The Silence of the Hooves with Trixie and Katya

[MUSIC] >> It's a demo song semi-charmed live from the 90s. I want some damn. >> I hate that song. >> It's about math apparently. >> Well great. >> Is it? >> Yeah. >> I don't like songs about stuff. >> Just kidding. >> I love math. >> It's about math. >> No, it's about math. >> I guess the same more. >> Well, I was thinking this could be my new karaoke song. I really like it. And I looked up the lyrics. And I was reading them and I was like, wait a minute. >> Is it like the pookies in my mouth? >> It's literally that. >> It's like a torch lighter. >> Girl, you want to talk pookies? >> No, I want to explain. Explain to me more about why this song is about math. >> Well, let me show to you. >> Okay. [MUSIC] >> Did you watch the Devo documentary? >> No. >> [MUSIC] >> She who doesn't watch TV. >> Yes. >> Snatched me together. >> Really? >> I mean, it was incredible. >> I'm not done with heated rivalry, but we ended on a cliffhanger. So, I want to jump off the cliff. >> I'm packed and I'm holding. I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden. She lists for me, says she lists for me, ovation, her okay, wait. That's, I'm packed, I'm holding. And I can make you smile like a drug for you. >> Okay, so it could be about a Benadrill? >> No, no, no. It gets crazier. This guy was gold, it was rose. I was taken sips a bit through my nose. I wish I could get back there smiling. >> Okay, do and crystal math will lift you up until you break. >> Does she think that's a little obvious? >> That's, you're joking. >> Do and crystal math lift you up until you won't break it. It won't stop, it won't come, did I keeps that? >> Literally doing crystal math is in the lyrics. >> Yeah. >> With a tick tock rhythm, a bump for the drop. >> Okay, so I think that you're probably right. >> And the thing is when I was in college, I took a little bit about that and we learned a lot about like, the metaphor and I think this is not a metaphor. I think they're just saying that. >> Some, you know, I had no idea. >> She was dragging that dead horse of the restaurant and I was like, it's just so good piece. It's like a romcom song. >> I asked her, did you kill your sister? And he said, he said, yes, and I thought, something to do. >> Wait, clip hanger, clip hanger. >> All right. >> Previously on Bald in the Beautiful, taxidermy or what? >> So, Andrew and I moved to the studio. I'm just like taking care of the last little pieces of shit in my red room. But taxidermy antelope, balls on my head. The horn pierces my head and gashes it open. >> You better stop. Mary, I got pictures and I've got stitches on my head right now. >> Wait a minute, wait a minute. You had to get stitches. >> Honey, listen to this. So the contract is around my house. It happens. >> They did the stitches? >> No, no, no, no, no, we did everything wrong first. So I, it hurt so bad because the thing was very heavy. So the weight of it, it's 20 pounds, 25 pounds. And the horn, the point of the horn broke off and after it sliced me, I was stunned. Like, I was like, it like hurts so bad. And I don't, I mean, I haven't been injured and so long. Like, and I go, blood just is, I grab like a cloth. Soaked it in blood, I had to get another one. Then I go upstairs to the deck and the guys are working out there. And I just point to my, I go like, I'm like, what do you want them to do? >> Help. >> Is Andrew there? >> No, no, no, no, no, this is my house. >> Andrew's not interested. >> You're bleeding, he's like, no. >> But so Lester, the contractor, comes down. He's like, I'm bleeding and I'm like silent screaming and point to get myself. And we go downstairs cleaning with alcohol. >> Don't do that. >> Burns. >> Yeah, but also it dries it out. It's not what you're supposed to do. It's soap and water. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, soap and water. And then you press, press, press. We put three, four giant bandages on it, blood through all of them. >> What the fuck? >> Yeah, and I was like, then I put like, ice on it. >> What day was this? >> This was, oh gosh. >> This is after Christmas or before Christmas? >> I have the picture so I can, I can tell you exactly the dates. And I have, oh girl. >> Did you have to go to the hospital? >> So I didn't go, I was like that happened in the late afternoon. And then I'm like, I don't know, I googled it, I googled it. I was like, the gash was long. And so I'm like, it says like if the cut cut is more than like a half inch, you should probably go get stitches. So I had, last year when, one of the times I went cook with bananas, our manager signed me up for this like kind of fancy health service. And I got charged for renewal. And I was, I called to like get a canceled 'cause it was a lot of money. >> It didn't come to your house? >> No, no, no, no. But it's just like you go to them and you don't wait or anything. It's very, very fierce, but it's, it's very expensive. So I called the day before to get a canceled. Nobody answered. So I was like, shit, I, I want to go to the urgent care around the corner. I look it up. 251 star reviews. >> So I called the, I called this place and I was like, hey, I have this. I think I need stitches. I told them the thing. They're an antelope down on me. And then, and they're like, by the way, that antelope, revenge of the antelope. >> Thank you. >> He didn't want to be in your wall. >> How do we know that? What was she wearing? >> Was he smiling? >> I got a picture. >> I've seen that antelope. He's like, but so I, so I was, I was talking to the woman so nice. I was like, what should I do? Should I go to the urgent care? He's like, well, listen. It's weird. You're about 10 to 15, 10 to 12 minute drive from here. You could take 12 minutes to get here and you will be seen immediately. There's nobody here. We will patch you up and you'll be out of here in 10 minutes. >> Does that happen? >> Or you can go to the urgent care. Wait, three hours. Mary, I go there. It is. >> You need to tell me about this. >> Mama. >> I go to, it is. >> Send me the link. >> Baby. This place was hidden. It was no door, like, it was like, it was like, you would not know, it was so dark in the street. It was like, you could never find, they were like, it's this place, you're not going to find the door. They buzzed me in and girl. They treat me immediately, so fiercely, the nurse is incredible. The doctor was amazing. I'm out of there in 15 minutes with stitches. >> You need to send me this, because you know, I need to go to the doctor every four days or so. >> Any other hospital would have been, I just had a, you know what I mean? You have, you know, motorcycle accident, no for sure, you know, and I don't have a PCP right now. >> So look, this is right here. >> Oh my God, a girl that looks deep. >> It's nasty. >> Yeah. >> If I was there with you and I saw that, I would have said, we need to go to hospital. >> Well, so it's huge. >> The lump, so that I got scared because I did the pressure and the, it was, the bump was big and it was not stopping leading. >> I found a rag later, completely soaked in blood. >> Wouldn't that be fierce if all the meth, none of it damaged your brain, but this was it? >> An analogue. >> Wouldn't that be fierce? >> An analogue. >> I mean, that is exactly what's going to happen. I will be like, I'll be like hardcore drug users at home. I love it just to get hit by a car on my way to a meeting. >> You know what I mean? >> Love it. >> It's like being diabetic, you're going to hit by an insulin truck. >> Yeah, I want to, actually, I don't want to show you, because the way that I had to get myself a haircut, I had to like shave around and it is so violent of hair right now out there. So it is a strange island. It is a, not a lost, it's the most lost, this is your lost, this smoke monster. But yeah, it's, it's, and I have to go back to get them taken out. >> Shit, girl. >> I was thought they were going to like staple or glue or something. >> That's okay. Listen, the story of this is, it's a beautiful piece of art in your home that fell on your head. >> I want to auction, I want to auction it off because, girl, I really broke. >> Back. >> That horn. >> I really crap, girl. >> Yeah, the horn. >> You're like, he wasn't your eye, bitch. I know. I love my eye. >> I wish it was me and I fell out my butt. >> Wouldn't that be kind of? >> Well, Andrew is in our new studio, we're going to have pegboard and I was like, what if you come to the studio one day and I have, I'm, you know, I'm sitting on the pegboard screaming. >> Pegging. >> Yeah, so I'll peg. >> My butt on the wall, like, no, but it was, it sucked and I had never had stitches before that, you know, they do the, they shoot me up with light again. >> This, this fucking, no, mama, this doctor, this fucking horn, not only was this fucking horn so beautiful. Her bedside manner was just sparkling. She was funny, personable, like, efficient, so good at her job. >> Yeah. I had a similar, I've been having, we talked about it, my similar, you're my year-in-year issues, which I said. >> Oh, yes. >> What's the problem? >> She's just, no, I had to accept that this probably definitely had to do with my autoimmune inflammatory disorders. Like, that's what's going on. >> Are you sure it's just because you refused to pee during the day? >> No, shut up. I went on some new, I have a new Neuroamuno doctor, which is a doctor that just treats like immunosis. >> How many specialists are you going to say? >> I go to like five. >> Jesus. >> But he has me on peptides now for stress and it has helped a lot. So I, can I tell you, I just want to say, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, I do, I do four shots a day now, it's fierce, I'm like someone's, I'm like someone's 19-year-old diabetic cat that they're trying to keep alive. >> Natural processes like pooping and peeing, when they're not on schedule, you really realize how much you take it for granted. >> Oh yeah. >> Being constipated, not being able to pee. >> Digital extraction? >> So now I have to go to pelvic floor therapy. I'm dead serious. I went to two different levels. Are you a therapist and they both tried to suit their fingers? I grew up my butt. - Are you a 72 year old woman? - I guess. - No offense. - They said that. - They said that I have so much stress that all your smooth muscle practices down here are clenching. So nothing is peeing and pooping the way it's supposed to. Everything's grabbing. - Hold on. - You're fight or flight. You try to get that corner's allowed. - So you know how I had to call my other doctor, the call massage. (laughing) - Call that bitch. - Tumoric, you needed Tumoric Julius from squirrel. - Michelle has some autoimmune dysfunction. She's the only person I know who deals with it. And when I call her, she drops everything and talks to me about it. And she is a model human as far as that bitch brings her own pots and pans to cook on. Like she has exedals and these variables where her body gets. - She brings her own airplane seat on the flight. - She's gluten free, dairy free, vegan. Like what? - She's next level prohibitive with her health. - But like, is it Demi Moore with like only raw vegan? - She basically was like, Trixie, you cannot be having Celsius. She was like, you cannot be having energy drinks. - No, no. - She said, you need to get your T-trees, she said, you need to get your nervous system down. You need to be having a fucking caffeine alcohol. She's like, you need to be like married. - But she's right. - Bite the bullet and you need to fucking listen to ASMR. - Well guess what I got for Christmas. - What? - And then version table. - What is that? - Hang this up. - Hang this up, sit down. Decompressure spine. - Parasympathetic nervous system. - Excited. I've never used it, haven't set it up yet. I hope part of my gift is that somebody also sets it up for me 'cause I was just giving it. And now I'm like, oh good. - It's like being shipped like an IKEA furniture thing. - Yeah, okay, great. And I've been working so much on music stuff at home. And I have my dining room set up with my little keyboard and my computer and I'm working on a bunch of new music. But I was thinking of converting my basement into a small studio, but I don't know if that's crazy. - Mary. - What's happening to your body is crazy. You need to fight crazy with crazy. - You think? - You need to fight crazy with insane. But I'm trying to relax my system by making sure I exercise every day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's full eight hours. - Yes. - Still bomb my body with caffeine. Like I've been doing. - Sleep is not, well yeah. You can, no caffeine. Sleep is not negotiable and you have to meditate. - And breathing. - Medi, like deep breaths, calming, like it's corny. - But it's not corny, it's not corny. Like the whole, when you get advanced to yoga, like the prana yama, if it's not bullshit yoga, it's all about the, awesome. It's just like a lead up to breath control and meditation. - Yeah. - They basically were just like, there's nothing wrong with your bladder. We think you're like clenching. Your involuntary muscles are not letting you pee. Everything's holding. - I was having this. I was peeing probably 20 times a day and like a few tablespoons at a time. It was awful. - That happens to me. Like I have been, I think it's because I'm always having a cock ring on, but I like a cock cage. - A cock cage. - No, I sometimes like, I have a heart. Well, I said this before, 'cause I don't want to fart. - You got to do it. You live alone. - I'm talking in the airport bathroom with the acoustics or like at the Hollywood Bowl. - Straight man, no care. - Mama, they blow ass on the toilet seat. - And the boy, the vocalization. - Oh! It's crazy. Oh my God. - So delicious. - Because I have house guests, I haven't been able to use my Peloton, which is in the guest room. So I've been going to the gym and I don't use-- - Where do you go? - The Planet Fitness. I've been with the Planet Fitness Member for probably 25 years at this point. I think I'm the first member. Me and Lizzy Lohan, right? So I went to the one the other day in Studio City. It's in the second floor of a mall, I go great. So I go in there, I start working out. I do my little workout and I really do a good job. I've got my blood pumping and you know, when you have inflammatory disorders, the blood pumping is magic. It just keeps you-- - Sure. - Everything, D, D pump. - D pump? - Tell me why I'm on my phone. I walk in to the bathroom and I go, oh my God, that woman's in the wrong changing room. I'm embarrassing. So I just saw breasts and I go, oh, it's me and I turn like a top. I freeze and turn like an automated like, maybe she's like I'm a mannequin. I literally walked in, I walk and I go and I just walk out. And I'm, you know, that's the scenario if you ever go on a walk out room. Well, I don't know if it's he, she or we, they or they them. It was JK Rowling with her tits out at the Planet Fitness. - That's why she's conje-- and you just gave her a lot more fuel for the fire. - Right. - No, so what'd you do? - Did you scream? - She screamed. - I didn't want to be rude, so I said, nice to-- - Yeah, look at those jugs. No, I'd like to slide my cock between those hot chairs. - Shared over her head, so she didn't see me either. So like we both, she was spared embarrassment and I just felt like, and you gained the titillation. It's not my normal gym, so I just walked in and by the way, both bathrooms look the same except W and M. - Wicked which, like the same letter. And you were in a handstand, so you saw M. - Yes. - So I just walked out and went in the other bathroom. - But also, I'm such a fag. I feel equally out of place in the men's room. I'm like, ladies, girls, ladies with an attitude. Do you know what I mean? - Yes, I do know what you mean. I forgot-- - I forgot any locker rooms. - I forgot my lock at the gym, so I had to buy a lock. They don't have-- - They don't have so much the plan of fitness lock is. I got it from a vending machine in the men's room. - 10 bucks? - $15. - Wow. - Fear. - That's actually not bad. - But it's the kind that you can make your own code and I'm telling you at 36, no new four number codes. I can't do it. - No, baby, I do my ATM pin when I go to the gym because they have the ones that you just-- - Yeah, you have to pick something you know. But Mary, how many times do you think I've gone down to the front desk and say, I forget which locker I had? - Oh, that's easy to do because it's not your lock on it. If it's your lock, you're like, that's me. - Yeah, but when there's no locker-- - But that's what I mean. - Yeah, so how about once we checked every locker in the wrong room? - Fears. - But then now I always take a picture. You have the same with parking. We had our little tricks because-- - No, it tells you where the car is. - Right. - But it doesn't, you know. - Although I do have an air tag. - Oh, that's nice too. - I could probably ding it. - You could ding it. Do you have the type of app that tells you where the car is right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, great. I think the bubble has that. I don't know how to fucking use it. - So it doesn't beep, it goes. - Oh. (laughing) - Nice, yeah, nice jugs. I'm gonna slide my cock through your tits. - Through the tits. - Oh, between. - Okay. - I went to, you know that place we went to, that, that-- - Didn't tie it strong. - No, no, no. Century City Mall and we went on the meeting with our agents. - Oh, the one where, by the way, I think it's okay to laugh about it now. The one where they abandoned us on the side of the road and went to walk home. - Yes, caught and I made this innocent joke on the pod that they all had, and we had no cars. So we had to Uber home. That was the time, if you guys have been listening a long time, that was the time I was running to the Uber and I looked over at my shoulder smiling. - Oh yeah, you were leaving me, leaving Miss Smokin-Robbison in the dust. - Yes. - I was like, so, you were like Jackie Joyner-Cursey. - Oh yeah. - And I was fucking, I'm tired. - I was Shakari Wilson. It was awesome. I had a wig on. - Yeah. - You didn't even, not one beat a sweat. I get in the car drenched. - Right. - I had a wig on and popsicle sticks on my fingers. - Smokin, yeah, Smokin' a joint. (laughing) So, by the way, we have to talk about the Olympus 'cause it's coming to LA baby. We gotta talk about the Olympus. - Not for three years, but two years. - We should start getting horny now. - But what? - I'll post it on your nipple now. - Well, I'm, I, oh, Queen, Mary, the best seat of the Olympics is sadly at home. - Of course. - Because the events I want to watch, what? - I don't think you and I could get a job commenting on the gymnastic flipping. - No, 100%. - I know. - No, no, no, no, no. - gay.com. - You're the gay.com. - You can get us in there. - Men.com. - Of course. - Gayity. - Do you really? - I realize how NBC owns the Olympics, NBC. - So what? - So what? They are, do you think NBC would let me talk sucking dick and cock at the Olympics? - And you did it at my birthday. - Yeah, and you did it at my, you did it at the event finals at the Women's Gymnastics. Like it's, they would never, they wouldn't let me near that place. I would be, you know what I'm saying? - They're so conservative. Gymnastics is a very conservative sport, very conservative. - I'm sorry, but they need to reach audiences and you have a loyal audience and you genuinely care about it. You can make it happen. Right now you're telling yourself it's not gonna happen. - No, no, no, maybe you are being so polianic right now. It's, no. - It's not. - No, no, no. I'm telling you. - I've been on the tennis channel. That's different. You want to talk conservative, the tennis channel? - What were you doing on the tennis channel? Correspondence about tennis. - Do you know about tennis? - But I like it. I'm still not sure how it's scored, but I like the outfit. - You're like, love 50. - Oh, by the way, love 50. - Love tennis. - Love tennis actually. - Well, here's the thing. I actually, if Simone's gonna be there, again, it's a huge, like from Drag Race. - Yes. - Simone, 'cause she's competing. - No, Raven Simone, yay. - Right. - Right. - Right. - Would it be Simone? Raven Simone and Simone Biles were all tied. - Of course it was. - Of course it was. - No, I, the best seeded gymnastics at home, it's one of the most popular limbic sports you don't want to ever go. I don't want to commentate because I, I like the sport too much and I have such a, I have too many opinions. If you listen to gymnastics, commentating, it's so edited. It's so produced. It is so controlled. - Okay, well it's okay, you don't have to do it. - No, I mean, I love the idea, obviously, but I'm just gonna keep dreaming things for you and why don't you keep aiming low, okay? - But I would literally have to sit down and make a thesaurus for myself. Okay, Kant means amplitude. You know what I mean? I'd have to, like, I'd have to brainwash. Like, and I just wouldn't have the vernacular. - Use your own vernacular. Girl, I would get on the microphone while people are flipping through the air. I'd be like, chat, are we cooked? Like, just, of course she ate that bark and it's that up. - Yeah. - She sat on that beam. - For sure. - She'd shoot that vault up to pieces and shit all over it. - And shit all over it. - Yeah. - Oh, she pissed on that. that rug. Ooh. She's on it. What a flop. Boo that stink. Do you smell that? The shit on that beam? Girl. Great. So what was it like going out there and shitting on everyone? Yeah. Yeah. So did you pull your leotard to the side when you're shit on your competitors or just do it right through the mesh? See, that's what they don't want. Did you finish welcome to dairy? I did. I did. I surely did. Can I like it? No, I liked it. Oh, okay. And just like dairy. And the dairy girls. Yeah. Nicola Coffin was a little bit underused. I felt like I agree. If you blink, you miss her. Yeah. Bill Scarsgard incredible, incredible actor. I thought there's some really primo child acting. Oh, baby. The way that I hate children actors, but these motherfuckers all ate down. Yeah. They really did. I thought they did a great job. I just, I'm not a fan of the styling of Pennywise in this, in this, in the new it. I hate it. I hate it. It's the, the should be the dying, but the, the do you have draped dress in the mules? Simmer and a priestly gotta get a mother of pearl toe buckle mules. The one-inch kitten heel and the bang piece. Yeah. Can we match the color? A stud. Can I get a dangle? Hello, and we're the bracelet, right? No, I, I mean, I love the, when the, you know, the, the, it was thrilling when Pennywise became that big bat toward the end. Oh, sure. Oh, that was, that was, that was country. And of course the, the, the movie theater scene at the first episode was on the car scene. And then right, the car scene was really scary. It was a really good, like, it was a pretty steep buildup, but it was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And then, I also like, like, oh, this is the beginning of this cycle. It's Pennywise as a baby. Yeah. And then nothing was scarier the whole season. Nothing was scarier to me than when they were watching the movie and their friend who's dead is in the movie in the music man. Yeah. Uh, and then they all start talking to him. I'm like, okay, we're all dumb. Well, what about his in the movie or dead? What about Chomp Chomp and the, with the umbilical cord? That was crazy. The friends all getting killed was crazy. That was the, episode one, because you think these are people we're going to follow the whole season murdered. Mom, brother, sister died. You got one day. Yeah. If it's the cause, then you got 50 minutes. Right. Right. So the scene where, um, what's her name? Oh, God, the scene where she's in the supermarket and gets lost in her dad's pickles. Baby pickle surprise. Yeah. She really ate it up. Yeah. Um, she was, she did, she was stressed. She was the stress factor. And she really like this, uh, super spoilers where the white supremacists under the influence of Pennywise, of course, burned down the, the black clubhouse, the black spot. That was scary. When that was scary. When he, when he dies, yeah, it's scary. I came in and I get the kid died. It's awful. And she's, he's on the thing and she's, I was losing it because that little kid was so fucking good. Yeah, he was great. He was so what, I mean, he's going to be a superstar. Yeah. He was so, what a, like, uh, I don't like precocious kids. That kid was so funny and so good. It was the saddest fucking thing in the world. Uh, these kid actors are, the girl plays Marge when she's chopping her eye with the saw. Yeah. Those kids are acting. Yeah. And she was, she was scary. She was in love with the, and then she's revealed to be the, the mom of, yeah. And also, I thought he was kind of come back for real from the bed. No, but he did come back. It did. Yeah. The finger to Pennywise was fun. Yeah. It was great. I loved it. Uh, the guy who plays the young Dick Halloran was so good. Yes. Love that shit. Yeah. Um, what else was like? Oh, Mary. Well, you know what, though, some of the, um, some of the, this, the CGI monsters, like that old, that's me in the forest, remember me in the forest? Um, chasing the kid. Yeah. I mean, love that. Yeah. That was a little too close to home. I also, I love him as a, as a good Pennywise fan. I love Stephen King shit. The dead lights are fucking scary. I, I loved the girl in the clown outfit is floating. Oh, baby, the procession, all the kids floating. County, was playing the tuba. That should be gay pride event. When he dead lights the whole school, that was fucking operating the principle, like a puppet. It's fierce, scary. It's fierce. And honestly, and then he throws them, right? Ripses something. Very good characters. So you really care what's going to happen. Yeah. I really thought Ronnie was going to die. Which one's Ronnie? The girl whose dad is being wrongly convicted for murder. Oh, no, no. I really thought she was going to die. And I was scared. Mary, I, I just, I hate Pennywise's costume. And I hate the hair. And I hate the buck teeth. So as a clown, do you think he should be dressed kind of like a hot dog or what? No, I think he should be like Katy Perry's Met Gal outfit a cheeseburger. And if he really wants to scare people, put some mustard on it. Right. No, no, I think, like, I love the Tim Curry. I love the classic clown look because I think that's more creepy. But you know, the young kids right now on the Twitter and the top, they're sharing those 90s ministries clips and going, y'all really think this is better than they, they don't live for it. Mary, but it's a different kind of living. It's, it's, there's a depth to it because he's funny too. Yeah, he's, he's scary. He's scary because he's real. Like it's a real clown. It feels real or he does, there's nothing real about this Pennywise. Yeah, he's, he's a, he's a super, supernatural monster, whether the, you know, regardless of the backstory. And we're experiencing that thing. I forget what they're calling it, but the thing was like every movie looks like a Lord of the Rings movie. Everything is so post. Everything is what? Like a Lord of the Rings movie. Everything's in post. Oh, okay. The mini series, everything's like a lot of practical effects. Yeah. Yeah. The mini series is a very different. The deadlines are contied though. The head opening up with the teeth and the love that shit. Oh, and then Madeline Stowe as, um, uh, Sherry, not Sherry pie, um, Sherry buying, uh, Sherry buying Penny, who, what is her name? Queen, queen. Perry, you want, Perry Winkle, thank you. Jane, you wine. I had the syllables, right? Tony Braxton, right. That's where she's, it's kind of, she's kind of, she's kind of chasing her dead dad. Yeah. And she kind of knows Pennywise isn't her dad. Yeah. And then she's still horny for it. And then Pennywise lops that dude's head half off. Love it. Oh, love when he finally, Pennywise bites the head off the general deserve it. Oh, yeah. Also, I like, I loved it when he was eating the, um, the thing was like, do I have face on my face? Yeah. So that's kind of continued. I also really thought of you. Well, also a bunch of people during a hate crime being trapped in a fire was fucking scary. It gave me, um, terrifying. It gave me like, um, would it give me love craft country vibes or something? Yeah. Um, it was so graphic, tragic, scary, horrible. Um, I also thought of you. The scene where Bob Gray, when it's like the, the real clown, yeah, is outside with the makeup smoking. Oh, that's me. And maybe you know, I'm going to the woods. Born in the game. I know you're going to the woods. I live in those woods. You live in the woods. Yeah. I, but I still, again, I like, no, and it, Bill Scarsgard is a very, very talented actor, but I just, I really, really hated the styling. It's too broke. It's too recoco. It's like, it's like, it's just like too much. You're mad. I'm, I'm pissed. Right. And I, I don't, I don't think I can go on. Okay. What else did you watch? Oh, well, I'm excited because I thought thousand pound sisters was canceled, but now it's coming back. So I'm fucking flipping out because I like to follow that. And I'm still waiting for the new season of Gypsy Rose Blanchard Life After Lockup. So prestige TV. I've been watching Love After Lockup, which is about people getting out of jail and they get to be reunite with someone they met in jail. Like, oh, a lot of people in jail have girlfriends or boyfriends outside of jail. What do you think that is? People who want relationships. Oh, they, they inmates. They want penpal relationship with inmates. You want it? Yeah. Well, because I know I'll be an inmate at some point. Do you think it's a comfort of the proximity? Like, it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to become more because it's, it gets to be long, long. I don't know. I mean, I love, I think pen pals are, I had a pen pal. French one. I have okay with a pen but I still want to be able to put the dick in my mouth. Oh, I see, but that's a dick pal. A sexless relationship. Well, I think it's probably an issue of like, it's flirting with danger without imminent, you know, it's like, oh my god, yes, my, my boyfriend's on death row, he's murdered 16 people, but we have great correspondents. Where are the people jerking their penniness in jail? There's no privacy. Just everywhere. Are you, are you kidding me? Do you know how much bumping and grinding there's going on in jail? That's the only thing they're doing in there. Really? They're licking weights and they're fucking. Oh, somebody tried to fight against your nuts. Wait, what? What? I just went to like the violence of jail that I went to something that had 70 happened yesterday. I was running on Hollywood Boulevard because I've been feeling better. So I've been jogging. Somebody tried to fight you. And when you're running and people are walking, I noticed sometimes they get scared when they hear running coming up from behind them. But don't you, as a runner, aren't you very aware of people going around? I'm just not even close to him. Yeah. He turned around and started calling me a lot of racial names. And then he said he was going to beat me up and certify me. So I just ran further where more. I had my headphones there. Okay. Why would he call? What's slurred? Would he close the end word? Okay. What? I think he was a little crazy. Oh, you think? But he would have scared me. And I was like, - Girl, I got Kelly Clarkson in here. - I got Kelly Clarkson in here, Shark. - I'm running. - It's Kelly Clarkson. - It's like Hoka on Hollywood Boulevard. There's people everywhere. It's not like I jumped out of a bush. - Well, I got called a bag, oh, I got called Fiercey a Faggot. It was actually exhilarating. - Wait, it was, I was, I was in my car and these kids, it was kind of diabolical. They really, they really zeroed in on me and clocked my tea so fiercely and just spread like dead. - Faggot. - A kid? - A two kids, old. Probably like 35 now, like 16, 17 teenagers. - They were in a car, what? - No, they were on the street. - And they just yelled, "Faggot at you." - They were like zeroed in. Like laser pointer to the forehead. - Faggot. - Can I just say too? - I was like, the thing is, it doesn't hit the way you think it hits. 'Cause I know. - No. - Yeah, it's like, what are you talking about? - Wait, oh, I've known that since 12. - And? - Yeah, and then what? - Faggot. - You're welcome? - Yeah, like what's the next thing? When Andrew and I got gay bastion in West Hollywood at the corner of sunset in Laurel, the gayest corner in the world. - I would gay bastion, Andrew. - But we were walking in some guy in a truck, just screams, "Faggot at us." And we were like, "We're like, it was exhilarating." - In West Hollywood, you're gonna yell, "Faggot." - I was like, "Merry, you are the minority." Maybe that's why they feel the need to assert there, whatever. - Yeah, and I'm not saying we should skip to violence, but I'm saying like, it doesn't hit the way you think it hits. - No, it doesn't hit actually gay. - It's like, well, that gets, let's get back to heat department. (dramatic music) - So, there's a lot of hate. There's a lot of people, there's a funny tweet. It's like, you love a show, you go on Twitter and people will just hate it. - You know what I mean, it's like, they'll hate you for loving a show on Twitter. - Also, no one hates something like people who love it. - No, she's-- - Drag Race fans, who hate drag race, they hate the producers. - Yeah. - They hate RuPaul. - But this is different though, because they're not even watching it. These are just gay guys who are like, fuck that. They're just allergic to joy, they hate love, and they don't want romance, or tenderness, or beautiful lighting, or big butts, or interesting storylines, or whatever. And that's fine. If you want your AIDS and your death and your math, go ahead. But like, I don't want to watch the normal heart. I don't want to watch in the band played on. I've seen it, it's traumatizing. I want, I want an M-M-Fu Joshi romance, where nobody dies. And every like, if I were 14, 15, 16, and a budding queen, I would not, like, I cannot take it for granted, how fierce that would be. - Yeah. - Mary, this is like a gay thing that's actually like, it's, maybe that's why-- - Maybe it's a heart stopper. Of course, that's why. Yeah, 'cause it's wholesome. But I think heart stopper was lacking the gay porn that the straight woman-- - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is, those are children. Those are children. These are athletes who are in their 20s. Right, that was high schoolers, so, you know? - But it's Netflix, they're 45. - Well, they gotta letay. - Right, you know? But this is like, the, like, I feel so bad about objectifying their butts, but there were so many times where I was like, I had a boner, and then I would just cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. That's good though, it's good to cry. - I think it's good. - I love crying. - I feel great after I cry. - I love crying. - I told you I was on the plane watching Ghost, and I had to close the laptop 'cause my ghost will fuck you up, girl. - She was getting a concern. The woman next to me. - She was getting really nervous. - And I didn't want to be like, ugh, I didn't even get to the bank scene in the spirit of saying the wrong things to celebrities continued. - Yeah. - At Vanderpump's dog, Gala, which I do every year, lovely cause. - You know, you can't talk to dogs, right? They don't listen to you. - I know, and I go. And I say, and I was, we do like, you know, the motel or someone we give something for an auction. I won something. I just wanted to participate in the charity, and they do like an auction. And I won something. - What did you win? - I forgot. - Oh, it's a trip to Vegas. Like a trip to Vegas to see like a circus show. Oh, I think that maybe. - Have you not seen it? - Well, I bid on it 'cause I wanted to do, if you don't be a good guest and-- - But have you seen it? - Have you seen it? - No. - You have to go. - I think that's what I'm going to. I don't know. But, and I got a two-night stay somewhere. And so, lovely, lovely, lovely. And then somebody else was trying to bid it. It's me and I was in drag and I stood up and said, - Don't even try it. You don't have it. - Thanks. - Then they stopped bidding. They punched him in the face. - I got a pretty good deal. - You gotta go see, oh, I'm telling you, it's so incredible. - Maybe that's the one I'm going to. I don't know. - Anything besides the Michael Jackson one or the Beatles one. - Okay. So then, oh, Garsell. Do you know Garsell Bovet? - Yes. - I don't know why I know that name. - Yes, so she is an actress. - She's an actress. - Yes, she wasn't the rival of the thickest. Do you remember we watched that on Netflix? - I do. - So she's also been in everything. - And she was always by this. - Yeah, she's gorgeous. - So we're, she's at the table too. And we're sitting and chatting, chatting, chatting, chatting. And I just was trying to make conversation. 'Cause I don't know. And I go, so Garsell, I was like, we've met a few times. But she said, "I'm trying to make conversation." And I go, "Oh, one time we shared a car to the airport once leaving an event. She and I, and it was a four in the morning." So she and I were like, "Go to the airport for an hour." - Your trauma bonded. - Awful, yeah. And I go, have you ever done drag race? You know, I was like, I wonder if you've done, 'cause you know, like Lisa ran a lot of the housewives that don't drag race. I said, "Have you ever done drag race?" And she said, like, "Yeah, I did, I did do drag race." And I go, "Oh, what season? That's so crazy." - Looked it up. - She's all stars. - She was there. (laughing) What's, do you have a new year new vibe? - I do. Eat more ass. - Okay. - No, I have it. Yeah, no more, I'm throwing away my moisture readers. And then I am going to anxiety and do say moisture readers. - No more moisture readers, I'm not doing it. I'm not a contractor. I'm not a mold expert, I'm not a remediation technician. I'm not a carpenter. - Well, it's a little like going to the doctor and then telling him what you Googled. - It's going to the doctor bringing a stethoscope. But, you know what? - No, I feel both ways about it. Because on one hand, I don't want to tell the doctor that I Googled something on the other hand. - But of course you do. - Doctors, 99% of the time. Well, Sunday at home saying there's nothing wrong with you. I don't know, you could be shooting blood out of your face and they're like, have you been sleeping okay? - Yeah, it's like, did you eat a banana today? - So sometimes you do have to like, I don't know. Go down to WebMD, rabbit hole now. - What do they call it, being your own advocate? Or just issuing eight years of higher learning and, you know. - I think it's okay to contribute. - It's doing research is never a bad thing. As long as you're doing it diligently and not just like saying, Gemini, hi, I have this. - Well, the doctor, Mary, I gotta go to the dentist. - Go to doctor, son. - I think I'm gonna have to because I can't have those, I can't have those F words. - Indiana Jones, my mouth again. - What do you mean? - I mean, that they take a pickaxe. - Oh. - The doctor son's really good and she's really nice and she's very good. - Did she have a gentle, did she have a very kind? - She has a very kind, she knows. - I know, like she's trying to kill me. - Every single thing you could ever know about to you. - I gotta go back to the Russian guy with brown teeth who smokes before he sees me because he says. - The cleaning is really important. He says, you have the most beautiful teeth ever seen in my life, has he blew smoke into my face and like flashes brown. - Fierce. - I was like, yeah. - Love that. - He's like, you have nothing wrong, get out of here. - Of course, I don't. - What about every pelvic floor therapist trying to put a finger in my butt? - That's assault. - Apparently what they do is put the fingers up there and they feel for you and try to train you to relax everything 'cause they're like, you're tense, we can feel it 'cause we all carry too much tension. - Apparently it's really common. - You know, it's Mula Bunda. You gotta get into some Shishum Nanani, the central channel. - I think you need to get a little woo-woo. - No, no, you don't need to. - I've been woo-woo. - I've been woo-wooed out. - But no, no, no, no, no. - I'm a Wu-Tang clan. (laughing) - But like the, so the Richard Freeman was this, like a really good yoga teacher. It was like very well respected. He has a very interesting way of talking about the body. He's like, he talks about getting the PC muscle online and like he uses a lot of the computer metaphors for like activating the different like deep, deep muscle grips in the pelvic floor. You gotta go to one of his workshops and do the yoga. - Yeah, that's what I'm up to do, woo-woo. - It's not, it's like woo-woo, but it's not like, it's not snake oil. There's actually, woo-woo means snake oil. - Woo-woo does often imply. Woo-woo includes snake oil. Or snake oil is the part of the woo-woo bless you. But like, (blows raspberry) Third. (laughing) - Wait, so okay, two things. I got three goals. You asked me 2026? I got three goals. Center split. Number one. - Oh, okay. - I'm working diligently at it. I'm making very, very little progress. Every day I stretch and try to do it. Second goal. - Every day I wake up and wish you were dead. (laughing) - Is that from marriage story? - Adam Driver. - So much drama. - Too much drama. - It's fierce. - Girl, take an out of hand. Go for a walk. - Break up. - Have a milkshake. - Break up. - Break up. - It's turmeric Julius from Squirrel. (laughing) So wait, anyways. I got center split number one by the end of the year. Then I want to fuck an Uber driver. Concentually. - Right. - And then I also want to fuck an Uber Eats driver where I was talking to Bob about it. He gave me a great strategy. It was actually really compelling. It was really compelling. But I don't do Uber Eats. So it's got to be grub hub and I don't know about that. - I'd be careful pushing yourself on the people bringing your food. - It's not pushing. And I'm the opposite of a pusher that's why I haven't done any of this stuff. But so I often get Russian speaking Uber drivers. It's like almost four out of five. - How'd you meet the guy who's ass you ate, Grinder? - Grinder. - Yep. - Is everybody just talking to you 'cause you were talking to him? - No, he knew who I was but he wasn't weird about it. - Grinder was cooked for me because everybody's just-- - No, it's not cooked for me anymore because a lot of-- - You should fall off. - No, seriously, I don't want to be any more famous than you now. - And you won't. - You won't. - I love, like you, bum, you rise, you go, go, girl. Get up there, girl, I love, girl, oh my God, girl, you're, oh I see you, girl, oh my God, I can't even see you anymore. - Oh my God, you're in the hot air balloon. - She and me where they're swirving in the car exploding. That's me. - I'm the little girl with the balloon and you're like way up, but yeah, no, I don't want it that. I don't want it. - Can I tell you, wait, wait, wait, wait, third goal. - I said it. - Mine is just to take better care of myself. - Relax. - Into relax. - You need to get the PC muscle online. - I'm doing, I'm gonna be doing sleeping, I'm gonna be doing therapy, I'm gonna be doing water drinking. - Meditating. - Exercising, meditation. - Meditating. - Deep relaxation techniques. - Meditating she on. - And then you had to-- - Oh, no. - The Bible. - The Bible. - Don't you dare read the power of now. - Okay. - Don't do it. You'll hate it. - Trying to do that reverse psychology thing. - Is it working? - I think out of anybody you are in a place to give people life advice. - No, I'm not giving you advice. Don't you dare read it. (laughing) - Okay. - No, this is a thing happened to your brain when the antelope fell on your head. - Do you think that was the thing? (laughing) - I found something probably fixed my brain. - The antelope fell on my head and now I can speak Cantonese. - No, I woke up with a foreign accent syndrome. - Isn't that crazy? - It's not real, by the way. - Why? - It is absolutely not real. - Who's bacon? - All of them. - I woke up speaking in a Chinese accent and from Melbourne. - It's fierce. - Mom, you're mentally ill. - Yeah, it's fierce. - Yeah, it's like-- - Mine would be so low. It would be like, oh, I went to bed with a Milwaukee accent and woke up with a Green Bay accent. (laughing) It would be like-- - Yeah, I went from like, South-Eed adorchester. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Um, I have to tell you what happened with the TikTok awards. - Nothing good. I'm gonna go out of wild limon say that nothing good happened at the TikTok award. - Well, people kicking shoes. - I looked incredible. - No, I didn't see that. - Were you doing the TV dress? - Yes. - That was country. - How did you remember the dress and forget aphasia of me? - Aphasia. - Aphasia burino. (laughing) - No, yes, I have social media and I do check it from time to time. - And I got these two dancers. - Yeah. - Go-go dancers, and I've done something go-go dancers never experienced, which just cover their bodies in their face. - Did you use the helmets? - Yeah, some TV helmets. - No, these were different helmets. Jacob made these are TVs. - So, we do the red carpet, lovely, lovely, lovely. All of these interviewers who wanna interview me have no key light. They're just overhead light, asking you questions. It's like, what the fuck are any of you doing? I forget to talk to me. Somebody was like, what's the biggest faux pas the TikTok awards, whatever. And I said, not having a light. - We're kicking a shoe and having it not transitioning to a-- - Kick a shoe, but have it have a light on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm kicking a shoe in the dark. - You had to see the shoe turn into an outfit. - Right. - It's all gone, it's okay. - So, I do the little white carpet and then I get to present and get this. This was fierce. The show starts at seven. I'm set to present at seven oh five. And then I can leave. - That's horny. Did you get it? - Bricked? - Bricked. - Yeah, as you're leaving the stage, you're like, oh, I gotta hold my hand. - Oh no, was that six? The show's at six. - Oh! - So, five, 30, I'm there, I have one little glass of wine 'cause you're not quit drinking. - Did they, and did they-- - Shush, why are the red carpet? - No, not this time, they couldn't stop me. And you know, it's the TikTok Awards. And I was like, these online creator award shows, it is a little bit first time out of the house for these people. - You don't say. - You know what I mean? I think I've been in the streamies. - Home, yeah. - It's very, yeah, it's very, I need to kick a shoe. - Right, it's not shoes. - I need to, I need to speak to a gay person. I need to speak to a gay person. So they come get me at 5.40 because they want me to be ready for 6.05. I'm like, sure. So I sit backstage, I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting, talking to these lovely couple who won the bachelor, talking to them about being on the bachelor. - They was interesting to hear them talk about dating. It's like a drag race, they take their phones and stuff. Or I'll sit in back there and I'm in drag. I don't know, I'm, like I said, I'm not really drinking, so I'm just having wine in tequila. (laughing) - So, I'm just doing coke. - Yeah. (laughing) - So I'm backstage just waiting and trying. - Just put the powder on the menu. - And it looked great. Some days with your makeup, you just lock in. I looked great. I don't know what I did. - You looked fabulous. - And they go, we're holding, we're holding. And then they come back and they go, all of the screens are out on stage for the TikTok Awards. Every screen is out. And so we're holding. And so me and some of the creators that go first, like Mikey, the rapper with the bucket hat. And then Ashby, do you know her? - Yeah, absolutely. - So we're all just sitting there talking, talking, talking. And we're waiting and suddenly it's 6.50. We're still all waiting and the creators, everybody nominated and everybody invited is sitting out there 50 minutes. And I've worked with this venue. - Without good air conditioning. - Not good air conditioning. - But what are they doing if they're on TikTok? - They're just sitting. - Just sitting. - They're sitting. They're sitting. And I only know the beauty people, really. So I can see the beauty people peppered in. Can you kick in shoes? Nobody's kicking shoes. Do they do that anymore? Do they do this anymore? I don't know. You know, like, no, now it's the come with me to try the viral shit sandwich, like, you know. - Today, okay, take this as a new thing. I don't like fit outfit is not a hard word. It's just, it's not like a long word in it. - Also, maybe they're all at clock the fit. At least make it something good. - Honey, girl. - That outfit doesn't fit. And it looks like shit. - Yeah. - Check the fit check. - Like outfit of the day I get acronym, whatever. That's fine. This nice fit. - I don't like it. I don't want it. And I think it's stupid. It's like, it's like, you don't have to abbreviate a too syllable word. - Right. - Especially when it is so perfectly describes exactly what you're talking about. - Right. - There's no ambiguity there. - So what we had to do was they come back. They're, you're gonna love this. And I'm liking a weirdly good mood. - You know, sometimes when you're enjoying your good mood, you're like, let's just roll with it. How fun, right? - No. - So it's one of the only drag queens on there. I'm like, I either. - And you looked great. - And straight people always are gonna treat me like I'm a paid party favor. So I might as well try to be in character and enjoy myself. It's like, very, but I'm determined to enjoy myself. - I would enjoy myself. - And we're running behind. And you know, all these straight people with their hair and makeup teams, straight, straight, straight celebrities being inconvenience. This is world war four, right? This is the worst. This is, they're so shocked to be trained. - Shocked to be trained right now. You did it on my birthday party. So they come back with a headset on. She goes, all right, everybody presenters, what we're gonna do in five minutes, we're, you know, rain or shine, we're just gonna start. So unless it gets fixed, we are just gonna be presenting without the screens and then in the live feed, they'll throw to video packages in the edit. So we won't have the, we won't be able to go, and the nominees are and they're just gonna throw to it. Fine, 'cause all these influences are trapped, right? And this is the one hour a year they've left the house. - They're freaking out. They're stimming, they have the fidget toys, they're freaking out. - They've got three babes up their ass. - Oh, for God's sake, entirely. So I go, they go, yeah, we're just having problems with the live feed. And I go, oh, question. She goes, yes, I go, I have my phone here and my iPhone. It's an iPhone 16. It has TikTok. Did you guys want to use my TikTok? I thought this was hilarious. To suggest something not helpful and earnest. And I'm in drive, like, if you want, I have it plugged in, I'm at like 18%. And if we start now, I have the battery. She goes, what? And I said, oh, so I have my iPhone here. It's this iPhone 16, and I have the TikTok app and what we could do is we could live stream it from my TikTok. - I have an 18%. - Yeah. And I have three point, I have 4.2 million followers, so I could do that for you. - And I'm like two bars back here. - Right. - Probably three out there. And I said, and she borrowed me her phone charger. Oh, I think it was Paris Hilton's team. I had my phone charger to their, I said, they borrowed me. - I've got this extension cord in my bag in my car. And I said, did you want to use my iPhone? No one in the room laughs. - Mary, that's like 20 minutes. - That's social media and she doesn't laugh. Of course, she doesn't laugh, 'cause it was the type of thing where I was stressed out. - Well, she's far about to get fired. - She's stressed out, yeah. - And I'm just trying to lighten the mood. - Yeah, and I'm, what, bimbo clown. - You're throwing shoes up here, nobody's kicking them. - It's not my, it's not my ministry. It's not my zoo. Not your zoo, not your circus, not your monkeys. - Not my monkeys. - So, not my snakes, not my church, not my snake church. - Not my strict nine, not my church. (laughing) - If we're gonna get back to that, my amul. - No, my asshole, not my amul. (laughing) - No, my asshole, not my amul, not my amul. It's not my amul, not my ass horror. - Not my bathhouse, not my room, not my condom. - Girl, oh, bathhouse. - Bathhouse. So, I go, did you want to use mine? And she says nothing in the room says, "All my friends, I'm like, "Hello, people from the Bachelor. "I thought we were, I thought we were friends now." Can no one laugh? No one laughs, she goes, "No, it's okay," and walks out. And I go, I turn to the river, I go, "I tried." - Wow. - Love, the humor at TikTok is really a pain in the nose. - What are you gonna do? It's 50 minutes, there's no air conditioning here. And I know that because it's all a pink disco, they're almost died. So, I know it's hot. - When you're kicking shoes, you're using a lot of energy. - Right. - Energy, expenditure, produces sweat. - And mind you, I'm not drinking. So I'm having tequila neat. - You know, you're just doing acid. - Right, you're just. - And I was told at 605, I would be in a car. So it was like, you know. - The TikTok awards, we'll flop. - The flip flop awards. - I know you get this. When I'm in drag, I just can't go sit and watch something. - No, I'm sitting and talking to an audience. - So it's like, I'll present or do the red carpet, but I actually can't sit. - I won't do a red carpet. - I can't. - Not with the skin, not with my chicken neck. - I can't. - No. - And in a city, in a city where no one goes up to anybody, something about drag, oh, that's tacky. That's really tacky. - TikTok awards. - It was fine, it was fine. It was still fun. Good lighting. - Well, you're in a great mood 'cause you looked fabulous. - Oh, I know, I walked out to the mic. - And you looked exactly the same. - I walked out and I said, thank you all for being here. And thank you for being on time. Kind of funny, fun stuff. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The iPhone bit, that's funny. - Oh, and then I said it. - That's comedy. - If you guys don't know me, I'm Jennifer Coolidge. I love a nice little, nice break. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, like, when I, at the stream, when I said I was Charlize Theron. Crickets. - No one said anything. - Crickets. Of course, I also didn't present what I was supposed to do, but do you know who else was, who opened them? Do you know Lala from like MTV? She hosts saw the different stuff. Lala Anthony, I believe her name is. And you know when you're in drag, you have more nerve to say hi to someone. So I was like, I'm gonna go say hi. And I go, oh my god, Lala, I've seen you. You've been on my television my whole life. I said, I've seen you in so many things. You look beautiful, your glam team. I was calling them at the glam team. - Yeah. - It was through there, 'cause the glam teams get these hoars together. - Cool. - They make up in the hair. She looked amazing. And I'm like, so cool. Oh yeah, the TikTok award is fun. So what have you been up to? Oh, that's great. GAPA comes this close to me and goes, "We need everybody out of this area now." I go, I run, I run. - You take her person. - And then surely enough, as soon as I get out of frame, a live feed starts and they actually start something. So I think I was actually just walking onto like a hot set. And luckily I'm not such a bitch that I'm like, "No, tell me where to go, I just ran." - That smells so bad. - We gotta go. - We gotta wrap because not only are we done, but there is a dog farting in the studio and it's turning me on. - And during my Lala story, I'm sorry Lala. Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)