The Objectum Episode

(upbeat music) - Hey, Chuck. - Hmm. - Do you think you'll redo the deck out here soon? - 'Cause of the issues? - Well, I don't know. - Yeah, I think it's an act chunk. When you step right there, go back there and step where you just step. - Yeah, it was you sunk like quicksand. - Oh yeah, this one's gonna go. - I guess I should redo it. - Do you think it's termites? - No, I think it was warped by the water. - We got the whole place tenant. - Do you know what I really want? - What's that? - I really think at your home, there should be a giant oil painting of Reggie in here. Like I think we need to make a great like oil painting. - We're on earth, do you think it would go? - I think you could, I think. - Right there, and so those two basic aspects. - Yeah, so those are stock pictures because our real art didn't clear. - Hey, I got a question. What's your definition of art? - Anything that moves and inspires me. - For example, I've been saying this for my whole life. I don't know if the cameras can pick it up. Do you see the little dust? - Yeah, I love that. - The dust moving in the wind. - Yeah, that's God's art. - Or that's art. - I think that's art, so everything is art. - Everything, everything that I think art is anything. - I had to pee earlier. - Go pee, that's fine. We're gonna keep this, is your pee art? No. - Does it move her? - Sometimes your shit is art. - Yeah. - Sometimes it is. - I agree. - What is this goddamn? - This weed wrapper. - That could be that man's art. - So I think your qualifications are a little too free. - No, I think art, for me. - But what is the definition? I'm not even-- - Oh no, you wanna look at it? - I guess we each can define what art is. - What's the definition of art? - Yeah. It works produced by creative human skill. - Yeah, so I think so. - Okay, so maybe the dust might not be art. - Well, it was, it is creative, but it's art. - No, but I think it might have been created by that man's weed whacking. - No, no, no, that's not. - It could have put the dust. - That's not how I-- - It's not how. - I think it has to be a choice for it to become art. It can't just be like a domino effect by, for example, I think pissing could be art if I creatively were to piss sort of design. - Yeah, I get it. - But I don't think it can just be like-- - Chris, did we net it out on piss being art if it was a creative choice? (laughs) - Basically, if you are creatively doing anything-- - Human creative. - It could be art, so if you're just shitting the shit, no, but if you're shitting to like-- - Mold it and sculpt it and-- - Or do anything creative with it? Like if you're like narrowing your asshole for our goal-- - All right, enough of, enough of it. (laughs) - Okay. - So that's where we net it out of that. - For art. - No, they're not, 'cause they're-- - Yes, they are. - For the honest, I had this conversation. - He was a true artist. - Is this art? - Yeah, that's performance art. - This is so hard. - Wouldn't that be considered performance art? - Yeah. - Especially if you have a career in the arts. - Like what's art, is there a camera that can get the sun hitting your face? - I hope that the camera can see God's art. - Is there a camera down here? - Yeah, there is. - Maybe, is this art, is this art? - It's creative, I'd creatively-- - I don't like this argument. - I have a very important question that I just-- - What? Do you think there's at least one person in the world that is attracted to something? - Of course. - To anything. - Yes. - So every single thing-- - I think there's multiple people. I think there's a man out there who has to fuck that light. - Okay. - I think every object, you think the most-- - I don't know about that. - Every object, it's essential. - Is there anything, and I'm going to see if there's a person? - I'll start with trees. - Okay. - Someone's God, I want to fuck a tree. - I'll tell you right now. - And like, does it go-- - It's like chimney, probably. Like, I just want to know how many objects have been documented or objectified in other words. - Yeah, already a person who likes to fuck trees. - Okay, that was an obvious one. - What's it called? - A dendrophelia. - Tell me, look up, wanting to fuck chimneys. - A dendrophelia? - Someone. - There's got, there can't be a term for someone who wants to fuck a chimney. - Anyone want to fuck a chimney? - No. - Why, why are you like stepping back? - I mean, I'm interested. (laughing) - There's not a term. - What's it called? - When you're sexually attracted to a chimney. - We're like, like, the lines in the road. - I feel like-- - Do you think? - No way. - It's a waste of-- - Chuck, time? - There's-- - You don't think this is interesting? If there is a phrase for it, it's interesting. If there's not, it's totally uninteresting. - No, I wasn't meaning time. I don't really know what I was just a waste of like, I mean-- - Brain? - Waste of what? - No one's advocating for like, the chimneys. - Chuck, it falls under-- - No one's advocating for anything here. - It falls under a type of thing called "objectum sex rule." - Tell me about "objectum." - A person who's-- - A person who's-- - Object. - Who's object-based. Wanna go get an olipop? - Sure. - Okay. - Come here. (laughing) - One day, I feel like that wall's just gonna collapse every time I shut. - Sure. - Okay, give me one. - What? - Okay, what flavor do you want? - I want strawberry vanilla. - What flavor do you want? Wait, wait, wait. - Maybe gingerbread. Is there a-- - Hold on, hold on. - Hold up. - No, I'm serious. Where did the leftovers go that were right there? - Oh. - There was like a-- - Are they yours? Were they yours? - They were daves, but I was gonna eat them. - I threw them away because look at how stacked our fridges in your-- - They threw away the sandwich. You threw away the sandwich? - Yes. - And the pasta salad? - Why would you throw that away? - First of all, it was probably, you leave it in there for-- - For three days until it's not bad? - No, you don't leave it in there. - Three days is not bad. - You always complain about the fridge every time you open it. - I know, but that was something that I wanted. The two of you, if you wouldn't open the fridge and then complain about it, doesn't even look messy right now, so I could have left it. - I'm going strawberry vanilla. - I got a drink and oddly popped into my mouth. You know this stuff's a great source of fiber, right? - I do. You know what else they say? - What? - You can actually learn more about a person by their fridge than even their Instagram profile. - Is this somebody's, can I have this one? - No. - Yes. - This flavor is really good. - Okay. - But I'd like to get back to something much more important. - Okay. - You don't even-- (laughing) - You don't even need to be very open. But what is a person who fucks leftovers? - There's got to be someone for that. - Like fuck some section where you guys say that I didn't-- - Oh yeah, you said fuckt, you guys. - Well, there have been times where-- - I keep in mind if I move this deep fryer, dude. - I don't want. - There have been times where my day has been absolutely ruined by me thinking that I'm about to eat this leftover, only to learn that you've thrown it out. Now, I understand why you throw it out and someone has to, I'm too messy. So I don't hold it against you. - Can I say something? - Yeah, but if you, yeah. - I know this. - I know why I'm being attacked. You complain about the way the fridge looks and you leave the stuff, you leave it in there for like, you would leave it in there forever. - I think we should do a new policy when you think-- - You have your own fridge. - No, when you think it's time to throw it out, wait 24 more hours. - Oh, I thought you were gonna say when you think it's time to throw it out, you send me a picture. - No, that's too much work. - That's even better. - No, that's way too much work. I don't even really honestly feel bad. - I-- - Should I feel worse? - Yeah, you should feel-- - No, I don't know how bad you should be. - I only feel bad if you make like a huge deal about it. Like-- - I'm so messy that I'm-- - Where I made a mistake. Sometimes I make a mistake and you just got it. - Yeah. - But usually, I'm good at it. - Wait, all men, one that wonders, right? - No, this is men were old as fuck. - How do you know that? - You don't remember the men, the old men, and the suits? - I don't know if they're the ones who made it. - What do you think they were just like the figureheads of the thing? - Yeah, they could've just been in the music video. - Why do you think they made it? - But you have never thought about this. Who the fuck were those old men? - I don't know. - Do you know nobody knows who made who let the dogs out? - No, they're not the originators. And then there's like another guy who made it before. And another guy who made it before, it's been sampled like, by the time it was Baja Man, it was sampled like 800 times. - Please, look up. - Really? - Yeah. - Look up the old men, Makarina. - Who made-- - Who made-- - So it's like an unsolved mystery? - No, the artist of the Makarina. - I thought you said the old men. - The old men are what, what's their name? How does no one know their name? - Los Del Rio, it is the old men. I think there's three songs of that era that had a show called on my life. Makarina-- - I know that another one. - Okay. - Spice girls want to be. - No. - Makarina. - Mambo number five. - You're talking about Lou? - Didn't someone-- - Right? - Yes. - Almost divorced. They're-- - Who knew? - Someone almost got divorced over-- - I remember. - Was it Stephen King? - I don't know. - Yeah, I think it was Stephen King. He played it so much that his wife threatened to divorce him. I think she might have divorced him. Stephen King, Mambo number five. Stephen King revealed once that he had an obsession with Mambo number five and one remix of it in particular. He played it so much that his wife actually threatened to leave him. I wonder which way-- - I think there's like a condition where you become obsessed with him. with songs. >>Object them. >>Wait, there's another song, too. >>I just can't take my Adderall. >>She really? >>Yeah, it takes two seconds. >>Should we get back to leftovers? I have some thoughts. >>My leftovers? >>Yeah, we just went by, it's okay, or are you done with them? >>No, no, what are your thoughts? >>It's like, I like your new style. >>I hope I like it. I don't know that I will. >>Your style? I think it's cool. >>My choice today is the color. I don't know. I know it's-- >>I know maybe the colors that come out. >>I tried that, too. >>You look at a wider than normal. >>Absolutely. I noticed that as well. >>I think it's cool. >>People must not think that I'm this wide physically. >>I always wonder if-- do you ever wonder when you're wearing something big if people think you're that wide? >>I only wonder that. >>You do, see? >>Sometimes I'll be like, "Oh, my God, and I'll lift my shirt up." And I'll be like, "There's so much material." >>Like? >>You're not public. He's not this wide. And if you're listening, I don't-- >>Why? >>Maybe I am just wide. >>I don't think you are. >>I don't want to do it again. >>Do it one more time. >>You're not this wide, but you're wider than I thought you'd be. >>Just rise no. >>What? >>I'm wider than he thought I'd be. >>Right. >>Let me know what-- >>He's not that wide, though. >>Did you guys know that when I take pills, I don't drink water. Like, I just swallow it dry. >>What? >>Wow. >>I don't know. >>No, you don't. >>I've actually never even attempted that. >>You don't swallow it dry. >>How do people know-- >>Nobody swallows a pill dry drink. >>I just did it. >>You did it, she does, I know this about it. >>You swallow the pill with no water. >>People do this. >>No, I've never heard of this. >>No, nobody does this. >>I think it's like 0.001 people. >>I think there are human beings. It's just like there's human beings who will fuck objects. >>No, seriously, I got an MP3. >>You're talking about objective. >>Yeah, it is, I feel like it's very similar to that. >>So, did you ever swallow a pill with a fluid? >>Yeah, and then that was not efficient. >>Not efficient. >>It's more efficient. >>Why don't I always have water on me or liquid? >>Yeah. >>You know what I used to do? >>Do you remember doing this as a child? >>No, I remember when I decided I was going to give up the water, the liquid part, and just do it on my own, because I probably like 10 years ago. But I used to do this thing depending on the size and the shape of the pill. You know, like when Adderall goes to a different pharmacy or a different thing, and you can do something. >>No, I don't know. >>Adderall goes to a different pharmacy. >>If you take anyone that takes Adderall or any sort of like daily medication, sometimes they change like what manufacturers or something. >>Oh, yeah, yeah. >>So the pill changes. >>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >>You mean the generic forms or whatever you're going to do. >>No, it's not like literally the manufacturer changes or something. >>And it's harder to swallow sometimes than others. >>I used to coat it in saliva first in my mouth. >>Does it disintegrate with the coating? >>Switch. >>It's only on the formula of whatever manufacturer is making it. >>To coat it with saliva, why don't you just grab an olipop and take a sip. It's right about that. It's true. >>What other things do we have to talk about? >>I got something. >>To know that you can backflip. >>I'm so sorry. >>Why'd you do that? >>Is that happening? >>I'm so sorry. >>It's okay. >>I'm really sorry. >>It's okay. >>I'm really sorry. That doesn't happen to me. >>You're acting like it's a thing to be. >>He doesn't do that. >>I do that more. >>I wouldn't use. Those are more for decor next, just in case. >>What would you use? >>You'd waste a paper towel on the environment. >>No, I wouldn't. I would use. >>For people to know- >>These are not used for decor over here. >>Looks pretty good now. >>That was good. >>For people to know that they can backflip. The only way to know is to backflip. How else would you ever know that you could do it? >>It's like you build it up. >>And then what? Just go for it one day. >>You're a gymnastics. You're why. >>You take gymnastics. >>So everyone who's backfliped in the world has taken gymnastics no way. Sorry. No way. >>You're right. >>People born to backflip. >>People just start gradually. You probably start like this and then you- >>Really? >>Or you like- no, there's like little probably steps along the way. >>I don't know. Here's what I think. I think people maybe they backflip and do a body of water? >>Oh, yeah. I'm like an off of a deck. >>A trampoline is obviously a training ground for backflips. >>Yeah. You know what I bet? >>I don't think everyone has a trampoline. I'm checking it out. >>You start as a- like you start in life as doing summer salts and then you do like forward flips. If someone can do a forward flip, they probably one day try to do a backflip. >>I don't know. I feel like a lot of people can backflip, too. >>Are you going to let our children get a trampoline? >>No, I hate trampolines. I- I fell off a trampoline one time, landed on my head. >>Mm-hmm. >>Didn't get hurt, but like I landed or- like literally, I jumped off the trampoline. If- >>Was it your first time on a tramp? >>If this was my head, I jumped off the trampoline. Oh, no. I'm here. This is- I don't know why. But here's- I'm on the trampoline. Here's my head. I jumped off. My body was like this and I landed on my head. [laughter] Like this pencil. Yes, I did. I did. >>You landed in a headstand. >>I landed directly on my head as- like a pencil and I received no injuries. But I remember the thing- >>You- you- you fell over. Like you just- you didn't like land like a pencil. >>I- I was like- >>You just like hit your head and then fell. >>You know what a trampoline when you get like jumped and you all of a sudden have more momentum than you thought, like- like I was jumped and then yes, I essentially kind of almost half back flipped and landed directly on my head like a pencil. I did. You know, on a mechanical pencil where you have- where you push the eraser in and you get more led to come out, my head essentially went- like it went in. I thought- like I thought I had a neck injury. It was a neck thing. I wasn't aware of my head. >>I didn't go. >>It did. >>It did. >>I think your head retracted into your neck. >>And I had no injuries. And- but have you ever been to the trampoline parks? You know like the- it's a new- they take their houses- >>Yeah, I have them but I want to. >>Oh my God. Have you ever been to like a trampoline house? >>Did you sit- >>Like a bounce house? >>You- he'd be good. >>Oh God. >>I'm just like ACL thinking every moment like- oh, I've been jumped. I'm- I'm 100 feet- >>Because I think that there's all the pads and stuff. I mean I guess you could get there. >>Ah, I'm on a trampoline. There's no- I'm talking about- >>No. - How are the kids go like skies on? - Yeah, but the kids, their legs are gelatinous. Like, as an older guy. - Yeah, I don't think older men-- - I'm not older, I should be able to-- - I should be able to-- - I should be able to-- - Shit. What? Objectum? - Ordered my food to the wrong house. - That's okay. - That happened to me the other day. - Jack, dumb. - That's just like when you're leftovers are thrown out and you're expecting to eat it. - What are-- - Yeah, what are other things, dude? - What are other things really tick you off that are small? - Small tick-offs? - Yeah. You ever read the hogs? - H hogs? - Yeah, hogs, hunkers. - Anyone that hunks-- - Yeah, I had startling. I actually don't love, I'll wait before I'll hunk. - It's gotta be so urgent, it's gotta be like, "Oh my God, you're not seeing this life or death thing." - Yeah, well, I had one, I can't remember. - Yeah, what really grinds your gears that's a small thing? - It's like inside. - I've said this on-- - I have one. - Oh, I have one right now. Go, go. - The urinal. - Oh yeah, go on. - You don't like the urinal. - Every time I pee in a urinal, if I'm wearing shorts, I'm instantly reminded that this piss is splattering back all over my legs. - Every time. - Why? - Why? - 'Cause of the urinal, the physics of the urinal. - Why are they splat? So every time people-- - You tell me, it's actually not a small thing. I think this actually crosses over into a big thing that hurts. - Wait, you're telling me, every time you guys go to the bath, when you use a urinal, it all, it's just like a trough of piss that splats. - It's deflections. It's like thin, high level deflections. Most guys are wearing pants, so they don't even notice. - Oh, it's a flashing. - It's so micro-deflection based that on a pant, you wouldn't even see the marks. - So do you even know that it's splashing? - Oh, if you feel it on your bare skin, it's like when you swim in the pool and it's raining a little bit, it's that on your legs. - So-- - You guys wanna sit down and discuss the big and smalls? - This episode of Sponsored by McDonald's. - You know, the holidays, there's so much to do, and you can get lost in the periodic shuffle. - To do this, gifts, sometimes you need a nice little break, a nice little treat, a frosted cranberry splash with sprite from McDonald's. - They've done it again. - This is unbelievable. - It's so good. I'm gonna stop talking, I'm gonna drink. - There's foam, candy sprinkles, it's the perfect little-- - Perfectly up. - Perfectly, it'll pick me up when you're out and they're doing your holiday shopping. The frosted cranberry splash with sprite. - I think this is the best thing I've ever tasted. - Try one of the many new holiday drinks for a limited time. Now it McDonald's. - I'm gonna lose good voices for it. - What you like it, right? - It's delicious. - I gotta tell you the adds to that, I can't stop. - It's so good. - It really is delicious. - You know one small thing, I've really been sweating. - What? - For three years, I think. - What? - Three years sweat? - Three years sweat. - Good sweat. - I got my car, you know, at least the car. I got the, you were there, we got the new carly. - We got that great deal. - We got the best deal, so happy with it. Got more than, you know, more than I bargained for. Instantly, I mean, maybe I'm just missing, maybe I don't know what you do with leather. The leather got all scratched up right there in the front of the, number of this thing. Every time you even-- - Well the dash. - You're talking about on the dash. - It even hit scratch, but that is a small thing that I'm not gonna sweat anymore now that I've gotten off my chest. What about you guys? - What? - On that note, I don't even think this is a small thing, but when you drop your glasses or your sunglasses, or your normal glasses and they get scratched, that one little scratch-- - I don't know, that doesn't bother me. - I've never owned a pair of sunglasses. - Or any glasses, I've never owned any glasses. - Okay, I think you could think about-- - That's not good for your eyes. - What about your phone case or your phone screen? - It isn't. - Is it more feeling? - What about it? Scratch, drop, scratch. - You sweating that? - I don't have a scratch. - You're not sweating it? - You know they say-- - You had scratches on your screen. - Do you put a screen protector on your screen? - No. - And you don't get scratches? - No, but I think it's 'cause I have a-- - Case? - No. - Case, but you have to look. - Yeah. - You know another small thing that gets sweated a lot? - What? Well, by people-- - You lose a remote. - I think that falls into it. - No, it's not big, but-- - It's not big. - You have way more things to worry about than losing their remote, no? - A big thing to get worked out about is like cancer. - Yeah, of course. Health, any health. - Global cancer. - The environment, the politics. - I wouldn't mind going full political until we cut this thing. But everything we say on this program-- - It's gonna get blasted, but-- - I've learned that it can be-- Anything you say on this program can be-- - Do you always say it like that? - Mm-hmm. - It could be manipulated. - Is that a fully thing? - It can be manipulated and turned. If you say one thing, for example, very easy to take the footage of me from earlier and suggest that I, myself, am interested in objectum. - But you are? - I am interested in objectum. Not-- (laughing) I'm interested in it from afar to observe it. I'm not in, but you could take this footage and say that I want to be an objector, or a beast. - Yeah, are you just in it or are you like that? - You can object-- - We're literally (beep) - Object before. - That can't be objectum. - I can't objectum. I thought about that. - Hey. - How many of you guys have-- (beep) - Objects. - A green, if it's more than 50% of you. - I didn't realize that I was a purp. - Red. - It was your exploration days. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You're not a purp. - A purp of objectum. (laughing) - You are not a purp. - I'm not. - Guess he is. - I didn't realize I had a history of objectum. (laughing) - What other things take you off that are little? (laughing) - Or is there anything we can argue about? (laughing) - Objectum. - We could argue about the-- - So could we argue about the width of your sweatshirt? - No, I think it's pretty clear cut. - Ooh, I like this-- - I like the stance. - What, just hang it out? - I like how it looks. Can you pull one of your jaw, jaw, draw? - Yeah. - Thanks. - Cool. - Have to-- - You got a piss? - Yeah. - Artistic? - No, actually, I'm not really trying to do anything other than just get it out and get on. - That it's not art? - Yeah. But I guess I'll look at it differently for this one's experience. - You don't have to? - I'm gonna see. - Every artist has to turn it on and off. - What? - Okay. - Set alarm for 30 minutes, turn on broiler. - Nobody fucks ovens. - Check, this is one of my favorite episodes we've ever done. - Me too. - I was thinking while I was in the bathroom. For a little-- I don't even drink that much water and I pee all the time and you drink so much water and I feel like you don't pee as much as me because you probably have a bigger butt. - What? - Camel. He keeps it in his hump. - We did learn, mochi. - I love you. - That seems so awkward. - You're making me anxious. - What about to sit? I wanna stand. - Okay. - People-- - You know how I feel about - Objectum. - P.A. - Would you say a small thing you sweat? - What would you say that I was objectum? - Well, it's not objectum 'cause I'm not an object. - Well, you're the apple of my eye. - Do you think it's a small thing? - Yawning, you're yawning. - I'm exhausted today. - Why? - I was up in the studio. - Why were you in the studio? - Late. - Trying to get to you. - What? - So you were working with an artist. - You're working with an artist. - I know, I know, but I actually knew that I think. - Who made it? - I'm trying to get to you. Then our studio and I'm trying to-- - Oh, I know, what is it? - Uh, yeah, what the fuck is it? Uh, in the studio, trying to-- Yeah, uh, fuck. - Oh, Drake. - I think it's Drake. - No, no. - Nope. - Can drink? - Three songs? - Schoolboy Q. - Oh, yeah. Is he singing that hook, yeah? - Yeah. - So you didn't dictate the time of your session last night? - I didn't, I wasn't in charge. - Do you get so sad when you have to work at 2AM? - Oh, exactly, because I-- - I finished at about 2.30. But then, it was hard for me. It's hard to, like, come down after you've been, like, I already passed the point of exhaustion. So you're, like, not tired. And then I was in my bed panicking about how I'm not gonna get enough to-- - Yeah, I hear when that happens. That's me a lot. - And it kept me up. And then, I took Nyquil, and then I like-- - You both thought we were-- - At Groggy? - No, I powered through the Nyquil. - Oh, yeah. Your brain just-- - Powered, I hate when that happens. It's always a gamble. I never know if there's some time to do it. - What? - Come on. - What other little-- - What? - Small. - You were saying you noticed one time? - I never know sometimes if I take the risk or if I take, you know, the A first of-- - What's the risk of Nyquil? - Oh, you wake up Groggy. - Yeah, like depending on which time you take it, like if you can't sleep and it's already 3 a.m. - It's simple. - It's simple. You don't try to avoid taking it when you have important shit the next day. - Yeah, I hate being Groggy. Really pet, not pet peeves. Short, that small thing, that bothers me. - Yeah. - Real small thing that bothers me. - There are definitely days where it feels like your brain can't get its foot out. - Check, do you think your bangs bother you? Is that a small thing or-- No, not now. No, not now. - I think his hair looks good. - I know what bothers him, that's a small thing. - What? - Your gray hair's in your beard. You always say-- - Check, is that true to the gray hair? - Yeah, you always get seen bothered by it. But it's like, it doesn't matter. You get like one. - Yeah, I think-- - Don't you think? - Yeah, I don't-- It's just, it's a sign of, it's the sign of-- - Life. - Yeah, and I just don't really-- I don't know for whatever reason, mentally, I really can't wrap my head around the joys of getting older versus the-- - Wisdom. - Wolves. - Wisdom. - I'm not being able to go back and-- - Wisdom. - Wisdom. - Wisdom, life experience, knowledge. - Yeah, but-- - Growth. - I think of my-- - The human experience. - My whole life experience has taken me right back here where all I'm doing is reminiscing about objectives. - I like to take a little nap, whoa. You guys run this for a sec. - Okay, do you know what I'm saying? - Yeah. - Honestly, what does it mean when I'm-- To me, there's nothing more interesting. Like, I'm so stimulated by thinking back to when I was like, so excited about doing certain things. - Yeah, you're happy about this. But that's one of the perks of getting older. Because you have to have the experiences to look back on. Stability, love, companionship. - I guess people oftentimes will look back at their childhood memories have significantly more weight. It's like, what happened age six to 16? - Wait, have more weight? - More weight. As far as memory, like core memories, like-- - You're saying your childhood memories are the best memories? - I'm saying childhood memories carry more weight than the last 10 years of memories. - I literally-- - I know that sounds crazy. 'Cause I guess we met and we met. - I literally fell asleep. - You did not. - You just woke me up. - You're acting. I don't believe you fell asleep, but try again. - Okay, I'm gonna try. I literally was-- - Wait, let's see if you can really fall asleep. - I'll try. - I'm just gonna observe. - But just keep doing what you're doing. - Yeah, we'll keep talking. - Yeah. - This episode is sponsored by McDonald's. And the holidays are coming and to do lists are getting longer. - Well, there's also a lot of things that you look forward to during the holidays, like-- - Getting together with family, friends, eating, drinking. - This right here is a Red Bull Frosted cranberry energizer. It's got caffeine. It's really the best drink I've ever had. - You know what this is right here? - Frosted cranberry splash with Sprite. Now, I just want to let you know. It's like-- - Occidental. - Occidental. - There's seasonal. There's really a major urgency because you see these little-- - Got sprinkles at the top. They urgently need to get into my mouth. This is the best thing I've ever tasted. - It truly is the perfect little pick you up. Pick me up, pick us all up. When we're feeling the need for a little more energy during this holiday season. - Try one of the many new holiday drinks for a limited time now at McDonald's. - I know the markers are sweet. - Sleep after me. - You don't get to, I don't-- - No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just-- - But you said you can, if me, you just fell asleep then, I'm sure you'll just fall asleep here. - I think if we just talk quietly, calmly, and this will not only help him, but it might even help the listening audience. - Yeah. I mean, I think we just kind of try to do the same amount of time we just did and then we check in to see-- - Time? - Like that he fell asleep in. I don't think he's asleep yet. - Mm-hmm. - It's almost like-- - A-M-A-S-M-R. A-S-M-R? - Yeah, I never got into that. I also never liked Nickelodeon. I didn't-- there are things that are childish. I've always-- - You didn't watch Nickelodeon? - No, I've always felt too grown. - Even as a child? - Yeah, sort of got out. I always thought I was, like, immature nonsense. - Did you watch, um-- - X-Men, you betcha. - Did you watch any Disney? - No. - Okay. watch movies, but you don't have cable, did you? - No, except for my parents' room, where we had illegal cable. - Yeah, did you feel it from your neighbors, you think? - No, previous owner, that's a little wire or something. We'd have to-- - Oh, like funny ears. - I don't know what you mean by that, but-- - Are you having trouble? He's having a little bit of trouble falling asleep. - Well, if you just keep him out of it, you know what I'm saying? Let us, let us, let us, let us rack him to sleep. - Well, referencing him will only perk his-- - His stimulated, his little on-stimulated brain. - Yeah. - When he hears his name, his brain lights up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Maybe we could talk about our favorite food restaurants. - No, no, no, that will stimulate his ears. - Maybe we could talk about that beef brisket that you're making. - Maybe. - Maybe we can talk about that one thing he doesn't want us to talk about. - I'm Jack Dome. - No, the other thing. - Sex. That really, really big thing. He was like, whatever you do, don't talk about this. Remember when he said that? - No. (laughs) - Urs, or am I supposed to call along with what you're saying? - Just trying to think of something, you know, maybe. - You can't just keep this up. - You think that's what I'm making? - Yeah. - Why do you want it to be up? Don't you want it to fall asleep? - No, this, he said he could, this whole reason we're doing. - This is because he said that he could fall asleep instantly. And I said, you're not, you were not just sleeping. He said, yes, I am, I'm fall asleep right now. - Unless you're trying to keep him up. - Well, no, I'm not trying to do anything that's going to be overtly obvious. I'm just trying to see if he can do it or not, but obviously. - Oh, wait. - He's not asleep. - He's absolutely not asleep. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it. So it's just a waste. - He's dead asleep. - All right. - No, he's not asleep. - He's not. - Unless I was trying to say, like, there's something that you, I don't know what we're doing. - Hey. - Hey. - Were you asleep? - No. - Close. - Good acting. I like the little. - Yeah. - You're mimicking kind of how sleepers awake, but you aren't one. - I'm going to go straddle the door. - We can keep the conversation flowing. I'm not a chitchat. Yeah. I was going to talk to you about, um, what you thought on those, uh, objectives. - It's like our brain, it's like our brains have broke. It must be nice to come here and sleep. - Well, he was up in the studio all night. - Oh, the studio. - Dreaming of objective. - It's a beautiful day. Do you want to sit outside? - Sure. - Objective sex. - Objective? You fucked multiple objects. Dreaming of objective. You're in objective. - That felt so good. You keep napping. - Oh. - That felt incredible. - If you want. - How long was I out for? - Uh-huh. - Two days. - No, seriously. - Two days. - Like five minutes. - Yeah. - It felt incredible. I, I, I did fall asleep. - Benny, that's really, really talented and impressive stuff you're doing. - I believe I did fall asleep. - I swear to God, I fell asleep. - Do you want to keep sleeping or no? - No, I'm fine. - Do you want to keep sleeping on the job? - I'm fine. - And I drifted to the point where I was in a dreams like I was into starting a dream and then I got out. - Do you remember any details of the dream? - Did you use to sleep at your referee job? - No, but I do remember as I was when she was like, he's not asleep. I was like, man, I'm so close in my head. Like, I wasn't asleep then, but I was close. And then she lifted the fourth wall or whatever. - Yeah. - As you walked away, I was like, I felt myself, I was like, could stay or go. And then I was sleep, but I don't remember what I was dream. - I was sleep. - Will you miss out on some fun, but we won't fill you in. - I really feel, if I take a three minute nap, I feel like I'm-- - They say that. - They say that. - I feel like I could sleep another eight hours. - They say that that's the best thing for you to do. - Micronapping. - Chuck, this is an area that is so not utilized. - It's dark down there, there's nothing like that. - I've cleaned it before. - It's like, never gets an ounce of sun. - There's sun right there. - Where? - Oh, the sun. - Yeah, that doesn't really count. - Literally, the sun. - It's always, that's where I wanted to put the pool. - But you could do a cool thing. - I wanted to put the pool all here. - Yeah, this is supposed to be a pool. - That's why we're gonna let the house-- - Press against the house. - That's why we're gonna let the deck rot. - And you would explode in. - That's why we're gonna let the deck rot away. And then we'll just build the pool so that-- - We could do something interesting here. - I just don't think, whenever I'm down there, I get unhappy. - Oh really? - I know it's in part because of the environment. But I think it's just the air down there just somewhere right-- - I have cleaned it. - Sad air. - Some main right down there. - Who bought that? - What? - Table. - I'm sure me. - I did. - Okay. - How come you've never commented on the globes that I've hung? - Kristen bought those. - I do let everything you've ever put into this house has a female touch to it that's really nice. - I think people fuck decks? - Well, you're about to have a deck. - I think more. - Do you know that old commercial that was like, have you seen my deck? And it was like-- - Oh yeah, it was such a rip. - Yeah, but it was like maybe 10 years old. - It was incredible commercial. - Have you ever been to clownpainless.fart? - All right, and that's a wrap on sweatin' the small stuff. - I forgot that's what we were even talking about. - I like this episode. - I like it. - I like to know. Check, I want one time when you close the door. - I'm so worried. - I got a movie. - Okay guys, that's a wrap. - Oh really? - Yeah. [BLANK_AUDIO]