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The Pool is Always Greener

65m 0s

The Pool is Always Greener

The show critiques the U.S. government’s handling of international diplomacy and domestic infrastructure, using satire to expose contradictions in official statements. Vice President JD Vance's claims about nuclear negotiations with Iran are challenged by denial from Iranian officials and a lack of tangible progress, while the metaphor of building a "house" on a foundation is ridiculed as nonsensical and misleading. The segment then turns to a sharp satire of President Trump’s failed efforts to renovate the National Mall’s reflecting pool, detailing a $1.7 million no-bid contract awarded to a convicted felon and a man described as "sleazier than Trump." The pool's current state—covered in algae and peeling—blames sabotage rather than poor construction, with the show mocking the idea of vandals using knives. Real-world accountability is highlighted through the fact that only six people were cited for grabbing floating pool debris, not for arson or sabotage. The segment also mocks Trump’s boastful claims about receiving a luxury Boeing 747 from Qatar, which quickly became covered in algae. The show expands to critique broader structural failures in governance, like Los Angeles’ fragmented local government and fire response issues, and highlights the lack of transparency and accountability in local news, citing the LA Times’ withdrawal of endorsements as a sign of declining public trust. Finally, the segment features a comedic game of identifying politicians’ secret online pseudonyms, revealing hypocrisy and misuse of power, such as former FBI Director James Comey’s fake profile and Donald Trump’s use of aliases. The tone remains satirical and critical, emphasizing incompetence, corruption, and the absurdity of political claims.

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English
[MUSIC] What's up Los Angeles? [APPLAUSE] Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Hollywood. I'm John Love It and I like my reflecting pools like I like my texts, green. [LAUGHTER] We've got a great show for you tonight. But first let's get into it. What a week. [APPLAUSE] Vice President JD Vance left Switzerland on Monday after a marathon session of talks with Iranian diplomats. That was the longest week of my life, said an Iranian negotiator after spending a single day with Vance. [LAUGHTER] Here's Vance describing the summit. We laid a very good foundation for a successful final deal. The final deal is the house. We set the foundation, we haven't built the house, but we've laid a successful foundation to get to a good place for the American people. Thanks for spelling out the analogy of a foundation, Eucharism avoid. How stupid is he think we are? We know what a foundation is. We know the foundation is the base on which a building may or may not be built. We understood your point. In fact, the philosopher Daniel Dennett, bear with me, chill out. Oh, it's going to be fine. May his memory be a blessing. All right, he described analogies as what he called intuition pumps. In that an analogy can push you towards an intuitive understanding, even if that understanding is wrong. For example, a house is like a complex nuclear deal, in that you start by laying a framework and you build from there. It's not like a complex nuclear deal, in that when you're building a house, you don't lay the foundation before you have a final plan for the fucking house. [LAUGHTER] And if you and your contractor have said explicitly that you would like to build completely different houses and if any of your rooms do not fit their vision, they'll blow up the whole fucking house. [LAUGHTER] And yes, I know that spelling all this out makes me seem like Trump's energy secretary in this clip. Thank you, Mr. President, so 121 years ago, Albert Einstein, 121 years ago. Albert Einstein published a paper on his phone. Nobody cares. [LAUGHTER] Just when you think, just when you think he's lost it. Trump shows us that the part of his brain that's responsible for bullying is still lighting up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. Like how towards the end when he performed with Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett wouldn't know where he was, but when she poked him with a stick, the duets were magical. You know what I'm saying? So you see his face turning. The guy really fucked up because if he had just not got confused about the length of time, how long ago Einstein's published those papers, which was 1905, so it was 121 years ago. If he hadn't gotten screwed up on the number, he might have been able to get his little story out. You see Trump's face being like, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to lay this guy on the ground. [LAUGHTER] Nobody cares. Absolutely devastating. The fact that that is so funny is how we got here. [LAUGHTER] Anyway, Vance claimed at the news briefing that Iran had agreed to allow nuclear inspections in the country, but Iran's foreign minister denied it. But here you're going to believe a bunch of lying bloodthirsty religious extremists or the Iranians. [LAUGHTER] Before leaving Switzerland, Vance was asked about an awkward moment at the talks. There was a moment yesterday when a rock sheet came into the room and did not greet you. You guys did not shake hands and then he walked out of the room. Did you feel stuffed by that? Did you feel it was an intentional move on their part? How did you interpret what happened? No, I mean, I trust me. I've spent a lot of time dealing with the Iranians over the last few months. Sometimes I find them extremely confusing as negotiators. No, I see where they're coming from, said the Pope. [LAUGHTER] The talks almost fell apart after Trump issued a series of threats over the weekend, including this one. He says we may take over the street if we have to upload the S out of them. Happy Pride, everybody. We'll block the street from here and maybe from here. We'll block it from both directions. [LAUGHTER] Here's Vance defending the President's threats. What we told the Iranians yesterday is when you guys engage in what us millennials might call trash talk, you can't expect the President of the United States not to respond and not to correct the record. Everyone's in a while. I remember that I'm two years older than JD Vance, and it makes me want to develop a nuclear enrichment program of my own. [LAUGHTER] The Pentagon has reportedly told senators that it needs $80 billion in new funding to cover the cost of the war in Iran. Has the Pentagon considered asking the soldiers to bring their own missiles from home set a third-grade teacher buying Elmer's glue on her way to work? [LAUGHTER] Buckle up. She returns later. [LAUGHTER] She'll be-- so if you didn't like that, wait. She's coming back. [LAUGHTER] Major uncomfortable thing about teachers buying school supplies on their way to work while we're spending $80 billion to bomb Iran and then pay them more to fix the stuff we bombed. Stay tuned. We'll keep talking about it. [LAUGHTER] Meanwhile, the Senate on Tuesday passed a war power's resolution with four Republicans joining every Democrat and voting yes except for Contrarian Oger, John Federman. [LAUGHTER] The resolution is basically a slap on the wrist, which in Trump's condition could be fatal. [LAUGHTER] Mitch McConnell missed the vote as he was in the hospital for an acute case of touching the water in the reflecting pool. [LAUGHTER] Speaking of, as Trump struggles to secure a body of water in the Middle East, he's also struggling to gain control of another body of water right here at home. To catch you up, Trump said only he could fix the reflecting pool on the national mall. We're going to be able to do it for about a million eight, 1.8 million, and it's going to take one week. [LAUGHTER] In the end, no part of this was true, not the cost estimate, not the time estimate. Not even the phrase, we're going to be able to do it. [LAUGHTER] Then the Trump administration awarded a $1.7 million no-bid contract to a Trump donor named John J. Cuffaro and his company, Greenwater Solutions. [LAUGHTER] And I also can't stress this enough. This is what John J. Cuffaro looks like. [LAUGHTER] It's unbelievable. He looks like if the one guy sleazier than Donald Trump, eight Donald Trump. He looks like the ringmaster who is furious that Dumbo is too sad about his mom to fly. He looks like he's in town for the Adams family were union, but can't attend because it's too close to a school. Here's one where he's chomping on a literal cigar. Even if you knew nothing about this man, we should not be trusting the aesthetics of our national mall to someone who lets his eyebrows go gray while dying the rest of his hair, jet fucking black. [LAUGHTER] Cuffaro gave $250,000 to the Trump victory committee back in 2020. He is also a convicted felon having pleaded guilty in 2001 to bribing corrupt Ohio Congressman James Travigant who looked like this. [LAUGHTER] And as a rule of thumb, you should not be awarding contracts to people who you found on a guess who board. [LAUGHTER] The administration also awarded an even bigger no-bid contract over $14 million to re-line the reflecting pool in what they called American flag blue. But the only thing that's blue are my balls waiting for Trump to fix this reflecting pool [LAUGHTER] because the reflecting pool is once again filled with greed algae and the new lining is peeling off in chunks. And so our big boy is embarrassed. I'm curious about this situation as we stood here with you in April when you first revealed the plans. I said what? But in April, we showed us pictures of what you were going to do with the pool when you said you had a guy who was going to do it in a week for about a million dollars. Well, it's been just 16 and a half million dollars. Yeah, OK, ready? Barack Hussein Obama, have you ever heard of that? Guys have been president for a decade. Trump really has Obama on the brain in the spots the dementia has eaten, of course. [LAUGHTER] And so now Trump is claiming that the reason the pool is green and peeling is not because of corruption and incompetence but because of sabotage. We also fix the reflecting pool. In fact, if you go over there right now, it looks very good. It's up. They put-- somebody said fertilizer in the water. If you put fertilizer in the water, you get algae. But somebody said they might have put fertilizer. They just something to create the algae. No one creates the algae. It was always there. It never left. Algae was either created by God or evolution or if you're a liberal church girl trying to avoid the contradictions in your mind, God threw evolution. [LAUGHTER] This is like leaving a bunch of plums in your kitchen and coming back after a vacation to find fruit flies and announcing that someone must have broken into your house with some sort of fruit fly gun. [LAUGHTER] Trump was adamant that it was knife-wielding vandals and not as contractors who were to blame. Are the contractors who did the initial work for the reflecting pool? Are they to blame for the current condition or-- No, no, no. Vandals. Vandals. They went in there with a knife. Let's assume Trump is right. Let's just assume it. Let's assume he's right. And that vandals went in there with a knife. Should you be able to do that to a pool with a knife? I still think. I think if you stab a pool. And it instantly becomes a giant composting toilet. There's still a problem with the pool. The same traders, Trump claimed, poured corrosive and destructive chemicals into the pool, describing the vandalism as, quote, "an affront to both presidents George Washington Washington and a Abraham Lincoln and should be dealt with accordingly. Whoa, hold on there, Mr. President. I agree these vandals are bad news, but I don't think they deserve what Abraham Lincoln got. (audience laughing) Famously murdered. (audience laughing) Besides, whatever happened, Lincoln is not part of it. It's like if my toilet started overflowing and I accused nefarious toilet scoundrels of disrespecting Vanessa Hudgens who hasn't lived in my house for years. And for our new listeners, I live in Vanessa Hudgens' old house and I keep wrecking my toilet. (audience laughing) At least six people have been arrested and cited, but not for tampering with the pool, rather for grabbing pieces of detached pool coating that are floating to the surface. And that's just a fun souvenir, like taking home a piece of the Berlin Wall, if the Berlin Wall collapsed because of Soviet incompetence, which in a sense it did. (audience laughing) On Monday, a dead duckling could be seen floating in the reflecting pool, but only briefly as health secretary R.F.K. Jr. soon swallowed it whole. (audience laughing) The ongoing pool saga has inspired protest, including members of the public who have declared themselves team algae. - Let's grow algae, let's grow! Woo! - To recruit new team members, they posted a kelp warranted ad. (audience laughing) Speaking of the fronts to the nation, on Friday, Trump unveiled the luxury Boeing 747, he received as a gift from Qatar, which will ever so briefly serve as the new Air Force One. ♪ And I'm wild to be an American ♪ ♪ Where at least I know my dream ♪ - This clip is of course from last week, before the plane was completely covered in a thick layer of algae. (audience laughing) Here's the president bragging about his new toy. This plane was transformed into a flying White House at a level of luxury that nobody's ever seen before. - Wow, cool, said that same third great teacher from earlier. Wait, (audience laughing) waiting through a creek to catch frogs for her students to dissect. (audience laughing) You're upset about America, the joke is good. (audience laughing) Put that on my tombstone. (audience laughing) All right, we've got a great show for you tonight. (audience cheering) And we'll be right back. - Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It Or Leave It coming up. - Love It Or Leave It is brought to you by simply say, if the problem with most security systems is that they only alert you after a break in as already started, and that is too late. 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When you become a friend of the pod subscriber, you get a discounted ticket to CrookedCon. You get ad free episodes of all your favorite pods. You unlock more Podsave America, including Podsave America, only friends. That is our subscription only show that is very loose where we say the things that we don't want everybody to hear. You get our open tabs newsletter. You get Dan Fight for his polar coaster. You get ad free breaking news episodes and more plus your subscription helps support pro-democracy media and trying to get good information in front of more people. So please, please, please, become a friend of the pod at CrookedCon/Friends. And if you're in LA, you can still get tickets at CrookedCon/Events to check out our new space and upcoming guests, including John Stamos, Jody Turner-Smith, Mark DuPlaus, and more. And to help please, welcome to the stage. He's made of some of the finest LA material. It's Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Hamilton. (audience applauds) Hi, welcome. Good to meet you. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. So you're a part of LA material, which is a new local news outlet. You left the LA Times? Yes, I was there for a decade. For a decade. And the LA Times has gone under some big changes under its billionaire owner. And one that I think is really frustrating for a lot of people is the LA Times used to be an incredibly valuable resource for local elections. Because if LA and California generally, our ballots are stupid and insane. They have dozens and dozens and dozens of offices and different initiatives you have to vote on. And you're voting for things like water commissioners. And it's like, well, I don't know how to be an educated water commissioner vote. I don't know what a tax abatement specialist does, et cetera. And LA Times used to give you endorsements and then they stopped. Why? So I'll take you back two years ago to the 2024 election. The LA Times had issued all their endorsements, except for one in the presidential race. And the board, this editorial board, a bunch of opinion journalists had planned to endorse Kamala Harris. But the billionaire owner, Dr. Patrick Sinchon, he blocked it at the last minute. And that triggered all this uproar. Board members resigned one after the other. So they're all gone. The short story is there's no one there to make endorsements at this point. So this was the first election, the first local election, in which there was nothing for any race. Nothing. And I went to the LA Times and was like, well, what the fuck? I don't know, these judges from Adam. I know, they did issue voter guides, so they do give a state of the race. But there's no recommendation of who to vote for or their explanation. And that was a very robust process. It wasn't just a bunch of people saying, yeah, pick the Democrat. They talk to both candidates or every candidate in a race. They talk to supporters of a ballot measure. I mean, all the way down to community college district, like low-level ballot measures. I mean, the things often is a voter in California. The first time you see someone's name might be when you're looking at your ballot. And that's a big problem if you want to make a choice about who to vote for. And so, I mean, I do think this is obviously as an LA issue, but it's a broader issue about what happens when the local news business is seen as a losing bet. And so you end up either with nonprofits that struggle to generate revenue and to cover the cost of journalism. And then, or you have these sort of wealthy backers that have their own interests. Yes, there's the oligarchs, there's the nonprofits, and there's hedge funds. Those are kind of the three main forces in local news at the moment. And that's, all of those have very specific interests. Some of them very noble. Some of them very admirable. But the consumer, the citizen, isn't always the best served in that equation. So you're now at LA Material, which is a new outlet. And I should disclose that it was started by Friends of Mine. I am a supporter or subscriber investor in LA Material. I'm rooting for the success of your organization. But can you talk about what is it doing that you think the LA Times is not doing? I think the LA Times does great work. They do great reporting. Local TV does some great reporting. We're there to try to make LA legible. We're very small. We're focusing on compressing, making it accessible to your average news consumer, and really meet people where they are, whether a daily newsletter that's for free, a podcast that we're rolling out soon, and exclusives that the way we look at a story is it's something you want to send your group chat. Your family group chat, something that lights up conversation that makes you feel smarter. That's our goal. Yes, we want to bring information to help you be a better informed consumer, voter, all the above. But. We also want to make it fun. I mean, that's a huge part. News doesn't feel fun a lot, and we want to bring a dose of that, too. - Yeah, LA deserves more fun news because-- - You need more fun. - Well, it's just there, it's like the LA times, even before all of this sort of, there was an LA times kind of, I don't know, tone in which it was like, it's Hollywood. Why is everything so serious all the time? Like, this is a silly, ridiculous place. It deserves silly, ridiculous coverage. That's not by the New York Post. And also, LA is very hard to understand, and I think that it's hard to write news, 'cause sometimes there's the insider that knows what the difference between the county and the city and all the different structures of government are. And then there's a bunch of people who are like, what are they talking about? What's a county supervisor? So I think we're at the mind of trying to reach people who may have no idea what the hell their local government is doing or how it's structured, and bring a sense of context and sweep to make that. Easily accessible. - Yeah, well, speaking of the multiple layers of government here in Los Angeles, what did you think is like a story about democratic governance in other places too? We're in the middle of this firearm emergency, again, in Los Angeles. There was a, there is an ongoing fire. As we record this, there is still a fire at a warehouse in Boyle Heights, which is a neighborhood of Los Angeles. And you know, it's still burning because Los Felis smells like fish sticks. It is a frozen food warehouse. Mayor Bass famously under a lot of scrutiny for what happened with the fires in the palisades in Altadena, what's happening with her response to the fire this time? - You know, a big talking point that has emerged in kind of conservative media. I think the California Post had a big op-ed today. As Mayor Bass was in Chicago for the Obama Library opening. I'm Thursday, and this is a fire that started Wednesday. And actually, just before I got here, I finally confirmed she had gone to Chicago Wednesday well before the fire had started. So she wasn't out of, she didn't leave town after the fire started, but she was out of town. So there's this kind of echo to the palisades fire. Mayor Bass was famously in Ghana when that broke out. There had been all these red flag warnings. So there's some scrutiny there, but at the end of the day, she runs the fire department. LA fire department is the one responding to this warehouse fire. And it's kind of an emerging public health crisis. There's so much we don't know. And we ran a story today that talked about, yes, like there's pollution sensors, air quality sensors that tell you some information about like the, there is particulate in the air. We just don't know the type of heavy metals and toxins that are in the air at the moment. Cool, yeah. I mean, so we smell it, we see it. The fire's still going on. And Mayor Bass has kind of been front and center. She's been having like press conferences, excuse me, press availability. But it's still kind of an emerging crisis at the moment. Yeah, well, the, what part of this is doesn't just get laid at the feet of Karen Bass. There is a larger problem in the governance of democratic cities, both in the ways in which through years of sort of progressive reform, there's just a lot of bureaucracy. That's stymies, the ability of leaders to just make quick decisions because they're meant to be more accountable, and that accountability comes with sort of sludgy process. But also LA, we are one of the biggest and richest cities in the country in the fifth or fourth largest economy on Earth. We have the same number of firefighters in Los Angeles today as we did decades ago. And a massive budget deficit we can't seem to close. And so even as the firefighters are trying their best to deal with this situation, they are struggling because of a resource problem. I think there's, to some extent, maybe a resource problem. I think it's just the structure itself is inherently complicated. We're talking, it's a half million square feet. There's 85 million pounds of frozen food inside. Hence the smell of the fish, Dex. That's kind of this very specific foam lining. This is a frozen food warehouse. So, and it's in a dense area. So, it's kind of getting to it, getting to where the fire is, navigating the complexities of all that food inside. All of that is not necessarily preventable or foreseeable. It's not like Mayor Bass knew this fire was going to bring out when she went to Chicago or the fire department for that matter. So, I think I give a little latitude to the complexity of this type of fire. You never want to see the fire department being like, it's going to burn for a while, it's going to get better than it's going to get worse, we're not sure. And then the meat's going to rot. The meat's going to happen to them rotting meat. And then, you know, there was footage today of rats in the area. So, it's just, oh no, the rats have caught fire. And now they're running amok. So, it's just one thing after another. Mayor Karen Bass, what will you do to stop the flaming fire rats from Rant's Agnir city? Why are you in Chicago? It's, I mean, that's a question for her. But, I think one data point, this same company had a fire, I believe, in Washington or two years ago. In Washington, it was in 24, 60 fucking days. Yeah, this thing burned. So, what? Right? Isn't that crazy? What do you mean you can't put it out? What's all the science for? Why do we build the space shuttles? If you can't put out this fucking fire? No comment. We pretended to put people on the moon for this? No, I mean, another part of it is, so, LA is very complicated. Yeah, it's said. And, there's Los Angeles, but then there's all these neighboring cities. And so, right next to where this fire is is an area called East Los Angeles. Now, East Los Angeles, they don't have a mayor. They don't have a city council. They're unincorporated LA County. So, they exist in this kind of quasi-nomance land that is run by the board of supervisors, which is a five-member body that oversees a $50 billion budget. Now, $50 billion, LA City's budget is $15 billion. So, this is this kind of like a shitcho, if you will, of LA municipal government. And it's, for people that are not from here, LA County is roughly the size of Ohio. A democracy in Ohio has a legislature, a governor, an attorney general. It has all of these people and all of these agencies. Los Angeles County is run by five people, five people, this star chamber that nobody really knows much about. But it controls basically one of the biggest public health. Yeah. Children, family services, sheriff's department budget, public works, I mean, like extremely powerful, very little coverage. I read her. I said this to Mayor Bass when she was on the show once, which is like the idea that the fact that we have a weak ownership rate, a lot of people like, oh, why can't LA have our own mom Donnie? And so, well, they only made one of them and he's over there somehow. But also LA has a weak ownership in part because of this strong county. And man, I wonder when we're going to start talking about Los Angeles, the city leaving Los Angeles, the county, or figuring out some new arrangement, because this is, like, whether it's the fires or a whole bunch of other issues of mismanagement, like this is a, this is no way to run a railroad. Yeah, I mean, it's government by committee. And when powers diffuse like that, it's also very hard to hold people accountable and kind of figure out where the buck stops. And I think Mayor Bass, there's plenty of things she does control. But I think in the public eye, she absorbs a lot more criticism than she's deserved. I think in part because there's people just have this idea that Mayor of LA controls all of this. And she's a very limited sphere in what she operates. But I'm totally think we should hold her accountable for. Don't get me wrong. So early this year, Ellie Material uncovered the secret Instagram account of Disney CEO Bob Eiger, who stepped down a few months ago. His secret Instagram handle was Max Striker. Great name. Great name. Which is why we're playing a game we're calling, "You better lurch, bitch." I'm going to name a famous pseudonym. You have to tell us the man behind it. Are you ready? I don't think I am. What's up, Pierre D'Alecdot. Oh, um, Mitt Romney. That's correct. In 2019, the Atlantic confronted Romney about a slate article claiming he had a lurker Twitter account under the name Pierre D'Alecdot, and then Senator from Utah replied, "I don't know. How do you do French?" You seem like you might know. Oh, you. Same law? Same law. That's what Mitt Romney said. That's what Republicans used to be. Rich guys that spoke French. Next up, we have the pseudonym George Fox. George Fox. It was uncovered a week after this person was busted as part of a high-priced prostitution ring. Oh. Elliot Spitzer. It is. It's Elliot Spitzer. Thank you for the hint. It was his pseudonym, and he used the name George Fox. And George Fox is a real person. And George Fox had a put out a statement that said Mr. Fox has known Governor Spitzer for 20 years and has been a supporter during the Governor's Various Campaigns. The news that his name may have been used as an alias comes as a great surprise and disappointment. Next up, John Barron. Oh. How could I forget? Donald J. Trump? That's right. He used it as a pseudonym. He also used John Miller to call in and praise himself during his divorce from Marla Maples. because I'll see you. And then his John Miller to say, "God, this guy Trump's great and Marlon Mabel's so obsessed." [ Laughter ] He also used the name David Denison when signing his documents with Stormy Daniels. Oh, that's right. Next up, Reinhold Nieber. Reinhold Nieber, the -- Theologian? The theologian in philosopher Reinhold Nieber. That would be our esteemed former FBI director, Jim Comey. Yes, James Comey, even at a smug and fucking pompous fake pseudonym. This guy, this tall asshole, could -- is even self-righteous when he's pretending to be someone else on the Internet. [ Laughter ] I'm like Mack Striker. I'm like Mack Striker. That's just cool. [ Laughter ] Oh, wow. I didn't realize that one of Reinhold Nieber's posts was -- What's the point of watching fully clothed beach volleyball, hashtag NBC Olympics? Wow, come on, James Comey. A little bit dirty. A little bit? 11 p.m., two. 11 p.m. A couple. And he had a tall glass of wine, I think. Last one, Carlos Danger. Oh. Carlos Danger. How am I blanking on this? What he was doing was also quite dangerous and illegal, and he did pay a price for it. It also may have been the thing that led to Trump. Oh. And his laptop, but not the Hunter laptop. He was a member of Congress. There were emails on the laptop that became part of a surprise probe that led Comey to send the letter. Oh, of course. Anthony Weiner. That's right. Anthony Weiner. You got it. There he is. Thank you for the help. You're welcome. Yeah. So I, when I was in politics, I would write jokes for politicians sometimes. Just almost like sometimes you do whole speeches, but a lot of times people, because people knew I wrote jokes for people. They would just reach out and hey, do you have a couple of jokes here? A couple of those, a couple of jokes there. And I, so I had written a few jokes for Anthony Weiner when he was a member of Congress, prediscraced. And then I remember when the, what happened was he had posted an image of his, like, underwear. Like a, like a penis shot of his underwear. What do you call it? Bulge. Bulge shot. Crotch shot. Bulge. And, and then deleted it. And I remember thinking, I believe him, he was hacked. Thank you to Matt Hamilton. Everybody check out his reporting at LAmaterial.com and find him at underscore Hamilton, underscore match. Yes. On X. We'll be right back. Hey, don't go anywhere. Love It Or Leave It is brought to you by Select Quote. They say there are two certainties in life. Death in taxes. But at least with taxes is a chance you'll get a refund with life insurance. You're just making sure your family doesn't get the bill. Life insurance is something you want to get right. The right coverage and the right price, no matter where the status of your health stands. 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A good night's rest sets you up for a great day. Go on a rant of previous sleep issues. You've had, okay, anxiety. Too much caffeine. Muscle pains. Muscle pains. Muscle pains. Muscle pains. Soreness of the neck and back. Next soreness. Boy. My neck, my back. Yeah. Yep. Arm bar. Right. And your, and your what, okay, helix has solved all of those issues for Tommy for sure. He hasn't talked about his neck or his back in a while in a while. And it's really comfortable. I have a great helix mattress. I love it. They literally are mattress right to your door, free shipping. How do you know which mattress is right for you? Stupid morons. You take the helix sleep quiz. And I'll match you with the perfect mattress. I got the dumb lucks. And I love it. They have 20 mattress models. You can find the perfect one for you. They have a happy with helix guarantee. It's a risk-free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied. With your any mattress. You can rest easy but seamless returns in exchanges. Plus, helix offers a hundred twenty night sleep trial at a limited lifetime warranty. Again, I have it. I like it. I sleep on it every goddamn night. So you should too. Helixleap.com/loveit for 20% off-site. Why that's helixleap.com/loveit for 20% off-site. Why helixleap.com/loveit. And we're back. Please welcome to the stage. You can see them being hilarious on YouTube and in real life, including right now. It's Ali Sidiq, and if you walk away. Hi. Come on in. Good to see you, buddy. I'm good. Come on in. Welcome. Nice to see you both. Did your kids get you anything for Father's Day, Ali? Yes. My youngest baby gave me a dollar. I was very excited. Wraped? No. She just lose. She found her coin purse and was like, "Man." And I was like, "Perfect." That's sweet. Yeah, I loved it. That's the only money I've ever gotten. I have a 32-year-old too. He didn't give me anything. Did he get a phone call? No. No phone call? I got a text. A text. In the middle of the day. He got a call. No, he sucks. Well, my oldest daughter gave me something. What? A baby. Who? I'm a grandfather now. The grandfather. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And Father's Day is additive, right? You get, you, Father's Day applies to grandchildren. And they have to call you too. Yeah. Eventually. Hopefully. Right? Maybe I get another dollar. Yeah. If you do you get anything for Father's Day? No, I got a board game called Thunder Road Vendetta. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a sequel to Thunder Road, or is it called Thunder Road Vendetta? Thunder Road used to be a board game that existed, I think, in the 80s based off of Mad Max. Wow. And then they remade it and did the new models, and it was really cool. So there's one that I got the base set. And then my fiancee got me the expansion to go with it, where it's like, it's called, like, Twisted Tina because it's based off of Thunder Dome and then-- With Tina Turner. Yeah. Exactly. Lave one nice. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see it in the 80s? Oh, yeah, yeah. I used to love what's love got to do with it. That used to be my favorite movie. Really? What an interesting favorite movie. I know it was weird. Like, it definitely was weird. My mom banned me and my sister from watching. She was like, why are you like watching this? Because I feel like in general biopics are kind of one and done situation. Like, they can be great and amazing, and you're glad they exist. You're never like, ah, you want to go back and watch. One of those. Yeah. Also, I realize you asked if I've seen Tina Turner in Angela Bassett plays Tina. That's not actually Tina Turner in that movie. So that doesn't answer your question. I was just like, yeah, I've seen Angela Bassett. Oh, let you ride with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to let me off. But I was like, no, I messed up. I was totally in the movie, too. You know, I mean, I went with you to the movie. Yeah. Well, at the end, it shows Tina doing a performance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, if the movie about Tina Turner is your favorite movie, it'd be weird if you hadn't actually also seen Tina Turner. Yeah. It's a crazy thing. Oh, this is different because my dad actually went to go see Tina Turner, and I remember him getting ready. And all he was talking about was her legs. He was like, I want to see a leg. I'm like, you're a pervert. Yeah. But he's getting the floor seats getting, you know, in the view, yeah, yeah, exactly. Allie, your new special is called My Father. I assume that means you had a simple, excellent relationship with your father. No, I had a difficult relationship. Oh, it was. It makes her a better special, probably. It was. He wasn't the perfect father, you know, but he was, he was mine. So, you know, I just went with it, you know, this is what it is. You know, he wasn't, the guys be show or James Evans, if you saw those things. What's James Evans? Good time. Oh, good time. Oh, good time. I remember a good time. I just remember the name. I don't remember the character names, but I watched good times. It was on in the, it was on in the evening. It was wise good times didn't know who's okay. That's a difficult one. But I'm going to go with it. Florida. Good times. Yeah. Not even the state. Even when I hear Florida, I still think of good times. I don't think of the state. The place. If it, did you watch good times? Yeah, I did. Specifically because you know, those same things. Those damn damn damn times. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now I'm hearing it. I remember Alf's name. I watched it. Remember Alf? Yes, I watched it. I get in trouble for bringing up Alf too much. With both the people that work here and the audience. They didn't like the sitcom. I just bring it up too much. This is the first time in three episodes. And that's the longest we've gone without my bringing up out. Wow. I hope you used to be here in the University of Studio tour. Because I grew up out here. So my dad's from Nigeria. So anytime somebody would come from Nigeria. He was like, "Oh, you want to see LA?" And we just go to Universal Studios. But it was like a dice roll whether we went inside, most of the time we posed in front of the fountain and then leave, which was like, like whatever blue balls are for kids, that was what I had. (audience laughing) And I was like, "Oh, are we going, are we going? Are we going to Universal Studios?" Now we just pose and we're flicking up and go home. (audience laughing) - Who's that picture for? - Oh, I'm sure people in Nigeria. (audience laughing) I'll go back and say, "See who's there? Not inside, but who's there?" (audience laughing) - Maybe what does your dad think about your career trajectory? - Oh, you ask him now, he'll say he always believed in me. (audience laughing) You know, he'll tell him, he's like, "You know, if he had always told you, "just got to focus." He's like, "No, he told me to run away from my dreams." He said, "They were nightmares." But now if you ask him, he'll be like, "You know, I tell him, you got to focus up." One time we're at dinner and, you know, Ivan Orgy, you know, another great comedian who's Nigerian. He's like, "Tell me." He's like, "You know, so in the interview, "she said her parents wanted it to be a doctor, "lawyer or engineer, and didn't support her doing comedy." And I was like, "Yeah, dad, what was that like?" He was like, "I know," and kept eating. Like he didn't. (audience laughing) - That's typical. - Yeah, yeah, exactly, you know? - Rob Nick's from Nigerian. - Oh, yeah. - He definitely is a doctor now. - No, see? (audience laughing) He'll bring it up now. But now, you know, there's too many Nigerians because of the cool one like, I did a commercial. Yeah, because like, when I did a commercial, it was like, "Oh, this is great." Like my dad didn't know. He didn't know his aspirational. And then Ego went and got on SNL. He's like, "Why aren't you on SNL?" You know, like, (audience laughing) "You know, I'm not trying to do all that." You know? - Too many Nigerians. (audience laughing) Because it was cool when my dad thought like, I hit the height of my career when I was in the AT&T commercial. You know, now that he knows there's other things, you can do, now he's expecting it. (audience laughing) - And Al, you're, so your 2025 special was called My Two Sons. And it won an NAACP award, which is the first independently released comedy special to ever be nominated. It's watched millions of times on YouTube. Have you ever felt like, like, are there like, Netflix executives and others that are like, like, "Ah, we fucked up, we should about that thing." And now you do it on your own and you get millions of views yourself. - They were like that doing domino effect. The first one that I've been to be produced. But, you know, I don't have aspirations of going to a big place on a larger platform, 'cause I can't do that many specials on their platform. It'll be, like, one every two or three years. It wouldn't be the volume that I'm putting out now. You know, I have six specials in the can, and I'm just dropping them as I see fit, so. - All right, very productive. - I know. - If you want, don't you do more? - That's what I was thinking. I was thinking, like, you just leave like, "Oh, don't know, in my head, my dad popped over right here." He's like, "Oh, and how many do you have in the can?" Zero. Zero, I'm making it stretch, you know? I'm at that point of the can where you put some more water in it, and you shake it up. (laughing) - The residue. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. (laughing) - If your brand is black nerd. - Yep. - Allie, what's the nerdiest thing about you? (laughing) - Man, they would say that I garden, you know? I know a lot, yeah. - Who's they? - People. - Who's they that are saying, who are the, do you garden? - 'Cause, you know, I'm from a different cut of cloth, than they don't think that I'm supposed to garden, but. - Why not? - I've been planting things for a long time. - Oh yeah. - And growing things, and, you know, that's what happens. - Why don't people want you to garden? - I have no idea. - Why can't you have fun gardening? - It seems very, I don't know what they think about it, but it's a very manly thing, especially when, how I talk about gardening, you know, different plants are different, you know? - The dead, wow, that's beautiful. (laughing) That's such a, by the way, people don't think about that enough. - Yeah, yeah, like corn is a very, you know. - Are you growing corn? - Yeah, yes, you're getting a very sexy fruit. It's very sexy vegetable. It likes to be planted together, so it can shift and grew up in this and that is very rotten. (laughing) - I'd say something, when I think that somebody gardening, it, I never occurs to me that they're growing corn, because I would think, you know, maybe a tomato in there, some herbs, maybe flowers, maybe a little vegetable, or something, but when I think of corn, I think of industrial. I think corn's the thing where you gotta have a whole field and a big machine, like a thresher. - No, you just, a little spot. You know, you don't have to plant all the corn. I made that mistake of planting too much Okra. - No. - And then it just took over. - Yeah, you're doing AP plants. - You know, like, like Okra and Corn? - And Kotaloo grows crazy. - Wow. - Like, you don't have to plant it once, and then it just takes over. - If your dads were to do stand up about you, what would they make fun of? - Oh man. - My dad would probably make fun of how round I was at 10. I was a very round kid. But it was his fault, you know. You can't tell me how to teach me how to make a baked potato in the microwave, and then buy a bag of potatoes, and I don't think I'm gonna eat them all. - Yeah. - Wow, I did not expect you to say that. Of all the foods, of all the foods I think of like, kids like going crazy on, never just loose potatoes. - No. - You know, they want to be canned your chips or something. - Once you learn how to bake a potato in the microwave. - That's just my favorite. - Or five, and you can put all the butter and cheese and sour cream that you want on it. Oh, it's 10 a number day. - Well, that's enough for snacks. - That's too many potatoes. - That's a lot. - Hey, I found your problem. (laughing) - What would your dad make fun of you about? - Oh, you know, I think it'd be like, you know, 'cause he's like a very type A person, and I'm a type B person, and I was undiagnosed with ADHD for a long time. So probably how late I usually am, you know, just how much I'm not, you know, doing anything that he likes, you know? - Oh, I hope you haven't internalized that too much. - Oh, not at all. - You can check out Owl's brand new special "My Father" on your YouTube channel right now. You can get tickets to Owl's International Custom Fit tour at owlsodique.com. And check out if he has the host of, I'm actually on dropout and go to ifycomedy.com for tour dates, we'll be right back. (cheering) - Hey, don't go anywhere, there's more of "Love It Or Leave It" coming up. - "Love It Or Leave It" is brought to you by fast growing trees. Did you know, fast growing trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery, with thousands of trees and plants, and over two million happy customers? Well, if you didn't before, you do now. 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I'm looking at them, they're awesome. - They just won't stop growing. - Right now, they have great deals on spring planting essentials up to half off on select plants. And listen to our show get 20% off their first purchase when they use the code, love it a checkout. That's an additional 20% off better plants. And better growing at fastgrowingtrees.com. Use code, love it at checkout. Fastgrowingtrees.com code, love it. Now it's the perfect time to plant. Let's grow together. Use code, love it to save today. Offers valid for limited time, terms, and conditions may apply. (upbeat music) - And we're back. (laughing) Once a year, we all come together to remember that we have debts, but it won't cost. We'll find out in a segment we're calling when you're here, your family, derogatory. (laughing) Here's how it works. I'm gonna present you with a series of challenging would you rather dilemmas about family? There are no wrong answers. There are also no right answers. And that's what having a family is. But just like in a real family, you have to pick a side. (laughing) Are you ready? - I'm ready. - Yes. - Would you rather be stuck on that Hontavirus cruise with your entire family for a week or have one of your parents walk in and you masturbating? (laughing) - I'm on the cruise. (laughing) - Take your chances on the cruise. - Take your chances on the cruise. - Yeah, I'm going with masturbation. One, because I feel like, you know, some of the people in my family cannot handle antivirus, you know, like I don't think they'll be able to rock with it. And also, you know, when I was 12, the FBI, thought I was an adult having cyber sex with another child, but it was just a kid my age. And so they brought the like chat files and gave it to my parents. So I'd rather them see me jerk off than what they read. (laughing) - Wow. (laughing) - What up? That was like, you know that, like a short tragedy story that I, like, 10 words, like, like Jesus Christ. That was horrible. We're reeling. We're reeling right now from this. - I'm gonna go with the cruise, too. - Still, still, huh? (laughing) Look, I've already been the darkness. (laughing) - Would you rather you watch your uncle fist fight a stranger who ate your birthday cake or watch your uncle chicken out and let that guy eat your cake right in front of you? -Fist fight. -Oh, yeah. -It's definitely one of my stories. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -I'm good with it. -100%. -Fist fight behind my birthday cake, for sure. I was six. -That happened to you? -Yes. [ Laughter ] -And you got the cake, or did you lose the cake? -I didn't like -- 'cause he still had put his hand in the cake. And my uncle brought it to me while he was still dancing. And I didn't like how he looked, but, you know, it was still my cake. -Oh, yeah. -Yeah. -Would you rather watch your son compete on love Island or watch your son on the biggest loser? -Mmm. -Mmm. -I'm gonna go with love Island. -Yeah, same, same here. I could -- You know, 'cause I think I'd be trying to, like, be like a coach, you know, trying to help him. I was like, "All right, here's how you be a slut." You know, like, like, "Daddy's gonna show you what he used to do." -Cause if he was on biggest loser, my dad would be like, "You let him be potatoes, like. " [ Laughter ] -Yeah, it's interesting, as I think about it, because it's like on the one hand, biggest loser was kind of an evil show. There was that documentary, and I watched it when it aired. And you're like, "Oh, my God. We're really treating these people terribly." -Yeah. -But to get healthy. And then meanwhile, on the love Island side of it, I think anybody involved in that production should probably just go to prison. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -That whole -- Everyone involves -- I'm sorry. I don't want to be -- I don't want to be judgmental or I want to be very progressive, but I think everyone in that -- anyone involved in the making of that show, including the cast, should be forced to go to church and then put in jail. -Yeah. [ Laughter ] -Just a thought. [ Laughter ] -Just as the in jail. -Would you rather your kids be constantly broke or constantly getting dumped? -Ooh. -Constantly getting dumped. At least she was going out. You had a little money to go out. If you just always broke, you definitely go get dumped. [ Laughter ] So I just go, "Are you constantly getting dumped?" You're going out, you know, having a good time, just not working out. -Right. They haven't found the right person yet, but they have money. -Yeah, I've been dumped and I got my G-wagon and drove off. [ Laughter ] -Like, "Hey, where are you?" -Yeah. -Put a said song on the wall. -I have to say -- I have to say, people in G-wagans all drive like they were just dumped. G-wagon people drive like, "Why isn't this car making me happy?" -Yeah. -You know what I'm saying? There's a quality of the G-wagon driver. There's a kind of darkness to the whole enterprise. Like, like, they know that it's not doing what they thought it was going to do because on some level, the materialism isn't solving their problems, but it's still a nice car and they're happy to have it, but they're just a little mean on the road. -No, I will problem with the G-wagon that we're not in a space that utilizes all the things that it can do. I'm just on the street. -Yeah. -When I look at the G-wagon, all the commercials, it's supposed to be off-road. It's supposed to tumble down a cliff and still be able to drive. It's all these type of things. -Yeah, it's stupid. Why is the boxiest car the most expensive car? That doesn't make any sense. It's windy on the highway. -It's sexy inside. -Yeah, no. I get that because I drive a Subaru out back. And so, in mine, it still hasn't been washed, because, you know, I do take it off-road, and so anytime I see a clean G-wagon or G-wagon, like y'all some posters. Y'all some posters, y'all not in these streets. -It's just something sexy about the Subaru. -Leaning on it. [ Laughter ] -No, I agree. -Like on the hood or just in front of it, you know. Get out of the light, so I'm like, "Eh, yeah." -I hate when the G-wagon people get out of the light. [ Laughter ] Would you rather your kid achieve their dreams but in the process become a selfish and narcissistic person or fail to achieve their dreams and forever be tormented by it while being a fine person, not amazing, but generally kind, but hardened and defeated by the failure in the first scenario to get to be on a boat a lot. [ Laughter ] So, your kid's a super successful asshole with a boat or a kind of hardened, defeated person, no boat. -Here's my theory, and here's why I think I beat the game through my dumb loophole. I think that when people get like that, like, narcissistic and jaded, it's because they've distanced themselves from family because no one kind of humbles you more than family. Like, I, you know, just did New Orleans. It was a packed house and, you know, my aunt and all that was there and they're like, "Yeah, you look good on that stage." Like, didn't say I'm good at comedy. Just, you look good up there. And I feel like, you know, I was like, "All right, that's cool." There wasn't, like, there was no like, "Oh, I'm surprised all these people came out." It seems like you're making it. It's like, "Yeah, no, you keep on it." I was like, "I thought I did it." [ Laughter ] I keep trying. But it's like, it's between my family and this guy and the Indianapolis Uber who was like, he kept being like, he was like, he was like, "Oh, you do comedy? Do you pay your bills with that?" I was like, "Yeah, yeah." He's like, "Man, I hope you make it." I'm like, "What do you mean?" [ Laughter ] Like, like, I'm doing it. I'm living the dream. He's like, "All right, man, I'll look out for you. You can't. You can see me tonight." [ Laughter ] There was a story about how -- There was a part that I, you can see me tonight. There was a part that Dustin Hoffman was hoping to get, but he would only get it if Al Pacino said no. And he was like, "God, one day I'm going to make it." And you're like, "You're Dustin Hoffman. You're like the pinnacle of career." But you're still just like, "I hope I get to have my dream." Yeah. [ Laughter ] Do your -- does your family keep you honest? Oh, very honest. My family doesn't care what I do. Like, at all. It's like, "I'm just a guy who pays the bills." [ Laughter ] It's like, "I -- I -- I come home from something out arena two times and then get right home." Are you taking out the trash or what? [ Laughter ] Yeah. It's not nice, though, because doesn't it mean, right, if -- if the money meant you didn't have to take out the trash, that'd be a problem. It's good that the money doesn't mean you don't have to take out the trash, because you don't want to be a person for whom the money stops you from being the kind of person who has to take out the trash. Because if you don't take out the trash, that'd be the kind of person for whom the money has made you a person nobody should really listen to. I thought the son made it wide and had to take out the trash. [ Laughter ] I'm like, "Yo, he's 15. He can definitely take out the trash." Oh, yeah, he could do it. Is he not doing it? No. I took it out on the way here. What is it -- what is it about taking out the trash? It isn't annoying task. There's something about it. It's so quick and easy, and yet you're like, "Raw, fuck." [ Laughter ] You know? It's -- It's two trash beings. All he has to do is roll them to the curb. It's all you have to do, too. And then, but it's not my job. [ Laughter ] Also, sometimes the trash is juicy. [ Laughter ] Yes, see? That's why? That's how the people sent that stuff to your family. [ Laughter ] The trash is juicy. The trash is juicy, yeah. They said my language was so advanced, they had to make sure I wasn't an adult. [ Laughter ] And it wasn't until telling that joke over a hundred times, I was like, "Oh, I was having cyber sex with a FBI agent." [ Laughter ] Yeah, you got to arrest him. They didn't do that, though. They came and gave my shit to my parents. I mean, gave my stuff to my parents. But they did -- But the FBI agent. He gets to, what? This is dark. I can't even tell. [ Laughter ] Honestly, as a child, you were catfished by an FBI agent. They tried to arrest you for it. Yeah, yeah, but they're like, "Oh, so he came to the door." And he was like, "Are you -- If you want to win," I was like, "Yeah," and he was like, "Oh, thank God." And I was like, "That's weird." I was like, "Can I talk to your parents?" I was like, "Sure." I don't know, so I didn't have survival skills either, 'cause if I, you know, I'm like, "This weird moment happened with an adult man." I should go, "No, they're not home." And close the door and never look back. But I didn't. I invited him into our home. [ Laughter ] And he then handed it open to briefcase and got a chat noise. Of me saying I was going to pull syrup on someone and lick it off because I was 12, and it sounds cool. Wow, I didn't know about doing that when I was 12. But you were having cyber sex. No, I was such, or lay bloomer, would shock you. Could shock the conscience, so. But wait, there's something sweet about the FBI agent being relieved that he, like, "Oh, wow, there's nothing-- there's no monster in this home. There's just a horny child." [ Laughter ] I mean, that's a different day, right? Like, that guy thought he was having a day where he was going to meet the scum of the earth, some of this despicable human being you ever come across in your life, and just like, "No, no, just a 12-year-old trying to get his rocks off." Yeah, yeah. This is the horneest most-- you were definitely advanced at 12. Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, that was-- 'Cause I was just driving home, and you was pulling syrup. Oh, what? I was saying I was doing it crazy. And I wasn't even doing anything yet. It wasn't-- I didn't find out until after, like, the person stopped logging on, and I was like, "Oh, I could be using this, you know." Thoughts were advanced. Yeah, yeah, I was-- I was doing it for the love of the game, you know, just typing words. But I didn't see what this-- this again, man. Surrup. We'll be right back. [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC PLAYING] And we're back. [APPLAUSE] Let's welcome Matt Hamilton back to the stage. Woo! Matt, everybody, join us right there. All right. Now it's time for a segment we call "Second Thoughts." Here's how it works. I take a loving stroll through everything I said or did and decide what I regret. And if you have any second thoughts about tonight, you can share them as well. I have some prepared. The producers have written down things that I should regret from this show. [LAUGHTER] Oh, I made you guys sad about Tony Bennett. I made you guys sad about an imaginary teacher. [LAUGHTER] Our photo of James Trophicant didn't do justice to how insane that man looked. You should look up Jane's traffic and he's from an arrow. of larger-than-life Midwestern politicians, just an absolute nut, also went to jail for corruption. I made you guys sad about Abraham Lincoln. (audience laughing) Matt, I'm sorry that I imagined fire rats into existence. (audience laughing) That was on my mind, too. Also, none of us should have to know about Horny James Comey. That was a bummer. Ice, nope. (audience laughing) I couldn't think of a single biopic. I said, you know, biopics, like, didn't have one. Still don't. I guess, theory of everything. Yeah. Theory of everything. The great unknown was the Bob Dylan one? Oh. With the T-Shel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I brought up Alph again. Yeah? (audience laughing) Hey, the producer thought if you might have a second thought about the phrase, blue balls for kids. (audience laughing) Yeah, yeah, it was kind of one of those things that I was saying. I was like, hmm, maybe not, but hey, that's, yeah. That's generally who catch 'em. (audience laughing) If you got blue balls as a grown man, with all his points, I was like, you wow. Yeah, that's true. Well, I mean, they're bad enough everywhere else now, you know? Like, whenever I travel, you know, you try and log in. I'm looking to you, you're trying, you're trying. You were trying to get there. My classic problem. Yeah, yeah. To them, you know, you text all your partners, like, I'm sorry. I had to do this, I need you to send nudes there, but they're band-in porn out here. No, you gotta stop having syrup on your face. (audience laughing) Oh, I also, I repeated the phrase, and I quote, too many Nigerians. And then I shouldn't have even repeated it. I think it was me that started. You did, but then I did it, 'cause it was fun to say for a second, it felt dangerous. (audience laughing) Matt, you say it. Say too many Nigerians. Too many Nigerians. See, it shouldn't say it was wrong from saying it was you. I mean, cut it, cut it. It's like I'm gonna hear about this when I get back home. What did you say? You heard about it on Twitter. And he regrets. Well, when I think about it, no. (audience laughing) I'm pretty much solid with everything I say, good or bad. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I'm mostly proud of too many Nigerians. (audience laughing) I'm mostly proud of that one. Oh, I badmouth G-wagon to someone who has a G-wagon. Yeah, I didn't like it, but I dealt with it. (audience laughing) Also, I drive a Mercedes, but I hate it. I call it my Nazi sled. I really regret it. I hate it. I hate that car. I feel bad in it. I don't belong in that car. You know you can get rid of it if you don't like it that much. You definitely love it. But see, no, it's the honestly, see, here's the thing. It's a Nazi sled, but I'm a Jewish person who can't break a lease. (audience laughing) Like I can't. I honestly think my relatives would pop up from the ground like zombies if I tried to break a lease. Like, that's the biggest waste of money. (audience laughing) We started a barbershop in the Lower East Side. You piece of shit, you go back there and you take that car. (audience laughing) And that's how I feel about breaking leases. Matt, any regrets? I haven't had a baked potato in a while. (audience laughing) So that's my kind of standing regret that I realized tonight. I'm very delicious. Well, here's a thing. No, no, I wanna bring this back to the floor 'cause I didn't now and I think that there's more people I'm curious. 'Cause with me, I feel like baked potatoes, like they're so amazing at first. Then you get past the sour cream and cheese. And then it's just a hot potato. And you're like, well, we throw these. We made a whole game about it. You don't bake a whole. Yeah, that's a good instruction problem. Like, you can fix that. I just didn't know potato just crunching it up. No, you gotta mine it out of it, all, you know? Tell them, man. This is turning into one of your little chaps. (audience laughing) It's getting horny at the end. Yes, I agree with you. I don't think people like baked potato. I think people like butter, sour cream, chives, bacon, and cheese. And if there's potato involved, that's a beautiful thing. No, I'm telling you, a baked, I'm not going into it. (audience laughing) It sounds like the FBI's gonna come to my house. Yeah. (audience laughing) It's so good. Into potatoes. And that's our show. (audience cheering) Thank you so much. JD Wilde, Alex and Nick, and Matt Hamilton. There are 131 games until the midterms will be back on Friday with the great John Stamos and Jody Turner Smith. (audience cheering) Love and Relief It is a quick and media production. Our show is produced by Kendra James, Bill McGrath, Kelsey Gante, and me, John Lovett. Our production team includes Halli Keefer, Sarah Lazarus, Roman Borsalino, Peter Miller, David Toll's Claudia Shang, Jay Banks, Gavin Purcell, and Matt DeGroat. And our staff is proudly unionized with the writer's Guild of America East. (upbeat music)

Podcast Summary

Key Points:

  1. Vice President JD Vance claimed progress in Iran nuclear talks, but Iranian officials denied key agreements, and the negotiation process was marked by confusion and awkward moments.
  2. The show mocks Vance’s analogy of a nuclear deal as a “house foundation,” highlighting its absurdity and contrasting it with real-world realities of failed plans and lack of accountability.
  3. The Trump administration’s failed attempt to fix the reflecting pool at the National Mall is criticized for incompetence, corruption, and poor oversight, including a $1.7 million no-bid contract awarded to a known felon and controversial donor.

Summary:

S. government’s handling of international diplomacy and domestic infrastructure, using satire to expose contradictions in official statements. Vice President JD Vance's claims about nuclear negotiations with Iran are challenged by denial from Iranian officials and a lack of tangible progress, while the metaphor of building a "house" on a foundation is ridiculed as nonsensical and misleading.

" The pool's current state—covered in algae and peeling—blames sabotage rather than poor construction, with the show mocking the idea of vandals using knives. Real-world accountability is highlighted through the fact that only six people were cited for grabbing floating pool debris, not for arson or sabotage. The segment also mocks Trump’s boastful claims about receiving a luxury Boeing 747 from Qatar, which quickly became covered in algae.

The show expands to critique broader structural failures in governance, like Los Angeles’ fragmented local government and fire response issues, and highlights the lack of transparency and accountability in local news, citing the LA Times’ withdrawal of endorsements as a sign of declining public trust. Finally, the segment features a comedic game of identifying politicians’ secret online pseudonyms, revealing hypocrisy and misuse of power, such as former FBI Director James Comey’s fake profile and Donald Trump’s use of aliases. The tone remains satirical and critical, emphasizing incompetence, corruption, and the absurdity of political claims.

FAQs

The Trump administration claimed the pool was sabotaged by vandals, but investigations showed the algae was due to natural causes and poor maintenance. A $1.7 million no-bid contract was awarded to a donor with a history of criminal activity, raising concerns about corruption and lack of transparency.

Yes, the Pentagon reportedly requested $80 billion in new funding for the war in Iran, which critics argue is irresponsible given the lack of clear military strategy and the high cost relative to actual outcomes.

Vance claimed Iran agreed to nuclear inspections, but Iran's foreign minister denied it, creating a contradiction. The talks were also disrupted by Trump's threats, and Vance defended the President's aggressive tone as a necessary response to 'trash talk'.

The audience found it humorous that Trump incorrectly claimed Einstein published a paper 121 years ago, when in fact it was 1905. The mistake was used to mock Trump's lack of factual knowledge and his tendency to misrepresent facts during public appearances.

The Senate passed a war powers resolution with four Republicans joining Democrats, though critics called it a 'slap on the wrist' that may have been politically symbolic rather than substantive, especially given Trump's controversial leadership style.

The aircraft was widely mocked for being covered in algae, undermining its image as a symbol of national prestige. The incident highlighted the disconnect between political promises and real-world outcomes, with the audience finding it absurd and comically ironic.

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