The minimum viable intervention for a happier life | Tal Ben-Shahar

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Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old, free trials? Experian can help take the pain out of cancelling by handling it for you. Think of it as, operation, get your sanity back, over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you could save. Results will vary, not all subscriptions eligible, savings not guaranteed, paid membership with connected payment account required to see Experian.com for details. My name is Tal Ben Shahar and I'm a student and teacher in the science of happiness. My latest book is Happy Habits, a happier, healthier life, one minute at a time. Today on Big Think, I'm going to talk about how small changes, when consistently applied, can make a big difference in your life. Chapter one, how to stop procrastinating when you're overwhelmed. The knowing doing gap is the disconnect that often exists between theory on the one hand and practice on the other. It's a gap I've witnessed time and again in my own life and in the lives of others. You see, most change efforts, whether personal or organizational, fall short because we misunderstand what it actually takes to bring about lasting change. When it comes to the question of how to create lasting change in our lives, it turns out that many of us were led astray by some of the most influential philosophers throughout history. Socrates, for instance, who's considered the father of Western philosophy, believed that to know the good is to do the good. In other words, he assumed that once you know what the right thing to do is, you will do it. This assumption is sadly wrong, not a little wrong but very wrong. Knowing in and of itself does not guarantee doing. While knowing is an important and necessary first step, it is far from sufficient. Here are a few examples. Many people know the benefits of an active lifestyle, yet fail to exercise. Most people in developed countries know which foods are good for them, and still consume junk in large quantities. We take much of what life has to offer for granted, not because we don't know that gratitude is better for us than in gratitude. Generally, we know how we ought to treat our child, our partner or our colleagues. We know what to do, but all too often we fail to do it. The problem, therefore, is not lack of knowledge or even understanding, but rather that this knowledge or understanding is not translated into acts and deeds. The knowing doing gap is something I've experienced on a very personal level. So after years of studying psychology and philosophy, it became clear to me that my knowledge and understanding of the good life far surpassed the actual quality of my inner life. If I were taking an exam on public speaking anxiety, raising happy kids, or the importance of assertively expressing one's needs and wants, I would ace their test. I had convincing, eloquent, and in most cases correct answers to just about any question related to psychology. Moreover, I would usually be able to refer to research to support my claims. And yet, in my day-to-day life, I experienced an acute fear of public speaking, made many unnecessary parenting mistakes, and very often avoided raising matters that were important to me because I dreaded the confrontation that might follow. While as both the speaker and the parent had come a long way since beginning my journey in the field of positive psychology, I knew I could do much better. It became clear to me that for myself and for others, the path to a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled life is not paved solely with additional knowledge. Rather, progress depends on finding better ways to apply the knowledge we already have in our daily lives. But how do we actually do that? How do we bridge the knowing, doing gap? These are the questions I addressed in my book Happy Habits and these are the questions I hope to answer for you today. There are three common barriers that tend to get in the way of lasting change. First, the change we take on is often overly ambitious, too overwhelming, and therefore unlikely to stick. Second, many change efforts rely on interventions that may sound appealing but don't actually work. And third, there's the belief that simply knowing what we want to change and why we want to change it is enough to bring about real change. Think about the following questions. What action has contributed most to your happiness? Which tool or technique has made the biggest positive difference in your life? Which change have you introduced that significantly impacted your well-being? I'm often asked these questions as both a teacher and a student of happiness. My answer is that it is the bite-sized, happy habits that I apply day in and day out. The small stuff, the brief interventions, the seemingly unremarkable changes that gradually transform my life as a whole. I call these happy habits "minimum viable interventions" or MVIs, a term that brings together Frank Robinson's idea of the minimum viable product or MVP from the business world with the concept of positive interventions which is central to the science of happiness. Robinson introduced the term MVP "minimum viable product" in 2001 to describe a product that, while far from finished, is good enough to be put out there in the market. It allows the company that created the product to gather data and improve it over time, while still delivering value to early adopters in a similar way. An MVI is not the perfect intervention, but it is good enough. And most importantly, it provides real value to those who practice it. Positive interventions, the second ingredient of MVIs, refer to the wide range of practices, tools and techniques that contribute to a person's overall well-being. These include meditation, physical exercise, journaling, writing gratitude letters, strength, spotting, active listening, time in nature, and many, many more. For something to qualify as a positive intervention, it needs to be evidence-based, well-researched, and shown to measurably improve people's lives. The philosophical roots of the MVI approach go back much further to the 14th century, and the work of William of Occam. His best-known principle, known as Occam's razor, or the principle of parsimony, suggests that the simplest solution is often the best solution. When we apply this idea to personal change, we arrive at a clear definition of minimal, viable interventions. MVIs are actions that are as brief as possible and as long as necessary to bring about real, significant, and lasting change. Major interventions, like meditation retreat, a self-help intensive, a grueling boot camp, or even a honeymoon, tend to have only a temporary effect, giving us a short spike in happiness before we return to baseline. In contrast, frequent and consistent microdosis of movement, mindful breathing, journaling, acts of kindness or expressions of gratitude can lead to meaningful and lasting change. Personally, if I had to choose between, say, a 10-day meditation retreat once a year and three minutes of daily meditation, I would choose the latter. Even though the total time spent on a retreat is much greater, the consistent daily practice has a deeper, more lasting impact. Similarly, if you had to choose between running for an hour on the weekend or moving vigorously for 20 to 30 seconds a few times a day, you would likely benefit more from the short daily activity, investing hours and even days in trying to bring about change often ends up having a momentary effect. In contrast, spread across time, moments add up to a momentous impact. Now, just so that I'm not misunderstood, have nothing against major interventions on the contrary. If we had unlimited time and patience, my recommendation would be absolutely to engage in both the big and the small stuff. The problem is that time is finite, and most people don't have the bandwidth for both. As a result, they end up doing nothing. Why? Because they believe that real change requires those big interventions, and they don't have time for them. What they often don't realize is just how powerful micro interventions can be. I'm all for a 10 day or even a three month meditation retreat, as long as it is not a standalone intervention. When it is life changing, it's almost always because it's followed by consistent, ongoing daily practice. The same is true for a week long self-help intensive. The real transformation comes from the rituals people carry into their everyday lives, subsequently. Some happy habits don't require extra time or effort, because they can be tagged onto things we're already doing. For example, mindfully listening to our colleagues takes no more time than mindlessly sitting in a meeting. With a bit of practice, offering genuine compliments can become just as effortless as criticizing, and taking the stairs can take as much time or sometimes even less than waiting for the elevator, unless you work in a skyscraper. Your ancestors didn't carve out time for formal gym sessions. Movement was simply woven into the fabric of daily life. In brief, natural inserts throughout the day. With little investment, these activities can make a big difference. There is a great deal of research behind each of the MVIs I suggest. Japanese professor Riku Yoshida had participants exercise their biceps by doing just one set a day of six hand curls. They repeated the single set five days a week over four weeks. The results showed an actual increase in muscle strength. By contrast, another group that did five sets of six curls on just one day a week, rather than spreading the effort out, experienced no increase in strength over the same period. Along similar lines, Dan butner, a researcher with National Geographic who studied the blue zones. These are regions where people live the longest. Recommends that for a longer life, we should regularly inconvenience ourselves. I love that term. Inconvenience ourselves. By choosing the stairs over the elevator, caring groceries instead of having them delivered or getting up to change the channel rather than using a remote, we engage in micro movements that help counter the harms of a sedentary lifestyle. These slight inconveniences contribute to a healthier, longer and better life. From an evolutionary perspective, this makes a great deal of sense. Our bodies and minds are better suited to short frequent interventions than too long infrequent ones. Studies from Stanford, the Mayo Clinic, the University of Pisa, and other research institutions show that even one minute of deep, slow, nasal breathing, especially when the exhale is longer than the inhale. These can activate the parasympathetic nervous system rather than the sympathetic nervous system. In other words, it can shift us from fight or flight to rest and digest. Over time, this brief practice can help both children and adults bring more calm into their lives as a whole. Research by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer, my teacher, illustrates how a small change in mindset can have a significant impact on performance. She asked students to evaluate intelligence of great scientists. At first, she shared only the scientists' achievements. Based on that, students saw these figures as far superior and their achievements as unreachable. Later, she gave students an account of the steps that led to those achievements. When the process was made visible, the students could suddenly imagine themselves following a similar path. As Ellen Langer put it, people can imagine themselves taking steps while great heights seem entirely forbidden. We can easily imagine ourselves taking a minute to climb stairs, breathe deeply, or send a thoughtful message. And when we can imagine ourselves doing something, we're much more likely to actually do it and to keep doing it. I've personally experienced the most significant increases in my happiness, not because of large dramatic changes, but rather through the seemingly small interventions I've introduced into my daily life. I'd like to share with you some of the things that I do. I get up and move for a minute every half hour or so when I'm writing. I take three deep breaths throughout the day. I count my blessings before going to bed, and I regularly read brief, inspiring texts, whether a poem or an excerpt from a book. The real change comes along when these interventions become habits, when they become second nature. The most unusual and in many ways the most eye-opening class that I took as an undergraduate was with psychology professor Richard Hackman. For years, Hackman taught the same course on the psychology of teams, which I, along with many other fortunate students, had the opportunity to take. In the spring semester of 1996, he did something different. He shared with his die-hard students, and there were many of us, that he had become intrigued by the concept of spirals. One small event triggers another, which then triggers another, and so on, creating an upward spiral that gradually expands its impact. Each week, we examined spirals in a different context, from neural pathways to rainforests, from interpersonal relationships to organizational processes. Wherever we looked, we began to see spirals, rather than straight lines. Complex and interconnected systems, rather than simple linear cause and effect relationships. Today, I can trace my work on MVIs back to that class. Once we recognize that our world is primarily made up of spirals, we begin to understand why MVIs play such an important role in our overall well-being. Here's an example of how a seemingly insignificant event can set off an upward spiral with meaningful consequences. So imagine you walk into the office in the morning, and the first colleague you see says, "Wow, you look wonderful." Naturally, a subtle smile appears on your face. Then the next colleague you run into observes the smile and also comments on how great or perhaps happy you look. You start to feel good. You engage in pleasant conversations, and that positive energy carries into your work. You're more focused, more productive. active. You get home in a good mood and enjoy a fun evening with family or friends. It has been a great day. Now, imagine the opposite. You're out of the office and the first thing someone says to you is, "Wow, you don't look well. Is everything okay?" Well, maybe everything was fine until that moment, but it's no longer. Your posture changes. Your energy drops. The next person picks up on that and responds in kind. You feel worse. Withdraw a bit. Struggle to focus and carry that low energy home. By the end of the day, all you want is for it to be over. We often refer to a positive upward spiral as a virtuous cycle and a negative one as a vicious cycle. The examples I gave of a day at work illustrate just how much small events can and do matter. But what's important to remember is that, unlike these scenarios, an upward spiral or a downward one doesn't have to begin with something external. We don't have to wait for someone else to determine our mood. We can initiate the spiral ourselves as Christina Baldwin wrote, "When you're stuck in a spiral to change all aspects of the spin, you only need to change one thing. That one thing can be a happy habit and it can meaningfully shift the trajectory of your day." And something as simple as expressing gratitude. Research by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough shows that spending a minute or two each night reflecting on what we're grateful for improves our overall happiness, how successful we are and even our physical health. How does such a small intervention make such a big difference? Because focusing on what's going well puts us in a better mood. And that mood makes it more likely that we'll take positive actions, which then further elevate our mood and so on in a self-reinforcing upward spiral. Just as a single stone creates ripples across a pond or a single candle can light up an entire dark room, a single moment can positively shape an entire day. And because emotions are contagious, these effects don't stop with us. Our mood influences the people around us. When we're in a good mood, that energy tends to spread, creating additional ripples of positivity. Oprah Winfrey captures this beautifully when she says, "I started out giving thanks for small things and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased." Here's another example of how an MVI can create a ripple effect. Imagine you're having a difficult day at work, feeling low and unmotivated. You introduce a brief intervention, say 30 to 60 seconds off, jumping up and down. That small burst of movement gives you a bit more energy. You get a little more done, feel slightly better, and that leads to more positive experiences. By the time you get home, you're more likely to go out with friends than collapse in front of the TV, which is what you might have done if your mood had remained low. There is something both reassuring and empowering in realizing that we have some control over our well-being, and that even brief, accessible actions can shift the direction of a moment or an entire day. The fact that this control is, at least in part, internal is itself a source of positivity, simply knowing that you can actively influence your state and change the trajectory of your day, whether through movement, a cold shower, a few minutes of journaling, or an act of kindness, is comforting in a way that goes beyond any single intervention. Moreover, knowing that small changes make a big difference in our lives can inspire us to help others do the same. Whether you're a manager, a parent, a colleague, a community member, you can influence your environment. How by introducing these happy habits in your life and by encouraging others to introduce habits that make a difference in their lives, happy habits can also create upward spirals in others. For example, holding the door an act of kindness can elicit a smile, which to that person will create an upward spiral ripple throughout their day. We can see how small changes can lead to significant transformation in the research on procrastination. Most people see themselves to some extent as procrastinators. Putting things off, dragging their feet, the cost of procrastination is high. Not only do we fail to get important things done, we often compromise on the quality of what we eventually complete. On top of that, studies show that procrastinators experience higher levels of stress, have weaker immune systems, enjoy poorer sleep, and giving all of this report lower levels of happiness. As screen addiction becomes more pervasive, procrastination is only becoming more of a problem. When psychologists studied this phenomenon, they identified a key difference in mindset between those who procrastinate and those who tend to get things done. In simple terms, procrastinators believe that motivation must come before action. They feel they need to be inspired to want to act before they begin. Those who procrastinate less tend to see it the other way around. They understand that action comes first, and motivation follows. In other words, you begin and the inspiration often catches up, as Amy Cuddy puts it, "fake it until you become it." As an antidote to procrastination, researchers often recommend the five-minute take-off strategy. The idea is simple. Start doing the thing you've been putting off, even if only for a few minutes, taking that small step, whether it's beginning a school project, starting a gym workout, or making a first phone call. This creates a momentum. Five minutes often lead to another five, and then another setting off an upward spiral of action. I use this technique often myself. On days when I don't feel like writing, I rely on the five-minute take-off. Often than not, once I begin, I find my rhythm and can continue for much longer. And if I don't, I simply do another five-minute take-off. And then another, as needed. Each one is an MVI. Mel Robbins takes this idea a step further, with what she calls the five-second rule. When there is something you want to do, whether it's getting out of bed, starting a workout, or making a call, you count down from five to one, and then you act. I use this in my own life, especially on cold mornings or when I'm tempted to delay getting started for whatever reason. As Robbins explains, the moment you feel yourself hesitate before doing something that you know you should do, count five, four, three, two, one, go, and move towards action. If you don't move in five seconds, your mental habits take over and kill your instinct to change, innovate, or step outside your comfort zone. What the five seconds rule does very quickly is initiate an upward spiral. Keep in mind that there is no need to stress about adopting all or even most of the MVIs. You certainly don't need to implement all the MVIs you know of, not now and not even in the long term. Instead, start small. Pick two today. Try them out for a week or a month, and then decide whether you want to continue with those or experiment with two others. As Jim Law and Tony Schwartz put it, incremental change is better than ambitious failure. Success feeds on itself. When it comes to implementation, less may be more. Once you understand the idea, the principle behind minimum viable interventions, you can incorporate it throughout your life and help others do the same. [BLANK_AUDIO] Turns out, experiment Gandhi wrote his autobiography, naming it "My Experiments with Truth". I encourage you to do the same. Experiment with different truths, with different things that work for you. Try them out for size, bite size, and see what works. Over time, you will get closer and closer to the best version of yourself. One, small, happy habit, at a time. Gatorade zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body, with a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colors or flavors. Great tasting hydration, no matter where you're going, shop now online or at retailers nationwide. Gatorade hydrates better than water. Is it in you? As noted, our signs of mild to moderate dehydration, consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist. Think of it as, "Operation, get your sanity back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable." So get started in the "Experian" app and see how much you could save. This will vary, not all subscriptions eligible, savings not guaranteed, paid membership with connected payment account required to see Experian.com for details. When you shop, croger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. Our refrigerated trucks keep your items fresh while our associates are committed to getting every detail right, carefully selecting and packing your order with care, because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. And right now, enjoy $20 off your first online order of $75 or more. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Croger, fresh for everyone! Chapter 2 The Essential Elements of Happiness According to Aristotle, "Happiness is the most desirable of all things. Having final and self-sufficient, and is the end of action, echoing the sentiment more than 2,000 years later." Helen Keller wrote that "Most of us regard happiness as the proper end of all earthly enterprise. This idea is by no means limited to the West. If happiness is the ultimate end, then all other goals are, in a sense, subordinate to it. In our context, this means that MVIs are also a means towards that end. The their purpose is to increase our levels of happiness. This is precisely why I refer to MVIs as "happy habits." And if we want to understand how MVIs can play their role most effectively, we first need to better understand the nature of happiness. Reading the wisdom of philosophers like Aristotle, Lao Tu, Helen Keller, and Martha Nussbaum, with the research of modern psychologists like Martin Seligman and Sonya Lubemirsky, my colleagues and I developed a model of happiness that includes five core elements, spiritual well-being, physical well-being, intellectual well-being, relational well-being, and emotional well-being. Together, these form the acronym SPIRE. They offer a clear and accessible roadmap for understanding, pursuing, and attaining happiness. What's important to remember is that all five elements of SPIRE are interconnected. They function as a system. This leads to two insights that may seem contradictory, but actually complement one another. First, we need to attend to all five elements if we want to experience true happiness. Second, working on any one element can improve our overall well-being. The first point means that neglecting even one element can undermine our happiness, no matter how much we invest in the others. For example, if we ignore our physical health, it will eventually take a toll, regardless of how strong our relationships are, or how intellectually engaged we may be. And the reverse is also true. Frequent exercise and meditation cannot compensate for neglected relationships. The second point reminds us that small, consistent changes can have a powerful impact. In the spirit of good enough, which is central to the MVI approach, there's no need to do everything. It's perfectly fine to choose a few practices that fit your needs and preferences, even focusing on one or two simple habits and sticking with them can lead to meaningful results over time. So how do you decide where to begin by looking at your life through the spire lens and identifying what is essential for your well-being versus what is simply nice to have? For instance, if your work already involves a lot of movement, you may not need additional physical MVI's. If you're deeply engaged in academic learning, you may not need to add intellectual practices. And if you're already practicing yoga regularly, extra meditation or stretching might add only marginal value. On the other hand, if you spend most of your day sitting, introducing small movement-based habits can make a real difference. If your routine lacks intellectual stimulation, brief moments of learning can be highly valuable. And if your days are filled with distraction and multitasking, creating small pockets of mindfulness can significantly improve both your mental and physical health. Full well-being is about purpose and presence, about finding meaning and being mindful. We may find this through religion, but also through our work or our home life. Viktor Frankl, author of Man's Search for Meaning, distinguishes between the meaning of life and the meaning in life. Meaning of life includes big questions like "Why am I here?" and "What is the purpose of life?" Many people look for answers in religion or in a broader mission, such as overcoming poverty or addressing global challenges. While it can be difficult to find the meaning of life, it is often easier to find meaning in life in the ordinary things that we do each day. Take a minute or two to respond in writing to this question. What do I find meaningful in what I am already doing? Reflect on what matters to you in your daily activities and on how you may be making a difference in your own life or in the lives of others. The answer doesn't need to be grand. Whether you begin your day with this question or return to it during a short break, identifying even a modest sense of purpose can energize, motivate, and inspire. Another MVI under spiritual well-being revolves around mindfulness meditation. At its core, mindfulness is about present moment awareness, about being in the here and now. It's a broad concept that includes many different practices. The most familiar form involves sitting or lying down and focusing on the breath as it moves in and out. But that's only one option. Walking while paying attention to each step, lying down and scanning your body, praying with intention or listening to music with full attention are all forms of meditation. There are numerous benefits to establishing a meditation practice. Research by John Kabadzin, Richard Davidson, Sarah Lazar and others shows improvements in cognitive function, including attention, memory, and creativity, as well as benefits to physical health, such as strengthening the immune system and reducing inflammation and to mental health, including lowering anxiety, anger, and depression. While many of these benefits are associated with longer sessions, shorter practices can also be highly effective. Daniel Siegel, for example, recommends as little as three minutes a day, noting that the brain responds to repetition with more gusto than it does to duration. Even one minute of focusing on the breath, noticing the air moving through your nostrils, or your belly rising and falling, can have a meaningful impact. Another simple practice is to scan a tense area of your body, such as maybe the forehead or shoulders, your chest or your belly, and then consciously relaxing it, breathing out any accumulated tension. A minute of this kind of mindful relaxation can significantly increase your sense of calm. You can stick with one method or experiment with several. You might begin your day with a short meditation and then add brief moments during lunch, before bed, or whenever you need a pause. It is important to note that meditation can be practiced formally or informally. Formal practice means setting a side dedicated time for present moment awareness. Informal practice means bringing that same awareness into everyday activities, whether you're writing, playing with a pet, working on a spreadsheet, or listening to a friend. We can be mindful anywhere at any time, as Alicia Goldstein writes in the now effect. Mindfulness is basically just being aware and can be practiced both informally and formally. When you're practicing it informally, you're simply attempting to be more aware in everything that you do. When we're present, whatever we're doing, we elevate the ordinary to the extraordinary. As Tich Nhat Han reminds us, at any moment you have a choice that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it. Throughout the day, gently return your focus to the present moment. Just reminders to help you come back to the here and now. These reminders can take many forms. You might set your phone to ping you periodically, or place the word "now" on your screen, or hang an image that reminds you to pause. Over time, with these reminders, returning to the present will become second nature to you. Social well-being focuses on the mind-body connection. Both movement and recovery are essential for a healthy body and mind. What we eat, how much we eat, and how we eat all matter deeply, not just for physical health, but for mental health as well. Movement is essential to our well-being. In a study conducted at the University of Cambridge, participants were pinged on their smartphones and asked how active they had been over the previous 15 minutes. Researchers found that those who had moved during that time were happier than those who had been sitting or lying down. More broadly, movement was associated with greater overall life satisfaction. It's also well-established that beyond its physical benefits, aerobic exercise contributes significantly to mental health, helping us cope with anxiety and depression. More recent research highlights the value of high-intensity interval training. Hit. And high-intensity circuit training. Inject. These approaches involve short bursts of intense movements followed by recovery repeated in cycles. They are highly efficient, delivering meaningful health benefits in a relatively short time. Importantly, studies show that these bursts don't need to be done consecutively. They can be spread throughout the day with the benefits remaining strong. Even when there are long breaks between sets. For example, in a study using the Wingate anaerobic test, participants performed three high-intensity bursts per day with four hours between each session. After eight weeks of doing this every other day, their peak oxygen uptake, a key measure of aerobic capacity increased by 14%. Given this in similar findings, the common excuse that we don't have enough time to exercise no longer holds. Often all we need is a minute here and there to meet recommended activity levels. If you're over 40 or have any medical condition, it's important to consult your doctor before starting a hit routine. And if hit isn't appropriate, you can turn to lit low-intensity interval training, such as walking, climbing stairs, or moving your arms through the day. Movement affects more than happiness. Increasingly, physicians warn that sitting is the new smoking. Sitting long hours without movement significantly raises the risk of chronic disease. Taking all of this together, it can be extremely valuable to sprinkle brief, 20 to 40 second bursts of movement throughout your day. You might sprint in place, do jumping jacks, skip rope, perform push-ups, pull-ups, or tanks, or try lunges, burpees, or any activity that elevates your heart rate. Adjust the pace and intensity based on your fitness level and age. This isn't a race and there is nothing to prove. You don't need to push to extremes to gain meaningful benefits. Another MVI, perhaps less pleasant but highly effective, is taking a cold shower. Research by Girt Boyje from the Academic Medical Center in Amsterdam points to the impact of cold exposure on the immune system, helping reduce illness and speed recovery. Cold showers also increase metabolism, boost energy, and improve alertness. After exercise, they can reduce pain and support muscle recovery. There is even evidence suggesting benefits for symptoms of depression and anxiety. One simple practice is to end a warm shower with at least 30 seconds of cold water. You can gradually extend this to a minute or two, but even 30 seconds is beneficial. One of the most powerful happy habits is, quite literally, right under your nose. And yet, often overlooked, your breath. By learning to regulate your breathing, you can influence your nervous system, either energizing or calming yourself. In general, slow breathing relaxes while rapid breathing stimulates. The ratio between inhale and exhale also matters. A longer inhale activates the sympathetic system, increasing arousal. While a longer exhale activates the parasympathetic system, promoting relaxation. Only breathing slowly, gently, quietly, and mindfully can make a big difference. Even a minute of steady breathing through your nose, allowing the belly to rise and fall. That can shift you from the fight or flight response toward Herbert Benson, calls the relaxation response. Another effective technique is coherent breathing, inhaling through the nose for 5 to 6 seconds and exhaling for the same amount of time. Even a minute of this, 5 to 6 seconds in, 5 to 6 seconds out can help reduce anxiety and fatigue, promoting both calm and alertness. While 5 to 20 minutes a day of breath work is ideal, even a minute or 2 can make a difference. Set reminders on your phone or calendar to pause for a minute of breath work, 3 or 4 times a day. Experiment with these and other techniques to find what works best for you. Intellectual well-being is often overlooked, yet it plays a critical role in our happiness. It begins with curiosity, with asking questions, exploring, and learning new things. Curiosity is not only linked to how well we live, but also to how long we live. we live. It's also about learning whether through books, art, or nature. Words create worlds. Concepts conceive. The words we think about and use shape our lives and the lives of those around us. Researchers Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman write in their book Words Can Change Your Brain that a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress. They point to studies to research showing that the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain. Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which changes your perception of yourself and the people you interact with. One simple practice is to come up with a mantra, a single word that moves you and repeat it once or several times for a minute or two in the morning or throughout the day. Choose a word that inspires you that brings up positive thoughts and feelings, such as God or grandmother, love or kindness, presence or acceptance. Going beyond a single word, you can identify a quote that inspires you, a poem that moves you or a paragraph that elevates you. Read it slowly and deliberately, reflecting on what it means to you and how it connects to your life, then revisit it the next day and each day after for a week or longer. This can even become a shared practice with someone close to you. If the words continue to resonate, print them out, hang them on your wall or use them as a screensaver. Once again, words create worlds. Journaling is another practice that truly deserves a place in the M.V.I. Hall of Fame. Karin Horny, a student and critic of Sigmund Freud, made a strong case for journaling in her 1942 book Self Analysis. While Self Analysis is not a substitute for therapy, it is an effective and accessible tool for reducing psychological distress and supporting personal growth. In 1997, University of Texas psychologist James Penny Baker published opening up, presenting compelling research on journaling. He found that writing for 20 minutes about the most upsetting or traumatic experience of your entire life. Over four consecutive days, significantly reduced long-term anxiety, strengthened the immune system, improved mood and led to more open and social behavior. More recently, psychologist Chad Burton and Laura King extended this work by exploring the minimum effective dose of journaling. In their study, participants wrote for just two minutes on two consecutive days, so a total of four minutes. One group wrote about traumatic experiences, another about positive experiences, and a third about a neutral topic. One month later, participants in the first two groups still showed better health than those in the control group. While writing for 15 or 20 minutes can be powerful, even two minutes can go a long way. Relational well-being is about our deep-seated need for social interaction. The number one predictor of happiness is the quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. We all need connection and the sense of belonging. One of the most powerful ways to cultivate that is through kindness and generosity. When we give to others, we enhance their well-being and our own. In a fascinating series of studies, John Gottman found that the healthiest relationships maintain a five to one positivity ratio. In other words, for every one conflict, disagreement, or moment of frustration, there are five positive interactions, compliments, loving messages, a smile, a hug, or a meaningful conversation. What makes this ratio so useful? Well, first, it tells us that conflict is not only inevitable, but necessary. Avoiding or suppressing real issues can harm a relationship over time. Second, it shows us that for relationships to thrive, positive interactions must significantly outnumber negative ones. Based on his findings, Gottman suggests focusing more on increasing the positive than on eliminating the negative. One way to do it is through relationship boosters. Small, everyday actions that increase positivity in our interactions, an act of kindness, a hug, or a thoughtful message letting someone know you appreciate them can go a long way. A particularly important category of boosters is genuine heartfelt compliments. Actively look for positive things to say to the people in your life. Don't wait for special occasions as Mark Twain quiped. I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat. So make a list of relationship boosters you'd like to introduce, both at home and at work, and begin to sprinkle them into your daily interactions. There are countless ways to raise the positivity ratio, choose the ones that resonate most with you. A hug is one of the most powerful relational MVIs. Too many people in too many places have lost touch with touch. This was true even before COVID and in many ways it has only intensified as virtual interactions increasingly replace physical ones. One simple antidote is hugging. Virginia Satir famously wrote, "We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth." Her words are not just poetic. There is growing scientific evidence supporting the importance of touch. Psychologist Jane Clipman asked college students to add five extra hugs to their day. These hugs were defined as non-sexual face-to-face hugs using both arms. While women found this easier at first, men also found creative ways to participate, whether through sports, family interactions, or other contexts. After one month, participants who increased their hugging were significantly happier than those who did not. Other research by Anna Durin and her colleagues at the University of London shows that duration matters as well. A five or ten second hug offers more benefits than a brief one-second embrace. When we hug, we release oxytocin, the love hormone, which improves our mood and reduces stress. What's most important is that both people feel comfortable and respected. When touch is consensual and boundaries are honored, both individuals benefit. So look for ways to gently and respectfully incorporate more touch into your day. When appropriate, allow the hug to last a little longer. Relax into it. Notice the sensations and appreciate both yourself and the other person. Gatorade zero powders have been scientifically designed to help improve hydration balance in the body with a clinically proven electrolyte blend and no artificial colors or flavors. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration, consult a health care professional if symptoms persist. That's why she shops at BJ's wholesale club saving up to 25% off grocery store prices. Beef jerky, microwave meals, laundry pods even they can't screw up. Have you met my kid? This is your home road warrior mom home of the save. Join for just $20 at bj's dot com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon limited time offer new members only. BJ's home of the save does checking your bank statements. Feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials? Think of it as Operation Get Your Sanity Back. Over 200 subscriptions are cancelable. Another MVI has to do with being kind. To give is to receive. One of the most effective ways to increase our own happiness is by contributing to the happiness of others. Why is that? First, because it is part of our nature to feel good when we do good. Second, giving tends to strengthen our relationships. And as our relationships improve, so does our happiness. In her research, Sonja Lubemirski asked participants to perform a few extra acts of kindness each week, being slightly more generous than usual. These acts range from helping a colleague at work to spending a bit more time listening to a friend, volunteering or simply being kind to a stranger. This small intervention led to a meaningful increase in well-being. And the beauty of kindness is that it is always available to us. As Anne Frank wrote back in the 1940s, you can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness. Kindness benefits the receiver, the giver, and the world. It is, in fact, easy to be kind. Generosity is part of our nature. All we need is a reminder, so commit to five or more extra acts of kindness each week. You can do them all in one day or spread them out. They can be planned or spontaneous. And just as importantly, remember to treat yourself with the same kindness you extend to others. Emotional well-being, the final element of spire, involves embracing painful emotions and cultivating pleasurable ones. Giving ourselves the permission to be human, allowing ourselves to feel anxiety, sadness, envy or anger is essential. The first step towards happiness is allowing in unhappiness. The belief that we or anyone else can live without painful emotions is misguided as well as harmful. In fact, it may be the greatest barrier to happiness. The paradox is that when we reject painful emotions, they intensify, they grow stronger. When we accept them, they begin to dissipate. It is only when we accept that fear, anger, sadness and envy are natural parts of being alive, that we can fully realize our psychological and physical potential. Life becomes lighter and more peaceful when, instead of fighting our nature, we embrace it. Pain, pleasure and everything in between. The key to acceptance is to bear witness to our emotions without judgment, without trying to fix them or push them away. As Mark Williams from Oxford suggests, it's about observing our thoughts and physical sensations with friendly curiosity. As we do this, the emotion may simply pass through us and fade, or it may linger a bit longer, in which case we continue to hold it with openness and compassion. The key to acceptance is loving awareness. You can practice this kind of acceptance at set times, perhaps for a minute or two in the morning or before going to sleep. Or you can practice it in real time whenever the need arises. For example, if you feel anxious before a presentation or envious before seeing a friend pause for a moment and simply observe what is happening inside you, your thoughts, your sensations and do so with loving awareness and without judgment. Expressing gratitude is another powerful emotional MVI. In a study by Robert Evans and Michael McCullough, participants were asked to write down five things, big or small, for which they were grateful. Over time, those who continued the practice became more joyful, more energetic, and more helpful to others. They also slept better and experienced fewer physical symptoms of illness. The word appreciate, which is my favorite word, has two meanings to be grateful for something and to increase in value. These two meanings of the word are deeply connected. For when we appreciate the good, the good appreciates. Make gratitude a ritual. You can write your entries at night before bed or in the morning when you wake up. You can also do this at the end of the work day, focusing on what went well at work. This simple practice can have a powerful impact on both performance and job satisfaction. Whether you do it daily or even once a week, the key is to be both mindful and heartful. It's not enough to go through the motion. You need to connect with what you're writing. If you write about a good friend, bring that person vividly to mind. Feel their presence. Maybe recall a specific moment you shared. When gratitude becomes a habit, you no longer need a special event to feel happy. You begin to see that there is so much in your life and in the world worth appreciating. Many of the MVIs we've discussed elevate our emotional state. In that sense, this final happy habit brings them all together. A pleasure booster is a small intentional activity that lifts your mood. It might be closing your eyes for a minute and picturing someone you love. Listening to a favorite song, savoring a bite of food, reading a meaningful poem, playing with your dog or watching a short funny video clip. Introduce these moments into your life regularly. As an Nathaniel Brandon wrote, pleasure for man is not a luxury but a profound psychological need. To truly benefit from these pleasure boosters, we need to stop or at least slow down, even if only for 30 seconds or a minute. Make a list of small activities that elevate your mood and begin to weave them into your day, your week, your month. In doing so, you'll not only enhance your experience of life, but also enjoy the many benefits that come with it. All the MVIs that I recommend are evidence-based and supported by research. Research, however, cannot tell you exactly which happy habits you should introduce into your life. Research generally gives us truths about the collective. It does not offer precise prescriptions for each individual. To decide which happy habits are right for you, study the research and then engage in me-search. Look inside, explore your personal needs and experiment. Beyond experimenting with the MVIs in this book, come up with your own happy habits and learn from what others are doing. In her article, 17 one-minute habits that will change your life, holistic health coach Josie Shanti recommends habits I have not included today, but that may work well for you, such as making your bed, fixing your posture, and adding leafy greens to your meal. Writer Darshak Rana suggests not picking up your phone the moment you open your eyes in the morning. Instead, he recommends spending that first minute purposefully doing something that works for you. He writes, "It will set the tone for the rest of the day and help you be more productive, positive, and mindful." The key is to keep engaging in me-search, whether you're deciding which happy habits to try or what time of day to practice them. So study the research, conduct your me-search, and let's get to work! In order to bridge the gap between knowing and doing, between an idea and its implementation, we can turn to the history of religion. Theologians throughout the ages recognize the gap between theory and practice and developed ways to bridge it. If the goal is virtuous action, then knowledge is only the beginning. Thousands of years of religious practice, along with more recent research in psychology and neuroscience, point to the same conclusion, the three R's. Reminders, repetition, and rituals are essential for creating real and lasting change. In the context of change, reminders are external cues in our environment that help focus our attention on a commitment we've made. Some reminders are simple and straightforward. Others are a bit more creative. For example, a bracelet that you wear regularly can serve as a reminder to return to the present moment and engage in informal meditation, a spiritual well-being MVI. If you want to incorporate regular high-intensity exercise bursts, a physical well-being MVI, you can set your phone to ping every couple of hours. A quote on your screen saver can prompt you to pause and reread meaningful words, an intellectual well-being MVI. A picture of your mother or of mother Teresa can remind you to engage in acts of kindness, a relational well-being MVI. Your daily planner can cue you to express gratitude and emotional well-being MVI at the end of each day. Within religious traditions, reminders appear in many forms. Take prayer, for example, while it is central to most religions, its primary function is not to generate new knowledge, especially once the words are familiar. Rather, prayer serves as a reminder of the values and changes a religion seeks to cultivate in both the individual and the community. Another example is religious holidays. Catholics observe Saint Augustine Day on August 28 as a way of reconnecting with Augustinian values. For Jews, Passover serves as a reminder of the journey from slavery to freedom and simply attending services in a temple, church, or mosque offers ongoing reminders through words, music, and imagery of the beliefs and behaviors each tradition aims to instill. We can think of reminders in two categories. Those that target our attitudes and those that target our behaviors. Additude reminders focus on our internal world, our thoughts and feelings. For instance, I might remind myself that I'm kind, that I accept my emotions, that I appreciate the good in myself and others, or that I'm a loving parent. Behavior reminders on the other hand focus on our actions. I might need a reminder to donate to charity, to exercise, to breathe deeply, or to listen patiently when my children are speaking. Of course, these two types of reminders are closely connected. In many cases, there are simply two sides of the same coin, reinforcing one another. Reminding myself to be a loving parent goes hand in hand with reminding myself to listen patiently. Seeing myself as self-confident can support and be supported by my ability to say no to things that don't align with my values and setting a reminder to donate to charity each Friday while also reminding myself that I'm a caring person both serve the same broader goal of increasing kindness. Regular reminders can pave the way to repetition, which is, of course, essential for lasting change. Becoming physically stronger takes time. It doesn't happen overnight or even over a month. Journaling once or twice can certainly help, but the real benefits of self-analysis emerge when we do it consistently. Introducing relationship boosters for a week or two is unlikely to transform your relationships or your life, and giving yourself permission to be human has to be an ongoing practice. Sporetic reminders are not enough. Both attitude and behavior reminders need to be activated regularly and consistently to have a lasting impact. This is why most religions encourage daily prayers, weekly services, and the repeated celebration of holidays year after year. Without repetition of both actions and words, you behaviors and attitudes simply don't stick. If you repeatedly commit acts of kindness, you become kinder over time. If you consistently engage in physical exercise, you not only become fitter, you also begin to internalize the value of exercise, making it more likely that you'll continue. And if you regularly express love, whether by listening more attentively, or hugging more often, you become more loving. As philosopher Will Durant put it, we are what we repeatedly do. The same is true for words. When you repeat certain words, you gradually internalize them, and they become part of who you are. Eknath Iswaran, who taught the first academic course on meditation in the United States in 1968, suggested that part of a daily meditation practice should include a passage that is meaningful and inspiring. If each repetition he writes, we drive these words deeper and deeper into our subconscious. He describes this as the essence of meditation, the secret of meditation. We become what we meditate on. What our parents and teachers say to us, and what we then internalize and repeat to ourselves, often determines who we become. Tell a child she's capable and worthy, and she's more likely to become so. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. We can generate upward spirals in our life, and in the life of others, by carefully choosing the words that we repeat. When you introduce reminders and repetition into your life, you move closer to the promised land of change, the cultivation of rituals. A ritual develops when a neural pathway associated with a particular behavior or thought pattern is formed in the brain. The pathway begins to guide you, leading you to act or think in a certain way at a certain time. For example, after repeatedly reminding yourself to return to the present moment, being present becomes second nature after taking cold showers for a month or two. Your body starts to adapt and may even begin to crave the experience, reading and rereading texts slowly and deliberately over time builds both the ability and the desire to engage deeply, not just with texts, but with life. When an activity or a way of thinking is repeated often enough, it becomes a habit, a ritual. It no longer requires special effort. Instead, it becomes an effortless part of your everyday life. As Frederick Langsbridge writes, we are our own potters. For our habits make us and we make our habits. A thought, a feeling or behavior becomes ritualized when you do it automatically without needing prompts, prods or persuasion. For a devout person, appreciating a piece of bread or saying grace before a meal is often second nature as is giving to charity, turning to God for forgiveness or observing religious holidays. While religion is intentionally structured to cultivate rituals, we all have rituals outside of religion as well. Brushing our teeth in the morning, putting on a seatbelt, [BLANK_AUDIO] plants, or feeling warmth when we see a photo of a loved one. These rituals are shaped less by understanding and more by reminders and repetition. Most of us were told why brushing our teeth matters, but it was the repeated reminders from our parents that actually returned it into a daily ritual. In short, reminders create awareness. Repetition builds the pathway and rituals make it automatic. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration, consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist. Hank joined BJ's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now coach Hank saves up to 25% off gross restore prices, 30 pounds of pasta, 3 cases of protein bars, 75 sport drinks, and extra free game. He knows teamwork and BJ's knows savings. This is your home coach, home of the save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com/maskete and save 10 cents per gallon for 6 months, open soon limited time offer new members only. Does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials? Think of it as, operation get your sanity back. So get started in the experience app and see how much you could save. Results will vary, not all subscriptions eligible, savings not guaranteed, paid membership with connected payment account required to say experiment on comfort details. Claim that human beings are rational animals. Philosophers and psychologists throughout history have questioned Aristotle's claim. In research that earned him the Nobel Prize in economics, Daniel Kahneman challenged the rationality assumption pointing to the many irrational decisions we make and biases and errors the shape are thinking. Earlier still in the treaties of human nature, 18th century philosopher David Hume attempted to dethrone reason, somewhat ironically through a series of rational arguments. He concluded that reason is and ought only be the slave of the passions and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them. So what are we really? Are we rational animals or are we emotional ones? Well, Aristotle was partially right. We're certainly capable of rational thought and some of our decisions are guided by reason. At the same time, Kahneman's research and Hume's arguments make a compelling case for us being emotional animals. If not the dominant force, emotions are at least among the defining features of our nature. After all, many of the choices we make or avoid are driven by how we feel. But there is still a missing piece, especially when it comes to change. In addition to being rational and emotional, we're also creatures of habit. And it turns out that to bridge the knowing doing gap and realize our potential for growth, we need to pay close attention to this third dimension of who we are. As Francis Bacon observed, nature to be commanded must be obeyed. In other words, if we want to make the most of our lives, we need to work with our nature not against it. When we ignore or dismiss part of who we are, including our deeply habitual nature, we limit our ability to grow. It is only by acknowledging our full nature, rational, emotional, habitual, that we can truly flourish. To understand why we need to work with our nature as creatures of habit, it helps to look at the idea of rhetorical choices, which stem from rhetorical questions. A rhetorical question is usually asked for effect, where the answer is obvious. If you ask a child whether he wants you to get angry, the answer is clear, of course he doesn't. If you ask someone whether she wants to be happy, again, the answer is obvious. A rhetorical choice follows directly from such a question. Presenting options were a better choice seems self-evident. Take this example. Do you want to appreciate your loved ones or do you prefer to take them for granted? Well, I doubt anyone would say they've had enough of appreciating their family and friends and are now ready to ignore them. And yet, most people, most of the time end up taking their loved ones for granted. Or consider another rhetorical choice. Do you prefer to treat your loved ones with kindness and patience or with impatience and unkindness? Very few people if any would consciously choose the letter. And yet, we can all recall moments when we reacted harshly or insensitively and later regretted it. So why do we so often make poor choices when the better option is so clear because neither the rational side of our nature nor the emotional side on their own is enough to determine our actions? The reason we don't make better choices even when the right choice is obvious is not that we're not smart or that we're not good people. Rather, it is because we forget. And the three Rs are the antidote to our forgetfulness, starting with reminders, through repetition and arriving at rituals. So the question is, which MVI are you going to introduce in your life? Which reminders will you put in place? Which actions will you repeat? And which rituals will you begin to cultivate? Starting today. What are you going to do? There are MVIs you can do on a plane when you're sardined in. 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