The Pride Will Continue Until Morale Improves

[MUSIC] >> Welcome to "Love and Relieve It Live" from Hollywood. >> Yeah. [APPLAUSE] >> I'm John Love It, publicly gay since Y2K. We've got a great show for you tonight. It's part two of our big gay pride spectacular. But first, let's get into it. What a week of gay news. >> Yeah. [APPLAUSE] >> Drag Queen Patagonia is going toe-to-toe with outdoor clothing brand Patagonia after the company sued her for copyright infringement over her stage name. Will win this case bitch, Senator Lawyer, subpoena colada? [LAUGHTER] You may wonder, how does Patagonia afford legal fees? Our lawyer is doing it, pro boner. [LAUGHTER] The goal is, of course, to get a hung jury. [LAUGHTER] Conservators lost it this month, when Hello Fresh once again posted a collection of fiber-rich, bottom-friendly recipes for pride. [LAUGHTER] I always knew fiber was gay, said a conservative influencer on the toilet for either the fifth time today or the first time in two weeks. [LAUGHTER] This thing about fiber. [LAUGHTER] In an interview without magazine, Jennifer Lopez told the LGBTQ community, "Everything I do, as I'm doing it, I'm thinking about you." And JLo, on behalf of the LGBTQ community, tell us the name of your plastic surgeon, or I will tell a reporter that you called me a "faggot." They'll believe me because it is a crazy thing to make up. [LAUGHTER] After Idaho lawmakers banned pride flags on city and county property, the city of Boise has outsmarted them by installing rainbow ramping on the flag poles themselves. Flag poles, more like "fag poles." [LAUGHTER] Speaking of pulling things up, Rosie O'Donnell got a deep plane facelift. She looks awesome. Look at that. Great. Good for Rosie. The lesbian icon told reporters at the Tonys that she was mobbed at the airport for the first time in 15 years, all craning to get a look at her new face. Said one disappointed photographer. It was just the normal number of eyes, mouth, and the usual place. [LAUGHTER] Speaking of the Tonys, cats, the jellicle ball won three awards this year, including best costume design in a musical by trans-designer Queen Jean. Yes. [APPLAUSE] Queen Jean looked at cats and said, what if this time they're not cats? What if they're a bunch of gay guys? And for that, we honor her. And honestly, it's better. It's kind of crazy that they're cats at all. It's the weirdest and worst part of the musical. They're already going to dances and singing about the memories of their lives. That's what people do. Do cats even have memories? I've never met a cat for a second time and felt like we were picking up what we left off. [LAUGHTER] And most of the songs and cats are just the cats introducing themselves. Mr. Mustafa Lee's is just a magician. He could be a person. Musicals should just be called people. And have them be people getting ready for a big party. Note to self, a musical about people? Nobody steals this. Speaking of musicals about people, Luke Evans busted out the boostier in his Tony's performance of Sweet Transvestite from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah. [APPLAUSE] Peep, beep, beep, chime, speaker of the House Mike Johnson's Christian Fitbit that tells him to take a cold shower while on Andy Cohen Live, Madonna said JFK Jr. was the best sex she ever had, but clarified when it comes to talking about lovers, I'm only going to name dead people. Kind of weird. I've always preferred having sex with living people. During the San Francisco Giants Pride night, two pictures wrote a Bible verse on their rainbow Pride caps. Nice tribe boys. You still looked fabulous. The MLB issued a warning to the players, which JD Vance retweeted on Tuesday with the caption Trump won. We don't have to do this anymore. It's tough talk for a guy who spends every day on his knees. That wasn't the only protest against Pride this year. The governors of Indiana and Tennessee are counter-programming Pride declaring June to be "nuclear family month." The only difference between the Pride Parade and the Nuclear Family Parade is that the gay guys at the Pride Parade are a little less horny. In Arkansas, the governor declared it "fidelity month." In her proclamation, she quoted George Washington who said, quote, "virtue or morality is a necessary spring of popular government." The governor advocating for virtue and morality is Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who was the former spokesperson to President Donald Trump. But hey, she cares deeply about building a virtuous society, unlike the godless cum-guzzling heathens in California and New York. So let's compare. Which society is doing a better job of upholding conservative family values that she claims to care so much about. Well, that's weird. Arkansas has the highest divorce rate in the country, and that's after Bill and Hillary Clinton rolled up their sleeves and made it work. But maybe, maybe that's unfair. Maybe it's just because people in Arkansas get married more often because there's not much to do during the eight months of the year when the water parks are closed. But Arkansas also has one of the highest rates of infant mortality, along with Alabama, which declared June to be "strong families" month, with twice the infer mortality rate as here in California. On the other hand, some of those infants would have ended up gay, and it's hard to tell which ones, as all babies have pretty limp wrists. Too dark? Well, buckle up. Arkansas. All right. We're Arkansas. We're instead of celebrating pride, they're celebrating traditional values. Also has one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the country, behind only Tennessee, Mississippi, and Alabama, almost four times as high as the rate here in Woke Trans, California. Now my writers beg me to cut all of this screaming, "This is the pride show, and people are trying to have fun." And I am having fun. And you're all having fun. This is fun. You know, who's not having fun? All those mothers who aren't alive. Yeah, that's okay. That's the good feeling. That's right. Because if people like Sarah Huckabee Sanders want to know what's actually hurting families, she shouldn't be looking at pride parades. She should be looking in the mirror. I know this is heavy, but guess what? Pride is silly because it's serious, because where every person speaking up, there's someone out there who can't or is working up the courage to try. Like National Rugby League star Cain Williams, who just came out as gay, becoming the first men's professional rugby league player to do so since 1995. I've carried that around my whole life. But I'm here today to show people that you don't have to live like that. Even now I feel a bit more free just by saying it out loud. I've brought it to the light and I feel like a way to sort of lift it off my shoulders. The Ellen of Rugby they're calling him and boy does he hate it. That's what Pride is all about, and we won't stop until every hot rugby player stops lying to themselves and admits that they're gay. All right, and we've got a great gay show for you tonight. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave It coming up. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. While Summer is often associated with endless vacations, pool parties and relaxation, it doesn't always a joyful season for everyone. If the longer days and rising temperatures feel overwhelming rather than bright, remember you don't have to carry that weight alone. BetterHelp is here to support you wherever you need it. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally and it works. With an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored wrecks. You got to have therapy. Everybody needs it. I need it. You need it. You know to say yes to everything this summer. And support and therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/loveit. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P dot com. Slash. Love it. Love to leave it brought you by Bombas. The weather is warming. The days are longer. We're saying yes to more plans and finally getting outside, running, hiking, moving again. It's the perfect time to upgrade your everyday go-to footwear with Bombas. Bombas are cushioned where you need it. Sweat wicking. They don't slide around so you're not constantly adjusting your socks. And with the weather warming, it's time to add Bombas sandals to your footwear collection. Your Friday slides are made with the super lightweight and waterproof EVA that's soft but still supportive. I love my Friday slides. In fact, just for fun, I was looking the other night irrespective of them being a sponsor and deciding, do I want another pair because they're comfortable and I could get a different brighter care because I wear them to Pilates all the time. But maybe I want an everyday pair that I'm not wearing to the gym. You know what I mean? I mean, maybe I get a second one. Just for fun. You can slip them on and go when you're doing errands, lounging outdoors, comfy and casual. I love Bombas. For Bombas socks every day, wear the slides every day. They're the best. And for every item you purchase, an essential clothing item is donated to someone facing housing insecurity. One purchase, one donated with over 150 million donations and counting. Head over to bombas.com/loveit and use code loveit for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-O-M-B-A-S dot com slash love it code love it at checkout. And we're back. Brandon Skennel, Ashlee Ray and Oskar Oskar will be out in just a moment. But first, pride mother is here. It's time to dress like at this season, the crooked store is dropping gayer than ever in two brand new designs and bringing back an old favorite, the gay for democracy shirt plus class. It's like dream boat willy. when I'm wearing because we're allowed to use Steamboat Willie now because it's what he called their common what's it called public domain so I can make Steamboat Willie kiss nobody can stop us ha ha gotcha gotcha what's the mouse gonna do about that nothing plus the ever reliable join or die t shirt whether you're celebrating with the community protesting or gilding your straight friends into buying you crooked merch in the name of gay rights there's something here for everybody go to crooked dot com slash store to get those things also if you're in L.A. you can be like these lovely people and come see us tape and episode live go to crooked dot com slash events to check out our new space and upcoming guests including if you walk away Ali Sadiq and the iconic John Stamos how about that and more all right please welcome to the stage they put the B and L GBTQ only this time to be stands for bitches complimentary it's the hilarious Ashley Ray and Brennan's can know oh no yeah how do you both hi John I haven't seen you both in so long how we weren't invited to your wedding my cousins every time I'm on the show or like tell John hi and I'm like we're not that close close was it didn't get the wedding invite no what the pictures were gorgeous they were beautiful what do you mean wait what you guys weren't there what I know but I did read you a gift we got you we let's see oh my gosh I know it's a hat you miss it's it's merged to my my solo show if you can believe I also support and there is a candle in there there is oh I'm still looking for the candle no candle I thought there might be a lobo candle but it is just an unrelated hat well I keep bags you know you gotta keep the bags you gotta keep bags hey how's your pride going so far good didn't go to either the parades yeah I'll tell you something I got fully this is real I got dressed to go like literally we like planned around it I put on my little tank top and my little shorts and I swear to God and I I had a little edible and I looked at Ari and I said this is pride pride can be whatever we want I want to play video games for four hours and I know that I should want to go to the pride parade but I and I want to want to go but right now at this moment that's not what it means to be gay for me and if pride is about anything else it has to be about that what game are you play I'm playing the Talos Principle 2 it is a it is a game that mixes my love of puzzles which with too long dialogue about the nature of consciousness and it's like hey that's an interesting thing I wish this was more puzzles less of the chat chat but I'm still loving the game I'm having a great time it does sound gay it is pretty gay it is pretty gay they're all kind of robots my boyfriend and I we played a co-working game together where we had to farm I can't remember what it's called but we had a farm does anyone know you guys seem nerdy and you had a farm and we each had to take care of parts of the farm but then my boyfriend would just go off and fish and I got stuck taking care of the farm so he'd go fish and I'd be like I'm taking care of the whole fucking farm and so we had to stop playing the game yeah let's say animal crossing no no star do Valley it was called star new valley and I ended up doing all the chores and and in is everything good in real life yeah with the couple yeah we're not over great that's just our dynamic and actually there's something I love about you it's that you're gonna post through it yeah and you're doing a lot of posting these days about being polyamorous oh yeah and bisexual oh yeah uh-huh I have to warn people and now if you put those things together horny yeah basically as my mom said when I came out and told her I'm by Polly she said oh so you're a slut and that was wrong for her to say it was right for her to say it was like what it kind of like the end of the Barbie movie where I was like she gets me she finally sees me wow how's that going I mean pretty good I guess it's a weird time to be Polly we're kind of getting mainstream in some good and bad ways you know we have a new TV show called this is Polly which is interesting and very weird to watch like there's all these new covers that are like polyamory it's gonna save your boring marriage so it's not it's not also let me just tell you like don't do it yeah so don't do it don't do it polyamory don't do it don't it just here's a thing that it's so it just seems so stressful because there's only so many hours in a day and I feel like it's a nice to have a balance between say a personal life and say a career and I think both are very valuable things to do and people can do it their time what they will I do not have the space in my brain for career plus relationship one plus relationship number two I get people that cheat and I get people that have open relationships you know you have a relationship and then you want to fuck somebody else because you're horny I get the bat mentally I understand that work you can follow from point A to point B but it's like I get the sex plus the relationship I wish I could do this twice as much yeah yeah no it really is opting into having multiple conversations that are like yeah I don't know if we should go over like with Verizon Fios respect room yeah which way which one works in your neighborhood I like it's just so much relationship talk that's boring but you know that's that's what we love about it is it yeah I love the polyamorous that I can have more help on the farm I feel like my partner and I had more hands on deck than he could go fish and it wouldn't be such a big deal for me yeah I mean that is the logic of sister wives you pay you buckle up Brennan you've invented sister wives it was a little difficult we have the fires here in LA you know polyamory out here usually we're all very there's no hierarchy we're all equal in this polycule like no one is more important and when the fires are coming it turns out there's a hierarchy well it turns out some people are like higher on the pickup list than other people yeah here's this is and I'm glad you're bringing this up it has it does seem like a fair weather ideology to me because because it's like it's like no I have I have a boyfriend and this part of town but then I have a boyfriend over here and this boyfriend's more for this and that boyfriend's more for that it's like okay but who's gonna hold your hand when you're dying because you're not gonna get to and if you play your cards wrong you're gonna have zero you know what I'm saying it's like yeah you want two people to hold your hand when you die that's too many and so while I was watching the smoke rise alone in silver lake oh wow you got you were left behind I was left behind wow wow no chair for Ashley when the music stops and that is polyamory I do consider the polyamorous to be allies which is why we're going to play a game about allies in a segment we call friends of friends of Dorothy here's how it works I'm gonna give you two vocal LGBTQ allies and you'll tell us who do you think is the better ally okay got it yeah they will then square off against the next ally until there is one ally to rule them all okay all right first up guy Fieri a vocal straight ally the mayor of flavor town once officiated 101 gay weddings in 2015 an homage to his late lesbian sister oh oh see huh maybe there's some that some some there's some and there's some beautiful sentiment there I don't know what one's like Queen Latifa or like the style or like the moonies everyone the moonies would do those big weddings in the stadiums up before anyone for I'm so old now you remember the moonies yeah I was born in 2007 wow you're so young you're so young you should have seen it's too bad you don't remember what it was like when Obama won it was cool yeah we really thought things were gonna change all right first we really did versus Hillary Duff start in this famous 2008 anti-homophobia PSA you know you really should say that say what we'll say that something's gay when you mean it's bad it's insulting there's a little gay I'm being honest yeah it was yeah it was like wonderful line right after where she's like what if I said it was girl wearing a skirt as a top I have to go with Hillary here that is an iconic commercial the beautiful commercial yeah it's part of our history frankly I got to go with Guy Fieri and because I know another fact about Guy is that when the COVID shutdown happened he gave so much money to restaurant workers who are out of work and every restaurant worker is a gay person and so I'm gonna to cut I'm gonna break the tie for Guy Fieri because during the pandemic I ordered his nachos that come in a big barrel and I made them what yeah you could get it frozen and can and construct them and you put them in kind of like the broadening from the Burbank airport you yeah since from the Burbank airport they were shipped from the Burb that's why it's so easy to get and basically you build them inside of this can and then there's a moment of reveal where you lift the can up and the nachos kind of tower and collapse and it was kind of a beautiful bit of ceremony in the midst of a dark time Guy Fieri wins fair fair town yeah next up it's now it's Guy Fieri versus Johnny Knoxville oh he wrote in a jackass float in the WeHo Pride parade this month I love that he's gone gray. Yeah, and he's so hot. I remember in the last Jack asked movie the first half of it He has his hair dyed and then there was a COVID shutdown really on the mind right now And then they finished the movie and he had gray hair. Yeah, and then I gasped in though. I saw it in theaters Where it was meant to be seen I mean he's meant to be seen He's at his hottest now. He's embracing just the gay fanbase. He's always had I think we've all always enjoyed that Jackass is a big dick Yeah, and he's embraced that John Waters recently came out and said that Johnny Knoxville is his favorite straight man And if you get that from John Waters Wow, wow, I won one sort of caution Jackass was previously banned from WeHo for a decade because Knoxville dressed up as an escape convict running him up in the restaurant Laurel Hardware Only to be actually arrested by the cops. I feel like that's cool That's cool. Why are you getting banned for that Laurel Hardware? You're not allowed to wear shorts. That's anti-gay Yeah, so Johnny Knoxville Johnny Knoxville Johnny Knoxville Johnny now it's Johnny Knoxville v. Daniel Radcliffe He's publicly spoken out on behalf of trans people in an ongoing way famously publishing a 2020 open letter that declared trans women as women when JK Rowling was repeated was ramping up her public In 2022 Radcliffe said the reason I felt very very much as though I needed to say something when I did is because particularly since finishing potter I've met so many queer and trans kids and young people had a huge amount of identification with potter on that and so seeing them Heard on that day. I was like I wanted them to know that not everybody in the franchise felt the same way. That's nice Um, I thought that he was a gay man He's just short He just theater he's just he's just short and does theater so I mean he's such an ally. I thought he was gay that's saying a lot That's pretty cool actually. Yeah, wow There was too much Harry Potter mentioned in that description. I kind of completely disassociated, so I got to go with Johnny Yeah, Johnny Knoxville takes it. We love Daniel Radcliffe huge fan of Daniel Radcliffe But it's not his today. It goes to Johnny Knoxville and then we have Johnny Knoxville versus Dwayne Wade Dwayne Wade was an outspoken supporter of his daughter Zia Wade along with his wife and Zia stepmom Gabrielle Union in 2024 Dwayne and Zia launched the translatable project an online nonprofit for trans teens and their families Well, yeah, I got to go with Dwayne here his support of his daughter has been amazing and his wife follows me on Twitter and threads So they just really got it together over there in that household I I went to a very fancy vanity fair party once as a plus one and He was there and I basically like teared up saying how much I like I wrote because he did something like it's one thing to be like There's not a lot of a lot of people especially in Hollywood that advocate for gay people I'm really glad they do. It's important. There's there's often a lot a lot more claims tilting at bravery That's not really a lot of risk, but like he genuinely put himself out there And I think that that's really important and special and so I I feel like I feel like it's it's Dwayne Wade And then it's Dwayne Wade versus Elizabeth Taylor One of the one of the first celebrity AIDS activists was Elizabeth Taylor was spurred to action by the death of her friend and former co-star Rock Hudson she co-founded Amphar the American Foundation for AIDS research the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation Famously while accepting the 2000 Glad Vanguard Award said there is no gay agenda. It's a human agenda. Wow. That's a really that's a tough competition That's that's really interesting I got to go with Liz and tell you why I once had a hairdresser on a TV show who said, you know, Liz Taylor and I go Yeah, and he goes I have all of her wigs And I say how and he said Warner Brothers was gonna get rid of them and me and my friends went in the night and took all the wigs Which is like in Ocean's 11 type movie that I'm looking for and I would watch and So because of that and because of the wigs that that man has in Burbank I it's got to be Liz for me. I gotta go Liz too. I mean like that's just a gay icon like I am pretty sure one of the like stripes on the flag is dedicated to her probably The bear claw Elizabeth Taylor has won the ally award Has number one ally in our game today. We'll be right back Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love it or leave it coming up Love it or leave it is brought to you by Mint mobile when people hear that mint mobile plans are only $15 for month They may wonder what's the catch? Well, there isn't one no gimmicks and no gaunches either Just unlimited talk text and data on the nation's largest most reliable 5G network backed by our award winning care team It's wishing to mint mobiles, you know, you get a lower mentally bill You get the same service and quality and high speed data But you keep your phone number and you get your phone. So mint mobile took what's wrong with wireless and made it right with premium wireless for $15 per month You can even bring your current phone and number you can choose from the three six or 12 month plans and take it by to a monthly build ditch Overpriced wireless with mint mobile. It's so easy sign up online and get three months of premium wireless service for 15 bucks a month To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mint mobile comm slash love it. That's mint mobile comm slash love it Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mid mobile comm slash love it. That's it. There is no catch $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 per month new customers on first three month plan only speed slower About 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan additional taxes fees and restrictions apply seat mint mobile for details Love it or leave it as brought you by Quo if your team's communication is messy that shows up in products and services Miss messages drop thread slow replies. It's one of the easiest ways to lose momentum in business That's where Quo spelled q-o comes in. It's the business communication system built so you never miss a call Your entire team can handle calls and text from one shared number so no more mismessages or drop conversations Everyone sees the full thread and can reply faster so customers actually feel taken care of Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews Built for how modern teams work more than 90,000 businesses from solo operators to growing teams rely on it to stay connected professional and consistently Reachable Quo works where you are right from your phone or computer Keep your existing number add teammates and minutes sync your CRM and let call routing handle itself as you scale It's easy calls text voicemails transcripts and content details are all in one clean view So your team always has the full picture can show up for every customer conversation ensuring seamless and more personalized experience Don't let essential business communication slip through your fingers. Always say hello with Quo try Quo for free Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo dot com slash love it. That's q-u-o dot com slash love it And we're back Please welcome to the stage You know your lover it's a let's go. Let's get a join us. Come on Hi beauties. Hi. Sorry. I'm late. You're right. You're right. Good to see you. Welcome. Hi. Hi. How's it going? Would you believe it? My jacket? Yes, I've come bearing. I left that out goes house a year ago Wait, what was it was a holiday? It was a holiday party It was a it was a new year party, right? Yeah, I think it was a new year party. It's a gorgeous jacket I was really nice. I wasn't invited to that one. Wow. That's going that's going around for you We'll bring you we'll invite you to the next one. You can leave something to thanks for letting me come late I'm so sorry. I went to the wrong studio. Same name. It's the it's a pride. It's a pride show. I really shouldn't be you barely are I really miss about half of it. I'm late now. I'm taking of time. This is what this is the role of straight women in pride Which is to constantly be apologizing and at the same time making it about themselves and I think that that's She's so whimsical What times it start? Yeah Wait, now Brendan Your solo show the abyss for which the hat is named. Yes It's currently running at the Hollywood fringe and soon to be the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August at the gilded balloon If you can believe Wow Wow, what's the show about? The show is It's a stand-up show that takes place in a submersible that's sinking to the bottom of the ocean But really it's about my family and about my all the mental illness in my very Irish Catholic family. Oh Hey, hey, does the thing go You'll just have to come see it. Oh, John you'll have to know like that thing. I had then Yeah, I was best with ocean gates, so I'm always I made my bad. He didn't like that Yeah, you said you're gonna get rid of that. It's wrong He's gonna get rid of you. Did you say to edit that out? No. Oh, I couldn't hear. Sorry. I don't want edit it out We might was that what would that means? No, and the implosion when the thing imploded. Oh, oh, yeah, it's actually too fast You're really actually not hearing the implosion. You're hearing the the echo of it because it's very happened so quickly. Oh my god Wow, that's a tough couple days. It really was. This is his time. That's right This is his show and I'm reclaiming it. It's always producing it Yes, hey, you know what sound I think people make when they get sucked out an airplane window? No That's what I've always thought the sound would be like, you know There's also like - Yeah, I like that more. - I like the looney tune version more. - Oh, oh, oh, you know, like that. I don't like that real shit. - Sorry. - I don't take that. - Hey, let's go. You did at embero four years ago, and it says here in my card that you had several mental breakdowns. - I did, yes, yeah. - Any advice for Brandon? - Wait, I had two mental breakdowns, I did, yes, but it's good, we can talk about it. So you can be forewarned about like the stresses of the months while you're there and all that. I'm sure you already know. - I have to sleep in a dorm. - Oh, God. - A dorm? - Oh. - And not in a hot way. (laughing) - Like with other adults? - Yes, splitting a dorm. - Yes, it's for the love of the arts. You perform your show every day, right? For like 30 days straight. It's kind of pricey to be there. That's why a lot of people end up rooming together, right? And then you get reviewed, too, by like six British men, who say sometimes mean things. Like as a third day, something year old woman, Notsuko Okatsuka claims she can't do laundry. Well, I'll see about that, like stuff like that. (laughing) Stuff like that. - I sort of believe you can't do laundry. - Yeah, no, and I couldn't. Who are they to tell me, like who I am, or what I can't do, or what I can do? - Who are you to tell me what I can do? - Yeah. - How dare you, I can't do that. And shame on you for telling a woman like me what I can do. - I'm always arguing for my limitations. And so, and, and these men, so anyway, no, I'm glad you're going. You do come out like a stronger artist, though. You really do, you know? And I'm excited to see your show. - Now, Ashley, you're on Funny AF with Kevin Hart. - Yes. - It was a competition show, but not in the same way that last comic standing was. It's less competition-y. - Yes. - How do you feel, how's it been? What does that like? - It was really fun. They told us they didn't want us to hate each other and be mean to each other. It was really about uplifting the art of stand-up comedy and the skill behind it. So, everyone was just supportive. It was all really friends. And I think that did sort of make for uninteresting, like, competition. They would have us to try to shoot these talking head segments where they'd be like, "Talk shit about the other people. "Who's going to be a rival?" And I was just like, "Everyone here's my friend." And you did a really good job picking people, like wow. - Wow, Jeff Probs comes in and just throws in a knife down. And he's like, "Do something with that." - Do something, yeah. Is it really just did feel like comedian summer camp where we were all friends? Kevin was very nice and short, and yeah. And I will say, he does not like when you mention the short stuff. He might act like he's cool with it. Don't think he's really cool with it. - And that's an interesting choice for you. So how quickly into meeting Kevin Hart, did you start talking to him? - Almost immediately. - Uh-huh. (laughing) - Almost like the soon as they wanted us to have fresh reactions to him and Tom Segura being our judges and coming out. So they like, had them, they held them in the back and like had them come out, and they were just like, "Just react." And everyone's like, "Oh my gosh." And I was like, "Oh wow. "He really is as short as they say." He got an amazing laugh, killed, and then Kevin was like, "Ha, yeah, yeah, that was funny, "but let's do it take without that." (laughing) And that is the take, that is in the episode. So, I get that. There's so much, I have been on this show a couple times. I'm always making fun of you, and it never ends up in it. (laughing) - I mean, we try to keep in as little as we can. (laughing) No, I like to be insulted on this show. It is my kink. I've never really had a problem being short. Actually, I think part of my personality, you would expect me to be someone's self-conscious about that, but actually it's about every other thing, you know? So that's it, the short's fine. I like being short. - I kinda use it to like get people to help me. You know, like, I'll just like enter a store and be like, "Where is everything?" And they think I'm a little kid. (laughing) Right, you were saying you pretended to be a fifth grader for some sort of con artist thing for like several years. - You gotta cut this. (laughing) No, nothing related to children on this show. (laughing) Now, Otsuko, speaking of Emmy worthy, I don't-- - Speaking of size. - Speaking of size, in your who's special father, you talk about being close to your husband and how being best friends as a married couple is very childlike. What do you mean? - Oh, yeah, I'm always like, well, you know, I think it's harder to be single. I think it's, you have to do, you know, as a single person, you have to, you know, do paperwork on your own and be on time and do the laundry. And, you know, it's one of the things that I realized that was that I hadn't been doing laundry because my husband had been doing it this whole time. So stuff like that that you get to be very childlike about, you know, like married people say things like, you know, that's my best friend, you know, it's very childlike. - Absolutely. - You know, right? And so, yeah, that's what I meant by that. And I was thinking about, actually, I had watched a funny AF. It was great. You were great in it. - Thank you. - And with the short stuff, it's interesting because in the roast, the given hard roast, there was a lot of short jokes in it. - Yeah. - But maybe it turns out those weren't the most problematic ones. And so, like, you know what I mean? - Yeah, you gotta embrace the short jokes when it's like lynching jokes are a fair game. - No, totally. - I think that's beautiful. Like when married people are like, oh, you're my best friend. 'Cause Polly people, we have to be like, this is my third nesting partner once removed, Metamore. - I know, it's so much. - Sounds buggy. - Yeah, sounds, yeah. - It's just a, there's a lot of language, there's a lot of words, there's a lot of terms of art. That just seems a little bit too much brain space. Like, I just, I feel like, I don't know how you, like, - Like, this is my hinge partner in my kitchen table, Polly Amory. - Oh, yeah. - I truly am learning new words with every passing moment about this. And like, I just, it just seems like, like, you know, when like, they wanted the earth to be at the center of the universe and so they were trying to make the model work, so they were adding little epa circles around the other circles. They're like, no, no, it's fine, the earth is still at the center, but it's a circle on a circle. I feel like a lot of what I hear about Polly Amory, it's like, no, no, technically your partner, subcategory, parentheses, hated. (laughing) I think it's good to have another person around. I was, I would lived with a straight couple who then got engaged. And so then another straight couple poached me. And I started living with them. And then they got engaged. These straight couples are both now married and have children because I was around. (laughing) - Wow. - You're like a free agent, right? That's so, that's so cool. - You need a free agent there to weigh in on things. - Maybe Polly people are the most adult, actually. Because these vocab words are sending me, it's, I don't even, like, I don't, I don't remember most of the words you just said. - Yeah, fair. - Just now. And so, yeah, like, you have to be on time, super be on time, remember each other's interests, things like that, right? That's really the brain capacity needed, you know? - Right, plus like the stakes become higher, because it's like, I got your favorite chicken parmesan and then they're like, that's not my favorite. - Right. - Whose favorite is it, your piece of shit? - For sure. - Oh my God, I've blown it yet again. It's like, every day it's fucking Mrs. Doubtfire with you people. (laughing) - Oh my God, because there's always a hierarchy too, right? Like, because most places are just plus one, right? You can only bring a plus one to the wedding, you know what I mean? - You gotta think about those things and usually have a long discussion. - Oh. - Usually, in every Sunday, you'll be like, we have our polycule meetup where we talk about our feelings, and that's so much. - I know what I'm talking about. - When you work. (laughing) - When do you have, well, see, that's why you want to get eventually to a place where your entire polycule lives together, and works together. - And works together. - And you're splitting all together. You know, you may all be baristas, but you're splitting that money and paying it together. - Okay, so, rent, that seems extra people to pay rent, I'm seeing a plus. Listeners, I want you to know something. I hear how judgmental I sound, and I'm not gonna fix that tonight. I'm gonna think about questions in which I try to see the good of this in a future episode, 'cause it's not happening for a year. - What's like, you build a commune, right? It's like, it turns into a village, right? It takes a village to pay rent. And then one person to sign, right? And so, so that's it. - Well, there we go. - In this economy, yeah, I see a lot of pluses, too. - Yeah, for sure. Yeah, plus one, plus two, plus three. - Plus many pluses. - As many pluses you want. All right, we'll be right back. (upbeat music) - Hey, don't go anywhere. - Love Or Leave It is brought to you by Cook Unity, eating out a restaurant is great, but it's also expensive. The good news is you can actually get that level of culinary satisfaction at home for way less than a night out. Cook Unity is the first chef-lev meal delivery service that makes your meals in small batches inside local kitchens across the US, not factories. So every dish arrives with a kind of freshness to get it at the restaurant itself. We're talking meals from Michelin Star Chefs, James Beard Winners and Food Network Stars. Go to cookunity.com/lowly or use code Lowly before checkout for 50% off your first week. I love Cook Unity. I use it all the time. I have it all the time. This is what I got this week. I got the Night Market Chicken, which is great. Got a carne asada, breakfast breito, which was great. Chicken and broccoli, pasta, soy roasted, shrimp, chomein. I got the Mediterranean Braised Chicken. I like to get ones that have a protein, a carb, and a vegetable, you know, get my cover all my bases. And I get six meals a week, which means just a couple times a week. I know I don't have to cook dinner or I don't have to get take out or I don't need to eat something bad. I have a healthy, delicious thing waiting for me. So I highly recommend it. Taste what happens when real award-winning chefs make fresh, small batch meals just for you. Go to cookunity.com/lowly or enter code Lowly before checkout to get 50% off your first order. That's 50% off your first order by using code L.O. If you missed some of your favorite crooked pods this week, don't worry, you can now catch up on the week's best moments on MSNOW on Saturday nights. MSNOW is streaming an episode of highlights from your favorite crooked pods, packing as much analysis, funny moments, and 100% correct opinions into 40 minutes as humanly possible. Crooked on MSNOW airs every Saturday at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. Hey, we're back! It's Pride, it's June, it's getting hot around, but it's time to spike the Celsius with a round of gay for takes. Here's how it works. This is "Hod Takes" gay edition. Otsko Brennan Ashley, I'm going to give you a gay Pride hot take. You have to give an impassioned defense of this hot take, even if you disagree with it. You can't bail midway and you can't have acid, speaking of full throats and asses, Brennan, let's start with you. Wow. Wow. First up, we should stop asking drag queens to do the splits. Yeah, we should stop asking drag queens to do the splits. When did drag become an athletic sport? Also, drag queens, there's no union, there's no health insurance. These girls are getting paid in drink tickets. The people who want drag queens to do the splits are the MCL and ACL surgeons, because these girls are going to hurt themselves. Drag queens should be lip-syncing to a song by Adiva about how time has passed her buy. Drag queens should not be doing flipply loops, getting the twisties, tearing their groins. There's already a lot happening up there with the tucking and I'm going to start betting on Kalshi for which one of them is going to rip their dang leg off with how athletic drag has become. Drag is an art form. It's not about doing flips and splits. Yeah. Drag queens, I stand with you. Stand still. Stop moving. That was beautiful. I also just want to say that I think getting the twisties sounds like a Victorian name for a hernia. Next up, Otsko, being a straight woman is harder than being a gay man. I feel like this isn't my month and really my time. I, as a person who cares and has a lot of gay friends, a lot, some of them are on stage. I'm going to give it to Brendan to say this and then I'm going to just kind of be the energy behind it. He's like an ally thing. Yeah. It's way harder to be an obstacle than a gay guy. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Did you already put the game where whoever is the best ally? Yeah. Who won? Elizabeth Taylor. Oh, so I don't even have a shot. No, you're out. Of course. Well, Brendan already went into it so I'm just going to kind of be the energy behind why a straight woman, being a straight woman is harder than being a gay guy. Go. Yeah, it's hard to be a straight woman. You go to the wrong studio sometimes and it's whimsical. Your husband isn't around today to drive you everywhere like he typically does. So tired. And your gay guys are too much in a come down to text you where they are and where you're supposed to be. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. Being a straight woman means you have to date straight men and I just think that like some of them are great, but that's a challenge, just a challenge like some of them. It's just like, no, you can't wear that. It's a wedding. You're saying a lot of that kind of thing. You know, and no gay guy has to say that to another gay guy. I love this. So. All right. Next up, Ashley, monogamy is the best way to have a functional relationship. I told you I wasn't going to learn or grow today. Yeah. I said that. Yes, monogamy is the best way to have a healthy relationship because secretly cheating is French and sexy and hotter anyway. And that's what a lot of monogamous people do. So that's kind of fun. And weddings are cool. I haven't been to one in a while. Oh, it's so funny because Otsko and I were just at a wedding. Yeah. Yeah. I was only allowed at plus one. So yeah. Yeah. And not very friendly wedding. I guess. So maybe that's why I didn't get the invite. Yep, that's why. I wasn't going to get a plus too. So fair enough. But, you know, monogamous people be their best friends. And I feel like they probably don't change their sheets as much as I do. So that's probably handy. And oh, you probably don't have a hard time choosing what restaurants to eat at. Like there's just two people deciding on that. You don't even have to take a vote. And that is probably so good for your relationship. Yeah, you can't vote because it's either 20, 02 or Thai. Or Thai. So the votes never matter. Yeah. But we're over here. We're vetoing. We're. Boy. We have an electoral college. Yeah, you have your friends. That's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. That is bad. And that is why monogamy is better. Shout out to monogamy. Wow. The OG. All right. One last one. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can be mean all the time. Uh, yeah. I think just because you're gay doesn't mean you can be mean all the time. Throwing up bitch at the end of it doesn't make you funny. Just you're just saying a mean comment about a woman's hair just because you have a little lilt in your voice doesn't mean it's charming. Sometimes it is. But often it's just like, wait a second. Are you being cool and funny or are you just being a huge cunt with a little lisp at the end? Yeah. I'm not looking at you. Who is the mean one? I'm just saying mean. What? Who are the guys that are mean all the time? You're saying all of them? I feel like this applies a little bit to me. I don't know. I don't know who this is directed at. I think sometimes it's directed at fitness instructors. Lots of people. I feel like fitness instructors are so motivational and nice. They are. Oh, there's always one. I love a bitch at the end by a fitness instructor. Can I give you more bitch. Yeah. I am a bitch. I'll give you everything. Michael. Yeah. 100%. Michael's the guy who teaches spin at my gym and I give it all away for him. I get mean ladies, just really mean mean ladies who I feel like I can feel them judging me. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess it depends on the class. Is this all cycling? Yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. I just-- I take dance fitness. So it's a little different. That's going to be a joyful game. I don't scream as much. I think as cycle because it's hard when you're like, you know, doing spins like with your feet. Yeah. You have to keep the rhythm and so on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's really easy to be a bitch on a bike. Yes. Yeah. You're locked in with the shoes, you know? Yeah. Yeah. You're locked in. You legs only go two ways on the bike. I feel like you want to move around more. That's my problem with the bike. It's like, oh my god. There's forward in this back. That's it for an hour. No, thank you. I think they throw in the hand-weight move. Yeah, I know. They're trying to do it with the hand-weight. It's like, let's stop pretending this isn't a bike. All right, Ron. Can we all just face the facts? This is a fucking bike. We'll be right back. [MUSIC PLAYING] And we're back. Boy, we had a lot of fun tonight. But also, we said some things we might regret. And God can judge us for it. But until then, let's take a look at the things my producers wish I shouldn't have said or did in a segment we call "Second Thoughts." And Otsko, Brendan, and Ashley, if you have any second thoughts about this evening, I'd love to hear them as well. All right. Things I'm apologizing for from the monologue. I'm sorry about the joke, "Fagpole." It's also fine that cats is about cats. It's called cats. And the Arkansas stuff got pretty dark, but I don't regret that. I feel like everybody came along. I feel good about that. I feel that. Ashley and Brendan, I'm sorry for not inviting you guys to the wedding. It's OK. I had something that night. Yeah. And I don't remember saying this. But apparently, I called Ashley's lifestyle quote, "Terrible." And then I do. I genuinely don't remember doing that. And I regret it. I regret it. I shouldn't have said that. Wow. I can't say it's wrong. I feel like I said, one might see it as terrible. But I felt like the word terrible was thrown in about. Throw in about. I don't think I put it-- I think I had some ironic distance. From it. Ashley, do you have any regrets? I want-- I regret every insult to the poly community I made because I don't want to lose my sponsorship with the field app. The best place to meet polyamorous singles or your next polycule. But no, I mean, you know, some of us were so great. And I love how diverse representations of polyamory are on TV now. We got queer couples. We got lesbian polycules. Go us. Yeah, I saw that there was a polyamorous couple on that show with the therapist. Yes. But I haven't gotten to that show. They were horrible. Oh, every poly couple on that show is horrible. They are always the most selfish, ridiculous people. One of them started a massive forest fire in Northern California. And by the way-- They went on to be polyamorous. Like, come on, man. OK, well, I feel like those are unrelated. No, as I get it, I see where they're connected. Brendan any second. Brennan, any second thoughts before we wrap it up? - I feel like I threw my boyfriend under the bus in regards to Stardew Valley. And I want to apologize to him. I love that you have your activities and that you loved to fish. But yeah, if you could just hang up your towels after you use them, that would be great. (laughing) - Beautiful. - I'll just go any regrets. - Oh gosh, I mean, no. - I live. - I live. - I live. - Oh, this, I'm doing the game wrong. - You're a great ally. You're a great ally. We all feel that. (laughing) - Happy Pride. - Happy Pride, everybody. - Right. - And that is our show. Thank you to Husky, Husky. Brennan's getting our ass you right. There are 137 days until the mid-June. We'll be back on Wednesday with Ali, CdKB, Waterway, and Matt Hamilton. Have a great night and have a great weekend. - Love and Relive It is a cricket media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, film a graph, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Loveett. The production team includes Halle Keeper, Sarah Lazarus, David Tolls, Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroek. And our staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East. (upbeat music) - If you missed some of your favorite crooked pods this week, don't worry, you can now catch up on the week's best moments on MSNOW on Saturday nights. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. (upbeat music)