The podcast hosts, Tom and Mario, return after a seven-week absence, reflecting on a hectic schedule filled with back-to-back guest appearances and personal chaos. Mario expresses deep frustration with life in California, citing oppressive taxes, a stagnant lifestyle, and his mother’s relentless complaints, which have taken a significant emotional toll. The episode is filled with humorous and candid anecdotes about everyday mishaps: accidentally killing fish by freezing them in cold water, injuring a lizard while trying to catch it, and enduring his mother’s extreme habits—like constant complaining, vaping, and refusing to stop using her iPad. These incidents highlight broader themes of personal responsibility, emotional fatigue, and the challenges of maintaining healthy routines in a cluttered, overstimulated environment. The hosts also discuss a new initiative involving fan-driven sales of weed papers, aiming to leverage fan engagement to expand distribution. Despite the chaotic energy, the conversation ends with a sense of exhaustion and resolve—both personal and professional—as they acknowledge the need for change and self-care. The episode concludes with a promotional note about a bookie sponsorship, encouraging fans to use a code for a $500 betback bonus on college football games. Overall, it's a raw, introspective look at modern life stress, family dynamics, and the struggle to maintain balance amid constant distractions.
- Oh, you can! (funky music) - What's up guys, welcome back to Dope's User Podcast. My name is Tom and it's Dope's yours, my co-host Mario Niel. - What's up guys? - Sup. It's a solo episode guys, we're back. It's been seven weeks since we've seen you guys. And a new set, shout out to Rockle. - Can we all give Rockle a slow clap please? Guys, thanks beautiful. - Look at this. Rockle painted this, it looks great. We own wide probably or on sides. Look behind us, we added a light. It's all took, it's complete. This has been a work in progress for like two years. - We thought these cool lights were working and we had them across, but you could see 'em sometimes. Sometimes they flicker, we just went and bought lights. - This didn't regular. - Three years, three years guys for us to do this. - We're here. - We're back, it looks good. - It's been seven weeks, we haven't seen you guys in a while. We had a lot of guests back to back, we've never done that. In all five years of the show, we've never stacked guests that much ever. It just happened, it just happened. It's not like we were like, you'll stack 'em up. No, we'll just kept hitting this up. How 'bout today, how 'bout tomorrow? We haven't seen you guys since the Loon Hell episode. - Our lives are at the whim of these guests. - How 'bout they buck? - Yeah, no lie, if we didn't have this show, I would have moved already. I hate California right now. I fucking, I don't wanna be here anymore. Sucks here. Fucking laws and taxes are stupid. Take 53% of my money every year. - That does suck. - Well, we're good to view. - But we just let it happen. This big gang where it's like, yeah, yeah, we all do, right? It's like when we get mad at people paying taxes to gang members, like, we do too. Except they just have-- - Education. - It's so much. - So much. - I'm just fucking over it. I'm fucking over it. - That's all. I hate California so much right now. I just, I never thought I would say that, but I'm over it here. And if we didn't do this show, I would have been in New York already and left. I hate being here. I know you're like New York, yeah. Fuck yeah. New York is the shit. Nobody cares who you are. You just walk around and get things done. And everyone has something to do. It's like an ant farm where all these ants are on top of each other, but no one's looking at each other. Just keep doing stuff. Like, perfect. Get out of my fucking way, dude. And over here, it's like, damn, dude. Am I getting robbed of this guy's station or this guy's station? I should just be careful. LA sucks right now. I don't know. I'm over here complaining because I'm just irritated about it. But yeah, paying taxes again. Did you guys know if you paid taxes early? Did you know if you paid taxes every month? The knockoff I have 40% of your taxes? No. Say you owe 10,000 dollars to taxes a year, right? And you pay $800 a month instead of paying it at the end. They're like, you're running us money? We'll give you 20% off. So I've been doing for a year. It still sucks. And every time I see it go, that's how much money you have to take for me. No, it sucks. Is paying yourself on payroll and then getting tax on the payroll because you're the one that's paying you as if you're an employee. But it's the same guy. As the employer and the employee. So it's like, let me pay myself 10k. All right, 6k is hitting the account. 4k is going up into the ether. But I'm paying taxes, I guess. She's getting annoying. That's all I know. Things are annoying the hell out of me. And yeah, I'm just exhausted. We've been doing a lot of shit in the trainer lately. I haven't even been-- people keep saying, you should film it. I don't know if I can care. I don't care. I'm just doing a shit right now. That's how you know you're in a dislike. I'm just exhausted. Yeah, I'm fucking over it. But yeah, that's what's going on right now. I'm just in a whirlwind. I can't even remember what the last thing we did. We talked about here. Yeah, I couldn't tell you. No idea. I don't remember either. I had an incident this morning. I killed something accidentally. I can't call it person something. It's been a lot-- last time I killed something, was when Ariana was a little. And I was trying to wash her fish bowl and like-- Kill the fish? Accidentally killed the fish at like-- How? It bobbed when it should have weaved at it, jumped out of the bowl, and just put right down the drain, right in front of her. It was horrible. I was like, uh, yeah, no, I meant to do that. Yeah, he's going down to swim in the lake. He's good. He's fine. We'll get you another fish. But anyway. Let's just have him get him. And I'll go to the lake and get him just out of the fish. Yeah. We'll get you another one. This one's dead. That's probably the worst thing you could have said, dude. I don't know if I told you this. But then when I got the new fish, I put them in the water. But the water was from water bottles that were in the car. And it was so cold that as soon as I put them in the water, fucking froze the death. And then I popped them back out and recessed it. He came back to life. OK. So he just-- I fish swimming cold water all the time. Yeah. Do all fish just freeze and leaks freeze? I don't know. Do they disagree? Die? I mean, it's just the top that's frozen. Yeah, but under sometimes it's frozen. It's kind of just so cold. Do they just die and then come back to life? Or do they just die? They couldn't all just die because then they'd be extinct. I think they were just built for it somehow. I think they freeze the death and come back to life. Like they're just like Dr. Evil or whatever. They're just pretty sure. I think about it. How many-- every fucking lake would be extinct of fish then? It's freezing. But they're fish. Maybe it's just different for them. They're cold blooded or some shit. I don't know. I don't know. People say they can't feel the pain. Yeah. They run away if you step in. I promise you, they can fucking swim off. They hurt. It hurts. So anyway, two days ago, there was a little baby lizard in my house. I called over my daughter. And I'm like, I almost gave her the cups. Like, all right, we'll go ahead and catch it. But I was like, no, you're the adult. You should catch this thing. So like, I sat down in the cup and the lizard basically just walks in it and I just like, take it outside. You killed it? No, I just walked in. Yeah, it's good, man. What happened to the death? OK, I'm getting there. OK, OK. So now I'm like, oh, that was easy. So then I noticed today, there's another little lizard in the house. And like, she's just waking up. So I don't even bother calling her. I'm like, I'm just going to catch this one. It's a different one. Different one, yeah. So like, I go and I kind of sneak up on them. And I put them-- I just have like some plastic cups. And I put the cup over them. And he like, doesn't even move. And I'm like, my head, I'm like, damn, quick. This my fucker didn't even see me coming. These little lizards are fast. There's no catching them. Yeah. So then I start like, expecting them to start freaking out. But I'm trying to like, I'm trying to like scoop them up into the cup. And he's like kind of moving, but like he's not like-- Like, I caught his fucking neck in between the two cups. And I'm pretty sure I broke his fucking neck. And he was just dangling there for a second before I actually caught him in the fucking cup. I was intentionally. You don't kill and break something's neck with two cups by accident. You see the one in your house, dude. I told myself that he was fucking just planned out. And then I just put him out in the garden and show him. You snapped his neck? Possibly. He could have been planned out. When you set him down, did he move? No. What the fuck? Still. And there he goes. And there's the lizard not moving. Pretty sure he died, Marty. Did you know lizards, iguanas, tails come off? Yeah. No, that's what I was trying to avoid. Yeah, he broke his neck and stick to it. [LAUGHS] So anyway, anybody got any tips out there on how to catch his motherfuckers more? We can call it major, major. And ask him, he takes care of his hands, because he's way better at it. Has he been found and recovered? Yeah, I follows your page. Oh, he's back. Oh, he's back. He's fully back. He's fully his back, man. I need to explain to you the 12 people. He's 12 people. I need to explain to you the 12 people they're old or new. It's such as the 12 people, real. Is that ad? Brand deal for Charmin and recover his head. It's crazy. You guys, I sent you the new one. You guys see he's throwing a party? He's the host. You can see the AI flyer? No. It's incredible. It's incredible. Oh, also, I realized, major, major is just a Griselda fan. He keeps doing the look good. Yeah, yeah. That's what I've done over and over and over. That's what it is. It turns it right now. He's the ghost writer for Griselda, and that's how he's living as a lavish lifestyle out there. He's been in 40K a day on drugs. Just happens to live outside. He's balling, balling, balling out of control. That's how you get that website budget. Yep. Okay. So since the last time we saw you guys, it's been a long, long, long time. You look for a lighter? Yes. We light up. It's my fucking big brain. We got some younger bear here. I'm looking for a little. Yeah. It's sorry. I'm completely sidetracked today. I'm fucking catch it. I haven't really spoken here in a long time. We did four episodes in two days. We did two weeks with O.T. and his kid at your house. Two types of years. Yeah. Yeah, that too. And I have another kid in my fucking house. This one won't stop eating shit and complaining, dude. My mom just won't stop fucking you. God, dude. We ice cream. And candy. I'm going to try to get my mom not to be such a fucking piece of shit. I'm like, hey, you want to eat that? Let's eat the healthy version of it. She's like, well, what if it's a good try to go this is better than the other one? I know you dick. Listen to me. My mom's, oh my God, Marty. She moved, right? She's here. Yes. Light, light, light. Oh, not. Let me see. Hold on. I got this. I got this. This is too much. It's on the paper too much. You want to just light the tip toward it. If not, it'll do that. See how the tip's not lit? It's starting to smoke already. You're going to catch that cherry where it goes.
It falls out. - I got a distance in sure as well. - Yeah, like that, like this. - Ready to see the line here? - After you don't, after you go. - Yeah. - Okay, here we go. - Just like that. - My fucking nuts. - That way when you do this, Marty, and you ever see the paper go, burns over? When I go, it's 'cause if you light down here, it starts to get the tip weak, and then the chair might flak, flak out, like flop out. - It's like a, evenness. - Yes, you have to, it's like lighting a blunt when you light it under, and it catches all the blackness. Then it catches that weird burn, where it burns on one side, a little too much. - For the first 10 years of re-smoking. - Yeah, 'cause every time you see someone light something under, that's when you know it's gonna be bad. You gotta go right here. - You know like a fucking crackpot. - Yeah, under, yeah, under and sideways like this. - Yo, I should've. (laughs) - This is the West Side Gun on the way here into the album cover where the crack gets got all the chore. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause I said, I can't win them. (laughs) - It's working. You side flip. - I get it, I get it at first glance, you already? - That's actually fucking hilarious. - I can see it. - You got that. - It was funny. - You'd be happy to tell your guy that. - It was funny. - You see his new seconies, I just dropped them. - Shots were fucking toss. - Seconies, it sounds like an Italian word. - West Side Gun is new sneakers. - They're called seconies? - The brand. I might be butchering that. Seconie, the brand, the sneaker brand, you know what I'm saying? Like rock on my butchering, how do you say that? - He's never heard that word. - No one's heard that word by you today. - No, this is like a new balanced style. - No, it sounds like a mob boss's henchman ob. My seconies here. My seconies gonna shoot you in the head. - Somebody in the live chat helped me out. - She's a live chat. - She's very ill-gunned. - Fucking Thursday. - Anyway, this shit's got Moccasin shooting. - Somebody in the future help me out. - Every pair is different. - Moccasins? - Moccasin strings, and I'm all colorful and crazy pink and cheetah patterned out. But I saw him say, every pair is slightly different. - I know a scammer when I hear it. - Every pair is a little different. We fucked all these up. - There's just one of ones. That's what I would do. - They're a little regular. I put a different sticker on all of them. You got the one of ones with the red. You got the one of ones with the toe pokes out. No, this is into the Flintstones. That would do so much bull shit. See the lighter? Yeah, we were fucking wheat smoking motherfuckers. Got one lighter, so sick. - Hold on. - No, I have a million and a half out there. - Behind this wall. - There's at least 300 of these in the package. - Yes. - At least branded fucking lighters. Okay, real quick. Oh, it's a Coney's. No, I don't know. - Shocked. - Anyway, shot out to him. - Bo-bo-bo-bo. Okay. You guys ready? Back to that. I'll get out of the, all right. - My mom had double Jesus surgery. Fucking, with a cut your wrist and go into your wrist. - What? - Garpal tunnel. - Oh, I don't know, I'm just thinking of the fucking, she has two big holes on my fucking sacrifice image. You really sacrifice for us. Well, I haven't seen that ass trend so long. Put that back in the middle. - That's the one I used to use for story time. What's wrong with me? I don't know if you're using a fucking, one of my aunt got me from Hawaii, 'cause the only one next to me. Okay, here we go. My mom, like a month and a half ago, it was like, "Hey, I'm gonna have surgery on my hands." A carburetor, 'cause my mom apparently cares. She has numbness. Well, a couple planes and bitch is about shit, and then the next time she'll bitch about something else, I never complained about that. Go, "Are you fucking stupid or are you fucking with me?" I had to ask her this week. I got to argue with her. Are you fucking with me? - Yeah. - Are you fucking with me? Are you stupid or are you not for remembering that you told me the opposite? 'Cause I was girls, you hated my aunt. And I got older, but you know, you hate, she's like, "I've never hated her." I go, "You wouldn't let me go over there." - Yeah. - Ready? All right, is that what you did for hate? - Yeah. - Well, no, you did have a vendetta for like 30 years. I've never known how you'd do grandma. You have to call her the worst shit. And I got older. I've never said that. Now she doesn't like her again. I'm over it. Anyway, my mom's like, "I have to get fucking "sacrified surgery." I'm like, "All right, then she can come down." And then she's like, "Yeah, but I'm gonna take "two weeks off and go back to work." She doesn't nail. She does nails for your living. Like, how are you gonna, if your hands are so fucked up, you need surgery? - She's double iron man hands. - Yes. Then what is, hey, I'm a runner. I have to get surgery on my knees 'cause they don't work anymore. She shouldn't be a runner after that. Right? - Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new, grippy setting mist from Mavily, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plum, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new, grippy setting mist from Mavily, New York. - Maybe it's Mavily. - She shouldn't go back to working the same job that made her hands not work. - David Goggins ran like two of her miles on her feet. - You know, David Goggins is the man but what he's doing to his body is fucking dumb. His knees are fucking gone forever. At 80, I hope he's okay. - There's no way he's walking at it. - That's gonna be fucking sick. - He's gonna be like. - Right, Coleman. - Yes. - Oh. - It's gonna be horrible. - Right, Coleman's shape like Joe Swanson right now. - They gotta give Goggins the bus tech we have. - I hope he has iron man legs because what he's doing to his body is fucking crazy, dude. But that's what my mom's like, hey, I'm gonna go back to work. What do you mean, go back to work? For like five years of it telling my mom, if everyone wants to stop working, let me know. We'll figure it out for you. Well, I'm not gonna see you here in game plan. I have game plan for every like person I know 40 times they haven't done it. I'm done. I'm done. I'm like, you know, we should do this. You should do this. You're making money to do this. I'm like, I'm done. I'm gonna stop. I don't do it no more. I'm done doing that for people. I've done it for fucking years. Nobody does. It takes my fucking advice. Like, yeah, you know what's gonna work, mate. That's all it worked for me. - That's really frustrating. - It's frustrating. - It's frustrating. And it's like, I'll pay for it. It's like, oh, no, okay, fuck you then. - I'll buy you this stuff and you can start it. You fucked it off. I don't know what to do. - Strategy and funding. - Something that entrepreneurs never get. - All they ever want. - Both pieces of the puzzle besides doing it. I don't help you do it, too. So anyway, I told her, hey, you should just retire. She said, what am I gonna do? I'll just fucking pay for your stuff. What's wrong with you? She's like, no, I'm like, then you let me know. You ready? Can I talk to her again? So I'm having this surgery and I'm like, well, I'm just just stop working. (coughs) Her and her boyfriend kind of are a separation thing. I'm like, there's nowhere for you up there. There's a rock 'n' lose down here. My sister and my mom don't talk. 'Cause they're both the same person. They're both dickheads. So they both decided, I'm done. And like you guys both said at the same time, you should have been nice. If you guys are nice combined, this should be great. So they don't talk about who's left for you up there. Come down here, move down here, done. So she said, yeah, I was like, okay, I don't like the day before it started to make so this your last day work, right? Like you don't work anymore. So this your last client. - Wrap it up. - Done. Stop. She's like, what about next week? I have a client go, are you listening to me? You don't work anymore. You don't work there anymore. What the fuck's wrong with you? Does she own the shop? And she, no, she had her own shop for a while that she split a shop and she just works for her home, you know? She says a chair, it's what you call it. I have a chair. And I'm like, you move down here. Wait, do you heal here? We'll get you a fucking house down the street and go fucking, by told her, I'll pay for everything. I'll do all your stuff. You have to go to a trainer and you can't be late. My mom, I don't care. Watch this shit. You know, my mom aggravates me so much. She will have fucking headphones in. They put her hand on her iPad. This fucking clothes. Like she's a autistic toddler, dude. I swear to fucking God, it is the most annoying and then go on like this and eating a candy. I feel sick. I don't feel good. Like, bitch, you haven't moved in 19 years. What do you expect? Well, no, everything hurts, so I don't get on the treadmill. I go, and then we got in the pool. She said, it's too cold. Then you got to heat it, it's too hot outside. Are you fucking serious? My mom is a Jewish lady. Every single thing she says is a complaint. Everything, dude. She has to do his lady. So it makes more sense. The older she gets, she's turning into fucking, and from fucking curb your enthusiasm. His friend, Jeff, that's his wife. Suzy, that's my fucking mom, dude. She has nothing but a plan about everything and everything's too hard. My mom, when I was a kid, used to have tried to get on the Thai boat workout tapes. My mom was all in shape when I was a kid. Rock, the fuck out when I was a kid. Runner, she was all above for my whole life. My whole life, my mom, we had a picture of Gwen Stefani when she'd do a push-ups on stage. And my mom's like, that's what I'm trying to look like. And she would do push-ups at home. My mom was in shape, dude. We watched Thai boat together, she was a fat kid, and she's like, I'm trying to get into that tape. And there was a girl that looked just like my mom on the tape. She was the front girl that Billy blames, we're like, all right, get it. You're gonna show this, and my mom's like, I want to be that lady. I'm like, yeah, my mom used to be at the gym all day. Then one day, she's like, I don't give a fuck. And she always blames on, they gave me an epidural shot with Rocco. So now my back hurts, bitch, my back hurts. My back hurts way worse than your fucking back hurts. Anyway, pretty good trade-off. Everything's done. I just got to go to the gym a couple times and care. - You're asking her to just be healthy. - Well, she said, okay, so I mean, I have 35, 40 years left. If you do it, right, she says, I don't want more than 10.
She says it all the time, but I don't want to be here that long because everything hurts because you let it happen And I keep talking I got mad at her. I was like John uncle John died. Do you think you wouldn't drink spots with you bitch? No, that's not that's not you think it's okay to be like I don't want this my life like I have like four homies that are dead Do you think they would squander this? Anyway, she bugs a fuck I mean, I know your mommy's to bug the fuck out of you too, Marty, but She's pissing me off really pissing me off where I'm like just get your life together and like and like be able to not hurt That's it, so I'm like you have to go to a fucking trainer and you cannot lay around because she'll be on the iPad No lie 12 hours a day at least So now your life is gonna be policing her retain them all fucking since she's been here I felt like such a piece of shit asshole like I'm dictating the thing like get off your fucking iPad mom All that like I'm like she's a toddler stop vaping and I go hey when you're done next week when you're back to healthy and your arms are okay That vape is going away one day next day one day. You don't have a vape. I am dictating It's crazy. You've been seeing it. I'm like no stop. She's like I'm gonna eat this like don't eat that every day I'm like stop Tortilla's mom you had a whole fucking bag of tortilla chips. That's 80 fucking tortillas and you're wondering why you feel sick That's the thing she's like I feel that's if she didn't complain. I'd be like okay. It's not as bad. Oh, she does this fucking complain I'm like okay The worst thing I ever did was give her a room with a door on it because she will stay in there and I'm like hey Rosie's sick Rosie took a fucking she's taking R.A. medicine and her doctor didn't test her for it stupid bitch She's had a allergic reaction to past 12 like a nine days Rosie had All her skin is raised and bumps like she has chickenpox all over her whole like from here up She doesn't look like like her shit's fucked. It's wild dude like that's her skin normally the black all of this is like the Reaction it's all over her body. It's fucking wild. It's almost gone now, but I'm a hey mom Rosie doesn't feel good You're recovering. Don't think this is gonna be all the time. I told right don't think we could just sit around all fucking day I'm trying to put in her head like you can't do this. You're not gonna sit around all day and I keep telling her go back to her said If you're gonna be a piece of shit go back to her said I'm talking to my mom as if she's my sister because like it's she is gonna die In 10 years if she just does what she's doing. No, I do like it's fucking crazy. I'm looking at her like oh my god You made me feel healthy as fuck. I don't eat that much crazy shit But I looked at her my hey, we just had ice cream and ate these low sugar candies, right? Bags of them like four bags of candy. We shared. It was only like 200 calories of my see mom You can buy you can get this right here. There's you can get the same shit. Just change the fucking recipe Go to the health from store. Why did say she's like this just like I know they should be telling you And then I went to bed. I came out as pictures eating pudding and go how you were asleep and where I go She'll be asleep when eating My dad does that. Remember I told you my dad will just wake up and make macaroni. I've seen my dad eyes closed chugging juice Making food on the stove is weird And then I came up with a bit my mom the blackest thing about my mom. She won't shut the fuck up during a movie I found out She will ask questions the whole time out loud Out loud. Oh, it's so fucking bad. No, it's it's worse than my dad when I told you about my dad I think it's way worse. She won't shut the fuck up And I'm like, you know my dad and my mom won't shut the fuck up during movies Are they both retarded and I thought they have CTE because he used to beat the shit out of each other Kind of makes sense. They're both getting old eating candy and being retarded It makes sense. So I'm trying to work on a bit that brings it back to the love island shit And comes back into like I was born of retarded people They're both just won't shut the fuck up And I told my mom the bit and she went I talked that much go, are you fucking stupid? We want a brand new movie with brand new movie. Nobody's ever seen it. Just came out. We put it on who is that go? I don't fucking know And it just bugs me so much already because I'm like, why am I such a dick? I'm not a dick I'm not getting mad at her in the time in my hand. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? What's the rolling frustration from years of frustrations and I feel like I'm the adult now and you just Reverved it to 13. She's just going backwards And it's pissing me off and the thing is she knows it pisses me off And she'll say things that are lazy as fuck. I'm just kidding. Oh, no, you're not though. If I would have been like, okay You would have did it and it's just it's getting to the point where I'm like I need to start I need gloves So I can just suck you one time What's the plan? Oh, she like getting her own place? I told her to give me a fucking plan of what you want to do in the day Because I'm you can't just sit at your house. Let me get her a spot down the street She just can't sit there all day because she will sit there for fucking 18 hours a day, man And then it's weird. It's weird. It's like watch someone just vape and lay all day. It's fucking odd. I've never seen a Remember that remember that movie Wally when they showed the security guards like that That's my fucking mom right now, dude. I hope she's I hope you watch this shit I hope you watch this shit. You're like, oh my god, I'm vaping now. I hope you do. It's just pissing me off, man It's gonna last me one week left You got one fucking week son to get your shit together and then major pain. I'm gonna start Brick at your fingers and shit. Yeah, she's like, oh my hands. I can't do anything. I see her on a phone with Okay, she never does anything when she was hurt. She's like, I'm gonna help you clean Oh, so you can hear me say no, no sit down. I got I know that's why you're fucking doing it I'm gonna rock those face. He's been there the whole time too. I see a lighter. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated, man Anyway, I've had this fucking child at my house. I took her back to Fresno yesterday last night to She has a doctor's appointment. She come back tomorrow, but that's it. It's the last week of oh, I can't do stuff. Nope It's over. I told my trainer and everybody my mom's coming in Are you getting her anything? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, fuck that. I'm gonna make sure you do it You have to fucking try. There's no reason why you're getting the app. You're gonna track your shit Because all the things in your life that hurt you is because you fucking eat bullshit all fucking day She had a bag of worthers. Can you go mom? It's empty. It's I got it for weeks Oh, you have it Remember is like I'm known this guy forever. Everything's like I've had it forever My grandma Dolores and I talked about it before we walk in I ate this and this and this make Nobody asked grandma. Are you always tell me where you ate some fruit and some cottage cheese? Nobody asked that's what my mom's doing now. It's like you're turning into grandma Dolores and she's gonna piss her off so bad She's the exact same age of my grandma died Now my mom's the same age as when I grandma died and I'm the same age as my mom when my grandma died My grandma's like pouring in some pounds Yeah, she died from being too fucking big and she had diabetes and she had horrible loan problems from her job My grandma got Poisoned like a bunch of her people and her She used to work at Raghu where they do the socks and Her one day she came home she was sick and then she went to doing the doctors a lot and then she would start coughing up buckets of stuff like Cups worth of shit and she would cough so hard. It looked like her eyes are gonna pop out I remember they damn grandma cough so hard, but she would call Hard and I got older because she was going through this lawsuit thing I'm like, what's going on and then my grandma stopped working at Raghu and then she retired I was a kid though. So I'm like, what's going on and then I found out there was a spestus in her spot And it was poisoning like her and like 12 other people and then my grandma got some weird lung disease And she was gonna win like a couple million dollars, but it was gonna put like half the people out and they're probably gonna shut down so she didn't so And then my grandma died fucking in debt. Yeah, isn't that crazy dude? Oh Man, it's so annoying. It's so stupid, but yeah, that's how my grandma. Yeah, she died. She was like, no, I'm good Hey, I'm bad. Say I'm not gonna sue it because then everything's gonna go bad for everybody else I'm like, okay, no, your friends. I get that But also you're I'm sure since I'm the prior shut down and reload. It's all shut down It's all shut down, but my grandpa died of low problems. I have bad low problems as well as younger and that house is full of black mold so it couldn't have been I don't know. All I know is Well, it's pissed me the fuck off. She's got to change something has to change. It doesn't work You can't live like an acidic body. She's got it in her house. You can chat back into that She's just fucking lazy now dude. It's all that happened rock as soon as she had rock it was done She just changed into like yeah, well, well, yeah, I don't but Jim What's the gym? I'm over here fat. I need to go to the gym with my mom She's a drag me to the fucking gym cuz I'm trying to make way for football. She's got me all membership and I dude It's not it's not like our family's a fat family I mean, yeah, kind of but my mom was not that lady when I was a kid and it bugs a shadow me I'm old. I only have a couple years left. She's 55 years old She's don't even be looking at 30 40 years. Marta Lopez 53 bitch Wrong with you. Oh, man, excuse her hands a bit of dude. I'm gonna start throwing so it shit out of her man Pelike I have somebody cushions and stuff. I'm just gonna throw shit out of which is vaping I Swear to God, I might take a scorpion
bottle. I feel like such a dick-tailored piece of shit. But it has to change. If she, if I don't do it, who's going to do it? She's just going to whither way to die before he's 30. Yeah. For real? That's exactly what happened. She's just getting in such like a, it's like the mindset of like, I'm done. And I don't like it. It's fucking aggr. It's real. We finally could do stuff. I thought I had forever with my mom. She went into that kind of mode and just happened. Is it your mom as if it could be there? She thought about stuff. She does. My mom is on her, like a fuck. I swear to God, those autistic kids were the headphones, the airport. They're, ah, we take the iPad away. That's my fucking mom right now. I have to go stop watching the movie. He now could have watching the movie because she'll just get back on his shit. Then I watched cops for four hours today. I could never for what? Why? Why? Why would you do that? Don't do it here, bitch. I'm gonna, I'm about to die. I'm about to throw the fuck up every day. Anyway, rent. And try new groupie setting mist from Mavila, New York. Maybe it's Mavila. Oh, T, this family stayed in my house. And I put up all my toys. Uh, his son is an outdoor kid. Say that. That motherfucker is like us and we were kids. He, he, he, he'll just jump off the last eight steps of the fucking stairs. It's fucking high. And I look at my, oh, my God. Oh, my God. He gets rolls and gets out. You go, Oh, my God. I don't want you to get hurt here, dude, because then all of a sudden, remember, remember, remember your kid came over and broke his leg at my fucking house. This is gonna be sad. Uh, so I came, oh, T's on rapper time. So I'm like over doing studio shit. And then I'm trying to do regular life shit. And then half a time I'm at home. So I know his son is very well now. And, um, he, I told him like, yo, I snatched something from him because he was throwing rocks and he looked at me like that. Fucker you. He was throwing rocks and almost hit his brother in the head. And we, hey, he ran by me and I snatched it. He looked at me. All right. Mother fucker. That's how he looked at me and walked away and tried to grab another one. I snatched it. And he went, oh, shit. Someone's gonna do something about it right now. Cause like, he's a little boy. He's just running. He's just gonna run going. Yeah, especially when his, when his dad's not there. He's like, who's gonna catch me? And I was there doing computer went, oh, no, not here. I stopped throwing a chocolate milk bottle everywhere. I felt chocolate milk on my fucking ceiling the other day. Yeah, in the, in the living room, the chocolate milk. Um, so I'm like, all right, dude, every single thing that can't be, that can be picked up by a child is, it was up high. It's just been up high. I like it better without more toys. My house is so much less cluttered. I put all my toys away because I knew what he was going for and that my, my Mars attack shit scared the shit out of him. But he did it every 15 seconds and then run away and for like four days straight. So I heard it go off for like, at least 150 times a day. And, uh, it was cool. Cause I'm like, all right, kids are cool. Kids are cool. Man, it's, it's cool playing catch with this motherfucker hanging out or I'm at the studio. I didn't sleep for almost a week and a half. I was sleeping like three hours a night. No lie. It was terrible. And then right after that, my mom came so I've had kids at my house, dude, for a non stop. And then Friday, my cousin, Adrian comes for three days with his two kids. I've had a nothing but kids in my house. It's cool. But it made me realize I don't need this many toys. It's cluttered. So I've, I've kind of cleaned up my house. Anyway, um, yeah, it was fun. It's, it's, it's, oh, it's used in my house so long. I forgot like, oh, you don't live here. Yeah. I forgot. You don't live. You have to leave when I have a lot of fun, man. Just, just rosy and fall asleep. Like, are you trying to be up to one of the morning dabbing pool? Like, yeah. I'm like, all right. And I made this for watch stations. D. We got high, watched hell of different movies back home in church. Yes. It was like being back home. Hey, what's up? We don't, we have a part time jobs in school. Try to smoke all night. It is cool because it's like a, uh, a redo. Like, damn, I haven't done this in a long time, dude. With like a, like rosy night, do it all the time. But like, you know, it's different. You show me hell of weird ads, fucking movies. He made me watch horror movies. I'm full of fucking sucks, dude. He loves horror movies. I'm like, do I hate them? And we finally got me to watch some bullshit. I don't want to watch Hellraiser. I don't want to watch people get cut open. The whole time like this. Ah, fuck. They made me watch some weird movie called "Skins and Girls" a butthole on her mouth. And it was fucking weird, man. The shitty watch is just like gummo, but horror. It's just croft pudding. If you watch the office, it's like games. I'm making videos for the off-putting. It's like all the creepy fucking spiders and weird shit. Ah, man. Anyway, we smoked a lot of weed, smoked a lot of weed, and I'm a, like, absurd amount. I got high. He did a lot of music. It was a productive week. I did a hell of videos. I was doing that's where we were filming a lot. I had shows back to back. It was cool as you spin a blur. I haven't slept. Last night was the first time I really like slept. And since the 19th, we'll see the 12th, 13th. So three weeks. I probably slept last night. And, uh, right after O.T. left, the day he left, I went to Houston because I had to show in Houston. And that vlog is, go watch it. The vlog came out. The proper papers vlog where I hire, I'm going to hire 100 fans for proper papers. And if you want to find out, go watch the vlog on my channel. It explains how it's going to happen. I guess I say it here. Basically, you watch our channel, right? You're a fan. You're an Arkansas. He like, I go to the smoke shop to buy fucking papers. I go to the smoke shop to get this. Everybody goes to the fucking smoke shop. Unless you're us, we have a fucking abundance of a whole wear. It's different, but if you imagine, like, you know, papers, we go to the smoke shop and get papers real quick. So if you're going to get papers, you're our fan. This is how it's going to happen. You walk into a smoke shop. You're a local one that you always go to. Hey, Mark, that owns it. There's this YouTube and Don't miss the only as this paper comes. He's a huge YouTuber. Fucking lot of fans. People want his papers, but, you know, they're not in a lot of stores. You should pick them up. More people come in here. First, sure, especially when he posts, this store has it. Like, you know what? Good idea. I need a new paper. It's the same papers for the past 20 years. And this guy's the biggest following in the world for we makes fucking sense. If that person picks up, make sure when you're talking to that person, right? And you're like, Hey, Mark, you're going to pick it up here. When you fill out the wholesale form on properpapers.com, put who sent you? They put your name, your first name and maybe your Instagram or email. That's it. As long as they put your name, that's your store. Any store you get, even if they buy one box, I don't give a fuck anything. If they buy anything for my wholesale, I'm going to send you a proper papers. Those, those box I've been given to people, the seating boxes, the nice ones. I'm going to send you one. Say you're like, fuck it. I got nothing to do today. Let me go to every store in my town. It's a small town. Say you get five stores to pick up. I'll give you five boxes. Every store, you'll get a fucking, if you make a thousand, you get a thousand stores. It can be a thousand fucking boxes. It's going to cost me a million dollars, but you know what I'm saying? That's your store. The people, the two people in Arkansas, with the most stores in this time period, I'm going to hire. That's it. So if you're in California, if you're in Florida, blah, blah, blah, blah. In your small town, if you're going and you travel for work, fuck it, stop at the smoke shop. Anybody that picks it up and puts your name, but if they don't put your name, how am I going to know you got it? You have to refer you and be like, Mark Johnson came in and got me the store. This is Instagram and his email. And when I get them, we'll go, damn, Mark, he's got 15 stores already. This guy's in the lead for an Arkansas. He's definitely getting fucking hired, but this is what's going to work after I get the certain amount of time. After I think he's going to do a month, I'm going to pick the two people in every state, and I'm going to hire you to do that sales people and sales reps, pay your push. Yeah, exactly. That's what the whole concept is. So I want to hire fans before I go hire people that do this for a living. Because what if you're a fan, you're like, dude, I got a fucking hired because I got 10 stores. And they all listen to me because I just pitched them, well, it's free. You're going to go to the store anyway. And you already watch our channels. There's no smoke shops looking store. I don't give a fuck any convenience store. It doesn't matter. That's how I'm going to get in the door. I think it's going to work. That's the way of using the fans to go, Hey, I'm not just using your time. I'll give you shit. And if you do really well, I'll fucking pay you. Is that I'm not going to pay it when this makes sense? You could your dad get on the store, buy a box of properties. I'm going to get fucking pay like die. I'm not going to fucking go out of business over some scavenger shit. You know, I need you to actually want to do, oh shit, to want to do this. So that's how I'm going to do it for the papers. Anyway, we went to Houston to do this, to do the show. That's why I cut my fucking hair off. I've never sweated more in my life. My high ass packed my bag all the weed. And I forgot all my shirts at my house. I was going to put the shirts and lay them over the weed, but I layered the weeds away with, oh, it's good. Closed it and left. Because the guy was outside waiting the driver or somebody, oh, we're good. And I get to Houston go, I don't have any shirts, but the one I'm wearing for three days. So okay, let me go buy shirts. So Drody sent me to his spot. I went out there. It was, I wanted to get oversized sure so I got 4x.
They're kind of oversized, but they're thick thick the shirt, dude. So I didn't realize guys like I Didn't know you can sweat that much without drinking more water Like you know what I mean like once there's a point like is there more how? You'll see in the video there's a part as a time well I'm on stage marty and drips come off my hair and start hitting my shoulder Not like tripping down. It's tripping down so hard that it's now going oh like cartoon It's absurd, dude. No. It's bad. I brought an extra shirt to wear because I've been wanting to go off stage to be over How bad how bad was it? Like when there's a woman on a boxer and it's fucking just like that. No, no, you could see you see beads. I was doing this during my set It was fucking horrible anyway. I rushed my set two minutes faster than I normally do I got to the point where I needed to be go. I should've been there in two minutes. I'm talking so fast. I'm dying I was literally just sweat my ass off and then we go out in the night go do a bunch of stuff and I'm sweating my ass off so bad. I can't wait to cut my fucking hair I just cut it as soon as I got home. I can't take it anymore Yeah, it was fun. We did a bunch of stuff. I brought OG to Houston. I got OG's stupid ass to you How did that even happen? He didn't get so drunk this time because it was proper. I wanted him to come to Houston stores Like let's go to a couple stores of Houston film me and you do proper because that's what OG does in East LA He's our rep going around doing shit And I got his ass to LA. I got his ass to Houston He immediately gets drunk with OT. He's OT comes to the comedy show and gets bottles OG has men drinking for months. Yeah, OT and Jody are fucking full on wrestling during the sets in the back wrestling Shadow boxing and like comedy show during the cuz dark you can't see and we're it's a big room So we're in the bag in the very back. It's only like two tables around people like what the fuck is going on But they're like is that fucking basically what the fuck is happening and then Faded we Dan there do a meet and gree half the crowd was there to see us. I had no idea Do a meet grief like a fucking hour All these folks are faded. We go outside roll a smoke of joint this damn big somebody brought a joint this fucking like that long But that fat everybody's dabbing everybody's drinking doing shit. I'm just sweating my ass off I'm sitting there just trying to do this because the shirts was just too long. It's Very uncomfortable then we go to this taco shop Everybody in this loves this motherfucker. So like every two seconds just Somebody pull it over. Yeah, somebody's pulling over his run inside of the road like by a taco every two seconds and then Jack's like let's go to a strip club. I don't want to Like I'm gonna strip club in a bitch. It's gonna slide off of me. I am drenched in sweat. I don't want to be there That sounds terrible somehow. We still go and OT's like yeah, we'll go. We'll go. He gets because I'm not going in there I'll sit outside smoke like I always do. I don't go inside there. I'm like, you don't go and he goes I'll smoke weed outside I go. I like you. Exactly. I don't want to go in there either Can we get there and Jack's walking in? He's like all right guys, we're going in. I see the leader and everybody just stops and let's He is without exaggeration the only man in the building in a strip club. It was empty. I mean Empty like when people walk into like a party they think the shit in the movie they go no one's here This is one guy mopping. Yeah, I swear there was 15 strippers around Jack and I look at Jack's like that When I go in there The manager like I don't want to go in there the manager's like I keep telling everybody go in there. I feel bad Jack's by himself I'll give you money you go in there. Come on. Like no I mean the manager's like we can smoke weed in the office go you can smoke weed here You can smoke weed in this true club. I went. Are you fucking kidding me? I'll go in there. Yeah, yeah So you go in there and I feel so bad. I'm like Jack is just by himself. I keep walking past him like I'm like no, I'll be right back and I go to the bathroom and the tendons the old black dude He's smoking a blunt just sitting there on his phone in the bathroom is with like all the Bathroom antenna stuff like you're just smoking a blunt What is this place man? And I walk back and I feel so bad Jack keeps looking like are you really not by myself? I can see the look on his face like what the fuck Like all right, we're in Houston very show. I said Jack for like six and a half minutes and Jack's like oh, I'm gonna get my all we're done He's like yeah, you know, we're dope Easiest way I've ever gotten out of school like let's get the fuck out of here. It's hot and we go all-size like One o'clock goes it's not pop until about 230 Because the all the the clubs get out at two there and then you can still like chill in Texas Texas is where you have guns you can't have weed you can buy alcohol only until 12 It was 1203 and would you try to buy a beer? He goes can't help you man We're at the hotel. Oh, she was so fucking sad. What's good fucking cut him off, dude Anyway, super fun next day we have these new sharks for the dope is they're 150 milligrams I told OG 61 times stop. Don't eat that stop. Don't eat that don't eat that I thought you're scared animals. He doesn't want to do the sharks fuck him up Is it all these ones look good? I'm like they're more no, they're not like keep telling him and he's what do we describe? OG's trunk after you back in the strip club, right? And he's standing as if you're about to get the fatale to work on that Imagine setting your makeup then forgetting it's even theirs Meet new grippy setting mist from Mavily, New York Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip No tightness, no stickiness, no residue Just plum, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin Try new grippy setting mist from Mavily, New York Maybe it's Mavily He's standing like this like when you're about to knock somebody on a motor combat fatality And he's feet are planted but his body's just doing this next to my bed With the sharks go full. You can't even stand. Stop. I don't know man. He starts eating. He's like you told me to eat him He will say the opposite But I think he thinks it's real But sometimes I know he knows he's fucking around We told he was there. So he was there. He was and we're like stop. Don't change from when you say him to when they hit his brain Yeah, no for real. It's like it changes. It's like a game telephone But he does it from this year and then to this year he's like all right cool Kentucky Like motherfucker. We didn't say Kentucky. All right, so he eats the sharks like this is great, man, and he goes back to his room They're like 10 in the morning. I hit him up and he's like I'm so tired. I was awake. I'm like what happened You're like I thought I was gonna have a heart attack last night when we talk about you guys I'm like you ate sharks dick and he goes Stupid idiot. I told you not to let me have those go. What the fuck? He got up at two in the morning and went the lobby and just sat in lane Case he needed to call the ambulance. He said he couldn't breathe and his heart was pounding. He's like I couldn't breathe. I'm like almost start crawling All they see is a fucking gang bigger in a tank top Staring at him as they're at the cat at the check it. It's a fucking hotel. People are checking it. Yeah, I can only imagine He's there I wasn't sure if I need to go to hospitals. I wanted to be by the door or call He's like and you I don't want to wake you guys up like you're gonna die and you don't want to knock on my door He's across the hall from me. He went all the way down. He's like I went walked around. I got a sandwich I thought I was gonna fucking die and then In the morning when I told my you ate sharks he goes oh Yeah, I would have just laid down there. He's like I just felt weird like yeah fucking idiot You got drunk and slept for an hour and the fucking sharks hit you in your sleep Anyway next day sweat all the way across Houston. I sweat it all the way back Houston was fun. That was cool That was Houston That was it How did you do on the planet? Oh, he's fine. Um, never again. Well, I do. Oh, she's a little bitch with the plane and I fly away more because I'm a little bitch with the plane too until recently So I might me rock. Oh, gee. We'll just take a row. We'll sit next to OG because I always get first class because the seat's a bigger at my back Fucking hurts like I'll tough it out who cares Bad idea. I like throughout my rib Okay, you know you ever get a pinch in your back and it goes to your chest. Yeah, I never feel that It's because your ribs out of place. I know that sounds crazy. I thought my guy was an hallucinating goes Know your ribs just this is miss mood goes. How does that happen? Go sleeping on your side and driving like this with one arm well Get these out of whack and your ribs just come out of place a little bit. They're still in the muscle. They just They're moved. It's like It's like anything like it just happens over time. Give me the adjustment. You need an adjustment at the carpractor um So I was sitting in the chairs and I'm like Oh my god All right, well, so like this. I'm old. You scared of everything. So I'm like, oh, I will sit with him I'll never again never again. I sat here and I'm like, okay, this thing is jabbing into my hip bad It's like when you make bread and like or when the Italians kill people with string and they cut that that's what the
- I'm fat dude, so it was like cutting into it. - Yeah, I'm like, ah, the whole time. And I kept like, ugh, the next morning I got up and I was still in the middle, not on the side. My back was stuck, and right before the show, and my rib was like, ugh. Like every time I breathe in, it hurts. You ever get that pinch? - So I-- - So I-- - The beef when they fix that is unlike anything. - Oh yeah, so I had that right before the show, and I was thinking, oh, I can't do it again, and there was no more tickets on the way back. So I did it again, I won't do it anymore. I have to plan accordingly. My back fucking hurts. I have to fucking get a bigger chair, so I can at least move my hips. 'Cause the whole time like this, I buckle across my stomach like this, and I put my arms in. That's how I sleep on flights. - I'm in the buckle. - In the buckle like this, so they don't fly and smack people. 'Cause I'm wide. If I fall asleep, I'm gonna do this. It's smack you, 'cause my eyes are small. - I'm smack a random person. - So that's how I sleep when I don't have a bigger chair. Wasn't fun. - Can you sleep on plans? - I fell asleep before take off both times. - Damn. - I'm exhausted. - Fucking tired, dude. - I was, I sweated all my body weight off and gained it right back. But yeah, anyway, Houston Punchline was super sick. Showed Jack was fun. Everything went well. We came back to the show of the Ha Ha. That shit did, that was fun. We just did another show of the Ha, and I have a show of the improv this weekend. Shout out to Jack Jr. We're gonna be on the same lineup as Jeff Die, which is funny. We just had him on here, and I think I go on right before Jeff or right after. I would assume before, but yeah, we got it before. Oh, a day in Williams, Jr. Pretty cool. - Where's this? - The Hollywood Improv. - Oh yeah, that's right. - Mm-hmm, as we go. - So sick. - Amazing, incredible. - Yeah, and then Sage Nightclub and Whittier, I have his show on the 28th with Joe Joe Garcia. It's the $10 ticket night. - $10, just come watch a fucking show, dude. But yeah, that's it. That was the trip, and then my mom's here. Wanted to take a quick moment to say thank you to my bookie for sponsoring this episode. Right now, if you use code dope is usual at my bookie 'cause you could bet on anything anytime, anywhere. Use code dope is usual. And that's gonna give you access to the betback bonus up to $500. If this is your first bet, if it's not your first bet, use your homies phone. If this is your first bet, you can bet up to $500. You can bet $499. You bet $10. If you lose, you get your money back. First time only, one time use code dope is usual. If you want to bet on the first college game, which is August 27th, if you want to bet on the first game, yes, college football is back, it's here. Also, the NFL's back, but let's just focus on college. First game is 27th, and then the 29th in Dublin, Ireland. Do you want to bet on the college game in Dublin, Ireland, and you want to bet $500 on your first bet? If you lose, you get your full $500 back. That's not gonna happen anywhere else besides my bookie. We got San Jose State at USC, Memphis at UNLV, Hawaii versus Stanford, and New Mexico State versus Florida State. Guys, there's a lot of games happening. Football seasons back, all right? Use our code dope is usual at my bookie, bet on anything, anytime, anywhere. So that's what happened. Everybody got butt hurt, and I say we're pushing and perpetuating racism, because Lou Nelson says he doesn't let white people in our house. We didn't say a dickhead. Yeah, man, a lot in the comments. I didn't see it all the time, it was an issue. Yeah, I got it. Every time someone else's words, I lose like fucking eight fans that watch me forever. I've watched you for years, never again. And I go, because of some, think of it again. Hey, man, you have a Lamborghini, and this guy with the Lamborghini over here is a racist. I don't fuck with you anymore, go, I didn't do anything. I just happened to be a camera. I didn't say that shit. I'm gonna start crying. The fuck? Fuck, she's a comedian. She's a fucking comedian, the bad girl of comedy. Oh, her fucking stripper scene popped up on my fucking TV. Did you just watch the movie? It's so fucking good, dude. I was. Oh, it's so good. But like, right, it was like Ariana was walking through the room and she had Luna on her fucking pops out on her 50 cents show. Oh, there's fake moves and dazzling stuff. It's funny, like those are like obviously fake ass boobs. Like you can just see like, it's just funny, dude. That whole movie's good. That's my boy. Yeah, fuck you out of here, guys. I can't even remember who we've had on the show. It's been so many people. Michael Blowstein, Francisco Ramos, Dave Bluntz was in there. Jeff Dye is in there, Roger Puff goes in there. Sure from Dapp. Dapp, oh, there it goes. Dapp was in there. Yo, shout out to you guys for supporting us on Spotify. Because other platforms just do not fuck with us. I've exhausted all ideas. I'm just gonna ignore it because I don't know what to do after this on my channel, too. Oh, Lord, they are fucking absolutely holding me down against my will. It's a bad, it's bad. I genuinely don't know what to do. Go follow Yola's world, my second channel, where I post all the comedy shit. And I want to start doing more YouTuber stuff. Like we do all these dreams and reactions in the show. I'm restricted. Penguin Zero's got it. He's got the formula. Talk about something topical. Break it the fuck down. I'm not penguins here. I'm not gonna, he's great. But I'm never gonna talk in the same. I can't, my brain is nonstop like this. Yeah, yeah, one time, like, I don't know why. My fucking, I just want to, I'm like a cartoon character. It never stops until like beginning of this episode where I was tired and think. But most of the time I'm like, fuck. Unless I'm in public and then I look like I'm in heroin and I don't want to talk to anybody. Cause I'm scared of people, they're mean. You know what my, this is why I look like that. You know what my fucking stupid ass mom told me? I'm a Gora phobic. She said, I'm a Gora phobic bitch. It sends wind. I haven't been a, I went to Costco the other day. I've been a Costco and years ago. Why is there so many people I'm scared to go? I'm gonna fucking hit you. And then she's like, I can't hear unless you're looking at me and I go, that's not how sound works. She's pissing me off. She's saying some stupid shit lately. I can't, everything is in it. I think she's diagnosed herself. I tick-tock people. I think that's what she's doing. You just don't want to go to the store. Does it mean you're a Gora phobic? You've been to concerts with me. We just went to the Hollywood Bowl, not a problem. You can easily decide you're some shit just cause you saw it on a show. I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I don't know what I'm gonna do, dude. I do have a lot of nerf guns. Maybe it'll start popping or something. Cause something's gotta change. - That's what I was thinking when you're instead of like water spritzer. - What about the gel blaster? So it leaves, like leaves something on it. Yeah, you can lose a shirt. Every time you say some stupid shit to me. I just, I'm just tired of hearing excuses when people are like, I'll fucking help you. No, then you don't want to. Oh, you do want to? You're a fucking liar. There's only yes or no. And you're giving me, well, what about this? Like, no, it's a yes or no question. When I was 10, like, no, it's a yes or no fucking question. Well, he doesn't know me. Like, I'm gonna fucking hate you. There's nothing left in just to bring my sister down and she's beast of shit at you. Cause I don't know what to do, dude. Cause some, I'm gonna show me I'm gonna gore a foe. She says she's a gore a foe pick. You know what that means? You're scared of the outside. She's not. She works at a fucking nail salon. - Like to a panic freak out, like. - I'm gonna gore a foe. There's too many freak out levels. - Sounds hurt my ears, she told me. Since fucking win, bitch. You've been blasting ODB every fucking morning. I was alive. At the loudest you could crank it. But now you have sensitive ears. And I need my headphones, she told me the other day. Are you autistic now? I'm gonna have to kill you. There's no other option than just to take you the fuck out. I have to kill you, dude. That's it. Here's your commando. I'm gonna hold you up a cliff with one fucking and I'm gonna let you go. This is my strong arm. Oh no, this is my weak arm. He says, and he drops him. Fuck out of here. I mean, my headphones. I'm a gore a foe, bitch. I'm scared of crowds. Just went to the Hollywood bone. Just 'cause it was B-52s. That crowd didn't scare you. Yeah, you can't pick and choose any elements. It's just, you can't do that. And the thing is, I'm calling her on all of it. She's getting fucking irritated. And I don't give a fuck. It's about time. - Is she trying to fight it or is she like, you know what I mean? - She's trying to fight every fucking thing. Every single time against me, every single thing, everything she has to excuse. Everything is better this way. And I'm like, bitch, it doesn't work for you now. So it's better for you. Listen to me. And I keep telling her, just try it. If you don't like it, don't do it. And every single thing I'm trying to do is, this is actually great. I'm trying to help you. Remember that. Even though I'm fucking shaking, staring, I want to help you. If you just stop doing that, me and my mom about 11 would stop being, you know about 12, we just went, and then 14 and we went, "Whoa, whoa." And so this is what my dad's been talking about. You're a fucking dick. I didn't know that he was right. I thought he was just tripping and like, making shit up to make him look better. But you're an asshole. I get it now. I understand. And I won't go for it. I won't allow it. It's not gonna happen. Every single 16, she punched me in the fucking face. It did nothing. Nothing is gonna bring me to not say shit to you. And now that I'm older and I'm like, "Hey, you're being a bitch." This is some shit. - What do you know of the tables? - What's that again? - What a turning of the tables? - It's crazy, man. It's like she's a toddler now. I didn't even have an iPad or a vape. It didn't tell me to stop doing it. I never had nothing. 'Cause I was just fucking scared of her. So, at least. This way I'm like, hey, I'll get you into this. Yeah, I'll get you into the house. You just gotta try. That's all. That's not that much, right? You should do it. I thought we were giving her. But that's regular basic life. Let me live. I want to survive. That's all I want from you. That's all I'm asking. I'm asking you to get a job. Pave or shit. I just want to survive. Just care enough. That's all. A healthy routine is all we're looking for. Anything. It's not like it's new to you, bitch, you are on it when I was a kid. She just doesn't want to do it. And I know we keep going back to it, sorry guys. This is real life shit. Just going through this is what's happening right now. It's fucking aggravating. It is what it is. It's better fucking change. And it's going to. There's no way it's not fuck all that. It's worth it. It'll be, you're gonna have grandkids or something when-- I told you that, like, it's gonna be worth it. If we have kids, you're gonna be dead. I keep telling you about, you're gonna be dead. Bitch, you don't want to be alive now. And it's not that she wants to die. She's like, I don't want to get up. You want me to get up? That's how it is. It's crazy. It's like basic. She's Daria. You remember that show, Daria? Of course. Yeah, it's my mom. She's being a dick. She's like Wednesday Adams. What the fuck is-- Yeah, this is a hell of a third track. I'm gonna fucking hit you, can I see that later? Besides that, talk to my dad. My dad, you know, he retired from trucking. And he was like, looking for a different job. He told me yesterday, he's like, hey, I got a jug. Well, why? What does he have trucking? Asshole. And he goes, yeah, but take this out. I get off at five every day. Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all-day comfy grip. Just clump, dewy, hydrated skin. That still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Maybe it's Maybelline. Now what the fuck? He's like, yeah, I only work in a certain area. And I'm off at five every day. Oh, never mind. This is what you were looking for your whole life. Because you'll be gone for three months. Yeah, that's crazy. Because it's hard for him to come back home. He'll be gone like two hours. I'm like, fuck it this weekend. I'm gonna come home for a half a day and go. But he'll have a three month period where he's gone. Not something, not something, not something. But he'll come home like half a day every week and a half. And that was a drug problem and a drinking problem and a loneliness problem. He doesn't want to be by himself constantly for the past 45 years and he has been. So it's like, all right, if you can make this work, oh, dude, he's gonna be stoked. My dad should be a mailman. He's like a Labrador. He just wants, hey, what's up, hey, what's up, hey, hey. That's my dad. That's like super nice, super funny, abrasive, sometimes offensive, not as much anymore, he thinks more. But man, now that he has daughters that are girls, can my sister's not a girl. She was a tomboy. She never, now he has two girls that are like girls. I do makeup. I have earrings. He's like more like, okay, I won't say it's so, so horrible. I can see him like dial it back more. But yeah, he got a fucking job. He's like, I've never driven an automatic. I don't even know how to use this. 'Cause the truck's automatic trucks are different. There's two different sides. It's like, my dad, just fucking put it in D, man. It's a fuck shot with him. Just put D, dude. He's like, yeah, never driven an automatic. My dad's been fucking clutching it for his whole life. There's eight gears in some of those diesels. And, yeah, dude, my dad's, he's selling it happy. He's like stoked about it. So it's good, I'm excited for him. The opposite situation with him. Yeah, my dad's still doing moving jobs. Like working up, my dad works his ass off. He's fucking like 57. Dude, my dad works hard as fuck. So I know where my work ethic came from, dude, for sure. It did not come from my fucking mom. And my mom used to work her ass off. That's where I can get the laziness a little bit where I'm like, I'm tired. I'm fucking tired, I don't wanna do that right now. But it's not often I let that work or let that happen. But that's where it comes from, dude. 'Cause my mom's dad and grandpa worked his ass off. I think he just don't wanna be home. 'Cause I have three girls at home and fucking my wife. There's no dudes. My grandpa was a cool ass dude. So I'm sure he was upset. But my grandpa had like, fucking 12 DUIs. Damn. Inmers said, how do you keep your license through all that? It was in the '80s and '90s before you got a DUI prison sentence. Yeah, my grandpa got that. So I've heard so many stories about him being a hell of a DUI. But my grandpa's like a such a charming like, hey guy. That he's probably cool with the cops. I'm like, we'll let you off with this one Tom. Just get the fuck home. And he probably would have had 100. My grandpa used to drink a lot, dude. He used to drink a lot, man. Oh man. Anyway, I don't know where we got our topic. We got into this. But yeah, it's really funny having told Rocco. The other day I was getting Rosie's phone for her. And as I picked it up to bring her, it's a text Rocco. I think I wanna start smoking. Do you think Tom seemed a little weird about it? I didn't tell you yet. Anyway. I think it's one for you, dude. I don't think I was supposed to see that. But I think I didn't even tell you. I thought it was funny. No. That's hilarious. Yeah. So Rocco smoked weed for the first time by himself or willingly as, right? Yeah. He's been ramping up to this for the past year by just being boxed inside of the room. Well, he said we were at Houston and you felt the first time it was boxed, but you didn't feel shitty, right? Exactly. Yep. So I gave him the volcano, the venti by Stortzenbickle, the one I reviewed. That shit's badass. And I just gave him the-- how'd it go? Great. I love it. Yours was chilling. It feels incredible. It's so nice. It's so jump long. Well, this this warms my heart. Weird. You know? This whole time. It's weird. It's weird. I've been peer-pressuring. I'm heavily. It's like a mafia boss. And it's like, hey, my brother, he's his first hits tonight. And you see him shoot him in the head and you go, I don't want this life. Yeah. Now that it's here. That's me with the dry like smell this. The smell is the difference. It's the smoke. So I'm like, what's your opinion on something that you don't know? It's cool to get a different-- I always tell him, but like, you can't appreciate it. You don't want to appreciate the smell. Shit like that. Now he does. Now he can. You're in. You're in. You're in the fight club. And the OG. Yeah. Two different, different experiences. Yes. That way happened a couple days ago. And I think it's like, oh, my-- what's been going on? Think-- oh, I'm counting calories, like a fucking douchebag. I hate it. No, you're a healthy guy. I'm a douchebag for doing it because I should have been doing it. You're supposed to do it. I'm an asshole for-- I didn't know. Mark's like, every 3,000 calories is a pound, too. So if you lose 3,000 calories, that's-- basically, what? OK, I know the fuck you bit. My bad. And yo, did you know if you overeat 3,000 calories? You pretty much gain a pound? No matter what. So ready? Cool. B&G's, Brito. You drink a soda at the Mexican restaurant. Yeah, chips. I counted chips at a Mexican restaurant the other day. I went, if I eat one chicken, I'm working out so fucking hard for it not to be resulting fast. I'm tired of being dead after those work. I'm fucking-- I'm sad inside how tired I am. Like, why would I do this to myself? Every time I'm like, how did I get through that shit? And I go, but it's kind of work better. You're not getting a lot of protein. Makes it so much worse. I don't know for sure. Yes, I'll explain that. I got a chip and I'm like, OK, I googled, how much is a tortilla chip? If calories are tortilla chips, every 2.5 grams is so-and-so calories. I want 2.5 grams. OK, so if I eat 10 chips, 25 grams, I eat 50 grams. That's 20 chips. And that's 340 calories. Are you fucking-- this many chips? That's up. That's up to that. All right, cool. 340 calories. And I got a B&G's, Brito. That was 600 calories. I'm like, at 900, 40 calories. And I got eliminated and I googled it. And I'm like, it's how much? And I drink a third of it. And I put it on the other side and had the guy take it away. This is a whack life. That's all I thought. This is stupid. But I ate it. And I left there, I'm like, 900 and something calories. I just ate. And I didn't eat a lot of food. I would do this twice a day because it's not a lot of food. I've already eaten more-- and then I eat a little shit, and a little shit, and a little shit, and then we're like, oh, it's in a night. It's 3K easy. We're like 3,000 at least. And you didn't work out today. Like, no, I've been busy on computer, do a show a day. You sat on that. You ate three. You gained a pound. Do that 50 times. 50 times over the course of three years. Nothing. You gained 50 pounds of three years. But yeah, I'm going to notice. Because there's a 1 or 2 pounds of a couple of months. It's a regular day. And you're like, I'm not even eating like, shut up. Yeah, but it's this much stuff. Yeah, this much gushers though, dude. You know what sugar that is? Now that I look at sugar with rock, oh no, no, get that away. I won't even fucking attempt to eat that shit. Don't ever bring candy around me again. Unless it's joyride or fucking that other brand. Unreal. Those two brands are the only brands I'm like, okay, the sugar's fucking low. I don't know about those. I'll show you. I was ready with my mommy. They're like, mom, look. Do you know the gummy worms you want? Look at these gummy worms. Two grams of sugar.
Fucking bag all hope and they're like 10 pieces, but you like the the idea of opening a bag And I ate the whole bag. Oh, oh All of it is I didn't know that I had no idea how bad relate like how bad I was with food. I did not know Anyway, I'm 3,000 4,000 5,000 cow you're going pizza for the end of night. You're fucking like you're fucking 4,500 calories anyway I was ready at 2,000 I'm at 35 Fuck and I didn't work out today. Okay, do that for five years This you get this You just get fat. I didn't know and you don't notice and I'm on camera so much I'm watching myself so much that I'm like oh, I haven't seen those older videos and forever I didn't even realize I was kidding in those videos. That was last year. I can't wait this year I didn't notice and until I go back and have to archive or throw back some video. I go I've gained weight and that's when I realized the only time I realized because I'm Every day is the same. I just met Marty two days ago same Saying like it's it could have been yesterday. It could have been seven years ago. I don't fucking know It's I don't really look different like my I look the same damn near so nothing really changes except the shirt I go. Oh, that shirt's new Well, I can't wait and go that's a old shirt. Damn, I was skinny That's why I start realizing because I don't pay attention. Marty just broke it Ready to give me a breakdown. Thomas has this much weed. He uses this dash, but if he doesn't want to use it He breaks into his dash stashes your fat Your fat sells 3,000 grams you have there every time you take 3,000 grams you lose a fucking pound and he's like Thomas has How many pounds at the end of the month? I swear to God that's exactly what's on my text messages. It's this long It's an analogy. Think of your weed as your fat is fat storage like okay, dude. It worked I get it, but now that you gave I have to gamify everything. Yeah, it doesn't work unless it that works I'm like how many points do I need that's all I can think of how many do I need for this today's exactly two months of me logging Everything and having a plus days on eating and working out meaning like when I log it and chat you's PT at ranks at a plus day or I've had like an a day or a based on my goals, you know, so like it's giving me the workout and I'm logging my food taking pitchers I've been taking pitchers in the nutrition facts and I mean on average I've lost a half a pound a day and you do you use chat GBT instead of an app? I'm not Intricated enough for that. I don't want to learn I really get an app But what you're doing it's just so much easier. It's so much easier than an app because it's just one feet No, but I want you to stats like if the app like carbs and it has a little meter. You're almost there Has the number it's like 48 have 200. I'm like, oh, that's that's how yeah, it worked Throughout the day though, it's like me know like okay, this is a great start You got this much protein this much calories. This is what you need for the next meal for the rest of your day. Yep. I love that Then I end it and I'm only in between noon and eight and then I get the workout in between 45 minutes and 90 minutes and there every day I went from 127 today is my first day ever 199 came under jeans. Yes, so I'm going on to 180 but I'm getting stronger Chin ups press and this curls all that should is going up But I'm tracking it so I know it like we're the progressive overload of knowing that I'm adding on more weight Is what's doing it or and I can feel the difference like today? I could feel the difference on the chin up bar like I actually felt borderline confident for the first time ever But anyway, I'm about to be 40 this month, so I'm just trying this is all I'm just trying to lock in that's right I wanted to be in good shape when I hit 40 but really by the time I was here. Oh my god, so That's the goal then by a decade goes by fast. Yeah, by the end of the year I want I'm gonna be I'm talking like I'm looking like six-pack territory. It's where it's what the goal is I just want to be shredded and then that's kind of then I'm gonna do the OC marathon again Then I'm gonna dunk if you remember season three I'm a dunk. I said Marty sounds like they won't get I got a new girlfriend She's going well. Let's go. Good dude. You see that clip Instagram's targeting me with all this jump training shit So we're gonna do that OC marathon and not that's the goal for 2027 Fucking cannon calories man Not a calories. It's not fun You know what's fun is no one that you're making progress. That's what I live No, what I know is me knowing I'll never catch up. I don't eat me. I will never fucking catch up. That's it I'm never gonna catch up to you guys I'll never be in the shape that you guys can get in. It's just not gonna happen Then every time I look at the protein go there's not enough food in the world for me to hit this There's not enough vegetarian. I can't eat more eggs unless you just slam fair life shakes and bear ball I do shakes - and I do bear ball shake bear ball bars. I'm over. I'm doing that you Mom stop it she ain't 30 fucking bear ball ball bear ball bars 30 of them she's ever fucking four days away Mom No, you ain't 30 smicker bars basically Sorry, I'm just keep me going they got like yeah, but that one you don't work out or move No, no, no, she live it roll from one room to the next water when you're walking through the desert Oh, yeah, they say my life sometimes. Yeah, so they'll save your life I went to the store and bought boxes. Yeah, they're not like and I went home like are you fucking there? I went in the other day. Rock was to be fair. I ate about eight like I ate 10. There was 40 No, I Feel like the dad in Christmas story just Pissed now I get what my grandpa was fucking mad all the time Oh, they're fucking Drinking all the sodas and shit. Oh, no shit pissed me off Not because like all the bars gonna like bitch. They are protein bars. They are not for you Have to get up. You can't just eat all our shit that we survive in the day. I hired all my show I got a little mini fridge. I said I'll fucking kill you touch the shit. Does it really say that? It says do not touch on the mini fridge and it said the fridge is basically hidden. You should really put Yeah, and then I got yeah, I got a little lunch box in there. I'll keep my hash in off Yeah, she was offended by just Imagine setting your makeup then forgetting. It's even theirs meet new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York Gel to miss technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip No tightness. No stickiness. No residue just plum. Do we hydrated skin? That still feels like your skin try new grippy setting mist from Maybelline, New York That's great. Oh, yeah, but then then I I keep my bear ball bars laid out in a little drawer that you can't really see Good like craft services though. I like them. She's way out real nice with the labels all up and shit And I'll toss in a couple of crust peanut butter cups That's just it brought me back to life a couple times when you stay in no stage You get a peanut butter cup It's different. It's like it's like survival all I meet this chicken is taking the rice and Greek yogurt and chicken I keep my bear bells in the swash took a shape. I lay them out like this It takes up a lot of space. It does it does but when somebody comes over I fill them in I fill them in the square like when you're writing as long as you guys a kid You know, you make a box out of it, but we can still tell the swash again Dude you all done it. You've all done it because you had a draw and go is this really like the bad simple? I had to draw it for school on our for We were talking about the Nazis and shit. I had to draw it. We had to make a whole world. We're do think drawing a swastika You're going hmm. I'm just gonna make a window because this should not be on my paper But yeah, it's real every fucking one of you have done it Write that down. I need that bit. You ever make swash glue that you can almost get in choice Just make a little nice little window out of it. Yeah, and there's gonna be one way. Ah Anyway So let's do all do set this weekend. Oh, yeah I don't know how much time I have it is at the improv Maybe it is, but like I keep going back to the shed. I just do what I know fucking Does well what should I try some new shit. I want to try the tree thing Three bits. I've been working on are all from saying dumb shit on this show When we talk about the tree pots That's a whole bit I wrote out now. It's like a whole we're talking about Member man, do you want to be cremated? You ever see these pods? You can put yourself in a husk of a tree and they bury you during a new tree Remember talking about like the minorities in shit. Yeah, like there's a whole bit. I'm writing. I'm writing that out. It's I'm gonna try it. I want to try that really fucking bad actually. It's just if it doesn't hit the whole thing falls apart Oh, there's just one big boy at the well basically remember it's like I Steaded on here. We were just talking shit. I went home and watched the premiere go. Oh, I need that and I wrote it down I'm cherry picking myself watching. Yeah, and because most of the shit every story time is not planned. I just talk Rogan's specials are all from the fucking podcast There you go But it's like there's a tree husk you put yourself in a tree husk when you're buried instead of a coffin and you grow into a tree It puts your six feet and you grow into a fucking tree
Which is pretty cool and like the bit is like yeah, man. That's cool. I'm asking people Oh, I think I like. But what if you know my my look I had bad luck I'll get the worst no matter what I'm trying to work that out and like what if I'm like The tree that people do drugs on there like more of those junkies are sleeping like fools just shooting up. I'm providing Wind and shade and these bulls are just slam and shit and I'll fucking do the thing on stage And I'm just you're like all right. Well, I guess I guess this is me Or I have it written out and like or what if I'm the where the kid just draws a Cars are swash to give me all the time because you've walked by every part because it's a swash to kind of treat Everywhere maybe more when I was a kid but every time and there's enough times you can say that in whatever So before they get kill you on YouTube and that's how many times I said it anyway the nice German symbol and And it's like what if I'm the fucking tree the racist kid just draws a German symbol every day Like I don't want that for me and what was the last one? Fuck there's another one damn it. What if I'm the sub person? Nah, I haven't written that anyway. I probably shouldn't say all of it. Oh Yeah, like what if I'm in this what if I'm buried in the South I just become a lynching tree or like what if I'm just become a lynching tree Like that's even worse. I keep broccoli's with Anyway, I'm still working this out like or guys. What if I become like I guess it could be cool What if I go to the streets of Mavitar like I got some fucking glow? I got a glow to me. I have some cool flowers, but also like Avatar tree like I don't want all those things living around me. I don't want a bunch of minorities living inside of me And I'm like I'm not a Kardashian Just living in the air. We're like I'm not a Kardashian sister. Like I don't want minorities in living inside of me It's the most horrible thing ever styled that in real time. Yeah, we just said it. What does that cherry it was just solo first? I would love to get more if we ever get way way way way famous where people are like I need to go on that show We know how fucked up it is Then I'll be able to do that with guests because I don't think I could say that way like Lunel here like y'all you want me a lynching tree? I don't want minorities living in me like I do that's all I should have responded exactly Exactly like you think I want to be in your home longer Was it my credit score is going down the longer I'm in your house bitch. Yeah, I like that I'm a property value risen motherfucker batteries in my smoke alarm or fucking dying as we speak because of next to you I have I haven't I don't mind. Can you say it somebody might steal it? Never mind I remember we're at but I've been high today Ranting been fun good shit. I've been high since Early this morning. Nice. I would love to get a pearly Realistically I forgot It's gonna sound crazy. I used to get Furious if I slip in as a kid until I was like 17 if I slip in past like 8 30 I was losing my fucking mind one time when I was about 11 I woke up and I heard John Madden talking and I was so offended by everyone not waking me up When football like it's football Sunday. I hear John Madden Fuck you guys and everybody's in the living room like are you guys serious? You just let me sleep as a kid I was like a hurt like you let me sleep in bitch. There's stuff to do every day even if I just sat there Like I don't want to be I hate it sleeping and I couldn't sleep anyways I'm like and now I'm like I can't wait to fall asleep, but I can't fall asleep I don't know what to do heroine. I think it's just our doing early or something What if I just got hooked? Sick I like a three-year-fucking Bitch headberg stage ready to work glasses every episode Hey, you guys ever had needles man. Yeah, needles. They poke ya It's like you just like you're getting having sex with my needle Or some bitch headberg style No, I can't do that Be too I'd be too cool. I'd be too cool for everybody to have to cool for her own. Fuck yeah Do I remember when I was like maybe 10 to about 18 Out loud like fuck. I'm so cool. Yeah. We just say like got up cool Just to say and people like are you fucking like yep even in my head. I was like no, I'm not But I'm gonna say it I don't know why I did it like at 10 like got them fucking die All the time. It's a cool thing to say. Yeah, it's fucking awesome But I don't really think it and now that I'm older in my if I met me I'd be like this guy's pretty cool That's pretty chill. What will you will be watching? Do you have a space champ watch? Like this guy. That's why I want to see people look at shit. I haven't go You're gonna wrap it. You're feeling yourself. Yeah, for real like just do this all the time with no grill You're gonna start doing that all it's every time someone says the compliment about me I'm gonna do that Every time I go on stage like time is the creator of this Remind me Healthy gums. No, the one day. I'm gonna have a grill under there Where's your yeah, where's your good one? Oh, I was talking shit, but well, it'll probably happen eventually to be funny It's gonna be real funny. I want top and bottom Clear's Visal I'm gonna get a vis line again. I just want to have a vis line all the time like you know what I have to pay monthly for this fuck your grill dude. This is eight years Had to shake my teeth for these Okay What is the fuck? You should get girls, but only on your back teeth. Why'd you say that loud? I'ma get a fucking diamond retainer There's just two little dies chips and the roof of my mouth is oh you're gonna get the inverte-grill with diamonds on the back to your teeth That's real wealth Well, I don't get a shits bill gates. You know bill gates all the back of his teeth. I'm out flooded I'm retarded. Oh I was like he's got a bunch of eat a therium on the back Those aren't tangible. I don't know why I was thinking the therium coins and Bitcoin gold douche coins They got tangible coins, and I went don't have that And I almost had ethernet again I think you know what right this down. I need an SOP for everything If I can have that I'll start learning how to do everything. Yeah, like you gave like you gave me the other day for the website. Yeah, yeah, I need a SOP for Do you face stuff brush your fucking teeth floss every day? Yeah, before I spoke up three joints I'm gonna put it in every room in my house like don't forget because I'll forget there's so many things I have to do That we did this whole zoomies drop had it ready for three weeks and right before we drop ago Oh my where the fuck are the white mockups? Where the mockups are white, dude? I need them as I'm posting the drop There's no white mockups. We forgot because we did so we do like 60 assets most we've ever done Forgot the four we use every time. Yeah, so P for shirt drop push trees. Drop. Drop. Oh my god It has to be done Big recommendation for anything in life to be prepared and make yourself my fucking track less than what to do and how to do it The guys I'm working with the fuck to university people remember that yeah, well The guys in the back they made me an SOP for every show it is shockingly extensive Overkill, but they're the so one of the people in their name Jeff does AI companies and He he showed me some shit. My wow, that's what you could do with that. You'll love it. I fucking hate AI Marty he went through and goes give me every single person that's ever been on our show It categorized every single person's ever been on our show what their Instagram is how many times they've been on it what their followers are across all their social media Boom boom boom boom how many times and what we talked about each episode like under under two sentences He did it while we're on the phone. It's his company. He's like cool and we're sure our meeting goes that's working right now Oh, what the fuck and then he sent me He's putting my he has another company where you could put videos through a process and find out why they did well a Virality's trainer and they're scanning my entire YouTube right now Whoa season but hey, that's why this one did well. This one of this did not well. They did the same exact things You're very locked and restricted. This has the same exact ways the same buck and frame the same time Or he's gonna find out why these ones do well to find out about
The formula Pretty cool, man. It's what it's interesting. It's still doing it. It's been like two days now Go through every video. I've ever posted I'm the trial. Can you pick for this? I'm fucking down just just show me what's going on But anyway, they did me as well. P for every show and it's shocking. It's cool. It's awesome Like what Rocco has to do when we right when we get there when 15 minutes after we get there. Oh Whoa dude the day after it's just for they show me what our next 50 days are at 60 days are our next 60 days 90 days 120 like what we need to be doing. It's all for the stand-up shit. It's fucking crazy. I talked to them. They are I talked to Rosie a couple weeks ago. I'm like, hey, we pay taxes. We pay rent I Pay for my fucking check mark on Instagram. That's a tax I get tax for Instagram. They pay me 50 bucks a month Okay, I'll pay it you too. I pay for the premium. I don't even use it just so they're like he at least pays us let him keep his channel I don't fucking know. I'm just trying to do everything together. Good side and I forgot what's going on with that. But anyway They got me linked up with them. I told them I need to pay taxes. I'm trying to do all these things I don't have a manager. I don't have an agent. I'll do any of these things once people have those you see this do this Always not because they got better or more famous They just went, hey, here's your eight cylinders. You're firing on three. Well, boom, boom, boom, now all eight are fucking pumping Bumpy basically stiff socks podcast what they are being able to do with Trevor and and Michael Their formula is like we're a podcast also content because they're content guys and they're doing the content Like when they're doing the guests who they're doing the dating shits like these are all things that people want to watch I guarantee there's there. They're having help with you see Trevor's Wallace is a video this morning about English people cooking shows It's as if it's a TV show. There's so much production going into that. It's shocking It's like you guys have a team. Yes have people like Boom helping this helping that like what we should have we went to that other spot what they said they would that's what we That's what they have once they get to that step or like even do know we was doing his own thing and then he got Representations like oh now you see these things do this not because they're getting better or even if they are It's just the way it works. It's kind of like a tax That's why I'm starting to think like oh, you got to give a certain percentage to certain people They can help you all the way do this open this door. Hey, I've been here for 31 years. I'll get you on this show in two seconds I'll see you you're fine. You're in it. They're gonna love you, but they would never see you for not on the show Like they might pass your Instagram, but that's not the same as seeing you crush in person. That's different So that's why I'm like I need an agent or manager. I need to fucking pay people part of what they bring in and that's the tax I need to start paying taxes to these people anyway. I'm getting a manager I guess you're saying agent They showed up my stuff and they wanted to start with me in like three months and they showed this guy my stuff He's just start today and he's already working on my shit. I'm supposed to meet him. It's meet him soon But he thinks he's like yeah this Basically guys I'm fucking brown. I have a falling and shit's funny. It helps. It helps a lot It truly does and the movie shit. I told you I showed you the movie website. Yeah They found my little counterpart guy So I'm gonna do a movie next year. I guys told you about it. I'm gonna tie that for a month I first make a cool movie. They broke it down show me the storyboard like What this it's fucking awesome? I want to watch that movie I would watch the fuck out of that movie just watch it just read like the back of a book with your kid go okay It's gonna be cool. I'd watch the fuck out of that movie and they go oh my god That's me they did AI versions of me in certain scenes and what it would look like I'm like oh, I gotta lose about fucking 50 to 60 pounds Okay, yeah, cuz that guy's skinny and it's just like wow it looks like me This is weird just like in certain scenes and she breaking down what happens what I can't wait and it's like I want to watch the movie by the way Holy shit. That's me even cooler for me like oh my god movie and it's a movie. I want to watch so next next year I'm gonna start that I'm fucking excited Seeing the storyboard seeing the breakdown seeing everything. It's it's different. It's very cool I'm stoked, but anyway with this agent guy. I hope it goes well Let's keep moving forward just trying shit. I'm trying not to be so fucking fat. These kind of calories shit sucks It sucks We'll tell us to do I trusted the micro factor app. I don't like it. It's not I'm going back to my fitness pal dude. I'm sorry Use your code, but I was use it once somehow. That's just not working like I thought it was gonna work It's a YouTube right watch. He's fucking awesome. I Watch Rocco found him years ago Yeah, anyway, that's it That's all about the fact this thing my fitness pal back. I'm trying to not be so fat. Marty's about before you this month That's such a crazy number thinking like what I met you the time but time goes. Yeah, time goes my fast It's cruising along. Yeah, it is and we think about I know you for a long time like that's not that much time Think about how much shit we've done in that time. That's not that much time at all Wow, that's come up on seven years. I know you know then in the air Well, like a month with an F Very weird. Yeah, my oldest daughter was a kid now. We're about to go drop her off and Santa Barbara next week. Oh, it's a fully-moved To college. All right See this American Dreamshapes, but it did just keeps on going dude. Oh We even talk about it You can bleep bleep because we have Sorry we even talk about this. Yeah, I was in the computer and I yelled it. What the fuck? No, I got really excited I got truly like gettishly excited on our show as a person for us. Yeah, what weird world do I live in where he would come on our show? Okay, I know and it's the day before we do right as I thought you do we do You're America sweetheart kind of Are you allowed to be here? Not to me of course, but that's the why it was so funny Of course, it's like wait, we don't want to how I wouldn't leave it at that you say it's all interpretation right now You don't know who the fuck it is. Sorry guys. I don't ever want to say the names or it comes out because sometimes people flake but what the fuck Everyone's in a while you get a book anywhere. It's like oh, yeah, fucking I'm like why ask just tell us the debugging date dude That'd be so fun. I can't wait. I don't even know anything about him. I just know I love him I can't say anything, but I used to the show. He was on I used to watch it Religiously with my grandma grandpa every fucking time every Wednesday. I was like two nights. It was a three nights a week. I was My god, I'm on the fuck is so talented when I was a kid. I'm like, yeah, this is the guy. It's guys funny And then he got older and like oh, he's got a wild and then I'm like, oh, it's just a show never mind. I don't want us anyway. Fuck yeah, what it's called Okay It's get out of here. It's been a solo. It's been a while. It's been a long time since we've been here Thanks for being here. Don't know who the next guests are. I don't care. I'll run another soul back next week. I don't give a shit This week I'm going through every story time watching every single one and I'm gonna start cherry picking bits Beautiful and I have like fucking 25 years of stand up in there if you really think about it And what is that like working that shit out on the road for four or four months? That's one story time I've five stories in there. You know what you do is you export out the transcript you upload that bitch to chat Gbt and have it tell you what stories to pull out Say your song about no months Nope I don't want you to need to ever influence anything I do in terms of getting cool things done Going hey, how's this thumbnail suck? Why does thumbnail suck? That's cool. I like that I like the thumbnail help on YouTube's back end, but hey, when I open thumbnail Right, yeah, and then I tell my I could just post it for free But I always get the guy to recreate it. I will ever use what fucking AI gives me and like draw it the same Cuz I'm not gonna fucking music cuz I just I can't ever go. Do you ever use AI your shit like nope fuck you No, I haven't because I feel like there are comedians out there. They go hey. I have this premise. Oh for sure a million person It's what if that's not the guy's one day. You can't use it for writing. That's from say drops or that's crazy. That's crazy That's fucking then crazy dude. I hope way I comes out when they goes boom this person shows a video That's good or writing scripts people use it for script. I know what we talked about before so many We know we use it for an entire script for the whole season of a popular show That's fucking bullshit. Yeah, anyway Yeah, I want to go through cherry pick and sorry for your stories. I have a I have some ideas I have I have ideas for drugs. I have ideas for a lot of stuff There you got a mind you're just mind it. I said go through it. And all this is taking the time to watch each one It's just cherry pick all because I said like I don't remember what I said all that shit was off the top of my head But there's some gems in there. Yeah, and I can show other people. What would you do this?
You know all this, I would say this. Like the fucking boner part about being on drugs. Like that's like John Gonzalez gave me that. I didn't say that before. My fifth show, John Gonzalez, like, "Hey, you should add this, y'all." You motherfucker. And that should hit so well every time. And I wrote it in my notes. John Gonzalez gave me this one, "Want so-so dang." Just so I can remember, like, yes. Oh no, I like to credit motherfuckers 'cause I can't take credit for things that aren't mine. That's like a bad, it's like a movie with like, "Oh, sh*t, I'm into deep, I got a lie now." Are you guys ever seen that comedian? I don't know his name. You know him talking about. He lied about being 9/11. - Yeah. Steve ran his easy. - Thanks. - I think that's his name. That's not him. - Oh, sh*t! - Oh, sh*t! - Oh, I think, you know what I'm saying? - He's just sh*t on. - Steve was sh*t on the actor. - That's something like that, there is a guy. - Yes, the actor guy, or this comedian, somebody says about 9/11. He broke down the whole thing of how he explained how it happened. He lied about being in the Twin Towers for over like four or five years. - He made a whole career out of it. - He made a career out of it and started doing bits about stories, full stories. - So 9/11 guy. And then finally got busted by somebody when they were like, "Hey, that doesn't make sense." And he goes, "Oh, oh!" And he just started back meddling it with, "Okay, I lied about the worst tragedy in American history." No. Hey, Michael Jackson, the sister didn't ask to use a bathroom. Or was it, Michael Jackson didn't give me a use bathroom, but the sister did asshole. Why would he do that? That's crazy, that'd be like me, but yeah, I got shot by some, actually never happened. Could you imagine what kind of psycho would make up both of us? - 9/11 is not even comparable to doing it to 9/11. - Why are you living New York? - Yeah, like you're a New York comic. - It's insane, it's blasphemy, it's diabolical. - He still does stuff. - Yeah, I know, he's still out there. - He's still out there, people were like, "Yeah." - And his Kramer went into shame for 30 years, right? - What he did was worse than Kramer, Kramer just had a fucking meltdown. - Yeah. - Honestly, I think he was trying to be funny and nobody laughed. And he went, "Uh, look at him!" No! (laughing) Stop! He should have went, "Oh, fuck, I should have laughed at that." Damn it! Now it just looked like a racist. Done. - It was a mark on working. - That's what he should have been like. "Fuck, now I look racist, you guys are supposed to laugh." Then I'm like, "Oh my God, fucking Kramer's wild." And then he would have been having just, he ruined his entire life. - Yeah. - He's going on a book tour right now, where I was able to contemplate it going. - I watched so much Seinfeld and so many behind the scenes of Seinfeld. - He would have found such a legend. - He's not nice. - Oh, he's kind of a fucking asshole. - What, what makes sense? - All set, like when watching the bloopers, he gets fucking pissed when someone fucks up. - Oh no, shut up. - Like, he's not the coolest. Like the more, he sees as I watch the bloopers, I'm like, "Yo, Cray person, dick." Michael Richards is not nice. And I just watch the Sarah Silverman bit, or Sarah Silverman, her on a podcast, talking about Michael Richards, Cray person, being super fucking mean to her on set, which she fucked up a lot. - Yeah, I get he's an actor and shit, but like, well, you were in angels in the outfield. Come the fuck down. You're not a fucking shit spirit actor. You fall a lot. You're funny to kids. Like, you're funny to me. You fall. You're like Jim Carrey. Just be Jim Carrey, dude. Anyway, I don't think he's doing a book tour. I'm scared to go. Fuck that guy. I want to go, 'cause Cray ran up scared. If he's a dick, I'm gonna be pissed. I watch him at every fucking night of my life. It's on my head, the projector. It does not change. I'm on season seven, though. I was on season seven yesterday. I only works for three episodes and I fall asleep. I mean, then it turns off. So, like, I watch it every night till I sleep. You're still funny to me. Okay, guys, I'm sorry. I'm ready to hear Michael Cramer. I mean, Michael Richards, let's get out of here. - All right. (laughing) - God, say something. I'm gonna be stuck in this loop. (laughing) - I'm fine. Cramer. (laughing) - All these motherfuckers. All right, so we'll just throw that out there. - I don't know, Michael Richards. I don't know what you need to be. - And I'm on the show. - And, can bam get on the show already? Can we get bam on the show already? Are you fucking kidding me, guys? - We got borderline extorted over bam about a year ago. - Oh my God. I'm gonna fuck her never came on him too. I'll banish that motherfucker if he wants it. I forgot. - I forgot. - You know, it wasn't even, like, happy. - Yeah, like his manager or something was like, trying to work some shit out with me. I did all his fucking footwork and I thought he was coming on. Just, then his manager was like, actually, fuck this guy, I quit. Something like that, I forget. The only time we've ever done something to get somebody as a guest on, like paid a manager's flight or something 'cause they're like, we gotta do something to get this guy on. This guy would get him on. We don't pay people. One person who ever pays mage mazer and that's a different fucking story. What's the boxage name? - Devon Haney. - Devon Haney's guy. We got him, we paid for the flight and everything. The flight, the motherfucker just never showed up. - Not Devon Haney, the guy that was supposed to get it done. Never just ever showed up. - That was cool. - That was crazy, huh? And they just never answered again. I'm just like, all right. - But yeah, I forgot about bam. We did all that shit and the guy just like, well, he can't come on. - We were promoting his like shows and shit. - I forgot. - That was like a year or two ago. - Yeah, it was not. - Anyway, we'd love to have you on, bam. Love to have you on, it'd be great. I'm gonna say this now, you can clip this. I love Johnny Knox, but he's the man. He's the face of Jackass, he's why Jackass is so popular 'cause he's the fucking downest one. He's doing all of it, he's the face of it. He's still, he will do everything over anybody. He's the fucking downest, he's down. We know that. But Jackass is only possible of CKY. And if you don't know what CKY is, CKY is Brian Dunn, BAM, Archerra, Ray Cyan. Grab himself, Brian D Camillo, Brian D Camillo. CKY was a group of kids in Pennsylvania that did Jackass stuff. The shopping carts jump when off-roost, doing pranks, throwing a fake body into the traffic. Crazy shit. Spike Jones, I don't know the story. Spike Jones is the director of Jackass that made vice. And Johnny Knoxville, Johnny Knoxville was a writer, I think, I'm Big Brother. The show Big Brother. They saw CKY and went, we need to make a show out of that. And they brought all the first season of Jackass. Almost all that is CKY clips. Really goes to show what the fucking foundation was. So with no CKY, there is no Jackass. No Jackass, no Johnny Knoxville. BAM is the face of the creator of CKY. The BAM CKY is, that's why, I don't know how to explain it anymore. For BAM not to be in the last movie, it's blasphemous now. Now that I think about like, wait, this is just CKY Hollywood. I love Jackass, I'll never say anything bad about it. But CKY and he's way more credit. Way more fucking credit. And I would love to do a two and a half fucking hour rant about everything possible CKY with BAM or Jera. I think it'd be so fucking awesome, it'd be so sick. That's all. Where's my fucking CKY shirts? I ordered this while ago. I just thought about it, I ordered some CKY shirts, where are they? That's all, that's it. The DVDs are $450. Because nobody has them, it's just a pack. I keep trying to not pay that much for CKY. The DVDs I'm not going to watch. But I want them, I just have it already. Anyway, let's get the fuck out of here. CKY BAM, that'd be super sick. That'd be epic. Somebody make it happen. Sonnet should be banned. Yeah, clip it. Clip it. All right guys, thank you for being here. This has been a long rant, Rocka Woody at 145. Fucking bitch, dude. My time is not as good as it used to be. Ransom, real hard. Okay, thank you guys for being here. Marty, anything else for me leave? We appreciate everybody out there, especially an unrestricted. Go over to delbsusual.com and check that shit out. We're dropping bangers every week on unrestricted. We're hitting episode 100 this week actually. Let's go. We got behind the scenes on there. We got all kinds of shit. We got the forum. We feature people from the forum on the show. If you notice all these hella viral clips coming off of unrestricted, it's 'cause we watch a lot of crazy shit and it's great content. So go ahead and check that shit out. Not to mention, I got a brand new setup coming. I'm going to be using this camera you're looking at right here instead of this shitty one I've been using. So look forward to that. The instrumental to lemonade stick them ahead. It keeps me going up every time. All right. Unrestricted. Yeah. Also, what we're lagging on is merch. I went to my closet, Marty, and found like four old sweaters. We make baller shit. We need to make more of it. Why, I agree. I got disappointed in myself like, I forgot we had yesterday's sweaters. That's fucking crazy. Sorry. We're, we're getting on it guys. Follow us on Instagram, Spotify, everywhere else the podcast are at. Video coming soon to alpha podcast coming real soon. There it is. I think we got here. It's been a while. Let's get out of here. I did not mean to go that long. I'm sorry. That's two episodes in a row. I'm fucking slipping. Sorry guys. Thank you for being here. Let's go. Let's awkward ass. Anyway. Hey, what's up guys? All right. Thank you for being here guys. It's been dope as usual. Unrestricted. This has been dope as usual.
did every Friday on Dope is usual podcast.com. - Excuse me. - New clothes just hit Zoomies. Go check it out. New push trees just hit Zoomies. If you don't have it at your store, go to zoomies.com. All the shirts are oversized. Everything's big, this whole run. So remember that. If you buy it online, look at this. - It's big. - Big. - It's it? - Good shot across the board. Shout out to Rocco for the fucking studio and live switching. - Yeah. All right, guys, thank you for being here. We appreciate you. As always, until next time, this has been the Dope is usual podcast. Have a dope ass day. (beep) (upbeat music)
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
The podcast hosts reflect on a long overdue return after seven weeks of being absent, highlighting a busy period with back-to-back guests and personal life disruptions.
Mario expresses frustration with living in California, criticizing high taxes, slow-paced life, and constant complaints from his mother, which has led to emotional exhaustion and a desire to leave.
The hosts share a series of personal mishaps—including accidentally killing fish, injuring a lizard, and their mother’s obsessive behavior—illustrating struggles with routine, responsibility, and emotional overload.
Summary:
The podcast hosts, Tom and Mario, return after a seven-week absence, reflecting on a hectic schedule filled with back-to-back guest appearances and personal chaos. Mario expresses deep frustration with life in California, citing oppressive taxes, a stagnant lifestyle, and his mother’s relentless complaints, which have taken a significant emotional toll. The episode is filled with humorous and candid anecdotes about everyday mishaps: accidentally killing fish by freezing them in cold water, injuring a lizard while trying to catch it, and enduring his mother’s extreme habits—like constant complaining, vaping, and refusing to stop using her iPad.
These incidents highlight broader themes of personal responsibility, emotional fatigue, and the challenges of maintaining healthy routines in a cluttered, overstimulated environment. The hosts also discuss a new initiative involving fan-driven sales of weed papers, aiming to leverage fan engagement to expand distribution. Despite the chaotic energy, the conversation ends with a sense of exhaustion and resolve—both personal and professional—as they acknowledge the need for change and self-care.
The episode concludes with a promotional note about a bookie sponsorship, encouraging fans to use a code for a $500 betback bonus on college football games. Overall, it's a raw, introspective look at modern life stress, family dynamics, and the struggle to maintain balance amid constant distractions.
FAQs
They've been working on it for two years, adding lights and improving the space, and it's a personal project they've been committed to.
They express strong frustration with California's taxes and lifestyle, saying they would have moved to New York if not for their podcast.
He accidentally killed a fish by letting it fall into the drain, then later froze a new fish in cold water bottles, which caused it to revive.
Yes, he likely broke the lizard's neck while trying to catch it with plastic cups, and the lizard didn't move after being set down.
He is frustrated by her constant complaints, overeating, and unproductive habits, which he believes contribute to her poor health and declining lifestyle.
They performed a live show, visited a strip club, and experienced extreme sweating, which led to physical discomfort and health concerns.
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