The Rationale of Kindness

(upbeat music) - Hey, and welcome back to Journey with Jesus. This is your host and author, Johnny Singh, and I appreciate you spending some more time with us today as we go through today's reflection. If you're a listener to the recording, whether it's on the Substack app, or in the Apple Podcast app, or through your email, whatever it might be, comment the word kindness so that we can know who all of our listeners are. Today's reflection, the rationale of kindness, a reflection on kindness and its power to steadiest when we disagree. I stepped into congregational ministry when most people my age were still trying to find their footing. I was not guiding teens or speaking to young adults. I was the youngest person in the room. That stayed the case until my wife started attending with us. And well, she's only a year younger than me. At 21, fresh out of preaching school, I often felt like an imposter. Not because I lacked desire, but because I knew how much life I had not yet lived. Yet ministry does not wait for you to feel ready, it seems. I found myself sitting with a couple on the edge of divorce, talking with parents who were cut off from their children, walking with families facing terminal diagnosis, trying to preach, teach, marry, and bury, while I was still figuring out what adulthood even meant to me. The strain showed up as doubts, emotional fatigue, and a few humbling lessons learned a hard way. One woman that stayed with me is definitely worth sharing for this reflection. In the earlier states of my congregational ministry, a dear sister asked me whether she should leave her congregation because of a deep complicated conflict, or whether she should stay. I was single, I was young, barely out of school, and she wanted clarity about something shaped by years of heartache, which needed much experience. I wish I could remember what I really told her. Some memories from those early years of ministry said blurry in my mind. Regardless of what I did share, she eventually made the move along with her family, and as far as I can tell, and evidently her, things seemingly are better. This reflection, however, is not about her or even my younger self. It is about the lessons I wish I had understood back then, lessons about disagreements, lessons about kindness, lessons about how God uses all of these things to grow us, and maybe just maybe how I could have helped others in a more balanced and learn way. Okay, concerning disagreements. Disagreements come in different shapes and different levels of weight. Some are mutual and obvious. Others live quietly inside one person while the other remains completely unaware. Those are often the ones that create the most confusion. Not every disagreement carries a moral obligation to force a perfect resolution. Some tensions simply will not untangle on this side of heaven. In those moments, we trust God to be both just and merciful to everyone involved. Understanding this gives us room to breathe. Disagreements are a part of being human in a world still waiting to be redeemed. Concerning kindness. Kindness is sometimes mistaken for softness, avoidance or weakness. Scripture paints a more holistic and balanced picture. Paul tells us kindness is born of the spirit in Galatians chapter five, verse 22. It is something God grows in us as we learn to walk with him. It is not a tactic, it is not a personality type. In fact, it is a testimony to who we belong to. Biblical kindness is not the shallow politeness our culture celebrates. It is the strength that holds truth in one hand and compassion in the other. It is what allows Jesus to cry over lost souls, yet speak firmly to those who misled others. Kindness does not force us to choose between conviction and mercy. If it feels like we must choose, it may be that the world shaped our view of kindness more than Scripture did. Additionally, kindness does not seek to dominate through might or majority polls. It merely shows up daily through the efforts and posture of those shaped by Jesus. Concerning my heart, a reflection like this, one on disagreements, resolution and kindness, matters only when it reaches our own heart first. The common instinct is to think of someone else who needs to hear this. That instinct often comes from a quiet desire to justify our position and conflict, but change truly begins inside. Kindness grows in a willing heart, a humble spirit and genuine courage. I'm asking God's spirit to reshape my own heart in this area. I'm not perfect when it comes to disagreement, resolution or the expression of kindness in its fullest sense. And maybe you're doing the same. As I do so, there are a few questions I often return to to help me in this. I hope it helps you as well. Number one, is my kindness dependent on reciprocity? Number two, is my disagreement rooted in the issue or is it tied to my pride, shame, or even hurt? Number three, can I imagine a healthy future with the person or persons I disagree with? Number four, would push in for a resolution right now create deeper harm. Number five, can I give myself permission to pray, breathe and wait without feeling guilty? Number six, is my idea of kindness shaped by my feelings or my scripture? Okay, consider kindness at work. There's a moment in the early church that gives us a quiet, powerful picture of kindness, shaping restoration. Paul and Barnabas disagreed sharply over John Mark in Acts chapter 15. Paul felt Mark was not ready for the journey. Barnabas, however, chose to give him another chance. Their disagreement was so sharp that we're told they parted ways. Scripture gives us no record of a conversation where they resolved it. No details about how they talked it through, no step-by-step account of reconciliation. But years later, while Paul, right in from prison, he said this about Mark. Pick up Mark and bring him with you for he is useful to me in service. Second Timothy chapter four verse 11. We see the beginning of their conflict and we also see the outcome. Everything in between, however, is unseen. Yet it is not hard to imagine what must fulfill that space. These men are shaped by Jesus. Hearts softened by the Spirit. Kindness that refuse to free someone at their lowest moment. Their account reminds us that disagreement does not have to end relationships. And kindness can work quietly in places. Scripture does not describe, finally, concerning the future. Disagreements hurt and unresolved tension will always touch our lives. But we look toward a future where God removes it all. A world with no pain, no division, no conflict. Until then, kindness gives us small glimpses of what that world will be like. It does not erase every problem, but it helps us to grow toward the likeness of Christ. So let's try to become a few things. How about transform? Romans chapter 12 verse two. Maybe peacemakers, Matthew chapter five verse nine. Christ centered, Colossians chapter three verses one through three. Maybe patient, James chapter five verses seven through eight, and above all, how about kind? Ephesians chapter four verse 32. These virtues help us walk through disagreements with humility, maturity, and much hope. Here are some next steps to consider. If this reflection speaks to you in a way that moves you, consider, stake in a few steps. Spend time reading how Christians throughout history handled conflict and restoration. Reflect on the questions I mentioned earlier and journal through them one at a time. Pray specifically for the spirit to grow kindness in you and for you to be kind to the people or person you disagree with. Take one small action towards someone you disagree with. Not to solve everything, but to simply open a door. Growth often begins with small, steady choices. In the article, I've linked a book that I've recently read that has truly helped me in my moments of weakness. Matter of fact, it helped to shape this very reflection and I was strongly encouraged that you give it a read if you have not yet come across it. It's called the art of disagreeing how to keep calm and stay friends in hard conversations by Gavin Orteland. Okay, if this reflection encouraged you, if it made you think a little deeper, if it pointed you towards a direction of resolution in the face of disagreement through kindness, then I'm grateful. And if you feel moved enough to support this effort in any way, you can do so with the link listed below. And in this article, as by me a coffee, this does not necessarily mean that you're actually purchasing me a coffee, but in fact, it's a platform that can be used through which you can contribute towards this effort. Thank you again. Your kindness means more than you truly know. And I'm grateful for you. And I pray that we all work towards being kinder people as we reflect Christ and this journey with him. (upbeat music)