The start of something new...

Are you ready? I'm ready. So this has been 30 years in the making? 30 years. We've known each other for 34 years. 30, yeah. 34 years, yeah. And about 30 years in the making. So OK, so why did we want to even do this? Well, this is a red hot marriage. Red hot marriage started when we were teens. If I remember correctly, it was a meeting that we were at. And in that meeting, someone said about red hot marriage. And that stuck. And I think it was before we even got married. Yeah. That we had heard about this. We're teenagers. We're going out. Yeah. And that's kind of like a very important piece to it, too. Because even before we got married, that was already stirring in our hearts. And now I think that red hot marriage back in the day started with the passion, the connection that we had, the fire between us. And it evolved into that and a lot deeper things. That I hope that in the midst of the podcast, and as we drop additional episodes, that that is what is conveyed. That is, it is that in addition to some of the experiences of life and some of the things that we get to grow into and create red hot marriage. Yeah. And I think when it started, yeah, it started exactly like that. It was about sexy time. It was about being passionate and all these things. And now it's the hot for us. It stands for honest, open, and transparent, loving, and conversations, and how we do marriage now. But it took 30 years in the making to get us to this place. Sometimes we, and I know we've kid around this before, that we sit with couples that have been married for six months or six years. And they're doing something. They're launching a podcast or a coaching or mentoring or whatever. And we're thinking, OK, that's laughable. You have not even been through round one of what marriage actually faces, right? So we're coming at this from a place of, yes, we've been almost 30 years in December. It'll be 30 years married. And like you said, we've been together even longer than that. But also from a place of like, this is what we've walk through in our life. This is the life experience that we have. As pastors, we've sat with countless hundreds of people throughout talking to them about relationship issues, about addictions, about all sorts of things. And we've walked with people. So I like, I know we've talked about being not only mentors and not only coaches, but Ashurpa. Can you talk about that? Yeah, yeah. I think that's very important to where we're going and where we want this podcast to go, that in the course of time that we've encountered challenges and had to navigate difficult times, that gave us the tools because of what we went through, the tools that we had to navigate through. And it was like land mines. It was things that were crazy and hard. But that equipped us to be like a Sherpa. If you, if people listening to this have any idea what a Sherpa is, a Sherpa are those men and women that go and help those that pay to go on Everest and travel on Everest. And these guys help with carrying all the equipment and oxygen and all those things that are critical in the climb. But these guys are not only experts, but they are like people that know the trail. They've been there multiple times. They come down from the mountain. Yeah, and they know where to navigate, how to do it, how to get there and be there safe. And I think for us, because we've navigated some difficult challenges, this would be a place for people to come and take this podcast as people that are Sherpas. And either they can, they can sit and listen to some of the, pods that we'll be dropping, but also they can come into a relationship with us as well as we can help them navigate as Sherpas do. And, and you know, get to the point that they can get healing and get a different step up in a different place in life, things that they can grow. Yeah. And I love that example of a Sherpa, because if you've never walked that path, then you have no idea how to even get there or what to even do when you're there. And we have someone that has already walked that path and knows away and is trying to really help you get to the summit, right? And then make it back down, you know, that is so critical. And I think that I, we've had people in our lives, we've had couples in our lives, and I can think of of our besties that have really been there for us and have helped us navigate through a few years ahead of us. They have kind of gone down a path that has been challenging to. Absolutely. And I think I have been there to help us. And I think of how many couples that don't have that because we come across them and we have set with many of them that have no idea where to go, what to do. And this is why we want to do this type of platform. So in hopes that it will help people, give them hope. To, you know, that there is more, that there is a future, that there is hope and healing after whatever it is that they're experiencing. So part of our story, and we'll just share real briefly how we met, you know, and how long ago was that? Let's see if you remember. But, but, you know, before we get there, I think that another thing that we have to mention and I think to clarify and give more of an example for the, how a shirt button navigates all these things, right? And it takes me back to my days in college. I had a professor and he was a business professor and he was teaching us entrepreneurship in the class. And he'd never been an entrepreneur. Like he was an expert in the subject, but he never ran a business. He never ran a home business. He never ran, you know, a subway or any type of business. So, so that is different, right? That is different that you can become an expert by knowledge, by learning. You can go to school. You can, you can, you can, you can get degrees. All these things that you can accumulate, right? A knowledge of how to navigate different things. But if you haven't crossed that path, you're speaking from a point of just having the knowledge. And we've acquired a lot of knowledge because we had to pay for it. We also had this calling. And yeah. But also we have a vast experience. Navigating with, with couples and even our own experience. Navigating through that. And I think that makes a big difference. That we speak from a place of a deep knowing, not only personally, which is the first point of view, but also from the perspective of helping others. And from a place of humility too, because we have fallen on our faces so much. Absolutely. And just made terrible mistakes too. I can think of, you know, our passion for this is because we almost didn't make it in marriage. And that's part of our story that few friends know, but we almost, it was, yeah, your 20 was like, okay, don't know if this is gonna go anywhere. So we're in your 30 now, almost on your 30. And it's something that. We made it. (laughing) We made the three year, the five year, the seven year mark, the 10 year mark. It's real. It's real. All this fresh policy. Yeah. And that's what we're here. We're passionate about doing this because we wanna see people make it. We've had people, friends that we've seen, not make it in marriage. And it's like, okay, how can we come alongside someone and help them to make it to the other side? I think people have also like a misconception of what it is to make it. Maybe couples feel that if they're gonna make it or for them making it means that they have no issues anymore. Oh. That they're navigating this difficult. The red flags in my life. The people that say like, oh, we never fight. We get along. My life is perfect. My life is perfect. Am I, oh girl, he's lying to you. I just, you know, it's just, it's so hard because there's no way. Right. Or someone when they say, man, we're struggling, we're having another argument, another thing. That's not struggling. That's like living life together, right? Like you're two separate human beings and you have to be okay being different. Like thinking different and having different opinions and navigating through disagreements. And that's not struggling. You might not feel comfortable. And maybe that's like a misunderstanding, but it's just living together. And I think that making it, I think also about red-hot marriage, red-hot marriage is not like a destination, but it's a building process forever that is red-hot marriage. You're always building. Like you're always climbing past a plateau in your life. You're always moving to a different level. But the moment that you decide you said, okay, I've arrived I have a well you know red hot marriage. That's the moment you start slipping you start coasting downhill and Well, they say the only the only way to coast is downhill So so anyway, but that's that's part of having a or building not having but I say better said building a Red hot I think a lot of people think like okay. We're married now. We love each other We're passionate. We have all these things, but okay now what now what you still keep moving from like this level to a deeper level to intimacy to all the things right and That takes just effort and it takes Being what is the way that I'm looking for Very intentional of what you purpose a lot of intentionality with what who you become because who we are now to what we started with Yeah, completely different people completely different. Yeah, and thank God that we're completely different people And it's important to be to know that because knowing that we're too completely different people Then I can from that point of view I can become stronger and I don't have to hide anything from you Yeah, and I can offer you also more of me Who I am Instead of instead of being Hiding it or being cautious or not being comfortable with parts of my story I can be completely Honest and open and I can offer you more of you and you get to love the parts of me that I maybe I don't feel as comfortable My favorite and but but I'm feeling okay with that, you know feeling okay It's taken us this long and it's taken us a lot of therapy and a lot of walking through difficult You know seasons to get to this place, right? And our hope is that if we can expedite maybe that process for someone that is starting is like hey here are the tools Yeah, so you can then skip this part that was really really hard and just kind of have the tools to move forward That would be our heart behind all this so okay, so going back how long how far back do we go here? When we started we got married I was 30 years ago dated for four years went to Three high school prompts together. Yes. I still have pictures No one's pictures. I have pictures at the funny poses and all that But we met and we'll share a little bit more of our sorry, you know dad But in this time that we we got married full of hope full of dreams full of just just what we wanted our life to become and then in this trajectory of being married we faced breast cancer was one. Yeah, we faced homelessness. That's a big one too. Yeah, we faced a lot of insecurity financial insecurity, you know We faced then Our son coming out. Yeah, we then faced of course Addiction and we can talk a little bit about that. Absolutely. Yeah, so it's been it's been a Life full of transitions and things that will shake you at your core Yeah, and I think of all those the hardest one has been facing the part of Addiction and how do how do you overcome that right and and like porn addiction on my side and The impact of that cost on you and so how do you how do you navigate how do you get back to? Back to us back to wholeness personally me and how to establish How do how do he and men that that commitment that was broken? Yeah, the promises the valves that were broken the sense of the betrayal that happened that that right there is For the rest of our live podcasts, right But I know it's an important point to say true and this is this is our heart behind this I remember when we were thinking about doing something like this and when you started working with the men, you know In ministry and trying to help them navigate this I Did not ever want to share this part of our story because for me there was so much shame involved to Like I said, you know part of our stories of course breast cancer. So it became then about me It became about I'm not enough. I'm not good enough all the different things and we'll go deep into that later But when you started working and seeing these changes in men seeing like the freedom that they were experiencing and I kept seeing that there was nothing for the women nothing for the women That's right. I would talk to them and they were just losses could be and I remember Me myself being in that place and I thought how selfish of me to not step in and to share this part of our story So I started doing that. I started doing that and that became the very thing that brought me life right that I Enjoyed watching them walk out now their story of freedom and deliverance and just Overcoming, you know the thing that the enemy would send to destroy them So that's been the journey for me personally of like walking alongside Watching women get free too and that's our passion. We work with all couples We can work with people we can mentor coach do all the different things But our specialty is definitely walking with people at the genesis Whenever it hits the fan whenever it hits the fan They just you know became aware that there's disclosure Yeah, when everything when everything hits the fan and the you know the men somehow They get discovered by their wives something happened a text comes through a picture ends up in their phone a website in their computer in their search browser and then from there is The snowball of devastation that happens in in the wife and is It's a great disservice that we've done for the couple over the years because All the help if there's any help at all has been for the men. I know you you see Help in every form books and conferences and classes at church Things that that men are men have available easily available right but for many years It was just a man and then the wives of the the the addicted were You know by themselves like no no way to find healing no places to find community that to have Those conversations to bring about The the healing that they need the women need that be tried need and and I think now This is gonna be one of the resources, you know for women that are struggling with that But also it's gonna be a resource for the men that want to find healing They want to find maturity and growth and how to step into being a Man the way that the the God calls men to be free from any Addictions anything's that are tied to to their heart that ties to their past to break with all that and be able to grow and be able to Offer their wives their kids their work environment their friends a person that's truly free Why would that look like for men right the men are listening right now what would that look like for you to look in yourself in the mirror and to know That you're free. Right Not a lot of men know that because they've been keeping secrets and trying to just portray this image of strength of you know unshakable you know, but Addictions and sexual addictions will affect every every area It touches everything yeah, and especially now with all the accessibility that we have It's everywhere. Yeah, it's everywhere. I was reading somewhere that Children as early as eight years old are getting exposed and Addicted to porn So this is only something that is is getting worse not better and we do a disservice like you said when we don't talk about these things openly And what I what we have found is that the advice sometimes that is given in ministry is so Far from being helpful. Yeah on the contrary. It is incredibly damaging to both Pray more fast more do all these different things There's more to that absolutely we agree in the power of part we are Absolutely, and we know what God can do in people's lives, but there is more that has to be done in the in the situation like this and sometimes as pastors We are not equipped because we're not trauma informed on how to help someone navigate that Absolutely, I remember having a conversation with With a with a with a friend that was a pastor too and You know this person saying hey, you know this individual came to me because they are needing some help You know, it's just like the little thing that this the problem that every men have and I'm like, well, what did you say? It goes well, you know just like pray more like spent more time with the Lord and everything and I was like Really is that really what we are telling people is that really so Fix that one right away. It's like no, you actually need these steps to actually get freed up. And the absolutely this is part of it, but also this. And that's from where we come. We come from a place of being ourselves in therapy and counseling and have gone really bad advice to and then learn like, Oh, this is not how we do it. We're not doing this. We're helping people truly get free from this. So that's our heart behind it too. So whenever people see Red Hot Marriage, they might look at this and say, Oh, this is a podcast of having continue our Red Hot Marriage that we have right now. I say, Yes. And we also equip you to live a life that is fully connected and honest, that you can live life to the fullest with each other, but also form from that a beautiful relationship that yes, it's going to be Red Hot. But maybe what you're going to hear here is going to be a little bit different because it's going to be real. It's about building a Red Hot Marriage. And how do you build a Red Hot Marriage? So we'll give you tools. We'll give you the tools that we've used that have been that have cost us thousands of dollars to acquire in therapy and the things that we've seen work for marriages. And that's our hope. That's our hope and that's our heart behind Red Hot Marriage is to help couples heal to have a marriage that is other dreams. It's and we should have a marriage that is heaven honor. That is and if we're not doing that, we're missing it. And that's that's that's where we'll die. That's that's exactly what we believe that we're called to do to help couples create that. And we're just happy. We're happy that you're here. We're happy that you're listening and we're happy that this is going to be conversations that are going to be open, honest and transparent. And we will let you in into parts of our life that have been closed off in private for so long. But that I think that these conversations are so needed in the church today. 100% yeah yeah it's going to be great. I think we're going to have a great time, great conversations. And and our hope is that we get to help help hundreds of couples that listen to some of these conversations. So let's go. Let's go. What? Let's go. I love you baby.