The Million Dollar Pigeon

Alexa play trick daddy and Trina Nana nigger hey slurs welcome back to the motherfucking podcast I am Trina's crystal bra in the nan video wow and I am a Buffy the body and this is the read thank you for joining us big buff name back in the streets an icon a legend yeah one of the dolls we'll never have that era back and honestly it's probably for the best but king magazine man that era of the vixen all of that yep she was really that girl uh shout out to Buffy shout out to Esther Baxter who was a personal fave shout out to to Dalisha Bryant hell um Taye Hecker Melissa Ford Melissa Ford doll base all the girls the girlies uh oh the youth don't know they don't and you know what like I said they have their own you know tiktok stars or whatever right yeah everybody's uh yep somebody but they don't have them in the video right I don't even think they make music videos anymore well there's that welcome back to the podcast folks it's spooky season hope you're well uh let's start with black excellence black excellence this week is going over to a beautiful one named Mikayla who has invented a new way of moisturizing your lips that will hopefully cause less germs to be spread back and forth you know she's a registered nurse wow she's a single mom she's a biomedical engineering student she said during one of her 12 hour shifts at the hospital hello um I guess a patient I can't remember if she said it was a patient or a co-worker but someone at the hospital asked about her lip balm and then stuck their finger in it to apply it and she was basically like well at this point I belong to you uh right like you know undefeated right and you know considering the fact that she works at the hospital and what you know she does in school and things she's like all of the germs that could be passed back and forth and the number of people who constantly ask to borrow someone's lip chap lip balm chapstick um she decided to create something that she calls lip caviar and it is a lip balm product that has individual uh like lip balm pearls to it basically you crack it open as a little lip balm uh pod that comes out you apply it to the lip just like you would any other lip balm and then that's it goes back in and each one of these lip caviar products come with a hundred pods in them and you can get a it's anxiety if I leave the house and realize I didn't bring any lip balm or something with me um I think this is fierce the idea of it is is really cute cunty and actually um useful yeah um that's actually genius I can't believe nobody thought about this before wow wow wow um and it comes in lots of different scents different flavors including this one here this one here this one here she's using some vanilla glaze agave sorbet frosted plum spiced peach flambe and an unflavored one in case you're just not interested you want a regular bottle so I'm not doing all that right wow um so yeah witty brand co is the name of of the the brand the company she is obviously the founder and uh yeah witty brand co I think that's what's it let me double check is witty brand doxia yeah I'm on the website right now I'm getting this for every nurse and doctor in my life I mean yeah yeah and it has proverbs let me google what proverbs 8 12 says oh yes why is that on the packaging I wisdom dwell together with prudence I possess knowledge at discretion it doesn't have to be that's it that is so fair work that's that is so that's so fair she said let's take wisdom prudence knowledge good judgment put all those things together what do you get lip pearls I'm I am let me buy work miss girl I was already interested that is so funny I don't even think she intended that to be hilarious but girl I don't even think she intended that to be hilarious black people are so fierce when I watched all my co-workers dip their nasty fingers into my giant jar of Vaseline I knew I had to do something I knew I had to change the game wow $15 yeah that's what I'm saying it's not even expensive like support this all yeah wittybrand.co we live oh black women changing the world as usual as should I say just move ladies wow build the ship mm-hmm get out of here yep earth is ghetto I wanna leave that song that song is probably almost 10 years well no when did that come out around the pandemic maybe a little before I don't know maybe but wow what it still applies probably around Donald Trump's yeah that's what I'm thinking yeah I don't know I think it was them uh still right okay let's get into the pop culture segment that we call hot tippy titty tops and we're gonna start with some more excellent black women why not um first of all the Barbie company is really getting disrespectful Mattel mm is doing the most I sat on here and screamed and hollered because Whitney Houston Barbie I got the Whitney Houston Barbie nice like half a week later they were like here go to Lenny Kravitz Barbie oh right excuse me what now like this past week they've revealed a Serena Williams Barbie what with her 2005 Australian Open garments face and body I'm shocked this is her this is her first one I don't think this is her first one okay this is one based on um the Australian Open this is another one on the yeah Australian Open I'm pretty sure she has a Barbie already got you okay yeah that makes sense Barbie's signature dolls I think is they're the ones that's fucking me up right now is this the one where she was pregnant with uh Olympia I think no this was 2005 nevermind 2005 right yeah okay yeah nevermind nevermind I'm thinking 2015 nevermind um oh my god this outfit is so good so cute it is cute and the face actually looks like her I love it it does look like her it's not just a cookie cutter Barbie face um oh also sports congratulations to someone named Angel Reese who's headed to the finals for the Women's National Basketball Association she will be headed there after demolishing I'm sorry just do your little segment just do your little segment after absolutely uprooting your calibrity I'm just joking I'm sorry I know you're going through it like I okay all right oh but black we're rooting for everyone black it's black and white first finals yeah same thing for the Valkyries so congratulations to Badal Angel Reese she says I manifested this and I agree what are your thoughts fire Chris DeMarco and I mean yesterday and I mean I should have seen a thank you Chris DeMarco post that same goddamn night I don't know what we're waiting for on. We absolutely could have won two of them games. had we had a coach who knew the rules of the WNBA. So I am going to need Chris DeMarco, the fuck up out my city ASAP. Please, Big Clara, I cannot. Please, please. This is, it's actually embarrassing that this man is our coach. Anyway, you know, I don't want to say things that I don't really mean. So I'm going to refrain, but from, you know, speaking in an unfiltered way, but nobody roots for the team that eliminated their team. And so go Valkyries, go Kayla Thornton, go Gabby Williams, go Gays. And I'll just leave it at that because I do actually like the city of Atlanta under normal circumstances. I like this team. I don't even really, if I wasn't so angry at this absolutely inept buffoon of a fucking coach, then I would be able to say nice things about those girls, but I just can't right now. So it is what it is. Thank you for bringing that up. I thought I had escaped it. Yeah, no worries. Great, great. Like Exelon. Yeah. Love, love that. Okay. Short, short. Yep. So short. Am I ridiculous for thinking that I mentioned Coachwoman anyway? Yeah, I'm not okay with it. I don't even, I didn't hear not one word in it. I said, am I being ridiculous for thinking that men shouldn't coach them? Oh no, that's actually a very hot topic in the women's basketball space. A lot of people agree. But especially men who have never watched a WNBA game. Oh yeah, that probably works. Especially men who act like they're holding on to their challenges because they can cash them in for cash. And prizes at the end of the goddamn tournament. Yeah. What? Link actually heard that and walked in here. Okay. You know, you know, you're not on speakerphone. Hate that man. I hate that man. Y'all gonna make me sit through that man again. I will. I will personally wear a fuck Chris DeMarco shirt to every home. Home game next season. Don't think I'm playing. Fire that man. If these white men can, can stand up and, and terrorize and antagonize players and things. I think that you can sit cute and wear garment. Yeah. That says fuck Chris DeMarco. I mean, I might not, I have to double check the rules. Maybe you can't have cuss words, but if I can't put fuck, then I'm gonna put fire. One or the other, but I'm wearing something. You could probably put like F asterisk. Rick Astor K. Oh yeah. But I don't know. I have plenty of time to come up with the design for this shirt. Just fire him. So I don't have to do it. Just fire him. The children are awake tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this, this is actually your fault because you got me activated. You didn't have to do that. Oh yeah. She's, she's upset as well. Yeah. I mean, her name born in the game. I mean, and guess who got rid of Laney gave her away to the goddamn young hoes down there in Washington, D.C. Chris, the Marco bitch ass. Get that man. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Laney. I'm sorry. She agrees. She agrees. Now she's like, you're both. My mama's pissed. Right. Both pissed. Children are away. You fired up both of the kids. And that's really, again, that's really your fault. I am. I'm going to blame you for that. All I was doing was talking about positive black news for a successful. Okay. Iconic young athlete. Okay. Go Valks. Um, I don't really want to talk about this, but. Yeah, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Judge Mathis was doing this interview where he, um, at one point spoke about judge Judy saying that if, you know, if you didn't like America, you should go somewhere else. Leave. Whatever. You know, old white. Yeah. Judge Mathis in this clip. First of all, sounds like all our uncle usually does. This is the art of dialogue. He sounds like everybody. Uncle. Uncle. And he said basically the same shit that all of us said, you know, if you think that black people should leave, what do you know about the history? Like if he said this in very much uncle terms, like we built this country. Oh yeah. Forced labor. Yeah. If anybody should be going anywhere as you, like, right. I don't know where we built this. Shit from the ground up. Right. Made you as wealthy as you are. You got $200 million, numerous houses and shit like that. Thank you. Exactly. Ain't nobody going nowhere. Like we made this place and you, so you get out. Right. I'm going to, I'm actually going to stay here and bitch about it until I die. How about that, bitch? And you can't stop it. Yeah. Go somewhere else. You'll leave before I do. Ain't you 80? I won't be listening to that. You will leave before I do. You'll literally be up out of here, bitch. Bye. Ah, good for him. It's just so American. And so like, there's junk, something very like, there's gold in the miracle. Like, is there something like, just very stupid about this sentiment of like, if you don't like this country, leave. It's just ignorant as shit. Like, do you know anything? Do you, do you have any context for American history or how you, a white woman were able to amass wealth and privilege to even be in a position to say something that other people listen to in the first place? Like, no, you don't. It's you, girl. Furthermore, please name a country that doesn't have a government with criticism. Come on. I can hate America and also point out that there's nowhere, perfect to go. You act like there's some utopia out there. Wakanda isn't real girl. If it was you niggas, I swear to God, y'all would have never seen me again. 30 years ago. I was just about to say, niggas would slowly start disappearing. It's like, we would be, right. It would be an amazing anomaly, some sort of shit. And it's great for them. Meanwhile, we are clinking glasses and literally it's about, we went right through the vibranium portal and we'll never see you bitches again. I wish it isn't a real place or we would, but no, fuck you. Anti-blackness is global. Racism is global. Colorism is global. And even though Wakanda's had civil unrest, you think that there's ever a time, like where are you supposed to go and not have an opinion about the way it's done? I don't think that's the way that that place is run. It's ridiculous to even imply or say outright that if you don't like the way that a country is run, leave that is first of all, I pay my taxes here. Yeah. That's not how democracy works. Dumb bitch. I can say whatever the bit I want ma'am. It's not free to live here. Do you understand you're not doing us a favor? This isn't charity. Oh girl. Fuck off. I know who you voted for. Yeah, right. Um, so why was it on October 8th, 2026? Boosie performed. Set it off. At the, at the white house. No, no, not officially. Okay. No, he was not invited. This nigga stood on the sidewalk in front of the white house on October 8th. And he performed, set it off. I think this is in a way, uh, meant to bring further drama and acknowledgement to the fact that he spent $600,000. $100,000 for a part he will never go and get. I don't really, I don't really know, but he fully took up the walkway on or near 1600. Thanks. As close as he could get. Wow. While shouting out. Oh my God. I, I don't know what to tell you. How did I not? This didn't show up nowhere. on my algorithm, wow. - Because God good yeah i knew that you were already dealing with too much with krista marco i was it was like you're right not too much at once exactly that's a very valid point this nigga is really bopping on the sidewalk in front of maybe 20 people what what are we looking at i feel like most of these people don't even know who boosie is they probably don't i have a dollar are you taking donations like you're trying to pay your rent like it is absolutely giving times square wow yeah it is okay well did it work did the white house call did trump come outside and say okay okay wait stop hating each other because you disagree what is this sign in the back i don't know it probably has nothing to do with this okay oh okay well they were just there because he is simply standing on the sidewalk no permit no license i think no he gotta be this has to be some kind of trump unification effort like i think he's trying to he has to be trying to appeal to trump directly like see i'm oh yeah on your side yeah somehow trying to get in there get his money back but boosie the problem is that nigga's not even on your side so how you gonna get us on that man's side when we don't even fuck with you well that's not true a lot of dumb ass niggas fuck man well and you know they follow his recipe for tricks lasagna and uh okay no never mind i thought you for half a second i thought you was for real you get on my nerve and toast crunch alfredo all right okay this is when i saw it i was like oh my god it's like oh my god it's like oh my god it's like all this i was like you know what god you're just having a blast at this point like you're like we are a play-doh for it it's just like oh because what do you mean yeah god said y'all are annoyed but this is my baddies i'm not turning it off i'm not canceling i'm not canceling my zoo subscription you bitches are just gonna have to suffer where else am i supposed to go south central values for five dollars a month god said yeah you can't beat that with a stick i ain't cutting it off there isn't another galaxy with a hoochie it's just you it's just you so oh man yikes that's pretty that's embarrassing it's humiliating yeah like i'm embarrassed for him looking at this like you're really just bopping around on this sidewalk praying hoping that you could somehow get this money back and it's not gonna happen you're not getting your money or the pardon but what's far more embarrassing than that is the fact that krishan rock and blue face are back together and this bitch is reapplying the face tattoo on her face that she was in the middle of removing yeah i saw something on tiktok about them being engaged she had a big old ugly ass tattoo on the side of her face of his face which is partially why it's so ugly and after they broke up she was getting it lasered off i feel like i even remember seeing a clip of her crying as they were removing it a because it hurts as like a bitch right um and b probably because of what it all meant and stuff somehow some way this motherfucker decided to engage to her and like she agreed and now she's putting the tattoo back at this point i'm gonna be honest i think we should just call the police i think someone needs you are under spells girl this feels ableist you know what it really does like and i don't know if the the problem is i don't know if the whole family is this way or if it's just krishan and junior but y'all this and she got it she got his face post-prison so it has the chase logo on his face it has the mlb logo on his face all of these different this is really branding you got a nigga's face on your face with a chase tattoo on his face this is just a detective this is a sad story like their relationship i heard way too much about what happened between krishan and bluefinch face to have never gave a fuck about neither one of them like way too much about the domestic violence and the way he treated her and the back and forth screaming hollering drinking throwing shit like it's just it's been a lot for these niggas for y'all to come back and do this all over again physically assaulted her on camera she's fought him didn't he just break up with another baby mama like two months ago what do you mean he just had one like a couple of months ago oh you know what i don't get it he's also not attractive to me no same and i don't think anybody agrees actually i'm not sure that anybody really thinks he's like fine but clearly he got about 18 hours and they do the dumbest shit in the world for him isn't that about money but how much money can he really have don't he just have the one song the buzz down tatiana ain't that it nothing i don't know i don't know i know that's like his successful song yeah and that's a that's a horrible song oh he's a streamer that's how all young assholes are making money these days okay i think he also made a bunch of money from only fans because he he had like a like a baddies show on there like he had like a show but it was like a bunch of girls that wanted to be with him and he made them all live in a house and he was like oh my god i don't know and i think that's where krishan started oh my god yeah yeah okay she's 26 he's 29 um yeah i didn't even realize she was that old right i think this is i know she had like a fucked up life and so it's not entirely surprising that she is bringing her child into a fucked up life but you know i i really don't know what else to do at this point because like i don't know what else to do i don't want to know anything else about them like i don't like i've been concerned for her safety like i thought the first time blue face went to jail that she was going to be able to like actually get away with him and get sober and like clean up her life and like i just really i was hopeful for her that she was going to take that opportunity to really realize how toxic and terrible this dynamic was but everybody is not a cycle breaker and that's just really hard for me to accept something like that because i don't know what else to do but i don't want to know anything sometimes but everybody is not some people are going to repeat the exact same shit and it's it's tragic for the kids but it's nothing fuck all the rest of us can do about it yeah please don't get pregnant again and watch by thanksgiving she's gonna be pregnant again there i i have no plea for you young lady except that you find peace somewhere i i i already know that this is going to be a shit show and i already know that it will be near impossible for me to avoid it i have to try to find a way to do the opposite of google alerts where i just don't hear anything about this because i know that it's going to be bad i know that it's going to be continuously dramatic and and violent um and i just don't want to be a part of it but girl getting a nigga face right tattooed on your face wild getting it removed and then putting it back unprecedented levels of bird i don't know i've ever heard that this is this she's creating a brand new level it's like we had never even conceived of no shit like this before in the stratosphere oh my god bro you gotta you know what you gotta do you gotta put blue face and krishan on like your filtered words on every app that's what i'm saying you gotta have you got to do something like that to avoid this i saw i again i saw one tiktok about them getting engaged and i was like let me hurry up and scroll please i do not want the algorithm to think that i need more of this i cannot this it's been so much with these two it's been just non-stop bullshit in and out of jail and i don't want to be a part of it i don't want to be a part of it i don't want to be a part of it like you said assault on camera assaults like yeah okay girl what else can be said what else can be said you are you are making your choice as terrible as it may look to the rest of us you're doing it you're doing it so i don't know neither one of you do anything interesting either you're just here meanwhile junior can't even hold a ball and she's still insisting nothing wrong with him and they just got to pray about it and All the teachers and doctors keep saying something's wrong with her child, but Jesus said it wasn't nothing. Nothing wrong with hurt your asshole, you know. Okay. Reports were saying that Sean Puff Diddy Daddy Combs suffered a head injury while in the clinkety-dink. And at first, reports were saying that he suffered this injury at the hands of a Jamaican drug lord who apparently whooped that ass. Very fun. I'm listening. I'm listening. Interesting. I wonder what for. Well, before we could find out fully, the reports have changed. Oh. Saying that he actually suffered the bump to his head after hitting his head on a bunk bed and then hopping up too fast to hit his head on the top bed. See, like he hit his head twice on the bunk bed. So, I don't really know which one is more fun for me. I think it's the bunk bed story. Yeah, because that sounds like Looney Tunes. Like, what you mean? That sounds like some Animaniacs shit. Like, you're not joking. Like, you're not for real with that. But I also think if I was Diddy, I would rather y'all think I hit my head on a bunk bed than that a grown nigga came in here and beat my ass. I thought the exact same thing. Hurry up and come up with something else. They can't know that somebody beat my ass. They can't hear it. But would they all cover for them? Like, this would. Like, would Elio in whatever doctor, hospital, will they all be like, oh, yeah, he hit his head on a bunk bed? The same people who are massaging his toenails and combing out his pubes for him? Well, apparently, they've been cracking down on that a bit. Oh! The streets have been saying, so how is it that he's living a better day-to-day life than me? Right. And that's a. That's a valid goddamn question. Because the rest of us are out here paying $5 a gallon for gasoline. A can of beans is $3 fucking dollars. How is it that nigga is on the inside living better than we are? Answer that quickly. So, yeah. You know, thank God for journalists. Thank God for whoever snitched. Because it's good. That needed to happen. Apparently, he's been hit with a whole bunch of phone violations. He's gotten. A whole bunch of other consequences for using that cell phone. And apparently, he also lost 41 days of good time credit after getting into multiple fights. Good! They not hiding back from the fact that things have got physical. So maybe he really did bump his head twice on a bunk bed like Elmer Fudd. Or maybe the other inmates were like, I'm actually sick of this nigga getting, like, personal fades and shit. And, you know. Oh, special treatment and going live on his secret TikTok or whatever. And they decided to come together and beat his ass. Maybe that happened. It's possible. It's possible. Well, good. You know, the worst things that happened to him in there, the better. I want for him the same things that he did to all of those innocent people who thought they were just coming to party or thought that they were, you know, coming for a record deal. And all of the sick shit you put them through, I want all of that for you. Yeah, so he got written off of Friday for three different fights. One on July 1st, one on September 30th, and the last one was just on October 1st. Well, maybe they should just put you in solitary confinement for your entire sentence. Ah! Oh, I mean, for the whole sentence. Yeah, because maybe you're just not safe around everybody else and you should be alone 23 hours a day. Oh, really fuck his head up. Yeah, it would. Yeah, it would. That's the. That's the getcha-gotcha. Yeah. Give you some mental anguish. I mean, it is cruel and inhumane punishment for a reason. It really is. Yeah, that will drive the fuck out your mind. It will. It will. It's actually really horrible. And it's what he deserves. Jamaican drug lord. Is it racist if I ask if, like, that's your uncle? Do you know who that is? No, I kind of. I think that's fine. Maybe considering the circumstances, I'm like, I should call somebody. You're like, all things considered, I'm not as mad as I could be. I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you didn't do the accent. Right. Exactly. Glory. Did you know your accents sound like, P, you want to lick my boom-ba-flop, my rock, ta-ta-ta. And you know what? That was unprovoked. Like, I. I was minding my business, reciting the song, talking about Meg. And here you go with the damn. That sound like you. Like, hold on now. Just everybody slow down. I wasn't even. The Tina Tuesday from last week in the white. Yeah. Why is she so disrespectful and rude? Once again, I don't know if my. If my tastes are changing. I don't know what's happening to me. I've never been so attracted to a feminine woman. I don't know. We do have the same type. I saw that body and I was like. Oh, my God. The song over, I didn't even hear it. Let me start over. I literally didn't even hear it. Like, I'm like, I'm no better than a man. I'm staring. Like, I'm. Mouth open. She looks so good. She is so fine. My God, Megan. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. But, yeah, you see how you brought that up out of absolutely nowhere. That did not have to happen. You did not have to talk about. Just like your accent popping up in my life so many times. Wow. Okay. As always. Well, you know, my. My British accent is really not that bad. I heard people say that it's getting better. My British accent is really not. If I try to copy Tahani off of The Good Place, it's really not bad. Why would you pick Tahani off of The Good Place? Why would you pick Tahani? I don't know. Just the. I think that's when I. When I try to copy her, that's when it sounds the best. When I try to sound like Adele, they'd be like, stop. That's a very specific one. Right. That's what I've learned. Well, last but not least, this sounds pretty nice. Apparently, rumor has it, because I don't think it's been officially reported, but they're saying that Drewski might be hosting SNL next month. November 7th, 2026. He would be like the first, they're saying, native digital content creator. Wow. First famous nigga for the internet, basically. Okay. To be an SNL host. And, again, NBC Saturday Night Live has not officially announced anything. And the way that these things go, the streets might just be like, well, never mind. Right. Who knows if Lauren has ever even heard of Drewski yet. If Lauren has even heard of Drewski. But also, Drewski did not do a great job hosting whatever award show that was. BET Awards? Yeah. That wasn't great. And it's like, maybe you should just stick to the skits and sketches. Because those, when you can edit. That's SNL. And have like a whole. Huh? But that's SNL. No, I mean like, SNL is not just. It's pre-produced packages. It is lots of live stuff. And it's the live stuff that I don't think Drewski is great at. Like, I think he needs takes. I think he needs that safety of being able to do it over and over again. Well, you know, on SNL they do like, they do like a practice take before they. Yeah, they do a run-through. And like, some of the things they do are like pre-produced. It's not all done live. And those probably will be funny. But I. Based off of his performance at the BET Awards, I don't think he would do a great job at this. So. I think that. I think that award show hosting is largely corny. I agree with you that I didn't care for. I didn't love his hosting at the BET Awards. I think there's more that goes into preparation I think there's a different standard. Although SNL has not been fucking hilarious in a while. I would like to think that he'll do better here. Because if your monologue is good and you get to write it and you don't have. It's late night. So you might have that asset. That aspect. But then there's going to be a lot of sketches that no one wrote for you. Yes. I'm sure he'll be collaborative. They. I can't imagine anyone at SNL not put him in makeup and all the right. random crazy shit that he does. Right. But. I can't. I have to say I am skeptical and would like to see it. For the same reason that you. Yeah. I'm very. I'm very skeptical about Drewski's ability to be funny in a live setting. Like, everybody ain't able. That is a. That is a different skill set. I love the videos he puts out on like TikTok or whatever. Like, I find him entertaining, but. i thought he was gonna like kill the vet awards so um i guess if it happens then we'll see but i'm not expecting much i got faith in you brother i think you can do this one we'll see if it happens again like i said lauren michaels might be like who oh one of one of those instagram blacks one of the tiktokers will what movie is it i don't know honestly they might just show them the numbers yeah like the numbers drewski does all right whatever like a drewski will definitely get niggas to tune in people will definitely watch but whether it's good is something else entirely but i don't know if that's lauren's uh number one concern either you know right the overall the overall quality of the show right you know snl is just very hit or miss i didn't even watch when i saw shane gillis was going to be hosting because i said i for what like i have never found shane gillis to be funny i could not believe he's been asked back for the third or fourth time even after all that shit happened and he got fired from snl in the first place i made people love him even more i guess so and then he got up there and said i went to the gym and women dress like whores now and that was supposed to be like a punchline it's like girl this is is this the standard snl this is what we're doing all right it'd be time you know same way it might be time for jerry jones to go it might be time for lauren to go and hang it up like you've made a lot of money you're in the the you know comedy hall of fame or whatever maybe it's this time maybe you're also 81 fucking years old so you know sweets go ahead and enjoy that money and let these people just go ahead and put this stuff through you you don't have to there's no more money to make lauren you can you can let it go the kids kids kids will be bacon and cheese well please just move just move um that's gonna be it for hot tops today we're gonna take a break and then we're gonna come back and read your letters all right folks we're back it's time for your letters indeed please send your questions to ask the read at gmail.com we may read them aloud on the show we have an update this week from blaine if you remember blaine wrote into the show about her ex who like busted through her door and then she was like should i go testify on his behalf and see if they can drop the charges because all right right so blaine said first of all thank you so much for reading my letter i wrote it a day before his bond hearing so my emotions were running high a few days after i wrote into you guys i did file a restraining order which was granted for six months he was hostile and really acted up in court for the hearing which basically proved both of your points that next time i could potentially not walk away from this so i'm really glad that i came to my senses regardless i still needed to hear everything that both of you said especially kid fury saying that you wish you could get into the mind of someone that can look at an ain't shit nigga in the face and think oh i can help him that was big facts thanks again i'm back in therapy because of course i skipped two weeks when i was acting up on instagram love you of course you did the two weeks you skipped therapy of course you was wild not on instagram i mean i'm glad to hear you're back um love both of your solo podcasts in addition to the read thanks again your day one listener blaine i'm glad to hear that it you know yeah right i'm just glad to hear that i'm glad in a in a weird way i'm glad he acted up in court so you could see this i was going to say the same thing you see this nigga truly do not give a fuck about nothing if you can't act right in front of the judge oh no oh no i was thinking the same shit like i'm so glad that he did that shit right there too because i know the judge was like oh well it ain't nothing it ain't nothing to put your ass away right the worst niggas know how to act in court girl so for this one to be that on hinged i'm very glad that you made the decisions you made wishing you protection and safety always good luck to you all right our first letter this week comes from ray who says hey y'all my baby daddy's first baby mama wants me to adopt her daughter when i go into the military so a little backstory please yeah i was dating voldemort for five years when we decided to move to idaho ain't shit to do in idaho for a black couple other than work and stay home and i ended up getting pregnant just four months after we moved there god i immediately started planning to move back to texas because that's where our village is only for him to tell me that he was staying in idaho and didn't want to have anything to do with the baby since i was choosing to leave i put myself on the next flight back to texas but not before finding his father's email on linkedin and letting him know that there was an addition to the family on the way his dad then informed me of a 12 year old that my ex has that he never mentioned before and also doesn't take care of i met both the kid and her mom and that's when i found out that my ex really wanted to move away because the 12 year old is a product of statutory rape and what he thought was a thing of the past was starting to show its head again i decided to form a bond a bond with them so that my kid can know his older sister but also because the other mom was struggling and i felt bad for her i've been helping her financially mentally and emotionally while she still figures mothering out suddenly she started hitting on me talking about having sex raising our kids together calling me her baby daddy etc etc and every time i just laugh it off even her kid has noticed the way that her mama talks to me but again i try not to pay it any mind now i'm joining the military and this woman has requested that i marry her and adopt her daughter so that her kid can be on my benefits my plan was to sign the rights to sign my parental rights to my son over to my parents but she's offering to watch him at our home so he can stay near me how do i tell her that this shit is starting to really weird me out without ruining the bond of having an older sibling for my son i'm really not sure what to do here thanks ray so when you i don't know if you know this but when you join the military and you have like a minor kid you do have to have like somebody that that kid can legally go to in case you get called up for active duty or whatever and i only know that yeah i only know that because my auntie and uncle on my daddy's side was in the military and like way back in the 80s my cousins was almost like legally adopted by my mama because it was a chance that they was gonna have to go serve overseas and then it turned into some whole big thing and we ended up not doing it but you have to so this lady ray was like oh i was gonna you know give the parental rights to my parents but now this other lady is like you could just marry me and then i keep the baby here at home and my daughter can go on your benefits if you adopt her and that way your kid is is near you or whatever so but there's still this whole the the heart with the x and the moving and the statutory yes yeah you're like let's get back there we sure can we sure can i just saw the look of confusion on your face i'm like let me let me clear this up in case you don't already know because of that like i was i was actually more taken through there right by the entire letter yeah it's sounding like the 12 year old's mama was probably i'm thinking an older teenager 15 16 17 whatever something younger than the legal age of consent um when this man uh assaulted her and this child is a result of that and maybe now i don't know if she was like threatening to press charges or bring it up somehow or maybe just tell people i don't know what how this was like right becoming a threat to him but that's why he wanted to do it and i think that's why he wanted to do it because he wanted to go to idaho and and refused to come back to texas yikes this nigga's a terrible person awful um okay well i didn't hear anything here about you being attracted to this woman right or wanting to do anything that was suggested so i think that we we proved some ideas of how to uh let her down gently because marrying this lady why that's big that's pretty big adopting children oh wow so no in my opinion mm-hmm and so how to say this i would try saying no no yeah i i get that you don't want to mess up the relationship between your son and his older sister however this she she sounds like she has a lot going on and i wouldn't be surprised because it also sounds like she had a baby by a grown man when she was still a teenager and that's an extremely fucked up thing to go through so right i'm not surprised that maybe she doesn't really have her shit together and sees you as this sort of like a rock you know like this giant stable thing in the middle of an ocean in the middle of a storm here is this sort of like lifeboat for her but i just also wanted to parent a household for her kid i mean i'll go get one maybe but i it sounds more like you have a kid that young i can't imagine how your mind might be wrapped around parenting you mean the mother of the 12 year old yeah oh like if trauma attached to them yeah yeah somehow surfaces you mean the mother of the 12 year old yeah oh like if trauma attached to them yeah yeah somehow surfaces you mean the mother of the 12 year old yeah oh like if trauma attached to them as like i don't know a spinning wheel in her parenting and being this kid's parent i don't know i mean if both of you were in like a solid good place i would actually think this wasn't that bad of an idea yeah me too but it sounds like she it sounds like this is going to really uh come back and and bite you in the ass if you decide to legally attach yourself um to this woman it's just not something i would play with as far as like marriage and the government and military and benefits and all that they would probably consider something like this fraudulent and it's just not something i would want to to attach myself to like it sounds like it's really gonna be a mess right um so i would say you know i i'm unfortunate i will i don't know about unfortunately but i would say something along the lines of oh no my parents are going to take my son yeah because no shade if you're still fishing you're not mothering with your 12 year old why would i want to leave my one year old with you so that you can bumble through it with him too like no my my parents my stable secure parents are absolutely going to take my child i would love for our kids to have a relationship because they're siblings but marrying you and adopting your daughter that's not on the table and i mean girl she has that's very rational right if she's mad at you for that then that come on come on we gotta start looking at the red flags marrying and adopting have we kissed have we like we're not we're not in that like i'm not attracted you didn't say nothing about being gay or bi or even remotely interested in this woman in a sexual way and it's just it's a she's not but i i feel like i understand where way is coming from because i think if i were in a similar situation my heart would be breaking for this woman that's what i'm saying because it sounds like a lot of really terrible shit has happened to you yeah and you definitely do need support and we probably need to we probably need to join together and do it like a is god is on our on our collective baby daddy yeah yeah and doesn't that sound fun i love it like if you want to team up and kill our baby daddy let's do that but i can't marry you girl be for real that's going too far yeah i mean for real though yeah i think i i agree putting it that plainly is what it is i also agree like playing around with that not an option and yeah it is so rational that girl what's she gonna do be pissed right because even if that's the case you you can simply stay that way now my heart would also basically be in this woman's hand right yeah here so so deeply yeah but it's not like i'm gonna do it like i'm just is not smart right to be like oh yeah well let's legally partner up and then you are caring for and then you're the legal guardian for my kid but you're unstable yourself like you have to do you have an obligation to do what's in the best interest of your son and this does not sound this plan does not sound like it would be in his best interest it sounds like if you get called up for a tour overseas it's best that he's with your parents for sure um so you know in whatever way you can say that and if she's like if she you know throws a fit and won't let the kids hang out no more then that's unfortunate but it's the little girl who's gonna lose out the most here it's and what are you supposed to do you can't force her to be rational about the situation so yeah yeah you guys can discuss some sort of therapy or you know that i don't know i don't think this other woman is like maybe employed or has insurance but definitely like support and resources are needed that's she would really this would this would be a very difficult thing for me to tell her because it's like i can see that you need this but i cannot do this i cannot subject my son to the possible ramifications of this i have to i have to look out for him so but best of luck i don't envy you girl that is a rough position to be in our next letter mentioned um is god is real quick i wanted to say for the bitches who was uh who saw the trailer and ploffered it who were like another movie with a black father is your mother your mother your mother starring maher shalali oh wait same shit black father killing motherfuckers oh damn damn damn oh and it came right up it sure did haven't heard you running your dick smackers about that one it's been out for like a month your dick smackers is really crazy um okay best of luck to you my dear our next letter hmm where to go with this oh gosh okay our next letter comes from liz who says hi crystal and kid fury i'm a long-time fan of 12 years and i truly appreciate the joy wisdom and light you bring to my life every week i'm writing because of something that happened that has been sitting heavily on my spirit i'm a mexican-american woman who spent a lot of time in mexico growing up and i really value the importance of culture and i deeply understand the plight of being being in a marginalized community in this country i also want to mention that i know that i'm not the only one who's been a lighter complexioned mexican i've been dating justin who is black for three months we both live in la and we both experience parts of each other's culture which is a truly beautiful part of our relationship we went to the erica badu concert last month at the hollywood bowl and it was great we had a beautiful time and we felt so close to each other afterwards as i as we were rushing to catch our shuttle back home we passed by various bootleg merch vendors drummers etc and there was a gentleman saying i'm a lighter complexioned mexican i've been dating justin who is black for selling black liberation literature we didn't have time to stop but the man selling the literature yelled in justin's direction my brother don't be another nolan wells i felt a pain in my gut one because it felt like unnecessary rage bait in the name of a young man whose life was taken tragically but quickly those feelings turned into confusion and shame as i wondered if he was yelling this because justin was holding hands with a woman who might be perceived as white me justin made a comment as he said i'm a lighter complexioned mexican as we were walking away along the lines of disgust and confusion and i said out loud okay i'm not a white woman because in that moment i felt attacked in that moment i felt attacked for my perceived whiteness i realized that this is not really about me and that i shouldn't take that comment personally but i can't help feeling uneasy and i don't know how to make sense of this justin and i have not discussed it any further and i don't even know if it's worth bringing up i'm doing my best to the plight of blackness in america and i'm trying to understand what it means to date a black man and the responsibility of being a caring supportive partner this relationship is very new and i want to learn how to navigate interracial dating and knowing when not to make things about myself knowing how to stand up for the person i'm going to care for and also holding space for my own identity and experience as a first generation mexican american mexican american immigrant in this country i would welcome any insights or feedback thank you for all that you do liz hmm go ahead i want to see if you're gonna say the same to me well liz um i would i i think i would have really appreciated knowing exactly how your man responded to that you said it was something along the lines of disgust and confusion but i would love to know verbatim what he said um i i think that in an ideal situation justin should be the person to address that because nobody was talking to you no shade um so so just shouldn't have should have been the one to say something and so knowing exactly what he said would help me tremendously here but yeah um i i i never know how to feel about people who are like well don't think of me as white, like you really hate being white. being perceived as white, even though you aren't, because, like, you know what you look like. So, you feeling attacked, I mean, I guess I just don't, I guess I don't really get it, so. Yeah, my thought was, for lack of a better term, tough. I think that, you know, this is a crumbling cookie when you're a non-Black person, especially if you're white-passing, who is dating a Black person. I don't think that people in the streets should shout antagonizing things at you. However, I think you should be prepared for certain opinions, however strong, especially if you are claiming to be so intentional about understanding. One another's culture and history. To be honest with you, there are experiences just like yours that have nothing to do with race. When I'm talking, I'm talking about people seeing a couple outside and having the gall to say something about that. But considering the seriousness of a case like Nolan Wells and public response to it, Yeah. I would eat it. I'm sorry, like, I would eat it. That's valid. And if I know my ethnicity, my nationality, but I also know my skin tone and color. Yeah. I feel like I have to just walk in understanding that that is, like, you know that you're not going to murder and throw your boyfriend and throw him in the ocean or whatever. Um, so if anything, I think that's a conversation again I would have with my boyfriend afterwards. Maybe I would tell him how I felt. You know, I was uncomfortable or I'd ask how he felt about it since he's a Black one and nobody was talking to me. Right. Um, but feeling attacked by that to me is, is, honestly, it sounds white. So, I don't know how else to word that. Yeah, I, that's why I'm like, what exactly did he say? Because I would, I just, it sounds like the sort of thing where since somebody was talking to Justin, Justin's response is, I guess, what I would really be dialed in on here. But I agree. Like, what are, what are we supposed to do? You're light enough to be perceived as white. That means you get, you get all the benefits that come along with that. And you get all of the bullshit that comes along with that. And so if that means somebody says something like, hey, watch out, nigga, with that white girl, I would expect him to say she's not white or nothing at all. Or just, I don't know, I guess there's a million different ways he could respond to that. And I would be more concerned with, if I were you in this situation, I would be more concerned with how he felt about it and his response to it as opposed to mine. Like, how I feel about it is really not what matters here. And it's like, you understand that intellectually. But then when you were actually in the moment, them white woman defenses were like, absolutely not. Like, how dare you? So, and I don't, I said that I don't really understand that because I've never been confused for anything other than black. Like, this is not something I can even remotely relate to. So, yeah. I just think that when you consider that, like she said, they've both, been appreciating one another's culture and learning from side to side and leading with all this intention. And you're also saying that he, his response to it was along the lines of disgusted. I just don't really understand what, I don't understand what about it should really keep you up. Oh, yeah. Like, why is it still on your spirit so bad? Yeah. Right. That's a good point. Why is this sitting heavily on your spirit? What? Is this the first time you've been mistaken for white? Maybe that's what it is. Maybe this has never happened to you before, but. Maybe this is the first time you've been mistaken for white and it was like, not a compliment. There was no privilege or niceties about it. Maybe it was the first time you've been mistaken for white and it was outright. Yes. Negative. And it was, and you were considered undesirable for your light skin. Right. And you're like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, Liz. Damn. I think I'm just saying, check your privilege. I think you are too. Yeah. Because, like, you have a man who was upset by this, allegedly. It's not a situation where you don't give a fuck about his culture. He don't give a fuck about your culture. They said that to him. He paid for it. Right. I just don't understand why you should be, feel attacked so much so that you wanted to email us about it or whatever. If anything, yeah, I think you should have checked in with how he felt about it. See if that made him feel any kind of way. Talk about the case. Yeah, you should bring it up because it's still weighing on you so much. I think you should bring it up with him because it's still really on your mind. But. Yeah. Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. Like, I'm sorry, I guess, that your light skin. What? Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm not, I don't know what to, what else to tell you, girl. Like, yeah, you real, real light skinned. I guess shit like that is going to happen. You're going to be mistaken for a white woman. It's not always going to be a compliment. Like with love, with love. Like a young. Black man was just murdered. He did not drown. Right. And there are still communities rallying for truth and justice and all of these types of things. Yeah. I, that's what's at the center of this. Right. So, like, with love and respect and peace. Your feelings about somebody saying. Something strongly about that in your man's direction are just not a deal. Like, you're not, they're not invalid. You have the right to feel how you want to feel. But if you're going to write a letter into two black ass niggas. Right. And ask us. Right. Like, you're, you will be fine. Right. Right. You're not saying, oh, well, then he broke up with me. Like, I don't. Right. Right. No, I think, I think if you gave you a lot of great feedback. Best of luck, baby. Our last. Cause, like, girl, what? What else? I don't know. Like, what do you mean? Maybe other people who are mistaken for white can chime in and help you out here. But I, as 100% pure nigga, I don't got it. All right, doll. Our last letter comes from Norman, who says, hi, Kifiri and Crystal. I'm a huge fan of the show and I need y'all to tell me if I'm tripping. Love this. My best friend of over 15 years and I have a trip planned this weekend at a cabin in upstate New York. We've been planning the trip for months and he and I both work demanding jobs in the city. So we're really looking forward to some quiet time in the woods. We've taken plenty of trips together and we travel very well. So I know that the weekend is going to be fun, relaxing and restorative. The problem is that he texted me an hour ago saying that his batshit sister decided to come upstate the same weekend. And she's staying 15 minutes. Minutes away from us. The sister is married, recently opened her relationship, came out as a lesbian and has been dragging my friend along for the ride. Beer. I like her. She calls him incessantly, sometimes every hour for multiple hours a day and makes threats when he doesn't answer the phone. She needs constant attention, validation and assurance, even when she's being objectively unreasonable. If she calls when I'm around, she'll ask my friend to pick who's more important. Me or her. I like her. She has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and weaponizes that against my friend when he tries to set a boundary or ignore her. I've had other friends comment on how irrational she can be and how codependent she is. However, my friend and his sister are very close and he's quick to defend her. When I've suggested to him that she can be a lot to handle, he laughs it off or tells me I'm being judgmental. My question is, can I tell my friend that I do not want to spend time with his sister on our relaxing trip upstate? He will definitely ask to meet up with her or invite her to our Airbnb and that's just not how I want to spend my vacation. I've been in therapy for more than 10 years and I have worked on setting boundaries with my own family, yet for some reason I'm feeling a little anxious about setting a boundary with someone else's. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again and love the show. Norman. I think next year will be 10 years of therapy for me. Oh. I think. Norman? Norman. Yep. Norman, this letter was a blast. It was short. It was to the point. oh yes um good time yeah no the sister sounds like way more than a handful i'm in i'm with your brother and you're like choose one of us pick who's more important because you want to yap on the phone about being a new lesbian or something what are you talking about in an open relationship okay she got a lot of you know as you were reading this right before crystal got to the how can i say that i don't want to spend time with this or whatever i in my mind was literally going what you do is say when he laughs it off no no no no no no no no i'm not going to do that you're not understanding ain't shit funny i'm dead serious i'm not going to go you you you you you you I'm telling you right now i am not paying money to spend time with your sister who you know we there's a diagnosis here however i am not going to put up with that on my vacation i'm not this is my time you already live in new york city is stressful it's a lot going on you want to go upstate enjoy this a beautiful time of year to be upstate yeah i do not want to deal with your sister like no bro the answer is no yeah i think i would just make it very plain like i don't know norman if if the homie is so defensive that that would like cause a rift in the relationship or something i would hope not but even so it should hopefully be a situation where your your friend is rational enough to even if you like there's some tension or whatever at first you can sit down and have a conversation and go you know what i'm saying i'm not going to do that i'm not going to do that you know your your sister's a lot to deal with right and that this was a vacation we picked a cabin in the fucking woods like that is that is the ultimate attempt to just be right right so you thought that i was going to spend that time an adult how much time do you have a year to go right right maybe 10 days maybe 10 paid days why would i want to spend any of that no on someone who is going to work against the peace love you dearly heart goes out to her i'm not it's not happening today no they didn't stay in no cabin when i know that she's going to be there right i'm so sorry yeah not on my vacation girlfriend yes uh if you've all this is probably a matter of finances maybe y'all went in you know half on the airbnb or the rental car whatever and i but i would have to have that conversation like i not only am i not going i'm not paying for a trip that is supposed to be relaxing and it's going to be the exact opposite of that um i also think that this is not really about having boundaries with his sister this is about having boundaries with him he doesn't have any boundaries with his sister they sound enmeshed they sound like it sounds like his sister can say or do whatever and he's just gonna go along with it that's his that's his journey yours is to put up uh you know a line draw a line in the sand and be like what i'm not gonna do what i'm not gonna do is spend the time that is supposed to be restorative and calming and all that dealing with your sister who gets on my last fucking nerve she's chaotic she's a mess it's the opposite of how i want to spend my weekend so if if you if you don't like that if that's like a deal breaker for you if he laughs it off i think if he gave you great advice of being like yeah it's actually i'm not joking like this is something to laugh off this is i'm going to cancel our vacation behind this you might let your sister run all over you and you know as soon as you try to say no to something she'd be like oh but i have bipolar and you just let her you know say or do whatever anyway because of that like you can do that all you want to i'm not going to put up with it on my vacation so i mean and if if that really just pisses him off and it means that y'all don't go on vacation together no more then so be it better that than being full of resentment and anger because you spent all this money and drove upstate and thought you was gonna have a fun time at the goddamn pumpkin patch and eating apple cider donuts and then here go his sister facetiming different dykes all weekend and being chaotic just bringing a boatload of hoes over to you to the motherfucking cabin everybody was acting a fool right oh i would i would breathe fire yeah yeah it's not happening why did i just hear about apple cider donuts for the first time like a week ago and a half oh it's big up here you know they fucking love it and they said don't get them from the store either you got to go up to the apple not apple patch fields farm what or there you go orchard you got to go up to the apple orchard and get them from them niggas i'm like girl okay you got to go up to the apple patch fields farm what or there you go orchard you got to go up to all right i've heard they're good i've never had one but you know you had big plans and i would hate to have to cancel my vacation i really would but but you're right rather going for that yeah then have a go up to stone cold attitude right yeah absolutely i would be so upset i'd rather just cancel and yeah find some time to do something else yeah i'm on your vacation in this economy at this time this is what i'm saying i'm not going to cancel my vacation i'm not going to cancel my vacation i'm sure it's not cheap to rent a cabin upstate for the weekend everybody wants to go upstate for the weekend it's peak weather for that because in a month it's gonna be too goddamn cold and nasty yeah so it's a this premium pricing no i'm not doing it i'm just not you split it with your sister if you want to go on vacation with her so damn bad tea he texted you and said hey my sister's gonna be there i might text back and say i can't stop your sister from being in the same town we're in however she's explicitly not invited to anything that i'm doing this weekend not my airbnb not in my car not a shared not the hayride none of that shit she not she is not invited to nothing and you and i will have a very serious problem in our friendship if she shows up anyway yeah i need you to understand that i can't stop your sister from going there okay but you can't stop me from staying i would hate for us to fall out and end our friendship of over 15 years because you refuse to put your foot down with your sister so you need to decide right now either she not gonna be a part of the weekend or i'm not going hey you pick you pick i'm not even the only one who she be dicing up in and picking up so it's like you know it's everybody agree that's your sister right right you know saying there is a diagnosis i regardless i understand you being sensitive about your sister but you also understand that your sister is a lot and drive people crazy and there's nothing wrong yeah there it makes all the sense in the world sister or not for somebody who you know who who you know is agitated by your sister right right to say no sorry i'm gonna send this one out oh but good luck norman let us know what you decide to do my god oh hopefully hopefully the trip is this weekend and so you'll hear this on thursday and and we'll we'll have an update next week about whether you decided to go or not but yeah what you mean if you're around and she calls she'll be like well who's more important me or your friend are you eight years old that's something i would expect a small child to say when they facetime they ain't and she got something else going on you know like i expect that out of a five-year-old a grown and even the five-year-old will probably just pout and want to get off the phone call me back when you're alone auntie i think that you're gonna be blessed you know empathetic or sympathetic i mean and you're like you know you love your sister etc etc and you let me know how to get whatever i don't know because i'm not you have to understand she's not my sister bro yeah she's not my sister you might be willing to bend over backwards for eternity for her i'm not doing that especially not on my fucking vacation my vacation no no no no no no no no no um but good luck norman please do let us know what you decide to do all right that is going to wrap up the listener letters this week again if you have a question for us send us an email ask the read at gmail.com we'll be right back we are back slurs it is time now for the read okay two things one why was there a kingdom hearts disney land thing and nobody told me about it why did they have mickey and donald and goofy dressed up like their kingdom hearts characters at disneyland which is like an hour from here and no one said anything i wasn't invited I had to find out from the internet it'll probably never happen again wow it's not like I haven't been a wide open Kingdom Hearts fan since I was born so like not like I haven't openly talked about that series for about as long as this podcast has been out which is since I was born um that's hurtful yeah um but that's that did you have you seen this clip of this white woman who dragged the absolute living shit out of Megyn Kelly for saying the girl um the girl from the the Cornell the Jane Doe in a Cornell 7 no I haven't like should have been grateful or something because she wasn't very attractive excuse I would play this for you it's making fucking demon ass what bitch what no I'm sorry what I should be grateful for a gang rape because you don't think I'm cute is that what I'm I heard that correctly yeah bitch are you oh my god I would read her myself oh my god I will actually send it to Dwayne so he can just put it in okay okay because this woman read her way better than I could to be honest with you why it was so crisp she said was I should I have been grateful at seven should I be grateful at like 13 oh my god mm-hmm yeah he said that stuff plainly and by the end of it she was like you white bitch why is it always the fucking white women I'm passing my read to that white lady Megyn Kelly you're a disgusting bitch how dare you imply that the victim Jane Doe should be grateful for the attention because she isn't pretty Wow let me see was I grateful for the attention at 7 no was I grateful for that attention at 10 no was I grateful for that attention at 13 no was I pretty at any of those ages not really it was a 70 year old a 50 year old and then a 40 year old that decided to bless me with their attention and you know what the worst part about it was my mom sounded like you I should have been grateful even though my mom had been assaulted as a child but what came out of her white woman mouth was you like them I should be grateful for the attention she ever came that later after therapy but not before she caused me to need therapy I should have been grateful for the attention she ever came that later after therapy but not before she caused me to need therapy so Megan you white bitch why is it always the fucking white women damn you're the meanest pieces of shit that ever walked the face of the earth from a young age up how did I skip that all I haven't I'm giving it to some of the MAGA over on Facebook but man I would of the MAGA over on Facebook but man I would never say shit like that you have a never say shit like that you have a fourteen-year-old daughter right and the fourteen-year-old daughter right and the law of averages tells me that your law of averages tells me that your fourteen-year-old daughter probably has fourteen-year-old daughter probably has already had some attention from the men already had some attention from the men that you've exposed her to probably so that you've exposed her to probably so Megan pull out your wallet bitch she's gonna Megan pull out your wallet bitch she's gonna need therapy oh my god I had never need therapy oh my god I had never I didn't know Megyn Kelly had said that so I didn't know Megyn Kelly had said that so I'm still reeling from how I just I'm still reeling from how I just can't I I'm having a hard time wrapping my can't I I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around why somebody would say mind around why somebody would say something like that what the fuck are something like that what the fuck are you talking about what oh well she you talking about what oh well she chewed chewed didn't even have to like chewed chewed didn't even have to like raise her voice or anything because the raise her voice or anything because the fuck are you talking about fuck are you talking about what oh well she chewed chewed didn't even have to like raise her voice or anything because the fuck are you talking about what oh well she chewed chewed chewed didn't even have to like raise her voice or anything because the fuck are you talking about Megan I hate her like I hate oh just Megan I hate her like I hate oh just Megan I hate her like I hate oh just thinking about her face right now it thinking about her face right now it thinking about her face right now it just makes me want to vomit like I can't just makes me want to vomit like I can't just makes me want to vomit like I can't oh wow wow like what do you what okay oh wow wow like what do you what okay oh wow wow like what do you what okay I'm done all right well um I I'm sorry I'm done all right well um I I'm sorry I'm done all right well um I I'm sorry I'm gobsmacked yeah Jesus Christ I mean I'm gobsmacked yeah Jesus Christ I mean I'm gobsmacked yeah Jesus Christ I mean that okay okay well let's talk about that okay okay well let's talk about that okay okay well let's talk about something that is much less serious but something that is much less serious but something that is much less serious but no less stupid have you heard about no less stupid have you heard about no less stupid have you heard about this Kelly Clarkson thing no but I've this Kelly Clarkson thing no but I've this Kelly Clarkson thing no but I've been seeing her face as I've been been seeing her face as I've been been seeing her face as I've been scrolling through headlines so I don't scrolling through headlines so I don't scrolling through headlines so I don't know what happened so Kelly Clarkson know what happened so Kelly Clarkson know what happened so Kelly Clarkson went to a little novelty magic store went to a little novelty magic store went to a little novelty magic store here in Brooklyn called art of play over here in Brooklyn called art of play over here in Brooklyn called art of play over on I believe it's on Atlantic Avenue on I believe it's on Atlantic Avenue on I believe it's on Atlantic Avenue anyway I only point that out to I only anyway I only point that out to I only anyway I only point that out to say that the rent over there is nobody's cheap point that out to say that the rent over there is nobody's cheap and so even though it might be a and so even though it might be a and so even though it might be a small business is certainly not a broke one small business is certainly not a broke one small business is certainly not a broke one that's going to come into play here that's going to come into play here that's going to come into play here in a minute so Kelly Clarkson went to in a minute so Kelly Clarkson went to in a minute so Kelly Clarkson went to Brooklyn to visit this store and tweeted Brooklyn to visit this store and tweeted Brooklyn to visit this store and tweeted about her experience saying that she had about her experience saying that she had about her experience saying that she had drove all the way out there and she had drove all the way out there and she had drove all the way out there and she had like a pretty woman experience where like a pretty woman experience where like a pretty woman experience where they assumed that she couldn't afford they assumed that she couldn't afford they assumed that she couldn't afford something and redirected her to like a something and redirected her to like a something and redirected her to like a cheaper model and was like oh you know I cheaper model and was like oh you know I cheaper model and was like oh you know I went in there trying to look at this went in there trying to look at this went in there trying to look at this thing and they were like uh maybe not thing and they were like uh maybe not thing and they were like uh maybe not that one let's show you something else a that one let's show you something else a that one let's show you something else a comparable model blah blah blah and so comparable model blah blah blah and so comparable model blah blah blah and so she said you know go to the art of play she said you know go to the art of play she said you know go to the art of play if you want to be treated like you can't if you want to be treated like you can't if you want to be treated like you can't afford nothing so this caused a lot of afford nothing so this caused a lot of afford nothing so this caused a lot of backlash because we don't kelly clarkson backlash because we don't kelly clarkson backlash because we don't kelly clarkson really not the type really not the type really not the type to go on twitter or wherever else and to go on twitter or wherever else and to go on twitter or wherever else and air out a business you know this is just air out a business you know this is just air out a business you know this is just not not not the sort of thing that we see from her the sort of thing that we see from her the sort of thing that we see from her so the business responded and basically so the business responded and basically so the business responded and basically said um said um said um the the bird that she was looking at is the the bird that she was looking at is the the bird that she was looking at is not for sale it's some automatron bird not for sale it's some automatron bird not for sale it's some automatron bird thing and you crank it up and it thing and you crank it up and it thing and you crank it up and it sings and flies around or some so sings and flies around or some so sings and flies around or some so they're like they're like they're like okay you know it wasn't for sale we okay you know it wasn't for sale we okay you know it wasn't for sale we offered to show her something else and offered to show her something else and offered to show her something else and she didn't like that and you know our she didn't like that and you know our she didn't like that and you know our bad but bad but bad but it you know that's basically it kelly it you know that's basically it kelly it you know that's basically it kelly said said said okay so now it's not for sale okay so now it's not for sale okay so now it's not for sale interesting because i'm attaching here a interesting because i'm attaching here a interesting because i'm attaching here a photograph of a price tag next to the bird that reads fifteen next to the bird that reads fifteen next to the bird that reads fifteen thousand dollars so kelly's second thousand dollars so kelly's second thousand dollars so kelly's second statement said i'm gonna read it statement said i'm gonna read it statement said i'm gonna read it verbatim cool cool sure it wasn't for verbatim cool cool sure it wasn't for verbatim cool cool sure it wasn't for sale that's the narrative art of play is sale that's the narrative art of play is sale that's the narrative art of play is gonna go with thumbs up emoji gonna go with thumbs up emoji gonna go with thumbs up emoji so the whole conversation we had when i so the whole conversation we had when i so the whole conversation we had when i asked you if it was for sale while asked you if it was for sale while asked you if it was for sale while pointing to the price tag hanging on the pointing to the price tag hanging on the pointing to the price tag hanging on the wall with the title singing bird didn't wall with the title singing bird didn't wall with the title singing bird didn't happen as you elevator eyed me saying happen as you elevator eyed me saying happen as you elevator eyed me saying in a condescending tone yes it's for in a condescending tone yes it's for in a condescending tone yes it's for sale but it costs fifteen thousand dollars so if you'd like me to find something comparable for you i can that all never happened and now it's not for sale okay cool so you're not only rude you're also a liar got it and by the way i obviously support small businesses because i was literally at a small business trying to purchase things i love small businesses i know they're important and i always support them but you don't get a free pass to treat people less than in your store just because you're a small business it's not that hard to be kind i never blast people but you were an exception your store is really cool but you ain't and again a photo of the the price tag next to this damn bird ate them why would they lie like that now the people who own the store are doing interviews with the new yorker and variety talking about how kelly clarkson has harmed them and put them in danger and all of this backlash and our people are being harassed and this is that and the other and they even released the closed circuit tv footage the security footage they released the security camera footage and it shows kelly clarkson was in this store all of five minutes she walks in dressed like every other rich white person who lives in brooklyn which means to say not nicely at all t-shirt baseball cap jeans the richest people be walking around looking like trash no you're so right they do so right she picks up a kaleidoscope she's looking through it she's browsing looking up for things she has a brief conversation with somebody about the bird after that conversation she turns around the things she picked up she puts them back on the shelf where she got them from and on her way out she says something to the cashier there's no audio because it's security footage she is literally in the store for less than five minutes the store after all of this has now changed the price tag from 15 000 to 15 million dollars so a few things a few things number one if you just love the bird so much like you jack off to the bird every night You're just obsessed with the bird. Put up a sign that says, not for sale. It's so easy. It has been done since things were sold. It's almost like you could just put up a sign that says, display only, not for sale. And this whole thing would be a non-issue. Because another very important point here is that $15,000 is a lot of money to the average person. But in New York City, it's not unheard of in a neighborhood where people spend $2, $5, $10, $20, $30 million for their homes. It is not unheard of for people to have $15,000 for a little bird that you wind it up and it fucking sings and flies across the room or whatever. That's not an insane price. And they even said, well, we marked it as $15,000 to deter people from purchasing it. Well, you ran into an extremely rich bitch. To this day, for whom $15,000 is literally nothing. She probably spends more than that on her kids' private school every month. So $15,000 is nothing. And she wanted the fucking bird. Why not just put up a sign that says the fucking bird isn't for sale? And I know y'all aren't serious. Because to then turn around and add another three zeros on it, like, well, now it's $15 million. Do you want the same problem again? Now, Kelly assumed that they looked at her and thought she was too broke to afford it. And it sounds like they said something along those lines of, like, it's $15,000, so let me show you something cheaper. But y'all own a business in gentrified Brooklyn. You know money. You have money. This isn't. You're selling a $15,000 robot bird. This store sells $2,000 puzzles and $700 wooden trinkets. Like, it's. It's not exactly some. Who do you think walks in there? It's not exactly. That's confusing. broke bitch of a loser. Right! Exactly. It is deliberately, intentionally confusing. If you don't want no problems. And a lot of the internet was like, oh, well, Kelly Clarkson. And even in their first statement, it was like, oh, well, you know, we didn't recognize her. And people are like, oh, she's just mad because she didn't get the Kelly Clarkson treatment. No. Kelly Clarkson was mad because she wasn't treated like a human being who could afford things. She wasn't treated like a real customer. What do you mean I'm looking dead at the price tag and you say, yeah, it's $15,000, though, so let me show your broke ass something cheaper. Bitch, who are you talking to? I'm looking at. I know how much it's. I can. I can read. I can buy it. I know those numbers. Right. She turned around and very calmly put those things back. Like, I'm just going to. I'm obviously not going to give y'all my money since you would make an assumption like that. It has nothing to do with, oh, well, they didn't fall all over themselves and be like, oh, my God. Kelly Clarkson. She blended in with every other bitch in that store. Y'all, if you don't want to sell the bird, put up a not for sale sign. I don't want to hear nothing about how Kelly Clarkson is targeting you and opening you up to violence and harassment and all these terrible things and all the Yelp ratings for your business are terrible now and your employees and your customers feel unsafe. I don't want to hear nothing about that when y'all still will not mark the bird as not for sale. Mark the goddamn bird as not for sale! Even if that was the intention originally, like, we priced it this way so that people wouldn't want to buy it or deter people from buying it, when she asked to buy it, why wouldn't you just tell her that? Why wouldn't you just tell her that? Why wouldn't you just say, it says $15,000 because the owner really loves it, so he wants to make it so expensive that nobody would buy it, but also, $15,000. $15,000 is not a big enough number, and not in New York City, to deter somebody from buying something like that. $15 million might be, $15,000 is not. It just isn't. Sorry. But yeah, there are so many things y'all could have done differently here other than telling that lady, well, let me show you something cheaper because you look like the $15K is out of your budget, and then going back and forth with her about it, like, trying to make her seem like she lied or misrepresented herself in any way regarding this interaction. Your own security footage backs up the story that she told. When she pointed out, if it's not for sale, then why the fuck is there a price tag on it? All of a sudden, it's, oh, well, the bird is one of a kind, and the person who makes it only makes two, and he can make you another one. But, bitch, there's a simple sign. Very simple. Display only. Not for sale. Five fucking words. You can get that overnight, and you can get that made same fucking day, and installed within an hour. You can avoid all of this by simply marking the goddamn bird is not available. Why won't you do that? Just with a sticker printer? At first, I said, I'm going to stay out of this because I don't really care. Like, I hate that for Kelly Clarkson, but, you know, some store in Brooklyn I wasn't going to go to, no fucking way. It is what it is. When she posted the receipts that, like, there's actually a price tag on this fucking bird, and they were like, oh, well, we do that, but we don't really mean to sell it. Okay, and that's where you lost me. That's where you fucking lost me. Quit playing with people. How else do you think she should have taken the situation, given what we just saw here? And I see how— That's the blackest experience she's had since she sang. It probably— You can see exactly why she was so irritated, because y'all's customer service skills are piss poor. The way you responded to this is so bad. And, like, smarmy. Right. Like, oh, well, and, you know, throwing in, like, some of her lyrics, sprinkling her lyrics into their statement, like, trying to be cutesy. Bitch, why wouldn't you say, we apologize to Kelly Clarkson. We should have had a sign up saying that the bird was display only. Kelly, we'd love to invite you and your kids. She had one or maybe both, but at least one of her kids with her. Kelly, we'd love to invite you and your kids back to the store for a private demonstration of everything the bird can do. We'll put you in touch with the person who makes it, and we'd love to show you, you know, more of what the store has to offer. Like, there's not— That's something— You could have responded like that. What is this defensive ass, oh, Kelly Clarkson is putting us at risk. Girl, you bitches are fine. People are chirping back at y'all because this is objectively stupid as fuck. It really is very stupid. And I don't understand, business-wise, what you thought—like, what was the goal in bickering with this person versus doing what you just said? Right. Why not just say, we apologize, we should have had a sign up that made it clear that the store, you know— I guess it's a magic store. They sell, you know, trinkets and bullshit. So the bird is part of the magic shows they do. So make that clear instead of putting a price tag on it. How have y'all stayed open this long? I'm honestly shocked that something like this hasn't happened sooner. I wonder if there's some of the wishing we'll allow. I don't even know. I don't even know what that is. The thing from Obsession that made the girl obsessed. Oh, you know I didn't watch Obsession. Obsession. I'm not looking at that. Don't watch that. No. No, don't watch that. No, that—the entire premise of that movie pisses me off. What you mean he wishes for her to be obsessed with him, and then she's actually obsessed with him, and he's like, oh, this actually wasn't a great idea? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why did you—shut up. This is not about you. It's really well done. It's well performed, especially in Indy Navarrete's position, and it's one that ends with really great conversation, because most of us— Most of us can agree that Bear, the guy, is a horrible person. I say he's a right one. Oh, yeah. That's what it sounds like to me. And that's really the conversation of it, you know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anyway, that's odd. Yeah. Anyway— And those people are ghetto. If I ever even thought that I would have wanted to go to Art of Play, I for sure don't now. Because if that's how y'all treat— Our American idol, Kelly Clarkson, I can just about imagine what you do to a regular-degular Black person walking through that store. Girl. I can just about imagine. And had it been a Black person, if I was in that situation, I would have assumed that y'all thought I couldn't afford it because I was Black. No. Absolutely. Because what you mean, I'm looking at the price tag, and you say, oh, well, let me show you something cheaper. Bitch, I can read. I want the $15,000 bird. Like, why wouldn't you—why wouldn't you tell her then— Maybe the baby wanted the bird. You know, maybe Kelly Clarkson just—she's extremely wealthy. That $15,000 is nothing to her. Like, she— Yeah. Y'all set yourself up for this. But you're also so right in it being in gentrified Brooklyn. Right. Like, the girls don't go over there and drop five, six figures on anything. On nothing. Literally. A rug. Yeah. The girls go over— The homes over there, like, this is, you're in New York City. This is not. middle of fucking south dakota where you could buy i don't know the fifteen thousand dollars is like a down payment on a house this isn't there people regularly spend lots and lots of money on shit you know that if you're selling two thousand dollar puzzles that's why i said every decision the store made makes zero sense and led to this exact scenario y'all set yourselves up for something like this to happen and then you responded in the worst possible way like exactly that like what you could have like if they would have done what you said it could have like you would have probably brought a lot of really good business right situation right but to turn around and act like angelica pickles the store what the fuck is wrong with you if a white woman walked in there and asked for your fifteen thousand dollar bird and he was soon she broke who do you sell to does she need to look like cruella deville it's really you see how it makes zero sense yeah i don't understand and they still just fussing and all our people and they when they said oh kelly clarkson has put us in danger i said i've had just about enough of this scott cassidy at this point i have to speak at this point i have to speak kelly clarkson didn't put y'all in danger kelly clarkson tweeted about a shitty experience she had that was 100 y'all's fault yeah you literally laid the groundwork for this exact thing to happen and your response to it lets me know that she was not wrong the millions of shops that you can walk into just here alone where there will be a sign on something that says display only not for sale it's just so easy if you were like you know we gonna do instead bullshit oh lots of people ask about the birds so maybe you should have been had this sign oh my god anyway you made your bed now you're lying in it changing it to 15 million is like right like this is just y'all are being petty and childish and like for what reason what exactly is the goal here like you you just want to keep pissing people off i don't you don't appreciate her putting you on blast on social media she didn't appreciate being treated like that she didn't appreciate being treated like that she didn't appreciate being treated like that like she couldn't afford the things that she was shopping for and y'all did that by having the fucking price tag on the bird does the birds thing glad it's glad it's mine no i watched a video of it it chirps you know it sounds like a real bird it's a cute thing and i can see how if you had a lot of money you would want to get something like that and install it especially kelly clark so you know she's probably whimsical like this why the fuck not she and the bird could be doing duets who know but this okay that is really weird and i still don't understand a lot of you girl interview yes releasing the the footage to what's his name right releasing the footage like it was gonna make y'all look better we can all see the price tag on the fucking bird that is weird yeah true insanity so fuck art of play y'all y'all literally asked for this and if your business shuts down so be it as far as i'm concerned well that'll wrap up this week's episode of the read check us out on social media at this is the read um uh you can find chris's couch my advice show wherever you get your favorite podcasts any news from you this week if you have any questions please let me know in the comments great you can find uh furious thoughts the podcast wherever you get podcasts as well as on youtube um shout out to phoenix arizona uh thank you to everyone who came out to the stand-up show this past sunday y'all were a blast phoenix i've had a really great time doing stand-up there very great crowd once again nashville tennessee here up next october 25th and then i will see you girls in huntsville alabama on october 27th and i will be home in miami for the holidays on december 20th you can get tickets for the above at kidfree.com slash tour and i think that's it the children are agitated tonight i'm not our kids i don't even know what's wrong with this one but i'm finna just like she's already pissed off about chris demarco and the liberty you bringing it back bringing it back up is really you didn't have to do that all right uh take care you're right i didn't have to do that really rude all right we'll see y'all next week