. I think they sell it at auction. And someone can buy a lot. 75 cents. Right. Or you can buy individuals. It's someone's grab a ashes in a year. Or I imagine some of them are meant to be destroyed and then the guy at the TSA. Spoop. I mean, scoop God bless allegedly. That's a good side hustle. Yeah. Let me take your stuff. Is that a catheter? Let me get that. I'm so glad. A catheter. Lots of people have to pee Mike. Why would they confiscate catheters? Most people have to pee. Actually. Is the TSA confiscating catheters? Depends on the catheter. You jammy. You tell me. I mean, you're the flight enthusiast. If it has a enthusiast, I'm forced to fly. Yeah, sure. I'm an enthusiast. I'm an enthusiast of the, uh, there is certain bars in an airport. There'll be the one that's reasonably priced. Yeah. And all the other ones, it's like $20 a shot. And you know all these bars in every city problem for the most, for the most part. Yeah. Yeah. I can't tell you which way to fly an Arkansas and get a good fucking shot. I don't know that. Yeah. Dallas Houston. Fucking Sacramento. Rancho Cucamango. La la la la. Why? Why? What's in Rancho Cucamango that would make you do that? La la la la la. What's in Rancho Cucamango? Ethnic. Really, really good ice cream. Ethnic. Ethnic. What does that make you do that? How does the ethnicity of somebody elicit that sort of response? Well, maybe we got to go to Rancho Cucamango. You can find out. Mike. Okay. Now you find out first hand. Jimmy, why are you doing that to all the Chinese people? Oh, they don't like it when I do this. I go like this. I go like it. I get all I go. La la la la. No, you don't. Yeah, it does. It's I'm safe because of the sunglasses. Ah, to me, it just looks like you're pointing at your own eyes. Ah, look at these. No, no, no, no. No, I do like most airports. I think my favorite spot right now is when you fly into New Orleans, there's a bar called the Cezarac. That's a good bar. Price is a reasonable, beautiful, Cajun women. Yeah. And men. And men. And men. Yep. Big. All right. So another thing, just to help people who are going to be flying soon, especially if you're not flying, if you haven't flown in a while. So there's no smoking areas really. One such bullshit. Once you're in the airport and once you're on your like trek to be on planes, you're not getting unless you got like the little nicotine pouches. Lucy, Lucy Breaker promo code steal. There's no where for you to smoke. Now I get around it because I go into the bathrooms, into the stalls and I vape. Well, vaping's fine. They don't really mess with you for vaping. Like I got a buddy who carries like weed pens around. Yeah. And he'll just walk right through. Nonchalotte. There's just people, business is happening and he just hits it and blows a cloud. No one ever says anything to him. Yeah. I do what you do. I go into the bathroom and while I'm taking a pee, I just hit my thing and go. Yeah. Pins blown out. Nice and slow. Yeah. I hold it so that way there's no vapor when I exhale. Yeah, but that gets difficult when it backfires. You get the coffees and you're like, you're trying to hold it in. Oh, it's a big shit. There's just a little bit of smoke up here. Yeah. So that's how I get around. That's how I got around the Tampa airport. The Tampa airport has a smoking section after you get through security and you go to a certain gate area. And it's a door and you open it out and the door is a secured like fence type of outside area with benches. And I don't know how many airports have it, but I know at least there's one in the country where you can still smoke after you go through security. Thank God for Tampa. Tampa is great. Orlando. E-Bore City. Get your shit together. Asless Chaps. All chaps are asless. All of them. Yeah. So asless Chaps is a redundancy. It's a redundancy, Mike. There's just chaps. There's just chaps. Okay. Gay chaps. Why are they gay? Well, there's gay chaps. And then there's normal chaps. Okay. You mean chaps as in gentlemen? Yeah. Yep. Normal ones. Anyway, so helping people fly. That is our goal for today, Jamie. Oh, we want to help them. We want to help them navigate the tumultuous sort of airports to get to their flights. Fights suck. You should get clear. I had to do that. So Florida instituted this whole thing where you had to do the ID, the real ID. Yeah. Otherwise, you couldn't find anymore. And so I was like, okay, I guess I guess I'll get a license that has my correct address and an updated photo. Honey, 100. What is this? It's me from when I was 22. Yeah. I'm 36. I guess I'll update my address, which I have an updated five years. What are your ID says that you weigh 165? Yep. So I guess I'll update it. And so I did it and it turns out you need a lot of shit. No, I was talking about clear. I didn't have my birth certificate. I didn't have anything. I had to go through this whole song and dance. I had to contact West Virginia. You started dancing. Hello, and I'm actually dancing. Hello, I need to fly. They forced me to dance in front of them and then show them my birth certificate. So I had to get it from West Virginia. West Virginia is a mountain mama. The fucking intro. Life is all there. Are you see older than the trees? Is this rap? What is this? Stop shouting rap music at me. I don't like it. I'm not a mountain piece. John Denver. He died in a plane crash. No, Jimmy West Virginia. Yeah. Mountain Mama. They called John Denver mountain mama. Shannon Duhler River. He has a lot of nicknames. Yeah. Kind of like a R Kelly, right? Some people call him R Kelly. Some people call him Robert Kelly. Yes, Richard Kelly. Yes, some people call him Richard Kelly. Some people call him the Pied Piper of R&B. And some people just call him a universal pedophile. That's what I call him. Yeah. So I was looking at I was watching the whole, which one was it was the Ted Bundy. I brought we brought this up. You're so obsessed with serial killers now, Mike. Yeah, well, it's November. You're spooky November. That's right. So I was watching the Ted Bundy tapes. And I didn't realize I had no idea that fucking was like you Colorado or Utah, wherever he was that he got arrested. They let him escape twice. The first time. What do you mean they let him? Well, they weren't watching him. So the first time he escaped was from the courthouse. He escaped. So he escaped from the courthouse. He was gone six days in the mountains. And eventually he stole a car and got stopped and got re-arrested. And then the second time they're like, okay, we got him. Oh man, that was close. Good old Ted, Ted, theater, buddy. Oh, Theo. Let's go Theo, buddy. All right, let's put him in a cell. And then they come back and they're like, okay, Ted, it's time to go. It's time for your court case. And then they go into the cell. He had filled his bunk full of books to make it look like he was sleeping in there. And he has. escaped through a hole in the ceiling. (laughing) And so he escapes the second time. - Wait, was it a previously existing hole? Or did he just make a hole in the ceiling? - Well, he made a hole. There was like a vent or the lake. - Climbed out through a, 'cause he had lost, he'd lost like 30 pounds in the mountains. So he was like this 160 pound dude, and he climbed through the hole in the ceiling. He was a, no, he was not. - A sexy boy. - And then he escaped for like two months and made his way down to Florida. We started killing our people. But guess what? Florida gets him during a traffic stop. - Yep. - Florida fucking grabs him and holds onto him. Florida had to clean up Colorado and Utah's fucking mess. - God bless. (crashing) - Guess what we do, Router? - And we were the ones that got to put his ass down. - Hell yeah. - I had the face down, ass up. - Well, I could, Florida. We're not gonna let this fucking Ted Bundy kill our pretty ladies and get away with it. - All those fine Brazilian women. - No. - Beautiful. - You don't know anything about Ted Bundy. - Beautiful, keep, no, I know about Florida women though. - Oh, yeah. - Beautiful. - He didn't go after those. - Cuban women. - He went after the same white girl. - Hey, Cuban women of Florida. We love you. - I love you. - He should teach him every one of you. Mike is lonely. Hey, Cuban women. Just put the camera on me. Hey, Cuban women. My buddy Mike. He's a little weird looking. Kind of autistic. Big schtumink. - Not autistic at all. - Big schtumink though. - It's normal size. - Bringing him right here. Why are you doing this? - My buddy Mike. Gearth. Cut the mic. - This is very awkward. - Not comfortable. - Don't listen to that. - You don't want a Cuban princess? - I would love one. I would love to date a Cuban girl. - They're so patriotic too. - They're very attractive. - They love America and they have the best coffee. - They're not going to be into me though. - Why? - I just don't think they would. - You can't, the flame, well, can you take a woman yelling at you about nothing? - I kind of like it. - Ooh, you're going to like this, Mike. - I kind of like it when women are mean to me. - Josh, remember that, write that down for the Mustang ranch. - Put me down. - Put that down. - Write that down. - Anyway. - Cuban women are great. And they, they, don't you want a home cook meal every morning when you come home? - I want a lot of things, you know what I mean? - And they just got it all ready for you? - I want a lot of things. - Have you ever thought, we're talking about flying. You're pretty sure you can import one. - That's not a thing. - You can import one. - Nope. - Why? - No, no, no, no. - I'll help you bankroll it. - Nope. - We can do it. - Absolutely not. - It'll be a tax off, tax ride off for the show. - Tax off. - Well, it's gonna be a ride off for the show. - No. - Nice Colombian woman. - In nature? - Yes. - Oh, El Miguel. - But using my prowess and my, my, my, - Machismo. (mimicking) (mimicking) - So this is very similar to how I would act in front of a woman. - Thank you. - Does that help? - What? (mimicking) - Who would I have protested? - That was a rock button. - Anyway. - So no, unfortunately women, women, not for me anymore, I guess. - It's only men from now on. - No, it's not like men. I'm not homosexual, which is fine. - There's nothing wrong with it. - Nothing wrong with my gay. - Just don't try with it. - Don't try to be gay with Mike. - Yeah. - Unless you're passing. - It'll be ineffective. - Heads up, Trannies. Or can you call them that anymore? - I don't think we ever could. - Is that the wrong word? - Yes. - Would they call them trans now? - Correct. - So you take the Y and put an S in the place and it's fine. Okay, trans. Hey, shout out to the trans if you're passing. - You know, trans is short for transsexual, but then I also feel like if you just called them transsexual, that's also a dis somehow. - Oh, you can't call them transsexuals? - Transsexual. - I don't know. - Do you not hear dirty transsexuals? - No, my father was a transsexual. (laughing) - I'm trans. - I'm trans. - I'm trans. - I'm trans. My father was transsexual. - My father was a tranny. I'm a trans. - Right. - Yeah, I get it. - Okay. - We're all track. - That makes sense. Yeah, we're figuring it out. - But anyway, so what we need to do, Jeremy, is what's, how do you prepare to go on a plane? - With trans? - No. - Oh. - Just in general, you're going on a flight. You know, what's the, what's the spiel? What's everything that someone can expect nowadays in a normal airport? - Well, so now I'm a little, I'm a little privileged now. - Yeah. - 'Cause I've racked up so much clout with these people. - Yeah. - So I walk in and there's like this big long line of people and they're all stressed. Like you can see them. They're all mad and stressed. - Yeah, just security sucks. - No, even before that, just checking bags. Before even getting into security, they're all stressed out. They're pissed off. The fucking line's not moving as quick as they want to. - I've been used to check bags because they charge so much for them. - Everything I do is free. But they, you have to check your own bag now. All these airports has implemented this thing where you scan your thing and it prints it and you tag it yourself and then it's a bag drop off is what they call it. - So you're not even in front of, wait, so that means that you get to weigh it yourself? - No, no, if you self tag your bag and I've seen it happen multiple times, I feel so bad for the people too 'cause they never can speak English. So they don't understand what's going on. - What the fuck are you talking about? They can never, who's they? - The people, so every time-- - People in airports? - No, when you self tag your own bag, which is the new staple for everybody. Delta, JetBlue, Southwest, everybody that you check your own bag, you go to a kiosk, you scan your shit, and you go one or two bags and they print out the tags and you wrap them around and stick them yourself. - Yeah. - That's what they used to do up there. Now you do it yourself and wait in line and just hand them the bag and put it on the scale, give them your ID and they go-- - So you do half of their job for them? - Exactly, which I don't do. I refuse to do it. - You just have them do it all. - I'm priority for everything, so I just walk up and I go here and they never ask me, you can tag it yourself. I just show them the thing that are like, oh, you're Delta Extreme Titanium Diamond, fuckface. You do whatever you want, sir. And I just give them the bag and they do it. But when it happens, I've seen it happen where it's always a non-English speaking person. - Always. - Yes, yes. 100%, my personal experience, yes. They go up, they've tagged it, they did everything they were supposed to do and they gave it to the person and the person takes their ID and they go, oh, this actually weighs 55 pounds. So now your free bag is now $100. - Yeah. - And they don't understand, there's the barrier, it's always the barrier of English. That's why I bring it up. They're like, what do you mean? Like, porqué? - It's bad. - Is my bag ill check out with the bago? That's what they say, that's not what I say. That's what they say. - What does it that you say? - Good luck, on bray. (laughing) Guys, it just always makes me feel bad because they don't realize that, oh, now I gotta re-bag all my stuff or pay another $100. - Yeah. - That's wild to me. They usually just walk up, you think you're good to go and all of a sudden, here's another 20 minute thing you're thrown into. - Yeah. - And I feel bad for that. I always feel bad for anyone who goes. - This also happens to anyone, not specifically what Jeremy said. - Well, I usually run into it because there's literally signs everywhere and there's little machines you can weigh your own stuff and they go, if it weighs more than this, it's gonna cost this. And so most of the time, the people who run into it are people who can't read English. - Jeremy, I went through the whole spiel. Like when I was starting flying again, I don't know what anything at all. - There's signs of you. - I'm living on, right, when you're there. - There's literally, when you're there. - Shit, everywhere I'm at. - I'm not packing my bag at the airport. I'm packing my bag at home. - Yeah, so you go on your phone. We have these things. They came out, it was like, they really became popular like circa 2006. These, you have phones and you go, what are the requirements? What am I allowed to bring? I mean, I started flying. I fly all the time for the last fucking 10 years. I fly all the time. - Yeah. - I still will go, I don't wanna have the rules changed. - Can it change us? - Yeah, and they have. It went from like 3.4 ounces to four. Like things change. So that's why I say, I'm not saying that people who can't speak English are retarded, Mike. What I'm saying is that a lot of people who fall into that situation are people who were, they see the sign, they just don't know what it says. - Yeah. - They're like, oh, what? And they're like 100 something dollars. And they're like, I don't know what you're saying. And they're like 100 something dollars and they go, what? And then they have to get someone else to come out and speak to them. And then now it's a big thing. And there's pulling everything out of their suitcase. And the line is stopped and everyone's back. - Yeah, someone wanted me to pay the money and I didn't know why. - You had no idea. - I would be very, And I feel very bad for them because they didn't know they did anything wrong. They didn't know what the sign says. They have no idea. They're just trying to go home or go visit someone or go do something. It makes me feel emotional for it. But also I made it out in 60 seconds. Yeah. So security you are probably in a position to where you are the elite diamond member. What did you say the golden elite jackass fuck face. Fuck face. Yeah. So you go into the fuck face line. I go in the fuck face line where they literally it's like ee it's like e pass or the the fast pass lane at the airport because they Nick. That's another thing I'm finding out about airports is they nickel and dime every little thing. Sure. So your flying experience is correlated 100% to the amount of money you've spent on this expedition you're taking. Absolutely. So the smallest amount of money that you spend is equates to the worst experience possible. Okay. Do I walk into a security line and if the line is too long a beautiful woman comes over and goes, Hey follow me, wink and then takes me to some line that I just get right through and they drive me right to the gate. Sure Mike. They drive you sure. Are you one of the guys where where you have the where you have the dude on that little thing beeping everyone who's trying to walk in the goddamn airport. Sure. And he's showfaring some some Disney dad and his kid. Is that you? Are you on that little machine? Sure. Sometimes you go to an airport and they bring you you go through security without ever having to meet anybody and then you get onto a vehicle and that vehicle takes you to a room and that room has a sliding glass door and you walk in they have or derves and they have free food and drinks everywhere. And they go, sir, would you like to use the bathroom? You go, yes, yes, I would. Absolutely, I would. You walk into a bathroom and it's a door from ceiling to ground and there's a air conditioner event and a sanitize spray, air spray in each one. Yeah. You know, to apply toilet paper and all the bathrooms. Yeah, there's I mean, that's that's a world that exists. Is this the delta lounge? I mean, and then so if you're running late too, you can just like walk in and give them your luggage and they'll just take your luggage to your gate. And then you like go do whatever you want and when you show up, your luggage is just waiting for you right there by the gate. So you don't have to pull it around with you. Wow. Carry your backpack. They'll carry your backpack for you. Yeah. So what do you do? That's a world that exists. I don't know anything about it though. So I sit in the normal line, go through the normal security check with all with all the peons, right? Yeah. And I have to wait in a long, long line of people. Oh, you like you. Like you know, like Disney. Yeah, I have to wait in a long line. Like a universal Disney. And then I have to wait for them to harass me and fondle my body and then tell me and I want to know what the fuck TSA has against magic, the gathering decks. That's what I want to know. That's what I want to get to the bottom of is why is it that when you fly out of Florida, playing magic, the gathering and having decks of cards, having several magic, the gathering decks in your bag is somehow a red flag. And you have to search through everything and then you have to go through it and then you would be like, oh, it's just magic, the gathering cards. They're going, no nerds allowed to get out of here. Weirdo. Right. We prefer deodorant on this airplane. So they harass me and they dig through my bag to find my magic, the gathering decks, which there's three or four and they have to pull up. Oh, yep, just cards. Be on your way. And then they pack everything up and it wasn't like anything was back because I'm bringing only a carry on because I didn't want to pay for a checked bag, even though I'm going to be in Nevada for a fucking week. You don't get a free check bag. No, no one does. Oh, I get up to two. Well, because you're a platinum fuck face. I'm a platinum fuck face. You're a platinum fuck face. You got me shit. I got it. I was born. But anyway, I go through the horrible experience bringing my back pack, which I've made to why'd you play playing cards? Why'd you bring playing cards? They're magic the gathering cards, decks, decks of why'd you bring a play? It's a man's game. Oh, it's a man's game. Almost specifically. There's very few ladies in play. It's a very, I'll be talking gender or sex. Yes. Anyway, so listen, I have to go through all of that to which I've taken all of my clothes and I've put them in vacuum sealed bags so that way I can compress them into the smallest amount of because they're not going to weigh my carry on, Jamie. It's just a volume issue for the bring on the plane. It's got to fit up top. I got to shove it up there so everything's compressed and I get onto the plane and I'm at the back of the plane. The last I'm at the bad way, the back zone seven now boarding because they're like, do you want to do you want to pay me money? Do you can pick your seat? No, I'm not going to fucking pay you money to do your job. Mike, you put me where you going to put me? I would never pay more money for a better seat. I do. I have 100 percent. I have never. They just put me at the front, but I would never pay to be closer to the front. So I did this once because I had the opportunity and they're like, do you want to pay 100 extra dollars to be in first class on a set? You should do it. I did do that once. Yes. It was great. It was one of the greatest flying experiences of my life. So I'm in first class. I don't belong there at all. None of us do. Yeah. So I shouldn't have been there at all. So they come out and I don't know what the protocol is for first class flights. The woman's like, I'll be taking your order for the food. Yeah. Well, you're taking a long flight. I was like, no, no, no, no, I don't need, I don't need to pay any money for food. She goes, no, it's part of this. And I was like, wow. And I was expecting like a bag of chips. No, they have a menu and I got to choose chicken with vegetables. And when they'd bring it out, Jeremy, it was an actual porcelain plate and metal silverware. Yeah. And the glass of water, Jeremy, was in a glass glass. Yeah. It was made of glass with fresh water in it. And then they were like, would you like any alcohols? I was like, no, I don't have any. No, it's part of it. It's totally free. Still part of it. Yeah. And they gave me two little buffalo trace bottles. Oh, they gave you the little bottles. The little bottles of buffalo trace. So every time I fly first class, which is, is it never a difference? How often are you flying first class? But when they do, they bring me a full rocks glass, like a heavy rocks glass filled with wood fred. Or buffalo trace. And some of them are-- And you get diapers? Wild turkey. They do complimentary diapers? I mean, I've never asked, but I bet I can't. No, probably not, but probably a-- Okay. Yeah, probably. Okay. Hey, could you change me? He's doing this. Hey, sky waitress. Get over here. What? But you do get like an error about you. Where you go? Can you close that little curtain? All those people back there. Oh, yes. Make it noise. Sir, sir. This is actually the first class bathroom. Your bathroom's in the back of the plane. It does affect you a little bit when you start getting to ride that stuff. You go, what are they doing here? Yeah. A little bit. Yeah, and like, so when you ride first class, you get to board first. Absolutely. So if it's like-- Well, they have to serve you, Mike. Yeah. Yeah. You have to burn-- you have to board first. Yeah. So I boarded first, and then let everybody else do-- It's the first time in my life, I'd be like, oh. As they walk past me, I'm just like, oh. And you're like, don't make an eye contact with me. You little-- I know you're jealous. Get them back at the plane. Well, you'll have three of you crowded into one row. It's just me and this guy. With enough room. And there's a big space between us. You've got both of your elbows are up there. You've never touched each other once. And then the distance between the seat in front of you and the seat that you're sitting in. What do you mean? You can lift your whole leg up. Wait, there's a seat in front of you? Yeah. I don't know, that's like-- What are you talking about? Wait, so you're first class? Like at the front of the first class? I'm supposed to look at this jerk off's back of his seat. Come on. Well, then how do you look at the computer screen? It comes-- OK, well, obviously you don't know this. But so for us or for them-- For us. For those types of people in the lucky situation, it comes out of your-- So your armrest on the left side of you. And if you're on the right side of you, it folds open. And this screen comes out in folds-- Wow. --in front of you. --and it folds out in the back of your armrest. And it folds out in the back of your armrest. - Yeah. - Like it's got the grip on it. You can fold this and you fold this part out. It's cup holder and you fold and fold. - Yeah. - And it becomes this big workstation. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I don't know anything about that. I've only heard. (laughs) I've only heard about those types of amenities. Have you ever laid back completely on a plane before? - No. - Oh my God, I haven't either. But it'd be great. (laughs) - I remember when I-- - I was in a little cubicle one time. - You had a cute-- - I had a paw. - You had a paw. - My seat had a door. It was on a delta and my seat had a door. - Wow. - So when I sat down, it was like full, like immersion. But if I were to stand up, you know, the wall was like here, but it had a door. And they gave us a hot towel, a pillow, and a blanket. And the hand stuff, like the food and the drinks and stuff, they did that too. - Yeah. - But you had like a screen that was part of an office desk that went around your thing, and the chair went down all the way. - Wow. - And they gave you a pillow and a blanket. - So you could sleep. - Wow. - And it was like two seats, three seats, one seat. You know the plane? So it was a really wide plane. And I was one on the outskirts. - Wow. - So I had no one next to me at all. - Nice. - And I had this cubicle. - Wow. One day. One day. - Yeah. - You or I will be able to ride in one of those seats. - Yeah. One of us will definitely experience that one time. (laughing) One of us will do that regularly throughout the year, eventually. - How often do you think certain people fly in these first class settings? - Oh man, I couldn't even possibly even have them. - Is it every time? - Well, I only fly maybe how many weeks are there in here? - 52. - Probably 46 or 47 weeks out of the year I fly. - Only. - Only. - Yeah. - Well, I'm, they say we're frequent flyers, but some people fly multiple, well, I do. Well, I fly multiple times a week. - Many times a week. - Three to four. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm sure people fly and sit in fancy seats, Mike. - Well, of course they do. - I'm sure it happens. - We see it all the time every day. - I wish I could see it. - Right. - I'm too busy sleep. (laughing) - I will tell you right now, the worst seats that exist on the planet are in frontier in spirit. The worst seats. - Frontier is better than spirit. - And which I don't understand is why are you making your seats so fucking uncomfortable? - There's stadium plastics. - Yes, why? - That's the thing that folds out. Like you have to fold it out. - Why are you doing that to people? - People pay $50 for a ticket. - No, they don't. And they're still hundreds of dollars. - I've never flown. - Right. - There's still hundreds of dollars for plastic stadium seats. - We'll ask you. - God damn airplane. - We'll ask the people who are paying for it. It's not the airlines fault you're paying for it. - Why are they doing that to people? - It sounds pretty cheap to me. - Do you think people don't deserve cushy seats? - They deserve-- - People deserve-- - What is this, Comptonville's stairways? - You know what we need to do to them? - We need to do to them. - We're FAA. We're stealing your fucking podcast. And my demand if you're gonna get it back is that you put comfort your seats in certain airlines. - Why? - You make them do it. - No, that's why you pick between different, you go, I'm gonna pay for the cushy your seat on this airline and then I'll pay this for that airline. - But the difference though, Jeremy, is hundreds and hundreds of dollars. If not doubling the cost of your flight. - You're literally setting off back man right now. He's losing his shit. Like people deserve-- - People deserve what? - It's a human right, Jeremy. - They deserve. It's a human right. - That is the word that sets him off the boat's deserve. - They know that they're patrons who are paying them hundreds of dollars to shut for them about the planet. - Yeah. - They're gonna be sitting in these seats for an extended periods of time. - Yeah. - Put a goddamn cushion on your seat. - You can ride carnival or royal Caribbean mic. It's your choice and your money. They don't have to change their beds for you. You pick the boat you want to ride on. - I don't everyone to bring 700 pounds of whatever in their carry on bags to every spirit flight you fly on. To the point where they can't take off and you can't do the fun thing that you wanted to do, but we're here to make a statement, God damn it. (laughing) And spirit airline will never be able to take off one of their planes because it'll be too over-encumbered by the 75 pounds of salami that you put in your carry on bag. - So they just have to start picking people to kick off the plane. - So what they have to do, jamming? - Well, you know in this situation-- - They can't fly. - In this situation, they don't take the luggage off. What they do is they take people off and their luggage still goes to the destination and then those people have to follow up and get their shit back through the mail. - And jamming this will cause the, there's a force spirit in front here to put cushions on their seats. You'll mark my words. - They'll just go out of business. - Right, and then you don't have to worry about them not having comfortable seats. - Yeah, now you just have to get a different flight from somebody else. - Right. You're taking the affordable option away from people. - So we can get come for your seats. The world will follow, jamming. - You're slowly becoming a communist. - No, no, jamming its capitalism. - Is it? - It is because-- - Forcing companies to, okay. - Jamming, they need our money, don't they? - Yeah. - Yeah, they need our money, that's capitalism. - Yeah. - So we won't give them our money. (laughs) Jamming will all start walking and using our bikes again. And then the planes will go out of business. - My job won't exist if I can't fly halfway across the country. - No, jamming will give you a very nice bespa. (laughs) - Yeah, right around on my bespa. - Yeah. - You know how I hate that? My allergies might. (laughs) - Forgive you a helmet. (laughs) - You have been flying a lot recently. I've been thinking about doing a boys trip. - Yeah, a mandate. - I've got all these free points. - Well, we just tried to do a mandate. That got ruined. - What happened? - On Halloween. We were attacked by multiple AI people. - It was a good time. - Yes, Jamie. - How was that shit, by the way? - Fantastic. - We have been Michael and Jamie's Studio podcast, MJSYPOD on all the things. You can go to our website, MJSYPODmagizipod.com. - We have a phone number. - We do have a phone number. - You can call us. - It's 903-287-060. You can leave a voice mail or a text message. - I play it on the show. - I will play anything that you send us. - We're gonna play on the show. - You have fun with it. - We're gonna have fun with it. - Have fun with it. That's all I want is for people to have fun. This is an creative outlet for you. Write a poem. - Ooh. - A poem? - A poem. - How about a salulequie? - That is a form of poem. - How about a hi-q? - That is also a poem. - You know what, hi-q reminds me of? - What? - You remember the old wars that we've always learned about growing up? - Yes. - So like, imagine Mike, like you're walking through the forest, and like you gotta fight the bad guy. - Yeah. - And you come across and all of a sudden the bad guy goes, "Oh, you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it." "Wah, ting dong, bo." (laughing) - Pink, pink. - Oh, Jimmy, I'd be horrified. - Yeah. - I'd be very scared. - You're feeling pretty scared right now, huh? - Oh, but Jimmy, I feel like I lived it. - Yeah. - I wish Arnold Schwarzenegger was here to protect me from that predator. - Oh. - That's what they sound like, right? - Oh no. - Oh no. - Oh little. - Earthquake. - Earthquake. (laughing) - Oh no. (laughing) I love this. - This is gonna be our new setup. - Jimmy, it's no longer theater of the mind. - Everyone can see the silly stupid shit I do when there's no cameras. (laughing) - Oh, that's you've done for years. - It's just sight gags with no sight. - Right, it's just been for me. (laughing) I've been the audience member for your visual gags, but now our actual audience. - Here, we pull this out. I know you love the sound of this. - Uh. - Yeah. (laughing) - Well anyway, do I look more like a standup if I do this? - What's the deal with airline food? - If I take the whole thing off. - Oh, you're gonna do that? - How does that work? Does it even come off? Is it connected now? - You, Jimmy, you tell me. - I don't know. - You're the one holding it and making these horrible sounds. - It feels like it's not really doing much when I do that. - Yeah. - Oh, is that sound good? - No, it doesn't. - Are we doing it post? - I'm post. (laughing) - And I hate it. - Anyway. - I could be like you. If I hang it up like this. - I wish you did put your microphone on your arm, like mine. - Yo, what it do? - Yo, what it do? - Everyone enjoyed it. Guess what? FAA, fuck you. - Fuck you and all the things I do. - Actually, I appreciate everything you do. Please, my whole entire career hinges on me getting on an airplane. - Fuck. - I need all of your assistance and help. - Well, hey, enjoy. It's a happy November. It's a starting to cool down. It's getting brisker. It's a, what else is happening in November? Happy Thanksgiving time. - Lots of people are eating turkeys right now. We're doing turkeys. Turkey stuff now it's time for you to fix your relationship with DeGramma. Do you prefer sweet potato fries? No, I hate you potato anything. Well, have you ever had it with the butter in the cinnamon? Yes, I've had it with everything. I don't like sweet potato eating it with the butter in the cinnamon. I said yes, so I don't like it. Well, this is a new microphone. Great. Clip that. Clip that Josh. Josh can't do it. We've been magesy pod. We have been magesy pod. MJSYPOD on all the things. All right, I think that's it. They have an email. Yeah, it's a judge. Yep. UHJYEAH.com And we have a real website at magesypod.com. That's the website as send us your dick picks. No, Michael put them on the show. No, we'll show them to everybody. Thank correct. We have an only fans. No, we don't. We don't. Correct. Not yet. We do not have an only fans. Coming up. No. Coming up. No. Bad. That could be the name of our only fans. I'll work on that, Jeremy. Thanks, Josh. Josh is going to work on it. All right. Well, Jeremy, I love you. I love you too, buddy. All right. Peace. Bye. [MUSIC PLAYING] I'm never going to tell you that's anything. [GUNSHOTS] [GUNSHOTS] Oh, your feeble attempts did causing me pain? Mr. Muhammad, we have-- we believe that you are in co-hoots with terrorist organization. Why? Because I'm brown? No. You're not actually, if you see-- if you see yourself. Oh, now we're colorist. Veercy FAA, a very strict about these types of things. What? Termins in bomb vest? Yes, very specifically. Yeah, that makes sense, actually. Yeah, so unfortunately, people not be able to let you go until you tell us about you. You have this bomb? Oh, I could tell you something. Yes, please do. Mike, help! Help me, Mike! This is a-- no one can hear you talking, this room. Albert, initiate fire sequence. Who's Albert? Tell us more. OK. And via "add to tell us about your mother." OK. So this one time? Yes. That was very inquisitive, young man. All right. I can only imagine the horrible things they're doing to jam me in their Albert. We have to get them out. We've got to break them out, Albert. How are we going to do it? Well, check it out, Mike. All right, so currently, we are circling the airport. Yeah, yes, we're in this tiny little plane circling the airport. Yes, we're in a tiny little plane. It's all we can all find, Mike. It's a three-person plane, yes. Well, it's actually only two. If we can, Jeremy, he's going to have to ride on your lap. Oh, fuck. Look, I can sit on his lap. I'm going to try and land it on the roof. OK. I've never actually land it, though, Mike. You're taking on, yes. You're going to have it really easy. You know, you just pull back on the stick, but land. And that's where the real flying comes in. But you have robots that can fly and stuff. How have you not got this down yet? I didn't program it in there. OK, great. All right, well, I guess we're going to hope for the best. All right. All right. They live at 5757 Eagle Trails, right? But that's all I'm telling you. Also, they go to church every Sunday around 8 o'clock in the morning. Hey, every Wednesday. They have a really nice spread of food. Actually, it's pretty good. Who is this? You know, my mom-- Your mother. Yeah, yes. I have one of those. Yes. OK. Everyone does. So we have come to the conclusions that you are actually no risk at all. And we are going to let you go. Oh, you're going to just let me go. Absolutely. Just like that. Well, it turns out you didn't actually have a bomb. You just had a bunch of salamis attached to one and that's with this nerds rope. Well, actually-- It looks like wiring. There are chumps, beef jerky sticks, promo code steal, and check out. Is that an actual coat? Oh, hey, look at that light. It's getting closer to us. Jimmy, get into the plane. No, I knew it would work. Jimmy, you're going to have to get in. And then I'll sit on your lap. Oh, crashing a plane into a building second time's a charm. All right, Jimmy, get in. Here we go. We got it. Here we go, boys. Albert, fly the plane backwards. Like it planes can do. Yeah. Put it in reverse. Hey, mine, your lap, or are you in mine? Yeah, I'm in your lap. Sit in each other's laps. Yeah. Oh, that's impossible. All right, here we go. [SCREAMING] We did it. I'm never going to be able to go back to that airport. Thank god. No, we're not doing that. We're not doing a 9/11 as a podcast ice. It's November. Oh, we never forget, Jimmy. Well, all right. Set the scene. All right, Albert, open up the plane hatch. No, we're not using the plane. Can we get a taxi? Can we get a taxi? Can we get a taxi, like a normal fucking person?