The Love of Your Life Will Want to Date You feat. Serena Kerrigan

I genuinely think that if you want a relationship, you can get one. I don't believe in this, like, it might never happen. I don't believe that. This podcast is a dear media production. Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Girls Gotta Eat! We're together! I feel so far away. You are very far away from me. Well, I think because we just had our guests interviews and we've sat on the same couch, but all of a sudden. Are they always this far? I don't know, folks. A lot. Well, you're usually 4,000 miles away, so. Is that how many it is? Okay, so I sat 3,000 the other day, and Jeremy was like, and I was like, "Is it longer?" And he was like, "I don't really know." And I was like, "Maybe it's 4,000." Who's to say? I mean, we could probably look, but I don't want to. Okay, let's go with four. Yeah. This is the longest I've been away from you. When did I see you last weeks ago? Labor day. Okay, that felt like nothing. I know. Yeah, so I am so excited to be in New York. I was in Boston all weekend. I was the best Boston weekend. Like, I've never felt like I might want to live here. And that's no shade to Boston. I've always just felt like I want to live in New York, RLA. And that's it. And that's where my community is. And I don't know. I think, you know how I get, though. When you have like a perfect weekend, perfect weather, you're like, "Should we live here?" Yeah. And I was just like, "Yeah, we should live here." You're inching into the fall. I'm so happy. It was unbelievable. I think I checked Saturday morning. I was like walking around four pastries. I was like, "I'm so grateful. I just feel so much gratitude for like living here." I'm just like, "So happy." And like, I said, "You're a gratitude voice now." That's what the fall does to me. Well, in New England, I mean, I think Boston is the most charming major city in America. Whoa. Name another one, charming architecturally. Yeah, like little, it's Charleston. I'm not saying this is not tangling over in Boston. I think Boston is gorgeous. It's the most historic city. I find Charleston really beautiful up there. But I'd think of Boston as a bigger major city. I don't think of Charleston as a major city. Okay, you're talking about taller than you would think. You're talking about top, top major cities. It's major major cities. I want to say Boston's a top 10 city in the US, but population wise, it's not. But I just think it's such a special place. And I feel like New England is like so hot right now. And so I was just walking around and just like, this is the most charming big city in America. And I will die in that hill. You might live there? No, I mean, I have an update next week about staying in LA. And I'm excited to share with you guys next week. I just need to make sure it's completely locked in. But we're going to definitely, I think, going to be in LA for a little longer. But I'm like, I don't know. I just, I felt really at home there this weekend. And I just feel so loved there. Like, we've toured so much there. And like, when I meet people on the street, people get either respect that you deserve on the East Coast in New York. I can't walk down the street without some girl going, you should live. Oh, my god, I love you so much. I love you. I, it's never in LA. I feel no respect in LA. I feel beloved in Boston, Chicago. No work. Why don't you walk down the street? I mean, the amount of you that come up to us in New York, Boston, fill it. Honestly, I get more people come up to me in Paris than I do in LA. So it was just really nice. So, you know, Charlotte, all of the Boston girlies that just make me feel so loved and so at home there. And you never know. I mean, that would be such a long stream. I don't know, I'd be closer to you. I don't know if I can move back here and you know that. OK, I've been knowing that you're not moving back here. We're going to take our partners. We are going to talk about it. So thank you to Henge, "Download the Dating App Designed" to be deleted and new. Started GLP1 program for $39 and have it delivered in as little as seven days at newm.com. And thank you to Revolve. Get 15% off your first order at revolve.com/gge with code gge. How do you feel in my outfit? Um, I don't like it. I like it. Is this a-- I don't-- I wouldn't wear a self. Or is this a-- I don't like it on you. I-- you know what it is, ballet flat. I actually love the outfit. I hate the shoes. And I would love to see this exact outfit with a pump. This is how I designed it. I did design it with like a sling back heel today. I'm wearing a white-- I'm wearing a black caprize from Evolvish. We'll talk about it at a button down white shirt. And I love the look with a heel, but we're recording. So I wear a white ballet flat. So I am trying to find, for the fall, to wear with caprize and other things, is a true pump that I love, like not a sling back. I don't want that sling back. Just a sling back cut out. Not a-- still let out for me. But maybe a bus, like a two and a half inch, not a kitten. Maybe a three inch, but like a true pump. Like a high heel. I love a pump. Yeah, I used to wear those all the time. I had these Jessica Simpson red pumps. Like bag of my 20s. Yes, but sometimes shoes. I have a big foot. And so sometimes I'm thinking of a pair of sling backs. I have that I wore to a show once. That the cut into the back of my heel, you know? That's what I mean, I was crippled for weeks after the US Open. I was wearing a flat sling back. And I was like going to throw up. Anyways, I won't listen to every week we talk about my feet. But, yes, I like this with like a white pump. A white pump. Yeah, or a nude pump. A nude pump elongates your legs. I've just been wearing caprize a lot. I've just-- I have not gotten to do fall fashion in years. Actually, I'm fucking over the moon. I have a few new outfits that I'm so excited about. One of them is already on my Instagram. I wore it out to dinner in Boston at Contessa. I did a photo shoot in that hallway, which is Influence or Central. Remember that hallway? Yeah. And so we walk in, and like we were not late, but we needed to get up to our rest. So I didn't get to do it in the way into the restaurant. And on the way out, I'm telling you, there was 10 girls trying to get this photo. And I was like, I don't need to be doing this. I don't need to be in this line. I'm too old for this shit. And we left and we're out on the street. And Shashank was like, they're all gone in the elevator. Won't you go back in there? Because you have to take the elevator to the next wall to take that photo. So he took the photos and then I posted this on my Instagram with his full camera roll of all these photos. So that's one outfit that I love that the leather jacket, which I'll talk about shortly with Revolve. And then I had this outfit that is one of my favorite outfits I've ever gotten in my life for fall. Do I know about this? I don't think you know about it quite yet, but it's these plaid pants in this cropped card again. I am so excited about Fall Fashion. All these leather jackets that I've bought. Like we went to Taylor Strucker and Taylor Donahue have been on our show and they're on Sassy Shroeder's reality show. They had a welcome to fall party on Saturday. And I wore a leather jacket as a shirt. I was just like over the moon excited. Yeah, that's how that look was that I just talked about. Like the leather jacket stayed on the whole night. Like I had a shirt under it, but it didn't matter. I thought it was the body. I debated a funer neck. Yep. Love it. A short, booty short. I've not had fall and so long. Yeah, I fucking love New York. I know. Yeah, so I just wanted to share some travel stories with you. Yeah. So, flew to Boston first and then it came here. So, flew out. I flew American flagship business, which I think is one of the least expensive ways to get a lay flat. So, American flagship first. Those are individual pods. The business, it's like two by two. And they're lay flats. I just find this to be like a great way to fly if you're trying to. Like take an early flight and sleep, whatever. So, that's how I'm flying. So, get to the airport. I am going to check in and check my bag. And there was like a woman kind of manning the line area. She was asking for your boarding pass. I showed my boarding pass. And she looks at me so suspiciously. Like it wasn't real. I was like, I'm priority. She was like, hmm. Like her energy was, yes, like we'll see about that. And I'm holding it in her face. It says like priority flagship business, whatever the fuck. And she was like, I mean, I guess. And just like let me go. I'm like, okay, it's going to be a weird morning. This is 5.30 in the morning for a 7 a.m. flight. So, that happens. Go through security. Security was a madhouse. I don't know what was going on. So many people, like in line, they had to manage people in line for the bins, you know, each person. It was just like really, wait. Way more people than I'm used to at LAX. It's just kind of chaotic people coming from. Yeah. So, by the time I got my stuff into the bin and had went to get in line to go through the X-ray machine, I was like, that felt like it was so far away from my stuff. Like there's so many people, whatever. So, I go through the, they, it buzzes, turns red. There's a woman and a man standing there. The woman was like, take off your jacket. And I was like, and do what with it. Like, and then what? She was like, put it back through the X-ray. And then the man goes, man, we've been pulled for a random check. And I'm thinking, doesn't that mean I just go into the thing? Yeah, the thing. Why do I have to take you out of jacket on? I did denim jacket on. I'm TSA pre-check. I'm just wearing a jacket. I take jackets off. You don't have to take your jacket off? Bold, leaving a jacket on. I didn't know that was even an option. Didn't know. Thought I was shoes on, like, okay. That's not a thing. I didn't know. I'm just wearing like a denim jacket. They always maim take your jacket off to me. So, he's like, we're gonna need your jacket. I'm like, is that what this, isn't the random check just that I have to go into the thing? Yeah. You know, and like, arms up, arms down, whatever. They don't know what's going on. They're just like, just take the jacket off. And I'm literally like, I'm not trying to cause a scene, but do you want to hold it? What do you want me to do with it? And he's like, you got to put it back in the thing. I'm like, I'm so far away from my stuff. There are a hundred people between me and my stuff. I don't really understand where you want me to put it. And he motions to this woman. He throws her the jacket right up. I'm telling you, Kobe, he literally throws it. She stuffs it into the bin. I'm like, it's everyone's first day working at the airport. So, that happens. I'm like, this has just been a crazy day. Like, I don't think that the random alert met. I had to remove my jacket. You guys just decided to do that in a moment. So those are two different situations. It was making up rules as they went. I do think that you are wrong and you need to take your jacket off. Absolutely not. That is what you do not need to. Let's look this up afterwards. Jackets and shoes stay on your TSA. Not a big, puffy jacket, but just a denim jacket. Part of my outfit, yeah. A hundred percent. That's not a thing. Selected for a random thing. But again, when she said it, she just was making up on the spot. She was like, oh, take that jacket off. I was like, okay. So, take the metal and your body out, ma'am. So then, we got in the plane. And when. And they come around, the flight attendant comes around for to check what we had ordered to eat. This woman, I made some notes because I didn't want to forget anything. I just want to describe the way she looks. She's probably 55 years old. The flight attendant, American, obviously. Bleach blonde, updo, hot pink, lip, blue eyeliner, really felt like she was out of a different time. And she says to me, she's like, "Ma'am, it says here you pre-ordered the fruit plate." And I was like, "Oh, I didn't remember that." But I like you. Yeah. Hey, look at the menu in front of me. And I see on the bottom of the menu, it says there's a cheese plate. There's three courses. The bottom says cheese and fruit. And I go, "Oh, the cheese plate?" She goes, "No, everybody gets that." And I was like, "Okay." I said, "There's four main dishes on here, which one did I order?" There's an egg, there's a biscuit, there's a musely, there's an oatmeal. So I'm thinking, "Which main dish did I order?" And she says, "You got the fruit plate." So then I look at the menu again. At the top of the menu, it says fruit plate as a starter. So I'm like, "Oh, so I just ordered the starter as my entree somehow." She goes, "No, everybody gets that fruit plate." The Jansi stare has infected this 55-year-old one. She just stares at me. I'm like, "Is it the fruit plate? Is it the cheese plate? What did I?" And I'm like, "Ashley's stay calm. She's staring at me. We're going to stand off." I'm in the window. So the guy that's in the aisle is just like between us. Like, he doesn't know what to do, right? So I hold up the menu to her again. And I say, "Mam, did I order the eggs, the biscuit, the musely, or the oatmeal?" She goes, "The musely." Obviously you order the musely. I know you order the musely. Raina, she said fruit plate five times. Yeah, obviously that's not. I know you and I know that you selected musely. The way she said it was like, she hadn't just said fruit plate five times, Raina. So she walks away, the man next to me burst into tears laughing. He was like, "That was the craziest thing I've ever witnessed." I was like, "Did she not say fruit plate to me five times?" And then finally she was like, "We had this big laugh about it." So she comes by with the starter fruit plate that everybody gets, puts it down in front of me. She goes, "Your first fruit plate?" Raina? And I'm going to put a picture on the screen. It was a true fruit plate, okay? Your first fruit plate. Do you think she thought about that the whole way down the aisle? She's like, "I'm going to get her." The entrees come out, sets it down. Your second fruit plate. Let me show you. What was on it? Let me fucking show you. That's it. It's a fruit plate with a ramekin of yogurt. It is a fruit plate. There's literally, it's a ramekin of musely. It's not a bowl, it's not a plate, it's like a side dish of yogurt next to this, yes, second fruit plate. This is an issue with the menu, American Airlines. She roasted me. She wouldn't let up. The way your second fruit plate, and I was like, "That is a fucking fruit plate." I thought I was getting yogurt and granola. Yeah, that's what you got on Delta. There's a plate, that the primary thing on the plate is the yogurt. It should be the main part of the plate. It was another fruit plate with a tiny little side of a musely. A dipping, a ramekin, if you will, of yogurt. Now I see where she was coming from. Yeah. You're like, "Now I'm on your way." The guy next to me, again, busted out laughing when they set that down in front of me. What did he get? He had the biscuit. Did he get a normal amount of food? It was like a normal plate. Yes. Okay. We had a couple weird interactions with him too, whatever I really do. He turns to me, or really attractive, black man, like I was like, "Okay, this is a great seat mate to have." They give you a big case with your overear headphones if you want to watch movies or whatever. He had his sitting under his laptop, to prop up his laptop, and he goes, "Hey, are you using your headphones?" I was like, "No, do you mind if I?" He was like, "I'm using mine to prop up my laptop." He was like, "Give him back if you need him." He used his headphones as a table. Like the case. It's big. It seems unstarted, but okay. If you needed the headphones, you could have taken them out and still used the hard shell. No, he wasn't. Did he use the headphones? I then he wanted an extra case to prop up his computer. No, I don't know if he did. I didn't actually, he was using his headphones as like a laptop, a stand, and then he asked for mine. Are you gonna eat that? That's crazy. He was like, "Give me the extra headphones." I never needed it back. Like, it was fine. Yeah. So, that was like my travel experience, but yeah, Andrew Colin and I were supposed to get on a plane the other day, and then they did not put us on the plane, and it was this little cutie pilot. He was like, "So, here's what's going on." The sound system is making a noise, and I don't think that you guys are going to want to have this plane for hours with the noise. Can we all agree we don't want to be on the plane with the noise? And everyone's like, "No, no, he's like good turn all." And he was doing crowd work. Yes, and he was such a little cutie. Oh, this was in the terminal? Yeah. It was great. Did I ever tell you about that one time? What airport was I in? Why were they playing Bingo at the gate? What? Who was playing Bingo? The gate agent was running a Bingo game. What? Was it like airport Bingo? I don't know what was going on, I don't remember what the airport it was, but I heard some commotion over the gate across on the other side of the airport, and they were doing Bingo over there. The gate agent was running it. It was fucking crazy. Where do they get the cards? Do they have writing utensils because it's a delay? They're just trying to distract people. I've kid you not. It was wild. I don't know that was legal. I don't understand. You do have to hear stuff at the airport. It's already hard enough to hear. Yeah. When will they invest in a sound system that you can hear at the airport or in a plane? The world may never know. We probably never will, but I didn't know that we were like a lot to be silly. Yeah. I mean, Southwest. They got that unlocked. It does sound like it's not Delta. Yeah. So, anyway, that was, you know, never a dull moment on American. God, that's fucking. That's for sure. I never have any reason to fly American anymore. You're so lucky. Okay. Well, we have Serena Carrigan, you guys today. We just recorded with her, and it is such a delay, so much fun advice, and we just ask all of our burning questions about her relationship and her new book and all the things. So, we are so excited for you guys to hear it, but we are just going to tell you about our partners, and we will get into it with her. This is the perfect partner, actually, for an episode about dating, hinge. Truly, the dating app that I think facilitates the easiest conversation, the most dates. It's so easy to use, and, you know, I think a lot of people feel like dating apps. It's just, it's hard to swipe and swipe and swipe, and hinge has been built to facilitate dating with intention. So, the profiles are great. It's easy to upload the photos, but the prompts are really what I think create. Connection and conversation, and it's built to encourage you to talk to people, get to know people, be positive, share something funny, or interesting about yourself, be vulnerable, and just feel empowered to, like, start a conversation, get off the app, go on a first date, see if you like somebody be brave, and I just love all the things they're doing. Actually, when I say all the time, we eat so many friends that have had fantastic dates, have gotten married from hinge. And I think that, you know, we're in a time where people are working from home. There's not as many ways to meet people out in the wild, hinge is the way to facilitate that, help you to date with intention, and just find what, like, feels right for you. Yeah, it's my favorite date I've ever used in my life. I can vouch for it. I feel like it's really funny. If you tell somebody how you met, and it's not through an app, or something, like they'll be like, "I thought you were going to say hinge." Like, I have this new friend, and she asked, "Tell Shachan, can I get it together?" And it's such a long, crazy story, which is like, "That you're going to say hinge." Like, it's just become, like, the household name of, like, that's actually the day and after it works, and you, like, meet real couples and go to real weddings, and it's like, "Met on hinge." Where else would you meet? They just really will facilitate conversations for you, and you can share so many things about yourself, respond to people's photos, and their prompts, and what they got going on, and then get off the dating app, and get into real life, and we have a great episode that will help you do this. But this is a great tool. So, hinge, download dating app, designed to be deleted. Okay. Revolve fall fashion. If you guys are going to be in your fall fashion bag, this is how you have to do it, right now. Those are the commando. These, so they have commando. I mean, obviously, we love it. They have so many brands. Yes. These are Super Down. Oh, they are. Are the Super Down ones, too? So affordable. They're stretchy. I've been wearing them, like, constantly. Okay. So, we both have the Super Down, which is one of Revolve's house brands, Black Capri's. I just got the commando ones. So comfortable. I'm just obsessed with them. These plaid pants I'm wearing are Revolve. You just checked the tag for me. It was stone cold. Stone cold? We love their brands. And I just mentioned I got this faux leather jacket from Revolve that I am so obsessed with that I had to do a photo shoot and grid post about it. And it's Alice in Olivia. It's got this funnel neck. It's this gorgeous. I'm looking at it right now. It's this gorgeous burgundy color. And I just love it so, so much. So that with a pair of short shorts and a heel for fall. I'm loving that look. plaid pants. I'm all about. And again, just the Capri's and the jackets. Everything they have is incredible. They have a fall shop. Anything you want on Revolve, you can just put it in the search bar. They will spit out a bunch of results, all different price points. And then we also love that when you see an item you like, they'll give you a bunch of suggested items under it. And they really understand your taste. They understand your sizing. Like they usually will say we recommend the size. It's always correct for me. We are obsessed with the fast shipping today, free shipping, easy returns, the labels in the box. They make it so easy for you. They're just really pro customer. They really like cater to their customer. We love it. They don't make it hard for you in any way. And you can get all your outfits that you want for a random Tuesday, work, work from home, or a big night out, or a wedding, whatever you have going on. So if you're looking at your closet right now, thinking, no, none of this is working, just go to Revolve. They have all the brands you actually want. There's always something new. And you can order a few options because the shipping is fast and the returns are easy. Go to Revolve.com/GG to shop our faves and use code GGE for 15% off your first order. That's Revolve.com/GG, code GGE for 15% off your first order. this offer ends October 10. 10th, so don't miss out. Revolves.com/GG. CoGG. I'm telling you guys about NUME. And if you're curious about taking GLP ones, I'll just be open about my own experience. I have been on them. I've had really positive experiences. But I think a lot of people, when they are either curious about GLP ones, one of the first questions is like, what if I want to get off of them? Or what if I want to figure out how to eat healthy and work out the way that is good for my body? Like, and I don't want to only rely on this. If you are curious about GLP ones, I would suggest checking out NUME. They are the leading behavioral change company, and they believe that losing weight is only half the battle. So I really love what they're doing. Losing weight can be the easy part with GLP ones, but the harder part is sort of understanding, like, what is my body need? How do I feel full, comfortable? How do I eat healthy? How do I work out in a way that works for me? Understanding and managing the food noise. How do I make intentional decisions about food and exercise? And for that reason, I really love what NUME is doing. They have an app. It's really easy to use. And when you sign up, they're gonna give you suggestions for what to eat, how to exercise. They're gonna help you make progress that you can keep and it's designed for real life. So it'll help people stay on track, even when your life kind of gets busier, unpredictable. It's psychology-based and science-backed programs, pairs GLP ones with behavioral changes, daily lessons, and food logging, sport weight loss that lasts. And I love that it's not just like, take this GLP one. It's, let's find a way to integrate good habits into your life so that this is sustainable for you. So I love what they're doing. The program is designed to maximize your success so GLP ones will help you develop sustainable habits to live better and longer. They are the leading behavioral change company. They help people lose weight and keep it off. And the NUME GLP one program starts at $39 and is delivered to your door. And as little as seven days, start your GLP one journey today at NUME.com. That's N-O-O-M.com. NUME, lose for keeps. And the initial MUN1 subscription from $39 plus tax and $99 plus tax per month thereafter. Cost of the medication is not included. Final pricing depends on a program selection. Okay, let's get into it. Okay guys, we are very excited to welcome back a guest today. She's an entrepreneur creator, Forbes 30 under 30 honoree. She has built a brand around confidence dating and relationships. She is the creator of a Let's Fucking Date, which has grown from a digital dating series into card games, live shows, and a community of over a million people. Her first book, Let's Fucking Date, Become the Prize, Enjoy the Ride. And never settle again is out now. Please welcome back to the show, our friends, Serena Carrigan. Yay! Guys, thanks for having me. I also want to say thank you for the blowjob spray, because that should change my life. Oh my God! Okay, so she's talking about our vibes only like flavored blowjob gel. Well, we brought you more today. We'll send you guys some. Okay, I'm gonna give you a long treat. I don't think you have time for a blowjob this week. Dops, do you think I'm a booktor? No, but it's phenomenal. I posted on my story. It's amazing. It makes it penis taste delicious. Oh, yeah. I don't know which flavor you would have, but we have a bunch. It's on the ill. Okay, I won't be giving out my chat, but hey, you never know. Are you still giving blowjob? How many years have you been with Felix? Three and a half. Are you still, you guys oral sometimes? Yeah, honestly, I feel like it's not something that he asked for, which is probably why I like to do it still. You know what I mean? It's all like, oh, yeah. But I think it's this kind of powerful thing. Like, I feel very in control. I'm like, I could bite your dick off. Yeah, I always say that. I think it's like very powerful. 100%. Okay, this is a great start. It's a completion. No, no, no, I have. It's rare. I'm like a birthday, maybe. Right, okay. I'm doing the other day by accident. It's like, I know, you're finished. If they're like, I'm gonna finish. And I'm like, oh, that wasn't supposed to happen. And then I will make it so unpleasant for you. Like, I will walk around all around. Like, I will not make it. It's like, but sex. Like, you could do it to me, but I will not make you enjoy this. Right, right. So, I'm not looking to finish. Well, we did a whole episode on this because people get scared that they have to finish it. It's like, this can be for play. First, we have to rewrite this narrative. Guys, we're busy. Like, let's be real. But then what? What do you mean? Wait, if they come, then what do you mean now? It's four plays. I only did it the other day 'cause we had sex twice. You don't defend it? No, no, no, no. I do defend it. I do defend it. We had sex twice that day and I just was a little sore and I still was like wanting to play around a little bit. And again, it was, I didn't mean to finish it. I caught you off guard. Yeah. Who was this with? The only tech on this. Oh, okay. No, okay, got it. Yeah. Just making sure it wasn't a 21-year-old. Anyway, I thank you for your innovation. Raina met a 21-year-old and she like didn't know what I've been saying. See, younger guys, 20 years younger. 20 years is incredible. What do you learn? So cute. He's such a ziworship you? No, we didn't get that far. Yeah. You got a mommy kink. Okay, so book launch week. Yeah. I hate to ask the most generic question, how are you feeling? 'Cause it's so broad. But like, I would do what I know. Like, what are your three primary emotions? Relief, okay. And pride and anticipation. I feel very grateful. I think I've spoken to a lot of authors. And the thing about writing a book is like, you don't really know anything about it until you're in it. And then, you're like, holy shit. This is insane. Writing it, I had the best time of my life. I literally was like, oh, ding on, Adderall. I was just like, in my office type, type, typing away. Like, I really enjoyed it. It brought me so much joy. The promotion part of it is very interesting because people just don't buy fucking books. Like, it's crazy. It makes sense. There's AI now. There's video content. Like, people are illiterate. I don't know. Like, it's a difficult thing to sell. It's also nonfiction. Typically fiction sells better. Obviously, like, people want like a steamy romance novel, whatever. But at the end of the day, like, I felt like it was the time to write this book because I've been online giving advice for years. And yes, like, obviously you can make a lot of impact with an Instagram story or a video. But there is something about reading is a different process that you can't replicate with a video. It's a different experience. So people ask me, they're like, well, what can I get out of your book that I haven't seen online? I'm like, a lot. Because it's like, it's a book. And it's 368 pages. Okay. So I just touched this for the first time. It's the most beautiful cover I've ever seen. I love that it doesn't have the jacket. I know, okay. No jacket. Let's talk about that. Jackets get people take off the jacket. Yeah, I'm saying I pulled it out of the thing. I couldn't believe no jacket. No jacket. What's insane is like a Bible. She's a slut. She has no jacket on it. Did you anticipate that length? It's so long. It's a Bible. It actually feels like a Bible. Yeah. And not too long, you guys. Don't be intimidated. You're holding your new Bible. No, guys, the chapter, it's 80 chapters are really short. I told Ashley that. She's like, I thought you were lying to me. No, no. It's the tick-tockification of love that you did like that. I did this for the ADHD generation. If that's you, don't worry. I got you because I don't want fluff. Like the number one comment I keep saying is like, she's no fluff. She got right to the fucking point. The chapters, like, two pages, three pages long. The no jacket was, I think, because I wanted people to take this on the subway. The most important thing was I wanted to create a cover that you wouldn't feel embarrassed if you had it in your living room or in your coffee table, because when I had getting him to I do the rules, the rules literally says, the stating book called the rules literally says, like, "hi, this book." Like, it literally tells you to hide it. Right. Because it says, like, it's about getting him to propose. Yeah. So I wanted a book where, like, you could probably have this on your coffee table and like, you wouldn't blink. Right. So that was really important to me. So you really take people through every chapter of, like, life, stages through, like, being single is actually pretty awesome to, like, how do you prioritize your, how do you find somebody at the gray area all the way through, like, okay, you found somebody, but, like, the work doesn't stop. Relations are fucking hard. It's interesting to me how many comments I've got being, like, I want to buy your book or I supported you. I bought it, but, like, I'm not single. And I'm like, that's so interesting because for me, like, it's the second last chapter of this book is called Marriage is Not the Finish Line, because I feel like we're convinced that if you get the guy, get the ring, pick your feet up and relax, I'm like, bitch, it's starting now. Don't wait. It's hard to be with somebody. There's nothing easier than being single. I say it all the time. Gating is hard. Being single is so easy. You don't have to think about somebody's feelings. No one's annoying you all the time. Marriage relationships, they're really hard. Well, were you saying something? No, I wanted a different line from me the other day that I liked. Oh, I saw a thread that said unpopular opinion or hot take or whatever. Marriage isn't hard. Marriage is easy. Life is hard. Like, marriage should be a soft place to land when life is hard. Your partner should not be making your life harder. And I think people have this thing of it such a hard, such a struggle, and it's like, that should be the person that makes your life easier. Not every moment of every day, like, we all have conflict. I mean, I want to talk about relationship too, and I have a pretty conflict. I don't have a lot of conflict in my relationship, I don't want to say conflict free, but it makes my life easier and better, not harder. There's a chapter my about cold gloves off, because my parents got divorced when I was two. So I just associated like fighting with a baby, right? Like it's over, totally. I didn't realize that the side of a healthy relationship isn't the absence of conflict. It's actually how, that you're working through it in like a peaceful way where there's no door slamming, you know, raising your voice, that to me was so foreign. And like that is truly the hallmark, I think of a great relationship. It's not if you have a fucking ring on your finger, although go office, like I'm, you know, one day, but it's about like, if you also are having conflict to be able to like resolve it, and it's not a pat, you know, it doesn't keep coming up again, because that person genuinely wants to make you happy, they don't want you to feel bad, right? They should. They should. It should feel like you're on the same team. Like if you're, you feel like that's your adversary, we're in the bad place. You want to win? Like you want to show him? Yeah. I literally would be like sweating at night being like, did I forget a chapter? Like it really, I wanted it to be encompassing because I wanted it to be a book where like you could keep going back to it if you ever got anxious or like you felt alone, like you're like, oh, Serena, she wrote about this. Let me go read. That's what I wanted it to give you a hug and a sob in the face. I like to explain why the chapters are short. It's bite size. It's meant to be like for the tiktok of occasion of the world. It's just like, let's digest this in three pages. Correct. Because you're smart and you actually know the fucking you just want me to remind you of it. - Right. - You know what I mean? Like, everyone who messages me, Paragraphs, Paragraphs all day, all the women who message me asking for advice, I literally sometimes will respond me like, if I said this to you verbatim, what would you say? They write the most concise, three-line Paragraph, and I'm like, most perfect advice ever. I'm like, "Bitch, you knew the answer." - You knew the answer. - You always know the answer. I'm just here to remind you. - Yeah. - So, can I start with something that I really liked from the very beginning of the book? I said to Ashley, I thought it really added a lot of humility to your story, because I think your whole brand is like, "I'm Serena Facking Carrigan and you're the prize." And the beginning of your book is like, I created this brand, but I wasn't really like, "Fraud, finding what I wanted." - Hold on. - And I thought it added some really amazing humility to the beginning of the book. So, can we start there a little bit? - Absolutely. Listen, I was insecure like any other bitch, and my way of reminding myself of who I was and giving me that boost was to call myself Serena Facking Carrigan and to be larger than life. And I think that is intrinsic in me. It's not like I'm performing or playing a part. It's like an exaggeration of me, but it's just like, it was also an over-compensation. It's like, I was constantly be like, I mean, I literally, my Instagram, I was, I'm the queen of confidence. And like, I was just trying to like show up as that. And I thought that confidence meant like, you walk into a room and like, I'm that fucking bitch. Where I think as with age, I realize that it's actually being okay to be soft and vulnerable. And just be like, "I'm Serena." That's what confidence truly is. But it's a journey and we got there. But I think that for me, I was like giving all the stating advice. I was like, and by the way, it's so confident with what I was saying 'cause I knew I was right. But then it got to a point where I was 29 and I was like, oh my God, where the fuck is he? Like, where is this man? 'Cause I thought that my advice was good. And through the work I realized that part of being able to be open to receiving love was to genuinely believe that I was deserving of it. - Wow. And this realization of, I don't have to be Serena Facking Carrigan in your face, walk in the room like guns blazing. You know, I can be a little softer. Pop, did that come before Felix or in that relationship or kind of in the same time? - Before. - Okay. - By the way, if you're listening and you don't have an alter ego, that's fine. (laughing) - It's okay. - It's okay. - It's actually probably for the best. No, it's okay. But it might be relatable to you because maybe you go to work and you're that bad bitch that's fucking hustling your CEO or like you literally like, you're getting promoted like women have to create space for themselves out of table. And we had this more masculine energy that we present. I found that like, but I didn't want that energy at home. - And you're really? - In my relationship. I wanted to be taken care of. Like I could take care of myself financially. We all could. But I wanted a masculine man to take care of me and to pick where we're going for dinner. Make the plan just like, take care of me emotionally. In order to do that, I couldn't come on to a date and be like, I'm Serena Facking Carrigan. Like I had to, so I remembered before dates, I'd be like, soft-string and soft-string. And I talk about that in the book. I'm just like, your presence is a present. You don't have to overcompensate. You don't have to like make the plan and over-manage the situation, because you have to trust that you are good enough. And then it's gonna happen with the right person. - Yeah. And I love that. It's not be submissive and that type of advice, but it's just like, you can relax. Kick your feet up and let him like, because I felt like if I didn't make the plan, call the reservation, like, do all the things, like to ask him what day he was free, then it wouldn't happen. Yeah, if it's not happening, then he was never yours to begin with. - I think we all want to find sort of that balance between like being the driver's seat and feeling like you can kind of de-escalate a little bit and so much dating advice to me is really contradictory to that. It's like be confident, but let them lead, you know? And there's just the amount of dating advice in the world is there's just so much of it. And I think it's hard to be like, what relates to me? And what am I able to take in? And how can I kind of like tune out the rest of the noise? And it sounds like you kind of were able to like, cherry pick what even works for you from your own dating advice and find a person that fits within that. - Listen, I think yeah, you should be a confident woman. And yes, you should let him leave, because I think that men show their interests through pursuit. - Yeah. - And if you don't let them lead them, you don't know if they're genuinely trying to pursue you or if you're just making it so easy for them that they're the last. - Yeah, if they're just like to see. - That's the thing. I'm like, sure, text him first, it doesn't matter. After a day, I would, if I texted him first, then maybe he would respond and be polite then we'd strike up a conversation and then he would see me again. But I would never know was he gonna text me? Was he actually gonna pursue me? That's why sometimes I'm like, just relax. - Kind of like lean back. What do you think? You disagree? - No, I don't disagree. I think there's so much dating advice in the world and I think that you have to just figure out like where you feel the most comfortable. And it sounds like you found a balance between like I can be confident. I can also let somebody be a person and fill the space also and lead a little bit. It's just, it's really hard to decide like one to say one and one to stick up for yourself, one to say no. And just, there's a lot of this out there. I saw this quote recently, I'm not gonna get it word for word, but it was the sentiment that the more you do for a man, he doesn't think you're so great. He thinks I'm so great. - Uh-huh. - Maybe it was Serena, I don't know, but I saw this. - It wasn't you, but I think I saw it that it. - I'm like the other day. It's just like, I'm gonna show mom a check here and do everything for him and show him how nurturing I am and go to the mother, I'll be in a good wife and all he thinks is I'm so great. That's why she's doing all this for me. - I'm the ship. - And I think that the more you let a man do stuff for you, I think that's where he feels valuable in the relationship. We've always said this 'cause I think we all can do all this stuff on our own. But you have to kind of release the grip and let them show their value in a relationship and they need to feel needed too. I think that's where everything goes south is a man not feeling needed. Women can't relate. Women are like, we always feel needed. We have to do everything. - Yeah. - Literally. - I think people in general need to feel needed, but women can't relate 'cause we always feel needed. Everybody needs to do everything for us. - Literally true. - So your relationship now, I'm just curious. Do you wanna get married? Are you? - Yes. - Are you okay? - I'm just curious if people ask. - All the time. - Eat right. - So I grew up with parents that never got remarried. - Okay. - And actually seemed to feel like his parents were also divorced at two, never got remarried. - I never grew up with a mom or a dad ever saying, when you get married, your husband, I never heard those words. And I'm so grateful because they did not place any value on a marriage. Healthy relationship, absolutely. I feel like us getting two docksons was more of a commitment than a fucking ring. Don't get me wrong. It is a commitment and it's amazing. And I'm looking forward to it. But the pressure, I feel, if anything, it's about having kids. And I was luckily, I froze my eggs. So I feel like that also awarded me some time. Also my boyfriend is six years younger than me. It's 26 years old. He's not ready to get married. There's no rush for it. - Right. - Totally. - Do you like, when you go home for the holidays, is that not your experience of people like when you guys getting married? I've heard you've posed about this that you're like, can everybody stop fucking asking me the shit? So people ask me all the time, but I don't blame them. Like I understand why it's exciting and we're in love and it's like, why not? But I think like the age thing is a factor. - A hundred percent. - Also it's expensive as fuck to get married. - Yeah, you're telling me. As a person who paid for a wedding. Okay, you just got a second puppy. I got another dog, two weeks before my book launch. What about it? - And so was that always the plan? - No. - Okay, I mean, I've been fostering. So just having two, there's something different about it. - It's a lot of stuff. - It's really fun to have two. - It's great, honestly, because I felt a lot of pressure to like entertain Pancho and now we have Bablo. They like play with each other. It's amazing. The shitting and the peeing is out of control. But like, what are you gonna do? - So I need to talk to you about it. - Chasing. - Because everyone wants to live. - Training a puppy with, feel like. - Honestly, actually, so many topics for you today and that's the only one I love to talk with is my training. - It is. - I'm like, I can't do it. - I was, it's just, it's like I can't imagine doing it and so though. So it's like, I feel like I'd be like, we're in such a solid relationship that we have this like division of labor and we are a team doing this 'cause I think those things like raising a child fall on the woman. - Oh, interesting. - So you're both like taking them out, doing the stuff. - Full division of labor. - Okay, I love this. - Yeah. - And I think that is really important. - Okay. - By the way, that's not gonna happen in my relationship. So like it all falls on the woman. It's not. - Absolutely not. We never thought that it would. - I just have to say, your dog account, I actually really enjoy it and it's really funny. - Thank you. - The voice, the whole thing. - I'm basically writing what I would want to write, but I would get canceled, so I do it through dogs to get me. (laughing) That's why. - That's exactly it. It's, poncho the diva's in the name. - Yeah, and he's the diva. - Well, congrats on your new addition. - Thank you. - So I love your full many weeners. All I want is like a blonde weener. - A blonde weener. - A blonde weener. - It's the only dog I see her with. - Baby. - It's the only thing I want. - So I kind of want to circle back to the first date stuff. You talk about this a lot. You go on a great first date. You spiral after, you may or may not hear from him. - I want to just hear the self talk there and your three piece of a first date. 'Cause I think this is the most relatable thing because all of us have been on the most amazing first date. That's my husband, oh my God. - Which has it ever been? (laughing) Has it ever been? It's usually not. That's a red flag when it's like that. - Isn't that crazy? - Yeah. - That's the date that you're like, that's gonna be my husband. It never ends up being your husband. - Totally. - I feel like, I think sometimes there's bad if I'm not sent in your book, but if you sort of like somebody on first date go on a second date, and I think you can decide if you want to, and I don't encourage people to go out with somebody they feel lukewarm about, but I can't decide if I ever felt, have I ever, am I like, that's my husband? - I think that crazy spark is anxiety. - Or can just be their two charming. And they're like that with everybody. - And they're a love bomber. - Yeah, so when you go out with that guy, he's like that with everybody. He makes me feel like the only woman in the room. Yeah, you and every other woman he's ever gone in to date with. Not always, but a lot of success stories we hear are like, yeah, I liked him immediately, of course, but I wasn't like. - It wasn't. - Same. - No, there was a spark with you. Like, now you can watch the podcast. You can watch our first day. - Same with me, yeah, of course. - But it's like, there's not that, when I left I was like, yeah, it seemed again. - Yes. - It's this calm, cool confidence because you feel secure. - Safe. - It was always with the guys that I was a fucking obsessed with. I was changing my name like, I mean, I literally just saw this last night. This girl's like crying on TikTok, like sobbing. And she's like, guys, I like changed my last name to be his name on Instagram just to see what it would look like. And like it walked it in and I can't change it for another 14 days. [LAUGHS] She, like, she should be on GMA. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I actually would deactivate my account, obviously. OK, so let's walk through. We have a woman that wants to find somebody. She wants a relationship, maybe she wants to get married, whatever. But she is, like, has decided she's ready to be committed. Do you want me to just rip out the three things she should do? Yeah. And, like, how does it feel before the date and after the date? This is what you need to do. I know I clocked you doing this. And I'm not saying that you do it all the time, but I'm saying-- I don't remember, I hear you tell me. You have to remove any negative word from your speech when it comes to talking about yourself and relationship stating. OK. It's, like, seems so trivial, but I think it's legitimately everything. Like a negative self-talk, you mean? It's not even about yourself. It's also about, like, dating is so hard, relationships are hard, like, anything like that. Remove it. Like, feelings are transitory. Like, I feel frustrated, like, sometimes, like, I'm so annoyed, but I hear women be, like, dating socks, like, I'm never going to find someone your or LA worst city to date in, remove those fucking words from your reel for tomorrow. Ignore it, sorry, now just don't watch it. I'm literally going to report it, like, no more of that. You cannot do that because your words become your reality. Yeah. And I don't think that if you feel like your city is the worst place to date and you need to get outside your bubble and get out your comfort zone and do something in your city that you haven't done before. Date a different city or go to a different city. We think that we agree that, like, you can't go into this being, like, men are terrible. Men are dating as our friends. Like, you can't go into it being, like, this is going to suck, what, nacks, nags. What I will do is I'll have one drink and I'll start nagging somebody because I think it's playful, but it's not. No one likes it. I also think, right, and I have had this conversation where some of that stuff can be said jokingly or a self-preservation, but this whole, like, men are trash. I don't need a man. You're setting yourself up to not find somebody with that type of mindset. And then people over-correct with it happens when you're not looking and so people try to just not have it be a goal at the worst thing ever. I talked to a matchmaker and I said something in the interview and I said, you know, it might never happen and that's okay. And she was like, it is okay, but if you want to find somebody, stop saying to yourself, it might never happen. I just posted a tech doc and I was like, there are 8 billion fucking people on this earth and you think you're going to be the one person, and I'm speaking to you right now because you have friends, that's to me, that was the biggest thing. When I was single, I was like, I have friends that genuinely want to hang out with me, vacation with me, live with me, party with me, like, pull up with my shit, and I've been raw, vulnerable, and I'm like, if I have friends, then a man is coming. Because that to me is like, that is to me what shows you, it's like, you have love in your life and people genuinely want to be around you, and if you're listening, you're like, I have no friends, great, that's step one. Find one friend that you just like can be your raw self with. Yeah, I totally agree. It's just like, it's dressed for the job you want, like, I really, when she said, you know, don't just, it's okay to accept actually, you might live alone. It's okay to accept that, but not when the goal is to find somebody, it's almost like manifest the opposite, like, going to a date and being like, this could be nothing. It's like, but what if it is something? I feel like it's the same, like, athletes don't go on to a court and you're like, we're going to lose. Like, we're probably, we might lose. Do you know what I mean? That would be insane. Like, they wouldn't be like, well, we might lose, and that's okay. Of course, it's okay. Like, duh. Like, it's going to, there's a chance of it happening, but they're never saying that to themselves. They're saying, we're going to fucking win. We're going to be, yeah, that needs to be the energy. I'm obsessed with this. If you have friends, you can find a partner. I haven't really heard that. Thanks. And there's proof of concept here. There you go. People have chosen to be around you. They're, they're not forced to. They're not your family. A people who don't have to be around you have chosen to. You're likeable enough. You have people in your life who love you. You can find someone of whatever gender you prefer that will feel the same way laterally. Or I think of like the worst people you know that are in relationships and those people found somebody. I'm sorry. There's serial killers in jail that have women calling that and they're getting married in jail. So many people get married in jail. So many, like I think it's a mindset and it's about, it's a perspective shift. It is glass apple. It is. Okay. So I'm not negating that dating itself. I was in the trenches too, but I think it's like, you can't control a lot. You can't control the pool. You can't control the experience, right? But what you can control is the way you talk about it, how you show up and also stepping outside your comfort zone and expanding your pool. I think that's the thing that I realized that I wasn't doing. When I was single, I wasn't actually expanding the pool of people that I was going on dates with. You said you were only kind of going after like a certain kind of person and you were just like miserable every time. What kind of person was it? Someone older, like a lot older, because I was always told you're too intimidating. Like you're going to intimidate a guy, which is like, you never say that to a man. Right. Yeah. Like sorry that my success is intimidating. Like sorry you're insecure. So true. But anyway, as a result, never like set my hinge to younger, never set my hinge to my age. And then my boyfriend ended up being six years younger than me. So I thought about, wow, so many men that I completely exed out because I was making a really mass generalization in the judgment. A hundred percent. Okay, so first date. Okay, so the first date. Positivity? No. No. So the piece kind of, what happens? The date has three outcomes. Okay. Okay, I got it. But I love that. Fourth P, fourth piece penis, I thought. Okay. Okay. I have total. The three B theories is, I believe there's such a thing as a shitty date apart from the obvious in the sense of like, I think a lot of the things that hold women back from dating is just being like, they're like, I might go on a shitty date. Like it might be awful. Like he might. And then I just wasted two hours in a bit at home scrolling TikTok, like with the face mask. But I'm like, if you see it differently, again, perspective shift where it's like every day is either potential, potential for another day, not potential for your husband. Practice. Okay, you get on the date and you're like, oh, there's no potential here, but it's good. Your practice, your practice, your, it's low stakes because you don't care about the outcome. So suddenly you're like telling that joke that you didn't know I would land. Like you're just in your vibe. Yeah. And then you can apply that energy to the next day. Oh, I love this so much. Or then plot where it's like a fucking disaster. And then you can have tell it on your podcast or your memory or your therapy or TikTok. Yeah. I really love this. And I'm just thinking about the quote, like we're talking about practice. But it really is so true. Like that moment where you're like, this is not my guy. Let me tell that story. Let me tell that joke. Let me talk about my interests some more. I used to joke that like when people would ask you in a day, like what kind of music do you like? What kind of hobbies I would just black out? I have all these things that they just don't come to me in the moment. Like just practice with the guy you really don't think you're ever going to see again. Run your set. Run your set. It's an open mic. Literally. And then okay, but the date goes great. And then you don't hear how do you not spiral? Like what is the self talk there? I felt like what worked for me was to constantly be dating multiple people at once. And that meant yeah, sometimes going on dates with people where you see their photos and you're like, are you even hot? Like is this going to be a vibe? Yeah, because y'all know that straight men are like terrible taking photos. Totally. Like beyond. Yeah. And we would shit on them if they were really good at it. It would also be an act. That's what I'm saying. So that's the one place baby I feel about for about the one place. So it's like I think it's like be a little less judgmental. Be more open-minded. But I think it's more energetically. It's just good to kind of be juggling a couple different guys because the problem is when you got fixated on one. Yeah. You feel like, oh, because you remember like your middle name that like you must be in love where it's better to compare and contrast actually ever roster. But yeah, after a first date, I wouldn't tax them. I would let them text you and that text needs to be a plan for the next date. Just make it really easy for yourself. Okay. A guy that likes you acts with the sense of urgency. Like actually you're about to get like taken from another man. Like you're literally like chilling. Like they really operate in that way. And I didn't know that until I obviously met my partner. And then I started looking at all my other friends. And it was the same kind of energy. Absolutely. You talk about dating with a scarcity mindset. Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about that. So does that. That's where it comes from. Right? That like that spiral. Good men left. We're seated to date in like all my friends are getting engaged and married and kids. I think the social media is actually at the root of it. My mom actually told me and I wrote about this in the book how like she came to the US 35 years ago and from Argentina. And there was a cover of the New Yorker that was like there are no men left. Like all the good ones are taken later. How long? It was like, oh no, guys, guys, guys, it was even worse. It was like the cover said getting married over 40. It's easier to get killed by a terrorist than married over 40. Yeah. And they had to retract it later. It was like that is the most insane fucking thing to say. But anyway, the point is just like that energy has existed for a while. I think the proliferation of social media has made it worse because you actually feel like you're constantly bombarded into people. You don't even know you're like who the fuck are you? Pause. There's more time than you think. Like we have long ass lives. We do. Like think about how much life we have to live still. And I genuinely think that if you want a relationship, you can get one. I don't believe in this like it might never happen. I believe in the power of your mind and putting yourself out there and being a good person. And if you have friends, it's going to happen for you. I don't want a different type of scarcity mindset, which is that like there is no one left. You're telling yourself that and so you stick around with something that is just, I mean, I can't tell you how many people are like girlfriends mind that I love that are so amazing and successful and interesting and don't need to be with somebody to treat them badly and just accept these like breadcrumbs because they're like, it's such a commodity to find a man who makes money who will plan a date or like having sex with, but it shouldn't be like it's not though. It only is if you think it is. Totally. I agree with you. That is nightmare. I've a couple of friends, so I'm like the guy that they chose, I'm like holy shit, like they deserve so much better. I was hoping so much more for them. Unfortunately, I don't know if you guys are yet, you can't say shit, obviously, to your friends. - Yeah, we do. - Unless if they treat them badly, yes. - Yeah, but if they just suck, no. - Do you say it? - We're not scared to say it, but I think Reyna and I know the line and where you tread lightly. And also, I try, I guess with my with Reyna, maybe like my best best friends. Like I try not to offer opinions when I'm not asked. Like you're an adult, you know, you're gonna make your decisions. Like I really am like, if you come to me and you wanna hear my thoughts, but otherwise I'm like, I don't think you wanna hear this. - Right, right. And people ask, I mean, we will, if you wanna tell them, but also like, I mean, you kinda say this in the book where you say like, take bits of this information that works for you, if you disagree with it, that's okay too. Like, I'm not here to, I'm very judgmental, we all are. But like, I'm not here to tell you what you should walk away from. So like my standards for what I want are different than your standards. I don't want children and I don't need money from anybody. That is not everybody's case in life. And so like the stuff that applies to me and the things that would be like a hard pass I'm getting out of here are not other peoples. And I don't have to evaluate some people the way that other people do. I mean, I don't want children. I'm not in a rush for anything. So, and that's amazing 'cause you're in a place where you take my shoes. But like, I understand why people well more around in a situation ship 'cause they're like, maybe on the other side of this hump. And I'm like, I don't need to wait around for this. This is bullshit. I, you know, I'm not doing it. But then people have this. I don't want to start over. And it's like, yeah, but he may never marry. You have kids with you. And so you're just wasting your time. I mean, we've watched women waste decades and then they break up. So there's no guarantees. Like we had a friend recently and she had that mindset of like, but I don't want to start over. I want to be pregnant in X amount of years. And it's like, yeah, but then you're stuck with this guy and it's his kids. Yes, well, there's that too. But like, there's no guarantees that and then you're really stuck. Like my parents got divorced when I was two and they're still, they're still in a group chat. Like, and they get along well. But it's like, you never get to like, yeah. That's a, that's a lifer. That's like, that is a true situation. I, yeah. Like I had to say to a girl on the other day, like, I promise you the person you're supposed to be with is not going to treat you like this. I promise you the love of your life is going to return a text message to you. The love of your life would want to be. I love this quote from you. That literally that simple life would want to do you guys, right? That's it. That's it. It's like that simple. I have a friend she's doing this guy. She's like, you're so great. We're together. He's so wonderful. And then I want to hear from her for 48 hours. And I'm like, the person that you're supposed to be with will text you within 48 hours. I promise. And to circle back to like, life being hard and you want your relationship to be that safe place. If at the beginning, they're making it this difficult, where you're on eggshells, you're anxious. Imagine what's going to happen when a parent gets sick or like, you lose your job. Or you can be afraid that they're not going to respond for 48. Oh gosh, right. Next, it has to be at the beginning. It has to be, so everyone says the honeymoon visa. It has to be like easy, slowly, safe, peaceful, bare minimum. OK, so what is your fuck no funeral? How do we, and I'm not talking about people's marriage, is obviously those are different. Or like five or a lot of relationships. I think people should have a funeral for a marriage. I think it's so fun. Well, how do we, how do we say, how do we say, like, the worst party funeral? I have it from the head of the worst party. How do we say, like, I'm done here and actually stick to it? I think that is a lot of people's problem. It's been my problem, too. It's been a lot of people's problem. I feel like, for sure, obviously, we cling to the hope, the what if. And I think that that's why some of my situations hurt more than relationships, because there's that potential. But if he just, it was just so close, and that's why it sucks. But ultimately, it's a sign that it just wasn't meant to be. I feel like in this book, it was really important for me to give actionable things you could do versus just be like, I don't know, you at least expect it. What could you do? To meet someone gets out out of sight of your comfort zone once last time, you got matcha at a place you'd never been to before or work a class or did you texted a girl from college five years ago that meet up with her, like, expand your circle, right? That's something that you could do for yourself. For the situation, Chips, it's so easy to tell someone, like, just end it. I was like, that's not enough. Like, let's make it a motherfucking cathartic experience where we get our friends to come, and they hold us accountable. So it's like, get dressed up, wear black, get a photo of him, light it on fucking fire, and everyone can do it. Every way, it could be like a boss that they hate or like a project or a job that, whatever. It's just like, everyone's just like getting rid of, can you imagine like burning a photo of your boss? But it's just scared, getting ready. I just light a photo of Ashley on fire. Just getting rid of the bad jujube. I remember when I got ghosted by a guy. I couldn't believe the act of being ghosted is so rude. I came in here. These are the worst people. Yeah, I mean, I had to have a conversation with somebody recently who is just the most wonderful person. I just didn't see him going forward. Just personality mismatch. And I did not want to have that conversation. I wrote the script down of what I was going to say to him over and over and over. I ran the lines and I was like panicked and I was like, maybe I could just stay with him. And then I had this epiphany of like all the people that never had that conversation with me. All the people that made me feel fucking crazy as they slowly backed away from me and the ghosted me anyways. And I thought like, I will be the bad guy in this moment. But he will remember that somebody respected him and had the conversation with him. But I said to Raina, like I was on the journey with her. She was upset for days before. She had anxiety. She was dreading this. It sucks to hurt someone's feelings. Like she cried the whole next day. Like she had a hard time doing this. And that's why people don't do it. That's why mostly men. Who fucking who? You know, grow a pair. I'm not saying my point. It's like, yes, that's why they don't do it. 'Cause it's hard. Oh my God, so sorry. It's like a five second time. And that's where you know someone is just like a fucking coward. It's crazy. But for her to go through that and be like, yeah, it is tough. But you owe this to somebody. Yeah. And the alternative of just ghosting is so fucking cowardly and gross. And you were dodge such a bullet. Like I know it hurts, but it's like, there's no one worse than the person that ghosts. And you're so lucky that they did it. And you found out who they were before you went further down that road. 100%. I, this is the job of my book that says like the ghost tech, anti-ghost techs you need to send. Like I think that if you don't want to be ghosted, you have to do the same thing and not go totally. Just be honest. It feels very upsetting and exactly. You don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But I also think like if you look at it this way of like, you letting them go means that they can give you and then find the actual person that fucks with them, that is a blessing. It's always the ones where you're getting breadcrumbed and you're like, that's the worst. Is like breadcrumbing someone or like not being honest about how you feel or ghosting them. Right. But anyway, I got ghosted by the sky. I couldn't believe it. I just thought it was so crazy. I know people talk about ghosting, but like getting ghosted is just if you lose your agency, you feel like you're not a person. You feel like you don't respect you. You don't think I exist. Yep. I remember I went to my friends. We all were black. That's when we were like, R-A-P-R-I-P to the guy's name. And like it was such a great experience. I did a TikTok. Like I was like, fuck you. It was just great. And I think that's what the fuck no funeral is. A couple months later, I'm walking on the West Village. I have my glasses on and out of the corner of my eye. See this motherfucker. He rose from the dead. He wakes at me and I let I look and I keep walking. And I'm like, I'm sorry, you're a ghost, honey. Yeah. I can't see you. And I was like the mother fucking audacity. Yeah. No, literally when they text you and they will, six weeks later or two months later, some fucking bullshit. And you're staring there like, how dare you? No. I think that women are like, oh see, I knew he would come back. He realized like how much he likes me. You're like, that's the problem. I, you know, not with him, but I've done that. Like I think the realization is you have to be like, no, you have to set the boundary. If you want the relationship of your dreams, when you have shitty behavior around you or like a guy's gonna use your behavior, you have to be the one to walk away. It's so hard to do that though. Yeah. Oh, it's so hard. It's like impossible. But by the way, the two times I've done it, the two times I wasn't dumped and I walked away first, I've never felt more empowered in my life. I was like, it feels so good to be like, no. Your attention doesn't matter. This doesn't work for me. Yeah. And then it empowers you. It's growth, it's all the things, confidence. I have to tell you. I had a guy ghost me and we slept together. We had a great first day of the whole thing. How do you bring some? Yeah, and I didn't talk about it for years 'cause I was like, I didn't want him to hear it. He'll never hear this. This has been years. So it was brutal. And it was like kind of on the tail of the COVID. Like just the time was a weird time in the world and I get ghosted by the sky. And that was that. I was really upset. I feel like it just makes you feel horrible to self-worth all the things. Yeah. And what a year later, he comes up to me in a bar in Miami. Okay. That was just totally random. And he comes up and he's walking towards me and I clock and I'm like, oh my God, that's that guy. And he comes up and he wants to be like, hey, remember me? And he was like, we went on that date in this and that. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I don't remember it. And I just, we did this standoff and he starts to spiral and realizing he's that unmemorable and he, 'cause we slept together. And he starts to try to be like, but remember we did this. I was like, I'm so sorry. I just, I don't remember you when I turn back to my friends. And I have never felt more like wet for myself in that moment. I want you to do it. I was like, I can't believe I'm what I'm witnessing right now. And you know. Yeah. And I came back over. It was Melanie was there. And that is the best thing I've ever heard of. I mean, I felt very proud of you. Good. Thank you. And he just had to like, slump away. Like, I'm that bad and bad and that unmemorable. And I've never felt, and I didn't want to share it for a while 'cause I want him to still think, you know, but he's not listening now. So, yeah. Proud of you. That was a power. It just, it feels so destabilizing when somebody does that. And it's like, one year ago, I've really close friends of ours, so that's me. We have thing, and then he kind of goes to me. And it was so destabilizing because I was sitting there like, is this really happening right now? I know. I told Ashley, it took me weeks to like, realize what had happened. Like, oh, our like good friend did this to me. That's crazy. So I'm even a friendship with. No, that's. And it's just, it is like, when somebody does it, you so destabilizing. And when that person like tried to get back to my life, and talked to me, it's like, how dare you? How dare you? You could have done something nice and you didn't, you chose not to. And I think normalize the acting like you never met them or crossing the street. You don't have to act on bothered, by the way. You can act bothered, for sure. But also just remember like if you want to get married one day, it's never, it's never gonna be the guy that was like, I ghosted you, but then two months later I came back and you never heard it. - Did you read ghosts by Dolly Alderton? - Not yet. So where she's one of our favorite authors besides you. And this book is just the most realistic depiction of ghosting anyway. Okay, can we move into your current relationship? - Yeah, your relationship. So there's a few things I want to touch on. One thing we've talked about you, behind your back on our podcast, is you've talked about when you guys travel together and like getting content and that you've like set these boundaries. So we can ask this too, even our listeners like, how do I get my man to take pictures of me? And like, you travel together, you go to these beautiful places, you guys have a beautiful life. And was there a point where the content and the needy to document things were kind of taken a toll on your relationship? - Yeah, let's talk about it. - I actually wrote about this in the book and we actually scrapped it because I was told like it wasn't relatable enough for like non-content creators. And I was like, are you sure? Because like in this era, like every girl wants a fucking photo of them in the location, whatever. I let it go. - Because it's not relatable, it's fascinating. I want to talk about it. - I'm glad they brought it up. - Yes, it was absolutely a point of contention. I felt like whenever I would go on vacation, I would plan the whole week, all my outfits, my boyfriend meanwhile would like take 10 minutes to pack the day before I was human. Like, you know, like we take it seriously, whatever. I'm also a creator, so there's that expectation, which is difficult because it's vacation. So it's kind of-- - I want to see what you're wearing. I always want to see what you're wearing. - Thank you, my love. - So then it would be contentious because I would feel guilt about, I felt like the experience for him was really not fun, totally. - And he did feel like it was not fun because he felt my anxiety. And he felt like it never ended. And the second it doesn't feel fun, you don't want to do. It feels like work and then you're on vacation and you're like, this is my vacation too. So what we did was after, and this goes back to gloves off and the chapter of my book about fighting, it's like when you and your partner or friend or whoever, it fights about the same thing and it just keeps coming up again and again. That's when you both have to be like, okay, we're a team. What is the solve here? Because it keeps recurring. Which was like, he would take pictures of me, he looked miserable, it would make me miserable, I would be miserable, and then it was just a miserable thing. And I would hit the phone. So we do re-brand it as fun 15. Where for 15 minutes, we would be having the best time. He would be Mario Testino, Annie Leibov, it's taking the shots of me. I'd be like in my tire, oh, I guess she's canceled now, but whatever. I would just be like modeling like, you know, my whatever and then after those 15 minutes, it's done. And no matter if we got the shot or not, we would always get the shot. But I felt like that was such a great way of like, working through that. But I would say to him like, this is my career. It is my career. Like this is something that I take seriously. And I unfortunately don't have a tripod. I do know other women that do bring a tripod and like they rip on their own. I prefer a hand. Like, you know what I mean? But I do know women that do that to not bother. And I've considered it and maybe I will. But I think that his reaction was like, of course I want to support you. I just don't want it like, I don't want it to feel like a drag. Like that is actually so fair. I think it's applicable to anybody because I think that once you're in a relationship with somebody, there's just gonna be things that come up over and over again that you're like, I do have to do this. So let's like find a compromise here. I know it's gonna annoy you. But let's not be. Like let's not be. Because then the annoying thing made it annoying. Like let's just both like have a positive experience here. Yeah, and then you go to dinner and things are weird. You know, like you just have this shitty moment with the photos and like I can feel that in my bones. And so I love the solve there. Go ahead, fun 15. Okay. Love it and the pictures look great. Thank you, I've trained him well. Okay, what's the next question? Okay, so one thing I like that you talked about is that you guys have really built your own families. Like you don't have big families. I hope I'm not making this up. But I feel like I've seen you post kind of like around the holidays. You see people with these like big happy families. And you guys are both only children. And so I love what you've done with your moms. And I just wanted to kind of hear you talk about how you've made the holidays and all these times work for you. It's funny 'cause you asked me before, you're like when it's the holidays, like do you feel when people ask you to get married? And I was just like no, it's funny 'cause it's like on my family's all in Argentina, through my mom's side and Canada, through my dad's side. Felix's family is all in France. So we literally like didn't have family, and we're only children. Interference are divorced. So that definitely brings us together. But I think that like, yeah, when you go on Instagram, you see all these like amazing Christmas and Hanukkah photos and it's a huge family, it was hard. And I think like growing up, I always felt that way. But the beautiful thing about growing up is that you get to make your own family. And I felt like the best thing was like, we combined forces, it was me and my mom, and then Felix and his mom. And we're going to Argentina for Thanksgiving this year to visit my family, get to bring them for the first time. But it's just like, you know, it grass is always greener, but also like I feel very lucky that the four of us can hang out as a unit. - Yeah, yeah. It's really special. And there are people with these giant fucking families that wish they had to wait too long. And they are dreading the holidays. And there's fights and drama and all the things. And they were like, what I would fucking give to have it be me and my man and our moms. - I spend the most of the day with my family. - And so I dread finding somebody who has a big family. And I have to like tell them like, I can't come 'cause I don't actually think of them. - Exactly. - They have to come too. - Okay, my last question is, so Felix is younger. I'm married to a younger man too. - How much younger? - Seven years or eight years, depending on this. - It's eight. - I think the bigger age difference is better. You think that's weird. I think it's better. You sound like a bandit. - I'd say 10. - And one month. - You surround them. - So while you say 20 apparently. - You know, right, it's 20. - Well, I actually found one that was 20 years. - I know, that's why I said that. - It's eight years right now in a month. It'll be seven years. - It'll bring up with me like in a TikTok or something. - Turn 36. Do you feel his age? Like, I don't know how it was at the beginning or have you had moments where you're like, oh, right, you know, like does it ever kind of come up? 'Cause I obviously use this really mature person that's really confident and secure and he takes care of you and all these things, but are you ever like, oh, right. He's six years younger than me. So I think that the biggest feeling of the age was when, you know, he was 23, he was living at home. He did know what he wanted to do with his career, yeah. And the reason I'm bringing this up is because I feel like a lot of women are like, I need a man that makes X amount of money and has this job and whatever. And I think it's more about like the values underneath that where it's like, yeah, if a guy is speaking with me on his couch and being like, I'm gonna be a CEO one day. Okay, that's not, that's potential. That's like, what are his actions showing you? But I saw when Felix was 23, that he was so ambitious and he worked for himself and he had all these big goals for himself and he was actively, he wasn't sitting at home like he was taking it seriously. So that meant like, I felt the age in that like, I wanted to go to like a really nice hotel in Lake Homo and he was like, I would love to do that, but I can't pay for that, I literally can yet. And so those were the moments I came up, but we worked around it and so I would be there to be like, okay, let's try somewhere else or I'd be like, I'll contribute more to this and you can contribute what you can 'cause I wanna go and I wanna get the picks, which you will be taking. Anyway, but I think the sexiest thing and I talk about the book about money, I think the sexiest thing was him always being able to be like, hey, I can't afford that right now. Instead of breaking up with me because he's like, I can't keep up with her or over-compensating, going into debt, not being able to keep up. He's always so honest and that may be like, okay, that's all good one day you will and now seeing him in his career and like, having it blossomed is so wonderful to see. It's like, I believed in you before you did, honey. But it's like, that is to me was the biggest sign of the age difference, not anything else really. I mean, I think it's farting is hilarious, but I don't even think that that's like a him thing. I think it's like a man thing. That's a man thing. I'm curious. Okay, I did just, like you did talk about farting on another. Yeah, farting is funny. Do you fart in front of him? I just don't really fart that much. Yeah, you know. I mean, my whole stance on it is like, if I fart, it's shoshanka loses it. He thinks it's the funniest thing to be able to do. He texts Rana, he's like, I don't fart in front of Rana. Like, Rana, I'm not gonna do that in front of me. I don't think Rana is gassy. I don't judge people, you know what I feel like says? Ew, ew, you farted and I'm literally like, I'm literally like, I can't, I'm like, but he's obviously kidding, but I'm like, fuck you. But then when he farts, he's crying, laughing, and he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. And I'm like, fuck you, it's fine. I need to stop talking about farting on podcast. You learn to think I'm like, the farting queen. Queen of farting. Queen of farting. She's the queen of farting. And she's the queen of farting. I mean, not a big drinker. No one fucking knows. cares and also he showed me that like you can have so much fun not drinking and also that I was really reactive with drinking and maybe I need so I've toned down my drinking a lot just because like I would have fun like I didn't I don't need it you know not at all that was like a big one okay it sounds like something that I feel like I ran into too I like the quote that may not look like what you thought it was gonna look like never gonna be what you thought it looked like but even though like my list that I made for someone I want to find my husband actually is like almost the whole list same in terms of I did think I wanted someone older or my age someone that kind of was in our industry a little bit more more this high-power CEO type of person and that's not who I ended up with and he's great as a great job you know he does his thing but it's just I was wrong about some of the things that I thought I wanted but not the core person right of course I never thought the irony was with my list that was 69 bullets I didn't write anything about age and I did write doesn't drink on it which is crazy yeah because I didn't when I wrote as like doesn't drink doesn't like you know is it like because I was thinking of someone who's like breaking a lot but I think the list is like spooky and it works yeah it's it is kind of crazy okay so we have a new segment you're the first person to do it obviously so it's perfect for you this is our dating hack and dating whack so first we want to hear if you have an unconventional dating hack something that you recommend that you people may not find on tiktok in other dating content so something that might be like a little bit out of the box a little unconventional that you think works or is worked for you and the whack is something that you have either experienced in dating or you see out there in the world that is you just hate don't do this that's whack my dating hack is that you have to use the vacation mentality think about who the fuck you are on vacation you're a bad bitch you're saying yes to that guy that just asked you on a date at the bar at the hotel bar you're you know you're at the airport and suddenly the sky or I fucking him and like he's in 34b like you are just in a different energy there's no stakes because you're leaving it's temporary how can you use that energy and bring it home because if you kind of let go of the outcome not kind of if you let go of the outcome and treat yourself on vacation that you have a flight to catch in the morning that is when you show up the most magnetic part of you I think that's when you will enjoy dating the way that you would enjoy a random date with a guy in Spain because you're like I'm leaving the next totally versus going up to date me like that's my husband I love that that's my dating mother fucking hack okay I love it I love it um yeah something so whack I think the the super fancy restaurant for dinner on the first day it is a big red flag okay it's not like oh like big if you're taking you to the corner store or like no boo on the first day it isn't fucking know you I mean what the issue is then suddenly oh him something and you that shouldn't be out as you're just getting to know each other the suddenly this bill is like six hundred dollars you're like fuck like should I fuck him should I kiss him like I don't I didn't really like him it's just a lot and too much I'm to drink some ditch it's a red flag he's taking me to know boo on a first day is this stranger what why what is this motivation because unless he has a gift card it's not always that are they I think you're gonna like taking but it's not necessarily always he wants something to return it could be just to show off which you also just overcompensations like why do you feel the need to like big dick me right now it's just too much pressure for me I just love to make it more low stakes and we can get two drinks and like I guess if we're about to fall in love I guess we can order some food right also if you have a reservation at the corner store I will go no no no I will bring you there I will put this out into the world if you're sure not if you've a reservation there take me but it's too much pressure for me I just I don't want to feel like I'm on the hook I agree I once this guy brought me to a Jerry sign fell comedy show for the first day biggest mistake ever like it was epic to see Jerry but like it was just like I'm a stock yeah I felt how many show yeah also at the time I can't how worse it was exactly and then afterwards he was like do you want to like hang and I'm like no I don't want to ever see you again but I feel bad because he got the tickets never again don't do it okay I love it do you feel like it's a red flag when a guy does never reservation for that first date yeah a man with a fucking plan it chapter in my book if he has no plan there is no man love it I was waiting for my reservation on the street this restaurant the West Village packed that people spilling out into the sidewalk and I see this girl and she was like a fan and she was like oh my god and she's like I love your podcast and she's meeting this guy on a first date and I was a good luck early you know and then I see her meet him on the street I'm like I love to watch this show forever so they meet on the street for the first time they were just like hinge dates and they walk in shoot they walk by and I was like you know he was really hot I heard his australian accent and then they walk into the restaurant and then they walk right back out and he had just thought they could walk into this very popular West Village you don't have to be happy to me this happened to me a couple of years last year or two years ago this guy was he picked a place in Santa Monica for our second date he was like to you like Kobe's which is a great restaurant that I love hard to get in and yeah hard to get in I was like oh he's got a great rest great I took an Uber there we're standing outside Kobe's he's like I got you a gift he hands me a plant that's allotted plant no gifts no gifts why am I holding a potted plant and then you want to carry that plant to the profit and then he goes into the restaurant and he's like oh they don't have any tables and I'm like you didn't make a reservation here on a Saturday night at this like really popular restaurant I would have walked out did you walk out what did you do yeah take this fucking plant I took the plant in and Uber with him to the next location and he proceeded to get so I had to carry the plant this was plot Serena and then we went to the proper hotel and he proceeded to get so drunk and tell me about his divorce and his therapy for the public this is insane because I felt safe I was just respected I was just like this is a new plan out of it in practice and remember the plant looked like the plants at the proper like you were like I'm left at the table extra decor wonder if she's still there okay well congrats on the book yes it's phenomenal it's beautiful it's all the things it's 80 incredible chapters and we're just so proud we didn't really do you guys so much yeah and also you we didn't mention this but you have a phenomenal card game you have three iterations of it or four and get fucked so check that out because it's like so fine so tell me what do I need to do like a bundle yeah the blow job yeah let's do it yeah tell everybody they can find everything shall I say to this camera yeah break the fourth wall my name's Serena Carrigan you can buy my Serena Carrigan my book is called let's fucking date where all books are sold I promise you this will give you a hug and a slap in the face and we'll make you feel really good about yourself that's the point of this book thank you guys follow Serena and you know where to find us girls got eat dot com girls got to eat podcast instagram and tiktok I am ash has an instagram and tiktok rain is rain a dot greenberg and rain a greenberg dot com for her fall tour tickets you can watch full video on spotify and youtube share this episode with a friend again get Serena's book and we will see you Thursday have a good week guys bye [BLANK_AUDIO]