The Slow Clap

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. Last night. I fell in love with you last night. Last night. You look good today. Your hair looks good. You look good. You look smooth. Interesting. Because. Smooth baby Asian boy. Baby Asian boy. So we're at. Okay. Go ahead. At the comedy store last night. Yeah, at the comedic store. Already, dude. We were out there selling jokes. Already, dude. Already, dude. I'm just you from last week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Already, dude. Already, dude. I'm you from last week. Yeah? I'm you from three years ago, dude. That doesn't make any sense. I'm so sorry, dude. What's up? Tell the story. There is no story, dude. What's the story? I just. I don't know, dude. What's the story, morning glory? This. Nothing, dude. Okay. What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? What happened last night? You're a little rude. What did I do? I'm at the comedy store. I'm watching your set. Great set. Terrible set. It was not a good set. I was meandering through poop last night. Sebastian gave me a great intro. I don't think I brought this guy on stage before. Yeah, he has. A fellow Chicagoan, ladies and gentlemen. He's got an Italian lesson. He doesn't look Italian. Yeah. It was such a good intro. He killed it. He killed harder in an intro than I did on any of my shit jokes. He crushed. I thought you did good. And I went up there and just. That's all I did. Okay. For 15 minutes. I'm in the hallway. Fart, crap, poop. Oh, because then that was the reason. And then he's in the hallway. I can see him. I can see just a little dumpling resting in the window of the hallway. And I walk down. And this is what he's doing. This is what he's doing. Leaning against the wall going. Clap. Clap. Clap. Clap. You know what that's called? What do you want my reaction to be? Do you know. Okay. Okay. Okay. What would you want? I ate shit on stage. I didn't know. Then you're leaning against the wall going. Okay. I didn't know. Imagine the level. Imagine the level of condescension with. Okay, so. What would anybody's reaction be to that? Okay. So I didn't know. No. Let's backtrack a little bit. I didn't see your set. Okay. Okay. Stone-faced. I showed up, right? I'm in the hallway. I'm watching him, right? Toward the end, right? So I have no idea what he did, what the crowd is like and whatnot. I hadn't even gotten into the room. Okay. See, he walks out. And just as a joke, I go. Right? He walks right past me. Says nothing, right? Goes to the kitchen. That's right. Right? Slips out the bag. To the valet. Yeah, to the valet. Without acknowledging my presence. And Bobby runs up to me. This is icing on the cake. Everyone's in agreeance with me, by the way. Okay. But this is icing on the cake. After the condescending clap, then he chases me in the parking lot. And he goes, you're not going to say hi to me? You're not going to say hi to me? And I said, I got to go home. And then he goes, we're business partners. I did say that. We're business partners? Yes, we are. We are not business. We're not business partners. We're not friends. Okay, exactly. We're not friends. We are. I guess not. Because I would have led with. Two things can be true. Say hi to my friend. I guess I'll say hi to my friend. Why couldn't you say hi to your friend? Why couldn't you say hi to your. Like it's a law firm. Okay, it's Santino and Lee, not Lee and Santino. Law firm. The boss is here. The boss is here. You're the boss, dude. Okay, I was your intern. You moved me up as a fucking. I'm the only boss. I'm the only boss that gets paid the same as his employee. I'm the only boss on earth where the employee is matched to the CEO. Anyway, I grabbed your wrist. You did. I didn't. No, because you were trying to leave. I was trying to get in my car and go home. I know. Because you're not going to. I'll tell you what's not going to happen here, bud. Okay? What's not going to happen here, bud, is us being in an environment where you're just going to not. Acknowledge my presence. That's what's not going to happen. See, this fame is going to his head. I told you, Andres, when I called you last night, I said, I think he's getting too famous. Oh, my God, dude. Is he gaslighting me, dude? What? You're getting too famous. A lot of people have been telling us. Okay, so. Grabbing a friend's wrist is generally considered crossing a physical boundary, particularly if it's done without consent, forcefully, or to your boss. Particularly to your boss. Okay. Boss, man, I'm sorry I grabbed your wrist. I had a bad. I did not know that information. I'm running through new shit all this week. Some nights are good. Some nights are tough. But I'm trudging through the mud. And then the clap in the hallway. Yeah. It was like a Seinfeld episode. He did the clap. He did the clap. He did the clap! I did not know. So now I have further context of the situation. And you had every right to not say hi to me. I love you. Thank you. Good to see you. But I am going to grab your wrist from now on. I mean, you're going to get hurt if you do that. You're going to get hurt. Slow clap is widely considered a condescending, sarcastic, or ironic gesture. Everyone in the world. In Africa. They know. Yeah, they know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know. Yeah, okay. So it was condescending. A guy has a cricket stick? What's going on here? What's the conduct? He missed? He has a cricket stick. Yes, he missed. Okay. He missed and slow clap. Okay, good. So they play cricket in Africa? All over the world. Okay, good. Cricket is a universal sport. Thank you so much, Ryan. I want to be. No. I just had a terrible set. I was bummed. I did not know that. I was slumming in the bums. Yeah, yeah. I was bumming in the slums. Yeah. So I grabbed your wrist. I said, you know, say hi. And I understand why you reacted the way you did, and I apologize. Thank you. I love you. Yeah, I love you too. And I'm sorry for ignoring you in the hallway, but the slow clap got me good. All right. All the way home. Yeah, yeah. No music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all I can hear is. Yeah. Okay. Looping through my head. Okay, okay. Going through the can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, can I just throw another fact in there then? Give me another. If I may, yeah. Please. I killed. But anyway, let's move on. Okay. I had a really good set, but. I know you did. No, because I'm doing old shit. Yeah. Yeah. But not for long. Okay, not for long. Because the Finally Tour is on sale right now, so please go to Bobby Lee. Okay, very good. Go to bobbylee.live. Yeah. And please go see my best friend, my business partner, as he refers to. I would have said friend first. I consider you my friend first. One of my closest friends. Yeah, I agree. And we do a job together. Yeah. But I wouldn't do this if we weren't friends. I understand that, but we are also business partners. We are. Yes. But you're my friend first. I care about you more than this. Okay, yeah. And I would agree with that. Because otherwise, if we're just two guys doing a show who aren't friends, then it's just two bears, one cave. Keep that in. That's true. I'm kidding. I'm kidding! We love each other. You know what I mean? Christmas. Tequila or whatever. Go buy their tequila. Are we not allowed to make jokes anymore with anybody? We can. Is everyone sensitive? Yeah, they're very sensitive. I love that fucking shirt. And your hair looks good. You're doing all the. You're touching a lot of the buttons right now. Well, I'll tell you why. Because I quit smoking as well. No, you didn't. Yeah, this is day two. Yeah. Dude, did you really? Yeah, day two. Day two. Yeah. And how do you feel? Pretty good. Well, I'll tell you why I did it. I'm not a scientist, as you know. I don't. I don't know. Some people think. Is it general health and well-being? Yeah. Are you coughing at night? No, what happened was I was smoking a cigarette and I had a loogie. Yeah. As one does, right? And in my sink, I just went. And I just spit in the sink. Inside your house? In the sink. Right, right, right. Oh, were you. My sink isn't in my backyard. Were you smoking? Yeah, yeah. No, it's. What? You have an outdoor cigarette. I have an outdoor sink. You have many outdoor sinks. I do have outdoor sinks. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. All right. Wait a minute. I thought you were smoking in this. No, I wasn't smoking in the house. I smoked a cigarette outside. I went inside, right? I did loogie, right? Got it. That's fine. Right. And then I just let it sit there. Science. Remember the science? Okay. Look. I'm a scientist. Remember that? You're the scientist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah. And it dried. It does, yeah. As one does. It should, yeah. It's called elements. - I told you he was a scientist. This is good. - Yeah, yeah, it's really good. Caused it to dry. Yes. So elementary elements caused them to dry. Right. So they dried. They call it air. Air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Learning. You're learning. You are learning. So the loogie dried in the sink. Right. And then. You want to know about geopolitics too? I'm really. Not interested. Okay, okay. Anyway. And it looked like tar. Yes. After it dried. Because of, yes. Because of the smoking. Right. Right. And then because Remy had died, right, death was on my mind. Right. And I made the connection between the tar loogie that dried through elements, through air and whatnot. Okay. Yeah. And the death of my dog made me go, I'm done. That's good. Yeah, yeah. So I'm a little anxious. I told the bullies before, I don't know if I can do this today. I have, you know, very filled with anxiety and, you know, I don't know much. I don't know what I'm going to talk about, but, you know, but we're here. Well, you're cold turking. Why don't you just supplement it with. I'm like sweating. Why don't you do just the smaller doses of nicotine to get you off in general? Oh, you're still doing it. Yeah. I'm doing it. I know. Of course you're doing it. Yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Yeah. But it's. There's a lot of anxiety here. But it's okay. Going on. But you have to stop. Not to be dark. Because you've also mentioned a lot. You're still smoking. Yes. You got to stop smoking. I have said it a lot. Yeah. Do you know why you said that? Not because we're business partners. Because we're friends. Yeah. I do care about the business of it all. No, no. I do care about you a lot. Tremendously. And if I'm being honest, and I know this is not going to be a funny part of the show, but I don't care. Yeah, yeah. My biological father is perpetually sick because he smoked for like 45 years. I mean, he's got. Did he quit? He did, dude. When? Oh, it's got to be 15, 20 years ago. Well, then why does he keep smoking then? I'm fucked. No, no, no, no. The consequences are already in play. No, you can lessen how bad it is because your body is, your lungs are incredible. They clear out very quickly. Oh. But if you smoke up into your like 60s, you're in deep shit. Oh, right. You're in deep shit. Yeah. So if you quit now. Yeah. The lungs are amazing. They clean out at such a rapid rate. But Keith Richards has always been my bar. Yeah. Because, you know, there's a legendary story where you smoke. Like two packs of Marlboro Reds. Bring a photo of Keith Richards today. Yeah. Without makeup. Yeah. Without his makeup and hair done. Yeah. Yeah. Go to the first photo. Yeah. There you go. That's what you want to look like. He's 42. Yeah. Him and I are the same age. But my point, though, he's alive, though. He's barely alive. I know. But in my mind, I was like, oh, Keith. Oh, there it is. That's what he looks like. Yeah. That's on the left. On the left. And by the way, yes, he is alive, Bobby. He's an A, an anomaly. And B. Yeah. There's nothing about this show. Once we speak of this on this show, he will be dead soon. Everyone we talk about on this show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Someone sent me a clip. I guess Eric Dane passed away. Yeah. And we talked about him two weeks before. I know. I didn't even want to. Yeah. I said it. It was just in conversation. And we were like, Eric Dane. We got to stop talking about celebrities. They're all going to be dead. Can we talk about celebrities? We want to die. Did he? Wait. We did a whole episode on Diddy. He didn't die. Yeah. He didn't. So it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know who I saw had some celebrity beef this week that was wild? Who? Was Arquette and Tarantino. Did you see this? Oh, yeah. This is what's interesting about Hollywood. Now they're attacking each other because she was in Pulp Fiction and then she didn't like Jackie Brown. No. Wasn't she in Pulp Fiction? She was. She's mad about the N-word scene at the end. Wait. What? Arquette? Roseanne Arquette. Or Roseanne Arquette. Roseanne Arquette. Oh, it was Roseanne Arquette. Yeah. She's in Pulp Fiction. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You're right. She is in Pulp Fiction. And she doesn't like that he used the N-word in the scene at the house with the guys. And she did like a whole thing about it. And then Tarantino went off online. It was fucking nuts. He was like, you didn't seem to. Well, this is just what she said. You take 12 years of slavery supposedly made by an amateur. Steve McQueen is very different than Quentin. Auteur. Wow. Wow. Yeah. She's just going on about him using the N-word and saying it's like, you know, cheap and hack and gross and whatever. And then he popped off and he was like, you had no problem taking the job from me. Oh, so at the time, though, when that when that movie was. It was fun to say. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. Oh, I know. Yeah. It's it seemed I think with Samuel Jackson wasn't in the scene. You've been weird. I think there needs to be like, you know what I mean? Oh, well, Sam's fine with it. There's two ways to look at it. OK. That's his quote. He said, I hope the publicity you're getting from 132 different media outlets writing your name and printing your picture was worth disrespecting me and a film. I remember quite clearly you were thrilled to be a part of the writer director wrote in a statement addressed directly to our kid. Wow. Here's what's interesting. Two ways to look at this. And let's get some let's get some honest perspective from the booth as well. Then. Yeah. Especially from filmmaker over there. Yeah. Yeah. If the calls for the character in almost anything that we've ever made in the world of art and film, if we're going to believe that this is the world in a vacuum, if it calls for the character to use certain language, it lines up when Leo. When Leo went off. Right. It was disgusting. But that was the character. You mean in Django Unchained? Yeah. No. In what? Leo. In Titanic. When he yells. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah. Right. When he drowns, he says it. Yeah. You got to turn it off. But he says the N word. Right. When. When he's like, goodbye, Rose. Yeah. And then says. He says, I remember that. Yeah. No. No, dude. In Django, he says it's very appropriate for the character. It's atrocious to hear. But. Yeah. What when Tarantino was doing was showing how vitriol and disgusting these people were. It was brilliant. It made you loathe a guy that we love. It was perfect. Right. The argument that many people have made is this man. It didn't really fit the character. It was very odd. It was almost inserted in a way where you go, this guy lives in the valley, as we know. He's got a wife. He's friends with these guys. So he's obviously a little bit of a up to no good or doesn't see it. It is true that it doesn't quite fit the character. Yeah. Because Leo in Django is a plantation. You know, I mean. Oh, he's a slave. A slave owner. And he would say it. Yeah. But a guy that lives in Sherman Oaks. Also. A guy with Sherman Oaks. Right. Who has a. Does he have a black wife? Yes. Yeah. Bonnie's black. Right. So maybe. Maybe that. Bill Burr. I don't know. I don't know. That's an interesting. Can Bill Burr say it? How about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you he doesn't. I bet he doesn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand the argument where you're like, if things are called contextually for a character. Yeah. Yes. Yes. But that character wasn't really that. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. So look, does she need to talk about it publicly? No. Yeah. But also we've all thought it. We've all been like, ooh, that was weird. When he said it, you were like, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I have that sign outside of my house. Yeah. Like last night. That fits me. Yeah. But last night I saw Chappelle Lacey at Swingers. Right. He is always at Swingers. He's always there. He's there every night. He lives there. He lives there. Right. Every night. And he gets that chicken sandwich. Careful. No, I mean, it's not fried. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not fried. Yeah, yeah. He gets that like, you know. I know. Grilled chicken. The exact same one every night. Yeah, the same sandwich. He loves that sandwich. Every night. But it's as if, you know what I mean, I said it to him last night. Why? No, what I'm saying is that in. Why did you say it? I didn't say it. I didn't say it. What I'm saying is how casually he says it in the movie, right? It's like even if you're with your black friend, you wouldn't casually say that. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't. No, you wouldn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know where you would say it? You want to say it. Yeah. Yeah, you want to say it, but you wouldn't casually. You wouldn't casually do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know where you, you know, you know when you say it in front of your black friend? When? Never. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, you never say it. Yeah, you don't. I got a fan, like a fan to my fan page. Is that or the girl that helps the book, the show? Go back, boys. Go back. Sorry. Okay. I got an email through the team from like a fan or something. Go further. Back. Okay. Kidding. My, my dad ran out on my mom and I, no, I got an email from like a fan page thing or something. And it is a request for you and I to perform at a wedding. And now immediately I was like, no, I'm not going to perform at a wedding. I'm not going to perform at a wedding. I'm out. But how about this? I'm out. It's the royal family. Okay. I'm in. Yeah. No, but as Prince Andrew has to be there. It is. It's his wedding. It's his wedding. It's his wedding. Okay. It is very weird. They want us to perform at a wedding. Clearly. I'm like, no, we're not going to perform at a wedding. But the thought of it was so funny that you want this beautiful, special mom. I was just in my car laughing. Like you want this beautiful, special moment of you marrying your wife and Bobby and I doing bits. You want us to do bits at the happiest moment of your life. Yeah. You want Bobby and I to do a Bobby Lama to your uncle. Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, there's just no way. - No, never, but it did make me laugh 'cause they did, It is weird. We get people to say, can I propose to my wife at your show? Yeah. We did that all the time. We let them propose. But we've never been asked to do the wedding, to perform at the wedding. Yeah. Cachava. You know, it's like I'm trying to lose weight, and cachava has completely helped me. It has all the nutrients. They're so delicious. They have a new flavor, which is coffee. 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You have to say yabba dabba doo. - Yabba dabba doo. - Five times in your set, and you can't tell the audience why. - Oh my God. - It's a great one. - Just in the middle of it, be like, "Well, you know, yabba dabba doo." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you use it as a filler. So if you go, "And my mom and dad, they're moving and yabba dabba doo." - Yeah, yeah. - So then, yeah, you have to throw it in. - Yeah, because, you know, they used to be at those, like hamburger. - Hamburger? - You know the comic hamburger? - Oh, hamburger. - Yeah, hamburger, right? They used to do that between jokes. That was their hook line. Get back in the '80s or '90s, they used to have hook lines, you know what I mean? Like, you know, "Chicken fry steak." You know what I mean? Just in the middle of nowhere. And the whole audience would chant it, "Chicken fry steak," right? So that's what I'm teaching. - Right. - You know what I mean? Maybe yabba dabba doo is the thing. - But chicken fry steak is also great. - Yeah, that is great. - That's a great line. - Here's another thing I used to do, right? You have to hopscotch one time from one end of the stage to the other and not tell the audience why. - While you're in the middle of set? - No, in between jokes. So they do a punchline, and then they have to across the stage. And I'm, no one's laughing, but I'm in the back of the room. - You're laughing. - Oh my God, dude. Oh my God, I'm just cackling. It's so fun. - That's solely for you. That's for you. - It's only for me. - 'Cause I've never, I don't, my God, I'm a boring headliner. I'm like, "Get out there and have fun." - No, you gotta do challenges. - I can't, I just, I'm scared of making them uncomfortable. I'm nervous that they're gonna be like. - I think, this is back in the day. - Yeah, not now yet. - I don't think, well-- - Yeah, you fuck with Ramsay now. - Only Ramsay now, but I'll tell you why, Ramsay. I've, he owes me his life. - Why? - I've given him everything. - You've given him a lot of opportunities. - Yeah, I've given him a lot of opportunity. We're very close. I talked to him last night. We're good friends. - You do love him. - Yeah, so he's not just an opener. He's now turned into a friend. So I feel like we can fuck with each other. He fucks with me as well. - Well, you know what's next? You're friends. You might as well be business partners with him. - Maybe one day. - Dude, I watched Soft White Underbelly. - Yeah, I love 'em. - Those are, I cannot stop watching. - Yeah. Some of them are hot, the homeless girls. - So many of them. - Oh my God. - So many of them. - You can live at my house for free. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you know what? The Soft White Underbelly? - Yeah, yeah. - You know what's crazy about this? - Yeah. - He'll go back. Like, he'll go back like eight, nine months later. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. See what they're doing. - Same thing. - Same thing, same thing. Yeah, like this girl. - Beautiful. - Yeah, yeah. - Beautiful girl. - All she needs to get on is like, you know, - Bobby Lee? - Accotane. - She just needs to get on Bobby Lee. - Accotane, look at her face. - No, buddy, that's a tattoo. - Oh, that is? Oh, fuck. - It is crazy. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, man. That's a good one. Yeah. - Wait a minute, is that a bruise? - No, she's half panda. - She's one of those new hybrids, right? - Yeah. Wow. - Like this girl. Like, for instance, if she, okay, the last girl that you had. - This girl's gorgeous. - Gorgeous, right? You're single, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - 100%. - I mean. - If this girl said to me, "Hey, I'm in the throes of addiction." - Yeah. - "I live on the streets. "I'm sharing needles with strangers." - Yeah. - "I'm sleeping with people for money." - Yeah. - "What do you think?" - Move in. - And I go, "Come on in." - But then your TV is missing. - So what? - Oh, yeah, you're right. - Get a new TV. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Get a new TV. - Right. - And then like late at night, she's in the bathroom, you hear scratching sounds for some reason. Like, what is she doing in there, right? - We should note. - Yeah. - This is very sad. - It's very sad. Very sad. - No, what it is, is we love the interviews 'cause they're powerful as shit. We get to see the window into this life of addiction that is fucking, it's dark and wild, and it takes everyone. The point we're making is, addiction knows no bounds. - Yeah. - It doesn't matter where you're from, what color you are, how much money you came from, it's everybody. And then these interviews are fucking so powerful. - Yeah, they're real vulnerable, yeah. - Because you feel it in your soul, man. You're like, I can't, how could, like sometimes you'll see a kid who's like 20 years old. - Yeah. - And he's like, I haven't been home since I was 16. You're like, why? - Yeah, a lot of it's nurture though. - It's not nature. - Yeah. - It's all nurture. - I think most of it's nurture. I think that, you know. - Well, you don't think addiction is nature? - I think addiction's nature, right? But if you have, I know, but if you have great parents, right, you can navigate it. - I think so, but I think so. I think that without my parents, 'cause I got sober when I was 17, right? My parents threw me in rehab a lot, right? - Yeah. - And they never stopped caring. They never stopped trying. - Yeah, that's important. - I think that's important. - But also- - If you have a broken home, right? Your parents aren't there. They're in their own addiction, right? You have no money. I mean, these things- - It's a layered effect. - It's a layered effect. - And it gets harder and harder. - Yeah. - Well, I'm happy that you're sober. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My point is that it's more- - I know. - It's a combination of both. - It is. - I'm sweating. - Yeah, why are you sweating now? - Because of the- - I know, I know. - Withdrawal. - Withdrawal. - Okay, so how much is it though? What's the intake of nicotine now? How much? - I don't know. This one is- - How many pouches a day? - Six MGs, probably three. - Three a day? - Yeah. - That's not that bad. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, I guess, what do I know? But I feel like that's not that bad. I feel like the average has gotta be way higher. - Yeah. - I mean, last night I was laying in bed and I put away my phone 'cause I was thinking about our screen time conversation. And so I put it away and I didn't touch it until, made coffee in the morning, walked the dog, dropped a deuce, played with the dog in the backyard. Then when I was finally done with that, made a little snacky breakfast, and then I picked up my phone. - You know, I love you and I know we're business partners and friends. I think that's a lie. - Why? - Because last night you sent me a TikTok video. - What time? What time? Let me see what time you took it and sent it. - Well, I probably, I wasn't in bed yet. - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - I wasn't in bed yet. - Okay, let me just see, let me just see. - What time? - Let me see. So, there you. - What time? - Hold on, I gotta go down because I get, oh, there you go. I go, ha, ha, ha, ha. So time was at, so what time did you say you put your phone down? - When I went to bed. - Yeah, what time? - 1:30. - That's when you put your phone down. - 1:30 or two in the morning. No, 12:30 or one. Maybe that, maybe it's closer to one. - Okay, 12:15 you sent it. - Okay, so what do you mean? - Okay, you're right. - Yeah. - Okay. - I don't go to bed. - I thought it was much later, right? Because I was like, he's texting me. He's, you know what I mean? Sending me a fucking instant. - No, I was on the couch with the dog. - Can I show him what you sent me or? - It's one of the funniest. Well, I was on the couch with the dog scrolling through my phone. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Because she had to get up early. - Yeah. - And so when I sleep, I sleep in the other room 'cause she's gotta get up early. So I'm sitting on my phone playing with the dog. And then I said, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna brush my teeth and I'm gonna lay in bed and just stay on my phone. But I didn't, I left the phone. But that is one of the last texts I sent. Show them the video. Then you can send it. - Text it to Carlos. - Text it to Carlos. Play this video. So here I am sitting on the couch, petting the dog, TikToking away before I go to bed. And I see this video and I think, Bobby's gotta see this right away. - This is what he sounds like at midnight. - Here's what, I don't even know what's going on really, to be honest with you. - They don't either. - Okay. - This is, she's singing a song and having her daughter or sister sing along. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I just think the fun-- - But what's the funny part? - You send crazy stuff. - What? - Yeah, you send the most wild shit, dude. - Guys with no heads. - Yeah, but that's unbelievable. How are they living? - I was impressed by her talent. Is this, did she post this? And if she did, what was the goal? - Yeah. - So I'm thinking, what am I supposed to feel? - Yeah. - That's why the internet's beautiful. You interpret it as you may. - The second thing I would like to add is that the little one feels like doesn't wanna be there. - No, yeah. It's forced. - It's for a click. - It's for a click. - It's forced. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, go to, just zoom in on the girl the whole time. - Excuse me, Sabrina, do you wanna do a video? - No, no. - Zoom in is-- - That joke sucked. - No, it was good. - That joke was bad. - It was good. - Yeah, yeah, I'm sweating, dude. - All right, let's see. Just zoom in on her, start it all over again, and let's just see her from the beginning and just go to her face. You're right. - She doesn't wanna be there. - She does not. - It's a hostage situation. - This is a hostage. - And they put the dog in the background to give people some semblance of normal. - I don't even see the dog. Where's the dog? - Watch, it'll poke right there. - Where's, I don't even see the dog. - Right there. - Yeah, where? - Do we have to watch the video game? - What? Oh, there is the dog. - But look at that. - Yeah, yeah. What a cute dog. - Huh? - The dog has like eight eyes or something on its forehead. - Oh, maybe this is AI. - It could be AI. - Is AI getting me all the time? - It's that good. - And I don't even know. - AI is so crazy, dude. Do you think models are in trouble because of AI? - Well, I know why you're asking that. - Why are you asking? - Because on Instagram. - Oh, I asked. I mean, why am I asking? - Sometimes I don't know. - I've seen, I know. - Do you? - Well, you've sent me some of the girls that you're questioning. - Yeah, yeah, I go, is this real? - Real or no? - No, it's not. But it is funny. Some of them are so, they're so good at copying real influencers that you don't know. How about this? The real influencers are putting so many filters on, they look AI now. - Exactly. - So it's like a hat on a hat. - Hats too now. - Yeah, they all look fake. - They look, yeah. - And so the fakes look more real than the fake than people, it's fucked. - I think filters should be illegal on dating apps. - That is a very good point. - I know, I'm being real. - No, no, no, there is an app that does that. There's one that you can't use makeup and stuff. There's like a-- - Mm. - What is that one? Someone talk to me about, there's a dating app where people are like in the raw or something. - Real. - Yeah, real, is that what it's called? whatever yeah but bobby lee's new app is going to be no makeup no oh you can wear makeup no no filters yeah yeah but but filters let me see you first thing in the morning do your hair do your face again what your hair and your face again this is your date this should be there should be a dating app where everybody looks like this that would be amazing amazing the first thing in the morning yeah yeah first thing in the morning first thing in the morning first thing in the morning dude dude that's the app first thing in the morning we oh i'd get no matches that's not our that's not our problem yeah yeah you're you can stay on yeah yeah stay on the thing that's where there's ai by the way i get fooled by hinge ai girls that's why i just said it should be illegal thank you i i you're welcome i'll vote for you then yeah yeah well if you'd like to get on our app first thing in the morning it's all natural it's completely verified by humans to make sure you're human you have to call our call center to verify that you're human but i'm going to be working at the call center correct okay yeah yeah and you can reap some of the benefits you can go hey you know i work at the call center so if you want to wear makeup and not wear your first photo corrupt it corrupt the system something has to corrupt it give them a blue check mark kind of thing 100 validate them i'm being real that's a good idea first thing in the morning is a dating app yeah that's a really good that's genius because it will force people to go don't try to look good for this first thing in the morning photo we will call you out yeah so first thing in the morning is the app that bob and i are creating it's a dating app where you take a photo right right when you every photo is right in the morning right in the morning by the way yeah you're allowed to every day you're allowed to update a change that photo like let's say you don't like it you're allowed to change every you can leave it in perpetuity but you can no no you you can take as many photos as you want and choose oh no no i like i like the idea of your profile photo is you right first thing in the morning yeah if you want to change it you have to wait a full day so once you upload it that's got to stay yeah yeah and you can leave it for a few days if you on your page no no the joke of first thing in the morning is this it's not a joke it's a real app sorry yeah shopify here at bad friends we have an online business and without shopify i don't think we would have this online be very lost get started with your own design studio i think that's what i'm trying to say with hundreds with ready to use templates shopify helps you build a beautiful online store andrew that matches your brand style it's all about style about style looking people in that's right well because you want to embody whatever you're selling or putting out to the store and what you're selling and shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise and everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and much more beyond that shopify helps all businesses of all sides what if i get stuck shopify is always around they're always around to share advice and their award-winning 24-7 customer support you can tackle all those important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and so much more talk about the purple button did we mention that purple button bobby no because that purple millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best, the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts are going to go abandoned and more sales for you. It's time to turn those what ifs into ching ching with Shopify today. You can sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash bad friend. Go to shopify.com slash bad friend. You heard it right from my friend. That's shopify.com slash bad friends. Bluetooth. I'm 54 years old, all right? And I'm going to say this right now, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. It's harder for me to get up. Upstairs? Yeah, upstairs. You have a little leg. And sometimes you want to go upstairs when the time is right, right? When the time is right, you want to go upstairs. I mean, you find a lover, right? And I'm telling you right now, and I 100% endorse Bluetooth. It saved me. You love it. I love it so much. Right, Carlos? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's the best. It's time to level up, and Bluetooth just dropped something crazy. We're talking next level championship belt gold-plated energy. Bluetooth Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is the four-in-one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking about two ingredients for blood flow to keep that rocket pumping. Mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body. That's what I was going to say, dude. I know. Yeah. I know. This is peak passion and peak performance in a single tablet. Bobby has been chewing Blue Chew for quite a long time now, and I've heard no complaints. No complaints. From anybody else. Blue Chew Gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation. Forget about all that other stuff that you know about. Blue Chew is the only one that you need to use to keep that pipe flowing, baby. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of Blue Chew Gold with code BADFRIENDS. That's promo code BADFRIENDS. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast and helping Blue Chew. Bobby, stay rock hard. Talkspace. Talkspace therapy is so important, guys. Every Thursday at 4 o'clock, I do therapy, all right? Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. Here's the thing, man. We all need to talk to somebody. Yeah. You know, I don't think you should keep anything bottled up. And sometimes it's hard to talk to your partner. Sometimes it's hard to talk to your parents or your friends. You just kind of want to get it off your chest to a, you know, just a non-profit. It's a non-partisan party. And Talkspace makes help convenient for you. You can take these appointments from anywhere you are, your car, your house, your tub, your backyard. It doesn't matter. They give high-quality care that's backed by science. Yeah, like, I think it changed my life. And also with my therapist, you know what I mean? I can talk to somebody, you know what I mean? About what's going on, you know what I mean? I'm dealing with your trauma and whatnot. I think Talkspace is so important. Well, Talkspace makes getting help you need easy, accessible, and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a $0 copay. So, you got to try it. As a listener to this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to Talkspace.com slash badfriends and enter promo code SPACE80. That's SPACE80. S-P-A-C-E-80 to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to Talkspace.com slash badfriends and enter promo code SPACE80. Why do you want to make it a joke? Because it is a joke. It's a death jam. Yeah, kind of. No, no, no. I'm being real. Okay. We make a real app called First Thing in the Morning where it's just natural pictures of people where people really know what you look like. But the problem I have is if you let them upload multitudes of photos, they are going to try to manipulate those to look better as time goes. So, that's my point. If you have one photo, that's all you get. That's how you engage. That's more interesting to me to go, that's the one thing I have to work with. Let me go from there. Otherwise, people are going to try to make those other photos look better. They're going to find a way to look as sexy as they can, first thing in the morning. Yeah, but you can. You just have to upload one a day. One a day. It goes into your life. That's what I'm saying. So, you upload every day. You have to upload every day. And you can keep the one that you liked three days ago and not upload. Pin it. You can pin it. You can pin it. You can pin it. Okay, good, good, good. All right, good, good. Yeah, yeah. And then what's. How do you start it? We'll get an app guy. By the way, there's an app guy listening to our pod, developing it as we speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, got it. I'm going to make a billion dollars. We should hire someone to develop that app. Yeah. First thing in the morning. And we've talked about it too much. Yeah. So, AI. I honestly think it's a good idea. It's a very good idea. Yeah. Don't you think it's a good idea? Natural. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we've been deceived. How about this one? I'm deceiving you? No, no, no. You, like, roll up to a house. You see them walking out of the house. And then you just drive away. That's happened, but I've. That's happened before. I've gone out with them. I don't. Me too. I've done that too. It's horrible. You're like, come on in. No, I see these stories online. They're like, waka, waka, waka. Star Wars AI movie? Waka, waka, waka. How come I see these stories online of so many of these women being stood up on these dates? I know. Is this bullshit, though? Is this bullshit? Because I see these TikToks or these Instagram reels of people being like, I got stood up again. And I'm like, is this happening that much? But I feel like it's happening the other way. Girls are standing up, dudes, for sure. Yeah. You've been stood up. Twice. I've stood up more girls than not. So I've actually done it. Oh, shit. Really? I've done it through scheduling. I've done it. Yeah, flaking. No, no, not flaking. I just scheduling. What do you mean? What's the difference? Like something comes up, like, you know. Oh, a fake thing. I got one more dating app for us. Oh, give me the one. I don't feel so good. That's what it's called. You see them at their worst. And when they're sick. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the whole. The purpose. Well, let's go all the way. Yeah. Diseases too. Diseases. Yeah. Yeah. Can you take a look at this? Yeah. Does this look bad to you? Tumors. Tumors. Tumors website. Yeah, tumors. Do you have tumors? Yeah. I do too. Yeah. Honestly, I think a sick one where the photos of you are when you have been very sick are very. It's very funny. Because what you look like when you're sick, that's. That's the fucking. That's way worse than first thing in the morning. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because when you're sick, you look the worst. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I think. Yeah. I know. I'm experimenting. I know you are. I'm an app developer. Oh, yeah. Yeah. First. Yeah. First. All right. First thing in the morning, we'll take. We'll do first thing in the morning. Yeah. I like that one. Yeah. Someone is doing it. Yeah. You know that. What's up, dog? What's up, buddy? Is that All Saints? What are you wearing there, Mike? Oh, see, he's interested in the clothes already. Oh, you like this shirt? Yeah. I like the fit because I don't. This is my merch. Oh, this is your merch? Yeah. Really good fit. Thank you, bro. The pants too? This is Puma. Oh. I rock Puma. Nothing but Puma. And then the shirt says, buildings don't fall like that. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, which is just a fun. 9-11. You get it. Yeah, yeah. You got YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm a YouTube guy, dude. You know, buildings don't fall like that, do they? They don't. it's important to talk and laugh about it now first of all it used to be funny now it's just too true yeah yeah people too much people know we found out all the conspiracy theories turned out to be real yeah q anon is was correct on almost everything they predicted they did nailed it pizza pizza pizza honestly i was i was nailing it the last 12 years hammered drunk at most bars yeah you were telling people the truth now i'm like i'm calling people like dude i was right the whole time yeah yeah i'm still on your fit though yeah you like the fit he loves the shoes puma also yeah yeah white brand new uh no i keep them clean i got some dirt i get the same ones dirty yeah yeah you look good today man thank you bro insinuating i look bad most days no i'm sorry no no that's what i was insinuating is that the word it is yeah yeah yeah yeah i was just saying i was giving you a compliment thank you bro how nice you look today thank you that's all it was cincinnati's finest cincinnati right oh yeah cincinnati yeah we're a couple midwest boys that attended a great university in the desert you that's right dude phoenix arizona state go devils that's his mother it's his mother's home now really what are her cross streets tell him if i was gonna focus on one of the windows in the home which would i that's a good one thank you yeah yeah you're like asian ladies you know what i got one at the crib right now you really yeah your girlfriend's asian yeah do i know her no she's i don't uh date other comics yeah yeah i try not to i i don't i actually do i know her do i know her you know what honestly i see you guys all know each other right so you mean there could have you know what we live close to your hood i live by k-town so yeah i drive home sometime and just we don't know each other too well but i'm always like what if i just turned and saw bobby lee just getting a handy in the alley yeah in k-town yeah it's more likely he's over there eating korean barbecue barbecue yeah which is not the same thing sometimes it is there is she full-blooded or half she is full-blooded she is uh not your this is my first of all she's not korean i want to say that that's fine yeah which is but which i love because yeah we love that i want more because you guys are like elite asians that's right you see that again you're elevated asian can you see that again please you're elite asians you're aware of this right thank you there's a there are rankings the asians know is she chinese no she's oh that's also not philip you go on filipino no you're in the you're the ocean stay on land you're getting closer thai there was a there was a yeah give us some hit yeah there was a similar war to korea cambodian brother there was a similar war stay stay in stay in the fucking game cambodia no no all right good let's stay in the game all right all right all right we did family feud we lost the flavor flavor first of all that was rigged that was fucking rigged okay that's what you're dealing with though okay yeah not laotian not cambodian not thai all right so you said thai filipino give us another a hint please um phenomenal um culinary stuff really good and uh like a huge a huge vietnam vietnam yes yes like a very popular dish is she vietnamese yeah yeah yeah now that wasn't much of a war brother i think we won yeah you know i like to tell people we did yeah and that's why i always say our relationship if it ends i'm gonna tell everybody i won't move we won what's your favorite vietnam movie you think my favorite rom-com is hamburger hill i stick around for the good i stick around for the really good at the end yeah no i don't know i probably like uh i mean they're all pretty depressing there's none that are like yeah um what's the full metal jacket it's a classic so funny yeah full metal jacket might be one of the best movies of all time you think that's a tough that's a bold i love that movie it's such a it's such a yeah yeah i that i'm fine with that it's a dark beautiful movie it's it says a lot and then i'm like almost i'm 39 so when i watched that movie growing up that was such a the first time you saw it it was a movie where you're like yo what the fuck what the fuck yeah like halfway through you're like what there's more movie oh yeah oh yeah i'm not joining the military yeah oh my god well i'm from the big west so you know but when you when i saw that as a kid i was like i don't think i'm going to join the military no the first half of full metal jack leg you're like i can't deal with that yeah screaming yeah no yeah yeah me waking up at a certain hour get up you little piece of shit it's 2 p.m how close were you to joining the military out of high school i wasn't but i'm like that's what i say about the midwest you either leave the midwest at 18 you're dying the middle east yeah um right it's true a real good slogan yeah that's yeah that's my other merch yeah it's in camouflage it doesn't hit as hard midwest people that a lot of our friends yeah i think like they go for the midwest first yeah we're easy i think that we are very american proud very american yes um so i say i didn't go but a lot of my good friends joined a couple of homies passed away and i know yeah that's honestly that was my origin origin comedy stories my buddy passed away when i was 21 i was like i hit the family up i was like yo i got to speak at his funeral i had the preacher crying and laughing and that was the first time i was like yo i can do something with this yeah if i got people cracking up at a funeral yeah because i was 21 and that nobody knows anybody more at that age than your friends you know what i mean your parents and your family don't know you my dog died last saturday maybe you should have showed up yeah i would i would have crushed chuckle cry yeah yeah well super funny first of all i told the story i told the story the other night about you flirting with the vet tech that came to put your dog yeah yeah i mean that's amazing the guy's dog is dying and the vet comes and he's he's trying to fuck yeah he timed out the blue chew snort at a bad time he's like daddy's rock hard you took the wrong pill goodbye remy hello mommy he's insane hey we all mourn differently that's exactly right that's but i gave him credit yeah you're vulnerable yeah as a california boy do you think i'm a pussy uh i don't think i know um you think i am though you think i'm a little weaker my strand because you're california yeah yeah i'm san diego boy la most of my life i think my generalization on my worldview is yes oh you think that this is just because you're from socal oftentimes now if he was from socal and he was mexican different come on different story different stuff you have no east la in you that's right i'll go what do i have in me you've got uh you've got a lot of garden some garden grove in you maybe some oc yeah okay okay okay you've got some uh nice uh anaheim areas right boba there's some boba in my story yeah there's some boba in my story yeah he's a lot more monobello you know what i mean yeah yeah he doesn't know he's rocking when he starts rocking this is deep socal don't come and knock and dude this guy he'll go nuts i'll go nuts on you guys i'll snap dude you know what i mean anyway yeah there's some suburbans me too yeah yeah yeah mall life my life a lot of mall life yeah oh you know what i'm not above mall life good people watching okay good good good san diego but you think in a war no i think he started something with me i'll go for it yeah fuck him up you think in a war-like situation i am much older than you are sure much yeah yeah but you think they're not recruiting you yeah yeah not now sure yeah but back in my day we're the same age you think that you would stand that you you'd be tougher and more resilient in a war-like situation yeah um yeah i mean dude i used to crush laser tag i mean oh right right okay good good i could dodge and stuff like that because i took third when i did the vr boom i mean sandbox you got the laser the last one i got number one but i was with you know i mean jewels and that yeah but maybe you're right yeah this guy uh he'll cheat in an escape room he's so clever yeah he's good yeah i'll do it twice and then take a date on it oh no this is how you do it but that's what's so good about you that's why bobby would be good in wartime yeah yeah he would find a way find a way to live and survive you do that's selfish though so what yeah yeah it depends on your perspective on what's good at work kills or survival yeah you're surviving yeah i always thought that in a war movie right you and i would be dead we'd be dead yeah we'd get a couple kills 100 i get no kills but your dead bodies would i'd be you'd be on me yeah i never thought that you would pull me over two dead bodies and just pretend i'm dead like that i'd die in a murder suey dude i'd kill a guy and be like dude i can't i can't go on yeah like my legs would be blown off and i'd get a few hits and then be like i gotta get out yeah i can't but in a forrest gump situation you know what i mean my legs blown off would you come and get me and drag me or no i would get you you'd seem uh the most carryable that's a very good you're a thinker well yeah post will go v yes yeah yeah post will go v yes yes pre will go a little bit harder a little harder yeah yeah yeah speaking of which that tom hanks threw me i saw on the shitter this morning um jim ursay the old sure you're a big he's passed away you're a big football yeah yeah um he sold you're gonna love this dude you're gonna this is gonna blow your mind he had the biggest collection of sports and uh whatever memorabilia that you've ever seen in your life he has a fucking a guitar of hendrix he's got dylan's guitar he's got this guy had look at this collection and i brought they saw it's up for live auction now oh dude the collection this guy had is so unbelievable yeah it's gonna he's got the lyrics of fucking handwritten by mccartney i mean really the collection is explore the 3d space i want or or whatever go through it and he's got john's passive aggressive corrections on there yeah exactly it's a deep beatles not what we know for all the people that watch all four episodes it was so good yeah but look at that wow uh hold on hold on oh wait there we go so a lot of rock and roll but not you know but dude he had he had ollie ollie's robe that he wore out slugger oh really that's hunters thompson's car wow that's amazing that's the fucking saddle from uh what's the horse that one That's the script. Secretariat? Secretariat. Really? That's the original script that Rocky was written in. That's incredible, dude. Dude, you know, Stallone probably wrote it on a typewriter and then wrote it down just to be like, look what I did. Jack Kerouac's TypeScript scroll of On the Road. Kerouac's book On the Road on TypeScript. Wow. That's a weird one. Yeah, yeah. No, that's amazing. That book is so fucking good, man. Amazing. This guy's got so, like, this is the kind of shit, but I met, yeah, Gretzky's jersey from his 500-year-old. Oh, damn. Keep going. The guy, the- That's a lot of value there, too. A lot of value there. I think they said, some of it is you can't price it. Oh, this is the one that you would have loved, too. Which one? Smells Like Teen Spirit, Kurt's guitar from Smells Like Teen Spirit. Yeah. Really? The actual fucking guitar. From, like, the video or, like- From the video. From the video. From the video. Yeah, from the video, right? Yeah. Johnny Cash's D21 Acoustic. Yeah. I don't know if I had the money that I would do that. If you had his money, yes, you would. No, I wouldn't. Bobby, the guy was worth billions. What are you going to do with it? You, of all people, love music shit. Yeah. You wouldn't go buy Cobain's left-handed Fender Mustang? How much is it? It's not priced on there. It's forbidding. Oh, no. The estimate is crazy. Is it two to five mil? 2.5 to five. It's either 2.5 million to five million. That's a big gap. That's crazy. I think maybe, yeah, you're right. That one I would. You would? You'd want specific things. Clapton's the fool, Gibson. Look at how fucking- But, like, Janis Joplin's toenail, I don't know what, $5? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd want things that are personal to your appreciation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, if you had unlimited- There's certain things I wouldn't buy. If you had unlimited funds, Mike, what would you buy? I would do some weird, like, I'm a big hip-hop guy, but I don't know. I'd, like, get the MPC player that Dilla did some stuff on, maybe, or something like that. Very good. Or, like, some Tribe Called Quest shit. I don't know. Like, I'm a huge- Low-end theory. Good album. Great album. You know what I always thought that I would love? People's Indictive Travels, too, by the way. Yeah. You know what I always thought I would love? The carpets that are in recording rooms that go underneath the musical instruments to muffle the sound. Yeah. I want one of those carpets from Someone Powerful- Oh, that's cool. To put in my house. Because these things, they sit on a shelf, and I think, this, I'd want the carpet to be my fucking carpet in my house. Yeah. I want the carpet from the Menendez killings. In the parents' bedroom? Yeah, with the bloodstain. Yeah, yeah. I always wonder that. How much is that? I want the duvet cover. It's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beautiful stuff. Miles Davis's trumpet. I mean, get fucked. I don't know what I would like. The sports stuff, too. And then I'm a big movie guy. Wouldn't you like things from movies? Well, look, what's something from a famous film that moved you? Like the gun that Vincent D'Onofrio blasts his head off 20 minutes into Full Metal? That's awesome. That'd be fun. That's a fun one. That's a fun one. That's a fun one. That is actually a weird thing. That is a very fun one. It's dark. I went immediately dark, but pretty fun. I got one. Oh, yeah. Right. I mean, we're walking here, that car that he slapped. Oh, the taxi? Midnight Cowboy, right? Midnight Cowboy. Hey, we're walking here. That car I'd buy. Yeah. Oh, you know what else? $100. He had the original. He had the original volleyball from fucking Castaway. No. He had Wilson. Really? That's, yeah. He has some movie stuff in there that was pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Like the, oh, you know, I showed you the photo. And I think we can say it. It doesn't matter. But over at Spade's house, I got emotional because in the hallway, he has Farley's jacket. Oh, that'd be. I saw it. And dude, it's, even looking at it. Which jacket? If I got a little coat jacket or what? No, a jacket when he was three years old. That one, right? Yeah. Yeah. That jacket. The Tommy boy jacket. Tommy Joe jacket. Yeah. The jacket. Tommy. Tommy. How much is it? Sorry, Mike. I'm bombing. I like that. She's tanking the room. $101,000 it sold for. Wow. Not bad. And then now this image has conspiracy theory stuff all over it too. Does it? Oh, yeah. Tell me one. No, let's go. Well, like that image is something that is on a lot of celebrities' shirts. It's something very similar to that. And that is something that they now, with the Epstein stuff coming out, is like attached to that. What? Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Connect that to, like, there's some weird conspiracies. Turner, open us up, dude. Open my mind. I mean, there's some, yeah, QAnon. Oh, baseless. I don't know. Baseless. Pedophilia myths. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way pop culture trivia. The original heavily damaged Wilson prop in the film was sold at an auction for $308,000, confirming its high status in pop culture, rather than any hidden sinister meaning. This sounds like AI is trying to convince us of this. Why would they bring it up? Yeah, why would they say that? You said it. I didn't. Yeah, you brought this up. Yeah, come on. Come on, AI. It's not like Ellen has a shirt with it, Jay-Z has a shirt with it. It's tough stuff. Ellen. Ellen, yeah. Is she gone? What did she do? Did she leave? Didn't she get mad at Trump and left the country? What a fall off. One of my, honestly, growing up, one of my favorite stand-ups. Yeah, what did she do? And now you're like, what the hell? She was a great stand-up. Those HBO specials, the early ones, they were so fucking good. So good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you're like, oh, she's a monster. Remember the deer antler bit? Huh? The deer antler bit on the wall. Didn't she have a bit like that? Maybe. Yeah, that's how good she is. There's like three. There's a lot of good bits. I already pushed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might make it come faster. I love that. That's such a stupid idea. Yeah. Yeah, she was great. And then she just, now she's gone. Yeah. I mean, the Anne Hess death. I think she got two. You know that? Oh, yeah. She died on a car that all of a sudden went speeding through Brentwood or something like that. And then she was pronounced dead on the scene. But there's a video of her going to the ambulance where she physically gets out of the gurney. It's crazy. That's insane. She wakes up for a second. Then they push her back down. It's creepy, creepy shit. Whoa. That is where- Her last words were, Castaway should have won the Oscar. So that's the whole full circle. Wow, wow, wow. That's full circle. Wow, wow, wow. Yeah. So Mike, where can we see your special? It's on YouTube. Yeah. And when did you release it? On, you know what I did? Yeah. So I filmed it on New Year's and then I'm familiar with the Asian culture and I dropped it on Lunar New Year. Thank you. Chuk Mung Nam Mai. Thank you. Thank you. Vietnamese, I don't know what your culture says, but happy belating. Felicitated Lunar. Thank you. And so, yeah, it's on YouTube. Michael Turner comedy on YouTube. And then, yeah, just dropped it. I filmed it at Fort Collins on New Year's Eve. I've never seen anybody film a special on New Year's Eve. And I was like, you know what? I like keeping things loose. I'm like loose, but also tight with my bits. Yeah. And New Year's is a very combative night sometimes. Yeah. I thought it'd be fun. Shout out to Fort Collins. Congratulations, dude. Thank you, man. Yeah. I'm self-funded and it's all me, so. Well, Michael Turner's a very, very, very funny standup. He's up and coming. We love him here at Bad Friends. And go check out his fucking special on YouTube. Also, by the way, you do a great job for people that are sports fans. You are a sports fan, but specific sports fans. Have you ever done it at a soccer game? I, no. Because he's a diehard soccer fan. Really? That's interesting. You would do it for, wait, wait, wait. What's that? Why? Well, I don't know. I just don't meet a lot of soccer fans in America. Okay, good. Very good. Yeah, good counter. Am I being, Mike, I just wanted to let you know, I know you're blushing, but I quit smoking a couple of days ago. I'm a little agitated. I know it comes across as I'm being combative, right? But it's just me full of anxiety. I said, oh, interesting. He said, well, why the fuck is it interesting? So that's what that's coming from. Funny how, motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I apologize. It's just, yeah, yeah, I apologize. No, you're doing fine. You're doing great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't say it enough. I'm proud of you. See? Oh, thank you so much, Mike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you he was proud of you. Yeah, yeah, thank you. No, he does interviews outside of football games, and they're very, very fucking funny. It's a little bit of nagging, but it's light ribbing in a way that people would really love that like sports. And it's like I know enough about the opposing team to make fun of them, but also be aware. I'm a fan of bad sports teams, too, so it's like you can make fun of me, too. I know. So it's fun, yeah. I'm sorry, brother. Cincinnati Bengals, Cincinnati Reds. God bless the Bengals. Arizona State, Sun Devils, Phoenix Suns. Arizona State, not that you would give a fuck whatsoever. We literally played a men's basketball game two days ago and lost 45 points, I think it was. I think it was 52 or something. 50 points, yeah. Pretty cool. And Bobby Hilliard was like, I'm out. I'm done. Can you imagine? This in soccer would be losing like 12 to nil. Yeah. That's how big of a game. In men's basketball, losing by 50 is unheard of. It's like even the players who were winning were like, are you guys okay? Yeah. They're tapping in. We're fucking you guys up. I had friends I haven't heard of in years being like, you good, dog? You all right, bro? Yeah. Yeah, you need some help? But I like sports, drinking beer, talking shit, and so I go to sports games and sporting events, and then I do a tour. I'm surrounded every year, so it's fun. It's fucking great. So that's my. You've got to be a self-starter in comedy, as you guys know, so just started doing shit. Well, you're here, aren't you? This is great. Yeah, I appreciate you guys putting me on the play. Oh, we're proud to have you on the play. Those are great. Yeah, you guys have always been very kind to me, so I appreciate it. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Careful. Settle in. Yeah, I want to settle in. Let's be real. Yeah, say what you need to say. I don't think I have been that kind to you. That's fair. No, I don't think that I've given you enough time of myself. Let's be honest with you. I think that I've been in and out with you. What? Is there a route to get there? I don't know. I'll just. I think it's the jonesing that I'm feeling, but I feel a little vulnerable right now, I'm being honest. You're saying in general, right now? I think in general, I bypass them a lot at the store, and I don't really take the time to say hi. I think that you are- Let's get it on the table. You are an interesting guy. You are an interesting guy to me, because I know you and I are good friends. When I see you, it's always love and say whatever. Sometimes, I remember initially when you guys started the pod, I was like, oh, Bobby would probably be cool to me. We've had some back and forth. You know what it is, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just who I am. I'm from the Midwest. I'm just a dude that's from Cincinnati. I remember one of our first interactions. This is probably something that's not shocking to either of you. I think you tried to high kick me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of soccer, being a soccer fan, now I know you're just a soccer fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He tried to- Yeah, I know. He tried to- I think that's what it was. Liu Kang me? Yeah, he tried to Liu Kang me. He tried to bike kick me? I was like, dude, I've seen Mortal Kombat, and I've got a couple of Asian stereotypes I can kick at you, too. I understand that. But I'm above that. But that's what I remember in my relationship with you. It's not like, it's more like a violence. And so, I want to change? Yeah. No, today's the day. We're buddies with the same people. ramsay's a good buddy of mine yeah we talked about let me clarify something okay okay he will only kick you if he likes you so now knowing like seeing some am i right everyone i do think and let's just get that out of the way i think about that now in hindsight and was it was it high it was high it was impressive that's a good one and this is pre-glp thing yeah yeah yeah yeah that's because i like you so again now i know that yeah yeah i was like newer to la and i was i'm just not the type of cat that'd be like that was cool yeah and i didn't say anything but i probably gave you body language was like yo that wasn't nah oh i think that's what i read i oh yeah i think that's what i read and i was like not i said not myself yes because i don't like your reaction 100 yeah yeah yeah like who the fuck is it because the headliner which yeah you know i don't see his name on the wall you know what i mean but then i don't i don't bend the knee and i don't i know you don't and you know what and now we have an understanding yeah yeah right but the next time i kick you down god i'm fucking grabbing it okay you know i'm saying maybe a ddt okay okay good girlfriend he's been training for years she's vietnamese her family's all vietnamese oh there's traps i've been to i've been to the house you know a battle test i am right you ever party with some vietnamese people yeah yeah i know what the fuck to do yeah yeah wait this is interesting because you i want just a quick perspective share of where in the overlap of the pie charts of you've adopted a filipino family into your life oh that's interesting you've adopted a vietnamese family into your life i want to know what the similarities are of like because you live they live at your house yeah they do and now you're embedded into their life yeah we've lived together what are they do you have their moments where uh let me ask it let me yeah let me ask all right um can these can they sleep anywhere oh yes she could yeah yeah yeah that's a similarity in the kitchen on the floor they sleep everywhere they do they just fall asleep when they i'll just i'll just go oh right right it just jewels on a fucking chair sleeping like this can they eat like the anything anything yeah and like in amounts that are alarming yeah yeah i've i've done this like um i'll get two jersey mike sandwiches yeah right two yeah you're eating two no i don't eat them all the same i have an emergency one oh first of all good good check on that yeah that's crazy yeah it's crazy i'm a huge guy that's not yeah yeah i'll get two right and i'll do an emergency one that's smart yeah yeah and i'll keep that in mind and i'll do an emergency one and i'll do an emergency and i'll keep that in the fridge right and then it'll be there for like i don't know how long and they'll eat it they'll eat if they're after like a week a week yeah yeah they'll delete it the i i know and they'll eat the wrapper too they won't yeah yeah they don't waste they're very not they don't waste yeah yeah they don't waste yeah yeah well and then are they actually from the philippines and now live here oh yeah yeah so she's okay yeah well you know how it is i want to hike you so bad i just want to hike you so bad right now it's your girlfriend from so half her family's from vietnam but she was born in cali so she has a she's more oh well mine's from the actual yeah yeah well half her family is and i party with them a lot and we kick it a lot they're great they've i've never had more support in my life but if you cross them the most you never cross it's the most combative shit right so if this relationship which i hope it never does go south you need to leave the country you know what's funny is if it hits it'd be so it'd be so cold and icy that it'd be no interaction ever again it'd be dead in a way that would hurt more than if it was combat i got you i got you know as if if it was with a white girl you know what i mean yeah yeah but this is like this is yeah um and also southeast asia both philippines that's the other crossover in southeast asia but filipinos are obviously on the island yeah but vietnamese are uh they're that's a kind of that that energy is a little similar i've always found laos cambodia vietnam filipinos is that fair it is fair i'm getting a hippie white and hippie whites though right this is your first hippie white yeah yeah hippie whites are different they're different yeah they're a lot more like asians in what way they'll eat anything well that's because they're high oh is that why that's the weed i see that's the weed okay okay but also hippie whites are like asians in this um trying to find uh in the zen way yeah yeah yeah probably closer to buddhism yeah right than catholicism yeah yeah and this you'll leave the room while and they're doing this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and this hippie asian has coached you know as coached it is interesting that you're open-minded to other people's opinions and you're like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah other asians though usually other asians hate other asians yeah which is fun what like i know like koreans don't like chinese that's that's absolutely that's absolutely not true well all right yeah yeah yeah all right i love all the asians except for this is you what except for what which one indians you can always get one i'm totally kidding no i love everybody he's kidding i'm kidding look in the mic look in there and go thank you for being a bad friend well first of all we want to thank mike for coming yeah i already did that i we already plugged this out you're special you did yeah yeah yeah i just i have to go he's got a date he's got it oh really with the hippie girl yeah yeah yeah proud of you yeah yeah i gotta go uh thank you for being a bad friend is that what i said say it again feel good thank you for being a bad friend i don't know when this episode comes out right but the towels were not done really yeah after all of this after all of that we did an entire episode about towels about it the towels were not done three in the morning Last night I texted Jules I go Where are my towels Right And she goes I'm going to Hawaii She went clubbing too She went clubbing For three hours Maybe the The merch will be Your towels at some point Yeah Use some of our Purchased towels Maybe But she did not Do the towels Insane Alright I want to date with Rawls Carty says Rawls Rocker asks This is the love story Of real hinge couple Carty and Rocker Written and read By me Nicola Dynan Listen to the free Audiobook now