The Nudie Run

(upbeat music) Hey, I'm Tara Sarabhan, and you're listening to World's Dumbest Criminals. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous, bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, you'll be hearing a corka of a police interview with a drunk Aussie Larakin' who got done for streaking, as well as the case of a vain criminal walnut from England who didn't like his mugshot, so he sent the media better pictures of himself to use instead. Alrighty, let's get cracking. 24-year-old Larakin' Philip McCulloch was arrested on the 28th of November 2009 for some drunk in shenanigans at a wedding that he happened to stumble across. He and his mates spent their weekends drinking enough to kill Andre the Giant and wilding around the beaches and bush on the New South Wales Central Coast of Australia. As you will hear in his police interview, Phil is quite the true blue Aussie character, which has the potential to be a tad confusing for any non-Australian listeners. So I'll give you a brief explanation of what he's banging on about before playing the clips, that way you can concentrate more on enjoying his colourful narration. Phil and his mates spent had been drinking for about 24 hours before they were arrested. Their favourite drink at the time was a mysterious unnamed beverage that was 9% alcohol. They got them from the bottle shop or as he calls it the 'bottle-o'. Phil refers to the cans as being $4 each or $3 for a four pack, but he may have still been so drunk at the time of the interview that he'd forgotten how numbers work. He and Spence then hitched a ride with a random dude to the Jenny Dixon Reserve near Lake Haven about an hour's drive from Sydney. As they were in the car, they drove past a wedding taking place and decided to do a nudie run through it, as you do. Nudie run is the Aussie term for streaking. Old mate Phil here also refers to it as a 'nud run at times'. So he and Spence dropped their strides or pants and ran through the strangers' wedding because that's what a certain sector of young Aussie blokes like to do for shits and giggles. I'm sure it was less fun for the people at the wedding having two drunk dudes run a muck through proceedings. So someone called the cops to report their drunken, indecent exposure shenanigans. Phil here managed to make a clear getaway by legging it down the street, but Spence was not so lucky. A bunch of women or sheelers grabbed some sticks and started hitting them with them because that is what you get when you do a nudie run through an Aussie wedding overpowered and beat down by bridesmaids. Then Spence got mad at Phil for taking off ahead and leaving him behind to be bashed by a bunch of sheelers with sticks. Also during the nudie run, Phil was wearing football shorts and his prized sleeveless holden jacket, which might have also pissed off Spence who had fully committed to the nudie part of the nud run. As they ran through the bush, Spence accused Phil of dogging him, which in this context means he committed a low act. Then they got in an argument and both called each other dickheads. Oh, and then they heard the police sirens. Let's have a listen. - Customs are seeking an eye-arranged, this guy, an incident that occurred down at 30 decent. We're gonna ask you some more questions. You don't have to say anything if you don't wish to, but anything you do, they do will be electronically recorded. Do you understand that? - Shwight. - You'll report that question to your answers and what you do, and it can be used in it as you call it. You understand that? - Yep. - What? - What? - Shwight. - Sounded beginning. - Tell me what happened today. - Well, from hell or from. - Well, the allegations, the allegations. - Also, when we were going to the nudie part. - Well. - The roughly what's wrong with the point? - I don't know what's wrong. - I don't even know, blood and diabetes. Sad Diolus. Sad Diolus, Sunday. What's the time now? - I need to say, 10 to 7. - 10 to 7. Well, what was the guy, four o'clock then? Four o'clock. - And say. - Yep. - Oh well, yeah, about an hour before that, we went in the boat. They got these, they, four no one drinks, these cans and bloody stuff, and it's four no's, and you get a, they're nine percent. - Mm-hmm. - Three dollars for four packs, so we go to Cartlin. Pretty good. We ain't gonna let them, we just play a job long, yeah. And then we say this, when in, as you do, like they pay for you, see, say when, yeah, jump out, home, drop the straws, yeah. Go for a little run down the side and run. And then I think, I think it's been, had it a bit in fuel, ran around and then, what were you doing? It's come out, look, look at this, look at, come on, come on. And we just linked it down the road. - Uh-huh. - You guys, as you, as you, as you average, not run, guys, there's the leg, leg it down the road, and, (laughs) hold it back, come on. - Oh yeah, that was sick. - And then, and then I look back and I say, I say, it's bad. I'll say, "Well, ladies, she always comes, "what are you doing?" But, there's big sticks or something, now, what can you mean, there's something, "No, what are you doing?" I'm gonna wash shit, and he's, "What are you doing, man?" He's just whipped, and he's, "Hey, I'm coming, "get out of here, try to, "come with me, try, "and he goes, "I'm trying to leg it, "we're trying to get out of here." And then, it's getting charged and getting whacked, and, oh no, there's, there's about four of them on the end, and 20, (growls) and then you got to have a power, then, (laughs) oh, they've seen fun of him. And then he went off at May, called me and don't let her, for bloody, bowing on him, and I'm like, "What are you talking about?" I'm like bowing on you, and I'm just bloody, looking, whacked in the head, and I'm just like, "I'm just a little bit sick, "but I'm just a little bit sick, "but I'm just a little bit sick, "but I got into a pub, he's done maybe, "but I got into a pub, he's done maybe, "but I got into a pub, he's done maybe, This section of the police interview, Phil tells us what he can recall of the previous night and day's proceedings, which is a little bit blurry. As he said, they went on a massive bender Drinking more 9% mystery drinks and making like the kid from the never-ending story by pumping their fists through an open-car sunroof while yelling. Let's flow to Phil so he can tell us all about it. Oh, and I'm pretty sure the green drink he can't remember the name of his meddori. So you read the Photoshop and who's Kari and we're in your door? No, some off. I don't even know where the heat shot I think. I'll kind of remember because we were at the, because it was like Ivan. Yeah. And then, I don't know. Wait, it's late last night. That's the Venda. Yeah. So you can give him a bowl of shop. Yeah, and then we end up, we end up, and then we come out and then just watch the lights and all the files. Oh, shit. So yeah, then we bloody argument and you know, you tell each other nights like this. How much time for it? How much you've had to drink? Guess we're going to the phone then. Probably a few. Yeah. Probably had a few. How much is a few you're drinking? Well, we went to the beach last night and by the time we went back to Spencer's was about four or five in the morning and then we had a couple of beers. I mean, listen to, listen to Biggie Smalls. You don't know, you don't listen to that. At the couple of times, how the couple of beers there and then we're like, oh, it's Grizzles Burfty. Grizzles Burfty, our friend's Burfty. So we, and then we're like, let's go to the house. So we go to the cup, we go to the Bollah Shampers H. And try it off down the road. That was about eight in the morning and I think. Walked down to Grizzles, that was bloody, had a big balloon. Got balloons and shit. And then we went there and we got her, went past the bottle. Got her bloody, oh, point of camera. One of them grain drinks, we got her one of them. We have shots of it. My name is Grizzles Burfty and I had to balloon, I popped it and we had eights more on them and then we ended up going to the beach. We had about a million more drinks and we went out there. So I had a fair fee. Oh, no, then we went and got a cup there. Then we ended up at the end of the lake. We got a cup and these three for $3 for a four pack. You get four of them. Oh, there's only so good. Three dollars for a four pack and then nine percent. So then we got a cup and then we dimmed. So you got a fair bit of green in the other words. Did you drink any of those dorm centers at Lake Haven before we went down to Tunisian? On the way, on the way there, yeah, and what do you scoff at? We got the old man, we got the driver, had one of them holding, and then we got the sunriff and I stood up and we scoured away. It was driving, it was driving. Oh, and then some guy with a bloody, we scoured the lift off him. Yeah, no, we didn't walk on a never-ending story of the guy there. Oh, yeah, I did that to the sunriff. It scalded and nothing had been the same. So you went up a two-year distance and you had to take up a day from the drinks and then who's the only one to do the nudie run? Sort of back for whenever we get a chance, we sort of dive to nudie runs and we're out weekend going. We're both tuning. So you're out there, you're out there, you're going through the park, and you decide to do a nudie run. Just check it out. Where's the girl that is coming from? Oh, and who have his car? Yeah, because we just legged you out of the car and all stayed on the road. He's ventured in the field and went around and then he jumped up on the table and then just, and then we're like, "Don't go, what are you doing?" We're laying down the ground. "Don't sh*t, man, you get in that tail." Look at that, he's bobbing, he's getting stuck in the head. "925 operations, 0202 channel 10, please. 0202 channel 10." I have that. 2019 was an interesting year for Vane Walnut, Steven Murphy. 33-year-old Steven, who claims to be better looking than David Beckham, got himself arrested for criminal damage on May 8th. He was having a tantrum at his ex-girlfriend when he damaged both her and her mother's cars. He also gave a beat down to a wheelie bin during the altercation. Steven's Facebook page tells me he's an utter knob. It's mainly comprised of topless pictures of himself and posts boasting about how attractive he is, interspersed with memes about being a tough guy who you better not mess with, and sookie posts about not being allowed to see his daughter as much as he wants. You know, probably due to the criminal damage he did to his ex and her mom's cars and his predilection for beating up wheelie bins while having rage strokes. But of course, that's not how he sees it. Steven hails from Boston Linkershare in England and is a former Mr. Boston after winning the man-beauty pageant there several years back. He was scheduled to front court on the criminal damage charges on July 9th, but instead, the self-proclaimed "best looking guy in town" no showed. Then he spent the next month on the run taunting the police via social media. Because that's just how adult men who consider themselves absolute winners and want to spend more time with their daughters behave. Obviously appearances are very important to Steven, so you can only begin to imagine how upset he got when the police released his mugshot to the media while trying to track him down. You see, Steve wasn't a big fan of his mugshot. He thought it was a bad picture of him, and considering how much time he spends looking at and posting pictures of himself, he would be an expert on this topic. When the Linkershare reporter published the mugshot with an article on Steven being wanted by the police, he posted what he considered to be a more "fulattering" photo of himself in the comments and told them to use that instead. I should warn you that he appears to be suffering from a punctuation allergy as none is used in any of his post or comments ever, which doesn't help the clarity of the ill-advised jumbled word soup he was cooking here. His comment read in full, "And if you get my name right and joke with the worst picture of me on these, not when I've been up for three days, then in Boston Copshop for two, you might be how to find me. Post this better for you." I guess he looks a little bit less like a steroid using potato in the picky scent them compared to the mugshot, but not enough to make such a big deal about it. When asked by the Linkershare reporter, why he hadn't handed himself in yet, Steven replied, "I haven't handed myself in because I am above the law. Come on, are you this daft?" I asked the police where I've only spent 15 months in jail when I've got away with more than 100 years. He then sent a picture of what appeared to be him doing the rude finger just behind the back of a police officer's head. Oh, so brave. Reporters stated that Steve here was of no fixed address, which is as shame as the International Council of Awesome Parenting was planning on sending him their annual Father of the Year Award for this stunt, but they didn't know where to send it. Sad face. Next up, Steve posted a message to the cops in a Facebook status update, which read, "I will say when I come in, I run this town, not you. For some reason here can't need this with a topless picture of himself, with a bunch of 20-pound notes on his chest. I mean, every occasion's a great occasion to post a topless picture of yourself, I guess. You know, Christmas, birthdays, mothers' day, cop taunting, anytime's a good time for a big picture of his manly walnut chest. Stevie later told reporters he planned to hand himself into the police after sorting out a family dispute. He said, "I'm ready to get the court case out of the way now. I promise to hand myself into Boston Police Station on Monday, August 12th, but there was a method to my madness. We are now in a better place, but I'm still not able to go for walks with my daughter while I am wanted by the police. That's been the toughest part of all of this." Aww, cue the tiny fire lins. He went on to say, "I think that it's silly that Macrymittle Damage case has been reported all over the world, but if you give me the chance, I'll do it ten times just to get my baby back." Isn't it funny when you hear a story about a total douche canoe who clearly has no idea that they're being a total douche canoe? In their head their actions are purely motivated and entirely justified and they feel like they're just being persecuted for no reason. Or possibly because they're just too fantastic and good looking. Anyway, back to how much he hated his mugshot. After speaking to a reporter from LinkershearLive, Steven sent them a different photo, one of him lying on a bed and wearing a cap. He's topless in it because of course. He told them that if they use this photo in future stories about him and replaced his mugshot with it in previous articles they'd published, he would walk into the Boston Police Station to give himself up with bells on. But he later went back on this promise and the promise to hand himself in on August 12th. Gee, I bet trying to organise custody arrangements with this slippery game playing fucker as a breeze, huh? Ironically the police tracked down Steven on August 13th the day after he promised to hand himself in. He was sentenced to two months' jail suspended for two years, put on work probation and ordered to do 24 sessions of building better relationships. Magistrates also ordered him to pay 61 pounds in compensation for the damage he caused to his ex and her mother's cars, as well as 620 pounds in court costs. So he got a suspended sentence. It's baffling why he would bother to go on the run when he wasn't looking at any jail time in the first place. I mean think of all the walks he could have gone on with his daughter if he wasn't so busy being a dick. It's a bit of a shame he didn't end up doing some time in the Pokey though. As at least then the International Council of Awesome Parenting would know where to send his father of the Year Award. It's usually a statueette but they made a special luncheon for him. It's a mirror shaped like his chest so he can look at his chest in it. To finish up they have a few punchline crimes for you. These are short cases that sound more like jokes than something that actually happened. Chilean News reporter Nicholas Crumb was filming a live midday broadcast in November last year when something very unusual happened. He was on location talking about a houseburglery and associated crimes for Chile vision when a monk parakeet flew down and perched on his shoulder. Nicholas motioned to the camera person to ensure they got a good shot of the parakeet because he thought it was picturesque and not something that happens every day. That's when the punk-ass bird plucked Nicholas's earpiece out of his ear and flew off with it. The shock reporter tried to take it back but the bird was too fast for him. He proclaimed, "It's just taken my earpiece!" But then he had to continue on with the report as he was in the middle of a live broadcast. What a tririxie little avian thief. Early on the morning of August 4th, 2017, landscape gardener Lim Lai Sang got himself some fishbowl noodles for breakfast at a coffee shop in Singapore. The 60-year-old decided to take the re-toothpicks with him when he left. Then he got on a bus at around 6.20am. Feeling the sadistic urge to puncture a random person's butt, he stuck the three toothpicks into the bus seat next to him with the pointy end sticking upwards. While the driver was checking the bus after his route had been completed, he found the toothpicks and contacted the police. They tracked Lim down and he admitted to setting the same Boogie-Boobee trap three times the month before as well. It is not known if anyone was penetrated in any way by this unsavory fuckery. Lim said he was motivated to do this because he was bored and wanted to play a prank, even though he knew it might hurt somebody, which is the kind of nonsensical excuse you'd expect to hear from a dark-sided child. In court on four charges of mischief, the judge told Lim, "No one should be excused for doing these things, but especially not someone like you, a 60-year-old." Lim said he found him $3,600 and ordered him to pay $326 for the damage caused to the bus seats. In January 2021, 30-year-old Christina Vanatta was driving her Jeep along I-80 in Utah when she struck the median strip and then hit a semi-trailer. Luckily nobody was injured in the collision. Highway Patrol troopers responded to reports of the crash and noted that Christina swayed while standing, slurred her speech and had glassy bloodshot eyes. In her inebriated state, Christina was under the impression that she could bribe her way out of any charges. When the cops took her into custody to administer a blood test, she offered them $1,000 to let her go, but that didn't work. So she racked her brain for something else to bribe the officers with and decided on tits. Because who doesn't love tits? Men love them, women love them, and babies are booby super fans, tits! Everybody loves tits. An officer wrote in their report, while at the office she offered to show me and a female trooper her breasts. Apparently they declined. She probably made that clear, shouldn't I? According to the police documents, toxicology test results showed that Christina had cocaine and THC in her system on the day of the crash. Investigators also allegedly found LSD, marijuana, meth and fetamine, heroin, syringes, and an empty beer can in her Jeep. Christina was charged with soliciting a bribe, drug possession and DUI among other things. I seriously doubt that anyone on Earth has spectacular enough tits to get out of that many charges. This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with all future episodes. And if you dug what you heard, please leave a review. Thank you to California Bob One and EG Portland from the USA and Paul Smecker from the UK for doing just that. If you'd like to support this independent podcast, head on over to patreon.com/worldsdomuscriminals. All levels get access to monthly bonus episodes and add free episodes and higher levels also receive some merchandise. I'd like to thank Paul Lusignani and Lee Prather for coming on board as patrons recently. Thank you so much for your support. I released a new patron episode last week. It was about an English old age pensioner who terrorized her neighbours for sport, dumping crap in their hedges, damaging their cars and hurling abuse at them. As well as a revolting shitheele from the US who like to creep up on women in public places and inject them with a gross substance. If you're up for more dumb criminals action in your life, you could follow me on Twitter at WD Criminal'sPod and Instagram @worldsdomuscriminalspodcast. Or you could join our World's Dumbest Criminals podcast Facebook group. And thanks so much to the phenomenal Lorraine Leadwell for running the group with me. Stay tuned after the closing music to hear a promo for the True Crime podcast I for an eye. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble and whatever you do, don't commit a crime that makes you in depth on this podcast. Hey there, I'm Jules. I'm Lisa. I'm Matt. And we are the hosts of I for an eye podcast. Each week we share a true crime case that truly fascinates us and discuss whether or not I for an eye was met. Does the punishment fit the crime? Was it too harsh? Too lenient? Tune in every Monday to hear our thoughts and make sure to follow us on social media to join the discussion. You can find I for an eye on all listening platforms by searching I for an eye podcast. We hope to see you there!