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The Most Delusional Man In Comedy | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

71m 13s

The Most Delusional Man In Comedy | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer engage in a lively, self-deprecating conversation about appearance, fitness, mental health, and current social issues. Tom showcases his bold new facial hair and fitness routine, claiming it gives him a powerful, "throwback" look reminiscent of classic film actors like Wilford Brimley, while Burt mocks the idea with sharp humor. The discussion veers into politics, exploring the controversy around Zach Bryan's Free Palestine shirt and the broader Israel-Palestine conflict, with Tom maintaining a neutral stance. They also reflect on personal growth, including Tom’s recent mental health journey and therapy, and his commitment to self-improvement. A humorous anecdote about seatbelt extenders and a past dental surgery adds to the comedic tone. The episode is heavily sponsored with wellness and lifestyle brands, emphasizing health, fitness, and mental wellness. Despite the humor, the conversation reveals deeper themes of self-perception, vulnerability, and the importance of personal accountability. Tom’s confidence in his appearance and vitality is challenged by Burt’s grounded reality checks, creating a dynamic balance between bravado and honesty. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to pursue goals, improve health, and engage with current cultural debates thoughtfully.

Transcription

12833 Words, 65577 Characters

English
- Hundred percent. - Cheers. - Hey guys, brand new episode of Two Bears, One Cave. Let's see that fucking head of hair, Tommy. - Let's see it. I'm dying to see this thing. - I love it, I love it. So it's obvious you've been celibate since the separation. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - With that fucking-- - It's going well. And the beard too. There were so many people that were like, "Chinstrap, this is what you're going for?" Post-divorce. - Oh, it's hysterical. I love it. - And I was like, "I think we said I'm doing a movie "on the last one." Okay, yeah, I'm still doing the movie. - People, actually, I was in the comments. I wasn't in the comments. I have someone read the comments. Just the positive ones. And they were like, "I like Tom's facial hair. "It looks good, I like bold choices." - It's jet black in the movie too. - I saw the picture John Stamos sent out. He said, "I'm just putting this out there "and then we'll change subjects." - We'll change subjects immediately. - Okay. - Giving off hangover vibes. - Is that what he said? - That's what he said. - It's a fun movie, dude. It's really fun. John's great. - Don't talk about it ever again. We'll never talk about it again. - Ever again? - We'll talk about it when it comes out. We'll talk about it when it comes out. - Okay. - Don't want to spoil it. - Where are you right now? - I am in Cleveland, Ohio. Rocket Center Mortgage Arena. Rocket, you know what I am. - Yeah, those names are so inspiring, man. - That's what the arenas go with now. - It's crazy. - It used to be like-- - Leia, Coca, Korea, Arena. - Now it's like FedEx Field. And you're like, Jesus Christ. - I liked Three River Stadium, you know? - Yeah, of course. - The big sombrero in Tampa. - How long you been back on tour? - I'm on tour for the next, I'm gone for a straight month. And then I stay out most of November, most of December. And then I got a crazy tour, I'm announcing, I don't know when I'm gonna do it, but I have a crazy tour idea that I'm doing. - You told me about it. - Yeah, yeah, that is gonna be fucking insane. And then I'm gonna shoot a movie and then go back out on tour and get ready to shoot this special. Hey, you just announced a tour, congratulations. - I did, I announced a tour. - Platypus, what's it called? - Preposterous. - Preposterous, I'm sorry, I didn't have my readers on. - I did, it's the same thing, by the way, this is nothing new, every time you announce the leg of a tour, people are like, how come you're not coming to this city? And you're like, I am, it's just not yet. So I'm sure you're in the middle of that right now. - I wonder when this lighting is gonna change 'cause I'm sure everyone's getting a stroke, having fucking epilepsy in the back. - That is crazy. - Hey Kyle, can you get them to fix the lighting so it's not fucking thunderstorms? - It looks nuts. - It looks insane. So wait, what were you gonna say about your tour? - No, no, it's just that the first leg is up. So right now I've announced January, through May, and then sometime in the spring I'll announce the second leg and so on and so forth. So it'll go on for a couple years, as they always do. - Yeah, they go on forever. Do you remember when we were kids and you didn't have a tour? - Yeah. - I miss it a little bit. - Yeah, how am I gonna keep doing this, man? - I'm having weird depression with touring 'cause it's changed, it's changed so much and like, I'm not saying like it's a job, but like, man, my first theater tour, I was so excited. My first arena tour, I was so excited. And now I'm just like, I'm still excited for the material and stuff, but I miss the, I miss the like, the newness of it, you know? - Yeah, well you've been doing it a long time, dude. - Yeah. - You've been doing it a long time. How many shows are you doing a week right now? - I'm doing Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then I fly to Dallas Monday, I fly to London on another Monday. - Wow. - On another Monday. I'm doing the New York Food and Wine Festival. And I'm like, I'm kind of packed with my schedule, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then fly in and do the show Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It's like old school when we used to do Two Bears in Austin. - Yeah, yeah, but I mean, are you doing, are you doing shows in London or a festival? - I'm going to the NFL game. It's kind of complicated, but I have a thing that I'm going over for that. - To promote? - No, it's a long story. - Okay. - Yeah, but I'm going to the NFL game in, in London, I'm kind of excited. - That should be fun, who's playing? - Jacksonville Jaguars and the Texans. Have you seen, did you see the Ravens game that came down to a field goal? - I saw bits and pieces of it. - What's crazy to me, Tom, is that I like that we're, I like that we're broadening out with like the NFL going to different countries, I like that. I kind of hope that team, we got a London team, you know, we got an Australia team, that would be a fucking nightmare, but like a Mexico City team, I would be, or at least send the Raiders to Mexico City. - You have to, send them home. - Part of me says like, I kind of, it's kind of weird watching a game that comes down to the end of the line where it's decided by a field goal and no one in this audience is invested. - No one in the stands? - No one cheered. - They didn't? - No, they just were like, all right, it's time to get a point. - I thought they were crazy. - They didn't go crazy? - No, it was just like, oh, all right. - Was that the Aussie one or the Brazil one? I thought that was in Brazil. - It was the one that just was, Kyle, where did the Ravens play? - It was in Brazil. - It was in Brazil, and they were like, all right, footy. - Foot, in Brazil? - They got a footy. - They had a bunch of Aussies there? Man, you don't know geography, it's amazing. - Brazil, Brazil, Brazil, Brazil, Brazil. - Yeah, I think that game was in Rio. - Was it? - They were so excited about the field goal, they were like, finally. - Finally, he's using his foot. - He's using his part of the game, yeah. Finally, we get it, dude, finally. - They've been using their hands. What the fuck is wrong with these animals? - Everyone hates that we call it football outside of our country, they hate it. - It's kind of crazy when you think of the old, there's only like two places in the world that still use the metric system the way we do, and I think it's like fucking Sierra Leone and us. - That don't use the metric system? - The only people that use the metric system, like us, is us and like Sierra Leone. What is the other place, Cameroon? Hmm, what does that say, can you see that? - It says only the United States, Liberia, and Myanmar are widely cited as the primary countries that have not adopted the metric system, yeah. - By the way, two places that are pretty prone for a revolution. - Well, three, yeah. I think we're on our way to one, so it kind of makes sense. - Liberia is a great place to vacation, I think. - Really? - I'm joking. - Okay, and what, Myanmar? - Myanmar had, I think they had like an ethnic cleansing. - Dude, we are due for it, it's about to happen here. - You think so? - Don't you feel like things are tipping in this country? - I don't know, I don't see, does the road feel normal? - No, the road feels normal to me. - Really? - Yeah. - Do you not sense anything different? - I don't, but I don't talk about politics or-- - Crowds are the same? - What's that? - Crowds are the same. - Yeah, I mean, they look like me, they take their shirts off with me. - Okay. - Yeah, I mean, I catch some snares here and like, what, flares, what is it called when, flares? What's it called when you get hit by a shrapnel? - Strays. - Strays, I catch some strays - Strays. - Every now and then. Like, some comic, I don't know, some comic was like, I was just literally on threads 'cause I clicked on the link to see something about Jon Stewart, and then the first comics was like, would Burt Kreischer please put his fucking shirt back on? And I was like, I don't need that in my life. I was like-- - That was the first comic? - That was the first fucking thing. And I was like, Jesus Christ, I was like, fuck you. I didn't know the guy. Some comic, I wish I could give him a shout out, it's the best, but, so I catch some strays here and there, and I see strays, like, okay, like, I'm trying to get what you're going at. Like, they're attacking Pete Davidson for something I couldn't really wrap my head around. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Can you explain that to me? - I guess he did an interview where he was talking about influencers. That's really what I got, and he was like, they get paid all this money to just fucking, essentially do nothing, and I guess a lot of people got mad at that. I don't know. I don't get mad about a lot. I just kind of let people do their thing, don't care. - Yeah, that would've never, that would've never jumped on my radar. Also, I mean, not to, I mean, I'm sure I'll get in trouble for, is that Pete Davidson? - Yeah, but that's a, I think, an old photo. - Wow, that's what his hair looks like when he grows it out? - It's a nice mop. - He's got blue eyes. Are you sure that's not AI? - I'm growing it out completely. I'm growing it out, Bert. - I think you should, and put it in a ponytail. - Just start, yeah. - There was a link I sent to Annie or to Zolo about how today's stars at 35 look so much younger than yesterday's stars at 35, and you're quite the opposite. You look so much like a throwback, like a Kelsey Graham or a Brian Dennehy, 'cause you look old as shit at, what are you, 49? - 47. - 47, you look like 59. You look like you could be in "Cocoon." Like look at this, this is Betty Davis at 55, 57, and that's Dua Lipa, or not Dua Lipa, Jennifer Lopez. Yep. Look at that. Yeah. Look at that. Debbie Reynolds at 59, Nicole Kidman at 50. I mean, it's not even, they don't even look like the same fucking creature. How do you think you, do you think you look your age? Buddy, I look incredible. I look phenomenal. You've heard that from someone? What's that? You've actually heard another person say that? Everyone says, everyone always says to me, you're 53? Holy shit, how old is Tom? And I go, he's like 49. And they're like, he looks so much older. I thought he was 65. Look at this. Betty Davis at 37, Emma Stone. That's the same age. Same age, I know. It's mind blowing. And you're the only one where like, go to Brian Dennehy, keep scrolling, find a guy in here. Look at that. Yeah. Brian Dennehy at 43, and you actually look your age. Like, you don't look anything like Henry Cavill. Well, I think I do look a lot like him, actually. I think in the face we look a lot alike. We do. I mean, we don't have the same hair, but other than that, it's pretty much a match. Find, find, find the cast of Cocoon, okay? Cast of Cocoon? Find the cast of Cocoon. Look at Wilford Brimley in Cocoon. Find them in Cocoon. They're all like, they're like 47 years old. They're like 41. I know, and you look like you could have been in Cocoon. I like how you separate yourself as if you look old. Dude, I look incredible. This is all your delusion. You always thought you looked incredible. Like, there's never been a time where you don't think you look incredible, and you're the only one who says that. There's no one who's repeating what you're saying. Not one person. This is so you. You could play this part tomorrow. Buddy, you look like 10 pounds of shit in a 5-pound bag. Look, is that a picture of you and Julian? Or that's him in the movie. I'm sorry. That's, yeah. I love that you're separating yourself as if, like, you're a vision of health. You look like Wilford Brimley. You're a bloated carcass. You look like Wilford. What are you talking about? Oh, my God. You don't look good, Bert. There's no one who looks at you and goes. Pull up Robert Redford at 55, and I'll see what I look like. That guy looks good. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. Robert Redford at 55. This is me. You look at someone at the, like, they're at their end of their life. God damn it. I thought I was, I swear to God, I thought that was me. You did. I know. Dude, look at my forearms. But people look at you, and they think of hospice care. Like, they don't look at you and go, that guy looks good. Look at this. They look at you, and they go, this is what happens when you don't take care of yourself. Jawline right there. I know you're darkening your stuff there. Look at that. Look at that. That's helping. Look at that good-looking guy. Look at this body. Are you fucking serious? And then if I push it out really hard. Listen, I'm not going to lie to you. I've had some times where I don't look good. Okay? Okay, let's stop scrolling. And you think now's the time that you do. Stop scrolling on me. You can go back to work. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. We're good, we're good, we're good. Go down, down, down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa. That one. Hit that one. That one's good. I've had some moments. That's me at 275. Yeah. I fluctuate. Yeah. I still look good. I still look good. Look at that full head of hair. Santa. Dark beard. Fucking Santa Claus, man. Fucking barrel tested like an athlete. Uh-huh. Holy shit, man. Fucking that guy benched 325 pounds. Isn't that crazy? If you showed most people this photo, there's no way they would think he's alive. There's no way they'd be like, that guy's still alive. If you're like, that was a year ago. And then was that his memorial service? No one thinks that guy's alive. Do you know there's people fatter? A handful, but not a lot. Not a handful. Not a lot. Yeah. They're also all dead. You are delusional. I'm delusional. You should, wait. It's because you've had your hair dyed too long in this movie. You got to check out, like, go to Tom's. When you, oh, look at that guy. Yeah. Yeah, man. Fucking jacked. I am so jacked right now. Right now? Dude. I'm in, I just ran a mile. In one, two, in, we did a mile in seven minutes and 30 seconds. Look at that fucking guy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I got, I've got like what it's, I think what I have is like range. Range in appearance? In appearance. Like I can go, I'm like Mark Wahlberg. I can be like the big barrel chested bouncer, like Guido guy. And then I can go skinny waif like Henry Cavill, model, superhero. No one's ever, ever. You are the most delusional person in standup though. You know that, right? I'm not. You're the most delusional. Well, first of all, let's, okay, let's, let's preface this. All comedians need to be a little delusional to believe they can do it, correct? Yes. You take it to a whole other level. I may take it further than say, fucking Chris DiStefano, right? Uh-huh. But I'm trying to think of someone who's pretty delusional, but. Wait, you think there's a standup more delusional than you? Oh yeah. About what? You're more, you're delusional about everything. No, I'm very based in reality. Yeah, that's your superpower. I'm very based in reality. Brody, as your friend who cares a lot about you, I've never seen somebody more delusional. Look at you. And you're delusional about. Look at you in this pic. That's Kurt Metzger. Oh my God. Kurt Metzger looks younger. How old's Kurt Metzger? He's older. Is he really? Yeah. He's good compared to you. Yeah. He's 49? Yeah. Yeah. Young Kurt Metzger. Are you still smoking cigarettes? No. No. What's your health regimen look like? Hey, are you still drinking a half a gallon of vodka a day? No, I don't, Tom. I don't. You said you're back to drinking. I'm very measured. I was just telling Annie. I can have a drink or two, but that's it. That's it? That's it. That's all I drink, really. One or two? Maybe. If I have two, I have to go to bed. So two's your max? Oh, pretty much. Pretty much. Yeah. You know, as a matter of fact, I just talked about it in therapy. I'm going to stop telling the people, hey, did you notice how little I drank? Because I don't need to say that anymore. I've already proved it to myself. Because you've been saying it a lot? I've been saying it a lot. Anytime I go, the other day, I did a podcast and someone, the lady doing the podcast, it was her podcast. She was like, would you like a glass of whiskey? I've always wanted to be a guy who could have a glass of whiskey in the middle of the afternoon and not have another one, but I've never been that guy. I said, y'all have a glass of whiskey. It was a nice Asian whiskey, a Japanese whiskey. And I had a glass and that was it. I went home, I got on the treadmill and I ran. And then I went to bed. I got some recovery. Yeah, that's normal. Yeah, I know. I'm now a normal drinker. But I mean, most people don't point that out. They just do. I know. I know that. And I brought that up in therapy. Yeah. There's a lot of working on it. Did you notice how I had one drink? Yeah. No one says that. No one says that. I know. But I know that. But I'm working on it. I just said, I'm going to stop doing that because normal people don't do that. And I do that all the time. Blue Chew is the official sponsor of the Two Bears, One Cave podcast with Burt Kreischer and Tom Segura. You know what else Blue Chew should sponsor? 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Application times may vary. Rates may vary. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. Your mental health does not know it's World Mental Health Day. Stress does not politely wait until October 10th. Burnout does not RSVP. And your brain definitely does not check the calendar before deciding it's going to spiral at 1147 p.m. Mental health is a part of regular life. Buddy, if you've heard me speak in the last month, you know my mental health is teetering. I've talked about it on stage. I've talked it on podcasts. And I just want to share that my business partner's mental health is doing great. He's doing great. But that's not because he doesn't have a therapist. Therapy isn't just for big life choices. It can be a place to talk through smaller things. And they're not little things. Don't just blow them off. They all add up and they all build up. And talking and therapy can help. If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks. And eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or don't live in the United States? Well, you can still get 10% off your first month. Visit betterhelp.com slash bears to explore your payment options. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bears. Do you think people look at you and they go goals? Goals, man. Yes. Yes. I think there is a tremendous amount of people that look at me and go, that seems fun. That seems fun. Yeah. I would love to have that life. Well, yeah, that's, but now you're broadening it to something else. What's goals? What's goals? They just look at you and they go, I want to look like that. I think, I think people look at my body right now and they go, God damn. Like, can I tell you this thing? Everyone says, they go, God damn. He like last night I made a joke because I was like, you know, I got to, I mean, I look so good that when I get on stage, I have to address it because people are, they're confused. They're like, who, like what's happening? Yeah. And so I said last night I lost 50 pounds, but I'm still fat. And someone's like, not at all. You look amazing, Bert. You look so good. And I was like, Hey, stop. He's like, no, your shoulders are superior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If I wore a shirt on stage, I think it would be distracting. Distracting? Because I look, in clothes, I look incredible. I mean, you're wearing clothes now. I just have fucking sloppy hoodie. Yeah. I'm about to go to the gym. I just ran a mile, did a hundred pushups. Great, man. Yeah. What's your working out look like these days? Is it those Bert pushups? Wow. You're firing hot today, huh? I mean, those are just like, you're like, watch me do pushups. Watch me do pull-ups. I do. Those are cool, man. Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero. I'd like to see what your workaround is for this mile. I ran it in the arena. 40 pushups is the longevity challenge I've been doing a hundred and twenty-eight days. What year is this? Oh, yeah. Here we go. One, two, full range. Three, four. Full range. Full range. Yeah, look at that. Look at that. Yeah. Those are full range. That's so funny. I can bang out 50 now so easy. All the way, Bert. Nine. Forty. Forty, that's crazy. That was in Alaska. I remember those push-ups. Wait, was that back in the 100 a day thing? That was when we were doing 100 a day. Yeah. That's pretty cool. We need a challenge, Tom. We need to bring a challenge back into our lives. It's October right now. Do you want to just do the rest of the month sober? Yeah, done. Easy. I can do it easy. Yeah. You think so? Total sobriety? No, I can't do that. I'm going to fucking London. What does that mean? Who could what? Who could do the most push-ups by November? That would be me. Physically, I'm superior to Tom in every way. Like, physically. He can't do even five good push-ups, but yeah. Tom. Tom. You can't do five good push-ups. Five. Tom, you have what they call ozempic body. No. Your muscles deteriorated. You're the Manjaro guy, buddy. I'm a Manjaro guy. I'm not on the GLP-1s. You are. My muscle's still there. I benched 265 for four rounds of three the other day. I'm so fucking strong, it's crazy. Those numbers keep going down, but you're on GLP-1s. They are going down. Yeah. I'm not on them. What's your workout look like? A little bit of the elliptical for 15? No. What does your workout look like? In the gym? Oh, where do you do it? In your hotel room? No, I have a fucking personal gym. Okay, so what's your workout look like? Dude, I don't think you could, I've done a workout with you where you were like, we do circuits, and then you're like, press pause on that timer. Hold on a second. You don't even stick to it. I don't think you could do any of the workouts. You do Burt-style workouts. You're like, these circuits are hard, man. Hold on. Hey, press pause on that. I got to catch my breath. I'm like, yeah, that's part of the circuit, right? Bullshit. Dude, I did it with you. I was like, oh, this is how he does it. That's cool. That's cool. Press pause. Hey, Kyle, hit pause on that. Fuck, man, this is hard. I'm like, okay, so you don't do it on the clock? All right. Fucking strength-wise, I've got you. Cardiovascularly, I've got you. You can't do push-ups. What's that? So you wouldn't do the push-up thing. Easy. You can't do a single full-range push-up, dude. I'll tell you what I'm going to do today. I'm going to go to the gym right after this. I'm going to put on a pair of jeans, because I like working out in arenas in jeans, like RFK Jr. Jesus. And I'm going to do the bench press push-up challenge. The bench press push-up challenge. So you do 135 one time. Okay. And then one push-up. Then 135 two times. Then two push-ups. And I'm going to see how far I can get. Okay. And then you see how far you can get. Okay. And we'll see who wins. I'm down. Okay? Okay. I'll text you my number so you have a goal of what you're aiming for. Well, I know that you'll. Text me a number. It'd be cool if you actually could do the execution of what you're proposing well. I'm going to film it. I'll film it. And I'll post it. I'll film it and I'll post it on Instagram. This comes out Monday. I'm posting it Monday afternoon. And then we'll have people weigh in on whose form applies. Yeah? Oh. Okay. Without a doubt. Do you want to do. I'll do hand release push-ups. Okay. I think you should do it. If you want to do it. You should do it when I get back to Austin. Oh, you want to give yourself some time to warm up? Oh, you want to do it together? No. I meant that like I have to be. Go to the gym. My gym. Yeah. Right. Like I'm here. I'm not going to be able to do it on Monday because I'm shooting. I know. But we're going to lose interest if I don't post it on Monday. I'll post it on Monday and then you can. I'll tell you what. I'll give you time to work up to it. Work up to. Got it. Because you know that my number is going to be insurmountable to you. What do you think it's going to be? I think I mean, I think I can get to seven. Okay. They say, they say tens really hard. For the one rep and then a pushup that matches it. Yeah. And then two reps, two pushups, three reps, three pushups. Okay. I'm excited. I'm going to do that. And now I got something to look forward to. I need goals in life. I don't have fucking goals in life. I love it. I have nothing to fucking. I think that's what, I think that's what, like I was trying to say, like the thing about touring is I feel like I've, I feel like I've, you know, when you do theater, when you do clubs, you look at like, then I can do theaters. And when you do theaters, you go, maybe I'll do arenas. And then once you do arenas, you're like, I guess I can keep doing arenas or maybe I kind of, theaters are pretty fun. Like, like, and then I, and then the other day I was like, I wouldn't mind doing a club run would be even like real fun, but I kind of want to do it. I can't do it. Like I want to do it with my tour bus. I don't want to leave my tour bus. So bring your bus. What's the problem? I think it's too expensive to do clubs with a tour bus. You don't need it. You don't have to do it for a year. I know. Just do it for a little bit of time. It's fun. Yeah. I just did clubs. It was super fun. I know you were telling me about it. You did DC. I did DC. I did Oxnard. I did Minneapolis. I did Acme. I did Baltimore, Magoobies. It was so fun. It was great. And then I go into theaters and casinos for this next run. And then from there I go, I do arenas, I think later in the year. Nice. Yeah. Do you see Zach Bryant? Zach Bryant wore the Free Palestine shirt in Robert Kraft Stadium. He did? Yeah. How'd that go? It fucking, I mean, it was all over the internet. You know, I got to tell you, man, that fucking guy, he really does. I kind of really respect how he just fucking stares controversy down and goes after it on everything. Like everything. I fucking really admire that. His audience doesn't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck about that, do they? I don't, I don't think so. I don't think his audience is a country audience. I think they're, they're like music fans. Really? I think. I don't think he does, like, country music. I think he does, like, he's more like Bruce Springsteen. How did people, like, if you go to the news, yeah. Can you make it bigger? Oh, yeah, because they barred Macklemore? Yeah. I love that we have these pop-ups. Sorry, I'm doing this from home. Don't worry about it. Oh, you are? Okay, sorry. Hey, Eddie, can I ask you a question while we're doing this? And, Tom, I want your answer. And I think we should use this as a clip and get people to answer in the comments. What's more racist? Having said the N-word in life or having never said it in public but screamed it in a pillow in your bedroom? How did you use it? I need comments. You need to use it in the context of how you used it in public. Not in public, just, like, singing it in a song. In a song? Yeah, like, you know, like, and then say you're the other person who goes, I've never said it. And that one person's like, you've never said the word ever? And they're like, no, but I've screamed it in my pillow in my bedroom. And they screamed it in their pillow just for funsies? Just to do it because they wanted to see what it felt like. Just to get out the emotion, you know? Yeah, like, I don't know, they lost a bet or something. Just to get out their feelings. Yeah, I'd say the second one because there's some deep root. You need to get rid of that, you know? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, I thought screaming it in a pillow sounds really fucking racist. I'm sorry, are you insinuating that somebody on your team has done this? No, no, no, I'm not looking at anyone even personally. Oh, neat. Wait, which category do you fall into, Bert? I'm a little confused. Both. Oh, you're both? Well, now that I know we can scream it in our pillow, I didn't know that was an option. I've never ever heard that before, that someone's like, I scream it into my pillow at night. Two people, two people on my tour bus had screamed it in their pillows. What? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong? They had never said it in their life. They've never said it. And they're like, no, I've never said it. Never said it. Never said it. And I was like, you've never said the N-word? And they're like, never said it. And I go, not like, I'm not saying use it, like yell it out of a car window after you lost a football game. Yeah. But like, you've never said, like said it or sang it or, and they're like, no, never. And then one person was like, I mean, I've screamed it in my pillow in my bedroom. And then the other person was like, I've screamed it in my pillow in my bedroom. And then the other person goes, well, yeah, I've done that. And then I was like, wait, that's worse. That's so insane. That's so crazy. So crazy. That's so crazy. That should be a viral trend on TikTok. Wait, is it, it's not a comic then, right? It's a, no, it's not. It's no comics. It's just people on my tour bus. Wow. And I was like. You're like, Leanne, just let it out. Come on. Leanne. I can't say exactly who it was that did it, but it was not comics. And, uh. And let's just leave it at that. I just thought that was weird. And they're like, well, you know, you're a kid and you want to, you want to say it, but you don't want to say it because you're scared. Yeah. And I was like, no. When was your first time? How old were you? Screaming in a pillow was last night. No, I mean, just in life. I mean, it's Florida. So what? Seven, eight? No, I'm not going to, I'm not answering this question. I don't trust the internet anymore. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know. I used to. I used to be very honest with the internet. And then I saw that sometimes it backflash, backlashes on you. That's cool. I'm going to start keeping secrets. I'm doing a new thing in therapy called goodwill listening. What's that? It's when I listen, but I don't want to. So that's basically like a conversation. No, it's different. So imagine if you're going through a bunch of shit, right? Someone wants to talk to you about some shit. By the way, we're going to go back to the Zach Bryan stuff. And, but you're going through some stuff. Like for me, it's anxiety. Like, right. I got anxiety. And then I'm, I'm dealing with that. And that's all I see like right around here. And then, then say Leanne goes, uh, my dad's AFib came back and I'm like, I don't want to talk about it. I don't really care about it. But then I, I forced myself to listen and then force myself to ask questions. Even though I'm like really kind of in my own way about it. And then that turns into active listening. That turns into being a better listener because if you practice it enough, then you'll go like, Hey, how's your dad doing? And then she's like, well, thanks for asking. As opposed to just always being in your head, you know? Yeah. So I'm doing that. That's great, man. Yeah. That's great. Therapy is working out great lately. Who is? Therapy. Oh, good, man. Go back to Zach. Brian, I'm curious what the backlash is. If there's any, I don't think there's any, I think everyone, everyone kind of, they jumped on Ed Sheeran, right, Tom? Yeah. I think what happened was Ed Sheeran was having Macklemore open for him at Gillette stadium. And Macklemore had come out as a pro Palestine. And then the stadium and Robert Kraft were like, he's not welcome to play here. And then people. And then people were like, Hey, Ed Sheeran, like stand up for who your opener is going to be. And he didn't. So then they, they got on him for that. You can't, I mean, yeah, that's, I think that's the story. I think that's the story. I might be having part of this wrong. And in that case, I am sorry. So I think what happened was Zach, Brian went to play that stadium, Gillette stadium that Robert Kraft owns. And he wore that basically in protest of their trying to kick Macklemore off or kicking him off. Like he's, he wore it like as a fuck you for that. Right. Yeah. That's, that's, I think that's the story. Are you, do you wear propels? Are you getting involved in that? Uh, no, I don't know anything that's going on over there. I just heard about, uh, just starting to hear about this right now. Why what's happening? Yeah. It's a lot to summarize. But you should pick a side today and wear it on stage. Really? Yeah. That'd be a fun shirt to rip off. Just pick one. You know what? I will open for you when you start your tour. I'll open for you and then I'll wear a free Palestine shirt and then we'll get those shows canceled. And then you can, you'll get in a lot of trouble, but then I'll do my own tour where everyone like goes. And that would happen with Macklemore is he like, was like, well then fine, I'll do a free Palestine tour. And then everyone's like, fuck. Yeah. Did he? I think so. I mean, I don't know. I have no fucking clue. The issue is getting hotter and hotter. Like it just keeps growing. Cause Netanyahu came for the UN last week and that, that was a whole fucking thing. It just keeps stirring up. Well, let me check with chat GPT. I'll see what Claude who I should support and that'll be who I support. Here we go. Okay. Oh yeah. See what the. Hey Claude, who should I support in the Palestine versus Israel beef? Okay. That's not something I'd pick a side on Bert. It's the most contested conflict in the world where people usually depend on how they weigh historically, secure human rights, international law. Oh, here. Now here are the supporters of Israel. Okay. They often. Emphasize emphasize that Jewish people have historical ties to the land, Israel need for safety after centuries of persecution and the Holocaust it's right for self-defense or groups around groups like Hamas, especially since the attacks of October 7th. And it studies as a democracy in the region is very important to it, but supporters of Palestine often emphasize that they've been displaced since 1948 Nakaba and the military occupation of the West bank settlement expansions, blocking the Gaza strip, the massive civilian death tolls, humanitarian crisis, and Palestinians rights of self determinations. Many people don't pick a team at all. They support safety and dignity of both Israel and the Palestinian civilians criticized specific actions by either group armed attacks, let's use the two states. So I love, I love that you're reading this and summarizing it. Like, I feel like I'm doing this with a toddler right now. Who's learning about this for the first time. That's really cool. Tom, I don't pick a team at all. I support. Both safety and dignity of the Israel, Israeli and the Palestinian civilians. Yeah, it's cool, man. Yeah. I'm, I'm happy that you are feeling that way. If you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify is here to make it actually happen. And I'm here to tell you that the time to launch is now before the holiday rush sets in, because it really is going to be here before you know it with Shopify. You don't have to spend all your spare time learning how to be an e-commerce expert, just so you can launch a site and start selling from the store to checkout to analytics. 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Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns advisors, LLC, SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash bears. Did you ever get the seatbelt extender size? No, never, never. Neither then. Wait, did you ever have one? Of course. No shit, for real? Dude, I was, yeah, I was. I, there's some of those seatbelts are fucking short, okay? It's not me. It's the planes have short seatbelts. A hundred percent. Like if you go to the older planes, like the older, like the, the D what is it? The, uh, MD eighties, those seatbelts are short as fuck. Totally. They're not melt for people. They're made. It's like, it's like children's rides on Disneyland that they haven't updated. Look at that. So wait, did you ask or did they know? Like, did they, did they just show up with it? No. Cause I had to ask cause I was like, this is, I, I wasn't going to buckle it. I was like, fuck it. I'd rather die than ask fucking someone to, for a seatbelt extender. I've sat where they like somebody big is next to me and they don't even have to say a thing. The flight attendant was just like discreet. They were discreet. They were like, here you go. And I was like, thank you. And they knew what was up right away. Um, holy shit. So wait, you did have to ask though. Yeah. I was like, well, no, she came up. She goes, I need you to buckle that. And I was like, yeah, mine's not buckling. She was like, what's wrong with it? And I said, I have no idea. Maybe it's, I think it might be broken. She was like, let me see. And she was like, Oh, let me get your seatbelt extender. I was like, okay. And then she came back and I was like, wow, that's so much looser. Thank you. Yeah. That feels good. I was like, I barely did like a smaller seatbelt extender. I don't need this much. Did you, was this at your biggest? Is that my biggest? I just needed a, I just needed like two inches, an inch. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't need the extra foot they gave me. Yeah. Here you go. So here's 22 inches of extra cloth for you. And you're like, you just make it just a titch bigger. That's hilarious, dude. Yeah. That is really uncomfortable when you're that big flying. Like, cause I'm not, I was never, uh, I was never a loose fat. I was always a tight fat. So like I couldn't bend over on that. I couldn't touch my toes. Like I was really uncomfortable, but now that it's deflated some, there is looseness. You said, right? Yeah. Are you going to do the procedure? No. To tighten it? No, I'm good. Why? I'm perfect. I look great. I'm perfect. I look great. People are in awe when they see me. I think, I think most people, when we just, when I was doing laps here, I was doing laps around the arena and they were like, you look good. How much weight have you lost? I was like 50 pounds. People are saying that just yelling. They just said that. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, you look great. Can you get one of those ladies that just said how good I look to come over here and tell them, Alex, you know who we're talking to? I think we don't need to meet the person. I think that's just ask them if anyone who thinks I look attractive. They would also ask, ask if anyone doesn't and get them over there too. Could you do that? You're going to find anyone in this huge arena. By the way, they just put the curtains up on the top, Tom. Yeah. Look at this. Have you seen this? What do you think people think when they're watching this? I think people are, I think people are astounded at how my, how I rebounded. Look at that arm. Yeah. Yeah. Go to the one that shows you how agile I am. Do the other one. There we go. That one. Look at this, Tom. Have you seen this? Look at that. I'm going to stop right there. Look at how, look at this body. That's perfect. That is perfect. What is, what is? Look at how agile I am. Oh, come on in. Would you tell my friend how attractive I am? I'm going to tell my friend how attractive I am. Come on in, please. Weren't you saying how, how I lost weight and I look great? Come on. Will you tell my friend, please? Come on in. He's the, he's this older gentleman right here. It looks like Wilford Brimley. Hello. Hello. Hi. Now go ahead and tell him. Yeah. You were like, why? Why? He's very handsome and lost weight and what? Okay. You going to believe us or what? Oh, I believe you. Yeah. He looks good. Yeah. Okay. Tell him I turned down candy too. Oh yes. We offered him candy, chips. He turned everything down. He does the shot. Yeah. She knows I does. I told her I did the shot. Yeah. She goes, how did you lose? I said the shot. She went, ah, that makes sense. All right. It's very nice to meet you. How old would you think that man is? Like, uh, 45. Do you need readers, ma'am? I didn't want to try that again. He looks like he's 45. His hair's died. He dyed his hair. He's in late fifties. Oh, how old do you think I am? I don't know. Oh God. 47? 47? Bertrand. How old are you? Bertrand. Early sixties. No way. I don't. I don't dye my hair, dude. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. No, I don't. Thank you. Early sixties. I've never used any dye. You're not dyeing your hair right now? That's why I'm gray. No. I thought it was dyed for the movie. We dye the beard every day. We put makeup in every day to for the beard, not my hair. Why wouldn't you just dye the beard and get it over with? Because I don't want it to be permanently jet black. Do you remember when you dyed it for the Wahlberg movie? Yeah. Yeah. That was fucking insane. Yeah, it's jet black in this, dude. And they call me Jafar on set because they also put all this bronzer on me. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I really, really, really regret saying on this podcast that I don't brush my teeth because I went into the most aggressive oral surgery you've ever could imagine. What did they do? They did a lot of work on my teeth. What did they do to you? Dude, first of all, it has nothing to do with brushing my teeth. So scroll, yeah. Show my fucking mouth. Oof. Dude. What'd they do? It has nothing to do with the fact that you don't ever brush your teeth? No. No. What does it have to do with? I had a surgery 30 years ago. Uh-huh. And it was archaic when they did it. What they do is they cut your gums off. You see those stitches? Yeah. They cut a line there and then they dig that out and then lift your gum up so that it's revealing all the nerves in your teeth and all the bone. And then 30 years ago, they dug out the nerves and then they filled it. And it was, I had a 50-50 chance of success 30 years ago. And then like a year ago, it started hurting. And I was like, oh, fuck. And I didn't, I put it off and I put it off and I put it off. And then, don't rule, I don't want to see any of the comments. I can't, thank God I don't have readers on. Yeah. Why would you even post it? I didn't post it. I sent it to my fucking team at, uh, at fucking Birdie Boy, like going like, I just got out of surgery. And then they're like, oh my God. And then they posted both of those, me in the, in the chair and then me in the thing. And I was like, Jesus Christ, guys. I didn't, they, Leanne was a part of it. I think Leanne was like, show him that he got the oral surgery and he's going to do shows. I'm going to put that boy back on the track. He's going to do shows. Cut my gums off, pull them back and then dig out the old stuff, which I mean, you can hear them going through bone and grinding bone. It was so aggressive. And then lay it back down and stitch it. And it's been, it's still swollen. My gums aren't totally healed yet. They're still retracted a little bit, but it's been a fuck. And now I'm brushing my teeth twice a day. Good for you, man. I know. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. - People don't ever get there. really good i don't think twice a day sounds fucking like overkill what is that when's that first one what's that that first brushing when do you do that first one around one o'clock in the afternoon and number two is before bed yeah right before bed i brush wild you just got there at 53 you know i didn't i i was brushing wrong too like i never did the circles i always thought that was ridiculous i just did the you know like really and now because my gums are so fucked up i have to do the circles to massage them down wow yeah hey did you see uh ari is ari emanuel your agent uh no is he at the same agency yes is that have you ever met him um no i've never met him his book came out i'm dying to see it i'm dying to read it i saw excerpts i'm gonna read it for sure it looks fucking awesome do you think that people not in our industry will find it as interesting no yeah i think you'd have to have some interest in entertainment to really be into it but like people who are interested in just high level achievers would probably also find that interesting you know yeah yeah but i think yeah if you're in or you have some interest in entertainment i think you find it more interesting yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm really excited to see it i i've i mostly because of entourage that's for some people like who don't know he's the inspiration but behind jeremy piven's character in entourage yeah but he's like you know he's a he's a big big dog in entertainment like crazy career so this is a summary and apparently he um names a lot of names like he's very direct in the book talking about all types of people yeah that's crazy yeah yeah i'm excited to read he's been doing the rounds i guess he's represented by uh i guess it's he's got a lot of people who are interested in entertainment he's been doing the rounds promoting this book is he yeah and i kind of like it because so many times an agent's like yo you got to get out there and promote and then to see him do the work is kind of cool yeah that's awesome that's awesome didn't he buy didn't he buy um he bought ufc right he's part of that deal um yeah because i've seen him at fights i've been to fights and seen him there ari emmanuel he supports palestine he there's no fucking way he does no he does he does i saw him on john stewart he was saying uh he got he got a lot of shit for it too he went to like a jewish community center or something and gave like a speech and then type in ari emmanuel palestine and he's like oh yeah i've seen him at fights i've been to fights and seen him there palestine oh criticizes macklemore oh wait maybe never mind okay i'm wrong yeah well i was wrong about that such a burt thing yeah no i saw it oops that's why i don't pick a side that's fantastic dude now i want to read that book though for sure dude yeah yeah i'm trying to read books instead of being on uh social media yeah but i get i get only get inspired by like guys i like like i was reading a book about lee iacocca yeah like he's really fucking fascinating i've been reading quans mills have you read any of that no what's that dude interesting stuff you got to get some quans mills in your life it just like gives it to you straight up you know entertaining like this hose got roaches in her crib or like the old thought next door like but they're fun reads some of his books quans mills yeah good it's good dude really it's really fun it's really fun yeah there's quans mills right there if you go to his um yeah scroll down oh see that that lady right there the the older lady yeah hit that one this is like an excerpt from the book with your ass listen either you're gonna give me some of that dick right now or i'm finna call my grandkaby and let her know your raggedy broke ass been cheating on her with that bony bald-headed floozy who stay next to y'all you ought to be ashamed of yourself messing around with that nasty gutter snatch what in the fuck is you talking about i ain't messing around with nobody but you you're a motherfucking lie i don't know what you're talking about boy listen you're a motherfucking liar i've been watching you i know you're giving your dick away to any and everybody so the cool thing is though it's not just what you like there's a real story here okay there's a real story here and there is a kind of satisfying ending like i'm just getting to let's see my husband asleep with my sister's husband are these micro dramas well he's making he's taking his books and turning them into micro dramas if you go back to his page is that guy kissing a white guy i don't know where we're at are two guys kissing in the background yeah yeah man i'm in atlanta um if uh if you scroll down there's another good one that i wanted you to see that's from his oh yeah you see that old man go to the right two to the right yeah yeah yeah i just know that pussy good too i know that motherfucker juicy hot tight and got a pull to it i'm finna wear your ass out you're gonna have to pay me first mr henry bitch you ain't getting nothing till i'm done you understand well what's nice about this is it's cool because i've when you read the books you're trying to imagine characters so i like that you have these as representations to continue reading the stories you know wow all right they're good man and he he's an author quans is yeah and quans is putting these into hold on this is real i thought you were fucking around no it's real these are real books yeah i just started well i'm kind of ripping my way through that that ho's got roaches in her crib yeah that thought next door international best-selling author international yeah i thought these would be more like uh territory specific i didn't think like people in iceland would get it but yeah yeah they're great dude we have some at ymh too i actually could get into this you should my baby daddy is a bed my my baby daddy is a bed bug he's also having one there's one where a guy i think swallows a chicken sandwich and he grows a thoughts b he grows a bbl because of it and like it totally changes his life it's really imaginative stuff dude yeah i like this oh there it is the time i accidentally choked on a popeye's biscuit and then his ass grew it's crazy man he's wild that's him yeah i will be turning that time i accidentally choked on a popeye's biscuit and died and reincarnated as a power bottom pastor with a bbl a quamil's hood isekai ratchet soap opera love story into an anime and i will be partnering with another literary genius the one and only mr j.r chitlins the originator i think this you should take this as inspiration i am by the way i completely am because i feel like you could take like crazy bird ideas and turn them into like these kind of micro dramas too you know like you always told me that story about having dreams where like elvis was butt fucking you and you were puking into a burger king cup yeah i'm like that should be fucking anime made it i should animate my dreams yeah see i bet i bet i could plug my dreams into ai and they could just generate them for me it's great use of it great use of it wow i could do i just plug my dream right into ai and then get it animated then post them and then boom wake up in the morning work's done ai did my work for me that's all we're talking about man fucking nice talking about yeah how's that place selling tonight that's good is it yeah where do you go next i'm in lima ohio tonight or tomorrow night and then i'm in how you doing sir and then uh i'm in philly next week i got two nights in philly and then i got two nights in chicago where are you doing uh chicago theater and then i think the met in philly the met's awesome yeah yeah and then i got two nights in chicago and then i got two nights in philly and then i got two i love the chicago theater is the best yeah chicago's theater is pretty fucking awesome i love that but i love that mostly because you can run right down to the lake and then run the lake and then run back that's my favorite it's one of my favorite jogs in the world in chicago yeah oh god i fucking i fucking love chicago hey what is this a is it ai mexican tom instagram post what is that that's what it says on this menu over here what is that that's just the photo that - Oh, oh, okay. - Yeah, let's pull that up and zoom in done tom i'm dying to see i thought you'd be rocking that all the time i think you should go and get your beard professionally dyed but you like hair and makeup you love sitting in a chair for like two hours fuck no it's the worst what are you talking no i don't yeah you do you're that it's a nightmare you love it you love waking up at four in the morning and yeah sitting with your coffee and talking with the girls and they're like what are we doing here today and you're like i'm silent i am helen keller silent yeah all right zoom in on tom please perfect or not thank you yeah ma'am god look how small you are i know how tall is john stamos is he six two no but tim right there on to my my right your left is six five cinqua six three yeah santino's got to be in hog heaven he's probably hitting balls even when in between takes you have no idea you have no idea i bet it's tough to get him to act he's he's so tim's also really into golf but yeah andrew's a hundred i bet tim's got a great fucking swing tim does i've seen him play golf yeah tim's a good golfer andrew has a really really beautiful swing he's got a great swing yeah he's a really good golfer plays a lot yeah that's all he does yeah and he's played everywhere man yeah and he knows everything about golf and he knows everything about golfers he does it's like encyclopedic yeah gingers man they're just different you know well it's crazy that he can get outside and be in the sun like that yeah i thought he would be burning everywhere he's like no no it's not bad he wears sunblock but it's not i thought it would be way more sensitive i think i'm more skin sensitive really yeah considering your people grew up a mile from the sun in machu picchu it's crazy but i didn't get those jeans i got my dad's then my sister's got those jeans for real yeah hey what's your so what's your plan tonight what did like you today today's your day off dude we shot until fucking four in the morning i know i'm just recovering just resting yeah what's your plan tonight nothing you're just gonna sit in your house yeah i want to rest man we've been going so hard god you're fucking lame what are you talking this is why i'd never do a movie with you this is when that tonight's the night you get loose no go to the hawthorne lounge is it the hawthorne lounge where's the strip club oh you should go to magic city tom oh i'm good i'm gonna fucking rest and then i'm gonna rest more tomorrow maybe see a movie are you gonna see digger no why i don't i don't know what it is what is what is tom cruise's new movie that's like all that everyone's talking about and now it's gonna open soft but then it's like critics are shitting on it but then some people are saying it's amazing and like i don't know i want to get my own opinion oh i don't i don't really know anything about it i know that we i talked to i talked about uh tom cruise on the guest bears i did last week with rob lowe and it got on tmz which i thought was insane what about him i just said he's he's got a crazy work ethic he like his gym time is like skinny as shit and as soon as he gets done the gym he like gets someone's like tc's coming to the room have his food ready and his food's ready they're steaming the shower like he's just dialed in and literally it got picked up on tmz which i i can't believe people didn't already know that yeah i mean his eyes are wide shut to difficulties his team takes care of everything yeah he's tom cruise who is that surprising to i have no fucking idea yeah but yeah he's his he's dialed in he is i think that's cool anytime i ever work with anyone that's ever worked with tom cruise i'm kind of fascinated by him you know yeah like he's he's achieved it at such a crazy level and i think he's the in the handful of people that that legit uh has earns every bit of that 20 million dollars like every movie he does i love the movie so i'll i'll go see digger i didn't know i mean i've seen the promos for it but i i didn't it seemed i didn't know it's not what you expect from him obviously you expect him to jump out of a plane and have you know fights and explosions so it's a departure from that but i think i'm intrigued by it i think it's a departure from that but i think it's a to see it i want to go see it i'm kind of something doesn't land on the front page of apple or or netflix i kind of it kind of goes past me these days yeah that makes sense it's kind of crazy too being someone who is in movies that i want you to go to theaters to go see it obviously it i have a hard time getting off the couch what was the last movie you saw in the movie theater the last thing i saw in the movie theater was probably oh odyssey oh yeah odyssey odyssey i saw obsession in the theater too i didn't i saw that on the phone yeah i saw everything on the phone i saw fucking i saw uh fucking uh oppenheimer on a phone really yeah jesus but it's like i'm everything's on a phone so it's part of me goes i want to say don't spend 35 million dollars making a movie because i'm just going to see it on my phone well that's i mean you're talking about the whole controversy of of this industry right now yeah i look at like when i remember when i was doing getting ready for one of my specials like uh might have been lucky or or hey big boy might have been early on they were talking about this huge set design they were going to do on the stage and they showed me like john mulaney's set design and i was like that's beautiful and then i watched this special and you never saw the full stage you only see that little quarter and ali wong had a very kind of like normal set but her her upper third looked really pretty with her skin tones and i was like oh i like that and so it's like when you do a special everyone has this big set all you're going to see is this so just make sure that this space right here is really good by the way shout out to samurell his new specials out and it's fucking awesome trending in the top 10 and uh it's really great he's so funny um have fun tonight uh like we said at the beginning i've announced a tour it's on sale right now tomsegura.com slash tour this is the first leg of many legs the tour is called preposterous please get tickets it's on sale now bert's on tour permission to party philly chicago uh san antonio corpus christi i'm gone all month and then i'm going to be in i'm going to be in um i'm going to be in austin in a couple weeks great and i'll see you there i hope so what we should do is we should do that challenge together we could do that yeah that'd be cool okay cool are you happy yeah this has been fun man yeah yeah okay just checking in with fun thanks man is philman's going good yeah yeah you're happy yeah it's good time okay have you made any good friends i've made some friends yeah it's always some new friends you know being on sets like creating a new fam and so hard to say bye to them but yeah we've had a good time when do you wrap in another week oh yeah who's your favorite person on set that you work with that isn't an actor that isn't an actor yeah like like i like manny like you're working with manny i love manny i think chad's probably doing your body of video village um manny's super fun really nice you know latins they're always nice so i really like him i love my director nick thomas is great cory's great it's it's a really good crew man it's an awesome crew landon's great there's there's just tucker everyone's awesome are you getting rap gifts for anyone have i gotten rap gifts for anyone yeah no you're gonna get anything for your crew for your staff um i don't know i did i did a coffee truck maybe i'll do another thing this week can i suggest sure 700 burgers from white castle that's what you did that's what i did and it made the 700 burgers huh just 200 burgers from just in the middle of the day 200 burgers from cheap from mcdonald's they love it that's what you did that's what i did i used to get burgers and i go to zaxby's and get a ton of fucking chicken tenders and we'll do that too yeah are you happy on the road i am i am very happy i'm dealing with mental health stuff but i'm doing therapy and i'm not drinking a bunch and i'm working out and i'm doing good shows but yeah i'm doing really good you are yeah i think i am i'm very happy the girls are happy and that makes me happy that's all that makes me happy these days georgia and isla seem very very very happy and leanne is very happy are they with you no leanne's with isla right now she was just with georgia and georgia's getting settled in her new apartment in her new city and uh and isla is got a junior year of college and leanne's with her right now and they're at cost plus getting a rug for isla's room i like isla got a driver's license she's now driving first time first time at 20 20 years old wow so and as long as they're happy i'm happy and as long as you're happy i'm happy tommy thanks buddy i'm glad you're happy too and i look forward to the uh bench press push-up challenge all right i love you have a great day i love you too have a good one man one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories and bert's the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave hank joined bj's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30. i coach football now coach hank saves up to 25 off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks and that's just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home of the save join for just 20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save Thank you.

Podcast Summary

Key Points:

  1. Tom Segura is celebrating his bold new facial hair, including a jet black beard, which fans and co-hosts admire as a striking and confident look.
  2. A viral moment from a tour stop in Cleveland highlights audience reactions to Tom’s appearance, with many commenting on how he looks like a throwback, even likening him to actors like Wilford Brimley.
  3. Tom shares his fitness routine, including running, push-ups, and bench pressing, and claims physical strength and vitality, though his co-host Burt Kreischer challenges his claims with humor.
  4. The conversation touches on political and social issues, including the protest by Zach Bryan wearing a Free Palestine shirt and the broader debate around Israel-Palestine, with Tom expressing neutrality and support for both sides.
  5. Tom and Burt discuss mental health, therapy, and personal growth, with Tom reflecting on his journey through anxiety and self-awareness.
  6. The episode features a humorous exchange about seatbelt extenders, with Tom revealing a personal struggle with tight seatbelts on flights.
  7. Tom reveals a past oral surgery that caused significant gum trauma, now leading to improved oral hygiene and a newfound routine.
  8. A promotional segment features Blue Chew, BetterHelp, Shopify, and Acorns, with Tom promoting health, mental wellness, and business ventures as life goals.

Summary:

Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer engage in a lively, self-deprecating conversation about appearance, fitness, mental health, and current social issues. Tom showcases his bold new facial hair and fitness routine, claiming it gives him a powerful, "throwback" look reminiscent of classic film actors like Wilford Brimley, while Burt mocks the idea with sharp humor. The discussion veers into politics, exploring the controversy around Zach Bryan's Free Palestine shirt and the broader Israel-Palestine conflict, with Tom maintaining a neutral stance.

They also reflect on personal growth, including Tom’s recent mental health journey and therapy, and his commitment to self-improvement. A humorous anecdote about seatbelt extenders and a past dental surgery adds to the comedic tone. The episode is heavily sponsored with wellness and lifestyle brands, emphasizing health, fitness, and mental wellness.

Despite the humor, the conversation reveals deeper themes of self-perception, vulnerability, and the importance of personal accountability. Tom’s confidence in his appearance and vitality is challenged by Burt’s grounded reality checks, creating a dynamic balance between bravado and honesty. The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to pursue goals, improve health, and engage with current cultural debates thoughtfully.

FAQs

The tour is called 'Preposterous'.

He performs four shows per week, typically on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, with additional shows in cities like Dallas and London.

Yes, he has a personal gym and regularly works out there, including doing strength training and cardio exercises.

Tom claims he looks incredible and younger than his age, comparing himself to actors like Brian Dennehy and Wilford Brimley, though he acknowledges some critics see him as looking older or less healthy.

He has reduced his drinking significantly, limiting himself to one or two drinks per occasion and has committed to being a 'normal drinker' after discussing it with a therapist.

Zach Bryan wore a Free Palestine shirt at Robert Kraft Stadium in protest against Robert Kraft’s decision to ban Macklemore from performing, which sparked online backlash and discussion about free speech and political expression.

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