The Most Shocking Confessions On The Internet

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, I'm wearing the same hoodie that I did two videos ago, but it was a long time ago, so it's not like my uniform now, don't worry about it. But anyway, today we are back with a fan favorite, the craziest confessions that we could find on Reddit. I don't know why people continue telling the internet about this shit, but here we go. I've been married for 30 years. Many years ago, I realized that my husband is very lazy on weekends. If we sleep in in the morning, he never wants to do anything and it bothers me. He won't help me with any errands or cleaning and complains he's tired and wants to stay in bed all day. But then I realized that if I start the day by sleeping with him in the morning, he's like a different person. He gets up, showers, and wants to conquer the day and help me out as much as possible. He even tells me to stay in bed and sleep in. So now I strategically sleep with him to get what I want on weekends. I know I'm intentionally manipulating him, and I don't actually care because I feel like he's getting what he wants. And so am I. That's not bad, right? No! The only reason why this would be bad is if you. If you now are feeling like this is something that you have to do, that would be weird. But if you're like, bro, I'm cool with this. I get some fucking husband dick, and, you know, he gets up and fucking cleans the house and shit, that's pretty good. That's a pretty good exchange. I think it would be different if he was, like, requesting it, and it's like a bartering system. He's like, listen, if you want me to fucking vacuum the rug, you know what to do. You know what I mean? Then they'd be like, all right, no, you gotta divorce this guy. I can't fall asleep without rubbing my nose. Nipples for about five minutes. Yo, five minutes is a lifetime. That's a long time, dude. It's not a sexual thing at all. I just have to do it, or I won't be able to fall asleep. It's annoying because when I get into a new relationship, I have to tell the person, and it usually freaks them out. I can't imagine that conversation. I would think that my partner's lying to me. If they're like, listen, I gotta do this thing for the next five minutes. Like, what are you doing? You're pranking me, dude. Like, get the fuck out of here. Some people have weird. Good stuff to help them fall asleep. I have a friend who, like, rubs his feet together like a cricket. Yeah, they rub their feet together like crickets, and, like, that helps them fall asleep. I just get in there like I'm in a coffin, you know? I just, like, I don't move, and I just fall asleep, and that's it. Rubbing your nipples, that's a new one. I haven't heard that one at all, and that is a tough one to explain. I think rubbing my nipples for five minutes straight, they would be raw, dude. It would hurt after a while. I'd be like, Jesus, can I just go to bed already? What happened? What happens on flights? Like, if you sleep on a. If you have a red-eye flight, are you on the plane just fucking. No, no, no. I don't need anything to drink. I'm good. You know? Like, the flight attendant's just watching you rub your nipples. God bless. I mean, whatever works. Gotta get your sleep. Gotta get your eight hours in. I've got a mate who's nearly 30 now, and to be honest, he's not a great-looking bloke. And has no experience with girls. This is off to a hot start, absolutely taking a truck-size shit all over your friend. He's genuinely a great dude, and he tends to. He's a friend-zone himself. He suffers from pretty hardcore anxiety and depression and hates going out. So this year, at my birthday, I asked a couple of random girls if I could pay them to just compliment my mate on something and have a small chat. This is such a slippery slope. This is such a slope that's slippery. They did it, and my lord, he's been a different dude ever since. His confidence has skyrocketed, and he's even asking when we were going out next. If he ever found out what I did, I generally think he would be mad and never leave the house again. You know what? If it's gonna bring joy, then maybe this is fine. It's not like you. Paid, you know, prostitutes to pretend like they were in love with him and suck his penis and they fell in love. Like, it's not like that. That's a completely different thing. If you're just like, hey, man, like, my friend, just go talk to him, you know, whatever, blah, blah, blah. You're just helping out your buddy. And look, it's working. He's like, bro, let's go out. Let's go chat with the gals. I don't know if the next time it's gonna go as good as it did for this one, but it's fine. It's all part of the process. I use my wife's vibrator in my anus when she's not home. Oh, my fucking. God! But I don't tell her. And when she asks me if I want to do butt stuff, I tell her no. Are we not even going to address the actual issue with this thing? You're shoving the vibrator in your asshole, and then she's using it on the front door. I mean, you ever hear of a little guy called E. coli? You could be setting your wife up here for a little bit of sepsis. She could go down if you keep playing this dangerous game. I hope that you're cleaning the shit out of it. Literally. The shit, dude. Why do you say no? It seems like you like it. Why not just be like, yo, listen, how about we get me a vibrator? I'll do this. You do that. We'll be a couple of buzzing little bees in bed next time. You know, mine will be in here. Yours will be in there. And then we'll kind of, you know, do the rest of it, and we'll be totally fine. I mean, that sounds like a good old buzzing time. I don't know why you wouldn't just do that. I don't know why you feel like you have to live in this secret world where you're shoving your wife. your wife's vibrator in your ass. I also don't know if it's going inside. I'm making that assumption. But I would be careful because of germs. Before we continue with this video, we do have some sponsors. The first one being Aura Frames. Okay, this is going to be a great gift that you can get for anybody, but especially now that Mother's Day is right here around the corner. And, you know, honestly, this is a good gift for your mother or your father or whoever in your life at any point during the year. But it is a digital frame that you can upload pictures, and videos onto, and then it will just switch all the time. So my mother has one. Whenever I go on vacation, I upload all the photos that I have to this frame so that she can kind of keep up with my life, you know, on her nightstand. She's got photos of, you know, whatever, my siblings. They will send photos of their children to her so she can see them. It's a nice gift, and this Mother's Day, what better gift than that? 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Go to SeatGeek.com or download the app and save 10% off of any tickets with that code Joe2025. Enjoy. Have a good time. I called the cops on my brother-in-law because he shoplifted gifts for his wife, my sister. He's in jail for one year and nobody in our family knows it was me who contacted the authorities. I just felt like it was wrong and he needed to learn from his actions. You little. You little fucking weasel. Are you kidding me? It's just a little shoplifting. Who cares? What is he shoplifting? Like, what is it? Are you. Are you. You feel bad for what? The corporation? Fuck them, dude. I think that if you shoplift and you get away with it, everyone should throw a parade for you. Is that a hot take? Are we defending. Are we defending like a giant corporation who's hiking prices when everyone's poor? And it's like. These are the people we feel bad for? Is that what we're doing here? If you rob a mom-and-pop shop that's like barely making rent, fine. We'll tar and feather you or whatever the fuck. But if you're robbing a fucking, like, Target or something, they'll be fine, dude. They'll be fine. I understand it's against the law. You shouldn't do it. Your sister's husband's in jail. And if you have. If they have kids. You should go to jail. You just put this guy in jail for. Wait, hold on. Now that I'm thinking about it, this dude probably stole a lot of shit if he's in jail. Because no one's going to put you in jail for stealing, like, some lipstick and a t-shirt. Now I'm rethinking this whole thing. If he's in jail, it's probably for a good reason. He probably stole a lot of shit. If they bumped his grades up before college applications, they actually did it. Then I backed out and didn't give them a dime. This guy's a scumbag, dude. A scumbag on multiple levels. Like, if you're willing to be like, listen, you're going to, like, bribe a school and be like, yeah, I'll redo the whole stadium. You take my stupid son's grades up to a smart son, and then he's going to get into college. Let's do that. And they're like, you know what? Fine. Morally, this is fucked up, but I'll do it. Even though, you know, the other kids who have really good grades and they worked hard for it, and your son's just a fucking spoiled prick, apparently, and he's just going to get into college because you're a piece of shit and you don't want to be a good parent. So, yes, we'll agree to do that. And then he gets the good grades, and you go, I'm just fine. This dude should be in jail for a year! At least! This is jail-worthy, am I not? On both accounts, I think it's jail. There was that one woman who went to jail because she was like, "I'll put my son on the sailing team." Remember that? The fucking- how badly do you want to sail? It's so stupid. But. fucked up. That is so messed up. On multiple accounts, I don't think that you should pay for your son's grades to be up. I think that you should get your son the help he needs. Once a month, I bring a pocket pussy to work. Jail, jail, jail. Prison, prison, prison. I stick it to the wall of the private bathroom and go to town. I hate my job, so it makes me feel like I'm one-upping them in some way. You're not. You're not one-upping anybody! You're a psycho jerking off in the stall at work. Are we- are we reading the same thing? You're like, "This'll teach 'em." Dude, what are you talking about? You're this close to going to prison. I love the "once a month." You know what I mean? Like, was that supposed to make us feel better? That you don't do it every day? Yeah, he's like, "Well, you know, the third Thursday of every. " "month, I like to get in there and I show 'em who's boss." And I was like, "No, you don't. You don't. This is crazy. This is crazy behavior." You should stop. You should bring that "once a month" to "never again," all right? I let my wife's sister touch herself in front of me. What is going on in this video?! It was after a holiday when everyone was asleep. I don't feel super guilty because I didn't lay a hand on her. What?! Where is your moral- where is the line in the sand? Well, I was- I was ten feet away. Had I been closer, then I'd get it, but. She wanted me, but I told her, "No. No touching allowed, so it doesn't count as cheating." This is such an interesting, like, thought process here. You know? Like, if- if people found out and be like, "Whoa, dude. I was just looking, and I wasn't close." "And she wanted me, and I said no. So I deserve some sort of medal." He's like, "What?! What are you talking about?!" White people holidays are just crazy, man. Yeah, it's- no, it's crazy. You're gonna do this on a full stomach? With a fist?! Filled with green bean casserole?! Is that what you're- is that what you're telling me?! After a full Christmas dinner and dessert, you're gonna be like, "Now, wait 'til everyone falls asleep, and then I'm gonna really go to town. What the fuck?" No one knows I have a penis implant. Excuse me? I had a hard time getting erections, so I got permanent rods implanted in my penis. They can be manually bent into position to form an erection so that I can have intercourse. It's called a malleable penile implant. I've been discreet enough. with it that nobody knows. Are you sure that nobody knows? 'Cause it's- it sounds like- the way that I'm picturing that, like the- what he just said, is like he's gotta like crack it like a glow stick into a boner. There we go, we have pictures. It just looks like a straw, and you gotta like crack it like a glow stick, and then you got a boner. How is no one going to notice that you go from like- Yeah, you just come out fully torqued, you know what I mean? You go into the bathroom, fuckin' just soft, and then you come out just. Bing, bang, boom, ready to go. What do you mean we've all done that? I don't get ready to have sex and be like, "Hold on, I'm gonna go to the bathroom." And then I come out and I'm just rock solid. Like, that doesn't happen for me. I'm picturing like laying in bed, and then all of a sudden I'm like, "Hold on." No one's gonna notice it, no one's gonna be like, "What was that?!" You just unlocked an erection like that, that was crazy. My husband doesn't know that I regularly visit a prison because I'm having an affair with an inmate that is convicted of killing his mother and stepdad with a wine opener. Ma'am, are you alright? It's sort of a kink I have, and we only exchange love letters and talk during visiting hours. He isn't allowed conjugal visits. I'm so confused here. I can't even. So, you're having an affair with an inmate who killed two people with a wine opener, and you exchange love letters. Like, how do you even get there? How is that even a thing? I don't know how that's a thing. Like, you just show up and you're like, "I'd like to talk to anyone, I guess." It's like, "Who are you visiting? Anyone who's willing to talk to me on this end, honestly? Has anyone killed anyone? I'd like to talk to them." Also, exchanging love letters, is he mailing them to your house? Your husband's not weirded out that you're getting mail from a prison? Like, how does he not know this? I can't even. I'm imagining, like, my wife saying this to me, like, "You know when I'm saying that I'm going to Jazzercise?" "I'm not going to Jazzercise. I'm going to the state prison, and I'm in love with a man who's a murderer." I'd be like, "What? Are you talking about? What do I gotta do to keep this marriage together? Do I gotta kill my stepdad with something? Will that make you love me?" That's a tough one. I mean, that dude's in for a wild one when he finds that out. "I store nerds' candy in my foreskin and eat them at the end of the day. The perks of that." "The perks of being uncircumcised." "What?" "I like to work up a real big dick sweat, and then it gives the nerds a little extra eh, and I love them. Ah, the perks of being uncircumcised." "Oh, you idiots who got circumcised, you can't even hide nerds in your dick. What's the point of having a dick if you can't hide nerd candies in it?" "What is happening out there?" "I said I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't eat them, but I don't have foreskin, you know? But if I did, I would probably put stuff in it. I don't know about eating it, though, at the end of the day, that's not for me, and I definitely wouldn't call that a perk. This isn't selling me on having foreskin." God bless these people. Again, I don't know why people keep telling us this stuff, but unbelievable. We appreciate it out there. There's a lot of people out there with a lot of secrets. All entertaining. We appreciate it, honestly. Don't forget to subscribe. See you guys next time.